Participants: Wayne Blakely (Host), Lance Williams, Mike Carducci
Series Code: PC
Program Code: PC000042
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00:01 The following program discusses sensitive issues.
00:03 Parents are cautioned that some material 00:05 may be too candid for younger children. 00:39 Hello, I'm Wayne Blakely with Coming Out Ministries. 00:43 Today, your host here on Pure Choices. 00:46 Today, Michael Carducci joins me, 00:50 my ministry colleague. 00:51 You'd think I could say that right. 00:53 And a very special guest, Lance Williams. 00:56 That's right. Amen. 00:57 I want to thank you guys for being here today. 01:00 And what we're going to talk about today 01:02 is about being raised with a single parent. 01:06 Did you know that there are more single mothers 01:09 raising families now than there are dual parent families? 01:13 And that statistic actually is unable to be reversed. 01:19 Mike and Lance, you both grew up 01:20 with single parents in your younger years. 01:25 And, Mike, I'm wondering 01:27 if you might be able to give us some history about this. 01:30 Sure. 01:31 Actually, my mother and dad were married for 12 years. 01:35 But my dad was in the Navy for 10 years. 01:37 And so when I was born, my dad was a Navy musician. 01:41 And he would be gone sometimes three to six months at a time. 01:45 So, you know, we never knew when dad was going to be home. 01:48 For the most part, you know, it was a single parent family. 01:50 My mom was there, I was raised, you know, 01:53 with three other sisters. 01:54 So I was second of four. 01:56 And I remember that whenever dad was home, you know, 01:59 he was explosive, he was a hot-headed Italian. 02:02 And it almost seemed, you know, 02:04 kind of his right to just blow up at things. 02:07 And one minute he'd be fine and actually having fun 02:10 and throwing us up in the air. 02:12 And then all of a sudden, one little thing would happen 02:14 and just totally, you know, turn over the applecart, 02:17 and he'd be upset and angry. 02:19 You know, somebody would get spanked 02:21 and it was just this chaotic life, 02:23 you know, when dad was home. 02:25 So what I started to realize is that I always felt 02:28 much more at peace when dad wasn't home. 02:32 And I remember my mom would say, you know, 02:34 "Now you're the man of the house, you know, 02:35 your dad's gone on a cruise or whatever." 02:38 And I think it at such an early age, 02:39 I really took that seriously because I had rejected my dad 02:43 as my gender role model. 02:45 And so I believe that I was the one in charge 02:49 whenever my dad was gone, 02:50 not that that's hard to understand. 02:52 But what happened for me is by his being absent so long, 02:56 I viewed that as an abandonment. 02:59 And, you know, at a time 03:00 when I needed my dad to understand 03:02 what masculinity looked like, it wasn't there. 03:05 But then when he was home, 03:06 his example of masculinity to me 03:08 was frightening and terrifying. 03:11 It was labile, I couldn't trust it, 03:13 I couldn't get a handle on it. 03:15 And so I believe it an age before I was conscious, 03:18 I rejected it totally. 03:19 And I turned back to my mother's femininity. 03:22 It was stable, I could understand it, 03:25 I could predict it, and it was safe. 03:27 So, you know, 03:29 having no other role models in the home. 03:31 When my parents did finally divorce, 03:33 you know, I remember, oh, my dad took us to the lake. 03:37 And I remember 03:39 my three sisters were in the backseat, 03:40 I was in the front seat with my dad. 03:42 And he made this announcement 03:44 that my parents were getting a divorce. 03:46 And I remember my first response at 10 years old 03:49 thinking good, you're out of here. 03:51 You know which confirms to me 03:52 that I had rejected him long before. 03:54 Where as my sisters in the backseat were crying, 03:57 and heartbroken, and feeling terribly upset. 04:00 And I'm thinking to myself 04:02 why are they so affected by that, 04:03 you know, he's finally out of here. 04:06 Wow, this really shows how we can certainly 04:09 be a victim of our circumstances. 04:11 Lance, what was it like for you? 04:13 Well, you know, my mom 04:16 and my dad were both alcoholics. 04:18 My father was at first, my mom wasn't initially, 04:21 but somehow she got caught up into that. 04:24 And I'll never forget one day, they both came home, 04:28 they both were drunk. 