Participants:
Series Code: PME
Program Code: PME231028S
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00:14 >> Today's scripture reading 00:15 comes from Ephesians chapter 5, 00:17 verses 25 to 28. 00:20 And it reads, “Husbands love you 00:22 wives just as Christ loved the 00:24 church and gave Himself up for 00:25 her to make her holy, cleansing 00:27 her by washing-- by the washing 00:29 with water through the word and 00:31 to present her to Himself as a 00:33 radiant church without stain or 00:35 wrinkle or any other blemish, 00:37 but wholly and blameless. 00:38 In this same way, husbands ought 00:40 to love their wives as their 00:41 own bodies. 00:42 He who loves his wife 00:44 loves himself.” 00:58 ♪♪ 05:53 >> As we journey through some 05:54 hymns, we would like you to 05:56 reflect on how we are journeying 05:58 with Christ in our 06:00 relationships, in our marriages, 06:03 and most importantly, as a 06:04 collective body of Christ. 06:07 I invite you to stand. 09:42 >> Welcome to the third and 09:43 final installment of our series 09:46 entitled "How to Stay Married 09:48 Forever and Like It." 09:52 If you are guest with us, if 09:53 this is your first time, perhaps 09:54 here at Pioneer, just for this 09:55 series, I wanna say a very 09:57 special thank you for 09:57 being here. 09:58 We are so glad that you took the 09:59 time to come and to be a part of 10:02 our Saturday morning family 10:04 here. 10:05 This day that we call Sabbath, 10:06 we actually do this every single 10:08 weekend and you are welcome to 10:09 join us at any time in the 10:10 future. 10:11 Nine o'clock in the morning is 10:12 our first service, 10:45, of 10:14 course, is our second and... 10:17 Eleven-forty-five. 10:19 My wife-- thank you. 10:20 Yes, yes, yes. 10:21 Eleven-forty-five is our second 10:22 service and we would love to 10:24 have you come and join us again. 10:25 Consider this to be your 10:27 standing invitation to be a part 10:29 of our campus family here. 10:32 Also, if you have not yet 10:33 discovered it, if you have 10:34 appreciated what you've seen 10:35 over the last few Sabbaths here 10:36 or prior to that, good news, 10:38 there are recordings of these 10:40 that are archived with links off 10:42 of our website. 10:43 You can go to pmchurch.org, 10:46 that's pmchurch.org and you'll 10:48 find links there that will take 10:49 you to most any service that's 10:51 been done in the last... 10:53 ...20 years? 10:54 I don't know. 10:55 It's been a long time, including 10:56 the last couple of weeks, if you 10:57 wish to pass those on 10:59 to other people. 11:00 Again, very glad that you've 11:02 chosen here to be with us. 11:05 Now, before we begin officially, 11:08 part three, there is one item 11:10 that I want to take a few 11:11 moments here to discuss, because 11:13 any time that there's a serious 11:15 discussion about marriage and 11:16 what makes it healthy, etc., the 11:18 question comes up what do you do 11:20 if you are the only one in a 11:22 marriage relationship that is 11:24 willing to work on the marriage? 11:26 If there's-- both of you are 11:28 working, the promises in God's 11:30 Word, the guarantees for 11:32 healthfulness in a marriage is 11:34 indeed dependent, it's 11:35 predicated on both husband and 11:37 wife being fully committed to 11:39 God and being willing to work 11:41 through the troubles that come. 11:42 But absent that, what do you do 11:46 if you are the only one willing 11:48 to work on the relationship? 11:51 You know, that could take an 11:52 entire sermon on its own. 11:54 We do not have that kind of 11:55 time, so I'm simply going to 11:56 offer three pieces of counsel 11:58 here very briefly before part 12:00 three. 12:01 And I do wanna make the same 12:02 caveat today that I did 12:04 last week. 12:05 If you are in an abusive 12:06 marriage, what I'm gonna say 12:08 here next almost certainly does 12:10 not apply to you. 12:12 Please do not try to make it 12:14 apply to you. 12:15 You need to find a safe place 12:16 and get help. 12:19 If your marriage is not abusive 12:21 but is not healthy and you are 12:24 the only one in the relationship 12:25 that is willing to work on it, 12:27 three things for you. 12:30 Number one, know that you are 12:32 not alone. 