Participants: Joshua Nelson (Host), Brittany Hill, Jeanne Mogusu, John Coaxum, Korey P. Douglas
Series Code: PC
Program Code: PC000064
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00:01 The following program discusses sensitive issues.
00:03 Parents are cautioned that some material 00:04 may be too candid for younger children. 00:40 Hello, and welcome to Pure Choices. 00:41 I'm your host Pastor Joshua Nelson. 00:43 I'm so excited that you decide to join us today 00:46 because we have a good one for you today. 00:47 We are talking about, 00:49 is it okay to try things just once, just a taste? 00:53 You know what I'm talking about. 00:54 I mean, is it okay just to try a little bit of alcohol 00:57 just once? 00:58 Is it okay to maybe have sex, just to try it out, 01:01 see if it's good or not? 01:03 Is it okay to just smoke just once? 01:06 We're talking about all these things 01:08 because we wanna challenge and see, 01:09 should we just try things 01:12 or should we leave something's alone. 01:13 But before we get into this topic 01:15 that I think it's gonna be a good on today, 01:16 let's just pause for a moment of prayer. 01:19 Heavenly Father, we just ask that 01:22 You would guide this discussion today. 01:24 Send Your Spirit in Jesus' name we pray, amen. 01:27 Amen. Amen. 01:28 Let's introduce our panel. 01:30 To my left I have Brittany Hill who is from Andrews University. 01:34 She's there, she's finished up there at the seminary. 01:36 We're so happy to have her with us today. 01:38 Across the way here on the couch, 01:40 we have Pastor John Coaxum who is an associate pastor 01:43 at Glenville, SDA Church in Cleveland, Ohio. 01:46 Happy to have you here, sir. Thank you, man. 01:48 Then we have sister, Dr. Jeanne Mogusu, 01:51 my friend there, who is from the seminary as well, 01:54 just finished there. 01:55 We're happy to have her as well. 01:57 Then we have Pastor KP Douglas from Southeast Missouri, 02:01 has a couple churches out there, 02:02 so we're happy to have him and I'm Pastor Nelson, 02:04 I have two churches in South Carolina. 02:06 So we have a good panel, good topic, 02:09 and so let's get right into it, just a taste. 02:12 What do you all think? 02:14 Should we say it's okay to try things just to try it out 02:17 or should we just leave things totally alone? 02:20 Well, how big we taste? It's just a taste. 02:23 It's whole, little. It's just a sip. 02:26 That's all. That's all. 02:30 We don't want to jump into. 02:32 We're scared, we're scared, we'll jump into it. 02:34 Yeah. 02:35 Well, I mean, I think for some things... 02:38 yeah, for something's it's just not wise. 02:39 Okay. 02:40 It's just not wise to try something once 02:42 especially when you know, what the consequences could be. 02:45 I mean, you basically in a certain sense 02:47 playing Russian roulette with your life with some choices 02:52 that you decide to make. 02:53 And every single choice that you make, 02:55 as far as I'm concerned 02:56 is either pulling you closer to God 02:58 or pulling you further away from Him. 02:59 Okay. 03:00 I would wanna jump onto that and say, 03:02 you can't always live your life safe 03:04 and life is about calculated risk. 03:07 And when you're approaching certain things, 03:09 you have to calculate the risk. 03:10 And I'll say that's the principle. 03:12 Is this going to be worth it? Is it really worth it? 03:16 So when you're sitting down, you're thinking about, 03:17 "Okay, alcohol, should I try it?" 03:19 When you think about 03:21 all the side-effects and everything, 03:22 you may calculate that it's not a risk worth taking. 03:25 Well, I mean, and I like that, as you said there, 03:27 and I would challenge that though and say, 03:28 well, I don't want to be an alcoholic, you know, 03:31 I just wanna taste. 03:32 I just wanna try just a little bit because, 03:34 hey, I mean, there are some "good things out there". 03:37 Everybody is talking about, and I just want to try to say 03:41 that I did it and kind of find out 03:43 what the hype is about, you know... 03:44 So here is my question. 03:46 Yes, you don't want to be an alcoholic, 03:49 but you would just want to taste it once. 03:51 How do you think the alcoholic started? 03:54 I mean, he didn't just wake up in one morning and decide, 03:58 "Oh, I'm gonna down four, five bottles of rum or whisky." 04:01 You see, what I'm saying. Yeah. 04:03 I mean, he started with a taste. 