Participants:
Series Code: IIWC
Program Code: IIWC202402S
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00:04 >> "Daddy...why doesn't Mommy
00:06 love you anymore?" 00:09 And that broke my heart. 00:10 That was the first time 00:11 it kind of [snaps finger] 00:12 snapped me out of that 00:13 daze or that fog or that... 00:15 We just wept together. 00:16 And I said, you know, 00:17 "I don't know." 00:20 [theme music playing] 00:23 ♪♪ 00:55 [gentle guitar music playing] 00:58 ♪♪ 01:01 >> Welcome to It Is Written 01:02 Canada. 01:03 Thank you for joining us. 01:04 Marlon and Doreen Cliffe have 01:07 been married for over 30 years 01:09 and have two beautiful grown 01:11 children. 01:13 Their passion is to help build 01:15 and restore relationships using 01:17 evidence-based research, 01:19 the Bible, and their own 01:21 personal experiences to share 01:23 how you can have a marriage 01:26 of your dreams. 01:29 >> Their enthusiasm for 01:31 restoring relationships comes 01:33 from their own story of a 01:35 failing marriage. 01:37 They know the frustration 01:39 of a lonely, 01:40 disconnected marriage 01:42 with the ongoing feelings 01:44 of hopelessness. 01:46 of hopelessness. 01:47 The good news is that they have 01:49 also experienced restoration and 01:52 happiness in their marriage, 01:54 and they love showing how you 01:57 can experience it, too. 02:00 [MIKE] Marlon and Doreen Cliffe 02:01 are our special guests on It Is 02:03 Written Canada today. 02:04 They are certified Gottman 02:06 educators for the Seven 02:08 Principles for Making Marriage 02:10 Work, certified Prepare 02:12 Enrich facilitators, 02:15 Caring For the Heart Ministries 02:17 lay counsellors, and marriage 02:20 wellness coaches. 02:22 >> Marlon and Doreen, thank you 02:24 for joining us on It Is Written 02:26 Canada today. 02:28 >> We're happy to be here. 02:29 >> Mmm, yes, it's our pleasure. 02:31 [MIKE] Marlon, Doreen, 02:33 take us back. 02:33 Tell us a bit about 02:34 how you first met. 02:36 >> Mmm, we met in school, 02:39 and I was age 15 02:41 and Doreen was age 14. 02:43 And she was on a gymnastic team 02:45 that the school had. 02:47 And I remember going to the home 02:48 show and I saw Doreen walking 02:51 across the gymnasium floor 02:53 on her hands, and I was like, 02:55 "Wow, this girl is amazing." 02:57 She's super athletic, she was 02:58 super cute. 02:59 And I, you know, it was that 03:00 love at first sight. 03:01 I fell in love and she was just 03:02 yeah, beautiful. 03:04 >> Yeah, and then we had a 03:06 school banquet. 03:08 And Marlin came to me and he had 03:11 enough courage, you could see he 03:12 was so nervous to ask me: "Would 03:14 you go with me to this banquet?" 03:17 And I was kind of surprised 03:19 because I didn't think of going 03:20 with him. 03:21 I was thinking of somebody else. 03:23 >> You were? 03:24 >> But I said yes. [laughs] 03:26 >> Okay... 03:27 And I had been watching The Love 03:29 Boat, you know, and I learned 03:30 Boat, you know, and I learned 03:31 everything about love from 03:32 that series. 03:33 And, you know, when the doc 03:36 would take the lady back to the 03:37 room at night, he would always 03:39 give her a kiss, and then you 03:40 would see these fireworks over 03:42 the ship and I thought, "Wow, 03:43 okay, this..." 03:44 So after a date, it went very 03:45 well and I didn't spilled any 03:46 spaghetti sauce on me so it was 03:48 going well, I thought it was 03:48 good, so... 03:49 When I walked her home to the 03:50 door and I got to the door and I 03:53 gave her this big, beautiful, 03:55 romantic kiss and 03:58 there were fireworks. 03:59 >> Not the kind of fireworks 04:01 I was expecting. 04:03 >> Nor I. 04:04 >> It sounded like a cow pulling 04:06 its foot out of the mud. 04:07 Not what I expected my first 04:09 kiss to sound like. 04:10 >> But it was supposed to be. 04:11 That was romantic. 04:12 It was supposed to be loud. 04:13 That's what I learned. 