It Is Written

A Father's Love

Three Angels Broadcasting Network

Program transcript

Participants:

Series Code: IIW

00:18 >>John Bradshaw: This is It Is Written.
00:20 I'm John Bradshaw.
00:21 Thanks for joining me.
00:22 Father's Day rolls around once every year.
00:25 It's a time when we celebrate our dads--
00:27 or our grandfathers, too, for that matter.
00:29 And it's an opportunity to reflect on the blessing
00:32 that fathers can be and are in our lives.
00:35 It's also an opportunity for fathers to reflect upon
00:37 their role as fathers and what sort of father they are being
00:41 as God's man here on this earth.
00:44 I have several guests with me today,
00:46 including my associate speaker at It Is Written,
00:48 Pastor Eric Flickinger;
00:50 Pastor Yves Monnier from It Is Written;
00:52 and Dr. Ron Smith, who has a doctor of ministry in counseling
00:55 and a PhD in psychology.
00:56 Gentlemen, thanks very much for joining me today.
00:59 Dr. Smith, we're going to start with you.
01:01 Take a moment to talk about the special role
01:04 that is the role of a father.
01:06 What is it that fathers bring to a family
01:08 or to a relationship to the life of a child that's unique?
01:11 >>Ron Smith: I think it's important to note
01:13 from the outset that there is a female as well as a male
01:16 dimension of who God is compositely.
01:19 But fathers have the opportunity to showcase before our children
01:22 in a very real way the image of God from the masculine side.
01:27 And that side is pregnant with so many implications
01:31 of positive thinking, assuming responsibility.
01:35 >>John: Now, when you stop and when you put it in those terms,
01:37 that a father demonstrates to the child
01:40 the characteristics of God,
01:43 that places pretty heavy responsibility on dads,
01:47 doesn't it?
01:48 >>Dr. Smith: Absolutely. And on parents.
01:49 But in this particular case, on fathers, absolutely.
01:52 >>John: Now, when we speak about fatherhood,
01:53 I think it's key to realize that as we speak
01:56 about the role of a father,
01:57 the role of a father and the role of a mother
01:58 overlaps an awful lot.
02:00 It's not always easy to draw a clean line between the two.
02:03 But let's begin, we've got to do our best to speak to fathers
02:06 and fatherhood today.
02:08 Let me ask this question:
02:10 What does it take to be a good father?
02:12 Who wants to have a run at that first?
02:13 I should point out that I'm the father of two children.
02:17 Eric, you're the father of two children.
02:19 Yves, you're the father of two children.
02:21 Dr. Smith, you don't break the mold at all.
02:23 >>Dr. Smith: I'm the father of two children.
02:24 >>John: Two children. All right. So eight kids between us.
02:27 I'm sure we have our share of successes, and,
02:30 I'm positive,
02:31 more than our fair share of failures.
02:34 What does it take to be a good dad?
02:35 Who wants to take a run at that?
02:36 >>Eric: One of the things that you absolutely have to have is,
02:38 if you want to be a good father,
02:39 is time to spend with your children.
02:41 You know, good relationships are built on time,
02:43 whether it's between us and our children or us and our God.
02:46 Just like Dr. Smith mentioned a moment ago,
02:48 they get a pretty good idea who God is from us.
02:51 And if we don't spend time with them,
02:53 they're going to get an idea that maybe
02:55 God doesn't want to spend time with them either.
02:56 >>John: All right. You're a pastor and an evangelist.
03:00 You're a pastor and a departmental director.
03:03 I'm a pastor and an evangelist and I lead a ministry.
03:06 Dr. Smith, you're a church administrator
03:08 with enormous responsibilities,
03:10 but you're a pastor and an evangelist and a writer
03:14 and, and, and, and, and...
03:16 So you're talking about spending time with children.
03:20 It is every parent's battle, or many parents' battle.
03:23 How in the world do you find enough time for your kids,
03:27 especially when you're a very busy person?
03:29 And then let's talk about this,
03:32 this thing about quality time and quantity time.
03:35 First, how do you find the time?
03:38 >>Yves: Well, John, what I've discovered
03:39 is that uh, quality time comes with quantity.
03:44 There's no way on earth that you can get to the point of quality
03:48 with your children if you have not invested that quantity time.
