Participants: Pr. Joshua nelson (Host), Brittany Hill, Jeanne Mogusu, Kim Pearson
Series Code: PC
Program Code: PC000073
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00:01 The following program discusses sensitive issues.
00:03 Parents are cautioned that some material 00:05 may be too candid for younger children. 00:39 Hello, and welcome to Pure Choices. 00:40 I'm your host, Pastor Joshua Nelson. 00:42 And I'm glad you decided to join us, 00:44 especially if you're a man, 00:45 because we are discussing what do women want? 00:49 Yes, that's something that I've often asked myself 00:54 and still asking myself, even being married, 00:57 but we need to know little more about women want. 00:59 I think it's a very good program 01:01 we're gonna have today as we have 01:02 three beautiful women here on program today. 01:04 And they're going to talk to us about what women want. 01:07 So let's pause for a moment of prayer. 01:10 Heavenly Father, 01:11 we just ask that Your Spirit would be with us 01:13 as we discuss today, in Jesus' name we pray, amen. 01:16 Amen. 01:18 Let's introduce our panel. 01:20 On the couch here, we have Brittany Hill 01:22 who is recent graduate at Andrews University, 01:25 theological seminary. 01:26 Next to her, we have Dr. Jeanne Mogusu 01:28 who's also a recent graduate at Andrews University. 01:30 And next to her, we have Kimberly Pearson 01:33 who's the associate chaplain at Oakwood University. 01:37 So we're glad we have 01:39 these wonderful ladies here, my friends. 01:41 And so this is the question, we wanna know. 01:43 We wanna know, what do women want? 01:46 Do you all want flowers? 01:47 Do you all want a bunch of chocolates? 01:49 What do you all want? 01:51 You know, we wanna know, we wanna know. 01:52 So let's just start with this 01:54 because this is a question that, you know, I used to ask. 01:57 Now, I'm married, I don't ask these questions 01:59 I guess as much, you know. 02:00 I want to know how should a man approach a woman. 02:05 Okay, what's the best way? 02:06 I mean, shall we come up to you and say, 02:07 "You look good, what's up?" You know, what should we say? 02:09 How should we approach and say, 02:11 "Hello, my name is Joshua Nelson. 02:12 What is your name?" 02:13 Well, how should we approach you? 02:15 What's the best way? 02:16 Go ahead. Go ahead. You all laughing. 02:18 I'm not doing it right? I'm not doing it right? 02:19 Not like that. Like, I like that. 02:21 All right, tell us, tell us. Teach, teach us today. 02:24 Yeah, go right ahead. 02:25 I would say that I think the best way 02:28 is to be direct about your intentions. 02:31 I think every woman wants a man who knows what he wants. 02:36 And so, you know, be kind, be a gentleman, 02:39 introduce yourself using your name, 02:42 and maybe something that you noticed. 02:44 "Hey, you know, I noticed, you know, you after church. 02:48 And I, you know, wanted to know 02:50 if I can get to know you better." 02:51 But, I mean, I think is just be direct 02:53 but all the, you know, "Hey, girl!" 02:55 And all that, turn it down. 02:58 We're not looking for that. 02:59 At the end of the day, we wanna know who you are 03:01 and what your intentions are. 03:02 Okay. 03:03 And I would totally agree with Kim. 03:06 I know, for me, as if just walking up to me 03:09 and asking me for my number. 03:12 You know, it's... I mean, get original. 03:14 Be original, like... 03:16 I mean, it maybe cliché(C) but a good pickup line... 03:21 So you say, you want a good pickup line... 03:22 No, it's... No, no, no. 03:24 But it has to be in context, like, you can't just pop in, 03:28 I mean, I'm grocery shopping and you're literally 03:31 following me around the store and asking me for my number. 03:35 Like, I don't know if you're a stalker 03:36 or a serial killer, you know. 03:39 Give me context, like, you know, present yourself. 03:42 How you present yourself, 03:44 first impressions are lasting impressions. 03:46 Okay, so I'm gonna say something like, "Girl..." 03:50 Oh, God, really? 03:52 "Your father... Your father must be a thief 03:54 because he stole the stars and put them in your eyes." 03:56 Oh, no. 04:00 That's not original. 04:01 I mean, we've heard that. I read that in a book store. 04:04 Tell the studio audience, please don't do that. 04:07 Please do not do that. 04:09 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Okay. 04:11 All right, go ahead, Brittany, what do you think? 04:14 As they said, be upfront. 