It Is Written

A Father's Love

Three Angels Broadcasting Network

Program transcript

Participants: John Bradshaw

Series Code: IIW

01:30 ♪[Theme music]♪
01:40 ♪[Theme music]♪
01:49 >>John Bradshaw: This is It Is Written.
01:50 I'm John Bradshaw.
01:51 Thanks for joining me.
01:52 Father's Day rolls around once every year.
01:55 It's a time when we celebrate our dads
01:57 or our grandfathers too, for that matter.
02:00 And it's an opportunity to reflect on the blessing
02:02 that fathers can be and are in our lives.
02:05 It's also an opportunity for fathers to reflect upon
02:08 their role as fathers and what sort of father they are being
02:12 as God's man here on this earth.
02:15 I have several guests with me today,
02:16 including my associate speaker at It Is Written,
02:19 Pastor Eric Flickinger;
02:20 Pastor Yves Monnier from It Is Written,
02:22 and Dr. Ron Smith, who has a doctor of ministry in counseling
02:25 and a Ph.D. in psychology.
02:27 Gentlemen, thanks very much for joining me today.
02:29 Dr. Smith, we're going to start with you.
02:32 Take a moment to talk about the special role
02:34 that is the role of a father.
02:36 What is it that fathers bring to a family
02:39 or to a relationship to the life of a child that's unique?
02:42 >>Ron Smith: I think it's important to note
02:43 from the outset that there is a female as well as a male
02:47 dimension of who God is compositely.
02:49 But fathers have the opportunity to showcase before our children
02:53 in a very real way the image of God from the masculine side.
02:57 And that side is pregnant with so many implications
03:01 of positive thinking, assuming responsibility.
03:05 >>John: Now, when you stop and when you put it in those terms,
03:08 that a father demonstrates to the child
03:11 the characteristics of God,
03:13 that places pretty heavy responsibility on dads,
03:17 doesn't it?
03:18 >>Dr. Smith: Absolutely.
03:19 And on parents.
03:20 But in this particular case, on fathers, absolutely.
03:23 >>John: Now, when we speak about fatherhood,
03:24 I think it's key to realize that as we speak
03:26 about the role of a father,
03:27 the role of a father and the role of a mother
03:29 overlaps an awful lot.
03:30 It's not always easy to draw a clean line between the two.
03:34 But let's begin, we've got to do our best to speak to fathers
03:36 and fatherhood today.
03:38 Let me ask this question:
03:40 what does it take to be a good father?
03:43 Who wants to have a run at that first?
03:44 I should point out that I'm the father of two children.
03:47 Eric, you're the father of two children.
03:49 Yves, you're the father of two children.
03:52 Dr. Smith, you don't break the mold at all.
03:54 >>Dr. Smith: I'm the father of two children.
03:55 >>John: Two children.
03:56 All right.
03:56 So eight kids between us.
03:58 I'm sure we have our share of successes and,
04:00 I'm positive,
04:02 more than our fair share of failures.
04:04 What does it take to be a good dad?
04:05 Who wants to take a run at that?
04:07 >>Eric: One of the things that you absolutely have to have is,
04:09 if you want to be a good father,
04:10 is time to spend with your children.
04:11 You know, good relationships are built on time,
04:14 whether it's between us and our children or us and our God.
04:17 Just like Dr. Smith mentioned a moment ago,
04:19 they get a pretty good idea who God is from us.
04:21 And if we don't spend time with them,
04:23 they're going to get an idea that maybe
04:25 God doesn't want to spend time with them either.
04:27 >>John: All right.
04:27 You're a pastor and an evangelist.
04:30 You're a pastor and a departmental director.
04:33 I'm a pastor and an evangelist and I lead a ministry.
04:36 Dr. Smith, you're a church administrator
04:39 with enormous responsibilities,
04:40 but you're a pastor and an evangelist and a writer
04:44 and, and, and, and, and.
04:47 So you're talking about spending time with children.
04:50 It is every parent's battle, or many parents' battle.
04:53 How in the world do you find enough time for your kids,
04:57 especially when you're a very busy person?
05:00 And then let's talk about this,
05:02 this thing about quality time and quantity time.
05:05 First, how do you find the time?
