Participants: Joshua Nelson (Host), Brittany Hill, Jeanne Mogusu, John Coaxum, Korey P. Douglas
Series Code: PC
Program Code: PC000065
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00:01 The following program discusses sensitive issues.
00:03 Parents are cautioned that some material 00:05 may be too candid for younger children. 00:40 Hello, and welcome to Pure Choices. 00:41 I'm your host Pastor Joshua Nelson 00:43 and we have a great 00:45 and exciting topic for you today. 00:47 We're titling this, 50 Shades of Grey. 00:50 And we're talking about what is acceptable 00:52 to do as a Christian in the bedroom, 00:54 of course, once you're married. 00:56 So we're going to get right into this discussion, 00:57 this is definitely a one 00:59 that a lot of us question about, talk about. 01:01 We don't really, 01:03 I think often talk about it in a public place. 01:05 So now we're gonna put on the camera 01:06 and we want to see what happens, 01:08 you know, God's gonna lead this. 01:09 So let's start 01:10 and just have a word of prayer before we go on. 01:12 Heavenly, Father, we need Your presence here right now 01:15 as we discuss the sacredness of marriage 01:18 and what is acceptable to do as married couples. 01:21 We ask, Father, that You would allow us 01:22 to just hear Your presence 01:24 at this time in Jesus' name we pray, amen. 01:27 Amen. 01:28 All right, let's go ahead 01:29 and start introducing our panel. 01:31 We have to my left Paster John Coaxum, 01:34 who is the associate pastor at the Glenville SDA Church 01:37 in Cleveland, Ohio, 01:38 so glad to have him with us. 01:40 And then we have Dr. Jeanne Mogusu 01:42 who is a graduate at Andrews University 01:45 and so we're happy that she is here today, as well. 01:48 We have Pastor K.P. 01:50 Douglas who is a pastor of two churches 01:52 in Southeast Missouri, 01:54 so glad to have you my, friend. 01:56 Also we have Brittany Hill 01:57 who is recent graduate of Andrews University 02:00 and she is with us today with her great knowledge. 02:02 So we're so happy to have this panel here today 02:04 to discuss this topic. 02:06 A little sensitive, would you not agree, 02:07 it's little sensitive topic? 02:08 But I'm... 02:10 Very sensitive. Yeah. 02:11 So we're gonna get into it the best we can. 02:14 But let's start with maybe a little easier question here 02:17 in terms of what's acceptable to do in the bedroom? 02:19 And I know that I'm the only one 02:21 who's married here at the time 02:22 and I know Korey looking to get married, 02:23 Brittany, you're looking to get married as well. 02:25 We're all looking to get marry, I know, that if you're engaged. 02:27 So we're gonna discuss this and this is an important thing, 02:31 so first I wanna ask in terms of the media, 02:34 in terms of what is portrayed, and even the porn 02:38 that, you know, a lot of us had been exposed to, 02:41 what part has that played in shaping our sexual appetite? 02:47 Well, I mean I think it's played a huge part, 02:49 you know. 02:51 I mean, if you think about it, 02:52 if you said to a little kid what is sex? 02:54 You know, they have absolutely no idea. 02:56 I think by the time we get to a certain age, 02:58 we've seen so many things on television commercial, 03:01 even having, you know, watch pornography 03:03 there's something, there's at least certain things 03:04 you expect 03:06 because it has kind of educated you somewhat 03:08 on what to expect. 03:10 You know, and talking about the effects of it, 03:11 I can speak for myself. 03:13 I'm just going to be real, there are some things I've seen 03:16 and I'm just like, "Wow." 03:17 You know, things that you didn't even think 03:18 were humanly possible. Right. 03:20 You know, but the more and more you see that stuff, 03:23 is a more you kind of begin to accept it 03:24 and maybe even expect it, you know, so... 03:27 Yeah, yeah, that's so true. 03:28 I mean, I know a friend of mine who said that, 03:30 you know, sex was not sex unless it was with, 03:32 you know, more than two people, you know. 03:35 He had been so corrupted, 03:36 he actually grew, went into the porn industry and stuff, 03:38 he had been so into it 03:39 that it just soaked, his mind was just gone, 03:42 like he just didn't see it as fun 03:44 if it was just one person, you know. 03:45 And so or as, you know, enjoy whatever the case is. 03:47 So, you know, you can get to that point. 