Participants: Joshua Nelson (Host), Dajanae Maxwell, James Brandon, Kimberly Pearson, Kyle Scarlett
Series Code: PC
Program Code: PC000060
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00:01 The following program discusses sensitive issues.
00:03 Parents are cautioned that some material 00:05 may be too candid for younger children. 00:38 Hello, and welcome to Pure Choices. 00:40 I'm your host Pastor Joshua Nelson. 00:42 And I'm so happy you decided to join us again. 00:44 We are talking about a good topic today 00:47 "Sex on the side." 00:49 Talking about just a prevalent nature of sex today 00:51 and how can we can really combat that. 00:55 So we're gonna get right into our discussion. 00:57 I'm going to introduce the panel 00:59 but, of course, 01:00 let's just pause for a moment to pray. 01:03 Dear heavenly Father, 01:04 we just ask that you'll bless us now 01:05 as we talk about this sensitive topic 01:08 that you would bless us and guide our conversation. 01:11 In Jesus name we pray. Amen. 01:13 Amen. Amen. 01:14 Okay, let's introduce our panel, 01:16 on the left we have James Brandon 01:18 who is university chaplain in Tampa, Florida, 01:20 good to have you here. 01:21 Across we have Kimberly Pearson 01:23 who is the associate chaplain at Oakwood University 01:26 in Huntsville, Alabama, very good. 01:28 And then we have my Brother Kyle, Kyle Scarlett 01:32 who is Oakwood University theology student. 01:35 All right, it's good to have you here 01:36 and also another Oakwood University 01:37 theology student, 01:39 we got Dajanae Maxwell. 01:41 And so I'm so happy having you all here today 01:43 to talk about this subject. 01:44 This is a very, very important topic 01:47 because we know that, 01:49 well, let's we're gonna get right into it. 01:50 We know that sex is a big, big part of our life. 01:53 But it is also something that we struggle with 01:55 as young people, especially, 01:57 and when comes 01:58 to try not to have sex before marriage. 02:00 And so let's just kind of get right 02:02 into really defining fornication ' 02:04 'cause I think all people have misconception 02:06 of really what fornication is. 02:08 So somebody wanna start into just kind of define 02:09 that for us. 02:11 What is fornication? 02:13 I mean, fornication is having sex 02:16 with someone that you're not married to. 02:17 Okay. I mean, it's simply that. 02:19 So nowadays, 02:21 you know, this generation thinks, 02:23 "Its okay to have sex 02:24 with your boyfriend or your girlfriend," 02:26 but you're not married to them, 02:27 you're not in a committed lifelong relationship 02:29 and the Bible calls that fornication. 02:32 So that's pretty clear, that's fornication? 02:34 That's fornication. 02:35 And that's a sin, that's something 02:36 you're not supposed to be doing. 02:38 Exactly. 02:39 So even if you're in a monogamous, 02:40 committed relationship with someone for five years, 02:43 James, that's not okay to do, I mean? 02:46 I mean, based, based on scripture, 02:49 you pretty much need to be married 02:50 and the thing that's so deep about that is 02:52 actually in the Bible, 02:54 you know, that the act of sex actually validates a marriage. 03:00 So in that sense, 03:01 when you are having sex with people 03:04 who are not your husband and your wife, 03:07 you're actually, in the biblical sense, 03:10 making them your husband or wife 03:13 so then you go to the next person. 03:14 So you're not only committing fornication... 03:16 Wow! 03:18 But you're committing adultery. 03:19 Well. 03:21 Because in the eyes of God, you're union, you're one, 03:23 once you consummate that that marriage in a sexual act, 03:26 so you're fornicating, you're committing adultery, 03:30 and it's just a whole bunch of different things. 03:34 It's not in isolation, 03:35 you can't do things in isolation 03:37 and think they're not gonna have any ramifications 03:38 that are in line. 03:40 And I'm just saying that I'm thinking about, 03:42 you know, how many times the breakups 03:44 and different relationships are just so bad. 03:47 Is that, 03:49 does that play any part as I'm having sex 03:50 in those relationships that are not, 03:52 you know, married relationships, 03:53 does that play a part in that 03:55 those horrible breakups you think? 03:57 It does because sex is bonding. 03:59 I mean, it connects two people. 04:01 And when you're not married, it complicates things. 04:03 It's not in the right timing or place 04:05 when you're not married, unless you said I do, you know, 04:08 you really shouldn't be having sex outside of marriage. 