Participants:
Series Code: LTBW
Program Code: LTBW000013A
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00:35 Hi, I'm Dr. Kim
00:36 and welcome to Live to be Well. 00:38 Today we're going to talk about: No Excuses. 00:42 My special guest is Ms. Nikki Williams. 00:45 Welcome Nikki, how are you? 00:46 I'm great and you? 00:48 You look wonderful. 00:49 Thank you, you look nice yourself. 00:50 Well, thank you. 00:52 Listen, we're talking about no excuses, 00:53 in today's society, 00:55 individuals are making excuses why they can't do this, 00:58 can't do that... can't get things accomplished 01:01 well, you are a single mom 01:02 and your son is how old? 01:04 My son is 11 years old. 01:06 Eleven years old, all right 01:08 and what's his name? 01:09 Dominic. 01:10 Dominic... can you tell us what is it like raising a son, 01:16 African-American son 01:17 and I'm not saying it's any different 01:20 but we have more challenges, 01:22 we've seen our African-American males 01:24 being in the spotlight of the news constantly... 01:28 being murdered... 01:30 being brutalized for no reason 01:33 are you worried about those kinds of things 01:36 and what is it like 01:37 and what has been the challenges for you? 01:39 Well, I am worried about those things as a single mom 01:43 or even... a single mom of a black little boy 01:47 because there are certain things that I didn't have to go through 01:50 as a little girl 01:51 so, that's what... 01:54 that's... can't think, 01:57 it's really important to me 01:59 that he has a relationship with his father 02:01 because his father can give him experiences 02:03 and things that I cannot 02:04 even though things have not always been perfect 02:07 between he and I 02:09 I do try to make sure 02:10 that he still keeps a relationship with our son. 02:12 Do you think a mother can raise excuse me... 02:15 a mother can raise a son? 02:17 I do, yeah. 02:18 But you want... because he has a father... 02:21 you want him in his life, 02:22 and he sees his father on a regular basis. 02:24 Yes. 02:25 All right, let's talk about discipline... 02:27 how do you discipline your son? 02:30 He's 11 years old and is he tall? 02:32 Yes, he's almost as tall as me now. 02:34 All right, and he is kind of going through the pre-teen thing 02:38 where... 02:40 Is he talking back? 02:42 Not really just talking back but just challenging things 02:45 or, you know, wants to know 02:46 why it has to be this way, yeah. 02:48 Hmmm... 02:49 He's not my little baby anymore, 02:51 he does get spankings... punishments... 02:54 Well, the Bible says, 02:56 "You spare the rod, you spoil the child" 02:57 you'd better... yeah, do what you have to do. 02:59 Yes, and I don't feel bad, yeah. 03:02 Are you a tough mom? 03:03 Yes, I'm very tough. 03:05 All right, can you define a tough mother 03:07 versus a mother not as tough or laid-back mom. 03:11 Well, I only have one child 03:16 but I have seen other friends raise their kids 03:19 and they did spare the rod 03:22 and unfortunately their kids had ended up in jail 03:26 or just in bad situations. 03:28 I don't want that for my son, 03:29 I don't know exactly what the future holds 03:32 but I do... I'm very strict on Dominic, 03:35 I'm aware of where he is at all times, 03:38 I go through his iPads, his phones, 03:41 so, I'm just a very hands-on mom 03:45 but me and my son have a relationship 03:46 to where I don't feel like he has to sneak around 03:49 or do anything... he comes to me... 03:51 he can talk to me because it is just me and him 03:53 so he's like my little best friend. 03:56 Oh, little best friend but you are yet still mom... 03:59 you have boundaries because I know a lot of people, 04:02 parents... "Oh no, call me by my first name" 04:05 does he call you by your first name? 04:06 No... not at all. 04:07 Oh, would you ever allow that? Nikki: No. 04:09 Kim: Neither would I, I wish you would... 04:11 now, if I'm in a crowd sometimes, 04:13 my oldest daughter... if I'm... I'm busy... 04:15 she'll say, "Kim Denise" 04:17 because everybody... once you say, "Mom... " 04:18 everybody turns around and she'll get my attention 04:22 but I had to definitely put her in check about that 04:24 let's go back to something, 04:26 when you talked about seeing other parents 04:30 raise their children and now their children are in prison, 04:34 they're not doing as well 04:36 and you are... you have that hands-on with your son, 04:40 what do you say to someone who says, 04:43 "I feel that I can just let him be free 04:46 he's going to do what he wants to do anyway. " 04:49 Well, I really feel like you can't tell anyone 04:53 how to raise their child, 04:54 some people get offended by that. 04:56 Yes. 04:57 I may say my piece but I really won't 04:59 put any pressure or interject myself on them 05:03 because I'm raising my child the way I'm raising mine 05:05 and you're going to do what you do with yours. 