It Is Written

Bad Dads and What They Teach Us

Three Angels Broadcasting Network

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Series Code: IIW

Program Code: IIW023265S


00:17 ♪[music ends]♪♪
00:20 >>John Bradshaw: This is "It Is Written."
00:21 I'm John Bradshaw. Thanks for joining me.
00:24 You know when Father's Day rolls around,
00:26 we love to celebrate Dad:
00:28 Dad who took me fishing when I was a boy,
00:31 Dad who came to all my games,
00:34 Dad who was always there with an encouraging word,
00:36 ♪[music]♪
00:37 Dad who could fix everything and who sang songs
00:40 and told the best jokes and bought the best gifts,
00:43 always knew what to say,
00:45 Dad who helped me buy my first car--all of that.
00:49 It's like every dad was the best dad in the world.
00:52 I don't hear too much on Father's Day
00:54 about celebrating the average dad:
00:57 Dad who never took me fishing
00:59 but did once buy me a fishing rod,
01:01 Dad who came to the occasional game
01:03 because he was always busy working,
01:06 Dad who was kind of socially awkward,
01:08 always left the gift buying to Mum and only ever told dad jokes
01:11 and kind of left me to myself when I was buying a car
01:14 and dating and all of that.
01:16 "Happy Father's Day to a pretty good dad."
01:18 "Happy Father's Day to an average dad."
01:21 ♪[music ends]♪♪
01:22 The fact is, not all dads are great dads.
01:26 I was fortunate. I had a good dad.
01:29 Can't say he was perfect because there's no such thing.
01:33 But take it a step further, and the awful truth is
01:36 that some dads are terrible dads:
01:39 ♪[soft music]♪
01:40 negligent, uncaring, abusive,
01:45 hardened criminals, abandoned the family.
01:49 And Father's Day can be a bit hollow
01:51 under those circumstances.
01:53 You've got some folks at the Olive Garden handing out
01:55 a Father-of-the-Year Award
01:57 while someone else is crying themselves to sleep
02:00 because their dad was lousy.
02:02 ♪[music ends]♪♪
02:04 In the Bible there's one perfect Father, and that's God.
02:07 He is love; He is kind; He is patient.
02:11 In fact, Peter wrote
02:12 that "the longsuffering of our Lord is salvation."
02:16 That's how profound God's patience is.
02:20 The Bible says God is faithful,
02:22 that He wants the very best for everyone,
02:24 that He's more willing to give you the Holy Spirit
02:27 than an earthly father is willing to give good gifts
02:29 to his children.
02:31 He loved you so much "that He gave His only begotten Son,"
02:34 that by believing in Jesus you may have eternal life freely.
02:41 But in the Bible we find a whole slew of lousy fathers,
02:46 dads who were failures or who were failures at pivotal times.
02:51 It's interesting the Bible doesn't whitewash
02:53 the failings of people.
02:55 God didn't have to tell you about Solomon's dark side
02:58 or about Gideon who won that incredible battle
03:01 with only 300 soldiers and then led Israel into apostasy.
03:05 I mean, why tell you about the night
03:07 Lot's daughters got him drunk
03:09 or about the times Abraham, the father of the faithful,
03:12 lied through his teeth and very nearly brought calamity
03:16 upon his household?
03:18 But God tells you things so you can learn from them.
03:22 As Paul wrote to the Corinthians,
03:24 "Now all these things happened unto them for ensembles"--
03:27 or examples--"and they are written for our admonition,
03:31 upon whom the ends of the world are come."
03:34 That's 1 Corinthians 10, verse 11.
03:36 We're to learn even from the mistakes
03:38 of the people in the Bible.
03:40 You learn from Samson that lust is a harsh taskmaster.
03:43 You learn from the faithless spies that it's better
03:46 to trust in God even when things seem overwhelming.
03:50 You learn from Achan that covetousness
03:52 leads only to bad places.
03:55 That the Bible records even the faults of men and women
03:58 is an indication of its veracity.
04:01 There's no attempt to sugarcoat or mislead or obscure
04:06 the unfortunate chapters of the past.
04:09 So let's look at the example of several bad dads in the Bible
04:14 and find out what they teach us.
04:18 The truth is Israel simply should not have wanted a king.
