Pure Choices

Dating

Three Angels Broadcasting Network

Program transcript

Participants: Pr. Joshua Nelson (Host), Jeanne Mogusu, John Coaxum, Kim Pearson, Korey P. Douglas

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Series Code: PC

Program Code: PC000069


00:01 The following program discusses sensitive issues.
00:03 Parents are cautioned that some material
00:05 may be too candid for younger children.
00:39 Hello, and welcome to "Pure Choices."
00:41 I'm your host, Pastor Joshua Nelson.
00:43 I'm so glad you tuned in to this program.
00:45 If you're going to miss a program,
00:47 this will not be the one.
00:48 We're talking about dating.
00:49 I'm sure we're all interested in relationships
00:51 and how you should date, who you should date,
00:52 when you should date.
00:54 And we're gonna discuss that today.
00:55 But before we start,
00:56 let's pause for a moment of prayer.
00:59 Heavenly Father, we thank You so much for relationships,
01:02 we ask Father that You would bless us now
01:04 as we discuss dating and relationships.
01:06 Lead us and guide us. In Jesus' name we pray.
01:08 Amen. Amen.
01:10 All right.
01:11 To my left, I have Pastor K.P. Douglas
01:13 who is the pastor of two churches
01:14 in Southeast Missouri.
01:16 Good to be here.
01:17 So glad he is here with us today.
01:19 On the couch here, we have Kimberly Pearson
01:20 who is the associate chaplain at Oakwood University.
01:23 So glad she is here as well.
01:25 Next to her, we have Dr. Jeanne Mogusu
01:27 from Andrews University there in Berrien Springs.
01:30 So glad she is here with us.
01:32 And next we have Pastor John Coaxum
01:34 who is the associate pastor
01:35 at the Glenville Seventh-day Adventist Church
01:37 in Cleveland, Ohio.
01:38 So glad that we have you here today.
01:41 We have some high energy today.
01:42 We are ready to go and talk about this subject.
01:45 Before we get into our discussion about dating,
01:49 we're gonna go to the screen and see.
01:50 Now before we go to the screen,
01:52 I ask these students on a non Christian campus,
01:56 college campus about relationships.
01:59 I ask them actually when should you have sex
02:02 before or while you're in a dating relationship, okay.
02:05 And I know that of course, we as Christians
02:06 we believe that it should take place
02:08 after marriage, amen.
02:10 Amen. Okay.
02:12 So but we want to kind of see what their thoughts are
02:14 and kind of the prevailing mindset
02:15 of many young people today.
02:17 So let's watch this tape here.
02:20 I would say at least two years,
02:22 maybe I guess the word love is kind of controversial
02:27 but once you know that you are in love with someone,
02:30 I think then you could probably become intimate with him.
02:34 All right.
02:36 So their opinion is basically,
02:39 you know, a couple of years.
02:40 Two.
02:41 Yeah, two years, when you are in love somebody,
02:43 and that's when you know, so love is often kind of
02:46 led in dating relationship to say, okay,
02:49 now we're ready to make the next step.
02:51 And so we want to talk a little more
02:53 after we see this next one about
02:54 what are some stages you should look for
02:56 in your relationship with someone.
02:57 Is it just that, okay, when I love somebody,
02:59 now we should start having sex
03:00 or what's the sequence of events up to marriage?
03:03 Let's go to this next one.
03:05 Me personally, I don't feel there's no time.
03:07 It's just all depends on how you feel about the person
03:10 or how comfortable you are with that person.
03:12 Okay.
03:14 Yeah, I feel like it's between
03:16 you and that person you go with.
03:17 Yeah, I feel like it's the time, you know, whom we're with.
03:21 I don't feel like there's a definite time limit.
03:24 Okay.
03:26 Interesting.
03:28 So there's no time limit. So what do you think?
03:29 What are your, some reactions to those responses?
03:32 I'll start with John, go ahead.
