Participants: Joshua Nelson (Host), Brittany Hill-Morales, Kimberly Douglas, Kory Douglas, Xavier Morales
Series Code: PC
Program Code: PC000080A
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00:01 The following program discusses sensitive issues.
00:03 Parents are cautioned that some material 00:04 may be too candid for younger children. 00:38 Hello and welcome to Pure Choices. 00:40 I'm your host Pastor Joshua Nelson. 00:42 So glad you decided to join us once again. 00:44 Today our title is: Be Careful Little Eyes, 00:48 we're going to talk about guarding your eyes 00:50 from all the things that we can see, 00:52 the sexual things we see in this world. 00:53 So let's stop before we go into this exciting topic 00:56 and pause for prayer. 00:59 Heavenly Father God, we ask that your presence 01:01 would be with us now as we discuss this topic. 01:03 In Jesus' name we pray, amen. 01:06 All right, let's go ahead and introduce our panel. 01:07 To my left, our friend Pastor KP Douglas 01:10 and his wife here on the couch, Kimberly Douglas. 01:12 Sorry, I had to separate you guys. 01:15 Once again, we have Brittany Hill-Morales 01:17 and her husband Xavier Morales. 01:19 So glad that you all have joined us as well. 01:21 And, of course, I'm missing my other half, Kimberly Nelson, 01:24 but I'm so glad that you are at least here 01:27 to discuss these topics 01:28 and this one is a good one today. 01:30 We're talking about guarding your eyes. 01:33 There's a lot of things out there that especially 01:36 when we talk before about the sexually excited society 01:40 we live in today, how are we able to 01:42 really protect or guard our eyes 01:44 from the things we see and encounter every single day. 01:47 It would be unrealistic I think to expect 01:50 any Christian to not see 01:53 some sexually stimulating things 01:56 in their lifetime, so what can we do to protect ourselves 01:59 from the things we see every day. 02:02 So let's go ahead and start talking about that. 02:04 Let's first ask, 02:05 "Is it realistic to guard your eyes?" 02:08 You should get some really good sunglasses, you know. 02:12 I don't know if it is realistic to say guard your eyes 02:15 unless you live in isolation. 02:17 You know, we could all become monks may be 02:19 and live in a monastery, 02:20 but other than that, I don't know. 02:22 It's kind of a tough thing to do. 02:24 I mean, when I think about my daily routine, my habits, 02:27 what I do on a daily basis, I would technically have 02:30 to stop doing just about everything, you know, 02:32 I couldn't watch television, 02:33 I can't do anything really, you know. 02:36 And the unfortunate thing is that 02:37 even as a pastor going to church, 02:39 sometimes I got to guard my eyes there as well, 02:42 so, you know, when I think about, 02:43 you know, my day to day, 02:45 what can I do to guard my eyes 02:47 except for maybe pluck them out, I don't know. 02:50 Right. That's... 02:52 I mean, we have to... 02:54 But I mean, let's talk about the reality of it. 02:56 I mean, everywhere you go, you get up in the morning, 02:57 you turn on the TV, you're going to see 02:59 something on a commercial, you're going to see 03:00 something in a show that you watch 03:03 in the evening time, you go to work, 03:05 somebody at your job is going to be dressed in a certain way. 03:09 Anywhere you go, you're going to see something, 03:10 someone is going to say something to you, 03:12 then you're saying, well, at least I should be 03:14 able to be alleviated from all this 03:19 overly sexualized society I live in if I go to church. 03:23 But you come to church and you still see 03:25 a bunch of stuff there, you know, so what... 03:29 I mean, is it realistic? 03:31 I think that it is unrealistic to say 03:35 that you're just going to guard your eyes 03:37 from everything, but there are shows 03:39 that we choose to watch, there are activities 03:42 or places where we choose to go and, 03:45 you know, those things that we have control over, 03:48 you know, we can exercise that control 03:51 and be a little more prudent, I guess, 03:53 in the things that we choose to do. 03:55 Okay. 03:56 Another thing I would also add that 03:58 you can't guard your eyes but with the things 04:01 that you do see, don't indulge. 