03:49 I can see what you're saying 03:51 with indulging too much into that arena. 03:55 Let's talk more about the media as well. 03:58 What part does that play in our appetite? 04:01 Brittany, you wanna add to that? 04:03 I was going to say that due to the fact 04:04 that we don't really talk about sex in church 04:08 and even among our family, the media plays a huge part 04:11 of what do you think is supposed to happen, 04:12 what does it really look like. 04:14 You don't really know what it looks like 04:15 until you actually watch TV, 04:18 or probably stumble on a website, or on a DVD, 04:21 and then you're like, "Oh, that's what it looks like, 04:23 that's what you're supposed to do. 04:25 Oh, you can that too. Oh, that too. Okay." 04:27 So it plays a huge part in telling you, 04:30 okay, when you actually comes to your time to have sex, 04:34 this is the possibilities that you can go on and explore. 04:38 Yeah, that's true. That's a good point. 04:40 Yeah, I mean, I didn't know what certain things were 04:42 until I had to look it up and find out. 04:44 You know, I mean, you know, 04:45 you hear people talking about stuff 04:47 and being and as a Christian growing up, 04:49 you kinda learn things little late, you know, 04:51 so you're trying to catch up, 04:52 you know, and that's a good point. 04:53 We're not discussing these things 04:55 that had people even know. 04:56 I think too, you know, that sex sells, man, 04:58 it's what people want, you know, 05:00 it gives people certain feeling. 05:02 And so, if you pay attention even to just advertisements, 05:05 you know, those 30 to 60 seconds 05:07 on television, they will be loaded with sex. 05:10 You know, not even just a show, I mean, watching a commercial 05:12 and I'm like, "What are they advertising?" 05:14 And it will come down, they're advertising like 05:15 a bar soap or a bag of chips. 05:18 And I'm like, how could you possibly, 05:20 you know, like what did that have to do with bag of chips? 05:21 Right, right. 05:23 You know, but honestly at the end of the commercial 05:24 you're really like I really need to go out 05:25 and get this bag of chips... Get that bag of chips, yeah. 05:27 Another thing you can do. 05:28 You know, and so it plays a huge part. 05:31 It plays a really huge part, 05:32 it really shapes the way that we think 05:34 and our expectations 05:35 once we do enter into that marriage chamber. 05:38 Right, right. Yeah. 05:39 And I think one thing that we need to establish is that 05:43 even though we may not be married right now, 05:46 for those of us who are not old, 05:47 looking to get married, 05:49 this topic really needs to be broached. 05:54 Like it's something that needs to be brought up 05:55 because you may think of this is, 06:01 you know, people come from different places. 06:04 And so you may find yourself, 06:07 you know, already married to someone 06:09 who asks you to go places 06:12 that you don't feel comfortable with. 06:14 And you don't want to or you may think are unnatural 06:18 or against your faith. 06:20 And so you may, 06:22 this is a conversation that needs to be had, 06:24 you know, some would argue before you get married. 06:26 Yeah, yeah. 06:28 And it's tough as it may be 06:29 for you to have that discussion, 06:31 you need to just have that discussion. 06:32 Yeah, let's go through. 06:34 Yeah, I guess I wanna say, 06:35 you know, if I don't have God in my life, 06:36 if didn't know the Bible, 06:38 If I wasn't aware of spiritual things, 06:40 if I just took media at face value 06:42 and everything that I know, 06:43 I probably wouldn't get married. 06:45 I mean, why would I? 06:46 For everything that media teaches us and tells us 06:48 I mean, I'm just supposed to go out there, have fun, 06:50 you know, try it before I buy, enjoy life, 06:53 what is the point of getting married 06:54 when I can have so many different women, 06:56 you know, coming from a man's perspective? 