Participants: Pr. Joshua Nelson (Host), Jeanne Mogusu, Kean Baxter, Kimberly Pearson, Kory P. Douglas
Series Code: PC
Program Code: PC000024
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00:01 The following program discusses sensitive issues.
00:03 Parents are cautioned that some material 00:05 may be too candid for younger children. 00:39 Hello, and welcome to Pure Choices. 00:40 I'm your host Pastor Joshua Nelson, 00:42 and we have a good one for you. 00:44 Today, we are talking about the break up, 00:46 talking about emotions in relationships, 00:48 talking about cheating. 00:49 And we're gonna jump right into the discussion, 00:50 before that just want to introduce 00:52 our panel once again. 00:53 I'll start by saying that 00:55 I'm a pastor in South Carolina. 00:56 I pastor the Mount Olive and New Life 00:59 Seventh-day Adventist Church in South Carolina. 01:02 To my left I have Jeanne Mogusu 01:04 who is from the seminary, 01:06 the Andrews University Seventh-day Adventist 01:08 Theological Seminary. 01:10 And she is the BSA's 01:12 or Black Student Association president there, 01:14 happy to have her here today. 01:16 We also have Kean Baxter who is also from the seminary, 01:18 but he is a graduate and did graduate 01:20 from Andrews University Theological Seminary. 01:23 And we also have Kim Pearson who is the associate chaplain 01:27 at Oakwood University, happy to have her here. 01:29 And also my brother, my friend, Pastor Kory Douglas 01:33 who is the pastor of the Grand Avenue 01:36 and New Life Fellowship in Southeast Missouri, 01:40 those Seventh-day Adventist churches over there. 01:42 So we have a good panel today. 01:44 And we want to talk about this issue of break up. 01:47 But first, let's talk about cheating. 01:49 Okay, let's talk about cheating. 01:52 What is really considered cheating? 01:56 Well... 01:59 You know, I'm one that believes that, 02:00 you know, when I fill out my tax forms 02:02 and fill out other government, you know, papers it says, 02:06 single and it says married. 02:09 So until I check married, 02:10 I'm gonna have to argue that I'm single. 02:12 And so I just want to put that out there from now 02:15 and so, you know, cheating, of course, in my context 02:18 would be anything that happens outside the confines 02:21 of a committed long term relationship, 02:25 example, marriage. 02:26 Oh, you are talking about marriage? 02:28 I think that'd be okay, 02:29 so because see now some people believe, 02:31 and that's kind of I see where you're going with that, 02:32 that you can be cheating 02:34 if you're in a dating relationship, 02:36 if you are, we talked about, may be talking, 02:38 if you are courting or you're engaged. 02:41 So is that still considered cheating, 02:45 that happens in those? 02:46 Oh, yeah. I would say it does. 02:48 I mean, if you're... 02:50 If you have committed yourself, 02:52 you are letting someone know that you are committed 02:56 to this relationship, to giving everything 02:58 that you have into this relationship, 03:00 to see where it goes or it leads, 03:04 and you're not doing your due diligence 03:07 in giving them your full attention. 03:10 I would say that is cheating 03:12 because you're misrepresenting, 03:13 cheating is misrepresenting yourself in any way. 03:16 So if I'm letting you know that I'm going to, 03:21 whatever, whether you're dating or you're talking 03:23 or whatever it is that you're doing, 03:25 if I have given you my word that, 03:28 that I'm going to give you my exclusive attention 03:32 and my actions do not convey that, 03:35 then I'm cheating. 03:36 Okay, now I'm gonna be real on the other side here 03:39 and just challenge that because, 03:40 okay, if I'm saying to you, 03:42 I'm dating, of course, we have to define 03:44 what that means within ourselves, 03:45 but I mean, does that really mean that I can't, 03:47 that I'm now stuck with you, I may lie to you that, 03:51 I mean, you are not married so what is the difference then? 03:54 Well, I think cheating, as she defined it, 03:56 is misrepresenting yourself. 03:58 So we talked about 04:00 defining the terms of a relationship, 04:02 but then also defining what that looks like, 04:06 what the boundaries are in that relationship. 