Pure Choices

51 Shades of Grey -part 1

Three Angels Broadcasting Network

Program transcript

Participants: Joshua Nelson (Host), Brittany Hill-Morales, Kimberly Douglas, Kory Douglas, Xavier Morales


Series Code: PC

Program Code: PC000082A

00:01 The following program discusses sensitive issues.
00:03 Parents are cautioned that some material
00:04 may be too candid for younger children.
00:39 Hello, welcome to Pure Choices.
00:41 I'm your host Pastor Joshua Nelson,
00:44 this is my co-host.
00:45 I'm Brittany Hill-Morales.
00:46 And we're so glad you decided to join us.
00:48 Today, the title is 51 Shades of Grey.
00:51 That's right.
00:52 Gonna get into it today.
00:53 But before we start, let's go ahead
00:55 and ask the spirit to be with us.
00:57 Heavenly Father, we ask you to sent your Holy Spirit
00:59 to guide us through this discussion.
01:01 In Jesus' name we pray.
01:02 Amen. Amen.
01:04 All right, we've already heard from our my co-host,
01:05 go to the panel here.
01:08 We have Chaplin Xavier Morales.
01:11 Next to him is, Kimberly Douglas.
01:13 And next to her is pastor KP Douglas.
01:15 I am so glad that we're here.
01:16 Of course, we have some married couple here,
01:18 and I'm married as well,
01:19 so this is gonna be a good discussion.
01:22 We're talking about of course,
01:23 the things that people don't really want to talk about,
01:28 the expectations you may have in the bedroom
01:30 before you get married.
01:32 And so let's go and start the discussion now.
01:35 We want to talk to you all,
01:36 and you know, it's gonna be long,
01:38 maybe, hopeful it won't be too uncomfortable for you guys.
01:39 We want to talk to you about
01:40 what were some expectations you had
01:42 before you got married, specifically for sex?
01:45 What are some expectations that you may have had?
01:48 Let's go head and start with...
01:50 who do I to get this time?
01:51 Kimberly, I'm looking at you the whole time,
01:52 go ahead and start.
01:54 All right.
01:56 Expectation that I had...
02:00 going into marriage...
02:01 Yes.
02:02 It's funny now that I look at it,
02:04 they were really off.
02:05 But in terms of sex, I thought that,
02:10 yeah, all day, every day, which is ridiculous.
02:14 Yes.
02:19 Well, not technically all day, everyday,
02:21 `but I remember when we were going through
02:23 one of our premarital sessions,
02:26 he ask specific, "Oh, well, we have to fill out",
02:29 you know, you go through the workbook
02:31 and there was this one question
02:32 about, you know, expectations.
02:35 And I think we both filled out,
02:38 as we said, as often as possible.
02:40 I said, "As much as humanly possible."
02:43 "As much has humanly possible."
02:45 So that was my response. Sounds good.
02:47 Yeah, all right.
02:49 So let's see, Morales,
02:51 can you all share with what were your expectations?
02:54 I'm thinking, I don't think I had any crazy expectations.
02:58 I just anticipated that it should be good all the time.
03:02 And I guess, I had like this fantasy of who would always,
03:05 I guess, have that moment together,
03:08 and it wanna be one person always,
03:10 other person is not.
03:12 So I guess that was one of my huge expectations.
03:14 Okay, I guess, I'll answer as well.
03:19 You know, I expecting,
03:21 you know, a kind of what you are saying,
03:22 it should be all the time,
03:25 it just, you know, its just some type of,
03:27 I guess, see on TV, some fantasy, whatever may be.
03:29 And yeah, definitely it didn't end up
03:32 being like that,
03:34 you know.
03:35 But I think that this is important
03:37 because lot people do have a lot of expectations
03:38 similar to that.
03:40 So let's go on to may be some more that others may have
03:42 and maybe some that we have
03:43 which didn't want to say we had them.
03:44 What are someone's that, that we think that a lot of people
03:47 may have expecting for sex when go into marriage,
03:51 but may find out it's not realistic.
03:55 What do you think?
03:56 Probably that will always be a very creative
03:59 that you'll never get bored.
04:01 That each day will just be something new,
04:04 something exciting that
04:06 you'll just be so hyped afterwards,
04:08 you just be "yes, I got married and it's amazing."
04:11 Maybe something towards those features.
04:13 Yeah, yeah.
04:15 I think people also expected to last a long time.