03:54 You asked the question, how do you take that time?
03:57 Well, you make a choice.
04:00 I had a wise elder who came to me.
04:04 My children were young.
04:05 He put his arm around me, and he said,
04:07 “Listen to me very carefully. One day when you're old,
04:11 if the Lord doesn't return before then,
04:13 one day when you're old, you're not going to wish,
04:17 oh, if only I had gone to one more board meeting.
04:20 If only I had gone to one more school board meeting.
04:22 If only I had done one more visit.”
04:24 He said,
04:25 “Those will not be the if-onlys in your life.”
04:28 That opened my eyes, and I determined,
04:31 this is my priority, my family.
04:34 >>John: So you've, you've just got to make that time.
04:38 What happens when you don't make that time?
04:42 Have you seen anything?
04:43 Dr. Smith, you've, you've, as a mentor to many,
04:46 as a church leader, you've seen undoubtedly what happens
04:51 when fathers don't take enough time for their kids.
04:54 So there's a dad now, he's listening to us talk,
04:57 he's watching us, and he's thinking, mmm, time.
05:00 But he's saying to himself,
05:01 man I'm busy, and I've got this great career,
05:03 and that sucks up a lot of my time.
05:06 What will he learn one day
05:08 because he didn't take enough time for his kids?
05:11 >>Dr. Smith: I think when we understand the importance
05:13 of building our children into our routine,
05:16 whatever that is, whether it's a heavy responsibility
05:19 or a lighter responsibility,
05:21 it could be very lonely to have a parental obligation
05:25 and responsibility, and our children aren't engaged with us,
05:28 and we aren't engaged with them.
05:30 By joining each other,
05:32 the journey can be a fun one and a sweet one.
05:34 >>John: As a father, what have you learned from your father?
05:40 Might be all good, might be all bad, might be a little of each.
05:44 What lessons did you learn from your dad? Yves?
05:51 >>Yves: Well, two things I learned from my dad.
05:52 Number one, my dad never had any worries.
05:56 At least that's what I believed.
05:58 Because the moment he would walk inside the threshold of the home
06:03 he was with us and he focused on us,
06:06 and never thought that he had any concerns,
06:09 any burdens in his life.
06:10 Now, later on, of course,
06:12 as I became older and became a pastor,
06:15 I realized, oh, my dad had a lot of worries.
06:18 But he never let on.
06:19 And that was, that was very gracious on his part.
06:22 Number two, my dad traveled a lot, and I missed him.
06:27 And so I determined, you know,
06:28 I'm not going to do this with my children.
06:31 He, uh, he had a calling,
06:33 and I respected that calling and respect that calling.
06:36 But uh, I determined that I'm not going to be
06:39 so often an absentee father.
06:42 So that's why I made a, a, a conscious decision
06:46 for the time that my children are at home,
06:49 living under the same roof,
06:51 this will be the time that I will give to them.
06:54 >>John: I look at my dad's life.
06:55 My dad was an uncomplicated sort of a man,
06:58 uh, from an uncomplicated background.
07:01 And I, I doubt that I could say my father was the perfect father
07:04 or the perfect person.
07:06 But I learned a lot of what I learned about parenting
07:09 from my dad,
07:10 reflecting on my dad's role as a father in our family.
07:15 And you know what I found?
07:16 Some of the most helpful things I've learned from my father
07:18 I've learned from the mistakes he made.
07:21 I don't mean cataclysmic mistakes.
07:22 I mean maybe some of those smaller mistakes.
07:26 Rather than be embittered by the things my dad didn't get right,
07:30 I've simply taken those on board and said,
07:32 okay, I see what didn't work.
07:34 And I'm determining to,
07:36 you know, not to perpetuate that,
07:38 whatever that might have been.
07:39 I don't mean there's anything really dark.
07:42 But I believe that you can learn,
07:43 if your eyes are open, you can learn a lot from the mistakes
07:45 of the people that you've, that you've seen
07:48 and that you've observed up close.
07:51 Um, what I did learn from my father was religious commitment,
07:56 commitment to God.
07:58 Now, my dad was of a faith that I am now not.