04:08 So if we decide that our boundaries are, 04:12 we are going to, you know, just see each other 04:16 and then I go and I start to see other people, 04:19 take them on dates, go out with them, 04:21 then I have now dishonored the commitment 04:24 I made to you. 04:26 So that's what I think cheating in essence is, 04:28 is dishonoring a commitment you've made to someone else. 04:31 It doesn't have to necessarily be a marriage commitment, 04:35 but it's a commitment you've made. 04:37 So if there are no terms or any agreements 04:40 then it can't be called cheating then technically. 04:45 If that's what you want to call it technically, 04:48 which is why you need to puts 04:49 terms and agreements on things. 04:51 You need to have clear dialogue. 04:52 And I agree with you both 04:53 that you need to put the terms, 04:55 you need to put it out there. 04:56 That's a lot of the things with relationship, 04:58 we don't have really much communication. 04:59 But in the pure essence of it all, 05:01 can you really say that you are cheating 05:05 if you are not married? 05:07 Definitely. 05:08 I mean, of course, of course, of course, 05:11 you can say that because like we said, 05:14 cheating is dishonoring a commitment, 05:16 cheating is misrepresenting yourself. 05:18 It's like saying, 05:20 if I steal a quarter or I steal million dollars, 05:24 it's still stealing. Stealing is stealing. 05:26 So cheating is cheating is cheating. 05:29 Whatever, you know, 05:31 whatever relationship you're in, 05:33 whether it's a man or woman relationship 05:36 or my mother and I. 05:39 If I tell my mother I'm gonna do something 05:41 and I don't do it I'm-- 05:42 Dishonoring. 05:44 I'm dishonoring what I just told her. 05:45 Okay. 05:46 So the way you guys are defining it, 05:48 it sounds like cheating doesn't necessarily have to mean, 05:52 you know, go with this another person 05:54 or engage in a relationship with somebody, 05:56 with somebody else. 05:57 I mean, when I think about it 'cause I'm listening 05:58 to what you guys are saying, you know, 06:00 you cheat on a test doesn't mean you 06:01 replace the test with another test. 06:03 You know, it just means 06:04 that you're doing something that's not fair, 06:06 you're misrepresenting yourself. 06:08 So, you know, maybe even cheating 06:09 might include more than just going out 06:11 and engaging in another relationship 06:14 while you're in another one. 06:15 I mean, what if you lie about who you are, 06:17 is that cheating? 06:18 There you go. 06:19 And that's what it goes back to defining what cheating is. 06:23 Well, I want to throw a monkey wrench in this situation. 06:26 Say, you are in a dating relationship 06:29 and you don't marry that individual 06:35 and you marry somebody else, 06:37 did you cheat on your spouse 06:39 with your previous relationship? 06:42 Mercy. 06:44 God intended for you to with this woman, 06:47 but you are with woman A, B, C or man and you engage, 06:53 you got emotionally invested or even physically invested. 06:58 So you are actually unfaithful to your future spouse. 07:02 I think more so you are unfaithful to God. 07:04 Unto God. 07:05 And not so much to your future spouse, 07:07 because as we define cheating is dishonoring a commitment. 07:11 And so you have not yet made 07:13 a commitment to your future spouse, 07:15 but you have made a commitment to God. 07:18 So then you have dishonored that commitment with God. 07:20 Now there will be ramifications like, 07:24 you know, I talk to some young ladies, 07:26 you know, at Oakwood and I always say, 07:28 "You know, the hardest conversation 07:31 you will have to have is the day you apologize 07:34 to you husband for giving away something 07:35 that was supposed to have been his." 07:37 So you cheated him. 07:39 But it's not that you cheated on him, 07:42 but maybe you cheated him 07:43 out of something that was supposed to have been his. 07:46 But then we're implying also then that God 07:48 intended one person for us. 07:51 And that who he ends into relationships before that, 07:53 that God did not intend those 07:55 and that there's only one relationship 07:57 that you are ever supposed to get into in your whole life, 08:00 is that what we're implying? 08:02 Yeah. I mean-- 08:03 I don't have a problem with implying that. 08:05 I don't know how you guys feel, but that's-- 08:06 Well, I mean, my own personal, 08:09 my own personal experience, 08:10 I have dated people and at the end have seen 08:14 how that person played a specific role in my life 08:17 at that time, you know, and it didn't end bad, 08:21 I didn't marry them, 08:22 but I could see that God needed me 08:24 to be with this person. 