04:15 Don't pretend to be trying to communicate with me 04:18 for something else other than what you know 04:20 you're actually communicating to me for. 04:22 Some guys will pretend, 04:23 "Oh, I just wanted to see how you're doing. 04:25 Are you okay?" 04:27 Friends, but you're not really, 04:28 you don't really wanna be my friend. 04:29 You wanna be more than that. 04:31 So just be honest and say, "Hi, I think you're pretty." 04:33 You could probably say that. 04:35 Some women like a guy that's more upfront, 04:37 some want them to just play around a little bit more. 04:39 But I think upfront is better than playing around. 04:41 Upfront is better. 04:42 Now, you mentioned something interesting about 04:44 being a friend. 04:45 Now, here's a big question. 04:48 That friend zone, 04:50 how do I get out of that friend zone? 04:51 I mean, first of all, what is the friend zone 04:54 and how do I get out of it? 04:55 Well, the issue is some men put themselves 04:59 in the friend zone from the beginning. 05:01 Yes. 05:02 They come and they say, "Hi, how are you doing? 05:04 Hey, do you wanna eat this?" 05:05 Or something like that, 05:06 and they just continue to be your friend. 05:09 Three weeks passed, four weeks passed, 05:11 turns into a couple of months, a year. 05:13 And after a while, the female feels like, 05:15 "Well, he just wants to be my friend. 05:17 He's not interested." 05:18 And we're not gonna put ourselves out there 05:20 and say, "Well, I, kind of, like you," 05:22 if he's just trying to be my friend. 05:24 So by the time I put him in the friend zone 05:26 and move on to someone else, 05:27 he wants to approach me and I'm like, "But you told me 05:31 you only wanted to be my friend." 05:32 Okay, so here I am in that zone. 05:35 I've been a year, just kind of being friends with you. 05:37 Back in my head, I really like you 05:39 but haven't said anything. 05:40 How do I jump over that hurdle 05:43 and get out of that friend zone? 05:45 Just jump the hurdle, like, seriously. 05:48 I mean, I think some guys, most guys... 05:51 I mean, I know, they just stay in the friend zone 05:54 because they are there in the friend zone. 05:56 Like, they don't take any initiative. 05:59 A woman likes a man who'll take initiative. 06:02 You know, you're there 06:04 because you have not made yourself clear. 06:06 So how are we supposed to know? 06:07 We're not mind... I mean contrary to what, 06:10 you know, what everybody believes, 06:12 we do not read minds, you know. 06:14 Yeah. 06:16 But I will say that how you jump 06:19 is just as important as jumping. 06:21 Okay. 06:23 Sometimes, guys do too much to the point 06:25 where women are like, "Whoa, whoa, whoa!" 06:27 Like, I know, you know, guys when woman comes on too strong, 06:31 that can be a turn off for, you know, for a guy. 06:33 And the same thing if it's true about a woman. 06:35 We've been friends, I've seen you in alumna, 06:38 you see me with my hair tie on and, you know. 06:41 And you had your guard down a little bit 06:44 but then all of a sudden, you're like, "I love you. 06:46 I want to marry you. 06:48 You are the woman of my dreams." 06:49 And it's just like, "Whoa, too much." 06:51 Too much, yeah. Too much. 06:52 Okay, so there's a difference between just, okay, 06:54 jumping over the hurdle immediately. 06:56 I mean, so you're kind of saying, 06:57 you kind of have to gradually move from... 06:59 Ease yourself in, yeah. Okay, okay. 07:01 Like for instance, you know, I know, 07:02 we've been friends for a while. 07:04 And I really know things about you that, 07:06 you know I think are awesome and attractive. 07:08 And I really wanna maybe take it a little further 07:11 and see if we can get to know each other 07:13 or maybe more than just a friendship level. 07:16 Right, right. 07:17 I'm so happy I don't have to worry about this stuff anymore. 07:19 This leaves the beginning part. Happy I'm married. 07:22 Man, all right. So it's a lot of stuff here. 07:23 So, okay, first off, getting out the friend zone, 07:26 take a gradual... Or first of all, 07:27 you said, be direct. 07:29 Yes, definitely. 07:30 Whatever you want, say what you want, okay, 07:31 and mean what you want. 07:33 And then... Yeah, go ahead. 07:34 And you can do like a few small things 07:35 such as buy a few roses. 07:37 Maybe you buy a rose for her birthday 07:39 or just because, 07:40 or if she's not feeling well, 07:41 say, "Hey, do you want me to bring you a cup of soup?" 07:44 Or something like that just to make yourself known 07:47 and let it kind of be obvious to her. 07:50 "Oh, he's more special than my other friends. 