Pure Choices

Friends With Benefits

Three Angels Broadcasting Network

Program transcript

Participants: Seth Yelorda (Host), Alfonzo Greene, Lola Moore, Michael Kelley, Michael Polite


Series Code: PC

Program Code: PC000006

00:40 Welcome to Pure Choices.
00:42 We're so glad you decided to join us again today.
00:45 And we have another hot topic
00:46 we're going to just dive right into.
00:48 I have my guest with me again today.
00:50 I'm going to go in and just want to introduce you
00:52 to them again.
00:53 We have Pastor Alfonzo Greene, who is the pastor
00:56 at the First SDA Church in Huntsville, Alabama.
00:59 We have Pastor Michael Polite,
01:01 who's at Riverside Chapel SDA Church in...
01:05 Where are you? Nashville?
01:06 Tennessee. Nashville. Music city.
01:08 We have my sister Lola Moore, who is pastoring
01:11 at the Open University Church in Huntsville as well.
01:14 And then my brother Michael Kelley,
01:16 who is joining us all the way from Riverside California,
01:19 the Mt. Rubidoux SDA Church.
01:22 And I am your host pastor Seth Yelorda.
01:23 And we're just glad to be here. We're glad to be here, right?
01:26 We are glad to be here.
01:28 And today, we specifically will be dealing
01:31 with friends with benefits.
01:32 And we really want to unpack this thing.
01:35 Now, it's interesting because in a previous program
01:37 we talked about dating and how far was too far?
01:40 In that program we took the time
01:42 to establish that, man,
01:43 when you're in this developmental period,
01:46 where you just really trying to discover who you are,
01:49 that you should have as many friends as possible.
01:52 Whether that's high school, whether that's college,
01:54 you don't want to get hooked up into exclusive relationships,
01:59 where you're obligated to be with somebody
02:01 but you just want to have as many friends as possible.
02:03 But what happens in that is that,
02:06 in you having a lot of friends, a lot of times,
02:09 you know, you get a little bit too close to the person,
02:12 there's little interest there
02:14 and you wind up doing some things that,
02:16 you know, you probably shouldn't be doing.
02:17 You're not committed to each other,
02:19 you're not married and what happens is,
02:21 you know, it's kind of like a,
02:22 you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.
02:24 Yes, yes.
02:26 And we just kind of keep it that way.
02:27 Except you're not scratching backs.
02:28 Except you're not scratch backs.
02:30 Massaging backs.
02:31 You know, caressing backs. Caressing backs.
02:33 Yes. You know...
02:34 And that's what we call friends with benefits.
02:36 And we just want to deal with it.
02:37 We know there's something real talk
02:39 that's happening at college campuses, high schools,
02:43 you know, just with youth, young adults
02:45 and even with adults not married it is happening.
02:48 Let's deal with this thing. Where do we go with this?
02:50 What's our council? What's our word?
02:51 You know, what's the Word of God
02:53 say about friends with benefits?
02:54 Yeah, well, I think what we have to establish
02:57 where we were before was the idea
02:59 of what the ideal is.
03:01 And what I think we've got to understand
03:03 and we'll explain that very specifically
03:05 is friends with benefits, I think takes away the idea...
03:10 It makes it more difficult rather
03:11 for you to experience God's ideal.
03:14 And one of things where we talked about
03:15 in previous programs about masturbation
03:19 when we talked about pleasure, orgasm,
03:21 all those things were meant to be experienced
03:23 with a spouse.
03:24 Where a lot of the things that take place
03:26 was with friends with benefits
03:27 were only reserved for a spouse.
03:29 So we're kind of cheating ourselves from that
03:32 when we start experiencing it,
03:34 you know, with more than one individual.
03:36 As I look at the phrase,
03:38 I think of why is it so attractive?
03:41 Why, what leads us to want a friend with benefits?
03:43 And one thing that I think all of humanity
03:47 has been able to decipher
03:49 is that being in a monogamous,
03:51 committed relationship bring some tension.
