Participants: Joshua Nelson (Host), Dajanae Maxwell, David Anderson, Donna Kaye Scarlett, Kimberly Pearson
Series Code: PC
Program Code: PC000061
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00:01 The following program discusses sensitive issues.
00:03 Parents are cautioned that some material 00:05 maybe too candid for younger children. 00:38 Hello and welcome to Pure Choices. 00:40 I'm your host Pastor Joshua Nelson. 00:42 I'm glad you decided to join us today. 00:43 We are talking about a serious topic today. 00:46 The title is "Abusing the Gift." 00:48 We're going to be talking about sexual abuse. 00:50 And so we want to really jump into this topic. 00:53 But before we do and before I introduce the panel, 00:56 let's just pause for a moment of prayer. 00:59 Dear, Heavenly Father, we just ask that 01:01 You will guide this conversation again, 01:03 that You would be with us, Heavenly Father, 01:04 that You would allow us to expose the devil 01:07 for who he is today, in Jesus name we pray. 01:09 Amen. Amen. 01:11 All right, to my left, 01:12 I'm going to introduce Donnakaye Scarlett, 01:14 who is one the directors of a ministry called 01:17 Pure Reality in Miami, Florida. 01:19 It's good to have you here with us. 01:21 Also I have David Anderson, 01:23 who is an Oakwood University theological student. 01:27 And so he is here with us. 01:29 Also from Oakwood, 01:30 we have associate chaplain, Kimberly Pearson. 01:33 All right, and we also have Dajanae Maxwell, 01:35 who is also an Oakwood student, theology student. 01:40 I'm sorry. I'm getting tongue stuck here. 01:42 Happy that she is with us as well. 01:44 So we have a good panel 01:46 and a very important topic to discuss today, 01:49 talking about abusing the gift, sexual abuse. 01:53 And the reality is this is a major problem. 01:57 Many people do not want to talk about it, 01:58 they don't want to discuss it, but the more we keep it hidden, 02:02 the more these type of things could happen. 02:03 And so we want to expose these type of things 02:05 and really talk about this today. 02:06 So I'm going to begin by asking the question 02:09 just what are the different forms of sexual abuse 02:12 that are out there. 02:13 I think Donnakaye, can you start with that one? 02:16 Well, there are many, many forms of sexual abuse 02:18 starting with just even simple coercion. 02:22 We have date rape, we've just stranger rape, 02:27 we've child abuse in the form of incest and molestation, 02:31 stalking in the form 02:34 of just keeping that threat there for somebody 02:36 not just in the violence of physical manner 02:41 but in also sexual manner. 02:43 We have marital rape, 02:46 within marriage a lot of people think 02:47 that that can't happen, but it actually does. 02:49 We have pastoral and leadership abuse, 02:53 anybody that is in authority at a school 02:56 or even within the workplace. 03:00 And then you also have the violent acts 03:03 that happen with kids that get caught 03:06 and are pulled into sex trafficking. 03:08 And just, you know, the forms are just so varied. 03:12 The enemy just comes 03:14 with so many deviant ways to hurt. 03:17 Okay. 03:18 And some of those terms 03:20 we may know, we're familiar with, 03:21 some of them we may not. 03:22 So let's kind of try to expose a little more 03:24 on what are some deviant sexual behaviors 03:27 'cause somebody maybe saying, 03:28 "Well, you know, I'm going through this thing. 03:30 I'm not really sure if it's wrong or right. 03:31 I never really was taught or know, 03:33 you know, this suppose to happen or not. 03:35 This is just normal sexual behavior." 03:36 So what are some of the things that you can say to someone, 03:39 "Hey, this not supposed to happen"? 03:41 Well, I know a lot of times in molestation 03:45 it can start off as play, 03:47 it can start of as explorative touching 03:52 which can be very dangerous 03:54 and is dangerous and is inappropriate. 03:56 And that can come from a peer, it can also come from an adult, 04:01 it can come from a parent, a family member. 