04:12 So, yeah, yet it's bad. 04:16 And then, you know, even, you know, 04:18 from a physiological standpoint, 04:20 you know, when you have sex with someone, 04:23 the body secretes certain hormones, 04:25 different chemical reactions happen in your body, 04:27 and one of them is the chemical dopamine 04:31 which is similar to like crack. 04:33 Yeah. It's like cocaine. 04:35 And so when you have sex with someone, 04:37 you are literally addicting yourself 04:40 to that person. 04:41 And we were created to bond with one person for life. 04:43 So that's fine in the context of marriage. 04:46 But when you addict yourself, or bond yourself to one person, 04:50 and then break up, and snatch that bond, 04:52 and you addict yourself to someone else, 04:53 and then snatch that bond 04:55 you're going through divorces 04:57 you know, not just physically, I mean, not just mentally 05:00 but physically tearing yourself away. 05:02 And when you keep tearing, and tearing, and tearing, 05:04 of course, you're gonna feel broken, 05:06 of course, you're gonna feel like your world is ending 05:08 'cause essentially it's like you're going through a divorce. 05:10 Wow. 05:11 Well, you know, 05:12 and that's all true and I know that, 05:14 you know, many of us have even maybe experienced 05:15 and felt that, 05:17 you know, wishing that maybe 05:19 you hadn't gone down a certain path. 05:20 You know, but some people will say still, 05:22 you know, all right, you guys, y'all may be 05:24 just a too little bit too emotional 05:26 about this thing, you know, it's not that deep for me, 05:27 you know, I can have sex with this person, 05:30 that person, another person, tomorrow night, 05:32 and this person that other night. 05:33 I mean, it's not really a big deal to me. 05:35 It's just part of the culture of sex right now. 05:37 This is what you're supposed to do. 05:39 You know, that's what we're made to do, right? 05:41 I have this... 05:42 I hear that all the time like "Dajanae, 05:46 I wanna have sex, so I'mma out to go 05:48 and have sex with this random person." 05:49 And even in the sense of now, 05:52 women are starting to take on that. 05:55 "I can have sex and I have an emotional time, 05:57 because we're told they were emotional creatures, 05:59 and I'm not gonna be emotional, 06:01 I'm just gonna have sex with this random guy. 06:03 I'm gonna meet up with this guy and I'mma have sex with him, 06:05 I'm gonna go," 06:06 and then the guy gets emotions or and then you start to... 06:11 relationship issues start to form. 06:14 But I just wanted to have sex but there's so much emotion. 06:17 You can't stop that emotion, 06:18 like Chaplain P was saying, there's a chemical bond, 06:22 there's a bonding that the Bible says, 06:24 you have become one flesh. 06:26 So it can't be casual, 06:27 you can try to make it as casual as you want to 06:30 but at the end of the day, you're scarring yourself, 06:33 and you're scaring that individual. 06:35 And what I think she said is so important 06:36 because sex will always do what it's designed to do. 06:39 Exactly. 06:41 Even if we do it out of context, 06:43 it will always do what it was created to do. 06:45 And so, in those different contexts, 06:47 it kind of tears as the partners, 06:49 this kind of new thing called friendlationships, 06:52 where we're friends, 06:53 but we're in a relationship that's purely sexual, 06:57 now we just call it friends with benefits. 06:59 Yeah. 07:00 But it's like friendlationships or whatever, 07:02 where I can interact with you as a friend, 07:04 and then get the benefits of sex 07:07 and sexual intimacy from you without any relationship. 07:10 And that's really big now. 07:12 Yeah, wow. That's serious. 07:14 So basically, we can't have sex for fun. 07:19 It's not is what was designed for Him. 07:23 'Cause it's so binding, 07:24 it's something that connects both souls. 07:26 And so, like she said, when you tear those apart, 07:29 you're not just tearing emotions apart 07:32 but you're tearing soul ties apart, 07:34 things that connect you more intimately 07:37 than with somebody else that you just connect with. 07:40 So sex is a deep, it's a deep, deep thing. 07:43 And that's why God created to combine two people 07:47 and make them one flesh. 07:48 The word Flesh, it has a deeper connotation 07:51 than what we would just think, you know, flesh to flesh, 07:54 it's a mind 07:58 to physical type of thing that enacts, 08:05 shows that two people are made up, 08:08 they have made up minds to be together. 