03:54 It brings some drama, brings what I call refinement.
03:57 Sacrifice. Sacrifice.
03:59 All of that good stuff.
04:01 So how do I get to the benefit of the sexuality
04:06 without having to go through all of that.
04:07 I just get a friend, we make this pact,
04:11 a mutual agreement
04:12 that we're not really requiring much of each other,
04:14 we're just going to enjoy each other's bodies.
04:16 What's wrong with that?
04:19 Or is there something, I mean, we know,
04:20 and you just said, you know, it's outside of God's ideal
04:24 but for that person who is watching, saying,
04:26 I know but you know,
04:27 we're just having fun,
04:29 you know, we're not really hurting anything,
04:31 it's not like we're having sex,
04:33 you know, we're just making out,
04:34 you know, what's the probability?
04:35 Sexuality is not an amusement park,
04:38 and we think of it like that.
04:40 We think of it as,
04:41 I'm just going to pay my interest,
04:43 get on the ride, enjoy while it last,
04:45 when it's is over, I move to the next ride.
04:48 Right, right, right.
04:50 And with an arrangement which is what we're saying,
04:54 friends with benefits means that these two individuals
04:56 have an arrangement
04:57 that over a certain period of time
04:59 that they would be together whether exclusively
05:01 or whatever, these are bonding activities.
05:05 And so exactly what these individuals
05:08 are aiming not to achieve which is to be tied down
05:11 or to be in a relationship,
05:14 they actually really are doing
05:16 although there is no verbal agreement to that.
05:19 So I'm thinking that when we talk about
05:21 having a friend with benefits, we have to understand
05:23 that these two people are bonding together,
05:25 they are in a relationship.
05:27 When you say bonding like what exactly is that?
05:29 Say, what do you mean when you say bonding?
05:32 There is...
05:33 Like just hanging out, I mean, what's happening?
05:35 There is a chemical reaction that occurs in humans
05:40 when they have activities together,
05:43 even when a person is brought to orgasm,
05:45 there are chemicals that fire off in the mind
05:48 that bond these two people together
05:51 and so while I may be with a person
05:54 and say, "Okay, I want to have a friend
05:56 with benefits that way, there's no strings attached."
05:59 When we are engaging X, Y, Z, there are chemical reactions
06:04 that are bonding me to that person
06:07 because our sexuality was meant to be
06:11 or meant to be experienced, thank you, within the course
06:15 of a monogamous eternal relationship.
06:18 And so the body is doing what it was created to do.
06:22 You know, I think there's something I add to that
06:23 and I remember, you know, talking certain idea
06:26 with David and Bathsheba.
06:28 You know, there's always an argument
06:29 who is to blame David or Bathsheba.
06:32 And the thing that the person we went from was,
06:35 what happened with both of them,
06:36 as they both in a certain way made themselves
06:38 available to one another.
06:40 And see what this thing with friends with benefits,
06:42 and we talked about the anatomy of an affair
06:45 and we said, affairs begin
06:46 when people make themselves available to someone else
06:50 other than their spouse.
06:51 And available is not just physically?
06:52 It's in all different areas.
06:54 Emotionally available and all of that, yeah.
06:55 All of that.
06:57 But with that we really discovered
06:59 is something that really was interesting to me,
07:01 is that we practice making ourselves available
07:04 to more than one person
07:06 with that friends with benefits.
07:07 So if I have a lot of friends with benefits,
07:09 I'm making myself available to you, you, you,
07:12 then all of a sudden you think
07:14 I'm going to be able to turn that off
07:15 and only be available to one person.
07:17 So what makes it difficult is,
07:19 if I'm continually this idea of friends with benefits,
07:22 I'm just getting used to the idea
07:24 of one, two, three, four
07:27 and so when I get in this marriage,
07:29 I still in some way need one, two, three, four
07:32 and I'm making myself available
07:34 because that's what friends with benefits are.
07:35 I'm making myself available in ways
07:38 to people that should only be reserved for a spouse.
