Pure Choices

Routine Verses Spontaneity

Three Angels Broadcasting Network

Program transcript

Participants: Brittany Hill-Morales (Host), Dajanae Anderson, Keith Hackle Jr


Series Code: PC

Program Code: PC000128A

00:01 The following program discusses sensitive issues.
00:03 Parents are cautioned that some material
00:05 may be too candid for younger children.
00:40 Hello, welcome to Pure Choices.
00:42 My name is Brittany Hill-Morales
00:44 and I'll be today's host.
00:46 We have a great topic today.
00:49 We're talking about routine versus spontaneity,
00:52 trying to maintain the success of your marriage,
00:55 the happiness in your marriage so that you can go all the way.
00:59 But before we start this discussion,
01:01 let's pray.
01:02 Dear kindly most heavenly Father,
01:04 dear Lord, I pray that You will be with us right here
01:06 as we're having this discussion.
01:08 You also be here with the viewers at home.
01:09 We love you so much, in Jesus' name, amen.
01:13 Amen. Amen.
01:14 So before we begin,
01:16 let's introduce our wonderful guests.
01:19 We have Mrs. Dajanae Anderson from Texas,
01:22 she's a graduate student.
01:23 And we also have Keith Hackle from Iowa
01:25 who is a pastor over there.
01:28 So routine versus spontaneity.
01:31 We've all been married for a different lengths of time.
01:35 I've been married for over two years now,
01:38 happily married, I do love my husband.
01:40 And, Dajanae, you've been recently married,
01:42 so it's going to be about four months in December.
01:44 Right.
01:45 And Keith, you've been married for over 12 years.
01:50 Yes.
01:52 So I believe that each one of us had expectations
01:55 before we got married
01:56 and we probably heard a few tips and ideas
01:59 on how to be successful in our marriage.
02:03 Just for a few moments just talk about what you heard,
02:06 what you're doing now and maybe even for those
02:09 who've been married a little bit longer,
02:10 what has kind of been going wrong kind of discussion.
02:14 For me, I didn't hear anything.
02:17 As a matter of fact,
02:18 there's very few examples in my family
02:21 or in general circle of marriages that have lasted.
02:25 So when we got together, it was like, okay,
02:27 well, the expectation is a couple years maybe,
02:32 maybe five years if we argue long enough after that
02:35 and then there wouldn't be a marriage after that.
02:37 So coming together there wasn't many expectations.
02:42 But once we got together,
02:44 I will say this there was a wonderful couple,
02:46 brilliant couple who we asked him a question,
02:48 they've been married for I think 30 years,
02:51 children went off to do great.
02:52 And so one day I asked him, I said,
02:53 "How did you all survive?
02:55 What did you do?"
02:56 And I think they gave me a response that was different
03:00 but I value it now.
03:02 They said you need to understand
03:04 that your children are important.
03:05 Your children are important but your children
03:08 are just a product of the marriage.
03:10 What's important is the marriage.
03:12 So you make sure, that's what the husband said,
03:14 he said, you make sure you pour into your marriage,
03:17 take that time out, send the kids away
03:20 and you all go and take some time together
03:22 one-on-one because if you take care of the kids
03:25 but the marriage suffers,
03:27 what happens when they're 18 years old?
03:29 They go off to college.
03:30 Now you have the stranger in the house with you
03:31 who you don't know
03:33 and it makes it difficult for you to go
03:34 from 18 years to 36 years now.
03:38 But I knew so many couples
03:39 who at that point of 18 years old
03:41 when the kids were leaving,
03:43 all of a sudden they're filing for divorce.
03:44 And it was strange to me as how that would happen
03:47 and putting those two things together,
03:49 I began to realize he was right,
03:50 they focused on the kids
03:51 but they didn't focus on the marriage.
03:53 Right. Yeah.
03:54 Right.
03:56 And I think that's crazy to me 'cause I have...
03:58 I'm originally from California and I have some friends,
04:01 you know, of different religious backgrounds
04:05 and I have one friend in particular
04:07 who's not really associated
04:09 with any religious background at all.
04:11 And she was saying that her concept,
04:15 people who have no religious background,
04:16 not everyone thinks this way,
04:17 this is just particular for her.
04:19 She was saying that's the only purpose of marriage.
04:23 She was saying the only reason why it's socially acceptable
04:28 to get married is to have children
04:30 and then raise those children until they're 18.