06:58 You know, I also say, you know, from a man's perspective 07:01 the media kind of teaches us, man, that woman are objects. 07:03 You know, they're not really even, 07:05 they're not even people so to speak. 07:07 And we watch all these music videos, 07:09 it's just like they're objects of my affection. 07:11 Yeah, yeah. You know, to be had. 07:13 Yeah, That's so true. 07:14 It's a powerful point and disturbing point as well. 07:16 I mean, you know, 07:17 what really would be the reason to get married? 07:19 I mean, there's just so much corruption 07:24 that happens in the media 07:25 in proprioception to really how sex should happen. 07:29 You know, and let alone, they are not encouraging us 07:32 to have sex in marriage, you know. 07:34 And so, there are so many things. 07:36 Let's gonna get off this the media thing, 07:39 let's kind of go into 07:40 the big question of the day, okay. 07:42 What is acceptable to do? 07:45 Or what if says I like this, what is not acceptable to do 07:48 in the bedroom as a married couple? 07:51 Good question. 07:53 Okay, so what... I think you should... 07:54 Oh, Jeanne, go ahead. No, no. 07:55 I think we should preface that with what's ever we do, 07:58 we do it to the glory of God. 08:00 And if we know we're doing it to the glory of God 08:02 that always means 08:03 that, you're not, I mean, in my, I would say, 08:09 I would think that you want to always put 08:13 the other person's before yourself. 08:16 You always want to have an unselfish, 08:20 how can I say, an unselfish view, 08:25 because it is something very intimate to you, 08:27 you want to be considerate of the other person, 08:30 you want to take the other person's view points, 08:32 and it is an act of love 08:36 as much as it is worship I guess. 08:38 So what do you do then if that person like 08:40 I want my wife to do something for me 08:42 but she doesn't feel comfortable doing that, 08:44 you know, and she's trying to please me 08:46 but yet in order for her to please me 08:48 it's making her feel uncomfortable. 08:50 Then I would ask you, what your motives are? 08:52 Like what are your intentions? 08:54 How do you feel about her? 08:56 Because I would say that if you love her 08:59 and you know that what you're asking her to do 09:01 is uncomfortable for her, 09:02 then why would you go ahead and ask her? 09:05 I mean, it's like going out to dinner with someone 09:09 who doesn't want to eat with you in the first place. 09:11 You know, it just changes the whole experience, 09:14 it's numbs. 09:15 I wouldn't even wanna go eat with them. 09:18 Right, right, right. 09:20 All right, Korey, you want to say something? 09:26 Listen, I mean, we can go biblical. 09:28 You know, the text, you know, we would talk in earlier 09:32 Hebrews, you know, tells us that, 09:33 you know, you should keep the marriage bed pure. 09:36 But then, you know, I'm hearing what Jeanne is saying, 09:38 I'm being real, I'm thinking to myself 09:39 what does that mean 09:40 because it still kind of left an interpretation. 09:42 I immediately begin to think of cultures 09:45 and I won't name them where, 09:47 you know, they all go so far 09:49 as to have a blanket with a hole cut in it 09:51 simply to have sex, 09:53 where they will not even look at each other 09:55 because they're so afraid to defile the bed 09:58 or to offend God in their action. 10:01 And I think what we forget is that sex is a gift from God, 10:04 it's something that's holy. 10:05 It's something that is supposed to be enjoyed by both people. 10:08 I think, Jeanne touches on a very important part. 10:11 Everything in life is always gonna board 10:13 on the why we're doing this? 10:14 You know, and I think that we're trained, 10:16 we don't want to go back to media 10:17 but we're trained that sex is about us. 10:19 It's about what I get from my partner. 10:21 It's about my partner pleasing me. 10:23 Jesus says in Matthew, no, He says in Luke, excuse me. 10:26 Luke 6, Jesus says, "God gives to everyone." 10:29 He goes so far as He lends to those 10:32 who He does not even expect to get back from. 10:34 He gives, He loves without expecting love in return. 10:37 And then Jesus says, "Be perfect as God is perfect." 