05:08 >>Yves: Well, John, what I've discovered
05:10 is that uh, quality time comes with quantity.
05:14 There's no way on earth that you can get to the point of quality
05:19 with your children if you have not invested that quantity time.
05:24 You asked the question, how do you take that time?
05:28 Well, you make a choice.
05:30 I had a wise elder who came to me.
05:34 My children were young.
05:35 He put his arm around me, and he said,
05:38 “Listen to me very carefully.
05:40 One day when you're old,
05:41 if the Lord doesn't return before then,
05:44 one day when you're old, you're not going to wish,
05:47 oh, if only I had gone to one more board meeting.
05:50 If only I had gone to one more school board meeting.
05:53 If only I had done one more visit.”
05:55 He said,
05:56 “Those will not be the ‘if onlys' in your life.”
05:59 That opened my eyes, and I determined,
06:02 this is my priority, my family.
06:05 >>John: So you've, you've just got to make that time.
06:09 What happens when you don't make that time?
06:12 Have you seen anything?
06:14 Dr. Smith, you've, you've, as a mentor to many,
06:17 as a church leader, you've seen undoubtedly what happens
06:21 when fathers don't take enough time for their kids.
06:25 So there's a dad now, he's listening to us talk,
06:28 he's watching us, and he's thinking, mmm, time.
06:31 But he's saying to himself,
06:32 man I'm busy, and I've got this great career,
06:34 and that sucks up a lot of my time.
06:36 What will he learn one day
06:39 because he didn't take enough time for his kids?
06:41 >>Dr. Smith: I think when we understand the importance
06:44 of building our children into our routine,
06:47 whatever that is, whether it's a heavy responsibility
06:50 or a lighter responsibility,
06:52 it could be very lonely to have a parental obligation
06:56 and responsibility, and our children aren't engaged with us,
06:59 and we aren't engaged with them.
07:01 By joining each other,
07:02 the journey can be a fun one and a sweet one.
07:05 >>John: As a father, what have you learned from your father?
07:11 Might be all good, might be all bad, might be a little of each.
07:15 What lessons did you learn from your dad?
07:20 Yves?
07:22 >>Yves: Well, two things I learned from my dad.
07:23 Number one, my dad never had any worries.
07:27 At least that's what I believed.
07:29 Because the moment he would walk inside the threshold of the home
07:34 he was with us and he focused on us,
07:36 and never thought that he had any concerns,
07:39 any burdens in his life.
07:41 Now, later on, of course,
07:42 as I became older and became a pastor,
07:46 I realized, oh, my dad had a lot of worries.
07:49 But he never let on.
07:50 And that was, that was very gracious on his part.
07:53 Number two, my dad traveled a lot, and I missed him.
07:58 And so I determined, you know,
07:59 I'm not going to do this with my children.
08:02 He, uh, he had a calling,
08:04 and I respected that calling and respect that calling.
08:07 But uh, I determined that I'm not going to be
08:10 so often an absentee father.
08:13 So that's why I made a, a, a conscious decision
08:17 for the time that my children are at home,
08:20 living under the same roof,
08:22 this will be the time that I will give to them.
08:25 >>John: I look at my dad's life.
08:26 My dad was an uncomplicated sort of a man,
08:29 uh, from an uncomplicated background.
08:32 And I, I doubt that I could say my father was the perfect father
08:35 or the perfect person.
08:37 But I learned a lot of what I learned about parenting
08:40 from my dad,
08:41 reflecting on my dad's role as a father in our family.
08:46 And you know what I found?
08:47 Some of the most helpful things I've learned from my father
08:49 I've learned from the mistakes he made.
08:52 I don't mean cataclysmic mistakes.
08:53 I mean maybe some of those smaller mistakes.
08:57 Rather than be embittered by the things my dad didn't get right,
09:01 I've simply taken those on board and said,
09:02 okay, I see what didn't work.
09:04 And I'm determining to,
09:07 you know, not to perpetuate that,
09:09 whatever that might have been.
09:10 I don't mean there's anything really dark.
09:13 But I believe that you can learn,
09:14 if your eyes are open, you can learn a lot from the mistakes
09:16 of the people that you've, that you've seen
09:19 and that you've observed up close.
09:22 Um, what I did learn from my father was religious commitment,
09:27 commitment to God.