04:19 All night long.
04:20 You know, like all every single times,
04:21 30 minutes or better, some like that, I don't know.
04:23 Yeah. Yeah.
04:25 That's a good point.
04:26 I think they also expected to be,
04:27 you know, Hollywood style,
04:30 where, you know, you wake up next to your spouse,
04:32 everything is beautiful, you know, no morning breath.
04:36 None of that, you know that if you just like,
04:38 wow, you know, you hear the music in the background...
04:40 Yeah, birds chirping.
04:41 Yeah, birds chirping and every, the whole thing that like it's,
04:45 you know, its...
04:47 Yeah, almost like the expectation like,
04:49 you know, it's gonna be, person gonna... a machine
04:51 and this gonna just be like the all the time.
04:53 But hey, you get little tried sometime, right?
04:55 I mean, you know, I mean,
04:56 you can't go like what you've thought you could,
04:58 even we get older, you know.
04:59 So I mean, yeah, there's a lot expectations,
05:01 even specially in terms of people
05:03 who are may be never had sex before,
05:06 you know, they thinking that, oh, you know,
05:07 its gonna be great the first time.
05:09 But reality is, you know, there's a lot,
05:11 some pain involved, you know, in the...
05:12 Mercy. So, yeah.
05:14 So you know, you have to be realistic in thinking that.
05:16 I think that why we are saying this
05:17 because we're trying to be real,
05:19 because a lot of what we see on TV and what not,
05:22 has shown us something different.
05:23 And so just, you know, if it is not that way
05:26 don't think something's wrong with you
05:27 but this is just what real life is.
05:29 Add something.
05:31 Yeah, I was gonna say, let's get like a little deeper.
05:36 There are some couples who are probably watching this
05:38 and may be they just got engaged
05:41 and they know the inevitable has happen,
05:43 is gonna happen after they get married.
05:46 When should they start having the conversation about sex?
05:49 Okay. Okay.
05:50 I think it's important to a have early on,
05:53 because you wanna make sure on all things you're,
05:56 you know, in the same book on the same page.
05:59 It doesn't have to be, you know, same everything.
06:04 But with something as important as sex, I do think that,
06:08 you know, that conversation needs to happen early.
06:11 And that you talk things through because,
06:13 I think something that I am learning,
06:16 you know, now that we're married and,
06:17 you know, sexually active of course,
06:20 is that and talking to older people
06:22 or people who have been married for years,
06:25 you're constantly learning, you know.
06:28 So you do wanna have that conversation
06:30 to see what each other is thinking
06:32 and to see where to go from there.
06:34 Okay, so you all mind kind of sharing with us,
06:37 not the conversation, but how you brought it up
06:39 and how you had the conversation,
06:41 you know, about it.
06:42 Something awkwardness or anything?
06:43 Not really.
06:45 I don't know if we really had like a sit down,
06:46 this is what we're gonna do.
06:48 Let's talk about sex.
06:49 As a guy, you know, as a guy once you get engage
06:52 you kind of always joke about it.
06:54 You know, what I am saying?
06:55 You say crazy stuff, I will put it down.
06:57 You know, I can't even say I was going to say this.
07:00 You know, you just watch and see.
07:01 You know, you just joke around the case.
07:03 But no, we went to premarital counseling and stuff
07:05 that we've talked about.
07:06 And even the counselor brought out,
07:09 you know, that's success in marriage in all points,
07:13 sex period is based on managing expectations.
07:16 And basically, you know, he even told us
07:19 that our expectation were unrealistic,
07:21 even though we share the same expectation.
07:24 He let us know, you know,
07:25 when you get there just don't be disappointed
07:27 because it's not realistic, you know.
07:29 And I think you guys early on as you can,
07:32 you know, talk about it,
07:33 and talk be as real as you want.
07:35 Especially because not everybody gets married
07:37 are virgins, you know.
07:39 Whether you both are virgins or not,
07:42 or one is and one isn't,
07:44 you should defiantly talk about expectation
07:45 not only what you would expect from your partner,
07:47 but what you had, may be what you've experienced.
07:49 Not in detail what you've experience,
07:51 well, you know, the things that you may expect from them
07:53 because of what you've been through, you know.
07:55 I know, you know, that once you watch pornography,
07:58 once you've had sex,
07:59 you kind of some time expect if,
08:01 you know, the sex in marriage is to resemble a porno.
