Participants: Joshua Nelson (Host), James Brandon, Jeremy Anderson, Kory Douglas, Traci Anderson
Series Code: PC
Program Code: PC000051
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00:01 The following program discusses sensitive issues.
00:03 Parents are cautioned that some material 00:05 may be too candid for younger children. 00:40 Hello, and welcome 00:41 to another edition of Pure Choices. 00:43 I'm your host Pastor Joshua Nelson 00:45 and we have a great one for you today. 00:48 We're talking about 'Two Together', 00:50 talking about relationships 00:52 and really how to navigate to find a good relationship. 00:55 And so before we introduce our panel, 00:57 just going to stop and say a word of prayer. 01:00 Dear heavenly Father, we just ask 01:01 that as we speak and talk about relationships 01:04 that You would lead and guide us, 01:06 and that we would understand exactly 01:07 what we should do from here on. 01:08 In Jesus' name we pray, amen. 01:10 Amen. All right. 01:12 I'll start with the gentleman here to my left, 01:14 Pastor Kory Douglas who is a pastor in... 01:18 He pastors a church in Grand Avenue 01:20 in New Life Fellowship in Missouri. 01:21 All right. 01:23 And also we have across here is Brother Jeremy Anderson 01:26 who is a Christian author and speaker 01:29 in Madison, Alabama. 01:30 Next to him is his lovely wife, Traci Anderson 01:33 who is actually the manager of his ministry, and a CMO, 01:37 so we're happy to have her with us also of course, 01:40 from Madison, Alabama. 01:41 And next we have, next to her is James Brandon 01:44 who is a campus chaplain 01:46 at the University of South Florida, 01:48 there in Tampa, Florida. 01:50 So we have a good panel 01:53 and we're going to just go ahead and get right into. 01:54 We have our married couple here, 01:56 so I want to start with you guys 01:57 because you are, 01:59 I guess the picture of what we're all trying to attain 02:02 when it comes to a good relationship 02:03 or a married relationship 02:05 and speaking about pure choices. 02:07 And so, let's just speak to the young people, 02:10 let's talk about what does it look like to have a godly, 02:14 healthy relationship. 02:16 You know, I think, you know, me and my wife discusses often, 02:19 one thing that's missing in relationships is God. 02:23 A lot of times people think, 02:24 you know, I should find someone who is, you know, 02:26 godly or holy that loves God, to marry them. 02:28 But there is a lot of importance in finding 02:31 someone of that stature in your walk 02:34 when you're dating, you know. 02:35 That's why you're dating somebody. 02:37 It's important to have someone that believes in God, 02:39 you believe in God so that you walk and grow together. 02:42 So I think a lot of relationships 02:43 tend to take the wrong path 02:45 because Christ is not in the center 02:47 and it's gonna fall apart. 02:49 He is the glue, 02:50 it's the salvation that holds everything together. 02:52 And so when He's not in that, it won't last for long. 02:55 So I think, that's why you see a lot of relationships 02:57 that seem like, they could be so great on the outside, 02:59 eventually they end up falling apart 03:01 because Christ isn't in the center. 03:03 Hasn't been in the center. Okay, that's important. 03:05 Yeah. 03:06 I also think just to piggyback on what Jeremy was saying 03:10 that it's also important 03:11 that you start before you get married. 03:13 It's important to have a prayer and devotion 03:17 even when you're single just to, 03:20 you know, intertwine God in every step that you make, 03:25 especially as a Christian woman, 03:27 a young woman, whether you're old or young. 03:29 And then also to have prayer and devotion with your husband 03:34 and with your family when you do get married, 03:37 even before you get married, 03:38 even when you're in a relationship, 03:40 it's important to establish those patterns from the jump. 03:44 Yeah. 03:45 Yeah, I really appreciate you saying that 03:48 because that's something that we need to focus on, 03:50 you know, as trying to develop ourselves 03:52 not just for to be in a dating relationship 03:54 but just for marriage, 03:56 you got to develop yourself as an individual. 