Participants: Jennifer Jill Schwirzer (Host), Paul Coneff, Shelley Wiggins, Dr. Jean Wright II, Laura Whidden
Series Code: MOC
Program Code: MOC000019A
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00:26 We are making our troubles transparent today on:
00:30 A Multitude of Counselors 00:31 because honesty is the first step toward healing. 00:34 The title of our Program today is: 00:37 Keeping Body and Soul Through Bipolar. 00:40 We want to talk to you a little bit about Bipolar. 00:42 Bipolar was once called: Manic Depression. 00:45 It is characterized by periods of very high energy 00:48 and expansiveness and confidence called "Mania" 00:51 and then corresponding extreme lows... or depression... 00:56 these fluctuating moods can cycle very slowly 00:59 or they can cycle rapidly, 01:01 there is quite a bit of variety within the spectrum of bipolar. 01:04 The prevalence is about... 01:06 is over actually... three percent... 01:08 so it is not an uncommon disorder. 01:10 The causes are thought to be heritability 01:14 so if you see lots of mood disorders on your family tree, 01:17 you can blame your relatives... 01:19 it doesn't seem that you can cause bipolar, per se, 01:22 by lifestyle choices 01:24 but lifestyle choices can worsen or trigger a manic episode. 01:28 Sometimes I've noticed that bipolar people 01:32 often do things in a manic phase that worsens the process... 01:35 they make immoral choices or choices to spend money 01:38 or use substances that can 01:40 increase the problem-load in their lives 01:43 such as the depression... the lows are even lower 01:45 because now they have all these additional problems. 01:47 So there's something to be said 01:49 for controlling the process 01:51 through lifestyle choices and so forth. 01:53 Bipolar is not generally curable but it is manageable. 01:58 The treatments depend, 02:01 kind of on the severity of the case 02:03 but oftentimes, if an individual has a 02:05 severe-enough case of bipolar, 02:07 they need medication to manage it... 02:09 and we're taking the approach of "It's not either... or... 02:13 it's both... and... " 02:14 because sometimes we need all of the above 02:16 to manage a case of bipolar. 02:18 So, we have with us today 02:21 the amazing Laura Whidden 02:23 who is not just an individual with mental illness 02:25 but she's an individual who is extremely creative 02:28 and extremely warm and... 02:30 I'm going to cry when I say it but she's loving and... 02:32 especially to people that struggle. 02:34 She's been a blessing to loved ones of mine 02:38 and she's a blessing to many through her music and ministry. 02:41 We also have with us, Licensed Professional Counselor, 02:44 Shelly Wiggins from Michigan... I almost said, "Minnesota" 02:48 and we have Marriage and Family Therapist, 02:51 Paul Coneff from Texas 02:52 and we have Dr. Jean Wright from Philadelphia, 02:55 so, we're so thankful that each one of you could join us. 02:59 Let's get into the story here, 03:01 when did this all start for you, Laura? 03:04 I started showing signs of depression 03:08 when I was 12-years old... 03:10 we even had some professionals in our church 03:13 who told my parents, just from observing me, 03:17 that they believed I may have some sort of mental disorder 03:21 and at that time, I was having trouble sleeping 03:24 severe insomnia... 03:26 and I had a lot of shame... 03:29 shame that was very disproportionate... 03:31 the kind of acts that I had done... 03:33 I felt guilty about taking a dime from my dad when I was five 03:36 and I was awake long hours into the night 03:40 and so, I think it hit a major 03:45 springboard at the age of 16 03:49 when one of my closest friends was diagnosed with anorexia 03:53 and I had never even heard of it 03:55 and I couldn't understand it 03:58 but I caught myself thinking the same kinds of thoughts 04:01 that she had described and so, 04:04 within a year I was also diagnosed with anorexia 04:07 and because I caught it... 04:10 I saw it... before it happened really... 04:12 before I got to a very severely-thin weight, 04:14 I went to my parents and said, "I want to see a therapist" 04:17 and it was a bit of a struggle, 04:19 my parents... they were so afraid 04:22 that I would carry this stigma, "Oh, she's in therapy, 04:26 something's terribly wrong with her... " 04:28 but eventually, I persisted and said, 04:29 "I really want to see a therapist... " 04:31 and so, they took me to a therapist 04:33 and I learned some coping behaviors... 