03:34 Yeah, it's interesting,
03:36 the first girl in the first video,
03:37 you know, she said that you should know somebody
03:39 before you have sex with them and it's kind of interesting
03:43 because the Bible uses that word no to describe sex in
03:46 and of itself or intimacy.
03:48 So it's interesting, you know, it's like
03:49 we have to know somebody before we have sex.
03:51 But God, at least from a biblical standpoint,
03:54 He's saying, listen, when you actually know somebody
03:57 is when you are intimate and it's clear
03:58 that God wants us to know somebody
04:00 within the context of marriage.
04:09 I think the videos really highlight the fact
04:13 that there's so, there's such a wide perspective.
04:16 Somebody says, hey, I like you, I want to get to "know" you.
04:20 So I want to know you tomorrow.
04:22 Whereas somebody else, the young lady said two years.
04:24 And so this is wide range and I think what the Bible does
04:28 and having a biblical and spiritual moral compass does,
04:33 is it puts our time limit as God's.
04:36 And God clearly laid the foundation of saying
04:38 that okay, in marriage is when you should be intimate,
04:42 when you should be having sex.
04:44 But I do believe that there are I think levels of intimacy
04:48 that can happen within relationships
04:50 or getting to know somebody shouldn't mean sex, so.
04:53 All right.
04:55 Well, the young lady said,
04:57 there she said love is controversial.
05:00 The definition I guess of love is controversial.
05:03 I would say that I don't know if I would use the love
05:05 as a parameter for when I want to have sex
05:08 'cause if you do you're definitely
05:10 gonna have sex outside of marriage.
05:11 You know, when we grow up, and I don't know
05:13 if you've all had this experience with,
05:14 as you date, you'll always think you're in love.
05:16 You always think you love somebody.
05:18 And what I found is that my definition of love
05:20 changes with every relationship that I'm in,
05:23 you know, it even deepens if you will.
05:25 And I think that's why we wait till marriage.
05:27 You marry that person who you definitely love.
05:30 You know, Josh, you are married,
05:31 so you know, loving that person means,
05:34 you want to be with them no matter what all the time.
05:36 You know, it's not just about feeling intimate.
05:38 It's about wanting to be intimate
05:40 even when I'm absolutely mad at you
05:42 and don't even want to look at you,
05:44 I still love you and I think that's why,
05:46 you know, it has to be in the context of marriage
05:49 and not just based on a definition of love.
05:51 It's kind of arbitrary. Yeah, yeah.
05:52 It's not just the filling of the moment
05:54 but it's really a choice, you know.
05:55 Very true.
05:57 Okay, so let's talk about dating in general
05:59 because a lot, I mean, everybody wants to date, right,
06:01 everybody as soon as you're young,
06:03 you're excited about who am I gonna date,
06:07 whom I'm gonna be with, you know,
06:09 you eventually get to that stage where you're looking,
06:10 you know, and really a lot of times
06:12 you get to that stage wanting to date somebody
06:13 or be in a relationship.
06:15 But you're not able to get married,
06:16 not wanted to get married.
06:18 So I mean, my issue and I'll just start with my issue
06:21 with dating as always been that,
06:23 a date, the word dating it's--
06:26 a date is a time, a time in space and it moves on.
06:29 Dates change, you know.
06:31 So especially we're gonna make a choice
06:33 as in sex or doing that with somebody
06:36 who you're "dating"
06:38 it's gonna, your date is gonna change.
06:40 So a permanent decision like that to lose your virginity
06:43 with someone who you're just with for at moment
06:46 is not really a good choice to make, you know.
06:49 And so let's talk about that. What are definitions of dating.
06:52 And I think Korey will say, he doesn't even believe
06:57 that you should date, almost can kiss dating goodbye
06:59 so let's just talk about this in general.
07:01 Just for a little while, then we'll go
07:03 with some other principles.
07:04 All right.
07:05 Yeah, I'm not sure there's you know,
07:07 one definition of what dating is
07:08 you know, I'm clearly not clear as to what it is.