03:59 Okay. 04:00 So, now let's get into the nuts and bolts of relationship 04:02 because many times people say, 04:04 "Well, we're arguing in our relationships, 04:06 so that means we don't have a good relationship, 04:08 I mean, are we going to be able to argue?" 04:09 What type of thing that you should expect 04:11 to happen in a good relationship? 04:14 You know, patience has to be key, you know. 04:18 Even when we're dating and now that we're married, 04:20 one thing we try to do is make sure 04:22 that God is in the midst of our relationship, 04:24 even in our conversation. 04:26 So if I'm having a rough day or we've talked about something 04:28 that we don't necessarily agree on it 04:29 that could easily turn into argument. 04:31 And so we say, "You know what, let's just pause, 04:33 let's just calm down. 04:34 Let's talk about this later." 04:36 And then we pray about it. 04:37 So whenever she come to me, she's like, "Let's pray." 04:39 Or if I come to her and say, "Let's pray," 04:40 we know we're about to have a deep conversation, you know. 04:43 But what happens is we submit ourselves to God 04:46 and we say, "God, we want to be in control here 04:48 so that we're not operating in the carnal flesh." 04:50 And I suggest to people who I've counseled, 04:52 who are thinking about getting married 04:54 to practice that in their relationship even now. 04:56 Don't wait till marriage, 04:57 you know, having Christ in the center 04:59 even as you're dating. 05:00 So that thing is important 05:02 and letting the Spirit lead in everything you do. 05:03 Yeah, go ahead. 05:06 I think it's okay to have disagreements, 05:09 you know, maybe it's not okay to have arguments. 05:12 I don't think that, you know, arguments are of God 05:16 especially if you're not in the Spirit. 05:17 But I think it is okay to have disagreements 05:20 when you're in a relationship. 05:21 Yeah, okay. 05:23 And that's important for us to hear, 05:25 you know, because, you know, 05:26 I think that in many relationships 05:30 things can get out of control with so much anger. 05:34 So talk to us, let's kind of, maybe go over to James now, 05:38 you know, and talking about relationships and what not. 05:40 What is wrong with arguing 05:43 or the anger getting the best of you in a relationship? 05:46 Yeah. 05:48 I think that whenever there are disagreements, 05:52 I think that when we put our opinion 05:57 or our desire to be heard over the actual relationship, 06:04 then you're really doing a disservice 06:05 and you're really taking from rather than trying to give. 06:08 So you're giving information 06:09 but the way you're doing it is not of... 06:11 in a Godly way. 06:13 You're basically trying to rise over saying, "Okay, I'm better. 06:17 My point is more clear," 06:18 and this would chump whatever you're saying. 06:21 But if you go back to how Christ operated, 06:24 He would always serve. 06:25 So He would take the lower path and, you know, sit back 06:29 and listen and then after everything, 06:32 all the emotions and all of these things go then, 06:36 you know, speak about the situation and love. 06:38 Okay. 06:40 So I think that's... 06:41 The head to head thing is not really biblical, 06:45 that's not the way you should deal with things like that. 06:47 Okay. 06:48 Okay, then let's go, and go ahead 06:50 and talk a little more about red flags, you know. 06:53 Someone may be in a relationship right now 06:54 and they think that this is normal 06:56 maybe because they've seen these things in other, 06:58 you know, relationships or whatnot. 06:59 So someone listening in a relationship, 07:01 dating relationship, marriage, I mean, you know, 07:03 what are some red flags that you hate, 07:05 you have a problem you need to deal with these things 07:07 in your relationship. 07:09 I'll maybe take the couple and I'll kind of open it up. 07:12 You know, I've seen in a lot of relationships 07:16 a lot of conflict that happens early on for like, no reason. 07:20 Some people just have a certain spirit about it, 07:22 a certain attitude, you know. 07:24 And when you getting to know someone if you've... 07:25 I'll just like to tell young people, 07:27 if you find yourself always arguing, 07:28 if you find yourself hard trying to explain yourself, 07:30 if you always find yourself always saying, 07:31 "Okay, okay calm down, that's not that deep." 07:33 Like those are red flags 07:35 if they're just always are aargh, aargh, aargh. 