04:03 It's not what you see. 04:05 It's what you do with what you see. 04:07 You could take it a step further, 04:09 like I could see somebody walking by, 04:11 but I don't have to have the extra thoughts of, 04:13 "Um, Look at that, wonder what I could do with this." 04:17 That's taking it a step further. 04:19 So it's not just guarding your eyes, 04:20 it's what you're gonna do with what you see 04:22 and knowing what to look at and what not to look at. 04:25 So is temptation a sin? No. 04:28 It's what you do with the temptation. 04:31 Temptation is not a sin. 04:32 It is giving in to temptation, you know, 04:34 is where you come short. 04:36 I always say this when people get into arguments, 04:39 people get upset. 04:40 I'm like getting upset is not the problem 04:42 'cause you can't really help how you feel. 04:43 You know, if you see somebody and they're beautiful, 04:45 the natural reaction is to react, 04:48 you know what I'm saying. 04:49 I mean, even if it's a thought. 04:50 It's not like you planned to think "Wow," 04:53 or planned to think, you know, "She is bad," 04:54 or whatever, you know, you think when you see them, 04:56 but it's what you do with feelings. 04:58 Getting mad is not the problem. 04:59 It's taking your anger out on someone, you know. 05:02 And so, you know, we can't help what happens 05:04 but we can definitely like, like she's saying, you know, 05:07 we can control, we can try to control what we do 05:10 with what happens. 05:13 But if you start to feel a certain way, 05:14 let's say you're married, so, you know, 05:16 you see somebody who looks good 05:18 and you acknowledge, wow, this is a handsome 05:19 or it's a beautiful woman, you see them, 05:22 should you make that known to your spouse? 05:25 Well, mine makes that known to me sometimes. 05:28 So, you know, I don't know. 05:31 Sometimes I wish it wasn't made known, 05:34 but I don't think that's a problem. 05:35 I think there's some safety in that as well, you know. 05:39 I know there's sometimes even when Kim may see my head, 05:41 it looks it's on a swivel. 05:42 I kind of just pay attention to everything 05:44 that goes on around me. 05:45 So sometimes, I may turn it and it may be a guy, 05:47 it may be a girl, and unfortunately, 05:48 sometimes she looks up when it's somebody that's, 05:50 you know, scantily clad. 05:54 But I think there is safety if you're able to, you know, 05:57 talk to your spouse or that loved one and say, 06:00 you know, that person is kind of attractive, 06:01 I think we do that every now and then, you know. 06:03 Okay. 06:04 I think something too that we often overlook 06:07 is that sometimes the sight, what you see is not external. 06:10 It could be an internal factor. 06:12 There's certain music out there that can project, you know, 06:16 help you indulge in images and things like that 06:18 in your own mindset that, you know, 06:20 you may not have anything in front of you 06:21 but that music itself can, you know, 06:24 contribute to building these images in your head 06:26 that are not very pure, even books, 06:29 like you go to a store, there's these romance novels 06:31 and, you know, things of that nature too. 06:34 So it's both, I think, internal and external factors 06:37 that are involved. 06:38 Yeah, you can create a different type of mentality 06:40 for yourself or create habits for yourself 06:43 just by what you listen to and what you watch 06:45 because now you're thinking 06:46 that those things should be acted out in the real world, 06:48 you know, I should be able to see that kind of girl, 06:51 you know, in real life. 06:54 And I should be able to do what I want to do 06:56 just like the song told me to do, you know. 06:58 And so that can cause you to have, you know, 07:01 a different idea of how things should really be. 07:03 So that's a good point. 07:04 Anyone else wants to add to the conversation with that? 07:07 Let's talk a little more about the problem here. 07:08 Let's talk a little more about what's really out there 07:10 because I heard the ladies saying some stuff. 07:15 I was surprised. 07:16 So, ladies, you guys have to struggle 07:18 with what you look at as well. 07:19 I mean, it's... 07:21 Well, we're human as well. Exactly. 