07:53 He's doing more stuff than what the others do." 07:56 So kind of make yourself standout 07:57 but if you're only doing the regular stuff up, 07:59 "Oh, you're sick? 08:01 I hope you feel better." 08:02 Then you don't say nothing else, and it's like, 08:03 "Oh. Nothing special there." 08:05 Right, okay. Paying attention to detail. 08:06 And you know, okay, this is what I heard one time. 08:08 Tell me if I'm, if it's true or not, okay? 08:10 Someone said that instead of getting a woman 08:12 12 bunches of roses, or 12, you know, 08:15 a dozen roses, I guess, get her just one rose 08:17 because it means that 08:18 she's the one single rose in your garden, 08:20 you're thinking about. 08:22 Is that... That's kind of pretty. 08:23 That's, I mean, she likes that, I think. 08:25 Yeah, I mean, yeah. 08:26 But you all rather more, a bunch of flowers, 08:28 would you rather just like couple of flowers. 08:30 I guess it's too much sometimes. 08:31 We're friends, yeah. 08:33 I really think that's why it's important to be friends... 08:38 To know. To know what you like. 08:40 I love flowers. 08:41 And you know, I love all kinds of flowers 08:43 but I would say I would rather, 08:45 you get me one of my favorite type of flower 08:47 which are tulips. 08:48 Give me one tulip as opposed to like 30 carnations. 08:52 And I don't like carnations. Okay, yeah. 08:54 So... Gotta learn, yeah. 08:56 Intentionality. Okay, all right. Very good. 08:59 And I always ask this other question. 09:01 What is the difference between a boy and a man? 09:05 Mercy. Mercy. 09:07 You do really want us to go there. 09:10 A man knows how to handle responsibilities 09:13 and a boy runs from them. 09:15 Okay. 09:16 A man knows what he wants and he's not afraid 09:18 to speak up regardless of, you know, the obstacles. 09:23 A boy he knows what he wants 09:25 but he doesn't have the courage to go for it. 09:29 I think a man is honest 09:34 about where he is and where he wants to go. 09:36 He has goals, he knows what he brings to the table. 09:41 I read a book once that was talking about 09:44 how the three Ps, Pursue... 09:48 Profess, Protect and Provide. 09:50 And so I think when a man is able to pursue you, 09:54 he's trying to protect you. 09:56 He's able to provide. 09:57 He tells everybody, 09:59 "Hey, this is my girl. I'm interested in her." 10:01 Those are the things that show a man as opposed to a boy. 10:04 Okay, all right. 10:05 Now, I'm gonna put you on the spot. 10:06 I want you all to give me a story. 10:08 Oh, snap! 10:09 Not to incriminate anybody but just make it, 10:11 you know, pretty simple. 10:13 What is the worst thing a guy has ever, you know, 10:15 done like the biggest turn off 10:17 that a guy may ever done, you know? 10:19 So that really just turned you off, 10:20 you said, man, that was not what you should have did. 10:23 And I just mess it up. 10:24 All right, so I'm stalling here as you all can think. 10:27 I have a million. Exactly. 10:30 One day, I was leaving the library 10:32 backroom in Antigua. 10:34 Tells us where it is. Yes. 10:35 Okay. And this guy, I don't know him. 10:39 I don't even know his name up to this moment, 10:41 but he followed me up the street just talking. 10:44 I never said a word. 10:46 He just kept on saying, 10:47 "Girl, da-da, da-da, da-da, I like you." 10:50 And I'm like, "I don't even know you." 10:52 And he followed me up the street, 10:54 up the next street, and... 10:56 Stalker. 10:57 And he just kept on talking, trying to see 11:00 if he could get my number, 11:01 if I wanted to go on a date with him. 11:02 I'm like, "I don't know you. 11:04 Why are you talking to me? Why are you following me?" 11:05 And I'm like, "I'm sorry. I have to go." 11:07 And as I was leaving, he told me a few indecent words 11:10 because I just walked away and went to my father. 11:13 Okay, that's definitely what not to be... 11:15 I have a couple. 11:17 A couple? Yeah. 11:19 One, I am not chicken or an animal. 11:23 So you don't do that... 11:25 or, you know, trying to push up. 11:30 Like, what is that? 11:31 Like, yeah? I mean what? 11:34 I mean, trying to grab your attention. 11:36 No, no. 11:38 And the idea of someone following you 11:41 like all over the place. 11:42 And they're not saying anything. 11:44 And then, when it's like they're trying 11:46 to gather up courage to speak to you, 11:48 and then when they finally do speak to you, 11:51 they just say everything about themselves. 