Multitude of Counselors

Keeping Body and Soul Through Bipolar

Three Angels Broadcasting Network

Program transcript

Participants: Jennifer Jill Schwirzer (Host), Paul Coneff, Shelley Wiggins, Dr. Jean Wright II, Laura Whidden

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Series Code: MOC

Program Code: MOC000019A


00:26 We are making our troubles transparent today on:
00:30 A Multitude of Counselors
00:31 because honesty is the first step toward healing.
00:34 The title of our Program today is:
00:37 Keeping Body and Soul Through Bipolar.
00:40 We want to talk to you a little bit about Bipolar.
00:42 Bipolar was once called: Manic Depression.
00:45 It is characterized by periods of very high energy
00:48 and expansiveness and confidence called "Mania"
00:51 and then corresponding extreme lows... or depression...
00:56 these fluctuating moods can cycle very slowly
00:59 or they can cycle rapidly,
01:01 there is quite a bit of variety within the spectrum of bipolar.
01:04 The prevalence is about...
01:06 is over actually... three percent...
01:08 so it is not an uncommon disorder.
01:10 The causes are thought to be heritability
01:14 so if you see lots of mood disorders on your family tree,
01:17 you can blame your relatives...
01:19 it doesn't seem that you can cause bipolar, per se,
01:22 by lifestyle choices
01:24 but lifestyle choices can worsen or trigger a manic episode.
01:28 Sometimes I've noticed that bipolar people
01:32 often do things in a manic phase that worsens the process...
01:35 they make immoral choices or choices to spend money
01:38 or use substances that can
01:40 increase the problem-load in their lives
01:43 such as the depression... the lows are even lower
01:45 because now they have all these additional problems.
01:47 So there's something to be said
01:49 for controlling the process
01:51 through lifestyle choices and so forth.
01:53 Bipolar is not generally curable but it is manageable.
01:58 The treatments depend,
02:01 kind of on the severity of the case
02:03 but oftentimes, if an individual has a
02:05 severe-enough case of bipolar,
02:07 they need medication to manage it...
02:09 and we're taking the approach of "It's not either... or...
02:13 it's both... and... "
02:14 because sometimes we need all of the above
02:16 to manage a case of bipolar.
02:18 So, we have with us today
02:21 the amazing Laura Whidden
02:23 who is not just an individual with mental illness
02:25 but she's an individual who is extremely creative
02:28 and extremely warm and...
02:30 I'm going to cry when I say it but she's loving and...
02:32 especially to people that struggle.
02:34 She's been a blessing to loved ones of mine
02:38 and she's a blessing to many through her music and ministry.
02:41 We also have with us, Licensed Professional Counselor,
02:44 Shelly Wiggins from Michigan... I almost said, "Minnesota"
02:48 and we have Marriage and Family Therapist,
02:51 Paul Coneff from Texas
02:52 and we have Dr. Jean Wright from Philadelphia,
02:55 so, we're so thankful that each one of you could join us.
02:59 Let's get into the story here,
03:01 when did this all start for you, Laura?
03:04 I started showing signs of depression
03:08 when I was 12-years old...
03:10 we even had some professionals in our church
03:13 who told my parents, just from observing me,
03:17 that they believed I may have some sort of mental disorder
03:21 and at that time, I was having trouble sleeping
03:24 severe insomnia...
03:26 and I had a lot of shame...
03:29 shame that was very disproportionate...
03:31 the kind of acts that I had done...
03:33 I felt guilty about taking a dime from my dad when I was five
03:36 and I was awake long hours into the night
03:40 and so, I think it hit a major
03:45 springboard at the age of 16
03:49 when one of my closest friends was diagnosed with anorexia
03:53 and I had never even heard of it
03:55 and I couldn't understand it
03:58 but I caught myself thinking the same kinds of thoughts
04:01 that she had described and so,
04:04 within a year I was also diagnosed with anorexia
04:07 and because I caught it...
04:10 I saw it... before it happened really...
04:12 before I got to a very severely-thin weight,
04:14 I went to my parents and said, "I want to see a therapist"
04:17 and it was a bit of a struggle,
04:19 my parents... they were so afraid
04:22 that I would carry this stigma, "Oh, she's in therapy,
04:26 something's terribly wrong with her... "
04:28 but eventually, I persisted and said,
04:29 "I really want to see a therapist... "
04:31 and so, they took me to a therapist
04:33 and I learned some coping behaviors...
