Participants:
Series Code: LTBW
Program Code: LTBW190044S
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00:49 Hi, I'm Dr. Kim Logan-Nowlan and welcome to Live to be Well. 00:53 What is Live to be Well? Mind, body and soul, but without the 00:58 foundation of Jesus Christ we would be an empty shell. We need 01:02 to have healthy lives, healthy living and that comes with a 01:06 relationship with Jesus Christ. But also there are things that 01:09 we have to endure. Today my topic is Excepting Change and my 01:14 special guest is Dr. Sharonlyn Harrison. Hello Girlfriend. 01:18 Hey girl. [What's going on?] Hanging in there. [I know] 01:22 You know, we share a lot. We share... We attend the same 01:27 church, we were raised on the east side of Detroit [that's 01:31 right]. We attended the same elementary school Thomas 01:33 Elementary. We both earned our PhDs. We own our own businesses. 01:39 We both have daughters. Your daughters are eight years apart. 01:43 My daughters are 18 years apart. And recently you have... We've 01:49 been Minister of Music at our church. [Right, right]. But 01:52 recently you have suffered a great loss. You lost your 01:56 husband as I did. We are both now widows but we're not defined 02:00 by that [That's right] I want to just allow you 02:04 the opportunity to 02:05 share your testimony because the last time you were on 3ABN-Dare 02:09 to Dream and I want to say publicly how much I appreciate 02:12 Jason Bradley for getting that footage to you. 02:15 Thank you Jason. 02:17 Because I knew how much that meant to you. When I texted him 02:19 he was on it for you because we knew how much it meant to you. 02:23 So we're going to turn this over to you and let you minister to 02:27 us and share whatever you like about what it has been like 02:30 because the last time you were here Elder Marvin Harrison was 02:34 sitting right there. [Yes] So tell us what has happened. 02:38 What happened? 02:39 Well everything is just really hard because the first time 02:42 doing everything without him as you know is really, really 02:47 difficult. I miss him every minute of the day. But I also 02:51 know that the love we shared is strengthening and his love for 02:56 Jesus Christ. He loved the Lord. He loved his family and he loved 03:01 his wife. And so when I get sad that is what strengthens me. 03:07 Just again he started facing some health challenges around 03:13 January of 2018, just minor changes in his condition. And in 03:20 May we were facing a lot of changes in our life. We were 03:26 moving from our home. And you know how they say that stress 03:29 test says that moving is one of the top stressors in life. And I 03:34 noticed that he seemed like he wasn't feeling as well. But he 03:38 was just always a person that wanted to be the strength of the 03:43 family. And so I asked him, you know, how are you doing, how 03:47 you doing. Don't worry about the move. We finally had a purchaser 03:52 for our home. And I said, you know, you look like you're not 03:55 feeling too well. And he was like I'm not feeling too good 03:59 but I'm going to feel better and then I'm going I'm going to get, 04:01 you know, start cleaning and putting the house in order for 04:06 the move. And I laughed because after he passed I had to do all 04:11 of it, so I realized how stressful it was. Because when 04:14 we moved into that house I actually was out of town, so 04:17 I missed the move the last time. [Oh my] I was wondering why is 04:21 he so, you know, worked up about this move. But I saw. 04:24 And just the stress of that worked on him and his heart 04:28 started acting up. So he was very, very sick. He suffered a 04:32 massive heart attack. Yes he did and he was very, very ill the 04:38 last four days of his life. He just never recovered from it. 04:43 You know Elder Marvin Harrison was my Sabbath School teacher. 04:46 I always tell that story. I wouldn't be in Sabbath School 04:51 today if it hadn't been for Elder Marvin Harrison, 04:52 how enlightening and engaging and 04:55 he didn't have to bribe us with candy or anything. We just 04:58 wanted to come because he was such a great artist. [Yes he 05:03 was] So he would always do different graphics from the 05:06 Bible characters for us. [Really?] It was just so 05:09 beautiful and he would have us draw. I couldn't draw, just 05:11 stick drawing. But 05:13 he had such a heart, such a kindness and he of course 05:18 mentored Arthur into the eldership program. [Okay right] 05:22 So you were there for me and made sure everything was in 05:26 order. Your daughters? How are they doing? 