Participants:
Series Code: IIWC
Program Code: IIWC202226S
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00:42 >> Welcome to It Is Written 00:44 Canada. 00:45 Falling in love and getting 00:47 married can be filled with fun, 00:49 I know that this is the case 00:51 for the two of us, however, 00:53 there are also bound to be 00:55 frustrations or even 00:56 irritations after a while 00:58 because after all, you are 01:01 sharing your life with another 01:02 human being who has his or her 01:05 own way of negotiating life. 01:08 >> Today we're going to 01:09 introduce you to three young 01:11 couples: Ceri and Nathan 01:13 Johnson, Abigail and James 01:15 Cleveland, Kevin and Shannon 01:18 Corrigan. 01:19 They are going to share their 01:21 personal journeys of how they 01:23 met, fell in love, got married 01:26 and now are negotiating both 01:28 the fun and the frustrations of 01:30 married life. 01:34 >> Ceri and Nathan, we're going 01:36 to begin with you, welcome to 01:38 It Is Written Canada. 01:39 >> Thanks for having us. 01:40 >> Yeah, thank you. 01:42 >> Ceri and Nathan, how long 01:43 did you know each other before 01:45 you got married? 01:47 >> We've known each other 01:48 almost half our lives. 01:49 >> Yeah. 01:51 We were both students at 01:52 Fountainview Academy in 01:53 Lillooet, British Columbia 01:55 and... 01:57 ...we knew each other, but we 01:58 weren't really friends and it 01:59 wasn't until we came back a few 02:02 years later to work at 02:04 Fountainview as-- me as a boys 02:07 dean and her as a girls dean in 02:09 the dormitories here. 02:11 >> Yeah, so we really got to 02:11 know each other then because we 02:12 were working on the same 02:13 projects, you know, going on 02:15 mission trips together, 02:16 camping, and that really gave 02:18 us the time and space to know 02:21 the good things and the bad 02:23 things and the stressful things 02:24 and our talents and God's gifts 02:26 and...yeah. 02:28 So... 02:28 >> So yeah, we worked with each 02:29 other for about eight years and 02:32 got to know each other well 02:33 before we got married, so... 02:36 >> I think we knew each other 02:39 before we got married about 20 02:41 years, a little more than 20 02:42 years. 02:43 Yeah, so it's been a long, 02:44 been a while. 02:45 My dad worked at Fountainview 02:48 Academy since I was about six 02:50 months old, maybe four months 02:51 old and so I've spent most of 02:53 my life here. 02:54 And then a couple years later, 02:57 Abigail's family moved to 02:58 Fountainview and that's when we 03:01 met each other I guess you 03:02 could say and we got to know 03:03 each other from then 'cause, 03:05 yeah, living on a campus that's 03:06 pretty small, you get to know 03:08 everybody so... 03:09 >> Yeah, for sure. 03:13 [chopping sounds and chatter] 03:15 [KEVIN] I think the first time 03:16 we met was in 2017 when 03:18 Shannon's family moved here to 03:19 Fountainview to work here. 03:21 But then we didn't spend time 03:23 together probably until the 03:24 summer before last, that's 03:26 probably when we started 03:27 hanging out together. 03:28 >> 'Cause he was at school so 03:30 we didn't-- yeah, in the U.S. 03:32 so we didn't see each other at 03:34 all until then and then came 03:37 back and started visiting a bit. 03:39 >> There was less than a year 03:41 before-- between when we 03:43 officially dated and got 03:43 married, right? 03:44 >> A few days over a year. 03:45 >> Few days over a year, so... 03:49 [NATHAN] I saw her 03:51 through the thick and the thin. 03:53 You know, we went on mission 03:54 trips together as staff with 03:56 the school, we 03:59 worked on lots of projects 04:00 together and... 04:03 You know there's a quote that 04:04 I've heard by a friend that 04:07 says, "Run the race that God 04:09 has for you and when you see 04:11 somebody running next to you, 04:13 you know that that's the one 04:13 for you." 04:14 And I saw her running 04:15 next to me. 04:18 >> Knowing if it's the one 04:22 I think has been something that 04:23 I worried about for a long time. 04:26 Actually when I was quite 04:28 little, like when I was 04:29 probably 4 or 5, I had a pretty 04:32 massive crush on Abigail and I 04:34 actually, my brother and I had 04:35 this little fort in the back 04:38 yard that we would play in and 04:39 one day I remember I had this 04:42 little secret note pad of paper 04:43 that we'd keep stashed in the-- 04:45 we had, like, a hole dug in the 04:47 ground... 