04:33 So that, you know, there's a unit
04:35 that they can go back to but once they're 18,
04:37 they're adults now, they move out,
04:39 they have their own lives, you can decide to stay married
04:42 but that's not really like the process
04:44 and the purpose of marriage is just to raise a child
04:48 or multiple children.
04:50 And I think within Christianity
04:54 we don't except that as the truth.
04:58 And so, yeah, that's what I thought about
05:02 as you made that statement.
05:04 I would probably add, Dajanae, that we may not write it down
05:11 and say this is the truth but that's how we behave.
05:14 Right.
05:16 I remember reading experience of a young lady and she said,
05:19 "I'm 99% mother and 1% wife."
05:23 And she basically discussed that it was important
05:26 for her to focus on her kids.
05:29 Dropping them off at school, picking them up,
05:32 taking them to soccer games, all these different things,
05:35 that was her focus.
05:37 She sees her husband, she's like,
05:38 "Do take out the trash?"
05:40 And then she keeps on moving.
05:42 And she basically concluded that hopefully maybe
05:46 by the end of this all she will know him
05:50 and he will know her, but right now
05:51 she can't focus on him right now
05:53 because she's 99% mother and 1% wife.
05:58 And there was a flip to it
05:59 where someone have tried to said,
06:00 "Wait no, you need to be
06:03 51% wife and 49% mother."
06:09 Your relationship to your spouse is primary.
06:14 Yes, you never know if you're going to have
06:16 to change up your times
06:17 between your husband and your children,
06:21 but you have to put your spouse as primary
06:23 because without your spouse the kids are not there.
06:27 And I'm thinking about my experience.
06:31 Maybe I'm just imagining it but when my husband and I kiss
06:36 my little daughter looks up and she's like smiling.
06:38 Yeah.
06:39 There's like this happiness and glare versus
06:42 if we were at odds or are constantly fighting
06:44 or arguing there.
06:46 And outside of the kids,
06:48 but if you're putting your kids first
06:49 and that's a reason why you should focus
06:52 on your relationship, your marriage,
06:54 keep that connection.
06:56 Everything else feels at odds when you don't focus
07:01 on your husband and that's why there is so much,
07:04 you know, sexless marriages.
07:06 Yeah, it's true.
07:07 Yeah, I would definitely agree with you.
07:09 I appreciate that correction because there's,
07:11 I think the correction that you just made
07:13 is even though we do not have that in writing
07:18 as you say, it's not a doctrine,
07:20 it's not in our dogma to say that marriage
07:24 is just to raise a child, that's how we behave,
07:27 some of us, that's how some of us behave
07:30 and to the statement of your child,
07:34 you know, valuing the intimacy,
07:37 the affection there she sees taking place
07:39 between you and your husband, I think about...
07:42 My parents are going through divorce right now
07:44 and while our home was never a perfect home.
07:49 I remember when my parents bought the first house.
07:52 And we had a house warming and like my parents,
07:56 and part of the house warming they came together
07:59 and my dad like dipped my mom down
08:02 and kissed her and like my heart,
08:05 I was happy, you know, there was a...
08:09 My parents are giving each other affection like,
08:12 that's so beautiful,
08:14 that so like it was great to me.
08:15 I still have that memory locked into my mind.
08:18 And so yeah, there is a, and then the other reality
08:23 is I'm 24 years old and my family,
08:27 my parents are still
08:30 very, very big into who I am
08:35 that having the base
08:38 of parents together
08:42 is still necessary for adult children.
08:46 And so yeah, I would definitely agree with that.
08:50 And the Bible says
08:52 that a good man leaves an inheritance
08:54 for his children's children, right?
08:57 And so you're going beyond just your children
08:59 to now your grandchildren
09:01 and we often look at money, right?
09:04 Possessions and things like that,
09:06 but an inheritance that we need to consider also
09:09 is a family unit, right?
09:11 So in many cases we are inheriting brokenness,
09:16 and hatred, divisiveness, those are all the things
09:19 that we're inheriting but really
09:20 what God would like for us to inherit
09:22 or to leave for our children is love and compassion,
09:25 and caring, right?
09:26 So my kids can come home for the holidays
09:30 and they can spend time with the family
09:32 and then not only that but later,
09:34 the grandchildren can come home and spend time with the family
09:38 and so that doesn't happen though
09:40 if mom and dad don't know each other,
09:42 if they're not on the same page,
09:44 then that doesn't happen.
09:45 So it's important when we look at having a relationship
09:48 with one another as husband and wife, we are,
09:51 if we're doing it the right way,
09:53 we are actually doing this for our children.