08:26 You know, even my whole being in ministry, 08:27 it was through a relationship that God really showed me 08:30 that this is where I was supposed to be. 08:32 So I don't know if I could say that, you know, 08:34 since I didn't marry that person, you know, 08:36 that the person I marry now, 08:38 I had cheated on them with that person, 08:40 if I believe that that's who God led me 08:42 to before this person. 08:43 Let's pull back into sexual purity, 08:45 you know, and talking about, 08:47 you know, when we often think of cheating, 08:49 we think of cheating in the sexual manner, 08:51 cheating emotionally, whatever you want to say. 08:54 So how does our sexual urges or sexual promiscuity 08:58 or sexual morality play into the cheating 09:02 that may take place may be more than if hadn't? 09:05 Well, I mean, from that point of view then, 09:07 you know, I think that's where we begin to think, 09:09 we can began to say that we've cheated the person 09:12 after because the person that God led me 09:14 to for that period of my life 09:16 wasn't the person that I shouldn't have sex with 09:18 if that's what I had done. 09:20 I'm not saying, that's what I did, 09:21 I'm saying, you know, hypothetically. 09:22 If you date that one person God puts in your life 09:24 and you have sex with that person 09:25 and then you go to the next person, 09:27 then may be you have cheated that person. 09:29 That's why, you know, 09:30 that's why it's so important to stay pure 09:32 until that person whoever God wants you to be married to. 09:35 You understand what I'm saying? 09:36 And I do think that, like he was saying, 09:38 I don't think that God intents for us 09:39 to be in one relationship and then 09:41 you marry that person necessarily, 09:44 but I do believe that as we are created for relationship, 09:47 not all of those relationships 09:49 need to be sexual relationships. 09:50 And what happens is we take every relationship 09:54 and we make them sexual relationships. 09:57 If I think you are cute and you think I'm cute 09:59 and I like you and you like me, 10:01 let's make out. 10:02 And if that's great, let's do a little more. 10:05 And if we are really serious about each other, 10:07 then we solidify that by having sex. 10:11 And so then that sexuality now 10:14 totally changes the dynamic of the relationship 10:17 because in the confines of how God created it, 10:20 now you are behaving like a married person 10:24 in a non-married situation. 10:27 So now what is that do then 10:28 to when you are trying now to let's say, 10:30 move on to another relationship 10:32 because maybe that one relationship 10:33 is not good for you. 10:34 What does that, you know... 10:36 There's a saying that you don't do permanent things 10:39 with temporary people. 10:40 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hallelujah. 10:42 Because it makes it very hard to move on. 10:45 It clouds your reasoning, honestly, 10:48 because that sex is a permanent thing. 10:51 We are designed to have sex with one individual, 10:55 bond for life, and trying to become unglued from that... 11:01 Because it's two becoming one, 11:03 so when you attempt to become two again, 11:07 there is, inevitably there is some tear, 11:11 you know, tear, tearing apart and it's very traumatic. 11:17 Yeah. 11:18 And I would, I would actually go further 11:20 to say that you cannot just, that tearing away 11:25 doesn't just happen 11:26 or the difficulty in tearing away 11:28 doesn't just happen when you have, 11:30 when you've had a physical relationship. 11:32 I think sometimes we get into even intimate relationships, 11:39 not necessarily sexually intimate, 11:41 but emotionally intimate relationships to the point 11:45 where you give so much of yourself into a relationship 11:49 that is not a marriage relationship. 