04:22 God was their king.
04:24 At the time, the faithful godly prophet Samuel was their leader.
04:27 But Israel wanted to be like the nations around them.
04:31 I'll tell you it's a mistake to want to imitate the customs
04:34 of those around you who are not followers of God.
04:37 It happens in the church all the time.
04:40 And it happens when families want to be like families
04:43 around them who aren't following God.
04:45 When they want to have what others have
04:47 and act like others act and go where others go,
04:50 even when it's out of harmony with the teachings of the Bible.
04:54 It's especially hard for young people
04:55 in a media-soaked society.
04:57 Everywhere they turn there are images of people
04:59 living outside the will of God.
05:02 Their friends are doing this and that.
05:05 So young people feel the strong pull
05:07 to be like the world around them.
05:09 It was no different back in the days
05:11 when Samuel was the prophet of God.
05:13 Israel wanted a king, saying to Samuel, "Look, you are old,
05:17 "and your sons do not walk in your ways.
05:20 Now make us a king to judge us like all the nations."
05:24 That's 1 Samuel 8, verse 5.
05:26 Samuel was understandably distressed.
05:28 This couldn't end well.
05:30 Future history would show it didn't end well.
05:33 But God said to Samuel, "Heed the voice of the people
05:36 "in all that they say to you; for they have not rejected you,
05:41 but they have rejected me, that I should not reign over them."
05:45 Interesting, isn't it, that there are times
05:47 God will give you what you want, even though He knows
05:50 it's not in your best interests,
05:53 and that's because God knows it might be that realizing
05:56 your mistake will bring you to a place of repentance
05:59 and to the place where, ultimately,
06:01 you will surrender your will to Him.
06:05 It wasn't long and Saul had been anointed Israel's first king.
06:10 The Bible describes him in 1 Samuel 9, verse 2,
06:13 as "choice and handsome."
06:16 "There was not a more handsome person than he
06:18 "among the children of Israel.
06:20 "From his shoulders upward he was taller
06:22 than any of the people."
06:24 He was a fine young man. He even looked like a king.
06:28 God worked miracles to show that Saul was His man,
06:31 and Saul even prophesied
06:33 under the influence of the Holy Spirit.
06:35 It could hardly have looked better for Israel.
06:38 He was measured early on.
06:40 When a group of the people despised him,
06:42 he kept silent, didn't make a fuss.
06:45 And then when he saved the men of Jabesh-Gilead
06:47 and absolutely routed the Ammonites,
06:50 he was gracious in victory.
06:52 It looked like Israel had their man.
06:55 But that was far from the case.
06:59 Saul turned out not only to be a train wreck of a king
07:02 but a disaster of a father.
07:05 How else can you describe a man who tried to kill his son?
07:10 We'll look at that in just a moment.
07:13 ♪[music swells and ends]♪♪
07:22 ♪[upbeat music]♪
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07:51 ♪[music ends]♪♪
07:53 >>John Bradshaw: Almost everyone has issues with forgiveness.
07:55 It can be hard to forgive an ex, a teacher, a boss,
07:58 or someone who has wronged you or your family.
08:00 Forgiveness can be difficult, but there is a way to forgive.
08:04 Jesus said if we don't forgive others, God won't forgive us.
08:08 Get today's free offer, "Forgiveness,"
08:10 and learn how you can forgive.
08:13 Call 800-253-3000
08:14 or visit iiwoffer.com.
08:18 "Forgiveness,"
08:19 call now: 800-253-3000.
08:23 >>John Bradshaw: Thanks for joining me on "It Is Written."
08:26 God acquiesced to the demands of Israel and gave them a king.
08:30 And to begin with, things went swimmingly.
08:33 But it wasn't long and it all turned to custard.
08:36 He didn't only develop into a lousy king,
08:38 but Saul was also a terrible father.
08:43 What kind of father attempts to murder his son?
08:47 Things when downhill when Saul started depending less on God
08:52 and taking matters into his own hands.
08:55 Instead of waiting for Samuel to arrive to offer sacrifice,
08:58 Saul became impatient and offered the sacrifice himself,
09:02 something a king should never have done.
09:06 Samuel had told all Israel that their prosperity depended
09:09 on their faithfulness to God,
09:11 but Saul evidently forgot that lesson.