04:13 It was supposed to be "Mm-wah!" 04:15 Like that, you know? 04:16 >> Okay. Yes. 04:17 So that just started, you know, 04:19 our five years of silent 04:21 treatment. 04:23 I really didn't wanna 04:25 speak to him. 04:26 I didn't wanna see him because 04:28 he put fear in me. 04:29 I wasn't expecting a kiss, 04:31 right, I was only 14. 04:33 I'm like, "What is going on 04:35 with this guy? 04:36 I'm afraid to even be 04:37 in his presence. 04:38 Maybe he'll kiss me again." 04:40 >> Yeah, so I wasn't expecting 04:41 the door to be shut in my face. 04:42 So it was kind─ of we kind of 04:44 avoided each other in the halls. 04:45 And then we each both 04:46 ended up moving. 04:47 I went to another school 04:48 eventually, and 04:49 she went and moved away. 04:50 So we didn't see each other. 04:51 We had a kind of a silent 04:52 treatment. 04:53 For five years, we didn't talk. 04:55 >> Wow. Five years. 04:56 That's a long time. 04:57 [MARLON] It is. 04:57 >> And what broke the silence? 04:59 >> We met up in college again, 05:02 decided to go back to college 05:03 the same place, same year. 05:06 And I saw him across the room 05:09 and I wanted to turn around 05:11 and just ignore him, but I knew 05:13 he saw me. 05:14 >> So I ran over and 05:16 I'm thinking, "Wow, this girl 05:17 has turned out pretty fine." 05:19 And I wanted to get 05:20 to talk to her. 05:21 So I ran over and talked to her, 05:22 and it was a brief comment, and 05:23 that's that's how we, I guess 05:24 our first time after seeing each 05:25 other in five years. 05:27 >> And I saw him, you know, over 05:28 that year of going to college 05:30 together, some on and off and 05:32 kind of saw the life he was 05:33 living and I thought, "Boy, this 05:36 boy needs Jesus..." 05:37 >> Mmm, I did. 05:38 >> ...because I could see that 05:40 he had lost his faith. 05:42 So I decided to invite him to 05:44 church activities. 05:45 He would say yes, but he 05:46 wouldn't show up. 05:48 I'd ask him again, same 05:50 scenario. 05:51 Then one time he showed up 05:53 and then he kept showing up 05:55 every time after 05:57 when I asked him. 05:58 And we just developed this 06:01 friendship over about a year. 06:03 That's kind of where we 06:04 started our friendship. 06:07 >> And people would ask us, 06:09 "Are you guys, are you seeing 06:10 each other?" 06:11 I said, "No, we're just 06:12 friends," right? 06:13 And that's─ we were, just really 06:13 truly friends. 06:14 >> At the end of the school 06:15 year, I wanted to go visit a 06:17 university, Walla Walla 06:19 University in Washington, 06:21 because I was thinking of going 06:22 there for the next year. 06:24 So I invited him, "Would you 06:26 like to come?" 06:27 So we went and I visited a 06:30 friend that was going there, 06:31 and then we went through 06:33 a park that was really beautiful 06:35 in the afternoon. 06:36 >> As we're walking along, she 06:38 grabbed me and then she tackled 06:40 me to the ground, said, 06:40 "Are we gonna date or what?" 06:43 And I'm like, "Okay, just don't 06:45 hurt me. Let's date," 06:46 and, you know. 06:47 So yeah, that's how we began our 06:48 dating, it was... 06:49 So she asked me this time, so 06:51 I didn't have to worry about 06:52 asking her, so... 06:53 >> Yeah, no rejection, hey? 06:55 >> No fear of rejection, yeah. 06:56 >> Yes, yeah. 06:57 >> And then how did the 06:58 relationship progress 07:00 from there? 07:01 [MARLIN] Hmmm... 07:02 >> Well, it happened pretty 07:03 quickly. 07:04 Within three months, he had 07:06 asked me to marry him. 07:09 So I didn't even really... 07:12 ...feel like, "Oh, this wasn't 07:14 the man for me." 07:15 I really felt like he was the 07:16 man for me. 07:18 So I said yes. 07:20 And then about a year later, in 07:22 1989, we were married. 07:23 1989, we were married. 07:25 [RENÉ] And then, 07:26 Marlon and Doreen, 07:28 was it happy ever after? 07:31 >> It was at the beginning. 