04:35 I learned how to accept myself better,
04:37 and then, I met this guy who just seemed like a dream guy...
04:42 and...
04:43 Paul: How old are you?
04:45 Laura: I am now 18...
04:46 so I had a couple of years where things were managed
04:51 but I still had major mood swings...
04:53 I would be so sad for weeks and not know why
04:57 and then I would be very... more manic...
05:01 but again, "manic" never seemed to really
05:04 give people pause... it was...
05:06 Jennifer: You were so productive.
05:08 Laura: I was extra-productive...
05:09 I was a leader... I was an actress...
05:12 I was a singer in all the school plays...
05:14 and in all the stuff... and I deeply loved Jesus...
05:18 I felt... from the time of 12 I felt so desperate
05:22 to be what he wanted me to be...
05:24 I was baptized at 12 and I've never regretted it,
05:27 I knew what I wanted... I knew I wanted Him then...
05:30 and it was true... it's always been true...
05:33 and I was also a really well-behaved kid...
05:36 Jennifer: You wanted to please.
05:37 Laura: I wanted to please...
05:39 and I... you know...
05:43 I don't even know how to describe to you how badly...
05:47 but I was...
05:48 I was the girl who always got elected for... church pastor...
05:51 a school pastor... I was a leader...
05:53 I gave Bible Studies...
05:55 I sold books door-to-door for years...
05:57 I worked at camp...
05:59 and so, one of the main things that happened...
06:03 I came home from camp... I had gained some weight
06:06 and I thought the people around me would say, like,
06:10 "Oh, it's no big deal... you look fine... "
06:12 and instead... they said,
06:14 "Don't worry, we'll get you on a diet... "
06:16 All: Laughter... Jennifer: Here we go... snap...
06:19 Laura: Exactly... exactly... and so I started diet counseling
06:22 and that's when the anorexia started going out of control...
06:25 is once I was put in diet counseling,
06:27 when I only was a size 8...
06:28 Jennifer: Oh...
06:29 Laura: So, I think that's an important thing
06:31 that I would love to tell my audience...
06:33 moms... dads... friends...
06:35 please don't push people on weight issues...
06:38 please... if you're going to say anything,
06:41 you want to do prayer... like, maybe months...
06:44 before anything is said... maybe...
06:46 Jennifer: Particularly a young female in the teens...
06:49 Paul: But she's like... like, how old... this time?
06:51 Laura: I was 16 when this happened.
06:54 Jennifer: The amount of body-image pressure
06:56 on young females is incalculable.
06:59 Laura: I'm currently a 14... 16...
07:02 and so imagine me an 8... that's four sizes smaller...
07:06 that's when we started the diet counseling...
07:07 that's when... I can remember standing in mirrors
07:10 in the gym... with my friends
07:11 and we were all fantasizing
07:13 about which parts of ourselves we'd like to cut off...
07:15 All: Oooooh!
07:16 Laura: And one girl said,
07:18 "If I could just cut off my stomach... "
07:20 I was the girl who said,
07:22 "If I could just cut off that part inside my thigh,
07:24 how cool would that be!"
07:25 This is... that's how we... that was "girl-locker-room talk"
07:30 and so,
07:32 I feel like the anorexia was the major catalyst
07:37 that would take me low quicker than anything else.
07:40 My body-image would take me all the way down with no warning
07:44 and so, when I was 18...
07:46 I did everything my parents had asked...
07:50 I worked so hard in school
07:51 and I felt a lot of pressure that maybe wasn't even theirs,
07:55 much of it, I believe I put on myself as well
07:58 and so, I had straight "A's"...
08:01 and... but suddenly I had friends
08:03 who were not raised the way I was with all the... you know,
08:07 my family believed pretty strongly
08:09 in a lot of different ways to live and dress and look
08:13 and I believed that people who didn't live and dress
08:17 and look and behave the way I did,
08:19 were just rebellious people
08:22 who woke up one morning and said, "I want to have fun...
08:24 so I'm just going to do terrible things. "
08:26 Like, that's what I believed about people who were
08:30 doing all the naughty things.
08:31 Jennifer: Where did you get exposed to these people
08:33 that were not the same as you?
08:34 Laura: Oh, I didn't get to see the people
08:36 that were not the same as me until... when I was 18...
