Participants: Cheri Peters
Series Code: OTR
Program Code: OTR001021
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00:01 The following program discusses sensitive issues
00:03 related to addictive behavior. 00:04 Parents are cautioned that some material 00:06 may be too candid for younger children. 01:11 Welcome to the afternoon program 01:14 and so this is the program that I really, kinda, 01:17 stayed away from for a while because it's-- 01:19 I thought, you know what I am learning a lot about addiction, 01:21 I am learning a lot about that kind of stuff 01:23 but I don't know if I'm a teacher. 01:25 You know what I mean? 01:27 And so I kind of stayed away from it. 01:28 And so I wanna say that I-- 01:30 I stayed away from it a long time 01:32 and then decided to go ahead and present it one time 01:34 and I think it's of anointed information. 01:37 I think that if you work with addicts or you are an addict, 01:39 you're gonna be blessed by what we cover today. 01:41 But I always have to start out 01:43 with just why it's important to me. 01:46 And so I wanna-- not long ago, 01:49 I got a call and-- 01:51 for those who haven't been to any program, 01:52 I'm a Heroin Addict in recovery. 01:54 I've been in recovery since 1979. 01:58 How cool is that? 01:59 Yeah, thank you so much, 02:00 one person in the back is like, "that's great." 02:02 'Cause, you know, for a lot of us addicts 02:04 we don't think that we're gonna get a day, 02:05 then we don't think we are gonna get a week, 02:07 then we get a year and then we go on and get ten years 02:10 and twenty years and all that kind of stuff 02:12 it is absolutely an amazing thing to, 02:16 you know, just get that time under you. 02:18 And get that, you know, where all of the sudden 02:20 your struggles are kind of more normal struggles. 02:22 Like, you know, it's just kind of a cool thing. 02:25 So anyway, I've been in recovery a long time 02:27 and I get a call and my sister is in the hospital. 02:33 And they don't think she's gonna survive. 02:35 It was just really an intense time. 02:38 They're not sure, she's on life support, 02:40 and they called me to come out and see her. 02:44 And I go out there and she is a--she's, 02:48 you know, my sister's, you know, still a striper 02:51 and she's still selling drugs and she's still, you know, 02:54 involved in all of that kind of stuff, 02:55 and we're not sure what happened but she's, 02:58 you know, hooked up to everything. 03:00 And I go in and I don't wanna be disrespectful to anybody 03:06 but, you know, everybody in my family 03:07 is just got their own addictions 03:09 and they're all, kind of, in the waiting room. 03:10 And my younger sister, the meth addict, 03:14 is, like, you know, this kind of thing. 03:15 It's like, I don't think it's a big deal, actually, you know? 03:18 You know, she's might be a little bit... 03:20 You know, it's just I'm not sure what's happening, you know? 03:23 And she just can't-- she's just a mess 03:25 and she's eighty pounds or less 03:28 and I don't know what that is in kilos. 03:31 But, I mean, she's just, like, so thin 03:33 and she's got canker sores every where. 03:35 She's got patches of her hair gone. 03:37 She's got Aplastic Anemia 03:38 because she's taken so much Methamphetamines 03:40 that her body doesn't produce iron any more 03:42 and you can see that all on her. 03:44 I mean, you could just see all her addictions. 03:46 My step dad is-- or my mom's boyfriend is... 03:51 you know, he's lost in his addictions. 03:53 He is 6'1" and just dead, you know? 03:57 He smokes weed so he's always relaxed. 04:00 You know what I mean? 04:01 So she's in the hospital and he's like, you know, 04:03 "I don't think, you know, it's just no big deal, you know?" 04:06 And he's just, like, you know, just kind of relaxed, you know? 04:09 And I'm thinking that, you know, 04:11 somebody it's a big deal, you know? 04:14 It is a big deal. This is not a good thing. 04:17 So any how--so we end up-- we're in there. 04:19 My sister, the meth addict's there. 04:20 My brother, he's... Just everybody is there. 04:25 I have an aunt that shows up 04:26 that decides to tell another family in the emergency room 04:31 that I was coming onto her husband when I was ten. 04:34 And I'm thinking, we don't even know this family 04:36 and that's not true, you know? 04:38 And I am just, like, it's all this crazy dysfunction. 04:40 I go into my sister and she is hooked up on life support. 04:45 She's got tubes going down her throat. 04:47 She's got all of this kind of stuff. 04:48 She's not gonna survive. 04:50 And I go over to her home and I am doing some things 04:53 because I am staying at her house. 04:54 And I go over to her house and I find out that 04:56 she is turning 50 and that was a stressful time for her. 05:00 I don't know if anybody's been to a strip club, 05:02 but its hard when you're 50 years old to working in one. 05:05 And so, you know what I mean? 05:06 It's that she's turning 50, she is getting too old for that, 05:09 she is not getting the same tips. 05:11 She has had everything done. She's had her face done. 05:13 Her--I mean everything done. 05:15 And she still knows that her time is limited. 05:18 But her time is limited 05:19 and nobody has ever given her any kind of value 05:22 in who she is other than this, you know? 05:24 And so she's really lost. 05:28 She's looking at her third drunk driving ticket, her third DUI. 05:32 In the States you can go to prison 05:34 for long time with the third of any thing. 05:36 But she's got her third DUI, she's turning fifty. 05:39 She doesn't know if she's gonna survive 05:42 and so instead of dealing with all of it 05:44 she just tries to kill herself, right? 05:47 So when she tries to kill herself 05:48 she ends up taking in over dose of pills, 05:51 it blows a hole in her stomach and that fills up with acids, 05:55 and the acids burn her lungs and she cannot breath. 05:58 Her lungs are burnt. 06:00 When you look at the x-rays 06:01 for people that have worked in that field, 06:03 you look at the x-rays 06:05 and you can literally see her lungs just been trashed. 06:08 And I go in their and I am thinking, 06:10 "Man, when's the last time that I told you I loved you. 06:14 When is the last time that-- you know, have I said that." 06:18 You know, 'cause in my recovery, as my journey has happened, 06:21 I've really kind of pulled away. 06:24 And not pulled away in a sense of not loving them. 06:29 But, you know, the only place I've really relapsed is 06:31 when I go home to my family. 06:33 Because everybody has everything 06:35 and I can stay clean for maybe, like, three, four, five hours 06:38 but pretty soon I am doing some thing. 06:40 You know, what I mean? So I know that. 06:42 So I kind of didn't-- don't go home a lot. 06:45 So I'm thinking when's last time I said, "I love you." 06:48 When's the last time I sat with you. 06:50 And I remember just wanting to sob. 06:52 Just sitting with her wanting to sob and say, "man, I love you." 06:55 And when you have that stuff going on with your lungs 06:59 and all that kind of stuff, they really put you-- 07:01 on top of being in all of that kind of danger, 07:04 they induce the coma 07:06 'cause they don't want you pulling that stuff. 07:08 So I go in there, just tell her, you know, "I love you." 07:13 And she tried to fight her way out. 07:16 All the bells and whistles from all the stuff 07:19 that she was hooked up to went off. 07:20 And the nurse came running in and said, 07:23 "Are you talking to her?" And I am thinking. 07:24 I said, "no, no." 07:27 And she knows I was because she's trying 07:29 to fight her way to answer me. 07:31 She is trying to fight her way to respond. 