07:22 I mean, men are more visual. 07:25 My wife does not look at any other man. 07:28 Men are more visual. 07:30 Well, they tend to be more visual, you know, 07:34 than females are, 07:36 but that doesn't mean we don't see. 07:39 You know, you see someone that's handsome, 07:44 you acknowledge that, you know, as we said before and, 07:47 you know, you're not going to go 07:48 and start thinking all manner of thoughts 07:52 because, you know, thoughts can lead 07:54 to other things, but we do acknowledge. 07:57 I think it's unrealistic to say that women don't... 08:01 I think women may be better at hiding the fact 08:05 that they see what they see. 08:06 I think men are just obvious. Yeah. 08:09 I think that's it that we're able to hide it better 08:12 because we're supposed to. 08:14 It's assumed that women are not as sexual as men. 08:17 They don't look as much as men, which is not true. 08:21 We just have different preferences. 08:24 A woman would see probably a guy that's nicely dressed 08:27 in a very good classic handsome suit 08:30 and he has his hair nicely done and the face is cleanly shaved. 08:37 And that's what's more attractive versus... 08:40 No, and I'm like... 08:43 And that's more attractive to some women. 08:46 Other women, they like the raggedy look where, 08:49 you know, it's a little bit rough and tough 08:51 and their minds wander, 08:53 I would say, just as much as men's minds wander, 08:57 where they're thinking about, okay, 08:58 what can happen, what can I do. 09:00 I remember one story, a pastor was preaching 09:03 and he said that when he was younger 09:06 and he was running and jumping, one of the young ladies, 09:10 they didn't know that his mom was right behind them 09:12 and they were like, "Look at how he's jumping. 09:14 Um, that will be really good, you know." 09:17 Oh, man. 09:18 Women look just as much as men do. 09:21 Wow. I think I agree with that. 09:22 I think going with what she said too, you know, 09:24 usually when women are overly sexual, you know, 09:27 it kind of brings a bad connotation 09:29 whereas with men, you know, it's almost expected of us 09:32 to swoon after every woman who walks by. 09:34 As a matter of fact, if you're not looking, 09:36 you know, people are thinking 09:37 something must be wrong with him, you know. 09:39 So I think there's also that cultural norm 09:42 where it's almost expected of us 09:44 to have our head on a swivel, you know, for us to really, 09:47 you know, see and appreciate all of God's great creation. 09:50 And honestly, for us, you know, 09:52 especially in the non-urban context, 09:54 it is tough to... 09:55 It's been told to us that we're supposed to look, 09:57 and this is what you're supposed to do. 09:59 And it is everywhere. 10:01 I mean, I think, I'm gonna be honest with you. 10:02 I think the girls, they do it on purpose sometimes. 10:04 I'm just being honest 10:05 because I feel like they're just, 10:07 you know, you go to the gym 10:08 and they're doing a little too much, 10:09 like what is really going on right now? 10:11 Help a Christian brother out, you know. 10:13 I mean, the reality, it is really tough, you know. 10:17 It's tough to be in a world where it is told to the women 10:21 you have to be overly sexual to get a man 10:24 and it's tough for the men who are saying, you know, 10:26 you're supposed to like the overly sexual women. 10:30 So, you know, you're living in this type of society. 10:33 And so as Christians, you know, what are we supposed to do, 10:36 especially, and going back to this, 10:38 how we see it in the church. 10:40 Let's talk a little about that. 10:41 What kind of things do we see in the church? 10:43 I know, it has always been said 10:44 especially in the Adventist context 10:47 that there are certain things you're supposed to wear, 10:49 you're not supposed to wear. 10:51 But I kind of see like that's kind of changing. 10:53 What do you all think? It's definitely changing. 10:58 I think it's a difficult situation. 11:00 I know for myself personally, you know, 11:02 I've kind of since maybe middle school 11:05 liked my clothes were more fitted, you know, 11:07 nowadays everybody's just wearing everything tight. 