08:39 I had a breakdown...
08:40 I was... I had kind of found my way with the self-concept stuff
08:46 and then I met this guy who I just thought was...
08:48 he hung the moon...
08:50 and we'd been together six months
08:52 and I had gained the "Freshmen 10"
08:55 and I remember calling him one night
08:57 and I was so insecure...
08:59 and he was... in my opinion,
09:00 extremely handsome and successful,
09:02 he was in medical school and I said to him, like,
09:05 "Why are you even with me?"
09:06 Like, "You're so amazing and I'm just weird... "
09:09 and he said, like,
09:13 "Imagine how much you like me and that's how much I like you"
09:17 and... and... and... I said,
09:20 "Well, it seems like something's not all the way there,
09:23 like, do you really like me?"
09:24 And he was like, "I do... "
09:25 and I was like, "Well, it seems like you're holding back"
09:29 and he said, "Well, you know,
09:31 there's a truth about me
09:33 and I don't know whether it's Godly to say it or not
09:35 but... I like thin women... "
09:38 and again, I was maybe a size 10...
09:41 I don't know... 8... 10...
09:43 and I said, "Well, how thin is thin enough?"
09:46 and he said, "In my opinion, no woman can ever be too thin. "
09:50 Jennifer: Oh dear... wow! Jean: Wow...
09:52 Laura: And, within three months, I was hospitalized
09:56 because I began to take on this frenetic,
09:59 "I must exercise...
10:01 I'm going to be a... I'm going to... "
10:02 I wasn't just going to go exercise...
10:04 I was going to run a marathon and I started working nights...
10:07 to save up to buy him a special present...
10:10 and so... off I went...
10:13 and I... one night I just broke down and cried...
10:17 and everything that had ever happened...
10:19 every difficulty... and watching...
10:22 "Well, now I'm at college and people who act
10:24 and think and look differently than me...
10:26 still love Jesus...
10:27 and I'm totally conflicted and confused. "
10:30 Shelly: So you didn't feel like you fit...
10:32 your paradigm was shifted.
10:33 Laura: Right, and I also had to wonder
10:36 if my parents were right or not
10:37 and I had to question everything now...
10:39 I had to question my church, I had to question... lifestyle,
10:43 I had to question what I wear,
10:45 how... make-up or no... I don't know...
10:48 is it a terrible sin? Not sure anymore...
10:51 and that left me completely destabilized
10:55 and so, my parents took me to a psychiatrist,
11:00 the psychiatrist... let me say first...
11:02 I have had three amazing psychiatrists in my life...
11:06 who changed my life... saved my life...
11:09 these men have been a beautiful thing...
11:12 so please remember there are amazing practitioners available.
11:16 This particular practitioner
11:18 was struggling herself... I found out later,
11:20 and so, she listened to me for 20 minutes
11:23 and said, "You're going to start taking Lithium today...
11:25 and you're going to be taking it the rest of your life. "
11:28 I was already aware that Lithium has some...
11:31 if you take it for 30 years, you'll probably lose a kidney...
11:34 Jennifer: Right, it does have side-effects.
11:36 Laura: It's right there in the DSM
11:38 and that's all I knew about it
11:39 I didn't know that it could take away all the drama...
11:42 or a lot of it... I didn't know that...
11:44 all I knew was the dangers
11:46 and so, for the first time in my life,
11:48 my biggest rebellion... was to say,
11:51 "No, I will not put this pill in my mouth... "
11:53 and what ended up happening is,
11:56 my parents, because they were so afraid...
11:59 they said, You can go to the mental hospital
12:01 or you can take the medication... "
12:02 and I chose the mental hospital and I read all the fine print
12:06 and nowhere in there had I agreed to take the medication.
12:10 So then, my next psychiatrist who...
12:14 both of these poor psychiatrists anyway...
12:17 there are things very wrong there
12:19 which have since been confirmed...
12:21 so, if you have questions about your practitioner,
12:24 it's okay to ask the nurses at your local place...
12:27 it's okay... people will help you maneuver through...
12:31 find the right person for you.
12:33 Jennifer: And it's okay to move on to someone else
12:35 if you're not comfortable?
12:36 Laura: It's totally... it's okay to move on...
12:38 once you find somebody you love, hang in there...