09:28 Now, my dad was of a faith that I am now not.
09:33 Uh, nevertheless, his life was a picture of devotion to God,
09:37 and he modeled for me how important it is to be faithful
09:41 to God and have God at the very center of your life.
09:44 Dr. Smith, what'd you learn from your father?
09:46 >>Dr. Smith: First and foremost,
09:47 he advised me to factor God in.
09:49 He says, “if you really want to be cool,
09:51 I sense you want to be cool son,
09:53 factor God into your life.”
09:54 Then he cited:
09:55 In all thy ways acknowlege him,
09:57 and he wil direct your path.
09:58 Secondly, he said, you know, practice being accountable.
10:03 Work hard.
10:05 Work hard.
10:06 And go to the ant, thou sluggard,
10:08 the proverbial statement. >>John: Sure.
10:10 >>Dr. Smith: Consider her ways and be wise.
10:12 And the third one that sticks with me, he says,
10:14 “Dream big.
10:15 There's nothing you can, that you can't do.”
10:18 Um, without a vision, the people perish.
10:21 That third proverbial statement.
10:22 So, in that three-prong approach to life, he sustained me.
10:26 And some of our moments in Coney Island in Brooklyn, New York,
10:29 eating ice cream, he would share that, that,
10:31 those principles with me.
10:33 >>John: One of the things I've,
10:34 I've been careful to instill in my children,
10:36 and they have yet to make their mark in the world,
10:38 so we're going to see how well this sticks:
10:40 think big.
10:41 You can be whatever you want to be.
10:45 I've made it very clear to my kids,
10:46 if you choose to fail,
10:48 then you'll probably be pretty good at that.
10:50 But if you reach for the stars,
10:52 if you, if you throw yourself into life
10:54 and you purpose to get, to do the very best that you can be.
10:57 And I don't mean because I aspire for my children
11:00 to live in a mansion and drive a Rolls Royce.
11:02 The better my kids do,
11:04 the better they excel in their chosen field,
11:06 the more use they're going to be to God,
11:07 because they've got more talent and gifts to, uh,
11:10 to put into serving God in whatever field that is.
11:12 But I've found, and it's so far been a help,
11:16 believe in your kids,
11:18 tell them you believe they can.
11:20 There is no limit to what you can do.
11:23 Think big.
11:24 Work hard.
11:24 Strive.
11:26 Uh, if they take hold of just a little bit of how,
11:29 well I've them they can do in this life,
11:31 they'll end up doing pretty well.
11:33 Eric, we'll get you in just a moment.
11:34 Fatherhood, from a biblical perspective.
11:36 We'll open up the Bible in a moment and look
11:38 at a couple of Bible passages, and fathers from the Bible.
11:42 We'll be right back.
11:43 ♪[Music]♪
11:51 >>John: Some of the most famous words ever written tell us that
11:55 “God so loved the world.”
11:58 The same book in which those words are written tell us that
12:00 “God is love.”
12:02 Go deep into the love of God with today's free offer,
12:07 “A Father's Love.”
12:08 To receive “A Father's Love,”
12:10 call us on 800-253-3000
12:13 or visit us online at
12:15 itiswritten.com
12:16 You can write to the address on your screen and receive free
12:20 “A Father's Love.”
12:22 ♪[Music]♪
12:29 >>John: Thanks for joining me today on It Is Written.
12:30 I'm John Bradshaw.
12:32 With me, Pastor Yves Monnier from It Is Written,
12:34 Dr. Ron Smith
12:35 and Pastor Eric Flickinger,
12:37 my associate speaker at It Is Written.
12:39 We're talking about fatherhood.
12:41 It's that Father's Day time of year.
12:43 What does it mean to be a father,
12:44 and how can a dad be a successful dad?
12:47 So Dr. Smith, let me ask you about the importance of,
12:50 of a father bonding with his kids.
12:52 How important is that?
12:54 >>Dr. Smith: It's very important.
12:55 And through our bonding I learned that my dad
12:58 was very much about relationship.
13:01 Relationships.
13:02 I grew up with two siblings, two sisters,
13:05 and he emphasized the importance of caring for my sisters,
13:08 but more importantly,
13:10 uh, doing to others what I want done to me.
13:13 >>John: So I want to ask this question:
13:14 how do you bond with your children?
