Participants: Cheri Peters
Series Code: OTR
Program Code: OTR001020
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00:01 The following program discusses sensitive issues
00:03 related to addictive behaviour. 00:05 Parents are cautioned that some material 00:07 may be too candid for younger children. 01:10 Happy, Sabbath. 01:12 You know, raise your hand if you weren't here 01:13 last night, oh, so a lot. 01:16 So, you know, I am hoping that you don't mind 01:19 if I just at briefly do a little bit of testimony 01:21 for the people that were here to kind of just say who I am. 01:26 And it's really funny 01:28 for me to do that because I said last night 01:30 and I will say that thousand times 01:31 I wish that I could say something like, 01:34 you know, I trained for the Olympics and I won 01:36 and it was so cool and I got the gold and all that kind 01:39 of stuff and I can't even be close to any of that. 01:41 I am a drug addict in recovery. 01:43 I am a heroine addict in recovery. 01:44 My parents were addicts. 01:46 My grandparents were addicts. 01:47 In fact when my grandmother was dying, 01:50 I was at by that time in recovery 01:52 and they asked me to come over and care for her. 01:55 And every morning she's dying of her alcoholism and diabetes 01:59 and all that kind of stuff 02:00 and she's had body parts removed. 02:01 And I mean she's-and you know she just-in the morning 02:06 I would get up and say you know, 02:07 what would you like for breakfast. 02:09 And she would want a pastry and vodka and orange juice. 02:12 And I would you know I am like in recovery 02:14 and I am thinking, oh you know, 02:16 can we just have something else 02:18 and she you know don't-you know, have you ever stood 02:21 in front of somebody in alcohol when there're an alcoholic. 02:24 It is not pleasant. 02:25 She is like, you know, I want this and so I am like okay, 02:28 and so I am gonna go and get pastry 02:30 and vodka and orange juice and I go in the kitchen 02:32 and she says I have never did like that child. 02:35 I mean she-you know my family are just addicts 02:37 and I ended up being raised by my dad 02:43 initially who was alcoholic, 02:45 died in a crack house with sexual addictions. 02:49 My mom moved a bartender in who had his own addictions. 02:52 My mom kind of escaped in her depression and anger 02:56 and her own addictions, and I was addicted 02:58 by the age of 12 and almost by the age of 13. 03:01 And spent 10 years on the streets of Los Angeles 03:04 and I'd love to go into that all that-but we kind 03:06 of did that last night. 03:08 But at 23 years old, my drug deal goes bad. 03:11 Somebody puts a gun to my face and they gonna blow my head off 03:13 and it was a first time I felt joy in my life. 03:16 I am thinking thank you so much. 03:18 You know, and the guy is just yelling 03:20 I'm gonna blow your head off. 03:22 And I'm thinking go ahead. 03:23 And he's like are you crazy. 03:24 I'm thinking are you my psychiatrist 03:26 just pull the trigger, you know. 03:27 And I just remember for the first time 03:29 feeling like I get it out. 03:31 You know, it's like I get to be free of all this kind of stuff 03:34 and not realizing that he was just scaring me. 03:37 And didn't kill me and laughed 03:39 and during that time I met God. 03:42 You know, met God in a drug house trying to kill myself. 03:46 And what was interesting to me is that I was a mess. 03:50 I have been on the streets for 10 years. 03:52 My family is a mess. 03:53 Most of my relatives have died of some kind of addiction. 03:56 And you know when your liver fails 03:58 and you go yellow and all that kind of suffer. 04:00 I mean all of those severe kinds of things 04:03 and yet I meet God and he tells me 04:05 I'm lovely and He loves me. 04:06 And He has a plan for my life and all of that kind of stuff 04:10 and I remember just weeping at that. 04:12 Is look at me and look what a mess 04:14 I am and in what God did which was amazing, 04:18 is that just trust me. 04:20 Stand up and I don't know why but I did. 04:24 You know, and he has been so faithful. 04:27 And it's just all so crazy to me and I am gonna leave out 04:32 a time for people that weren't here last night, 04:33 I am sorry but I want to go into it was crazy for me. 04:36 As I get into recovery I end up at the vegan vegetarian's house 04:41 and she convinces me to trust God and trust her 04:45 and step into recovery and a church. 04:48 And I come into a church and it was so ridiculous, 04:52 I looked like a little hooker, 04:53 I was like hoo hoo I just met God. 04:55 And you know I have got inappropriate clothes on. 04:57 I just don't look normal at all. 05:00 I am smoking three packs of cigarettes a day. 05:02 Smoke is kind of following me in the building. 05:05 And I'm in this tiny little conservative church 05:08 with don't get offended with like a ton of vegan vegetarians. 05:13 You know, and I sit next to somebody and their throats 05:17 closing off because I smell like a cigarette. 05:19 You know, what I mean and I don't know 05:20 why they're just hhh-hhh. 05:22 And I am like trying to think what is going on, 05:24 and they're scooting away a little bit 05:26 because I'm probably killing them. 05:28 You know, what I mean, and I am thinking 05:29 they're just rejecting me because I have security issues, 05:32 it was horrible. 05:33 You know, I mean forever- you know and so I thought, 05:35 you know later on I am probably smart. 05:38 I am trying to figure out, what it might it be. 05:40 And I thought, well may be is this the cigarette, 05:43 you know, because you know, vegans, 05:44 sometimes they're allergic to the entire planet. 05:46 You know, what I mean, I don't know 05:48 why that is but there are allergies that happen. 05:50 It's like you slap me for falling into each other. 05:53 I love that but any how there's you know so now 05:56 I decide you know I am gonna end up-I am hiding, 06:00 my fact that I smoke, you know. 06:02 I don't know if anybody has done that but it's hysterical 06:05 that mean everybody can smell you from the block away. 06:07 But I'm gonna hide the fact that I smoke. 06:09 So I'm driving to church now and in my car 06:12 and I just kind of scoot down, you know, I take a hit, 06:15 look up holding it and then I blow it out making sure 06:18 there's a pastor not going by and nobody in the church 06:20 is going by and then when I get to church 06:22 I get out I air out my clothes just like this. 06:25 And then I spray perfume head to toe. 06:28 And then walk in the church and sit 06:29 next to that same vegan vegetarian. 06:31 Now, they're really dying 06:33 because now I have smoked and she perfume. 06:36 I mean the pouring, you know, it was just crazy 06:38 but that's how I came in, we do come in. 06:41 Raise your hand if you know 06:42 we've come in and we're such a mess. 06:44 You can tell the addict that stumbles 06:45 then and we just trying to do recovery and stuff. 06:48 I had no idea how to talk at all. 06:53 You know, when I get invited to potluck 06:55 I'm not used to sitting with people. 06:56 You know, I'm not used to doing that whole kind of potluck 07:00 thing and conversation. 07:01 And so you know I get nervous and my palms sweat. 07:03 I think oh somebody is going to ask me to say something. 07:06 And I don't know what to say and so I just say- 07:09 you know person that comes to my mind hi I'm Cheri, 07:12 molested at three months, 07:13 I had tried to commits suicide at eight. 07:15 And I mean that changes all conversation of the table. 07:17 You know, they're just like all-okay you know, and you know 07:22 I just don't know what to say until you say, 07:24 you just talk on and it's inappropriate. 07:26 I mean, it was just so- I think looking back 07:30 on that it was so ridiculous. 