Participants:
Series Code: LAC
Program Code: LAC180002A
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00:01 The power of choice is a precious gift
00:03 But with each choice, there are consequences. 00:06 Abortion nearly destroyed me and my marriage. 00:11 and it took God more than 35 years to prepare my heart 00:15 for healing. 00:16 I want to welcome you to Life After Choice. 00:35 Hi, I'm David Wagner. 00:37 There's some of my story I am more than reluctant to share, 00:42 in fact I loathe sharing it. 00:43 In fact, some of it I haven't even shared with my wife. 00:46 But if it could have any meaning for but one person 00:51 so that they wouldn't have to go through what I did 00:54 or perhaps have some of the stamina that I did, 00:57 then it would be worth it to me. 00:59 Many years ago in southern California, 01:02 I met a beautiful young lady, she was 18 years old, 01:06 southern, very charming and we just hit it off. 01:10 It was 1975 and I only knew her for about 6 months 01:14 before her family got divorced, they split up 01:18 and Diane, she went back to the southeast. 01:23 Little did I know but she was going to be the mother 01:27 of my children. 01:29 We soon became good friends and made many wonderful 01:32 memories. But we wouldn't meet again for 5 years. 01:38 Time flew by, we both finished our education 01:43 and began our careers. She met many fine gentleman 01:48 and had many meaningful relationships, 01:50 in fact she had 3 suitors that she was interested in 01:53 and 3 of them proposed to her. 01:56 She actually accepted one of the engagements. 01:59 But the night before she was to meet this gentleman, 02:04 she was so distraught, in fact she was crying tears, 02:08 remember it had been 5 years since she had seen me. 02:11 She just told her mom, she says, I know that if I follow 02:14 through this, if I marry this guy, 02:16 I'll never see Dave Wagner again. 02:19 She was so convinced that I was the man. 02:22 Anyway the next day came, she went out to dinner, 02:24 she accepted the ring but she was still very sick 02:27 and that engagement was only going to last a couple of days. 02:30 She eventually called him back and said she just couldn't do it 02:33 and she gave him his ring back. 02:35 Well she missed work for 3 days and finally when she had 02:38 enough energy to go back to work, 02:39 that's when I entered the picture. 02:41 Meanwhile at this very time back in Southern California, 02:45 I was sitting in my living room and I was reminiscing 02:49 and I decided to rummage through a file cabinet and pull out a 02:52 letter that Diane had written me years before. 02:55 I found the letter and thought I would give her a call. 02:59 So, I wasn't sure where she was at but I took a guess 03:04 that Orlando would be a good shot and within minutes I was 03:06 speaking with her mother. 03:08 You can imagine what her mother was going through 03:11 when she heard me answer the phone. 03:14 Um, she had just seen her daughter fall apart and 03:19 have this terrible break up and then Dave Wagner calls. 03:22 I mean that is so weird to me. 03:24 But I introduced myself and asked the question, 03:28 is Diane married? 03:30 Speak about cutting to the chase. I am amazed that I had 03:34 that kind of guts. But anyway she said, she was able to say, 03:38 no, she's not married but she is at work, 03:41 and she would like...if you want to call back in a 03:43 couple of hours, she will be home. 03:45 So when Diane returned from work, her mother met her 03:48 at the door and she said, Diane, sit down. 03:51 David Wagner called. 03:54 It's hard for me to imagine the energy in the room 03:58 at that time. 04:00 But within a few minutes I called back and we had a 04:03 very casual exchange and we decided that we were going to 04:07 correspond long distance. 04:09 So we did, we corresponded for about a year. 04:15 At this time she was a traveling nurse and she made a contract 04:20 with a hospital in Hawaii. It was for 3 months 04:24 and she was finished with that 3 month stent. 04:27 She was going to travel through LAX on the way home. 04:33 So she called the airline and she extended it for a few hours 04:37 so that I could meet with her. 04:38 Because she always knew that if she met me one more time, 04:42 she would tell her mother this, if she would meet me one more 04:44 time, then she would know if I was the man God had in mind 04:47 for her to marry. 04:49 Well, so we met at LAX, I picked her up, 04:53 I remember that moment like it was yesterday. 04:56 Pretty intense and one of those beautiful memories 05:00 but anyway, I picked her up and it was a very casual, 05:02 very generic experience. 05:03 Went out to dinner, talked, drove around and I remember, 05:06 I was tired and I let her drive. To this very day I have 05:11 this image in my mind of her profile. 05:13 She was wearing glasses and anyways, very endearing. 05:16 But like I said, it was casual and generic and I took her 05:20 to the airport and she flew back home. 05:21 But, with the kind of spiritual discernment that this woman had, 05:26 it wasn't long before she had made a trip down to 05:29 David's Bridal and you can guess what she was doing there. 05:33 That's right. She bought a wedding dress. 05:35 I didn't find out about that wedding dress until 05:38 several months later when I finally proposed. 05:40 So now that we had a commitment, she made a contract at the 05:46 hospital in Seal Beach, CA. 05:48 That's about a little over an hour from where I lived. 05:51 So it was good that we could see each other more often 05:56 especially at this stage. 05:57 Yet on the other hand, it wasn't so good 06:01 because our relationships, perhaps with God was just 06:05 a little upside down. 06:07 I say that because one day I got a call and it was Diane, 06:13 my fiancé, and she said she was pregnant. 