Participants:
Series Code: IC
Program Code: IC180108A
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00:01 The following program discusses sensitive issues
00:03 related to sexuality. 00:05 Parents are cautioned 00:06 this presentation may be too candid 00:08 for younger audiences. 00:30 Welcome to Intimate Clarity. 00:32 I'm Jason Bradley, 00:33 and I'm here with Jennifer Jill Schwirzer, 00:35 and she is a licensed professional counselor. 00:38 And today, we are going to be discussing 00:40 a very, very sensitive topic, 00:43 but it's a conversation we need to have. 00:46 So, parents, if you have young kids in the room, 00:49 now would be the time to ask them to leave 00:52 and return after this program. 00:56 We're going to be discussing the topic of self-abuse. 01:00 Jen, what's the medical term for that? 01:03 Well, self-abuse used to be the term used for 01:06 what we now call either self-sex or masturbation. 01:11 But if you said self-abuse today, 01:12 people would think you're hitting yourself or something. 01:14 Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't have known. 01:16 We don't use that. 01:17 Yeah, we don't use that term anymore. 01:19 That's what we're going to be talking about today, Jason. 01:21 Okay. 01:23 It is a very, very sensitive topic. 01:24 Yes. Yes. 01:25 Well, let me get right into God's design for sexuality, 01:28 again, just to reestablish that starting point. 01:31 God designed sex to be a bonding experience 01:33 and there is a host of brain chemicals, 01:36 like a symphony of brain chemicals, 01:38 different physiologic reactions that all come together 01:41 to foster intimate bonding through sexuality, 01:46 and it's a beautiful thing. 01:48 And it lays the neurological foundation 01:49 for a lasting love in a marriage. 01:51 It's a beautiful thing when you begin to study it. 01:54 But self-sex brings about, or masturbation, 01:57 brings about the same chemical responses 02:00 or at least some of them but without the partner. 02:03 Okay. 02:05 And so it seems to me that you would end up 02:07 kind of bonding with yourself, 02:10 that bonding mechanism in your brain 02:12 would be inverted to yourself, 02:16 and it would be really a form of self-love. 02:19 But I don't think in a good sense. 02:21 Like a perverted form of self-love. 02:22 I think so because from what I've observed, 02:26 I've never known a person who engages in masturbation 02:31 that feels great about it. 02:33 It seems that even people that might not have 02:35 an intellectual objection to it, 02:37 maybe have bought into the thinking 02:39 which is so prevalent today that it's normal and natural, 02:42 still feels a sense of shame about it 02:44 and aren't comfortable with it. 02:45 So I don't see it as something that builds, 02:48 what you might call healthy self-respect 02:50 or what some people call self-love, 02:52 but I don't see it as building any kind of positive regard 02:55 for oneself. 02:56 Yeah, it seems more of lustful and anything. 02:59 That's right. It does. 03:00 It's amazing when you start digging down 03:02 into the actual brain chemistry, 03:06 and this is interesting. 03:08 There is something called prolactin 03:10 that is secreted in the body during sex. 03:13 And if you take the prolactin... 03:15 The prolactin is responsible 03:17 for the feeling of satisfaction. 03:19 Okay. 03:20 A sense of "Ah, you know, 03:22 I don't need anything else in the whole world, I just..." 03:23 Kind of like when endorphins are released. 03:25 It's kind of like that. 03:26 Yeah, exactly. 03:28 It's a particular chemical the body secretes in sexuality. 03:32 So it gives you that sense of satisfaction. 03:35 Prolactin secretion is 400% higher 03:40 in bonded sex than it is in self-sex. 03:45 So you take that very same sexual experience, 03:47 you put it in a bonded relationship, 03:50 and the satisfaction level is going to be 400% higher 03:54 than it's going to be if you're doing it solo, 03:57 so to speak. 03:59 Isn't that incredible? Wow, 400% high. 04:01 That's right. 04:02 And so what happens is that individual 04:05 with that sense of satisfaction, 04:07 you're in a partnered relationship 04:08 and you have that sense of satisfaction, 04:11 you're satisfied and you're not craving more. 04:15 But the person that doesn't have that satisfaction 04:19 is craving more, 04:21 and so it sets them up for addiction. 04:25 Wow. Isn't that incredible? 04:27 Yeah, that is. 04:28 And here's the tragedy of the situation. 04:32 Your body produces, in sex, dopamine, 04:36 the human body, I don't want to say yours 04:38 because you're single, you know. 04:39 Yeah, thanks. If you're, I assume. 04:41 So anyway, you produce dopamine. 04:44 Notice the opa in dopamine, 04:48 the same as opiates. 04:52 So basically, dopamine 04:53 which is the pleasure neurotransmitter 04:56 is your own inner heroin, 04:59 and the reality is that you can get addicted 05:03 to high levels of the heroin that you produce inside, 05:06 "so to speak." 05:08 Wow! That's right. 