07:31 And I wanted to remember, 07:33 what I said last night is my whole life. 07:35 I wanted to be loved and my parents were addicts 07:37 and they were such a mess I wanted someone 07:40 to-I wanted my mom-let me sit next to you. 07:43 Let me, you know tell me you love me or anything, 07:45 and I-when I was in the church I almost felt like the same way. 07:48 It's like can I sit next to you, you know. 07:51 And sometimes I-because I was trying to fake it like 07:54 I was so normal which I don't know why. 07:57 But I just had to fake in and so I wanted to come up 07:59 sometimes and grab the mic and say. 08:01 You know, what I don't' think I am gonna survive today. 08:03 I need to sit next to you. 08:04 Can I sit on your lap, would you take me home? 08:06 You know, I was just like, it was just a ridiculous time 08:09 and God was just so faithful, 08:12 just so faithful walking through all that. 08:15 I started to- in church. 08:17 Well first of all I started to try to look 08:19 as normal as I possibly could. 08:22 And you know, it was just, but today I'm doing pretty good. 08:26 I mean look how normal I look. It's just amazing. 08:28 I've never worn this I don't think, no. 08:30 But you know what I mean, 08:31 I was just trying to do all that kind of stuff 08:33 and look normal and be normal. 08:35 And it was really funny because I fairly a literate 08:37 and I was-a you know fairly a literate I am a drug addict. 08:43 And the Bible study when I was coming was a really intense 08:49 Bible study on Revelations and Daniel you know, 08:54 and all these timelines and all that kind of stuff. 08:58 I don't hardly read, right. 09:00 And so they would say something like 09:04 you know we're gonna study Revelations. 09:07 And so I had a Bible of course, 09:08 because you have to have a Bible if you come to church. 09:10 I'm studying Revelations and that's okay 09:12 and-all right go ahead. 09:17 And somebody said Revelations. 09:20 And I said I'm ready. 09:23 And they would say you know Revelation, and so I am smart. 09:27 I realize I must be in a wrong place so I went like this. 09:32 Okay, go ahead. 09:33 You know, and then they say Revelations, 09:36 again and I think don't make me hate you. 09:38 Just go ahead, you know, because I just want to say now 09:41 you are irritating me and I just want to get on the things. 09:43 Can I just put this down and you just go ahead 09:46 because I didn't, you know, you don't know anything. 09:53 You know, we just saw it's so ridiculous 09:55 and you know all of the concepts 09:57 or things that sometimes are taught 10:00 and we stumble into the class, we just don't know. 10:02 So I was kind of doing that kind of stuff in. 10:05 But what really got me is man- children's story got me. 10:08 You know because I am addict I can relate on that lover. 10:12 You know, all of the little points that you tell the kids. 10:15 I am like can I just sit up there that was a good story. 10:18 You know, so children's story 10:20 got me definitely mission's spotlight. 10:23 You guys still show that's? 10:26 Oh, man I was just blessed. 10:28 You know, with watching 10:30 what people are doing all over the world, 10:31 and all that kind of stuff. 10:32 Blessed by that started to you know pray God. 10:35 Can you use me in the ministry 10:36 and all of that kind of stuff and it was amazing. 10:39 Like, you know, in the one of the things in my recovery 10:44 where God really told me is that. 10:46 You know, you need to go back to school 10:48 and you need to learn to read 10:50 and you need to do all that kind of stuff and so I did that. 10:53 Sometimes just in tears I didn't feel like 10:55 I could and I am not gonna make it. 10:57 And you know, I finally got my high school equivalent 11:00 and then I went to college for a nursing program, ridiculous. 11:04 First semester was an anatomy, physiology and pharmacology 11:07 and I am thinking just shoot me. 11:09 You know, because you know, I have got a dictionary 11:11 in my pocket and I am trying to look up words. 11:13 Because just it was just ridiculous 11:15 but it got me through all that kind of stuff. 11:17 Told me I need to do volunteer work in the community 11:19 to help my recovery. 11:21 So I volunteered with geriatrics. 11:22 I volunteered with blind kids. 11:24 I worked with-just about anybody 11:26 that would let me in the door to do something, 11:28 because it was so good for my recovery. 11:31 And so I was doing all that. 11:33 Then mayor in the town 11:34 I was in gave me a volunteer of the year award. 11:39 That's how much I volunteered 11:41 I'm just, I must have been just ridiculous anytime 11:43 anybody could let me do anything. 11:45 And I was doing it because God 11:46 was just trying to teach me something, it was just cool. 11:51 I was grand marshaled on 4th of July parade one year. 11:55 It was just like and I am thinking only God 11:58 could do that with somebody who has messed up 12:01 as I was is that all of the sudden 12:03 getting all of that stuff it was just so amazing. 12:06 I worked with Down syndrome kids. 12:09 Now, I don't know if anybody with Down syndrome kids. 12:11 But I thought I had just met God, 12:14 I was ridiculously thrilled about that. 12:16 I was gonna change the world 12:18 with the love he was doing for me and the love 12:20 that I could for someone else. 12:22 I just felt like it was gonna be cool and I went to work 12:24 and I am thinking with these kids there gonna be loved. 12:27 I am just gonna love them like crazy. 12:29 And the first year I worked there they loved me into health. 12:33 Down syndrome kids will love on you. 12:35 You get snuff from head to toe. 12:36 I mean like they're always holding you and loving you 12:39 and we're like off work I would be off work 12:41 from my weekend or whatever and I have come back to work 12:44 and they would clap and you know it's just so excited 12:47 to see somebody that loves them. 12:49 And I have never been loved and I was so excited 12:52 that they were loving me in that way. 12:54 It was just like I was just amazed 12:55 at all of the kind of the healing stuff. 12:57 It was just incredibly intense. 13:00 I started working in hospitals, I have loved it. 13:03 I worked with addictions and people that were crazy 13:05 and you know the best way if you're crazy 13:08 is to get the job working with people that are crazy, 13:10 because everything you studied 13:11 you actually learn a bit and then teach. 13:13 You know, so it was just perfect for me. 13:15 I am working in hospitals, 13:17 working and so I can, and then a couple of times 13:20 I am praying to God, because I want to do 13:22 and I am watching mission spotlight. 13:23 I am watching all that kind of s tuff 13:24 and I am thinking about ministering 13:26 and I am thinking does ever God use somebody, 13:28 that's a mess like this in ministry. 13:30 And I am kind of starting to pray 13:32 for that and that one day I am out to work. 13:34 And you know setting up people's meds and that kind of stuff. 13:38 And there was a patient that I worked 13:41 with that was- she was incredibly depressed. 13:47 I mean I had never seen anyone quite as depressed as her. 13:50 She could not be saved doing anything, I mean anything. 13:54 You have to her one to one staffing 13:56 which means that you had to have arms length from her. 13:59 And if she could if she had a chance 14:01 she would eat things like light bulbs. 14:03 She would jump up and bash her head on the corner of something. 14:08 I mean she would try to kill herself 14:09 in everyway she could kill herself. 14:11 I mean it was like you could not let her have any space 14:15 and she would injure herself and sometimes injure 14:18 you as she was trying injure herself. 14:20 Eventually, we couldn't control herself abused. 14:25 Also we ended up having to put her on restraints. 14:29 Sometimes chemical restraints work sometimes they don't work, 14:31 so put her in five point restraints. 14:33 And people that don't' know what five point restraint 14:36 is that's the restraints, your legs are restrained down, 14:38 you're arms are restrained down and you're waist 14:40 is restrained down, so its five points, 14:42 still on one to one staffing. 14:44 So having one person 14:45 that had to be there at all times in five points restraints. 