08:02 Uh, nevertheless, his life was a picture of devotion to God,
08:06 and he modeled for me how important it is to be faithful
08:11 to God and have God at the very center of your life.
08:13 Dr. Smith, what'd you learn from your father?
08:15 >>Dr. Smith: First and foremost,
08:16 he advised me to factor God in.
08:18 He says, “If you really want to be cool--
08:20 I sense you want to be cool, son--
08:22 factor God into your life.”
08:23 Then he cited, “In all thy ways acknowledge Him,
08:26 and He [will] direct [your] path.”
08:27 Secondly, he said, you know, “Practice being accountable.
08:32 Work hard. Work hard.”
08:36 And, “Go to the ant, thou sluggard,”
08:38 the proverbial statement-- >>John: Sure.
08:39 >>Dr. Smith: ...“consider her ways and be wise.”
08:41 And the third one that sticks with me, he says,
08:44 “Dream big. There's nothing you can, that you can't do.”
08:47 Um, without a vision, “the people perish,”
08:50 that third proverbial statement.
08:51 So, in that three-prong approach to life, he sustained me.
08:55 And some of our moments in Coney Island in Brooklyn, New York,
08:58 eating ice cream, he would share that, that,
09:00 those principles with me.
09:02 >>John: One of the things I've,
09:03 I've been careful to instill in my children,
09:05 and they have yet to make their mark in the world,
09:07 so we're going to see how well this sticks:
09:10 Think big. You can be whatever you want to be.
09:14 I've made it very clear to my kids,
09:15 if you choose to fail,
09:17 then you'll probably be pretty good at that.
09:19 But if you reach for the stars,
09:21 if you, if you throw yourself into life
09:23 and you purpose to get, to do the very best that you can be--
09:26 and I don't mean because I aspire for my children
09:29 to live in a mansion and drive a Rolls Royce.
09:31 The better my kids do,
09:33 the better they excel in their chosen field,
09:35 the more use they're going to be to God,
09:36 because they've got more talent and gifts to, uh,
09:39 to put into serving God in whatever field that is.
09:42 But I've found--and it's so far been a help--
09:45 believe in your kids. Tell them you believe they can.
09:49 There is no limit to what you can do.
09:52 Think big. Work hard. Strive.
09:55 Uh, if they take hold of just a little bit of how,
09:58 how well I've told them they can do in this life,
10:00 they'll end up doing pretty well.
10:02 Eric, we'll get to you in just a moment.
10:03 Fatherhood, from a biblical perspective.
10:05 We'll open up the Bible in a moment and look
10:07 at a couple of Bible passages, and fathers from the Bible.
10:11 We'll be right back.
10:13 ♪[Music]♪
10:20 >>John: Some of the most famous words ever written tell us that
10:24 “God so loved the world.”
10:27 The same book in which those words are written tell us that
10:29 “God is love.”
10:31 Go deep into the love of God with today's free offer,
10:36 “A Father's Love.”
10:37 To receive “A Father's Love,”
10:39 call us on 800-253-3000
10:42 or visit us online at itiswritten.com.
10:45 You can write to the address on your screen and receive free
10:49 “A Father's Love.”
10:51 ♪[Music]♪
10:58 >>John: Thanks for joining me today on It Is Written.
10:59 I'm John Bradshaw.
11:00 With me, Pastor Yves Monnier from It Is Written,
11:03 Dr. Ron Smith, and Pastor Eric Flickinger,
11:06 my associate speaker at It Is Written.
11:08 We're talking about fatherhood.
11:10 It's that Father's Day time of year.
11:12 What does it mean to be a father,
11:13 and how can a dad be a successful dad?
11:16 So Dr. Smith, let me ask you about the importance of,
11:19 of a father bonding with his kids.
11:21 How important is that?
11:23 >>Dr. Smith: It's very important.
11:24 And through our bonding I learned that my dad
11:27 was very much about relationship, relationships.
11:31 I grew up with two siblings, two sisters,
11:34 and he emphasized the importance of caring for my sisters,
11:37 but more importantly,
11:39 uh, doing to others what I want done to me.
11:42 >>John: So I want to ask this question:
11:43 how do you bond with your children?
11:46 How do you form that strong relationship with your kids?
11:49 Yves?