13:17 How do you form that strong relationship with your kids?
13:20 Yves.
13:22 >>Yves: Well, I have a 26-year-old son
13:24 who's very busy in his career,
13:26 but we find time very often to talk to each other on the phone.
13:30 And on a recent phone call, I said,
13:33 “Daniel, so why are we pretty close, because I think we are?”
13:38 And he said, “Dad,
13:40 it's because you spent a lot of time with me.
13:44 You went to all of my club activities.
13:47 When we had trips, you were there.
13:49 Uh, when I had a basketball game,
13:52 a football game, you were present.
13:55 You made sure that that time with me was a priority.
13:59 And Dad, those times with me have made a huge difference.”
14:04 And uh, and he said,
14:05 “That's why we are as close as we are to this day.”
14:09 >>John: It seems like it keeps coming back to this question
14:11 of time with the kids.
14:12 Here's what I've found as, as a way.
14:14 How do I bond with my kids?
14:16 However I have to.
14:17 However I can.
14:18 I remember when my son decided he wanted to learn to fish
14:21 or be a fisherman.
14:22 I don't know where he got that.
14:24 Now, look, I don't want to upset the fisher folk,
14:26 but, man, I hate fishing.
14:28 What a perfectly good way to ruin an otherwise great day,
14:31 sitting around, waiting for a fish to bite.
14:35 Color me odd, but I just, I don't get it.
14:37 I never have.
14:38 Now, if you fish, I respect you and that's okay.
14:41 But it's just never been my thing.
14:42 My son says, “Dad, I want to fish.
14:45 I want to go fishing.”
14:46 You know what?
14:47 Suddenly I was a fisherman.
14:49 We were getting the right kind of fishing poles
14:51 and the right gear, and all the lures.
14:53 And I bought my son a tackle box,
14:54 and we filled it with the right stuff.
14:56 And we went fishing.
14:57 We even caught some fish.
15:00 But it's in moments like,
15:01 if he, if he wanted to ride a unicycle,
15:03 I would have been right there riding a unicycle with him.
15:06 Uh, for me it was about doing whatever was there to do,
15:09 whatever you needed to do.
15:11 And, going back to what you said, Dr. Smith,
15:13 including my son in my life.
15:15 He would go with me.
15:16 We'd travel together.
15:17 He'd be present for this and for that.
15:19 I would be present in his moments,
15:20 but I wanted to make sure that he was also present in mine.
15:23 There wasn't a time where it came to the place where I said,
15:26 “Hey, son, I don't need you with me.”
15:28 How about you?
15:29 Bonding with the children, how did you pull it off?
15:30 >>Dr. Smith: My wife shared something with me
15:32 that brought tears to my eyes.
15:34 When my son was a younger boy, uh, he's a pastor now.
15:38 He considers himself a spiritual giant.
15:40 But he was a young boy then.
15:42 And she brought tears to my eyes when she shared with me
15:45 what he said to her one day.
15:47 Uh he said, “Mommy, I don't just love Daddy. I like Daddy.”
15:53 >>John: Oh, Amen.
15:53 >>Dr. Smith: And basically,
15:55 I just placed a premium on being friends.
15:58 Let's just be pals, let's be friends.
16:00 But not, not friends so, to the point where we blur
16:04 uh, the guidelines of order and accountability.
16:08 But let's enjoy one another.
16:09 And that happens through spending time
16:11 and doing things together.
16:13 >>John: You know, you have this thing where there are parents
16:14 who want to be their children's buddy
16:16 but they don't want to be dad or mom.
16:18 And that, when those lines blur, that's, that's destructive.
16:22 But when you can be a friend as well as a parent,
16:25 now you've got a warm relationship there, haven't you?
16:28 I want to ask you about fathers in the Bible.
16:30 Point to a father in the Bible who impresses you,
16:32 either for good or for bad, and something we can learn
16:35 from that biblical father.
16:37 Dr. Smith, you first.
16:38 >>Dr. Smith: I think of, uh, Jairus in the Bible.
16:42 Um, in Mark, in the book of Mark,
16:45 we have a clear showcasing of a man who was accustomed
16:48 to being in charge.
16:49 Not just at the church, but he was in charge of some
16:51 very important things in culture.
