3ABN On the Road

Understanding The Addictive Personality

Three Angels Broadcasting Network

Program transcript

Participants: Cheri Peters

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Series Code: OTR

Program Code: OTR001021


00:01 The following program discusses sensitive issues
00:03 related to addictive behavior.
00:04 Parents are cautioned that some material
00:06 may be too candid for younger children.
01:11 Welcome to the afternoon program
01:14 and so this is the program that I really, kinda,
01:17 stayed away from for a while because it's--
01:19 I thought, you know what I am learning a lot about addiction,
01:21 I am learning a lot about that kind of stuff
01:23 but I don't know if I'm a teacher.
01:25 You know what I mean?
01:27 And so I kind of stayed away from it.
01:28 And so I wanna say that I--
01:30 I stayed away from it a long time
01:32 and then decided to go ahead and present it one time
01:34 and I think it's of anointed information.
01:37 I think that if you work with addicts or you are an addict,
01:39 you're gonna be blessed by what we cover today.
01:41 But I always have to start out
01:43 with just why it's important to me.
01:46 And so I wanna-- not long ago,
01:49 I got a call and--
01:51 for those who haven't been to any program,
01:52 I'm a Heroin Addict in recovery.
01:54 I've been in recovery since 1979.
01:58 How cool is that?
01:59 Yeah, thank you so much,
02:00 one person in the back is like, "that's great."
02:02 'Cause, you know, for a lot of us addicts
02:04 we don't think that we're gonna get a day,
02:05 then we don't think we are gonna get a week,
02:07 then we get a year and then we go on and get ten years
02:10 and twenty years and all that kind of stuff
02:12 it is absolutely an amazing thing to,
02:16 you know, just get that time under you.
02:18 And get that, you know, where all of the sudden
02:20 your struggles are kind of more normal struggles.
02:22 Like, you know, it's just kind of a cool thing.
02:25 So anyway, I've been in recovery a long time
02:27 and I get a call and my sister is in the hospital.
02:33 And they don't think she's gonna survive.
02:35 It was just really an intense time.
02:38 They're not sure, she's on life support,
02:40 and they called me to come out and see her.
02:44 And I go out there and she is a--she's,
02:48 you know, my sister's, you know, still a striper
02:51 and she's still selling drugs and she's still, you know,
02:54 involved in all of that kind of stuff,
02:55 and we're not sure what happened but she's,
02:58 you know, hooked up to everything.
03:00 And I go in and I don't wanna be disrespectful to anybody
03:06 but, you know, everybody in my family
03:07 is just got their own addictions
03:09 and they're all, kind of, in the waiting room.
03:10 And my younger sister, the meth addict,
03:14 is, like, you know, this kind of thing.
03:15 It's like, I don't think it's a big deal, actually, you know?
03:18 You know, she's might be a little bit...
03:20 You know, it's just I'm not sure what's happening, you know?
03:23 And she just can't-- she's just a mess
03:25 and she's eighty pounds or less
03:28 and I don't know what that is in kilos.
03:31 But, I mean, she's just, like, so thin
03:33 and she's got canker sores every where.
03:35 She's got patches of her hair gone.
03:37 She's got Aplastic Anemia
03:38 because she's taken so much Methamphetamines
03:40 that her body doesn't produce iron any more
03:42 and you can see that all on her.
03:44 I mean, you could just see all her addictions.
03:46 My step dad is-- or my mom's boyfriend is...
03:51 you know, he's lost in his addictions.
03:53 He is 6'1" and just dead, you know?
03:57 He smokes weed so he's always relaxed.
04:00 You know what I mean?
04:01 So she's in the hospital and he's like, you know,
04:03 "I don't think, you know, it's just no big deal, you know?"
04:06 And he's just, like, you know, just kind of relaxed, you know?
04:09 And I'm thinking that, you know,
04:11 somebody it's a big deal, you know?
04:14 It is a big deal. This is not a good thing.
04:17 So any how--so we end up-- we're in there.
04:19 My sister, the meth addict's there.
04:20 My brother, he's... Just everybody is there.
04:25 I have an aunt that shows up
04:26 that decides to tell another family in the emergency room
04:31 that I was coming onto her husband when I was ten.
04:34 And I'm thinking, we don't even know this family
04:36 and that's not true, you know?
04:38 And I am just, like, it's all this crazy dysfunction.
04:40 I go into my sister and she is hooked up on life support.
04:45 She's got tubes going down her throat.
04:47 She's got all of this kind of stuff.
04:48 She's not gonna survive.
04:50 And I go over to her home and I am doing some things
04:53 because I am staying at her house.
04:54 And I go over to her house and I find out that
04:56 she is turning 50 and that was a stressful time for her.
05:00 I don't know if anybody's been to a strip club,
05:02 but its hard when you're 50 years old to working in one.
05:05 And so, you know what I mean?
05:06 It's that she's turning 50, she is getting too old for that,
05:09 she is not getting the same tips.
05:11 She has had everything done. She's had her face done.
05:13 Her--I mean everything done.
05:15 And she still knows that her time is limited.
05:18 But her time is limited
05:19 and nobody has ever given her any kind of value
05:22 in who she is other than this, you know?
05:24 And so she's really lost.
05:28 She's looking at her third drunk driving ticket, her third DUI.
05:32 In the States you can go to prison
05:34 for long time with the third of any thing.
05:36 But she's got her third DUI, she's turning fifty.
05:39 She doesn't know if she's gonna survive
05:42 and so instead of dealing with all of it
05:44 she just tries to kill herself, right?
05:47 So when she tries to kill herself
05:48 she ends up taking in over dose of pills,
05:51 it blows a hole in her stomach and that fills up with acids,
05:55 and the acids burn her lungs and she cannot breath.
05:58 Her lungs are burnt.
06:00 When you look at the x-rays
06:01 for people that have worked in that field,
06:03 you look at the x-rays
06:05 and you can literally see her lungs just been trashed.
06:08 And I go in their and I am thinking,
06:10 "Man, when's the last time that I told you I loved you.
06:14 When is the last time that-- you know, have I said that."
06:18 You know, 'cause in my recovery, as my journey has happened,
06:21 I've really kind of pulled away.
06:24 And not pulled away in a sense of not loving them.
06:29 But, you know, the only place I've really relapsed is
06:31 when I go home to my family.
06:33 Because everybody has everything
06:35 and I can stay clean for maybe, like, three, four, five hours
06:38 but pretty soon I am doing some thing.
06:40 You know, what I mean? So I know that.
06:42 So I kind of didn't-- don't go home a lot.
06:45 So I'm thinking when's last time I said, "I love you."
06:48 When's the last time I sat with you.
06:50 And I remember just wanting to sob.
06:52 Just sitting with her wanting to sob and say, "man, I love you."
06:55 And when you have that stuff going on with your lungs
06:59 and all that kind of stuff, they really put you--
07:01 on top of being in all of that kind of danger,
07:04 they induce the coma
07:06 'cause they don't want you pulling that stuff.
07:08 So I go in there, just tell her, you know, "I love you."
07:13 And she tried to fight her way out.
07:16 All the bells and whistles from all the stuff
07:19 that she was hooked up to went off.
07:20 And the nurse came running in and said,
07:23 "Are you talking to her?" And I am thinking.
07:24 I said, "no, no."
07:27 And she knows I was because she's trying
07:29 to fight her way to answer me.
07:31 She is trying to fight her way to respond.