07:34 However, I have to be honest, 07:36 in the first year there were 07:39 some things that came up. 07:41 So we were on a two week 07:43 honeymoon that only lasted one 07:44 week because at the end of that 07:47 week, Marlon went to the ATM 07:49 machine to withdraw money 07:51 and he looked at his bank 07:52 account and he said, "Okay, 07:55 Honey, we need to go home." 07:56 I'm like, "What do you mean we 07:57 need to go home? 07:59 We have another week." 08:01 >> We just graduated from 08:03 university and we, you know, we 08:04 didn't have a lot of money, we 08:05 didn't have jobs, we didn't 08:06 really have a place to live. 08:07 So I started to feel already the 08:09 stress of, you know, having to 08:11 be responsible for my new bride. 08:13 And so I decided, you know, 08:14 maybe we should get home and go 08:16 find a job and start before our 08:18 money depletes. 08:19 So, yeah, I was getting a little 08:20 stressed and I said, "Yes, let's 08:21 cut our honeymoon." 08:22 [DOREEN] And I realized that for 08:24 him, changing plans spur of the 08:26 moment was great, but for me, I 08:28 was a planner. 08:29 So a lot of our conflict really 08:32 revolved around this, and we 08:34 weren't sure really how to 08:35 navigate through it. 08:38 So we were married for about 12 08:39 years, started a family, 08:43 and then shortly after that 08:44 we built a house on an acreage. 08:47 And we─ his job was going really 08:50 well so I decided to stay home 08:53 and take care of the kids and 08:54 homeschool them. 08:56 And it was a really tough 08:58 transition for me to leave 09:00 career behind 09:02 and then move into family life, 09:04 because I kind of felt like, 09:06 "Oh, where was my self-worth?" 09:08 And this kind of came out in our 09:10 relationship and created some 09:12 tension because I no longer was 09:14 earning an income. 09:16 So what do I have 09:17 to bring to the table in our 09:19 relationship financially? 09:21 There was all these moments of 09:22 tension that kind of built up 09:24 over time, but we were so active 09:27 in the community doing health 09:29 and wellness seminars, active in 09:31 our church, and people often 09:33 described us as the perfect 09:36 power couple. 09:38 And they just looked at us like 09:40 everything was perfect for us. 09:42 But when we walked through the 09:44 doors of our home, life started 09:46 to change year after year. 09:49 >> As we started to disconnect, 09:50 we became more like roommates 09:52 than a married couple. 09:53 And, you know, it was─ it 09:54 wasn't─ there were some good 09:55 times, there were some 09:56 bad times. 09:57 But overall, we just started 09:58 drifting further and further 10:00 apart and just started 10:00 disconnecting and became busier 10:02 with church activities or 10:03 helping people and 10:05 just sports, different things. 10:07 And we just started really 10:08 disconnecting over time. 10:10 [DOREEN] Chores became 10:11 a conflict 10:12 in our family life. 10:14 And I just felt like 10:17 I wasn't being turned towards, 10:19 my bids to─ for help. 10:21 My love language is acts of 10:23 service so if you do something 10:24 for me, well, I feel loved. 10:27 His was quality time and 10:29 physical touch. 10:30 So I was always saying, "Come 10:31 help me, come help me," and he 10:33 was bidding, "Come, let's slow 10:34 down, let's take time." 10:36 And we would just clash 10:38 in the midst of that. 10:40 So I just kept saying, 10:41 "Be a man of action." 10:42 The louder I got, 10:45 the more he withdrew. 10:47 >> Was there a breaking point 10:49 where you just felt like 10:50 giving up? 10:51 [DOREEN] There was. 10:52 In my mind, about every five 10:54 years I would rehearse in my 10:56 mind, why am I here? 10:57 Why am I doing this? 10:59 And at 24 years, 11:01 I just felt like 11:03 I was not being heard. 11:06 I wasn't being understood. 