05:08 Do you... do you say to Dominic, 05:11 "See, this is what I'm trying to prevent you from becoming" 05:14 do you bring that to his attention? 05:15 I do because there are some male figures in our... 05:19 our own family 05:21 who did not have the best upbringing from their mothers 05:24 and so, like when he is doing something wrong, 05:26 I'm like, "You want to end up like him 05:28 or you want to end up like him?" 05:29 And he'll be like, "No mom, I don't. " 05:31 But I'm glad that he does have those people around 05:34 so he can see, like, "This is what happens 05:36 when you don't do what you're supposed to do. " 05:38 Now, I like what you said, "I check his iPad, 05:41 I go in his room, I know what's going on. " 05:44 A lot of parents... they don't do that... 05:46 they don't go into the rooms, 05:47 they don't go into their iPads, their book bags, 05:50 you need to know what's going on... 05:52 what they're watching, what they're listening to, 05:54 you know, you're the mother, 05:56 but they tend like they're timid... they're afraid... 05:58 "Well, I don't want to trespass. " 06:00 What? And the next thing you know, 06:03 your child is out there selling drugs 06:05 or you know, some things are going on 06:08 that could have been preventable you could have prevented it 06:11 so you're trying to stop your son now 06:14 before he makes those mistakes. 06:15 What kind of grades is he making? 06:17 Well, that's the thing, Dominic went to University Prep 06:20 they didn't give out grades, 06:22 K through 5th Grade they just got "Developing" 06:25 "Accomplished things" 06:26 or things of those nature so, he was accomplished... 06:28 he's going to the sixth grade 06:30 but they didn't give out letter grades, unfortunately. 06:32 Really, that's interesting, 06:33 all right, so is he going back to that school? 06:35 We're still... 06:37 I'm still undecided 06:40 because he wants to go back to the... 06:42 he wants to go to the Middle School 06:43 but I want to put him in a different school. 06:44 Because his friends are there. 06:46 Yes. 06:47 Is he a sociable child? 06:48 Very sociable. 06:50 Social butterfly. 06:51 Yes, he is, everywhere... everyone is his friend. 06:54 Kim: Everyone... Nikki: Yes. 06:56 Kim: So, he's a very, very outgoing person 06:58 so you have to be careful. 06:59 Have you ever not known where he was... 07:02 like, when you went to the store 07:03 I have to tell you the story, 07:05 you know, keep that thought, 07:06 I had Erin with me, she was only like, two years old 07:10 and my husband said, "Now, you sure you can do this 07:12 because when you go shopping, you get distracted. " 07:15 I said, "How am I going to lose a baby?" 07:17 All right, so he said, "Okay, don't lose my baby. " 07:20 So I get to the store 07:22 and I'm looking at something, so I set her down, 07:25 I say, "You stay right here" 07:26 so she was playing with the tags and everything 07:29 you know, and... I walked away... 07:31 I totally forgot about the baby, I get to the cash register 07:36 and I'm like, "No, I had a baby" 07:39 and I went back, Nikki, 07:41 and there Erin was still playing with it... 07:44 and I said, "I am so thankful you cannot talk" 07:47 but then she gets home and she was like, 07:49 playing with the tags... playing with the tags 07:52 and Arthur said, "What happened?" 07:53 and I said, "I forgot that I had a baby 07:57 all right... " 07:58 so, praise God that I didn't lose her, 08:01 I just kind of forgot about her, all right, 08:03 so, I was... it was all new, 08:05 I might have been 18 years and I had another baby... 08:07 so, have you ever been somewhere where... 