14:48 And I am thinking man and I want to just and say to her 14:53 I am so sorry what happened. 14:56 And in this hospital that I finally got a job 14:59 and it was secular hospital and we weren't allowed to pray 15:02 or any of that kind of stuff. 15:03 So you know, I could give her medications, a thousand pills, 15:07 but I couldn't sit down and pray with her. 15:09 And that really was starting to bother me, 15:11 because she was so sad. 15:13 And then I am like 15:15 I said getting medications set up, 15:17 her one to one staffing was a student. 15:20 And I walked into the restraint room 15:22 and I walk in and the student is sitting on bed by herself. 15:29 And I said you know where is the patient. 15:31 And she said, oh she wanted to go the bathroom. 15:35 And I am thinking and so I am trying to now go towards 15:39 the bathroom and I am trying not to yell out to student. 15:42 You know, because I wanted to say everything to the student, 15:45 but I am trying not to yell to her. 15:47 And I am saying trying to say to her, you know, you can't let her 15:49 that Oh she just wanted privacy just for the bathroom. 15:52 And so now by this time, I am at the door 15:54 And I know that the doors aren't locked 15:56 in the restraint rooms because they just say it s not safe. 15:58 But know that I can't get in. 16:00 I am pushing as hard as I could- 16:02 can and I can't get in. 16:03 And I finally break in she has got her hands and legs 16:07 around the toilet and she's trying to drowned herself. 16:10 She's got her head in and she's breathing in water 16:13 as much as she can-trying to drowned herself. 16:16 I came behind her with my legs and heads 16:20 and I am trying to push her away. 16:21 And I can't break her free. 16:23 I know that she's is sobbing. 16:25 She's having a harder breathing and all that kind of stuff 16:27 and I have to get her head out. 16:29 And it was just really intense kind of think, 16:31 and finally we both just kind of fly 16:35 across the room which is little bathroom. 16:37 But we both just are lying on the floor and she is sobbing, 16:40 I am sobbing. 16:41 We're both wet and I said can I pray with you. 16:46 And she just sobbed, yes. 16:47 And I don't even know 16:49 what the prayer was, because sometimes 16:50 I think our words are so-I mean what words 16:54 do you say in that kind of thing, 16:56 but we prayed and held each other. 16:57 And I had to get her back into restraints 17:02 and we were talking about just different things 17:04 and as I walked out I was just stunt. 17:07 You know I was just stunt at the amount of sadness 17:10 and what she was dealing with. 17:11 And all that I got call to my supervisors office 17:15 and my supervisors said, and I am not gonna warn you 17:18 again you cannot pray with people. 17:22 And I thought you're kidding me, are you kidding me 17:25 and I wanted to say where you lying on the floor with us, 17:28 did you hear anything that was happening with her. 17:30 And I remember just saying God I can't do this. 17:33 I just can't do this. 17:34 I can't say that you can go into 17:38 this secular thing and find help. 17:41 I can't say that you can just take 17:43 a number of pills and find help. 17:45 I can't, it's almost like I have found an incredible answer 17:51 and yet I am telling people a lie. 17:53 Do you know what I mean? 17:54 And I am not anti medical stuff, 17:57 I am not anti any of that kind of stuff. 17:58 I am not even anti constellate, 18:00 but I think that you will really 18:01 have to-there are some of them are pretty twisted. 18:03 So you know what I mean I am not anti 18:06 any of that, but I definitely know that at end of the day 18:11 I really believe that God is the answer. 18:13 I really believe that some of our stuff 18:16 is so, we are so damaged that it is gonna take a miracle 18:19 for us to stand up and find joy and feel good in our own skin. 18:22 So I just started praying, you got to get me out of this, 18:25 and so eventually what was really amazing 18:28 to me as one thing led to another 18:30 and eventually, I am in ministry. 18:33 And I thought how cool is God. 18:36 You know, I don't deserve to be standing up here. 18:39 I don't deserved to being able to heal in this way 18:43 and do ministry and that way. 18:44 And I know all that kind of stuff, but God 18:46 was just-He was so incredible. 18:48 So I am in ministry now and I am doing 18:49 and it's a long story to get then 18:51 and we don't have a lot of times, 18:52 so I am just not going to get into 18:54 all of the details of how we have led. 18:55 Even though, if you wanna have about three hours 18:58 I will tell you. 19:00 But you know, what I mean it just was amazing, 19:02 so I am in ministry and I was trying to. 19:07 We talked a little bit about this last night, 19:09 but I got to say it again. 19:11 I feel like God is calling me and you know, 19:15 I don't have a dime even for the gas money most of time, 19:18 and so I was just like, you know, 19:19 I got to get someone to hire me. 19:21 You know, so I don't know a lot of about anything, 19:25 but I called the church and I said, you know, 19:28 this is Cheri and you know you may not know me, 19:32 I am heroine addict in recovery and moves on the streets 19:34 for a while and I feel like God is calling me. 19:37 So you like to hire me in some way. 19:41 Person is like, what? 19:44 You want to call the conference office. 19:47 And I have to go, I don't know what that is. 19:49 So I am first of all having to say I am not sure what that is. 19:51 You know, so anyhow I call the conference office, 19:54 and you know, who do you talk to you- 19:55 you can't just talk to receptionist. 19:57 Can you get me to someone that can actually hire people? 20:01 You know so then the something. 20:02 My name is Cheri, heroine addict in recovery, 20:05 but called by God, would you hire me? 20:10 And they're like 20:12 what and then it was just almost silent on that. 20:14 You might want to call the union office? 20:18 Okay, so now my name is Cheri, heroine addict in recovery. 20:23 You might want to call a general conference? 20:25 And so I got all the way out to the general conference 20:29 and of course, you know, people don't, 20:31 you know and who knows I am a nut, you know, at that time. 20:35 So, it was really funny and then finally I just got a sense 20:40 that God said you know, I will hire you. 20:42 And I have to brag a little bit on 3ABN 20:45 because it was so interesting 20:46 because I get asked to do an interview on 3ABN. 20:51 I don't how know this network at all, 20:53 but I get asked to do an interview. 20:55 And some people are so anointed there, so I'm sitting 20:59 there doing the interview 21:00 and I looked up back Danny Shelton, 21:02 who was interviewing me and I said you just so brave 21:06 it's like Danny, would you hire me? 21:10 And he said, how much do you need? 21:14 And I had to figured in my drug addict mind- 21:19 little recovering mind, 21:20 what it would cost to run a ministry for a year. 21:24 It was ridiculously low, but I had figured 21:27 that's what I said that amount. 21:29 And we were getting ready to end the program 21:31 and we had a little bit of break with the camera staff 21:33 and so we were gonna now out on the portion 21:36 and the program with this kind of porch scene 21:39 and he came back and before he sat on the porch 21:42 and he gave me a check and he went outside and sat down. 21:45 And I looked at the check and it's exactly what I said. 21:49 And I thought stop what do I do now. 21:52 I mean how cool is this. 21:54 I have been trying to get hired for hour for hour 21:56 and so then he ends the program. 21:58 If you ever see this program 22:00 its like most of you don't know about Cheri's ministry, 22:04 True Step Ministries is now working along 22:05 with 3ABN on certain things. 22:07 And so he ends with that. 22:09 It only happened that second right before that it ended. 