05:28 They are coping. They don't live here like your daughters. And so 05:36 I can see that they are having a tough time. Eden is more 05:42 expressive about her feelings. Eve, because she's in the funeral 05:48 business, I take a little bit more of a look at her because I 05:53 think she takes it differently because it's part of what she 05:55 does every day. [Every day] So overall I would say they are 06:01 doing very well given the circumstances but I make sure 06:06 that they talk about their loss and their grief. The other day 06:11 Eden was saying, Mom, I felt so funny on the ninth. What's going 06:15 on, of September. I said, Your dad died on May ninth I said and 06:21 to me, the body remembers even if the mind's not thinking about it 06:25 She said she just woke up feeling tense. And so I told her 06:28 I said It's okay, you know. And when she feels like crying I say 06:33 come on, you know we can cry together. It's a huge loss for 06:36 us. So. Eden was actually there when her dad passed and so it 06:43 was the day after her birthday. Her birthday was May the eighth. 06:46 And he passed on May the ninth. So just really paying attention 06:51 to both of them. He told Eve to go ahead; she had a job 06:55 interview in Trinidad. He told her, you know, go. Don't stay. 07:00 And so she made the decision to go. So just balancing how one 07:05 feels from being there, how one feels from not being there and 07:09 making sure that they know that love, God's love, and God is 07:16 here. God is keeping us. I want to make sure that they know that 07:20 Yes yes yes. Your church family, our church family, you know, 07:25 and I heard the remarks just the support that we received 07:30 during that time. We still receive. [Yes] Was everything 07:34 that you could hope for from your church family? They stepped 07:37 up, they were there for you? 07:39 Yes I can't say enough about my church family including you. 07:44 I often think how you just looked in my eyes at the 07:47 services and it was just saying to me, You'll get through this. 07:52 You know, you didn't say a word You just got in my face and 07:55 looked at me. 07:57 I did. I got on my knees, I didn't want to get all the way 07:59 down but I knelt down and I just look at you for that moment. 08:03 I just said to you, I didn't say anything, I just kind of hugged 08:06 You. You just looked at me. 08:07 And a lot of times when my days are rough 08:10 I think about things like that, like that look that you gave me 08:15 just to let me know that it's a path that's travelable, if 08:19 that's a word. A road that I can travel when I'm by myself. 08:24 And the church family has just been awesome. At first I just 08:28 really needed to be near water so I would go to Belle Isle 08:32 and sit and they would join me. [They'd find you] Yeah, I'd say 08:36 well come on, I'm going to the water. [Yes] I'm going to the 08:39 water. And just calling. They helped me move. I could not have 08:44 moved out of that house if my church family did it. 08:46 Isn't that beautiful? 08:48 It was so funny because I felt like I could do it but they sat 08:50 me down and said, You need help. So on Tuesday... They even wrote 08:53 lists for each day of what I should do. So my church family 08:57 has been awesome. Our pastor! [Our pastor] Oh yes. 09:00 You know, and I tried to help you understand how important 09:03 family is, having that church family. Find a good church home 09:08 being a blessing. Your husband introduced you to the Seventh- 09:12 day Adventist message. [He did] And he was such a strong man 09:17 and a healthy eater [Yes] but I remember the day he brought you 09:22 to church [Yes] and the ladies were like, Oop he's off the 09:25 market. And he moved fast enough, he didn't know what was going on 09:31 Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. 09:32 And so when we first met you we embraced you. I just fell 09:37 in love with you and 09:39 [Thank you] your kindness and your warmth and your voice. 