08:09 you know, 08:11 when you are at the store or mall 08:13 it's like, "Where are you?" Do you kind of... 08:14 Me, personally, no... 08:16 I've never ever forgotten that I was with Dom. 08:20 Okay, make me feel bad... okay. 08:21 But, no, my mother has 08:23 like when I first move back to Detroit from... 08:26 from Ypsilanti... from school 08:29 my mother had to watch my son for like, maybe a year, 08:31 and she didn't... 08:33 they didn't tell me until like years later 08:35 but one time they were sitting on the porch 08:37 mama turned her head, 08:39 the mail lady walked down the street 08:40 and Dominic followed the mail lady 08:42 all the way down the street. 08:43 What? How old was he? 08:45 Nikki: He was like, two... Kim: No... 08:46 And she had to bring him back. 08:47 Kim: The mail lady did... Nikki: Hmmm... hmmm... 08:49 Kim: Oh oh oh oh... and they didn't tell you for a year. 08:52 Nikki: Yeah, they didn't tell me until... 08:53 Kim: That was so wrong, they knew you would be livid. 08:55 Nikki: I would flip. 08:57 Kim: Okay, what do you do or what are your... 09:00 how do you discipline him 09:02 when he does get a little beside himself 09:04 or he's not doing what he's supposed to do, 09:06 does he do chores? 09:07 He does chores sometimes not consistently like he should. 09:11 The most important thing right now is 09:15 he loves his video games, like, iPads 09:17 anything online, any Wi-Fi. 09:20 Kim: So you take that away. 09:23 Nikki: So I have to take that away, yes. 09:24 Kim: So, being a single mom and you're working 09:27 and you're doing a lot of different things. 09:29 Now, something new has just happened in your life, 09:32 and how is this going to impact your son? 09:35 Why don't you tell us what God has done for you. 09:38 Well, recently I had... 09:40 I was off of work for a couple of weeks 09:42 because I had a major surgery 09:44 and during that time period... 09:46 before... like maybe a week before 09:48 I was getting ready to go back to work, 09:49 I was like, "Oh, I do not want to go back to work, 09:51 I'm tired of sitting at a desk, 09:53 tired of looking at this computer 09:55 I'm just tired of being still here... " 09:57 so, I prayed and I asked God for something different 10:01 and He told me to apply for Flight Attendant positions 10:07 so, May 11th I filled out my first 10:10 job application as a Flight Attendant, 10:13 I went on an interview... 10:15 I went on several... I went on three interviews total 10:18 and... well, video interviews... 10:21 and to one person 10:22 but on... well, as you know, 10:24 June 14th I went to a face-to-face interview 10:27 and I got the position. 10:30 Kim: And God is so good. Nikki: Like a month later. 10:33 Kim: Yes, so now you're getting ready to transition 10:36 to the training to become a flight attendant 10:40 and then be out there doing what... a new avenue... 10:45 now, how did your son feel about this? 10:47 Well, my son is probably going to be a little happy 10:51 because I am so strict, so, he'll have a little freedom. 10:57 Kim: Uh hmmm... not too much. 10:59 Nikki: Not too much because he'll be with his dad... 11:00 between my mom and his dad. Kim: Okay. 11:03 Nikki: But that is a big thing right now, 11:05 just trying to transition on whose... 11:08 I'm going to be gone, initially, for over a month 11:11 and then, whatever my schedule permits afterwards, so... 11:14 not being there... that's going to be different. 11:16 Kim: Hands on. 11:18 Nikki: Yeah, I think that every day and... 11:21 Kim: Well, you can do video chat and things like that. 11:23 Nikki: Yeah. Kim: I want to go back... 11:25 I remember when you first came to see me 11:28 and you wanted me to become your Therapist 11:31 and had some real challenges 11:33 and I've seen you become... 11:35 you have just evolved, Nikki, and I'm so proud of you 11:38 and I'm not just saying that because 11:39 you know... you and I have battled in counseling 11:41 and let them know how you say my name 11:44 when you get upset with me, go ahead and say it. 11:47 Nikki: Dr. Logan... 11:48 Kim: Dr. Logan... Dr. Logan, I love it, 11:50 no one says it like you 11:51 and we can deal with certain issues 11:55 and we have to go there 11:56 so, I remember when we talked about... 11:59 and the reason why the Lord put it in my heart, no excuses, 12:01 you would say, "I hope... I hope... " 12:04 I said, "You have the job" 12:06 and I told you that, 12:07 God would not even open that door for you 12:11 and allow it... 12:13 He doesn't tease us and just dangle things in our way 12:16 and say, "Oh I think I might give you this" 12:18 when the door opens and you know it's the Lord 12:21 because we prayed... 