08:05 And so you know, that's unrealistic,
08:08 your wife is not a porn star and neither are you.
08:10 So you got to manage those expectation,
08:14 you know, realistically.
08:15 So, and I'm gonna jump to you guys in a second
08:16 but I wanna keep the Douglas for second, you know.
08:18 If you're in this situation and you realize, wait a second,
08:22 there's something that
08:26 this expectation I have is totally different
08:29 than what my spouse really want us to do.
08:32 For example, you know, I have had a past,
08:36 I've had experience with doing this,
08:37 and some people will say to you, well, what...
08:39 You should share what you like.
08:42 Well, I'm not suppose to have "what I like",
08:43 you know, if I'm doing how God want me to do.
08:45 So she must be very virgins going into it,
08:47 but the reality is not every body is.
08:49 So if you say, "Well, this is what I like,
08:51 honey, I expect this in the marriage",
08:54 but she said,
08:56 "Well, I don't feel comfortable with that," you know.
08:58 Was there any place,
08:59 you know, I'm not trying to get too deeper you all.
09:01 But is there any place you all had to say, all right,
09:02 you know, there's some disagreements
09:03 in how we may be see things?
09:08 Now that I'm thinking back on it, I don't think that,
09:14 I cant think of anything that was too out there,
09:17 but one thing that did stand out for me personally,
09:21 was just how patient, you know, Kory, was.
09:24 And that's I guesses, is another blessing
09:27 in terms of just the waiting and let him God lead
09:31 because it's something like, you know, I had to grow into.
09:35 And then, you know, just being married,
09:38 you know newly, it's something that he had,
09:40 you know, had to grow into as will.
09:43 But in terms of thinking of anything specific,
09:45 I don't know.
09:46 Help me if you can, I don't know
09:48 if I can mention anything specific.
09:49 But I will say this, I think that
09:51 no matter how experienced either person is,
09:54 I personally feel that it is the job of the male
09:56 to be patience,
09:58 you know, to be that person who is,
10:01 who may take more of the Ls, if you may.
10:03 You know, even if you are experienced or not,
10:05 you know, even she says, "I'm not comfortable,"
10:08 Then I think, yeah, every man's job
10:10 should be to respect that, you know.
10:12 I mean, so. Okay.
10:14 Morales, let's go.
10:15 I think its creating that environment
10:16 to where you both feel comfortable talking about.
10:18 I mean, it's part of your marriage,
10:20 its the reason that, you know, Bible says,
10:23 that's what binds you together, you know.
10:25 You have to be able to comfortable
10:26 to talk about it.
10:28 And as far as, you know, conversations and everything
10:31 that love that you have for each other, it just...
10:33 when God placed that love there,
10:35 you're aiming to please one another,
10:37 you know, you're aiming to make sure
10:39 each other's needs are met in that regard.
10:41 So you know, really,
10:43 you know, I hate to put it technically like,
10:45 oh, I don't like this or I don't like that.
10:47 I think it's more of what you know,
10:48 you talk about what you're comfortable with
10:49 and what you're not comfortable with.
10:51 You know, you actually have genuine conversation with,
10:54 that's what we had.
10:55 You don't had a genuine conversation about,
10:57 you know, what we don't agree with,
10:58 what we agree with it,
11:00 and you know, certain things that
11:02 we choose not to keep out of the bedroom, you know.
11:05 Even with me, having my past, with her having her,
11:08 you know, we choose to keep certain things
11:09 out of the element, not because of anything else in that,
11:12 then our walk is different, you know,
11:14 we want to do things differently.
11:15 Yeah. Okay.
11:16 Yeah, I would add to that.
11:18 That I think growing up,
11:21 always heard that sex is one of those
11:23 deal breakers that you have to probably know
11:26 what's going to happen.
11:27 So I'm not sure
11:29 how anybody else feels about this by having,
11:31 about talking about sex before you even get engaged.
11:34 I think we had a few conversation about
11:37 possibly what we heard about.
11:40 Like, there's this one epidemic that's going on about
11:44 licking eyeballs.
11:45 I will say like, that is never gonna happen.
11:47 Don't you dear lick my eyeballs.
11:49 It is not cute, I don't...
11:51 But there are things that you hear about
11:53 and so let's just go sit down and have that conversation.
11:57 And that's one thing,
11:58 I'm not sure how do you guys feel,
12:00 should that conversation happened before you got engaged
12:03 to be like, okay, there's sot of things
12:04 I've heard about,
12:06 I don't know if you are into that.