16:54 And he was accustomed to fixing things.
16:57 People came to him for solutions when they needed solutions.
17:00 And he was the guy that pretty much resolved people's problems.
17:05 Uh, he encountered a problem of his own
17:08 one day that he couldn't fix.
17:10 In his encounter with Jesus, he wanted to tell Jesus what to do.
17:14 “Come to my house.
17:15 Put your hands on her like this.
17:17 And if you follow my instructions,
17:18 if you take your hands out of your pocket
17:20 and do what I ask you to do, she'll be healed.”
17:22 And she, and, and, you know, Jesus is a gentleman.
17:25 Eventually he did that.
17:26 But he frustrated Jairus along the way by making him wait.
17:31 It was a long, it was a very short distance to the house
17:34 where the daughter was sick, but Jesus took his time
17:36 and he moved slowly.
17:37 And he got there, and basically we learn from,
17:40 from the story of Jairus that there are a lot of things
17:42 in culture that we can fix, fix,
17:45 but there are some things we cannot fix.
17:48 What a wonderful lesson
17:48 to convey to our boys and our girls.
17:50 >>John: Amen.
17:51 >>Dr. Smith: Only God can fix all problems.
17:53 We can't fix everything.
17:54 >>John: Amen. That's so true.
17:55 Eric, a father from the Bible.
17:57 >>Eric: I think of Jacob.
17:58 You know, Jacob had,
18:00 he came from a household where there was favoritism.
18:03 He was the less favored son.
18:06 But when it came to his own household,
18:08 he showed favoritism as well.
18:10 You know, he showed favoritism to his son Joseph,
18:12 and that caused a great deal of problems within that family.
18:15 So we have a tendency, if we're not careful,
18:17 to, to bring things down from our own fathers,
18:19 whether good or bad.
18:21 So we have to look at each of those things and say,
18:24 “Is this a characteristic that I want to
18:26 bring down from my father,
18:27 or is this a characteristic that I hope my child takes from me?”
18:31 Because they do tend to pass from generation to generation
18:34 if we're not careful.
18:35 >>John: You know, I think of David in the Bible.
18:36 David who had massive problems among his kids.
18:39 He had problems in his household.
18:41 And it seems to me that when Absalom went off the rails,
18:44 that may have been headed off if,
18:46 when there was a problem in the family,
18:48 David had, A: handled it.
18:50 We had, we had a terrible thing going on in David's family,
18:54 and it appears he just sort of let it go.
18:57 And then when he realized that Absalom was,
18:59 was in rebellion mode,
19:01 he had a hands-off policy rather than a hands-on policy.
19:03 There was a problem in his family with one of his kids,
19:06 and instead of going to the kid and saying,
19:08 hey, how about we go fishing?
19:10 Or let's just take a long drive together.
19:12 Grab your glove. I've got the ball.
19:13 Let's spend some time.
19:15 And bonding with that child,
19:17 bringing a problem out of the open and discussing it.
19:20 David, it seems, ignored what was going on,
19:23 and it just about cost him his kingdom,
19:25 and it jeopardized the future of Israel.
19:27 Yves, I'll come back to you in a moment,
19:29 and we'll ask you about a dad from the Bible.
19:31 Then we'll discuss a little bit more
19:33 this very important thing called fatherhood.
19:37 Back with more in a moment.
19:38 ♪[Music]♪
19:46 >>Announcer: In Matthew 4:4, the Word of God says:
19:49 “It is written,
19:50 ‘Man shall not live by bread alone,
19:52 but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God.'”
19:56 “Every Word”
19:57 is a one-minute, Bible-based daily devotional presented by
20:00 Pastor John Bradshaw,
20:01 and designed especially for busy people like you.
20:04 Look for Every Word on selected networks,
20:07 or watch it online every day on our website,
20:09 ItIsWritten.com
20:11 Receive a daily spiritual boost. Watch “Every Word.”
20:15 You'll be glad you did.
20:18 ♪[Theme music]♪
20:25 >>John: Thanks for joining me.
20:26 In 2007, a 20-year-old film student suffered a seizure
20:29 on the platform of a subway station in New York City
20:32 and fell onto the tracks.
20:33 A construction worker named Wesley Autry
20:36 tried unsuccessfully to get the man off the tracks.