22:12 And even the camera person said, well, 22:14 what does she do? 22:17 And he just said, I don't know you gonna have to ask God, 22:19 because she doesn't really work for us. 22:21 And I thought how funny was that so that my first steps 22:24 in ministry was kind of like that. 22:26 Did the interview with 3ABN 22:27 and then I get a call and this just killed me. 22:31 I get a call from Doug Batchelor's church. 22:35 Stop, and I thought you know, 22:37 you get a call from Doug Batchelor's church, 22:38 would you speak at our church. 22:42 And I thought yeah, you know 22:45 and I am thinking are you kidding me. 22:47 Has anybody does anybody know Doug Batchelor. 22:51 How fun is that. 22:52 And not only, you know, 22:54 I am thinking that first Revelation seminar 22:55 that I ever really understood Doug Batchelor did it. 22:58 And then you know what was really funny to me, 23:00 the most important thing for me at that whole seminar 23:03 was he came out and his eye was blood red you know, 23:06 and I even looked at his eye like wow something 23:09 you know it was like a vessel in his eye broke. 23:12 You know, how red that gets just one eye. 23:15 But he came out and he said to the audience 23:18 that he wasn't high, he just hit his eye with a stick, you know. 23:23 And I am thinking as if everybody 23:24 thought you were high. 23:26 It was just one eye. 23:27 But I thought that it was really funny as addict 23:29 we can't even have a cold without explain it to you 23:32 that I didn't do heroine you know what I mean. 23:34 I just have a cold, I am not shooting up or anything. 23:36 You know what I mean, because we always feel guilty, 23:38 you know, it s like you know so, but anyhow so I laughed, 23:41 I thought that was cool. But when I first said 23:43 the Revelation seminar with him. 23:45 I am sitting in the front row only because I had A.D.D. 23:48 and I get distracted so easy. 23:49 So I am sitting in the front row. 23:51 It's at this time he was not a pastor, 23:54 he was just an evangelist and with the Revelation seminar, 23:58 so I am sitting in the front row. 24:00 He's speaking and I am just beside 24:02 myself and how cool this is. 24:04 There was about a thousand people there. 24:06 I mean it was a just huge crowd and all the sudden 24:10 I noticed that everybody 24:12 is looking at the door, how weird is that? 24:15 If everybody right now, look everybody look at the door. 24:18 You have to look, don't you? 24:20 You know, I mean if everybody does that you have to look. 24:22 So I am in the front row. 24:23 I noticed that everybody is looking at the door 24:24 and I looked back at the door. 24:27 And this pastor too walks in. 24:29 And you could tell I mean she's dressed kind of filthy shoe, 24:33 she looks like she's got a bunch of junk, 24:36 and I am looking at her going mad. 24:38 And that first thing don't get offended, 24:40 but the first thing I said is you may not be safe here. 24:44 Does anybody understand what I am saying, 24:46 because she was a mess? She had been sobbing, 24:48 she had mascara just running down her face. 24:50 And I am like you know, wow I have been in the church, 24:54 I don't know how long by that time 24:55 and I had never said anything to anybody 24:58 about who I was, because I didn't wanted to be judged. 25:01 And I didn't want to be rejected. 25:02 And I was so, I so needed to belong somewhere 25:05 that it would kill me if somebody heard my story 25:08 and didn't want me in the building. 25:10 And so I just didn't say anything, 25:11 but I was just, you know, sitting there and she came in 25:15 and I was just like oh man, you know. 25:17 And I had this ton of folks and that time Doug 25:21 said something about, he asked a question 25:23 and he said to break up like in groups of four or five, 25:26 answer the question just discuss a little bit amongst yourself. 25:30 And then we'll comeback to what he was saying, right. 25:33 So we did that. 25:34 And I couldn't believe 25:36 that this prostitute came in and sat, 25:38 where do you think? 25:40 Right next to me. 25:42 And I am thinking, oh don't call me out. 25:44 You know what I mean. 25:46 Sitting next to someone else. 25:47 You know, don't sit next to me. 25:49 I am looking normal today. 25:51 You know, so how did you, well, why me, 25:54 you know if this is so not fair. 25:56 So she is sitting next to me. 25:58 The whole group is trying to answer the question. 26:00 And then I didn't even know what the question was. 26:03 But she smelled like pot and cigarettes. 26:05 And so in the conversation it ended up coming around 26:08 to cigarette are not good for you. 26:11 And I am thinking we didn't just tell her that, did we? 26:14 You know, everything in we just wanted to cry for her. 26:17 So I turned around and then I said to her. 26:19 I am a heroine addict in recovery. 26:21 I am been homeless most of life my family is a mess. 26:23 My sister has a porn site 26:25 on the internet, is in the stripper. 26:26 My other sister is a meth addict. 26:28 Sells meth at my parent's house. 26:29 My dad died in a crack house, you know. 26:31 And I am thinking you know what the only thing 26:34 I know for sure, is if you grab hold of Christ 26:37 and never let go that you will get through this. 26:39 That's the only thing I know. 26:41 And the whole group is looking at me like, 26:42 did you just make that up? 26:46 And I am like I am good like that. 26:48 You know, and so you know I just thought man and I couldn't. 26:52 You know, I wanted to say more to her. 26:54 That then they were back in the group. 26:56 You know and we are back now paying attention the Doug. 26:59 And I am trying to find her, but you can't keep looking back, 27:02 because I am in the front row and that really 27:04 is the disrupted to the speaker and everything. 27:06 I want to keep looking back and see where she ended up 27:09 sitting, because she now not sitting next to me. 27:12 And so I keep trying to find her and then I realize 27:15 that I am really interfering with the speaker's 27:17 ability to oncentrate. 27:19 So I just sat there and listened. 27:22 After it was over I decided to go find her. 27:25 You know, and just tell I am sorry. 27:27 I am sorry if he said something that hurt you. 27:29 I am sorry if we met in the whole smoking thing, 27:31 but you know what, sometimes it's not the issue, 27:33 it's so not the issue. 27:35 And does anybody hear me raise your hand 27:37 if you hear me when I say that. 27:38 Then this is her cigarette smoking was not the issue. 27:42 Her pot smoking was not the issue. 27:43 Her drug was not the issue. 27:45 And so I am trying to find her and I couldn't find her. 27:47 I looked in the toilet, I looked in the front yard, 27:50 I looked all of that kind of stuff. 27:51 And finally I thought you know as the night went on, 27:54 I just find the evangelist. 27:56 You know, I found out where they put him, you know. 27:59 And he wasn't like I said he wasn't a pastor at that time. 28:02 He was just a traveling evangelist. 28:03 So they had stuck him in a hotel somewhere. 28:05 About eleven thirty at night I did find him, you know. 28:08 So I am like, my name is Cheri. 28:11 This prostitute came in and I think we hurt her. 28:16 And he said it was unbelievable. 28:19 I invited her to the meetings. 28:21 And I thought oh man, how cool is that. 28:24 You know, and so you need to call her. 28:27 You need to tell her because that you know I my fear 28:30 is that may be we just hurt her and may be, no, no, 28:32 I am sorry, so please. 28:34 First of all you pray for her then call her 28:37 and he got real quite almost like annoyed, 28:39 quite does anybody, can anybody 28:41 tell when that switch is in the conversation. 28:43 And almost like that and what he said next 28:46 was life changing for me. 28:47 What he said next was God didn't set her next to me. 28:53 Then I thought, what did he mean by that? 28:56 You know, and I am thinking he's like when God's sit 28:58 somebody next to you, you call her. 29:02 And I am thinking oh yeah but I am nobody. 29:04 Do you know what that mean? 29:06 I am nobody, I am just a druggy. 29:08 You know, that you know, 29:09 and I want to say that I am nobody. 