11:10 But when I go to the store to shop, 11:11 the truth is unless I'm making my own jeans, 11:14 it's actually very difficult to find things 11:16 that are "fashionable" 11:19 not necessarily to impress people 11:20 but things like that you actually like that fit well 11:23 or are modest, you know, I'm still trying to figure out 11:26 how they make low-cut jeans for men. 11:27 I don't know why I would want my jeans to be low cut, 11:30 you know, but that's just the reality of the society 11:33 we live in is that there are people 11:35 who have the resources 11:37 and they kind of dictate what people wear. 11:40 You know, I also, another hand, 11:41 and let's not make an excuse for anyone, 11:42 but on another hand, I know as a pastor, 11:44 I also have members who may be can't afford 11:47 to dress modestly, you know. 11:49 That's not everywhere. 11:50 We're talking about major Adventism, you know, 11:53 people know better and can do better. 11:54 I know where I'm at, you know, 11:56 sometimes I've gotten into trouble with older members 11:58 because younger members came in looking, you know... 12:01 And the truth was 12:03 they don't really have clothes at all, 12:04 you know, to even begin to think 12:06 about dressing modestly. 12:07 And so I think the problem is, you know, word of mouth. 12:09 Yeah, I mean, I'll be honest with you, 12:11 and I'll ask y'all to talk in a second I guess, 12:12 it's just because of the culture 12:15 and the fashion nowadays, 12:18 it seems like especially at church 12:20 those who are upfront, it is hard to find, I guess, 12:24 clothing maybe, I don't know what the problem is to wear 12:27 that is not so revealing or so tight 12:30 and it just seems like it's a problem. 12:33 As pastors, we're up there and we see these people 12:36 in front of us, we're like, 12:37 "What are you guys wearing, you know?" 12:38 Just being real, you know. 12:40 But they might say... 12:42 I don't know what, you girls can respond to this. 12:43 They may say, well, that's all we can find to wear 12:44 or that's what is in right now. 12:49 Yes. 12:50 That might be the problem for some people. 12:52 But it could also be, you know, that you just don't know 12:55 how to dress for your body type. 12:56 Okay, I see. 12:58 It could be that, you know, you're fed into 13:01 this over sexualized story that's been sold, 13:06 and so you feel like in order to get attention, you know, 13:09 you can do that shirt, so in order to get attention, 13:12 you wear that extra tight or that extra short outfit. 13:17 I don't... 13:19 I can't agree with everyone can't find clothes to wear, 13:23 I mean, 'cause I know for me, I'm on the smaller side 13:26 and finding clothes is... 13:27 It can be a bit of a challenge, but there are places 13:32 where you can find, you know, items. 13:35 And I think that part of the reason 13:36 is that our definition of modesty has also shifted. 13:40 You have those who think modest means 13:43 that you have to come with, you know, 13:45 no skin showing at all. 13:48 Your skirt ought to be sweeping the floor. 13:51 No, I'm being serious. Right. 13:52 Your skirt ought to sweep the floor, yeah, 13:55 maybe your hands can show, and that's impractical. 14:01 And it's unrealistic. 14:03 You have some who think modest means, 14:05 you know I'm going to come and Jesus says, 14:07 "Come as you are," and I've heard 14:10 that verse taken out of context in so many situations. 14:14 It's not just come how you feel like coming. 14:19 Yeah, you present you best, but you're not looking to... 14:22 I'm not looking to impress Brittany 14:24 when I come, you know. I'm not looking to say, 14:28 "Okay, well, I bought this hat this week 14:30 and so I'm going to wear this hat 14:32 so everybody can see that my hat matches my suit 14:34 and my suit matches my shirt." 14:35 That's not the purpose. 14:37 Modesty means, you know, 14:39 I'm not the one on the forefront here. 14:41 It doesn't mean you don't come and you're not put together 14:44 and you look decent or, you know, 14:46 you're on that opposite end where you just, 14:49 everything is all black 14:50 and you're just taking it to the extreme. 14:54 To me it's balance. 14:55 Yeah. And I agree. 