12:40 Jennifer: But I think you're bringing out an important point
12:44 because sometimes we're so paralyzed by an authority figure
12:47 we feel like we have to submit to this person
12:49 because they're a doctor
12:51 so we can't...
12:52 we don't realize that it's really a business...
12:54 can I say it that way?
12:55 And you can choose who you're comfortable with
12:57 and who's a better fit for you,
12:59 is that kind of what you were going to say?
13:00 Paul: Who's going to listen to you? Jennifer: Yeah.
13:02 Jean: And the most important part of that
13:04 is the therapeutic alliance,
13:05 I mean, that's the whole purpose of therapy,
13:07 is to make sure you have a match,
13:09 and so, if you have that match,
13:10 that really is a springboard for you getting better
13:13 because that's the very basic interaction...
13:15 that relationship is so important.
13:17 Laura: Very much.
13:18 Jennifer: It's the delivery system.
13:19 Jean: Absolutely, absolutely.
13:22 Shelly: When we were talking just briefly before hand...
13:24 you mentioned being understood, feeling safe,
13:27 that someone was aligned with you and on your side...
13:30 made the world of difference for you.
13:33 Laura: That's how I felt when a Practitioner...
13:35 a therapist or a psychiatrist
13:38 which I see both... on a regular basis.
13:41 Sometimes six months out of the year,
13:43 I'm in individual therapy and group therapy
13:47 and then, quarterly, I see my psychiatrist
13:50 unless... unless things get weird...
13:52 and things get weird sometimes.
13:53 Jennifer: So you don't see your psychiatrist
13:56 when things get weird?
13:57 Laura: I do... yes, I'm sorry...
13:58 I see him more than quarterly if things aren't going well.
14:04 Jennifer: Because, doesn't the medication
14:06 need to be adjusted sometimes?
14:07 Laura: Sometimes it needs to be adjusted.
14:10 It can be affected by so many things,
14:14 sleeping well, eating... stress...
14:16 my stress level and my outside life...
14:19 and yeah, where shall we go next?
14:23 Shelly: You mentioned having to go in-patient...
14:26 and then things shifted and you were court ordered
14:30 to take the medication
14:31 but you said...
14:33 being around a different eclectic group of people
14:36 was also life-changing for you...
14:38 can you tell us more about that?
14:39 Laura: Very much... I believe my whole life
14:42 that people were either crazy or they weren't, you know,
14:46 that people were just... "This person was born crazy...
14:50 and they're crazy... "
14:52 and so when I elected to go to the mental hospital
14:55 instead of taking this medication
14:56 that I had already put my foot down...
14:58 I wasn't going to take it,
14:59 so I went to the hospital and one by one
15:01 every person in there began telling their stories
15:04 and it was... there are people...
15:09 and the people who seemed the most "unwell"
15:13 were the ones who had the longest... most painful stories
15:17 of abuse and neglect and people taking advantage of them
15:21 and I believe that even though my parents were terrified...
15:26 a doctor told my parents that if I did not take the medication
15:30 I would be a prostitute on the street within three months.
15:34 Beloveds... I was a virgin...
15:36 I loved Jesus... I was so well-behaved...
15:39 and so my parents were terrified
15:42 so they took the side of my doctor
15:44 who had been to Harvard and said,
15:46 "She needs... she needs to take the medication... "
15:47 they took me to court...
15:49 32 of my closest friends were subpoenaed
15:52 and they all kind of stood up and said,
15:55 "She has been acting weird. "
15:56 Jennifer: Literally 32 of your friends were subpoenaed?
15:58 Laura: Yes, she... my poor little...
16:00 that woman was assigned to me by the State...
16:03 she had a pile this big on her desk,
16:05 so when she asked me,
16:07 "Who might say something nice about you?"
16:10 I gave her a huge list... I was...
16:12 I was very much a noticeable figure in Berrien Springs...
16:17 I went up front a lot... I was a Leader...
16:20 I was a Spiritual Leader...
16:22 so there wasn't a mental hospital,
16:25 I refused this medication
16:26 and I really believed that
16:28 God allowed this to happen for me...
16:30 because I believe I was headed toward...
16:33 I was so well behaved... I... you know...
16:35 most of the time I was slender and good looking
16:38 I had this long blond hair that everybody commented on
16:42 and I chose not to do "naughty things"
16:47 and so, I was a good person
16:50 and the other people were just rebellious and evil...
