Participants: Seth Yelorda (Host), Alfonzo Greene, Lola Moore, Michael Kelley, Michael Polite
Series Code: PC
Program Code: PC000006
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00:40 Welcome to Pure Choices.
00:42 We're so glad you decided to join us again today. 00:45 And we have another hot topic 00:46 we're going to just dive right into. 00:48 I have my guest with me again today. 00:50 I'm going to go in and just want to introduce you 00:52 to them again. 00:53 We have Pastor Alfonzo Greene, who is the pastor 00:56 at the First SDA Church in Huntsville, Alabama. 00:59 We have Pastor Michael Polite, 01:01 who's at Riverside Chapel SDA Church in... 01:05 Where are you? Nashville? 01:06 Tennessee. Nashville. Music city. 01:08 We have my sister Lola Moore, who is pastoring 01:11 at the Open University Church in Huntsville as well. 01:14 And then my brother Michael Kelley, 01:16 who is joining us all the way from Riverside California, 01:19 the Mt. Rubidoux SDA Church. 01:22 And I am your host pastor Seth Yelorda. 01:23 And we're just glad to be here. We're glad to be here, right? 01:26 We are glad to be here. 01:28 And today, we specifically will be dealing 01:31 with friends with benefits. 01:32 And we really want to unpack this thing. 01:35 Now, it's interesting because in a previous program 01:37 we talked about dating and how far was too far? 01:40 In that program we took the time 01:42 to establish that, man, 01:43 when you're in this developmental period, 01:46 where you just really trying to discover who you are, 01:49 that you should have as many friends as possible. 01:52 Whether that's high school, whether that's college, 01:54 you don't want to get hooked up into exclusive relationships, 01:59 where you're obligated to be with somebody 02:01 but you just want to have as many friends as possible. 02:03 But what happens in that is that, 02:06 in you having a lot of friends, a lot of times, 02:09 you know, you get a little bit too close to the person, 02:12 there's little interest there 02:14 and you wind up doing some things that, 02:16 you know, you probably shouldn't be doing. 02:17 You're not committed to each other, 02:19 you're not married and what happens is, 02:21 you know, it's kind of like a, 02:22 you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours. 02:24 Yes, yes. 02:26 And we just kind of keep it that way. 02:27 Except you're not scratching backs. 02:28 Except you're not scratch backs. 02:30 Massaging backs. 02:31 You know, caressing backs. Caressing backs. 02:33 Yes. You know... 02:34 And that's what we call friends with benefits. 02:36 And we just want to deal with it. 02:37 We know there's something real talk 02:39 that's happening at college campuses, high schools, 02:43 you know, just with youth, young adults 02:45 and even with adults not married it is happening. 02:48 Let's deal with this thing. Where do we go with this? 02:50 What's our council? What's our word? 02:51 You know, what's the Word of God 02:53 say about friends with benefits? 02:54 Yeah, well, I think what we have to establish 02:57 where we were before was the idea 02:59 of what the ideal is. 03:01 And what I think we've got to understand 03:03 and we'll explain that very specifically 03:05 is friends with benefits, I think takes away the idea... 03:10 It makes it more difficult rather 03:11 for you to experience God's ideal. 03:14 And one of things where we talked about 03:15 in previous programs about masturbation 03:19 when we talked about pleasure, orgasm, 03:21 all those things were meant to be experienced 03:23 with a spouse. 03:24 Where a lot of the things that take place 03:26 was with friends with benefits 03:27 were only reserved for a spouse. 03:29 So we're kind of cheating ourselves from that 03:32 when we start experiencing it, 03:34 you know, with more than one individual. 03:36 As I look at the phrase, 03:38 I think of why is it so attractive? 03:41 Why, what leads us to want a friend with benefits? 03:43 And one thing that I think all of humanity 03:47 has been able to decipher 03:49 is that being in a monogamous, 03:51 committed relationship bring some tension. 03:54 It brings some drama, brings what I call refinement. 03:57 Sacrifice. Sacrifice. 03:59 All of that good stuff. 