07:42 You know, that's a good point,
07:43 and it actually reminds me of somebody,
07:44 my mother told me when I was like
07:46 coming up high school, college, first years of college
07:48 and I was dating different individuals
07:50 and she says, Seth, I just want to be careful
07:51 because when you're in multiple relationships,
07:54 you're dating someone then you break up,
07:55 you give someone else, you break up,
07:56 get back with the other person and break up.
07:58 She said, what you're actually doing
08:00 is you're practicing divorce.
08:02 You know, you get with someone and then you break up,
08:04 and then you give someone else and then you break up,
08:05 she says, you're practicing divorce.
08:07 So that when you get married what you actually gonna do?
08:09 What you've always done.
08:11 You know, you come to a point
08:12 where, you know, this person is getting on my nerves,
08:13 I don't like him anymore, you know, whatever, whatever,
08:16 and it's just very easy to pull out
08:18 and to be like, you know, throw the deuces
08:21 and go a different direction
08:22 because that's what I accustomed myself to doing.
08:24 Right.
08:26 But you know, first, for whatever reason though
08:28 there is something intriguing and just that draws us to that
08:33 because I mean, on a college campuses
08:35 this is going on, high school.
08:37 And I guess, what I want is to help
08:40 the viewers be able to understand
08:43 why is it that you're drawn to that?
08:44 Because if you figure out why you're drawn to that,
08:46 you'd be able to figure out what,
08:47 I think another issue is there.
08:49 I think it's meant is just
08:51 because it's easier like it does,
08:53 it appears to be easy because I mean,
08:55 you're still getting that pleasure,
08:57 you're still, you know, doing your thing
08:59 and you're just saying, look, you know,
09:01 but there's no attachment.
09:02 I mean... Yeah, but at what cost though?
09:04 It's like you're getting it, but it's costing you something.
09:07 Why? But it doesn't.
09:09 But it's, of course the cost is not upfront.
09:11 You only repay the cost later on.
09:12 Right, right, right.
09:14 Use credit card, use your credit card.
09:15 Give me now, I'll pay later.
09:17 So, you know, you're not seeing that thing
09:18 it seems like it's straight
09:20 but, you know, eventually you're going
09:21 to be tied up in this...
09:22 Now you've told us of a situation.
09:24 I know.
09:25 Now share with our viewers, man.
09:26 You know, stop being shy, share with our viewers.
09:29 Let's pit him out there. Let's pit him out there.
09:33 Just timing the bus.
09:35 I mean, well, I mean, I didn't...
09:37 In this situation I actually didn't get,
09:39 you know, basically I was in high school,
09:41 but why do you have to do that?
09:43 I was in high school and a friend of mine
09:46 was just like, yo, you know, let's not date,
09:49 let's not be boyfriend, girlfriend
09:51 but you know, let's just do, make out together.
09:54 Just kiss?
09:56 Yeah, I mean, here's the thing though,
09:57 I mean, I wasn't like that attracted to her,
09:59 so I really got bitten...
10:00 That helped out little bit? Helped out?
10:03 That doesn't count.
10:04 I wish I could say that it was
10:05 because you know I was so spiritual in high school
10:08 but it wasn't, it was just that you know...
10:10 The Lord might have to give her to different eyes.
10:12 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
10:13 The Lord, put the different lids on me,
10:14 so yeah, I mean, but it was kind of like
10:16 the same proposition and it was just like,
10:18 look we can just do this and we won't be affected
10:20 because we won't have the attachment,
10:22 won't have the commitment we can just...
10:25 And I want to piggyback what Alfonzo,
10:27 when he says, it's easier from the male perspective,
10:31 the one thing that's tough for us
10:32 in a relationship is bearing the responsibility
10:36 of protecting someone, providing for someone,
10:40 being the stable factor that that individual can lean on,
10:44 so now what I'm saying through friends with benefits
10:47 is I get the benefit of experiencing
10:51 the pleasures you provide
10:53 without the responsibility of caring for you,
10:56 protecting you and providing for you.