12:07 I just, I am not in to it so I need to know
12:09 now if you are, so I can probably go separate ways.
12:12 What do you think?
12:13 Well, I wasn't really one
12:15 who believed in the whole casual dating.
12:17 So, you know, I think that once you are dating,
12:19 you're dating with the purpose.
12:21 So, you know, and our story is a little,
12:25 you know, little atypical.
12:27 But I think that
12:31 when Kory and I realized
12:33 that this the direction we're heading in,
12:35 and even before we got engaged,
12:38 you know, there was a common understanding.
12:42 Yeah, I think,
12:45 you know, you had that at the conversation,
12:46 you know, you have to have it before...
12:48 I even think
12:51 having before you engage
12:52 because, you know, you want to,
12:55 at least in my situation that I needed to know,
12:58 I wanted to know like, really that was important aspect
13:00 of your relationship that how a person feels,
13:03 how sexually charged are they.
13:05 You know, I'll just be honest, I don't make sexual advertise,
13:09 so someone, you know, who is not,
13:10 I have to really mess with that.
13:11 I think that's all part of the being mess with someone
13:13 in all areas of life.
13:15 And I think a mature individual and Christian,
13:17 you know, that's should be something you should discuss.
13:19 I don't think it necessarily is a deal breaker
13:22 but it should be something that you discuss
13:24 to know what it is beforehand.
13:25 Yeah.
13:26 And I think also to don't wait
13:28 to get to premarital counseling to discuss it.
13:31 You know, not necessary what's on paper
13:33 is what's gonna actually happen.
13:35 You know, my wife and I, you know, on paper,
13:39 we're compatible, great as great as, you know.
13:41 But you know, we had to sit, if we had not sit down
13:43 to speak about certain things beforehand,
13:46 there's other issues that we're not touched on
13:47 doing that counseling session.
13:48 Yeah.
13:50 Now we had to touch base, and we had to talk about,
13:51 we had to go more into detail, you know, because again,
13:55 not every, you can't discuss absolutely everything
13:58 during that premarital counseling,
13:59 those premarital counseling sessions.
14:01 You have to be able to engage your spouse
14:03 and talked to them about,
14:04 you know, this is my comfort, why and why not.
14:07 And so we had to really speak aside from what we learned
14:10 and spoke about in the premarital counseling.
14:12 Yeah, I mean its truly important.
14:14 I mean, I know I have a friend who married a ex-porn star.
14:18 And so, you know, not only were there things that
14:20 this individual had to tone down for his spouse,
14:25 but the spouse had a feeling of inadequacy
14:27 because, you know,
14:29 how can I ever live up to all that you had,
14:30 all that you really need to make you feel good,
14:33 you know.
14:34 And so not saying this, that's a rare case, you know.
14:37 But there can be that disconnect or that,
14:40 you know, difference of opinions and feelings
14:43 so that it really needs to be discusses beforehand.
14:45 So, you know, my question would be,
14:47 if there is such a disconnect and I truly, like I need
14:50 x, y, and z to just feel good, you know.
14:53 Otherwise I don't, it's not even sex to me,
14:55 you know.
14:56 Should the other person who doesn't feel comfortable,
14:58 should they try to raise to that level at some point?
15:03 I think the key to all relationship,
15:05 even before sex is that your aim is not to be pleased,
15:09 you know, it's to please the other person.
15:11 And I know that something that helps me.
15:14 You know what I'm saying?
15:15 I seek first to pleased my wife.
15:18 You know what I'm saying.
15:19 And you know, that takes a lot of humility,
15:21 takes a lot of self-denial,
15:23 and I can only pray that she is aiming to please me as well.
15:27 And when both people are doing that,
15:28 it kind of brings about a balance
15:29 because if I'm looking for what she likes
15:32 and she is looking for what I like,
15:33 then we're both kind of,
15:34 you know, we kinda taking care of.
15:36 As well as I won't wanna do anything
15:38 that would make her uncomfortable
15:39 because I know she didn't like it.
15:40 And we do this kind of check thing where,
15:43 you know, you go through and ask,
15:46 "Well, is there anything that,
15:49 you know, is lacking or there anything,"
15:52 you know, because having a conversation in beginning
15:55 is great but now that you're married
15:57 and you're actually living
15:59 the conversation needs to continue as well.
