Pure Choices

The Ball and Chain

Three Angels Broadcasting Network

Program transcript

Participants: Joshua Nelson (Host), Brittany Hill-Morales, Kimberly Douglas, Kory Douglas, Xavier Morales

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Series Code: PC

Program Code: PC000079A


00:01 The following program discusses sensitive issues.
00:03 Parents are cautioned that some material
00:05 may be too candid for younger children.
00:38 Hello and welcome to Pure Choices.
00:41 I'm your host Pastor Joshua Nelson.
00:42 I am so glad you decided to join us.
00:44 You are in for a good one today.
00:46 The topic is the old ball and chain.
00:49 Yes, we are talking about marriage
00:51 and really how some people think
00:53 their marriage is over
00:54 and if they should be able to get a divorce or not.
00:56 It's a hot topic, controversial topic,
00:58 but before we get into this topic,
01:00 let's go ahead and stop for a Word of prayer.
01:03 Heavenly Father God,
01:04 we truly need Your Spirit right now
01:06 to give us understanding, to help us figure out
01:08 the answers You have in Your Word,
01:10 give us Your Spirit now, in Jesus name we pray, amen.
01:14 All right, well, let's introduce our panel.
01:17 Once again, we have Brittany-Hill Morales.
01:19 Good to see you.
01:21 She is here, an intern pastor over in Barren Springs,
01:24 so happy to have her.
01:26 We also have Chaplain Xavier Morales,
01:29 and he is here as a chaplain and a rogue scholar.
01:33 So glad he is here.
01:35 And we also have another married couple, the Douglases.
01:38 We have Pastor K.P. Douglas and Kimberly Douglas as well.
01:43 And so we are so glad that they are here.
01:45 All of us very educated individuals,
01:48 we have interesting topic here to tackle.
01:52 We are talking about marriage,
01:54 but marriages that have gone a little bit wrong,
01:57 in the sense that the individuals
01:59 who are married don't want to be married anymore.
02:01 Yeah, of course, we've all heard the saying,
02:04 "Now I am chained down.
02:06 You know, I am locked down.
02:07 I got my old ball and chain, you know?
02:09 You know, nothing that I can do now.
02:11 It's like all my fun is over, you know?"
02:14 That's kind of mindset a lot of people
02:15 go to marriage thinking
02:18 and maybe some of us have maybe thought of that,
02:20 and hopefully, we have changed that thinking.
02:24 But there are definitely some real situations out there
02:27 some real people
02:28 who maybe even watching right now,
02:30 who have gone through
02:32 some various issues in their marriages
02:34 whether it is abuse,
02:36 whether it is some trials and tribulations
02:40 they didn't think they can get past,
02:42 some trauma that has happened.
02:43 Whatever case may be, there's something
02:45 that they may feel right now,
02:46 "Man, I just want to get out of this marriage.
02:48 I need to get separate. I need to get divorce."
02:52 And we are going to talk today,
02:54 of course, the title of the whole program
02:56 is Pure Choices, so what type of choice
02:58 would you make in that situation?
03:02 So let's talk in a minor sense about this.
03:06 If there is something going wrong
03:08 that you feel you did not plan for,
03:12 you feel that, "Wait a second, we are unequally yoked.
03:13 We shouldn't have even got married before.
03:15 I married the wrong person,"
03:17 is there ever an allowance for you to get divorce?
03:23 Let's go right into it.
03:24 Based on the fact that you don't feel
03:26 you made the right decision.
03:27 Let's go with that one. I don't think so.
03:29 I don't think that God ever intended for divorce.
03:33 Then I guess that brings out the question of,
03:35 "Is there a right person to marry?
03:37 You know, is that that person or does God have
03:40 maybe a bunch of different people
03:42 you think is the right person,
03:44 you know, that may fit that bill?"
03:46 It's a lot of stuff, you know, to consider.
