Participants:
Series Code: IIW
Program Code: IIW019208A
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00:19 >>John Bradshaw: This is It Is Written.
00:21 I'm John Bradshaw. Thanks for joining me. 00:23 Everybody has dreams, and we like to think 00:26 that our dreams come true, but they don't always. 00:29 What happens when you have dreams, big dreams, life goals, 00:33 and those dreams come crashing down around you? 00:37 And when they do, what then? 00:39 Is God able to give back to you what was taken away? 00:43 My special guest today is Juliet Van Heerden. 00:46 She is an author, public speaker. 00:48 She is a teacher and the wife of a pastor. 00:52 Juliet's story is a story experienced by many people 00:56 all around the world. 00:57 Juliet, thanks for joining me today and sharing your story. 00:59 I appreciate you being here. 01:01 >>Juliet Van Heerden: Thank you for the invitation. 01:02 >>John: Hey, let's go back to about where you think 01:06 the beginning is. 01:07 Where does your story-- it's a fascinating story; 01:09 it's a moving story, a very powerful story, 01:12 and a story that's going to impact a lot of lives 01:15 as you share it. 01:16 So where does this story begin? 01:18 >>Juliet: I grew up in a Christian, um, family, 01:21 Christian home. 01:22 My mom is a very, um, devout Christian woman. 01:27 But I am the product of divorce, 01:29 and my parents divorced when I was four. 01:32 And then when I was 14, um, there was another divorce. 01:36 And so I was a child who experienced the feelings 01:40 of abandonment and the idea that happily ever after 01:47 doesn't always turn out that way. 01:49 And I made a vow to myself as a child 01:52 that I would never get divorced. 01:56 And I didn't want that legacy, 01:58 and that was a promise that I made to myself 02:02 and really ended up trying very hard to keep. 02:05 >>John: So, as you were journeying through life 02:09 towards the fulfillment of all your plans and dreams, 02:12 where did that journey take you? 02:14 >>Juliet: I graduated from college, 02:17 and I thought that I was being left behind 02:20 as I was the bridesmaid in several weddings 02:23 and not the bride. 02:25 And so I feel like probably I rushed God a little bit 02:31 and pushed ahead and chose a mate for myself 02:36 that might not have been the mate 02:37 He would have chosen for me. 02:40 >>John: Walk, walk through that dynamic with me. 02:42 You got married along the way. 02:44 Tell me how that, how that came to be. 02:46 Tell me about the circumstances around your marriage. 02:48 >>Juliet: I ended up making a decision to marry a person 02:52 that I probably would not have consciously chosen, 02:58 but sometimes, as a young person, we'll make a compromise. 03:03 And I tell young people when I speak to them, 03:05 "Be careful who you date. 03:06 Be careful who you go on one date with 03:08 because that person might end up being the person 03:10 you spend the rest of your life with." 03:12 And I tell my students, "Do your homework," 03:14 but I didn't do mine, 03:15 and I did not even know what questions to ask 03:19 a potential spouse. 03:21 I didn't, um, I just didn't research. 03:25 I took everything at face value. I was a very trusting person. 03:28 >>John: I remember saying to my fiancée, 03:32 "Check me out; do your homework. 03:35 Go and talk to the people who make up the fabric of my life." 03:38 >>Juliet: That's right. 03:39 >>John: I was scared to death when she actually did. 03:41 >>Juliet: [Laughs] Ah, but it's good. 03:44 >>John: When she did that and then said "I do" 03:46 was one of the biggest surprises of my life, but... 03:48 So that's the sort of thing you're talking about, right? 03:49 >>Juliet: Mm-hm. Accountability. 03:51 >>John: Yeah. 03:52 So how do you marry someone without really knowing them? 03:54 You did. 03:55 >>Juliet: Right. Well, I mean, you get caught up in the moment. 03:59 You, you believe a person. 