04:05 Right, right, right. 04:06 And it's my understanding that some of these things 04:08 are an acquired taste. 04:10 So you'll taste it once, and it's not so bad, 04:12 you taste it again and it's not so bad 04:14 and you cannot start, once a fire starts, 04:18 you cannot quench it. 04:19 It's like they tell you, 04:21 I believe sometimes during the summer, 04:23 there are some places where it's even illegal 04:25 to have fireworks because that little spark, 04:29 that little spark can cause acres... 04:32 Wildfire. Thousands of acres to burn. 04:34 So why would you want to put yourself in that risk, 04:37 in that position? 04:38 Okay. 04:39 Yeah, I think it's difficult to going back to 04:42 what Brittany says about calculating risk, 04:44 is it worth it? 04:45 Because now you got to talk about worth it 04:47 according to what? 04:49 And what's your definition of worth it? 04:50 'Cause I'm trying to have a good time, 04:52 it may be worth it. 04:53 You know, for me to have a good time 04:55 so I mean, is sin, sin is sin. 04:58 I think I'll just say that. Should you try it? 05:00 No, it's sin. 05:02 Unfortunately, we're born in sin 05:03 and shapen in inequity, 05:04 and so there are certain things that, you know, 05:06 we probably have tried certain things 05:07 that we have in our system 05:09 even before we're born or when we're born, 05:11 for instance we talk about alcoholism, 05:12 there're some people who are born with that propensity 05:15 because of what their parents have done. 05:17 You know, but we're talking about, 05:18 you actually making a choice for yourself, 05:21 I just think you should just stay away. 05:23 If you have that ability, just choose not to do it. 05:26 Yeah. 05:27 You know, unfortunately the sad truth is 05:29 there are some lessons we will not learn, 05:32 unless, you know, we go through it. 05:33 And I think sometimes, you know, 05:35 I think all the time God gives us a choice, 05:37 He is a God of free will, 05:38 and He allows us to make our own decisions, 05:39 and we have to calculate the risk for ourselves 05:41 and see, you know, do I wanna make this choice? 05:43 But even if somebody would come to us and tell us, 05:46 "Listen, you don't want to go down this path, you know, 05:48 there's a pit down here, don't go down this path." 05:50 Some of us say, "Well, I don't really believe you, 05:52 I want to try for myself, and see for myself." 05:54 And the only way we're going to learn is that 05:56 we go walking down that path and fall into the same thing. 05:57 Yeah. 05:59 And so I like that we're going there 06:00 and let's talk about that. 06:02 Because you know, many of us have made poor choices, 06:03 you know, instead of pure choice. 06:04 We've made some mistakes and we're gonna talk about 06:06 little bit of those in more detail but, you know, 06:08 how come we weren't able to listen to someone who say, 06:12 "Hey, I've gone down that road, I've tried that just once, 06:15 just to taste, and this is now where I am, 06:18 and I have regrets for it." 06:19 Why is it so hard for us especially, as young people, 06:21 to not be able to listen to the counsel? 06:24 Or even someone watching now 06:25 not able to listen to the counsel that, 06:27 you know, we're giving? 06:28 I think it's arrogance. 06:31 I think it just boils down to pride and arrogance. 06:34 I think that somehow I am stronger than, you know, 06:38 somebody else in my family who has, 'cause it's true, 06:41 we have alcoholism and it runs in our family. 06:44 So I may think that I'm stronger than the person 06:46 who is a drunk, you know... 06:48 Right. 06:50 So I will decide I want to take a taste. 06:53 And next thing, you know, 06:54 you are just like the person that 06:57 who is you detest. 06:59 You know, it boils down to arrogance. 07:02 We somehow think that we are stronger... 07:04 An exempt. 07:05 Yeah, an exempt from the rules of nature 07:08 that govern everybody else. 07:09 We think we kind of defy ourselves. 07:12 We're too good, we're not as bad, 07:14 we don't have it as bad as they do. 07:16 So yeah, I think that's what it is. 07:18 We wouldn't fall for that. 07:19 We wouldn't fall for that, we're too bright. 07:21 We're brighter than everybody else has gone 07:22 before us and fallen down. 07:24 We know better. Yeah. Yeah. 07:25 And, Brittany, go ahead. 