07:33 They said we really don't want her responding
07:35 so you have to be careful and so she walked out
07:38 and I said, "I do love you."
07:40 And all the bells went on again. That's like, "Oh, stop."
07:43 But, you know, I'm like trying to figure out.
07:46 What do I do now?
07:47 You know, when you're looking at someone
07:50 you love even in--when they're in their own addictions
07:52 and they're making the choices themselves,
07:54 doesn't matter at that moment.
07:55 Doesn't matter when they're on life support,
07:57 all of that kind of stuff, "I just love you.
07:59 And I am scared for you and I don't want you to die."
08:01 You know, and I remember I said something about,
08:05 I'd like to have her anointed.
08:11 You know, does anybody...
08:14 You know, some people would say
08:15 you can't have stripers anointed.
08:18 And I'm thinking, she is my sister
08:20 and I want someone to hear that, you know?
08:23 She's my sister and I'm afraid.
08:25 And she's never, never had anyone value her.
08:30 Do you know, what I am saying? Never.
08:31 And I'm like, you know, I called around
08:34 and I couldn't find anyone to come and do that for her.
08:38 And all of a sudden I thought, you know,
08:42 may be I'll do it, you know?
08:44 And if you get offended by this, I am sorry.
08:47 But I thought that may be I'll just anoint her.
08:49 And I know I'm nobody, I'm not ordained
08:52 and I am not this or I am not that.
08:53 But this is my sister and I wanna do that for her.
08:58 And I wanna say, "God please, please touch her,
09:03 please love her, please heal her."
09:04 And I wanted to get a gallon of oil.
09:11 You know a big amount. 'Cause where do you anoint?
09:15 I'm like, I'll just pour it all over your whole body
09:17 and whatever's the problem, you know,
09:19 physically, mentally, spiritually
09:21 all that kind of stuff, we'll just cover everything.
09:23 And I just didn't even care that totally made sense to me.
09:26 And so my mom or my sister, my meth addict sister,
09:34 duly found out that I was gonna go in
09:36 and pray for her and she just got furious.
09:40 You can't just pray for us.
09:42 We don't believe that, you know?
09:44 Just because we can't say no to you,
09:47 doesn't mean you can just pray for us.
09:49 And I remember thinking, well if you don't believe that
09:51 it's not gonna matter, you know?
09:53 And, you know, I'm just gonna pray for her.
09:55 And so the family went to the nurse's station
09:58 and kind of got people
10:01 to bar me from the room by myself.
10:05 I can't go in there by myself
10:06 without any other family member because I may pray.
10:10 And--so they're standing there--seriously
10:13 and I want you just to see the scene.
10:15 No, no, we have the right to say that because,
10:19 you know, she is good I think, you know?
10:23 And they're looking at that and then they're looking at me,
10:26 like, she's gonna try to do what?
10:30 She's gonna try to pray. Well that's legal here.
10:34 You know, what I mean? And the nurses are saying,
10:36 you know, she could do that.
10:37 And they really just said, "She can't.
10:40 We don't believe in that."
10:41 So now, I'm calling Brad, my husband,
10:45 and I'm in the bathroom sitting on the floor
10:48 just weeping and calling my husband,
10:50 I don't know how to do this. I don't know what to do next.
10:53 I am so afraid for her.
10:55 I am so afraid that she's not gonna make it.
10:57 And I just wanna go in there and I just wanna pray
11:00 and where all of this craziness is going on all about that
11:03 and I am crying and he's trying to soothe me
11:05 and all that kind of stuff.
11:06 And all of a sudden I get a knock on the door.
11:11 And I am like, "yeah?"
11:14 And it was one of the nurses, you know?
11:16 And she said, "I just wanna tell you,
11:18 your family never stays past, like, eleven.
11:25 Why don't you take the night shift?"
11:28 And I just looked at this women,
11:29 I just wanted to say thank you, in a thousand different ways.
11:33 Thank you, so much.
11:35 And so now, I decided to tell my family
11:37 that somebody has to be here, you know,
11:38 I just incase something happens
11:40 and I'm just gonna take the nightshift.
11:41 Everybody was fine with that and we prayed
11:43 almost all night with this nurse and myself, almost all night.
11:47 We prayed for her. We laid hands on her.
11:49 And please, theologically don't even approach me
11:52 afterwards 'cause I'll have to shoot you.
11:54 Because you know what-- and I want to handle this
11:57 in a better way but that was my sister.
11:59 Do you know, what I mean?
12:01 And so I know that I should have got the pastor.
12:03 I know all that.
12:04 So anyhow, so, I end up having to go like a couple times over,
12:10 over to Monica's place and do a--
12:14 Monica's a friend of mine. She lives in California.
12:16 And so we're gonna do youth event.
12:17 So I jumped over did the day at the youth event
12:20 and then jump back to the hospital.
12:21 When I come back to the hospital,
12:23 I walk in my sister's room and the bed is empty.
12:27 And I thought, "Oh, man." You know?
12:29 And then I find out she's gotten so much better
12:32 they put her in a different room.
12:34 And I thought, "God, I love you. I love you."
12:37 You know, how cool are you?
12:39 That none of us deserve any of that.
12:42 I'm just, like, how cool are you?
12:43 So I go into the other room.
12:44 And my family is, like, "don't even say it?"
12:48 And I'm like, "say, what?" Like, "God healed her."
12:52 Don't even say it, and I am thinking, "How funny is that?"
12:55 And I looked at my sister and I said,
12:57 "You know what happened."
12:58 And when I was gone, when you have tubes in your throat
13:02 and all that kind of stuff
13:03 after about a certain amount of time
13:05 they have to take them out.
13:06 It trashes your vocal cords and everything.
13:08 And so what they do is they take them out
13:10 and put a trachea, you know?
13:11 If they're gonna keep you on the machines
13:13 and all that kind of stuff,
13:14 they just do it through a different way.
13:16 And so they were pulling the tubes out to put the trach in,
13:19 she starts to breath on her own,
13:20 and one thing led to another
13:22 and she now is in the different room.
13:24 And so I am, like, just excited, excited.
13:26 And--but she has an oxygen tube on.
13:30 Do you know, what I mean? Those nasal things.
13:32 And I'm like thinking, "that's not gonna work for my sister."
13:39 'Cause, you know, turning fifty is one thing
13:40 but going to work with the nasal tube.
13:42 You know, so it's like-- so I am just like wondering,
13:45 what's gonna happen with that.
13:48 And they say, they told to her,
13:50 that she will be on oxygen the rest of her life.
13:53 The rest of her life, and not the rest of her life
13:58 with a really cute oxygen tank.
14:01 You know, does anybody have insurance?
14:03 You can get those cute little backpacks.
14:04 You can get them in different colors
14:06 with oxygen tanks on the back.
14:07 If you don't have insurance
14:08 you get a metal tank that you drag around.
14:11 Do you know, what I mean?
14:12 Does anybody know what I am talking about?
14:14 It's a whole different look. Do you know what I mean?
14:17 My sister does not have insurance.
14:18 She's gonna drag that thing around for the rest of her life.
14:21 And I am thinking, "oh, man."
14:23 You know, my heart is just breaking for her.
14:24 I decided that I'm gonna stay at least a week from the time
14:28 she actually gets discharged from the hospital
14:30 'cause I need to teach her to eat, you know?
14:33 Because if she--her body's gonna heal that all
14:35 she's gonna had to take care of herself.