08:10 Okay, okay, makes, make sense. 08:13 You know, and that is, you know, so true 08:17 but what about someone who says "Hey, you know, 08:20 I'm attracted to a lot of people. 08:22 And there's a lot of people out there, 08:23 you know, a lot of fishing to see. 08:25 I wanna be able to experience 08:27 all these different types of flavors," 08:28 you know, so, I mean, am I...Is there... 08:32 Are you really meant to be with one person, you know? 08:35 There's, as far as intimacy is concerned sexual intimacy 08:38 like was we stated before on a previous program 08:42 that the intimacy is not just physical, 08:45 the intimacy is emotional. 08:47 So many women or even men can't hit that orgasmic, 08:53 you know, high because that emotion isn't there. 08:56 So, okay, this person is attractive, 08:58 and that person is attractive, 09:00 but if that emotional oneness that God wanted to be there 09:03 before the sexual conduct is being participated in, 09:08 that feeling, that drug 09:10 to receive that the dopamine high 09:13 will not take place. 09:14 It's the same thing as if you take drugs. 09:17 You take a little bit, and then you get a high, 09:19 and then you need more to get high the next time. 09:21 But if it's, but the way that our bodies are made, 09:24 if you marry the person that you're supposed to marry 09:27 and you have sex with that individual, 09:29 then you won't have to continue 09:31 to get higher, and higher, and higher 09:34 because your body was made to be one with that person 09:37 and experience the sexual act with that individual. 09:40 Right, right. 09:41 But, I think, the issue is the desensitization. 09:44 That we have become so ingrained 09:47 that it is supposed, 09:49 we're supposed to sow our royal oats, 09:52 date whoever you want, 09:53 date as many people as you want before you get married. 09:56 And we've kind of put marriage 09:57 as this ball and chain, locked down, 10:00 you're never gonna have fun again, 10:02 sex is gonna be boring. 10:04 And so do whatever you can, as much as you can, 10:07 before you get married. 10:08 And so even as women, we tend to turn off 10:12 that thing that God put in us to be emotional creatures 10:16 and say "I'm just gone do whatever." 10:17 The issue is when you do meet the person 10:20 you're supposed to marry, 10:21 you're gonna have to rip all that stuff off 10:24 in order to have the kind of marriage 10:26 that God wants you to have. 10:27 And how hard will that be 10:31 when you finally get to your husband 10:33 and you're like, 10:34 I gave what was supposed to have been for you 10:37 to all of these different people. 10:39 Yeah, yeah, that's so true. 10:41 And you'll be further back thing 10:43 you would be hard. 10:44 And even in the relationship, you may have a lot of issues 10:46 because of what you're thinking about from the past. 10:50 So, okay, hopefully, someone has been following us 10:52 and then, you know, watching a lot of these, these programs 10:56 and maybe they're at the point, 10:57 say, okay, I get it, you know, fornication is wrong 11:01 but it's just I've started and it's so hard to stop, 11:04 you know, I'm just, I've kind of 11:05 in a rut, you know. 11:06 What's something that we could say to say, 11:08 you know, have used some ways that you can, 11:09 you can kind of stop, you know, just at this point, 11:11 let's just kind of talk with that right now. 11:14 Yeah, yeah, I think, 11:16 you know, many of us have gotten in situations 11:19 and we've gone too far and we're like, man, how do we, 11:22 how do you roll this thing back? 11:23 How do we kind of get recreated? 11:25 How do we kind of get restored? 11:27 And many young people feel that they've, 11:29 you know, they've gone too far and that they've done too much 11:32 and, you know, they've had too many women in the past 11:35 or too many men in the past. 11:38 I would just encourage them 11:40 because, I mean, even in the Bible, 11:44 when you look in the book of Proverbs 11:45 it talks about how the just man falls down seven times 11:50 but he gets back up again. 11:52 But the wicked man falls into destruction, 11:54 so he falls one time but he never gets up. 11:57 And the just man is just because 12:00 after he gets to rock bottom 12:01 after he, you know, finishes that, 12:03 you know, that sexual act like, man. 12:06 I know I shouldn't have done that, 12:07 or, you know what not, 12:09 he can always contact God 12:11 and ask for forgiveness, restoration. 