11:51 >>Yves: Well, I have a 26-year-old son
11:53 who's very busy in his career,
11:55 but we find time very often to talk to each other on the phone.
11:59 And on a recent phone call, I said,
12:02 “Daniel, so, why are we pretty close? because I think we are.”
12:07 And he said, “Dad,
12:09 it's because you spent a lot of time with me.
12:13 You went to all of my club activities.
12:16 When we had trips, you were there.
12:18 Uh, when I had a basketball game,
12:21 a football game, you were present.
12:24 You made sure that that time with me was a priority.
12:28 And, Dad, those times with me have made a huge difference.”
12:32 And, uh, and he said,
12:34 “That's why we are as close as we are to this day.”
12:38 >>John: It seems like it keeps coming back to this question
12:39 of time with the kids.
12:40 Here's what I've found as, as a way.
12:43 How do I bond with my kids?
12:45 However I have to, however I can.
12:47 I remember when my son decided he wanted to learn to fish
12:50 or be a fisherman.
12:51 I don't know where he got that.
12:53 Now, look, I don't want to upset the fisherfolk,
12:55 but, man, I hate fishing.
12:57 What a perfectly good way to ruin an otherwise great day,
13:00 sitting around, waiting for a fish to bite.
13:03 Color me odd, but I just, I don't get it. I never have.
13:07 Now, if you fish, I respect you, and that's okay.
13:09 But it's just never been my thing.
13:11 My son says, “Dad, I want to fish.
13:14 I want to go fishing.”
13:15 You know what? Suddenly I was a fisherman.
13:18 We were getting the right kind of fishing poles
13:20 and the right gear, and all the lures.
13:21 And I bought my son a tackle box,
13:23 and we filled it with the right stuff.
13:25 And we went fishing. We even caught some fish.
13:29 But it's in moments like,
13:29 if he, if he wanted to ride a unicycle,
13:32 I would have been right there riding a unicycle with him.
13:35 Uh, for me it was about doing whatever was there to do,
13:38 whatever you needed to do.
13:40 And, going back to what you said, Dr. Smith,
13:42 including my son in my life.
13:43 He would go with me. We'd travel together.
13:46 He'd be present for this and for that.
13:47 I would be present in his moments,
13:49 but I wanted to make sure that he was also present in mine.
13:52 There wasn't a time where it came to the place where I said,
13:55 “Hey, son, I don't need you with me.”
13:57 How about you?
13:58 Bonding with the children, how did you pull it off?
13:59 >>Dr. Smith: My wife shared something with me
14:01 that brought tears to my eyes.
14:02 When my son was a younger boy-- uh, he's a pastor now;
14:07 he considers himself a spiritual giant--
14:08 but he was a young boy then,
14:11 and she brought tears to my eyes when she shared with me
14:14 what he said to her one day.
14:16 Uh, he said, “Mommy, I don't just love Daddy. I like Daddy.”
14:21 >>John: Oh, amen.
14:22 >>Dr. Smith: And basically,
14:24 I just placed a premium on being friends.
14:27 Let's just be pals; let's be friends.
14:28 But not, not friends to the, to the point where we blur
14:33 uh, the guidelines of order and accountability.
14:37 But let's enjoy one another.
14:38 And that happens through spending time
14:40 and doing things together.
14:42 >>John: You know, you have this thing where there are parents
14:43 who want to be their children's buddy,
14:45 but they don't want to be Dad or Mom.
14:47 And that, when those lines blur, that's, that's destructive.
14:51 But when you can be a friend as well as a parent,
14:54 now you've got a warm relationship there, haven't you?
14:57 I want to ask you about fathers in the Bible.
14:59 Point to a father in the Bible who impresses you,
15:01 either for good or for bad, and something we can learn
15:04 from that biblical father.
15:06 Dr. Smith, you first.
15:07 >>Dr. Smith: I think of, uh, Jairus in the Bible.
15:11 Um, in Mark, in the book of Mark,
15:13 we have a clear showcasing of a man who was accustomed
15:17 to being in charge.
15:18 Not just at the church, but he was in charge
15:20 of some very important things in culture.
15:22 And he was accustomed to fixing things.
15:25 People came to him for solutions when they needed solutions.
15:29 And he was the guy that pretty much resolved people's problems.