04:48 ...and it's kind of embarrassing 04:49 to tell, but we-- I actually 04:51 wrote one day, "I will marry 04:53 Abigail some day," and I 04:54 stashed it in that paper and 04:56 stuffed it in the dirt. 05:00 [KEVIN] I knew Shannon was the 05:01 one over time, obviously, 05:03 wasn't all at once, but I think 05:05 an important thing for me was 05:07 before we even started dating, 05:08 I had been praying about it a 05:09 lot and I just wasn't certain 05:11 and I just asked God for direct 05:13 guidance, I felt like I didn't 05:14 wanna get into something that 05:15 wasn't the right thing. 05:17 And this quote from Messages to 05:18 Young People actually came to 05:20 mind where it says, "If the 05:22 relationship will help you 05:23 towards heaven, if it's gonna 05:25 be useful in this life..." 05:26 I actually went and got the 05:28 book out and started reading it 05:29 and I found it and I was like, 05:32 "Okay, I think God's saying, 05:33 'Move forward with this.'" 05:35 [CERI] He just felt like home 05:36 to me, you know... 05:38 He's similar to my dad, we also 05:40 had spent so much time 05:41 together, obviously, you feel 05:42 comfortable with the person you 05:44 spend a lot of time with. 05:46 Like he said, we did projects 05:47 together, we worked closely 05:48 together, I think those showed 05:51 our strengths and our 05:52 weaknesses and it just... 05:54 ...it just made it, yeah, 05:57 obvious. 05:59 [JAMES] I knew that I wanted to 06:00 marry her for a while and I 06:02 was-- I thought she was really 06:03 cute and she was a fun girl 06:05 'cause we did a lot of fun 06:06 things, our families together, 06:07 and... 06:07 >> We hung out a lot. 06:08 >> Yeah, we did. 06:09 And she was always able to hang 06:11 with the boys and, like, she 06:12 was as crazy as her brother and 06:14 my brother were so I thought 06:16 that was cool. 06:19 >> There's always those moments 06:19 you wonder, "Oh," you know, 06:21 "This doesn't seem right," or 06:23 whatever it is, but I was 06:24 encouraged, I felt like God was 06:25 leading me to it. 06:26 And I think the other important 06:27 thing for me was looking at 06:28 Shannon and realizing how 06:30 committed she was spiritually, 06:31 I knew that God was leading her 06:33 and I just knew for sure since 06:36 God was leading me, I could 06:38 feel it in my life that we 06:39 would know whether it'd be the 06:40 right thing or not as we went 06:41 along. 06:44 >> So did you know about this 06:46 5-year-old crush that James had 06:48 on you and that he had written, 06:50 "I want to marry Abigail 06:51 Corrigan?" 06:52 >> I didn't know at the time. 06:55 I think it kind of trickled 06:56 through the siblings a little 06:57 bit later. 06:58 I think your brother told one 06:59 of my sisters and she-- 07:02 The story I got is 07:03 that you said you loved me or 07:04 something, you wanted to tell 07:05 me that you loved me 07:07 or something like that. 07:08 Anyways, and I was a little 07:09 surprised, but I think in high 07:11 school I had a crush on you 07:14 for a while. 07:15 I didn't tell you that, but... 07:16 >> Nope. 07:17 >> ...and then... 07:17 >> We didn't talk about 07:18 anything... 07:18 >> No we hadn't. 07:19 >> ...until we were dating. 07:20 [laughs] 07:20 [ABIGAIL] Yeah. 07:22 >> I wasn't sure if Shannon 07:23 knew I liked her or not. 07:24 I think I had dropped a few 07:25 hints, but they weren't that 07:27 overly obvious. 07:27 We live in a tight-knit campus 07:30 here and I didn't want it to 07:32 really come back through the 07:33 back door that I liked Shannon 07:34 so I wanted to tell her dad 07:35 directly. 