07:33 They said we really don't want her responding 07:35 so you have to be careful and so she walked out 07:38 and I said, "I do love you." 07:40 And all the bells went on again. That's like, "Oh, stop." 07:43 But, you know, I'm like trying to figure out. 07:46 What do I do now? 07:47 You know, when you're looking at someone 07:50 you love even in--when they're in their own addictions 07:52 and they're making the choices themselves, 07:54 doesn't matter at that moment. 07:55 Doesn't matter when they're on life support, 07:57 all of that kind of stuff, "I just love you. 07:59 And I am scared for you and I don't want you to die." 08:01 You know, and I remember I said something about, 08:05 I'd like to have her anointed. 08:11 You know, does anybody... 08:14 You know, some people would say 08:15 you can't have stripers anointed. 08:18 And I'm thinking, she is my sister 08:20 and I want someone to hear that, you know? 08:23 She's my sister and I'm afraid. 08:25 And she's never, never had anyone value her. 08:30 Do you know, what I am saying? Never. 08:31 And I'm like, you know, I called around 08:34 and I couldn't find anyone to come and do that for her. 08:38 And all of a sudden I thought, you know, 08:42 may be I'll do it, you know? 08:44 And if you get offended by this, I am sorry. 08:47 But I thought that may be I'll just anoint her. 08:49 And I know I'm nobody, I'm not ordained 08:52 and I am not this or I am not that. 08:53 But this is my sister and I wanna do that for her. 08:58 And I wanna say, "God please, please touch her, 09:03 please love her, please heal her." 09:04 And I wanted to get a gallon of oil. 09:11 You know a big amount. 'Cause where do you anoint? 09:15 I'm like, I'll just pour it all over your whole body 09:17 and whatever's the problem, you know, 09:19 physically, mentally, spiritually 09:21 all that kind of stuff, we'll just cover everything. 09:23 And I just didn't even care that totally made sense to me. 09:26 And so my mom or my sister, my meth addict sister, 09:34 duly found out that I was gonna go in 09:36 and pray for her and she just got furious. 09:40 You can't just pray for us. 09:42 We don't believe that, you know? 09:44 Just because we can't say no to you, 09:47 doesn't mean you can just pray for us. 09:49 And I remember thinking, well if you don't believe that 09:51 it's not gonna matter, you know? 09:53 And, you know, I'm just gonna pray for her. 09:55 And so the family went to the nurse's station 09:58 and kind of got people 10:01 to bar me from the room by myself. 10:05 I can't go in there by myself 10:06 without any other family member because I may pray. 10:10 And--so they're standing there--seriously 10:13 and I want you just to see the scene. 10:15 No, no, we have the right to say that because, 10:19 you know, she is good I think, you know? 10:23 And they're looking at that and then they're looking at me, 10:26 like, she's gonna try to do what? 10:30 She's gonna try to pray. Well that's legal here. 10:34 You know, what I mean? And the nurses are saying, 10:36 you know, she could do that. 10:37 And they really just said, "She can't. 10:40 We don't believe in that." 10:41 So now, I'm calling Brad, my husband, 10:45 and I'm in the bathroom sitting on the floor 10:48 just weeping and calling my husband, 10:50 I don't know how to do this. I don't know what to do next. 10:53 I am so afraid for her. 10:55 I am so afraid that she's not gonna make it. 10:57 And I just wanna go in there and I just wanna pray 11:00 and where all of this craziness is going on all about that 11:03 and I am crying and he's trying to soothe me 11:05 and all that kind of stuff. 11:06 And all of a sudden I get a knock on the door. 11:11 And I am like, "yeah?" 11:14 And it was one of the nurses, you know? 11:16 And she said, "I just wanna tell you, 11:18 your family never stays past, like, eleven. 11:25 Why don't you take the night shift?" 11:28 And I just looked at this women, 11:29 I just wanted to say thank you, in a thousand different ways. 11:33 Thank you, so much. 11:35 And so now, I decided to tell my family 11:37 that somebody has to be here, you know, 11:38 I just incase something happens 11:40 and I'm just gonna take the nightshift. 11:41 Everybody was fine with that and we prayed 11:43 almost all night with this nurse and myself, almost all night. 11:47 We prayed for her. We laid hands on her. 11:49 And please, theologically don't even approach me 11:52 afterwards 'cause I'll have to shoot you. 11:54 Because you know what-- and I want to handle this 11:57 in a better way but that was my sister. 11:59 Do you know, what I mean? 12:01 And so I know that I should have got the pastor. 12:03 I know all that. 12:04 So anyhow, so, I end up having to go like a couple times over, 12:10 over to Monica's place and do a-- 12:14 Monica's a friend of mine. She lives in California. 12:16 And so we're gonna do youth event. 12:17 So I jumped over did the day at the youth event 12:20 and then jump back to the hospital. 12:21 When I come back to the hospital, 12:23 I walk in my sister's room and the bed is empty. 12:27 And I thought, "Oh, man." You know? 12:29 And then I find out she's gotten so much better 12:32 they put her in a different room. 12:34 And I thought, "God, I love you. I love you." 12:37 You know, how cool are you? 12:39 That none of us deserve any of that. 12:42 I'm just, like, how cool are you? 12:43 So I go into the other room. 12:44 And my family is, like, "don't even say it?" 12:48 And I'm like, "say, what?" Like, "God healed her." 12:52 Don't even say it, and I am thinking, "How funny is that?" 12:55 And I looked at my sister and I said, 12:57 "You know what happened." 12:58 And when I was gone, when you have tubes in your throat 13:02 and all that kind of stuff 13:03 after about a certain amount of time 13:05 they have to take them out. 13:06 It trashes your vocal cords and everything. 13:08 And so what they do is they take them out 13:10 and put a trachea, you know? 13:11 If they're gonna keep you on the machines 13:13 and all that kind of stuff, 13:14 they just do it through a different way. 13:16 And so they were pulling the tubes out to put the trach in, 13:19 she starts to breath on her own, 13:20 and one thing led to another 13:22 and she now is in the different room. 13:24 And so I am, like, just excited, excited. 13:26 And--but she has an oxygen tube on. 13:30 Do you know, what I mean? Those nasal things. 13:32 And I'm like thinking, "that's not gonna work for my sister." 13:39 'Cause, you know, turning fifty is one thing 13:40 but going to work with the nasal tube. 13:42 You know, so it's like-- so I am just like wondering, 13:45 what's gonna happen with that. 13:48 And they say, they told to her, 13:50 that she will be on oxygen the rest of her life. 13:53 The rest of her life, and not the rest of her life 13:58 with a really cute oxygen tank. 14:01 You know, does anybody have insurance? 14:03 You can get those cute little backpacks. 14:04 You can get them in different colors 14:06 with oxygen tanks on the back. 14:07 If you don't have insurance 14:08 you get a metal tank that you drag around. 14:11 Do you know, what I mean? 14:12 Does anybody know what I am talking about? 14:14 It's a whole different look. Do you know what I mean? 14:17 My sister does not have insurance. 14:18 She's gonna drag that thing around for the rest of her life. 14:21 And I am thinking, "oh, man." 14:23 You know, my heart is just breaking for her. 14:24 I decided that I'm gonna stay at least a week from the time 14:28 she actually gets discharged from the hospital 14:30 'cause I need to teach her to eat, you know? 14:33 Because if she--her body's gonna heal that all 14:35 she's gonna had to take care of herself. 14:37 She's gonna have to learn even to drink water. 14:39 To not drink alcohol, all that kind of stuff. 