Pure Choices

I Know the Game

Three Angels Broadcasting Network

Program transcript

Participants: Joshua Nelson (Host), Brittany Hill-Morales, Kimberly Douglas, Kory Douglas, Xavier Morales

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Series Code: PC

Program Code: PC000076A


00:01 The following program discusses sensitive issues.
00:03 Parents are cautioned that some material
00:05 may be too candid for younger children.
00:38 Hello, and welcome to Pure Choices.
00:40 I'm your host, Pastor Joshua Nelson.
00:43 I'm so glad you decided to join us today.
00:45 We have a good one for you today,
00:46 the title is I Know the Game.
00:49 Before we get into this exciting topic
00:51 I'm gonna pause for a moment and say a word of prayer.
00:54 So let's pray, Heavenly Father God,
00:57 we just invite your spirits
00:58 here right now, speak through us.
01:00 In Jesus' name we pray, Amen.
01:02 Amen.
01:03 Well, before we get started on the topic
01:04 I like to introduce the panel.
01:06 We have a great panel as usual.
01:08 I got my friend, my boy,
01:10 Pastor KP Douglas on my left here.
01:13 He's a pastor here, actually in a Missouri?
01:16 South East Missouri.
01:17 South East Missouri, there you go.
01:18 So happy to have him here with us.
01:20 Well, we also have over here,
01:21 the married, happily married couple here.
01:25 You just got married right in September?
01:27 Yup. September 1st. Okay.
01:28 We have Brittany Hill-Morales and her husband Xavier Morales.
01:33 So happy you all here with us.
01:34 And unfortunately, I had to separate
01:36 the two married couples here.
01:37 But we have Kimberly Douglas.
01:42 All right, and we said your last name from before, okay.
01:45 So we have a good, good panel and of course,
01:46 I'm Pastor Nelson, I have a beautiful wife,
01:49 her name also is Kimberly.
01:50 And unfortunately, she is not here
01:52 so I'm the odd one out here.
01:54 But we're so excited about this topic
01:56 and this new season because
01:58 this season we're going to try to direct lot of our topics
02:01 to the older generation, if you would.
02:04 We want to talk more to the adults.
02:07 We understand that lot of the ones
02:08 before were geared towards younger people.
02:11 But we want to talk to the middle age,
02:12 the older who we know still also struggle
02:15 with making pure choices.
02:17 And so we want to address these programs to them.
02:20 And so we're gonna get start today with this topic of
02:23 I Know the Game, okay, I Know the Game.
02:25 And I kind deal the game because
02:27 I know this is part of my testimony,
02:28 where God has taking me from this issue,
02:31 this under culture of sexual promiscuity
02:35 of just doing what you feel is right
02:37 as oppose to what you know the Bible says.
02:39 But first, we want to start with talking about the culture,
02:43 the culture that exist today, the sexual culture
02:45 that exist today in our society.
02:48 Let's start there first
02:49 and then we'll go into a little deeper.
02:51 So let's talk about what is the culture,
02:53 what is the sexual culture?
02:55 We watch TV, we watch shows, and hear things on the radio
02:58 wherever the case may be.
02:59 What is the culture, the sexual culture today?
03:04 I am going to start with Pastor Douglas.
03:05 Go ahead.
03:07 Well, sex really is the culture.
03:09 I mean, it's in every thing,
03:11 it's been interwoven into everything.
03:12 Basically, the term goes
03:14 and I'm not sure if you've heard before, well, sex sells.
03:17 So, you know, right now it didn't matter what it is,
03:21 a bar of soap, hamburgers, water.
03:23 Right.
03:24 You know, sex is some way attached to it.
03:26 And you know, I am not going to lie,
03:28 sometimes the ads do kind of make you
03:29 want to buy the stuff a little bit more, you know.
03:31 But we, we have been inundated
03:33 with just a lot of sexual material.