16:52 and I believe that God used the time in the mental hospital
16:55 three weeks there...
16:56 to show me that nobody is just evil...
16:59 that people don't choose naughty things for the fun of it...
17:02 that's rarely really what people are doing...
17:04 people choose detrimental behaviors
17:08 based on the holes in their lives
17:11 that's why... that's when we choose...
17:13 Jennifer: There are ineffective ways of dealing with pain.
17:15 Laura: There are so many...
17:17 sin is usually just an ineffective way
17:19 to deal with pain and so,
17:21 that was a real relief to learn that
17:23 and so when I came out of the mental hospital,
17:26 I took the medication regularly,
17:27 and the rest of my life has been this adventure of...
17:33 the highs really are beautiful, I get a lot done,
17:38 when I'm on stage...
17:40 Jennifer: Do you still get highs and lows on the medication?
17:42 Laura: I still get highs and lows on the medication.
17:44 Jennifer: So they don't put it...
17:45 they don't medicate you enough to where you're totally flat?
17:47 Laura: No...
17:48 Jennifer: Do they try to
17:49 keep the medication at the lowest dose that you can be on
17:51 and still control the symptoms?
17:53 Laura: Absolutely... that was my fear...
17:54 when I went into the mental hospital,
17:56 I remember a friend saying,
17:58 "Oh no, you're going to be catatonic... this is so scary. "
18:01 Jennifer: You're definitely not catatonic girl...
18:03 Laura: Right... that's what we believe...
18:04 I've seen it in movies,
18:06 they go into the mental hospital and they go like this...
18:07 and sit there for weeks...
18:10 not true... not true...
18:11 so even my doctor who is kind of a messy individual
18:15 was able to help me start taking medication
18:17 and... and so... since then...
18:21 I've had up to a year where I took no medication
18:24 but that was a year where things were just kind of awesome
18:27 I had a job I loved,
18:29 things in my life were just really good
18:32 and one day they weren't good anymore
18:34 we moved... and there were some huge stressors
18:37 and so, my husband put me in a car and took me to the doctor
18:41 and what I believe more than anything about mental illness,
18:45 is that we must treat it from every possible angle.
18:48 Jennifer: So could you give us some other things
18:51 that you include in your program
18:54 that augment the medication.
18:56 Laura: Right, so, I take medication every day,
18:59 twice a day
19:01 and that medication is sometimes changed by my practitioner
19:04 if things are going well...
19:06 or if things are going really well, I can ask him,
19:09 "Can I go to a lower dose?"
19:10 and sometimes we'll do that...
19:11 and if things are going poorly,
19:13 he'll up a dose or change a medication
19:15 and it's always hilarious because the depression tells me
19:18 the doctor isn't going to be able to help...
19:20 nothing's going to help...
19:21 nothing's going to help... and I get to the doctor
19:23 and he changes my prescription
19:24 and in a week I'm like, "La... la...
19:26 I feel so much better... "
19:27 so there's that temptation not to get help
19:30 when you're very low.
19:32 Jennifer: When you need it the most.
19:33 Laura: Or when I'm very high.
19:35 Jennifer: Do you have people around you saying,
19:36 "Laura, come on, get in the car...
19:38 we're going to the doctor... " that will help you?
19:41 Laura: I think that that may even be the number one thing
19:44 people need most is a community of people you trust
19:47 and that can be three people, it can be five people
19:50 it can only be one person... that's all you have.
19:52 Jennifer: How do you find them Laura,
19:53 how do you find the people, do you just ask for them?
19:55 Laura: It's Jesus... I mean... Jesus landed me with Cory
19:58 because I dated a lot of men... and this is what's interesting,
20:01 I was drawn to men who hated the same things about me that I did.
20:04 "I think I'm fat... oh, you do too...
20:06 great... we agree...
20:08 I think I'm too odd... so do you... "
20:10 so, by some miracle...
20:12 I married a wonderful man
20:14 and... who was willing to get help himself...
20:16 and willing to help me to help
20:18 so he is my number one champion and he's also...
20:21 he has permission to take me to a doctor
20:24 if I get silent... he told me very early on...
20:27 "Laura, you... I will never take away your right to choose...
20:30 the way that the System did back then...
20:32 unless you stop talking.
20:34 If you stop talking...
20:36 I'm going to take you where I want to take you
20:38 and do what I want to do... "
20:39 and I get tempted...