10:39 Experience that level of relationship 10:42 where your thought is to please your partner 10:45 and not to please yourself. Right. 10:46 And I think that would take 10:48 even a lot of the perversion out of it 10:49 because now it's not you thinking well, 10:51 how do I spice things up so that I enjoy it, 10:53 you know, but what can I do for my partner, 10:56 you know, and I think that's a good place to start. 10:58 Okay, and I like that you added, 10:59 you talked about that text that we often use 11:01 or people use to kind of say, 11:03 "I can do whatever I want in the bedroom." 11:04 So, Brittany, I want you to explain 11:06 that text little bit more for us? 11:08 The text is Hebrews 13:4, 11:11 we always quote the marriage bed is undefiled 11:13 and we forget that it has a context. 11:16 And the text starts saying that, 11:18 "The marriage should be honored 11:20 and the marriage bed is undefiled." 11:23 Some other version say, "Marriage should be honored 11:26 and marriage be kept pure 11:28 or marriage bed undefiled." 11:31 So basically, it's stating that 11:33 when you're coming to your spouse. 11:36 You've been married 11:37 when you guys approach a sexual encounter, 11:39 it should be pure, 11:41 it shouldn't be something crazy 11:43 as in you're bringing in two partners, 11:44 three partners, four partners. 11:45 No. 11:47 It shouldn't also be dangerous neither, 11:48 it should be something that can bring glory and honor to God 11:51 because the marriage should be honored. 11:53 Right, right. 11:54 And that's a beautiful point especially thinking about 11:56 the origins of sex and marriage. 11:58 Like God gave us this gift and so, 12:00 you know, you are doing this not aside from Him, 12:03 saying, this is what I just want to do, 12:05 but this is now an experience you're having, 12:06 you know, with your wife and God 12:08 or, you know, your husband and God. 12:10 So, you know, and saying that then, 12:15 let's get a little deeper then, okay. 12:17 Let's go little deeper and really kind of answer 12:20 some of the questions, is oral sex okay? 12:24 Or should you stay in certain position? 12:26 Is there, you know, should you not bring toys 12:28 into the bedroom? 12:29 Is that gonna defile 12:30 or make the marriage bed impure? 12:33 You know, where do you draw the line 12:35 in terms of extra things? 12:40 I'm gonna be honest. 12:41 I think that we have been given so many points of view 12:44 that it is very hard for me to say where we draw the line. 12:47 I'm just gonna be real. 12:48 You know, is oral sex bad? 12:49 I don't know. 12:51 I'm just gonna say I don't know. 12:52 And I think sometimes that's a good place to start, 12:54 I don't know. 12:55 Now is our toys okay? 12:56 I would have to say, no. 12:58 I feel like God gave us what we need. 13:00 You know in the beginning. 13:01 And He didn't say to Adam and Eve, 13:02 "Be fruitful and multiply, 13:04 here are some toys to help you do that." 13:05 He jus said, "Be fruitful and multiply." 13:08 You know, and so I wouldn't say 13:11 we shouldn't bring things into the bedroom 13:12 but, I mean, we have a lot of conflicting views 13:15 so even something is simple as oral sex, is that bad? 13:19 And that goes back to, you know, us just being real. 13:23 I mean, I know us three as men, you know, for us, 13:25 you know, our exposure to porn, 13:27 you know, and our exposing to sexual versions 13:30 and, you know, it's kind of skewed 13:32 our thinking and our mind. 13:34 Really, how do you really answer that question, 13:35 it's a good point, yeah. 13:37 I think as men, you know, especially, man, 13:39 we expect the women that we ultimately end up with 13:42 or even the women that we're dating 13:44 or in relationship with to do the same things 13:45 that are happening on the screen. 13:47 Pornography and things of that nature. 13:49 And so we don't even, 13:50 you know, think about what God thinks about it or what... 13:53 What she may think about it? What she may think about it? 13:54 Even why we're doing? 13:56 And it's just like, you know, I've seen this, 13:57 it's in my mind, 13:59 and I want to re-enact what is happening there. 