07:11 I think that we as Christians, especially,
07:14 we should be more concerned
07:15 with courting than dating and what I mean that
07:17 is you should, and I think maybe we can use those words
07:20 interchangeably, dating and courting,
07:21 depending on how you define it
07:23 but I don't think we should date or court anybody
07:25 that we don't see some type of potential for marriage.
07:28 Like if the qualities of this person,
07:30 you know, if they only look good,
07:31 well, that's not really enough,
07:33 I mean, what about the personality,
07:34 do they have relationship with God, you know.
07:36 Do we have similar commonalities
07:37 or are we compatible in anyway
07:39 I think, you know, we should think about
07:41 other things, especially about marriage
07:43 before we get into a relationship with somebody.
07:45 Or else I think it's fruitless and it's futile.
07:48 That's a good point, man.
07:49 I think it's interesting that when we were watching
07:52 the videos it's, the it was a wide,
07:56 you know, frame that people define
08:00 when to have sex and I love what Korey said
08:03 that you know, as you date, the more you date,
08:06 you'll gain a different perspective
08:08 of what love is and I will suggest
08:10 that dating is sometimes misconstrued
08:15 and has become so negative
08:17 because you kind of don't know
08:21 because of what the media has told you,
08:23 because of what books will tell you,
08:24 because of what society has defined it,
08:26 we sometimes, we don't even have a clear definition
08:28 of what it is.
08:30 We just know it involves somebody else.
08:31 And you know, and just it's you know,
08:34 you can't date yourself.
08:35 We just know it involves somebody else
08:36 and even then you have two people
08:38 who clearly do not have a definition
08:40 for themselves that may not,
08:42 you know, may have definitions of dating
08:44 that are very contrary to one another.
08:47 And then you are expected to have
08:48 some wonderful mystical relationship
08:51 that is just absolutely out of this world.
08:54 Yeah, yeah. You know.
08:56 That's true. Yeah.
08:57 I think that dating is something you do on Facebook.
09:02 I mean, if we just look at the commonalities
09:05 and I'm being very facetious in saying that
09:07 but dating is something a lot of times
09:09 we do to change relationships that as is on Facebook.
09:11 It's something we do to have media presence.
09:14 I want to be on Instagram with the picture of my beau
09:17 or whatever that maybe and so dating has taken a turn
09:20 for a publicity stunt almost in a lot of people's life
09:24 and we're dealing with people who often times
09:27 they don't really know themselves
09:28 or are lonely or wanting companionship,
09:31 so they just grab the nearest person
09:33 they can find and say, "Let's start dating.
09:35 You're lonely. I'm lonely. Let's be un-lonely together."
09:37 So I think dating really needs to be,
09:42 the person needs to understand
09:44 who they are as an individual first
09:47 before getting into the mindset
09:50 of I want to partner with somebody else
09:53 on a long term basis.
09:55 And I like that because, well, when I was dating,
09:58 unless it was on Facebook, it was not true.
10:01 It wasn't true.
10:03 And that really became what was all about right.
10:04 Johnny, you want to say something, then Korey...
10:06 Yeah, you know, dating is interesting.
10:07 I think it gives people another option
10:10 instead of marrying.
10:11 You know, people today just want to date,
10:12 date, date, date, date.
10:14 Nobody wants, most people don't want to be married today
10:16 especially from what media is telling us and then also,
10:19 you know, we refer to marriage as the old ball and chain.
10:22 You know, when somebody says they're married,
10:24 oh, boy, here we go, you know, all these kind of
10:26 derogatory statements about marriage.
10:28 And so I think the question becomes too,
10:30 in a dating relationship, how far do I take commitment,
10:33 you know, am I able to flirt and talk to with other girls,
10:36 am I able to, you know, go out on a "date"
10:38 with somebody else, you know, how far do we take commitment.
10:41 But it's clear in the context of marriage
10:43 that when I marry somebody, I am with that person for life.
10:47 And I think a lot of people are not willing to take that step
10:51 and that's why they would rather choose dating
10:53 over marriage.