04:00 You take, you take what you see at this moment, 04:03 and you don't realize that there's something 04:06 behind what you see. 04:08 So, I mean, I just felt, I felt excited that someone 04:12 was interested in me, that they, um, enjoyed 04:15 some of the same things that I enjoyed. 04:17 Yes, we had a little bit different, um, background, 04:20 but I was an optimist. 04:22 I thought that whatever wasn't just right 04:27 I could make right. 04:28 And, um, I recently heard a sermon where, uh, someone said 04:34 women need, need to not think of men as projects, 04:38 and men need to not think of women as possessions. 04:42 And, um, I think I, I like a project, 04:47 and so that might have been part of it, um, 04:50 a challenge that, you know, you can, you can change a person. 04:54 >>John: So in your experience you discovered 04:56 you can't change a person? 04:57 >>Juliet: No. 04:58 >>John: Did you try? 04:59 >>Juliet: Oh, yes. 04:59 >>John: How did you try? 05:00 >>Juliet: Mm. [Laughs ruefully] I manipulated. 05:03 I, I tried to control the person. 05:05 I tried to, um, force them into my mold. 05:08 And you can't take a person who is who they are 05:12 and try to make them someone that you want them to be. 05:15 But when I realized things weren't exactly, 05:18 um, happily ever after for me, 05:21 I, I was really trying very hard to make this person fit into, 05:26 into what I thought was the mold for a good Christian husband. 05:30 >>John: So you've got to accept some imperfections, 05:34 some limitations--right?-- 05:36 >>Juliet: Of course. 05:37 >>John: ...in a person. 05:38 But there are some things you should never accept 05:41 and think that you're going to be able to change. 05:43 How do we know where that line is? 05:45 >>Juliet: Well, knowing ourselves is important, 05:48 you know, knowing, knowing what I can live with and what I, 05:52 what I can't, because no one's perfect. 05:55 I mean, I wasn't a perfect, um, spouse or a perfect person, 05:59 either, and I didn't, um, I really just, 06:03 I wasn't sure what to do with the things that I saw 06:08 that weren't right, 06:09 but I think honesty is like a core foundational, uh, piece. 06:14 If, if we have a question about a person's integrity 06:18 or about their honesty, or if we catch them in a lie 06:21 or something like that, then we really need to not brush-- 06:24 I would say that to any woman-- don't brush that under the rug. 06:28 Really have your radar up. 06:29 If you get that feeling like something's fishy, 06:32 something's not right, follow through with that. 06:35 Don't ignore that. 06:36 Because if we are, if we are dealing with a person 06:40 who's not honest, then we're going to have serious problems. 06:43 >>John: Now, if you detect dishonesty 06:46 before you walk down the aisle? 06:48 >>Juliet: Run. 06:50 >>John: If you detect it after you walk down the aisle, 06:54 what do we do then? 06:56 >>Juliet: Pray. 06:58 [Laughs ruefully] It's--I experienced it. 07:01 I experienced it, shortly after I walked down the aisle. 07:06 Um, I was, I was able to catch the person in the lie. 07:11 And it was devastating. 07:13 And I really didn't know what to do. 07:15 I wanted to undo what I had done, 07:18 but remember the vow that I made to myself: 07:21 I'm never going to get divorced. 07:23 So what do I do? 07:24 Well, then you kick into this "I can change this person. 07:29 I can fix this person." 07:30 Uh, and your prayers become all about "God change this person," 07:37 and you forget that you're also a broken person 07:41 in need of a Savior. 07:43 >>John: You say the thing to do is to pray. 07:45 >>Juliet: Yes. 07:46 >>John: But I'm certain you would advocate 07:47 some other concrete steps. 07:49 Who do you talk to? 07:50 I know it will, I know it will depend on what your spouse 07:54 is involved in. 07:55 >>Juliet: What's going on, of course. 07:56 >>John: But who are the type of people you can turn to 07:59 when you're in a marriage and you think to yourself, 08:02 "Oh, my goodness, this is not what I signed up for"? 08:05 >>Juliet: No, I would definitely find a trusted, um, friend, 08:09 counselor. 