14:57 It should be balanced, you know. 14:59 And I think the reality also is that 15:01 even though it should be, most of the people 15:03 are not going to be considerate, 15:04 they're still going to wear what they to wear, 15:06 especially now, you know, the mindset we have, so... 15:09 And I appreciate you saying that and I think 15:11 that we all need to be mindful of what we are allowing people 15:15 to see from us so we can be, 15:17 you know, modest and whatnot in our apparel. 15:20 But let's try and just do some solutions 15:22 and some tips for those of us 15:24 who are truly human beings, we just see things, 15:28 you know, what can we do to protect 15:31 or guard our eyes? 15:33 Let's say we are at the supermarket, 15:35 you know, a young lady, young male walks by 15:37 and we're tempted to look and gaze 15:41 and maybe even say something to them, 15:43 what can be said 15:45 at that moment for us to not do that. 15:48 But then there's a difference 15:49 between acknowledging and dwelling. 15:52 You know, we're all gonna acknowledge 15:54 that something is beautiful 15:55 or something looks good, but dwelling on it, 15:57 keeping your eyes on it, 15:58 you know, like you're undressing the female 16:01 or the female undressing the male, 16:03 whatever it may be, you know, 16:05 your eye is dwelling on that for too long. 16:07 I think that comes into play where you have the ability 16:10 because we often blame the opposite sex. 16:13 You know, we place the blame for our own inequities 16:15 on the opposite sex 16:17 when in reality, you know, it is hard 16:19 but it's not impossible and I think shifting your eyes, 16:21 you know, perhaps taking a couple blinks 16:23 or shifting your eyes elsewhere, 16:25 you know, acknowledging the fact that, 16:27 "Yeah, that's beautiful, 16:28 but I'm looking over here now," just basically doing that, 16:32 having a little bit more self-control 16:34 or self-awareness. 16:35 And that's what they call balancing your eyes, right, 16:37 in one of the books we read about, 16:39 you know, you see something, you realize it there, 16:41 but you blink and you look away. 16:43 You know, you're not dwelling on it, 16:45 just like you said, and that's a powerful point. 16:47 Somebody else want to add to that? 16:49 Well, you know, the Bible says, 16:51 "By beholding we become changed." 16:52 Right. 16:53 And, you know, the more and more 16:55 we behold these things, 16:56 unfortunately, the more and more sexual 16:58 we will become and more and more 16:59 we will have certain expectations. 17:01 And so I do think that at some point 17:03 you have to control what you can control. 17:05 You can't control everybody, can't control everything, 17:07 you can't control what's put on television, 17:09 but you can control the channel you, 17:11 you know, watch, 17:12 and so I think we can do 17:14 what we can to block those things, 17:16 you know, guard the avenues of our mind if you will, 17:19 not allow certain things to get in. 17:21 But at the end of the day I think that... 17:23 And somebody mentioned this earlier, 17:25 self-control, which... 17:27 And I'm not just saying, 17:29 you know, will yourself to do it. 17:31 I know, for me, I do this, look away. 17:34 And I don't plan to look, 17:35 but if my head turns, I look away. 17:37 But my mind may still dwell on what I have just seen 17:40 even if it was for a split second. 17:41 And so, you know, I recognize the Bible says 17:44 self-control is the food of the spirit. 17:46 And so I do think 17:47 it has to be something you give over to God in prayer, 17:49 Lord, I am going to see 17:50 but help me not to have these desires, 17:53 you know, help me not to internalize too much 17:55 what I see, you know, or some way, God, 17:58 work it out that if I see someone, 18:00 it only reminds me 18:01 what you've given me and my wife, 18:02 something, you know, anything. 18:04 But I think it's something you have 18:05 to give over to God as well. 18:06 Yeah, and I mean, I think that's good 18:08 because once you are... 18:09 And if you are bathed in the Spirit and your focus, 18:10 your root has been in Jesus, 18:12 then you're going to think those couple of ways. 18:13 But if it's been rooted in, 18:15 you know, the music you're listening to 18:16 or the TV shows or just being overly sexualized, 18:19 you know, the pornographic images 18:20 you've been seeing, 18:22 then your mind is going to go quicker to that place, 18:25 you know, than if you had been rooted in Christ. 