12:22 and certain things... you... 12:24 you began to change certain behaviors and lifestyle 12:28 and God began to open doors for you 12:31 and giving your life to Christ your son was baptized, 12:35 he is on the Usher Board. Nikki: Yes. 12:37 Kim: He serves as an Usher and, you know... 12:39 so, working with your relationship with God... 12:42 how important is God in your life 12:45 as you begin to take this new journey. 12:47 Nikki: God is very important in my life, 12:49 the one thing that you said to me that clicked the most 12:53 and I don't know why it was so important was... 12:55 when I was like, "How do you know when God is listening?" 12:58 Or, "How do you know when God wants something for you?" 13:00 And you just nonchalantly said, "He opens the door 13:03 and if He doesn't open the door, 13:04 it's not for you, go somewhere else. " 13:06 And even though that was so simple, 13:08 it was so big for me because that's what I follow now, 13:12 like, if I want something, I ask for it, 13:14 if a door opens... it's for me, 13:16 if it doesn't open, it's not for me. 13:17 Kim: Yes. 13:19 Nikki: Before, I think, I used to just wait... 13:20 wait, wait, wait, trying to figure out... 13:21 you know, I didn't know what I was doing, 13:23 but just... me having this better relationship with God 13:26 and praying... 13:27 me coming to you... helping me... 13:29 Kim: Praise the Lord. 13:30 Nikki: Just makes everything a little bit more clearer now 13:33 and He is number one in my life right now. 13:36 Kim: I still hold you accountable 13:37 because we are still working through our treatment plan 13:40 of accountability 13:42 also, our standards... our values... 13:44 also, our measurement... 13:46 how do you measure 13:48 the Nikki... where she was and Nikki now? 13:51 I don't really know how I would measure myself 13:55 but I do see a difference... 13:56 I was broken when I first came to you 14:00 and... 14:01 Kim: I remember. Nikki: I don't want to cry. 14:04 Kim: That's all right, you're just being real. 14:06 Nikki: I was broken and 14:08 I didn't know what I was going to do, 14:10 I was just hurt... betrayed... 14:11 and I just felt I'm a stronger person now 14:14 like, what I came to you for... I can laugh about it now. 14:17 Kim: Yes you can, 14:19 so, on a scale of zero being the lowest... ten being the highest, 14:22 where is Nikki now in her measurement of her growth? 14:25 Nikki: I would say, like an eight and a half. 14:27 Kim: Eight and a half... you know, 14:29 listen, your tears are real... 14:30 God has done a marvelous work in your life 14:34 and there's nothing to be ashamed about 14:37 because I know your journey and I'm just... 14:40 I'm proud to be a part of that journey. 14:42 It's like, put your hand right here, 14:44 all right... and... that's how I can tell you 14:47 if God opens it, it connects... 14:49 if it doesn't connect, 14:51 then God says, "I've got something else for you" 14:53 God is very clear what He has for you 14:56 and as I sat in the back office with you 14:58 listening to you 15:00 and you were just going on and on... 15:01 I said, "Nikki, stop... stop... " 15:03 and I said, "God is in control, 15:05 He's just waiting for you to trust Him... 15:07 to lean on Him... and believe Him" 15:10 that's why I love that Scripture Proverbs 3:5 and 6, 15:12 "Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; 15:15 and lean not to thine own understanding. 15:18 In all they ways acknowledge Him, 15:19 and He will direct your path. " 15:21 He's making your path, 15:22 so now, you're going to be flying 15:25 all over the place, 15:26 you love to travel, don't you? 15:28 Nikki: I do, I love to travel. 15:29 Kim: Yes, you're getting ready to go, 15:30 where are you getting ready to leave to now? 15:32 Nikki: In two weeks, I'm going to Cuba. 15:34 Kim: Cuba! Hmmm... 15:36 Nikki: And then a week later, I have to go to Vegas. 15:37 Kim: And Vegas, yes, and then you're off to your training 15:40 you know, 15:42 do you have any concerns now that God has opened the door 15:45 you will pass all your tests. 15:46 Nikki: No concerns... just in God's hand... 15:49 like you said, "If he brought it to me, 15:50 He'll bring it... me through... all the way through it. " 15:52 And He will bring it... 15:54 you put all that information in your mind, 15:55 He will bring it back to your remembrance. 