14:37 She's gonna have to learn even to drink water.
14:39 To not drink alcohol, all that kind of stuff.
14:42 What's a good breakfast looks like.
14:44 I mean, all of that kind of stuff.
14:45 So anyhow, so she gets finally discharged from the hospital.
14:48 We go over her house.
14:50 And so I go to-- I don't know if you have,
14:51 like Trader Joe's, or say,
14:53 it's a kind of health market or whatever.
14:56 So I go and I get some good stuff and she's like,
14:59 you know, I'm just doing like oatmeal and some fruit
15:02 you know, things like that and she's like,
15:04 "you're gonna eat all that?"
15:05 I said, "you are going to eat all that." You know?
15:08 And she's like, let's just have some coffee and some pastries.
15:10 No, no, no. You know?
15:13 And no offence to any of that kind of stuff
15:15 but when you're almost dead don't eat that stuff,
15:17 eat something good, you know?
15:18 And so, like, I'm doing all that kind of stuff
15:20 and we were trying to figure how we're going to--
15:24 you know kind of get the next part of her healing done.
15:27 She's now on a oxygen tank in her house.
15:30 Well, she's not going to the store
15:31 with pulling that tank with her.
15:34 She has a big unit in the house of plugs in it.
15:36 And she's got a 57 foot tube
15:40 that now is hooked up to her.
15:41 When she walks around her house
15:44 she really has to make sure she doesn't tangle herself up.
15:47 She will be on that the rest of her life.
15:49 And this is not--I'm like, praying like crazy,
15:52 God, she's just gonna take herself out again.
15:54 It's just ridiculous.
15:55 And, you know, we're talking about that
15:57 and how she's gonna survive that
15:59 and the DUI's and all of that kinds of stuff.
16:01 My family comes over to celebrate the fact
16:03 that she lived and they bring wine and pastries.
16:07 Yeah, what part of DUI, I don't even understand?
16:10 You know, I'm like,
16:11 I couldn't even believe that wine and pastries.
16:13 And I am thinking that--you know,
16:14 I grabbed my sister by the face
16:16 and I said, "Don't drink.
16:18 I love you. Don't drink at all.
16:21 You cannot. You know, you're alcoholic.
16:23 Listen, If you're gonna heal, you're gonna have to step away
16:26 from all of this kind of stuff."
16:27 And my family is like, don't lay that stuff on us
16:30 because we're not-- we don't believe
16:32 the same thing as you do all that kind of stuff.
16:34 And I'm not even listening, I'm just looking at my sister,
16:37 "Don't, I beg you, you know? Don't."
16:40 And so people are kinda mad at me
16:42 but she just finally says, okay.
16:44 All right, I won't. We hung out.
16:48 The funniest part during this whole thing is
16:51 she gets a call from a friend of hers.
16:52 He's a strip club owner and he's just a mess, you know?
16:55 And he's at the end of his life.
16:58 And so at the end of his life
17:01 the only person that likes him is his dog.
17:03 Do you know what I mean?
17:05 Does anybody know someone like that?
17:06 Family's left and the kids hate him.
17:08 I mean, the only person that really is
17:09 still in your life is your animals.
17:11 And so anyhow, his dog gets sick
17:13 and he's calling my sister saying, you know what?
17:15 I'm so afraid, you know?
17:18 I think my dog's gonna die.
17:20 And that's a big deal
17:21 'cause that's the only one that likes you.
17:23 I mean, it's a big deal.
17:24 I know that that is going to be a traumatic thing for him.
17:27 And so, my sister's like, I'm just scared
17:29 and I said, well, pray for him.
17:31 And she's like, really? What do I pray?
17:34 I said pray for the dog really, you know?
17:37 What do I say?
17:38 And I said, just God help the dog.
17:42 She said, that's it?
17:43 So you can pray and I'm like it's not my friend.
17:46 I don't even know the dog, you know?
17:49 And so my sister's in the kitchen
17:52 and I hear her say her first prayer ever.
17:56 "God, help the dog." You know?
17:59 And I'm thinking,
18:01 man, that was such an incredible moment for me
18:06 that watching her-- listening to her prayer.
18:07 And God, you know, I don't know why God did this
18:09 but the dog got well, you know?
18:12 And so my sister's just like,
18:14 her knees are kind of shaking, like.
18:16 Do you think He heard me?
18:18 Yeah, I think He did, you know?
18:19 And so, you know, we hung out together.
18:22 She started to get better. I could just see it.
18:26 The color and all that kind of stuff.
18:28 And so we're hanging out, I eventually have to go home.
18:31 I mean, I have to get back to my family
18:33 and all that kinds of stuff.
18:34 And I'm getting ready to leave
18:36 and I'm packing up my rental car
18:37 and I start to turn around to just--
18:40 I'm not even sure what I was gonna do,
18:41 whether I was gonna go back in the house
18:43 and do something or I was gonna hug her
18:45 or I don't even know, what it was.
18:47 But I turned back around and she just looked
18:49 almost frightened and I'm thinking,
18:54 What? You know?
18:55 I'm just in my mind, you know, what did you just think?
18:57 And then she said out loud, she said, you know,
19:00 are you gonna pray for me?
19:03 Then I said, can I?
19:06 And I remember just wanting to weep, you know?
19:09 'Cause it was just that moment and she said, yes,
19:11 and I just walked over and I just started to, just cry,
19:14 "God, please show her how cool You are."
19:19 You know, "Show her how much You love her.
19:21 Show her that this is not the life you intended for her."
19:25 You know, just being able to touch her
19:27 and say those words out loud
19:29 was just the most powerful thing for me
19:31 with my sister who I love.
19:33 And it was just a brief thing.
19:35 And we just kind of, you know,
19:37 I had to get my car and I had to go to the airport
19:39 and I get home.
19:40 And I'm just amazed at what God did and the healing.
19:43 My sister calls me up in a little while
19:45 and she says, you know, they're finding out
19:47 I'm breathing better at night
19:49 and I don't have to wear the oxygen at night.
19:52 I know, I'm thinking how cool is God.
19:54 I love Him for, you know, coming in
19:57 and doing that healing and doing that stuff.
19:59 And then she calls me a little while later again
20:01 and she says, are you still praying for me?
20:03 I said, yeah.
20:05 And she sounds really kinda vexed.
20:08 Then I said, why?
20:10 Then she said, well, I'm trying to get on disability
20:16 and if I keep getting better,
20:17 I might not be able to get on it.
20:22 I'm like, did you just say that?
20:25 You know when it's like, can you just turn it down a bit?
20:27 You know? And I thought I can't even--
20:30 addictions just baffle me, I'm baffled by them.
20:33 And I'm thinking, what are they gonna pay you?
20:36 You know, you're gonna surrender your lungs
20:37 for $600 a month or something?
20:39 What are they paying you? It must be huge.
20:41 And anyhow so that's--you know, my sister with my father.
20:47 Right after that I get a call from my dad--
20:50 my real dad died in a crack house and molesting kids.
20:52 I mean, he was just a mess.
20:54 But my step dad or my mom's boyfriend, I call him my dad.
20:59 He's been in my life since I was four
21:00 and so, I get a call and he's dying.
21:05 And they said it's real serious they put him in the hospital.
21:07 So I again flew back and I flew back
21:10 and I go into the hospital room and he just looked horrible.
21:15 He's lying on the bed, on the hospital bed,
21:17 everybody's kinda aroung him
21:18 and everybody's kind of a good mood
21:21 but he's just looking bad.