08:10 Um, I advocate for recovery groups and a support system 08:15 where, where we can be transparent 08:18 about what's really going on. 08:20 I, I wish that I had been. 08:21 If I had been honest and transparent and listened 08:24 to godly counsel, I might have made some different decisions, 08:28 but I just walled up and kept everything close to me. 08:33 >>John: How do you advise a young woman or a young man 08:36 who is staring the rest of his or her life in the face 08:39 and now realizing, uh-oh. 08:42 How do they go about extricating themselves from that? 08:46 >>Juliet: Taking a break from the intensity, 08:49 the emotional intensity of what's going on, 08:52 and sometimes if things are wrong, um, it's more intense. 08:55 There will be pressure from a person to make a quick decision: 08:59 "Let's just do this." 09:00 You know, that's when you need to raise your eyebrow and go, 09:02 "Wait a second. We don't need to rush this thing." 09:05 If it's really a solid thing and a good thing, 09:08 it will still be there. 09:09 But give yourself a moment to breathe, 09:12 to pray, to listen to people you trust, 09:16 and, um, and come back and say, 09:18 "Is this, is this true? Or is this emotion I'm riding?" 09:23 >>John: In just a moment, when we come back, 09:24 I wanna, I want to walk with you through your experience, 09:27 your experience that led to divorce, 09:29 what went wrong, what might you have done better, 09:32 and, uh, in doing so, your story's going to be a help 09:35 and a blessing to many other people. 09:37 We'll be right back with my conversation 09:39 with Juliet Van Heerden in just a moment. 09:41 ♪[Music]♪ 09:50 >>Announcer: Modern life makes forming relationships hard. 09:53 We crave a solid family life, 09:55 but oftentimes don't know how to create it. 09:57 This book can help. 09:59 "Hope for Today's Families" 10:00 walks you through building relationships, 10:02 communicating effectively, and forming bonds for eternity. 10:05 Get "Hope for Today's Families." 10:07 It's free. 10:08 Call 800-253-3000 10:11 or visit us online today at iiwoffer.com. 10:15 Hope is just a call away: 800-253-3000. 10:21 ♪[Soft piano music]♪ 10:26 >>Man 1: What does the Bible say about astrology? 10:33 >>Man 2: Why do bad things happen to good people? 10:41 >>Girl: What color is Jesus? 10:44 >>John Bradshaw: If you have a question, 10:45 we'd love to find an answer 10:46 for you from the Bible. 10:48 Line Upon Line 10:49 from It Is Written TV. 10:51 >>John Bradshaw: Thanks for joining me today 10:53 on It Is Written. 10:54 I'm John Bradshaw, and my guest is public speaker, author, 10:58 and teacher Juliet Van Heerden. 11:01 Juliet, let's go back to-- we, we spoke to the issues 11:05 surrounding about, surrounding marriages and mistakes 11:08 and who to speak to and when and so on, 11:10 but let's talk about your experience. 11:12 You walk down the aisle. You said "I do." 11:14 You were the happiest girl in the world. 11:16 >>Juliet Van Heerden: I was. 11:17 And I, I thought that I was doing right because I did marry 11:20 someone who was a Christian, and, um, who had promised 11:25 to come to church, and we did pray together. 11:29 So there were, there were a lot of things that were positive 11:32 and right and good, 11:33 and we had a relationship that I felt was real. 11:38 And, um, then I started noticing that things were not always 11:44 what they seemed to be. 11:46 >>John: What did you notice that really bothered you? 11:49 >>Juliet: I call him "John." 11:50 It's not his real name, but we'll call him "John" 11:52 because I want him to be like a real person, 11:54 and, um, I'm definitely not wanting to vilify him 11:58 as a person. 11:59 >>John: Sure. 12:00 >>Juliet: He was, you know, a human being. 12:01 But when, when money wasn't accounted for, 12:06 when, uh, things didn't add up, stories didn't add up. 12:13 Uh, we started getting into debt. 12:15 He would have unexplained illness a lot of times. 12:19 A lot of accidents would happen to him. 12:22 He worked in construction. 