03:48 But I think that once you stand before God
03:51 and say to him, "I am going to spend
03:53 the rest of my life with this person,"
03:54 then God holds you to that,
03:56 you know, that is a covenant that you have made with,
03:59 not just that person but before God.
04:02 And that the thing that,
04:03 you know, we tend to forget about God is that,
04:05 God honors covenants
04:08 when we make covenants with Him.
04:10 You know what I am saying? Yeah.
04:11 And so if we don't feel like
04:13 upholding our side of the covenant,
04:14 it doesn't mean
04:15 that God is not going to uphold the covenant,
04:17 you know, on His end.
04:18 And so that, you know, I don't know,
04:22 you know, is there a reason to, you know, is it permissible,
04:26 I mean, if the circumstances in my opinion call for it
04:29 and there is nothing you can do,
04:31 if somebody says, "I want to leave you,"
04:32 you know, they give you no choice,
04:35 then what can you do?
04:37 You know, but I do believe that,
04:38 you know, if we believe that God is all powerful
04:40 that even situations
04:42 that He did not intend for us to be in,
04:44 I am pretty sure He can correct it.
04:46 Okay, so that was interesting that you say.
04:47 So well, if you are in a situation like this,
04:49 someone wants to leave you, what can you do?
04:51 You know, and that person just wants to leave you.
04:53 I am going to challenge that, you know,
04:54 is there something that you should do
04:56 as the person who is saying,
04:59 you know, I want to save this thing
05:00 even if you really, you know, think good riddance, you know.
05:03 But should you, you know, that whole thing of,
05:06 you know, your marriage is fireproof
05:07 or, you know, should you really fight for the marriage,
05:12 what are some things that you would say
05:13 to someone in the situation you just described?
05:17 What do you think?
05:18 I mean, for me, it's like have you taken the steps
05:20 to work at it, you know,
05:22 or are you just feeling the moment
05:24 that you don't feel like being in it.
05:26 I mean, I am sure at some point of time
05:27 everybody in their marriage
05:29 doesn't feel like being in the marriage,
05:31 you know?
05:32 And that's part of the sinful world we are living
05:34 but, you know, are you willing to work at it?
05:37 Are you willing to work even if it's not giant leaps,
05:40 if it is not going on a private vacation
05:42 or anything like that, but are you willing to,
05:44 you know, start from scratch again
05:46 and just really, you know, go back to the basics
05:48 and start fresh, you know.
05:50 And I think that's also a key that will make...
05:54 And I speak from my parents' experience,
05:57 you know, they went through a phase like that,
05:59 and by the grace of God, they're celebrating,
06:02 I think 38, 39 years this year.
06:04 Because they got to a point where it was just horrible.
06:08 And but then they decided,
06:10 you know, they are aware the good with the bad
06:12 and decided, "No, let's just work at it,
06:14 and let's start fresh, let's go back to the basics."
06:17 And, you know, from there it just
06:19 it took work, it took work.
06:22 But by the grace of God, you know, they're good now.
06:24 And I'm pretty sure that was extremely tough,
06:26 and so for anybody that, you know,
06:27 go against what your emotions are saying
06:30 and stick with the covenant that you've made.
06:32 I like what you say when you say it took work,
06:35 but by the grace of God, it was doable.
06:38 I think that in relationships,
06:42 how you start is how you finish.
06:44 You know what I'm saying?
06:45 The foundation you lay in the beginning of your marriage
06:47 will determine what you think,
06:51 you know, is it okay for divorce
06:52 or whether or not you think divorce is okay.
06:54 If I come into a marriage knowing that
06:55 this is ordained by God,
06:57 that I'm an imperfect person married
06:59 another imperfect person, that any mistake that I make,
07:03 you know what I'm saying, I have to show the same grace
07:04 that God shows, you know,
07:06 when things happen in our relationship.
07:07 If I know that I got to put this person
07:09 before the cross daily,
07:10 then I'm not sure there's anything,
07:12 you know, I can say all the stuff
07:14 that I want to say, I always say to Kim,
07:15 "You know, if you cheat, don't come home."