15:59 He heard your cry, He heard your plea, 16:01 He says, "I'm going to move my daughter" 16:03 because... and remember what I told you, 16:05 He is not allowing you to become a Flight Attendant 16:09 for your glory, 16:10 it is for His glory... for you to witness... 16:14 for you to be a vessel, 16:15 when people walk on that flight, 16:17 they're going to see that beautiful smile 16:18 that Nikki had, yes... 16:20 "Welcome, how are you?" 16:22 while you're serving beverages, while you're engaging... 16:26 someone may need to hear a word from God 16:29 and God is going to allow you to do that 16:33 because someone could be hurting... 16:35 someone could be on their way to... to go through a divorce 16:39 or their child just passed away 16:41 and you may see that person's head down... 16:44 you may say, "Is there anything I can do?" 16:46 "Is there anything I can get you?" 16:48 "Are you all right?" 16:49 And I think you have the type of discernment 16:52 to key into that 16:53 and I think you're going to be an absolute phenomenon. 16:55 "Don't be on my plane" 16:57 and I'm going to be like, "Excuse me... 16:58 I need this... it's to... " 17:00 "Hmmm... hmmm... don't Dr. Logan" 17:02 "Oh, excuse me, isn't your name Nikki?" 17:04 Okay... 17:05 So, I am excited, 17:07 what other avenues are you now looking at for your life, 17:12 you know, your education, 17:14 another type of business 17:17 because you had a business in mind 17:18 but that... we're going to keep that quiet 17:21 because it still may happen... it is a phenomenon... 17:24 my General Manager, Dr. Lewis, would love it, all right, 17:27 so we can share it with her afterward 17:29 but anything else on the table for Nikki? 17:32 Well, I still want to do my business, 17:33 for instance, because my niece... 17:35 I was with her the other day, she did mention like, 17:37 "When are you starting that?" 17:38 And I was like, "Oh, I am... just hold off" 17:42 of course, you know, I was studying for the LSA... 17:44 but I put that on the back burner for right now 17:46 up until after I'm accustomed to the Flight Attendant position 17:52 because I know I would have free time to study for that 17:54 but I don't know exactly what I'm going to do, 17:56 right now, my main concern is 17:58 preparing Dominic for a new school 18:00 and to be responsible 18:04 while I'm not in his presence. 18:06 Okay and then passing everything doing everything 18:09 and you're friendly, you're going to meet a lot of people. 18:12 Let's talk about Counseling. 18:15 Why is Counseling or how did it help you? 18:18 I feel like it helped me because I just needed someone to talk to 18:24 I needed someone to give me a better point of view 18:29 whether it was you telling me, 18:30 "Nikki, that's not worth you crying about" 18:32 or "Nikki, he was beneath you. " 18:35 Did I say that? I did say that, hmmm. 18:37 I was having self-esteem issues. 18:40 Yes, you're so beautiful. 18:43 And I just felt like... that just really helped me... 18:45 I needed, basically, just to talk to someone. 18:47 You can't talk... you can't always go to your friends 18:49 or even your parents, 18:50 you need someone that's unbiased, basically, 18:53 that doesn't even know you. 18:54 And I didn't know you, I did not know you, 18:56 I didn't... I've been in a relationship with you, 18:58 the only one in your family, 18:59 but I wanted to help you 19:01 and the first day you came in, you spoke to me 19:03 and I'm like, "Oooh, we're going to be here awhile. " 19:06 It's been years... 19:08 Two years. 19:09 Two years... and you're still with me 19:11 but that's a good... that's good because 19:14 you did not come just to hit or miss 19:17 and "Thank you for a few sessions" 19:20 if you really are going to work with changes in your life 19:23 and I recommend everyone go to counseling, 19:25 Premarital Counseling... when you're married... 19:28 if you're single, single parents, 19:30 as an individual, 19:31 and even now, myself, being in Counseling 19:34 after losing my husband, 19:35 there's so many things inside of me 19:37 that I'm pouring out and it's good to go to someone 19:41 who does not know you 19:43 and I went back to my previous therapist... 19:46 psychologist that I knew 19:48 when my grandmother passed away and my brother... 19:51 so, how has this also helped you 19:55 because you sometimes get very agitated with your father 19:59 and how old is your father? 20:01 My dad is 86... 20:03 Why do you get so agitated with him? 20:06 Pause. 