07:37 And so, you know, you want to find someone 07:38 that has a certain type of spirit, 07:40 you know what I'm saying? 07:41 Someone that's peaceful, someone that's meek, 07:43 someone that's loving, someone that's patient. 07:45 You really want to try to find somebody 07:46 that has those type of characteristics 07:48 in your relationship, 07:50 and not someone that comes with a lot of drama, 07:52 a lot of baggage, 07:53 where you always want to explain yourself. 07:55 You know, you should be free to be you. 07:56 I know a lot of people right now 07:58 they have a lot of great things going on for their selves 08:00 but they feel like, they have to wear a certain mask 08:02 or be a certain person to be with that person 08:04 but they need to be their selves. 08:06 Yeah. 08:07 Definitely, definitely. 08:08 And I think at the end of the day 08:10 what it boils down to, 08:11 and I'm saying this based on my own personal relationship 08:13 as well as maybe counseling some folks in marriage 08:16 is that you need to be in an environment 08:18 where you feel safe. 08:19 And I think anything outside of safety is a red flag. 08:22 You know, if your phone rings and you're like, 08:25 "Man, you know, they're calling me." 08:27 Then it's not a safe environment. 08:29 You know, do you feel safe, 08:30 now we're just talking about communication, 08:32 do you feel safe enough to be able to say, 08:33 "Well, I don't agree with you"? 08:35 Do you feel safe enough to say, 08:37 "I had a bad day, let's talk about it"? 08:38 Or, "I don't like the way you treat me, 08:40 let's work through it." 08:41 I believe if you don't feel safe, 08:42 you know, when that person comes around, 08:44 how does that make you feel? 08:45 You know, are you, are you like, 08:47 "Ah, you know, they're back," you know. 08:49 And I've counseled a couple excuse me, 08:51 where the female in the situation 08:54 is calling me saying, "Pastor, you know..." 08:57 And she's telling me all these stories 08:58 and then when he comes home, she wants... 08:59 she just get off the phone. 09:01 You know, like, "Oh, I got to go, he's back." 09:02 That's red flags, you know, 09:04 you have to feel safe in every avenue, 09:06 you know, spiritually safe, physically safe, 09:09 and emotionally safe. 09:10 Everything outside of that are red flags 09:11 as far as I'm concerned. 09:13 Okay. 09:14 So that's kind of the situation in a lot of relationships 09:17 where there's a lot of anger, a lot of red flags. 09:20 But one thing that seems to always, 09:21 kind of, smooth things over when even though 09:24 it may be angry and things are going wrong 09:26 and, you know, the relationship is bad, 09:28 well, the physical is good. 09:31 "We're having, you know, we're having sex." 09:32 Make up. And it's, you know, make up. 09:34 And it's, you know, "Okay, I treat you bad 09:36 but I don't want to, you know, 09:38 lose out on the physical part of it," you know. 09:40 So in a relationship, in a dating relationship, 09:44 what is too far when it comes to this physicality? 09:48 And should that be even there to heal 09:50 per se a problem in a relationship? 09:55 I want to just to go back 09:58 and this kind of answers the question that you just ask. 10:00 I think that the make-up part, the sexual, the physical part, 10:05 if you make up after that per se, "The make-up," 10:08 I think that that is a red flag. 10:11 You know, I don't think that you should have to make-up 10:14 and it be something physical, you know. 10:18 I think that... 10:21 Why though? 10:22 I just want to count why, you know, that, 10:25 I like what you're saying because I agree. 10:27 But why would that be not good 10:30 to have the make-up of a disagreement be sex? 10:34 I don't think that, I mean, that's not a pure relationship. 10:39 You know, you shouldn't even be thinking about those things 10:45 if you're not marrying. 