07:17 But the truth is, if she does something,
07:20 I can't tell you what I would do.
07:22 You know what I'm saying?
07:24 I would have to be by God's grace compelled
07:26 to love her anyway, you know.
07:28 And so I believe if you start with a foundation
07:30 that says God is the foundation.
07:33 I think it would be hard to get divorce.
07:35 You know, I think maybe one of the issues
07:36 that we may need to talk about...
07:37 We probably talked about before is that,
07:39 you know, we're coming with the wrong foundation.
07:42 If it's about feelings, about likes and dislikes,
07:45 likes and dislikes change every day.
07:47 I used to like wide leg jeans,
07:48 I don't know how I wore them, you know what I'm saying?
07:51 I see them on people now
07:52 and that absolutely drives me crazy,
07:54 you know, wide leg jeans.
07:56 You know, and I don't like them today.
07:58 You know, and what happens if I marry somebody
08:00 just based on what I like and don't like.
08:02 And, Kim, I want you to add some more to that
08:04 because you're talking about that little bit before
08:07 about your liking and your disliking.
08:10 You know, it's like Kory said, it's so transient.
08:14 One minute I like this, the next minute, I like that.
08:19 And it's a faulty foundation
08:23 just because of that constant changing.
08:25 And this was one of those topics
08:29 that it's so easy to talk about
08:32 when you're not in the situation,
08:35 but at the same time those principles that holds you
08:38 when you're not in the situation,
08:40 holds you when you are in it.
08:42 And one of those principles for me or for us
08:45 is that marriage is a salvation issue.
08:47 It is not something that God takes lightly.
08:51 It is not something that is to be toyed with,
08:56 and just to show you how serious it is,
08:59 I mean, think about grandparents
09:01 who are still married or parents
09:03 who are still married, they'll tell you,
09:06 "We have gone through some stuff.
09:09 But in order for you to see this great smile
09:11 and see us sitting, you know,
09:13 on our porch and rocking chairs now,
09:15 we had to stick it through."
09:18 And that's not based on how I feel today versus
09:23 how I'm going to feel tomorrow, you know, about my spouse.
09:27 Yeah, I mean, we don't take commitment
09:29 very seriously anymore, you know.
09:31 We do not...
09:32 It's all about what I feel, it's all about how I...
09:34 If I think it's okay...
09:36 You know, when God made Adam and Eve...
09:39 First of all, Eve came from Adam.
09:41 Eve was a part of him.
09:42 And so when you get married, you are reuniting once again,
09:46 this is supposed to be the reunification
09:48 of what is one flesh, you know.
09:50 And this is actually, if you look at it, you know,
09:52 really deep in Genesis,
09:53 it is completely in the image of God, you know.
09:55 So when this happens, it is a union that supposed
09:58 to really be an example to the universe
10:00 of what the trinity of God actually looks like, you know.
10:05 You, your wife, you know, and God,
10:08 you know, together is perfect union.
10:10 And so when you dismantle as you'd separate this,
10:12 it actually is a slap in God's face.
10:15 And I think if people took it more seriously they would...
10:19 Marriage more seriously
10:20 and realize divorce is not an option,
10:22 they maybe think a little more about that person,
10:24 the desire to that...
10:26 Or even the choices that they're making in the marriage.
10:27 Exactly, you know.
10:28 And I think that's why to the devil is so,
10:32 you know, after marriage because if I can destroy
10:36 what God's government looks like to everyday humans,
10:41 then there's nothing for them to aspire to.
10:44 Then this whole image that,
10:46 you know, God instituted or God set up is faulty,
10:50 it's false, it's filled with problems,
10:52 and it's just not as good as He says it is.
10:55 And so it makes sense that He should try
10:58 and destroy homes and destroy marriages
11:00 because that's how we relate,
11:03 you know, as closely as possible
11:04 to God's government.
11:06 I know Kory wants to...