12:24 And sometimes weird things would happen that, you know, 12:28 the staple gun went through the hand, or-- 12:31 [Laughs] you know, just, just too many accidents. 12:35 >>John: And what was it? 12:36 >>Juliet: It was cocaine. 12:39 >>John: Let me ask this first, 12:40 and then I'll ask for your response. 12:41 When did you realize you were married to a drug addict? 12:45 >>Juliet: Yeah, it was basically kind of 12:47 all around the same time. 12:48 >>John: Yeah. 12:49 >>Juliet: But he was so addicted by that time that he was, 12:51 like it was kind of life or death at that point in time. 12:55 And I had reached out to someone, 12:57 to a substance-abuse counselor, and they said, 12:59 "Look, it's going to be the cemetery or the rehab. 13:03 Your choice." 13:04 That's what they said to him. 13:05 >>John: What did he choose? 13:07 >>Juliet: He chose the rehab. 13:08 >>John: How did it go? 13:09 >>Juliet: I thought it went great. 13:11 [Laughs] I thought it went great. 13:13 He checked in for, for 28 days, and he did stay clean. 13:17 >>John: So things turned around? 13:19 >>Juliet: Mm-hm. 13:20 >>John: For how long? 13:21 >>Juliet: For a while. 13:22 >>John: Yeah? 13:22 >>Juliet: For a while. Um... 13:24 >>John: And how did you notice? 13:25 >>Juliet: I... 13:26 >>John: How did you notice that things were 13:27 no longer going well? 13:28 >>Juliet: Oh, man, I never knew. 13:29 Like, it was, I never knew. 13:30 Even those first six years of marriage, 13:32 like, sometimes he was using, sometimes he wasn't; 13:34 sometimes he was clean; sometimes he wasn't. 13:35 I, I never knew where he was 13:38 because I think he didn't want to be the slave to this, either. 13:41 >>John: What would he be like when he relapsed? 13:43 How would that affect him emotionally and physically? 13:46 >>Juliet: Well, once he got clean and sober, 13:50 he was back to normal, and we would just try to go on 13:53 with life, you know, back to church, back to work, 13:56 back to, you know, tried to have some semblance of normalcy 13:59 in our marriage. 14:00 And, um, and then when he would relapse, 14:04 he would just disappear. 14:05 He would disappear, sometimes for days, 14:07 usually on a Friday because that's payday, 14:09 and, um, you know, come home when the money was gone. 14:13 >>John: You've said you like a project, 14:14 and you like to fix things. 14:15 >>Juliet: Yes. 14:16 >>John: So did you get about fixing him? 14:17 >>Juliet: Yes. 14:19 >>John: Did you think, "Okay, we're gonna fix this"? 14:20 How did you endeavor to fix it? 14:21 >>Juliet: So, I was afraid that he was gonna die. 14:23 I was afraid that he was gonna OD. 14:25 I was afraid that someone would find out 14:27 about our dirty family secret. 14:29 And so I tried to control everything. 14:31 I, I tried to control every penny. 14:33 You, you have your boss write the paycheck to me. 14:36 I'm going to control the finances, 14:38 and I'll give you an allowance, just what you need. 14:41 But that was the way that I coped. 14:44 Um, crack down and control. 14:45 Well, then you're not a spouse; 14:47 you're, you're a mother, a bad one, 14:49 [Laughs] you know. 14:51 >>John: And, and evidently that's not what you planned. 14:54 >>Juliet: No. 14:55 >>John: What was that doing to you? 14:56 >>Juliet: No. It was tearing me up. 14:57 I was, I was sick. I had ulcers. 15:00 I was, um, constantly stressed out. 15:03 I was... The controlling thing just didn't work. 15:08 But I couldn't stop being controlling. 15:11 >>John: How many people--I'm getting ahead of myself here-- 15:14 how common is this in church? 15:18 Not just in society--in church, for families to be dealing 15:21 with someone who's battling addiction issues-- 15:24 how common? 15:26 >>Juliet: I would venture to say every family has someone 15:31 that they love or care about who's addicted to something, 15:35 either chemical dependency, um, pornography. 15:40 >>John: As your husband was descending 15:43 into self-destruction, 15:45 and your marriage was starting to unravel, 15:48 what was this doing to you spiritually? 15:51 >>Juliet: I was really having a spiritual awakening. 