04:04 Someone touching you in a private place 04:08 without your consent 04:10 or using their leadership or using their authority 04:15 or using coercion to say, "Let's do this. 04:19 Let me touch you here. 04:20 Let me, you know, be intimate with you." 04:22 Yeah, even going a little further than that 04:24 is the fact that 04:27 how kids are taught to view what sex is. 04:32 It seems like that we will tell kids, 04:34 "This is your nose, these are your hands, 04:37 you know, this is your feet." 04:38 But when we come to the most private areas of our body, 04:41 we as parents and adults 04:45 give kids these crazy stupid nicknames 04:47 instead of calling things what they are, 04:49 penis and vagina and bottom. 04:51 And so therefore, 04:53 you start to very early put a sort of taboo, 04:57 but yet it becomes very mysterious 05:00 because kids are not stupid and they wonder 05:03 why everything else is called proper 05:05 but all of a sudden 05:07 when you come to your body parts, 05:08 so it's even just that little stigma that is put. 05:10 And also when it comes to touching, 05:13 I tell a lot of young people 05:15 if the touch is not in a private area 05:17 but if it's even in a place 05:18 that makes you feel uncomfortable. 05:20 If the way person touched you gives you a type of a feeling, 05:24 trust your gut. 05:25 Yeah. 05:27 And as we talk about that, I mean going into the fact of, 05:31 you know, on college campuses, 05:34 the drug of one form of sexual abuse 05:36 that I see happening more and more and more is, 05:39 you know, not just ecstasy 05:40 but people are being drugged one way or the other. 05:43 And then they'd be taken 05:45 advantage of against their will. 05:46 Yeah. Well, that... Yeah, go ahead, Dajanae. 05:48 I like what you were saying about 05:50 the giving its proper name. 05:52 I remember I had a teacher in high school 05:54 who was my anatomy and physiology teacher. 05:56 And she was saying that even her kindergarten, 05:59 her daughter that was like five or six years old, 06:01 the teacher that was teaching her 06:04 pulled my teacher to the side and said, 06:06 "Your daughter said vagina in class." 06:09 What they were talking about... 06:10 She was like, "Well, that's what it's called, 06:12 you know, like I'm not... 06:14 I don't give, I don't say, 06:15 I don't tell my child 06:16 that's her pee-pee or anything like that. 06:18 She knows. 06:20 "I'm an anatomy and physiology teacher, 06:21 and she knows that's her vagina and boys have penises." 06:24 So if anybody ever touches her, 06:27 it's not called my private part, 06:28 it's called my vagina. 06:29 "He touched my vagina. He touched my vagina." 06:32 So now it's more bold. 06:34 So it's the responsibility of the parents, 06:37 and even the teachers, and us as leadership as people 06:40 that people look up to to tell children, 06:42 to teach children, and to teach parents, 06:45 to teach their children to give it proper name 06:48 and tell them no one should be touching you there. 06:51 When the child goes somewhere, even when they go to school... 06:53 I remember my grandmother would as me, 06:55 "Has anybody touched you? 06:57 You know, how was school today?" 06:59 You know, and sometime it would be weird like 07:01 "Whoa, like why would you think that?" 07:03 But those things are necessary 07:05 because our world is getting worse and worse 07:07 and children are getting raped at school, 07:09 children are getting molested at school, at churches, 07:12 you know, at functions, at family, houses. 07:15 It's important to ask, 07:16 "Were you touched in your vagina, your penis? 07:20 Did anybody fondle you?" 07:22 Those things are important. Yeah. 07:23 And, you know, what you said about the date rape, 07:27 the drug abuse or sexuality, 07:30 and, you know, even in popular songs and media, 07:33 you know, Papa Mali. 07:35 And, you know, I remember, 07:37 you know, going on a trip 07:38 with some of the students from Oakwood 07:39 on one of the mission trips which was an elementary school. 07:43 And they were just singing, 07:44 it was a ringtone on their phone. 07:46 And I said, "What is that?" 07:47 And they could break it down for me, 07:48 they knew the chemical makeup of a date rape drug. 07:53 And it was entertainment. 07:54 It was seen as something fun and not dangerous. 07:56 And the danger in that with abusing sexuality 08:00 is that it's often not seen as abuse 08:02 when it comes from a peer 08:04 or it comes from something that is common to them. 08:08 Okay. 08:10 Well, I mean only get dating here 08:11 'cause I want to talk about, 08:13 you know, on campuses and what not, you know, 08:14 what are some of the struggles. 