11:52 And so when you inevitably have to tear away, 11:57 it almost becomes like your heart 11:59 is being torn apart, 12:02 even though you were never really physically intimate 12:05 with this person because these are essentially 12:08 a part of yourself 12:10 that you have given to this person 12:12 that may not necessarily have been theirs to have. 12:16 That was a fine line. 12:17 I don't know if that's just part of the risk 12:18 of being in relationship or what? 12:20 I mean, how much should you really divulge, 12:22 you know, to that person or should you really hold back 12:24 and they don't really then may be know who you are, 12:26 I mean... Kim, what would you say about that? 12:28 You know, I think that the first friendship 12:31 that we need to have is friendship with God. 12:34 He is the one we tell everything to, 12:36 He is the one that we invest our emotions 12:39 and our ups and downs, 12:40 and as you get to know somebody, you know, 12:43 you, you know, you start off, you know, 12:45 this is my favorite color, this is what I like to eat, 12:46 those things, but then as you get to know 12:49 the character of that person, 12:51 I think that then dictates, you know, 12:54 how much you are allowing yourself to open up to them. 12:57 But what I think is so interesting about the idea 12:59 of sex is that sex is supposed to be the ultimate 13:02 form of intimacy, 13:04 it's the ultimate form of communication. 13:06 And what I think sometimes we don't realize as women 13:08 is that sex does something very important for us. 13:11 When a woman has an orgasm, 13:14 the hormones that are secreted in our brain 13:16 actually act like addictors and they make us, 13:22 not just physically bonded, 13:23 but chemically bonded to another person. 13:27 And so when you try to pull that away, 13:29 you add on to that chemical bond, 13:30 not emotional bonds and all of these things. 13:33 You know, Kean said, I'm gonna coach you real quick. 13:36 He said, "The worst place 13:38 to have scar tissue is on your heart." 13:40 Because-- Yeah. 13:42 Because then, now you've all got all these places 13:45 that now you're not only going to have to erase the feeling, 13:48 but the mental images of what you did with that person. 13:53 That will keep replaying even after you've moved on. 13:56 And let's go to next part of this then, 13:58 because now we are going to the break up side of things. 14:01 Okay, so now you're in this relationship, 14:04 maybe you slept up, 14:05 maybe you did have sex before, before marriage, 14:07 and you've been chemically bonded with this individual, 14:09 but hey, wait a second, you realize, 14:12 this is not the one that I wanted to be with, 14:13 something happens, you don't want to be with them, 14:15 okay, whether you had sex with them or not. 14:18 Now the all time question, how do you break up? 14:22 On Facebook. 14:24 I'm joking. 14:26 Update your status on Facebook. 14:27 Text message. Text message. 14:29 You know, we have numbers now, 14:30 you go on to internet and you can text 14:32 the person that number, saying, 14:34 "Hey, call this number." 14:35 And you call the number and it will tell them, 14:36 you know, the person gave you this number because they are... 14:39 Come on, come on. 14:40 Don't stop there without that adding. 14:42 I'm just saying, you know, 14:43 this is why four of us are talking about it. 14:45 I mean, I believe, as we were talking, 14:48 it's so important to establish your intensions 14:51 from the beginning in every relationship. 14:54 If you come into a relationship, 14:55 say, you know, we might end up in marriage then 14:58 that behavior will reflect that. 14:59 But if come and say, 15:01 we're just gonna be friends get to each other, 15:02 it'll reflect that. 15:04 But our problem is we just come into the relationship, 15:05 we do things that look like marriage, 15:07 and then when its time to break up 15:09 we don't know what to do 15:10 because we are so bonded with that person. 15:11 Yeah, and I got to say, 15:13 when you say that to someone you have to keep that, 15:14 keep, you know, yourself. 15:16 You say, this is what, you know, 15:17 your actions have to show 15:19 that and I believe the other one must hold 15:20 you accountable to that, you know. 15:23 I don't know, I just have a hard time with that. 15:27 Maybe I'm idealistic, 15:29 but the humanistic approach to relationships, 15:32 I don't think that God intended for us 15:35 to be trial and error with people. 15:39 You know, let's... 15:41 I'm gonna get to know you, if it works fine, 15:43 if not, then I'm sorry, move on. 15:45 The heart is so sensitive, I really think that it takes, 15:52 it's going to require more faith in God, 15:54 letting God hold the pen to write your love story 15:57 and just trusting Him that He knows best. 16:00 If you do make a mistake, be a man, be a woman and say, 16:06 you know, I jumped the gun, I ran ahead of God, 16:10 I'm sorry. 