07:27 I think I would add this also the presentation of, 07:30 when my mom told me not to do certain things, 07:33 she presented some things better than she did others. 07:36 So it's based on how you present it. 07:38 If you want to tell somebody, "Don't drink alcohol." 07:41 "Why not?" "Because I said so." 07:43 That's not really a good presentation of 07:45 do not do this, 07:46 it all boils down to how you actually presenting this, 07:49 are you presenting it in a good way as in, 07:51 do not do this because of this reason, 07:53 or you're just saying, "Oh, because I said so." 07:55 Okay. 07:56 And that also plays into the fact of there 07:58 hasn't been enough of us, 07:59 maybe our age looking at those who are younger mentoring them. 08:02 Maybe even parents being vulnerable and saying, 08:04 "Look, you know, I tried this in my life, 08:07 I tried weed and this is what happened to me." 08:10 You know, almost trying to keep that perfect image, 08:12 you know, so that, you know, 08:13 we won't look at them in a wrong way. 08:14 But that really is not good because it doesn't give us 08:17 the trueness, or the realness of the experience 08:19 that happened and why we shouldn't do it. 08:21 You know, I think that there are actually many reasons 08:23 why we just don't listen to the advice 08:26 or learn from the mistakes of other people. 08:29 One, I would just thought there as curiosity. 08:30 You know, some of us, some people, 08:32 we're just curious. 08:33 You know, we want to experience things 08:35 for ourselves. 08:36 We don't care if you tell us, or even if, you know, 08:37 something bad happened, 08:39 we want to experience for ourselves. 08:40 The other thing is if we're real society, 08:42 kind of trains us not to listen to people 08:45 who have come before us. 08:47 It tells us that we are our own people, 08:49 we make our own decisions, rules are meant to be broken, 08:52 you know, and so... 08:53 YOLO. 08:54 When you told that into, yeah, YOLO, you know, 08:56 you only live once, so you might as well try it, 08:58 you know and so, you know, 08:59 would you throw that kind of stuff in the mix, 09:01 I don't know, you know, 09:03 sometimes we want to paint it as well, 09:04 we're just being rebellious but we're kind of trained 09:06 to pave our own path. 09:08 We does, honestly just want try it. 09:10 Yeah, we just wanna learn for ourselves. 09:12 Yeah, yeah, that's a good point. 09:14 You want to add something, John? 09:15 No. Okay, okay. 09:16 Well, let me just go here then because, you know, 09:18 a lot of people also saying, you know, 09:19 we hear this on talking about what society talks about, 09:21 it teaches us, you know, when you're trying to get, 09:25 say in a relationship with someone 09:26 and you want to maybe go to further step 09:28 of marrying them, you know, 09:30 it is basically not even a thought 09:32 in modern society that you're going to try, 09:36 you gonna have sex with them, you know, 09:37 before you get married. 09:38 Just to kind of try it out, 09:40 you know and I think that idea has seeped 09:42 even into the churches. 09:43 I know that, you know, that's even been, you know, 09:45 my corrupted mindset to think, 09:46 "Okay, well, I don't know if I wanna be with this person 09:48 because I'm not sure, 09:49 that the sex really going to be good or you know..." 09:51 Try before you buy it. 09:53 Yeah, try before you buy, you know, type of mindset. 09:55 So with, where does this kind of thinking come from? 09:59 You know, let's just start there. 10:00 You know, and why should it be, 10:02 and why are we even thinking on those terms as Christians? 10:04 I think, first of all, I think it comes from the basics of it 10:08 as from an unconverted mind and an unconverted life 10:12 because if you are totally sold out for Christ 10:16 and your choices will automatically be pure. 10:20 And I also think part of it is a sense of identity, 10:24 you want to make sure, it's like we, 10:26 some of these things we want to try 10:29 so at the root of it 10:31 because we want to have some sort of identity 10:35 that is wrapped up in this thing. 10:38 I want to try, you know, maybe I should sleep with 10:42 so and so because somehow if they value me enough, 10:47 or they like me enough to sleep with me 10:48 then that means they must really like me, 10:51 you know, or I wanna try and drink 10:54 because if I can drink and hold myself 10:57 and hold it down then, you know, 10:59 I'm some kind of bad, you know. 11:00 Right. Right. 