07:37 So I went and just said, "Hey, 07:38 I like Shannon and I don't know 07:39 her that well, but I wanna get 07:40 to know her." 07:42 >> I had gone to college in the 07:43 States and I moved back and 07:46 that's kinda when things 07:47 started. 07:48 And I worry a lot just in 07:51 general about everything so I 07:53 think I was really worried that 07:54 I would know if James was the 07:55 one or not. 07:57 >> I think I knew Kevin was 07:58 the one... 08:01 ...a lot of different things, 08:02 I think. 08:03 I had a list... [laughs] 08:06 ...that-- of things I thought 08:07 was really important to have in 08:09 someone. 08:10 You know, stuff was like, "Must 08:11 have, like, he must believe the 08:13 same as I believe and, you 08:15 know, love Jesus a lot," and 08:18 just other different things I 08:19 had, like, "Be active with me," 08:20 and, you know, just different 08:22 stuff like that that was really 08:23 important and when I started 08:25 getting to know him better and 08:26 I looked at the list, I was 08:27 like, "Oh yeah, he, like, ticks 08:28 everything." 08:31 >> I prayed about it a lot and 08:32 asked God to give me peace in 08:34 my heart if we should get 08:35 married and I did, I felt like 08:37 I had perfect peace about it so 08:38 I was like, "Yeah, he's 08:39 definitely the one." 08:40 That's definitely how I knew. 08:45 [RENÉ] And, Ceri, what is the 08:47 best part of being married 08:49 for you? 08:50 [CERI] Definitely just having a 08:51 best friend to do everything 08:52 with, you know? 08:53 You don't have to say good bye 08:54 to them ever, really, I mean, 08:55 you go to work, but we work 08:57 together so... [laughter] 08:59 But just someone to eat with, 09:01 someone to sit with when you go 09:02 to an event or sit down at 09:03 church... 09:05 ...someone to brush your teeth 09:06 with... [laughter] 09:07 Someone, you know, when you're 09:09 busy, they fold the laundry for 09:10 you or someone you would get up 09:11 early and make breakfast for. 09:13 Yeah, just a best friend. 09:16 >> I think it's not having to 09:18 say goodbye every evening. 09:20 We hung out a lot in the 09:22 evenings because you had work 09:24 during the day and I had school 09:26 during the day so you'd always 09:27 come over for supper often and 09:29 then we'd hang out in the 09:30 evening. 09:30 And we just always hated having 09:32 to say goodbye and then you had 09:33 a cold dirt bike ride back to 09:35 your house. 09:36 [laughs] 09:36 >> That's true. 09:37 >> So I think it's just really 09:39 special just to be able to live 09:40 together. 09:43 [SHANNON] I just think it's 09:44 really cool how you can have 09:45 someone that you, like, are 09:47 really dedicated to serving 09:48 Jesus together. 09:49 I just feel like being married 09:50 makes it so much more open 09:52 'cause you really see the bad 09:53 stuff and the things you 09:55 struggle with and you can work 09:56 through those things together 09:58 and just being with your best 10:00 friend every day. 10:01 Like, it's best friend, but, to 10:02 me, being married makes it, 10:04 like, a new meaning to best 10:06 friend, I don't know. 10:07 It's, like, way better. 10:10 >> When you'd get talking with 10:11 your best friend, it's so hard 10:12 to stop and there's always 10:14 something to talk about. 10:15 It's nice to just be at home 10:17 when we're talking and we can 10:18 talk as late as we wanna stay 10:19 up. [laughs] 10:22 [KEVIN] One thing is just being 10:23 able to live my life with my 10:25 best friend 'cause we get to 10:26 see each other so much more 10:27 often being married. 10:28 It's just nice to be able to be 10:29 close physically and mentally 10:33 and spiritually and hang out 10:35 with our friends and things 10:36 together and... 10:37 Yeah, just nice to be together 10:39 more. 10:41 [NATHAN] Just somebody to come 10:42 home to in the evening, 10:44 somebody who you can share your 10:45 day with, spend time with. 10:48 Just somebody who's your best 10:50 friend, yeah. 10:51 >> That is so critical. 