03:36 And it didn't just, it didn't just
03:38 influences us to buy more,
03:40 but it also influences how we view relationships,
03:43 how will we view sex, and when to have sex,
03:45 when not to have sex.
03:46 Our whole lives really are determined by what we,
03:49 what we been watching, media, television, you know, movies,
03:52 music, everything, so...
03:54 So, let's talk about that,
03:56 with the media and what you watch on TV.
03:58 How does that create a culture
04:00 for what people do in their everyday relationships,
04:03 how they act, how they behave
04:04 with their significant other, you know.
04:07 I want, Brittany,
04:09 if you could talk a little bit about that.
04:10 Okay, I was gonna say something.
04:12 Media is telling us that sex is fun,
04:14 you do it if you like a person,
04:17 if you think they're attractive,
04:18 you do it if you like, like, like them,
04:21 and if you have this inclination
04:23 that you might love them but you're not there yet.
04:26 Then if you definitely love them
04:27 then you definitely should be having sex too.
04:30 And only time it really stops when you get married.
04:32 So it's like, sex is fun,
04:33 you do it in all these different avenues.
04:35 And our TV shows we watch,
04:38 they having sex in the big movies to move in,
04:40 and to have more sex,
04:42 and that's what it's really about right now.
04:45 So we really see a reversal of really
04:46 how it should be, you know.
04:47 I mean, you're saying that before you get married,
04:49 you have all the sex, so when you get married its,
04:52 there's no more sex anymore, you know, its reversal.
04:55 What you feel about that, Kim?
04:57 I think that because its, it appears in so many places,
05:02 whether its on TV or on billboards, in books,
05:06 it's like, no matter where you go,
05:09 you're seeing this same message,
05:11 it feels good, do it.
05:12 Right.
05:13 Don't think about repercussion, don't think about anything.
05:17 Just if it feels good, go ahead and do it.
05:20 And think about, actually, think about after
05:23 if think about at all.
05:24 You know, I think it has more than,
05:27 it's more to do than with then just sex.
05:29 It's more than just sex in our culture.
05:31 It's like you're saying, it's just about feeling good.
05:33 You know, whatever feels good, you know,
05:35 I'm gonna go and do it.
05:37 You know, if I can kind of testify
05:39 it's not really a bad thing.
05:40 But I am in New York Knicks fan,
05:42 you know, I am be real, there's some...
05:44 I cannot afford to really go To New York Knicks game
05:46 but I enjoy the Knicks.
05:47 And so I will work really hard
05:50 to make sure I can go to a Knicks game
05:51 because I enjoy, you know, enjoy the Knicks.
05:53 And that is how it is in every facet of our culture.
05:57 It kind of tells you, you know, however you like it,
05:59 if you enjoy you should do it, you know,
06:01 don't let anybody tell you what can and can't enjoy.
06:04 And so you know,
06:05 we've come to this culture where, you know,
06:07 sex is an enjoyable thing, you know,
06:10 it's just one of those other enjoyable things.
06:12 And unfortunately, it's also one of those things a little,
06:14 may be a little bit harder to shake, you know,
06:16 once you have enjoyed it, so.
06:18 Yeah, It's not really a thing of you know,
06:20 oh, I shouldn't be doing this at all, oh,
06:22 this is just part of what I do, you know.
06:23 And sadly we're looking today, this is just what you do.
06:26 You have sex with whoever you want to, you know,
06:29 for a second date, that's just what it is,
06:31 that's the culture.
06:33 In fact, and you were saying something about this earlier
06:35 about having your identity
06:37 being attach to your action as sex.
06:40 As an adult, you know, you should be having sex,
06:42 that's just what is assumed that you should be doing.
06:45 You have a boyfriend or a girlfriend friend for
06:48 n-number of months or years
06:49 or whatever the case may be,
06:51 of course, you're having sex.
06:52 And who would think not, you know.