29:11 I- you know you need to pray for her and call her. 29:13 And then it was really a cool statement. 29:15 He said nobody is nobody. 29:17 You know, same God, same Holy Spirit, same prayer, 29:20 same all that kind of stuff. 29:22 And when God sits somebody next to you, 29:24 because you can talk with them 29:25 more than anybody else can talk with them. 29:27 And so I ended up you know, 29:29 because I couldn't do anything else. 29:31 She gave me the phone number. 29:33 He hangs up and I eventually call her. 29:35 And she has a history that was unbelievable- 29:37 molested to a stripper, a drug addict has been on the streets 29:40 for the long time, never has had any sense of any value 29:44 within herself at all. 29:46 And it was being able to just be it was delightful to sit down 29:50 with her and actually show her, her own value, 29:54 who she is and how to kind of step away 29:56 from all that kind of stuff. 29:58 And so I think that in that kind of sense 30:00 it was nobody in the room that could have caught her. 30:02 Out of 8,000 people except for somebody 30:05 that had kind of had a similar kind of thing. 30:07 But anyhow so when Doug calls or his church 30:10 calls and says would you come and speak 30:12 I was so delighted to do that. 30:14 I though, you know what, 30:16 he really did influenced my life. 30:19 He really did changed my view of who I am, 30:21 and how does that ministry and all of that kind of stuff, 30:24 so I am so excited. 30:26 And I so know that, you know, 30:28 I am a mess and I'm not sure really how to do this sharing. 30:30 Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't. 30:33 You know, I have seen speakers and they have the podium 30:35 and their notes are there. 30:37 You know, I have tried to that I can't even do that. 30:39 You know, I have just I know all that kind of stuff 30:41 so I went out and got outfits, so I at least look cute, 30:44 because if I really mess up 30:46 that's you know that's important again. 30:48 So I went out and got soon out read and I am ready 30:51 and I am gonna do the youth meetings. 30:54 So I am gonna speak for the youth. 30:56 3ABN was speaking for the adults. 30:58 So I had to never you know, not that I never heard 31:01 that network, but I had never orked with them. 31:04 And so they're gonna do the adults, 31:05 I am doing the youth 31:07 and I get there and it was really interesting, 31:10 because I was at only one kind of on 31:16 the platform for the youth. 31:18 Does anybody do youth ministries? 31:21 For two days, it would be me. 31:23 Doing prayer, I am luckily I don't sing. 31:26 But you know, I needed someone to sing 31:29 and you know because youth love that stuff. 31:32 And so I am thinking, you know, 31:33 music and all that kind of stuff. 31:35 And I don't know why it was only one on the platform, 31:37 but you know, may be I just misunderstood that. 31:39 But anyhow so I said to them we're in Sacramento now, 31:44 and I am gonna do the youth. 31:45 And so I said you know don't they herd the singers 31:48 like live right up the street. 31:50 Let's just call them, and have them come in, you know. 31:53 And they said well, you can't just call them 31:56 like what are you are doing tonight, you know. 31:58 And I am thinking about don't they work 32:01 for the same guy I work for. 32:03 May be God's already told them. 32:04 You know, and so let's just call them and there was somebody 32:07 there that was annoyed by my-because I made a joke 32:11 and it probably didn't turn out funny 32:12 and whatever and they just looked at me like-you know 32:15 so I decided to be quite 32:17 and when we out to lunch, had a nice lunch. 32:20 On our way back we were passing by was called Adventist health. 32:23 And I have a friend who works there 32:24 and they had moved from where I had lived. 32:26 And I wanted to say hi. 32:27 And I always say I wanted to say hi, that is not true, 32:31 I wanted to say I am speaking at Doug Batchelor's church. 32:34 How fun is that. 32:36 And I wanted to go and he was just like I was so excited, 32:39 I wanted to shout to somebody that knew me. 32:42 And I wanted to stop acting like an adult 32:44 and I wanted to really just jump up and down 32:46 in the joy of how God uses us. 32:49 And I wanted to just say that in every single way. 32:51 But you couldn't say that because I am supposed 32:53 to be like the speaker and you walk in like all casual. 32:56 And so, I end up stopping at Adventist health 32:59 and I asked for Kevin my friend to come down 33:01 and he came down and I said all of that I was just like whaa... 33:04 done and he's excited because he knows me 33:07 and we both just were excited. 33:09 And then I said the only thing is, 33:10 that we don't have any music, it's just you know, 33:13 and I knew Kevin played guitar, 33:14 so I was helping he would say oh I will do it. 33:16 But we don't have any music but the receptionist from across 33:19 the room says, oh I know the heritage singers 33:22 do you want me to call them. 33:25 All right, and in most of them were out of town, 33:29 but there was a few in town and they said absolutely. 33:32 How fun would that being and so we had some couple 33:36 of the heritage singers come in and sing. 33:38 So now, we're getting ready to do the event. 33:41 And a girl from the church that says I am doing ministry 33:47 at a low income drug area in town. 33:50 Would you come and say anything 33:52 to the addicts that are there. 33:54 Would you invite them to the meeting? 33:56 And I thought, oh how fun is that. 33:58 You know so yeah, yeah I will do it. 34:00 And so we go into this area of town that is just trashed. 34:03 Do you guys haves those areas? 34:05 Where you know, all the druggies are here 34:07 and police are lot of times 34:08 there and all that kind of stuff. 34:09 So we pull into the area of town. 34:11 I get out of the car, First of all I because I am evangelists 34:15 now obviously because I am going 34:17 into this low income apartment complex. 34:20 And I say we should pray, right. 34:22 And I don't' know what to pray, 34:25 because I am just haven't done this lot yet. 34:27 So I thought oh I just pray well I think 34:28 I have heard someone else pray. 34:30 And so I shut my eyes and I said God. 34:32 Go before us and open up all the doors, and bestow on us. 34:36 And I am thinking I don't even know 34:37 what bestow on us means. 34:39 You know what I mean but I am saying exactly 34:41 what I am supposed to say as an evangelist, 34:43 because I am doing a good job. 34:44 And I get out of that car 34:45 and I am dressed in that outfit that I got. 34:48 And I feel like I look like Mary Poppins. 34:51 I am in this area with people 34:53 that are just their life is thrashed. 34:56 They're in and out of jail, 34:57 they're in and out of their addictions 34:59 of all that kind of stuff 35:00 and I get out and I just look up myself 35:02 and I almost wanted to just crack up, it was so ridiculous. 35:05 So, I this girl comes up her name is Sammy. 35:08 Sammy comes up and I don't know how old 35:11 she is, but she was little. 35:13 I would guess five or six and she comes up and she says, 35:19 what do you want? 35:21 And she's got this little gang with her all little tiny kids. 35:25 And I said well what do you want and you know 35:28 what she is saying that because she thinks 35:31 I am a social worker and she thinks 35:33 I'm gonna remove her from her family. 35:34 Do you know what I mean? 35:36 Because those kids do not trust you. 35:37 You look like this. 35:39 And they're gonna ask you the same thing 35:40 but she was so tough. 35:42 How old are you? 35:46 Six, she was five I think, so she was about your age. 35:49 Come up here for a minute. Can you come up? 35:51 And what was really interesting about her 35:53 is that she was beautiful like you. 35:56 She was like so adorable and she was just checking me 35:59 out and finally I have written a book about how God 36:02 helps us and changes our lives and her mom was a mess. 36:06 And so she said to me my mom need you to talk with her. 36:10 How fun is that. 36:11 Thank you, so she says I am telling her 36:15 that I am an addict in recovery. 