Participants: Joshua Nelson (Host), Brittany Hill-Morales, Kimberly Douglas, Kory Douglas, Xavier Morales
Series Code: PC
Program Code: PC000083A
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00:01 The following program discusses sensitive issues.
00:02 Parents are cautioned that some material 00:04 may be too candid for younger children. 00:38 Hello, and welcome to Pure Choices. 00:40 I'm your host Pastor Joshua Nelson. 00:42 So glad you decide to join us. 00:43 Once again, we have a good one for you 00:45 this time, we're gonna talking about 52 Shades on Grey, okay. 00:49 This is gonna be a follow-up on the one we did before. 00:52 And so we're gonna talk little more about 00:53 what is permissible in the bedroom, 00:55 of course, in the marriage situation. 00:58 So let's pause for a moment to have a word of prayer. 01:01 Heavenly Father, 01:02 God, we ask Your spirit would guide us 01:04 through this discussion. 01:05 In Jesus' name we pray, Amen. 01:07 Let's introduce the panel. 01:09 To my left is the snazzy dressed 01:10 Pastor KP Douglas. 01:11 Nice, blazer on today, sir. 01:13 Thank you, sir. All right. 01:14 His wife dressed well also, Kimberly Douglas. 01:17 Good to have you all. 01:18 And next to them we have another great dressed couple, 01:20 the Morales', Xavier and Brittany Hill. 01:23 So I am so glad that you all are here with us today. 01:27 We have to continue this discussion, 01:28 this is a good, hot topic, lot of people want to know. 01:31 You know, what is okay to do in the bedroom, I am married? 01:34 What should be okay, what shouldn't be? 01:36 What kind of conversation did you have 01:37 and things like that? 01:38 So we're gonna discuss these things. 01:40 But the first thing 01:41 I wanna do is ask a little controversial question. 01:45 You know, lot of times we faces in our marriages 01:47 were we are in the mood to engage in the, you know, 01:51 to have sex, we ready to go 01:53 but our spouse is not, you know. 01:54 And this is the reality we have to face, 01:56 you know, in marriage. 01:57 And so what you do, though, what are some thing 02:00 that we can say that you do in that situation? 02:02 Should you be expect to engage in sex, 02:06 even though you're not in the mood? 02:07 Is that you're requirement? 02:08 And I ask this 02:10 in light of what is said in 1 Corinthians 7:5. 02:15 It says, "Defraud ye not one the other, 02:20 except it be with consent for a time, 02:22 that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer, 02:25 and come together again, 02:27 that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency." 02:30 So this is what the Paul says, 02:33 and he says not to defraud the other person. 02:37 So what do you all say to that? 02:39 I agree if it's in the Bible, what can I... 02:42 and I can't say I disagree. 02:43 But what does it mean by that, I guess? 02:45 Is that really saying if you're in the mood, you have to do it? 02:47 Well, the text before, 02:49 the very first, the verse right before, 02:50 it says that you know, women, your body is not yours, 02:53 your husband's, and likewise, husband, 02:55 your body is your wife's, you know. 02:56 your wife's. 02:57 And so I guess there is that degree of selfness 03:00 that should be expected in the marriage. 03:02 You know when we talk about sex, 03:04 we often talk about it in terms of me, 03:05 what I like when I'm in the mood. 03:07 But I guess, Paul is saying, 03:09 you know take the other person into consideration, 03:11 you know, knowing that you know, 03:12 your body is not really yours. 03:14 And so may be there are some times, 03:15 you know, where, you know, even though you're not in mood, 03:18 you may have to make yourself into mood, you know, 03:20 or take the ale as we would say. 03:23 Or, and may be other times, 03:25 you know, when you may have to just say, 03:26 listen, I'm not in the mood. 03:28 Okay. 03:29 I think too if we taken into read a little more 03:31 that in the Bible, it also shows that, 03:33 you know, the situation was to give, 03:35 you know, if you're gonna do that, 03:37 it's for fasting and prayer, and for short time. 03:39 And I think, I find it beautiful 03:40 that God took into consideration 03:43 through Paul that, you know, there are certain needs 03:46 that we have and when you refrain from one another, 03:50 because you're not in the mood or whatever it may be that, 03:52 you know, do it for too long period of time, 03:55 that was temptation. 