11:09 My desires and my needs 11:11 weren't really being seen. 11:13 They were just, you know, I 11:15 would speak them, it would 11:15 bounce off of him is how 11:17 I was feeling. 11:19 And, you know, we─ it created a 11:21 lot of hurt in my heart. 11:24 One of my biggest needs 11:25 was travel. 11:26 I was that little girl who would 11:27 have the atlas on my lap, and I 11:29 would point to all the areas 11:30 that I wanted to travel. 11:33 And I would make the bid to 11:34 travel, but he would reject 11:37 the bid. 11:39 And, you know, then he would 11:40 make bids for me, "Let's spend 11:42 some time. 11:43 Let's forget about the work." 11:44 And I would reject his bid. 11:47 And it just eventually put such 11:49 a wedge into our marriage that 11:52 we just, all we saw was a chasm, 11:55 and we didn't know how to get 11:56 across to each other. 11:57 [MARLON] We just became into a 11:58 negative perspective. 11:59 It just became─ the wedge grew 12:02 bigger and bigger and 12:03 even though I didn't think 12:04 of ending the relationship, 12:06 I wasn't being fulfilled or I 12:07 said, "Ugh, she doesn't really 12:08 love me," and I felt, you know, 12:10 the rejection kept on getting 12:11 stronger and stronger. 12:12 But, you know, for better or for 12:14 worse, so I was in it for the 12:15 long haul and committed 12:17 even though I wasn't 12:18 necessarily happy. 12:19 [MIKE] Mm-hmm. 12:20 >> Yeah, one morning at about 12:21 2 a.m., I noticed that 12:24 Doreen wasn't in bed. 12:25 She was up. 12:26 So I went down to find her. 12:27 She was downstairs and 12:29 came downstairs and she was on 12:30 her computer, and I was saying, 12:31 "Honey, is there anything wrong? 12:33 What─ you're not sleeping well." 12:35 >> Yeah, this was my opportunity 12:36 to finally tell him I was done. 12:38 So I said to him, "I want a 12:40 divorce. 12:41 I'm done." 12:43 So I went on to explain 12:46 that I had booked my flight 12:48 to Florida. 12:49 You know, I love travel. 12:52 And so, of course, where would 12:53 I go? 12:54 I would go someplace warm where 12:56 I wanted to be. 12:58 And I had enrolled in school 13:00 because I needed to change my 13:01 career, I needed to be able to 13:03 earn enough money. 13:04 So I was going into massage 13:06 therapy and making plans for the 13:08 children to come live with me. 13:11 >> So I was kind of blindsided. 13:12 I knew things, you know, we had 13:13 our problems, I wasn't thinking 13:15 divorce, so I was... 13:17 ...I was shocked. 13:18 And I pleaded with her, you 13:20 know, "Please stay, Honey," 13:21 and, you know, 13:22 "We can make this work. 13:23 We'll go to another course, 13:24 right, we can go see Mike and 13:25 René Lemon and... 13:26 We'll go to another course or 13:28 do, you know, Procedure for Love 13:29 course, or do something or take 13:30 a video or go to counselling. 13:31 There's just─ we can make this 13:32 work, right. 13:32 It's, you know, what about the 13:33 kids and... 13:34 And she was pretty... 13:36 When Doreen makes up her mind, 13:37 she's made up her mind. 13:39 And I couldn't convince her 13:40 as much as I, you know, tried to 13:41 plead with her, so... 13:43 At that point, I was actually 13:44 going through Crohn's disease, 13:46 I'd been diagnosed the year 13:47 before, so I was actually having 13:48 some health consequences 13:50 and I lost a lot of weight, 13:51 so I wasn't feeling well 13:52 at that time. 13:54 So, you know, this whole 13:55 process, I was really─ I fell 13:57 into a deep state of depression. 13:59 And, there was, for several, 14:01 it was one or two months where 14:03 I remember just going to work. 14:05 I'd drive to work 14:06 and I'd get to work, 14:07 I would open my office door, 14:09 and then I would close my 14:11 office door and sit in front o─ 14:12 turn my computer on and stare 14:13 for eight hours at my screen, 14:15 not being able to focus, not 14:16 being able to think, not being 14:17 able to concentrate and just 14:19 thinking, "I have no hope. 14:21 I have no life. 14:22 My wife is gone. 14:23 My health is gone. 14:25 My career was gonna 14:26 come to an end. 14:27 They had actually just given us 14:28 notice that we were bought out 14:29 by another corporation so I was 14:30 possibly losing my job. 14:32 So I just felt hopeless, 14:34 despair. 