21:22 And I just crawled up on the bed with him
21:25 and held him 'cause, you know, when somebody,
21:27 you know, so--6'1" and so thin,
21:31 you know, that as they start to have different things coming
21:35 they lose more and more weight and he just looked horrible.
21:38 And, you know, we were talking and doing all kinds of stuff.
21:42 Then I find out from the nursing staff
21:43 that they are gonna discharge my father to hospice care.
21:48 And I--does anybody know what that means?
21:51 He's gonna die and hospice care
21:53 is where the nurses come out to your house
21:55 and help your family deal with your death.
21:57 And I'm thinking, wait, wait, wait, you know?
22:02 You know what's-- you know, just the reality
22:04 that it's what's going on.
22:06 He had--his throat was collapsed
22:07 and because of all the cancers that he was dealing with.
22:10 His addictions are now catching up with him
22:12 in every sense of the way.
22:13 And they put a stent in his throat.
22:15 It's just almost like a plastic tube in his throat
22:18 so he could swallow just the last few days of his life.
22:21 They didn't even put it in, that this thing was gonna be
22:24 something that would just stay in.
22:25 I mean, it was just to almost help him
22:27 survive the last few days.
22:29 That's how I understand it.
22:30 And so he gets-- he's getting ready
22:32 to discharge with hospice care.
22:34 I'm thinking, you know, man, I just wanna say,
22:39 oh, man, this is gonna be so inappropriate, this next thing.
22:42 I'm really close to the end so if I get fired this--
22:44 I just want one more meeting.
22:46 But my dad was--would be lying in the hospital bed,
22:50 and he is--has a little thing on his finger
22:55 that tells his pulse, right? Yeah.
22:58 And it's also gives blood guesses
23:00 so it tells how much circulation it is.
23:02 He put it on his middle finger
23:04 and showed people when they walked by.
23:06 Does anybody get that?
23:08 It was just like it was a fourteen year old.
23:10 And that's why I know when he started using
23:12 but I'm thinking, stop.
23:13 And I know families were walking by and said,
23:15 did that guy just give me the finger?
23:16 He did. I'm sorry, you know?
23:18 And I'm like, stop and he's thinking it's so funny.
23:20 I mean, it was just that kind of atmosphere
23:22 but he's been discharged to a hospice care.
23:24 Do you know--so it's almost like it's so incongruent.
23:27 It's like you can't figure out what's going on.
23:29 Anyhow he gets discharged, he gets home.
23:34 Before he got discharged, they said something
23:37 that every addict wants to hear.
23:39 Is that, he said to them real serious,
23:41 what about my morphine?
23:44 And the nurse said, you can have as much as you want.
23:48 Woohoo! How fun is that!
23:52 And it was like--you can just see my dad like,
23:54 woohoo, that is so cool.
23:55 I didn't know I had to get to this point to get that.
23:57 But that's so awesome.
23:59 So I can have some more right now?
24:01 Yeah, yeah.
24:02 Any kind? I can have a shot?
24:04 I can have the stuff in my tongue.
24:05 I could have the patch. Anything.
24:07 As much as you want.
24:08 When somebody's dying they don't check the addictions.
24:10 Who cares, you got a couple of days, you know?
24:12 And so they really said you can have as much as you want.
24:14 And you know that I'm exaggerating.
24:16 He didn't jump and down and said yahoo.
24:17 But, I mean, just when you looked at him
24:19 that's the kind of sense that I got instead.
24:22 Almost like the celebration in his mind
24:24 that he could have as much as he wants.
24:26 He was so thrilled.
24:27 And I'm like, so now he's gonna be so high
24:30 that I can't even say goodbye to him.
24:32 I just wanna say goodbye. I love you.
24:35 I can see you in there. You know what I mean?
24:37 And so he gets discharged, he goes home.
24:39 I go back to my house.
24:41 Fly back to my house 'cause I'm gonna go back
24:43 and I'm going to, I'm going to just get some things to pack up
24:49 incase I have to stay longer or this whole thing lasts longer
24:54 I just need to get some stuff and come back.
24:56 My husband at this time is a new Christian
24:59 and he wants to come back to my family's house
25:01 with me to pray for my father.
25:05 Don't even do that.
25:07 I mean, it's just, they're gonna get really mad at us for that.
25:11 You know, you can't pray.
25:12 Have you ever seen new Christians,
25:14 they're kinda ridiculous.
25:15 They'll pray for anybody.
25:17 Postman delivers a packet,
25:18 would you like prayer for anything?
25:20 No, I'm just delivering your packet.
25:22 You know, my husband, his hairdresser he prays for.
25:25 His hairdresser he prays for so much
25:27 he knows more about her than I think of her best friend.
25:30 I mean, he just covers her in prayer, talks with her.
25:33 You know the bank person,
25:35 I mean, he just will pray for anybody.
25:36 And if he knows that you don't like prayer,
25:38 he just hovers over you, you know?
25:40 And I know when he hovers over you, he's praying for you.
25:43 So I'm like at that point in his life
25:45 he just was praying for everybody.
25:46 So anyhow so he is now wanting to fly back
25:49 and pray for my family.
25:52 And I'm thinking, man, they're not gonna do it, you know?
25:57 And I'm stressed, you know?
25:59 So please stop saying all this kind of stuff, I'm stressed.
26:03 And he said, you know, I have to.
26:06 And he actually had some devotions
26:09 and he really believes
26:10 that God just said, go pray for them.
26:12 And my husband flies in with me,
26:14 finally I just say okay, you know, but be careful
26:16 'cause it's not gonna go over well.
26:18 We fly in to my parent's house.
26:20 We're there, everybody's there.
26:22 My sister's a stripper, meth addict sister, methadone,
26:25 I mean Methamphetamine addict.
26:28 My dad had two other sons that were alcoholic.
26:31 One was dying of liver disease and was thrashed
26:34 so everybody is there.
26:35 Everybody's just in this kind of atmosphere that's odd.
26:39 We're in a house, where the blinds were shut
26:41 and it's the house I grew up in and it's just not healthy and,
26:45 you know, and I'm thinking I'm gonna have to say
26:47 goodbye to him during all this time.
26:48 And it was just a really,
26:50 it was just really kind of difficult and stuff.
26:53 And my younger sister gets up and she says,
26:57 I think I'm, I think I'd like to make some tacos
27:04 because dad loves tacos.
27:06 And I'm thinking, he can't even swallow, you know?
27:09 I mean, he really can't-- he's just--he can't swallow.
27:12 Hasn't eaten for, I don't know how long.
27:14 I mean, most of the stuff he's getting, he's getting--
27:17 he got in the hospital by intravenous staff
27:20 and so-- anyhow so he--
27:22 she's gonna go and make tacos and she goes into the kitchen
27:24 and she starts to cook up these tacos.
27:27 And the meat is so rotten that in the lounge room
27:32 I'm almost like ah.
27:35 That, you know, you almost wanna be sick
27:37 'cause it just smells so bad.
27:38 And I look at Brad, he thinks he's a chef.
27:40 I mean, my husband just loves to cook,
27:42 loves to watch food channels,
27:43 loves to try different things.
27:45 I said, Brad, go help her, you know?
27:46 'Cause it just smells bad.
27:48 So he goes there and he says,
27:50 you know, do you think that meat is okay?
27:53 And she's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's good, it's good.