06:54 And it's so permeating that our culture that
06:57 its hard to even talk against it
06:59 because it just seems so odd.
07:00 I mean, you know, you hear it in the news or you know,
07:02 it's just an actual talk,
07:05 discussion of sex within a marriage relationships
07:08 is kind of laughed upon now.
07:09 You know, from what I can see.
07:11 X, you want to add some more to the discussion?
07:13 It's just, you know,
07:14 the culture has taken it it's effect from,
07:16 you know, gradually, over time and if it feels good
07:19 then we say, if it feels good, do it.
07:21 You know, and they taken a lot of,
07:24 a lot of it from cars like,
07:26 if you going to buy a car you got to sample it,
07:27 you got to test drive it,
07:29 and you got to check it before you're going to purchase.
07:31 And I've heard many people
07:33 kind of put the two and two together
07:34 where if I'm gonna get married, you know, if I'm gonna see,
07:38 if I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with this person,
07:40 only having sex with this one person.
07:42 I got to make sure it feels good and see,
07:45 because if they are not good then we can't do any thing.
07:47 Yeah.
07:48 So you base everything based off of sex?
07:49 Well, I would even take it may be little bit further
07:51 because I feel like culture now is saying that even marriage,
07:55 it may be not, it may not be the best thing
07:58 because marriage now kind of hinders you
08:00 from living that lifestyle of doing what you want,
08:02 sampling what you want.
08:04 So what we're also seeing is that,
08:05 that trend wear people like, I don't need to get married,
08:08 I don't want to get married
08:09 because marriage will kind of hold me back
08:11 from enjoying the things that I want to enjoy.
08:13 You know, we also think about
08:14 marriage as that ball and chain,
08:16 you know, getting tied down, everything changes.
08:18 Look, what we said that in the beginning, you know.
08:19 And it's kind of true, you know,
08:21 you know people really think they're gonna get married
08:23 to have sex all the time, they are crazy.
08:27 You know, so this is not gonna happen.
08:29 So just get that out of your mind.
08:31 Its not gonna happen all the time.
08:32 But you know, we have that idea that,
08:34 you know, we can do what we want,
08:36 and things like marriage that are so permanent
08:38 will put a stop to that, so...
08:40 Yeah.
08:41 Okay, so you know,
08:42 we talked about the culture in society now.
08:44 You know, there's a story that I've always heard of,
08:46 a hotel that reported their sales of adult videos
08:51 happened at be during at men's...
08:54 Christian men's conference, you know.
08:57 So how has the society sexual culture
09:01 permeating the churches culture?
09:03 Is there a culture of sexual promiscuity in the church?
09:07 What do you think?
09:09 I definitely think so.
09:10 I definitely think so.
09:12 Yes.
09:15 I think it is, I think that there,
09:16 I think that, you know,
09:18 there's a lot of sins that we tend to categorize
09:20 as church and hold up.
09:22 And I think that may be
09:23 the most prevalent sins in our church is our sexual sins.
09:26 Oh, yeah.
09:27 You know, and, off the record,
09:30 which is not really possible since,
09:32 but you know that I know places where couple swing in church.
09:36 You know, for those who don't know
09:38 what swing means, Google it.
09:39 And you know, and places where you know,
09:42 the same kind of daring habits you see outside,
09:45 you also see inside.
09:46 And I think it is in large in part to the fact that
09:50 we kind of separate our church life
09:52 from our personal life.
09:53 You know when I think of the children of Israel,
09:55 in the Bible, God was in and through
09:58 every facet of life.
09:59 You know, but today, you're kind of a Christian more
10:03 or so during divine hour,
10:05 if you come to prayer, meeting, you know,
10:07 whenever there's an evangelistic meeting,
10:09 whenever there's special days.
10:11 But for the most part,
10:12 the time spend outside the church,
10:14 you kind of live like you're outside of church, you know.