15:34 Uh, he encountered a problem of his own
15:36 one day that he couldn't fix.
15:39 In his encounter with Jesus, he wanted to tell Jesus what to do.
15:42 “Come to my house. Put your hands on her like this.
15:45 And if you follow my instructions,
15:47 if you take your hands out of your pocket
15:48 and do what I ask you to do, she'll be healed.”
15:51 And she, and, and, you know, Jesus is a gentleman.
15:53 Eventually He did that.
15:55 But He frustrated Jairus along the way by making him wait.
16:00 It was a long, it was a very short distance to the house
16:02 where the daughter was sick, but Jesus took His time,
16:04 and He moved slowly.
16:06 And He got there, and basically we learn from,
16:09 from the story of Jairus that there are a lot of things
16:11 in culture that we can fix, fix,
16:13 but there are some things we cannot fix.
16:16 What a wonderful lesson
16:17 to convey to our boys and our girls.
16:19 >>John: Amen.
16:20 >>Dr. Smith: Only God can fix all problems.
16:21 We can't fix everything.
16:23 >>John: Amen. That's so true.
16:24 Eric, a father from the Bible.
16:26 >>Eric: I think of Jacob. You know, Jacob had,
16:28 he came from a household where there was favoritism.
16:32 He was the less-favored son.
16:34 But when it came to his own household,
16:36 he showed favoritism as well.
16:38 You know, he showed favoritism to his son Joseph,
16:40 and that caused a great deal of problems within that family.
16:43 So we have a tendency, if we're not careful,
16:45 to, to bring things down from our own fathers,
16:48 whether good or bad.
16:50 So we have to look at each of those things and say,
16:52 “Is this a characteristic
16:54 that I want to bring down from my father,
16:56 or is this a characteristic that I hope my child takes from me?”
17:00 Because they do tend to pass from generation to generation,
17:02 if we're not careful.
17:03 >>John: You know, I think of David in the Bible.
17:05 David who had massive problems among his kids.
17:08 He had problems in his household.
17:10 And it seems to me that when Absalom went off the rails,
17:13 that may have been headed off
17:14 if, when there was a problem in the family,
17:17 David had A) handled it--
17:19 we had, we had a terrible thing going on in David's family,
17:22 and it appears he just sort of let it go.
17:25 And then when he realized that Absalom was,
17:27 was in rebellion mode,
17:29 he had a hands-off policy rather than a hands-on policy.
17:32 There was a problem in his family with one of his kids,
17:35 and instead of going to the kid and saying,
17:36 hey, how about we go fishing?
17:38 Or let's just take a long drive together.
17:40 Grab your glove. I've got the ball.
17:42 Let's spend some time,
17:43 and bonding with that child,
17:46 bringing a problem out to the open and discussing it,
17:48 David, it seems, ignored what was going on,
17:52 and it just about cost him his kingdom,
17:54 and it jeopardized the future of Israel.
17:56 Yves, I'll come back to you in a moment,
17:57 and we'll ask you about a dad from the Bible.
18:00 Then we'll discuss a little bit more
18:01 this very important thing called fatherhood.
18:05 Back with more in a moment.
18:07 ♪[Music]♪
18:15 >>Announcer: In Matthew 4:4, the Word of God says,
18:17 “It is written, ‘Man shall not live by bread alone,
18:20 but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God.'”
18:24 Every Word
18:25 is a one-minute Bible-based daily devotional presented by
18:28 Pastor John Bradshaw,
18:30 and designed especially for busy people like you.
18:33 Look for Every Word on selected networks
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18:40 Receive a daily spiritual boost. Watch Every Word.
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18:48 ♪[Every Word theme music]♪
18:53 >>John: Thanks for joining me.
18:55 In 2007, a 20-year-old film student suffered a seizure
18:58 on the platform of a subway station in New York City
19:01 and fell onto the tracks.
19:02 A construction worker named Wesley Autry
19:04 tried unsuccessfully to get the man off the tracks.
19:07 So with the train approaching,
19:09 he threw himself on top of the man
19:10 in a drainage trench right between the tracks.
19:13 The train passed over them so close
19:16 it left grease on Mr. Autry's cap.
19:18 Galatians 6:2 says, “Bear one another's burdens,
19:21 and so fulfill the law of Christ.”