11:53 It's like they don't even let you get a word 11:55 and it's, "What is that?" 11:57 Okay. 11:58 Yeah, or even commenting about your... 11:59 I mean, it's one thing to tell someone, 12:01 "Hey, you're beautiful." 12:02 But commenting about someone's body, 12:06 it's borderline, creepy. 12:08 That's the stuff that makes us call 911. 12:11 Yeah. 12:13 I've had a few... 12:16 Someone was trying to, I guess, 12:17 leave hints that they were interested in me. 12:19 So they kept leaving notes 12:21 but in really weird, creepy places. 12:23 And the writing was like in child's handwriting. 12:27 And it was just, it was odd. 12:30 And then, I guess, they brought me flowers 12:32 but it was like, you know, 12:33 the plastic ones from the Dollar store. 12:35 And they were like laid out 12:37 in different places in my office. 12:39 And it was weird. 12:41 You know, so just... 12:42 I've had some creepy things. 12:45 So be, you know, be intentional 12:47 but not in like a creepy, weird way. 12:49 Okay. 12:50 And let me go back to the beginning, 12:52 'cause I don't know, 12:53 I'm trying to ask questions that guys will ask. 12:55 Will you want a guy to come and just say, 12:57 "I like you," in so many words, you know. 12:59 I mean, or would you rather him 13:00 just kind of hint it through out. 13:01 You know, 'cause I mean, that was kind of, I mean, 13:03 he was trying to hint it to you maybe. 13:04 Do you think... It feels little creepy. 13:05 Okay, fine. 13:07 But, look, she's giving me, guys. 13:08 Look she's giving me. 13:10 Yeah, for a bit. Creepy. 13:12 Definitely creepy. 13:13 Child's handwriting? Okay, okay. 13:16 But you also know what I'm saying. 13:17 Would you want someone to just come out and just say, 13:18 you know, "Hey, I like you." 13:20 You know, "I like to get to know you." 13:21 You know, because sometimes, that's the trouble with guys. 13:24 We don't really know how to really let you know 13:27 that we like you, you know. 13:29 I think that's a sign of confidence, you know, 13:34 but there's a difference between confidence and cocky. 13:38 Yeah, it's very thin line. 13:41 Confidence that you recognize that 13:44 this is something worth pursuing, 13:46 like, we're worth pursuing. 13:47 We have value. 13:49 But not being too cocky to the point of, 13:51 you're not giving me any choice like, I have... 13:54 It's my life, I can decide whether to accept or not. 13:58 So, yeah, be upfront. 14:01 I think, I don't if you will all agree, 14:04 but I would rather someone who's just upfront 14:08 and says exactly what they want, 14:10 rather than trying to hint. 14:12 Sometimes the hints don't go down too well. 14:15 Okay. 14:16 I don't want 'cause I want you... 14:18 You can maybe put it in because you all say 14:19 it's gonna be a long program. 14:21 We have a lot of questions to get through. 14:22 I wanna ask you all this real quick. 14:24 This is important. 14:25 Why should women know what they want 14:26 before they go to the dating field? 14:30 Well, I think that kind of tie them 14:31 what I was going to say, yeah. 14:33 You know, I... 14:35 Being somebody who's in a leadership position, 14:38 I mean, a lot of times people will approach me 14:40 because they like the leadership qualities or... 14:43 And I'm thinking one program we have talked about 14:45 the man's desire to conquer or to pursue. 14:48 And so sometimes, you know, it can be, 14:50 well, I like you for what I see or, you know, 14:53 that leadership but I have somebody approach me. 14:56 And they kind of said, well, you know, 14:57 I know you're a chaplain. 14:58 I know you're a pastor. 15:00 But I'm not trying to get to know 15:02 just the pastor, just that. 15:03 I wanna get to know you for Kim. 15:05 I wanna get to know you for who you are. 15:06 They are very direct and very straightforward. 15:09 And I was at a place in my life 15:12 where I had gotten tired of the grey. 15:14 Well, I think you're okay but I like her and I like her. 15:16 Well, I just wanna see where it goes 15:18 depending on where it goes. 15:19 So at the time I knew what I wanted, 15:21 so I was able to receive that directness. 15:24 And so you have to know what you want 15:26 so that when somebody who brings or offers 15:29 what you want comes along, 15:30 you're in a place to receive it. 15:31 Okay. 15:33 I think it's also important to know exactly 15:34 what you want because then it... 15:36 You're not playing with other people's emotions, 15:40 you know. 15:42 We have... 15:44 As human beings, we have the capacity 15:46 to hurt and or to heal. 15:49 So I would say, know exactly what you want 15:53 so that just as you do not want to be hurt, 15:55 you do not do the same for others. 