04:35 I learned how to accept myself better, 04:37 and then, I met this guy who just seemed like a dream guy... 04:42 and... 04:43 Paul: How old are you? 04:45 Laura: I am now 18... 04:46 so I had a couple of years where things were managed 04:51 but I still had major mood swings... 04:53 I would be so sad for weeks and not know why 04:57 and then I would be very... more manic... 05:01 but again, "manic" never seemed to really 05:04 give people pause... it was... 05:06 Jennifer: You were so productive. 05:08 Laura: I was extra-productive... 05:09 I was a leader... I was an actress... 05:12 I was a singer in all the school plays... 05:14 and in all the stuff... and I deeply loved Jesus... 05:18 I felt... from the time of 12 I felt so desperate 05:22 to be what he wanted me to be... 05:24 I was baptized at 12 and I've never regretted it, 05:27 I knew what I wanted... I knew I wanted Him then... 05:30 and it was true... it's always been true... 05:33 and I was also a really well-behaved kid... 05:36 Jennifer: You wanted to please. 05:37 Laura: I wanted to please... 05:39 and I... you know... 05:43 I don't even know how to describe to you how badly... 05:47 but I was... 05:48 I was the girl who always got elected for... church pastor... 05:51 a school pastor... I was a leader... 05:53 I gave Bible Studies... 05:55 I sold books door-to-door for years... 05:57 I worked at camp... 05:59 and so, one of the main things that happened... 06:03 I came home from camp... I had gained some weight 06:06 and I thought the people around me would say, like, 06:10 "Oh, it's no big deal... you look fine... " 06:12 and instead... they said, 06:14 "Don't worry, we'll get you on a diet... " 06:16 All: Laughter... Jennifer: Here we go... snap... 06:19 Laura: Exactly... exactly... and so I started diet counseling 06:22 and that's when the anorexia started going out of control... 06:25 is once I was put in diet counseling, 06:27 when I only was a size 8... 06:28 Jennifer: Oh... 06:29 Laura: So, I think that's an important thing 06:31 that I would love to tell my audience... 06:33 moms... dads... friends... 06:35 please don't push people on weight issues... 06:38 please... if you're going to say anything, 06:41 you want to do prayer... like, maybe months... 06:44 before anything is said... maybe... 06:46 Jennifer: Particularly a young female in the teens... 06:49 Paul: But she's like... like, how old... this time? 06:51 Laura: I was 16 when this happened. 06:54 Jennifer: The amount of body-image pressure 06:56 on young females is incalculable. 06:59 Laura: I'm currently a 14... 16... 07:02 and so imagine me an 8... that's four sizes smaller... 07:06 that's when we started the diet counseling... 07:07 that's when... I can remember standing in mirrors 07:10 in the gym... with my friends 07:11 and we were all fantasizing 07:13 about which parts of ourselves we'd like to cut off... 07:15 All: Oooooh! 07:16 Laura: And one girl said, 07:18 "If I could just cut off my stomach... " 07:20 I was the girl who said, 07:22 "If I could just cut off that part inside my thigh, 07:24 how cool would that be!" 07:25 This is... that's how we... that was "girl-locker-room talk" 07:30 and so, 07:32 I feel like the anorexia was the major catalyst 07:37 that would take me low quicker than anything else. 07:40 My body-image would take me all the way down with no warning 07:44 and so, when I was 18... 07:46 I did everything my parents had asked... 07:50 I worked so hard in school 07:51 and I felt a lot of pressure that maybe wasn't even theirs, 07:55 much of it, I believe I put on myself as well 07:58 and so, I had straight "A's"... 08:01 and... but suddenly I had friends 08:03 who were not raised the way I was with all the... you know, 08:07 my family believed pretty strongly 08:09 in a lot of different ways to live and dress and look 08:13 and I believed that people who didn't live and dress 08:17 and look and behave the way I did, 08:19 were just rebellious people 08:22 who woke up one morning and said, "I want to have fun... 08:24 so I'm just going to do terrible things. " 08:26 Like, that's what I believed about people who were 08:30 doing all the naughty things. 08:31 Jennifer: Where did you get exposed to these people 08:33 that were not the same as you? 08:34 Laura: Oh, I didn't get to see the people 08:36 that were not the same as me until... when I was 18... 08:39 I had a breakdown... 