14:00 Especially because you kind of want to experience it too. 14:03 You know, I'm just gonna be real. 14:04 You're watching a pornography and you say, 14:06 I mean, everybody, they're acting 14:07 but they make it look so enjoyable 14:09 and you're like, is that really enjoyable? 14:11 You know, and some part of you, 14:13 I'm not married so I can't really say, 14:15 you know, I haven't had that experience 14:16 but I can imagine 14:18 when you get to that point you'd be thinking, 14:19 "Well, I wan to see if that's enjoyable too." 14:21 You know, so... Yeah, yeah. 14:23 It really forces you to really put your ideas of sex 14:28 through a filter that God has given you. 14:30 You know, you have to now, 14:32 'cause before you know, your filter has just been 14:33 whatever I think is right, whatever, you know, 14:35 but, you know, 14:37 when you're really deciding to make pure choice 14:38 and you're really deciding to be with God, 14:40 you have to then really ask God, 14:42 and your partner, and your wife or your husband, 14:45 you know, what is that we should be doing? 14:48 And I think also, 14:50 I mean, people always make the assumption 14:51 that it's only pornography that shapes your views of sex 14:56 but there are other avenues that people like what, 15:01 and the problem or the worst part about it is 15:05 we have now graded, 15:07 you know, like we have hardcore or soft porn... 15:11 Soft, yeah, yeah, yeah. 15:13 You know, we graded 15:14 so that we feel a little bit better 15:15 about ourselves when we do it. 15:17 Like women have novels, you know, that sometimes go, 15:23 yeah, which is just like pornography 15:24 and I would even suggest that it's worse 15:26 because your brain is like your biggest sexual organ. 15:32 The kind of things 15:33 that your brain is designed to imagine 15:36 are unimaginable, 15:37 which is why you're imagining them. 15:39 So you know... Yeah, yeah. 15:43 So, I mean, there are various avenues 15:46 so it's not just the porn, you know, that is bad, 15:50 it's also there's other I guess windows into, 15:57 I guess a room that should remain... 15:59 Yeah, it should be remained closed. 16:00 Yeah. Yeah, closed. 16:02 Something may we should never even knew or experience, 16:04 you know, unforbidden fruit.. 16:05 And I would like to add 16:07 for you, guys, may be certain types of porn 16:09 would suggest that a woman should be treated as an object 16:14 but for our certain types of books 16:16 that we end up reading or even they have women porn, 16:18 which is porn for women to watch. 16:21 They portray men to be, of course, in control 16:27 and also the woman is been pleased 16:30 at all types of different heights, 16:32 like she is the main one 16:33 that's getting the complete pleasure 16:35 or even for the novels 16:36 how probably the gentlemen will come in and how he takes, 16:40 it's basically you guys have one perspective... 16:43 The woman gets another perspective. 16:45 And then when you get married, you're coming into the bedroom, 16:47 you're like, "How does this work out?" 16:48 Yeah, it clashes. Yeah. 16:50 Wow, wow. 16:51 And the devil then played a part in that, 16:53 a huge role in that, you know, in creating that lie 16:56 that would really corrupt, 16:57 you know, that marriage that God created to be so pure. 17:01 You know, now because of these extra things, 17:02 we have no idea of, you know, saying, 17:04 we have no idea really where to go, what to do. 17:06 And that suggests that's why you have to talk about it. 17:08 Because until you know where someone is coming from, 17:11 you really can, you basically you're going into something 17:16 totally, two dysfunctional people coming 17:20 from two dysfunctional viewpoints 17:23 and you're trying to make them into this pure 17:26 and sanctified holy union... Yeah. 17:31 Which is, you know, you're trying to get 17:32 something good out of ugliness. 17:35 And that's why I think it's really, 17:37 and that's why we have pure choices... 17:39 You know, the idea of surrendering your will 17:42 and your life to God, 17:44 and having God principle to shape your thinking 17:48 in what it is that should be in the marriage bed, 17:51 or what is right, or how far you can go? 17:54 'Cause if you're left to ourselves, 17:57 could Lord, I mean, look at us today... 