08:16 I mean 'cause that may not really realize 08:18 that these things are really happening, 08:19 you know, so what are some things, 08:20 I mean go on at school and that... 08:22 You kind of touched on that a little bit, 08:23 date rape and some other things that we need to watch out for. 08:26 I remember couple of years back at Oakwood, 08:31 one of my friends went off-campus 08:34 with some students 08:36 that didn't necessarily go to Oakwood. 08:38 And they were having... 08:40 It was a kickback, they were just talking. 08:43 And she asked for a soda, can of soda. 08:46 And a guy gave her a can of grape soda. 08:49 And the next thing she knows, 08:50 she is waking up 08:51 and she feels a tear in her vagina 08:55 'cause she was a virgin. 08:57 And so apparently that night somebody 08:59 spiked the can of soda with something, 09:03 raped her, took her virginity. 09:05 And she thought that she was pregnant. 09:08 So she was like, "Oh, God, should I get an abortion? 09:10 Should I do this? 09:12 I don't know what to do, I'm just confused." 09:14 And this is something that didn't only happen to her 09:17 but is happening on our colleges, campuses 09:19 across the world, everywhere. 09:21 And so it's really bad. 09:23 And people need to talk about it. 09:25 People need to put it out there 09:27 because if you don't talk about it, 09:30 mould grows in darkness. 09:31 That's right. 09:32 That's a very good way to put it. 09:34 And steeping back, it's happening unfortunately, 09:37 in the news just the other day, it happened at a pre-school. 09:41 I mean it wasn't an incident that involves adults, 09:45 it was all children, 09:46 and it was happening for over a period of six months. 09:49 Wow. It's happening. 09:50 I got a call last year to come intervene at a school. 09:54 We're a group of 9th grade girls 09:59 were taken into the bathroom 10:02 by 11th and 12th grade, mostly girls, 10:05 that were told that they were going to have 10:07 what's called a rainbow circle. 10:09 And that they had no choice 10:10 but do it or they were threatening that, 10:13 you know, they would hurt them after school. 10:14 And these girls really felt 10:16 that even within that little short period of time 10:19 that they had no choice. 10:20 And so they went to the bathroom 10:22 and the other girls proceeded to strip them 10:26 and go around doing these things to them. 10:29 Fortunately, a coach came by thinking 10:31 that it was a fight 10:32 'cause she saw a few girls going in the bathroom, 10:34 stepped in, got the shock of her life. 10:36 And they were able to... 10:37 And even the parents, their reaction to it, 10:43 you know, not just to the girls that were victimized 10:46 but the parents of the girls that 10:48 were doing the victimization, 10:50 you know, the denial in the face of the act 10:53 that was caught right there was just really... 10:55 And that's the thing, that's an important part of it 10:57 is just like David said, mould grows in the dark. 11:00 And even when things stare us in the face, 11:02 as even within the church 11:04 when things stare us in the face, 11:05 we tend to put a cloud of denial over it. 11:08 Right, yeah, I mean, we like to hide these things 11:10 and that's kind of what, you know, 11:12 you talked at very beginning about 11:13 not naming the certain parts, 11:14 you know, this is something secret, 11:16 it's your private thing. 11:17 So when that's being said like that, 11:19 then when someone comes on and says, 11:20 "Don't tell nobody," 11:22 it's kind of, "Well, no one else is talking about it. 11:23 My parents aren't talking about it either. 11:24 So okay that makes sense, I shouldn't tell anybody," 11:26 you know, and so that keeps going. 11:27 So and what you mentioned too, David, you know, 11:29 about the experience with individuals 11:32 in schools of higher learning of a Christian institution. 11:38 And one thing we have learnt even from the news 11:40 and what's going on now 11:41 is that this is a problem everywhere, you know. 11:44 It's not just a problem that's just out there and it's a way. 11:47 So we definitely need to be talking 11:48 about this as Christians. 