08:40 I was... I had kind of found my way with the self-concept stuff 08:46 and then I met this guy who I just thought was... 08:48 he hung the moon... 08:50 and we'd been together six months 08:52 and I had gained the "Freshmen 10" 08:55 and I remember calling him one night 08:57 and I was so insecure... 08:59 and he was... in my opinion, 09:00 extremely handsome and successful, 09:02 he was in medical school and I said to him, like, 09:05 "Why are you even with me?" 09:06 Like, "You're so amazing and I'm just weird... " 09:09 and he said, like, 09:13 "Imagine how much you like me and that's how much I like you" 09:17 and... and... and... I said, 09:20 "Well, it seems like something's not all the way there, 09:23 like, do you really like me?" 09:24 And he was like, "I do... " 09:25 and I was like, "Well, it seems like you're holding back" 09:29 and he said, "Well, you know, 09:31 there's a truth about me 09:33 and I don't know whether it's Godly to say it or not 09:35 but... I like thin women... " 09:38 and again, I was maybe a size 10... 09:41 I don't know... 8... 10... 09:43 and I said, "Well, how thin is thin enough?" 09:46 and he said, "In my opinion, no woman can ever be too thin. " 09:50 Jennifer: Oh dear... wow! Jean: Wow... 09:52 Laura: And, within three months, I was hospitalized 09:56 because I began to take on this frenetic, 09:59 "I must exercise... 10:01 I'm going to be a... I'm going to... " 10:02 I wasn't just going to go exercise... 10:04 I was going to run a marathon and I started working nights... 10:07 to save up to buy him a special present... 10:10 and so... off I went... 10:13 and I... one night I just broke down and cried... 10:17 and everything that had ever happened... 10:19 every difficulty... and watching... 10:22 "Well, now I'm at college and people who act 10:24 and think and look differently than me... 10:26 still love Jesus... 10:27 and I'm totally conflicted and confused. " 10:30 Shelly: So you didn't feel like you fit... 10:32 your paradigm was shifted. 10:33 Laura: Right, and I also had to wonder 10:36 if my parents were right or not 10:37 and I had to question everything now... 10:39 I had to question my church, I had to question... lifestyle, 10:43 I had to question what I wear, 10:45 how... make-up or no... I don't know... 10:48 is it a terrible sin? Not sure anymore... 10:51 and that left me completely destabilized 10:55 and so, my parents took me to a psychiatrist, 11:00 the psychiatrist... let me say first... 11:02 I have had three amazing psychiatrists in my life... 11:06 who changed my life... saved my life... 11:09 these men have been a beautiful thing... 11:12 so please remember there are amazing practitioners available. 11:16 This particular practitioner 11:18 was struggling herself... I found out later, 11:20 and so, she listened to me for 20 minutes 11:23 and said, "You're going to start taking Lithium today... 11:25 and you're going to be taking it the rest of your life. " 11:28 I was already aware that Lithium has some... 11:31 if you take it for 30 years, you'll probably lose a kidney... 11:34 Jennifer: Right, it does have side-effects. 11:36 Laura: It's right there in the DSM 11:38 and that's all I knew about it 11:39 I didn't know that it could take away all the drama... 11:42 or a lot of it... I didn't know that... 11:44 all I knew was the dangers 11:46 and so, for the first time in my life, 11:48 my biggest rebellion... was to say, 11:51 "No, I will not put this pill in my mouth... " 11:53 and what ended up happening is, 11:56 my parents, because they were so afraid... 11:59 they said, You can go to the mental hospital 12:01 or you can take the medication... " 12:02 and I chose the mental hospital and I read all the fine print 12:06 and nowhere in there had I agreed to take the medication. 12:10 So then, my next psychiatrist who... 12:14 both of these poor psychiatrists anyway... 12:17 there are things very wrong there 12:19 which have since been confirmed... 12:21 so, if you have questions about your practitioner, 12:24 it's okay to ask the nurses at your local place... 12:27 it's okay... people will help you maneuver through... 12:31 find the right person for you. 12:33 Jennifer: And it's okay to move on to someone else 12:35 if you're not comfortable? 12:36 Laura: It's totally... it's okay to move on... 12:38 once you find somebody you love, hang in there... 12:40 Jennifer: But I think you're bringing out an important point 12:44 because sometimes we're so paralyzed by an authority figure 12:47 we feel like we have to submit to this person 12:49 because they're a doctor 12:51 so we can't... 12:52 we don't realize that it's really a business... 