04:30 And next thing I knew, 04:32 we heard a crash in the living room 04:34 and my mother had set on a television set 04:36 and it just crashed on the floor. 04:39 Next thing I know, my father was just yelling and screaming. 04:42 And then he grabbed his suitcases and stuff 04:47 and he put them in the trunk. 04:49 And I just remember it right in my mind, 04:52 my brothers and myself were just watching him 04:54 go into his car and just leaving. 04:56 And it was interesting 'cause my brothers, 04:58 they were just crying. 04:59 And I was just standing there just looking. 05:01 I didn't show any emotion, I was just watching 05:03 what was going on. 05:04 Did you think that that his leaving 05:06 had something to do with you or did you fully think 05:09 that had everything to do with your mother? 05:13 I think it has to do it with my mother. 05:15 Okay. 05:16 So you made the adjustment pretty much okay 05:19 when he made his departure. 05:21 I was happy that he left actually. 05:25 Do you think that there are any prenatal influences 05:30 with regards to how you came about in your childhood 05:35 and began to develop some of the same sex attraction 05:39 that began to exacerbate itself in your life? 05:42 Well, yeah. 05:44 I mean, I know for me, I had mentioned in my testimony 05:47 that my mom was depressed and hungry. 05:51 And for some reason I took on those characteristics 05:55 after I came out of her womb. 05:57 And I had that sensitivity, that's one of the factors 06:00 I think it leads to same sex attraction. 06:02 Sure. 06:04 Was there anything, Mike, in your prenatal history 06:07 that you know about? 06:08 You know, I think, my mom definitely knew that my dad 06:12 was having multiple affairs while he would be away, 06:15 you know, at sea because 06:16 again being a musician he had access to the public. 06:19 He had, you know, a lot of accolades 06:21 and people coming up to him that, 06:23 you know, were responding to his music. 06:25 And so my mom would find, you know, 06:27 phone numbers and things like that. 06:30 So I believe that, you know, we know through 06:32 Ministry of Healing, it talks about, you know, 06:34 the care of the baby before it's born that 06:36 what the mother goes through, 06:38 it is also transferred to the baby as well. 06:40 And so I believe that there was that influence. 06:43 I wouldn't have acknowledged it before but it just seems 06:45 to make more sense that, you know, 06:47 this cycle was already beginning before I was born. 06:53 What do you think the significance of a dad 06:56 is in child development, 06:59 either one of you want to respond to that? 07:01 Well, I know that my father... 07:03 There's something he specifically said that 07:05 that really struck me, I remember to this day. 07:09 He said he does not want us to play with him. 07:12 He wouldn't wrestle us, he wouldn't play ball with us. 07:14 Wow. 07:15 So I think a lack of a parent causes a lack of stability, 07:21 confusion, and a lack of courage to step out 07:25 and do things. 07:26 Wow. 07:28 Why do you think he put you off like that? 07:29 Did you get any kind of confirmation 07:31 as to why that was? 07:32 I did remember that I was told that my father, 07:36 his father died in his arms when he was about 15 or 16 07:38 and he went on his own. 07:40 He was on his own since he was 15 or 16. 07:41 Okay. 07:42 So now I can understand 07:44 why he wasn't emotional or there for us. 07:47 You know, over and over through the programming 07:50 that we have been doing here on Pure Choices, you know, 07:53 I'm just reminded of what we've experienced, 07:58 makes me want to go back and look at 08:01 what our parents experienced in their childhood. 08:04 And a lot of times we have no access to that. 08:06 But the more I hear from each of you, 08:10 it really shows the dysfunction, you know, 08:12 has come down through the line of heredity. 08:16 Mike, I know you probably have some things. 08:18 I have heard you talk about before 08:20 with respect to the experience of rejection from your dad. 08:25 Can you elaborate on that a little bit? 08:27 You know, as Lance was talking about his dad 08:29 making these statements, 08:32 I'm reminded that in the Bible it says that, 08:34 "Our words have the power of life and death." 