10:58 So for us it's awesome.
11:00 And it's like self-centered sex like
11:01 we talked about on our previous programs.
11:03 Self-centered sex, it involves somebody else.
11:05 It involves somebody else.
11:06 You know, it's interesting, let me give you two scenarios,
11:08 one what happens when you in that situation,
11:11 where you have the physical hook up
11:14 before you have the verbal commitment,
11:17 emotional hook up, marriage hook up.
11:19 What happens in that scenario
11:21 where you hook up with someone physically
11:22 and then after the fact you decide well,
11:23 let's be together. Does it play...
11:25 Does the physical hook up do something
11:28 to the relationship after the fact?
11:29 Surprisingly, I don't know how far
11:31 we're supposed to put our own self out there,
11:33 we thank Fonz for setting the pace on that thing
11:36 We encourage transparency. We encourage transparency.
11:39 In my experience with friends with benefits,
11:42 I found that even though I tried not to take it there,
11:46 although I tried to keep it straight
11:47 at this physical agreement that we had,
11:51 it always led to something further,
11:52 it always led to what I say,
11:54 at least at some point having to sit down
11:55 and say, you know, should we be together?
11:58 What's going on?
11:59 We were still connected emotionally,
12:01 still connected mentally
12:03 and it was impacting both of us spiritually.
12:06 It was kind of like we couldn't run from it.
12:07 But you don't mind, I think it's a good point
12:09 and I will say, I know,
12:10 Lola's going to have that female,
12:12 give more perspective
12:13 because you said something in another episode,
12:15 where that bonding is different for males
12:18 than there is for females. Yeah.
12:19 See, I think that was, Mike, the scenario you just said
12:22 where it usually led to something that was,
12:25 I think part of our conscience as it were speaking.
12:28 Man, I can't just be doing that to somebody doing that.
12:31 Scaring part though is somebody else
12:33 doesn't have that...
12:35 They don't feel guilty. They don't need that...
12:36 But usually I think from what you said,
12:38 she could go and take us further,
12:40 she might be okay with the friends with benefits
12:42 because she believes if I can at least give him
12:45 that maybe then eventually
12:46 it will lead into something else.
12:48 And I don't even want to single women out
12:50 because I think that either party could be using it
12:54 as bait for something further.
12:56 I've heard of experiences where guys will say, okay,
12:59 well, if I can get her to do this,
13:01 then eventually maybe she'll move into
13:03 another realm with me.
13:04 I've heard women do the same thing.
13:07 So I will say that there is never cut and dry.
13:11 When you have a situation with friends with benefits,
13:14 either somebody already has feelings,
13:16 someone is going to develop feelings
13:19 and you might find yourself in a relationship
13:21 or in a situation
13:23 where you are now connected with a person
13:26 who you're trying to figure out how did I get here?
13:28 Why am I being here?
13:30 You know, or you realize that you're not really attracted
13:32 to the person or whatever, but these physical encounters
13:35 that you had together have opened up doors
13:37 that you really not ready to open,
13:39 we have to be careful.
13:41 That's interesting, you know, something that our viewers
13:43 that I really want them to understand
13:44 and we can talk about it now is that
13:46 when it comes to relationships
13:48 and dating specifically with women.
13:52 Now, I don't want to say from the female side,
13:54 the value of something is determined
13:58 by the effort to obtain that something.
14:00 Okay. Okay.
14:02 Are you with me?
14:03 So like if you have a precious gem or diamond,
14:06 how difficult it was to get that diamond
14:08 would determine its value.
14:10 It's like if you have to climb over Mount Kilimanjaro
14:13 to get that precious diamond and you finally got it,
14:15 it's going to be of extreme importance to you,
14:18 but if you just found that joint in a cracker jack box,
14:20 you know, it means nothing.
14:22 And so when you have, when you open yourself up
14:25 to have to being a friend with benefits,
14:28 what is it saying about your value?