12:35 God has not abandoned you. 12:37 You are precious to Him, you are 12:38 the apple of His eye. 12:39 He loves you and He wants to 12:40 give you what you need to 12:42 endure. 12:43 Every tear that you have shed 12:44 has been marked by Jesus Christ 12:46 Himself. 12:46 Every ounce of pain that you 12:47 have endured, Jesus knows all 12:49 about it. 12:50 He cares for you, He loves you, 12:51 and He wants to give you what 12:53 you need to be able to make it 12:54 through. 12:56 Secondly, do all the good for 12:59 your spouse you know to do. 13:02 Do all the good for your spouse 13:04 you know to do. 13:06 Pray for them daily. 13:07 Do the things that have been 13:08 mentioned in this series, 13:09 particularly what we're gonna 13:10 talk about today, do them to the 13:11 best of your ability. 13:12 Some of them you will not be 13:13 able to do very well because it 13:15 takes two, but do the best that 13:17 you can, do all the good for 13:19 your spouse that you know to do. 13:21 And number three, remember that 13:24 marriage is not primarily about 13:26 your happiness, but preparing 13:29 you for God's kingdom. 13:32 Now, that may seem like a little 13:34 bit of a backhanded piece of 13:35 encouragement, huh? 13:38 In fact, some of you may know an 13:39 old saying. 13:40 It's been said in many ways, 13:41 this is just my paraphrase, 13:43 "If you have a healthy marriage, 13:46 you will have a lifetime of 13:47 happiness. 13:48 If you have an unhealthy 13:49 marriage, you will become a 13:50 philosopher." 13:54 And we chuckle because there is 13:55 some truth to this, and it is a 13:57 piece of truth that should not 13:58 be ignored. 14:00 Is happiness something that God 14:01 wants for your marriage? 14:02 Well, generally speaking, of 14:03 course. 14:04 But if happiness is not there 14:06 and your spouse is not willing 14:07 to work on things, I would 14:09 gently encourage you to listen 14:10 carefully to what God is trying 14:12 to say in the midst of your 14:13 marriage's troubles. 14:15 Hang in there. 14:17 Stick with it. 14:18 Don't leave. 14:20 Learn the lessons that God is 14:21 trying to teach you through 14:23 those difficulties. 14:25 Now, I do not say this lightly. 14:27 You know, sometimes this kind of 14:28 spiritual growth, when you're 14:30 trying to work on it, but you're 14:31 not getting any help from the 14:32 other side, this can be tough as 14:34 nails, it can hurt deeply, 14:36 it's hard. 14:39 But God knows what that kind of 14:41 suffering is like because He, 14:44 too, has loved people who have 14:46 not loved Him as they should 14:47 in return. 14:49 He knows all about it. 14:52 And if you are willing to learn 14:53 something deep from God, you 14:56 will find some things about Him 14:57 that are not accessible to other 14:59 people in other situations. 15:01 And when Christ soon returns to 15:02 this planet, your reward will be 15:04 rich indeed. 15:08 And I would be remiss 15:11 if I didn't also say this... 15:14 ...if you are the spouse 15:15 listening right now who is 15:17 unwilling and you're here, or 15:20 perhaps you're listening to a 15:22 recording of this message, I 15:24 would gently invite you to 15:25 consider this: God only asks you 15:31 to be as gracious to your spouse 15:34 as He has been to you. 15:37 God only asks you to be as 15:39 gracious to your spouse as He 15:41 has been to you. 15:43 You know, some spouses are 15:45 terrible at marriage, it's just 15:46 a sad fact. 15:47 Maybe some of you listening 15:48 right now, you're in that boat. 15:50 You married a poor marriage 15:51 practitioner and you are tired 15:53 of it. 15:53 The things that they have said, 15:54 the trust that they have broken, 15:56 the hurt that they have brought 15:57 you, all this and much more has 15:58 been your reality and you are 16:00 tired of it, you have shut down, 16:02 you are done. 16:06 And to you I would say... 16:09 ...I get it. 16:12 At least in part, I get it. 16:15 Not because of my own marriage, 16:18 but because as a child, this was 16:19 my reality, this is what I grew 16:21 up with. 16:23 And as a pastor, I have seen it 16:24 many times over the years. 