14:34 And I'm just, yeah, I broke 14:37 really hard and fell into really 14:39 deep state of depression. 14:41 And that month, I don't even 14:43 remember hardly anything 14:44 about it. 14:45 I just remember feeling hopeless 14:46 and no hope. 14:47 >> So you were feeling hopeless. 14:49 What brought you out of that 14:51 and kind of woke you up and 14:52 said, "Hey, I gotta work on 14:53 this, I've got to do something 14:55 about it?" 14:56 [MARLON] Right. 14:57 Yeah, one morning I was getting 14:58 up to make waffles and went to 14:59 get my children, and my daughter 15:01 was missing. 15:02 And we lived on an acreage, so I 15:03 thought, "Oh no, what happened?" 15:04 So I went outside, I was looking 15:06 around for my daughter, and I 15:07 found her on the stairs. 15:08 And she was she was weeping. 15:10 She was just sobbing and taking 15:11 these deep breaths and she 15:12 finally spit it out and said, 15:14 "Daddy, why doesn't Mommy love 15:16 you anymore?" 15:18 And that broke my heart. 15:20 That was the first time it 15:21 kind of [snaps fingers] 15:21 snapped me out of that 15:23 daze or that fog or that... 15:25 And I─ we just wept together. 15:26 And I said, you know, 15:27 "I don't know." 15:29 It triggered me. 15:30 After we got up and had 15:31 breakfast, I went down to my 15:32 office and I just started 15:34 praying, "Lord, what is 15:36 happening?" and you know, "Why 15:37 doesn't my wife love me? 15:39 Show me." 15:40 And, at that point, He led me to 15:42 three scriptures that I 15:44 started reading. 15:46 And the first one was the Love 15:47 Chapter, right, I Corinthians 15:49 13, you know, verses 4 through 15:51 7, you know, "Love is patient, 15:53 love is kind..." 15:54 And I'm reading through that 15:56 and a lot of times we don't read 15:58 verse 8, "Love never 16:01 fails." 16:02 And I said, "That's not true, 16:04 God, love fails. 16:06 Look at my marriage." 16:07 Everybody around us was getting 16:08 divorced and I just didn't see 16:10 an example of love. 16:12 So I said, "Yeah, love fails." 16:14 And, you know, that quiet, 16:15 still, small voice when God 16:16 speaks to us, He says, "Marlon, 16:19 My love doesn't fail. 16:21 Your love failed. 16:24 Go back and read it again. 16:25 You know, "Love is patient. 16:27 Love is kind..." 16:28 "Marlon, were you always patient 16:30 with Doreen?" 16:31 "Mmm, okay, Lord, maybe a 16:33 six out of ten." 16:35 "Were you always kind 16:36 to Doreen?" 16:38 "Ugh, you know, okay..." 16:39 So as I started reading through 16:41 each one and I came to, you 16:43 know, "Love is not 16:44 self-seeking." 16:46 I thought, "Oh man," I realized 16:47 I had been selfish. 16:49 You know, sometimes we 16:51 want to be loved, 16:53 not to love. 16:55 And as I keep reading through 16:56 that, I think I understand, 16:58 I have not been loving my wife. 17:00 And as I was reading Ephesians 17:01 5:25, it just says... 17:11 A life of giving, 17:13 not getting. 17:14 You know, as I read that, again, 17:16 I had not loved my wife as 17:18 Christ loved the church, and it 17:20 was about getting, not giving. 17:21 So again, it reminded me that 17:23 love is about giving. 17:24 And that's where I first started 17:24 to, "Okay, Lord..." 17:26 I started to understand the 17:27 concept of what real love is, 17:29 is I give 100% not expecting 17:32 anything in return. 