27:56 And so maybe it needs some spices though.
27:59 And so he says, I can help you with that
28:00 and she walks out of the kitchen
28:02 he starts doing these spices and I don't know if you ever--
28:06 if you eat meat, but if you cook it
28:07 sometimes if it's just ready to go rotten
28:09 you can kinda just cook it out and eat it anyway.
28:12 Anyway. So he's thinking may be that's what he can do.
28:18 But as it was cooking it just wasn't cooking out.
28:21 And he looked at the package in the trash
28:23 and it was about a month old
28:24 and it wasn't in the refrigerator,
28:26 it wasn't in the freezer.
28:27 So, I mean, it was really bad.
28:29 And so he calls my mom in and he says to my mom,
28:32 just really nicely, he says, I don't wanna offend Jonnie
28:37 but I think this is rotten, you know?
28:40 And my mom just fell in love with him.
28:42 I mean, it was a really interesting thing
28:44 just to see what happened, is she fell in love with him.
28:46 And I was watching that saying, you know,
28:48 my mom is very closed off to people, doesn't do that,
28:51 doesn't open up, doesn't show her heart much
28:53 but just showed her heart in that moment.
28:55 And what I got from that moment, I think from God,
28:58 is that nobody has shown a lot of respect to my little sister
29:01 ever 'cause she's been this addict for so long
29:03 and she's been really in bad shape
29:05 and Brad showed a little respect to my mom's little girl
29:10 and it just won her heart.
29:12 And so anyhow, so I said to Brad at that point, is that,
29:15 why don't you go to the store
29:17 get all kinds of stuff for tacos.
29:18 And so she decides to go to the store,
29:20 she's gonna get all this kind of stuff for tacos
29:22 and he buys everything.
29:24 He buys avacados and fresh everything and brings it home.
29:28 And when he brings it back into my mom's house,
29:31 he walks in and gives everybody jobs, you know?
29:36 Can you guys come in and help me?
29:37 He opens the windows, he opens the blinds,
29:39 he has everybody in the kitchen chopping up cilantro
29:43 and doing avocados and, I mean, everybody had a job.
29:46 And I thought, what did you just do to my whole family.
29:49 I felt like it was like a Martha Stewart show.
29:51 I mean, I was just like,
29:52 I walk in and everybody's healthy.
29:54 And I'm thinking how ridiculous is this,
29:56 you know, it felt like
29:58 the Holy Spirit was there. God was there.
30:00 That everything was--it was just the most amazing thing
30:02 and Brad is in there just loving on everybody.
30:05 My dad's in the other room, I go in and see him
30:08 and it was just the life-- and I have to share
30:12 this one thing with you, is that with my dad I said,
30:15 do you remember the first song you ever taught me?
30:17 And raise your hand if you've ever heard this song,
30:19 it's a really old one.
30:20 But he said, no, I don't remember.
30:22 And I said it was, "Trailers for sale a rent,
30:26 rooms to let, fifty cents."
30:28 And it's about a hobo looking for a cigarette butt.
30:32 "Ain't got no cigarettes, ah, but..."
30:34 And so I'm like this little girl going,
30:37 "Ain't got no cigarettes, ah, but..."
30:39 And so we start singing that, it was just kind of a fun thing
30:42 and I watched from that moment on
30:45 there was a number of things happened,
30:47 but I watched from that moment on
30:48 I watch God just put my dad in a place
30:51 where he ends up not using the drugs
30:54 that he so freely was given.
30:56 For him to come out and say, like,
30:58 his goodbyes to a number of us.
31:01 For him to do all that kind of stuff.
31:03 Brad went in there and told him
31:04 what he felt God had asked him to come and pray for him
31:08 and ask him if he wanted to give his life to God.
31:11 If he wanted to, kind of, make things right, during this time.
31:14 My dad said, yes. I don't know what that conversation was.
31:18 I don't know what happened in that room
31:21 but it was just the most incredible thing that,
31:23 here is somebody that doesn't even know
31:26 that you're are not supposed to pray for people
31:27 when people say no and yet he brings my father to Christ
31:31 before he dies, which was an amazing thing to me.
31:34 And so to me, I had to repent
31:36 about walking away from them.
31:38 I mean, I walked into the church
31:39 and I felt away from them not realizing that,
31:42 you know, in God's heart, He not only wants to save me
31:44 but every family member.
31:46 He wants me to hang in there for them
31:48 and all that kinds of stuff.
31:49 And so when I teach about addictions,
31:51 I teach about addictions
31:52 because I have family members that are so lost.
31:55 But that's not that they are bad people,
31:56 they are just lost.
31:58 They have-- they have been trashed.
32:02 Most of them have died in their addictions.
32:05 But you know what? Now a few of them
32:06 are actually coming to Christ,
32:08 even if it's on their death bed and now I just feel amazed.
32:10 And I'm gonna go through this addiction teaching.
32:13 I don't know how far we're gonna get through this
32:16 but, you know, I pull a lot of stuff from Greg Nakken
32:19 because I just think he's an amazing teacher
32:21 as far as addictions.
32:22 But we're gonna talk about addictions
32:24 in a whole different way because I wanna show you
32:26 almost why people do the things that they do,
32:30 not education about the drug itself.
32:33 Because I think we've been over-educated
32:34 about all that kind of stuff.
32:36 So understanding addictions and addictive process.
32:38 Addiction is a process, over the years
32:41 the addict has been described in many different ways...
32:43 A moral weakness, a lack of will power,
32:46 an inability to face the world, a spiritual illness.
32:49 And so when you talk about addictions,
32:51 a lot of people look at addictions or the addict
32:54 and to try to describe it.
32:57 And sometimes they describe it in this way,
32:59 if you have addicts in your family,
33:01 you may describe it in a more colorful way.
33:03 But, you know, this is kind of how they describe it.
33:06 Everybody wants to feel normal.
33:10 You know what I mean? Everybody.
33:11 When I was a little girl I wanted to feel loved.
33:14 I wanted to feel normal. I wanted to fit in.
33:15 I wanted to belong. I mean, all that kinds of stuff.
33:18 And it's just innate in us.
33:21 And so if--so just know that most of us want to feel normal.
33:24 Most of us, when we're born,
33:26 we know that life has cycles, you know?
33:28 Sometimes things are good, right?
33:31 Sometimes things are not.
33:33 If you have a good foundation
33:36 you deal with those cycles.
33:37 If you don't have a good foundation
33:39 they seem very traumatic, you know?
33:43 When things are good, everything's fine.
33:45 When things are bad I have to desperately
33:48 make them good again.
33:49 You know what, does that make sense?
33:51 That I'm not able to do the cycles in a normal way.
33:55 So addiction in the basic sense
33:57 is an attempt to control those cycles.
33:59 Addiction on it's most basic level is to control
34:03 and fulfill the happiness that we're just trying
34:05 to be normal or just trying to be happy.
34:07 Addiction is a process, undergoes continuous change,
34:11 it will never stay the same.
34:13 I always say at this point, raise your hand
34:14 if you have a sexual addiction, but, you know,
34:17 I'm not really meaning raise your hand.
34:18 But even those addictions they never stay the same.
34:21 Things that you do today are not things
34:23 that you're gonna do next week or next year or the year after.
34:26 Sometimes people end up in places
34:28 that they think, how did I get here?
34:30 You know how did I get here
34:31 'cause I would have never thought this is who I am.
34:34 But addiction will always progress.