10:55 "All is vanity and vexation of the spirit."
10:59 Korey.
11:00 You know, I think the problem with dating
11:02 and I'm listening to what everyone is saying
11:03 is I, I, I, I, what I want and what, it's too much.
11:07 Dating is about what I want, it's about what I want to do,
11:11 you know, what I can get
11:12 and I think that's the major issue,
11:14 you know, as a person who is engaged
11:16 and about to get married.
11:17 My thoughts and I have nothing to do what I want.
11:20 It's about what I want to do for my fiance.
11:22 Now I'm gonna sound very archaic, okay.
11:24 I think that most of the problems we have today,
11:27 divorce and all these relation issues
11:29 come from these dating mentality
11:31 of getting what I want.
11:33 You know, back in the day, you were given your wife
11:36 and you know, you were young
11:37 and you guys have to struggle together to make a life.
11:40 There was no, I'm gonna make sure
11:42 that I have a job, well paying job first,
11:44 then I'm gonna make sure that everything is set
11:47 you know, if you want to look at it,
11:48 that's the reason why people get divorced.'
11:50 Cause I've lived so long without anyone,
11:52 you know what I'm saying, that by the time I get married,
11:54 I can just do whatever I want to do.
11:55 But you know, there has to be that just like what John said,
11:58 when you're ready to really commit to say, listen,
12:01 we're gonna merge our lives together
12:03 and head towards just that being
12:05 together for the whole time,
12:07 so that your success is my success,
12:09 your failures are my failures
12:10 and that's the mentality that will go into marriage
12:13 and even make for a successful one.
12:15 You know, that's interesting because I remember
12:17 specifically a story when I was dating,
12:19 one of my first relationships that I had in college.
12:23 And I was thinking, you know, I want to break up and,
12:25 you know, date somebody else, whatever so I ended up saying,
12:28 you know, how, what happened, ended up breaking with her.
12:30 And you know, I remember she was upset
12:32 because she said,
12:34 "you're not considering my feelings," you know.
12:36 I said, well, you know, it's really about me,
12:38 like I, you know, I just want to do
12:41 something different, you know.
12:42 You know, and whatever I said to explain myself.
12:44 But it was really about me.
12:45 What you said is interesting and I think
12:46 that in that stage of college, even high school,
12:48 it is really about you
12:50 because you're wanting to get something for yourself.
12:53 You're not even thinking about marriage.
12:54 So we're gonna follow what you said Korey,
12:55 really you're gonna have to observe that person
12:58 a different way, get to know in a different way
13:00 before you really want to say,
13:01 okay, this one I want to be with
13:02 and then when that happens,
13:04 you have to now be all about them, you know.
13:06 And that's a big commitment to, it's a big step to make,
13:08 yeah, it changes, it totally changes it.
13:10 Yeah, yeah.
13:11 I think it removes you from yourself, your selfishness
13:14 to being selfless because the whole idea is if you are,
13:19 I want to say sold out to God, you want to make sure
13:24 that you will not do anything that would hurt Him
13:26 or anything that He cares about.
13:28 I mean, that's the essence of being in relationship.
13:30 You want to be in relationship--
13:32 you want to be in relationship with God
13:34 and because of that, you want to make sure
13:36 that you always make Him happy.
13:37 And making God happy is making all the things
13:40 that He cares about happy.
13:42 So I know that I'm making God happy
13:45 by taking care of myself.
13:46 But I also know, part of the whole dating issue
13:50 is that I need to make sure that I' making God happy
13:53 by making His child happy.
13:55 So whoever I'm in relationship with,
13:57 also needs to be happy so that means,
13:59 taking a backseat
14:01 and putting the other person ahead of myself
14:05 and their needs and their wants,
14:06 you see what I'm saying.
14:08 So the problems I think that
14:09 and why we're even having to discuss dating
14:12 is because we're not willing to do that.
14:14 We just want to think of me and myself and I
14:17 and how me, myself and I can please, you know, us.
14:21 And, you know, honestly I think people,
14:24 I think really it's about companionship.