09:14 Then, as his son Jonathan was showing incredible bravery
09:17 in winning a decisive battle against the Philistines,
09:20 Saul issued an impulsive directive
09:23 that any of his soldiers who ate food
09:25 before the enemy was defeated would be put to death.
09:29 Jonathan had no idea about this rash decision because he was off
09:33 doing the actual fighting and eliminating Israel's foes.
09:36 And he ate something. Saul decreed Jonathan should die.
09:41 His life was saved only because Saul's soldiers intervened.
09:47 Then when Saul was told clearly to completely destroy
09:50 the Amalekites, he saved the Amalekite king
09:54 and saved the flocks and herds.
09:57 Saul had lost his way.
10:00 Then he became insanely jealous of David.
10:03 He tried to kill David many times.
10:05 Then he hunted him like an animal,
10:07 even though he knew David was the Lord's anointed.
10:10 On one occasion when Jonathan interceded for David--
10:14 David was his dearest friend--
10:16 Saul was so enraged that he threw a spear
10:20 at his own son, attempting to take his life.
10:24 Saul goes down in the annals of history
10:26 as a catastrophic failure,
10:29 not only as a king but also as a father.
10:33 And, of course, it need not have been that way.
10:37 The reason Saul failed in life was that he was ambitious
10:41 for his own glory.
10:44 He had been humble and teachable.
10:47 As Samuel told Saul, things went well when he was
10:50 "little in [his] own [sight]."
10:53 It's not that he made mistakes; every father does.
10:56 Even big mistakes can be overcome.
10:58 Children will forgive big mistakes.
11:01 But Saul willingly separated himself from God.
11:07 Fathers who make mistakes are what we call...fathers.
11:12 They are human.
11:15 But the real fault is in stepping away from God.
11:19 We learn something from this bad dad.
11:22 It's never good to live in disobedience towards God.
11:26 You cannot be a successful father that way.
11:29 It's good to do well, to try to be the best that you can be,
11:32 but doing that for your own glory and not for God's glory
11:37 is a recipe for disaster.
11:39 ♪[soft music]♪
11:40 Dad, take God with you. Put God first.
11:45 Live in obedience to God.
11:47 Surrender your will to His.
11:50 That's where the power is. That's where success is.
11:54 That's how you can be a positive influence as a father.
11:57 Live in connection with your Father, your heavenly Father.
12:02 A successful dad depends upon God.
12:06 ♪[music ends]♪♪
12:07 There are two more bad dads we're going to look at.
12:09 One had every opportunity to learn from the mistakes
12:12 of those who came before him.
12:14 Another raised his children in the church,
12:16 like, right in the church, and they turned out rotten--
12:21 so rotten that God took drastic action against them.
12:25 Eli was a priest in Shiloh, which is where the sanctuary
12:28 was located before the time of the kings.
12:30 Eli was a priest and a judge and was instrumental
12:33 in instructing young Samuel and guiding him to a life
12:37 of faithfulness to God.
12:38 But where it mattered most, at home, Eli dropped the ball.
12:44 He governed the people but failed to govern his own sons.
12:49 He raised his sons literally in the church.
12:54 Being a priest, his sons were always at the sanctuary.
12:57 You know, you hear sometimes about PKs, pastors' kids,
13:00 and about how sometimes they don't turn out well.
13:02 Well, even though that does happen,
13:04 it's not the fault of the church, and, should I say,
13:07 even though that happens sometimes,
13:09 plenty of PKs turn out great.
13:12 Those that don't, don't because that's the path they've chosen,
13:17 and it may be, as in the example of Eli's sons,
13:21 maybe because their father did an awful job.
13:25 Now, no one has to be a super father.
13:28 There are some of those,
13:29 but that's out of the reach of many men.
13:31 They don't have enough money to be always taking the kids
13:34 on fantastic vacations,
13:35 don't have the time to be hunting and fishing
13:37 and going on great adventures together,
13:39 might not have the IQ or the creativity or the opportunity
13:42 to do all the great stuff, the great dad stuff
13:46 that other dads do.
13:47 Well, I'll tell ya: That's unimportant.
13:51 You can't do what you can't do,
13:54 and you can't be what you can't be.