10:54 John Gottman, well-known 10:56 researcher on marriage, he 10:58 talks about friendship as being 11:01 a very key component in making 11:04 a marriage work. 11:05 So I wanna ask you how-- what 11:08 kind of things do the two of 11:09 you do to make it work for you 11:11 to keep that fondness, that 11:13 closeness, and that friendship 11:16 growing and alive? 11:19 >> I think we're fortunate to 11:20 have a lot of the same hobbies 11:22 and our hobbies are very 11:23 practical, things that we need 11:24 to get done. 11:24 Gardening, we love gardening. 11:27 >> Trying to grow in our 11:30 friendship every day 11:31 intentionally I think is very 11:33 important. 11:34 For me, I'm busy, I like to 11:35 work so I have to actually 11:37 spend time-- 11:38 So in the morning I like to do 11:39 things that are helpful for 11:41 Shannon before I leave the 11:42 house, I think that's important 11:43 to her. 11:44 Like, if I remember to make the 11:45 bed, for example, or try to do 11:46 the dishes if I have extra time 11:48 or whatever it is, to make her 11:49 life a little easier. 11:52 >> I think one thing that helps 11:54 us continue to grow our 11:55 friendship and to get to know 11:56 each other is just literally 11:58 doing everything together. 12:00 So right now we're kinda 12:02 finishing up building our house 12:03 that we've-- that we live 12:04 in now. 12:05 It's a project I started a 12:06 couple years ago and when I'm 12:08 working on it, she'll just come 12:08 out and help me work on it. 12:10 When we were dating we'd do 12:11 that and even now and 12:12 if I have to go, you know, get 12:14 the boat ready for the summer, 12:15 like, we're out there doing it 12:16 together because it's 12:18 together fun. 12:20 [CERI] I love to grow all the 12:21 vegetables, garlic and onions 12:24 and raspberries and anything we 12:26 can grow here in our zone, 12:28 anything we can grow and eat. 12:30 We love processing food, we can 12:33 tons of fruit, pears for pear 12:37 sauce, we put on our waffles in 12:39 the fall. 12:40 But I-- what I like to grow 12:42 that maybe not everyone grows 12:43 is a lot of cut flowers, a cut 12:44 flower garden. 12:45 So dahlias and... 12:48 ...yeah, all of the flowers. 12:50 So the more the merrier. 12:51 We try to do a farmer's market 12:52 and bless a lot of people with 12:54 our bouquets. 12:56 >> You know, I wouldn't say 12:57 that flowers is necessarily my 12:59 passion... 13:00 >> Why not? 13:01 [laughter] 13:02 >> But... 13:04 ...but making Ceri happy is, 13:05 you know? 13:06 And I enjoy farming and so to 13:09 help her with that, I really 13:10 enjoy it. 13:11 [CERI] I couldn't do the garden 13:13 like I do without him. 13:15 You know what I mean? 13:16 So every day when I'm out there 13:17 gardening, I'm singing his 13:18 praises because I'm like, "If I 13:20 had to dig this trench like I 13:22 did before by hand, there's no 13:25 way I could have as much as I 13:27 have now." 13:29 So it just, by doing our 13:30 projects together, it just 13:31 makes us 13:32 appreciate each other more, 13:34 really. 13:37 [KEVIN] We like to do a lot of 13:38 things together, as many things 13:41 as possible. 13:42 Working out as often as we can, 13:45 we try to work together so if 13:46 we can both do the dishes 13:47 together and both do the 13:48 laundry together instead of one 13:49 doing the laundry and one doing 13:50 the dishes, that's more time 13:51 spent with each other. 13:53 Same with work, I'll try to 13:54 help her if she's behind on the 13:55 cooking on a day and she'll try 13:57 to help me if I need help. 13:58 Say, P.E. grades, for example, 14:00 it takes me forever, I'm a P.E. 14:02 teacher and doing that takes me 14:03 forever and she'll enter the 14:04 numbers on the computer while I 14:06 tell her what they're supposed 14:06 to be or whatever it is. 14:08 So just trying to be together 14:10 as often as possible, I think 14:12 helps a lot because we tend to 14:13 communicate a lot better that 14:14 way, a lot more often at least. 