12:54 can I say it that way? 12:55 And you can choose who you're comfortable with 12:57 and who's a better fit for you, 12:59 is that kind of what you were going to say? 13:00 Paul: Who's going to listen to you? Jennifer: Yeah. 13:02 Jean: And the most important part of that 13:04 is the therapeutic alliance, 13:05 I mean, that's the whole purpose of therapy, 13:07 is to make sure you have a match, 13:09 and so, if you have that match, 13:10 that really is a springboard for you getting better 13:13 because that's the very basic interaction... 13:15 that relationship is so important. 13:17 Laura: Very much. 13:18 Jennifer: It's the delivery system. 13:19 Jean: Absolutely, absolutely. 13:22 Shelly: When we were talking just briefly before hand... 13:24 you mentioned being understood, feeling safe, 13:27 that someone was aligned with you and on your side... 13:30 made the world of difference for you. 13:33 Laura: That's how I felt when a Practitioner... 13:35 a therapist or a psychiatrist 13:38 which I see both... on a regular basis. 13:41 Sometimes six months out of the year, 13:43 I'm in individual therapy and group therapy 13:47 and then, quarterly, I see my psychiatrist 13:50 unless... unless things get weird... 13:52 and things get weird sometimes. 13:53 Jennifer: So you don't see your psychiatrist 13:56 when things get weird? 13:57 Laura: I do... yes, I'm sorry... 13:58 I see him more than quarterly if things aren't going well. 14:04 Jennifer: Because, doesn't the medication 14:06 need to be adjusted sometimes? 14:07 Laura: Sometimes it needs to be adjusted. 14:10 It can be affected by so many things, 14:14 sleeping well, eating... stress... 14:16 my stress level and my outside life... 14:19 and yeah, where shall we go next? 14:23 Shelly: You mentioned having to go in-patient... 14:26 and then things shifted and you were court ordered 14:30 to take the medication 14:31 but you said... 14:33 being around a different eclectic group of people 14:36 was also life-changing for you... 14:38 can you tell us more about that? 14:39 Laura: Very much... I believe my whole life 14:42 that people were either crazy or they weren't, you know, 14:46 that people were just... "This person was born crazy... 14:50 and they're crazy... " 14:52 and so when I elected to go to the mental hospital 14:55 instead of taking this medication 14:56 that I had already put my foot down... 14:58 I wasn't going to take it, 14:59 so I went to the hospital and one by one 15:01 every person in there began telling their stories 15:04 and it was... there are people... 15:09 and the people who seemed the most "unwell" 15:13 were the ones who had the longest... most painful stories 15:17 of abuse and neglect and people taking advantage of them 15:21 and I believe that even though my parents were terrified... 15:26 a doctor told my parents that if I did not take the medication 15:30 I would be a prostitute on the street within three months. 15:34 Beloveds... I was a virgin... 15:36 I loved Jesus... I was so well-behaved... 15:39 and so my parents were terrified 15:42 so they took the side of my doctor 15:44 who had been to Harvard and said, 15:46 "She needs... she needs to take the medication... " 15:47 they took me to court... 15:49 32 of my closest friends were subpoenaed 15:52 and they all kind of stood up and said, 15:55 "She has been acting weird. " 15:56 Jennifer: Literally 32 of your friends were subpoenaed? 15:58 Laura: Yes, she... my poor little... 16:00 that woman was assigned to me by the State... 16:03 she had a pile this big on her desk, 16:05 so when she asked me, 16:07 "Who might say something nice about you?" 16:10 I gave her a huge list... I was... 16:12 I was very much a noticeable figure in Berrien Springs... 16:17 I went up front a lot... I was a Leader... 16:20 I was a Spiritual Leader... 16:22 so there wasn't a mental hospital, 16:25 I refused this medication 16:26 and I really believed that 16:28 God allowed this to happen for me... 16:30 because I believe I was headed toward... 16:33 I was so well behaved... I... you know... 16:35 most of the time I was slender and good looking 16:38 I had this long blond hair that everybody commented on 16:42 and I chose not to do "naughty things" 16:47 and so, I was a good person 16:50 and the other people were just rebellious and evil... 16:52 and I believe that God used the time in the mental hospital 16:55 three weeks there... 