36:18 I am just, I am doing meetings in town 36:20 and I wanted to talk about how God 36:22 can change your life. 36:24 And she just told me, that you need to talk to my mom. 36:27 And so she starts to take me to the apartment complex 36:31 that she lives in and it's a mess. 36:33 The grass is hardly taken care of. 36:35 The kids definitely are out wandering by themselves. 36:37 I mean you can tell that everything 36:39 about it it's a druggy apartment. 36:40 So we get into this foyer area. 36:42 The apartments around us like this and there is a staircase 36:45 going up to the top apartments 36:47 and we are like in this bottom area 36:49 should be grass, but there is mostly cement and dirt. 36:51 And so I am standing there with the kids 36:53 and they're yelling over each other. 36:55 Like they're telling me you know my dad's in jail 36:58 but his girlfriends taking care of me. 37:00 I said you could talk with her and he's in jail 37:03 because he beats my mom. 37:04 Do you know how kids gets so honest with you. 37:06 I mean they will tell you everything once they trust you, 37:08 and they were kind of yelling over each other telling me. 37:10 So that addictions that what they have known. 37:13 I mean some of those kids live on meth not methadone 37:16 a meth and phetamine lab. 37:18 Some of those kids are in the midst of chemicals 37:20 and drug dealings and all that kind 37:22 of stuff and that's their life. 37:23 So they're kind of telling me little bits 37:25 and pieces of that kind of stuff, 37:27 but they're making so much noise 37:29 that I look up and the doors were open. 37:33 Because people were trying to figure out 37:34 what the kids were doing, 37:35 they're making all this noise about. 37:37 And I almost wanted to sob, because I thought 37:39 you know I just felt like the Holy Spirit 37:42 said I answered your prayers. 37:44 The doors are open and I am thinking but I didn't mean. 37:47 You know, I didn't mean that. 37:48 You know, what I mean I just prayed 37:50 that because and I think God just wanted me to know 37:53 be careful what you pray for, because I am listening to you, 37:56 but the doors were open. 37:57 Now I've got to try to figure out the way 37:59 to get somebody down from the upstairs. 38:01 They are out of their apartments to this inner area 38:03 where we are at right. 38:05 And remember I said Pacific press 38:07 did the book Miracle from the Street, right. 38:09 And it's my life story and all that kind of stuff. 38:12 I really think its vindication of who God is. 38:14 I don't think it's about me at all. 38:16 I think it is about how incredible God is. 38:18 And so anyhow so I had about thirty books 38:21 that I brought for the youth for the weekend 38:23 and they're in the trunk of this girl's car. 38:25 So I have these books. 38:27 So I have one in my hand 38:29 and I don't know why I just had, but I had one in my hand, 38:31 and I said you should see the cover of this book. 38:36 I wrote a book about my recovery from hell 38:38 and you should see the cover. 38:40 And they said what so funny about the cover, 38:41 because I was laughing. 38:43 When they did the book they gave the art 38:46 the design of the cover to somebody 38:48 that's I think about hundredth generation Adventist. 38:53 And they gave it to them 38:55 and they were incredible artists, 38:56 but they didn't know this lifestyle this background. 38:59 And they did this kind of drawing 39:02 of what it was like to come from where I came from. 39:05 And there were little drawings you know colored rice, 39:09 but little drawings, and one side 39:11 they had this mahogany table, just beautiful, 39:16 with lines of coke on it. 39:19 Four-four lines of coke in each area, the four areas. 39:22 If you put that in perspective of the lines of coke 39:25 were probably 2 feet by 2 feet in four lines. 39:30 And the mahogany table was just beautiful. 39:34 No scratches, no beer cans, no mirrors, no razors, 39:38 no paraphernalia of any kind, just a beautiful table 39:41 with four lines of coke in front of each person. 39:45 And the people that were sitting they're doing the lines of coke 39:48 looked like Ken and Barbie. 39:51 You know they were beautiful, did nice little dress on 39:56 and did wonder the dress 39:57 is kind of a peach dress just lovely, you know. 40:01 And she had her hair done perfectly. 40:03 You know what I mean and no, you know, 40:06 when we shoot up, we have open abscesses on our arm. 40:09 So you know what I mean, 40:11 it's ridiculous we have crank sores 40:12 and we know we don't look that good. 40:14 We just so look that good and the guy was just handsome. 40:18 Just handsome and I just I thought how funny is that. 40:22 And so I said you got to see this cover the other side 40:25 where I got kidnapped by the motorcycle gang 40:28 right where I was held there and I watched 40:31 the 13 year old raped and killed 40:33 during initiation for new members. 40:36 I watched the most brutal things during that time 40:40 that was unbelievable told a little bit 40:42 of that story in the book. 40:44 And yet the motorcycle gang 40:45 that he drove on look likes some really nice 40:49 Adventist guys out for a bike ride. 40:52 I haven't told her, so that I can even give 40:53 this book away that looks so good. 40:55 And they ended up changing the graphics a little bit 40:58 and put sunglasses on them. 41:01 I am thinking that didn't really work, you know. 41:03 And so I just said to these people that were at the doors. 41:07 This is the funniest cover you will ever see. 41:10 The person that did the cover of my book 41:12 had never done a drug, was born and raised 41:14 in a Christian environment and loved all there like, 41:16 they didn't know anything 41:17 but you will just crack up over this. 41:19 So pretty soon I have about 30 people standing around me 41:23 busting up at this cover. 41:24 The first thing they said when they looked 41:26 at the cover one girl said. 41:29 Is that heaven? 41:32 No you don't get big lines 41:34 of coke in heaven on clean tables. 41:36 We don't even have to chop it up anymore 41:38 to find because God is God. 41:41 So everybody is joking about stuff. 41:43 Everybody is doing that kind of thing and I said to them 41:46 I would like you to come to the meetings tonight. 41:49 And I would like to be my guest. 41:51 Some of them didn't have a way to get down there. 41:54 And I will send some, you know, Lindy was a girl with me, 41:56 I sent Lindy down with a van just anybody can come 42:00 and they were so messed up when I say fresh abscesses. 42:04 Have you ever seen an addict 42:05 where they have to shoot in the same place 42:06 because all their veins have collapsed. 42:08 They have to literally use the same place and the same vein 42:11 and it gets really infected, 42:13 yet they keep going into the same place. 42:15 You know, it's just that was the addict 42:18 that we were inviting. 42:19 I mean they would these were not people in recovery 42:21 at any level and it was just amazing. 42:24 And I thought to myself I would be so honored 42:27 to have you there as my guests. 42:29 And so I didn't expect anybody to come, 42:31 but I came that night to do a talk and the addicts 42:35 from Banyan Street were taking out the first two rows, right, 42:39 the first rows with Sammy 42:42 just proudly sitting there, like I brought them all. 42:46 And I thought how adorable are you? 42:50 I just and so anyhow I started to do 42:54 I always have to tell too much details I am sure, 42:56 but somebody walked in from that church 43:02 and they're gonna introduced me. 43:04 And so they gonna introduce me and they came up 43:06 and I am talking with this whole group 43:08 and they came up to he whole group 43:09 and said which one is Cheri. 43:13 And I am thinking oh, but I looked 43:15 a little going on recovery. 