11:51 I think and even amongst men 11:54 because it blew my mind 11:58 when I found out that men would say that it was okay. 12:02 You know, they are in elementary school, 12:03 and there was a high school that took their "virginity," 12:06 that's molestation, that's rape. 12:08 Like you are how old and the woman was how old, 12:13 and there was something even more recently 12:15 that someone was telling me about 12:17 and there was this high-schooler 12:18 and that girl was maybe like 21 or something like that. 12:22 And she performed a sexual act on him, 12:26 and he didn't know what to do. 12:28 And so afterwards, I can only imagine this young man thinks 12:32 he is big man now. 12:33 He was uncomfortable at the time, 12:35 you know, he was younger, she was older 12:37 but they may not be told that, 12:39 you know, they got an older woman. 12:41 So they don't look at it as anything wrong. 12:44 Our media, our society is telling them 12:47 they are being raped, 12:48 they are not being molested only women 12:50 get raped and molested because men feel like 12:53 it was something that they did because they were aroused. 12:56 And that's not true either. 12:58 Like that's wrong, that's wrong even on the woman's side. 13:01 Yeah. Yeah. Very true. 13:03 And the stats are showing it because... 13:06 And think about it if this what's reported 13:08 and you can think about in your own life the people 13:10 that you know, 13:11 if this what's reported that one in seven boys, 13:14 is up to just about the most current stat, are molested. 13:17 But that's reported and one in four girls 13:19 that is reported. 13:21 I know that at some of the programs 13:23 that do Pure Reality 13:24 and otherwise large age groups, 11-13 year olds, 13:29 that's where we get the most, 13:31 you know, numbers within our church 13:34 that are reported like right here. 13:36 But just think about it, that's reported 13:38 and it's one in seven for boys and one in four for girls, 13:41 what is that really telling us? 13:42 Yeah. Yeah. 13:44 Because that's, you know... Oh, go ahead, Kim. 13:46 I was just going to say, you know, a lot of times 13:48 we're told to keep each other's secrets. 13:51 And we share things in our circles as women, 13:54 and we talk, we chat. 13:56 But we keep that with ourselves and as men, 13:59 you know, I'm sure you guys have guy talk, 14:01 and you guys may talk. 14:02 But not actually share or confront 14:06 these kinds of issues because it's so private. 14:09 "Oh, you got molested? I was molested too, okay." 14:13 And then that's it, you just keep going, 14:15 and we're taught to press through that, 14:19 "It's okay, you'll grow out of it." 14:21 Or let's say for instance, 14:23 you know, the issues that happen in the church, 14:26 "You know, the pastor will leave 14:27 or this elder will go somewhere else, 14:29 you will grow up, you will move on," 14:31 when we need to be teaching our young people, 14:34 these are the secrets you don't keep. 14:37 These are the secrets we have to talk about and tell 14:40 and share on behalf of our sisters and our brothers. 14:43 Yeah, so that's talking about 14:45 the responsibility of the family and the church. 14:48 What if you witness something like this take place, 14:51 you know, in your home or even at church, 14:53 you know, what should you do? 14:55 What would you say? You want to take that one? 14:58 I believe that you should first of all, 15:01 go to the father. 15:02 Like that's the first thing you need to do. 15:04 Then you need to find someone safe to talk to, 15:09 someone who you trust. 15:11 Well, at the same time, 15:13 someone you trusted could have done this to you. 15:15 So you need to go somewhere safe 15:19 and then report it to authority, cops, 15:22 wherever it needs to be reported. 15:24 Expose it. Expose it. 15:26 Because I know a lot of people that I've grown up with, 15:30 a lot of people 15:31 that I'm best friends with have been touched as a child. 15:35 And they are just now coming to flourishing with that, 15:39 they are like, "Okay, wow, I'm 20-something 15:41 and I can finally accept the fact 15:43 that I was touched as a child." 15:45 And that's really sad. 15:46 And with males, 15:49 they start to totally disregard 15:52 like sex as an emotional act 15:55 but as a physical act now. 15:56 Like as a man, "I'm not emotional, 15:59 I'm not trying to connect with you, 16:00 I just have to do this." 16:02 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. 16:03 And as you talk about it, 16:06 as far as leadership within my own personal story, 16:09 I was abused by leadership in the church 16:11 starting with my dad 16:12 who was a leader, and then a first elder, 16:15 and then just it was a pattern of abuse as a child. 