16:01 And there's nothing wrong in having a conversation
16:03 during the act either.
16:04 Yeah.
16:06 Which sounds little weird,
16:07 but I am just saying like you just,
16:09 there is nothing wrong with talking.
16:10 On television you don't see people talking through
16:12 because everybody is assuming
16:13 they know what they are doing, you know.
16:14 But there's no problem if in the middle of the act,
16:18 you know, saying, "Are you good?
16:19 Is that good for you?"
16:21 You know, "What should I do?"
16:22 You know, I think that's okay as well.
16:24 Every body is different, you know.
16:25 So even if, you know, you see on the TV,
16:27 well, that may not be what you,
16:30 you know, my wife is gonna like,
16:31 you know, and vice-versa, so.
16:33 Yeah, defiantly.
16:34 So we can't discuss the,
16:36 when you should kind of have the conversation
16:38 before you get married, and possibly,
16:40 how do you even go about it?
16:41 But what exactly should you state?
16:43 Because, if the two of them are virgins,
16:47 there isn't realty much to go off of.
16:49 So what do you discuss in that talk?
16:53 Okay, that's good.
16:54 I think one thing if you're virgin,
16:57 you know, discuss the fears,
16:58 you know, that the fears of certain things, you know.
17:02 Don't be afraid.
17:03 Again, create the atmosphere
17:05 where you're not afraid to share of your certain fears.
17:07 The one thing that you should never do whether virgin or not
17:10 is seek external resources such has pornography
17:14 or TV shows or movies, you know,
17:16 don't seek external things of that nature, you know.
17:21 One big one, I mean, one big one,
17:23 and I hate to sound cliche, but it's beautiful,
17:25 it's beautifully written the song,
17:27 it's the Song of Solomon.
17:28 You know, it paints of picture of how a man, a husband,
17:33 he said you say, interact with his wife.
17:34 And how wife, he said, interact with her husband.
17:37 It's, you know, and most of us think of God
17:40 as the G-rated PG 13 God but this Song of Solomon,
17:44 you know it's rated R,
17:46 you know, there's borderline right there you know.
17:47 But it paints a beautiful master piece
17:49 of exactly the symphony or the, you know,
17:52 the dance that you both have together in the marital bed.
17:57 Yeah, that's good.
17:58 I think that if you're virgin on not,
18:00 you gonna have expectations.
18:02 You know, we've been, we've been,
18:05 we've been, we've been...
18:08 What's the word you looking for?
18:10 Fun time.
18:11 We've been, you know, exposed so much.
18:15 And so even as a virgin, you can kinda talk about,
18:18 you know, what may not be what you make like
18:20 or maybe what you would like to happen.
18:22 And you know, you probably surprised after the fact,
18:24 you may not like that,
18:26 you know, even you thought you may based on
18:27 just observing it, so.
18:30 I'll probably add I think, one of the main things
18:32 that you should probably talk about is may be
18:35 how often, that's probably important,
18:37 how often and probably expectations of,
18:40 I don't know, can you say how long it be probably last?
18:44 Can we do that?
18:45 You can, I don't know, if you got the accurate...
18:47 You can try...
18:49 May be, you know, we'll have a good accurate,
18:51 you know, probably it should be,
18:52 you know, I guess, everybody, their cliche is now,
18:55 that you know, don't ever last for one minute,
18:57 at least be long as one minute, right?
18:59 And that's the thing, each time at least
19:02 I can't speak for anybody else,
19:04 but each experience is different.
19:07 Some might be long,
19:09 other, it might not be that long.
19:12 And honestly, things happen in a day,
19:14 you might have had long day and you know you already tired.
19:19 And I'm talking about both people,
19:20 not necessarily one at this point
19:22 because we normally talk about one wanting to have sex,
19:25 the other one not wanting to.
19:27 Now when you both tired and it's just like,
19:29 okay, well, let's just,
19:31 you know, try to have sex anyway.
19:33 And it might not be that long.
19:35 And the other think is as you,
19:39 it's like continuingly learning.
19:42 And as your learning about each other,
19:44 you're learning about yourself through this whole process,
19:48 it all changes.
19:49 So I don't know if you can necessary say,
19:52 yeah, let's go for 30, 45 minutes
19:55 this time around and, you know, it changes.
19:59 And then the other thing too
20:00 is female is different the males.
20:03 You know, what I as a female might say,
20:06 "Yeah, hour, " you know, he is looking at me like..."