14:26 And people are using dating to get companionship.
14:29 Be friends. I know, I was.
14:31 Just get to know people as whoever they are.
14:34 Hang out, do things together, get to know them,
14:37 get that companionship without the complications of intimacy
14:43 that aren't meant to be experienced in that way.
14:47 Because even when, you know, you're talking about
14:48 having sex in a dating relationship,
14:50 even that concept is about, I'm attracted to you,
14:53 so I want something from you.
14:56 I want to do something with you.
14:57 It's all this selfishness wrapped up in that.
15:00 So, I honestly say that
15:02 if you're not ready to be selfless,
15:04 you're not ready to date.
15:05 Yeah...
15:06 And that's the hard word, I mean, it's really hard
15:08 for people to really be that mature, take that stand.
15:11 And I really think that the, your friends and what not,
15:14 you know, who you hang out with just makes it very hard
15:16 to not want to get, you know, what you say,
15:19 one on one with one person,
15:20 you know, single with what one person
15:22 as opposed to what we saw,
15:23 you know, ideas of maybe group dating
15:25 or something like that.
15:26 But I mean, come on, you're really, you know,
15:28 you, everyone who is young wants that one person
15:31 because you said it's about companionship.
15:32 So I mean, how, I mean,
15:35 yes, you said a few things about
15:36 how would someone really fight against that, you know.
15:39 I'm young and I really, all my other friends are dating
15:42 and relationships, should I just turn down somebody
15:45 when they ask me to be with them?
15:46 I mean, what do you say?
15:48 I think you used a good word when you said,
15:49 how will they fight against that.
15:51 You know, life is not easy,
15:53 you know, relationships are not easy,
15:54 none of the stuff comes easy, you know.
15:56 And I think that when we try so hard
15:58 to be in a relationship, we do ourselves a disservice.
16:00 When Kim was talking, I'm thinking back immediately,
16:04 thinking about my last, maybe four relationships
16:06 and I'm saying to myself, I didn't really pursue
16:08 any of these young ladies.
16:10 Like they were just my friends and it just so happened that,
16:13 you know, we just started dating
16:14 and honestly I can tell you,
16:15 I don't even know when we started dating
16:17 in some of the relationships.
16:18 We just were, you know,
16:20 because we were just that close
16:21 and we enjoyed each other's company,
16:22 you know, I cared about them so much,
16:24 I was already doing everything for them, you know.
16:26 And so we just kind of naturally
16:28 went into that relationship and so it's got to be,
16:31 like we say, you got to take the attention off
16:34 from yourself for a little bit
16:36 and just enjoy people's conversation,
16:38 enjoy people's presence.
16:39 You'll never know, you may be friends
16:40 with somebody right now
16:42 that may turn out to be your wife later on
16:43 if you would just enjoy them and enjoy the companionship.
16:47 So do we have to be careful about the things we do?
16:49 I mean, you're saying,
16:50 I think I'm gonna take that out of proportion and say,
16:52 okay, I'm just all about that person,
16:54 you know, and I know, and a lot young
16:56 I want to say young ladies but young ladies
16:58 will do a lot for the men, you know,
16:59 they do so much, you know, and maybe too much, you know,
17:02 and maybe the man doesn't do the same thing.
17:04 So let's talk about now, if you are in relationship,
17:06 and we're hoping you're thinking about,
17:08 you know, possibly marriage, you know,
17:09 you are in this relationship, you're dating this individual,
17:12 let me talk to the women first.
17:14 What are some dos and don'ts?
17:16 What are some things that you could advise them
17:18 from maybe your experiences and say,
17:20 hey, there's some things you just probably shouldn't do
17:21 because they're gonna lead to some bad things
17:23 in the future?
17:24 Who wants to start, Jeanne or Kim?
17:26 I would caution against
17:31 sharing too much of yourself.
17:34 And it doesn't even have to be physical,
17:37 sometimes even emotional.
17:38 As women we get attached really fast to, you know,
17:44 because we are, 'cause we are, I don't know.