16:18 And one of the things that you said about 16:20 telling is like you said, 16:21 here is this whole trust cycle, most abuse and incest, 16:26 when it comes to incest 16:27 and molestation does occur between... 16:30 Overall, as a matter of fact, 16:31 when you talk about sexual abuse, 16:33 the highest number of cases are people 16:35 that you're familiar with. 16:37 And so one of things that I can encourage 16:39 just thinking about my own story 16:42 and stories of others that I have talked to 16:44 and that have come to me 16:46 is that you've got to keep on talking 16:48 until somebody listens 16:50 because sometimes, 16:51 the chain of command would seem very simple. 16:55 I mean, we went as far as to 16:58 have the outside authorities call 17:01 but adults can always overtalk a child. 17:03 Do you see what I'm saying, especially 17:05 if they are respected adults. 17:06 So the encouragement would be to keep on talking 17:08 until somebody listens. 17:10 Yeah. Yeah. That's so true. 17:13 And I want... 17:15 I mean I don't want to skip past 17:16 but just going to move on to a different part of this. 17:17 But I wanted to also talk about another prevalent thing 17:20 which is sex trafficking. 17:22 Okay, so let's define sex trafficking. 17:25 Sex trafficking is a layered violent act 17:28 in which someone is taken against their will 17:31 and forced to perform violent sexual acts 17:36 that they just have no choice. 17:38 Oftentimes, people are kept locked up. 17:40 They don't see the light of day 17:42 except for when they go out to perform this act. 17:46 And the threat and coercion 17:48 that goes on with this is very, very damaging. 17:52 Currently, there are 200 million children 17:55 that are involved in the sex trafficking industry. 17:57 In the United States you'd be really surprised 18:00 to know that right in our own backyards, 18:03 you know, it's happening. 18:04 In the city that I live in Atlanta, 18:05 we are the number three state in America 18:08 for children being pulled into sex trafficking 18:10 and it's not, you know, we used to think that, 18:13 a lot of people get it mixed up that the 18:14 human trafficking and sex trafficking 18:16 are the same thing, and they are not. 18:17 And what happens is that 18:19 it's not somebody coming 18:20 from a foreign country or a third world country, 18:23 it's your friend next door, it's the person, 18:27 the child that goes to school down the street. 18:29 It's not just runaways. 18:31 People are actually just snatched up 18:33 and taken one minute. 18:34 And what happens is because this crime is one 18:39 in which we know that the percentage of joints 18:42 that participate in it 18:45 are from higher income brackets 18:47 and are some of the movers and shakers within communities. 18:51 It is a very hard crime to stop. 18:53 Wow. 18:54 So, you know, this is a very serious thing 18:55 and like you said, I was very surprised 18:58 when I found out that this something 18:59 that's happening a lot in America, 19:02 the United States. 19:03 And many people who maybe watching this, they say, 19:06 "Well, that will never happen to me." 19:07 You know, that can never happen. 19:09 Talk to me, David, a little bit about 19:11 you know, that mentality of, you know, 19:12 "It can't happen to me, 19:14 you know, can that happen to anybody?" 19:15 I believe it can happen to anybody 19:17 if your guard's not up. 19:19 I will take that statement, 19:21 what she said is very true and I'm going to bring it home, 19:24 where people are manipulated into it also. 19:27 We see on our music channels, music videos, 19:31 these women who are not necessarily 19:35 going and having sex, 19:37 but that's a form of sex trafficking in itself 19:40 because they are sexual icons now. 19:42 A lot of people who are in the music industry, the icons, 19:47 they started out their career with innocent faces, 19:51 innocent looks, innocent videos. 19:54 And later on in their career 19:56 you see their skirts come up a little more, 19:58 the makeup get a little darker, 20:00 the hair get a little crazy, and stuff like that. 20:03 And they start to do the dances of... 20:05 And so they are trying to manipulate our young people, 20:08 our old people, everybody into being used 20:11 to seeing sexual stuff on the media. 