20:10 How?" You know.
20:12 So it's different,
20:13 there are too many variables, I think.
20:15 Yeah, and I think there,
20:17 you know, the conversation is important.
20:20 I know that, for us we had a talk about,
20:23 specially if you want it to schedule,
20:26 and if you want it also,
20:27 you know, just be spontaneous.
20:29 I think that you have to kind of discuss that
20:31 there maybe sometimes that it will be spontaneous,
20:33 but there're also may be sometimes where,
20:35 you know, you're gonna be busy, you wanna make sure,
20:37 hey, at least we know, this you know,
20:39 you know like for date-night,
20:40 you know, we know that a least of nothing else
20:42 that could be, that could be night.
20:45 And what it does, it just kind of build things up,
20:47 you know, I guess, I'm kinda going to now being married.
20:49 But it gonna built things up
20:51 to say, okay, this what we're expect more looking forward to
20:55 but in the spontaneous may be good as well.
20:56 But different couples may be differs, some people may say,
20:58 I never wanna schedule, you know, I never want to be,
21:01 I want to always be spontaneous
21:03 or I never want to be spontaneous.
21:04 And so I think those conversation
21:06 can be had beforehand,
21:07 because you going to the marriage,
21:09 you're thinking, well, you know,
21:10 I heard you're suppose to have it every other day.
21:12 So that's what it should be.
21:13 Why weren't having, or why we are having sex today?
21:15 You know, so understanding each other,
21:17 how each other things,
21:18 you know, beforehand should be discussed.
21:20 Yeah, because we do have some couples
21:22 who may be one thinks,
21:24 oh, we should only have sex
21:25 if you're trying to have children.
21:27 And that's always,
21:28 that's gonna be a hard conversation
21:31 for that husband-wife to sit down.
21:34 Well, that, I guess engaged couple sit down like,
21:36 okay, this my belief.
21:37 How do you deal with those values
21:39 if that person has that extreme values?
21:41 That's gonna be hard.
21:43 It goes back to the realistic
21:44 versus unrealistic expectations.
21:47 And I think it also has to do it
21:49 with having a level of maturity too
21:51 when you're, you know,
21:52 when you're dealing with your spouse,
21:55 because it's not always what I want.
21:58 You know, like you said earlier,
22:01 making sure that you make time not just for sex
22:05 but to intimate with each other.
22:07 That, we talking about fire-proofing a marriage,
22:10 that's major, you know.
22:12 So, yeah, we might had a busy day and yeah,
22:15 I might not feel like it right now,
22:17 but it's not about me.
22:19 So I would try to, you know, make sure that he is okay,
22:24 and vise-versa he'll try to make sure that I am okay.
22:27 You have to be intentional about it too
22:29 because life really starts to happen once you get married.
22:33 And if you not intentional,
22:35 a whole bunch things will fall by the wayside.
22:38 Yeah.
22:39 Shall we talk about contraceptives, may be?
22:43 I was going to go somewhere else.
22:44 Okay, go somewhere else.
22:46 I kind of want to talk about that.
22:47 But go head, go someplace else.
22:48 I think whether you are experienced or not,
22:50 when it comes to having the talk
22:52 it might be good to go to premarital counselor
22:55 and have that conversation.
22:57 But in our situation, our premarital counselor
23:00 didn't really do much talking, we did a test online.
23:04 And after we did it, she look at the results
23:06 and she was like, "Okay,
23:07 I think you guys are gonna be fine."
23:09 So in those situations who can you trust to I guess,
23:14 prepare you for your marriage moment?
23:16 Like, who can we instruct like I guess, our viewers
23:20 to suggest me to have that good conversation,
23:22 we already said, pornography is not an option.
23:24 Yeah.
23:25 You don't always want to go to your boys?
23:27 No.
23:28 Boy or girlfriends.
23:30 But I think that having friends who are married couples,
23:36 because you still needs to careful
23:37 I think, with who you,
23:39 you know, share your business with.
23:40 But having good friends who are married,
23:44 who you know, you can share things with
23:47 and be honest with, helps a lot.
23:50 Because, you know, we have,
23:52 you talk about people who you've grown up with in church
23:55 and they've got married as well and so,
23:57 you know, you kind of bounce ideas
23:59 whether its ideas for day-night
24:00 or you know, just you wanna have
24:03 that accountability partner
24:05 as we mention to kind of help you along the way.