06:16 Part of me wanted to get excited because there was nothing more 06:20 that I wanted to do than have a child with her and start 06:22 a family. I adored her, I didn't just love her, 06:26 I adored her in a way that is not right. 06:30 I put her before God. 06:32 I know that Adam had the same problem and 06:35 we know where that ended up. 06:37 But either way, she was in a quandary on how to deal with 06:41 this issue because in applying for that job, 06:45 they needed to do some medical examinations that required 06:48 x- rays of her back. So she was exposed to a lot of x-rays 06:52 and she was afraid that her baby would be damaged. 06:55 Plus, something I never under- stood, she said she was afraid 07:00 of motherhood, she didn't know if she would be a good mother. 07:03 The crazy thing is she is an awesome mother and her children 07:08 love her, but that's the way she felt at the time. 07:10 So any way through fear and misguided counsel, 07:14 all the physicians she talked to said, you better abort. 07:17 That baby could be damaged. 07:19 She decided to terminate the pregnancy. 07:21 I wish that I was able to help her but, I had no idea 07:26 other than just to do, to be a support to her in 07:32 whatever way that she chose. 07:34 So this is why I call it my wife's lonely... 07:54 It was her lonely decision to decide to go through 08:07 with an abortion. 08:13 Anyway, whatever the case, it did a lot of damage 08:18 to both of us. Well all of a sudden, she hated me. 08:26 Well we had many wonderful times together, 08:33 but at the flip of a switch, she would turn on me 08:37 with a hatred that I've never seen in person. 08:46 She would say thing to me that seemed to be calculated 08:52 or designed to destroy a man's self-esteem, his self-worth, 09:00 his courage. You know it's interesting... 09:07 My emotion here is... My family knows that I am not 09:15 a crier, but my emotion is not because of what she said or did 09:20 to me, it's because she was alone. 09:33 Anyway, I had plenty of problems of my own, 09:35 I was never malicious, I had plenty of problems 09:39 and even though I wasn't malicious, they added fuel 09:44 to the fires of estrangement. 09:45 You know, I wasn't sure what all my wife was going through, 09:49 I just knew that everything was broken 09:51 but my focus was really on myself. 09:56 I knew I had to have healing, I was not satisfied just 09:59 partially loving her or struggling to have some 10:03 semblance of a healthy marriage. 10:05 Everything Jesus did was real and deep, He never did anything 10:09 half baked. He never did anything out of mere duty 10:12 of principle. I mean, who wants to be loved out of 10:14 the mere duty of it? 10:16 You know, that's not even love. 10:17 So I struggled in my own mind and heart for years 10:21 to figure out to love her the way Jesus did 10:24 and pray for it and then one day it was 2011 I believe 10:29 we went to GYC and they had these exhibits with a lot of the 10:35 booths with people advertising different ministries 10:39 and Antoinette Duck had a a ministry called MAFGIA 10:44 and it had the little baby feet you know. 10:47 Ten weeks in utero and other things that help to present 10:54 the issue of the sanctity of human life. 10:58 My wife saw that and it moved her. 11:03 We'd go to other booths, she'd come back, 11:11 she kept coming back. Something was going on. 11:18 Then she started communication with Antoinette 11:25 and then she went to a women's retreat about post-abortion 11:29 recovery. I mean this is years after this and she's still, 11:33 it's like she's living it... 11:35 So our healing began at that time because in my own struggles 11:45 I was trying to figure out how, in different ways 11:49 to love her. One of my favorite activities was to look at 11:52 my children, I'd stare at them and they are so precious to me.. 11:57 In my mind, I would give her credit for that, 12:00 I would give her credit for her part in giving me 12:03 such beautiful gifts. 12:04 Then one of my favorite things is to look at a wedding picture 12:07 of her, she looking in the eyes of her mother 12:10 and I see this young beautiful girl that's so filled with 12:14 hope for a bright fulfilling future and I started having 12:18 feelings of protectiveness, feelings that made 12:21 me want to give her those things. 12:25 So that became a part of my devotional life 12:27 and part of my prayer life. 12:29 So through these struggles, I found myself actually 12:38 falling in love with her in a way that I hadn't even 12:41 experienced before. 12:42 It was richer, it was more mature, it was more 12:46 unconditional and now when she gets a little out of hand, 12:51 it's like, it's not that big a deal. 12:53 I see her getting more involved in sharing her testimony 12:59 and being part of MAFGIA and traveling literally 13:05 across international borders. 13:07 I've seen some changes in her that is astounding, 13:11 but I can't help go back to appreciating the kind of God 13:17 that we have that can take utter brokenness and turn it 13:25 around, I mean, speaking about all things working together 13:26 for good for them that love God, and are called 13:28 according to His purpose and it's like He... 13:31 His hand is not so short that He cannot reach deep 13:35 to save us, even to the uttermost. 13:37 So let me ask you a question. 13:41 Are you willing to trust God with your failures? 13:46 Are you willing to let Him walk with you in your suffering? 13:51 He will mend every wound, it will be painful, 13:56 it will be difficult, you will have scars 13:59 but those scars will no longer be a symbol of your broken past. 14:06 They'll be trophies of your victorious life, 14:13 your victorious new life in Christ. 14:16 Trust Him! His promises never fail. 14:22 Everything He says, He will do. |
Revised 2019-01-15