17:49 I think it's a female thing.
17:51 We just, you just want to, I guess,
17:55 attach yourself to someone emotionally.
17:57 We are nurturers.
17:58 We are nurturers, there, that's it, you know.
18:01 And so if they are saying the right things
18:04 and where they're doing the right things,
18:06 it's almost natural that you would want to
18:10 be emotionally attached to that person.
18:12 However, but I would even go as far as to say sometimes,
18:17 that emotional attachment comes so fast
18:20 because somewhere within us we are starved for it.
18:23 I mean, in the society that we live in,
18:26 we do not have those role models
18:29 or male figures in our lives.
18:31 Our fathers may have been absent
18:33 or our brothers don't treat us like that.
18:35 So the first guy who comes,
18:36 who is like opening doors for you
18:39 and being a gentleman asking, putting you before,
18:42 you know, making sure that your needs are met,
18:45 you know, taking care of you in every sense,
18:48 it's like, oh, snap.
18:49 Oh, I got to hold on.
18:51 I got to hold on to this
18:52 because society has conditioned us to say,
18:54 if you find a good man, it doesn't matter,
18:57 you know, as long as he treats you right,
18:58 doesn't matter what,
19:00 you want to attach yourself to that.
19:01 And so I would caution against those emotional attachments
19:04 'cause they are the root of all evil.
19:07 Have mercy. All right, Kim.
19:09 Well, I wouldn't say that emotional attachments
19:12 are the root of all evil.
19:13 I was joking.
19:15 I know, I'm just kidding with you
19:16 but I do think that you have to set boundaries.
19:18 As women, we have to set boundaries.
19:22 We have to say, this is the gate, go no farther.
19:25 Mercy. And we have to act...
19:26 And be serious about that. And be serious.
19:28 We have to ask God to be the sentinel of our gate
19:31 because we as women, like you said, we are nurturers.
19:33 We want to do things for you guys,
19:34 we want to care for you guys...
19:36 Oh, thank you, man.
19:40 And I think that comes naturally
19:41 but at the same time we have to ask God
19:43 to help you to set those boundaries.
19:45 We have to be honest with ourselves.
19:47 If I know I like attention.
19:49 I know that I need to be careful about
19:51 who I let give me attention,
19:54 and just really have to know myself.
19:57 The first thing I would say, do get to know yourself.
19:59 Do things you enjoy so that when somebody else comes along,
20:03 you're not being pulled every which way
20:05 the wind blows because you have your feet settled.
20:08 Know what you bring to the table,
20:10 whether that's your education, your family background,
20:12 know the baggage you bring to the table
20:15 that you have father issues or whatever it maybe
20:17 and them know what you're bringing to the table
20:19 and be honest with yourself about where you are.
20:21 If you know you struggle with sex,
20:23 don't be at his house at 2 o'clock in the morning.
20:25 so you know, avoid those...
20:27 10 o'clock in the night. Or 10 o'clock in the night.
20:29 Yes.
20:30 So I would just say start by being honest with yourself
20:33 where you fall, what your temptations are,
20:35 what, you know, and then really set up boundaries around that.
20:39 I know we're gonna hear testimony from Kim later.
20:41 But I want to now go with the guys.
20:43 And you all can make sure from I,
20:45 okay, we're brave enough to say I
20:46 and what are some things you would give advise to,
20:49 you know, also say some things about for men
20:51 and dos and don'ts of dating.
20:53 Well, I use a text from Song of Solomon.
20:58 I believe the woman there says,
20:59 "Do not awaken love before its time."
21:01 And I think what is true for women
21:03 can also be true for men.
21:04 And I think that men have tremendous power
21:07 over women and I think just by...
21:09 Power. Let us say, power.
21:12 I think with our words, you know,
21:14 we can lure a woman down the path
21:16 or influence her to a certain direction
21:18 that she may not be wanting to go at that time.
21:21 But I think certain things, you know, like saying,
21:23 "I love you" when you don't really mean it.