16:12 If you see that is unhealthy, if it's dragging you down, 16:16 if you are seeing things are red flags, 16:19 it's easy to overlook them, but make a clean cut. 16:23 I say, if you're breaking up, make a clean cut 16:25 because there is a tendency to rationalize 16:28 and maybe you come back again... 16:31 Over and over and over. Clean cut. 16:33 Okay, so how do you make that clean cut? 16:35 You know, it's so funny, 16:37 one of the other chaplains at Oakwood, 16:39 Chaplain T. Marshall Kelly, 16:40 he says, a lot of times we get in these relationships 16:43 and the relationship is not quite right, 16:45 the chemistry is off, 16:46 but we are so bonded with this person 16:48 and so we really have is that cornbread 16:51 and we try to put icing on top of it and call it cake. 16:54 We've got to put the sex on top of a messy situation 16:59 and say, its something good, when it's really, 17:01 it's not cake, it's icing with cornbread. 17:04 And you can't fix that, you need to get rid of it 17:07 and start over. 17:09 And so I think too often times, 17:11 we start with a messy foundation 17:13 and that we trying to put good things on top 17:16 and say, "Look, it's all better now." 17:18 And like what Kean said, 17:19 sometimes you just got to cut that thing, 17:21 like I think that sometimes we have misconceptions 17:22 that after you break up we need to be friends 17:24 because we're Christians. 17:26 Sometimes you just need to let it go, walk away. 17:29 Okay, so, okay, let it be a little role play here, 17:33 you know. 17:35 Kory, Jeanne, you're in relationship, man. 17:38 You guys got to break this thing off though. 17:41 Jeanne, I want you, I want you... 17:42 How would you break up with Kory? 17:44 What would you say? 17:45 What would be something, you know, Christian to say? 17:47 What would you say? 17:48 Putting you on the spot here. 17:50 Wow, okay. 17:51 Well, Kory-- 17:52 It's me, isn't it? 17:57 It's not me, it's you. 18:01 But no, no, no, it's not you, it's me. 18:03 You know, I need to spend time with God 18:07 and in recognizing that my relationship with God 18:09 has not been what it used to be, 18:11 I have now substituted you for God. 18:14 And that is not where I need to be. 18:17 So I'm trying to get to a place 18:21 where God and I are closer 18:23 and I don't feel like this relationship 18:26 is helping me get to where I need to be with God. 18:30 So I'm sorry, you know, that I, you know-- 18:34 Okay. 18:36 First of all, I accept. That's fine. 18:37 Yeah. 18:38 Now she spiritualized it? 18:40 Did it make you feel better? 18:41 You know, I was gonna say too 18:43 because I have been in situations of my immaturity 18:45 where I have spiritualized a break up 18:46 because I knew that the person can't argue with it. 18:48 Just gonna be for real. 18:50 You know, I said, like I said, long time ago, 18:52 spiritual maturity, you know, but I think the key 18:54 to what Jeanne does is that she is honest. 18:57 And I believe that you have to be honest 19:00 and you have to communicate. 19:02 Remember, now we believe that God is the one 19:05 who leads us to people. 19:06 We have the faith that we follow Him 19:08 knowing that the success in that relationship 19:09 depends on Him. 19:11 So when it doesn't work out 19:12 we have to say also it doesn't work out 19:15 because its not what God intents to work out 19:17 and we know, now break it off having the faith to know 19:22 that even though it may hurt today, 19:24 even though we may have to get over it, 19:25 even though this person may not like it, 19:27 we may not like it, 19:28 that because God is gonna say control 19:30 let's just be honest. 19:32 And because He is the God of all comfort, 19:34 He will bring me through, 19:35 through whatever pain I'm feeling 19:37 and He will restore me to a newer 19:39 and probably, and more likely, a better relationship. 19:41 And I will say, that was, that was pretty nice though. 19:45 But I also like what Kory said, 19:47 you know, going back to that there was a time 19:51 when you spiritualized something. 