08:37 And, you know, my dad called us stupid, moron, idiot, 08:42 and, you know, these were common words 08:43 that we would hear, you know, every single day of our lives. 08:46 You know, my damage, you know, came through 08:48 same sex attraction 08:50 and isolating behavior as well as Lance's. 08:53 But I have three sisters that were also damaged by that, 08:56 you know, in maybe some of the choices of the men 08:58 that they picked in their lives or whatever. 09:00 If it's true that our words 09:03 have the power of life and death, 09:04 those words have a profound meaning on us 09:06 as kids thinking we're not valuable, 09:09 we're not smart. 09:10 It wasn't until after I left home 09:12 and actually interacted with other people 09:14 that I started to realize that, oh, I can communicate, 09:17 maybe I'm not as dumb as I thought. 09:19 And even though the tapes are still there 09:22 and they're very difficult to get rid of 09:23 even at 52 years of age, you know, 09:25 I am able to sort some of that out consciously and say no, 09:30 I don't have to listen to that anymore, that's a lie. 09:33 But isn't it interesting that something that happened, 09:35 you know, in vitro or even at a very young age 09:38 that stays with you. 09:39 You know, I'd like to draw a conclusion here. 09:44 It's so interesting, you're listening to people 09:47 and the abandonment 09:48 and the dysfunction of childhood. 09:51 And we think of a particularly a single parent 09:54 in this case, your father's. 09:56 So if you're told as you're growing up 10:00 or you come in contact with Christianity. 10:03 And you're told about your Father God, you know, 10:07 what do you think about your Father God when you're thinking 10:10 about your father who was the only person 10:14 that you can relate to about this figure? 10:17 Does that do something to you, was there something 10:19 that was hard for you to connect 10:21 as to who is my Father God? 10:27 All right. Yeah, let me shoot forehead. 10:29 That's a loaded question, Wayne. 10:31 For me, I was living with my mom 10:35 until I was about 14 years old. 10:38 My father had actually, 10:40 had an affair with a backslidden Christian 10:43 that worked in our restaurant. 10:45 You know, it totally destroyed, you know, our family. 10:47 But what happened is 10:49 my mother at the divorce told my dad that... 10:52 My dad said, "I got everything." 10:53 And my mom said, "No, you didn't get my kids." 10:55 And then at that point, 10:57 my sisters and I became pawns in this game. 11:00 And my dad was dead set 11:02 on getting each one of us to live with him. 11:05 And he had actually become a Christian. 11:07 So I don't know how all of this blurred together. 11:09 But now as he's like the elder of his church, 11:12 you know, one by one he is manipulating us 11:15 to come and live with him. 11:16 And at that time, I didn't want to live with my mom anymore 11:19 than I wanted to live with my dad. 11:20 But, you know, I kind of thought, well, 11:22 maybe I could go away to private school 11:23 and I wouldn't have to live with either one of them. 11:25 But when I went there 11:27 what was amazing is, you know, 11:28 my dad's character was still the same. 11:31 We were afraid of him. 11:32 You know, you never knew when he was going to blow off 11:33 at the handle. 11:35 There was never any consistency. 11:36 If you did what he said to do today, 11:38 tomorrow the rules would totally change. 11:40 So there was never any stability. 11:42 And that is how I viewed God. 11:44 I saw Him as punitive, I saw Him as arbitrary, 11:47 I saw Him as just looking, you know, to be critical of me. 11:50 And to, you know, flick me in the head 11:52 if I did anything wrong. 11:53 So I feared God, I got that, you know. 11:57 I knew that if I didn't do right that I'd be punished. 11:59 And so, from the very onset of my understanding 12:02 of who God was, 12:04 I thought it was all based on performance. 12:06 I thought it was all based on behaviors, 12:08 not understanding that there was any love involved. 12:11 It's so bizarre but I know that my dad loved me. 12:14 But I also can look back and see, you know, 12:16 his brokenness definitely contributed to that 12:18 like what Lance said. 12:20 But what was really sad is that when I began a relationship 12:23 with Jesus Christ and got baptized at 15, 12:26 I didn't have a clue about His goodness, 12:28 or His tenderness, or compassion. 