14:31 And I think that's something that we really do need
14:33 to put out there
14:34 because as you open yourself up,
14:37 it really is saying,
14:39 I don't value myself all that much.
14:41 You know, it's okay, if you just come in casually,
14:44 do whatever and go out, you know.
14:46 I mean and it's portraying that to the other person
14:49 so that the other person really doesn't take you
14:52 very seriously at all, you know...
14:55 And if the other person is just willing to come in,
14:56 it's showing that they really don't value,
14:58 they're not, they don't value you enough
15:00 to be committed to you.
15:01 They don't value you enough to be monogamous,
15:04 having monogamous relationship to say, no, you listen,
15:06 I'm willing to wait on you.
15:08 You know, I don't want to spoil you,
15:10 I want to hold you and preserve you
15:12 until we're married so...
15:14 But our viewers guarantee that somebody watching now
15:16 who is saying, you know, it's not that serious,
15:18 y'all are taking this way too deep.
15:20 And they're saying from their perspective,
15:23 listen, it's a mutual contract.
15:25 I'm not saying that I'm one of those dudes
15:28 who are messing with this chick
15:29 and kind of selling her dream like
15:30 one day we will get together and then I don't.
15:32 No, I'm the guy or I'm the girl who has a good friend,
15:36 we've been friends for a long time
15:38 and we both sat down at the table and said,
15:41 oh, I mean, we don't want a relationship
15:42 but we do believe
15:44 we can provide this service for each other.
15:45 Or you just hooked up at a party,
15:46 you hooked up at a gathering, socially without...
15:48 That's a deception though.
15:49 No, but I think, but that's where I think
15:52 even if we mutually agree which is fine.
15:55 Let's say, two people, you're out there right now,
15:57 both of you aren't selling the dream,
15:59 you know, what this is?
16:00 What you've got to understand is you're making
16:02 certain down payments
16:04 on a certain type of thing that's happening to your body,
16:07 it's happening to your mind,
16:09 then one day you gonna have to pay back for it.
16:11 I mean, and I don't know all of it,
16:15 I know Dr. Walsh broke this down
16:17 with the actual physical things that happen,
16:19 but let's just say for instance in your brain.
16:22 When you have an orgasm with somebody,
16:24 there's your person, your body and your mind
16:28 attaches that feeling to that person
16:32 like, I'm connecting, that's why it's great
16:34 that God created for you to have it with one
16:36 so that you're extra aroused with that one person,
16:39 you connect with that one person,
16:40 so other people can walk by and be in your circle.
16:42 I'm not going to get that same type of arousal
16:44 because I've only experienced
16:46 a certain type of physical, chemistry intimacy
16:49 with one individual,
16:50 but what happens to us,
16:51 if that starts taking place
16:53 with different friends with benefits,
16:54 now my mind gets accustomed to experiencing pleasure
16:57 not just from one person,
16:59 pleasure doesn't come from one person anymore,
17:01 has to come from another.
17:02 So I would say to that person
17:04 even though you both have agreed,
17:05 understand if you have an agreement here
17:07 and agreement there and agreement there,
17:09 when you finally want to get locked into that one person,
17:11 your body is not going to understand that.
17:14 And what Pastor Mike is hitting on is the fact that
17:16 mutual does not cut out manipulation.
17:20 We think because I sit down with you
17:21 and say this is our agreement, let's sign on the dotted line,
17:24 we're not going to hold each other accountable
17:26 to staying with each other for long period of time.
17:28 No, we just have this agreement,
17:30 then we're not manipulating each other
17:32 because we both know,
17:33 you are manipulating each other.
17:35 There is nothing that is other centered
17:38 about friends with benefits.
17:40 But I think that being manipulated,
17:42 you being manipulated I think by the counterfeit
17:43 that the enemy has.
17:45 So y'all will manipulate each other.
17:46 And I think that the benefit of experience
17:50 is something that our viewers need to have
17:52 because we all I believe have sat with individuals
17:55 who are on the other end of the lie,
17:57 who have been a part of something
17:59 that they might agreed was okay,
18:02 but then now they are paying the price,
18:04 you know, the tears and the sleepless nights
18:06 or seeing someone who you thought,
18:09 believed you were special with someone else.