14:42 What's a good breakfast looks like. 14:44 I mean, all of that kind of stuff. 14:45 So anyhow, so she gets finally discharged from the hospital. 14:48 We go over her house. 14:50 And so I go to-- I don't know if you have, 14:51 like Trader Joe's, or say, 14:53 it's a kind of health market or whatever. 14:56 So I go and I get some good stuff and she's like, 14:59 you know, I'm just doing like oatmeal and some fruit 15:02 you know, things like that and she's like, 15:04 "you're gonna eat all that?" 15:05 I said, "you are going to eat all that." You know? 15:08 And she's like, let's just have some coffee and some pastries. 15:10 No, no, no. You know? 15:13 And no offence to any of that kind of stuff 15:15 but when you're almost dead don't eat that stuff, 15:17 eat something good, you know? 15:18 And so, like, I'm doing all that kind of stuff 15:20 and we were trying to figure how we're going to-- 15:24 you know kind of get the next part of her healing done. 15:27 She's now on a oxygen tank in her house. 15:30 Well, she's not going to the store 15:31 with pulling that tank with her. 15:34 She has a big unit in the house of plugs in it. 15:36 And she's got a 57 foot tube 15:40 that now is hooked up to her. 15:41 When she walks around her house 15:44 she really has to make sure she doesn't tangle herself up. 15:47 She will be on that the rest of her life. 15:49 And this is not--I'm like, praying like crazy, 15:52 God, she's just gonna take herself out again. 15:54 It's just ridiculous. 15:55 And, you know, we're talking about that 15:57 and how she's gonna survive that 15:59 and the DUI's and all of that kinds of stuff. 16:01 My family comes over to celebrate the fact 16:03 that she lived and they bring wine and pastries. 16:07 Yeah, what part of DUI, I don't even understand? 16:10 You know, I'm like, 16:11 I couldn't even believe that wine and pastries. 16:13 And I am thinking that--you know, 16:14 I grabbed my sister by the face 16:16 and I said, "Don't drink. 16:18 I love you. Don't drink at all. 16:21 You cannot. You know, you're alcoholic. 16:23 Listen, If you're gonna heal, you're gonna have to step away 16:26 from all of this kind of stuff." 16:27 And my family is like, don't lay that stuff on us 16:30 because we're not-- we don't believe 16:32 the same thing as you do all that kind of stuff. 16:34 And I'm not even listening, I'm just looking at my sister, 16:37 "Don't, I beg you, you know? Don't." 16:40 And so people are kinda mad at me 16:42 but she just finally says, okay. 16:44 All right, I won't. We hung out. 16:48 The funniest part during this whole thing is 16:51 she gets a call from a friend of hers. 16:52 He's a strip club owner and he's just a mess, you know? 16:55 And he's at the end of his life. 16:58 And so at the end of his life 17:01 the only person that likes him is his dog. 17:03 Do you know what I mean? 17:05 Does anybody know someone like that? 17:06 Family's left and the kids hate him. 17:08 I mean, the only person that really is 17:09 still in your life is your animals. 17:11 And so anyhow, his dog gets sick 17:13 and he's calling my sister saying, you know what? 17:15 I'm so afraid, you know? 17:18 I think my dog's gonna die. 17:20 And that's a big deal 17:21 'cause that's the only one that likes you. 17:23 I mean, it's a big deal. 17:24 I know that that is going to be a traumatic thing for him. 17:27 And so, my sister's like, I'm just scared 17:29 and I said, well, pray for him. 17:31 And she's like, really? What do I pray? 17:34 I said pray for the dog really, you know? 17:37 What do I say? 17:38 And I said, just God help the dog. 17:42 She said, that's it? 17:43 So you can pray and I'm like it's not my friend. 17:46 I don't even know the dog, you know? 17:49 And so my sister's in the kitchen 17:52 and I hear her say her first prayer ever. 17:56 "God, help the dog." You know? 17:59 And I'm thinking, 18:01 man, that was such an incredible moment for me 18:06 that watching her-- listening to her prayer. 18:07 And God, you know, I don't know why God did this 18:09 but the dog got well, you know? 18:12 And so my sister's just like, 18:14 her knees are kind of shaking, like. 18:16 Do you think He heard me? 18:18 Yeah, I think He did, you know? 18:19 And so, you know, we hung out together. 18:22 She started to get better. I could just see it. 18:26 The color and all that kind of stuff. 18:28 And so we're hanging out, I eventually have to go home. 18:31 I mean, I have to get back to my family 18:33 and all that kinds of stuff. 18:34 And I'm getting ready to leave 18:36 and I'm packing up my rental car 18:37 and I start to turn around to just-- 18:40 I'm not even sure what I was gonna do, 18:41 whether I was gonna go back in the house 18:43 and do something or I was gonna hug her 18:45 or I don't even know, what it was. 18:47 But I turned back around and she just looked 18:49 almost frightened and I'm thinking, 18:54 What? You know? 18:55 I'm just in my mind, you know, what did you just think? 18:57 And then she said out loud, she said, you know, 19:00 are you gonna pray for me? 19:03 Then I said, can I? 19:06 And I remember just wanting to weep, you know? 19:09 'Cause it was just that moment and she said, yes, 19:11 and I just walked over and I just started to, just cry, 19:14 "God, please show her how cool You are." 19:19 You know, "Show her how much You love her. 19:21 Show her that this is not the life you intended for her." 19:25 You know, just being able to touch her 19:27 and say those words out loud 19:29 was just the most powerful thing for me 19:31 with my sister who I love. 19:33 And it was just a brief thing. 19:35 And we just kind of, you know, 19:37 I had to get my car and I had to go to the airport 19:39 and I get home. 19:40 And I'm just amazed at what God did and the healing. 19:43 My sister calls me up in a little while 19:45 and she says, you know, they're finding out 19:47 I'm breathing better at night 19:49 and I don't have to wear the oxygen at night. 19:52 I know, I'm thinking how cool is God. 19:54 I love Him for, you know, coming in 19:57 and doing that healing and doing that stuff. 19:59 And then she calls me a little while later again 20:01 and she says, are you still praying for me? 20:03 I said, yeah. 20:05 And she sounds really kinda vexed. 20:08 Then I said, why? 20:10 Then she said, well, I'm trying to get on disability 20:16 and if I keep getting better, 20:17 I might not be able to get on it. 20:22 I'm like, did you just say that? 20:25 You know when it's like, can you just turn it down a bit? 20:27 You know? And I thought I can't even-- 20:30 addictions just baffle me, I'm baffled by them. 20:33 And I'm thinking, what are they gonna pay you? 20:36 You know, you're gonna surrender your lungs 20:37 for $600 a month or something? 20:39 What are they paying you? It must be huge. 20:41 And anyhow so that's--you know, my sister with my father. 20:47 Right after that I get a call from my dad-- 20:50 my real dad died in a crack house and molesting kids. 20:52 I mean, he was just a mess. 20:54 But my step dad or my mom's boyfriend, I call him my dad. 20:59 He's been in my life since I was four 21:00 and so, I get a call and he's dying. 21:05 And they said it's real serious they put him in the hospital. 21:07 So I again flew back and I flew back 21:10 and I go into the hospital room and he just looked horrible. 21:15 He's lying on the bed, on the hospital bed, 21:17 everybody's kinda aroung him 21:18 and everybody's kind of a good mood 21:21 but he's just looking bad. 21:22 And I just crawled up on the bed with him 21:25 and held him 'cause, you know, when somebody, 21:27 you know, so--6'1" and so thin, 21:31 you know, that as they start to have different things coming 21:35 they lose more and more weight and he just looked horrible. 