03:56 You know, you can give a foothold to the devil. 03:58 All right, that so true. 04:00 Yeah. 04:01 All right, someone wants to add to that? 04:03 Well, I think too, and Paul saying with holding, 04:06 you know, I don't think he's talking about 04:07 like punishing, you know. 04:09 We're talking about being in the mood, 04:11 but I mean, I think that what he's saying is 04:12 you know, don't hold sex over your, 04:14 you know, you're partner, don't use it as a weapon 04:17 in the marriage relationship. 04:19 So I think that, you know, 04:21 even in terms of should we with hold 04:22 if we're not in mood, I think this, you know, 04:25 to some disagrees we ought to really think about it. 04:28 And if I am ready, you know, ahead, which you were saying, 04:30 what he said before that about, 04:32 you know, how you are rendering to your wife, 04:35 you know, do benevolent to what not and vise versa. 04:38 You know, just because your in mood 04:40 and you say, "Well, I'm in mood so you have to, 04:42 you have to do what is right to please me." 04:44 This can also may, you say, "Well, because you're tired, 04:47 because you don't feel like it, I will not engage. 04:49 I would just, you know, sacrifice that this time 04:51 and next will be, you know, 04:53 we made for lives, we'll do it, you know." 04:56 So that may, you know, 04:58 be something have to take into consideration as well. 05:00 But what if this becomes a habit? 05:03 What if it seems as though, 05:04 the wife and husband is just not willing to do it 05:07 and it's just you know, once a week or... 05:10 I mean, is that, I mean, seriously wondering, 05:13 is it once a week, is that often 05:15 or is that not often, you know? 05:17 I guess it's speech person preference, 05:19 but what would you all say 05:20 if someone just continually say, 05:21 I'm not in the mood, I'm not in the mood, 05:23 I'm not in the mood? 05:25 It's probably a deeper issue. 05:27 Okay. 05:28 And you know, it's just coming forward 05:32 as though sex is the problem. 05:34 But that is probably a deeper issue 05:37 that you probably need to sit down 05:39 and speak with your spouse, 05:41 and you know, just find out what's going on. 05:42 Okay. 05:44 I would agree, I think it has to be a deeper issue. 05:46 If a couple is having sex once a week, 05:49 I wanna say, okay, red flag, there's a problem. 05:52 Maybe you guys are busy, 05:54 maybe there's children in the mix, 05:56 so schedule in that time, 05:58 leaves you to only have been able to have sex once a week. 06:01 But if it's going into you guys are only having sex 06:04 once every six month and you don't really know 06:07 it's once every six months, you just know 06:09 it's been six months since you had sex. 06:11 Then may be that's the time 06:13 when you need to be having a conversation figuring out, 06:16 what I my doing wrong that's causing this disconnect? 06:20 Because again, sex is more than just a technique 06:22 or what you do, it includes that intimacy, 06:25 it includes that connection between the husband and wife. 06:28 And if months are going by then I would say, 06:32 you should have notice from two months 06:34 but if six months goes by and still not happening. 06:38 Yeah. 06:39 And I think that people have a, have to discuss this obviously, 06:43 nothing that make you to discuss 06:44 because, you know, 06:46 somebody watching saying, oh, wow, you know, newly weds, 06:48 they should be doing everyday or something, you know. 06:49 But I know that, you know, 06:51 everyone has there own way of doing things 06:52 and need to be discuss, 06:54 you know, how many times it's gonna be? 06:55 You know, do I need to? 06:57 You know, everyone has a different, 06:59 you know, drives and what not. 07:00 So it needs to be talked about. 