04:01 So how do I get to the benefit of the sexuality 04:06 without having to go through all of that. 04:07 I just get a friend, we make this pact, 04:11 a mutual agreement 04:12 that we're not really requiring much of each other, 04:14 we're just going to enjoy each other's bodies. 04:16 What's wrong with that? 04:19 Or is there something, I mean, we know, 04:20 and you just said, you know, it's outside of God's ideal 04:24 but for that person who is watching, saying, 04:26 I know but you know, 04:27 we're just having fun, 04:29 you know, we're not really hurting anything, 04:31 it's not like we're having sex, 04:33 you know, we're just making out, 04:34 you know, what's the probability? 04:35 Sexuality is not an amusement park, 04:38 and we think of it like that. 04:40 We think of it as, 04:41 I'm just going to pay my interest, 04:43 get on the ride, enjoy while it last, 04:45 when it's is over, I move to the next ride. 04:48 Right, right, right. 04:50 And with an arrangement which is what we're saying, 04:54 friends with benefits means that these two individuals 04:56 have an arrangement 04:57 that over a certain period of time 04:59 that they would be together whether exclusively 05:01 or whatever, these are bonding activities. 05:05 And so exactly what these individuals 05:08 are aiming not to achieve which is to be tied down 05:11 or to be in a relationship, 05:14 they actually really are doing 05:16 although there is no verbal agreement to that. 05:19 So I'm thinking that when we talk about 05:21 having a friend with benefits, we have to understand 05:23 that these two people are bonding together, 05:25 they are in a relationship. 05:27 When you say bonding like what exactly is that? 05:29 Say, what do you mean when you say bonding? 05:32 There is... 05:33 Like just hanging out, I mean, what's happening? 05:35 There is a chemical reaction that occurs in humans 05:40 when they have activities together, 05:43 even when a person is brought to orgasm, 05:45 there are chemicals that fire off in the mind 05:48 that bond these two people together 05:51 and so while I may be with a person 05:54 and say, "Okay, I want to have a friend 05:56 with benefits that way, there's no strings attached." 05:59 When we are engaging X, Y, Z, there are chemical reactions 06:04 that are bonding me to that person 06:07 because our sexuality was meant to be 06:11 or meant to be experienced, thank you, within the course 06:15 of a monogamous eternal relationship. 06:18 And so the body is doing what it was created to do. 06:22 You know, I think there's something I add to that 06:23 and I remember, you know, talking certain idea 06:26 with David and Bathsheba. 06:28 You know, there's always an argument 06:29 who is to blame David or Bathsheba. 06:32 And the thing that the person we went from was, 06:35 what happened with both of them, 06:36 as they both in a certain way made themselves 06:38 available to one another. 06:40 And see what this thing with friends with benefits, 06:42 and we talked about the anatomy of an affair 06:45 and we said, affairs begin 06:46 when people make themselves available to someone else 06:50 other than their spouse. 06:51 And available is not just physically? 06:52 It's in all different areas. 06:54 Emotionally available and all of that, yeah. 06:55 All of that. 06:57 But with that we really discovered 06:59 is something that really was interesting to me, 07:01 is that we practice making ourselves available 07:04 to more than one person 07:06 with that friends with benefits. 07:07 So if I have a lot of friends with benefits, 07:09 I'm making myself available to you, you, you, 07:12 then all of a sudden you think 07:14 I'm going to be able to turn that off 07:15 and only be available to one person. 07:17 So what makes it difficult is, 07:19 if I'm continually this idea of friends with benefits, 07:22 I'm just getting used to the idea 07:24 of one, two, three, four 07:27 and so when I get in this marriage, 07:29 I still in some way need one, two, three, four 07:32 and I'm making myself available 07:34 because that's what friends with benefits are. 07:35 I'm making myself available in ways 07:38 to people that should only be reserved for a spouse. 