21:38 And, you know, we were talking and doing all kinds of stuff. 21:42 Then I find out from the nursing staff 21:43 that they are gonna discharge my father to hospice care. 21:48 And I--does anybody know what that means? 21:51 He's gonna die and hospice care 21:53 is where the nurses come out to your house 21:55 and help your family deal with your death. 21:57 And I'm thinking, wait, wait, wait, you know? 22:02 You know what's-- you know, just the reality 22:04 that it's what's going on. 22:06 He had--his throat was collapsed 22:07 and because of all the cancers that he was dealing with. 22:10 His addictions are now catching up with him 22:12 in every sense of the way. 22:13 And they put a stent in his throat. 22:15 It's just almost like a plastic tube in his throat 22:18 so he could swallow just the last few days of his life. 22:21 They didn't even put it in, that this thing was gonna be 22:24 something that would just stay in. 22:25 I mean, it was just to almost help him 22:27 survive the last few days. 22:29 That's how I understand it. 22:30 And so he gets-- he's getting ready 22:32 to discharge with hospice care. 22:34 I'm thinking, you know, man, I just wanna say, 22:39 oh, man, this is gonna be so inappropriate, this next thing. 22:42 I'm really close to the end so if I get fired this-- 22:44 I just want one more meeting. 22:46 But my dad was--would be lying in the hospital bed, 22:50 and he is--has a little thing on his finger 22:55 that tells his pulse, right? Yeah. 22:58 And it's also gives blood guesses 23:00 so it tells how much circulation it is. 23:02 He put it on his middle finger 23:04 and showed people when they walked by. 23:06 Does anybody get that? 23:08 It was just like it was a fourteen year old. 23:10 And that's why I know when he started using 23:12 but I'm thinking, stop. 23:13 And I know families were walking by and said, 23:15 did that guy just give me the finger? 23:16 He did. I'm sorry, you know? 23:18 And I'm like, stop and he's thinking it's so funny. 23:20 I mean, it was just that kind of atmosphere 23:22 but he's been discharged to a hospice care. 23:24 Do you know--so it's almost like it's so incongruent. 23:27 It's like you can't figure out what's going on. 23:29 Anyhow he gets discharged, he gets home. 23:34 Before he got discharged, they said something 23:37 that every addict wants to hear. 23:39 Is that, he said to them real serious, 23:41 what about my morphine? 23:44 And the nurse said, you can have as much as you want. 23:48 Woohoo! How fun is that! 23:52 And it was like--you can just see my dad like, 23:54 woohoo, that is so cool. 23:55 I didn't know I had to get to this point to get that. 23:57 But that's so awesome. 23:59 So I can have some more right now? 24:01 Yeah, yeah. 24:02 Any kind? I can have a shot? 24:04 I can have the stuff in my tongue. 24:05 I could have the patch. Anything. 24:07 As much as you want. 24:08 When somebody's dying they don't check the addictions. 24:10 Who cares, you got a couple of days, you know? 24:12 And so they really said you can have as much as you want. 24:14 And you know that I'm exaggerating. 24:16 He didn't jump and down and said yahoo. 24:17 But, I mean, just when you looked at him 24:19 that's the kind of sense that I got instead. 24:22 Almost like the celebration in his mind 24:24 that he could have as much as he wants. 24:26 He was so thrilled. 24:27 And I'm like, so now he's gonna be so high 24:30 that I can't even say goodbye to him. 24:32 I just wanna say goodbye. I love you. 24:35 I can see you in there. You know what I mean? 24:37 And so he gets discharged, he goes home. 24:39 I go back to my house. 24:41 Fly back to my house 'cause I'm gonna go back 24:43 and I'm going to, I'm going to just get some things to pack up 24:49 incase I have to stay longer or this whole thing lasts longer 24:54 I just need to get some stuff and come back. 24:56 My husband at this time is a new Christian 24:59 and he wants to come back to my family's house 25:01 with me to pray for my father. 25:05 Don't even do that. 25:07 I mean, it's just, they're gonna get really mad at us for that. 25:11 You know, you can't pray. 25:12 Have you ever seen new Christians, 25:14 they're kinda ridiculous. 25:15 They'll pray for anybody. 25:17 Postman delivers a packet, 25:18 would you like prayer for anything? 25:20 No, I'm just delivering your packet. 25:22 You know, my husband, his hairdresser he prays for. 25:25 His hairdresser he prays for so much 25:27 he knows more about her than I think of her best friend. 25:30 I mean, he just covers her in prayer, talks with her. 25:33 You know the bank person, 25:35 I mean, he just will pray for anybody. 25:36 And if he knows that you don't like prayer, 25:38 he just hovers over you, you know? 25:40 And I know when he hovers over you, he's praying for you. 25:43 So I'm like at that point in his life 25:45 he just was praying for everybody. 25:46 So anyhow so he is now wanting to fly back 25:49 and pray for my family. 25:52 And I'm thinking, man, they're not gonna do it, you know? 25:57 And I'm stressed, you know? 25:59 So please stop saying all this kind of stuff, I'm stressed. 26:03 And he said, you know, I have to. 26:06 And he actually had some devotions 26:09 and he really believes 26:10 that God just said, go pray for them. 26:12 And my husband flies in with me, 26:14 finally I just say okay, you know, but be careful 26:16 'cause it's not gonna go over well. 26:18 We fly in to my parent's house. 26:20 We're there, everybody's there. 26:22 My sister's a stripper, meth addict sister, methadone, 26:25 I mean Methamphetamine addict. 26:28 My dad had two other sons that were alcoholic. 26:31 One was dying of liver disease and was thrashed 26:34 so everybody is there. 26:35 Everybody's just in this kind of atmosphere that's odd. 26:39 We're in a house, where the blinds were shut 26:41 and it's the house I grew up in and it's just not healthy and, 26:45 you know, and I'm thinking I'm gonna have to say 26:47 goodbye to him during all this time. 26:48 And it was just a really, 26:50 it was just really kind of difficult and stuff. 26:53 And my younger sister gets up and she says, 26:57 I think I'm, I think I'd like to make some tacos 27:04 because dad loves tacos. 27:06 And I'm thinking, he can't even swallow, you know? 27:09 I mean, he really can't-- he's just--he can't swallow. 27:12 Hasn't eaten for, I don't know how long. 27:14 I mean, most of the stuff he's getting, he's getting-- 27:17 he got in the hospital by intravenous staff 27:20 and so-- anyhow so he-- 27:22 she's gonna go and make tacos and she goes into the kitchen 27:24 and she starts to cook up these tacos. 27:27 And the meat is so rotten that in the lounge room 27:32 I'm almost like ah. 27:35 That, you know, you almost wanna be sick 27:37 'cause it just smells so bad. 27:38 And I look at Brad, he thinks he's a chef. 27:40 I mean, my husband just loves to cook, 27:42 loves to watch food channels, 27:43 loves to try different things. 27:45 I said, Brad, go help her, you know? 27:46 'Cause it just smells bad. 27:48 So he goes there and he says, 27:50 you know, do you think that meat is okay? 27:53 And she's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's good, it's good. 27:56 And so maybe it needs some spices though. 27:59 And so he says, I can help you with that 28:00 and she walks out of the kitchen 28:02 he starts doing these spices and I don't know if you ever-- 28:06 if you eat meat, but if you cook it 28:07 sometimes if it's just ready to go rotten 28:09 you can kinda just cook it out and eat it anyway. 28:12 Anyway. So he's thinking may be that's what he can do. 28:18 But as it was cooking it just wasn't cooking out. 28:21 And he looked at the package in the trash 28:23 and it was about a month old 28:24 and it wasn't in the refrigerator, 28:26 it wasn't in the freezer. 