20:08 I don't have an answer for that. 20:10 Do you think you lack patience with him? 20:12 Probably so, 20:14 I think it's just now me being grown and having to... 20:18 I don't have to be there, 20:20 I'm there by choice... but to still... 20:22 You're living with your father. Nikki: Yes. 20:23 Which is really good because if anything happens to him, 20:27 you are there to help him. 20:29 Right, I think sometimes it's just frustrating 20:31 it all being on me 20:34 when I have other siblings that could help. 20:37 That could help, you recently lost your brother 20:39 and can we talk a little bit about that? 20:43 Sure. 20:44 How did you handle all of that? 20:47 I know you called, we dealt with it in therapy 20:49 and you just... you just celebrated his... 20:51 was it first-year anniversary? 20:53 So, how are you doing with that? 20:55 I'm doing okay, 20:57 although I love my brother, we were not that close 21:00 because of just issues that I felt, 21:04 things I disagree with how he raised his kids, 21:08 how he had kids and just not really... 21:12 we didn't see eye-to-eye on a whole bunch of subjects 21:14 but I still love my brother, I miss him dearly, 21:17 we didn't see eye-to-eye though. 21:19 He was your older brother. Nikki: Yes. 21:21 All right and how did he pass away? 21:23 Because you said he was... he was just... 21:25 why don't you tell what happened? 21:27 Basically, he just had a heart attack and died overnight, 21:31 I wouldn't say, "In his sleep" because he woke up... 21:33 but I guess it would be, essentially, in his sleep. 21:35 Hmmm... 21:37 48 years old. 21:38 48 years old... and then you got the call at night 21:41 or the next morning? 21:42 It was around midnight we got the phone call. 21:44 You got the phone call. Nikki: Yes. 21:45 Could you believe it, did you accept it? 21:47 No, even to this day I still don't believe it, 21:50 it still hurts to just think he's never coming back, 21:55 he was a truck driver so you just always assume 21:58 he's coming home... he's coming home. 22:00 Right, yes, I went through that with... 22:02 and I still, sometimes, I say... 22:04 but I know he's not on a golf trip 22:06 and I think that makes me do better... 22:08 "No, he's not coming back" 22:10 and I have to tell... and my therapist 22:12 excuse me, said to me, 22:14 "Kim, you have to say he's not coming back" 22:16 and I said, "I don't want to say that" 22:18 she said, "But Honey, he's not coming back. " 22:20 So, in therapy ten times 22:23 I had to say, "Arthur is not coming back" 22:26 "Arthur... " then she had me say, 22:28 "He's resting in the Lord... He's resting in the Lord" 22:32 and this is why, I wanted it also, a Christian... 22:36 and I have a Seventh-day Adventist Psychologist 22:39 so that it... it really helps me to focus in 22:43 on what the Word of God says, 22:44 and then soon the trumpet shall sound, 22:46 the dead in Christ shall rise. 22:48 What makes Nikki happy? 22:50 Pause. 22:52 Traveling. 22:54 Yes, you love to travel, shopping? 22:57 I'm not really a shopper, 22:58 you're a shopper, I'm not a shopper. 23:00 I only shop when I need to. 23:01 You know, those shoes look kind of familiar 23:04 I think so, I think they came off my stack 23:06 but I'm going to leave that alone. 23:07 Thank you for supporting the Arthur E. Nowlin Foundation. 23:10 I loved to. 23:11 I appreciate that, but traveling... 23:14 you enjoy going out... having nice dinners... 23:16 Yes. 23:18 You enjoy spending time with your family 23:19 specially with your son. Nikki: My son. 23:21 How do you and his father get along? 23:23 We have our moments, some days are better than others 23:28 but like today, we had a little orientation to school 23:34 I'm happy when he shows up, 23:35 I'm happy that he wants to be a part of Dominic's life 23:38 because I know there are some fathers 23:40 that are not a part of their kids' lives, so... 23:43 You don't like to use the term, "Deadbeat dads" 23:46 but where do you think that term came from? 23:49 Deadbeat versus non-existence... non-involved... 23:53 where do you think that came from? 23:56 Because there are so many deadbeat fathers out here, 23:59 there are plenty of dads that have kids 24:01 and they don't see them on a regular basis, 24:03 they don't call them, they don't interact with them 24:06 they just leave it totally up to the mom 24:09 to figure everything out. 24:11 The responsibility... you know, 24:13 and then a lot of men... 24:14 and that... again, I'm not trying to jump on men 24:18 but they will quit their jobs 24:20 before they have to pay child support. 