11:02 That kind of... Yeah. 11:03 Okay, okay. 11:05 Well, if I could kinda go back 11:06 in which Jeanne is absolutely right. 11:07 If I could kinda go back a little bit, 11:09 society teaches us to try things 11:11 before we buy it. 11:12 When you go to the car dealership, 11:14 you can test drive the car. 11:16 I mean, I'm talking about down to frozen yogurt. 11:18 When I go to FroYo, I can taste the yogurt 11:21 before I buy it. 11:22 You know, this is how we've been taught 11:24 which whereas way back in a day, 11:26 you just wore what was given to you. 11:27 You just did what was expected of you. 11:29 You know, now you go to school 11:30 and you can go through a whole semester 11:32 before you declare you're major 11:34 because you get a chance to kind of test 11:36 and try everything out. 11:37 And everywhere we look television, you know, 11:40 all and I don't want to do any shows like that, 11:42 I can't name any shows. 11:43 Right. 11:45 But there are shows that literally say, 11:46 "Well, you need to have sex with people to see 11:48 which person would suit you best for life. 11:50 Because having sex is such an important thing 11:53 and you've got to make sure, you know you're gonna enjoy it, 11:55 you know, before you choose the partner." 11:56 Yeah. 11:58 And so you know, when we're steeped 11:59 in that kind of culture, you know, 12:00 we're gonna tend to go that way. 12:02 At the heart though, I believe that that's just 12:03 who we naturally are. 12:05 We are people 12:06 who are looking out for ourselves. 12:07 Right. 12:09 You know, if we go down to the hard with the man, 12:10 carnal man wants to please himself. 12:12 Yeah. 12:13 And that's why we want to have that just a taste. 12:16 You wanna please ourselves, 12:17 you want to experience something from ourselves. 12:20 Yeah, I think Korey and Jeanne make a very good point 12:22 when they talk about the unconverted mind 12:23 as well as, you know, try before you buy it. 12:25 That's the mindset of the world today, 12:27 but that's not God's mindset at all. 12:29 Neither does that fit 12:30 with biblical or spiritual things. 12:32 God teaches us that we have to walk by faith 12:34 and not by sight. 12:35 So that means when we decide to marry 12:37 somebody based on, 12:38 you know, this is the person God wants me to be with, 12:40 we have to trust that the sex is gonna be good 12:42 because God put us together. 12:44 We have to trust that all the resources 12:45 and the finances are gonna be taken care off, 12:47 and our social life is going to be well. 12:49 And I think God wants us to enjoy life, 12:51 we don't have to secure a good life 12:53 before we finally make that commitment. 12:55 Yeah, that's so true. I mean, it's a powerful point. 12:57 God is not sitting there and saying, 12:59 "I don't want you to experience the good things 13:01 that I have for you in this life." 13:03 You know, He wants us to be happy 13:04 and so we have to trust that if we're making pure choices, 13:07 making the choice that He has for us 13:09 that our life still want to be good 13:10 even if we don't try that one thing. 13:14 Was someone else gonna chime in? 13:15 Okay, I want to go to the next thing and that is, 13:19 let's just talk about ourselves, 13:20 have we made some mistakes? 13:21 Have we lived a life or we maybe had some regrets 13:25 that we wish we hadn't done? 13:26 And in saying that maybe share some of those things 13:28 and what advice would we give to someone else 13:31 who is thinking about tasting and trying something. 13:35 Well, who wants to be brave and start... 13:38 Well, I mean, honestly, I've tried a lot, you know, 13:41 try not as much as other people. 13:43 But, you know, 13:44 I give all credit and glory to God, 13:46 you know, for bringing me through. 13:48 And what I would say to someone as a word of advice is, 13:52 you can try to be like the prodigal son 13:53 and go out into a far country but the sad truth is 13:57 unfortunately some people don't make it back 13:59 from the choices that they make in life. 14:01 The prodigal son is the exception to the rule. 14:04 He was able to come to himself, realize where he was, 14:07 and then go back home 14:08 and his father was waiting there for him. 14:09 Where some people don't make it back 14:11 and sometimes some choices could even cost your life. 14:13 Yeah, yeah. 14:14 And I'll say that too, you know, 14:16 that many of the decisions and choices 14:18 I've made in trying something's just once has led me 14:23 to really live with a compromised state of being 14:26 where I just kind of don't see things 14:28 as deep as they used to be. 14:30 You know, when I was younger, 14:31 I would never think of doing certain things. 