16:26 And in light of that experience, 16:28 I would still just remind you 16:29 again, God only asks you to be 16:31 as gracious to your spouse as He 16:33 has been to you. 16:36 If you're not clear on what that 16:37 means, I would encourage you to 16:38 read, for instance, the book of 16:40 Mark in the New Testament. 16:42 See what Jesus did for you, see 16:44 what Jesus forgave you. 16:46 Pay particular attention to what 16:48 happened on the cross where 16:49 Jesus died. 16:50 You know, the Bible tells us 16:52 that very rarely will anyone die 16:54 for someone else, possibly for a 16:56 good man or a good woman someone 16:58 might dare to die, but God has 17:00 shown His love for us in this. 17:02 While we were still in active 17:05 rebellion against Him, Jesus 17:07 Christ died that we might live. 17:11 That's how gracious God is 17:13 calling you to be. 17:15 Only as much as Christ has been 17:17 with you. 17:20 So please, I would gently 17:22 challenge you... 17:24 ...consider forgiving. 17:26 Consider getting back 17:27 in the game. 17:29 Consider saying to your spouse, 17:30 "Okay, let's try something 17:31 different this time." 17:33 Go see a Christian counselor. 17:35 Anyone can keep their problems 17:36 to themselves, but God didn't 17:38 make you to be just anyone, God 17:40 called you to be His son, He 17:41 called you to be His daughter. 17:43 Find a counselor, find someone 17:44 you can both agree on who can 17:46 help and let them help. 17:47 A healthy marriage can still be 17:49 within your grasp, and if you 17:51 find a healthy marriage, you 17:53 will not regret the effort it 17:55 took to get it. 17:58 So don't give up. 18:00 God is calling you. 18:01 Good things can still happen. 18:07 And now for our main topic for 18:08 today. 18:12 Many years ago I read an article 18:15 and if I still have this 18:17 article, it is still buried in 18:18 the same place as my wedding 18:19 pictures are somewhere in the 18:21 strata of my basement, okay, so 18:22 I don't have it here with me, 18:24 but it made quite an impression 18:25 on my mind. 18:26 I remember it, it was a party 18:29 that took place in New York 18:30 City. 18:31 I believe it was sponsored by 18:32 the mayor's office. 18:33 The invitation was sent out. 18:34 Any resident of New York City 18:36 that has been married 50 years 18:39 or longer, they were all invited 18:42 to come to this celebration. 18:44 I mean, what a great idea, 18:45 right? 18:46 I mean, can you imagine being at 18:48 that particular festival? 18:49 You know, we would assume they 18:51 are older folk, probably not 18:52 many 30 year olds that 18:53 qualified, aright? 18:54 So they're all there, and any 18:56 four people there, two couples, 18:58 guaranteed to have at least a 18:59 century of marital experience. 19:02 Wow! 19:03 I mean, that's astonishing! 19:04 All there in one place. 19:06 There were dozens and dozens and 19:07 dozens of them that were there. 19:08 And, you know, I read the 19:09 article, it was very engaging, 19:11 you see the pictures, you know, 19:12 happy couples talking there. 19:14 The one outstanding impression 19:17 that I left reading that article 19:19 with was this: 19:23 I wanna be there. 19:26 Someday I want to deserve an 19:29 invitation to that party. 19:32 Now, I pray that we're not on 19:33 the planet long enough for that 19:35 to happen, right? 19:36 We're coming up on 29 years here 19:37 so, you know, 50 is still a 19:39 little bit off. 19:39 I would much prefer to be in 19:41 heaven, amen? 19:42 But if it were to happen, I 19:44 would wanna get an invitation, I 19:45 would want to make it all the 19:47 way there towards the end 19:48 of my life. 19:50 I would want to be still married 19:53 to my wife. 19:57 So what does it take 19:58 to get there? 20:00 What do couples do that have 20:02 made it so-- they make it all 20:03 the way there to the end? 20:06 What do couples do 20:07 to make that happen? 