12:30 I heard those things, but I certainly didn't know 12:33 how to assimilate that into the relationship. 12:36 Wow. 12:39 It's a very lonely place to be under those circumstances. 12:43 So as you begin to recognize 12:45 what was happening with the disassociation 12:48 with your father's and the association 12:51 with some same sex attraction coming about. 12:55 Did either one of you tell your mother 12:57 that you thought you were gay, 12:59 or that you might have same sex attraction? 13:01 Well, I waited until my father was dead. 13:05 Really? Wow. 13:06 Yeah, I waited until he died. Wow. 13:08 And why did you wait? Because... 13:10 And in fact, he asked me at one point 13:12 if I was gay and I told him no. 13:15 Of course I lied because I was already 13:18 experienced rejection from him in the first place. 13:19 And I knew he... 13:21 Right, you didn't want to go any further. 13:22 Right, but he didn't believe me. 13:23 He didn't believe when I told him that. 13:25 So I lived under this cloud of knowing that he knew. 13:28 And he would give little hints 13:30 especially after I became a Christian, you know, 13:31 he would read stuff in the paper 13:34 about gays and stuff like that. 13:36 He'll say, you know, 13:37 "Gays are gonna go to hell, aren't they?" 13:39 You know, he would say that to me. 13:41 You know, and I'll say yes, you know, just, I just... 13:43 And he didn't... 13:44 He made some derogatory remark 13:47 earlier in your life, is that right? 13:48 Yeah, correct. What was that, Lance? 13:49 About that my mom, you know, got the daughter he already, 13:53 that he always wanted, you know, so... 13:55 That's really off-putting, isn't it? 13:56 And hurtful. Wow! 14:01 Mike, did you tell your mom that you were gay? 14:04 Yeah, but I had to be drunk. And I remember... 14:07 Courage. Liquid courage. 14:09 Yeah, yeah. Liquid courage. 14:10 I had just been dumped by a boyfriend, 14:13 the first love that I had experienced 14:15 in the gay life. 14:16 And I was incredibly, I don't know despondent, 14:22 I was very upset and in my drunkenness 14:24 the only person I thought to call 14:26 that would really be there for me 14:28 was my mom. 14:29 And we didn't have a very great relationship 14:32 but for some reason, you know, 14:33 it had to be 1 or 2 o'clock in the morning, 14:36 I called her and I didn't have the guts to say who it was 14:40 or what the sex of this person was. 14:42 You know, so I was, you know, 14:45 I was just saying this person and they broke up with me, 14:48 I'm really hurting and, you know, 14:49 what was incredible is my mom really rose to the occasion. 14:52 She didn't expose it either, and she went with it, 14:55 and she comforted me, 14:57 and she gave me a lot of support 14:59 that I needed at the time. 15:00 And towards the end of the conversation, 15:02 she said, "Well, what's this person's name?" 15:04 And so, you know, when it came out, you know, 15:06 there was a guy's name or whatever, no judgment, 15:09 just love. 15:10 And that kind of opened the door but again, 15:12 we weren't used to being very direct 15:14 in our relationship, 15:16 you know, with my mom. 15:17 But definitely, I felt support there when I told her. 15:23 You know, I'm wondering if in your adolescence 15:27 and as you grew up, you felt sort of... 15:30 Mike, I think you felt the absence of your father 15:32 even when he was present at times and, Lance, 15:35 said you didn't have his presence there. 15:38 What's that like? 15:40 Do you have a kind of an empty hopefulness 15:44 that you're wishing that you had a father? 15:47 Did you connect at some point in Christianity 15:50 and realize or think that God was giving you 15:54 the presence of a father 15:55 that you never had, was that there? 15:59 Let me tell you that, you know, you're hitting buttons, Wayne, 16:02 with what you're saying. 16:03 I always wanted a twin brother. 16:05 I'm so envious that you had a twin brother 16:08 and it breaks my heart 16:09 that you were so separated from your twin brother. 16:12 I didn't want my dad. 16:14 I didn't want a dad 16:15 because the only example that I had of, 16:18 it was so uncomfortable, the negative, 16:20 it's like, well, just do away with that. 16:22 But I was desperate for a brother 16:24 and, you know what, maybe that was something 16:26 that the Holy Spirit gave me 16:27 because Jesus wants to be our brother, right? 