15:57 Okay. Yeah. 15:59 I would add, it's also important 16:00 to know yourself. 16:01 And also know the things that you've been through 16:04 because some women are prone to get an abusive person 16:08 or get a person that's going to steal from them, hurt them, 16:11 belittle them or it's just doesn't complement them. 16:16 And if you don't deal with that fact of, 16:18 "Okay, I grew up in abusive home 16:20 so I'm prone to want an abusive person," 16:23 then if you don't know this, 16:25 you're gonna set yourself up and repeat the cycle. 16:27 Yeah, and that's kind of what used to frustrate me. 16:29 And I see, you know, wonderful women or, you know, 16:31 she's in relationship with someone 16:32 who really didn't treat her well. 16:34 And that's kind of the next question, 16:35 why do women compromise, you know? 16:37 Why do they seem to, I guess say settle 16:40 or compromise in the men that they really want. 16:44 So forth, they don't value themselves. 16:46 They don't see themselves as women that deserve better. 16:50 And that also could stem from how they were raised. 16:53 If their daddy didn't say 16:55 you're beautiful, you're worth this. 16:57 If you didn't go on a little daddy dates with her 17:00 and just really uplift her, or even based on 17:02 how she was treated in school, 17:04 if the girls said mean things to her. 17:07 She didn't come to this point where she realized, 17:10 "I'm a woman that deserves a man 17:13 that's gonna treat me like how God wants him to treat me." 17:16 And because they don't have that mentality, 17:18 they will accept anything that comes their way 17:21 or even the issue of, 17:23 "Well, there's so many women in the world 17:25 and not enough good men. 17:26 So, hey, as long as I get a man, I'm good." 17:30 I think it's also, 17:31 part of it stemming into the deserving part. 17:35 Some women feel like this 17:36 because they've made mistakes in their lives 17:38 that that means that they have to settle 17:42 or compromise when your... 17:45 It's like, for example, I can take $100 bill. 17:50 I can stomp on it, muddy it, you know, 17:53 run over it with a car, and crumple it. 17:56 It does not change the value of that $100 bill. 18:00 And I think what viewers need to recognize, 18:03 all the women need to recognize is, your past is your past. 18:07 You can, as of today, you can choose 18:10 to move and accept your worth as you have it in God. 18:15 And that does not mean 18:17 that you have to settle for something that isn't... 18:20 You have every right to ask and accept, you know, 18:26 high standards, because that's what God created you, 18:29 who God created you to be. 18:31 So don't settle, you know, you are valuable. 18:35 You deserve the best. 18:37 Yeah, at least we could do it, Kim. 18:39 You know, and that's really the thing, 18:40 because lot of times, you know, 18:41 at least what I've seen women begin to get old, 18:43 they begin to panic, you know, 18:44 and that's kind of what I think Kim's gonna go with it. 18:47 Yeah, I was gonna say the fear of singleness. 18:49 I think that there is a stigma on being single. 18:53 That if you're not married, 18:54 if you're not in a relationship, 18:56 something must be wrong with you or you're bad or, 18:58 you know, you need to hurry up and get married. 19:00 And so, you know, speaking as someone 19:02 who was in an abusive relationship, 19:05 you know, I saw the red flags, 19:07 I knew the red flags were there but I was so afraid 19:10 that if I called off the engagement, 19:12 if I broke up with the guy, what would people say? 19:16 What would my church think? What would my family think? 19:19 What would everybody on Facebook think? 19:21 And I was letting all of these people down. 19:23 So I prolonged a situation that I could have gotten 19:28 free from a long time ago, 19:29 but I was caught up in what society says 19:33 about being single or about, you know, 19:35 walking away from relationships that aren't healthy. 19:38 And that for me, was a lesson that was also for me, 19:40 one of those places where I had to step back 19:42 and say, take a look at myself and say, what do I want? 19:45 And what things in me are, you know, 19:47 do I need to be careful of some? 19:49 Okay. 19:50 So now, in thinking about that, what does sex or intimacy, 19:55 what part does that play in shaping 19:57 what you want as a woman? 