11:07 Well, I kind of want to throw wrenches out there
11:10 'cause, you know, I'm not really throwing wrenches,
11:12 but I kind of want to throw them
11:13 and bring them back in.
11:15 I know there are arguments out there,
11:17 you know, Jesus talks about divorce,
11:19 Moses talks about divorce,
11:21 and we know there's a lot of pervading,
11:24 you know, thoughts out there, especially today
11:26 because divorce is so prevalent.
11:28 Right. You know, people say...
11:30 "What if we are unequally yoked,
11:32 you know, from the beginning?"
11:34 'cause technically, what we've been talking about
11:35 is marriage that has happened in the confines of being,
11:38 you know, on the same page, probably spiritually.
11:41 "So what if we're all unequally yoked,
11:42 you know, what if I'm not feeling it anymore..."
11:44 The person totally changed after they got married.
11:45 Yeah, "What if that the person
11:46 is not really panning out to what I thought they'd be
11:49 or what if they're not really, you know,
11:50 going after the same goals anymore," one of the cases.
11:52 "We're just not on the same page,"
11:54 irreconcilable differences I guess
11:55 is the way that people categorize it.
11:58 And I know people say, "Well, you know,
11:59 maybe then you should be able to divorce."
12:01 And what I want to say to that is
12:04 if we will allow for divorce on the grounds of feelings
12:07 and irreconcilable differences,
12:11 then I think that, especially it's Christians,
12:13 especially if you are the person
12:14 who realizes that, you know, you're unequally...
12:17 Because you are more of a higher spiritual plane,
12:20 think that if you divorce for that reason
12:21 that you undermine the power of God.
12:23 I really do.
12:24 I think that when you're saying
12:26 is that there is no way in heaven
12:29 that this marriage can be saved, you know?
12:31 Yeah.
12:32 So is that even if it was the wrong person
12:35 that you think... I believe.
12:36 I believe so.
12:37 Kim, I need to get Brittany in here.
12:39 Okay, I'm sorry just to tag onto
12:41 what Kory was saying though, if you are the individual
12:44 who is spiritually stronger,
12:47 that simply means that you have more responsibility.
12:52 It doesn't mean that you leave quicker.
12:55 You know, because you realize what should be
12:59 and you made this covenant, this agreement,
13:02 and so your responsibility is in spite
13:05 of how this person might have seemed to you
13:07 and you got married and how things, you know,
13:10 might have changed now,
13:12 but your responsibility is to hold to that covenant.
13:16 I am going to say something to that.
13:17 First of all, Brittany, go ahead.
13:19 Okay, I was going to throw a semi wrench in
13:20 because so far we've been talking about
13:24 people being Christians,
13:26 and coming together, and being married.
13:28 And that's easy to be able to say,
13:31 "Okay, God brought you together,
13:32 so you need to stay together
13:34 because that's what God has ordained."
13:36 But what happens
13:37 when it's two Buddhist people that got married
13:40 and one converted into Christianity?
13:43 What happens when it's two Muslims
13:44 or even if it's a Muslim and a Buddhist?
13:46 Like we need to kind of...
13:48 Sometimes when it comes to church the topic of divorce,
13:51 we automatically assume that everybody
13:54 that went to the altar, if it really wasn't an altar,
13:56 it could have been a tree or a judge
13:59 that God was there ordaining the marriage,
14:03 when it could just have been two people
14:05 who just came together.
14:07 That's a big wrench.
14:11 Well, I mean, my thing is this.
14:12 I am just going to be,
14:14 you know, if we are Christians,
14:16 if we believe what the Bible says,
14:17 then I honestly don't believe that there's marriage outside
14:20 of marriage ordained by God.
14:23 And I do believe that even if you do not get married
14:25 in the confines of knowing God,
14:29 that because God is the one
14:30 who creates the union of marriage,
14:32 that He honors it when you take the vow
14:35 to spend your life with somebody.