09:43 You have a beautiful voice. [Thank you] I'm looking forward 09:46 to hearing that voice again. 09:48 Praise the Lord, I'm working on it. I'm working on it. 09:49 You know, one of the adjustments I had was living alone. [Yes] 09:55 How's that for you? 09:56 That's rough. It's like, I'm glad the girls aren't here 10:01 because on bad days I wouldn't want them to see me, but it's 10:04 so quiet. [Yes] And one of the things I noticed right away is 10:10 we talked on the phone all day. And I know like you and Art, 10:14 were just, Arthur was just so close to you. And so I noticed 10:18 like when I'm in the car I would talk to him while I'm having 10:22 breakfast. Get in the car, call him while I'm driving to a 10:25 meeting. Go in the meeting, come back out the meeting, tell him 10:28 what was going on and so it just felt so alone. We have a dog 10:35 you know we had [yes] a dog, Coconut. So Coconut's my charge 10:43 now and she misses him so much that she's acting... I've had 10:47 some challenges with her. We have that on the Coconut shelf. 10:50 [All right] So it is quiet but I find that the quietness is 10:57 it's also comforting and it makes me get still and just 11:05 listen to my own thoughts and think about the memories. 11:11 I allow myself and I make myself get still when the memories 11:17 start flooding even if it brings tears. A lot of times it brings 11:21 laughter. But I'm getting used to living alone and I've done it 11:26 before. One of the things I'm glad I did is I lived alone as a 11:30 young adult. I'm really glad I did that because I know how to 11:34 take care of myself and I know how to live alone. 11:37 Right, and I did also. I didn't live alone on my own, I was in 11:41 dorms and I moved to Connecticut for a short time but I had two 11:45 or three roommates. I'd gotten a scholarship to go to school 11:49 there. Coming back home you know and having Micah. So I've never 11:55 lived alone, you know. This is the first time I've ever lived 11:59 alone in my life. And so Erin came home for a little while 12:03 you know it was so comforting having her home. I cooked 12:06 breakfast for her. I enjoy doing that. Then one day I went in the 12:10 bathroom and this was out of order, that was out of order 12:13 I went into her bedroom. I keep the room. I said, Oh it's time 12:17 for you to go. I can make it now, I'll be all right. 12:21 You were _. 12:24 Yes. You know I gave her a gap year this year. Yes, because she 12:29 had a mental breakdown [okay] and I was down in Huntsville and 12:34 This is healing, this is good. You know, praise God, and she 12:39 was in the closet with the covers over her head. And I 12:42 didn't listen to Micah. Micah said, Mommy she went from 12:45 boarding school to Oakwood Academy to Oakwood University. 12:49 She lost her father when she was 16. It's too much Mommy. 12:52 You know I'm regimented, let's go, let's go, let's go [Yeah you 12:56 are so strong] and I almost lost our baby. And so I said, I'm 13:02 listening now. And she lost trust in me because I wasn't 13:06 listening [Yeah] and she was talking to her Godmother Karen 13:09 Micah but not me. I said, I'm listening, just give me another 13:14 chance. So she came home and she was going to stay out at 13:18 Monee's and I was away on the cruse. And I said when I get 13:23 back, I want you to come home. And she said, You're not going 13:26 to listen. And I said, I'm not going to make you go back to 13:30 school. I said, I'm here for you and now we went to our first 13:34 counseling session two-and-a- half weeks ago because she left 13:37 three weeks ago. So she had another one, but she's still in 13:41 Huntsville doing some things, running her business, getting 13:44 some photos. All this stuff. [How beautiful] So my whole 13:47 thing is that I had to recognize we all grieve differently 13:53 [Absolutely] and do you know someone said to me when I lost 13:58 my brother-in-law and not too long ago Arthur, I know you're 14:03 still not grieving over Elder Humphries. And it had only been 14:07 two weeks since he passed or three weeks? [Someone said that] 14:11 I just couldn't believe it. I went out of church 14:14 and Arthur came 14:16 behind me. He said, What's wrong I said, I just want to leave, 14:18 I just want to leave church. He said, No, no, no, no. No one's 14:21 going to run us out of church. [Wow] You know, that's their 14:23 ignorance. [Yes] So I had to make that adjustment, I had to 14:27 accept that adjustment. See my sister has been widow now 14:31 12 years. 