15:54 I was, I was learning to trust God and to love Him 16:00 and to know that He loved me. 16:01 I, it makes me just emotional just thinking about how God 16:06 opened my eyes to His love for me. 16:08 And I grew up knowing about God's love, 16:11 singing "Jesus loves me, this I know." 16:14 I knew what God's Word said, 16:16 but through that experience I learned to trust Him. 16:20 >>John: See, I can imagine a person saying, 16:22 "Spiritually I was devastated, 16:24 and I felt like I was a million miles from God," 16:26 and I know that happens to people. 16:27 It didn't happen to you. 16:28 What was going on that this experience 16:31 drew you closer to God? 16:33 This, I think is a, is a very key point 16:36 because a lot of people end up adrift and without hope. 16:39 >>Juliet: Right. 16:40 >>John: What was it about you or your experience 16:42 or your upbringing or your faith community 16:44 that saw this experience draw you closer to God? 16:48 What made the difference? 16:50 >>Juliet: You know, I should have spoken with others, 16:52 but I didn't. 16:53 And so God was who I talked to, 16:55 and I talked to Him, like when I was driving to school, 16:58 I would have to put myself together because to be able 17:01 to smile and be sweet to first grade children, 17:04 you know, you have to, 17:05 you have to get it together before you get to school. 17:07 And so that was my time 17:09 where I would just pour my heart out to God as I'm driving. 17:11 Like, "Lord, I, I've got work to do today. I need You to help me. 17:14 [Voice quavers] Help me focus on loving these kids." 17:17 And He would do it. 17:19 Like, I could just feel the peace of God come over me, 17:22 and I could do my work; I could do my job. 17:24 I could, I could love on the kids at school. 17:28 And, and when I poured my heart out to the Lord, 17:30 He came, and He was very real to me. 17:35 >>John: So where would you be now, do you think, 17:37 if you didn't have God to lean on? 17:39 >>Juliet: I would have driven my car off a bridge 17:41 or slit my wrists or done something awful. 17:44 >>John: And something kept you from that? 17:47 >>Juliet: Yes. 17:47 I didn't, I didn't want to hurt Him. 17:49 I didn't want to hurt my friend God. 17:52 And I believe that you're not ever alone. 17:56 We are never alone. 17:57 >>John: We're going to talk about that in just a moment. 17:59 He's always there, and He's always for you. 18:03 More of my conversation with Juliet Van Heerden 18:06 in just a moment. 18:08 ♪[Music]♪ 18:16 >>John: Thank you for remembering 18:17 that It Is Written exists 18:19 because of the kindness of people just like you. 18:22 To support this international life-changing ministry, 18:25 please call us now at 800-253-3000. 18:29 You can send your tax-deductible gift 18:31 to the address on your screen, 18:32 or you can visit us online at itiswritten.com. 18:36 Thank you for your prayers and for your financial support. 18:39 Our number again is 800-253-3000, 18:43 or you can visit us online at itiswritten.com. 18:47 >>John: When a 2,000-ton span on a bridge 18:50 in Melbourne, Australia, collapsed during construction, 18:54 the damage and loss of life were devastating. 18:57 When a bridge collapsed in Tasmania five years later, 19:00 it was another catastrophe that caused disruption and death. 19:03 So what happens when you fall? 19:06 When sin takes you down? 19:08 When failure shakes your experience with God? 19:11 Don't miss "Free Fall," brought to you by It Is Written TV. 19:16 Find out what you can do when you've fallen again. 19:19 And find out how God treats those who have strayed, 19:22 wandered, failed, fallen. 19:26 There is hope when you've messed up. 19:28 There's a future when life isn't going like it should. 19:31 There's a way forward when you feel like you've failed God 19:34 or failed others. 19:36 "Free Fall," filmed on location in Australia. 19:40 Don't miss "Free Fall" on It Is Written TV. 19:47 >>John Bradshaw: Thanks for joining me today 19:49 on It Is Written. 