12:14 Bible declares it, if we confess our sins, 12:16 if we're, if we know that we sinned, 12:19 and then come to Him, 12:21 He's faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us 12:23 from all unrighteousness. 12:24 So we just have to believe that when we come to God, 12:27 He truly can cleanse us. 12:29 Now that does still leave us with the situation of, okay, 12:32 what am I gonna do next? 12:34 You know, what about if that girl calls, 12:36 the girl I had sex, 12:37 and that's when we have to, 12:39 I mean, some things that we can do, 12:40 one having accountability, having kind of really partner. 12:44 And, you know, just parameters we can put in place, 12:47 you know, not looking at your phone, 12:50 or with calling certain hours, 12:52 not having a person of opposite sex 12:54 over certain hours, 12:55 now putting yourself in positions 12:58 to compromising positions. 13:00 Yeah. Yeah. 13:01 And not really setting boundaries for yourself, 13:03 writing the boundaries down, and then submitting to God, 13:06 and say, God, help me to stay firm to these boundaries. 13:10 And then I think God will honor your commitment to that. 13:12 Amen. 13:13 And I appreciate you sharing those 13:15 because those are some very practical things 13:16 that people can do. 13:18 Now, I'm gonna take a little further 13:19 because, let's say if there's someone 13:20 who is trying to go down the right path 13:22 and they're trying to stay dedicated to God 13:25 and doing the things that you've outlined there. 13:27 And they're in the church now. 13:28 And they're experiencing trying to, 13:30 you know, get away from that lifestyle 13:31 they were in the world, 13:33 fornication just casual sex and whatnot. 13:35 But now they're in the church, 13:36 and they end up meeting some individuals, 13:38 some friends or whatnot, 13:39 and they realize that this is in a church, too. 13:44 So now that we've gotten to this point, 13:47 you know, the reality is 13:50 and I guess I will ask as, I'll pose it as question. 13:52 Is there an issue of fornication 13:54 in the church, and if so, how has it really started? 13:58 How it has crept into the church? 14:00 Well, I definitely see that there is a issue 14:03 with fornication in the church. 14:06 And it's kind of done 14:07 in a backdoor closet kind of way, 14:10 where because it's something, 14:12 sex isn't such a taboo topic in the church, 14:15 we haven't really talked about it, addressed it, 14:17 we kind of talked about it from a shunning standpoint, 14:20 instead of addressing it in a holistic, 14:23 you know, pure way. 14:25 So now we have a lot of young people and young adults 14:28 who are having sex secretly, quietly, 14:31 and then still presenting themselves 14:34 as if everything's good, 14:35 but they're secretly doing what they wanna do it. 14:37 And so, I mean, the church is a hospital, 14:40 it's a reflection of different things 14:42 that are happening in the world. 14:44 And so if sex is an issue in the world, 14:46 unfortunately the sex is gonna be issue 14:48 in the church, so... 14:50 And I guess that, I mean, it went, 14:52 you know, it's okay to that there is, 14:55 that the people are struggling with things. 14:57 You know, that's okay 14:58 because we know that the church, 15:00 like you said, is a hospital for sinners. 15:01 But I guess the issue now 15:02 is that there doesn't seem to be any attack against it, 15:04 doesn't really seem to be too much being said about it, 15:06 so what would we say about it? 15:11 Well, we say about it, 15:12 I mean, the Bible is clear about it not being okay. 15:16 All right? 15:17 So we're Christians and we're supposed 15:19 to stand on the word of God 15:21 and say that what the Bible says I believe 15:24 and understanding that we are created beings, 15:28 God created us, God created sex, 15:30 sex is not bad, 15:31 sex is not yucky, it's not nasty, 15:34 but in its proper parameters, it's good. 15:37 So just going back to teaching, teaching our young people, 15:42 teaching even some of our old people, 15:44 the beauty that sex is supposed to display 15:48 as creatures of God, 15:51 and with that, 15:52 as I remember speaking to a married couple, 15:54 well, one woman in particular and she was telling me 15:56 how when her and her husband first got married 15:59 and they started having sex. 16:01 She said that she felt, 16:03 she literally felt the Holy Spirit like 16:06 in the middle of them having sex 16:09 and her husband was like, "Did you feel that?" 16:10 And she said "Yes." 16:11 And it's something beautiful 16:13 and so just going back to the understanding 16:16 that it's not limitations 16:18 but it's to let the cake finish baking 16:20 so that you can enjoy 16:22 instead of just eating the dough. 