Series Code: IC
Program Code: IC180109A
00:01 The following program discusses sensitive issues
00:03 related to sexuality.
00:05 Parents are cautioned
00:06 this presentation may be too candid
00:08 for younger audiences.
00:30 Welcome to Intimate Clarity.
00:32 I'm Jason Bradley, and I'm here with Jennifer Jill Schwirzer.
00:35 And she is a licensed professional counselor.
00:38 And today, we are going to discuss
00:41 a very sensitive topic,
00:43 but it's a conversation we need to have.
00:47 You know, because of Internet technology,
00:49 pornography is becoming more and more prevalent today.
00:53 You know, what are some of the effects, Jen?
00:56 Yeah, good question.
00:57 We're going to go into that.
00:58 I want to talk, first, about God's plan for sexuality.
01:01 I always like to start with Eden
01:03 and then show the effects of deviating
01:05 and then how we get back.
01:06 Far away off the path. Yeah, exactly.
01:08 So this is a real far fall, this one.
01:11 So when a couple come together in holy matrimony
01:15 and they have their first sexual experiences,
01:18 what happens is in that process
01:20 there is just boatload of hormone called oxytocin
01:25 that floods the system.
01:27 And that oxytocin is designed by God
01:30 to do a lot of different things involving bonding.
01:32 But one of the things it does is it imprints that man's brain
01:36 with his wife, and his wife, because of that oxytocin
01:40 becomes the most beautiful person in the world
01:42 if I can say it that way.
01:43 I think which is how it should be.
01:45 That's right.
01:46 And so she, thereafter, if it's done right,
01:48 she becomes his standard of beauty
01:50 once he consummates his marriage with her.
01:53 You know, when men look at other women
01:55 to lust after them, this process goes awry,
01:59 and that beautiful plan God put in place
02:01 is blown off course.
02:02 And this is why Jesus condemned lust
02:05 as a form of adultery.
02:06 He said, "If you look at a woman to lust after,
02:08 you've already committed adultery
02:10 with her in your heart.
02:11 I didn't say go ahead and just have,
02:13 you know, just be intimate with her."
02:15 He didn't say that. Yeah.
02:17 But you would be adding
02:18 another layer to the sin problem.
02:20 But He did want to identify lust
02:22 as a sin problem, and He did so.
02:24 So lustful looks are usually the beginning
02:27 but that ends up not being enough.
02:30 Unfortunately, because of Internet technology,
02:33 for all the good things that have come to us
02:35 through the Internet.
02:36 One of the negative things is
02:38 we have too much available to us,
02:41 and in particular pornography is out of control.
02:45 It's pandemic in our world today.
02:47 There really aren't words to describe
02:50 the seriousness of the pornography problem
02:53 and of the sexual addiction problem
02:55 that has corresponded
02:57 to the accessibility of new images.
02:59 You see, because male sexuality,
03:02 and I'm going to simplify this discussion
03:05 by really focusing
03:07 in on men's experience of pornography use,
03:09 even though women do become addicted to pornography,
03:12 it's both a male and female problem,
03:13 but by and large, men struggle more with this kind of thing
03:16 because as we've talked about before,
03:18 men are visually wired
03:20 and their sexuality is accessed strongly
03:22 through visualization.
03:24 So because of Internet technology,
03:28 we have a new partner available
03:30 to us every second if we want it.
03:34 And male sexuality is driven by novelty.
03:37 Let me give you some examples of this.
03:40 They did studies with rats,
03:42 and male rat, female rat in a cage,
03:45 the rats would be engaging sexually
03:48 and then they would tire
03:49 and they'd just be hanging out in the cage.
03:51 Well, then they would drop a new female into the cage
03:54 and suddenly the male rat
03:56 would feel ready all over again.
03:59 That's right. That's how that works.
04:01 So male sexuality is driven by novelty.
04:04 So that feed of novelty of new sexual partners
04:08 is constant in Internet technology.
04:10 Isn't that kind of tragic?
04:13 And it's crazy that...
04:15 You know, when you bring up the point,
04:16 like someone's going to have a different partner
04:18 essentially every minute.
04:21 Every second. Every second.
04:23 Wow! Yeah. Yeah.
04:25 So let's go into some statistics about this.
04:29 Porn created $13.3 billion
04:34 in revenue as far back as 2006,
04:39 $13.3 billion in 2006.
04:41 Thirteen point three billion dollars!
04:44 And that was in 2006 more than the NFL, the NBA,
04:49 and major league baseball combined.
04:54 That's right.
04:56 The breast implants were at, like what, one billion?
04:59 Yeah. Yeah.
05:00 The amount of money we're putting into stuff.
05:03 Every second more than $3000
05:06 is spent on pornography.
05:09 And in order to wrap your mind around that,
05:11 you have to realize that
05:12 a lot of pornography is free.
05:17 I'm not recommending this.