20:15 You know, what you said is so true 20:17 and I would just like to add that a lot of times 20:19 we think of sex trafficking 20:21 as something that's happening in a brothel 20:24 or, you know, children in cages. 20:26 And while that is the majority of how things can happen, 20:31 when sex trafficking begins with coercion or manipulation, 20:34 that can happen at a house party, 20:36 that can happen within a group of friends to where hey, 20:39 you know, a boss is soliciting or manipulating you for sex 20:45 or, you know, "I'm going to take these pictures of you 20:47 and if you don't commit this sexual act with me 20:50 or my friends or someone else that I know, 20:53 I'm going to send these pictures to someone 20:54 or I'm going to, you know, blackmail you 20:56 or manipulate you, so do these sexual acts," 21:00 you know, and it turns into this slavery. 21:03 And that can be very, very harmful and very scary. 21:06 And oftentimes, you cannot pick out somebody 21:09 who' been or is a part of sex trafficking. 21:11 They don't have a look, they don't necessarily 21:14 have a particular, you know, effect. 21:18 It can be somebody in your class, 21:20 it can be somebody that you know, 21:22 it can be a child that's, 21:24 you know, going to school every day. 21:26 And so I think that we have to be aware 21:29 of some of the initial tools 21:30 and initial ways that sex trafficking can begin, 21:34 and also not be afraid 21:36 to be vocal about the thing that we say. 21:38 When you see that red flag, it's red, it's not pink, 21:41 it's not orange, it's a red flag, 21:43 and it's something a child, a friend says something to you 21:47 that seems off-putting, call it what it is. 21:50 Yeah, 'cause some people are really scared 21:51 for their lives in these situations 21:53 and, you know, to speak out, they may be afraid to do so. 21:56 And the blackmail thing is that's crazy, seriously. 21:58 But we need to be like you're saying looking and watching 22:01 and so we can protect our friends 22:05 or anyone who might be involved in something like this. 22:07 We might even know it, you know. 22:08 Can I just jump in and say... Yeah, go ahead. 22:09 That we have to be really careful, 22:11 especially on our college campuses 22:13 of the bartering of sex for things, especially... 22:18 And sometimes I see underaged young ladies 22:21 who want to drink alcohol and so older men will say, 22:24 "I will provide the alcohol once you come over here, 22:28 you provide the sexual favors." 22:31 As you touched on that point, that is an excellent point 22:33 because what is prevalent 22:35 and what is one of the number one things 22:37 that shows a trend into sex trafficking 22:40 is an age difference. 22:41 And that is for, you know, not just high school 22:45 but also in colleges, usually a 10-year, 22:48 that is the state, 22:49 a 10-year age difference 22:51 of someone that wants to manipulate someone 22:53 into sex is very predatory. 22:55 And so when you see these big huge age differences, 22:58 watch out. 22:59 That is definitely a red flag. And there is that... 23:03 You were talking about the alcohol thing 23:06 but there's also things 23:07 such as just taking me to the store. 23:09 Guys, I've had friends come and tell me that they did 23:13 this whatever guy 23:15 because they took them to a grocery store. 23:19 And I was like, "What!" 23:21 Like, "But he took me, I was in his car, 23:23 he said, so I did." 23:25 And it was like, "That's crazy!" 23:28 But it's happening on our campuses. 23:31 And there is also the sense of within 23:34 even some of those people, 23:36 there's a pre-exposure to sexual molestation 23:41 or rape that causes the sexual act 23:44 not to be as sensitive as it should be. 23:48 So there is desensitization, we always hear that term. 23:51 That's why. No, that's good. 23:53 And that's what we want to talk about 23:55 next is a really the complying behavior 23:58 that sometimes happens in relationships 24:00 or maybe not a relationship. 