19:52 Now the fact of the matter is 19:54 if God has not be playing any role in my relationship, 19:58 you know, bringing Him at the end 20:00 is kind of like using God as a scapegoat, 20:02 which is not real and people do see through that. 20:06 You know, they may not be able to argue with it, 20:07 but they'll see through it and they will, 20:11 and that's where you have this antagonistic break ups 20:14 where I see you and the next thing 20:16 you know it's, shots being fired. 20:19 Yeah. 20:21 You know, you are not in a parking lot by yourself 20:24 because someone may run... 20:26 Oh, come on. 20:28 What kind of break up that is? 20:30 A serious break up. 20:32 But I get what you're saying, Jeanne. 20:34 You know, I think part of the issue 20:36 is break ups aren't break ups anymore. 20:37 Break ups are divorces. 20:39 Yeah. That's true. Yeah. 20:40 And the reason why break ups hurts so bad 20:44 is because it's not just ending a friendship 20:47 with the intent to marriage, 20:48 its not just ending a dating relationship, 20:51 you're breaking up with someone 20:53 you put in the place of your spouse. 20:56 You are cooking together, 20:57 you washing each other's clothes, 21:00 you're, you know, pretty much, you know, living together, 21:03 spending the night in each other's houses, 21:05 you're doing all of these things 21:07 that look like marital actions. 21:10 And you invest yourself emotionally 21:11 and all of sudden when that person isn't in your life, 21:15 you feel literally like a divorce 21:17 'cause you've broken up with that person, 21:18 you've separated your life from them. 21:21 And so too often, we make, I like that saying, 21:24 you know, some people are there for a moment, 21:26 a season, and a lifetime. 21:28 We make moment people 21:30 and seasonal people, lifetime people 21:33 and they're not supposed to be there. 21:34 Yeah. Okay. 21:37 I mean, I have a lot I wanted to say. 21:40 But what Kim was saying is true. 21:43 I think what we have... 21:45 A lot of the fallout from relationships 21:49 stem from how we approach the situation, dating. 21:54 Like we you said, we get involved too much too soon. 21:57 I think one of the things that we can do to, 22:01 kind of, hedge against, 22:04 you know, deep emotional pain is to get family involved, 22:09 get your, get your parents involved, 22:12 your mom and dad or both 22:14 or, you know, brother, sister, friends, 22:16 church members and, you know, be open-- 22:20 Accountability. 22:21 You have accountability so you can, 22:24 somebody can see the pace at which you are going 22:27 and somebody of course older and wiser, 22:29 hopefully, spiritual 22:32 that can help you make the right decision. 22:35 And you know, if it's meant to be, 22:37 they can challenge you 22:39 if you're, you know, one or both parties want to, 22:41 you know, end the relationship, they can kind of start talk 22:46 and saying, you know, its not that deep, 22:48 you know, this is something that can be worked through. 22:51 Well, I mean, just to kind of 22:52 play devil's advocate a little bit. 22:54 I've been in situation where family was involved 22:57 and all that did was add pressure to the situation, 23:02 you know, or, you know, one person I dated 23:04 and the more I got to know their family, 23:06 the more I realized that they were 23:08 kind of by themselves, 23:09 that their family members were the ones 23:11 who treated them the worst, and stuff like that. 23:13 And so when it came time to break things off, 23:15 I felt like if I was gonna take with me the only person 23:18 that they really had on their side, you know. 23:20 So I mean, what do we do, what do we do, 23:22 in that kind of situation, you know. 23:24 And for me, I'll tell you what I did and it how worked. 23:27 I didn't have to break anything off 23:29 and I'm gonna tell you... 23:30 I'm so serious. 23:32 You know, I prayed the prayer and it sounds so cliche. 23:34 I said, God, I'm just telling You, 23:36 I've got myself into some messes. 23:38 You know, I'm in a situation. 23:40 I need for You take out of my life 23:42 that which does not need to be there. 23:43 This person doesn't need to be there 23:45 and that's how I'm feeling, 23:46 if that is the truth of the situation, 23:47 God, please them out. 23:49 And I being, I mean, God has taken people out of my life. 23:53 I mean, I've had people call me out of blue and say, 23:56 "Man, you this really isn't gonna work. 23:57 I don't know why, this is just how I feel today." 