09:55 And we are actually doing this for our grandchildren.
09:57 And hopefully if God gives us the opportunity even
10:00 for our great grandchildren, this becomes a lineage
10:04 where you'd know when I marry someone,
10:06 I might be with this person for the rest of my life,
10:08 not for a couple of years...
10:10 Right.
10:11 Not for a couple months, and in this day and age,
10:13 a couple weeks.
10:15 But this is life... Yeah.
10:16 This is for life.
10:18 And that's important for us to develop as a society.
10:22 Yeah, so some of the ways that, you know,
10:26 we try to keep that going because,
10:30 and I think one of the myths is also that
10:33 if you are within Christianity, if you're in Christ,
10:37 and you guys both love the Lord and you get married,
10:42 then you're not going to have any problems
10:45 and that you will stay married forever
10:47 as long as you maintain your Christian values.
10:52 And there's more to within that,
10:55 that yes, it is still, you know,
10:57 keeping a relationship with Christ is always number one
10:59 and primary foundational, I mean,
11:01 for us the peace is without it.
11:03 But within that there are some manifestations
11:06 that I believe the Spirit of God
11:08 can lead us into and that the Spirit of God
11:11 gives wisdom to us and gives wisdom
11:13 to other people to give to us,
11:15 to know how to maintain a relationship.
11:19 And so sometimes there's a necessity,
11:23 I've heard 'cause I have not yet raised children
11:25 but I've heard, you know,
11:27 psychologists say and Christians say,
11:29 routine is necessary.
11:32 Routine is necessary for anything
11:34 that's going to be long lasting.
11:37 There's a routine that churches have.
11:40 There's a routine that schools have.
11:42 There's a routine that businesses have
11:45 in order to function consistently
11:47 over a long period of time.
11:49 And so in the same way marriages need routine.
11:53 And I think the other thing that you were bringing up
11:57 is the difference between what happens if I have routine
12:00 but I have no, there's no surprises.
12:03 You know, can my marriage still be strong if we just stay
12:07 within the routine aspect of it?
12:10 I was about to bring that up because recently statistics
12:15 are showing that, you know, divorce is declining,
12:17 the rates of divorce is declining.
12:19 But the reason why the rates of divorce is declining
12:22 is the rates of marriages
12:24 have also not been happening as frequently
12:26 because people are not getting married.
12:28 And one of the reasons some people say
12:30 is marriage is boring.
12:33 It's not spontaneous. You don't have any fun.
12:37 We are all married.
12:38 I don't think that's true. Right.
12:41 My marriage is exciting but like you said
12:43 routine is important.
12:45 And for me personally my marriage right now
12:49 that's what we're trying to establish,
12:51 a routine to give us something to look forward to,
12:53 seeing on Sundays that's my day off,
12:56 for every other Sunday is my day off
12:58 and other Sunday is your day off.
13:00 Mondays you have the freedom, Tuesdays I don't
13:02 because it gives you something to look forward to.
13:05 You get excited saying, "Okay, Wednesday is our date night.
13:09 That is our date time."
13:10 And it's not only exciting for us,
13:12 but it's also exciting for the children
13:13 because they know Wednesday is that time
13:16 when mommy's gonna dress up, daddy's gonna dress up
13:19 and they gonna walk out and they gonna be so happy,
13:22 and uncle so-and-so or nana
13:24 or somebody is going to babysit me
13:26 so they can be together.
13:28 So routine is important.
13:30 I'm having too much spontaneous when I don't know
13:32 if we're gonna have date night or not,
13:35 that doesn't make me happy, I'm just gonna be honest.
13:37 I love my husband, he loves me, but when we don't know
13:40 if it's actually gonna happen
13:41 because something else is going on, it messes up.
13:44 And if we don't have devotion every morning at the same time,
13:47 it messes the entire day up because routine does have
13:51 an importance especially in marriage.
13:53 Right.
13:54 There is our premarital counselors
13:58 where they demonstrate something for us,
14:01 they've never verbalized it
14:03 but they've demonstrated something for us in that.
14:08 The husband doesn't necessarily celebrate his wife
14:14 during the holidays.
14:16 So birthday, Valentine's day, that's not, you know,
14:22 he's kind of rebellious, and that he's not,
14:25 our society says this is the time
14:26 that I'm supposed to love my wife.
14:29 He says I do it but I do it all the time.
14:32 I buy her flowers and I'll see like,
14:34 "What's going on?
14:35 Why you have this big bouquet?"