14:33 You know, I just stop for sure, you know, 14:34 certain things would just be, you know, not in my life. 14:36 But as I kept doing things or try things, 14:40 now things didn't seem as bad anymore, you know, 14:42 and I would say to someone who's watching 14:45 that you may think you can just try it out, 14:48 but as you go down that path, 14:49 you may start seeing that your morals 14:52 and your ethics begin to change, 14:53 you know, because of you're trying something, you know. 14:56 Jeanne, go ahead. 14:58 And I'll too, I would tell someone 14:59 who wants to try right now that it's not, 15:03 sometimes it looks like when people tell you 15:05 not to do something and everybody else is saying 15:07 how great and awesome it is to do it... 15:09 It just feels like 15:11 you're getting contradictory messages, 15:13 but I would say don't try and do something today 15:16 that tomorrow you're gonna look back 15:18 and think, "Why did I do that?" 15:20 'Cause there're sometimes, 15:22 like you don't want to get into, 15:23 you know, that someone is bad for you, 15:26 you've heard everything about them 15:29 and even your personal experience 15:31 with that person has been such that 15:33 they're not good for you but somehow you think, 15:36 "Oh, wow, I just want to..." 15:37 You know, there's something about them 15:39 that just drives you. 15:40 And at the end of the day you don't want to be 15:42 ducking people in the hallways 15:43 because, you know, you don't want to cop to the idea 15:48 that you actually fell for this person 15:51 or you did this thing that made you, 15:54 like why would you go and get yourself dead drunk? 15:57 You know, or now I hear people are 16:00 even trying this strangulation thing because, 16:03 why would you do something that would put you in a position 16:05 where you could hurt yourself? 16:07 Yeah. Yeah. Or worse yet hurt other people? 16:09 You know, there's no one who wakes up in the morning 16:11 and says, "Hey, I wanna go and kill somebody today 16:14 'cause I'm drunk." 16:16 But there are people, but they're crazy. 16:17 Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. 16:18 Yeah, no person in their right mind that should say, 16:21 in their right mind. 16:22 You never know what will happen, 16:24 what things will lead to...? 16:25 What those things will lead to? Yeah. 16:26 And I know, what you're saying, you know, I know that, 16:28 you know, when I was, I guess in college 16:30 there was this girl that everybody was talking about 16:32 and I want to be with that person so bad, 16:34 you know and I remember all my friends saying, 16:37 "Don't give with this girl, you know, she's not, 16:38 she's, you know, she's about nothing only to be with her." 16:41 But others were saying, "No, you know, she's bad, 16:43 you know, you need to be with her." 16:44 And so, you know, weighing options but I decide, 16:46 "I'm just gonna try it out." 16:48 And went ahead and talk to this girl, 16:49 dated this girl, and ended up 16:51 being a very, very bad relationship, you know. 16:53 So bad that even in that relationship 16:55 I was trying to keep the relationship so much 16:56 that I was willing to compromise 16:58 and I remember I tried for the first time, 17:00 I tried alcohol when I was with this person, 17:02 you know, went to, you know, parties and clubs. 17:04 I've never done that before 17:06 but because I was with this individual, 17:07 I was trying to live up to this image. 17:09 Yeah. 17:10 You know, and it kind of destroyed me in later on. 17:12 Even now to where I'm thinking that my morals and values, 17:16 I look back and say, "Wow, they've really changed 17:17 but it's because of decisions like that." 17:20 That my choices now have even been skewed 17:22 and I had to pray to get myself back 17:24 to where I need to be. 17:25 Wow. 17:27 I would also add to that, 17:28 that this whole calculated risk, 17:30 there're some things you just can't really calculate. 