28:27 So, I mean, it was really bad. 28:29 And so he calls my mom in and he says to my mom, 28:32 just really nicely, he says, I don't wanna offend Jonnie 28:37 but I think this is rotten, you know? 28:40 And my mom just fell in love with him. 28:42 I mean, it was a really interesting thing 28:44 just to see what happened, is she fell in love with him. 28:46 And I was watching that saying, you know, 28:48 my mom is very closed off to people, doesn't do that, 28:51 doesn't open up, doesn't show her heart much 28:53 but just showed her heart in that moment. 28:55 And what I got from that moment, I think from God, 28:58 is that nobody has shown a lot of respect to my little sister 29:01 ever 'cause she's been this addict for so long 29:03 and she's been really in bad shape 29:05 and Brad showed a little respect to my mom's little girl 29:10 and it just won her heart. 29:12 And so anyhow, so I said to Brad at that point, is that, 29:15 why don't you go to the store 29:17 get all kinds of stuff for tacos. 29:18 And so she decides to go to the store, 29:20 she's gonna get all this kind of stuff for tacos 29:22 and he buys everything. 29:24 He buys avacados and fresh everything and brings it home. 29:28 And when he brings it back into my mom's house, 29:31 he walks in and gives everybody jobs, you know? 29:36 Can you guys come in and help me? 29:37 He opens the windows, he opens the blinds, 29:39 he has everybody in the kitchen chopping up cilantro 29:43 and doing avocados and, I mean, everybody had a job. 29:46 And I thought, what did you just do to my whole family. 29:49 I felt like it was like a Martha Stewart show. 29:51 I mean, I was just like, 29:52 I walk in and everybody's healthy. 29:54 And I'm thinking how ridiculous is this, 29:56 you know, it felt like 29:58 the Holy Spirit was there. God was there. 30:00 That everything was--it was just the most amazing thing 30:02 and Brad is in there just loving on everybody. 30:05 My dad's in the other room, I go in and see him 30:08 and it was just the life-- and I have to share 30:12 this one thing with you, is that with my dad I said, 30:15 do you remember the first song you ever taught me? 30:17 And raise your hand if you've ever heard this song, 30:19 it's a really old one. 30:20 But he said, no, I don't remember. 30:22 And I said it was, "Trailers for sale a rent, 30:26 rooms to let, fifty cents." 30:28 And it's about a hobo looking for a cigarette butt. 30:32 "Ain't got no cigarettes, ah, but..." 30:34 And so I'm like this little girl going, 30:37 "Ain't got no cigarettes, ah, but..." 30:39 And so we start singing that, it was just kind of a fun thing 30:42 and I watched from that moment on 30:45 there was a number of things happened, 30:47 but I watched from that moment on 30:48 I watch God just put my dad in a place 30:51 where he ends up not using the drugs 30:54 that he so freely was given. 30:56 For him to come out and say, like, 30:58 his goodbyes to a number of us. 31:01 For him to do all that kind of stuff. 31:03 Brad went in there and told him 31:04 what he felt God had asked him to come and pray for him 31:08 and ask him if he wanted to give his life to God. 31:11 If he wanted to, kind of, make things right, during this time. 31:14 My dad said, yes. I don't know what that conversation was. 31:18 I don't know what happened in that room 31:21 but it was just the most incredible thing that, 31:23 here is somebody that doesn't even know 31:26 that you're are not supposed to pray for people 31:27 when people say no and yet he brings my father to Christ 31:31 before he dies, which was an amazing thing to me. 31:34 And so to me, I had to repent 31:36 about walking away from them. 31:38 I mean, I walked into the church 31:39 and I felt away from them not realizing that, 31:42 you know, in God's heart, He not only wants to save me 31:44 but every family member. 31:46 He wants me to hang in there for them 31:48 and all that kinds of stuff. 31:49 And so when I teach about addictions, 31:51 I teach about addictions 31:52 because I have family members that are so lost. 31:55 But that's not that they are bad people, 31:56 they are just lost. 31:58 They have-- they have been trashed. 32:02 Most of them have died in their addictions. 32:05 But you know what? Now a few of them 32:06 are actually coming to Christ, 32:08 even if it's on their death bed and now I just feel amazed. 32:10 And I'm gonna go through this addiction teaching. 32:13 I don't know how far we're gonna get through this 32:16 but, you know, I pull a lot of stuff from Greg Nakken 32:19 because I just think he's an amazing teacher 32:21 as far as addictions. 32:22 But we're gonna talk about addictions 32:24 in a whole different way because I wanna show you 32:26 almost why people do the things that they do, 32:30 not education about the drug itself. 32:33 Because I think we've been over-educated 32:34 about all that kind of stuff. 32:36 So understanding addictions and addictive process. 32:38 Addiction is a process, over the years 32:41 the addict has been described in many different ways... 32:43 A moral weakness, a lack of will power, 32:46 an inability to face the world, a spiritual illness. 32:49 And so when you talk about addictions, 32:51 a lot of people look at addictions or the addict 32:54 and to try to describe it. 32:57 And sometimes they describe it in this way, 32:59 if you have addicts in your family, 33:01 you may describe it in a more colorful way. 33:03 But, you know, this is kind of how they describe it. 33:06 Everybody wants to feel normal. 33:10 You know what I mean? Everybody. 33:11 When I was a little girl I wanted to feel loved. 33:14 I wanted to feel normal. I wanted to fit in. 33:15 I wanted to belong. I mean, all that kinds of stuff. 33:18 And it's just innate in us. 33:21 And so if--so just know that most of us want to feel normal. 33:24 Most of us, when we're born, 33:26 we know that life has cycles, you know? 33:28 Sometimes things are good, right? 33:31 Sometimes things are not. 33:33 If you have a good foundation 33:36 you deal with those cycles. 33:37 If you don't have a good foundation 33:39 they seem very traumatic, you know? 33:43 When things are good, everything's fine. 33:45 When things are bad I have to desperately 33:48 make them good again. 33:49 You know what, does that make sense? 33:51 That I'm not able to do the cycles in a normal way. 33:55 So addiction in the basic sense 33:57 is an attempt to control those cycles. 33:59 Addiction on it's most basic level is to control 34:03 and fulfill the happiness that we're just trying 34:05 to be normal or just trying to be happy. 34:07 Addiction is a process, undergoes continuous change, 34:11 it will never stay the same. 34:13 I always say at this point, raise your hand 34:14 if you have a sexual addiction, but, you know, 34:17 I'm not really meaning raise your hand. 34:18 But even those addictions they never stay the same. 34:21 Things that you do today are not things 34:23 that you're gonna do next week or next year or the year after. 34:26 Sometimes people end up in places 34:28 that they think, how did I get here? 34:30 You know how did I get here 34:31 'cause I would have never thought this is who I am. 34:34 But addiction will always progress. 34:38 It never ever stays the same. 34:40 My most favorite is the last one. 34:41 Addiction is a pathological love trust relationship 34:44 with an object or event. 34:46 And that object or event it's a big deal 34:49 that I'm using something to get a mood change 34:53 because I wanna feel, what? 34:55 Happy. Normal. 34:57 So I'm gonna use something for that mood change. 34:59 Doesn't matter what it is. 35:00 But it usually is not a live person. 