19:59 I think the introduction of sex into a relationship 20:03 can just muddle the waters. 20:05 It just brings in another dynamic 20:07 that would just cloud judgments basically 20:11 because you're bringing into the relationship something 20:15 that is going to make you not see the person 20:19 for who they really are. 20:21 You're introducing something that's far be going 20:22 to fill physical needs at the expense of 20:28 just allowing you to see the person for who they are. 20:30 So for example, it'll interfere with 20:33 what you really want in a man. 20:34 You want a kind, gentle, attentive man in your life. 20:40 But when you introduce sex, sometimes maybe 20:44 what you're craving at that point is someone 20:46 who'll just understand why you're crying. 20:49 Oh, you had a really bad day, 20:50 but his solution or both your solutions will be 20:54 to just jump into bed which is not going to solve 20:57 the core of your problem. 20:58 Yeah, so it's just bringing in another dynamic 21:01 that you really don't want. 21:02 You don't want, okay. Yeah. 21:04 And I think the idea is don't trade sex 21:07 for what you really want. 21:08 If you really want affection, 21:11 if you really want quality time, 21:13 if you really want flowers, then say that's what you want. 21:18 But don't trade, don't use sex 21:20 as a weapon of mass destruction. 21:24 All right, use that 21:25 as something to get what you want. 21:27 Okay. 21:28 And anything worth having is worth waiting for. 21:30 And I think, for us women, it's almost 21:32 as if we get to a certain point in a relationship, 21:35 and it's like, "Okay, 21:36 maybe he has all the qualities that I want, 21:39 but he's not reciprocating." 21:41 So we somehow feel like we have to settle 21:45 and do more, work harder. 21:48 So we'll probably give it up and then hoping that 21:51 that will kind of change 21:52 the dynamics in the relationship 21:54 when in essence, what it does, it's just make things worse. 21:56 But, you know, honestly, 21:58 I think the reason I'm touching this, 21:59 as you know that some women, they do want the sex, 22:02 that's what they what, you know, so how's that... 22:05 Yeah, can we be honest. 22:07 Some women actually do want sex. 22:10 Not some women, all of us. Yeah. 22:13 No, no, no 'cause we are... No, yeah. 22:15 We are all sexual beings. Right. Right. 22:17 Thank you. Yeah, yeah. 22:18 So some women, they already have a man. 22:21 And they're saying, "Okay, he's tall, he's handsome." 22:26 Fine. 22:27 He play basketball, soccer, so that means 22:29 he have a little bit of stamina. 22:32 I see. 22:33 We went there. 22:35 It's true. Let's be honest. 22:36 Some women do look at them 22:38 and they see these certain characteristics 22:40 and they're like, "Well, I don't wanna be unhappy, 22:43 I wanna be happy in marriage 22:45 if that's what they're looking for." 22:47 And let's just be honest, women want sex too. 22:50 So, okay. 22:51 In that, in saying that, being honestly, 22:53 I think you all have been honest. 22:55 That can definitely... 22:57 You say muddle the waters because now 22:59 you have kind of connected yourself with someone. 23:01 So how hard has it been 23:02 once you connects yourself with somebody 23:04 who you sexually wanted? 23:06 How hard is it to break away or even be able to look, 23:10 really look at them and say, 23:11 "Well, really this is not what I want, you know." 23:13 Well, I think that's where boundaries come in, 23:16 I'm setting boundaries, making sure you're clear, 23:20 knowing, you know, that you're sexual being knowing, 23:23 you know, what your boundaries and just set boundaries. 23:25 But I think like I said the clear part is 23:27 get to know somebody so that you can understand that, 23:30 that you guys want similar thing. 23:33 You guys have the same values and those kinds of things. 23:35 And then once you get to that place 23:37 when you get married, 23:38 then that will make the sex even better 23:41 because you laid this foundation of pursuing, 23:45 this foundation of wooing and dating 23:47 which should be fun and exciting 23:49 and wonderful and not complicated. 23:51 Yeah, okay. 23:53 You know, honestly for some women, it is hard, 23:55 just as hard for them as the men are to break off 23:58 from having sex, I think it sometimes goes down 24:01 to the whole chemical release that happens 24:03 when you're having sex that creates that bond, 24:05 it messes up with your mind like some addiction. 