17:33 At that point, you know, I 17:34 decided to pursue love. 17:36 Verse 14, er, chapter 14, 17:38 verse one goes on, you know, 17:39 "Pursue love." 17:41 And I made that point in that 17:43 decision at that time, "I'm 17:44 gonna pursue love, I'm gonna 17:45 pursue my wife." 17:47 And I went to Google and I typed 17:48 in, you know, the next step, you 17:49 know, like all men do, "How to 17:50 get your wife back." 17:52 And amazingly, I actually came 17:53 across an ad that says, 17:55 you know, "How to get your 17:56 wife back." 17:57 And, so I signed up to the 17:59 program and I reached out, it 18:01 was a program down in Weimar, 18:02 California, Dr. Nedley, a 18:04 depression and anxiety program. 18:06 But at the time, I didn't 18:06 realize it was strictly for 18:09 depression, anxiety. 18:10 At that time, I thought it was 18:11 for getting your wife back, 18:13 a relationship program. 18:14 So I invited my wife to attend 18:16 and she said no. 18:18 I asked three times and finally 18:19 she said, "If you're gonna pay 18:20 for it, I've always wanted to go 18:22 there and check it out anyways. 18:23 So yeah, I'll come." 18:25 You know, after we got there, 18:27 she realized she made a mistake 18:28 because it was like boot camp. 18:29 They took our cell phones, our 18:30 computers, and she gets to the 18:32 room, it was one bed and she 18:33 says, "Okay, this is not good." 18:36 And during that time, 18:38 you know, I began to 18:40 exercise three hours per day. 18:43 I began doing hot and cold 18:44 therapy. 18:45 I began doing psychotherapy. 18:48 And we were talking to 18:49 me counselings, and 18:50 read a book that I fell in love 18:52 with was Telling Yourself the 18:54 Truth by William Backus. 18:55 And as I started, you know, 18:57 healing physically, 18:59 spiritually, emotionally, 19:02 and I started to become, 19:04 you know, healthier, 19:06 all of a sudden that depression, 19:07 by the end of that ten days, 19:09 my depression had lifted 19:12 and I was back to myself. 19:14 And now I can start focusing on 19:15 not instead of getting what I 19:18 needed, I was actually to give 19:20 what my wife needed. 19:21 That was the first time I 19:22 learned that concept, and then 19:23 I learned that I could actually 19:24 manage and regulate my emotions 19:26 and not allow my emotions to 19:27 drive my behaviours. 19:29 >> This is something that I was 19:31 not used to, and it kind of 19:33 scared me because he was 19:35 becoming the man that I wanted 19:38 in my life. 19:40 He was pursuing me, he was 19:41 listening, all of my bids 19:43 weren't bouncing off of him 19:44 anymore, he was doing the things 19:46 I was wanting him to do. 19:48 He even was 19:50 entertaining going to do some 19:52 travelling, which shocked me. 19:55 So I just─ but he kept 19:57 pursuing me, and 19:59 for a time, 20:00 I just kept pushing back 20:02 because I was doing everything 20:04 to leave the relationship, 20:06 not to stay in it. 20:08 All of this because at this 20:10 point I had come home 20:12 because our son had gotten sick. 20:15 And I was only in Florida for a 20:17 month and I just couldn't 20:19 be away. 20:20 So I came home. 20:21 We were now back into the same 20:23 house together. 20:24 I was living downstairs, 20:26 he was upstairs 20:27 and he was changing, 20:30 and it actually made me more 20:31 angry because I didn't want 20:34 him to love me. 20:36 >> So, Doreen, what do you think 20:38 held you back? 20:39 >> I was so fearful nothing was 20:41 going to change. 20:43 Because we had gone to marriage 20:45 seminars, we had done all of 20:47 these things to try and enrich 20:48 our marriage. 20:50 It would last for two weeks and 20:51 we'd go right back to the 20:53 way it was. 20:54 And of course, I'm blaming him 20:56 for my grief 20:58 within the marriage. 21:00 So I was just in this 21:02 blame mode. 21:03 "If you would change, if you 21:04 would do this..." not looking at 21:07 myself and my part to play. 21:09 [MARLON] And I was blaming her 21:10 for all those 24 years, it was 21:11 all her fault. 21:12 If she would just change. 21:13 If we could just take her to 21:14 some program that would fix her 21:15 then everything would be better, 21:16 right? 