35:03 Well, unless you're-- 35:04 Usually it's an object or an event. 35:06 So we're gonna cover some of that kind of stuff. 35:08 And it's pathological and it will change. 35:11 I'm gonna show you some different kinds of addictions 35:13 'cause I think sometimes what really bothers me 35:16 when we talk about addictions 35:17 is people think drugs and alcohol. 35:19 They think the Heroin addict on a street. 35:21 And that let's a lot of us off the hook 35:23 but it also keeps a lot of us in bondage, you know? 35:25 So we're gonna look at different addictions 35:28 and the mood change that people are looking for. 35:31 So the first one is alcoholic. 35:33 Alcoholic experiences a mood change 35:35 when he goes into the pub. 35:36 When he's drinking with friends, all that kind of stuff, right? 35:39 But let's say that during the week, the alcoholic, 35:42 I'm stressed and I only tend to drink on the weekend, 35:46 but I've been--the work is been just tough. 35:49 And you know what? My boss, he's horrible. 35:51 And, you know, I'm just tired of not getting respect. 35:55 I don't even get paid enough to deal with this 35:57 and going through all that. 35:59 But Wednesday night I decide, you know what? 36:01 On Friday I'm gonna go into the pub, 36:03 I'm gonna get off my face. 36:05 So when does my mood change happen? 36:09 As soon as I say that. 36:12 So Wednesday, when I say Friday's coming, 36:15 I'm going get off my face, I start to get that mood change. 36:19 So it's not just the alcohol, 36:21 it's the whole kind of mood change that happens 36:23 'cause that's what I'm looking for. 36:25 The alcoholic will use alcohol but they also-- 36:28 what they're chasing is that mood change. 36:31 I don't wanna be stressed, angry or disrespected. 36:34 I don't wanna deal with all that kind of stuff. 36:36 Soon as I think that I'm gonna be in the pub, 36:38 I'm gonna be happier. 36:39 I'm gonna start to have that mood change 36:40 and that's my addiction. 36:42 If I just deal with the alcohol, 36:43 when I'm dealing with an alcoholic, 36:45 and don't deal with those mood change things 36:46 I would be ineffective. 36:48 And so, what do you think Thursday's gonna feel like 36:50 for this guy or this girl? 36:52 Even better. I'm closer to Friday, right? 36:55 And when they say I'm gonna get off my face, 36:57 I'm gonna get so drunk that I'm not even gotta know 36:59 how I get home. 37:01 I'm gonna, you know, 37:02 and they're gonna start feeling better. 37:05 The food addict, mood change happens by bingeing or starving. 37:08 But even for a food addict, you know, 37:10 there's very ritualistic stuff. 37:13 You know we--if I'm bulimic I'm going to different stores. 37:18 I'm buying large amounts of groceries. 37:19 I don't want the same person to see 37:21 the amount of stuff I buy, you know. 37:22 So the mood change happens with all of that kind of stuff. 37:25 With some anorexics, they will eat a half a pea 37:29 three times a day. 37:31 And it has to be on their fork in a certain way. 37:33 Has to hit their mouth in a certain way. 37:35 Everything--there're some ritualistic stuff about that 37:37 and so it's being able to say that the mood change 37:41 it's not just not about the starving, 37:44 it's not just about the bingeing, 37:45 it's not just about the image stuff, 37:47 and it's all about everything and--does anybody know 37:51 what the person with eating disorders, 37:53 what their addiction is? 37:57 When you feel control is part of the mood change, 38:01 the addiction is the bio-chemical release 38:04 of some of your own stuff 38:06 that produces almost a valium like effect. 38:11 So most of us, we're not gonna get addicted to an apple. 38:15 Do you know what I mean? Don't you wish you could? 38:17 You know, I'm stressed, I'm gonna go have an apple. 38:21 But, you know, you have to have-- 38:23 there's an addictive quality to whatever we choose. 38:26 And with food addictions, when your body feels like 38:28 it's dying, when your body is stressed and releases stuff 38:32 that are addictive, you know? 38:35 Same with cutters. 38:36 When somebody cuts, the same kind of thing 38:39 as your body says, "Oh, man," and releases, 38:41 like a natural pain killer 38:43 and we actually get addicted to ourselves. 38:45 The best way to do some of those things 38:47 is to actually get into a program 38:49 that looks at addiction with these two disorders, 38:53 cutting and food. 38:54 But the addictive gambler. 38:56 I love this girl or this guy because 38:59 they will walk in the room and they're just loud. 39:01 It's really funny 'cause to me I wanna be seen. 39:05 I wanna be able to pull out a roll of hundred dollar bills 39:09 and just say I bet you a thousand bucks 39:11 on whatever the footie game is or whatever--whosever playing. 39:14 But I wanna be able to bet. 39:16 I wanna throw out the cash and wanna do all kind of stuff. 39:19 I wanna be known as that person 39:20 even though I probably spending the mortgage payment. 39:24 I'm probably spending way more than I need to 39:26 but I am doing-- I want to be that person. 39:29 So the gambler actually feels good 39:31 about how he's dressed or she's dressed, how they look, 39:34 the ability to bet on things, you know, 39:38 going through the newspaper and finding out 39:40 the stats of games and all that kind of stuff. 39:42 And even as somebody says, you know, 39:44 I'm not gonna gamble for two weeks, 39:45 well, that's fine except for when you see a sure bet. 39:49 Does anybody know what I'm saying? 39:51 Well, but, what if I miss that? 39:53 No, that's a sure bet, you know? 39:56 So, you know, I gotta do that. 39:57 It would be irrisponsible. You know what I mean? 39:59 If I didn't do that, 40:01 and they feel that until the team loses. 40:02 But even with the gamblers, 40:04 it's not about winning or loosing 40:05 it's about the mood change. 40:07 Because if it was about winning or loosing 40:09 when somebody won they would stop, right? 40:12 But it's not about that. It's about the mood change. 40:15 And the next one, shoplifter. 40:17 You have to think about what you're gonna wear, 40:19 how you're gonna go to the store, 40:21 what you're gonna steal, how you're gonna put them, 40:23 where you're gonna put them, and all that kind of stuff. 40:25 But a shoplifter doesn't just get the mood change 40:28 when they pick something up. 40:30 The mood change happens through the whole process, you know? 40:33 Some people take baby do you call them prams? 40:37 Or strollers? Prams. 40:38 Take prams in the store and just stuff things in. 40:41 I mean they--you know they--the poor baby's 40:44 just like sitting on an I-pod, you know it's like 40:47 you know, you have to think about all that kind of stuff. 40:50 And it's really interesting is that you wanna know, 40:54 like, for a lot of addicts 40:55 we have a really difficult time staying present. 40:58 You know, we just do. 41:00 You know, we're trying to get away from how we really feel 41:03 and we're trying to get that mood change. 41:04 So staying present is really tough. 41:06 But when you're stealing something out of store 41:08 and you know there's cameras around. 41:10 You know that you could get busted. 41:12 You know that all that kind of stuff, 41:13 you are more present at that moment than any other time. 41:16 And there's an excitement, your heart is pounding, 41:18 all of that kind of stuff. 41:20 And when you talk about mood changes, 41:21 it is so seductive. 41:22 The mood change and what happens is intense. 41:26 When you walk out the store and you think, 41:28 does anybody--raise your hand if you felt like this 41:30 when you walked out of the store. 41:31 You got things in your pocket and you know at that moment 41:35 that's when you could be caught, right? 