18:00 Yeah, yeah. 18:01 You know, we're talking about things that we shouldn't. 18:05 We shouldn't even be thinking about. 18:06 Yeah, and I mean, and really answering the question 18:10 because, I mean, I think maybe someone's 18:12 maybe thinking, okay, is it wrong or is it not. 18:14 We haven't really said that, 18:15 I mean, we really maybe don't know 18:17 but I always try to look in the Bible 18:19 to see if I can find any examples, 18:21 you know, of oral sex maybe let's say, okay. 18:25 And I mean, we read Song of Solomon. 18:26 Now we all know that's the book, 18:28 you know, it has a lot of things in there. 18:31 You know, but there are some things people will say, 18:32 he does kind of allude 18:34 or that she allude to that when they're in their passion. 18:39 But one thing that I know, 18:40 however you, we can argue it all day, 18:42 but one thing I notice about the Song of Solomon 18:44 is that the words that they used 18:46 and the imagery is so beautiful, 18:48 you know, that it really does if anything heighten the level 18:51 of how beautiful sex should be, 18:52 you know, and how important it is as opposed to, 18:55 you know, maybe with pornography 18:57 or these books and stuff that it's just so hardcore. 18:59 You know, just get what you want out of the whole thing. 19:03 So I think at the end of the day, 19:04 you know, wondering what we should do, 19:06 it does like you were saying before, 19:08 it does need to go back to, 19:10 you know, something beautiful does this, 19:12 how does, what is my wife and my husband feel comfortable 19:16 with doing in this marriage relationship? 19:19 But let's go to the next question I wanna ask 19:21 and that's about health 19:23 because a lot of you will argue that oral sex 19:25 or other things that you may bring to the bedroom 19:27 are not good because it's bad for you. 19:30 Okay. 19:31 What you all feel about that? Yeah, I agree. 19:34 I think that anything that is harmful 19:37 or dangerous to your spouse, 19:39 especially, you know, me as a man, 19:40 if I'm married to a woman who was my wife, 19:43 I don't want to damage her in any way. 19:46 So anything that could cause harm to her, 19:48 especially, you know, irrevocable harm 19:50 that can't be reversed, 19:52 I'm not touching that with the ten-foot pole 19:54 Yeah, yeah. Be careful to say. 19:55 Yeah. 19:57 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 19:59 My fiance and we actually had a discussion on sex 20:03 early in the game 20:04 'cause we didn't want any misconceptions. 20:06 And one huge thing 20:08 that we're both against is anal sex. 20:10 And there's at least four reasons 20:11 that I personally researched 20:13 of why it just should not be done, 20:16 if you don't mind me sharing. Go ahead. 20:18 For the first anal sex, 20:21 anal, the anus doesn't have the same lubrication 20:23 as the vagina, so that's just bad. 20:27 I don't think I need to go any further with that one. 20:29 Yeah. 20:30 Number two, like the tissue inside is not the same, 20:34 they don't have the same protection 20:36 as the skin outside anus. 20:37 So therefore, you're prone to have more infections, 20:40 wherever that's happening with. 20:42 Yeah. 20:43 And the third reason is 20:45 the anus is supposed to hold feces. 20:47 So when you're engaging in anal sex, 20:48 you're kind of weakening its functioning. 20:51 And then for the fourth reason 20:53 is that anus is full of bacteria. 20:55 So that's harmful to the partner 20:57 that's actually doing it 20:59 because who knows what type of diseases 21:01 he's actually getting. 21:03 Yeah, yeah. That's so true. 21:04 I appreciate that, you know, that's something we have to, 21:06 you know, going back to your harmful to my spouse. 21:09 You know, it's just 'cause you want to do everything 21:11 doesn't mean it's always the best for you to do. 21:14 You know, so we definitely have to consider that. 21:17 So now let's, you know, turn the page here 21:18 and let's start thinking about positive things 21:22 that we can now do them. 21:24 I mean, someone say, "What can I do there, 21:25 you know, what can I do if I'm married?" 