07:42 You know, that's a good point, 07:43 and it actually reminds me of somebody, 07:44 my mother told me when I was like 07:46 coming up high school, college, first years of college 07:48 and I was dating different individuals 07:50 and she says, Seth, I just want to be careful 07:51 because when you're in multiple relationships, 07:54 you're dating someone then you break up, 07:55 you give someone else, you break up, 07:56 get back with the other person and break up. 07:58 She said, what you're actually doing 08:00 is you're practicing divorce. 08:02 You know, you get with someone and then you break up, 08:04 and then you give someone else and then you break up, 08:05 she says, you're practicing divorce. 08:07 So that when you get married what you actually gonna do? 08:09 What you've always done. 08:11 You know, you come to a point 08:12 where, you know, this person is getting on my nerves, 08:13 I don't like him anymore, you know, whatever, whatever, 08:16 and it's just very easy to pull out 08:18 and to be like, you know, throw the deuces 08:21 and go a different direction 08:22 because that's what I accustomed myself to doing. 08:24 Right. 08:26 But you know, first, for whatever reason though 08:28 there is something intriguing and just that draws us to that 08:33 because I mean, on a college campuses 08:35 this is going on, high school. 08:37 And I guess, what I want is to help 08:40 the viewers be able to understand 08:43 why is it that you're drawn to that? 08:44 Because if you figure out why you're drawn to that, 08:46 you'd be able to figure out what, 08:47 I think another issue is there. 08:49 I think it's meant is just 08:51 because it's easier like it does, 08:53 it appears to be easy because I mean, 08:55 you're still getting that pleasure, 08:57 you're still, you know, doing your thing 08:59 and you're just saying, look, you know, 09:01 but there's no attachment. 09:02 I mean... Yeah, but at what cost though? 09:04 It's like you're getting it, but it's costing you something. 09:07 Why? But it doesn't. 09:09 But it's, of course the cost is not upfront. 09:11 You only repay the cost later on. 09:12 Right, right, right. 09:14 Use credit card, use your credit card. 09:15 Give me now, I'll pay later. 09:17 So, you know, you're not seeing that thing 09:18 it seems like it's straight 09:20 but, you know, eventually you're going 09:21 to be tied up in this... 09:22 Now you've told us of a situation. 09:24 I know. 09:25 Now share with our viewers, man. 09:26 You know, stop being shy, share with our viewers. 09:29 Let's pit him out there. Let's pit him out there. 09:33 Just timing the bus. 09:35 I mean, well, I mean, I didn't... 09:37 In this situation I actually didn't get, 09:39 you know, basically I was in high school, 09:41 but why do you have to do that? 09:43 I was in high school and a friend of mine 09:46 was just like, yo, you know, let's not date, 09:49 let's not be boyfriend, girlfriend 09:51 but you know, let's just do, make out together. 09:54 Just kiss? 09:56 Yeah, I mean, here's the thing though, 09:57 I mean, I wasn't like that attracted to her, 09:59 so I really got bitten... 10:00 That helped out little bit? Helped out? 10:03 That doesn't count. 10:04 I wish I could say that it was 10:05 because you know I was so spiritual in high school 10:08 but it wasn't, it was just that you know... 10:10 The Lord might have to give her to different eyes. 10:12 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 10:13 The Lord, put the different lids on me, 10:14 so yeah, I mean, but it was kind of like 10:16 the same proposition and it was just like, 10:18 look we can just do this and we won't be affected 10:20 because we won't have the attachment, 10:22 won't have the commitment we can just... 10:25 And I want to piggyback what Alfonzo, 10:27 when he says, it's easier from the male perspective, 10:31 the one thing that's tough for us 10:32 in a relationship is bearing the responsibility 10:36 of protecting someone, providing for someone, 10:40 being the stable factor that that individual can lean on, 10:44 so now what I'm saying through friends with benefits 10:47 is I get the benefit of experiencing 10:51 the pleasures you provide 10:53 without the responsibility of caring for you, 10:56 protecting you and providing for you. 10:58 So for us it's awesome. 11:00 And it's like self-centered sex like 11:01 we talked about on our previous programs. 