19:51 My guest, Juliet Van Heerden, is sharing her story of addiction, 19:55 codependency, recovery, 19:57 and the miracle of God's restoration in her life. 20:01 Okay. Your husband is drug-addicted. 20:04 He's lying; he's sick; he's in and out of rehab; 20:08 your home has been robbed. 20:11 You were divorced. 20:13 How'd that happen? 20:14 How did you finally get to the point, 20:16 or how did circumstances bring you to the place 20:18 where this is over and it's not getting better? 20:20 >>Juliet Van Heerden: Um, well, "John" just said to me, 20:23 "I am tired of living the double life. 20:25 I don't want to be the Christian husband that you want me to be. 20:30 I want to drink what I want, smoke what I want, 20:35 watch what I want, snort what I want." 20:39 And I was able to walk away feeling relieved. 20:45 >>John: I wanted to ask you about that. 20:48 When he says, "I'm done." 20:49 >>Juliet: Mm-hm. 20:50 >>John: Was there pain by that stage? 20:52 You said "relief." 20:54 So, it wasn't as painful as if he'd said that 20:58 a number of years earlier? 21:00 >>Juliet: I just felt like I had done my absolute best 21:04 and given it everything that I could possibly do, 21:07 but a person is free to make their own choices. 21:10 >>John: Offer a word of encouragement to somebody 21:12 who might be in the situation that you were in then, 21:14 and they feel like, "If I don't hang in here to the grim death, 21:17 then somehow I've let God down." 21:19 How do you know, how do you know when you've done your best, 21:22 and it's time to let go? 21:23 >>Juliet: Well, I think, I think the Lord lets us know. 21:27 And sometimes we hang on... 21:29 beyond the point where God has released us. 21:33 And God--it is not God's desire for anyone to be 21:37 in an abusive situation. 21:40 And I had a very difficult time using the word "abuse" 21:43 to describe, um, my marriage. 21:47 But, as I look back, I can say I was in an abusive marriage. 21:52 I was being financially abused. 21:54 I was being emotionally neglected, verbally abused. 21:59 And, and so, as I look at that, I know that's not God's will, 22:03 and that, and that's not God's plan for us. 22:05 We need to be safe. 22:07 And sometimes God makes provision for, for people. 22:12 Um, He says He hates divorce. 22:14 Yes, He does because it's painful and devastating. 22:18 But there is provision. 22:19 There are, there are times when it's a relief. 22:23 >>John: Back up a few years. 22:24 >>Juliet: Yes. 22:25 >>John: You were worried that someone might learn 22:26 your dirty little secret. 22:27 Now, years later-- 22:28 >>Juliet: Yes. 22:30 >>John: ...the secret's out, and yet people embraced you. 22:32 >>Juliet: They embraced me, and they loved me. 22:33 And they loved "John" through it, too. 22:35 I mean, once we started sharing, 22:37 we found that people embraced us and loved us through it. 22:41 And it was beautiful to just be like, 22:44 oh, I don't have to carry this burden of a secret anymore. 22:49 So, I, I would encourage people: Please share. 22:53 Find a safe place and share with somebody. 22:55 Don't hold it. 22:56 >>John: Along the way, you wrote a book. 22:58 >>Juliet: Yes. 22:59 >>John: "Same Dress, Different Day." 23:00 >>Juliet: Yes. 23:01 >>John: Why did you write the book? 23:03 >>Juliet: Believe me, I didn't want to. 23:05 Um, for, for doing public speaking now 23:08 and for being a teacher, I'm actually an introvert, 23:12 and I'm a very private person. 23:14 And that's why I kept my mouth closed for so long about things. 23:17 I did not want to write this book. 23:19 I am a writer. I love to write. 23:21 But I was, you know, journaling and writing for myself, 23:25 never thinking I would tell my story to other people. 23:28 But the Holy Spirit just kept on me about this, 23:31 that, that you need to share this story 23:33 because it will bring hope to others. 23:35 And as a pastor's wife, I started hearing the stories 23:38 of people in church who were suffering, 23:39 families that are suffering with the same kind of problems 23:42 that I experienced. 