21:17 So that was in our mindset. 21:18 We─ kind of that "You're the 21:19 problem." 21:20 >> Yes, but as I saw him taking 21:22 100% responsibility for his part 21:25 to play in our marriage, over 21:27 time it softened me 21:29 and my heart. 21:31 And I had a very close friend 21:32 who was going through a divorce 21:34 at the time who was saying to 21:36 me, "Doreen, do you really 21:38 want this? 21:39 Your husband is pursuing you. 21:41 He wants you back in your life 21:43 and he's changing. 21:44 He's being the man you always 21:45 wanted him to be. 21:46 Do you really wanna do this?" 21:48 So I feel like God was 21:50 using her 21:52 to really get me to think. 21:54 And then one day I chose. 21:57 I said to my husband, "I choose 21:59 to love you." 22:01 >> Amen! 22:02 [Mike chuckles] 22:03 >> But then I said, "I don't 22:05 know what that looks like, 22:07 but I'm just making the choice. 22:10 So don't get too excited 22:12 because I'm not sure what this 22:14 is gonna look like." 22:16 So over time, probably about 22:19 six months of time, 22:21 I started to warm up 22:24 to this man who was being 22:26 who I needed him to be. 22:28 And he's still the same man 22:29 today, 11 years later. 22:33 And it's just been such 22:35 an amazing transformation. 22:37 And we often say that it only 22:39 takes one person to save a 22:41 marriage. 22:43 Marlon decided he wanted to save 22:44 the marriage. 22:46 And we often say that 22:48 you can't change anyone, 22:51 but he changed me. 22:53 His love changed me, 22:55 changed my heart to be able to 22:57 love him back fully. 23:00 >> Yes, and this is during the 23:02 time of our 25th anniversary, 23:04 time of our 25th anniversary, 23:05 had come and gone. 23:07 [DOREEN] So it was maybe two 23:08 months after that, beyond our 23:11 25th anniversary date, 23:14 that I realized I had fallen 23:15 head over heels in love 23:18 with my husband again, 23:19 more than I loved him before. 23:22 I had not experienced this kind 23:24 of love. 23:26 And I said to him as he was 23:28 leaving for work that morning, 23:31 I said, "Honey, I love you." 23:34 [MIKE] So you found 23:36 help on Google 23:37 and you got your wife back. 23:39 >> Yes, I did. 23:40 And actually, about six, seven 23:43 years ago, Dr. Neil Nedley, the 23:44 director of the program, had 23:45 called us and asked if we would 23:46 give our testimony at an EQ 23:49 Summit on marriage and 23:50 sex that year. 23:51 And so we first said no, because 23:53 we didn't really want to talk 23:54 about, you know... 23:55 >> Our mess. 23:56 >> ...our failed marriage 23:56 and our mess. 23:57 We kind of had got over and we 23:58 were having, you know, we've 23:59 been on a honeymoon for the last 24:00 10, 11 years since we repaired. 24:02 So it's like, we don't wanna 24:03 bring that up and talk about it. 24:04 But he encouraged us, called us 24:05 back a couple times. 24:06 He said, you know, "I strongly 24:07 recommend it. 24:08 Please come down. 24:09 I think your testimony could 24:10 help people." 24:11 So we finally, we said yes and 24:13 we went down there. 24:13 In the middle of the interview, 24:15 Dr. Nedley is asking us, 24:16 "So what made you choose to come 24:18 to a depression and anxiety 24:19 program to repair your 24:20 marriage?" 24:21 And at that point I said, "Well, 24:22 because you're ad, you know, 24:24 'How to get your wife back.'" 24:26 And he said, "We've never run 24:27 that ad. 24:28 We've never had an ad saying 24:29 "How to get your wife back." 24:30 It was "How to get your 24:32 life back." 24:33 You know, and as I got my life 24:35 back, I did get my wife back. 24:37 back, I did get my wife back. 24:38 [DOREEN] Yes. 24:39 [RENÉ] But that's amazing, 24:40 though, Marlon, because when you 24:42 looked on the computer, you saw 24:45 "How to get your wife back." 24:47 [MARLON] Yes. 24:48 >> And so God had changed that, 24:50 "L" to look like a "W..." 24:53 [MARLON] Yes, I believe He did. 24:54 [RENÉ] ...for you, right? 