07:02 But ultimately, you got to take in consideration 07:05 what the other person wants, 07:06 and that have to take in consideration 07:08 what you want as well, as to go both ways. 07:12 So let's go on a little more 07:14 and talk about this intimacy thing 07:17 you're bring up and what does sex do 07:20 for the intimacy in a marriage? 07:23 How important is that for the intimacy? 07:26 Sex is a result of intimacy. 07:29 It is not, what is intimacy. 07:31 If you're not, if don't have that intimacy 07:33 where you're able to talk to each other 07:36 and really connect 07:37 then sex will just be two people doing stuff. 07:41 It wont really be what God designed it to be. 07:45 So I say, sex is result of intimacy. 07:47 I agree. 07:48 I think one thing I learned from my wife is that, you know, 07:52 the whole intimacy aspect is you are worshiping, you know. 07:55 You have sex, you're worshiping, you know. 07:58 It's a moment of worship. 07:59 And intimacy go so much beyond the act of sex alone, you know, 08:05 you have to better environment 08:06 because even, even women and men are built differently. 08:09 From men, you know, we quick, you know, 08:11 that's like we're there, we're ready. 08:14 For a women, you know, it takes time. 08:16 And you know, out of, you learn to grow, 08:18 you grow with each other during that intimate time, 08:21 not just in the act of sex along. 08:23 You know, during that intimacy, 08:25 you're actually growing together too. 08:27 So it's a two, 08:28 there's multiple steps to that process. 08:30 And I like what you said, you know. 08:31 I know for me, 08:33 I had to relearned a lot of things, 08:34 because before, you know, 08:35 I had sex not in marriage but out of marriage, 08:39 and in marriage is different, you know, because... 08:41 And that's something I want us to talk about little more 08:43 about the selfness of it. 08:44 Because you know, 08:46 you're ultimately now leading to... 08:49 you're doing it for the, you're connecting with someone, 08:51 but if you're not thinking that way you could be doing it 08:54 because you just want to get off 08:56 and you want to just, you know, pleasure yourself, you know. 08:58 And that is a danger in marriage. 09:01 So let's talk about that little bit, 09:02 the selfishness of sex. 09:04 I think before marriage, 09:06 you know, the urge to have sex was just that it was an urge, 09:09 it was you know, my natural compulsion are, 09:13 you know, but after marriage it became more intentional, 09:16 it was about, like we said, intimacy. 09:18 It was about knowing that person on another level, 09:21 you know, because as much as you know each other 09:23 before you have sex, 09:25 and as much as you think you know each other well, 09:27 you're on a completely different, 09:28 you know, set of things about your partner, 09:30 your spouse after you have sex, you know. 09:33 There's a certain level of hiding awareness 09:36 of just everything 09:38 once you enter into that kind of intimacy. 09:40 So you know, there's also that getting-to-know-you part. 09:43 Okay. Okay. 09:44 someone wants to add to this? Yeah. 09:46 I think, you know, to, it's interesting, you know, 09:48 you hear older married couples talk about, you know, 09:52 I know her so well, I know him so well, 09:54 I don't even have to do anything, you know, 09:56 we finish each other sentences or... 09:58 They basically know each other 09:59 in a way that they don't even have to speak 10:01 or anything like that. 10:03 And I think that goes along with that, you know, 10:04 when you're having, when you have sex, 10:06 you know, marriage and everything, 10:08 and you're really bonding together. 10:10 You literally, you're coming to this point 10:12 where that, you know, we hear about one flesh. 10:15 You're coming to the point 10:16 where you actually know the other person 10:17 without even speaking, you know, in terms, 10:19 because it literally binds you with that tight together 10:22 that you're, you know, you knowing each other 10:25 without even speaking words, 10:26 you can finish each other's sentences and thoughts. 