14:37 If I was like, "Oh, he just bought it for me."
14:38 And he started to have his whole eye, you know,
14:39 just light up, it just lights up.
14:43 And they've been married for years.
14:45 They've been married for I think over 30, 40 years.
14:50 And that's something that they do to randomly, you know,
14:54 bring her flowers or randomly, you know,
14:55 just something that she likes.
14:57 And I think that there is also something
14:59 that wives can do for their husbands
15:01 to spice up the relationship,
15:04 do something spontaneous just to keep the flowing,
15:09 keep the chemistry going over long periods of time.
15:14 I agree. All have calendars, right?
15:19 And it's easy for us to fill up our calendars
15:21 with things to do.
15:22 And it was during a Bible study one time
15:25 and so when I was reading Bible study
15:26 and it talked about the Sabbath,
15:31 it was talking about the Sabbath
15:32 and how that's God's special day to Him,
15:35 to be with us, that's His special day,
15:37 He looks forward to that
15:39 and we should look forward to that.
15:40 But to tell the story of the Sabbath,
15:42 he used another analogy of a dad
15:44 who had these little children
15:46 and they found his calendar or something like that.
15:49 And they were looking in there and every single Wednesday
15:51 to your point, it had a date with my best friend.
15:55 Date with my best friend.
15:57 And then looking at this
15:58 and they were like, "Wait a minute.
15:59 Dad has on his calendar every single week
16:02 in his calendar date with my best friend."
16:05 And so they were able to see how important it was today,
16:08 he put it on his calendar.
16:10 And so I had to take that away and I began putting my wife
16:12 and my children they each have their days
16:14 and things like that, and to be able to see that
16:16 in your calendar let you know that
16:18 that person values this time, right?
16:21 And so that's being consistent.
16:22 But then there are times
16:24 where you need to get off script,
16:27 it's important.
16:28 So just a couple weeks ago, if I can just share a story,
16:30 my wife was at school,
16:32 she's studying to be a nurse right now
16:33 and she was expecting to be in there.
16:35 Wednesdays are her long days and so I just showed up one day
16:39 and brought her lunch
16:41 and I didn't know where she was,
16:42 the lady went found her and she's thinking
16:44 something's wrong but it's like,
16:45 I just have lunch for you today.
16:46 And a stuff like that allows you to know
16:49 either with having the scheduled date,
16:51 those spontaneous things
16:54 just keep everything fresh, right?
16:56 And new, and so it's important to have the schedule things,
17:00 it's important to be spontaneous
17:02 if you want your marriage to last for a long time.
17:05 It's important. Completely.
17:07 And like you said, routine to create a symbol,
17:11 it's like okay, Dad really loves Mom.
17:14 He really cares about her. Yes.
17:16 She's not just this person who he had to be with
17:18 because of me.
17:20 And kids know that, they feel it,
17:22 my parents are just together because of me.
17:24 We're going back to trying to keep your match
17:26 'cause you don't want to be divorced.
17:28 I think all of us we entered marriage
17:30 not having the mentality... Long-term.
17:31 We want long-term all the way. Yes, yes.
17:33 Until Christ comes.
17:35 We hear about routines and we hear all these
17:37 different great ideas.
17:39 Date nights and all this different stuff,
17:40 we want to implement all of them.
17:42 Yes. One time.
17:43 Yes. Yes.
17:44 Not going to work, it's not gonna work.
17:46 You have to implement small things one at a time,
17:51 I think it only takes 21 days or 21 times
17:54 for something to happen to create a habit.
17:56 If you're trying to do everything at one time,
17:59 it's going to overload.
18:03 Something's gonna not happen
18:05 and you gonna have frustration or upset.
18:07 So how do you go about trying to start small
18:11 and figuring out what to add to the routine?
18:15 Well, my schedule, specially being a pastor,
18:19 we've been intentional to say this is our time.
18:23 And so we just say this is our day,
18:25 this is what we're gonna go for,
18:26 but we also understand
18:28 that there's things that might come up
18:29 and that's important to communicate those things
18:31 that are gonna come up
18:32 and so your spouse doesn't feel like
18:34 they're being let down, but they also need to know
18:37 that you value this time, right?
18:39 And so it might be going out just for a walk,
18:44 going to the park and taking some pictures,
18:46 taking some selfies together
18:47 and just being able to spend some time together.
18:49 We've done a good job of not necessarily
18:52 always nailing down what we're going to do
18:55 but to be able to say this is your time,
18:57 this is our time together.