10:47 You know, of course that's first off. 10:52 I think that it should be based on other things, 10:56 you know, worship, prayer, just having a good time. 11:01 You know, dating that person, taking them out on dates, 11:05 even if you, you know, even if you can't afford 11:07 to go out on dates, 11:08 if you watch a movie at the house, you know... 11:13 With a proper supervision. 11:15 Right, with a proper supervision 11:16 and I will say this, I'll say this, 11:18 when Jeremy and I first started dating 11:20 and I finally came over to his house, 11:24 he had two couches. 11:26 I sat on one couch, he sat on the other couch. 11:29 And he asked me, 11:33 "Come over here so you can watch TV." 11:34 And I told him that I could see the TV 11:37 just fine from this other couch over here. 11:39 Right, right. 11:41 So... 11:42 She held her standards at a high place 11:45 and that's what made me fall in love. 11:48 I said, "Not only she is beautiful 11:49 and she's smart but she knows the value she is. 11:52 She knows the rose that she is." 11:54 And I was used to just, to be honest with us, 11:56 you know, we're all adults, I was used to having my way. 11:59 So she said, "No." 12:00 I mean, we did it for months 12:02 and she would not come to my house. 12:03 And when I finally say, "Hey, come over for a movie," 12:05 like, the 10th time, she finally said, "Okay, cool. 12:08 I'll come over around one." 12:09 I was thinking, "One o'clock in the morning?" 12:10 She's like, "No, in the afternoon." 12:13 I'm thinking like, "Who watches the movie 12:14 at 1 o'clock in the afternoon?" 12:16 But she wasn't playing no games and once the sunset, 12:18 she was like, "Okay, I'm leaving." 12:20 So I think that's something that's really important 12:22 in a lot of relationships. 12:23 So I would tell younger or old people if you're dating, 12:26 to make sure you get to a point 12:27 where you can have a relationship with someone 12:29 without the physical part. 12:31 So many relationships are based upon the sex 12:33 and the physical activities. 12:35 If you take that out, what substance does it have. 12:37 Yeah, yeah. 12:39 That's so good, I mean, we need to hear that 12:40 because, you know, especially in the day, 12:43 this day and age, we, you know, guys, 12:45 how they are, they're going to use 12:47 and get away with as much as they can. 12:49 But at the end day they're gonna marry somebody 12:50 who they can get away with. 12:52 Oh, yeah. 12:53 There is always somebody who has high standards, 12:54 that's what we're looking for. 12:56 So we want ladies to really hold themselves 12:57 up to that standard as well. 12:58 So I appreciate that, Traci, that's awesome, you know. 13:01 And so definitely looking at what you just said 13:05 that is a huge red flag. 13:06 You know, make-up sex, no, you know, just communicate. 13:10 We need communication to be the focus of our relationships. 13:14 So now let's just be real also in relationships, 13:18 dating relationships 13:19 you're going to want to have sex. 13:21 There's going to be a lot of tension. 13:23 So what do you do? 13:24 How do you deal with that? 13:26 Anybody can answer. Yeah. 13:29 I think that kind of what we spoke about earlier. 13:31 Society says, a boy and a girl, 13:34 when they get to a certain level, 13:36 they can start to explore and it's okay 13:38 because it's just, you know, a little stuff here and there. 13:43 But the whole package of sex 13:45 was designed for a married couple, 13:48 a union between a husband and a wife. 13:51 And it's like, if you, if you were given a package 13:53 and, you know, it has a wrapping and a bow, 13:55 think of like a Christmas present. 13:57 And you get it and someone says, 13:59 "Okay, you can just open a little corner 14:02 but don't open anymore." 14:03 So you get it and then you open a little corner 14:06 and, but that, it only satisfies for a moment. 14:09 You know, at some point 14:10 you're just gonna rip everything open. 14:12 Yeah. To see the present. 14:13 Yes, see everything. 14:15 So I think that it's important for us being... 14:18 trying to be pure and young people 14:20 who are trying to go on purity to not even, 14:23 you know, make provisions for the lust of the flesh 14:26 because the Bible says, you know, don't even, 14:28 don't even go a little bit, you know, don't even... 14:30 Yeah. 14:32 You know, when you're moving down the slippery slope. 