14:36 Okay, and I can go with that, so I mean, and then ultimately,
14:39 the consummation of marriage, you know,
14:41 it's not just because we have somebody speaking over...
14:43 I'm saying Buddha didn't make it.
14:44 So Buddha can't really bless it,
14:45 that's what I'm saying. Right, right.
14:47 But I mean, you know, when two people decide
14:48 they're going to live the lives together
14:50 and, you know, monogamous relationship,
14:51 and they have sex,
14:52 you know, that's marriage, right?
14:54 And so...
14:55 But then what you're saying is that,
14:57 you know, a little further I guess is if down the road,
15:01 one becomes a Christian or, you know,
15:04 see things differently, and even if they're
15:07 both Christians, and once, you know,
15:08 they were in a different religion,
15:10 different denomination within the Christianity,
15:11 then what do you do?
15:13 You know, is it okay for me to leave
15:17 because it was under different premises,
15:20 pretenses I guess I should say that I was married?
15:23 Hold on Douglases. Morales, go ahead, man.
15:27 With that, again, me as a...
15:29 And I deal with this a lot in chaplaincy
15:31 of different people that believes different things.
15:34 I can't tell you this is what it is,
15:37 I can only provide suggestions.
15:38 When it comes to that, you know,
15:39 you need to come to an understanding
15:41 of each other where each other stand.
15:42 Again, the whole premise of marriage
15:44 is you've got to put in the work,
15:46 you can't just quit when the going gets tough.
15:48 It's like, you know, I work, I'm working my fulltime job,
15:53 you know, sometimes my boss gets on my nerves,
15:55 am I'm going to quit
15:57 if that's the only livelihood I have, you know?
15:59 We've taken marriage
16:01 and put it into a playground mode,
16:04 we are playing house.
16:05 "Today, I don't feel like playing house,
16:07 so I'm divorcing you."
16:08 You know, you have to really understand
16:10 that the covenant is sacred regardless
16:13 of whether you're a Christian or not,
16:14 it doesn't matter 'cause I see people
16:15 that are not Christians
16:17 that remain for many years, it's a covenant.
16:20 It's a covenant, the promise that,
16:21 you know, through thick, through marriage,
16:24 through health, through, you know,
16:26 until death do you apart, you know.
16:28 And yes, things were provided
16:29 or provisions were made in the Bible,
16:32 but it had to do mainly with the person now with God,
16:34 it had to do with the hardness of people's hearts.
16:36 So perhaps the issue is not, does God permit or not,
16:39 perhaps the issue is,
16:41 what do you need to do to softer your heart,
16:43 to come to an understanding
16:45 of where you stand and where you need to be.
16:46 Okay, let's talk about those permissions
16:50 because we do believe most people will say,
16:52 "Well, at least, I know this
16:54 if I can catch you cheating, I am out."
16:55 You know, that I have permission by God to be out,
16:58 you know.
16:59 Is that what we go with?
17:02 Brittany, go ahead. Okay.
17:04 Over here, it's hard to get noticed.
17:06 Okay, go ahead.
17:07 When I threw in the wrench is what I wanted us to do
17:09 was kind of broaden our horizons
17:11 because sometimes when people are coming
17:13 with the issue of the divorce, you want to say,
17:15 "God ordained this, God did this,"
17:17 where they're looking at you, and you are like,
17:19 "No, He didn't. This is not what happened."
17:21 Let's broaden our horizon and focus on like
17:23 principles as in,
17:25 "Okay, you guys did make this commitment to each other.
17:28 Yes, God wasn't there then,
17:30 but can we do something now to make him hear now?
17:33 Can we work at it where you guys make
17:35 a new contract?
17:36 We knew your vows.
17:38 Are you guys willing to work at it?"
17:40 Present different ideas to them versus saying go back to
17:45 when you first began because like you said,
17:47 some people have faulty foundations,
17:49 and maybe at this point, it's time to think of,
17:52 "Okay, how are we going to rebuild this foundation?
17:54 Let's go to a marriage counselor."