43:17 Well I thought that was the funniest statement 43:19 I said that was me. 43:20 And then he's gonna introduce me want the copy of the book. 43:23 So he can introduce me and show the book. 43:25 I had given all of them away on Banyan Street. 43:27 I gave them all to the addicts 43:29 that were down there, so I don't have any. 43:31 And so I said to anybody in the group, 43:33 does anybody in the group have a book 43:36 that I gave you today. 43:37 And so one of woman stands she's like a biker, a biker. 43:44 Meth addict meth and phetamine addict 43:46 and she is a mason. 43:47 She is about 5'.9". 43:49 And she stands up and she looks at me 43:50 and so she said I had mine. 43:54 Can I borrow it? 43:57 And she said yeah, but I best get this back. 44:02 And I am thinking she's just threatening me you know. 44:05 I will give it back. 44:07 And she reaches in her bag and pulls the book out 44:10 and it's wrapped in cellophane. 44:13 So it's doesn't get bent. 44:15 Somebody please stay with me on this. 44:16 I couldn't believe that I wanted to just weep 44:18 for her because nobody can tell me she was not searching 44:21 for anything if anything-something. 44:23 This is a cheap paper back book 44:24 and no offense for Pacific press. 44:26 I mean this is a normal ordinary paper back book. 44:29 And yet she's got it wrapped and protected 44:32 and she has to unwrap it to give it to me. 44:35 She's already start reading it. 44:37 She's got a bookmark in it. 44:38 And I just wanted to say 44:40 I mean man you have to keep hold of God and keep searching. 44:43 It was just the most anointed moment I think. 44:45 So she gives me the book I give it to the pastor 44:48 he's gonna introduce me. 44:49 And we're sitting next to each other, 44:51 heritage singers are singing some things 44:54 and so it was amazing and he's opens up the book. 44:57 I am not sure why but he opens up the book 44:59 and all of the sudden I feel like I'm stiffening up 45:02 and kind of move away from me. 45:04 And I am thinking, oh man what pages you're on, 45:08 'cause I just want to say you know, 45:11 you got to be the whole thing in context. 45:14 So anyhow, so he is moving away 45:17 and I want to see what page he's on. 45:19 And I just want to look you know does he 45:21 what I have to kind of excuse or say or whatever. 45:24 And he's not on the pages-- looking at the bookmark 45:26 that she had in the book and the bookmark 45:28 said the Ten Commandments are sexually transmitted diseases, 45:33 and I thought that is her book. 45:36 That is not even my bookmark. 45:39 But I just had to laugh I thought, you know, I am not, 45:42 I didn't have time to say that. 45:43 Well I know this poor guy is like she didn't recover yet. 45:46 And you know, I am like so anyhow so he introduces me. 45:49 I get on the platform and I start to tell the story 45:52 just the testimony and there were people 45:55 that were sobbing so loud. 45:57 I had to talk over them to continue. 46:01 Do you know what I am saying, because it was their life? 46:03 You know, they're in that and it was their life. 46:06 And I could hear and see them coming to a place 46:10 where what I am saying they are for one my guest 46:13 and what I am saying there's a God big enough 46:15 that he can restore you to sanity. 46:17 There's a God big enough 46:18 that can take these addictions and set you free. 46:20 There is a God big enough 46:21 that actually has a plan for your life that you can step away 46:24 from all of this junk and do something 46:26 that you will delight in. 46:28 I have seen almost every country. 46:29 You know what I mean. 46:31 I have the most incredible life, 46:33 because of God's promises and recovery, 46:35 and they were just getting glimpses of that for themselves. 46:38 That was so powerful to watch and but the whole time 46:42 there was this drunk guy. 46:44 And he was fallen asleep through the whole sermon 46:48 and he would fall asleep and snore so loud, 46:50 he would wake himself up. 46:52 Does anybody do that? 46:53 Don't raise your hands. 46:55 And unless it's the wife 46:56 that just want to point to her husband. 46:57 You know, but anyhow he's fallen asleep so much 47:00 that he could just wake himself up. 47:01 It was just like this--annoying thing and then he was drunk, 47:06 so he had to explain to the person 47:08 beside him the fact that, oh sorry did I fall asleep. 47:11 But the person beside him, he's already keeps saying that to me. 47:14 I am listening you know, and its just like through 47:16 the whole meeting he would be doing stuff like that. 47:18 And so I was just annoyed by him, because I'm watching 47:21 all on this ministry and I'm doing 47:22 all this kind of stuff, and I am just annoyed 47:24 and at the end some of the people from Banyan Street 47:29 said to me, so it was so incredible. 47:32 Is do you realize Cheri 47:34 that I haven't ever been in a church. 47:36 And you have to act surprise, no, really you know. 47:39 But you know of course I realize that, I just want to hold you, 47:42 I just want to say welcome home. 47:44 You know, I just want to say hold down to God. 47:46 It's just, it's so incredible to have you here. 47:49 I want to tell them that all of heaven is celebrating 47:51 the fact that you're in this building right now, 47:53 all of that kind of stuff. 47:54 And I want to just share all of that with him. 47:56 But I can't because the drunk walks up. 47:59 And I am thinking really right now, 48:01 you gonna walk up, you know. 48:03 And forgive me for this next part 48:05 so I am just annoyed, you know. 48:06 And when you're annoyed like this, its hard to really 48:09 think of yourselves as an evangelist 48:10 because you think Jesus probably was never annoyed. 48:13 You know-but I was just annoyed, then he comes up 48:15 and he said, you know, can I talk to you. 48:18 And I am thinking, you know, I am talking you know 48:20 to these woman and but I looked at him. 48:25 And there is something about the way 48:26 he said that that I said yeah you know. 48:29 And so we stepped away and he said I was on my way 48:31 to kill myself today, and I heard on a radio program 48:34 Amazing Facts, that there was girl 48:36 that was going to be at the church 48:37 and was gonna be talking about being set free from our junk, 48:42 not only addictions, but depression 48:44 and all that kind of junk and dysfunctions 48:48 and stuff like that, and I decided 48:50 to stop here first. 48:52 And I am thinking you know, have you ever had a moment 48:55 when you know you have to repent. 48:57 You know, it was just moment 48:58 just I wanted to say to him I am so sorry for everything 49:01 that I have thought. 49:02 That I knew about what was happening 49:04 with you and I said what was going on, you know. 49:07 And he told me a story that was absolutely incredible 49:11 but he was a druggy out of the 70s. 49:16 Anybody can picture that? 49:18 You know, that whole kind of longhair, lost of LST, 49:23 lots of you know, that you know, yeah, Woodstock. 49:27 You know all of that kind of stuff. 49:28 But he took a lot of LST. 49:31 Raise your hand if you know what I mean. 49:34 He took a lot of that stuff and so he's a little fragmented. 49:38 He's not really, you know, like he's in and out 49:40 of being able to clearly 49:42 articulate this stuff and all that. 49:44 But you know, you could tell and he's still kind 49:47 of stringy hair and all that. 49:49 And he says that you know during the 70s 49:51 when he's was really high, a lot of the time 49:54 but somehow he got to where he wanted to get a Bible. 49:58 You know, and he said man you haven't studied at all, 50:02 till you studied the Bible on LST, you know. 50:05 And I am sitting in the church thinking that's funny. 50:08 You know it's just good, you know, 50:10 because you have to act like that's a normal statement. 50:12 But it just was funny to me. 50:14 And he said, but God got him to where he was--he stopped 50:17 using lot of the psychedelics. 50:19 But he would just like, he would sit at home 50:21 and he knew he was too fragmented 50:23 to really go to a church. 