14:37 So definitely setting boundaries and parameters, 14:41 excuse me, and I think the other person 14:44 if they're truly on the same page 14:46 and they're truly thinking biblically 14:47 will accept those parameters 14:49 that you give them in order to maintain purity 14:52 throughout the relationship. 14:54 So I think another red flag is 14:55 if one of the individuals is always, 14:59 either they don't want boundaries, 15:00 or they're always stepping over the boundaries, 15:03 that's, something needs to be set for that 15:05 and that would be a red flag for sure. 15:07 We need to value the gift then. Yes. 15:09 Value the gift, you know, that God has given us 15:12 and open that gift when it is time 15:14 and that's during marriage. 15:15 Just make that clear, during marriage. 15:16 Yes, yes. 15:18 Go ahead... 15:19 Well, one of the first thing that came to my mind 15:20 when you asked the question was a verse, 15:22 you know, "flee youthful lust." 15:23 And I love what you said 15:24 because when we think flee youthful lust, 15:26 we think about Joseph and, you know, 15:27 Potiphar's wife comes and then he flees. 15:29 Probably, flee youthful lust is also being intentional 15:33 about what you do even before the situation presents itself. 15:36 You know, and so don't put yourself 15:37 in the kind of situation 15:39 that you know are going to bring you to wars, 15:41 making those kind of decisions. 15:43 I know for young men, 15:44 there are certain times of the night 15:45 when certain thoughts are natural, 15:47 you know, and so at certain times in the night 15:49 you probably don't even want to be awake 15:50 or even with somebody of the opposite sex 15:52 because that, you know, we call it the bewitching hours. 15:54 Right, right. 15:55 You know, and there are just certain things 15:56 that come to your mind at certain times. 15:58 So at bedtime I don't want to be talking to a female, 16:00 you know, I don't want to be around them, 16:01 I want to act, matter of fact 16:03 I want to be in my bed at that time 16:04 getting to the age now, I just want to be sleeping. 16:06 What I'm just saying, we have to be intentional 16:08 about what we do to prevent those situations from coming 16:11 so that when it comes to that situation, 16:13 we're not caught in a compromising, 16:15 you know, "Well, what should I do now?" 16:16 Yeah. 16:18 And, I mean, what everyone is saying here is so valid, 16:21 and I think the key is to make sure 16:23 that you go into the relationship 16:24 and you have specific boundaries set up. 16:27 And you say, "Listen, I'm going to keep my body pure. 16:29 I'm gonna keep my body holy. 16:30 This is the lifestyle that I'm living." 16:32 And then you don't find a partner 16:34 but when God sends you a partner, 16:36 you make sure that they can appreciate 16:38 your state of mind there and then move forward. 16:40 Well, I think, a lot of times, you know, one person may have, 16:44 may say, "Okay, I'm going to live a certain way," 16:46 but we date other people 16:47 who don't necessarily respect that, you know. 16:50 And then they end up doing what they know 16:52 they shouldn't be doing. 16:54 And so I think that's real key, 16:56 setting those boundaries up from the beginning 16:57 and holding strong to them, 16:59 you know, because eventually, you'll get to a point 17:02 where you'll be tested 17:03 and so well, you want to make sure 17:05 that you are strong as possible. 17:06 Another thing is what you watch, 17:07 like that's real big. 17:09 So if you're watching certain shows, 17:10 they have a lot of sexual activity 17:12 and different things going on, 17:14 you're watching that. 17:15 You think, you know, 17:16 just 'cause you're not getting arousal, 17:18 it's doing something to your brain here. 17:19 So you are going to watch what you put into your brain. 17:21 Our brains are like a computer man, 17:22 kind of, watch the tempo, exactly. 17:24 And so I think that's really important as well. 17:26 Okay. 17:27 And I want to get back to Traci because, you know, 17:29 your husband there showed 17:31 that you were holding the standards 17:32 then and everything. 17:34 And just want to know, I mean, young people watching, 17:36 I mean, "So we can't do anything?" 