Participants:
Series Code: LAC
Program Code: LAC180008A
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00:01 I'm 17 years old.
00:03 And not only that, 00:05 I flunked out of my first year of college, 00:08 and I'm pregnant. 00:11 You wanna hear how I've been restored 00:14 on Life After Choice. 00:32 Welcome to Life After Choice. 00:34 I'm Danny and I'm with my wife, Emily. 00:36 And she's here to share 00:38 something that I just found out recently, 00:39 and I'm so proud of you for sharing your story today. 00:42 Can we just kind of get us started 00:43 on your journey in this process? 00:46 Sure. 00:48 Well, I was 17 years old, 00:51 just newly accepted 00:53 into a predominantly white university 00:55 in the state of Georgia in the early '70s. 01:01 And I started to date this guy, 01:08 really nice guy. 01:10 And we've been dating the whole time 01:13 that I was in school. 01:15 And at the end of the semester, 01:17 I knew I hadn't been doing well in class. 01:21 And I discovered that I was pregnant. 01:26 So I just acted as if everything was okay, 01:31 and I left school, went home. 01:34 And I immediately told my two siblings 01:39 that I was pregnant 01:41 and they made arrangements for me to have an abortion. 01:45 So your siblings did this? 01:47 My siblings had the answer, so I thought. 01:52 And I went along with it 01:53 because I didn't have the heart to tell my parents 01:55 that I was pregnant. 01:57 That would be hard. Yeah. 01:59 So we made these arrangements 02:03 and I went to have the abortion. 02:05 I don't even remember having a counseling session. 02:08 I don't even remember whether there was anesthesia. 02:14 But I do remember 02:17 the aftermath. 02:19 I was in bed in my room at home. 02:23 And just as I was when I was a teenager, 02:26 fighting back menstrual cramps. 02:29 My parents knew, 02:31 no different, 02:33 you know, 02:34 they knew that was a habit that I had, 02:37 so they didn't suspect anything. 02:39 So it's like you had a trauma. It's like you had a daze. 02:42 I was in a daze 02:44 and I was embarrassed, 02:48 but I was determined 02:49 that I was going to resolve this issue, 02:51 so I told my parents that I would get a job. 02:56 And I enrolled in this modeling school 02:59 because the job that I had 03:00 was with this fashion boutique. 03:02 So it was a perfect complement to what I was doing. 03:07 And I told them that I would work 03:09 to pay my student loans. 03:11 So they agreed 03:13 that it was a good plan for me to move out. 03:17 And I recall just thinking, 03:22 well, you know, 03:23 I just suppressed all the motions, 03:25 and all the emotions, and thoughts, 03:27 and feelings about the abortion as if it had never happened. 03:31 So did your parents ever learn anything about it? 03:33 Never. 03:35 Never? Never. 03:36 So you carry all that with you as well? 03:37 I did. 03:39 To make matters worse, 03:41 I was involved in another relationship 03:45 and pregnant again. 03:50 And I'm thinking, 03:51 okay, I already know what to do, 03:53 so I made the arrangements myself 03:55 and had a second abortion. 03:58 And I was suppressing all these feelings 04:02 that I had about it, 04:03 so busy trying to make my life perfect 04:05 after I'd destroyed it with these bad choices. 04:09 So let me ask you, why did you choose the second abortion? 04:13 Why this time? 04:15 Because I already knew what to do, 04:17 and I didn't see the point in trying to have a child 04:21 and I wasn't in a position. 04:23 I wasn't married. 04:24 I wasn't in a position to take care of a child. 04:27 I was barely surviving myself. 04:29 Did the father know? 04:31 He knew. Okay. 04:32 And he paid for the abortion. 04:34 He was adamant about not having a child. 04:38 So they really made it 04:39 a little easier for me to choose to do it. 04:42 But years later, 04:45 I started to believe that 04:49 you know, 04:51 I had to really resolve within myself 04:54 that I had destroyed the lives of two innocent children. 04:58 I had made that choice and it began to haunt me. 05:01 So what made you think about the innocence 05:04 after so long a time? 05:06 What brought that up? 05:08 Well, I was really on a path 05:12 searching for truth in my life for... 05:17 I guess, I was looking for Christ. 