17:31 Yeah. 17:33 And these are a few things where you just should just 17:34 toss it aside and not even think about it. 17:36 Looking back at my own life, right now I have to go through 17:39 the process of trying to recover from this, 17:42 Oh, I'm just gonna try this once. 17:43 Wow. 17:44 And the recovery is not easy which makes this not worth it. 17:47 It's hard having to recalculate your mind, reprogram it, 17:52 trying to figure out, "Okay, how do I approach this? 17:54 How do I approach that?" 17:56 It's more complicated now that I've just tried it versus 17:59 if I never tried it, I would never have to think 18:02 or ask the questions that I now ask. 18:03 Exactly. Exactly. 18:04 Yeah, the danger with, 18:06 first of all trying it is such an arbitrary thing. 18:09 There are things that I've tried, 18:10 then there's things that I did. 18:11 Just gonna put it that way. 18:13 There's things that I wasn't trying to do, 18:14 they just kind of happen. 18:15 You know, what I'm saying. 18:17 So I think it's dangerous just to go on say, 18:18 "I'm gonna try something." 18:20 That's very dangerous. Yeah. 18:21 You know, as I look back, it's so dangerous 18:24 'cause as John said I know people who, 18:25 We used to go to the club, 18:27 where they had died right outside the club, 18:28 take that shot outside the club. 18:30 I know people who, you know, I used to smoke with, 18:33 who graduated from marijuana to cocaine, 18:39 from cocaine to meth. 18:40 Some people like John said, "Don't make it back." 18:42 It's is very, very dangerous, you know, to just say, 18:46 "Well, I'm just gonna do a little bit." 18:47 Because honestly you don't know 18:49 what kind of effect it has on you. 18:50 You don't know your physical makeup, 18:52 you don't know someone in your family used to struggle 18:53 with some of these things and that you're enabling, 18:55 you know, generational curses, you just never know, you know, 18:58 what you're gonna get yourself into, 19:00 and so it is always best to stay away from it. 19:02 You know, and like I said, I have friends, you know, 19:04 we all went to, most of us went to school together. 19:06 I have friends, I started Oakwood University with 19:08 that did not graduate with me. 19:10 Yeah. 19:11 I have friends that started 19:13 Oakwood full Arise scholarships, 19:14 they lost their scholarships after their first year. 19:16 They're still trying to get out of school. 19:18 You know, friends, that died at, you know, 19:19 in school because of decisions that they made, you know, 19:23 and we may think that, you know, 19:25 just because it's trying it that the effect of the decision 19:28 will last as long as the decision, 19:30 but the effects are sometimes lifelong. 19:32 Yup. Yeah, it's so true. 19:34 And I mean, you know, and that's kind of, you know, 19:37 the scary part about it. 19:38 You know, you don't know where it's gonna take you 19:40 but somebody may say, 19:41 "You know, hey, I'm not gonna go that far. 19:42 You know, I'm not gonna go that far." 19:44 And that's exactly what I said. 19:45 Yeah. You know. 19:46 And really I didn't, never really went that far 19:49 I would say, you know, to the extreme 19:51 where I could have been 19:52 because I always try to keep my Christianity still intact. 19:54 So it still looks like I wasn't that far, 19:56 but the worse thing is when you know inside, 19:59 your war against the image you created outside 20:01 and that's the thing that really kills you 20:03 because you are now having to live a life 20:06 that you don't even really belief yourself, you know. 20:09 And you began to live this life and you think, 20:10 "Oh, I'm not going that far." 20:12 But inside you're not saved, you know, 20:14 inside your mind is gone, you know. 20:16 They say our greatest battle is with ourselves. 20:19 Yeah. 20:21 You know, especially in the Christian walk, 20:23 we always used to say, 20:24 "Oh, the devil is trying to get me..." 20:26 The devil doesn't have a lot of more anymore ammunition 20:30 than what you've already given yourself. 20:33 You know, you battle with yourself, 20:35 your inward person... 20:36 Right. 20:38 That part of you that wants to do right, 20:39 and that part of you that wants to do wrong are 20:42 what are ultimately clashing. 20:44 Right. 20:46 And for the person who says, "Oh, YOLO, you only live once." 20:49 I'll ask them, how do you think the person who said, 20:51 "I'm gonna try sex for the first time? 20:53 And for just once 'cause I love this guy 20:56 and ended up having AIDS 20:58 and now they have to live with it for decades. 