05:18 Don't try this at home.
05:20 Never go down that road, ever.
05:21 But there's a lot of free pornography
05:23 on the internet.
05:25 But still, over $3000 every second.
05:30 Not every minute, every second spent on pornography.
05:35 So that doesn't even begin to include
05:37 all of the free stuff that's out there.
05:39 Every 39 minutes, a new porn film is made,
05:44 over $4.2 million porn websites exist,
05:50 68 million daily search engine requests for pornography,
05:53 that's 25% of the total search engine request.
05:58 Wait. Wait. What percentage of the total?
06:00 Twenty-five percent
06:03 of the total search engine requests
06:06 are pornography.
06:08 Wow! Like this is pandemic.
06:09 We're talking a major plague here.
06:11 Put the security thing on your internet at your home,
06:14 get all that going, everything.
06:17 And let's just take a pause one moment and talk about that.
06:21 There are several, you know, products available,
06:25 one is called Covenant Eyes.
06:27 And the company will actually come in
06:29 and not only put these filters on your computer,
06:31 but they'll send your search history
06:35 to an accountability partner.
06:36 And sometimes, they'll have the search history sent to them
06:39 as well, and they will call you,
06:41 the company will call you
06:42 to make you accountable for what you did.
06:43 Wow! Nice.
06:45 They're like really serious because they know
06:47 when you're talking about the accessibility
06:49 of the drug and the intensity of the addiction,
06:52 you have to pull out all the stops
06:53 and really handle this thing seriously.
06:55 Yeah. Head on.
06:56 That's right. That's right.
06:57 So the Covenant Eyes is one.
06:59 There are ones for children called Net Nanny.
07:02 There are a number of different products out there.
07:04 And I'm sure they're getting more and more sophisticated.
07:06 It says the rest in the name Covenant.
07:08 Yeah, that's right. That's right.
07:09 The Lord made a covenant with you.
07:11 He promised to never leave you nor forsake you.
07:13 And you accept that covenant.
07:15 And like Abraham, you believe God
07:17 and it's accounted to you for righteousness
07:18 and then you're given power to obey.
07:21 Over 100,000 websites online have child pornography,
07:25 feature child pornography.
07:26 That's when bad goes to worse. Hundred thousand websites.
07:29 Yeah. Wow!
07:31 And we're seeing a horrible surge
07:34 in sex trafficking.
07:35 That's right.
07:36 Ninety percent of eight to sixteen year olds
07:38 have viewed pornography.
07:40 Younger and younger ages are falling into the porn trap.
07:44 But here's the good thing is that God's plan
07:47 can protect us,
07:49 not just by stopping us from doing bad things,
07:52 in terms of putting up a barrier wall
07:54 saying that's wrong.
07:55 But actually God's kind of sexuality
07:58 is much more pleasurable in the long run.
08:01 So let me read a statement
08:03 from a book called The God Attachment.
08:04 The author is named Tim Clinton.
08:06 And he says...
08:08 He's talking about sexual addiction.
08:09 And he says, "Though dopamine,"
08:11 that brain chemical that mediates pleasure,
08:14 "maybe the hormone that creates
08:16 the instinctive pleasure of love and attachment.
08:20 It is oxytocin that makes it possible
08:22 for that pleasure to last for longer periods of time."
08:25 So the significance of that is that when you experience
08:28 that dopamine rush of sexuality
08:30 in the context of a bonded relationship,
08:32 it's actually going to be more pleasurable.
08:34 So you know, like it says,
08:36 you know, "At his right hand are pleasures forevermore."
08:41 Lasting pleasure is what God gives us.
08:44 The enemy gives us fleeting pleasure
08:46 which is very intense in the moment
08:48 but leads to unrest, and dissatisfaction,
08:51 and depravity of soul,
08:53 and then the shame compiles and the problems mount,
08:57 and then those things drive us to want to escape again
09:00 and we're even more incentivized
09:02 to pursue the drug of choice,
09:04 and we end up doing it more and using more
09:08 and we end up in an addiction cycle very, very quickly,
09:11 and it can be so difficult to escape.
09:13 If you're in that situation, get help.
09:16 You know, AbideCounseling.com is a good place to start.
09:20 I tell people to make sure
09:24 to structure their life around recovery.
09:27 If I were to sum up what works
09:29 in overcoming pornography addiction,
09:31 I would say structure your life around recovery.
09:34 And what do you mean by that? Unpack that a little bit?
09:37 What I mean is that you've been
09:39 devoting your energies, your resources, your time,
09:41 your money, in some cases, your efforts to your addiction.
09:45 Now all of the time, resources, efforts, money,
09:48 you're going to devote to recovering
09:50 from the addiction.
09:52 Jesus told a very vivid story.
09:53 He talked about a man casting a devil out of his home
09:56 and sweeping it clean.
09:58 But He said it was left empty and seven more devils came in.