20:38 So with the train approaching,
20:40 he threw himself on top of the man
20:42 in a drainage trench right between the tracks.
20:44 The train passed over them so close,
20:47 it left grease on Mr. Autry's cap.
20:50 Galatians 6:2 says: Bear one another's burdens,
20:53 and so fulfill the law of Christ.
20:55 Few people ever have the opportunity
20:57 to do something like that.
20:59 But most every day we get the chance to intervene
21:01 in someone's life, to make a difference,
21:04 to bear someone's burden and to show a love
21:06 that helps someone see the love of God.
21:09 Pray that God will give you the opportunity
21:11 to reveal him and his love to others.
21:13 I'm John Bradshaw for It Is Written.
21:15 Let's live today by every word.
21:18 ♪[Music]♪
21:27 Thanks for joining me today on It Is Written.
21:29 Fatherhood.
21:30 It must be one of the most important jobs
21:33 ever committed to any human being.
21:35 Yves Monnier, a father from the Bible who impresses you,
21:38 for good or for bad.
21:40 >>Yves: Well, this one impresses me for good.
21:42 This is the father from the story,
21:44 the parable, of the prodigal son.
21:46 We have the father here, prominent in the story.
21:49 This father, of course, represents God.
21:53 And one must assume that in this home,
21:56 it was a good home, and the father was perfect.
22:00 Well, even in a perfect home, in a good home,
22:04 in a good Christian home, sad things can happen.
22:09 The son, as we know, wandered,
22:11 and it probably broke the father's heart for sure.
22:15 Lesson number one, bad things can happen even in good homes.
22:19 But don't lose heart.
22:21 And that's lesson number two: the father never stopped
22:25 believing that his son would return.
22:27 And the story, of course, has a wonderful ending.
22:29 >>John: And when the son did return,
22:30 the father did not read him the riot act.
22:33 He welcomed him with love.
22:34 You know, you mention that because,
22:36 undoubtedly, there are fathers who are hanging their heads
22:39 and saying, I wish I'd done it this way or that way.
22:41 And while that may be the case,
22:43 uh, we remember that our heavenly Father
22:45 lost a third of his children
22:47 in a perfect place where there's never been any sin.
22:50 And a third of them just said, “We're outta here.”
22:53 Dr. Smith, how can we as fathers invest in our sons and daughters
22:58 so that they grow up to love God?
23:00 >>Dr. Smith: I think those three principles
23:02 really, really matter.
23:04 But Micha 6:8, as I emphasize, you know,
23:07 doing justly, love mercy, and walking humbly with God.
23:10 But also those three principles of factoring God
23:13 into your journey, dreaming big, and working hard.
23:17 >>John: Yves, you've raised a couple of kids to adulthood.
23:20 They both love God.
23:22 They're still faithful in the church.
23:24 This does not happen by accident.
23:27 What did you do to deliberately invest in your children
23:30 so that they, so that they were Christians
23:33 after they'd left your home?
23:35 >>Yves: I think sometimes the problem with, uh,
23:37 certain children, they see their father saying one thing,
23:42 and they see then their father doing something else.
23:45 So in my life I did my very best.
23:48 And, to be honest,
23:49 I don't think that I was successful all the time.
23:52 But I believe, a lot of the time.
23:56 And that is to make sure that my words and my actions
23:59 were in harmony.
24:01 And I believe that has had a profound impact upon them.
24:04 My children still, thank God,
24:06 to this day love and walk with Jesus.
24:09 >>John: It's been important to me,
24:10 raising my two kids, to, uh,
24:13 to try to give them a picture of what God is really like.
24:17 I think, I think, I might say I know,
24:20 but I think many kids are put off Christianity
24:26 by the picture of God that is taught them
24:28 or portrayed to them.
24:30 We mustn't teach our children that God is angry with them
24:34 or he's a hard taskmaster.
24:35 The Bible says that God is love.
24:38 Um, and I think it's crucial to transmit values
24:42 to our kids that teach them that God loves them no matter what.
24:47 Okay, let's be quick now. We have little time.
24:49 What not to do as a father.
24:51 >>Eric: Don't belittle your children.
24:52 You know, even if you are frustrated with them,
24:54 if you get angry, but if you belittle,
24:56 belittle them, it takes a lot of wind out of their sails.