14:16 >> And you love dirt biking... 14:18 >> I do and she does, too. 14:19 >> Oh, that's what I wanted to 14:20 know! 14:21 >> I like to ride, better 14:21 than-- his bike rather than 14:23 riding my own. 14:24 >> She likes to ride behind me, 14:24 but I'm convincing her to learn 14:27 to ride. 14:28 She's pretty good now, so... 14:30 We're working on it. 14:30 [ABIGAIL] It's fun. 14:34 >> My dad, for most of his 14:37 career, was a-- was the music 14:38 director here at Fountainview 14:40 and so music has been a big 14:41 part of my life and 14:42 Abigail's, too. 14:43 She grew up singing and playing 14:45 violin and piano, too, so 14:47 we-- that's one thing that 14:49 brings us together as well. 14:51 >> A common interest for sure. 14:52 >> Yeah, a common interest and 14:54 now it's a common career 'cause 14:55 we both work to make the music 14:57 continue here at Fountainview. 15:01 [NATHAN] When we do projects 15:02 together, especially with 15:04 being-- working at a school, 15:07 Ceri's in charge of decorating 15:08 for events and stuff like that 15:10 and so she'll come up with the 15:11 idea for it and then I'll help 15:13 her make that idea. 15:15 So, you know, in that aspect 15:16 where, you know, like, she was 15:17 mentioning with the gardening, 15:19 she has the big picture and 15:21 then I help it come together. 15:23 I like to do the mechanical 15:24 stuff and get out in the field 15:26 and do it and she does more 15:27 like, you know, "Let's come up 15:28 with a cool name for it," or 15:30 "Let's package it this way." 15:33 >> You know, if we have to do 15:34 some recording in the evenings 15:35 together, I'll have her come 15:37 help me because she's my best 15:39 sound engineer so 15:40 that's...that's the way I think 15:42 that we continue to trust each 15:45 other more is because I think I 15:47 know her thought process better 15:49 than I would just some other 15:51 co-worker. 15:54 But, yeah, it also brings its 15:55 own challenges of knowing, you 15:57 know, we're working now and 15:59 then when you go home, we're at 16:00 home now, we're-- 16:01 >> To leave work. 16:02 >> It's hard to leave work, 16:03 too, especially when you're 16:03 both involved in it, so... 16:05 'Cause we could be doing work 16:06 all evening just, if we look at 16:08 our emails, I mean, there's... 16:10 You-- I think you can 16:11 understand how it-- that's-- 16:12 that brings its own... 16:13 >> Challenges. 16:14 >> Challenge, yeah, for sure, 16:15 but, I think it's-- 16:16 [RENÉ] We know what that's like, 16:16 don't we? [laughter] 16:17 'Cause we work together, too, 16:19 so we also have to-- 16:20 But I understand what you're 16:21 saying, like, when you come 16:22 home, work has to stay at the 16:26 building or at the office, 16:27 right, so no emails because 16:29 otherwise it can go on all 16:32 night, you know? 16:33 Especially for us now, because 16:35 we don't have children at home 16:36 anymore and you don't have 16:38 children yet and so, you know, 16:40 so you can get so wrapped 16:42 up in it. 16:42 >> Yeah. 16:46 >> How important is laughter in 16:48 your marriage? 16:50 >> It's very important, I think. 16:53 But I think what gives us the 16:54 ability to have that laughter 16:56 and that joy is having a 16:57 general sense of happiness. 16:59 So if I myself am willing to do 17:01 what it takes to make our 17:02 marriage just generally happy, 17:04 it makes it easy for the 17:06 laughter to flow out. 17:09 >> I think if I was not 17:11 laughing I think I would notice 17:12 it after a while, like, that 17:14 something was... 17:15 ...off in my heart because, 17:18 I mean, I think laughter is 17:19 just... 17:20 ...me releasing some of my 17:23 stupidity out. [laughs] 17:27 >> For me, I don't know, like, 17:28 having fun together is really 17:30 important, you know? 17:31 It's good to be able to, like, 17:32 have serious conversations and, 17:35 like, be serious together about 17:37 stuff, but I think it's fun-- 17:39 it's good when we can just 17:40 laugh together and laugh at the 17:42 silly mistakes we make and, you 17:44 know, I think laughing is a big 17:46 part of having fun. 17:48 >> You know, I-- you know, we 17:50 try to pick up on what the 17:51 other person enjoys, right? 