11:03 Self-centered sex, it involves somebody else. 11:05 It involves somebody else. 11:06 You know, it's interesting, let me give you two scenarios, 11:08 one what happens when you in that situation, 11:11 where you have the physical hook up 11:14 before you have the verbal commitment, 11:17 emotional hook up, marriage hook up. 11:19 What happens in that scenario 11:21 where you hook up with someone physically 11:22 and then after the fact you decide well, 11:23 let's be together. Does it play... 11:25 Does the physical hook up do something 11:28 to the relationship after the fact? 11:29 Surprisingly, I don't know how far 11:31 we're supposed to put our own self out there, 11:33 we thank Fonz for setting the pace on that thing 11:36 We encourage transparency. We encourage transparency. 11:39 In my experience with friends with benefits, 11:42 I found that even though I tried not to take it there, 11:46 although I tried to keep it straight 11:47 at this physical agreement that we had, 11:51 it always led to something further, 11:52 it always led to what I say, 11:54 at least at some point having to sit down 11:55 and say, you know, should we be together? 11:58 What's going on? 11:59 We were still connected emotionally, 12:01 still connected mentally 12:03 and it was impacting both of us spiritually. 12:06 It was kind of like we couldn't run from it. 12:07 But you don't mind, I think it's a good point 12:09 and I will say, I know, 12:10 Lola's going to have that female, 12:12 give more perspective 12:13 because you said something in another episode, 12:15 where that bonding is different for males 12:18 than there is for females. Yeah. 12:19 See, I think that was, Mike, the scenario you just said 12:22 where it usually led to something that was, 12:25 I think part of our conscience as it were speaking. 12:28 Man, I can't just be doing that to somebody doing that. 12:31 Scaring part though is somebody else 12:33 doesn't have that... 12:35 They don't feel guilty. They don't need that... 12:36 But usually I think from what you said, 12:38 she could go and take us further, 12:40 she might be okay with the friends with benefits 12:42 because she believes if I can at least give him 12:45 that maybe then eventually 12:46 it will lead into something else. 12:48 And I don't even want to single women out 12:50 because I think that either party could be using it 12:54 as bait for something further. 12:56 I've heard of experiences where guys will say, okay, 12:59 well, if I can get her to do this, 13:01 then eventually maybe she'll move into 13:03 another realm with me. 13:04 I've heard women do the same thing. 13:07 So I will say that there is never cut and dry. 13:11 When you have a situation with friends with benefits, 13:14 either somebody already has feelings, 13:16 someone is going to develop feelings 13:19 and you might find yourself in a relationship 13:21 or in a situation 13:23 where you are now connected with a person 13:26 who you're trying to figure out how did I get here? 13:28 Why am I being here? 13:30 You know, or you realize that you're not really attracted 13:32 to the person or whatever, but these physical encounters 13:35 that you had together have opened up doors 13:37 that you really not ready to open, 13:39 we have to be careful. 13:41 That's interesting, you know, something that our viewers 13:43 that I really want them to understand 13:44 and we can talk about it now is that 13:46 when it comes to relationships 13:48 and dating specifically with women. 13:52 Now, I don't want to say from the female side, 13:54 the value of something is determined 13:58 by the effort to obtain that something. 14:00 Okay. Okay. 14:02 Are you with me? 14:03 So like if you have a precious gem or diamond, 14:06 how difficult it was to get that diamond 14:08 would determine its value. 14:10 It's like if you have to climb over Mount Kilimanjaro 14:13 to get that precious diamond and you finally got it, 14:15 it's going to be of extreme importance to you, 14:18 but if you just found that joint in a cracker jack box, 14:20 you know, it means nothing. 14:22 And so when you have, when you open yourself up 14:25 to have to being a friend with benefits, 14:28 what is it saying about your value? 