21:02 You know, their whole livelihood is compromised. 21:05 They can't have kids. Right. 21:06 They can't, or if they do, 21:08 they have to take a lot more precautions than, 21:11 you know, their whole life perspective... 21:13 Is changed, yeah. 21:15 Is changed because of that one, you only live once. 21:17 So how, you know, there are some risks, 21:21 yes, you can calculate but there are some risks 21:23 that no matter what kind of mathematician you are, 21:26 the math just does not add up. 21:28 Yeah, yeah. 21:29 You only live once but you got to consider the quality of life 21:31 you gonna have once you make that decision. 21:33 Yeah, that's right. Okay. 21:36 Well, now, you know, what I wanna do is, 21:38 is I really want to allow us to be little open, you know, 21:41 those who are watching and really share some experiences. 21:43 I know Korey, he had experience, 21:45 he wants to share with the viewers. 21:48 Well, I've kind of alluded to my testimony, you know, 21:50 with the whole smoking 21:52 and growing into something bigger. 21:54 But I'm gonna go a little bit further. 21:56 You know, I just recently got engaged 21:58 and I'm not a virgin and so what is that doing for me 22:01 and I wanna say, unfortunately, I'm not a virgin... 22:03 I really wish in hindsight that I was. 22:07 My fiance is a virgin, you know. 22:09 And for me, I mean, that thing we are not married yet, 22:13 but I can already feel the pressure 22:16 that is putting on her that I'm not a virgin. 22:18 I mean, that's, you know, that I'm not a virgin 22:20 and also even those moments that you had, 22:24 you will live those. 22:26 You think about that stuff, 22:27 you can't get rid of those pictures in your head. 22:28 Yeah. 22:30 And unfortunately, 22:31 I'm having to battle myself holding my fiance to a level, 22:36 you know, of experience that she does not have 22:39 because I have that level of experience. 22:41 Yeah, yeah. 22:43 You know, and I can already see how it's, 22:44 it's not causing a riff but you know, 22:46 there is tension and we're not married yet, 22:49 you know, and I don't know exactly 22:50 how it's gonna to play out when we get married. 22:52 You know, but that is the danger, you know, 22:54 you just don't know the effect 22:55 that these things are gonna have on you. 22:56 Yeah, yeah, and I want to add to that 22:59 because me now being married, being in the same situation 23:02 that you were in a few months ago, 23:04 where, you know, I'm looking at the things and say, 23:06 "Hey, I'm not a virgin either." 23:07 You know, and saying, "Man, you know, 23:09 how do I deal with this my wife now?" 23:11 Praise God. 23:12 Who, you know, was a virgin and saying, you know, 23:15 how do I, you know, I'm almost feeling upset at myself 23:18 like, you know, she was able to wait 23:19 but I can't wait for her. 23:21 You know, and it's a horrible place to be in 23:23 and exactly what you're saying trying to say, okay, 23:25 I got to definitely pray really 23:28 and ask God to wash my brain to totally erase them 23:31 and things so I don't have to go into this thing 23:34 with expectations or, you know, 23:37 that ever bring back images from the past and whatnot, 23:39 you know, and really having this 23:41 be a pure marriage, you know. 23:42 And that really I think has been 23:43 the most horrible thing that I had to look at and say, 23:46 "Wow, I wish, you know, 23:49 I hadn't made those poor choices 23:51 so that I wouldn't be in the situation I am now." 23:54 And I want to share some more 23:55 but I do want John wanted to chime in about 23:57 some kind of how the media plays 23:59 into some of this as well. 24:00 Yeah, it's interesting, man, Paul says in Romans 12:2, 24:03 "Be transformed by the renewing of your mind." 24:06 And I was looking at this text, you know, 24:08 I was wondering to myself why did he say that? 24:10 Why your mind? 24:11 And I think any psychologist, you know, any psychiatrist, 24:13 any counselor would tell you the same thing. 24:15 Listen, if you want to change your life, 24:16 you have to change the way that you think. 24:18 It just so happens that 24:19 when we're consuming so much media, 24:21 and we're watching so many movies 24:22 that have so much action, 24:24 we're watching all these reality shows 24:25 where people are sleeping around, 24:26 I mean, they're being physical with one another 24:28 and it seemingly there is no real consequences, 24:30 and if there are consequences they're easily solved. 