18:27 Another thing I would say is when you're looking, 18:30 ask yourself, "Why am I looking," 18:32 you know, "Am I looking because I just am, 18:35 you know, acknowledging that this person 18:37 is beautiful and I admire this 18:39 or am I looking because of lust, 18:40 because I want to do something further 18:42 with this individual?" 18:43 If you're single, you know, am I looking 18:44 because I want to see if this person 18:46 is a beautiful person that I may want to, 18:47 you know, talk with, that's fine, 18:49 you know, or am I looking because I want to try 18:50 and get in bed with that person. 18:52 I'm married, I'm looking because, okay, 18:55 I recognize this is a beautiful individual, 18:57 am I looking because I want to try 18:59 to go further with this individual. 19:00 Ultimately, if you're in a happy relationship, 19:02 you know, you're not going to take it there anyway, 19:03 so why even keep looking? 19:04 You know, what are you looking to see? 19:06 Because you already know you're married 19:08 and that's what it is, you know. 19:10 And I think that a lot of times, 19:11 from myself, looking, 19:13 longer lingering has caused more detriment to me 19:16 because now it's more frustrating 19:18 because now I'm thinking to myself, man, 19:20 you know, all these thoughts that went through my head 19:21 and I have to stop and say, 19:23 why am I even going there, you know. 19:24 And so if you stop it immediately, 19:28 make that a habit in your life, 19:29 it won't cause further damage to yourself, 19:32 you know, in the long run. 19:34 If I can... 19:35 Or I don't know if anybody wants to throw some... 19:37 Go ahead. 19:38 Thank you, girls. 19:40 Okay, I was going to add that what you're saying is true. 19:42 Sometimes people need to be honest with themselves. 19:44 They go to these TV shows or they go to their computers 19:49 and they're not really being honest with the fact that 19:52 they're going for something more. 19:53 I heard this terminology of, we always say, 19:55 the grass is greener on the other side. 19:58 I heard a flip to it where it's, 20:00 "You're going to another yard," 20:02 like things are so messy in your yard 20:05 that you may not want to deal 20:06 with whatever hurt is going on, 20:08 whatever feelings, whether it's angry, sad, 20:11 or uncontrollable happiness for no reason. 20:14 There are so many different things 20:15 going on in your own yard 20:17 that you want to go to another yard. 20:18 So you go to TV so you can go into this fantasy world 20:22 watching their happiness. 20:23 Okay, they're so happy, 20:25 they're in love, they're doing this, 20:26 they're doing that, 20:28 and that's how you're perverting your eyes. 20:30 Are you going to your TV? 20:32 You're all going to this other yard 20:33 instead of staying in your own yard 20:35 trying to figure out and make that 20:36 a pleasant place that you want to stay in. 20:39 And that's part of it. 20:40 All right, so... 20:42 You want to add something? 20:44 Just really quickly, you know, 20:46 the educator in me is saying in our churches, 20:48 in terms of a solution, in our churches, 20:51 we all have young people, 20:52 and it doesn't take much to pull a young person aside 20:57 and if you know better to share what you know. 21:01 In terms of, you know, me, 21:03 necessarily taking a young woman, 21:06 you know, when you go up on the rostrum 21:08 and you're sitting, legs are crossed, 21:11 you know, just little things so that you're training them 21:15 to do better as well, and that helps you. 21:18 That's good, you know, 21:19 and I'm going to get Kory in a second, 21:20 but, you know, further with that training, 21:23 you have to know how to balance rather, 21:25 how not to look at that because, you know, 21:27 a lot of the older men like in our churches 21:30 or even older women, 21:32 they have dealt with these things 21:33 or still are dealing with them and, you know, we act like, 21:34 "Because they're older, they are done with this," 21:37 But no, they're still struggling maybe 21:38 or they