17:38 I mean, what is, you know, what is, you know, there Jay, 17:41 you're talking about the packages though 17:43 and "I'd open the corner of it, I can't open the corner? 17:45 I just got to see what color it is." 17:47 I mean, you know, what is the color, you know. 17:49 I mean, what is the limit? 17:51 I mean, should we not hold hands, 17:54 I mean, should we not kiss, no hugging, 17:56 what do you think would be standard maybe, 17:59 you know? 18:01 I don't know. 18:02 I think you have to set your standards 18:05 based on what you're comfortable with. 18:07 You know from the get go what is too far 18:11 and, you know, 18:14 what you can handle as a person. 18:17 You know what I'm saying? Yeah. 18:19 Even as a female you just need to be careful 18:24 and just, I can't stress enough to just pray 18:28 even before you go into the relationship 18:30 just to know God will send you a partner. 18:35 Don't go looking for a partner. 18:38 I didn't go looking, you know, for my husband, 18:40 looking for Jeremy. 18:42 But luckily she found me. Right. 18:44 Lucky you've found her. 18:46 Right, right. 18:47 Lucky for her. 18:48 Right, looking for you. 18:52 So I think that, you know as a female 18:55 what's your boundaries are, what's too far, 18:59 and you know within your heart, within yourself. 19:02 Yeah. 19:03 If a girl or man doesn't have those boundaries set. 19:07 They need to start getting their boundaries set, 19:09 you know, because again, 19:11 we're talking about making pure choices 19:14 and fleeing from fornication, 19:17 which is sex outside of marriage. 19:19 So, you know, anything that can lead you down that path, 19:22 you need to flee from. 19:24 You know, even on that note and you know, 19:26 it kind of reminds me because while we're here, 19:28 you know, we're not just saying, 19:30 "Do these great things 19:31 because it's just the best thing to do." 19:33 What our testimonies are is that, 19:34 even if you didn't do those great things, 19:37 there still is restoration. 19:38 You know, you still can from today make pure choice, 19:40 and I think that's something that, 19:42 you know, the viewers really need to hear. 19:44 You know, yes, we do, we may fall, we may sin, 19:47 but the Bible says, "We still have an advocate." 19:48 You know, we still have someone we can go to in that time 19:51 and He can restore us 19:52 so that even though we may have made impure choices before, 19:55 He can still restore us, excuse me, to purity. 19:58 So I just thought, you know, we should mention that too. 20:00 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 20:01 And so in saying that, you know, Kory, 20:04 looking at the fact that a lot of us are broken, 20:06 lot of us have made poor decisions, 20:07 we made, again, poor choices, you know. 20:10 How do you then go into relationship now? 20:13 Should you wait until you become, 20:14 "Whole," before you get into a relationship? 20:19 Well, you know, that's hard to make, 20:22 but I think that, you know, the most important relationship 20:25 to get in without sounding cliché 20:26 is relation with God. 20:28 You know, we've said this before 20:29 but if your goal is for a relation between man first 20:33 and that's what you go after first 20:34 and you've already started on the wrong foot. 20:36 You know, God calls us and has, you know, 20:38 into relation with himself and if we don't start there, 20:41 you know, then, I mean, there is no good relationship 20:44 you're going to find. 20:45 You know, you may find someone attractive, 20:47 you may find someone compatible, 20:48 but you're not going to find the person 20:49 who God wants for you. 20:51 And so you've got to start out with God 20:52 and as He is leading you, 20:54 you just know who to talk to, who not to talk to, you know. 20:57 But don't go out just looking for somebody saying, 20:59 "Well, I'm ready to get married. 21:00 Let me just start looking for a person." 21:02 Yeah. 21:03 You know, when God made Adam, Adam was complete, 21:08 he was whole, he had everything going on and then... 21:11 And he was at one with God and he was at peak... 21:13 It was God that said, 21:15 "It's not good for man to be alone." 