18:11 I mean, and even you know, at my age range now,
18:16 you know, I have friends who have engaged with things
18:19 with certain people believing that it would end in marriage
18:22 and now they have to sit and watch the person
18:24 get married to someone else.
18:25 Yeah, I've seen that.
18:26 And also the things
18:28 that you know that the enemy won't tell you about.
18:30 You know, broken dreams, broken heart,
18:31 you've given a piece of yourself away
18:33 and thank God, God restores
18:35 and that's what we need to also say,
18:36 God, does restore,
18:38 but the cost that we are paying is very highly...
18:42 Somebody used the credit card reference earlier
18:44 in a series that interest that you pay
18:47 on that type of behavior is monumental.
18:49 You know, some of our viewers, as I can imagine,
18:52 the reason they engage in this type of behavior
18:55 is from past experiences of having been devalued
18:58 by someone in their life.
19:00 And we're gonna actually deal it
19:01 with this in another episode
19:02 of either being abused or molested,
19:04 someone took advantage of them,
19:06 and so as a result they have a lower value
19:09 of who they are
19:10 and so that is not a big thing
19:11 to let people just kind of run in and out of them
19:13 or they give themselves you know.
19:15 But what I really want our viewers to know is that,
19:17 man, you have extreme value in Christ.
19:20 You know, so no matter what anyone has done to you,
19:23 through you, you know, in your childhood,
19:25 within your life, my Bible says that, to God,
19:29 you are the apple of His eye,
19:30 you know and I have extreme value,
19:32 and so because I'm so valuable,
19:34 I don't just want to give myself to any old person.
19:38 I want to preserve myself
19:39 for that person that Christ has for me.
19:40 But even piggybacking off
19:42 that with how it's with past experiences
19:43 not knowing your value.
19:45 I think also friends with benefits,
19:47 you think you have game and you've got to hooked up,
19:49 it's really defense mechanism
19:51 because you don't want to open up yourself
19:54 to individuals with the parts,
19:56 other parts of the relationship,
19:58 the emotions and the,
19:59 you know, it may be even some of the spiritual things.
20:01 I'm going to say, I'm going to try
20:02 and just give you this little piece of myself
20:06 and that's not really what God's intention was.
20:08 God says, by the time
20:10 you give yourself to someone physically,
20:12 you first probably should have given them
20:14 yourself with the emotions,
20:16 with all the other things that come along with it.
20:18 So some do have hurt and so they say,
20:20 you know what, maybe I've gotten hurt
20:22 because I was friends with somebody,
20:24 open myself up, they hurt me,
20:26 so now I'm just going to give you my physical stuff,
20:28 but it always goes and ties back
20:29 to the point where I say, you know what,
20:31 I have to have that value in Christ,
20:33 but don't think that you're a player, player
20:35 because you can get this one, and this one, and that one,
20:37 that's actually saying that you're hurting individuals
20:40 that actually needs to be healed
20:42 because you're engaging in that kind of thing.
20:44 Honestly man, to take it to the furthest extent
20:46 that it can go, it will, if you feel like
20:48 you're that type of person,
20:50 you've had multiple sexual partners,
20:51 you can get with whoever you want,
20:52 there's no committal, no, no relationships,
20:54 it will damage you in the long run.
20:56 It will leave you any type of long term relationship,
20:59 you know, everyone said,
21:01 well, I want to get married one day,
21:02 you know, maybe when I'm done with college,
21:04 you know, grad school whenever.
21:05 I want to get married, and have my family,
21:07 but it's funny because the devil wants to
21:09 get you to have as much sex as possible before marriage.
21:13 And as little sex as possible after marriage.
21:16 And so when you front load that thing
21:17 with friends of benefits,
21:19 sexual exploits, it only damages
21:21 what your marital life will be.
21:24 Well, I was going to say the other side of it though
21:26 and I think we kind of talked a little bit earlier but.