13:56 But you can follow the law, and you can be faithful.
14:03 God's blessing on a parent's role
14:05 is what is absolutely imperative.
14:08 If God wanted you to be just like someone else,
14:11 He'd have made you just like someone else.
14:13 You can be you and a great dad.
14:20 With Eli, it wasn't a lack of opportunity or talent or wit
14:25 or anything of that nature.
14:27 It was a lack of backbone to control his kids.
14:31 I'll give you an example.
14:32 I sat on a plane once for seven hours
14:34 and endured the misfortune of sitting in front
14:36 of a couple of rambunctious young children.
14:39 It seemed like they were about 2 and 4.
14:41 These kids weren't just rowdy;
14:43 they kicked the seats and pounded the seats.
14:46 I'm talking about my seat.
14:48 And they put the tray table down and pounded on the tray table,
14:54 and they wouldn't stop.
14:55 And dad, with them, just sat there.
15:00 There was the occasional "shh," but that was it.
15:03 He just watched them, basically just cheered them on.
15:09 Now, I didn't say anything.
15:10 It's tough having a couple of little kids on a plane,
15:12 and I realize they were most likely just tired and hungry.
15:16 But all of a sudden, the kids were quiet.
15:19 I turned slightly to try to see what had happened.
15:23 What had happened was dad had disappeared,
15:26 and now mom was sitting with the kids.
15:30 She leaned in, showed interest in them, engaged them,
15:34 and they were happy.
15:36 And about 20 other people, including me, were happy.
15:41 Mom took control.
15:44 That's what you do.
15:45 The kids don't call the shots--they're kids.
15:49 Now, mom wasn't overbearing, she wasn't loud,
15:51 she wasn't demanding, there were no threats,
15:53 she was present, and she clearly helped the kids to see
15:57 that there were boundaries that they shouldn't cross.
16:01 Eli allowed his children to control him.
16:05 He hadn't impressed upon them
16:06 the importance of reverence for God.
16:08 They corrupted the sanctuary service, doing awful things.
16:12 Hophni and Phinehas had been brought up
16:13 to think of no one but themselves.
16:17 The Bible says,
16:18 "The sin of the young men was very great before the Lord:
16:22 for men abhorred the offering of the Lord."
16:25 First Samuel 2, verse 17.
16:28 One poorly governed family, one permissive father
16:33 brought so much distress to that whole society.
16:38 The same chapter tells us that when "Eli was very old,"
16:42 he remonstrated with the boys,
16:44 who by now were immoral and corrupt.
16:47 But the Bible says,
16:48 "Nevertheless they did not heed the voice of their father."
16:53 God's message to Eli was,
16:55 "You...honor your sons more than me."
17:00 This is where those famous words were uttered:
17:02 "Them that honour me I will honour,
17:05 and they that despise me shall be lightly esteemed."
17:08 First Samuel 2, verse 30.
17:11 What you had was a father who made a high profession.
17:14 He was a priest and a judge.
17:16 It's not simply that his kids were bad.
17:18 The best parent can sometimes have children
17:21 that just don't turn out well for a plethora of reasons.
17:24 Children have freedom of choice.
17:26 When they exercise it badly, that's on them.
17:30 But this was different.
17:31 This bad dad, Eli, teaches us that indulgent parenting
17:35 doesn't end well.
17:37 Hophni and Phinehas died in a battle
17:39 in which the Philistines took the Ark of the Covenant.
17:42 One of them left a pregnant wife, whose son, Ichabod,
17:45 would never know his dad.
17:47 Eli just needed to guide his children.
17:51 Anyone can do that.
17:53 He wouldn't, and the consequences were dire.
17:58 And there's one more bad dad I want to look at with you.
18:01 We can learn from these men, whether we're fathers, mothers,
18:04 or none of the above.
18:06 What can we learn from the bad dad
18:09 who really should have known better?
18:12 We'll find out in just a moment.
18:15 ♪[music swells and ends]♪♪
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18:55 ♪[piano music]♪
18:56 >>John: Throughout the Bible, mothers have played
18:58 an important role in advancing the kingdom of God:
19:02 Eve, Sarah, Rebekah, Jochebed,
19:06 Naomi, Elizabeth, Mary.