34:38 It never ever stays the same.
34:40 My most favorite is the last one.
34:41 Addiction is a pathological love trust relationship
34:44 with an object or event.
34:46 And that object or event it's a big deal
34:49 that I'm using something to get a mood change
34:53 because I wanna feel, what?
34:55 Happy. Normal.
34:57 So I'm gonna use something for that mood change.
34:59 Doesn't matter what it is.
35:00 But it usually is not a live person.
35:03 Well, unless you're--
35:04 Usually it's an object or an event.
35:06 So we're gonna cover some of that kind of stuff.
35:08 And it's pathological and it will change.
35:11 I'm gonna show you some different kinds of addictions
35:13 'cause I think sometimes what really bothers me
35:16 when we talk about addictions
35:17 is people think drugs and alcohol.
35:19 They think the Heroin addict on a street.
35:21 And that let's a lot of us off the hook
35:23 but it also keeps a lot of us in bondage, you know?
35:25 So we're gonna look at different addictions
35:28 and the mood change that people are looking for.
35:31 So the first one is alcoholic.
35:33 Alcoholic experiences a mood change
35:35 when he goes into the pub.
35:36 When he's drinking with friends, all that kind of stuff, right?
35:39 But let's say that during the week, the alcoholic,
35:42 I'm stressed and I only tend to drink on the weekend,
35:46 but I've been--the work is been just tough.
35:49 And you know what? My boss, he's horrible.
35:51 And, you know, I'm just tired of not getting respect.
35:55 I don't even get paid enough to deal with this
35:57 and going through all that.
35:59 But Wednesday night I decide, you know what?
36:01 On Friday I'm gonna go into the pub,
36:03 I'm gonna get off my face.
36:05 So when does my mood change happen?
36:09 As soon as I say that.
36:12 So Wednesday, when I say Friday's coming,
36:15 I'm going get off my face, I start to get that mood change.
36:19 So it's not just the alcohol,
36:21 it's the whole kind of mood change that happens
36:23 'cause that's what I'm looking for.
36:25 The alcoholic will use alcohol but they also--
36:28 what they're chasing is that mood change.
36:31 I don't wanna be stressed, angry or disrespected.
36:34 I don't wanna deal with all that kind of stuff.
36:36 Soon as I think that I'm gonna be in the pub,
36:38 I'm gonna be happier.
36:39 I'm gonna start to have that mood change
36:40 and that's my addiction.
36:42 If I just deal with the alcohol,
36:43 when I'm dealing with an alcoholic,
36:45 and don't deal with those mood change things
36:46 I would be ineffective.
36:48 And so, what do you think Thursday's gonna feel like
36:50 for this guy or this girl?
36:52 Even better. I'm closer to Friday, right?
36:55 And when they say I'm gonna get off my face,
36:57 I'm gonna get so drunk that I'm not even gotta know
36:59 how I get home.
37:01 I'm gonna, you know,
37:02 and they're gonna start feeling better.
37:05 The food addict, mood change happens by bingeing or starving.
37:08 But even for a food addict, you know,
37:10 there's very ritualistic stuff.
37:13 You know we--if I'm bulimic I'm going to different stores.
37:18 I'm buying large amounts of groceries.
37:19 I don't want the same person to see
37:21 the amount of stuff I buy, you know.
37:22 So the mood change happens with all of that kind of stuff.
37:25 With some anorexics, they will eat a half a pea
37:29 three times a day.
37:31 And it has to be on their fork in a certain way.
37:33 Has to hit their mouth in a certain way.
37:35 Everything--there're some ritualistic stuff about that
37:37 and so it's being able to say that the mood change
37:41 it's not just not about the starving,
37:44 it's not just about the bingeing,
37:45 it's not just about the image stuff,
37:47 and it's all about everything and--does anybody know
37:51 what the person with eating disorders,
37:53 what their addiction is?
37:57 When you feel control is part of the mood change,
38:01 the addiction is the bio-chemical release
38:04 of some of your own stuff
38:06 that produces almost a valium like effect.
38:11 So most of us, we're not gonna get addicted to an apple.
38:15 Do you know what I mean? Don't you wish you could?
38:17 You know, I'm stressed, I'm gonna go have an apple.
38:21 But, you know, you have to have--
38:23 there's an addictive quality to whatever we choose.
38:26 And with food addictions, when your body feels like
38:28 it's dying, when your body is stressed and releases stuff
38:32 that are addictive, you know?
38:35 Same with cutters.
38:36 When somebody cuts, the same kind of thing
38:39 as your body says, "Oh, man," and releases,
38:41 like a natural pain killer
38:43 and we actually get addicted to ourselves.
38:45 The best way to do some of those things
38:47 is to actually get into a program
38:49 that looks at addiction with these two disorders,
38:53 cutting and food.
38:54 But the addictive gambler.
38:56 I love this girl or this guy because
38:59 they will walk in the room and they're just loud.
39:01 It's really funny 'cause to me I wanna be seen.
39:05 I wanna be able to pull out a roll of hundred dollar bills
39:09 and just say I bet you a thousand bucks
39:11 on whatever the footie game is or whatever--whosever playing.
39:14 But I wanna be able to bet.
39:16 I wanna throw out the cash and wanna do all kind of stuff.
39:19 I wanna be known as that person
39:20 even though I probably spending the mortgage payment.
39:24 I'm probably spending way more than I need to
39:26 but I am doing-- I want to be that person.
39:29 So the gambler actually feels good
39:31 about how he's dressed or she's dressed, how they look,
39:34 the ability to bet on things, you know,
39:38 going through the newspaper and finding out
39:40 the stats of games and all that kind of stuff.
39:42 And even as somebody says, you know,
39:44 I'm not gonna gamble for two weeks,
39:45 well, that's fine except for when you see a sure bet.
39:49 Does anybody know what I'm saying?
39:51 Well, but, what if I miss that?
39:53 No, that's a sure bet, you know?
39:56 So, you know, I gotta do that.
39:57 It would be irrisponsible. You know what I mean?
39:59 If I didn't do that,
40:01 and they feel that until the team loses.
40:02 But even with the gamblers,
40:04 it's not about winning or loosing
40:05 it's about the mood change.
40:07 Because if it was about winning or loosing
40:09 when somebody won they would stop, right?
40:12 But it's not about that. It's about the mood change.
40:15 And the next one, shoplifter.
40:17 You have to think about what you're gonna wear,
40:19 how you're gonna go to the store,
40:21 what you're gonna steal, how you're gonna put them,
40:23 where you're gonna put them, and all that kind of stuff.
40:25 But a shoplifter doesn't just get the mood change
40:28 when they pick something up.
40:30 The mood change happens through the whole process, you know?
40:33 Some people take baby do you call them prams?
40:37 Or strollers? Prams.
40:38 Take prams in the store and just stuff things in.
40:41 I mean they--you know they--the poor baby's
40:44 just like sitting on an I-pod, you know it's like
40:47 you know, you have to think about all that kind of stuff.
40:50 And it's really interesting is that you wanna know,
40:54 like, for a lot of addicts
40:55 we have a really difficult time staying present.
40:58 You know, we just do.
41:00 You know, we're trying to get away from how we really feel
41:03 and we're trying to get that mood change.
41:04 So staying present is really tough.
41:06 But when you're stealing something out of store
41:08 and you know there's cameras around.
41:10 You know that you could get busted.
41:12 You know that all that kind of stuff,
41:13 you are more present at that moment than any other time.