16:56 to show me that nobody is just evil... 16:59 that people don't choose naughty things for the fun of it... 17:02 that's rarely really what people are doing... 17:04 people choose detrimental behaviors 17:08 based on the holes in their lives 17:11 that's why... that's when we choose... 17:13 Jennifer: There are ineffective ways of dealing with pain. 17:15 Laura: There are so many... 17:17 sin is usually just an ineffective way 17:19 to deal with pain and so, 17:21 that was a real relief to learn that 17:23 and so when I came out of the mental hospital, 17:26 I took the medication regularly, 17:27 and the rest of my life has been this adventure of... 17:33 the highs really are beautiful, I get a lot done, 17:38 when I'm on stage... 17:40 Jennifer: Do you still get highs and lows on the medication? 17:42 Laura: I still get highs and lows on the medication. 17:44 Jennifer: So they don't put it... 17:45 they don't medicate you enough to where you're totally flat? 17:47 Laura: No... 17:48 Jennifer: Do they try to 17:49 keep the medication at the lowest dose that you can be on 17:51 and still control the symptoms? 17:53 Laura: Absolutely... that was my fear... 17:54 when I went into the mental hospital, 17:56 I remember a friend saying, 17:58 "Oh no, you're going to be catatonic... this is so scary. " 18:01 Jennifer: You're definitely not catatonic girl... 18:03 Laura: Right... that's what we believe... 18:04 I've seen it in movies, 18:06 they go into the mental hospital and they go like this... 18:07 and sit there for weeks... 18:10 not true... not true... 18:11 so even my doctor who is kind of a messy individual 18:15 was able to help me start taking medication 18:17 and... and so... since then... 18:21 I've had up to a year where I took no medication 18:24 but that was a year where things were just kind of awesome 18:27 I had a job I loved, 18:29 things in my life were just really good 18:32 and one day they weren't good anymore 18:34 we moved... and there were some huge stressors 18:37 and so, my husband put me in a car and took me to the doctor 18:41 and what I believe more than anything about mental illness, 18:45 is that we must treat it from every possible angle. 18:48 Jennifer: So could you give us some other things 18:51 that you include in your program 18:54 that augment the medication. 18:56 Laura: Right, so, I take medication every day, 18:59 twice a day 19:01 and that medication is sometimes changed by my practitioner 19:04 if things are going well... 19:06 or if things are going really well, I can ask him, 19:09 "Can I go to a lower dose?" 19:10 and sometimes we'll do that... 19:11 and if things are going poorly, 19:13 he'll up a dose or change a medication 19:15 and it's always hilarious because the depression tells me 19:18 the doctor isn't going to be able to help... 19:20 nothing's going to help... 19:21 nothing's going to help... and I get to the doctor 19:23 and he changes my prescription 19:24 and in a week I'm like, "La... la... 19:26 I feel so much better... " 19:27 so there's that temptation not to get help 19:30 when you're very low. 19:32 Jennifer: When you need it the most. 19:33 Laura: Or when I'm very high. 19:35 Jennifer: Do you have people around you saying, 19:36 "Laura, come on, get in the car... 19:38 we're going to the doctor... " that will help you? 19:41 Laura: I think that that may even be the number one thing 19:44 people need most is a community of people you trust 19:47 and that can be three people, it can be five people 19:50 it can only be one person... that's all you have. 19:52 Jennifer: How do you find them Laura, 19:53 how do you find the people, do you just ask for them? 19:55 Laura: It's Jesus... I mean... Jesus landed me with Cory 19:58 because I dated a lot of men... and this is what's interesting, 20:01 I was drawn to men who hated the same things about me that I did. 20:04 "I think I'm fat... oh, you do too... 20:06 great... we agree... 20:08 I think I'm too odd... so do you... " 20:10 so, by some miracle... 20:12 I married a wonderful man 20:14 and... who was willing to get help himself... 20:16 and willing to help me to help 20:18 so he is my number one champion and he's also... 20:21 he has permission to take me to a doctor 20:24 if I get silent... he told me very early on... 20:27 "Laura, you... I will never take away your right to choose... 20:30 the way that the System did back then... 20:32 unless you stop talking. 20:34 If you stop talking... 