21:16 So it's not like, Adam said, 21:17 "God, I want, I want a female version of me." 21:20 He was one with God. 21:22 And so I just... 21:23 I have a, make a habit of telling young people 21:26 to like, get connected with God. 21:27 Be the best you, you can be. 21:29 Be the best Josh you can be, be the best Kory, you can be. 21:32 And then when you become the best you, 21:34 then God says, "Now I can trust you with my daughter. 21:36 I can trust you with my son." 21:39 So as long as we keep our mind on God, 21:40 I want you to be who you want me to be 21:42 and then we have to trust and know 21:44 that He doesn't want us to be alone 21:45 and that He's somewhere working on our spouse 21:48 just like He's working on us. 21:49 Yes, yes, it's a good point. 21:51 And I definitely agree, it's really awesome 21:54 we have two people, man and woman 21:56 who are just on this crazy relentless pursuit of Christ 22:00 and then God says, "You know what? 22:02 I can honor you with someone else now 22:03 because I know that if I put you guys together, 22:06 you're not going to make each other your idol." 22:08 Wow, praise God. 22:09 So having God that foundation, that cornerstone, 22:12 and just focusing on Him in even, 22:17 you know, to where if there are people 22:20 who come up here and there, you're not even about that, 22:23 you know, and so God says, "Okay, this is the one." 22:26 And then He makes that connection 22:29 and then you know for a fact that 22:31 that person doesn't complete you. 22:33 You know, that person is just 22:36 supplementing already the relation 22:38 that you have with God and that's a beautiful thing. 22:40 I love that, mate, 'cause that sounds like, 22:42 kind of part of your testimony. 22:43 Yeah. Can you share it? 22:44 Absolutely. 22:46 I mean, also part of mine as well. 22:47 I mean, when I kind of dwells in that, I mean, little bit, 22:49 I mean, you're going down the paths like I am now, so... 22:51 Absolutely, absolutely. 22:53 So I'm getting married next month. 22:54 I met my fiance actually at GYC, 22:57 Generation of Youth for Christ. 22:59 And both her and I 23:00 were just on this crazy relentless pursuit of God 23:02 like I said, 23:04 where when we even encounter each other in the lunch line, 23:06 in the cafeteria line, it was kind of, 23:08 I mean, we were just talking and having a good conversation 23:11 and we ended up, you know, at GYC, you know, 23:13 it's a huge conference, everyone is everywhere 23:16 and we actually ended up exchanging numbers 23:20 because she had to go out, and after she got her food, 23:24 she had to go out somewhere else. 23:26 And I thought we'll just gonna sit down 23:27 and finish this conversation. 23:29 But even we exchange numbers, and it's just funny 23:30 because it's kind of like, 23:31 "Hey," it's kind of awkward like, 23:33 "Hey, kind of, want to finish this conversation 23:35 but I don't want you to think that I'm trying to talk to you 23:41 and try to date you." 23:42 It was really like, both of us were like that. 23:44 Though kind of like, we still had our guards on 23:46 because we were just on that journey, 23:48 like, "Man, I don't wanted to distract 23:49 but, you know, seemed like a real cool person. 23:51 Maybe we could just finish the conversation over lunch." 23:53 And that's it, we weren't thinking anything else. 23:56 It last very short, we lost contact, 23:59 we didn't actually meet 24:01 over the duration of the conference. 24:03 We never linked up again. 24:05 And then a couple years later, I got a random text message. 24:08 Two years later? Yeah, uh? 24:10 That's a couple years later. Yeah, a couple years later. 24:12 It's about a year and a half later 24:13 that she had sent me a text message on accident, 24:16 I didn't have her number in my phone anything like that. 24:18 But from that time, we were both on this pursuit 24:22 and then it's just like, God just worked that thing out 24:25 and He just connected us again from there. 24:27 But it was clear that 24:28 we weren't trying to make each other guys, 24:30 we weren't even interested 24:31 in severing that super connection 24:34 that we have with God. 24:35 We're just trying to build on that. 24:37 And I think once God saw that, He honored it 24:39 and connected us again. 