24:32 So each of us has this mental picture in our mind 24:35 or in a sense we're being desensitized 24:37 or we're being callous to certain things in life. 24:40 We're not realizing that consequences come 24:42 as a result of these things that we would do. 24:44 So media plays a huge part in all of the decisions 24:48 that we're making. 24:49 I don't care who you are, where you are, 24:51 there's advertisements everywhere. 24:53 You're constantly being influenced by media 24:55 when you're driving down the highway, 24:56 when you're on your cell phone, Instagram, Twitter. 24:59 I mean, you just you're inundated 25:01 with so much stimuli till your senses get dealt. 25:05 And I think for me in my life, man, I mean, my parents, 25:08 I was raised in a Christian home. 25:09 My parents did an excellent job in raising me, you know, 25:11 if I can say myself, 25:13 they told me all of the things, don't do this, don't do that. 25:14 Right. 25:16 I knew the word, I understood, memorized scripture 25:17 and all this kind of stuff, but somewhere along the line, 25:19 man, when I saw, you know, 25:21 people on TV having so much fun... 25:22 Yeah. 25:23 Enjoying their lives, I was like, yo, 25:25 basically let me get some of this too. 25:27 And try that out, yes. 25:29 And let me try it before I buy it. 25:30 And essentially, you know, that's what I did. 25:31 And in my mind right now 25:33 I realized how much I have doled my senses, 25:36 and how much I want to progress past these things 25:39 but it's very hard for me now 25:41 because all of these mental images are in my mind 25:43 and I still have these experiences 25:45 that I've allowed myself to get into. 25:46 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good stuff. 25:47 Jeanne? Yeah. 25:49 And I think there's a perception that 25:52 when you're a Christian making pure choices 25:55 that you don't have fun, that life is not good, 25:58 that somehow you're missing out 26:01 but I would like to say that 26:04 it is by being freed that you get, 26:08 you know, it's kind of like you rein in your choices 26:13 by making pure choices. 26:15 Right. 26:16 But because you've done that, 26:17 you expand your possibilities to things 26:20 that you would never have thought of. 26:22 You know, it's like, 26:25 I'm trying to find a good analogy. 26:27 It's like the elephant that you put on a leash, 26:33 you know, that can only go a certain distance. 26:37 You know, I'm trying... 26:38 But when you take the leash off. 26:39 I'm sorry. 26:41 But when you take the leash off, 26:42 it only can, only stay within that distance. 26:45 I know what you're talking about. 26:46 Yeah. 26:47 You're talking about the analogy 26:49 where the elephant, when it's small, 26:50 they put a leash around so every time 26:51 he tries to move he can't break free. 26:54 Because he's so small, but then he grows up 26:55 and grows up with that same leash, 26:57 even though he is big enough to break free from it, 27:00 he can't because he's already been programmed 27:02 that he won't be able to break from it. 27:04 Exactly. Thank you, thank you so much. 27:05 No problem. 27:07 Yeah, and that's exactly what I'm saying. 27:09 So we grow up with all these media and we don't recognize 27:12 that we have been leashed in essence. 27:14 Yeah. 27:15 And what God wants to do is cut us off the leash 27:17 and free us to enjoy, to transform our minds 27:21 and free us to enjoy life like he has created us to enjoy. 27:23 Wow. 27:25 That's so beautiful, you know, 27:26 and I think that for me in my experience right now 27:28 being married now and thinking, man, 27:30 didn't wanna get married 27:32 because I felt I could be tied down whatnot, 27:33 but realizing now that actually marriage is 27:35 actually very liberating. 27:37 We're doing things what God wants you to do. 27:39 I want to end with a scripture text 27:41 on Ephesians 5:3 it says, 27:44 "But among you there must not be 27:46 even a hint of sexual immorality, 27:48 or any kind of immorality, or greed, 27:50 because these are improper for God's holy people." 27:53 Saying that to say, not even a hint God says. 27:56 So don't even try because God knows 27:57 what's best for you. 27:58 Remember to always make pure choices. 28:00 God bless. |
Revised 2017-06-08