still have some tips they can give us, 21:40 teach us how to get over it. 21:42 I think we have to have that conversation 21:43 a lot more in our churches, 21:45 you know, especially in the men's group 21:46 or women's groups, you know, the reality of life, 21:48 you know, just because you're above age 21:50 or whatever doesn't mean 21:52 you've attained some extra holiness 21:53 of your eyes, 21:54 you still have the same eyes you had when you were young, 21:56 you know. 21:58 I think the answer also depends on whether 22:00 or not you're single, married, 22:02 you know, I've already said, you need to pray. 22:04 If you're a single person, 22:06 you just need to pray, you know. 22:07 Jesus says, you know, if you think in your heart, 22:09 you know, so you are, 22:10 so you don't want it to be lusting. 22:12 But for a married person I think 22:13 that something practical you can do, 22:15 we keep on mentioning training your eyes. 22:17 And I know something that works for me 22:19 and my wife doesn't know this yet, 22:21 but what works for me 22:22 is I've really trained my eyes to look at her, you know. 22:26 And so when I see her, 22:28 I make sure I intentionally notice her. 22:30 You know, when you first get into a relation with somebody, 22:32 you're like, "Oh, they look so good," 22:33 this, that, and that, 22:35 but you kind of move away from that 22:36 as that relation grows, even after you get married, 22:38 it becomes more about 22:39 how are we going to balance our finances, 22:41 you know, how are we going to make this thing work. 22:43 We've kind of move past a physical thing 22:46 except for sex, of course, 22:48 but what I do is 22:49 I try to notice my wife all the time. 22:51 You know, I try to look at her the same way, 22:53 when she walks by, I follow her the same way, 22:55 you know, I would have followed somebody else 22:57 if I see them in the supermarket, 22:59 you know, and I allow myself to think the thoughts 23:00 that I know are okay 23:02 because I'm thinking about my wife 23:03 and so, you know, 23:05 I train myself to look at what I should look at, 23:07 you know, what I'm saying, instead of just fighting, 23:09 not looking at what I shouldn't look at. 23:10 Yeah, I remember, an old preacher said that... 23:13 Points. 23:16 Good job, good job. I didn't think of that one. 23:20 But that's so true. 23:21 You know, the more you look at something, 23:23 you know, and the more you're gazing on 23:24 what you're supposed to gaze on, 23:26 the more it's going to become lovely 23:28 and beautiful and more attractive, 23:29 that what we're supposed to do. 23:30 That's good. 23:32 So I want to kind of throw something else 23:33 into the mix here. 23:35 What if there's an individual 23:36 who is intentionally trying to cause you to look, 23:38 intentionally flaunting themselves 23:39 in front of you, doing things on purpose, 23:41 they're going up in front of church 23:43 and that pastor knows his suit is too tight, 23:44 you know, and that girl, that song leader, 23:46 she knows that she is wearing that dress too short 23:49 and it's right in front of you, 23:50 what are you supposed to do when someone is intentionally, 23:55 it seems to you, intentionally putting themselves out there 23:58 and you're trying to guard your eyes? 23:59 If you're a leader, I would say that you have a responsibility 24:04 to say something 24:05 because not only are you being affected, 24:09 but if we're talking about it in a church setting, 24:12 chances are a bunch of other people 24:14 are being affected as well. 24:16 And then you're talking about people 24:17 on different spiritual levels that can get really messy, 24:21 you know, very dangerous. 24:22 So I would say, as a leader, you need to say something, 24:26 but in love 24:27 because there is a way to do it tactfully 24:29 and there is a way to do it so that the person feels, 24:32 you know, like they don't even need 24:34 to be in that position anymore and then they get offended, 24:37 so there is a way to deal 24:39 with even a situation like that. 24:40 So if you're in a congregation or if you're just not a leader, 24:45 should you address that individual? 24:47 Do you say something to them? 24:49 That's touchy. That's dicey. 