10:28 And you said something earlier about sex been, 10:31 I think you said, 'act to worship.' 10:32 Want to expand little more on that, 10:34 what do you mean when you said that? 10:35 You know, it's something that God created. 10:38 When you go to the church, you go to worship, 10:39 you don't go there to just "get off", you know, 10:42 your spiritual high, you know, to fulfill some need, 10:46 a spiritual need, you know. 10:47 You actually go there do worship to commune with God. 10:50 When you're worshiping, when you're, you know, 10:53 having sex with your wife 10:54 or you know, your spouse, you know, or... 10:57 when you're having sex with your spouse, 10:58 you know, you're worshiping the angles 11:00 watch you know, everything like, you know. 11:03 I don't want to sound weird when I say that-- 11:07 It's really an act of worship, you know, 11:09 you're doing something that God made you to do 11:13 in the right context. 11:14 Yeah, that what Sister White talks about, you know. 11:16 And I remember, my wife, she kind of has a problem, 11:18 not a problem, but kind of feels weird about 11:20 thinking that way they God is watching. 11:22 Well, you know, I don't think it's a problem, 11:23 I think when you understand, 11:25 you know, the beauty of sex and what it really, 11:26 it's really brining the two back together. 11:29 You know, Adam and Eve, you know, they're separated 11:31 and now they come back together, 11:33 and it's really uniting back to what God originally made, 11:34 you know. 11:36 And it's also you know, really showing the trinity seen 11:42 between you, your wife, and God, you know, 11:45 how that come together, it was a beautiful thing. 11:47 And it's something that I think in a marriage 11:49 in it's purest form, you know. 11:52 And I know because of the society, 11:54 because of the things we see all around of us about sex, 11:57 it can kind of seems as though, this is dirty, this is not, 11:59 I am not suppose to be doing this, you know. 12:00 Not suppose to be, you know, praising God 12:03 or the case may be, or this is not worship. 12:05 But it is, 12:07 you know, because we have to bring yourselves 12:10 back to Eden where God, 12:11 how He originally you want it to be. 12:13 And that's the words you uses, 12:14 to know the other person, you know. 12:16 It's truly to get, really to know 12:18 and have that intimacy with that other individual. 12:22 So, and I know I think 12:23 you're all going to say something to it. 12:25 But I was going to ask right here, 12:26 you talking about worship, is it okay to like, 12:28 should you like come together and pray before you have sex? 12:32 I don't see the problem. 12:34 I sometimes pray in mid stuff. 12:38 You know, give me strength, Lord. 12:39 Yes! 12:41 You know, Paul says in just a few chapters 12:43 earlier than we read earlier, I belief Chapter 3, 12:46 "Everything you do, you should do to glory of God." 12:48 You know, and again in Colossians he said, 12:50 "Both indeed and in word we should be glorifying God." 12:53 And so it sounds, it sounds, so cliche to us to say, 12:55 well, everything single thing I do, 12:57 but I do belief that even in the act of sex expression, 13:00 because God creates it. 13:02 And not only creates it for our enjoyment 13:04 but creating it as a pane of picture 13:06 of the union that, you know, 13:07 that He has in the trinity in the union 13:09 that he seeks out with us. 13:10 But I do think it's important to keep that mindset, you know. 13:13 Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's beautiful thing. 13:15 You now that God is wanting us 13:17 and allowing us to have pleasure 13:19 in this way with someone 13:21 that we are so closely connect to. 13:22 You know, it's a really beautiful thing. 