20:11 Well, let's do some digging. 20:13 Take your Bible, please, and 20:14 take a look at Ephesians 20:14 chapter 5, verse 25. 20:16 Page 789 in the pew Bible that's 20:19 there somewhere nearby you. 20:20 It's page 789, Ephesians 20:22 chapter 5, verse 25. 20:24 We're gonna to reread the 20:26 scripture that Pastor Prescott 20:27 read so ably here just a few 20:28 moments ago, we wanna solidify 20:30 this in your mind. 20:31 Ephesians chapter 5, beginning 20:33 with verse 25. 20:35 You see, there is an overarching 20:37 principle that if you can 20:39 remember it, you have an 20:41 excellent chance of making it 20:42 all the way to the finish line 20:44 happily married forever to the 20:46 same person. 20:48 In fact, if you forget 20:49 everything else in this series, 20:49 but you remember this one 20:51 overarching principle, you will 20:53 be doing well. 20:54 It is to be the biggest tool in 20:56 your marriage toolbox. 20:57 Here it is. 20:58 Ephesians chapter 5, beginning 20:59 with verse 25. 21:01 "Husbands," it says, "love your 21:03 wives." 21:05 And we might say, "How much? 21:07 How much love is that?" 21:08 Answer: "Just as Christ loved 21:12 the church," wow, "and gave 21:15 Himself up for her to make her 21:17 holy, cleansing her by the 21:18 washing with water through the 21:20 word, to present her to Himself 21:22 as a radiant church without 21:23 stain or wrinkle or any other 21:24 blemish, but holy and blameless. 21:26 In this same way, husbands ought 21:29 to love their wives as their own 21:32 bodies." 21:34 Wow! 21:37 Let me put this on the screen 21:38 for you. 21:39 The foundational principle for 21:41 reaching the finish line, for 21:43 being married forever and liking 21:44 it is to serve your spouse as 21:47 Christ served the church. 21:51 To serve your spouse as Christ 21:54 served the church. 21:56 Any lesser example, you might 21:58 have some success, but if you 22:00 want to aim for the top, if you 22:01 want to aim happily married 22:03 forever and liking it, aim for 22:05 the prime example. 22:06 Serve your spouse as Christ 22:08 served the church. 22:09 Again, marriage is not primarily 22:12 about our own personal happiness 22:14 or our love life, etc., it is a 22:16 tool to prepare us for God's 22:18 kingdom. 22:20 Marriage is a school, it is a 22:21 learning environment that God 22:23 has graciously created so that 22:25 we can understand what it means 22:27 not just to be in relationship 22:28 with another person, but most of 22:30 all to be in a relationship 22:31 with Him. 22:33 This is why the Bible puts so 22:35 much strong counsel for strong 22:37 marriages that we might be 22:40 satisfied with our spouses, that 22:42 we might experience happiness 22:44 with them till death, and not 22:47 merely that for ourselves, but 22:48 that we will literally get a 22:49 foretaste of heaven. 22:51 This is why God has given us 22:53 marriage. 22:54 So if you want to reach the 22:55 finish line with a happy 22:57 marriage, serve your spouse as 22:59 Christ served the church. 23:02 And you might be thinking, 23:02 "Well, Pastor Shane, how do we 23:04 do that?" 23:05 Alright, is anybody wondering 23:06 that? 23:10 Thank you, someone is tracking. 23:11 Yes. Okay, okay. 23:12 Since you asked the question, 23:13 let me tell you. 23:14 Two keys, two key ways to serve 23:18 your spouse as Christ served 23:20 the church. 23:21 Key number one, Ephesians 23:23 chapter 4, verse 26. 23:25 Just turn back one page from 23:27 where you just were. 23:28 Ephesians chapter 4, page 788, 23:32 verse 26, short verse here, 23:35 but a good one. 23:37 It says, "In your anger 23:40 do not sin." 23:42 Hmm, "In your anger, do not sin, 23:45 do not let the sun go down while 23:48 you are still angry." 23:54 Now, some couples have taken a 23:55 rather wooden approach to this 23:56 particular counsel, and they 23:58 have said that after sundown you 24:00 can't argue, but any time before 24:01 that is open season, okay? 24:03 [laughter] 24:05 And I would like to think that 24:07 the Bible is actually getting to 24:08 a more powerful and practical 24:10 practice here and it is the 24:13 first key to reaching the finish 24:15 line with a happy marriage. 