05:09 And don't you deplete minerals and all that stuff too? 05:11 Well, what happens 05:13 is the dopamine receptors that... 05:14 You start flooding your brain with dopamine 05:16 and your brain will start saying, 05:19 "Okay, we don't need as many receptors, 05:20 it will clean up the receptors." 05:22 Then you need more of the same to produce the same effect. 05:27 But here's another beautiful truth 05:29 and that is that in the presence of oxytocin, 05:32 which is the bonding hormone, 05:35 the pleasure of dopamine lasts for a longer period of time. 05:39 Wow! Okay. 05:40 So it makes me think of Psalm, 05:42 I can't remember what it is but, 05:44 "At your right hand are pleasures forevermore." 05:50 See, like the song says, 05:51 "Solid joys and lasting pleasures, 05:54 none but Zion's children know." 05:56 When we do things God's way, it's more satisfying. 05:59 When we do it outside of God's plan, 06:01 it's less satisfying 06:03 and it sets us up for addiction, 06:05 where we have to go back to the same thing 06:07 and do it more and more intensely 06:10 to get the same effect. 06:11 It always leads to more problems. 06:13 And pretty soon, we have desensitization 06:16 which happens with any drug addiction. 06:18 You need more of the same to get the same charge. 06:20 And then also a condition called hypofrontality, 06:25 which is where the frontal lobe 06:27 of the cerebral cortex... 06:28 This frontal part of your brain which houses reason, 06:31 and conscience, and creativity, and love, 06:35 and all the things that are made in God's image, 06:38 and that part of the brain becomes less active. 06:41 It becomes kind of compromised 06:44 by addiction, by addiction of any kind. 06:47 I mean, you hear about mothers, you know, heroin moms, 06:49 you know, selling their children in prostitution, 06:50 doing unconscionable things 06:52 that no mother would do in her right mind, 06:54 that's because of the destruction 06:55 of the forebrain, 06:57 the frontal lobe of the cerebral cortex. 06:58 That happens with addiction. 06:59 It can happen with sexual addiction. 07:02 So that person will be... 07:04 So it's over and reasoning 07:05 is out of the window pretty much. 07:06 That's right, that's right. 07:08 Do you have friends that struggle, 07:09 you know, with sexual addiction? 07:11 Have you heard about this? 07:12 I've heard of friends that have struggled 07:14 with that before, yeah. 07:16 We're going to devote an entire program 07:18 to pornography which tends to, 07:21 you know, combined with masturbation, 07:22 it tends to be something 07:24 that's used along with masturbation, 07:26 but yeah, people get set up for sexual addiction. 07:30 But the same experience in a bonded relationship 07:33 will enable them to enjoy that physical pleasure 07:38 for a longer period of time. 07:40 And, you know, the more I look at them 07:42 as I study this thing, 07:43 the more I see that God is just so all wise, 07:47 and He knows, right down to the cell level, 07:50 how to give us everything we really ultimately want 07:54 but then He has certain boundaries on it. 07:56 And like we talked about before, 07:58 in order to love and be loved, to move from what... 08:02 The book of Titus says, 08:03 "It's hateful and hating one another." 08:05 The default mode of humanity 08:07 into a condition of loving and being loved, 08:10 we need two things. 08:11 We need a source of love, the Holy Spirit, 08:15 be poured out from heaven into our hearts 08:17 and giving us the love that we don't have naturally, 08:20 but we also need a vessel that can carry that love. 08:25 And in order to have that vessel, 08:26 we have to have the structure of love 08:29 built into our lives, 08:30 and that's what the Ten Commandments is for. 08:32 The Ten Commandments, people perceive it as God, 08:34 you know, to test, 08:35 you can't do this, you can't do that, 08:36 but actually the Ten Commandments 08:38 is a document on how to love and be loved. 08:40 Yeah, it's a transcription of His character. 08:42 That's right. Yeah. 08:43 This is God saying, "This will work and this won't. 08:47 And so don't do it because I love you 08:50 and I want you to have the highest pleasure 08:53 and the highest joy in life and so don't do that." 08:56 Yeah. 08:57 So let's talk a little bit about withdrawal 08:59 and some of the things that we can do 09:01 if people have fallen into this habit of masturbation 09:03 or what can they do to get out of it. 09:06 We were talking before about exercise, 09:08 very important to get sufficient exercise, 09:10 particularly young males. 09:12 Young males need very taxing, demanding forms of exercise 09:18 to metabolize all of the testosterone 09:21 that is flooding their bodies. 09:23 No offense. 09:25 It's a good thing. It's life. 09:27 That's right. 09:28 And so, you know, 09:29 you're just at the highest levels of testosterone. 09:31 Testosterone drives sex drive in both males and females. 09:35 So particularly young males, 09:37 but also young females need lots of demanding exercise 09:43 to be able to control those urges. 09:46 I would also really encourage anybody with any electronics 09:50 to get nets and filters on their electronics. 