24:23 Yes, I know a few people that did that. 24:25 "I refuse to pay child support" 24:28 and I remember even an athlete who killed a woman 24:32 while she was pregnant 24:33 because he didn't want to pay child support... 24:35 but she lived long enough to name the person who shot her 24:38 and now he's in prison for the rest of his life. 24:40 It would have been easy... 24:42 easier to just pay the child support 24:44 and you would have been able to go on with your life 24:47 but again, the selfish modality of it. 24:50 I think that it's important 24:52 that as we continue the counseling process 24:55 because we're not done yet 24:57 and I can tell you... 24:58 why do you think we're not done with your counseling? 25:00 Um... I think there are some family issues 25:05 that we probably need to go over 25:07 that we probably haven't addressed... 25:09 because, you know, when I get mad, 25:11 I stop talking to people. 25:12 Yes, you do... you totally... Nikki shuts down 25:15 and I have never seen a person get... 25:18 you know, that look... give me that look. 25:21 I don't know... 25:23 You know that look you do, you're like... 25:25 your eyes... your eyes get real small, 25:27 "Dr. Logan, they shouldn't have done this" 25:30 and "Dr. Logan, well, I think I have this opinion" 25:32 and "Dr. Logan... this... " 25:34 And I'm like, "Uh huh, where does all this come from?" 25:37 And so, we have to get in there and resolve that... 25:41 so it doesn't pour into your son, 25:44 we don't want that to go on your son. 25:46 Do you... do you want to get married some day? 25:49 Yes. 25:50 Why do you say "Yes... yes?" 25:51 Because I don't know who doesn't want to get married. 25:54 There are a lot of people who don't 25:56 believe it or not, I didn't want to get married. 25:58 Well, I want to get married. 26:00 You want to get married, you know, 26:01 Arthur came from somewhere okay, 26:03 but God is good, because God knew that's what I needed 26:06 all right, so, you want to get married, all right, 26:10 let's talk about the type of man you are asking God for. 26:13 First of all, are you asking God... 26:15 or are you trying to find him? 26:17 I think before, I was trying to find him, 26:20 or make an Ex'd boyfriend be the one 26:25 but right now, I'm just letting... 26:27 I'm not really looking right now, 26:29 I have other things to worry about. 26:30 See, it's like this book, 26:32 it's like, all those X's have blown away, 26:34 you know, because I've got your file and all... 26:38 how many people... 26:40 but we had to let them all go, didn't we? 26:41 Yeah. 26:43 And I didn't... I never wanted to judge you, 26:45 you know, you never felt that way 26:47 but I just felt that God has something so much better for you 26:51 if you could just be patient and allow God to prepare you 26:55 and someone told me once, 26:57 "While you're waiting, 26:58 what did you bring in to the table?" 27:01 Work on you... let God work on you... 27:03 don't look for a man, 27:04 I remember my Pastor, Marshall T. Kelly 27:07 and he said to me, 27:08 when I was like, 11 years old, 27:10 "Kim, what do you want to be?" 27:11 And I said, "I'd like to be... get my Ph. D. 27:15 Psychologist... a Counselor... " 27:17 you know, he said, "Good" 27:18 because a lot of young ladies, leave... go off to school... 27:21 and they want to marry a doctor, marry a dentist, marry a... 27:24 but he... he taught us, "Become one" 27:27 become one... become independent" 27:29 so that you can take care of yourself, 27:31 and that's what I like about you... 27:33 you are able to take care of yourself, 27:35 Nikki, I am just excited about where your life is going, 27:39 I'm going to always be here for you, 27:41 I'm glad that you are waiting on God now, 27:44 and you're praying, you're reading your Word, 27:47 you're back in church, you have your son in church, 27:50 you're walking with the Lord, 27:52 so great things ahead 27:54 so, no excuses, say that... 27:56 "No excuses. " 27:57 We're done with excuses. 27:59 We are, definitely. 28:00 We are waiting on the Lord. 28:01 Well, listen, I'm waiting on the Lord 28:03 and I want you to wait on the Lord. 28:04 I'm Dr. Kim, continue to live to be well. 28:08 God bless. |
Revised 2018-05-14