10:17 So it think that that's kind of been, you know,
10:20 influence in this culture and basically,
10:23 helping it to permeate the church as well.
10:25 Okay.
10:26 So, the argument core is making that there is a culture,
10:30 subculture in the church
10:31 and may be it's a lot more than we think
10:32 of people who are actually active,
10:35 they've become active and they just have not
10:37 had the desire to stop,
10:40 and they just continually, you know,
10:42 dating around the church.
10:43 I mean, I don't know, for me it's kind of how I always...
10:45 Well, I'll say like this,
10:47 when I begin to go down that road,
10:48 I began to open my eyes towards reality out there.
10:50 I mean, people in the church are having sex
10:54 and it's not big deal, you know,
10:56 its not looked as a big deal,
10:57 it's not looked as this is what we do, you know.
10:59 And so its easy to find a Christian girl who will,
11:03 you know, do whatever even though
11:04 "she is supposed to be a Christian," you know.
11:07 Is this been something you all seen as well?
11:09 Definitely.
11:10 I can remember at my school,
11:13 hearing stories about them having wild sex parties,
11:16 where that's all they were doing,
11:17 having a huge sex party.
11:20 And even though like, some of my friends
11:23 that because they were in relationships
11:26 and they were strongly convinced that
11:28 they were gonna end up in marriage,
11:30 they said, "Why not?
11:31 We're gonna get married anyways, lets have sex."
11:34 I think part of it is people confuse sex with intimacy,
11:38 so they're saying, lets be intimate,
11:39 lets be together,
11:41 lets really draw closer into this relationship,
11:43 and the best way to do so is to have sex.
11:46 That's not true,
11:47 and that's what is happening with so many people
11:51 and they end up breaking up
11:52 and then they have all the heart break
11:54 and the heartache.
11:55 But that's basically where we're going right now
11:57 where some people feel that you should do it
11:59 because that's the intimate from,
12:01 they're going to get marry, God told them.
12:03 It was in some sign, in some book.
12:06 Or for other people, it's, okay,
12:08 if I'm gonna marry you and be with you,
12:10 I need to know if its gonna be good.
12:12 Because sex has this level of importance now,
12:15 I would say, that what it is.
12:17 Sex determines if you are experienced,
12:21 it determines if you're this, if you're that.
12:23 It has that level of importance that
12:26 I'm not gonna marry unless I know I'm gonna be satisfied.
12:28 Yeah.
12:30 And it's everywhere, we see there everywhere.
12:32 Its talked about every where else but the church,
12:34 so there is really no,
12:36 you have no parameters of how you should speak about it,
12:38 how you should feel about it,
12:39 because the church isn't saying anything about it.
12:41 And so you get what, you get your conversation
12:43 or vocabulary from the society
12:46 and the movies you watch, what not.
12:47 And so I believe to me,
12:48 it plays a part in how we view it.
12:50 Because what you're saying is all true.
12:52 I mean, you know, I was there, right?
12:53 I mean, some of us were there.
12:55 I mean, I am not just the only one, you know.
12:56 I mean, I was there and I felt like,
12:58 you know, of course,
12:59 the most important thing is, is the sex gonna be good,
13:02 you know?
13:03 And that become, you know, really became to consume
13:06 my mind and my life.
13:08 So lets add little more to this, you know,
13:10 what else is out there, what else is going on that
13:13 maybe viewers needs to be aware of
13:15 in terms of the culture in the church,
13:17 sexual culture in church.
13:18 Kimberley, you go ahead.
13:20 I know some time ago, I came across this article
13:22 and I don't remember the title exactly,
13:25 but the gist of it was single,
13:28 saved, and having sex.
13:31 And I mean, the title says it all
13:34 already that you know, they...
13:37 and then there's something else,
13:40 it was talking about,
13:42 I think it was geared towards African-American women.