19:24 Few people ever have the opportunity
19:25 to do something like that.
19:27 But most every day we get the chance to intervene
19:30 in someone's life, to make a difference,
19:32 to bear someone's burden and to show a love
19:35 that helps someone see the love of God.
19:37 Pray that God will give you the opportunity
19:39 to reveal Him and His love to others.
19:41 I'm John Bradshaw for It Is Written.
19:43 Let's live today by every word.
19:49 ♪[Music]♪
19:55 >>John: Thanks for joining me today on It Is Written.
19:58 Fatherhood: It must be one of the most important jobs
20:01 ever committed to any human being.
20:04 Yves Monnier, a father from the Bible who impresses you,
20:07 for good or for bad.
20:09 >>Yves: Well, this one impresses me for good.
20:11 This is the father from the story,
20:12 the parable, of the prodigal son.
20:15 We have the father here, prominent in the story.
20:18 This father, of course, represents God.
20:21 And one must assume that in this home,
20:24 it was a good home, and the father was perfect.
20:29 Well, even in a perfect home, in a good home,
20:33 in a good Christian home, sad things can happen.
20:37 The son, as we know, wandered,
20:39 and it probably broke the father's heart for sure.
20:43 Lesson number one, bad things can happen even in good homes.
20:48 But don't lose heart.
20:49 And that's lesson number two: The father never stopped
20:53 believing that his son would return.
20:55 And the story, of course, has a wonderful ending.
20:58 >>John: And when the son did return,
20:59 the father did not read him the riot act.
21:01 He welcomed him with love.
21:03 You know, you mention that because,
21:05 undoubtedly, there are fathers who are hanging their heads
21:07 and saying, “I wish I'd done it this way or that way.”
21:09 And while that may be the case,
21:12 uh, we remember that our heavenly Father
21:14 lost a third of His children
21:16 in a perfect place where there's never been any sin.
21:19 And a third of them just said, “We're outta here.”
21:21 Dr. Smith, how can we as fathers invest in our sons and daughters
21:26 so that they grow up to love God?
21:29 >>Dr. Smith: I think those three principles
21:31 really, really matter.
21:32 But Micah 6:8, as I emphasize, you know,
21:35 doing justly, love mercy, and walking humbly with God.
21:39 But also those three principles of
21:40 factoring God into your journey, dreaming big, and working hard.
21:46 >>John: Yves, you've raised a couple of kids to adulthood.
21:49 They both love God.
21:50 They're still faithful in the church.
21:53 This does not happen by accident.
21:55 What did you do to deliberately invest in your children
21:58 so that they, so that they were Christians
22:02 after they'd left your home?
22:03 >>Yves: I think sometimes the problem with, uh,
22:05 certain children, they see their father saying one thing,
22:10 and they see then their father doing something else.
22:13 So in my life I did my very best. And, to be honest,
22:17 I don't think that I was successful all the time,
22:21 but, I believe, a lot of the time,
22:24 and that is to make sure that my words and my actions
22:28 were in harmony.
22:29 And I believe that has had a profound impact upon them.
22:32 My children still, thank God,
22:35 to this day love and walk with Jesus.
22:37 >>John: It's been important to me,
22:38 raising my two kids, to, uh,
22:41 to try to give them a picture of what God is really like.
22:45 I think, I think, I might say I know,
22:49 but I think many kids are put off Christianity
22:54 by the picture of God that is taught them
22:57 or portrayed to them.
22:59 We mustn't teach our children that God is angry with them
23:02 or he's a hard taskmaster.
23:03 The Bible says that God is love.
23:06 Um, and I think it's crucial to transmit values
23:10 to our kids that teach them that God loves them no matter what.
23:15 Okay, let's be quick now. We have little time.
23:17 What not to do as a father.
23:19 >>Eric: Don't belittle your children.
23:21 You know, even if you are frustrated with them,
23:22 if you get angry, but if you belittle, belittle them,
23:26 it takes a lot of wind out of their sails.
23:28 Now, it's important to, to correct,
23:30 but, but not to speak down to. There's a big difference.
23:33 >>John: You know, I wish fathers would think
23:34 about the impact of their actions and their words.