41:16 And there's an excitement, your heart is pounding,
41:18 all of that kind of stuff.
41:20 And when you talk about mood changes,
41:21 it is so seductive.
41:22 The mood change and what happens is intense.
41:26 When you walk out the store and you think,
41:28 does anybody--raise your hand if you felt like this
41:30 when you walked out of the store.
41:31 You got things in your pocket and you know at that moment
41:35 that's when you could be caught, right?
41:37 You gotta to see if you get to the car.
41:39 But at that moment you are very present, you know?
41:42 You're looking at everybody around you.
41:43 They all look like, you know, security, you know?
41:47 With shoplifters that's the same kind of thing.
41:48 It's not just the stealing.
41:50 A lot of addictions have shoplifting in it,
41:52 or stealing in it, even for people that have money.
41:55 But it's the mood change that happens around that.
41:57 Sex addict, same kind of thing.
42:01 You know it's not just about--you know,
42:04 I don't wanna be--don't want to be inappropriate.
42:08 I think I'm always inappropriate.
42:10 But with the sex addict, the act itself last for minutes,
42:14 it's everything that happens
42:16 around that stuff is a mood change.
42:18 All of that kind of stuff and I could get into detail
42:21 about this one but we have to many different ages,
42:25 but the sex addict again, in their mind
42:28 they set themselves up, they go to the same place,
42:30 they get the same magazine, they go to the same online stuff
42:33 they do all that kind of stuff and it usually is,
42:36 even if somebody in recovery when they are triggered
42:39 and they are triggered by different things.
42:41 It could be by the way someone's dressed,
42:43 but it usually is by, how they're treated
42:45 or disrespected or nothing's going right or whatever
42:48 and they trigger into the addiction
42:49 that works for them.
42:51 The pathological love trace love-trust relationship
42:53 with an object or event
42:55 and they will actually start acting out.
42:57 But it's not just the sexual stuff,
42:59 it is the entire mood change that happens
43:02 and they just use that addiction.
43:04 With the sex addict, they can do
43:07 a pet scan of the brain, both men and women,
43:11 when you are involved in your addiction
43:13 your brain lights up as if you are a coke addict.
43:15 As if you just did a line of coke.
43:17 The bio chemical reaction looking at an image
43:20 and whatever else you're doing at the time
43:23 is the same as somebody with a coke addiction.
43:25 And so the addictive process
43:27 that happens to your body is the same.
43:29 You get strung out on yourself, that's the only difference.
43:32 The addictive spender, I know you're out there.
43:38 The addictive spender is funny, you know?
43:40 When our mood change we'll get dressed,
43:42 we'll do some makeup, we'll go to the mall,
43:44 we'll buy things and sometimes
43:46 we don't even take the price tag off of them.
43:48 There're in our closet
43:50 it's not about spending, you know?
43:52 We have things in our drawer
43:54 that still have the price tag on it.
43:55 It's about wanting that mood change.
43:57 I want to feel connected, I want to feel alive,
43:59 all that kind of stuff.
44:00 Don't have to raise your hands, but our credit card payments--
44:04 bills are usually high, you know,
44:06 We're paying of stuff that we don't even hardly wear
44:08 or need and all that kind of stuff.
44:10 And those are some really more nicer addictions.
44:13 All the husbands are smiling.
44:15 You should be up here with me, it's really funny.
44:17 It's like--but anyhow, so that addiction
44:22 it's really interesting 'cause we want that mood change
44:25 and to get the mood change for a lot of us
44:27 that don't have any darker addictions
44:28 or couldn't ever see ourselves as drug addicts,
44:31 but we could do this spending stuff.
44:33 The workaholic and now the husbands,
44:35 now the women you can nudge back.
44:37 Well, the workaholics are somebody that goes out
44:40 and they're doing one more project,
44:42 they are doing one more thing.
44:43 And they're doing, you know,
44:44 they're working too many hours and their family is just saying
44:47 we actually want you home, or the family stop saying that.
44:50 And why do the workaholic work so hard
44:53 because they are looking for one thing.
44:55 That one thing is somebody to say, "wow, good job."
44:59 But it doesn't even have to be anybody I know.
45:01 You know, just anybody say good job.
45:04 And so one more project, one more thing,
45:06 one more success, one more I'm putting
45:08 not this together, that together.
45:10 There's a thing in Japan, that you could actually,
45:12 your wife could get a plaques and I wish
45:16 I could remember the name of this, but in a book called,
45:18 "Thrilled to death" there's a whole chapter on this,
45:20 this award that they do in Japan
45:23 and your wife could get a plaques,
45:24 if her husband dies on the job from working too hard.
45:28 You actually get a little increase in your pension.
45:32 What's it called? Karoshi.
45:33 Karoshi is the term. And I just think it's just so funny.
45:39 So the workaholic is a whole different thing.
45:41 Some cultures really-- look at the church,
45:44 you get one person that does a lot in the church,
45:47 that person could die doing everybody's job
45:50 and everybody's like, "good job, I like the way you do that."
45:52 You know, what I mean?
45:54 But that, the workaholic is looking for a mood change.
45:56 Self mutilators, are the same is that they tend to use
46:00 the same blades or they burn themselves in the same way,
46:02 all that kind of stuff but they really are looking
46:05 for a mood change and addicted to there own bio-chemistry.
46:08 I'm gonna quickly go over--
46:10 all those objects are different, all those events are different,
46:14 all those addictions are different
46:16 but there's one thing that's the same about them.
46:18 And the one thing that's the same about them.
46:20 Let me just ask you to do it this way,
46:22 do it with an example.
46:23 There's a name--a whole lot of names of cancer,
46:27 different types of cancer.
46:29 Breast, colon, bowel, ovarian,
46:34 brain cancer, lung cancer's, you've got,
46:38 you know just, you can go from one thing
46:40 to another to another and all these cancers are different.
46:43 We could go on--there's prob-- we could go on and on,
46:46 all these cancers and they all gonna be different,
46:48 but there's one thing that's same about all of them
46:50 is there's a cell that's out of control. Right?
46:53 And all cancers is you break it down to that bottom line.
46:56 Addiction is the same.
46:57 There's three types of highs on the planet.
47:00 And we're all searching for one of those highs
47:02 for the mood change.
47:03 So we're gonna go over these highs,
47:05 please think about yourself not your spouse.
47:08 What category would you tend to fall into? Okay?
47:14 Types of highs. First one is an arousal high.
47:17 Second one is a Satiation high, third one is a fantasy high,
47:21 every addiction will fall into these categories.
47:23 So now we're gonna break them down a little bit more.
47:25 With arousal and satiation there are cunning,
47:28 baffling and powerful highs.
47:31 It's hard, I think outside of a relationship with God
47:34 I think to even heal completely from these.
47:38 The arousal high comes from amphetamines,
47:40 cocaine, ecstasy, and the first few drinks of alcohol,
47:44 and from behaviors like gamble, gambling,
47:46 sexual addictions, spending, stealing, and so on.
47:49 The arousal high is someone that wants to be seen.
47:54 I want you to see me, I want to be loud,
47:57 I want to walk in with the roll of $100 bills,
47:59 with the methamphetamine addict.
48:01 I want to run for president.
48:03 I'm taking this drug and I feel so good,
48:05 I don't even, you know, I'm, like, off my tree,
48:09 but I wanna be seen. I'm loud. I'm in your face.