24:16 If you want to serve your spouse 24:18 as Christ served the church, key 24:20 number one, deal with marital 24:22 conflict effectively. 24:26 Deal with marital conflict 24:28 effectively. 24:31 A story. 24:32 And I need to tell you right at 24:33 the beginning of the story, I 24:35 have permission 24:37 to tell this story. 24:39 Okay? 24:40 You'll see why I give that 24:41 caveat in just a few moments. 24:43 It was probably, I think we'd 24:44 been married for about three 24:45 years or so, we were living here 24:47 in Berrien Springs out on Lake 24:48 Chapin Road. 24:50 Being a seminary students, we 24:51 had a really nice house, okay? 24:54 And for those of you who don't 24:55 know, that's a complete and 24:56 total joke, alright? 24:57 We were poor, I was on seminary 24:59 stipend, etc. 25:00 We were very enthralled with our 25:02 house though. 25:03 It was dirt cheap and looked it, 25:04 okay? 25:05 It was, in fact, such a good 25:07 house that there was one more 25:08 tenant after us and then, no 25:10 joke, they bulldozed it into the 25:11 basement, covered it over and 25:12 walked away. 25:14 So this was a good place, but 25:15 truly we were very grateful 25:17 for it. 25:17 It definitely served our needs 25:18 and the price was right. 25:20 To help supplement things, my 25:21 wife, who's a nurse, was working 25:23 float pool and that can be 25:27 arduous. 25:29 I mean, you never quite know 25:30 exactly where it is you're gonna 25:31 be, what floor you're gonna 25:32 be on, the hours that you'll 25:33 be working, it can be really 25:34 challenging. 25:35 She had gone for a string, many 25:37 days of doing oddball things and 25:39 moving from floor to floor. 25:41 She came home one night and she 25:42 was absolutely exhausted. 25:45 Now, my wife is generally 25:47 speaking an angel, okay? 25:50 It's me that has the trouble, 25:51 alright? 25:52 This occasion, she was 25:53 absolutely dog tired, she rolls 25:55 into bed, she says, "Hey, come 25:57 and tell me goodnight." 25:58 So I go in to the room and an 25:59 issue comes up. 26:03 Now, I wish I could tell you 26:05 what the issue was, but neither 26:07 of us can recall. 26:08 It was so important we forgot. 26:11 And so what we're talking about 26:12 this and in my mind's eye, this 26:14 was a very small thing and so I 26:16 mentioned something, "Well, hey, 26:16 what about, you know, just 26:17 before you go to sleep, what do 26:18 you think about, should we do 26:19 thus and such?" 26:21 And she bristled. 26:22 Said, "Well, no, I don't think 26:24 we should do that." 26:25 "Well, I mean, it's not a big 26:26 deal, but--" 26:26 "Well, no, I think it is a 26:27 big deal!" 26:28 And this thing just starts to 26:29 ratchet up, I mean, "Whoa, 26:30 hold on! 26:31 You know, I'm looking at my 26:32 watch, this is too late, I mean, 26:33 what's going on? 26:34 And I'm thinking she's really, 26:35 really tired and she is not 26:37 slowing down. 26:38 And finally she says, "I am done 26:41 talking about this," and she 26:42 reaches over and she turns the 26:44 light out and pulls the covers 26:45 over her head. 26:52 Being an intuitive husband... 26:57 ...I sensed that something 26:58 was wrong. 26:59 [laughter] 27:02 And I thought to myself, "You 27:04 know, the odds of fixing this 27:05 one seem pretty low right now. 27:07 I think I'll just leave the 27:09 room." 27:12 And I did. 27:14 Closed the bedroom door behind 27:15 me, I went out in the living 27:15 room where my desk was, and I 27:18 started to try to focus on my 27:20 seminary homework again. 27:23 Alright, time out for a moment. 27:26 You need to know something about 27:27 the significance of what had 27:28 just happened in the story. 27:30 You know, my wife and I 27:31 subscribe to the biblical idea 27:33 that a husband is the priest of 27:35 his home. 27:36 Now, some of you go apoplectic 27:38 with me, even mentioning that 27:40 particular phrase. 27:41 So let me quickly say, I know 27:42 that this has been abused 27:44 many a time. 27:45 So let me be clear about what 27:46 that means in my household, 27:48 okay, in our household. 