14:32 Oh wow. I remember how painful that was. That was painful for 14:35 us too. 14:37 Everyone, that was such a shock. 14:38 It was such a shock. 14:39 Let me ask you, did your husband realize that his health was 14:43 failing quickly those last four days? 14:45 Yes, he knew, he did. I actually flew Eden home I want to say one 14:51 thing, I am in counseling as well. [Oh I'm glad] I called 14:55 immediately and 14:56 started that just for myself because people get tired of you 14:59 talking about it, you know, Marvin, Marvin, Marvin. 15:03 I want to talk about him. 15:04 I don't want people to make me speed through that. If I see a 15:08 flower that reminds me of Marvin I want to talk about that flower 15:11 that reminds me of Marvin. I was in D.C. recently and I went to 15:15 some of the museums and I was talking about Oh Marvin would 15:17 have loved this and loved that. And I realize people don't 15:20 always want to hear that. So I went into counseling so I can 15:23 talk him as much as I want. But what'd you ask me? 15:27 I was talking about Marvin, Marvin. 15:30 Oh, did he know he was passing? 15:34 Yes he did know because he was so sick I think he knew more the 15:39 last day. He hoped and we both hoped. But he was going into 15:46 cardiac arrest so much that I think he began to realize that 15:52 it was ending and he started really listening to Wintley 15:55 Phipps, It is Well with My Soul. The last few hours when he 16:01 decided he that was going to let go he said to me as I said 16:06 at the funeral, You going to be all right Sharon? And you know 16:09 I go back over that, I wish I had just fallen on the floor 16:12 Noooo. But I wanted him to see strength and comfort in those 16:18 last moments. I said, Yeah I'll be all right. And he said, I 16:22 want you to take care of yourself Sharon. And I said Okay 16:27 And I thought about that, I say Who was taking care of me? 16:29 It was him, that's why. He was just taking, you know... feeding 16:33 me and getting me ready for meetings. So it's more difficult 16:39 for me to get to places, even more now, because he always did 16:43 my setup. Yeah. 16:45 He did, yeah. I remember seeing him in the, not to interrupt you 16:48 but [that's okay] in the church parking lot and Arthur would 16:50 walk out, Man you know I'm going to be here awhile. Now I'm 16:54 waiting on my queen. By the way I said How are you, where's 16:58 Sharon? In the church. He said Yeah I got to close up the 17:02 church. Okay. And so he was sitting right there. Arthur 17:06 would walk around and talk with him. And just the joy, and 17:11 that's another reason Arthur stayed in the church. [Really] 17:15 Elder Marvin Harrison, because he saw the care, because see 17:19 and that's what's missing. We're missing the mentoring. Elder 17:25 Harrison mentored Arthur [Oh praise God]. And you know you 17:29 can get involved in this, you can get involved in this and 17:32 I'll walk you through this. And then that picture. I don't know 17:36 if you still have it but I'll send it to you that Elder 17:40 Harrison has his hand on Arthur's shoulder when Arthur 17:44 was being ordained [Oh my Lord] and Marvin stood right behind 17:48 him. And I look at that picture sometime. I'm going to frame 17:51 that picture [Oh praise the Lord] and I said only the Lord 17:57 knew. You know, but he became a good elder because of the 18:01 mentoring your husband gave him. Because Arthur didn't know. 18:05 [Praise God] But this is what we need today in the church. 18:11 So I think he did know and he prepared us you know as... 18:15 Did you have Eve on Face Time or something? 