21:28 I mean, you know, we talked about the emotional
21:29 and different things but I mean for some folks
21:31 it is just you just want to get your feel along...
21:33 You just want it, you know... Very much so...
21:35 You just, I mean, you just want to get your free go.
21:36 I mean this... Put your hand up the blouse.
21:38 Yeah, yeah, I mean...
21:42 You know, but again it's just the whole idea
21:45 though that I could do that and not be affected
21:48 and not understand what naturally happens
21:52 when you engage in physical intimacy
21:54 with somebody else, it's going to be a chore.
21:56 So if I see you, if I'm doing friends with benefits
21:59 and then I see the person
22:00 I was doing friends with benefits
22:02 doing friend with benefits with like somebody else.
22:05 Naturally, it's going to effect.
22:07 Yeah. I'm going to tell.
22:08 We got to realize also the Bible tells us that we...
22:13 That when you commit a sexual sin,
22:15 you're actually sinning against yourself,
22:17 like sinning against your own body.
22:18 Yeah. Right, Corinthians.
22:22 A sexual intimacy is not just a physical act.
22:25 The world tells us it's just physical,
22:27 it's just sex, but it's not just sex,
22:31 it's emotional, it's mental, it's psychological,
22:34 it's spiritual but when we just make it a physical act
22:38 and we don't consider all the other elements,
22:40 then we think, well, I can just kind of pass it around,
22:41 it's not gonna effect my emotional person,
22:43 but no, no, no, that is a lie.
22:45 It affects every other part of you.
22:47 And I think friends with benefits,
22:49 especially, how the media has made it
22:51 looks very adventurous
22:53 and when you're in it, it is very adventurous.
22:56 You really haven't put in the capital
22:59 to get to know this person that well.
23:01 For the most part you don't know them at all
23:04 and yet you get to skip all of that
23:06 and just start getting them,
23:07 getting to know them in the physical.
23:09 I think it's kind of exciting, you don't know how they kiss
23:11 or how they touch or how they feel,
23:14 they just queue, and you get to go straight there,
23:17 there's some adventure to that.
23:18 I mean, it's James Bond, it's Indiana Jones,
23:22 you know what I'm saying?
23:23 The list goes on.
23:24 But the thing is Bible says,
23:26 adventures they do come to an end
23:27 and then the adventure
23:28 actually to a certain extent starts up again,
23:30 we have to deal with it,
23:31 and I know we've all been sharing
23:33 that was something that I experienced
23:35 before I went to start to go to school to become,
23:38 you know, pastor and all those different kinds of things
23:40 and you know, you still even have those,
23:41 you know, different struggles,
23:43 but here's the thing where it comes back and bites you.
23:45 I'm in my pulpit getting ready to preach
23:48 one particular Sabbath and one of the individual,
23:53 it's years ago shows up you know, at church,
23:57 now we're done, I'm done, married and everything
23:59 but the look that they gave was like...
24:01 I know you. Yeah. I know you.
24:03 Wow! You know what I'm saying?
24:05 And that's uncomfortable.
24:06 And sat right behind where my spouse sat,
24:10 and it's just all years ago.
24:12 But the adventure continue
24:14 because now my minds playing tricks on me.
24:16 You know, you're just like, have mercy.
24:18 And so the more you do that,
24:20 you just have to think, man, if I do this with you now
24:23 what's going happen when I run into you later.
24:24 But, Kelley, you just said some serious sick
24:27 and that was she could say, I know you
24:30 and we're not talking about just the no, no, I know you,
24:35 like biblical know you, you know what I'm saying?
24:39 I've heard the laity in Cleveland
24:40 say this about his wife
24:42 that his wife is the only person
24:43 he had ever been with
24:45 and he said he wanted his wife to be able to walk in any crowd
24:49 across anywhere in the world
24:52 and say no one else knows my husband
24:54 like I know my husband.
24:55 You know, when he said that I was like,
24:57 yo, that's what it's about like no one else knows her
25:01 and no one else knows.