24:54 >> Yes, otherwise I wouldn't 24:55 have gone. 24:56 [RENÉ] Exactly, exactly. Wow. 24:58 We─ God is awesome. 25:01 >> God is amazing, yes. 25:03 >> So we've come to the end of 25:04 our time together, 25:05 Marlon and Doreen. 25:06 I wonder if you could pray for 25:08 our viewers. 25:08 Maybe there's someone who is 25:09 struggling and saying, you know, 25:11 "I want what they've got." 25:14 Maybe they're going through this 25:16 right now. 25:16 Maybe they're like, feeling like 25:18 it's done, like it's 25:20 no more. 25:21 There's no more help. 25:23 But pray for them 25:25 that they can see 25:27 that there's still hope, 25:29 even when it seems like 25:30 it's hopeless. 25:31 >> Yes, He can take our ashes 25:32 and turn them into beauty 25:34 as we did in our relationship. 25:35 So sure. 25:36 Let's pray. 25:38 Dear Heavenly Father, 25:39 we just want to thank You for 25:41 the gift of marriage. 25:43 We wanna thank You for 25:45 the gift of wives and husbands 25:47 in that relationship that You've 25:48 provided for us. 25:50 Lord, we know there's many 25:51 couples that are hurting, and 25:53 they maybe are roommates 25:54 that have not experiencing the 25:57 joy and the peace and love that 25:59 You designed for them, Lord. 26:01 So whatever stage the 26:02 relationships are, if You're 26:03 listening, we just want to pray 26:05 that You give you hope and 26:07 courage, that all things are 26:08 possible, that You can restore. 26:11 [DOREEN] Heavenly Father, 26:13 Lord, love is such a gift. 26:16 And we just thank You that when 26:18 we embrace that gift, that 26:19 we embrace that gift, that 26:21 changes happen in our marriage. 26:24 And we thank You for the gift of 26:25 restoration, which is really 26:26 restoration, which is really 26:28 what You're all about. 26:29 Amen. 26:30 [MIKE & RENE] Amen. 26:33 >> Marlon and Doreen, thank you 26:35 so much for joining us on 26:37 It Is Written Canada today. 26:39 >> Thank you for the invitation. 26:40 >> Yes, thank you. 26:43 >> Marlon and Doreen honestly 26:45 shared how they experience the 26:47 frustrations of a lonely, 26:49 disconnected marriage with the 26:51 ongoing feelings of 26:53 hopelessness. 26:54 >> The good news is that they 26:56 also revealed how it's never too 26:59 late to experience restoration 27:02 and happiness, even when their 27:04 marriage looked hopeless 27:06 and helpless. 27:07 >> The title of our free offer 27:09 for you is How to Love 27:12 Your Marriage. 27:14 >> If you're looking for 27:15 meaningful solutions, How to 27:17 Love Your Marriage offers 27:19 biblical answers and practical 27:22 tips for improving your 27:24 marriage. 27:26 Learn how to reclaim intimacy 27:29 with your spouse and ten ways to 27:32 renew your marital happiness. 27:36 >> Before you go, we would like 27:38 to thank all of you who have 27:40 supported the ministry of It Is 27:41 Written Canada with your prayers 27:43 and financial contributions. 27:46 Without your support, this 27:47 television ministry could not 27:50 have reached so many people 27:52 for so many decades. 27:54 >> Yes, thank you. 27:57 And we would also like to invite 27:58 you to follow us on Instagram 28:01 and Facebook and subscribe to 28:03 our YouTube channel, and also 28:06 listen to our podcasts. 28:08 And if you go to our website, 28:11 you can see our latest programs. 28:14 >> Friends, to be honest, Jesus 28:16 is offering you a life that is 28:18 beyond our ongoing struggles 28:21 with the pain, suffering and 28:23 sorrows of this life. 28:25 We would like to recommend that 28:27 you open this book, 28:30 the Bible, 28:31 where it is recorded that Jesus 28:33 Himself found His assurance to 28:35 defeat the Devil through the 28:37 Word of His Father when He 28:39 declared... 28:49 [gentle music playin] 28:52 ♪♪ |
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