21:27 So what are some things you can do? 21:28 I mean, is it just that 21:30 you should only do certain position 21:32 or other things we can do to kind of spice up 21:34 or add some romance to the marriage bedroom. 21:38 Oh, yeah, I think it's clear to me 21:39 that we got to have more prayer, 21:41 maybe have little more devotional thought before. 21:42 You know what I mean, but really and truly, 21:47 you know, I think spicing up romance in the bedroom 21:50 and sex, I actually think that sex begins 21:53 before physical contact. Okay. 21:55 I think there is more to sex than just physicality. 21:58 I think there is an emotional, social, mental, 22:01 psyche stimulation that's going on well before. 22:04 Something that could spice it up maybe is, 22:05 you know, I'm being romantic to my wife, 22:07 I'm telling her how much I love her. 22:08 How much I care about her. Right. 22:10 You know, I think about in Genesis 22:12 when Adam first saw Eve, he said, 22:14 "Now this is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh." 22:17 Yes. He was happy. 22:19 He was clearly happy to see her and attracted to her. 22:22 And stimulated by her, of course. 22:23 But, and then the Bible says that he knew her. 22:26 So it began well before 22:28 and I think that married couples 22:29 can begin the act of romance 22:31 well before they even get to the bedroom 22:32 and that could help spice it up. 22:34 Yeah, yeah. Very good. I like that. 22:36 All right, our pastor here. 22:39 Well, honestly, John kind of, 22:41 we laughed about it for a second 22:42 but honestly think that a good place to start 22:44 would actually really be to pray. 22:45 I don't know if you pray right before, 22:47 you know, that might be a little weird. 22:50 I don't know 22:51 but I do think that is something 22:52 that couple should talk about and pray about. 22:55 You know, "God, we want to reflect you 22:58 in our marriage and this is part of it. 23:00 So help us do that the best we can honestly." 23:04 And that's a good place to start. 23:05 And I think something that we should remember is that 23:07 sex is, to me it's an act of worship. 23:10 If you look at other cultures they use sex to worship, man. 23:14 And so we kind of wanna be careful 23:16 how far we go into to spice things up. 23:18 'Cause I know, I've heard people say, 23:20 you know, Christians, "I'm gonna go buy the Kamasutra 23:23 and I'm gonna learn all the positions 23:24 and stuff like that." 23:26 But you got to be careful 23:27 because in those kinds of cultures 23:28 those positions are made for worship. 23:31 And each position is seen as a specific thing 23:33 and so that's why I'm saying you need to start with God. 23:37 And it's crazy because we don't really, 23:39 we pray about everything 23:41 but who is really praying about, 23:42 you know, about their sex life? 23:43 You know, we feel like it's so taboo 23:45 that we can't pray about it, but if God has given it to us, 23:48 then I think that's really where we really should start. 23:49 Yeah, the devil has done a job 23:51 of making it seem like that separate from God. 23:52 You're like you can't, God can't bless your sex. 23:54 Right, right. Yeah. 23:56 Isn't it interesting that whenever we have anything like 23:58 if my car gets broken down, 24:00 it's a Toyota so I'll go to the Toyota manufacture 24:03 but when, you know, and if your fridge 24:06 or refrigerator gets messed up, 24:08 if it's Maytag you go to the Maytag man. 24:10 But when it's kind of, 24:12 you know, when it comes to sex 24:13 we don't want to go to the person who created it. 24:15 I mean, who knows better, who knows better. 24:19 Come on now you better pray... 24:20 Yeah, yeah, yeah, we got this... 24:21 Who knows better about sex than the person who created it, 24:26 you know, and we always have this idea, 24:28 and I think it goes back to how we've been conditioned 24:30 because the society has taken a good thing 24:33 and made it bad, does not mean that 24:35 its inherent good has been lost. 24:38 You know, sex was 24:40 and still is a very beautiful thing. 