21:25 I think you know, acting as if you are husband
21:29 and she is all yours when really she is not,
21:31 at least not in the eyes of God.
21:33 Until you make that covenant with her
21:34 and you stand before people
21:36 who can hold you accountable and say,
21:37 "I do" she is not yours at all.
21:40 And so I think influencing a woman or leading her on,
21:44 which I can say, personally, you know,
21:45 intentionally I think I've done
21:47 and in my ignorance I have done as well.
21:49 Just saying things that I was not ready
21:52 to actually commit to and I think you know,
21:55 awakening love before its time,
21:57 it's a horrible thing and you also,
21:58 you could break a girl's heart
21:59 and you can ruin her life
22:01 and ruin all her future relationships.
22:03 Yeah. You really can. Yeah.
22:05 What I was gonna say is along the same lines.
22:07 I will throw another Bible verse.
22:08 You know, we always talk about being unequally yoked.
22:12 Now we usually use that in the context
22:14 of our religion or denomination.
22:16 But you could be unequally yoked
22:18 in a dating experience, even in the,
22:20 you know, inside the same religion.
22:22 And I say that to say, intentions.
22:24 What are your intentions in a relationship?
22:26 What's gotten me in trouble is I was just chilling
22:29 and she was looking for husband.
22:31 You know, we were unequally yoked.
22:33 Because we were both expecting different things
22:35 from the relationship and just like John said,
22:37 I'll be doing things that were feeding
22:39 what she was expecting,
22:40 not knowing that her expectations
22:42 were completely different than mine, you know.
22:44 So one of the things in dating is, you know, talk,
22:47 you know, it's what you're gonna have to do
22:48 if you get married for the rest of your life.
22:50 So you might as well start now,
22:51 really discuss what do we want,
22:52 you know, what are you trying to get from me.
22:54 Yeah, where is thing going?
22:56 And you met, some people just tell you straight of,
22:58 I just want to have sex with you,
22:59 you know, and then you are,
23:00 you should know off top, you know.
23:02 Well, yeah, we are unequally yoked, you know.
23:03 So I might have to, you know, move on.
23:05 And so but just to get that stuff on open,
23:07 be practical, communicate,
23:09 you know, don't just take things for today.
23:11 You know, people have backgrounds,
23:13 they have ideas about dating
23:15 that may be completely different than you was in.
23:17 You guys have been in a relationship
23:19 having completely different expectations so...
23:21 Yeah, it's good, it's good, yeah.
23:23 And I mean, I was gonna say same type of things.
23:25 Just being honest, you know, being honest.
23:26 Don't be afraid to be honest because it can affect things
23:29 definitely in the future.
23:31 Now we only have a couple of minutes left,
23:32 but we do want to talk about
23:33 dating someone who is not,
23:35 you were talking about unequally yoked,
23:36 dating someone who is not in your same religion
23:39 I guess, or you know, non Christian
23:41 or the Christian or even outside your denomination.
23:43 So what do we do with that?
23:45 Is that good or bad and why?
23:47 Mercy. Real quick.
23:49 I'm gonna be honest, you know, and I hate being so cliche
23:53 but that's just the thing I tell my friends
23:55 when they ask me, you know,
23:56 I pray about stuff and then I move, you know.
23:59 I don't say God and then wait 20 minutes, 20 years.
24:02 I move, you know.
24:03 If I pray and say "God, what about this girl?"
24:05 And then I feel compelled to be with her,
24:06 then I'm gonna be with her regardless of where she's from,
24:09 her background, that's how I feel
24:11 and I have the faith that says that I'm moving
24:13 because God said to move and if I'm not,
24:15 God will correct me along the way.
24:17 I have, you got to have that kind of faith and say
24:18 God will also stop this.
24:20 So I don't know we can just make it a do you or don't you,
24:24 you know, because we have seen things
24:26 come out of, on, you know,
24:27 what we consider unequally yoked.