50:24 So we would sit at home and he would smoke 50:26 some weed and you know study Ezekiel going like man 50:30 four wheels head spins around. 50:32 So you know, I am like thinking that I just want to kiss you 50:39 on the face, you are so funny. 50:40 So he's telling all that stuff and he said one time, 50:43 he welcome to joint studying and something in Revelations. 50:46 And the ash from the joint fell 50:52 and it was like slow motion fell 50:55 and hit the page of the Bible and just phew burned it out. 50:59 You know, not the whole page but you know 51:02 and he is like oh man. 51:05 You know and I said what you do. 51:08 And he said well, I switch to a pipe. 51:13 And I thought, I just wanted to burst up. 51:16 But the whole time what do you think God 51:19 was doing the whole time, loving him, the whole time, loving him. 51:27 You know, he's taken 51:29 hallucinogenic, studying the Bible. 51:30 He's smoking weeds, studying the bible. 51:32 He is out of his mind and he's studying 51:35 and the whole time God is doing the sanctification process 51:38 one step after another after another restoring his life. 51:42 Doing all that kind of stuff as much as possible, 51:44 giving us back our sanctity as much as possible. 51:47 Just an amazing thing, so I am listening 51:49 to that and I thought, oh, that is just amazing. 51:52 He decides he finally stops smoking weed, you know, 51:55 so now he is going to go to church. 51:58 How cool is that. 51:59 He's fragmented, he's got long hair. 52:01 He looks like a hippy that hasn't bath forever 52:03 and he's going to go to church and he thought, oh wait. 52:07 I don't have a suit. 52:09 So I have to get a get a suit. 52:10 So he had a friend that was a disco dancer. 52:15 And so he calls his friend 52:17 and he gets this kind of powdered 52:19 baby glue suit with this kind of. 52:22 Have you seen disco dancers kind of a peach top 52:24 with a little thing, you know, and he puts that on, 52:27 he's got long hairs, he's fragmented. 52:28 He looks like a mess and now he come in the door. 52:31 You know, and people didn't just even know how to take him. 52:34 You know it was just ridiculous and he's a kind of person 52:38 that you had this person in your Bible study, 52:40 just you could read. 52:42 Raise your hand if you just know comes into the Bible study 52:44 and they will be talking about Revelations. 52:46 And he will say dude-- 52:50 wasn't the whole creation thing awesome. 52:54 Now, I love that part. 52:59 Okay, then they try to get on something else. 53:02 And he's says, even that whale thing. 53:04 Could you imagine being in a belly of a whale. 53:07 I just can't, is that true. 53:10 You're doing Revelations, you know, 53:11 and it's like he's just acting, you couldn't stay anywhere 53:16 because he's just he couldn't stay anywhere. 53:18 And so it was like he's telling the story 53:20 and I am thinking I have met 53:22 people like that, so I know people like 53:23 that and I am thinking well. 53:25 And then he is getting a lot of help at mental health clinic 53:29 because he has to go there for, you know, 53:31 just to get through his life. 53:33 And so he's getting a lot of help, 53:34 but he falls in love at group one night. 53:37 And met this girl that's bipolar that he met there. 53:40 You know, and they fell in love. 53:42 And it was just like an amazing romance and stuff. 53:45 And but she is so bipolar 53:46 that she's either in bed soiling herself. 53:52 Or at church dressed up heels and coming on to the pastor, 53:56 I call baby, how are you? 53:59 You know, because she one way or other, 54:01 she's either out of control in one way with the depression, 54:03 or mannequin and inappropriate in the other direction. 54:07 But they fall in love and now they both walk in. 54:10 And everybody is trying to deal with that. 54:13 And then they have child. 54:16 Child is beautiful and normal 54:19 born in the building, all of that kind of stuff. 54:22 But the child sees how everybody relates to mom and dad, right. 54:27 So there is all that shame that she grows up 54:29 with and it was really intense for her. 54:31 And he tries to help her see a lot 54:33 of that as she was growing up, but it was just taught 54:36 because he couldn't be anything other than what he was. 54:41 His own struggles and the bipolar stuff, 54:43 and all of that kind of stuff. 54:45 But he tried to be everything else, 54:47 and he couldn't do it because he's just had fried 54:50 his brain and stuff and he said it was just at times 54:55 really tough watching her. 54:57 She decided when she was I don't know how old 54:59 that she was going to raise the money and ended up 55:02 going to just say Christian school, 55:04 and so she worked when she was in like ninth grade. 55:10 She got enough money to go to a boarding school. 55:12 And she gets there and she didn't have 55:15 the social skills, or the dress, or any of the kind of stuff, 55:18 because she's been raised in all this dysfunction 55:20 to fit in with anybody. 55:21 And raise your hand if you felt at all in any of your schools 55:24 that there were little quirks. 55:27 She couldn't fit into them and so she few days 55:31 before I had my meeting, 55:33 she tried to kill herself, right. 55:35 So he was going to kill himself, hopefully 55:38 he said what that would do was somebody would then put her 55:41 and may be foster home and she could have an normal family. 55:45 And so he just starts crying and he said do you know what. 55:48 She is amazing and she sings like an angel. 55:51 She wants to sing for God and all that kind of stuff. 55:55 And do you remember what my problem 55:56 was when I first started those meetings? 55:59 Music. Yeah, and so I said tomorrow would she sing for us. 56:05 And he said because she is just out 56:07 of the hospital all that kind of stuff. 56:08 Would she sing for us? 56:09 And he said no, absolutely not. 56:12 And I said, I want to give her a book, 56:15 I gave that biker's book away. 56:17 But I want to give her a book, 56:18 and I want to just put in it my name and something 56:22 and just ask her that I personally 56:24 would be honored if she came and just sang for us, 56:27 and he said she won't. 56:29 And I said you know just see. 56:31 You know just ask her and so he lives 56:34 and I am just thinking and don't think that I ignored the kids. 56:38 We talked about divorced families. 56:40 We talked about eating disorders, sexual stuff. 56:43 One of the kids had a abortion, 56:46 there were some molest issues. 56:48 And then in the mix of that, there was some kids 56:50 that they were loved in normal families. 56:52 You know, but a lot of the kids were dealing 56:54 with some stuff until we did all that. 56:56 But the next day we're starting our meeting 56:58 and this guy walks in and he's cleaned up, you know, 57:01 and he walks in with his daughter 57:02 and she is beautiful and he just looked. 57:05 I mean he just looked, you know, hopeful. 57:08 You know, and all of a sudden he walks in, 57:10 he walks in with her. 57:11 She just tells me, you know, 57:13 what I don't want to say anything. 57:17 I don't want to ask me about my story. 57:22 I don't want to do any of that kind of stuff. 57:24 What I wanted to do is I want to just sing the song and leave. 57:30 And I said okay. 57:31 And so she got up and she sang a song 57:34 called "In heaven's eyes." 57:36 Anybody know the song. 57:38 In heaven's eyes, there are no losers. 57:40 There's no hopeless cause. 57:42 Their's only people like you, people like me, 57:45 looking, you know, I am paraphrasing 57:48 for recovery to be loved, to fit in today, you know, 57:51 looking to find out is there a place I belong. 57:53 Is there a God that can change this? 57:55 Can I do this healing stuff? 57:57 And she is singing the song and I wanted to weep, 57:59 and weep and weep. 58:01 And what I learnt at that point is like 58:02 we are looking at on this meeting today 58:04 as we truly are ambassadors for Christ. 58:07 We truly are taken a message out, 58:09 and the message has to be real enough 58:10 that somebody can grab hold of that. |
Revised 2014-12-17