13:25 Perhaps, someone wants to say something here. 13:27 Well, I was just thinking that, you know, 13:28 it's so important for us to remember 13:31 that it is something that's beautiful, 13:34 it is something that's positive 13:35 because, you know, you look in society 13:38 and just about every image that you see is a negative one, 13:43 that's painted of sex. 13:44 It's perverted in some way, shape or form. 13:47 And so, sometime we have that, 13:50 we walk away with that wrong impression 13:56 of what sex is or what it can be. 13:59 And so that's why, you know, when you say something like, 14:03 praying before you have sex or during or whatever, 14:07 it just seem so weird 14:09 because that's not was portrayed. 14:12 But when we look at it within the context 14:14 of the God had within the context 14:17 of the fullness of what God intended, 14:20 I think it just, you know, it make sense, 14:22 and it puts it back in it's proper prospective. 14:25 Could you imagine, on a move really coming to a sex scene 14:28 and the couple stop and like, "Okay, lets pray." 14:30 Yeah, yeah. 14:31 You know, it's just weird to think, yeah. 14:33 But that be possible, you know. 14:36 I mean, you know, and you know, 14:38 that's how far our minds have gone, 14:39 that it was done to take us away 14:41 from what sexual relation should be. 14:44 So, okay, now let's go some other nuts and bolts. 14:46 Now, you're in, you know, you are married 14:47 and things are going good pretty well, 14:49 but you know, it seems to be routine, 14:51 things are normal, and it's just, 14:54 sex did not have the same spark as it had before. 14:56 How should you bring up 14:57 the idea of changing it up a bit? 14:59 You know, this is just switches up, 15:01 you know, not to be rude or you know, 15:03 it just change things up. 15:04 Sometimes, I mean, why do you have to bring it up? 15:07 There's sometimes you just you know, 15:08 do something a little different. 15:11 And that might even you know, 15:13 change the tide not only for you 15:15 but for your spouse also. 15:18 And doing something a little different can be... 15:21 I mean, it depends on the couple. 15:23 May be having sex in a different place 15:25 or I don't know... 15:28 different room... 15:31 and different position, and different scenario. 15:33 Yeah. 15:35 I mean, its all dependence on the couple. 15:37 But I think, you know, it's not necessarily something 15:40 that you need to discuss. 15:42 I am not saying don't talk about it at all, 15:44 but sometimes taking the initiative 15:46 and changing things up and seeing 15:48 how that changes the dynamic, 15:51 you know, that just might be what's necessary. 15:54 Because for some couple, 15:55 I'm just thing about few of my friends, 15:57 they would need to have the discussion. 15:58 Okay. 16:00 Because some people do feel like, 16:02 if we change things up may be I'm not doing it right, 16:06 may be its not going well. 16:08 And sometimes if you know, 16:10 that spouse that wants to change things up, 16:13 you have to be patient with other person. 16:15 Slowly start talking about it. 16:16 Okay, may be we can try this, may be we can do this, 16:19 and try to you know, list good quality reasons 16:21 for why this needs to be change up. 16:23 And it's not because you're bad person, 16:25 not because you are awful at this. 16:27 But I think that we can probably 16:28 increase our connection, like enhance those reasons 16:32 so it doesn't fell like it's an insult to, 16:34 I guess, my technique or whatever. 16:36 But it's really about our relationship, our marriage, 16:39 and really getting closer to each other 16:42 and still being happy. 16:43 Okay. All right. 16:44 So what do you all think about say, 16:46 going to like a sex therapist, 16:47 you know, to give advice or whatever the case? 16:50 To see if you're doing it right. 16:54 Okay, I'm just curious now, 16:55 because you said, to see if you're doing it right. 16:57 But is that person using as the barometer, I guess, 17:01 to determine what is right and what is wrong. 17:04 I'm not saying don't go but what is their... 17:11 May be there is something that's lacking, 17:12 may be they feel like they are lacking, 17:14 not getting the most pleasure they share 17:15 or something, you know. 17:17 I'm just saying, I don't know the scenario, 17:18 but is there any place for you to go 17:19 or should they always just stay within just a two of you. 17:23 I think you can check out a therapist. 