14:31 And I think that's something that we really do need 14:33 to put out there 14:34 because as you open yourself up, 14:37 it really is saying, 14:39 I don't value myself all that much. 14:41 You know, it's okay, if you just come in casually, 14:44 do whatever and go out, you know. 14:46 I mean and it's portraying that to the other person 14:49 so that the other person really doesn't take you 14:52 very seriously at all, you know... 14:55 And if the other person is just willing to come in, 14:56 it's showing that they really don't value, 14:58 they're not, they don't value you enough 15:00 to be committed to you. 15:01 They don't value you enough to be monogamous, 15:04 having monogamous relationship to say, no, you listen, 15:06 I'm willing to wait on you. 15:08 You know, I don't want to spoil you, 15:10 I want to hold you and preserve you 15:12 until we're married so... 15:14 But our viewers guarantee that somebody watching now 15:16 who is saying, you know, it's not that serious, 15:18 y'all are taking this way too deep. 15:20 And they're saying from their perspective, 15:23 listen, it's a mutual contract. 15:25 I'm not saying that I'm one of those dudes 15:28 who are messing with this chick 15:29 and kind of selling her dream like 15:30 one day we will get together and then I don't. 15:32 No, I'm the guy or I'm the girl who has a good friend, 15:36 we've been friends for a long time 15:38 and we both sat down at the table and said, 15:41 oh, I mean, we don't want a relationship 15:42 but we do believe 15:44 we can provide this service for each other. 15:45 Or you just hooked up at a party, 15:46 you hooked up at a gathering, socially without... 15:48 That's a deception though. 15:49 No, but I think, but that's where I think 15:52 even if we mutually agree which is fine. 15:55 Let's say, two people, you're out there right now, 15:57 both of you aren't selling the dream, 15:59 you know, what this is? 16:00 What you've got to understand is you're making 16:02 certain down payments 16:04 on a certain type of thing that's happening to your body, 16:07 it's happening to your mind, 16:09 then one day you gonna have to pay back for it. 16:11 I mean, and I don't know all of it, 16:15 I know Dr. Walsh broke this down 16:17 with the actual physical things that happen, 16:19 but let's just say for instance in your brain. 16:22 When you have an orgasm with somebody, 16:24 there's your person, your body and your mind 16:28 attaches that feeling to that person 16:32 like, I'm connecting, that's why it's great 16:34 that God created for you to have it with one 16:36 so that you're extra aroused with that one person, 16:39 you connect with that one person, 16:40 so other people can walk by and be in your circle. 16:42 I'm not going to get that same type of arousal 16:44 because I've only experienced 16:46 a certain type of physical, chemistry intimacy 16:49 with one individual, 16:50 but what happens to us, 16:51 if that starts taking place 16:53 with different friends with benefits, 16:54 now my mind gets accustomed to experiencing pleasure 16:57 not just from one person, 16:59 pleasure doesn't come from one person anymore, 17:01 has to come from another. 17:02 So I would say to that person 17:04 even though you both have agreed, 17:05 understand if you have an agreement here 17:07 and agreement there and agreement there, 17:09 when you finally want to get locked into that one person, 17:11 your body is not going to understand that. 17:14 And what Pastor Mike is hitting on is the fact that 17:16 mutual does not cut out manipulation. 17:20 We think because I sit down with you 17:21 and say this is our agreement, let's sign on the dotted line, 17:24 we're not going to hold each other accountable 17:26 to staying with each other for long period of time. 17:28 No, we just have this agreement, 17:30 then we're not manipulating each other 17:32 because we both know, 17:33 you are manipulating each other. 17:35 There is nothing that is other centered 17:38 about friends with benefits. 17:40 But I think that being manipulated, 17:42 you being manipulated I think by the counterfeit 17:43 that the enemy has. 17:45 So y'all will manipulate each other. 