23:37 What is saying this or doing this
23:38 actually going to do to my kid?
23:40 And when you belittle your children,
23:42 you put a wall between you and your child.
23:44 They don't trust you.
23:45 They don't think that you have their best interests in mind.
23:48 Dr. Smith, what are the do-nots?
23:50 >>Dr. Smith: Do not leave discouragement unmanaged.
23:53 >>John: Explain.
23:54 >>Dr. Smith: One of the most detrimental things
23:55 that can happen is to try to be a parent while discouraged
23:58 and not managing it.
23:59 We manage discouragement by praying
24:01 and teaching our children to pray, dealing with our anger.
24:04 Anger can go so many different ways,
24:06 but dealing with it responsibly helps us.
24:09 And there are a battery of principles, um,
24:11 dealing with dependency needs.
24:14 Stop playing God, which simply means if God forgives you,
24:17 you have to forgive yourself
24:18 so that you can forgive others as well.
24:20 >>John: Yves, what are the do-nots?
24:22 >>Yves: Do not affirm your children only when
24:25 they do something good--
24:27 “Oh, I'm so proud of you; you got an A!"
24:29 “Oh, I'm so proud of you because you played
24:32 so well your musical instrument!”--
24:35 because then they will equate that with, “Well,
24:38 he only affirms me, he only loves me,
24:40 because of things that I do.”
24:42 So I made sure that I affirmed them,
24:45 even when they did not do as well:
24:47 “I love you; I'm proud of you;
24:49 keep at it; you will do better next time.”
24:51 >>John: I would say, do not yell at your kids.
24:54 Do not. That doesn't mean you--there are,
24:56 you better yell if they're standing on the railroad track
24:58 and a train is coming. Do yell.
25:01 But the child dropped food on the floor
25:03 or left a sock on the staircase--
25:05 Come on, man. Don't yell.
25:08 I think it's really, really important that a father,
25:10 who is the clearest picture of God
25:13 many children have growing up--
25:14 you understand what I mean by that?
25:15 You spoke about it earlier. It's, it's important, uh,
25:20 that we control our emotions, and that we, that we, uh,
25:25 don't just blow up or lose it around our kids.
25:29 Uh, it's just destructive.
25:31 From my point of view, it's destructive.
25:32 Man, there's more we could say,
25:33 but I'm grateful that you've been here.
25:34 Eric, thanks so much.
25:36 Yves Monnier, appreciate it very much.
25:37 Dr. Smith, thank you for taking your time with us today.
25:41 Deeply appreciate it.
25:43 ♪[Music]♪
25:50 >>John: Some of the most famous words ever written tell us that
25:54 “God so loved the world.”
25:57 The same book in which those words are written
25:58 tell us that “God is love.”
26:01 Go deep into the love of God with today's free offer,
26:06 “A Father's Love.”
26:07 To receive “A Father's Love,”
26:09 call us on 800-253-3000
26:12 or visit us online at itiswritten.com.
26:15 You can write to the address on your screen
26:17 and receive free “A Father's Love.”
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26:42 That's 800-253-3000.
26:45 And our web address, that's easy:
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26:50 >>John: I'm glad you joined me today.
26:51 Let's take a moment to pray together right now.
26:54 Our Father in heaven, we thank You today for Jesus,
26:57 Your Son, our Savior.
27:00 We thank You for You, our heavenly Father,
27:04 our perfect, unfailing, always patient, always wise Father
27:10 who knows what is best for us in every situation.
27:14 I pray for every father,
27:16 that You would bless the dads and the grandpas
27:19 and the great-grandpas to model faith in God,
27:23 to be patient and kind,
27:27 and to share Jesus and model Jesus as wisely as possible.
27:32 Lord, bless the fathers.
27:34 Even when we fail, we need Your help then.
27:37 And give us grace that we can point our children
27:40 to You and encourage in them faith in You.
27:43 Bless us now, we pray, and we thank You,
27:45 in Jesus' name,
27:46 amen.
27:48 Thank you so much for joining us today.
27:50 I'm looking forward to seeing you again next time.
27:52 Until then, remember:
27:53 “It is written, ‘Man shall not live by bread alone
27:58 but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God.'”
28:02 ♪[Theme music]♪

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Revised 2022-06-01