24:07 So you get connected to this gentleman or boy 24:10 in some situations and you wanna break free, 24:14 but sex is good. 24:15 Yeah. Yeah. 24:17 But I think it's also important for us to mention that 24:19 even though you may be in a relationship right now 24:22 where you've already given it up 24:23 or you're having sex, and you want something better. 24:28 We should not be afraid to say, 24:30 "You know what, right now, I want better 24:32 'cause we do deserve it." 24:34 And I don't think we can say that enough. 24:36 We deserve better. 24:38 You deserve, it does not matter you are a child of God, 24:42 you deserve better. 24:44 Yes, because we are worth it. 24:47 God created us to be awesome, 24:48 to be powerful, to be valued, you know. 24:52 And every time we give someone the opportunity to devalue us, 24:57 it does not... 24:58 I think we rob them of the opportunity 25:02 to be as better, 25:04 as good as what God created them to be, you know. 25:07 So we should walk in that knowledge 25:09 and in that confidence that we deserve it. 25:12 We deserve it. 25:14 And really, you know, to speak for the men, 25:15 the men deserves as well. 25:17 Yes, yes. 25:18 Okay, hold on, this is about the women. 25:19 You forget about the women though. 25:22 We need to have another... 25:23 We need to have, yeah, definitely. 25:25 All right. Go ahead, Kim. 25:27 But I was gonna say that, you know, 25:28 I think it's important... 25:30 Women want men who want to give us 25:32 what we want. 25:33 And ultimately those wants need to be centered 25:36 and directed in Christ. 25:37 And I think sometimes, society can mess 25:39 that image up in our minds. 25:42 Okay, we may have to go little more into that. 25:43 Let's, well, let's talk about society real quickly 25:45 a few more minutes here. 25:46 What role has TV played in shaping 25:50 the idea what a woman wants in a man? 25:52 What she want. 25:54 Well, you know, media will have everybody. 25:58 Men believe that women are only interested in a guy 26:01 who is fine, who has a good... 26:03 who has a well paid job, you know, 26:07 who has money, drives a car. 26:09 I think at the core of every woman 26:11 is the need for security. 26:14 If you can provide the security that she does not have to... 26:17 I mean, she is... 26:18 You, I guess, affirm for her, her value in life. 26:24 I don't think that, 26:26 that would be a bad thing a place to start. 26:29 Yeah. Yeah. 26:30 And I was gonna say, I mean, things like different TV shows 26:33 that, you know, have these guys, you know, 26:35 wooing women and throwing money at their feet, you know, 26:39 all these different things can really distort 26:40 that image in our minds 'cause the Bible tells us 26:44 to lay up our treasures in heaven 26:46 and things that won't rot or fade away. 26:49 And so we as woman, 26:50 if we get caught up in those fantasy men, 26:53 then when good men come along, we start to confuse 26:56 or distort those pictures, we can't recognize them. 26:59 So, you know, just I thing check those balances 27:02 against what TV media says with what the Word says. 27:05 Okay. 27:06 And the truth of the man that is before you, 27:09 the man that is before you could be the person 27:11 that God has for you 27:12 but you're so blinded by what media will have you 27:15 believe a real man should be that you don't recognize 27:18 the good that is right in front of your eyes. 27:21 Okay. All right, thank you. 27:22 And we could really go on and on. 27:23 We may have to do a second part to this. 27:26 I need to bring some ammunition out with me. 27:28 I need another brother to argue with me. 27:29 But let's close with a text that was given to me 27:31 by one of the ladies here. 27:32 It says, Psalms 37:4. 27:34 It says, "Delight yourself in the Lord, 27:36 and He will give you the desires of your heart." 27:40 So you all gave me this text. 27:41 So I think if the women take that advice, 27:43 God will give you the desires of your heart. 27:45 Again we're gonna try to have a part two to this, 27:46 so we can talk a little more about what women want. 27:48 So listen in, men and the ladies, 27:51 so we can keep this discussion going on. 27:52 Thank you all. You all did a good job. 27:54 Remember to always make Pure Choices. 27:56 God bless you. Have a good day. |
Revised 2017-06-19