16:30 And so at the early stage, I would fantasize that 16:33 I had a twin brother somewhere, you know, I even, you know, 16:36 speculate that maybe I was a twin at some time, 16:38 I don't know. 16:40 But I would, you know, have this pretend friend 16:42 that I could relate to. 16:44 I only had sisters, so I knew that there was 16:45 a vast difference in my gender. 16:47 But I thought if there was someone 16:49 that I had that I could really tell who I was, 16:52 that I could be honest, and open, and authentic with. 16:55 And so, I had this fantasy if you would, 16:58 friend for many years. 16:59 Wow. 17:01 You know, I was fortunate that 17:02 I grew up with a father figure there. 17:05 But I felt the absence 17:07 because of the dysfunction in my life, 17:09 the same sex attraction. 17:11 I didn't think I was connecting from a masculine point of view. 17:15 And recently, Mike, I had the privilege 17:17 of introducing you to my parents. 17:20 Powerful. It was awesome. 17:23 You made an observation that I'd like you to share. 17:26 So here we were having lunch with your mom and dad. 17:28 And they're incredible. 17:31 They look very naive, 17:33 they look like down-home Kansas City 17:36 people in their 80s. 17:37 And, you know, here we had lunch 17:39 and we started talking about the nuances of our ministry. 17:42 And they weren't batting an eye, you know, 17:43 we are eating our Chinese food and they're just going on. 17:46 But when we got up to leave, 17:48 their eyes were filled with tears 17:50 over the power of God to restore their son to them. 17:53 They prayed for you over 40 years, right? 17:56 And so, when he went to give his dad a hug, you know, 17:59 Wayne's about six foot and now his dad is frail, 18:02 and he's small, and, you know, 18:04 his hair is very thinning on top or whatever. 18:06 But his dad grabbed him around the waist 18:09 and threw his head into his chest, 18:12 and he hung on. 18:13 And so, Wayne was tearful, his dad was tearful, whatever. 18:16 And after the hug, you know, Wayne was letting go. 18:18 But your dad was hanging on. 18:21 And that impacted me in such a profound way, 18:24 I couldn't relate to it. 18:26 All I was doing was looking at you thinking, 18:28 I wish I could have had that. 18:31 Yeah. 18:34 I have been so privileged 18:37 because I didn't have that relationship, 18:40 that closeness with my dad 18:42 or with my parents until God redeemed me. 18:46 And every day now, I thank God for them. 18:49 And I call them and I let them know 18:51 how much I love them and every time I see them, 18:54 there's this love connection 18:55 that I never knew could possibly exist. 18:58 And I know that God not only preserved me 19:00 for such a time as this, 19:02 but He's preserved them in their years, 19:05 now my dad turns 90 this month. 19:07 Hallelujah. 19:09 And I love them both just like crazy. 19:13 Let's talk a little bit about this reconciliation 19:17 that has now taken place. 19:19 A reconciliation, was the reconciliation 19:22 ever before your father died, Mike? 19:27 I became a Christian 12 years ago. 19:29 And my dad was already back into the church. 19:33 He'd been married four times in his life. 19:36 And his wife was many years younger than me 19:38 and had a son. 19:39 So I actually had a stepbrother that was like 13 when I was 47. 19:44 And so, I remember that every time 19:47 I would go to Pennsylvania to see my dad 19:49 or even my mom in Ohio 19:51 that the Holy Spirit would say, you know, go see your dad. 19:53 And I was always resistant, every time that, 19:56 that the Lord would put us together, 19:58 it was always awful, always. 20:01 Like he would stir this thing up, 20:03 it was a very competitive relationship at best. 20:05 Even after my father passed away, 20:08 I was talking to my mom 20:09 about how I felt very competitive with him. 20:11 And she thought for a minute and she said, 20:13 "You know, I remember you were about two years old 20:15 and I remember looking at your father and saying, 20:18 'Why are you competing with a two year old?'" 20:20 And that was confirmation to me that I wanted a dad, 20:23 I needed a dad. 20:24 But the competition just kept him from me. 20:28 I didn't want to compete with him. 20:29 I wanted to love him. 20:31 I wanted him to love me 20:32 and I think every child has that. 20:34 So every time I will go see my dad, 20:35 something awful always. 