41:37 You gotta to see if you get to the car. 41:39 But at that moment you are very present, you know? 41:42 You're looking at everybody around you. 41:43 They all look like, you know, security, you know? 41:47 With shoplifters that's the same kind of thing. 41:48 It's not just the stealing. 41:50 A lot of addictions have shoplifting in it, 41:52 or stealing in it, even for people that have money. 41:55 But it's the mood change that happens around that. 41:57 Sex addict, same kind of thing. 42:01 You know it's not just about--you know, 42:04 I don't wanna be--don't want to be inappropriate. 42:08 I think I'm always inappropriate. 42:10 But with the sex addict, the act itself last for minutes, 42:14 it's everything that happens 42:16 around that stuff is a mood change. 42:18 All of that kind of stuff and I could get into detail 42:21 about this one but we have to many different ages, 42:25 but the sex addict again, in their mind 42:28 they set themselves up, they go to the same place, 42:30 they get the same magazine, they go to the same online stuff 42:33 they do all that kind of stuff and it usually is, 42:36 even if somebody in recovery when they are triggered 42:39 and they are triggered by different things. 42:41 It could be by the way someone's dressed, 42:43 but it usually is by, how they're treated 42:45 or disrespected or nothing's going right or whatever 42:48 and they trigger into the addiction 42:49 that works for them. 42:51 The pathological love trace love-trust relationship 42:53 with an object or event 42:55 and they will actually start acting out. 42:57 But it's not just the sexual stuff, 42:59 it is the entire mood change that happens 43:02 and they just use that addiction. 43:04 With the sex addict, they can do 43:07 a pet scan of the brain, both men and women, 43:11 when you are involved in your addiction 43:13 your brain lights up as if you are a coke addict. 43:15 As if you just did a line of coke. 43:17 The bio chemical reaction looking at an image 43:20 and whatever else you're doing at the time 43:23 is the same as somebody with a coke addiction. 43:25 And so the addictive process 43:27 that happens to your body is the same. 43:29 You get strung out on yourself, that's the only difference. 43:32 The addictive spender, I know you're out there. 43:38 The addictive spender is funny, you know? 43:40 When our mood change we'll get dressed, 43:42 we'll do some makeup, we'll go to the mall, 43:44 we'll buy things and sometimes 43:46 we don't even take the price tag off of them. 43:48 There're in our closet 43:50 it's not about spending, you know? 43:52 We have things in our drawer 43:54 that still have the price tag on it. 43:55 It's about wanting that mood change. 43:57 I want to feel connected, I want to feel alive, 43:59 all that kind of stuff. 44:00 Don't have to raise your hands, but our credit card payments-- 44:04 bills are usually high, you know, 44:06 We're paying of stuff that we don't even hardly wear 44:08 or need and all that kind of stuff. 44:10 And those are some really more nicer addictions. 44:13 All the husbands are smiling. 44:15 You should be up here with me, it's really funny. 44:17 It's like--but anyhow, so that addiction 44:22 it's really interesting 'cause we want that mood change 44:25 and to get the mood change for a lot of us 44:27 that don't have any darker addictions 44:28 or couldn't ever see ourselves as drug addicts, 44:31 but we could do this spending stuff. 44:33 The workaholic and now the husbands, 44:35 now the women you can nudge back. 44:37 Well, the workaholics are somebody that goes out 44:40 and they're doing one more project, 44:42 they are doing one more thing. 44:43 And they're doing, you know, 44:44 they're working too many hours and their family is just saying 44:47 we actually want you home, or the family stop saying that. 44:50 And why do the workaholic work so hard 44:53 because they are looking for one thing. 44:55 That one thing is somebody to say, "wow, good job." 44:59 But it doesn't even have to be anybody I know. 45:01 You know, just anybody say good job. 45:04 And so one more project, one more thing, 45:06 one more success, one more I'm putting 45:08 not this together, that together. 45:10 There's a thing in Japan, that you could actually, 45:12 your wife could get a plaques and I wish 45:16 I could remember the name of this, but in a book called, 45:18 "Thrilled to death" there's a whole chapter on this, 45:20 this award that they do in Japan 45:23 and your wife could get a plaques, 45:24 if her husband dies on the job from working too hard. 45:28 You actually get a little increase in your pension. 45:32 What's it called? Karoshi. 45:33 Karoshi is the term. And I just think it's just so funny. 45:39 So the workaholic is a whole different thing. 45:41 Some cultures really-- look at the church, 45:44 you get one person that does a lot in the church, 45:47 that person could die doing everybody's job 45:50 and everybody's like, "good job, I like the way you do that." 45:52 You know, what I mean? 45:54 But that, the workaholic is looking for a mood change. 45:56 Self mutilators, are the same is that they tend to use 46:00 the same blades or they burn themselves in the same way, 46:02 all that kind of stuff but they really are looking 46:05 for a mood change and addicted to there own bio-chemistry. 46:08 I'm gonna quickly go over-- 46:10 all those objects are different, all those events are different, 46:14 all those addictions are different 46:16 but there's one thing that's the same about them. 46:18 And the one thing that's the same about them. 46:20 Let me just ask you to do it this way, 46:22 do it with an example. 46:23 There's a name--a whole lot of names of cancer, 46:27 different types of cancer. 46:29 Breast, colon, bowel, ovarian, 46:34 brain cancer, lung cancer's, you've got, 46:38 you know just, you can go from one thing 46:40 to another to another and all these cancers are different. 46:43 We could go on--there's prob-- we could go on and on, 46:46 all these cancers and they all gonna be different, 46:48 but there's one thing that's same about all of them 46:50 is there's a cell that's out of control. Right? 46:53 And all cancers is you break it down to that bottom line. 46:56 Addiction is the same. 46:57 There's three types of highs on the planet. 47:00 And we're all searching for one of those highs 47:02 for the mood change. 47:03 So we're gonna go over these highs, 47:05 please think about yourself not your spouse. 47:08 What category would you tend to fall into? Okay? 47:14 Types of highs. First one is an arousal high. 47:17 Second one is a Satiation high, third one is a fantasy high, 47:21 every addiction will fall into these categories. 47:23 So now we're gonna break them down a little bit more. 47:25 With arousal and satiation there are cunning, 47:28 baffling and powerful highs. 47:31 It's hard, I think outside of a relationship with God 47:34 I think to even heal completely from these. 47:38 The arousal high comes from amphetamines, 47:40 cocaine, ecstasy, and the first few drinks of alcohol, 47:44 and from behaviors like gamble, gambling, 47:46 sexual addictions, spending, stealing, and so on. 47:49 The arousal high is someone that wants to be seen. 47:54 I want you to see me, I want to be loud, 47:57 I want to walk in with the roll of $100 bills, 47:59 with the methamphetamine addict. 48:01 I want to run for president. 48:03 I'm taking this drug and I feel so good, 48:05 I don't even, you know, I'm, like, off my tree, 48:09 but I wanna be seen. I'm loud. I'm in your face. 48:12 Gamblers, the same thing. Sexual addicts, the same thing. 