24:02 But you feel that, "Okay, this person took me out 24:04 or they did this thing for me, 24:06 this is my boyfriend or my girlfriend now. 24:08 And this is what I owe to them." 24:10 You know, and you were touching on that. 24:11 So let's talk a little more about that. 24:12 You know, I mean if you're in a situation 24:15 where someone's expecting you 24:17 to give them a sexual favor, what do you do? 24:22 Well, you know, I want to say that you owe no one anything, 24:27 especially not your body. 24:29 Your body belongs to you. 24:31 Your body, it's not a debit card, 24:33 it's not a purchasing system, 24:37 your body is a gift, it's a precious gift. 24:40 And the Bible talks about not giving pearls to swine. 24:44 You know, not just giving anything 24:46 just because somebody gives you something, 24:47 and so being very cautious about that. 24:50 And also, protecting yourself, if you want to go to Walmart 24:53 or you want to go to a store, take your girlfriend with you, 24:54 take a friend with you, take somebody with you. 24:57 Accountability, where are we going, 24:59 what time are we coming back, 25:00 letting somebody else know where you're going. 25:02 And sometimes that could be seen as, 25:03 "Oh, well, you just want to control me, 25:05 or my parents want to know where I am 25:06 or what I'm doing all the time." 25:08 But those are some of the boundaries and parameters 25:10 that we can put up to help keep us safe. 25:12 And at any point if you feel uncomfortable, 25:15 you are not obligated to do anything 25:19 for anybody for any reason 25:21 even if at one point, you said you would. 25:24 If you say, "No, I don't want to have sex with you", 25:27 even if you text about it all day long, 25:29 even if you talked about it, even if you got in the car, 25:32 and said, "After you dropped me off at Walmart, 25:35 I'll do whatever for you." 25:36 And you say, "I don't want to do that", 25:38 you don't have to do it. 25:40 No is no at any point 25:42 in the relationship or interaction. 25:44 And you need to be careful 25:45 if you're doing something like that 25:47 because again what we talked about 25:48 before is when you put yourself in these positions, 25:50 you know, it is hard to get out. 25:51 So like you said, protect yourself, 25:52 bring somebody with you, and don't even have 25:54 those conversations in the beginning 25:55 about certain things. Go ahead, David. 25:57 Yeah, I think one good thing 25:58 for everybody to do is from jump, 26:01 if a male or if a female is offering you 26:04 something out of pure niceness, ask them, 26:07 "What are your intentions? 26:08 Are your intentions to be my friend, 26:10 to really help out or is your attention? 26:13 Because if your intentions anything other than 26:16 to just be a nice person 26:17 and really genuinely help me out, 26:19 then we don't need to be having a relationship at all." 26:22 And then let's take it even a step further back. 26:25 As a young lady, as a young guy, 26:29 if somebody is 7, 8, 9, 10 years older than you, 26:33 offering to do certain types of things 26:36 that's not in any way closely connected to related to you, 26:39 you need to question that. 26:41 And also when we're talking about, 26:42 you know, Kim, you talked about the fact 26:43 that our body is ours but for people, 26:45 you know, that have been violated, 26:48 you know, God tells us that our bodies are His temples. 26:51 Yes. 26:52 And so taking a step back to think 26:54 now that I think that my body is mine, 26:56 but when you're violated, 26:58 when predatory behavior happens, 27:01 what happens to the victim is that 27:03 you feel as if there is a disconnect, 27:06 and you feel as if your body is not even your own, 27:09 so how can I even think about it 27:10 that it's the temple of God. 27:12 But what I would say to you is that remember like you said, 27:16 you don't owe anybody anything. 27:18 Yeah. Yeah. 27:20 Well, that's how we're going to end it. 27:21 I want to read this verse in Matthew 18:10. 27:24 It says, "Seeing that you do not look down 27:27 on one of these little ones, 27:29 for I tell you that there are angels in heaven 27:32 always see the face of My Father in heaven." 27:35 You know God always has justice for those who are being abused. 27:37 He is always wanting to protect. 27:38 And remember that through any situation 27:40 you're going through or have gone through, 27:42 God is with you. 27:43 And you need to ask the question, 27:44 "Where was God? Where is He right now?" 27:46 He is there with you. 27:47 He will never leave you and will never forsake you. 27:49 So I challenge you to be aware 27:51 and always to know what is going on 27:53 and always to make pure choices. |
Revised 2018-04-26