17:46 And I think that the benefit of experience 17:50 is something that our viewers need to have 17:52 because we all I believe have sat with individuals 17:55 who are on the other end of the lie, 17:57 who have been a part of something 17:59 that they might agreed was okay, 18:02 but then now they are paying the price, 18:04 you know, the tears and the sleepless nights 18:06 or seeing someone who you thought, 18:09 believed you were special with someone else. 18:11 I mean, and even you know, at my age range now, 18:16 you know, I have friends who have engaged with things 18:19 with certain people believing that it would end in marriage 18:22 and now they have to sit and watch the person 18:24 get married to someone else. 18:25 Yeah, I've seen that. 18:26 And also the things 18:28 that you know that the enemy won't tell you about. 18:30 You know, broken dreams, broken heart, 18:31 you've given a piece of yourself away 18:33 and thank God, God restores 18:35 and that's what we need to also say, 18:36 God, does restore, 18:38 but the cost that we are paying is very highly... 18:42 Somebody used the credit card reference earlier 18:44 in a series that interest that you pay 18:47 on that type of behavior is monumental. 18:49 You know, some of our viewers, as I can imagine, 18:52 the reason they engage in this type of behavior 18:55 is from past experiences of having been devalued 18:58 by someone in their life. 19:00 And we're gonna actually deal it 19:01 with this in another episode 19:02 of either being abused or molested, 19:04 someone took advantage of them, 19:06 and so as a result they have a lower value 19:09 of who they are 19:10 and so that is not a big thing 19:11 to let people just kind of run in and out of them 19:13 or they give themselves you know. 19:15 But what I really want our viewers to know is that, 19:17 man, you have extreme value in Christ. 19:20 You know, so no matter what anyone has done to you, 19:23 through you, you know, in your childhood, 19:25 within your life, my Bible says that, to God, 19:29 you are the apple of His eye, 19:30 you know and I have extreme value, 19:32 and so because I'm so valuable, 19:34 I don't just want to give myself to any old person. 19:38 I want to preserve myself 19:39 for that person that Christ has for me. 19:40 But even piggybacking off 19:42 that with how it's with past experiences 19:43 not knowing your value. 19:45 I think also friends with benefits, 19:47 you think you have game and you've got to hooked up, 19:49 it's really defense mechanism 19:51 because you don't want to open up yourself 19:54 to individuals with the parts, 19:56 other parts of the relationship, 19:58 the emotions and the, 19:59 you know, it may be even some of the spiritual things. 20:01 I'm going to say, I'm going to try 20:02 and just give you this little piece of myself 20:06 and that's not really what God's intention was. 20:08 God says, by the time 20:10 you give yourself to someone physically, 20:12 you first probably should have given them 20:14 yourself with the emotions, 20:16 with all the other things that come along with it. 20:18 So some do have hurt and so they say, 20:20 you know what, maybe I've gotten hurt 20:22 because I was friends with somebody, 20:24 open myself up, they hurt me, 20:26 so now I'm just going to give you my physical stuff, 20:28 but it always goes and ties back 20:29 to the point where I say, you know what, 20:31 I have to have that value in Christ, 20:33 but don't think that you're a player, player 20:35 because you can get this one, and this one, and that one, 20:37 that's actually saying that you're hurting individuals 20:40 that actually needs to be healed 20:42 because you're engaging in that kind of thing. 20:44 Honestly man, to take it to the furthest extent 20:46 that it can go, it will, if you feel like 20:48 you're that type of person, 20:50 you've had multiple sexual partners, 20:51 you can get with whoever you want, 20:52 there's no committal, no, no relationships, 20:54 it will damage you in the long run. 20:56 It will leave you any type of long term relationship, 20:59 you know, everyone said, 21:01 well, I want to get married one day, 21:02 you know, maybe when I'm done with college, 21:04 you know, grad school whenever. 21:05 I want to get married, and have my family, 21:07 but it's funny because the devil wants to 21:09 get you to have as much sex as possible before marriage. 21:13 And as little sex as possible after marriage. 