24:40 Brought you guys back together just by making random text, 24:43 brought you back together. 24:44 Exactly, exactly. 24:45 At some point, you know, God is going to ask you, 24:47 He's going to say, "Who do you want more?" 24:49 Yeah. "Who do you want more?" 24:50 You know, and I've seen, He had asked me that number of times, 24:53 you know, because oftentimes 24:54 we'll make a decision of relationship 24:56 because of what we want, 24:57 'cause of what we desire versus what God is having for us, 25:00 and that's a beautiful testimony 25:01 how God brings together. 25:03 Praise God. It's awesome. 25:04 Yeah. 25:06 I also think that what's interesting, 25:07 I don't remember who said it, 25:09 I think it was maybe Kory said something about being whole. 25:13 And it's important, you know, just to bring it back up that, 25:17 you know, James and his fiance were both whole, you know. 25:21 And that's just, you know, if you're not whole then, 25:25 you know, you're not... 25:26 I don't think that you can find, 25:29 I guess a whole person. 25:30 Yeah. 25:32 Do you know, you kind of... 25:33 Attraction. Yeah, yeah, attraction. 25:36 It actually reminds me, 25:37 because I was going to say this earlier, I totally forgot. 25:39 I think one of the things is when you are out there, 25:41 we have to remember we attract who we are. 25:43 You know what I'm saying? 25:45 And that's something I have found out 25:46 especially in dealing with my young people, 25:48 you know, they're like, "Well, pastor, 25:49 why don't these guys keep coming up?" 25:50 Same guys. 25:52 And I'm like, "Well, I mean, you know, no disrespect, 25:53 look how you carry yourself, look how you talk, 25:55 look how you act." 25:56 You know, if we want to be with good people, 25:59 holy people then we have to be holy 26:00 and as we've been saying, 26:02 we don't make ourselves holy, 26:03 God makes us holy and so we pursued that, you know. 26:05 Then God will hook us up... 26:07 Will naturally attract what we already are in God. 26:08 Exactly. 26:09 We got to think about, 26:11 you know, where we come from too. 26:12 A lot of us attract those who we've seen, 26:14 we think we should be with 26:15 because that's who maybe our parents 26:16 are with or whatever. 26:18 But you have to again find your identity in Christ, 26:19 who you are, become a whole person 26:21 and let God retrain you really. 26:23 Be able to seek after someone who is like Him 26:26 because a lot of times our trainers, 26:27 our mentors, you know, unbeknownst to them, 26:30 or people who are not positive in our lives. 26:33 So we really have to stay focused on God, 26:39 making ourselves whole, 26:40 and really looking for that person. 26:44 We want to talk a little bit... 26:45 We have a few minutes left, but we want to talk about 26:48 how long should a dating relationship last, 26:50 we have time for that. 26:52 But someone, how long you think 26:54 that a dating relationship should last? 26:55 How do you know when it's time to move forward? 26:56 You know, it depends on where 26:58 because they could be in middle school right now 26:59 and they may be going, 27:01 "Well, how long should I fight for my relationship?" 27:02 Look, middle school, high school, college, 27:06 you talk to God, but I think that, 27:08 you know, as you grow, 27:10 when you're really looking for someone serious like, 27:12 I fell in love before I met my wife probably three times 27:16 and I just knew I was in deep love 27:18 and I knew this is the one and God will say, "Uh-uh." 27:20 So I would just say, man, you know, when you meet people 27:23 and you date them, just get to know them. 27:25 Just have fun, you know, we're so quick... 27:27 We dated for months and months and just hung out 27:30 before anything physical took place. 27:32 And so I would just say, just date, have a good time, 27:34 don't take it really serious, pray for your spouse 27:37 and when God wants that thing to really mature and grow, 27:40 it'll blossom and grow. 27:41 That's it, that's it. 27:42 Well, that's how we're going to finish it out. 27:44 The Bible says in Genesis 2:24, 27:46 "And the two shall become one flesh." 27:50 God desires us to be happy in a happy relationship. 27:53 So just remember to always make pure choices. |
Revised 2017-10-09