05:19 I was looking for 05:21 that acceptance from my Creator 05:26 and I was out on my own trying to put my life together 05:29 and trying to figure out, 05:31 you know, why I was making all these bad choices. 05:33 And so I had in my mind 05:35 that God could not forgive me for what I had done, 05:39 because I wouldn't let Him. 05:40 So let me ask you this. 05:42 You're searching for God, 05:43 but you don't feel like He can forgive you. 05:46 So what made the difference? 05:47 What made the change that gave you some hope 05:51 that He would accept you? 05:53 Well, I was on this path for finding out 05:57 who God really was. 05:58 Okay. 05:59 I had grown up in the Baptist Church, 06:02 and I went through the motions. 06:03 I even recited Scripture as a child, 06:08 but I didn't really know who God was 06:11 until I got involved in some serious Bible studies. 06:14 So you're saying, 06:16 at first you saw God as a poster, 06:17 somebody that you can just look at on the wall, 06:20 but then you started looking for Him 06:21 as a relationship? 06:23 That pretty much wraps it up. 06:24 I would see all these pictures of Christ on the cross, 06:29 but I didn't see Christ as the Savior. 06:31 I didn't understand 06:32 why He was on the cross until I really began to study. 06:37 So I was on this path looking for 06:42 who God really was. 06:43 And it's interesting. 06:45 When I found him, 06:47 I had already been married three times, 06:50 had two children, 06:52 and I was pregnant with my third child, 06:57 and I realized 06:59 that God had a solution for every problem for my life. 07:05 I learned to trust God when I realized 07:08 that He wanted to be 07:09 a part of every facet of my life and my being. 07:13 And I accepted that, 07:16 and I accepted His forgiveness. 07:19 But I hadn't really forgiven myself. 07:22 But it sounds like you're beginning to accept 07:24 that Christ could be your friend, 07:26 not just some God way out in space, 07:28 but somebody that's right here with you right now? 07:32 Right. 07:33 I had to come to that resolution 07:36 before I realized that, 07:39 I was still trying to control my life, 07:42 and I was not doing a very good job of it. 07:46 So I learned to search the scriptures 07:53 when I joined the Seventh-day Adventist Church, 07:56 and I received 07:58 that God wanted to be totally involved 08:02 in all of my life, 08:03 in my children's lives, in our health, 08:07 in our mental, physical and spiritual health. 08:11 So when I accepted that, 08:14 I realized that He could restore me, 08:18 and I found in the scriptures, 08:22 when I read the text that says 08:23 that He could restore the years 08:27 that the cankerworm destroyed. 08:30 So what did He really do to restore you? 08:31 I mean, 08:33 what's practically different about you 08:35 then when you had all these experiences before? 08:38 Well, it's interesting that you ask that question. 08:42 He showed me that when we met, when you and I met, 08:47 He let me know 08:49 that no matter what you've done, I love you. 08:54 So I'm learning something new again today. 08:56 Yes, He let me know that 08:59 "I can restore all those years of guilt that you've had." 09:04 He knew that I wanted to be married, 09:06 and some of my friends would ask me, 09:08 "Why did you remarry?" 09:10 I said, "Because I love being married." 09:13 I watched my parents and their relationship. 09:15 They had a beautiful relationship. 09:17 I know they were disappointed in each other sometimes. 09:20 I even knew when they were upset 09:21 with each other, but they loved each other. 09:24 And I learned to value the institution of marriage 09:27 through my parents. 09:29 And when God sent you to me on my 50th birthday, 09:35 I said, "This is wonderful." 09:38 And that's when I realized, I can be in love, 09:42 and I can be in a wonderful marriage 09:45 without premarital sex... 09:47 Right. 09:48 That's something that I'm really proud of 09:50 that we did together before we married. 