24:08 And that you can help them along the way,
24:09 because as you're helping each other
24:11 you're still growing.
24:14 And you should really try to found
24:15 a good counselor, that help us.
24:16 Yes.
24:18 Well, I need to find somebody else, you know.
24:20 I mean 'cause counseling, I mean, of course,
24:21 I'm not saying 'cause my wife is counselor.
24:24 But counselor is important, you know, it really is.
24:26 You need to have someone to look at things objectively
24:30 from another prospective and talk things about,
24:33 talk to them about, and there are good marriage
24:35 and family councilors out there
24:36 who will do the job in leading you in the right direction,
24:39 answering some of those questions.
24:40 And you know, hopefully,
24:42 people have a good relation with their parents as well.
24:44 But you know, I know for,
24:46 you know, some of us it wasn't always that good,
24:48 open conversation.
24:49 But you should you know, be able to seek someone
24:52 who has been there before, knows you pretty as well.
24:56 Go ahead, Kory.
24:57 Now as you're saying, I had that kind of mother,
24:59 I can just tell her whatever.
25:01 And I think when I lost my virginity
25:02 I'm might have call my mom.
25:04 I was so serious back then, an hour later,
25:06 you know, probably because I was felt guilty,
25:08 and probably because, you know,
25:10 I just want to see what she would say.
25:11 But you know, having that parent,
25:13 you know, it is key, it is key.
25:16 And funny enough, for me it was my dad.
25:18 Because you think about you know, the "sex talk."
25:22 My dad did the whole night, got out the white board,
25:24 started drawing, I was like, "Oh, God, please stop, stop."
25:28 And you know, he was that parent who would,
25:32 and it's so weird how he did, but he would drop nuggets
25:35 of advice and information perfectly timed.
25:39 So, you know, I would say look out for that individual,
25:43 even if its not a parent
25:44 it could be a trusted family member
25:46 or, you know, older individual.
25:48 Okay, all right.
25:50 And I think my bridal shower really help too,
25:54 the girls gave a lot of wisdom on that night.
25:56 So young ladies, don't worry may have the good bridal shower
25:59 and I give you free martial wisdom.
26:01 I don't know where the men go to.
26:02 Where do you guys go to?
26:04 We, we...
26:05 It's a lot of grunting involve like...
26:08 We can't tell you all.
26:10 Yeah, we just...
26:12 But I think it's that,
26:14 I think you know, what I said was true,
26:16 you know, my parents and I have a very good in a relationship.
26:20 I've never felt quite comfortable with them.
26:22 I mean, I'm told him every thing
26:23 but I'm haven't got information from them about that.
26:26 Got 'love you guys'. But, which is weird.
26:29 But I think having good, you know, when I say that,
26:32 good solid married couples that can give you advice,
26:35 you know, 'cause not every, not all married couples
26:37 are create equal, you know.
26:39 And I think having those solid married couples
26:41 that have been married
26:43 and I know I want to say a name
26:44 because that's my boy Reginald, his wife Cynthia.
26:48 Got to shout out you know,
26:49 because they really were very instrumental in their advice.
26:54 I think they're married for 20 years,
26:56 because we celebrate their 20 year anniversary,
26:58 and a very instrumental
27:00 and their advice that they gave to us.
27:03 Yeah, very good. One more.
27:04 Well, I was just gonna say,
27:05 you know, for that person out there who's watching,
27:07 who have may be talk about expectation,
27:09 didn't talk about expectations, but I'm married now,
27:10 and they are not living up to those expectations.
27:13 May be thinks something is wrong with them
27:14 that they shouldn't.
27:16 You know what I'm saying?
27:17 Things aren't always go how you plan.
27:19 The point of marriage is to develop you,
27:20 God gives it you to progress you, so do be patience.
27:23 All right, well, that's about the time we have for today.
27:26 Hopefully, you've learned a lot and you are encourage now
27:29 to begin to have that discussion
27:31 with your potential spouse
27:33 about what is comfortable for you in the bedroom.
27:36 Please seek counseling,
27:38 you know, get a good premarital counseling,
27:40 talk to your pastor, wife,
27:42 you know, have this conversation
27:43 with married couples even after this airs
27:46 on this important thing to for us to do.
27:48 Well, so happy that you decide to join us
27:51 and happy that my co-host Britney is here with me.
27:54 But nothing else, remember, to always make pure choices.
27:57 God bless.


Revised 2016-06-23