48:14 Is that we really do want to be seen, 48:16 somebody that is acting out with the arousal, um, high. 48:20 With the arousal high, causes a sensation of intense, 48:23 raw, unchecked power 48:25 and gives the feeling of being untouchable. 48:28 You know what I mean? 48:30 I can actually go for that sense of power, 48:34 directly to that sense of power. 48:36 Arousal high makes the addict feel 48:38 that they can achieve happiness, safety and fulfillment. 48:40 So the mood changes, I can achieve it myself, you know? 48:43 I could just take it. 48:45 Gives the addict the feeling of omnipotence 48:47 while it subtly drains away all of their power. 48:50 And for a lot of us we've had people in our lives 48:53 that at the end of the addiction 48:54 nobody even listens to them anymore. 48:56 They can be loud. They can do whole puffer fish thing. 48:58 They can do all that kinds of stuff, 49:00 but nobody is paying attention. 49:01 And that is the saddest thing for somebody 49:04 that's lost in these kind of addictions. 49:06 Getting more power means returning to the object 49:08 or the event and causing a dependency on that. 49:11 Then the arousal high I think, what's sad about that, 49:16 or what's interesting about-- let me try to get back to that. 49:19 What's interesting about that? I got back too far didn't I? 49:24 What's interesting about that, is that, 49:25 when somebody is lost in this arousal addiction, 49:28 or this, you know, that sense of searching for power, 49:31 usually it's somebody that has felt powerless in their life. 49:34 Does that make sense? You know, some-- 49:36 a child is been beat in their life, bashed in their life. 49:39 They'll get to a certain point about 13, 14 years old, 49:42 they'll turn around and say 49:43 you will never touch me again, right? 49:45 That whole turn thing, somebody that has been powerless, 49:48 or not hurt when they get into these addictions, 49:50 they feel a sense of control. 49:52 Like, I can control that. 49:54 Whether they run away, whether they get violent, 49:56 whether they get angry, there in and out of jail or whatever. 49:59 Some of you do nicer addictions than that 50:03 but when you get into this what's really interesting is 50:05 if I'm into amphetamines, and somebody calls me on that, 50:10 and I'm an arousal addict, I can move to stealing. 50:16 It looks like I've cleaned up, right? 50:18 'Cause I'm not doing amphetamines, 50:20 but now I'm stealing, somebody calls me on that, 50:22 I can move from that to gambling, 50:24 I can move from that to sexual addictions. 50:26 But unless I go into recovery, unless I turn this over to God 50:31 I can bounce around and somebody will say, "you know what? 50:34 I think he or she is in recovery 50:37 but the same behaviors are happening." 50:40 Well, I have not jumped into recovery yet. 50:42 I've just changed addictions 50:44 because you've been on my case, right? 50:46 But my love-trust relationship 50:48 is with this high, with these objects, 50:51 with these events and I will bounce around 50:54 but I'll stay in this addictive personality. 51:00 The next one is my favorite, a Satiation Association high. 51:06 Satiation high is the addict feel full and beyond pain. 51:10 That's Heroin, alcohol, Marijuana, Valium, Oxycontins, 51:14 overeating, watching T.V., playing slot machines 51:17 all produce that sense of being full. 51:19 And I want to just say there's--you know 51:22 I have the gambling on the first one 51:23 and I have slot machines on the second one. 51:26 I gotta tell you the difference with that. 51:28 Gambling, I am actively walking in, 51:31 I'm at the black-jack table I'm at the roulette play, 51:34 I'm gambling at a game, I'm at a footie game, 51:36 I'm going to soccer, I'm doing all that kind of stuff, 51:38 I read, I know about all the sports 51:40 and all that kind of stuff. 51:41 Slot machines, I'm sitting in front of something, 51:44 pushing a button over and over and over, 51:46 a point a slot, over and over and over. 51:48 It's a different kind of high. I want to get lost here. 51:50 I don't wanna be seen here, you know? 51:53 When I swam Heroin I could not off 51:55 for the next ten hours and that's a good day. 51:58 You know what I mean? 51:59 It's like you really do want to just fill up. 52:02 You wanna-- you don't wanna, 52:04 you know, you don't wanna hurt. 52:06 You don't wanna feel angry. You don't wanna deal with stuff. 52:09 A lot of molested kids, a lot of people that have been in, 52:13 really kinda injurious or dysfunctional places 52:15 will choose some of these things, you know? 52:18 And there is a lot of reasons where somebody would 52:20 wanna disappear and be without pain 52:22 but that's this kind of addiction. 52:26 The next--Satiation High is attractive 52:29 to certain types of addicts because we wanna 52:31 get out of this sensation of pain and distress. 52:34 The Trance high or fantasy high is the third type of high. 52:39 And with that type of high it's really interesting, 52:42 it's the feeling of detachment of separation. 52:44 The arousal high says, that I want to be seen, 52:47 I want to be heard, I want you to pay attention to me 52:49 and I'm going to take that power for myself. 52:51 Satiation high, says I wanna disappear, 52:53 and I wanna be filled, and I wanna do, 52:55 I just don't wanna be hurt. 52:57 This one says, I don't wanna be myself, 53:00 I don't wanna, there some deep shame of whom I am, 53:04 not what I've done but who I am 53:06 and I wanna detach from that. 53:08 I'll put different mask on, I'll try to disappear in that, 53:11 you know, I'll be anything else. 53:13 Sometimes you work with somebody in recovery 53:15 and they'll tell you I don't know who I am. 53:17 But they put a thousand different masks 53:19 on throughout their life. 53:20 And that's this high, the fantasy high. 53:21 And this is the toughest one 53:24 because there's a really deep sense of shame in this one. 53:28 The trance allows a addict to detach from pain and guilt 53:30 and shame and the shame that they feel about 53:33 not what they done, but who they are. 53:34 Who their family is? What has happened in their lives? 53:37 The addict views, that trance state 53:38 as a solution to all their problems. 53:41 So when you come to take that stuff away from me. 53:44 How am I gonna react to you? 53:48 These are my solutions to this underlying stuff. 53:52 And you know what's really interesting is 53:55 I have a pathological love-trust relationship with various things 53:59 I can bounce around and all that kind of stuff 54:01 but I have this relationship and you are the enemy 54:04 as you tried to take it from me. 54:06 But if you speak to my pain 54:10 I can then surrender this stuff to God. 54:12 So for all of these different things, 54:14 when you see somebody that lost in arousal or lost in satiation 54:17 or lost in fantasy and you start-- 54:19 I believe as a Christian, start speaking to their pain 54:22 not the behaviors and not the drugs, not the addiction 54:26 but maybe the underlying thing. 54:28 The powerlessness from somebody with arousal, 54:31 the distress or injury of somebody with satiation 54:34 and the shame of somebody with this kind of high, 54:37 you start addressing that instead of the behaviors 54:39 and I think we can change the world. 54:41 And I think with my family, 54:42 that's what I want start teaching people is, 54:44 don't look at people as addicts, 54:46 they are not addicts, they are injured in someway 54:48 and they chose to deal with injury in these kind of ways. 54:51 Addiction takes and takes, and takes some more. 54:54 They're never gonna get free until they heal in this area. 54:59 And I believe they're never gonna fully heal 55:01 until they know the heart of God. 55:03 And I think the only way they're gonna know 55:05 the heart of God is that somebody tells them. |
Revised 2014-12-17