19:10 But no mother has had a greater impact
19:12 on the growth of God's kingdom
19:15 than a mother found in the heart of Revelation.
19:19 Don't miss "A Mother at War"
19:22 as we trace history from the war in heaven
19:25 all the way down to earth's last days.
19:28 You'll encounter a great red dragon with seven heads
19:31 and 10 horns, a pregnant woman who has to fight
19:35 to save the life of her newborn.
19:37 You'll be witness to the battle of the ages
19:40 and see the ultimate victory of Christ and His church.
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19:52 ♪[music ends]♪♪
19:56 >>John Bradshaw: You'd think that with such a glaring example
19:58 of a bad dad right in his own midst,
20:00 David would have figured things out.
20:03 Now again, you have kids that don't turn out well;
20:06 sometimes that's not on you.
20:08 And let's acknowledge this: Even when it is on you,
20:12 it's not too late to do something about it.
20:16 So many people wish they'd done things differently
20:18 when they were younger.
20:19 Well, parenting can be difficult.
20:21 Children are complicated animals.
20:23 You can do everything right,
20:25 and still it doesn't quite go like you wish it would have.
20:29 Don't condemn yourself. Don't berate yourself.
20:32 Call out to God and ask God to intervene.
20:35 Love your children now,
20:37 even if they're adults with children of their own.
20:40 Let them see God work in your life.
20:43 And pray for them.
20:44 Pray that God will give them a revelation of Himself.
20:47 Many people turn around and come to faith in God
20:49 later in life.
20:51 Don't ever think it's over.
20:54 I know of one dear woman whose son walked out on God
20:57 the day he left high school.
20:59 She didn't stop praying for him, and she saw him come back
21:02 to faith in Jesus when she was 99 years old.
21:07 Don't give up.
21:12 So what was it with David?
21:13 He'd been called "a man after God's own heart."
21:16 Like Saul, he was hand-selected by God.
21:19 The thing with David was this:
21:22 When he made mistakes, he repented.
21:25 He turned back to God.
21:27 He never got so discouraged
21:29 that he refused to turn to God in faith.
21:33 His prayer, as found in the 51st psalm, was,
21:35 "Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean:
21:39 "wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow....
21:42 "Create in me a clean heart, O God;
21:46 and renew a right spirit within me."
21:50 So why am I including David in a list of bad dads?
21:54 Simple.
21:55 Good dads don't take another man's wife.
21:59 By the time David took Bathsheba,
22:01 he already had a coterie of wives.
22:03 There was Michal-- Saul's daughter--
22:05 Ahinoam, Abigail, Maacah, Haggith, Abital, and Eglah.
22:10 But one night David walked upon the roof of his home
22:13 and noticed a beautiful woman bathing.
22:16 It may well have been that he noticed her innocently.
22:18 We're not told. But what happened next was not innocent.
22:23 Now, it's one thing for David to be influenced
22:25 by the prevailing customs of the day.
22:27 Oh, I'm not excusing his actions,
22:29 but polygamy had become a thing by then,
22:30 and maybe David was just caught up in all of that.
22:34 Maybe that's why he had more than one wife.
22:36 Not right, not acceptable,
22:39 but maybe that's part of why he did it.
22:41 But cultural norms did not influence him
22:44 to send messengers to bring Bathsheba to him
22:47 after finding out that she was, and I quote,
22:49 "the wife of Uriah the Hittite."
22:52 What happened next was inexcusable
22:55 and led to the death of a marriage, the death of a man,
22:58 and the death of an innocent child.
23:01 Good dads don't jeopardize their family.
23:04 They don't take what isn't theirs,
23:06 especially on this scale.
23:08 David's immorality brought reproach and hardship
23:12 on the entire kingdom of Israel.
23:15 But it doesn't end there.
23:17 When Amnon forced his sister Tamar, David didn't act.
23:22 The Bible says "David heard of all these things,
23:25 [and] was very angry."
23:27 But he didn't intervene.
23:30 Absalom, a brother of both Tamar and Amnon,
23:32 was so furious that he bided his time
23:36 and then killed his brother.
23:38 It's hard to imagine that would have happened
23:40 if David had simply assumed his role
23:42 as the leader of the family.