17:56 I remember I was watching one of these shows,
17:59 and the guy was saying that
18:01 when he and his wife got married,
18:03 they were best friends,
18:04 but they were completely different people.
18:07 And they had to invest hundreds and hundreds,
18:10 maybe even thousands of dollars into marital counseling
18:13 so that they can be able to be who they are now
18:16 and that wonderful couple.
18:18 And like we say marriage is work,
18:20 so whether God was there at the beginning,
18:23 but if He's here now, if there is a possibility,
18:26 work at it to really figure out,
18:28 "Okay, what can we do
18:30 before you just throw in the towel?"
18:32 And is that even if one person doesn't want to do the work
18:36 and, you know, only you do? I think so.
18:37 Yes, because the principles learned
18:39 in marriage are transferable to other areas of life.
18:43 So it's not just for the marriage,
18:45 you're not just benefiting in the marriage
18:48 but also in other areas of life.
18:50 And so when you avert or go around,
18:54 you know, trying to learn these principles
18:57 or understand the principles,
18:59 you're now affecting other areas by default.
19:02 And that's what y'all are saying about principles
19:04 because if you are learning the principles
19:06 taught in the Bible, okay,
19:08 if you know those principles are the Holy Spirit,
19:10 if He's guiding you with your decision-making process,
19:13 He's going to lead you into all truth the Bible says.
19:16 And truth is not going to be outside of the Word of God,
19:20 you know, that's why He's given us the Bible.
19:22 You know, a lot of people can say,
19:23 "Well, the Holy Spirit told me to do this"
19:25 or "He's convicted me to do that."
19:26 Whoa, hold on a second, He's going to tell you to do
19:28 and then...
19:30 Yeah, it doesn't match up with principles of the Word of God.
19:32 Specifically, it still will line up.
19:35 It still will line up, you know.
19:36 And it had to be truly searching for what He...
19:38 And that's the thing, you have to search
19:39 for what the Spirit wants you to do,
19:42 not just what you want to do.
19:43 And a lot of us mixed up spiritual conviction
19:46 with the emotional choice, you know.
19:49 And so we move off when we feel
19:51 and we think, "Oh, it's the Spirit
19:53 because He wants me to be happy.
19:54 You know, He wants me to do this, you know."
19:56 But God is leading, you know,
19:57 our thoughts and His thoughts...
19:59 God has a way that to bring us to where He wants us to go.
20:01 And Xavier, go ahead. I think to...
20:03 I want to address, you know, those people that my sit there
20:05 and be like, "So God wants me to be in a loveless
20:07 or unhappy marriage,
20:08 so I'm just going to find a quick way out
20:10 because, you know, this is, I can't believe this."
20:12 You know, my take on that is, again, resources.
20:16 You know, if you're the only one fighting for that marriage,
20:18 you know, are you getting the resources that,
20:21 you know, are you getting the support as a church,
20:23 as your friends, whoever,
20:24 are you building that community around
20:27 because that's what we were made for community.
20:28 Do you have a community of supporters
20:30 that can help you through this not just again?
20:33 I am telling you, it's extremely hard
20:36 not to want to throw in the towel.
20:38 Nobody wants to work hard at anything anymore,
20:41 that's just life, you know.
20:42 We got easy access to everything.
20:44 We want information, we google it, you know.
20:46 We got easy access to everything
20:48 so why not easy access to a new relationship,
20:49 a new marriage, you know...
20:51 And that's what society teaches you.
20:52 Exactly, so it's a matter of, you know,
20:54 really getting those resources and using them.
20:58 And, you know, once you've exhausted of those resources,
21:00 then, you know, take it from there
21:02 but use the resources that you have available
21:04 and exhaust them to the fullest.
21:06 Okay, and let's please now move down.
21:08 Now you want to say some things.
21:09 You can say if you need to, but I want to transition us
21:11 to something that you all are doing.
21:14 You know, I'm going to use the resources I got,
21:16 I got some married couple right here, you know.