16:23 Wow. 16:25 Right, right, right, and we also have to, 16:29 I guess, make it known 16:30 that it's okay to go to God with it 16:33 'cause we like to shun and, you know, attack, 16:37 and for example David is a big example of, 16:42 you know, fornication. 16:43 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 16:45 But it says in the Bible, 16:46 he was a man after God's own heart. 16:48 And he was a man after God's own heart 16:50 because he went to God with his sins and it was okay. 16:53 He continually confessed, 16:57 yeah, okay, this is what I'm doing. 16:59 I do have control over it, but I knowingly did this, 17:01 but I'm giving this to you. 17:03 And so once we make it known that it's okay to do 17:05 and that God forgives, 17:07 not that you should just do it and do it 17:08 because God, you know, forgives. 17:09 David had suffered some consequences too. 17:11 Right, right, he did. 17:12 And even his family, you know, been, 17:15 you know, ended up getting consequences from that. 17:20 And so, but the main thing is to allow 17:23 and to make prevalent 17:25 that God forgives those sins, and, yeah. 17:28 I think, yes. Yeah. Yeah. 17:29 And, you know, the other thing is 17:31 one this you talks about, we're talking about, 17:33 God wants to create us a clean heart. 17:34 He wants to do a cleansing in us. 17:36 But what would happen if I tried to cleanse my body 17:39 but only did it halfway? 17:41 So I started working out, but I didn't eat right, 17:43 I'm only doing one part of the cleansing process. 17:46 And so you can't, we can't just say, 17:48 "We'll stop having sex." 17:49 But then were still ingesting media, and music, 17:52 and all these things that are feeding that. 17:54 So we've got to cleanse ourselves 17:56 for most things. 17:57 And the Bible says, "How can a young man 17:59 keep his way pure by memorizing, 18:02 by meditating on the Word of God?" 18:04 So now you've gotta replace those negative things 18:07 with the right things on the inside 18:10 so that when you get into those situations, 18:12 instead of your hormones being the first things 18:14 that answer the door, 18:15 the word of God is the first thing 18:17 that answers the door. 18:18 And one thing I love my mentor and one of the other chaplains 18:20 T. Marshall Kelly he says 18:22 "You can't put icing on cornbread and call it cake." 18:26 And one other thing 18:27 we tried to do especially in relationships 18:29 when relationships aren't right 18:30 or they're not going in the right way, 18:32 people put sex on top to try to make it right, 18:36 you can't put icing on top of cornbread and call it cake, 18:39 a marriage and sex is supposed to be in the right context 18:41 so it will taste right it will be the right way. 18:43 And if you're gonna be a Christian, 18:45 you got to, you know, take responsibility 18:48 and stop doing those things, 18:49 you know, you have to, say I'm gonna, 18:51 it's gonna take some time 18:52 and some really dedication to say, 18:54 "I'm going to really get serious 18:56 about my walk with Christ, 18:57 you know, and really do those things". 18:59 Because a lot of times we don't wanna do the word, 19:00 we don't wanna take the time to really sit down and say, 19:03 "How can I really get over this thing?" 19:04 We just wanna say, "Oh, it's okay. 19:06 I'll keep that on the side," 19:07 that's why it is called sex on the side, 19:08 keep it on the side, and I'll do my thing with God, 19:10 that's kinda on the side, you know. 19:11 And it's something that, 19:13 it shows like a lack of trust in God. 19:15 Because I don't trust 19:17 that He'll give me the right person 19:18 that will please me, so I'm gonna have, 19:22 I have to sleep with this person to see first, 19:24 or I have to live with this person. 19:26 And, you know, I really like this person, 19:27 we're already having sex, 19:29 you know, and we're gonna live together 19:30 so I can see if they're marriage material, 19:32 you're not trusting God, 19:34 you're trying to test and see for yourself 19:36 instead of letting Him put it together. 19:38 Okay, so I'm gonna go a little 19:39 further also and talk a little more about 19:42 other forms of sex on the side, 19:43 you know, obviously, there's the one we talked about 19:45 where you're kind of maybe in the church, 19:46 you're just kind of having sex 19:48 and not really caring about that whatever 19:50 but also there's another form of sex 19:52 and that's called sexting, right? 