20:36 I'm going to take you where I want to take you 20:38 and do what I want to do... " 20:39 and I get tempted... 20:40 Jennifer: So you know where that boundary is. 20:42 Laura: I know where that boundary is... 20:43 I get tempted to get quiet and sullen and close off completely 20:47 and not tell him what's going on inside my brain... 20:49 Jennifer: But you know you're effectively signing off 20:51 on going to the doctor when you do that. 20:53 Laura: Great... so I speak... 20:55 and I tell him when I'm... when I'm feeling depressed 20:59 and... so... yeah... I wished, from the time I was 12 21:03 I remember wishing... I had just not been born 21:05 Jennifer: We're so glad you were. 21:07 Jean: Amen. 21:08 Shelly: Do you remember being 12 21:10 and actually feeling the highs and lows way back then? 21:13 Laura: Yes. 21:14 Shelly: You said there was a psychiatrist at your church 21:17 that kind of picked up on a little bit of something 21:19 but, kind of, for whatever reason 21:21 waited... it wasn't the right time 21:23 and... but you could feel that... 21:25 Laura: Oh, I felt it... Shelly: Something was off... 21:27 Laura: But I didn't know that I was more off than anyone else 21:30 I didn't know... but yes... 21:33 definitely started showing signs at 12... 21:35 Shelly: But you loved Jesus. Laura: I loved Jesus. 21:38 Shelly: So it was okay for Christians to get help 21:41 for mental health. 21:43 Laura: Absolutely... it's more than okay... 21:45 I believe this is the body of Christ at work 21:47 so, the number one thing is 21:49 when we see someone really struggling 21:52 and we have to see each other first... 21:54 like, you have to look around at church... 21:57 you have to ask the questions... you have to... to... 21:59 Jennifer: You have to know people. 22:00 Shelly: Be real... at church... 22:01 Laura: You have to be real or you won't get the help you need 22:04 and I think... 22:06 something else I love for the Viewers to understand is... 22:09 my parents were afraid that if people knew 22:11 that I'd been to the mental hospital... 22:13 that I was taking medication... that I wouldn't be trusted... 22:15 that I wouldn't be able to get a good job... 22:18 and strangely, the opposite has been true, 22:20 I sit down with potential employers and tell them, 22:23 "Look, I'm ill... I do this and this to be well" 22:25 and they say, "Oh, thanks for letting me know 22:28 you sound like you're really healthy... 22:30 you take care of it so great... thanks... " 22:32 and then they hire me, I mean, this is... 22:34 it's so strange that we think we have to hide from people 22:37 but instead... when we tell who we really are, 22:40 people feel safe... because they know what to expect. 22:43 Paul: There's some authenticity there... 22:44 builds trust and credibility. 22:45 Shelly: I think a great message is that 22:48 mental health is manageable, 22:49 it doesn't have to be a death sentence 22:51 because you have a diagnosis. 22:52 All: Hmmm... hmmm... hmmm... hmmm... 22:54 Laura: So yes... I choose healthy people 22:57 who can speak into my life. 22:59 If there is a time when I am out of touch with my own reality, 23:02 I let someone else tell me, I take medication every day, 23:05 I see my psychiatrist regularly, therapy has been a game changer. 23:09 Jennifer: You mean "Counseling" right? 23:10 Laura: Counseling... 23:12 Jennifer: Because "therapy" can kind of be a broad term 23:13 so I'm just clarifying for the Viewers. 23:15 Laura: Yes, talk therapy... 23:16 talk counseling with a Counselor. 23:19 My therapist is my number one ally, 23:22 and I've now been with six amazing therapists 23:26 in the different States that I've lived 23:28 and that... that is where 23:30 I believe the rubber meets the road for me... biggest... 23:33 is that time in the office every week 23:35 with someone to check in to remind me that I'm valuable 23:39 to help me know how to take care of myself 23:42 so yeah, and then... I mean... there's... 23:46 there's the broader and harder things... 23:48 of trying to eat well... 23:49 which is a struggle for me... that's a tough one, but... 23:54 Jennifer: Join the club... 23:55 Laura: Great... I try to eat well, 23:57 exercise is so helpful whenever I can get out and do it 24:00 I mean, you know, so... 24:02 Jennifer: How much does your creativity impact your wellness? 24:05 Laura: Oh, the creativity is huge... 24:06 when I'm really low, it's very hard to write music... 