23:44 And when Absalom fled-- three years he was gone--
23:48 David didn't go to see him.
23:50 The rift between the king and his son widened so far
23:53 that it culminated in full-blown rebellion
23:55 on the part of Absalom.
23:57 David, the great king, saw his kingdom rent in two,
24:02 and it could have been avoided.
24:04 ♪[soft somber music]♪
24:05 We know how it ended:
24:06 Absalom died in battle.
24:09 David's heart was broken.
24:12 Regret may have had a lot to do with the anguish that he felt.
24:16 No, we're not asking that David be perfect,
24:19 but this wasn't a man who promised ice cream
24:21 and then didn't follow through.
24:23 This was a man who simply didn't take responsibility
24:25 when he needed to.
24:27 He could have stepped in after Amnon's disgraceful act.
24:30 He could have talked with Absalom.
24:32 He could have loved the man.
24:34 But he failed to act when he should have.
24:37 That's bad dad stuff.
24:39 ♪[music ends]♪♪
24:41 But we can learn from that.
24:43 We can learn from Saul's failings to submit to God,
24:45 obey God, and bring faith in God into parenting.
24:49 We can learn from Eli that being indulgent might be
24:52 the path of least resistance, but it's not good parenting.
24:56 Discipline is discipling.
24:59 Eli had a responsibility to show his sons
25:02 their responsibility before God.
25:04 But he let his children run amok,
25:07 and he didn't restrain them.
25:09 And we learn from David that for a parent
25:11 to have a good relationship with their children,
25:13 there has to be communication.
25:15 Ya have to address situations.
25:17 And you have to live a moral life.
25:19 Lust and immorality are ruinous.
25:22 Don't go there. Just don't.
25:25 And remember, there is power in the Holy Spirit
25:29 to keep you moral if you'll surrender to God
25:33 and accept that power.
25:36 Bad dads, we can learn from them.
25:39 If you see something in your father's example
25:41 that falls short--and no doubt you probably do--
25:45 then learn from that.
25:46 Let it grow you. Don't repeat those mistakes.
25:50 Let the failings of your parents or your own missteps
25:54 urge you toward being a better parent, a better spouse,
25:59 a better citizen, and, most importantly,
26:02 a fully committed believer in Jesus.
26:05 ♪[music ends]♪♪
26:07 >>John: Almost everyone has issues with forgiveness.
26:10 It can be hard to forgive an ex, a teacher, a boss,
26:13 or someone who has wronged you or your family.
26:16 Forgiveness can be difficult, but there is a way to forgive.
26:19 Jesus said if we don't forgive others, God won't forgive us.
26:23 Get today's free offer, "Forgiveness,"
26:25 and learn how you can forgive.
26:27 Call 800-253-3000
26:30 or visit iiwoffer.com.
26:33 "Forgiveness,"
26:34 call now: 800-253-3000.
26:38 Let me pray with you now.
26:40 Our Father in heaven,
26:41 in Jesus' name we thank You that You are a perfect Father,
26:45 a loving Father, a patient Father, a truly good Father.
26:49 ♪[soft music]♪
26:50 We thank You for our earthly fathers.
26:53 And even if they're not perfect,
26:54 we thank You for their many good attributes,
26:57 for the blessings that they have bestowed upon us,
27:00 and the blessing they've been to us.
27:02 Give us grace to learn from our parents, even the faulty ones,
27:06 that those mistakes don't have to be repeated,
27:08 and those generational dysfunctions
27:10 don't have to be perpetuated.
27:12 And I pray that we would mostly learn from You,
27:16 that as we read the Bible and see Your goodness
27:18 and Your love, we would want to be like You.
27:20 And I pray You would be especially close to every dad
27:24 and allow every dad who wishes to do so to reflect Jesus
27:27 to those around us, in particular, his children.
27:30 We thank You, we love You,
27:32 we ask Your blessing,
27:33 and we pray in Jesus' name.
27:35 Amen.
27:37 Thank you so much for joining me.
27:38 I look forward to seeing you again next time.
27:40 Until then, remember:
27:42 "It is written, 'Man shall not live by bread alone,
27:46 but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God.'"
27:51 ♪[dramatic theme music]♪
28:25 ♪[music ends]♪♪


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Revised 2023-06-15