27:50 The husband is a priest, and 27:51 that means among other things, 27:52 that he has to serve his wife 27:54 sacrificially. 27:56 In the Old Testament, if you 27:57 read in the Bible, priests would 27:59 offer sacrifices according to 28:00 the mandates of the law. 28:01 So they, you know, offer a sheep 28:02 or a goat or doves, whatever the 28:04 case might be, right? 28:06 In a "New Testament marriage," 28:07 if I can use that phrase, the 28:09 husband is the priest, but he 28:10 doesn't offer those kinds of 28:11 sacrifices, the only sacrifice 28:13 he offers is himself... 28:16 ...on behalf of his wife. 28:18 He has to give himself up for 28:19 her to make sure, listen 28:21 carefully here, to make sure 28:23 that she has what she needs for 28:25 God's will to be done 28:26 in her life. 28:28 Not my will, but God's will. 28:32 Because I serve Him, therefore, 28:34 I serve her. 28:36 That is a big part of what it 28:37 means to be the priest 28:38 in one's home. 28:39 I am to sacrifice my life for 28:41 her, spiritually always, 28:42 physically, if necessary. 28:44 And in our relationship, part of 28:45 this priestly duty meant for me 28:47 to be a backstop. 28:48 If, for some reason my wife or 28:50 family members stumble, it is my 28:51 task to do all that I can to 28:53 stand firm, and for us, that 28:55 included making sure that 28:56 disagreements were settled in 28:58 our favor. 29:00 Not in mine, but for the health 29:03 of our marriage, even if one of 29:05 us felt like giving up. 29:11 For the first time in our 29:12 relationship, we dated for over 29:13 four years before we got 29:14 married, we're about married 29:15 year number three at this point, 29:17 so about seven years. 29:18 For the first time, I had walked 29:20 away without seeing the end of a 29:23 disagreement. 29:28 Alright, time in. 29:30 I'm sitting there at my desk, 29:31 I'm trying to read and write and 29:32 try to focus my mind, not quite 29:34 sure exactly what just happened. 29:37 And about 5 minutes later, the 29:40 bedroom door creaked open. 29:43 Now, every door in that house 29:44 creaked when it opened, right? 29:46 But this was the nearest one and 29:48 I knew it was the bedroom door 29:49 and a very bleary-eyed Darlene 29:51 sticks her head out and she says 29:54 to me... 29:57 "Aren't you going to finish it?" 30:02 You see, not only was I worried 30:03 about what had just happened and 30:05 the newness of that scenario, 30:08 she too, even in her exhaustion, 30:11 was thinking, "Wait a second, 30:13 why... 30:14 I mean, this is, this is new. 30:16 He left. 30:18 What does that mean?" 30:22 And I said, 30:24 "Oh, uh... 30:27 ...sure." 30:28 Let's...let's finish this." 30:32 I came back in and I sat on the 30:33 bed and it probably took us no 30:34 more than four or five minutes 30:35 to solve this issue. 30:38 And kissed her goodnight and 30:40 went outside in a very different 30:43 frame of mind to work on my 30:45 homework this time. 30:52 It is so important... 30:57 ...that every married couple 30:59 learn how to reslove conflict 31:02 effectively. 31:05 Because if you don't, scenarios 31:08 just like that one that my wife 31:11 and I had, will happen to you 31:13 sooner or later, but if you 31:15 don't know how to resolve them, 31:17 or if you don't think it's 31:18 important that you resolve them, 31:20 trouble will come your way. 31:23 You see, the Bible says, "Don't 31:24 let the sun go down on 31:25 your anger." 31:26 In other words, resolve it, 31:27 fix it. 31:28 Don't just let it fester. 31:30 You see, unresolved conflict in 31:31 a marriage relationship is like 31:32 cancer. 31:34 If it goes underground, if it's 31:36 unresolved, if you just think, 31:37 "Well, hey, we'll go to bed and 31:38 we'll sleep on it and the next 31:39 day everything will be fine." 31:40 No, it won't. 31:42 The cancer will still be there 31:43 and if you do not attend to it, 31:45 it will metastasize and 31:46 eventually it will destroy the 31:48 marriage body. 31:50 So don't let it happen to you. 31:54 And you might be thinking, 31:55 "Well, so what are ten effective 31:58 ways that you could solve 31:59 conflict in marriage?" 