24:11 it's almost impossible to book... 24:14 to do the booking I need to deal with... 24:16 I'm a singer... song writer... a touring musician 24:18 and when I'm low... 24:20 the hardest parts of my ministry are virtually impossible 24:23 but the "high" always comes back... 24:27 it always comes back... the functionality always returns 24:31 and so, we just kind of wait it out 24:34 and I think another thing that's... 24:37 that's hard for most people to understand... 24:40 but that we have made a huge priority... is my sleep... 24:43 and I have trouble getting to sleep at night, 24:45 I even take medication with it but I have trouble with that 24:48 and the day that my husband came home one day and said, 24:50 "Laura, what if we let you sleep... 24:52 until you wake up... every day... 24:54 how different would our lives be?" 24:57 And that seemed so shameful to me... 25:00 "I'm an American... I should have a 9 to 5... 25:02 or I should be working 60 hours a week 25:05 if I'm very virtuous... " right? 25:06 And to say, like, "I'm going to sleep to 10 if I need to... " 25:11 and when I'm really low, I sometimes sleep to 2 or 3... 25:14 and then I go back to sleep again... 25:17 and this is the hardest one for me to protect... 25:20 is my rest... because most people don't get it 25:23 most people are like, 25:24 "Well, I tried to call you at 9:00... where were you?" 25:26 "I was asleep... " 25:28 but in my life... 25:29 I did another filming... talking about the same thing... 25:33 I got home and I got a call from a man in Alabama 25:36 and he said, "I'm so glad you said that out loud 25:39 on that TV Program, 25:40 because I've had to sleep-in my whole life... 25:43 I'm a Minister... and I was always ashamed of it 25:45 but I had to... " and... 25:47 Jennifer: So, sleeping is free the last time I checked, so... 25:50 Shelly: Yeah, you don't need a script for it, 25:52 you need permission... to get proper rest... 25:56 Laura: Sure, and it's okay to do your life 25:59 on your life's terms... 26:01 I can't live my life on someone else's terms. 26:03 Jennifer: You can't compare yourself... 26:04 I think a big part of this is... you were really inclined to 26:07 compare yourself with other people 26:08 and try to live up to an unrealistic standard 26:11 and you've learnt, Laura, 26:13 "Laura is unique... and Laura has to do Laura... 26:17 Laura can't do someone else... " amen... 26:20 Laura: Amen. Shelly: Permission granted. 26:22 Jennifer: You are powerful... I love Laura's music 26:25 because, in the middle of her stuff 26:27 she'll be playing the piano and talking... 26:29 and I don't know how you do that... 26:30 I am a piano player... I don't know how you do that... 26:32 and she's talking and she's saying, 26:34 "Look, I have bipolar 26:36 and I'm, by the grace of God, managing it... " 26:39 and she talks about it a little bit... 26:41 and she says, "Call me if you need help, 26:43 I like to minister to broken people... " 26:45 and you invite people to come into your life 26:48 and to help them... 26:49 and that is so unusual for a public figure 26:51 because they're usually like, 26:52 trying to get away from people calling them 26:54 and always wanting a piece of them 26:55 but you just open yourself wide to that 26:57 and I love that about you... the generosity... 27:01 Paul: What I like too is... bipolar is not your identity... 27:04 it's a part of your life but it's not your identity... 27:08 it's not who you are as a person... 27:11 and I really appreciate the way that's coming through... 27:13 Shelly: Hmmm... hmmm... Jennifer: Yeah. 27:14 Laura: It was huge for me to have to realize 27:17 that everything about my life is changeable... 27:21 my looks... "Okay, I have a pretty face... " 27:24 I could be in an accident tomorrow... I could lose that 27:26 but the only thing about me that never changes 27:28 is my value in Christ. 27:30 All: Amen. 27:31 Laura: That I was created by Him, 27:33 redeemed by Him... 27:34 and I am now being changed into His image 27:37 and the truest me... is the best me... 27:39 Jennifer: And we're going to have to... 27:40 we're going to have to... unfortunately... 27:42 because there's so much more that you could say 27:45 but that is a powerful resolve cord for us... 27:47 we just want to say to those of you 27:49 that have been able to listen to what Laura had to say, 27:52 we're so thankful you were here 27:54 and may God bless you and... 27:56 it's... it's... it's never hopeless... 27:58 while there's life... there's hope. |
Revised 2017-08-15