20:40 Jennifer: So you know where that boundary is.
20:42 Laura: I know where that boundary is...
20:43 I get tempted to get quiet and sullen and close off completely
20:47 and not tell him what's going on inside my brain...
20:49 Jennifer: But you know you're effectively signing off
20:51 on going to the doctor when you do that.
20:53 Laura: Great... so I speak...
20:55 and I tell him when I'm... when I'm feeling depressed
20:59 and... so... yeah... I wished, from the time I was 12
21:03 I remember wishing... I had just not been born
21:05 Jennifer: We're so glad you were.
21:07 Jean: Amen.
21:08 Shelly: Do you remember being 12
21:10 and actually feeling the highs and lows way back then?
21:13 Laura: Yes.
21:14 Shelly: You said there was a psychiatrist at your church
21:17 that kind of picked up on a little bit of something
21:19 but, kind of, for whatever reason
21:21 waited... it wasn't the right time
21:23 and... but you could feel that...
21:25 Laura: Oh, I felt it... Shelly: Something was off...
21:27 Laura: But I didn't know that I was more off than anyone else
21:30 I didn't know... but yes...
21:33 definitely started showing signs at 12...
21:35 Shelly: But you loved Jesus. Laura: I loved Jesus.
21:38 Shelly: So it was okay for Christians to get help
21:41 for mental health.
21:43 Laura: Absolutely... it's more than okay...
21:45 I believe this is the body of Christ at work
21:47 so, the number one thing is
21:49 when we see someone really struggling
21:52 and we have to see each other first...
21:54 like, you have to look around at church...
21:57 you have to ask the questions... you have to... to...
21:59 Jennifer: You have to know people.
22:00 Shelly: Be real... at church...
22:01 Laura: You have to be real or you won't get the help you need
22:04 and I think...
22:06 something else I love for the Viewers to understand is...
22:09 my parents were afraid that if people knew
22:11 that I'd been to the mental hospital...
22:13 that I was taking medication... that I wouldn't be trusted...
22:15 that I wouldn't be able to get a good job...
22:18 and strangely, the opposite has been true,
22:20 I sit down with potential employers and tell them,
22:23 "Look, I'm ill... I do this and this to be well"
22:25 and they say, "Oh, thanks for letting me know
22:28 you sound like you're really healthy...
22:30 you take care of it so great... thanks... "
22:32 and then they hire me, I mean, this is...
22:34 it's so strange that we think we have to hide from people
22:37 but instead... when we tell who we really are,
22:40 people feel safe... because they know what to expect.
22:43 Paul: There's some authenticity there...
22:44 builds trust and credibility.
22:45 Shelly: I think a great message is that
22:48 mental health is manageable,
22:49 it doesn't have to be a death sentence
22:51 because you have a diagnosis.
22:52 All: Hmmm... hmmm... hmmm... hmmm...
22:54 Laura: So yes... I choose healthy people
22:57 who can speak into my life.
22:59 If there is a time when I am out of touch with my own reality,
23:02 I let someone else tell me, I take medication every day,
23:05 I see my psychiatrist regularly, therapy has been a game changer.
23:09 Jennifer: You mean "Counseling" right?
23:10 Laura: Counseling...
23:12 Jennifer: Because "therapy" can kind of be a broad term
23:13 so I'm just clarifying for the Viewers.
23:15 Laura: Yes, talk therapy...
23:16 talk counseling with a Counselor.
23:19 My therapist is my number one ally,
23:22 and I've now been with six amazing therapists
23:26 in the different States that I've lived
23:28 and that... that is where
23:30 I believe the rubber meets the road for me... biggest...
23:33 is that time in the office every week
23:35 with someone to check in to remind me that I'm valuable
23:39 to help me know how to take care of myself
23:42 so yeah, and then... I mean... there's...
23:46 there's the broader and harder things...
23:48 of trying to eat well...
23:49 which is a struggle for me... that's a tough one, but...
23:54 Jennifer: Join the club...
23:55 Laura: Great... I try to eat well,
23:57 exercise is so helpful whenever I can get out and do it
24:00 I mean, you know, so...
24:02 Jennifer: How much does your creativity impact your wellness?
24:05 Laura: Oh, the creativity is huge...
24:06 when I'm really low, it's very hard to write music...
24:11 it's almost impossible to book...