25:02 And I think that's what God desires
25:04 like there's this level of high intimacy
25:06 that two people,
25:07 only two people have with one another
25:09 and no one else knows you.
25:11 Because that's not what he desires from us,
25:12 I think he says, I want to know you
25:14 and I want you to know me unlike, unlike anybody else.
25:17 And that's why it says in John 17:3,
25:18 "And this is life eternal:
25:20 that they may know you, the one true God,
25:23 and Jesus Christ whom you have sent."
25:24 I got to tell a story before we close,
25:26 I read in a book
25:27 and it basically described a dream
25:29 that a young lady was having.
25:31 She was about to get married
25:33 and she was walking down the aisle,
25:35 her father was giving her away,
25:36 her husband was up at the top
25:38 and as she stood up there,
25:39 her father gave her away to the groom.
25:42 And they started doing their vows,
25:43 all of a sudden another woman stood up
25:46 and came by her
25:47 and then the other woman stood up
25:49 and came by her
25:50 and another woman stood up and came by her
25:51 to the point where she's looking at her husband to be
25:53 and there's like a train of like
25:55 seven or eight other women standing behind her
25:57 and the woman is like, you know, what's going on?
26:00 Who are these other women?
26:01 And he says, you know, honey, I'm sorry
26:03 but throughout my life, I've also committed to them
26:06 and I've also given a part of myself to them,
26:08 you know, and she woke up,
26:10 you know, it was a dream, it was a nightmare,
26:11 she woke up and of course, she's in a cold sweat
26:13 and when I read the story I said,
26:14 man, like the devil is really trying to set us up
26:17 and we don't even know.
26:19 We think it's just funny games,
26:20 we think it's a roller coaster like you said.
26:22 But no, he's really trying to set us up
26:24 so that God's intend for what marriage is to be,
26:28 we will never experience
26:29 because we've given ourselves away.
26:31 My goodness and that's what
26:32 the enemy doesn't want us to know.
26:34 You know, as we have spoken about television programs
26:38 that show that friends with benefits
26:40 and these escapades are okay,
26:43 but they don't show
26:44 how a person now looks at their spouse
26:47 and the way that they might do this
26:49 or the way they might touch her.
26:51 Or is the way there someone else taught him how to touch.
26:55 Or something that he learned and experienced
26:57 and cultivated with someone else
26:58 and now they're bringing it to you.
27:00 That's the part that they don't tell, you know,
27:02 and that's where the heartache comes
27:05 because now the enemy is able to come into marriages
27:08 and break them apart
27:09 because of the way that people have committed themselves
27:13 to other individuals before marriage.
27:14 That's one of the thing he doesn't talk about.
27:16 But you know, I just, I do want to just,
27:18 you know, in the last few seconds give some hope,
27:20 you know, the Bible says
27:22 you know, Romans 12,
27:23 you know, "Be not conform to course of this world."
27:24 But here's the emphasis, being transformed.
27:26 But there's some folk who you can take that back,
27:28 but what God can do I think is refresh your mind
27:32 you know, fill that mind with the new experiences
27:35 and know that, yeah, you might have jacked up
27:37 in those areas before
27:38 but there is a fresh start in Jesus,
27:39 there really is a legitimate...
27:41 Who so over is in Christ, is a new creature.
27:43 He's a new creature.
27:44 Listen, we pray that you are encouraged
27:46 by this broadcast by this episode.
27:48 It was a good one, I felt,
27:49 you know, and we're going to continue the conversation.
27:51 You don't want to miss any program,
27:53 you don't want to miss any episodes.
27:55 So, please stay tuned
27:56 to next week, same time, same place.
27:58 Listen, we're going to be on Facebook.
27:59 Go to Facebook type in Pure Choices,
28:01 if you have any questions or comments, feedback,
28:03 we will love to dialogue with you there.
28:05 We look forward to seeing you next week.
28:06 Be blessed.
28:08 And we'll see you again soon.


Revised 2017-08-28