23:44 And I really had so much compassion for them, 23:46 and, and a few people said to me, 23:47 "You need to share your story. You need to write your story. 23:50 You need to write your story." 23:51 And I kept putting it off. 23:53 And I knew it would be difficult because I was happy; 23:56 I was living the happily ever after. 23:57 Who wants to go back and think about that stuff? 23:59 And in order to write well, you need to relive it in your mind. 24:04 But, um, Andre, my husband, he gave me permission to do it. 24:08 He set me--it was very gracious of him as a man-- 24:12 he gave me permission to go back and to relive that pain 24:15 and to write about "John" and to, um, to share my story. 24:20 And it took me about three years from start to finish, 24:25 um, because it was hard. 24:27 I would write a bit, and then I'd take a long break. 24:30 But it was published in 2015, 24:33 and the responses from readers has been... 24:36 [Voice quavers] It hurts me so much to hear 24:38 what they have to say. 24:39 They say to me, "You're telling my story." 24:43 >>John: Give some advice to that, that woman especially-- 24:46 doesn't have to be a woman-- 24:47 >>Juliet: Mm-hm. 24:49 >>John: ...who's in a relationship that's just 24:50 spiraling downwards. 24:52 Nothing he or she can do about it. 24:54 There's addictions, or whatever the case is. 24:57 Where should they go? 24:58 >>Juliet: No, and, and Dr. Larry Crabb says, 25:00 "Healing takes place in community." 25:02 So we need to find a community of people where we feel safe, 25:07 and who--where we're not alone in our suffering; 25:09 our suffering is, sorrow is divided. 25:11 Um, and I would, I would suggest finding a local, um, 25:15 Christ-centered recovery, um, group, recovery community. 25:19 Al-Anon is a wonderful resource. 25:22 Um, find a group that meets regularly for codependents. 25:25 There's Codependents Anonymous where, uh, those-- 25:28 that's those of us who, who get caught in the cycle 25:31 of rescuing that loved one. 25:32 Um, not everyone can afford counseling, 25:35 professional counseling. 25:36 It's a wonderful resource, if you can. 25:39 But if you can't, there are people, um, who meet regularly 25:43 and talk and share and, um. 25:45 And be a reader. Um, learn about addiction. 25:49 Learn about boundaries. Learn about codependency. 25:52 Find out, um, about yourself and what you can do, 25:57 and then find a safe place where you can share and grow and heal. 26:02 There is hope. 26:04 ♪[Music]♪ 26:13 >>Announcer: Modern life makes forming relationships hard. 26:15 We crave a solid family life, 26:17 but oftentimes don't know how to create it. 26:19 This book can help. 26:21 "Hope for Today's Families" 26:22 walks you through building relationships, 26:24 communicating effectively, and forming bonds for eternity. 26:27 Get "Hope for Today's Families." 26:29 It's free. 26:30 Call 800-253-3000 26:33 or visit us online today at iiwoffer.com. 26:37 Hope is just a call away: 800-253-3000. 26:43 >>John Bradshaw: Juliet, let's pray together. 26:44 Let's pray. 26:46 Our Father in heaven, 26:47 we are grateful that You are the God who gives. 26:50 You don't take away. 26:51 You give. 26:51 You restore. You remake. 26:54 Thank You that You are never done with us, 26:56 that You always love us. 26:58 You don't turn from us, even when we turn from You. 27:02 Our Father, I want to pray right now for that woman, 27:05 that man, that young person, 27:08 who is struggling as life crashes down around them, 27:12 and allow that the challenges of this life would only turn us 27:16 in Your direction, 27:17 to embrace You, and never to turn us away from You. 27:22 Lord, we thank You, and we love You, 27:25 and we pray in Jesus' name, amen. 27:30 Thanks so much for joining me. 27:31 I'm looking forward to seeing you again next time. 27:33 Until then, remember: 27:35 "It is written, 'Man shall not live by bread alone, 27:40 but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God.'" 27:44 ♪[Theme music]♪ 27:55 ♪[Theme music]♪ |
Revised 2019-06-06