19:55 And all sorts of forms of like, 19:57 you know, Face book and Skype and all these different things. 19:59 So first of all, what is sexting? 20:02 Someone wanna define that for us? 20:03 What is it? What is it? 20:05 You looking at me? 20:08 I don't know what it is. 20:10 I mean, sexting from what I understand is, 20:15 I guess, taking pictures of yourself, 20:20 I guess, with your camera phone 20:22 and your cell phone or something like that, 20:24 and sending it to people who you're interested 20:27 or them sending pictures back 20:29 so it's kind of like a visual stimulation. 20:33 I think, essentially 20:35 it's sexual intimacy through media. 20:36 Yeah. So... 20:38 They're actually being there in the part. 20:39 Yeah, exactly, so that can be in a lot of different ways, 20:41 for instance, you'll be taking a picture, 20:42 it could be, you know, Skype 20:44 it can be, you know, lots of different things 20:45 but essentially it's sexual intimacy 20:48 through media, 20:50 exposing myself or allowing myself 20:52 to be sexually viewed by you 20:54 or intimately viewed by somebody 20:57 who is not maybe not necessarily present 20:59 or I mean, people would be in the same room and sext. 21:02 So, you know, what I mean? 21:04 It's just another form of intimacy 21:06 through media. 21:07 Yeah. 21:08 So why... I mean, go ahead. 21:10 No, I was gonna say in the media, 21:11 the media supports it like 21:13 there's a numerous amount of songs out there 21:15 that support, you know, sexual, 21:17 you know, talking, having phone sex, 21:20 you know, or sending pictures and things like that. 21:23 And it's not looked at as anything bad, 21:25 it's looked at as, you know, 21:27 it's safe because we're not really doing it, 21:29 you know, we're just, yeah, and that's not true at all. 21:35 Or even that sexting is a way to enhance your relationships. 21:39 Or if you're in a long distance relationship, 21:41 you can sext and that's not sex, 21:43 so it's okay. 21:45 So, you know, 21:46 it's kind of pushed in that way. 21:47 So, "Is that something that people may use 21:49 to say, okay, I'm not really having sex 21:50 but, you know, 21:52 this is something in place of it. 21:53 You know, so it's okay?" 21:54 In order for you to have, in order for you, 21:57 'cause at most of the time this is, can I say this? 22:00 Most of the time, when you do that, 22:03 you're in some kind of way masturbating, 22:05 or you're making yourself mentally have an orgasm 22:09 and is that sin? 22:10 Like does God look at that and say, "Oh, that's okay." 22:14 You know, or is he looking at that and saying, 22:16 whatever if you think it in your mind 22:19 it's fornication to you, it's sin for you. 22:21 That's what my Bible says. 22:22 So you can't think that, oh, I'm not touching the person 22:28 but I'm having an orgasm by this person 22:31 or with the thought of this person 22:33 with this visual picture of this person 22:35 but I'm not sinning, there's we make up, 22:38 man makes up all these technological, 22:40 you know, advances and we think oh, we can use that 22:43 in place of what God really wanted to happen 22:45 and that's not okay. 22:47 Yeah, so this would be also another form of fornication? 22:50 You know what I saw, there's actually a new thing 22:53 where if I'm in a long distance relationship with you, 22:55 it's like I can buy lingerie 22:58 that has touch sensors on the lingerie 23:01 and so while you wear you're at, we can exchange, 23:05 and I can touch, it's like a keypad, 23:07 and I can sexually stimulate you 23:09 from wherever I am, 23:11 even that's crazy. 23:13 And so... 23:14 Someone don't need to hear that. 23:16 Right, so the world is coming up 23:17 with ways for people to be intimate 23:21 outside of the natural way that God has created it to be. 23:25 And if we don't guard ourselves, 23:28 if we're not cautious and aware of the things 23:31 that easily be set us, 23:33 'cause that's what sex on the side is, 23:34 it's the pet sin. 23:35 The sin you keep in your back pocket 23:37 because you know it's gonna be work 23:39 to let go of or you know that 23:41 if you have to get out of that relationship 23:42 to keep from having sex, 23:44 people will look at you funny 23:45 or, you know, you just don't want to have to tackle that. 23:47 And that's what it is. Yeah, wow. 23:49 I mean, what you described there it sounds, 23:51 I mean, like a lot of addiction, 23:52 a lot of obsession going on. 23:53 So, I mean, why is it so popular, 23:55 I mean, you know, I wanna talk to Kyle here, 23:57 you know, and even Dajanae 23:58 being on the university campus right now. 24:01 I know this thing is becoming, 24:02 talk to us a little bit about 24:04 maybe how it is on the campus maybe 24:06 and maybe why it's popular, 24:08 you know, why is it such a big craze right now. 24:11 The popularity would be 24:12 because we want what we want now. 24:17 And so instead of... 24:20 Not even that, you should, 24:21 fornication shouldn't be done, period. 