17:53 So I know that she enjoys, you 17:56 know, having a clean house and 17:57 so we try to strive to have 17:59 that because, you know, when 18:00 the house is a clutter, it can 18:02 be stressful for her, right? 18:03 >> Everything else falls apart. 18:04 >> Yeah. [laughs] 18:05 >> So, and then we're able to 18:07 have that happiness and that 18:09 laughter comes out naturally, 18:11 right? 18:12 >> I think we all have a bit of 18:13 a front and the closer you get 18:15 to someone, the more you realize 18:17 that sometimes and it's just, 18:18 it's good to know who the other 18:19 person is and actually 18:21 experience close moments 18:24 together and laughing is just 18:25 one of those things that 18:27 happens when you're being 18:29 causal and just being with the 18:31 other person. 18:33 >> So how similar is your sense 18:36 of humour? 18:38 >> I don't think it's very 18:38 similar. 18:39 [laughter] 18:41 I feel like I laugh because I 18:43 think you laughing at something 18:45 is funny and I don't know how 18:46 you find it so funny. 18:49 >> And do you have the same 18:51 sense of humour? 18:52 >> I don't think entirely, 18:54 although I definitely-- if 18:56 Shannon's trying to be funny on 18:57 purpose, I definitely end up 18:58 laughing at it. 19:00 [laughter] 19:03 >> Are you different in your 19:05 sense of humour? 19:06 Is it the same? 19:07 >> It's... [laughter] 19:08 It's definitely different, 19:09 but as we... 19:12 ...well, even dating, but even 19:13 more in our marriage, it's been 19:15 kinda merging, you know? 19:18 It's cool how it has been, but 19:20 yeah, it's been kinda merging. 19:21 >> I used to be stressed about 19:22 that before we were dating, 19:24 like, "Is our humour enough the 19:25 same, are we gonna laugh 19:26 enough?" 'cause that is really 19:27 important. 19:28 But now that we're married, 19:31 it's just so much easier. 19:32 When you're dating, you're 19:33 trying to figure out, do I 19:34 really wanna marry this person? 19:35 Like, is this for sure 19:36 God's will? 19:36 You know, you're a little 19:37 stressed on some of those 19:38 things, but now that we're 19:40 married, like, all of those 19:41 questions are, you know, we 19:43 decided and now we just flow 19:44 and it's so much fun. 19:47 >> One area of challenge that 19:50 many couples face is 19:52 resentments and it's kind of 19:53 like a pebble that gets in your 19:55 shoe and it's very annoying to 19:57 begin with, but if those 19:58 resentments grow, then it 20:00 becomes painful. 20:02 I mean, we are different from 20:03 each other, but how do we keep 20:04 them from overwhelming us and 20:08 removing that love that you 20:09 once had for each other? 20:11 >> We, early on, established 20:14 the fact that if things aren't 20:16 how we expect them to be, we'll 20:18 talk about it. 20:19 When we were dating, we would 20:20 talk about all sorts of things, 20:22 like, it was-- I think talking 20:24 about things that were, you 20:27 know, maybe something that in 20:28 my mind I was, like, concerned 20:29 about or, you know, like, I was 20:30 unsure about, at first it's 20:32 like, "Okay, I'm not sure, this 20:33 is kinda awkward," but once you 20:34 talk about it, it's not 20:35 awkward, like, that's-- then I 20:38 had the answer to my question 20:39 or I had the background to the 20:41 way she thought about 20:43 something, yeah, or related to 20:44 some things. 20:46 >> I think communicating has 20:48 been very important for us. 20:50 It's easy, at least for the two 20:53 of us, to tell the other 20:54 person, "Oh," you know, "thanks 20:55 so much, that was so sweet of 20:57 you, it was so nice," but to 20:58 tell the other person, "Hey, 21:00 when you do such-and-such I 21:01 find it kind of annoying" or, 21:03 you know, "Why did you work out 21:05 in the morning without me? 21:06 Like, I wanted to work out with 21:07 you this evening." 