13:45 And the gist of that piece was you know,
13:50 we've been in the church, we go to church,
13:52 we can't find mates,
13:55 and so we're just going to be single
13:59 and we're going to be sexually active,
14:01 but we're still going to church.
14:03 And you know, that's to me that's the danger of it,
14:07 or one of the dangers when you began to rationalize
14:10 'but I'm still in church', you know.
14:13 So that its definitely there, the undercurrent is there
14:18 but I think that because there's that rationalization
14:22 it leaves it at the, you know,
14:24 as in undercurrent as oppose to being addressed by,
14:28 you know, church.
14:29 So lets...
14:30 Xavier, I want to transition, we came to the danger,
14:32 I like what you're saying there.
14:33 The dangers of this culture,
14:36 what are the issues that can arise
14:37 from this type of mentality, you know?
14:40 What are the pit falls, if you would,
14:43 of an individual who just saying, look,
14:44 I know the game, man, I know how it is, I got this.
14:47 I've had sex before, it's nothing to have it again,
14:50 you've already started on this road.
14:51 We're gonna get married anyways,
14:53 you know, so why not?
14:54 What are the dangers of this?
14:56 I think like, you know, for me,
14:57 I've had a past too, you know.
14:59 And sex feels good, sex is good.
15:02 Hallelujah.
15:03 Finish?
15:05 But the thing is we don't understand
15:07 or we choose not to understand
15:09 the biblical principles behind that.
15:11 And that they're not in place just to hinder you
15:14 but they are there because it does cause,
15:15 if you doing, you know,
15:17 doing the things in a way you shouldn't been doing,
15:18 it does cause a physiological
15:20 and psychological damage to you.
15:22 You know, your connect, you essentially,
15:24 even scientist have shown that chemically, you change,
15:28 interchange chemicals where piece of views
15:30 within that person and vice-versa.
15:32 You know, you're essentially causing more harm to yourself
15:35 just to feel good, you know.
15:37 And the thing is you can't just do it once,
15:39 if it feels good once you got to keep on doing it.
15:42 And it turns into other addictions like pornography.
15:45 You know, just the ramifications
15:48 out of that one time that just may feel great,
15:51 the ramifications are endless
15:53 and it isn't until you hit a wall that,
15:57 and some people don't ever hot a wall.
15:58 They're walking, come, you know, as something else.
16:00 But I personally hit a wall, and I understood that you know,
16:04 these things are causing me more damage than good.
16:07 And while waiting for the right person
16:09 was extremely difficult, it was well worth it.
16:14 And I love that because of course, that's what,
16:16 it says in the Song of Solomon,
16:18 not to awaken love before it's time.
16:19 And I think that for me now,
16:21 I realize that if I can plea with someone else
16:24 who is struggling, you know,
16:26 that going down that road,
16:28 or those who even have gone down that road,
16:31 to not even to continue
16:32 because it is hard to close that door.
16:35 Once it's been opened it is hard to close that door.
16:39 I like to say, it's hard to stop the engine
16:40 once you start it, you know,
16:42 it's hard, it's hard, it's hard.
16:43 Because once you start down that road
16:45 you had actually done some physiological things
16:47 where you have not connect to yourself
16:49 literally with somebody else.
16:51 So let's add a little more,
16:52 let's talk about the dangers of this.
16:54 I will probably also add that you have this danger of
16:58 if you're Christiana and then you're Christian couple, like,
17:00 maybe it's your first time you guys have sex.
17:02 Now you feel this pressure of, I have to work things through
17:05 and stay with this person.
17:07 There could be so many red flags
17:09 but because you guys have had sex like,
17:12 I have to be with person
17:13 because if break up with this person,
17:15 I mean, someone have to sleep with someone else.
17:17 And that means I'm gonna be adding numbers to the table.
17:21 So you have this pressure of, okay,
17:23 I have to figure out how to stay with this person.
17:26 And that's the pressure that you don't want
17:28 during the daring stage.