24:22 Yeah. 24:24 But because things, 24:25 because of technology in the way 24:26 we want instant thing this way and that way, 24:29 it's a selfish thing. 24:33 It comes down to "I want what I want. 24:35 And if I can't have it this way, 24:37 then I'll find a way to get it that way." 24:38 So I think that's why it's popular. 24:40 Yeah, yeah. 24:41 It's a sense of pre-exposure, 24:44 a lot of us especially as, you know, time, time increases 24:49 or whatever have you, 24:50 we are pre-exposed, children are pre-exposed 24:55 to sexual relations and images and things like that. 24:58 So when you get to a certain age, it's like... 25:01 It's normal. 25:02 You know, even though we're told, 25:04 you know, in church one thing. 25:05 Sometimes in the homes 25:07 we're not being told the same thing. 25:08 Or let's say we are, like we said, 25:10 the conversation is so taboo. 25:12 Not so many people, not so many parents 25:14 speak to their children about sex 25:16 so they come to college 25:18 and they're gonna experience for themselves. 25:20 Or let's say they have spoken to them about sex, 25:22 but not in the proper way like, it's bad, don't do it. 25:26 And then you go to college and other people are doing it, 25:28 "Well, let me experience" 25:30 and this is the time that you find yourself. 25:33 And there's a lot of encouragement 25:34 through media, through peer pressure 25:36 to live your life to the fullest 25:39 and, you know, "Yolo" 25:41 and do what you can now 25:43 because, you know, you don't want to get old and can't, 25:46 you know, perform or whatever. 25:48 And it's foolishness. It's absolute foolishness. 25:51 And there's the sense 25:52 of we all are emotional relational beings. 25:57 We want to be close to someone, we want that. 26:02 But there's, you, the mindset what... 26:05 I used to work in the dorm, in the freshman dorm, 26:08 and one thing that I would tell my girls 26:10 is that you have to trust God that He'll take care of you, 26:15 and you do not need to be in a relationship 26:18 with anybody if that's not what God is calling you to do. 26:22 Because it will mess up the thing 26:23 that God is preparing you for, 26:25 God is preparing a young man somewhere 26:28 and He is preparing you right now. 26:30 And if you bond with someone that you're not supposed to, 26:33 when you finally do get your blessing, 26:35 when you finally do walk into a promise land 26:38 or what have you, 26:40 you won't be able to enjoy what's in that land 26:43 because you've already picked at it, 26:46 and messed it up, and tore stuff apart from it. 26:48 So you won't be able to enjoy, so wait be patient. 26:51 Yeah, yeah, you know, that's which, 26:53 I mean, there's so many forms of sex, 26:56 you know, that's not, 26:57 you know, not just talking about having just intercourse. 27:00 You can do the media, 27:02 I mean, through various mediums and whatnot, 27:03 you know, so there's so many things 27:05 that we have to be careful 27:06 and watch out for as young people are trying to, 27:09 you know, survive right now, trying to, 27:11 you know, avoid this stuff, 27:13 fornication that the devil is really trying to use 27:15 to really bring us down. 27:16 So and we're about, our times about up, 27:18 and I just wanna read this text here 27:20 in I Thessalonians 4:3-5. 27:22 It says, "It is God's will that you should be sanctified, 27:26 that you should avoid sexual immorality, 27:29 that each of you should learn to control his own body 27:32 in a way that is holy and honorable, 27:34 not in passionate lust like the Heathen, 27:38 who do not know God." 27:39 And so we wanna hold ourselves to high standards. 27:41 We wanna make sure that we understand, 27:43 that we are children of the King, 27:44 that we have a duty to uphold our standards 27:47 and our morals to a high standard, 27:49 and that God is wanting us to honor Him 27:52 and even in our bodies. 27:53 So that's it, 27:54 remember to make Pure Choices. |
Revised 2017-06-05