17:26 I don't think you could you know, 17:27 go to first therapist you check out. 17:29 Because even for me, when I think sex therapist, 17:31 I'm immediately thinking all kind of negative stuff, 17:33 you know. 17:35 And so, you know even too kind of shop around 17:37 and I mean, you never know. 17:38 Or may be you know, 17:40 talk to your Christian councilor 17:41 or somebody, your marriage therapists to see 17:43 may be they have some insight 17:44 or maybe they can make a reference, you know. 17:47 So, I mean. Okay. 17:49 I guess for me, my first question, when I hear, 17:52 doing it right, is what do you mean? 17:54 Are you asking if we both have organisms 17:59 or you asking if we... 18:01 Well, and that's probably really where it goes. 18:04 And someone not having, you know, 18:05 there's lots of people have said 18:07 "I never had an organism". 18:08 You know, "I never experienced it." 18:09 So, you know, in that standpoint, you know, 18:11 that really be a question, "Am I doing it right?" 18:13 You know, and these are real thing, right? 18:14 I mean, so, if that's the case, especially to virgins, 18:19 and let's say that you know, and they, you know... 18:20 I'm just asking, I'm wondering, 18:22 what do you all think about a therapist involving in? 18:24 I think that has more to do with, 18:27 the word 'sex therapist' again, I think the same thing, 18:31 just kind of the crazy thoughts. 18:33 That is a male thing that being crazy. 18:35 It doesn't seem quite kosher 18:38 Maybe there is a better name for it, I don't know. 18:41 But I mean in reality, though, there might underlined issues 18:45 that are not necessarily have to do with sex. 18:48 I could be hurts, I could be anything, you know, 18:49 I could be, you know, we talked about earlier, 18:51 changing it up, you know, 18:52 to somebody like me who has had a past. 18:55 Changing it up, have some negative connotations 18:58 in my head like, you know, this and this. 19:00 You know it's a matter of really dealing with... 19:03 and that's why you have intimacy, 19:05 that's why you're dealing with those issues, 19:07 really coming to an understanding 19:08 of where each other stands. 19:10 Because, you know, if you need to see counseling, 19:12 you seek the counseling. 19:14 Like I said, sex, when it comes to you knows, 19:16 you're doing it right, and again, the barometer. 19:19 What you have it up against, 19:20 and you have to really deal with the, 19:22 you have to really look, and focus, 19:23 and work hard at finding the underlined issues 19:25 that are there. 19:27 Yeah, and that's something that you have to do, 19:28 and I know that you know, 19:29 a lot therapist will say to you that, 19:31 you have to learn that individual, 19:33 you have to, you know, try different things out. 19:35 I mean, there are people who may not react the same way 19:38 that someone else did that you use to, you know. 19:41 And so, you know, and a lot of time for men, 19:43 you know, we want to cut right to the chase, you know. 19:45 But for women, some time it's different 19:47 to really you know, romance them 19:50 and to take it slow and really show affection to them, 19:53 build up to this point, make them feel comfortable. 19:55 A lot of times, you know, those things are things 19:57 you have to pay attention to when you're in marriage. 20:00 And that goes back to selflessness of it, 20:02 that it's not just about your gratification 20:04 and making sure the other one is gratified as well. 20:06 But now, let's go 20:08 to what everyone is waiting for us to talk about, okay. 20:10 Which is, what really is okay to do in the marriage bed? 20:13 We always quote the text, that marriage bed is undefiled. 20:16 But what is really okay to do, 20:18 or what do you think God would say is okay 20:20 for us to do in the marriage bed. 20:23 It's a touchy subject. Yeah, it's touchy. 20:26 I may ask specific things, okay, 20:28 to make it easy for you guys. 20:29 Okay All right. 20:30 Is that okay to let's say, create a sex tape? 20:34 Start there. Mercy. 