24:14 to do the booking I need to deal with...
24:16 I'm a singer... song writer... a touring musician
24:18 and when I'm low...
24:20 the hardest parts of my ministry are virtually impossible
24:23 but the "high" always comes back...
24:27 it always comes back... the functionality always returns
24:31 and so, we just kind of wait it out
24:34 and I think another thing that's...
24:37 that's hard for most people to understand...
24:40 but that we have made a huge priority... is my sleep...
24:43 and I have trouble getting to sleep at night,
24:45 I even take medication with it but I have trouble with that
24:48 and the day that my husband came home one day and said,
24:50 "Laura, what if we let you sleep...
24:52 until you wake up... every day...
24:54 how different would our lives be?"
24:57 And that seemed so shameful to me...
25:00 "I'm an American... I should have a 9 to 5...
25:02 or I should be working 60 hours a week
25:05 if I'm very virtuous... " right?
25:06 And to say, like, "I'm going to sleep to 10 if I need to... "
25:11 and when I'm really low, I sometimes sleep to 2 or 3...
25:14 and then I go back to sleep again...
25:17 and this is the hardest one for me to protect...
25:20 is my rest... because most people don't get it
25:23 most people are like,
25:24 "Well, I tried to call you at 9:00... where were you?"
25:26 "I was asleep... "
25:28 but in my life...
25:29 I did another filming... talking about the same thing...
25:33 I got home and I got a call from a man in Alabama
25:36 and he said, "I'm so glad you said that out loud
25:39 on that TV Program,
25:40 because I've had to sleep-in my whole life...
25:43 I'm a Minister... and I was always ashamed of it
25:45 but I had to... " and...
25:47 Jennifer: So, sleeping is free the last time I checked, so...
25:50 Shelly: Yeah, you don't need a script for it,
25:52 you need permission... to get proper rest...
25:56 Laura: Sure, and it's okay to do your life
25:59 on your life's terms...
26:01 I can't live my life on someone else's terms.
26:03 Jennifer: You can't compare yourself...
26:04 I think a big part of this is... you were really inclined to
26:07 compare yourself with other people
26:08 and try to live up to an unrealistic standard
26:11 and you've learnt, Laura,
26:13 "Laura is unique... and Laura has to do Laura...
26:17 Laura can't do someone else... " amen...
26:20 Laura: Amen. Shelly: Permission granted.
26:22 Jennifer: You are powerful... I love Laura's music
26:25 because, in the middle of her stuff
26:27 she'll be playing the piano and talking...
26:29 and I don't know how you do that...
26:30 I am a piano player... I don't know how you do that...
26:32 and she's talking and she's saying,
26:34 "Look, I have bipolar
26:36 and I'm, by the grace of God, managing it... "
26:39 and she talks about it a little bit...
26:41 and she says, "Call me if you need help,
26:43 I like to minister to broken people... "
26:45 and you invite people to come into your life
26:48 and to help them...
26:49 and that is so unusual for a public figure
26:51 because they're usually like,
26:52 trying to get away from people calling them
26:54 and always wanting a piece of them
26:55 but you just open yourself wide to that
26:57 and I love that about you... the generosity...
27:01 Paul: What I like too is... bipolar is not your identity...
27:04 it's a part of your life but it's not your identity...
27:08 it's not who you are as a person...
27:11 and I really appreciate the way that's coming through...
27:13 Shelly: Hmmm... hmmm... Jennifer: Yeah.
27:14 Laura: It was huge for me to have to realize
27:17 that everything about my life is changeable...
27:21 my looks... "Okay, I have a pretty face... "
27:24 I could be in an accident tomorrow... I could lose that
27:26 but the only thing about me that never changes
27:28 is my value in Christ.
27:30 All: Amen.
27:31 Laura: That I was created by Him,
27:33 redeemed by Him...
27:34 and I am now being changed into His image
27:37 and the truest me... is the best me...
27:39 Jennifer: And we're going to have to...
27:40 we're going to have to... unfortunately...
27:42 because there's so much more that you could say
27:45 but that is a powerful resolve cord for us...
27:47 we just want to say to those of you
27:49 that have been able to listen to what Laura had to say,
27:52 we're so thankful you were here
27:54 and may God bless you and...
27:56 it's... it's... it's never hopeless...
27:58 while there's life... there's hope.


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Revised 2017-08-15