21:16 And so when you front load that thing 21:17 with friends of benefits, 21:19 sexual exploits, it only damages 21:21 what your marital life will be. 21:24 Well, I was going to say the other side of it though 21:26 and I think we kind of talked a little bit earlier but. 21:28 I mean, you know, we talked about the emotional 21:29 and different things but I mean for some folks 21:31 it is just you just want to get your feel along... 21:33 You just want it, you know... Very much so... 21:35 You just, I mean, you just want to get your free go. 21:36 I mean this... Put your hand up the blouse. 21:38 Yeah, yeah, I mean... 21:42 You know, but again it's just the whole idea 21:45 though that I could do that and not be affected 21:48 and not understand what naturally happens 21:52 when you engage in physical intimacy 21:54 with somebody else, it's going to be a chore. 21:56 So if I see you, if I'm doing friends with benefits 21:59 and then I see the person 22:00 I was doing friends with benefits 22:02 doing friend with benefits with like somebody else. 22:05 Naturally, it's going to effect. 22:07 Yeah. I'm going to tell. 22:08 We got to realize also the Bible tells us that we... 22:13 That when you commit a sexual sin, 22:15 you're actually sinning against yourself, 22:17 like sinning against your own body. 22:18 Yeah. Right, Corinthians. 22:22 A sexual intimacy is not just a physical act. 22:25 The world tells us it's just physical, 22:27 it's just sex, but it's not just sex, 22:31 it's emotional, it's mental, it's psychological, 22:34 it's spiritual but when we just make it a physical act 22:38 and we don't consider all the other elements, 22:40 then we think, well, I can just kind of pass it around, 22:41 it's not gonna effect my emotional person, 22:43 but no, no, no, that is a lie. 22:45 It affects every other part of you. 22:47 And I think friends with benefits, 22:49 especially, how the media has made it 22:51 looks very adventurous 22:53 and when you're in it, it is very adventurous. 22:56 You really haven't put in the capital 22:59 to get to know this person that well. 23:01 For the most part you don't know them at all 23:04 and yet you get to skip all of that 23:06 and just start getting them, 23:07 getting to know them in the physical. 23:09 I think it's kind of exciting, you don't know how they kiss 23:11 or how they touch or how they feel, 23:14 they just queue, and you get to go straight there, 23:17 there's some adventure to that. 23:18 I mean, it's James Bond, it's Indiana Jones, 23:22 you know what I'm saying? 23:23 The list goes on. 23:24 But the thing is Bible says, 23:26 adventures they do come to an end 23:27 and then the adventure 23:28 actually to a certain extent starts up again, 23:30 we have to deal with it, 23:31 and I know we've all been sharing 23:33 that was something that I experienced 23:35 before I went to start to go to school to become, 23:38 you know, pastor and all those different kinds of things 23:40 and you know, you still even have those, 23:41 you know, different struggles, 23:43 but here's the thing where it comes back and bites you. 23:45 I'm in my pulpit getting ready to preach 23:48 one particular Sabbath and one of the individual, 23:53 it's years ago shows up you know, at church, 23:57 now we're done, I'm done, married and everything 23:59 but the look that they gave was like... 24:01 I know you. Yeah. I know you. 24:03 Wow! You know what I'm saying? 24:05 And that's uncomfortable. 24:06 And sat right behind where my spouse sat, 24:10 and it's just all years ago. 24:12 But the adventure continue 24:14 because now my minds playing tricks on me. 24:16 You know, you're just like, have mercy. 24:18 And so the more you do that, 24:20 you just have to think, man, if I do this with you now 24:23 what's going happen when I run into you later. 24:24 But, Kelley, you just said some serious sick 24:27 and that was she could say, I know you 24:30 and we're not talking about just the no, no, I know you, 24:35 like biblical know you, you know what I'm saying? 24:39 I've heard the laity in Cleveland 24:40 say this about his wife 24:42 that his wife is the only person 24:43 he had ever been with 24:45 and he said he wanted his wife to be able to walk in any crowd 24:49 across anywhere in the world 24:52 and say no one else knows my husband 24:54 like I know my husband. 