21:18 What are you all doing to fireproof your marriage,
21:20 to keep your marriage strong, and something you could add
21:22 for the viewers to start doing as well?
21:25 I'm going to answer by answering your question
21:27 before that about the divorce thing with Christ.
21:30 You know, sometimes we do say,
21:32 "If they cheat, I'm ready to go."
21:34 But I don't think that was the point
21:35 in when Moses wrote the law,
21:37 when Jesus, you know, confirms it.
21:38 I think what Jesus is saying,
21:40 "Listen, I would if you will allow me to fix things
21:44 but because the Lord allows for it."
21:46 You know what I'm saying?
21:47 Then I will step back, and allow you to make
21:50 that decision or that choice.
21:51 At end of the day is no matter what we say on this panel,
21:53 we can't stop you from getting divorce,
21:55 you know what I'm saying?
21:57 But we know that when we make that decision,
22:00 we know that God didn't want it to have,
22:03 you know what I'm saying,
22:04 even if we have legitimate reasons.
22:06 God would rather step into an impossible situation.
22:10 You know what I am saying?
22:12 And I think that in our, you know, marriage every day,
22:17 we got to kind of be very intentional about
22:19 allowing God to do that, not when it comes to a point
22:24 where there's no turning back but now, in the small argument,
22:28 you know what I'm saying, in the small problems,
22:30 in the should we spend
22:31 $50 on food or should I go
22:33 to something else, you know what I am saying
22:35 or how we're going to pay the bills.
22:37 You know, officially I won't paycheck.
22:39 You know, that's a matter of Jesus says
22:41 something's only by fasting and prayer.
22:43 So you wanted to do all practical ways
22:46 to keep yourself from even going on that road,
22:49 you know, keep God in it
22:50 from beginning to end in every decision, you know.
22:53 Amen. Amen. Morales family.
22:56 Oh, well, that is just, you know, again,
22:59 the aspect of you have to both work.
23:02 You have to both work.
23:04 And there's going to be days
23:05 that the other person going to work
23:06 a little harder than the other, you know, vice versa.
23:09 But, you know, you really have to analyze things,
23:12 you can't just make a decision based on emotion.
23:15 You know, the Bible says,
23:16 "The heart is desperately wicked."
23:18 You know, so it's not a matter,
23:19 you know, of saying today I'm married,
23:22 tomorrow I am not.
23:23 You know, with the way we work,
23:25 you know, it's just really talking about this
23:26 if we have a disagreement,
23:28 you know, maybe I'll go for a walk,
23:30 just to breathe out, breathe in, breathe out.
23:33 But then come back in, you know,
23:34 go back to the drawing board and say, "Okay, what can we do,
23:37 you know, to fix this or, you know, arrange that
23:40 or, you know, have a middle ground
23:41 where we can meet each other?"
23:43 But, again, putting the center and God into everything
23:47 because that's the brick and the mortar,
23:49 you know, you can't have a foundation
23:51 without any concrete.
23:53 Yeah. Yeah. You know what I like?
23:54 Earlier you said you don't quit your job
23:57 because, you know, it's your livelihood.
23:59 And I think if we viewed marriage
24:01 the way God does as something
24:03 that He gives us to give us life,
24:05 it is something that our life depends on,
24:07 I think we'd work a lot harder at it.
24:08 Yeah, I like that. That's powerful. I like that.
24:11 There's so many different tips, you know, that we can do.
24:12 I know for us, you know, me and my wife,
24:15 and we mentioned that before about the date night,
24:16 you know, keeping strict to that date night, you know.
24:19 We alternate who plans it, so it kind of makes it fun,
24:21 exciting, what can I think of this time for us to do,
24:24 you know, that's a big thing.
24:26 Communication, you know, making sure
24:27 that we spend that time and talking things out
24:29 and spending time together, you know.
24:31 Now that I travel a lot,
24:33 trying to make sure I bring her with me.