17:30 The daring stage should just be fun,
17:32 without that extra tie of frustration of okay,
17:36 I know he hit me but he has my virginity,
17:39 so we should probably stay together.
17:42 Or even for, I'm the guy, yeah, what if this happens,
17:47 I have to be with her, I have to do this.
17:49 There's that struggle in the relationship
17:53 that doesn't need to be there
17:55 and that's a huge danger because I know a few friends
17:58 who've had that pressure,
17:59 we have to work it out, we have to figure it out,
18:01 we have to do something.
18:02 And don't had, having a baby in the midst of that.
18:04 I was just,
18:06 I was just thinking that because, I mean,
18:10 the child is the blessing, yes, but then when that child,
18:13 you know, has to potentially grow up in the home
18:17 where mom and dad, you know,
18:20 it was just the one night thing or it,
18:22 was just the casual relationship, and you know,
18:25 we just had sex.
18:26 There's no depth, no foundation to that.
18:29 Now, not only are you affected by that
18:32 but you're also affecting this child.
18:36 X, you want to say something?
18:37 Oh, yeah, I think too,
18:40 because if we compartmentalize God,
18:42 it remove the sin aspect of certain elements.
18:45 You know, sex is beautiful, sex was created, you know,
18:48 we have been gifted as humans
18:52 to be able to partake in the creation process
18:54 by we producing.
18:56 And we're therefore,
18:57 taking the sin element out of it
18:59 because we find justification in the Bible say, hey,
19:02 God created sex,
19:03 or look at the Song of the Solomon, you know.
19:05 We twist certain aspect of scripture to be able to,
19:08 to feel better about ourselves, when the reality,
19:10 the damage is within us not the actual act of sex.
19:13 And therefore, you know we've taken something beautiful
19:16 that is meant to create masterpieces, works of art...
19:18 Complete the image of God, really.
19:20 Yeah, and just completely decimate it into
19:23 something that feels good.
19:26 I think another rescue we run.
19:29 Well, I put it this way, I think everything in life,
19:31 success in any part of life is about balancing expectations,
19:35 which is what you definitely learn about relationship.
19:37 Relationships work
19:39 when expectations are balanced and met.
19:41 You know my wife expects something of me
19:43 and I don't do it, you know, she's just not going to happy.
19:46 It's gonna be a problem for me.
19:48 But you know that they wanted,
19:49 the issues about pre-marital sex,
19:51 you know, even this culture of sex,
19:54 sexual perversion is that
19:55 it creates unrealistic expectations.
19:58 Same thing as if you know, once you gets into pornography,
20:01 once you have multiple partners, you know,
20:02 multiple people are liking, you have this person
20:05 who's more experience, that person is not.
20:06 And by the time you get married, you know,
20:08 you not have to balance those expectations,
20:11 you're now gonna have unrealistic expectations
20:13 with someone knows, you know and...
20:15 That's when you gonna start trying
20:17 about to make sure it's gonna be the same.
20:18 And I don't know the numbers but I believe, you know,
20:20 most divorces happen because first, finances,
20:23 and then if I'm not mistaken, the second reason is usually
20:26 for you know, not having pleasure
20:27 or not be satisfied sexually, you know.
20:29 And so, you know,
20:31 that's basically one of the danger,
20:33 we put this unrealistic expectations
20:36 on each other and ourselves.
20:38 Okay, so lets go and talk about some of the solutions,
20:41 some things we can do to help to not go down that same path,
20:46 to kind of go against the culture,
20:48 go against the grain.
20:50 What are some things that we can say
20:52 and what something that
20:53 we would like to been said to us
20:55 for those of us who have been struggling with this,
20:56 I said that me, I was one, I was one.
20:59 I was in there.
21:01 So what some things that we could say
21:03 to those who are struggling?
21:05 Go ahead, go ahead, take it on that, take a start.
21:08 First of all we got to acknowledge
21:09 the spiritual that is just the spiritual problem.