18:59 We don't know what we're gonna do,
19:00 we might just go off the cuff this particular week
19:03 or we may plan something for months down the line,
19:06 but this time is dedicated to you
19:09 and that helps make that thing work,
19:12 and it lets the other person know
19:14 that you really care about them.
19:15 Yeah, so I make a silly face
19:17 because as you just stated a little while ago,
19:21 I've only been married for about four months.
19:23 So we're still trying to work that,
19:26 we're still trying to make that happen
19:28 and being completely lost.
19:29 We're still trying to make that happen.
19:31 We're in a new place being married,
19:35 I literally graduated my undergrad,
19:37 started working for my school, and then getting married
19:44 and moving to a whole another state.
19:47 And so, and we're in that state because my husband's
19:51 intern chaplain at the hospital there,
19:53 doing his CPE clinical pastoral education
19:56 and so we're still trying to work those things out.
20:01 So in turn, you know,
20:02 he comes home and it's like okay,
20:04 now it's time for you to tell me about your day.
20:07 Now it's time for us to regroup since we've been separate
20:11 for most of the day.
20:13 I mean, now we're here, so that's when, you know,
20:16 small thing that we are just beginning
20:19 to put into play.
20:21 But everything is not yet, you know, we're new so...
20:24 You know, but that's important though
20:26 to be able to just say, "Listen, and I'm coming in
20:29 and I'm just sharing my day with you."
20:31 That's important.
20:32 Like you actually listening to me, right?
20:33 Like put your phone down like and actually look respond,
20:37 like that's important and then you...
20:38 Say that again, put your phone down.
20:40 Put your phone down, don't you feel like
20:43 can I get some eye contact.
20:45 I got a friend, he says this to his wife, he says,
20:47 just be present, can you be present?
20:49 Well, there's just a moment, I understand you're busy.
20:51 But that's a start.
20:53 And so also don't try to gauge, I know Facebook is huge,
20:59 so you can look at people's pictures
21:00 and everybody always smiling
21:02 in their Facebook pictures, right?
21:03 So there's never a bad day on Facebook
21:05 and we begin to measure our life
21:06 by people's Facebook pages.
21:08 But we don't see the times
21:10 where they weren't smiling, right?
21:12 This could be the first time they went on vacation
21:14 in 20 years and to us it looks like
21:16 they go on vacation every week.
21:17 So just get your thing and say this is us,
21:21 even if it's just coming home from work,
21:23 putting the phone down and just talking.
21:26 Another thing that works for us
21:28 and my family this is important,
21:29 sitting down and eating meal together.
21:31 Yeah. Eating a meal together.
21:34 We may have a video watched, being shown
21:38 or something like that but we're eating together,
21:39 we're not in different rooms or anything like that.
21:42 And so that gives us time.
21:44 My kids know, my wife knows, we're eating dinner together,
21:47 you know, call me if I'm out,
21:48 "Dude, we're about to eat dinner,
21:50 you need to get home."
21:51 And so that's our sit down time and even if it's just that,
21:53 and at that time
21:55 you're bouncing stuff off each other,
21:56 starting somewhere is vitally important.
21:58 Yeah, we do that. We do that too.
22:00 Like my husband, his family, they used to eat
22:05 and go to their separate rooms and towards the end
22:08 before I went to college, my family began to do that too.
22:11 We didn't sit down at the table.
22:14 Food will be cooked and when you're ready to eat,
22:16 you grab your food and then people go
22:18 to different parts of the house
22:20 but because he didn't have it, he told me we eat,
22:24 you're gonna be at the table and I'm cool with that...
22:27 Yes.
22:28 You know, and it's definitely an intimate time
22:31 that we have that's not,
22:33 you know, different level of intimacy
22:35 but it's intentional being present,
22:38 looking at you, responding, computer is close,
22:41 Facebook is put away,
22:43 telephone is put away, you know,
22:44 we may have some music playing, you know,
22:46 if the computer is open but the face of the computer
22:49 is facing the wall, you know, kind of the things.
22:51 So yeah, that's definitely valuable.
22:54 So some things that we've discussed thus far
22:55 about having successful marriages,
22:58 things to implement to help you press forward,
23:01 things like being intentional, being present,
23:05 completely present, no Facebook, no Instagram,
23:07 no Twitter, not watching TV sometimes but not...
23:12 Now that should not be your only way
23:13 to spend time with each other.
23:15 Right.