23:59 And I'm like, "Well, praise God." 24:01 You know, they're expecting me to be like, 24:03 "Wow, you know, what can we do to make it work?" 24:05 And I'm thinking-- 24:07 I'm breathing a sigh of relief like, thank You, Jesus, 24:08 you know, for allowing for this thing to end, 24:11 you know, in a way that that, 24:12 you know, that worked for both of us. 24:14 Grace. Grace. 24:16 Codependency I think is an issue 24:18 that I think people face in relationships 24:20 where they feel like, 24:21 if I let this person go I'm all they have, 24:24 they are all I have, 24:26 we are each others support system, I can't-- 24:29 You don't what to be mean. Yeah, I don't want to be mean. 24:31 I can't leave them because what will they think of me. 24:34 You know, we don't want to be the bad guy or whatever. 24:37 And so we use all these different reasons 24:39 to play out of it, 24:41 but sometimes you just got to do what you got to do. 24:44 Like, if you are mature enough to get into a relationship, 24:48 then I would, eventually I would hope to say 24:50 that you are now mature enough also to allow God to lead you 24:54 when it's time for you to get out of that relationship. 24:55 I mean, 'cause you can't stay with somebody 24:57 for them, you know. 24:59 I mean, and that's kind of the guilt trip sometimes, 25:01 you know, get's put on you, you know. 25:03 Just staying there because you want to, 25:06 you know, don't hurt that person, 25:07 but really you're gonna marry that person just for them, 25:09 what about, you know, if it's not right? 25:11 So you have to really be honest and real about that situation. 25:16 So let's keep going on here 25:18 and I want to talk about leading someone on. 25:21 Because now there's the other side of it, 25:23 okay, because now it's hard to get out of the relationship 25:25 because well, you've done something, you've led them on. 25:28 So how do you keep from leading someone on? 25:31 Well-- 25:34 Mercy. 25:35 Again, I mean, you have to really trust, 25:40 we have to trust God more in this thing 25:44 because you can see somebody and you say, 25:47 "Wow, she is really, you know, attractive and you go for it." 25:51 And I've been there, you know, and sometimes 25:55 it doesn't take too long to realize that wow, 25:57 that's a mistake. 25:59 Yeah, let's try to reel that back in, 26:02 but, you know, interest has already, 26:05 you know, sparked 26:06 and it's if I had been a little bit slower, if I had-- 26:11 More prayerful. 26:12 Have been more prayerful 26:14 and allow God to take the reins, 26:17 take initiative, 26:18 I think we can certainly, leading people on. 26:21 I don't think that it's necessary. 26:25 And these things are called "friendationships" 26:29 where you are like you're friends, 26:31 but you act like you are in a relationship, 26:33 you flirt, you bring each other things, 26:35 you're texting, you're staying up 26:37 all hours of the night talking on the phone 26:39 and then you want to say, "Oh, wait. 26:41 We were just friends." 26:43 And so I think there needs to be 26:44 that clear communication, you know, between two people, 26:48 but also, you need to know what your interest is. 26:50 Like, be-- 26:52 If you would just be straight up, just be honest. 26:55 It might hurt initially, but, you know-- 26:58 Real quick. 26:59 And I like what Kory said earlier, 27:01 you know, where he was praying for the Lord 27:03 to remove people out of his life 27:05 'cause I know now as I grow older 27:08 there are times when, 27:09 you know, when I start to see that 27:11 may be there's something starting out 27:14 I'll say, "God please, if this is something that needs to be, 27:18 you know, this is something that needs to move on, 27:21 you know, let it go away, it needs to go. 27:23 But if it's not, then take that person out." 27:24 And I will testify, 27:26 the Lord does remove people out of your life. 27:29 Amen. Praise God for it. That grace. 27:31 So that's our program, we didn't exhaust it all, 27:33 but that's our program for today. 27:34 I just want to leave you with this, 27:37 do unto others what you would have them do unto you, 27:38 and esteem others better than yourselves. 27:40 Remember that relationships are serious. 27:43 You got to be careful how you get into them 27:44 and how you get out of them. 27:45 And so just remember to always keep it before the Lord. 27:49 Well, that's it. 27:50 Thank you all so much 27:51 and remember to always make pure choices. |
Revised 2016-02-11