20:37 And that was a driving force, 20:39 it destroyed my masculinity, 20:41 it destroyed any foundation of anything 20:44 that I had with him. 20:45 All it did was affirmed that I was worthless, 20:47 that I wasn't a man, 20:49 and it drove me straight to a dirty bookstore. 20:50 And I would buy, you know, a couple magazines, 20:53 and do this evil thing, and just throw the books away. 20:57 And it was like, I couldn't help, 20:59 it was like this driving force for me. 21:02 And so the very last time that I ever saw my dad, 21:04 I was going to up north again. 21:06 And the Holy Spirit said, "Go see your dad." 21:08 I'm like, oh, no. 21:10 And the Holy Spirit pled with me, 21:11 it said, "No, Mike, 21:12 I really want you to see your dad." 21:14 And I thought, okay, maybe like the other times 21:16 that the Holy Spirit know something I don't, 21:18 maybe finally we're going to reconcile. 21:20 We're both in the church. 21:21 I was an elder in my church. 21:22 He was a head elder in his church. 21:24 I went to his church, he did the sermon, 21:26 he taught the Sabbath School lesson, 21:28 and they had a potluck meal. 21:30 So I'm sitting next to my nephew 21:32 and my stepbrother. 21:33 And we're doing the tickle game after we ate dinner. 21:35 The room is full of all my dad's church members 21:38 and we're tickling. 21:39 And so my dad walks behind me 21:41 and he's trying to help them out. 21:43 But, you know, I'm in my 40s, I'm not that ticklish anymore. 21:46 So he reaches down to try to tickle me. 21:47 It didn't work and I thought great dad's playing, right? 21:49 So I turn around, 21:50 he's standing behind me and I grabbed his knee, 21:52 and he jerked his knee back, and just like the ex-cop, 21:56 you know, the ex-Navy, you know, person or whatever... 21:59 Again, the whole competitive relationship, 22:03 he came down with his fists so hard on my head. 22:06 And I'm just sitting in the chair, 22:08 and it was so out of character, and out of line, 22:10 and inappropriate in. 22:11 And the crushing blow didn't hurt near as much 22:14 as the embarrassment, the humiliation. 22:17 And I sat there, and I got up, 22:19 I walked out to my car and I said, 22:21 "Are You happy, God? 22:23 I did just what You said, I came, are You happy? 22:25 Now, I've got this to work through again." 22:27 And it took a few months. 22:29 And after a couple of months, 22:31 I was able to forgive my dad again, 22:32 recognizing that he's broken. 22:34 God took me through all the steps. 22:35 And when my sister Laura came to me 22:38 that Sabbath afternoon and told me 22:39 that my dad had died, 22:42 I was holding on to her and she was somewhat tearful. 22:45 And I was looking at this beautiful blue sky 22:47 and I remember the Holy Spirit conforming to me saying 22:50 "See, Mike, that's why I had you see 22:52 your dad all those times." 22:54 He hoped for reconciliation to the Holy Spirit. 22:56 But even though I didn't get that confirmation, 22:59 God was letting me know 23:00 that I did what He was asking me to do. 23:02 I had no more history or feelings of regret 23:07 or remorse about what I didn't do 23:09 because I obeyed my Heavenly Father. 23:11 Incredibly, three months before I had gone to see my dad 23:15 for the first time walking as a Christian for seven years. 23:18 I read the verse again in John 23:20 that says Jesus was telling the disciples, 23:22 "If you've seen Me, you've seen the Father." 23:25 And, you know, for seven years it took walking 23:27 with Jesus Christ day by day, 23:29 learning to trust a man, my brother, 23:31 the brother I always wanted. 23:33 And as I started walking legitimately 23:35 with Jesus Christ, 23:36 He brought around this healing for me. 23:37 I realized that I could trust Him. 23:40 And as I built that relationship, 23:41 finally after seven years, 23:43 my Heavenly Father said to Jesus, 23:46 "Now you can introduce me to my son." 23:48 And it was so profound when I realized 23:50 that the goodness that my Savior was, 23:52 the tenderness and compassion that He had 23:54 was the same tenderness 23:56 and compassion that my Heavenly Father had. 23:58 And so God introduced Himself to me before my dad died, 24:03 so that I would be confirmed that I am not an orphan. 