18:18 I didn't because when it got there... Well she was in... 18:22 actually was in the air. Yes. We knew that Eve was in the air. 18:26 And Eden... Eden was there. I had flown her in the day before 18:30 when she said, Is bad. I said It's bad, you better come 18:34 because she was going to come on the weekend. I said, It looks 18:37 kind of bad so you better come on. 18:40 But don't we have that blessed hope? [Yes] When the trumpet 18:43 shall sound. [Yes] The dead in Christ shall rise first [Yes] 18:48 and those that remain will be caught up to meet him. [Yeah] 18:51 You know and I think about... The other day I was listening to 18:54 We Shall Behold Him and I was just crying. I was walking 18:58 around the house. And then when I left here last night and I 19:01 went home and I said, Lord Arthur would have enjoyed this. 19:07 We would have been bantering. We would have been going back 19:10 and forth and he would have been fussing about how many changes 19:14 do I need to pack up? Recently I had a fire [I didn't know] in 19:19 February and Micah would call and say you walked in... You 19:23 remember the family room? [Yes] Where you sat on the floor next 19:26 to me. [Yes] You remember all the pictures, like a mausoleum 19:28 in there of Arthur. That's what I call it. Karen said like a 19:33 museum of Arthur. So Micah called me one day. She said 19:36 Mommy you got to take the pictures down, it's too hard. 19:39 But it wasn't hard for me. But it was hard for them. [Really] 19:43 That night I had that fire, electrical wiring in my home, I 19:48 don't think those pictures would still be up. Now there's one 19:52 picture of Arthur in that room because it's all been redone and 19:54 the other part of the house and painted and everything. And 19:58 there's a picture on the mantle in the living room of he and I 20:04 but those many, many, many photos are now packed up 20:08 because when we had the fire and the smoke, you know, they 20:11 cleaned everything. And I said do I take all these pictures 20:14 out and put them back up? I took the shelves down. That's gone 20:18 now. [Okay] And so one picture and I have a couple in my 20:22 bedroom. But I'm like you, I don't want to rush through time 20:27 like his office, right here, and recently I just moved, after 20:32 two-and-a-half years, the other day I moved his name tag. 20:37 Because it's time. [Yes] And I went to move a picture and I 20:49 said, You know, I can't do that. And I put his business cards 20:53 away. Because he's not coming back. [No] So little bit by 21:00 little bit I'm making changes in his office. [Yes] And I know he 21:06 would tell me, Kim clean out the office. Kim. He would say that 21:12 you know. Because when he was alive he would say why do I got 21:15 all this stuff in my office? You know this is real Live to be 21:23 Well. This is real. And I loved Elder Marvin Harrison. [Yes] 21:32 I loved Elder, Ohhh. Elder Arthur Nowlan. Yes. 21:37 And we had such a bond the four of us. [Yes] We had a common 21:41 bond and the only thing we didn't do, we didn't take that 21:44 trip together. [We did not]. We did not. We talked about it. 21:48 [Right] You know with eating together and fellowshipping 21:51 together. And I remember the Sabbath he invited Larry to 21:56 church. Larry was downstairs. And they were sitting at the 22:00 table, this is like a couple of weeks before he got sick. And 22:04 I was walking past and he said Excuse me, glad to know you. 22:09 I said, I'm sorry Elder Harrison and I said, Hi, because Larry 22:13 gave me that contract that referred me to him and the rest 22:17 is history. I hugged them both and I gave Elder Harrison the 22:21 biggest hug and I said, This is my Sabbath School teacher, you 22:25 know. He said, I love you, I love you. He said, you staying? 22:28 I said No because fellowship dinners were too hard for me. 22:31 [I remember that] I would come down, say hello and leave. 22:35 Because I could not do it. 22:37 And I go home and I sit at home by myself and I would cry, try 22:44 to eat dinner. Sabbaths were the hardest for me. 22:48 Sabbaths are the hardest for me because he got sick on the 22:51 Sabbath and he went into the hospital on the Sabbath. 22:54 Sabbaths are very hard. 22:56 Yes and Friday night we would sit there and listen to music 23:01 and we would talk about the Bible and Art would say, All 23:05 right, let's talk about Daniel. I said, Arthur there are other 23:09 Bible characters in the Bible. And so he said, The lions came 23:15 and got them and before they could fall they devoured them. 23:18 I'd say, Yes Arthur. You see that's why you got to live right 23:22 because God will take out your whole family. And I said, Can we 23:27 move to Esther. And he said can we move to something else. 23:30 But every Friday night... 