21:12 It's not something we're just going to be able to say,
21:14 here's 10 steps, walk yourself in this thing.
21:17 I think at the root of it,
21:18 it's definitely an identity issue.
21:21 And our identity as human beings
21:23 are no longer wrapped up in God.
21:25 That's the bottom line.
21:26 If we're, we said in the beginning, you know,
21:28 its all about pleasing ourselves being selfish,
21:31 this is exactly what Satan says to Adam
21:33 and Eve to go to Eve really in the garden.
21:35 He says, listen, you can make yourself a God.
21:38 You think about all the movies we've watched about the Gods,
21:41 who are not God,
21:42 their number one thing is to be worshiped and to be pleased.
21:46 And I believe that every time we, you know,
21:49 we indulge in his identity of being these Gods
21:52 that we will set out and rule our lives
21:54 basically trying to please ourselves.
21:56 And this is something that we have to admit
21:57 that we have a problems as humans that is spiritual,
22:01 where we want to be God, we want to be pleased.
22:04 We can at least start there that we began to at least
22:07 give that over to God and say, listen,
22:10 I want my identity first of all to be wrapped up in you
22:12 and I realize you're a pure God and because you're pure God,
22:16 I can make pure choices.
22:19 I think, I wanted to jump off of that, I think to,
22:22 one of the things, you were saying,
22:24 just admitting to yourself, you know, been okay with it.
22:28 One thing that my parents always taught be growing up
22:30 that I didn't follow, that's why I made
22:32 not so pure choices that I made,
22:35 was the fact of dating in groups.
22:37 You know, acknowledging the fact that you know,
22:40 I like sex, and left with a woman,
22:43 I might, you know, make some mistakes.
22:45 So rather than give way to that give the devil a foot hold,
22:49 you know, step back and just, you know, go out, hang out,
22:52 you know.
22:53 And the beautiful thing about it is that
22:54 if you both have the same kind of friends
22:56 or the same friends, you can all go together.
22:58 And you know, have a great time without need of feeling guilty
23:03 by yourself or feeling you know like,
23:06 probably I should have done it differently.
23:07 But I'm just group dating, you know, you out in groups
23:10 and hang out having, going bowling.
23:12 Whatever it may be but just
23:13 I will say that's what worked for me.
23:15 Okay, I like that.
23:17 And we're actually running out the time,
23:18 we have to do a part two.
23:19 But this is good.
23:21 You want to add to that? Go ahead, go ahead.
23:23 Okay.
23:24 As a adult the main thing for adults, what do you do.
23:28 I would say two things, know you reason
23:31 and make a decision too and stick with it.
23:34 What helped me not to have sex by teenage years was
23:38 I knew that I didn't want to get pregnant
23:40 and so I make sure that despite all the handsome guys
23:43 that came through,
23:45 I was not gonna engage with them
23:46 because I don't want to get pregnant.
23:48 And then with Xavier,
23:50 I didn't want to be the person that cause them to fall.
23:53 I knew my reason
23:55 and despite how close we got in certain situations,
23:57 yes, I'll put on some glass,
23:59 I said no because I didn't want to be that person
24:02 that made his relationship with God struggle.
24:04 So whatever your reason is, that's the first thing,
24:07 if you want to make a decision to abstain from now on
24:10 not have sex, know what the reason is
24:12 and make a decision to stick with it
24:14 despite what temptations come through.
24:16 Yeah.
24:17 And I'll be honest with you, you know,
24:19 it was a tough you know, engagement time was tough,
24:22 you know, it was hard to hold out
24:23 because you say, hey, we gonna marry anyways, you know.
24:26 But... Yeah.
24:28 But I mean, you know, this is what we have to do
24:31 to keep ourselves pure before God's eye.
24:34 And you know, some people could be watching us, saying, well,
24:37 you guys are married now so you know,
24:39 of course, you all can talk like this now.