24:06 Wow. What an awesome revelation. 24:09 That's incredible. God is incredible. 24:11 Lance, what's your relationship like with your father today? 24:15 Well, my father died when he was 55 years old. 24:18 I know that. 24:19 And so, I never was able to reconcile with him. 24:20 And I remember when he died 24:22 and there was no emotion for me. 24:24 But what happened was I remember 24:25 being by myself maybe years 24:28 after that and just thinking about him, 24:29 and I just cried out his name, and just started really crying. 24:33 You know, Lance, 24:34 what I'm really alluding to here 24:36 when I asked you about your father? 24:38 What's that? About your Heavenly Father. 24:41 Can you tell me about your relationship 24:43 with your father today? 24:45 I can really say that, 24:46 you know, there's a verse about it that says, 24:48 "When my mother and father forsake me, 24:49 the Lord will take me up." 24:50 And He has truly been not only my father 24:52 but my mother as well, 24:53 because remember my mother work 16 hours a day. 24:56 So she wasn't there to take care of us as well. 24:59 So I didn't get love from either one. 25:02 So you've been walking with God for some time now. 25:05 Oh, yes. 25:07 It took a long time for me to really trust Him 25:09 because I saw Him as I saw my father 25:11 and my mother, abandonment, not trusting. 25:15 When I do something wrong, I felt that he would just, 25:17 was distant from me. 25:19 But I'm realizing that's not true at all, 25:21 He loves me even more. 25:23 So your intimacy is growing, isn't it? 25:24 Oh, yes. 25:26 And show me what does that look like? 25:29 Oh, man. 25:30 I mean I can just read stuff from the Bible 25:32 like there's a verse in Psalm 107: 20, 25:35 it says, "He sent His Word and healed them." 25:38 And I just love that, His Word just, 25:40 it just causes something in me to just want to weep 25:42 because it's just so beautiful. 25:44 And I see that's speaking to me, you know. 25:46 So... Yes. 25:48 You know, in the Book of Joel 25:49 that says that God promises to restore what the locust ate. 25:53 And I really think of your situation, Lance, 25:55 I don't know how it would have come out of your situation 25:57 but God truly does start to heal 26:00 the wounds and to restore everything 26:02 that's been taken away from us. 26:04 You know, there's reconciliation, 26:07 and there's healing, 26:09 and I think that there's so much 26:10 to be said about the brokenness 26:13 that we arrived with. 26:16 You know, we all come out of situations in life. 26:20 There are so many viewers here 26:22 that I know that are watching and thinking about, 26:24 you know, "I didn't have a relationship with my father, 26:27 I didn't have a father." 26:29 And so how does that translate 26:31 when you're trying to get to know somebody you 26:33 can't even see. 26:34 But God will reveal Himself if we'll go to the Word of God, 26:40 if we'll just begin to find out more about Him 26:44 by reading His Word and pray 26:46 and ask for Him to make His presence known. 26:48 And He also reveals Himself through other people. 26:50 Absolutely. 26:52 You know, in the book, Steps to Christ, it says, 26:53 "Through the deepest, tenderest earthly ties 26:55 that human hearts can know God seeks 26:56 to reveal Himself." 26:57 That's right. Amen. 26:59 Wow, what a powerful testimony both of you have given today. 27:03 And I've really appreciated looking at this, 27:08 not having a father but knowing that we do have a father. 27:12 And if as a viewer you have been sitting here 27:15 and thinking about, 27:17 "Wow, I've been missing that male figure, 27:18 that father figure." 27:20 I invite you to engage with the church community. 27:22 Try the Seventh-day Adventist Church Community. 27:26 And I think you'll find that not only will you 27:28 find your Heavenly Father there, 27:30 but you're able to find 27:31 the reflection of God's true love 27:34 through those who are attending these church congregations. 27:38 Thank you for joining us today on Pure Choices. 27:41 And we've been so privileged 27:43 to share our testimony here today. 27:45 And I invite you to continue to make pure choices. 27:50 Thanks for joining us. God bless you. |
Revised 2018-04-26