24:34 Unfortunately, she can't go with me on this trip.
24:36 But taking, you know, with me and doing things with her.
24:38 There are some things that I like to do,
24:41 you know, for example, I like to bowl,
24:42 you know, I like to golf, you know,
24:44 but now I have my own ball and my own shoes and stuff,
24:46 you know, but, you know, hey...
24:48 You know, I need to go out there
24:50 and maybe get her that as well and have her do it with me,
24:52 you know, because the stuff that I'm doing with my friends,
24:55 you know, you build all these relationship with your friends,
24:57 you spend time talking to them,
24:59 you know, the way I am talking with my wife, you know.
25:01 You know, and so being intentional about that.
25:05 You know, even with the intimacy aspect of it,
25:08 you know, being thoughtful of actually,
25:12 "Okay, I want sex but maybe my wife wants affection.
25:16 And so being attentive to her needs
25:18 and doing things she likes."
25:21 Also, the love language,
25:23 lot of people get mixed up with this
25:24 because they don't even know
25:26 what their spouse's love language is,
25:29 and they think, "Okay, you know,
25:31 I like receiving gifts,
25:32 I am going to give you bunch of gifts.
25:33 Now wait a second, you should accept,
25:35 you know, you should know that I love you."
25:36 But no, you know,
25:38 that person may need quality time, you know.
25:40 So you need to know not to be selfish,
25:43 you need to know what that individual needs.
25:45 And if you are looking at it in the in the perspective
25:48 we had just talked about marriage,
25:50 you're going to be more intentional
25:52 because you recognize God loves marriage,
25:55 and He doesn't want you to get divorced.
25:59 Sister Kim, yeah, go ahead.
26:02 One thing that I know we've done well, we did it.
26:04 Our marriage license is framed and on the wall in our bedroom.
26:11 Nice. To remind her that.
26:14 You have license to do this. It serves as a reminder...
26:17 No, honestly, it serves as a reminder.
26:21 And sometimes, you're just passing out just,
26:23 you know, be passing through the day
26:24 and I'll glance up at it, sometimes I smile like,
26:27 "Okay, yeah."
26:29 And then sometimes,
26:30 it's like I'm still in that stage
26:32 where I am, you know, it's still hitting me
26:34 that I'm married. Right, right, right.
26:36 So sometimes that's the response,
26:38 sometimes it could be after an argument,
26:41 and you know you're upset, and you glance at it
26:44 even though you really don't want to,
26:46 and it's a reminder, you know, of that decision that was made.
26:51 Right. Right. I like that.
26:52 I think to add more. Yeah.
26:54 I always remember that loveless doesn't mean hopeless.
26:57 And don't be exclusive with the spouse be inclusive,
27:02 meaning include each other
27:03 in each other's activities, you know.
27:05 If something that she likes that, you know,
27:06 you might not feel manly enough to do.
27:09 To simplify that you step forward
27:12 and say, "You know, I want to do this you."
27:14 She might say, "No, you don't have to."
27:15 And then you can, you know, say, "Okay."
27:17 But at least you made the effort
27:19 to want to be part of,
27:21 you know, together like my wife and I,
27:23 I included her in paint ball one day.
27:24 Yeah, we are going paint balling as a couple,
27:27 so be inclusive of it.
27:28 Okay. Well, that's good enough.
27:30 That will probably end us right there.
27:32 Some of you all thinking, "Man, these guys are newlyweds,
27:34 what they can say about this."
27:35 But the reality is, you know, I myself have dealt with,
27:39 struggling with, you know,
27:40 "Wow, I'm actually married now and having to really do things
27:42 to keep this marriage working," so please, take this seriously,
27:45 know that God loves marriage, He does not like divorce,
27:49 fight for your marriage as a man, as a woman,
27:51 you have to fight for it.
27:52 All right, God bless you.
27:54 At the end of the day,
27:56 always remember, make pure choices.
27:57 God bless.


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Revised 2018-04-26