23:31 And then when he would speak in church he had 23:34 this one phrase, he would say it and I would look at him, Listen 23:37 to me now. Listen to me now. And I would mock him in church. And 23:42 he loved the song and Erin played it on the piano, you know 23:47 and Erin would get angry at him and so we share something else. 23:53 Because the song that Erin played at the service was 23:56 Arthur's favorite song, It is Well With My Soul. [Really] 24:00 And she did an arrangement, she rearranged the song for him. 24:05 So every Friday night, It is Well. Mom tell Dad. And I said 24:13 you need to go sit on those stairs or be on the couch and be 24:17 her audience. And she would just play that song. And one time in 24:21 Sabbath School, she played the piano, I was on the organ, he 24:24 sang It is Well. And so that was the song you played for Marvin. 24:30 Mm-mmm, that was the song that comforted Marvin, yes. He 24:32 wanted to hear that song. Larry spent the night with him the 24:37 last night [He did] and then I came. I was gone for a couple 24:40 hours and came back and they were just listening to the whole 24:44 Wintley Phipps album and so. 24:47 It's so comforting. I know your brother-in-law, Darryl Ford. 24:50 [Yeah] He was my producer for radio. [Oh my goodness] 24:53 When we did radio he 24:55 would do our intro when we first started doing radio. And that's 24:59 how we met, Minister Darryl Ford and then I'm a part of a girls' 25:04 room, he's the producer of that. [Right] And so I did not know 25:08 when you told me. [Yeah] I said who you related to? He said, 25:12 Elder Marvin Harrison. See and I talked about this Sharonlyn. 25:16 We sit next to people every week and we don't know who they are 25:21 what they do. I interviewed Felicia Hunter. I had no idea 25:25 she was a pediatric nurse. You knew? [Yes] Where am I? 25:30 Okay. So what can we do because... Tell them what your 25:35 Ph.D. is in. 25:37 So my Ph.D. is in education with a specialty in evaluation and 25:40 research. I run an evaluation and research firm. So we work 25:45 with nonprofits, help them do grant writing and then we do 25:49 research and evaluation working at the federal, local and 25:53 foundation level. It's a blessing. 25:58 You did our assessment for our church. [Yes] And the 26:02 statistical data you gave us. [Yes] It took us to a new level. 26:05 Praise God! I love data, yeah. 26:07 I like pushing that button, you know. Take it out you know 26:11 scratch number one, number two. We have a minute and 50 seconds 26:16 or so. What can you say to someone who's experiencing this 26:21 and going through this now? 26:23 Just look at the word of James when he said, Count it all joy 26:26 when these fiery trials come, these various trials come before 26:31 you. Know that the testing of faith produces patience. And 26:36 that's it. I mean, just feeling when you're going through a 26:39 major change and a hurtful change you really have to be still and 26:43 allow yourself to feel the presence of God because you will 26:47 not make it without Jesus Christ People come and go. Yes you need 26:52 people around you, family, but it's that personal time with the 26:56 Lord when he's reminding you how much he loves you. And you feel 27:01 him, just the presence of him and you go into that presence 27:04 and you're talking to him and thanking him in the midst of 27:09 such pain. That's what's so important. 27:13 What's your favorite scripture? 27:14 Ah well I actually like, Do not be dismayed, do not be afraid. 27:20 It's in Deuteronomy, I don't remember exactly but I just 27:24 always think about that, don't be fearful of anything. 27:30 Live to be Well has been very real today, very emotional. 27:38 I cannot express how much I love you for coming. When I asked her 27:43 to come, she said, Of course I will come. And I know it's going 27:46 to help so many people. If you're going through something 27:49 today know there's a Savior who's waiting to help you. 27:53 Jesus is real today. And we have difficulties, we have losses but 28:00 the trumpet is soon to sound and God is coming. 28:04 Believe God is Love 28:07 I'm Dr. Kim Logan-Nowlan Live to be Well. God Bless. 28:12 ♪ ♪ |
Revised 2021-09-20