24:55 You know, when he said that I was like, 24:57 yo, that's what it's about like no one else knows her 25:01 and no one else knows. 25:02 And I think that's what God desires 25:04 like there's this level of high intimacy 25:06 that two people, 25:07 only two people have with one another 25:09 and no one else knows you. 25:11 Because that's not what he desires from us, 25:12 I think he says, I want to know you 25:14 and I want you to know me unlike, unlike anybody else. 25:17 And that's why it says in John 17:3, 25:18 "And this is life eternal: 25:20 that they may know you, the one true God, 25:23 and Jesus Christ whom you have sent." 25:24 I got to tell a story before we close, 25:26 I read in a book 25:27 and it basically described a dream 25:29 that a young lady was having. 25:31 She was about to get married 25:33 and she was walking down the aisle, 25:35 her father was giving her away, 25:36 her husband was up at the top 25:38 and as she stood up there, 25:39 her father gave her away to the groom. 25:42 And they started doing their vows, 25:43 all of a sudden another woman stood up 25:46 and came by her 25:47 and then the other woman stood up 25:49 and came by her 25:50 and another woman stood up and came by her 25:51 to the point where she's looking at her husband to be 25:53 and there's like a train of like 25:55 seven or eight other women standing behind her 25:57 and the woman is like, you know, what's going on? 26:00 Who are these other women? 26:01 And he says, you know, honey, I'm sorry 26:03 but throughout my life, I've also committed to them 26:06 and I've also given a part of myself to them, 26:08 you know, and she woke up, 26:10 you know, it was a dream, it was a nightmare, 26:11 she woke up and of course, she's in a cold sweat 26:13 and when I read the story I said, 26:14 man, like the devil is really trying to set us up 26:17 and we don't even know. 26:19 We think it's just funny games, 26:20 we think it's a roller coaster like you said. 26:22 But no, he's really trying to set us up 26:24 so that God's intend for what marriage is to be, 26:28 we will never experience 26:29 because we've given ourselves away. 26:31 My goodness and that's what 26:32 the enemy doesn't want us to know. 26:34 You know, as we have spoken about television programs 26:38 that show that friends with benefits 26:40 and these escapades are okay, 26:43 but they don't show 26:44 how a person now looks at their spouse 26:47 and the way that they might do this 26:49 or the way they might touch her. 26:51 Or is the way there someone else taught him how to touch. 26:55 Or something that he learned and experienced 26:57 and cultivated with someone else 26:58 and now they're bringing it to you. 27:00 That's the part that they don't tell, you know, 27:02 and that's where the heartache comes 27:05 because now the enemy is able to come into marriages 27:08 and break them apart 27:09 because of the way that people have committed themselves 27:13 to other individuals before marriage. 27:14 That's one of the thing he doesn't talk about. 27:16 But you know, I just, I do want to just, 27:18 you know, in the last few seconds give some hope, 27:20 you know, the Bible says 27:22 you know, Romans 12, 27:23 you know, "Be not conform to course of this world." 27:24 But here's the emphasis, being transformed. 27:26 But there's some folk who you can take that back, 27:28 but what God can do I think is refresh your mind 27:32 you know, fill that mind with the new experiences 27:35 and know that, yeah, you might have jacked up 27:37 in those areas before 27:38 but there is a fresh start in Jesus, 27:39 there really is a legitimate... 27:41 Who so over is in Christ, is a new creature. 27:43 He's a new creature. 27:44 Listen, we pray that you are encouraged 27:46 by this broadcast by this episode. 27:48 It was a good one, I felt, 27:49 you know, and we're going to continue the conversation. 27:51 You don't want to miss any program, 27:53 you don't want to miss any episodes. 27:55 So, please stay tuned 27:56 to next week, same time, same place. 27:58 Listen, we're going to be on Facebook. 27:59 Go to Facebook type in Pure Choices, 28:01 if you have any questions or comments, feedback, 28:03 we will love to dialogue with you there. 28:05 We look forward to seeing you next week. 28:06 Be blessed. 28:08 And we'll see you again soon. |
Revised 2017-08-28