20:35 Well... 20:36 No. 20:38 I'm just gonna say no, 20:39 because there is no such thing as privacy 20:41 when you create a sex tape. 20:44 You won't such a risk of it getting into the wrong hands 20:48 and things just going wrong and no, no. 20:55 I guess it those expected question 20:56 of why are you creating the sex tape? 20:59 For some people they might feel, 21:01 let's create this tapes so we can, I guess, 21:04 see each other know we're doing right, 21:06 or let's create this tapes so that we can, I guess, 21:09 make some spice in our relationship. 21:12 It's just not worthy 21:14 I think it just need go back to the reason 21:15 to why you guys are together. 21:18 I mean is it okay, or is it wise, 21:20 those are two different questions, 21:22 I don't think we can dictate to other couples. 21:28 Sure. 21:29 Like, I can't tell these guys here, 21:32 you know, you guys shouldn't do this in your bedroom. 21:35 That's not for me to do. 21:38 And that's interesting we have to have this conversation, 21:39 because this is obviously lot of questions 21:41 people want to know. 21:42 Oh, definitely. They want to know what is okay. 21:43 Defiantly. 21:45 And I think it's because we have this, 21:47 let me see as how close I can go to "the edge" 21:52 before I, you know, falloff the precipice. 21:56 But if that's your mind set in this situation, 21:59 I would have to say 22:01 you are entering with the wrong mindset. 22:03 I mean, and it's again to me, 22:05 that sounds like it goes back to self, you know, 22:08 trying to make sure that I'm okay 22:11 as I pose to paying attention to my spouse, 22:14 seeing what he is responding to, 22:16 seeing if he is pleased, 22:18 you know, in the situation or not. 22:20 And that's what, you know, Spirit of Prophecy tells us in 22:22 you know, Mind, Character, Personality, you know. 22:23 She says that, you have to be careful you know, 22:25 as man or women that you don't bring your base or passions 22:28 into the marriage bed. 22:29 And getting the stuff you just want to do 22:31 based off of you know, 22:32 the evilness or lust that's purely inside of you 22:36 that's gonna cause you know, 22:38 something to be done that's not pleasing to God, 22:39 you know. 22:41 And like you saying, 22:42 I don't know if we can really put a... 22:44 don't do this, don't do that. 22:45 Now there are some things in term of health wise... 22:46 Yeah, that's nice. 22:49 Yes, there are some things. 22:52 I think you can even go back to the fact that, you know, 22:55 sexually looked at as a active worship, 22:58 you know, when I think of one of the things 23:00 that at lot of couple use like, Kama sutra. 23:02 Kama sutra seems cool because of pictures, 23:05 and positions, you can try new stuff. 23:07 When you really, you know, go and do your research 23:09 you find out that stuff is worshiped too. 23:10 Yeah. 23:12 You know, and so, you know, 23:14 who are you worshiping and what's you're doing. 23:16 You know, what's your motivation, you know. 23:18 Really you got to think about, 23:19 what I like what you said earlier, you know, 23:21 God is in the chamber with you, you know. 23:23 And we don't know if God is there with Adam and Eve. 23:25 But He did gave Adam to Eve, you know, 23:27 and they consummate their marriage, we assume. 23:29 And so, you know, what is okay 23:31 if God were to stand next to my bed, 23:34 or not what is okay with other people, 23:35 but if I don't feel comfortable, 23:37 which something knowing that you know, 23:39 God may not be okay with it, then I'm probably not gonna, 23:40 probably not gonna... 23:42 And it's is not, God is there, don't have fun. 23:44 Yeah. 23:45 I don't think that's what you're saying. 23:48 So let's make that clear. 23:51 What I am saying, don't have fun. 23:53 Definitely enjoy each other, 23:55 but also realize as you said, you know, 23:57 there is some health things 23:58 that you want to keep in mind also. 24:00 All right. 24:01 So let's get some tips to the married couples 24:03 in terms of how to spice up your marriage. 