09:52 We agreed that 09:54 we weren't going to do things our way, 09:57 we were gonna do things God's way. 10:00 And He's blessed us for that, 10:02 and I'm so thrilled to have you in my life. 10:07 And I was... 10:08 It wasn't keeping the abortions away from you 10:11 was not something I really even entertained. 10:13 I just felt like 10:15 it wasn't a time to talk about it. 10:17 I never really felt like it was something 10:19 that I needed to share with you until now, 10:23 and I'm just so grateful 10:25 that you have proven to be the love of my life. 10:30 Praise the Lord. 10:32 And that we are both restored together. 10:35 And I just praise God for that, 10:38 and I look forward to our future together. 10:41 And I just want to say to any young person or old, 10:47 if you've done things in your life, 10:50 if you've had an abortion 10:52 that God can heal that pain 10:54 that you're carrying and you're suppressing, 10:57 and chasing after false hopes is not the answer. 11:03 God is the only answer. 11:05 If you just allow Him to love you, 11:09 and stop looking for love in all the wrong places. 11:13 That's something that I had to learn 11:15 that I've been looking for love in all these people 11:18 who didn't even know God. 11:21 And, of course, they weren't going to draw me 11:22 close to Him. 11:24 But I remembered the years 11:26 that I suffered 11:28 because I chose to go my own way. 11:32 Let God have your life. Let Him use you. 11:36 Let Him be a blessing in your life 11:39 so that you can be a blessing to those around you. 11:42 And I'm just so grateful 11:44 to have this opportunity to share. 11:47 I'm so grateful that my husband understands 11:50 and that he's willing to be right here with me 11:54 sharing this message of hope, 11:57 of restoration, of a brighter future. 12:02 I look forward to many years with this blessing 12:05 that God has given me in Danny Wells. 12:09 And I'm praying that whatever it is 12:11 that you're holding on to in your life 12:13 that's not a blessing to you, 12:15 that you will let it go and let God have it 12:18 and be a blessing to someone else, to yourself. 12:22 I've learned it, 12:24 I cannot help anyone if I'm not helping myself. 12:28 You know the story about the oxygen mask 12:32 on the plane. 12:33 If I don't inhale that oxygen, I will die. 12:38 And if we don't inhale the blessings 12:41 that God has for us, 12:43 we will die spiritually, physically, and emotionally, 12:47 and we can't give that to anyone else. 12:50 You can't be in a healthy relationship 12:53 if you're not healthy in a relationship 12:56 with yourself. 12:57 You have to take care of yourself. 13:00 And I just praise God 13:01 that He's given me this life partner to do that 13:05 and to share this story, 13:07 to give me the courage 13:08 to share this story with you today. 13:12 Sweetie, I just want you to know 13:13 how proud I am of you. 13:15 I know, I was upset a little bit 13:18 when you first told me 13:19 and I had to think about it and realize 13:22 how difficult it must have been to have those feelings 13:26 and have those experiences and try to understand 13:28 how to share that with somebody else. 13:30 I know my life hadn't always been perfect, 13:33 never has been really but Christ made me complete. 13:38 And He made me the person 13:40 that can love you unconditionally. 13:42 That could take time to understand 13:45 the importance of just sharing your life 13:50 with someone unconditionally. 13:52 And I want people out there listening to know 13:55 that there's always going to be times 13:57 when you will have things 13:58 that you want to share with someone else 14:01 and may not be able to say it 14:03 in a way that you want to say it 14:04 or have the words that will explain 14:07 how you want them to know how you feel. 14:11 But there is a person 14:13 that who made my life complete and my wife's life complete 14:17 that can give you that hope, 14:19 that will give you the peace 14:21 and the contentment to move forward, 14:25 to be restored. 14:27 And I thank God 14:28 that we had this opportunity to be on this program 14:32 to share Emily's story and my story, 14:36 so you can know that there is Life After Choice. |
Revised 2019-03-21