24:50 That's touchy. I think it depends. 24:52 If you have a relationship like that with the person, 24:54 then maybe you can say something. 24:55 But I do think, especially in a church setting, 24:58 is you want to lean on your leaders, 25:00 if you notice something that's inappropriate, 25:01 you know, don't just burden the pastor 25:03 just to give him something else to do, 25:05 but go to them and say, you know, I have this concern. 25:08 You know, I have had people come to me 25:11 because, you know, they felt a male member 25:13 was touching them inappropriately, 25:15 hugging them inappropriately, or, you know, 25:17 kiss them on the cheek, 25:18 getting too close to their mouth or, you know. 25:20 I've had somebody complain about women dressed scantily. 25:23 And when I check it out, 25:25 you know, I've realized they just may be upset 25:26 'cause they're not attention or something 25:28 but, you know, I think that as a member, 25:29 you ought to go to your leader. 25:31 And as a leader, you have that responsibility, 25:33 like she's saying, to say something. 25:35 I respect pastors, 25:37 I don't know if I can mention them, 25:38 but I know some pastors if the praise team 25:40 is not dressed appropriately, they'll put on a choir robe, 25:43 you know, and the praise team will be so embarrassed 25:45 singing up there in choir robe, they know better. 25:47 You know, that the next time they come, 25:48 they ought to come more modest and more decent. 25:50 Okay. What about Facebook? 25:53 Scrolling through your Facebook, 25:56 you know, page and you're seeing 25:58 all these posts, people, 25:59 and there's certain individuals who continually post pictures 26:02 that are causing you to some place else, 26:05 I mean, should you delete them 26:06 or should you tell them you're gonna delete them first? 26:07 You know how people get when you delete them 26:09 from your Facebook page. 26:12 Go ahead. 26:13 I think that's actually... I've had that happen. 26:17 Somebody had to delete you? No. 26:20 The beautiful thing about Facebook 26:21 is you have options to remove that person from seeing, 26:24 not removing them from your friends list, 26:26 but you no longer have them on your newsfeed. 26:27 Okay. 26:29 You know, there's other options you can... 26:30 You can, you know, private message saying, 26:32 excuse me or if you have them on your Facebook page, 26:35 you know, I mean, I make it a point 26:37 not to add anybody that 26:39 I don't know just for the sake of ministry. 26:42 I'm gonna add you 'cause I know you. 26:43 Right. 26:44 But yeah, there's options, like I said, 26:46 you can unfollow them. 26:47 That's what one of the options is, 26:49 unfollow them or you no longer want to see their postings 26:51 on your newsfeed, 26:52 you know, you still have them have on your list, 26:53 they can still see your posts 26:55 but you no longer see them on your newsfeed, 26:57 so that's an option as well. 26:58 Okay. That's good. 27:00 That's good to know 27:01 because Facebook is such a mystery 27:02 and so many things. 27:04 It really is. 27:05 Okay, someone wants to add to that? 27:06 That's pretty good. 27:08 I mean there are some things you have to be intentional 27:09 about doing to make sure you guard your eyes 27:12 because, you know, whatever comes into your eye 27:15 is going to come ultimately into your soul 27:16 and to your spirit, 27:18 so you have to make sure you guard those avenues. 27:21 Okay, all right, so let's go on. 27:23 Any more solutions that we want to throw out there 27:24 before we close up? 27:26 I just like the analogy of guarding. 27:28 You know, if I'm on the battlefield 27:29 and I don't want to get shot in a certain place, 27:31 I protect that spot. 27:33 You know, just like you said, 27:35 you have to be very intentional. 27:36 You can't hold your armor up in one direction 27:38 and let it go on another, so... 27:40 All right, well, that's good. And that will close us out. 27:41 So we learned a couple of things, hopefully, 27:43 you'll put those things into practice. 27:45 God bless you guys. 27:46 And remember, at the end of the day, 27:47 if you don't remember anything else, 27:49 remember to always make Pure Choices. 27:51 That was good. |
Revised 2018-01-18