24:05 You know, theses are things 24:06 basically we have either experienced 24:08 or we know, we've heard before, you know, same ways 24:10 that you could really spice it up. 24:12 And this is also those who are may be older and have, 24:16 you know, the stuff is fizzled out, you know. 24:18 So what are some ways to spice it up? 24:19 What would we say? 24:21 Well, do not turn to porn to spice it up. 24:23 I know, I've heard many testimonies, 24:25 like, specially prominent gospel artist 24:27 and people were given that testimony 24:29 of not to turn to pornography. 24:31 I think spicing up could be 24:33 as simple as communicating with each other, you know. 24:36 What do you liking, what do you thinking, you know, 24:38 and trying to get on same page. 24:40 It just be that simple. 24:41 Okay. Go ahead. 24:42 I was just gonna say, 24:44 there's also some really good books out there, 24:48 couple's devotionals. 24:50 And I know that sounds weird, you talking about spicing it up 24:54 and then I say devotional, but... 24:57 What devotional is that? 25:01 The idea is that you want to reconnect, 25:04 its not all about sex, 25:06 as Britney had said several times, and you know, 25:08 it's necessary to highlight, its intimacy. 25:11 And so if you're building intimacy 25:13 and if you are enjoying each other 25:17 then great sex is going to be the byproduct of that. 25:21 So you want to take steps to reconnect, 25:24 and not just reconnect physically 25:26 but reconnect spiritually as well. 25:28 And so that's why I was saying great devotional. 25:30 But outside of that, there are also some books 25:32 that you guy, you know, 25:34 married couples can read together, 25:35 because I know when we were doing 25:37 a premarital counseling 25:38 that's one of the steps I know other people 25:40 who have done that as well. 25:42 One of the things is to read a book about relationships 25:46 and sex and marriage together, 25:47 and that can also, you know, that can also help. 25:50 And again, find out the underlined issues. 25:53 Why did it fizzled out, why did it stop, you know, 25:56 find out, you know, may be something simple, 25:59 you know, where you guys just got too busy. 26:01 Find out what the real deep issues is 26:04 that caused everything to just fizzled out. 26:08 Okay. 26:09 I want to like, what Kimberly was saying. 26:12 Before we got marry, like the day before, 26:14 like two days before, sitting down with my family 26:18 and they were giving me quality advice and said, 26:21 "Britney, I know it's gonna sound weird, 26:23 but invite the Holy Spirit into your bed room." 26:25 Yep. 26:27 It was like, invite him in, 26:28 and they were saying there were times when, 26:30 I wasn't even in the mood, 26:32 but we prayed and invited the Holy Spit into our bedroom. 26:34 And it just enhanced our like the relationship. 26:39 And it don't have to be long wended Holy Spirit, 26:44 I can just be like, 'God, 26:45 we invite You into this presence 26:47 at this moment at this time, ' and then proceed. 26:49 And it can really work and enhance and change it up, 26:52 that's what the... 26:54 You know it's funny you should say that, 26:56 and he has no idea what I'm about say. 26:59 Fix it Jesus. 27:00 But I've actually done that before, and it is true. 27:05 You know a quick payer, he has no clue, you know, 27:08 I pray and it could be something as simple as, 27:12 'Lord, seriously increase my desire 27:14 for my husband right now.' 27:16 And because we're married that is perfectly okay 27:19 for me to say. 27:20 She's not saying that desire wasn't there. 27:21 No, I'm not saying that let's clear that off, enhance. 27:27 And it's funny how, you know, 27:31 within moments it will be something that he'll do 27:35 or something that he'll say that will you know... 27:39 Okay. And that's great. 27:41 And I see a place we're gonna have to end it there. 27:43 You know, I know we all freshly married 27:46 so we're just so, the spice is there, 27:48 but there are some good advise you can take 27:50 and thing you can use to spice up your marriage. 27:52 By the end of the day 27:53 always remember to make pure choices, 27:55 and God will take care of it. 27:57 God bless you, guys. |
Revised 2016-06-23