23:16 Making sure you're putting each other first
23:18 and spending that quality time
23:20 so you don't wake up one day wondering who did I marry?
23:23 Who are you? Why are you here?
23:25 Because people change. Right.
23:27 And I think another thing that you guys having mentioned
23:29 is also talking, communicating, saying,
23:32 "Babe, I'm not sure if I'll be able
23:33 to have it today at this location,
23:36 but we can probably go somewhere else."
23:37 Right.
23:39 Keep that open communication, those are all tools
23:41 that help you to be able to be successful in your marriage.
23:43 Yeah.
23:45 And I think another important thing
23:46 is my husband and I we do devotion.
23:48 And during our devotions
23:50 we hear different words of wisdom and ideas,
23:53 and one thing that this couple said
23:56 and it was so amazing to me was,
24:00 "Pray for yourself to change."
24:04 Yes, your husband, your spouse is frustrating you,
24:08 you're getting upset.
24:09 You told them to put the toilet seat down,
24:12 you keep on keeping it up, instead of praying for them
24:17 to change or saying,
24:18 "God, why did you give me this husband or this spouse."
24:22 Pray for yourself to be what they need to be for God.
24:29 Not for what you think they should be
24:31 but for God and their purpose and their life.
24:35 What do you guys think about that part?
24:38 I think you're right.
24:41 I think you're right, I think as you are trying to,
24:45 you are maintaining not just maintaining but,
24:48 you know, as you are maintaining
24:49 your relationship and making sure
24:51 that there's still value in the relationship
24:54 over a long period of time, you do,
24:57 it doesn't even take a long period of time
24:58 but you start to see things that are frustrating.
25:01 And you know when you pray to God,
25:03 it's for that person to change, that's, most of the time
25:06 where we go unless it is corrected.
25:08 It is very rare in my opinion
25:10 that a person starts off praying Lord,
25:12 help me to love this person just as they are.
25:17 Most of the time it's this thing
25:18 gets on my nerves,
25:20 Lord, please communicate it to them,
25:22 so that they can get it together,
25:23 Lord, give them the strength to do what I need them to do.
25:26 Yeah.
25:27 Most of the time
25:29 those are our prayers for our spouses
25:31 but what you just said is definitely,
25:35 it's sacrificial.
25:38 It's acknowledging that I too implode, Lord,
25:42 that in this relationship that I am a part of it.
25:48 I'm sure there are things
25:49 that it gets on my spouse's nerve about me.
25:53 And in order for this thing to work,
25:55 we have to come together.
25:57 So I agree with that. Yeah.
25:59 Friend of mine says something and I stole it from him,
26:03 I told him I'm using it everywhere I go.
26:05 He said marriage
26:07 is the ultimate battle of humility.
26:11 He said every single day we're seeing
26:13 who can bow the lowest.
26:16 And I'm not bowing because I want for you
26:19 to praise me for bowing lower than you.
26:22 I'm bowing because I love you, right?
26:25 And it's a process of just me expressing my love for you
26:29 and so that takes sometimes me biting my tongue.
26:32 And my wife will tell you, I get in trouble a lot.
26:34 I'm one of the kids sometimes. Yeah.
26:37 So it's important to know that just as much as you want God
26:42 to work on your spouse, there's things
26:43 that I'm sure each and every one of us has
26:47 that irks our spouse, right?
26:48 And so we're saying,
26:49 "God, help us be in a better place
26:52 so this thing can be better."
26:54 And if we both pray that prayer,
26:56 if we're both humble and say, we both have things
26:58 that need to be fixed, then,
26:59 you know, it would be a great marriage.
27:01 I believe so.
27:03 And just the last thing I would probably add
27:04 is we have to handle the conflicts
27:07 in our relationship versus
27:09 having the conflicts handle take over us.
27:12 Yes. Yes.
27:13 We have to go to God because the relationship
27:16 will not be successful without Him.
27:19 You have to pray with Him for yourself to change
27:22 'cause being in a relationship with Him
27:25 is how we bring about that change.
27:27 As we are about to close, we want you to keep on
27:30 having the discussion.
27:32 How is your marriage spontaneous?
27:34 How is it maintaining routines?
27:36 What can you do to switch things up a bit
27:40 or try to maintain stability so that your spouse know
27:43 that they can depend and rely on you.
27:46 The Bible says in Colossians 4:6,
27:49 "Let your conversation be always full of grace,
27:52 seasoned with salt, so that you may know
27:54 how to answer every one."
27:56 Remember to make pure choices.


Revised 2017-08-14