24:29 You got to consider the fact that in Jesus' line
24:31 there's a woman who is not an Israelite,
24:33 you know, and so how do you reconcile that,
24:36 because God said to move.
24:37 You know what I'm saying and so there has to be
24:39 that aspect of letting God
24:41 lead you in your decision making
24:42 and having the faith that He will correct you.
24:44 Yeah, okay. Yeah, I would agree with Korey.
24:46 I'd say, you know, it's not a necessarily issue
24:48 of right or wrong again, but I would say
24:50 it's an issue of being wise or unwise.
24:52 I do think that, you know, it's possible that you,
24:54 anything is possible with God.
24:56 You can date somebody who is not of your faith,
24:57 who doesn't believe what you believe
24:59 and you may be able to convert them
25:00 and convict them to the way of your thinking.
25:02 But it's dangerous because when you love somebody
25:06 or when you care for somebody, you're gonna sacrifice,
25:09 you know, certain beliefs or certain principles
25:11 that you have, You're not gonna be as firmly rooted
25:13 as you were before because you want to please that person.
25:17 So sometimes it is a dangerous thing,
25:19 you know, again, I can't say it's right or wrong
25:21 but I would say be careful, be cautious
25:23 and as Korey said, definitely pray about it before I move.
25:25 And that's why when you're dating someone,
25:27 you must not let your relationship
25:29 with Jesus falter out because if you are in love with Jesus
25:33 first, you know, then, is someone,
25:35 if you're just dating a person who married Jesus,
25:37 then your marriage is Jesus trumps that date,
25:38 date and relationship.
25:40 Wow.
25:42 Well, I have a personal experience I like to share.
25:44 Okay, go ahead.
25:46 I met someone who was not Adventist
25:49 and they were charismatic, they were a leader.
25:51 They had all the qualities that I you know,
25:54 make the little checklist that we tell women
25:55 to do whatever you want in a guy.
25:57 He seemed like he was all of these things.
25:59 So we started dating, we even both like soy milk.
26:03 That was really awesome. Nice.
26:05 You know, but he wasn't Adventist.
26:08 And so he started coming to church
26:09 and doing Bible studies and all these things.
26:11 I'm thinking that we're really, really great.
26:13 But I was always crying. I was always crying.
26:16 And every time we were talking,
26:18 just when we were in the conversation with prayer,
26:21 but I was crying.
26:22 And it started to bring up some red flags.
26:25 When my friends met him, they were just like,
26:27 "Kim, we don't know if he's really the one."
26:30 He would belittle me in public.
26:33 He would often times get upset with me
26:36 and use abusive or abrasive language in text messages.
26:42 They would be times
26:43 where when they would be a disagreement,
26:45 and in relationships you have disagreements,
26:47 you know, conflict happens
26:49 but in the conflict it would be very,
26:51 just the anger level would be very high,
26:54 would slam things and hit things and throw things.
26:57 He'd use scripture in threatening ways.
27:01 Mercy.
27:02 But we were having worship together,
27:06 we're praying together and so, they were all these red flags.
27:08 So he proposed to me and even the proposal was off,
27:12 like everything was off.
27:13 But in my mind I was seeing all these red flags
27:15 but I was trying to make the red flags pink,
27:17 where not quite red because I wanted to get married.
27:22 And then, finally, after prayer, a lot of fasting,
27:25 God revealed to me that, a specific scripture that says,
27:31 "It's better to live in a house of peace
27:33 with a dry crust of bread than live in a house
27:35 with feasting and quarrelling and fighting."
27:38 And that was huge sign for me.
27:40 So I called off the engagement and went my separate way
27:42 and I have peace.
27:43 Amen.
27:45 Well, that was powerful, Kim. Thank you for that.
27:46 Let's close with the text.
27:48 2 Timothy 4:22,
27:49 "Run from anything that gives you
27:51 the evil thoughts that young men often have.
27:53 But stay close to anything
27:54 that makes you want to do right."
27:56 Amen.
27:57 Remember to always make pure choices.
27:59 God bless.


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Revised 2016-03-28