24:43 I mean, if you want to know how beautiful it is, 24:45 just read the Songs of Solomon. 24:46 Yeah, exactly. I mean, it's in the Bible. 24:48 You know, and clearly those guys 24:50 are having a good time because they're singing. 24:52 They're singing a song about it. 24:54 They're singing. 24:56 And they're having such a good time. 24:57 That's right. They had to put... 25:00 They're having such a good time, 25:01 they had to put a book about it in the Bible... 25:04 So clearly this is something that, 25:06 you know, is held in great standing by God. 25:08 Yeah, yeah. 25:10 But somehow we have been conditioned to think that, 25:12 "Oh it's something dirty." 25:13 And that's because we feel like it's dirty, 25:16 we don't want to share it with God 25:18 and when He's the one who will, you know, make all things new, 25:22 show us things that we never, 25:24 the Kamasutra would not even know about. 25:26 Yeah. Yeah, that's right. 25:27 Yeah, amen, I like that, I like that. 25:29 So we're gonna, I mean, 25:31 this conversation is really good. 25:32 We can keep going on, I do want to go to our screen 25:34 because we have some videos of young people, 25:37 I asked them a question about how can a young person be pure 25:40 and there's some more responses that they gave 25:42 and we're gonna discuss them in just few minutes. 25:44 Let's go to. 25:45 I think that for me you have to fight for relationship like, 25:49 you know, say, even if you don't want pure, 25:53 even if you don't want to be pure, 25:54 you know it's wrong. 25:55 So you can ask Jesus for that 25:57 and then you go through different means. 25:59 I must stamp on some, or use some other people stuff 26:01 because that stuff I use like having a prayer journal. 26:04 You're up in the middle of night 26:05 and you're going through 26:07 whatever kind of thoughts are going through your head, 26:09 write till you can't write them more till you fall asleep. 26:12 And then for me the Lord will like, 26:14 He'll start moving things around, 26:16 He'll start showing different things. 26:17 I mean, if you know that 26:18 you shouldn't be in the room by yourself 26:20 or being in a room by yourself, just little small 26:22 practical things that you can do. 26:24 But fight for, fight for your love of prayer. 26:26 All right, amen. 26:28 So, you know, this young person here, 26:29 young man, you know, from Oakwood 26:31 talking about fighting for that purity 26:33 that's what we have to do. 26:35 Okay, let's get another opinion 26:36 from one of our student viewers. 26:40 I think one thing that helps us is changing your drive, 26:42 so if a very thing that's driving you to sin. 26:45 I'll drive that, have that be the same drive 26:47 to have you do something positive. 26:49 I know for me it was reading books, 26:52 I started reading more 26:53 so that drive that wanting me to sin 26:55 was also that driving me to read more books, 26:57 or do more homework, 26:59 or go outside and go for a run in the mornings, 27:01 or workout, or whatever. 27:03 So just kind of like change that drive 27:04 and find some positive in doing it. 27:07 I really appreciate the insight, 27:09 you know, that's good for our viewers to see that as well. 27:12 In all of this, 27:13 the conclusion is you have to fight 27:15 to make those pure choices. 27:17 And when you are doing what God wants you to do, 27:20 you're gonna have a mindset. 27:21 When you come into marriage, it's gonna be more pure 27:23 and it's gonna be better 27:25 for, you know, your wife and everything. 27:27 All right, let's conclude with the verse 27:29 in 1 Corinthians 7:3. 27:32 The Bible says, "The husband should fulfill 27:34 his marital duty to his wife, 27:35 and likewise the wife to her husband. 27:37 The wife's body does not belong to her alone 27:39 but also to her husband, 27:41 in the same way the husband's body 27:43 doesn't belong to him alone but also to his wife." 27:46 In conclusion, you have to make sure 27:47 that whatever decision you make, 27:49 it has to be between your spouse and God, 27:51 including God in your decisions. 27:53 So at the end of the day, 27:54 always remember to make pure choices. 27:57 God bless. |
Revised 2017-06-08