25:00 Now, it's important to, to correct,
25:02 but, but not to speak down to.
25:04 There's a big difference.
25:05 >>John: You know, I wish fathers would think
25:06 about the impact of their actions and their words.
25:08 What is saying this or doing this
25:10 actually going to do to my kid?
25:12 And when you belittle your children,
25:14 you put a wall between you and your child.
25:16 They don't trust you.
25:17 They don't think that you have their best interests in mind.
25:20 Dr. Smith, what are the do nots?
25:21 >>Dr. Smith: Do not leave discouragement unmanaged.
25:25 >>John: Explain.
25:26 >>Dr. Smith: One of the most detrimental things
25:27 that can happen is to try to be a parent while discouraged,
25:30 and not managing it.
25:31 We manage discouragement by praying
25:33 and teaching our children to pray, dealing with our anger.
25:36 Anger can go so many different ways,
25:38 but dealing with it responsibly helps us.
25:41 And there are a battery of principles, um,
25:43 dealing with dependency needs.
25:46 Stop playing God, which simply means if God forgives you,
25:49 you have to forgive yourself
25:50 so that you can forgive others as well.
25:52 >>John: Yves, what are the do nots?
25:54 >>Yves: Do not affirm your children only when
25:57 they do something good.
25:58 Oh, I'm so proud of you; you got an A.
26:01 Oh, I'm so proud of you because you played
26:04 so well your musical instrument.
26:06 Because then they will equate that with, well,
26:10 he only affirms me, he only loves me,
26:12 because of things that I do.
26:14 So I made sure that I affirmed them
26:17 even when they did not do as well.
26:19 I love you; I'm proud of you;
26:20 keep at it; you will do better next time.
26:23 >>John: I would say do not yell at your kids.
26:26 Do not. That doesn't mean you, there are,
26:28 you better yell if they're standing on the railroad track
26:30 and a train is coming.
26:31 Do yell.
26:33 But the child dropped food on the floor
26:35 or left a sock on the staircase.
26:37 Come on, man.
26:38 Don't yell.
26:40 I think it's really, really important that a father,
26:42 who is the clearest picture of God
26:45 many children have growing up
26:46 you understand what I mean by that.
26:47 You spoke about it earlier.
26:49 It's, it's important, uh,
26:52 that we control our emotions,
26:54 and that we, that we, uh,
26:57 don't just blow up or lose it around our kids.
27:01 Uh, it's just destructive.
27:03 From my point of view, it's destructive.
27:04 Man, there's more we could say,
27:05 but I'm grateful that you've been here.
27:06 Eric, thanks so much.
27:08 Yves Monnier, appreciate it very much.
27:10 Dr. Smith, thank you for taking your time with us today.
27:13 Deeply appreciate it.
27:15 ♪[Music]♪
27:22 >>John: Some of the most famous words ever written tell us that
27:25 “God so loved the world.”
27:28 The same book in which those words are written
27:30 tell us that “God is love.”
27:33 Go deep into the love of God with today's free offer,
27:38 “A Father's Love.”
27:39 To receive “A Father's Love,”
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28:22 >>John: I'm glad you joined me today.
28:23 Let's take a moment to pray together right now.
28:26 Our Father in Heaven, we thank you today for Jesus.
28:30 Your Son, our Savior.
28:32 We thank you for you, our heavenly Father,
28:36 our perfect, unfailing, always patient, always wise father
28:42 who knows what is best for us in every situation.
28:46 I pray for every father,
28:48 that you would bless the dads and the grandpas
28:51 and the great-grandpas, to model faith in God,
28:55 to be patient and kind,
28:59 and to share Jesus and model Jesus as wisely as possible.
29:04 Lord, bless the fathers.
29:06 Even when we fail, we need your help then.
29:09 And give us grace that we can point our children
29:12 to you and encourage in them faith in you.
29:15 Bless us now, we pray, and we thank you,
29:17 in Jesus' name,
29:18 Amen.
29:20 Thank you so much for joining us today.
29:22 I'm looking forward to seeing you again next time.
29:24 Until then, remember:
29:25 “It is written,
29:27 man shall not live by bread alone
29:30 but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God.”
29:34 ♪[Theme Music]♪

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Revised 2017-06-09