21:08 You know, communicating 21:10 negative things in a way that's 21:12 not too emotional, but allows 21:14 the other person to know you 21:15 weren't impressed is very 21:16 helpful 'cause then we can talk 21:18 about them. 21:20 >> There's definitely 21:21 communication that needs to 21:22 happen in there. 21:24 But I think it's also what some 21:27 people call, like, "the crazy 21:28 cycle" where I don't love her 21:30 because she doesn't show me 21:31 respect, she doesn't show me 21:32 respect because I don't love 21:33 her and so it's just continuous 21:35 cycle and so when you get in 21:37 that, that's how I think that 21:39 pebble can get worse and worse 21:40 and worse. 21:41 But when you look at it, "What 21:43 can I do to make her happy?" 21:45 "What can she do to respect 21:47 me?" that changes it, right? 21:50 And so if you're focused on the 21:51 other person and not self, 21:53 I think that's the best...the 21:55 best way. 21:57 >> Everybody does things in a 21:58 different way, like, the way I 22:01 clean the bathroom might bother 22:02 Abigail, but if she doesn't tell 22:04 me that, I'm gonna keep doing 22:05 it the same way, like, that's-- 22:07 I mean, it's just a dumb 22:08 example, but... 22:10 Yeah, talking about things 22:12 before they become a problem. 22:15 >> It's just important to be 22:16 able to talk about positive and 22:17 negative things and especially 22:19 when you talk about negative 22:20 things, not to have an 22:21 emotional fuss that keeps you 22:23 from actually communicating 22:25 about them. 22:27 I know I find that helpful for 22:28 me, we've gotten better for 22:29 sure as-- over the last six 22:31 months at saying negative 22:33 things in a way that we can 22:35 actually talk about them so we 22:37 can get past those things. 22:41 >> There's the other side of 22:41 it, too, knowing what things 22:43 are pebbles and what things 22:44 aren't pebbles, too, 'cause 22:45 there's some things that, like, 22:46 I might just not do the same 22:49 way, but is that gonna be a 22:51 pebble? 22:52 Like, sometimes you have to 22:53 just decide, "Am I gonna say 22:54 something about that or am I 22:56 just gonna let that not even 22:57 bother me?" 22:59 >> So let's take the cleaning 23:01 the bathroom example, okay? 23:04 So say Abigail likes you to 23:06 clean the bathroom a certain 23:07 way, could she-- if she were to 23:10 say to you, "James, I really 23:11 don't like it when you do it 23:13 this way." 23:14 Is there a better way of her 23:15 approaching you do you think? 23:19 >> Maybe not, I mean, for me 23:21 she's just gonna have to 23:21 tell me. [laughter] 23:23 I might be like, "Are you 23:24 kidding me?" at first because, 23:26 like, this is how all bathrooms 23:28 are cleaned, forever, amen, 23:29 but... 23:30 It doesn't cause me any damage, 23:32 like, I can change, I mean, for 23:36 the sake of the example, I 23:37 could change how I clean the 23:38 bathroom, it doesn't bother me. 23:39 It's not a deal, it's just a 23:41 thing, like, it's just a 23:42 conversation before-- 23:44 It goes back to that pebble in 23:45 the shoe thing, it's like, I 23:46 haven't developed a blister 23:48 yet, it's just, "Oh, I noticed 23:51 it... [laughs] 23:52 ...gonna deal with it." 23:53 >> Yeah, so not getting into 23:54 that area of contempt where 23:55 you're putting the other person 23:56 down, but you're saying, "This 23:58 is how I feel and how do you 24:00 feel about it?" 24:01 Having those difficult 24:02 conversations, not an easy 24:03 thing to do. 24:07 >> I also think to overcome 24:09 that gridlock is to share your 24:11 dreams with each other, you 24:13 know, and if you have a dream, 24:16 Nathan will want to fill it, 24:18 like, you're, "Absolutely, 24:19 let's do that!" and I think if 24:21 we share dreams and not keep 24:24 our dreams a secret from each 24:26 other and this is where the 24:27 communication comes in, like 24:29 you mentioned, Nathan, you need 24:31 to communicate and share dreams 24:34 and help each other, you know, 24:35 to fulfill those dreams. 