24:40 But its hard when you are not and it is,
24:43 and we were, you know, just there.
24:44 I mean, I just got married a year ago,
24:46 you got, Kory got married few months ago.
24:47 So we know the struggle.
24:51 So this is another question I want to ask
24:52 and I know we're getting towards the end.
24:56 Can God really take away those urges?
25:00 I believe He can.
25:02 I think that and this less, you know,
25:04 this not just about sex, we're not saying this.
25:06 I believe that, you know, we have a wrong view of God,
25:10 when we even ask questions like,
25:12 can He take away the urge?
25:14 God's main goal
25:18 is to save my soul, to get me to heaven.
25:20 So He can, of course, He can take it away, you know.
25:22 But it's when will He take it away,
25:24 how will He take it away.
25:26 I believe that even of the things
25:28 we can do to kind of help ourselves along the way
25:31 is may be not to think so deeply about the problem
25:35 and how God's gonna solve the problem, you know.
25:38 When I say to God, I want my identity be wrapped up in you,
25:40 I want to give myself over to you,
25:42 doing your thing on a daily basis,
25:44 I don't go outside and start thinking,
25:46 oh, my gosh,
25:48 I'm a sex addict, what I'm I gonna do today?
25:50 Because I'm really said to God,
25:52 I want you to take this situation.
25:53 You know, what I am saying?
25:55 And so, yeah, God has the power.
25:56 The question may be is like, do you have the power
25:59 or do you have the ability, the faith to say,
26:01 I'm just gonna relax and let God do exactly
26:05 what He says, and I know He can do.
26:07 Can God take away sexual sin?
26:09 Can God part Red Seas?
26:12 Can God you know, rain manna from heaven?
26:15 You know what I am saying? Of course, He can.
26:17 The question is not about what God can do,
26:19 it's about what are you willing to allow God to do.
26:21 Okay, and I wanted to take another side of that,
26:23 I know I'm kind of asking some question.
26:24 But I feel like
26:26 sometimes God will allow you to go through the urges
26:27 because he wants you to suffer through it.
26:30 You know, he said to Paul, my grace are efficient for you,
26:31 you know, even in Steps to Christ, you know,
26:33 he talks about the power of the will, you know,
26:36 us deciding to make a change and pressing forward.
26:41 So that you know that's where I will count with that,
26:42 I believe you can but also I believe that sometimes
26:44 if just because its not, you still have the urge,
26:46 it doesn't mean you suppose to act on it.
26:47 It still means there's allowing for power
26:51 that God is giving you to exercise
26:53 to fight against the, those urges.
26:54 Or just that side. Let your wife talk, man.
26:57 Absolutely.
26:58 No, I was just going to say the beautiful thing about
27:01 how God works too is that, look at us sitting here now,
27:07 you know, we're not just talking based on theory
27:10 or some good thing that we've heard
27:13 but we are speaking based on experience.
27:15 And so God is able to take the struggles that we've had.
27:19 Because imagine, if he took away the struggles
27:20 and you didn't have to, you know,
27:22 goes through any thing
27:23 then you have no story to share.
27:26 And then the people watching,
27:27 God knows what they would be watching
27:29 because it wouldn't be based on anything substantial.
27:32 So because of the trails, you know, there is substance.
27:35 And in reality, there are still struggles even now,
27:38 as we're married.
27:39 And we're going to have to talk about that little more,
27:41 I think that this is a good subject.
27:42 We haven't got to talk to even
27:43 a lot of what we wanted to discuss on this topic
27:46 but I think that at the end of today,
27:49 you have to fight hard to do what God has called you to do.
27:53 He's called us to be pure,
27:54 he's called us to make pure choices.
27:56 And so I hope that you've liked this discussion,
27:58 continue to discuss it even more
28:00 in your churches, in your groups.
28:01 God bless.


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Revised 2016-06-16