48:12 Gamblers, the same thing. Sexual addicts, the same thing.
48:14 Is that we really do want to be seen,
48:16 somebody that is acting out with the arousal, um, high.
48:20 With the arousal high, causes a sensation of intense,
48:23 raw, unchecked power
48:25 and gives the feeling of being untouchable.
48:28 You know what I mean?
48:30 I can actually go for that sense of power,
48:34 directly to that sense of power.
48:36 Arousal high makes the addict feel
48:38 that they can achieve happiness, safety and fulfillment.
48:40 So the mood changes, I can achieve it myself, you know?
48:43 I could just take it.
48:45 Gives the addict the feeling of omnipotence
48:47 while it subtly drains away all of their power.
48:50 And for a lot of us we've had people in our lives
48:53 that at the end of the addiction
48:54 nobody even listens to them anymore.
48:56 They can be loud. They can do whole puffer fish thing.
48:58 They can do all that kinds of stuff,
49:00 but nobody is paying attention.
49:01 And that is the saddest thing for somebody
49:04 that's lost in these kind of addictions.
49:06 Getting more power means returning to the object
49:08 or the event and causing a dependency on that.
49:11 Then the arousal high I think, what's sad about that,
49:16 or what's interesting about-- let me try to get back to that.
49:19 What's interesting about that? I got back too far didn't I?
49:24 What's interesting about that, is that,
49:25 when somebody is lost in this arousal addiction,
49:28 or this, you know, that sense of searching for power,
49:31 usually it's somebody that has felt powerless in their life.
49:34 Does that make sense? You know, some--
49:36 a child is been beat in their life, bashed in their life.
49:39 They'll get to a certain point about 13, 14 years old,
49:42 they'll turn around and say
49:43 you will never touch me again, right?
49:45 That whole turn thing, somebody that has been powerless,
49:48 or not hurt when they get into these addictions,
49:50 they feel a sense of control.
49:52 Like, I can control that.
49:54 Whether they run away, whether they get violent,
49:56 whether they get angry, there in and out of jail or whatever.
49:59 Some of you do nicer addictions than that
50:03 but when you get into this what's really interesting is
50:05 if I'm into amphetamines, and somebody calls me on that,
50:10 and I'm an arousal addict, I can move to stealing.
50:16 It looks like I've cleaned up, right?
50:18 'Cause I'm not doing amphetamines,
50:20 but now I'm stealing, somebody calls me on that,
50:22 I can move from that to gambling,
50:24 I can move from that to sexual addictions.
50:26 But unless I go into recovery, unless I turn this over to God
50:31 I can bounce around and somebody will say, "you know what?
50:34 I think he or she is in recovery
50:37 but the same behaviors are happening."
50:40 Well, I have not jumped into recovery yet.
50:42 I've just changed addictions
50:44 because you've been on my case, right?
50:46 But my love-trust relationship
50:48 is with this high, with these objects,
50:51 with these events and I will bounce around
50:54 but I'll stay in this addictive personality.
51:00 The next one is my favorite, a Satiation Association high.
51:06 Satiation high is the addict feel full and beyond pain.
51:10 That's Heroin, alcohol, Marijuana, Valium, Oxycontins,
51:14 overeating, watching T.V., playing slot machines
51:17 all produce that sense of being full.
51:19 And I want to just say there's--you know
51:22 I have the gambling on the first one
51:23 and I have slot machines on the second one.
51:26 I gotta tell you the difference with that.
51:28 Gambling, I am actively walking in,
51:31 I'm at the black-jack table I'm at the roulette play,
51:34 I'm gambling at a game, I'm at a footie game,
51:36 I'm going to soccer, I'm doing all that kind of stuff,
51:38 I read, I know about all the sports
51:40 and all that kind of stuff.
51:41 Slot machines, I'm sitting in front of something,
51:44 pushing a button over and over and over,
51:46 a point a slot, over and over and over.
51:48 It's a different kind of high. I want to get lost here.
51:50 I don't wanna be seen here, you know?
51:53 When I swam Heroin I could not off
51:55 for the next ten hours and that's a good day.
51:58 You know what I mean?
51:59 It's like you really do want to just fill up.
52:02 You wanna-- you don't wanna,
52:04 you know, you don't wanna hurt.
52:06 You don't wanna feel angry. You don't wanna deal with stuff.
52:09 A lot of molested kids, a lot of people that have been in,
52:13 really kinda injurious or dysfunctional places
52:15 will choose some of these things, you know?
52:18 And there is a lot of reasons where somebody would
52:20 wanna disappear and be without pain
52:22 but that's this kind of addiction.
52:26 The next--Satiation High is attractive
52:29 to certain types of addicts because we wanna
52:31 get out of this sensation of pain and distress.
52:34 The Trance high or fantasy high is the third type of high.
52:39 And with that type of high it's really interesting,
52:42 it's the feeling of detachment of separation.
52:44 The arousal high says, that I want to be seen,
52:47 I want to be heard, I want you to pay attention to me
52:49 and I'm going to take that power for myself.
52:51 Satiation high, says I wanna disappear,
52:53 and I wanna be filled, and I wanna do,
52:55 I just don't wanna be hurt.
52:57 This one says, I don't wanna be myself,
53:00 I don't wanna, there some deep shame of whom I am,
53:04 not what I've done but who I am
53:06 and I wanna detach from that.
53:08 I'll put different mask on, I'll try to disappear in that,
53:11 you know, I'll be anything else.
53:13 Sometimes you work with somebody in recovery
53:15 and they'll tell you I don't know who I am.
53:17 But they put a thousand different masks
53:19 on throughout their life.
53:20 And that's this high, the fantasy high.
53:21 And this is the toughest one
53:24 because there's a really deep sense of shame in this one.
53:28 The trance allows a addict to detach from pain and guilt
53:30 and shame and the shame that they feel about
53:33 not what they done, but who they are.
53:34 Who their family is? What has happened in their lives?
53:37 The addict views, that trance state
53:38 as a solution to all their problems.
53:41 So when you come to take that stuff away from me.
53:44 How am I gonna react to you?
53:48 These are my solutions to this underlying stuff.
53:52 And you know what's really interesting is
53:55 I have a pathological love-trust relationship with various things
53:59 I can bounce around and all that kind of stuff
54:01 but I have this relationship and you are the enemy
54:04 as you tried to take it from me.
54:06 But if you speak to my pain
54:10 I can then surrender this stuff to God.
54:12 So for all of these different things,
54:14 when you see somebody that lost in arousal or lost in satiation
54:17 or lost in fantasy and you start--
54:19 I believe as a Christian, start speaking to their pain
54:22 not the behaviors and not the drugs, not the addiction
54:26 but maybe the underlying thing.
54:28 The powerlessness from somebody with arousal,
54:31 the distress or injury of somebody with satiation
54:34 and the shame of somebody with this kind of high,
54:37 you start addressing that instead of the behaviors
54:39 and I think we can change the world.
54:41 And I think with my family,
54:42 that's what I want start teaching people is,
54:44 don't look at people as addicts,
54:46 they are not addicts, they are injured in someway
54:48 and they chose to deal with injury in these kind of ways.
54:51 Addiction takes and takes, and takes some more.
54:54 They're never gonna get free until they heal in this area.
54:59 And I believe they're never gonna fully heal
55:01 until they know the heart of God.
55:03 And I think the only way they're gonna know
55:05 the heart of God is that somebody tells them.


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Revised 2014-12-17