24:37 >> And I know that's something 24:38 that we realized, right, and we 24:40 talked about, we're like, "We 24:42 need to work on communication," 24:43 and so we have been striving 24:45 'cause we realize that that was 24:46 a weak point and so we have 24:48 been working in that area and 24:50 we have seen huge improvements. 24:52 You know, it's just every 24:53 month, every day, there's just-- 24:55 we love each other more 24:56 and more. 24:58 >> I wanna ask you about your 24:59 dreams. 25:01 Individually your dreams, but 25:02 your dreams for your future, 25:04 for your marriage. 25:05 >> Yeah, I think something that 25:06 we've talked about that we 25:07 would really like, we both 25:08 enjoy, like, I have my own farm 25:12 and she has the flower 25:13 business, we would like to have 25:14 some kind of small business 25:17 that reaches out to the 25:18 community and to those around. 25:21 I feel like, you know, you can 25:23 reach a lot of people through 25:25 lots of different ministries, 25:26 through door-to-door work and 25:27 stuff, but I feel like one way 25:29 that we reach people easily is 25:32 one-on-one conversations, 25:33 people we work with. 25:35 So that's kinda something that 25:36 we would like to have a 25:37 business that's focused on, you 25:40 know, farming business, 25:41 whatever, but that's focused on 25:43 the people in the community and 25:44 reaching out to them. 25:46 And plus, you know, we like to 25:47 live in the country so... 25:49 >> We were both raised in the 25:50 country and we don't think we 25:52 can do it any other way, so... 25:53 [both laugh] 25:54 >> So we've come to the end of 25:56 our time on this episode 25:58 together and I just wanna thank 26:01 you for being so vulnerable and 26:03 for sharing and for actually 26:06 encouraging others through your 26:08 example of how to love 26:10 your marriage. 26:12 Let's pray. 26:13 Father in heaven, we thank You 26:14 so much that You have told us 26:16 in Your Word that You are love 26:20 and that it is not good for 26:23 man, for a woman to be alone 26:25 and so You have created 26:27 marriage and You have shown us 26:31 how through these three 26:33 wonderful couples, these young 26:35 couples, how You are making 26:38 them happy and through them 26:41 that You want to tell the 26:44 world, to tell all those who 26:45 are watching and encourage them 26:47 within their marriages that 26:49 they can have the same kind of 26:50 happiness through a commitment 26:52 to You and trusting You to lead 26:54 them day by day. 26:56 We thank You for hearing us and 26:57 for answering our prayer. 26:58 In Jesus' name, amen. 27:00 [NATHAN] Amen. 27:03 >> Those three young couples, 27:05 Ceri and Nathan, Abigail and 27:07 James, and Kevin and Shannon, 27:09 have honestly shared how they're 27:12 negotiating both the fun and 27:14 the frustrations of married 27:16 life and it's obvious that they 27:19 really do love being married. 27:22 So the title of our free offer 27:24 for you is How To Love Your 27:26 Marriage. 27:27 >> If you are looking for 27:28 meaningful solutions, How To 27:31 Love Your Marriage offers 27:32 Biblical answers and practical 27:35 tips for improving your 27:37 marriage. 27:38 Learn how to reclaim intimacy 27:41 with your spouse and ten ways t 27:44 renew your marital happiness. 27:49 Before you go, we would like to 27:51 invite you to follow us on 27:52 Instagram and Facebook and 27:55 subscribe to our YouTube 27:56 channel and also listen to our 27:59 Podcasts. 28:00 And if you go to our website, 28:02 you can see our latest programs. 28:05 >> Friends, we want you to 28:08 experience the truth that is 28:09 found in the words of Jesus 28:11 when He said, "It is written, 28:13 'Man shall not live by bread 28:15 alone, but by every word that 28:17 proceeds out of the mouth 28:19 of God.'" 28:20 ♪♪ |
Revised 2023-04-28