10:01 Don't be content with just,
10:03 "I'm going to try to cold turkey my way out of this."
10:05 You've got to have replacement behaviors.
10:07 So what I recommend is that people find a good counselor
10:10 and that they see that counselor weekly.
10:13 With Abide Counseling,
10:14 you can counsel a coach on the phone.
10:17 So we can come to you where you are.
10:20 It's my idea.
10:21 And so I recommend that you see a good counselor weekly.
10:25 I recommend that you go to a support group
10:27 for addiction recovery.
10:29 Celebrate Recovery is a great place to start.
10:31 They are in most major cities.
10:33 Attend the group faithfully every week
10:36 if not twice a week if you need that.
10:38 I had a guy come to me.
10:40 Let me just tell you the story in brief.
10:42 He was downloading pornographic images
10:44 on 12 computers in his home all day long,
10:48 and he'd come home and consume those images
10:50 until he killed over in the wee hours of the night,
10:53 and he'd get up the next day and do the same thing.
10:56 True story. On 12?
10:57 Twelve computers. Yes.
11:00 So he came to counseling.
11:02 He was married and his wife died,
11:04 and that was the wakeup call God used 'cause he genuinely,
11:07 in some way, loved her and decided
11:10 he wanted out of the prison,
11:11 and he came to counseling weekly.
11:14 He went to three different
11:15 support groups for a period of time.
11:17 He had an accountability partner.
11:18 He had a net, the filter. He went back to church.
11:21 He went to Bible study.
11:23 This man did everything he could to get well.
11:25 And guess what happened?
11:27 He walked out of that lifestyle.
11:28 Wow! Praise the Lord.
11:30 He had a more clear line to recovery
11:32 than I have seen in anyone,
11:34 and I've worked with a number of people
11:36 addicted to pornography.
11:38 And he had a clear line of recovery
11:39 because he structured his life around recovery.
11:42 It's very interesting, right around the same time,
11:44 a man came with a much lesser addiction
11:47 in terms of the severity of it.
11:49 And I told him, "Yeah, you structure
11:51 your life around recovery.
11:52 This is what works."
11:53 And I explained what had happened
11:55 with this other fellow
11:56 and I said you've got to get a group, counseling every week,
11:57 and you know kind of...
11:59 And he looked at me like I had two heads.
12:00 He was like, "What!
12:01 I have to do...
12:03 You mean, you can't just like
12:04 hose me down with holy water or pray for me,
12:06 and the demons gonna go,
12:07 or just make it go away right now, you know?"
12:09 I was like, "No."
12:10 I said this, "You put a lot of effort
12:12 into developing this addiction.
12:13 You think it's going to go away without effort?
12:15 Like you're not thinking correctly, you know?"
12:17 And I don't know how things ended up with him
12:19 because he didn't like what I said.
12:21 He never came back. But I stand by what I said.
12:24 You structure your life around recovery,
12:26 you get with the people that can help you,
12:29 you be open in a group,
12:30 you be open with your counselor,
12:32 you put a net on your computer, you go back to church,
12:35 you get into Bible study,
12:36 you replace those addictive behaviors
12:40 with healthy behaviors,
12:41 and I believe that God will bless you.
12:43 So in other words, be intentional about it.
12:45 And physiology has a big part in this.
12:48 We need to exercise,
12:49 particularly young males need hard exercise
12:52 to be able to metabolize all those hormones
12:55 that are coursing through their veins,
12:57 and to increase their self-control.
13:00 They also need to be reading the Bible daily,
13:01 they need to be utilizing the part of your brain
13:05 that reasons through a connected thoughts
13:07 which is the Bible is just calculated for,
13:10 and deep spiritual thoughts.
13:11 And first and foremost,
13:13 you need to come to Jesus with your brokenness
13:15 and with your addiction and ask Him to deliver you
13:19 from the demon of sexual addiction
13:21 and pornography,
13:23 and make you hate what you once loved
13:26 and love what you once hated.
13:28 And Jesus is able to do that for you.
13:30 He can change...
13:31 Overtime, He can change our taste.
13:33 You know, there's a statement in the writings of Ellen White.
13:36 She says, "A true conversion will change hereditary
13:42 and cultivated tendencies to evil."
13:46 And usually, with pornography addiction,
13:47 it's the cultivated tendencies.
13:49 God can change that.
13:51 Ask Him to change your heart first and foremost.
13:53 Amen. Yeah.
13:56 He wants us to come to Him with our problems.
14:00 He knows what our problems are.
14:01 He knows what we're dealing with,
14:03 what we're struggling with,
14:04 and He just wants us to bring them to Him.
14:07 Well, Jen, I know people are going to need resources.
14:10 And if you are one of those people
14:12 that need resources,
14:14 make sure you go to IntimateClarity.TV,
14:17 and join us on the next episode.
14:20 God bless.