09:54 Sometimes, you're in the situation 09:57 and you know that you're being tempted, 09:59 what do you do? 10:00 I would suggest if you're in bed at night 10:02 or in some situation 10:05 where you have a bathroom accessible, 10:07 jump in the shower. 10:08 Shower off, hot and cold, hot and cold. 10:13 Hot and cold showers can be used to treat a lot of things. 10:17 That sounds super uncomfortable too. 10:18 I know. 10:20 That would sober you right out from that. 10:22 Probably, yeah. 10:23 Also, distraction is really important. 10:27 They need to admit to themselves 10:28 that they are tempted in that moment 10:31 and they need to do something to distract themselves 10:33 because if you will postpone an urge, 10:36 postpone acting on an urge, 10:37 oftentimes, the urge will get... 10:41 Dissipate. 10:43 Yeah, will dissipate to some extent. 10:45 Now with males, 10:46 there's a certain fluid buildup in the body 10:48 and it's kind of a supply and demand situation 10:52 where the more you're releasing that fluid, 10:54 the more your body says make more. 10:56 And so it's very difficult for males 10:58 to pullout of that sexual addiction 10:59 because the fluid is building up in the body, 11:01 the buildup of the fluid causes the sense of urgency 11:05 and the temptation. 11:07 Wow, that's interesting. 11:08 And so they have to really grit their teeth 11:10 through those initial, 11:12 you know, encounters with temptation. 11:14 But eventually, 11:15 what will happen is the body will signal, 11:18 "You don't have to make as much of this", 11:20 and then the temptation won't be so severe. 11:23 Wow. Okay. 11:24 I've encouraged men to get counselors. 11:26 I've encouraged men to build their lives 11:28 around recovery and women 11:30 if they're in sexual addiction. 11:32 Build your life around recovery, 11:33 take all the time that you were spending 11:34 on the addiction, 11:36 and put it into recovering from the addiction. 11:38 There are groups that they can meet with, 11:40 there are counselors they can see, 11:42 there are books that they can read, 11:44 there are online forums 11:46 that they can use to try to replace those behaviors 11:49 because Jesus Himself said, 11:51 you know, "If you clean out your house 11:53 and you get the devil out of your house, 11:56 seven more will come in 11:57 if you don't put something in there." 11:58 Yeah. So we need those replacements. 12:00 So there's help out there for people. 12:01 There is so much help out there 12:02 because sexual addiction is pandemic, 12:05 it's everywhere we look. 12:07 And so because it's pandemic, there need to be resources 12:11 and people are actually waiting to help, you know. 12:14 There are many different resources 12:15 for this type of thing. 12:18 Celebrate Recovery is something 12:19 I recommend to a lot of different individuals 12:21 because Celebrate Recovery, 12:23 you can find just about anywhere. 12:27 There are groups that meet all over the world, 12:29 and it's particularly in the United States, 12:32 in all the major cities, 12:34 you're going to be able to find a Celebrate Recovery group 12:37 and they're usually hosted by churches, 12:38 and it's a Christian-based recovery program. 12:41 I know someone who actually had someone up when you asked... 12:43 Really? 12:44 That question earlier... 12:45 And then you asked about 12:47 if I knew a friend or something like that, 12:49 I was thinking of someone who has that up. 12:52 A Celebrate Recovery group? Yes, yes, yes. 12:55 So, yeah, I mean it's important. 12:58 If you're struggling with an issue, 13:00 whether it's substance abuse, self-abuse, or self-sex, 13:05 or whatever, that you do seek help. 13:08 And a lot of times, with self-abuse, 13:11 with masturbation, self-sex, people will get into a cycle. 13:15 They'll feel so ashamed of what they're doing, 13:17 but that shame in and out itself 13:19 is a very uncomfortable experience, 13:21 and that will drive them toward their addiction 13:23 instead of away from it. 13:25 And so what I find is that if they can... 13:27 I believe that we should confess our sins to God, 13:29 but sometimes, you need to talk to another person, 13:31 it says so in the Bible, 13:32 it says, "Confess your faults one to another", 13:34 in the King James, the word is really sins. 13:37 And so there's a place 13:39 where we don't want to turn anything into a confession 13:41 but there is a place for breaking the silence 13:42 and confiding. 13:44 And I would recommend a professional counselor. 13:46 Yeah. 13:47 You can go to Abide Counseling, 13:49 a group that I manage 13:51 AbideCounseling.com. AbideCounseling.com. 13:52 Okay. 13:54 To get your, you know, kind of an assessment 13:55 and they will be able to help you, 13:58 get to the help that you need. 13:59 Wow! 14:00 There's a lot more we can say about it. 14:02 Yeah, I know. We need to have more time. 14:05 But we're going to have resources, 14:06 we're going to have resources on the website 14:08 that it's available. 14:09 IntimateClarity.tv. 14:11 That's right. Yes. 14:13 That's right. 14:14 Make sure you check out those resources. 14:15 And if you are struggling with anything, 14:17 please, seek help. 14:19 Join us next time on Intimate Clarity. 14:20 God bless. |
Revised 2018-08-29