32:02 If you thought that, that's 32:03 amazing. 32:04 And good news, I happen to have 32:06 ten things that I'm gonna share 32:07 with you. 32:08 This is a speed round, we're 32:09 gonna move very quickly. 32:10 These are ten very practical 32:11 tips for resolving conflict 32:13 effectively in marriage. 32:14 Some of you were driving to 32:15 church today and saying to 32:16 yourselves, "Oh, I hope he 32:17 doesn't give us anything that we 32:18 can use today." 32:20 You're about to be disappointed, 32:21 okay, because this is very 32:22 practical stuff. 32:23 Are you ready? 32:24 Here we go. 32:25 Practical ways, ten tips for 32:26 resolving conflicts effectively 32:28 in marriage. 32:29 Number one: Talk. 32:31 We talked about this last week, 32:32 I'm not gonna say much 32:33 about it now. 32:34 The silent treatment is for 32:35 little kids in elementary 32:36 school, you are now in the big 32:37 leagues, you are married, okay? 32:38 You need to talk about this. 32:40 If you're too hot under the 32:40 collar, by all means, take a 32:42 break, step out of the room for 32:43 a moment, get some fresh air, 32:44 prayerfully think about it, come 32:45 back and talk about it because 32:47 talking is generally how these 32:49 things are resolved. 32:50 Number two: Avoid emotional 32:53 reasoning. 32:53 You say, "What's that about?" 32:54 Well, the reason why most 32:56 divorces happen is because 32:58 people feel like that's the 33:00 right thing to do. 33:02 The reason why most conflicts in 33:03 marriage happen is because 33:04 people feel that's how things 33:06 ought to be. 33:07 Now, feelings are important, 33:09 there's no doubt about that, 33:10 but feelings are like the spice 33:12 of life. 33:13 If you have an entire plate of 33:15 spice, you will get sick, okay? 33:18 So while feelings are important, 33:20 we need to think carefully when 33:21 we get into conflict with our 33:23 spouse. 33:23 So notice this, when you get 33:25 into conflict with your spouse, 33:26 the next time this happens 33:27 before you open your mouth, 33:30 ask yourself the question, if I 33:32 didn't feel the way I do right 33:34 now, would I respond to my 33:36 spouse in the way I am about to? 33:41 You might be thinking, "Well, 33:42 Pastor Shane, that's why I would 33:43 respond in the first place at 33:45 all, is because I feel 33:46 a certain way." 33:46 Yeah, exactly right. 33:48 Feelings are important, but they 33:50 should not determine how you 33:52 ultimately treat your spouse or 33:53 how you ultimately resolve a 33:55 conflict. 33:57 We are instead called to resolve 33:58 things according to the 33:59 principles of God's Word, the 34:01 Bible, principles of love, 34:03 principles of compassion, 34:04 principles of... 34:07 Tip number three: Seek first to 34:10 understand and then to be 34:12 understood. 34:13 Seek first to understand and 34:14 then to be understood. 34:16 Now, this is actually a version 34:17 of the Golden Rule. 34:18 What's the Golden Rule say? 34:20 Do unto... 34:21 [AUDIENCE] Others. 34:21 As you would have them 34:22 do unto... 34:23 [AUDIENCE] You. 34:24 Okay, this is not something 34:25 society came up with. 34:26 Jesus Himself is the one who 34:27 said this. 34:28 Matthew Chapter 7, verse 12 is 34:30 where that Golden Rule is found. 34:32 When you are having an argument, 34:34 it's probably because you want 34:36 your spouse to see things like 34:38 you see them. 34:41 And God is in essence saying, 34:43 "Okay, I get it. 34:45 But why not extend the same 34:47 thing you want for you to your 34:48 spouse first?" 34:51 Because that opens the door, 34:53 it helps people to see that 34:53 you're reasonable. 34:54 Seek first to understand what 34:56 they are saying. 34:57 Listen to what they have to say. 34:58 Let them explain their side of 34:59 things, you'll have your chance, 35:01 you can explain it. 35:02 This is the kind of give and 35:03 take that makes for healthy 35:05 conflict resolution. 35:07 Tip number four: Use reflective 35:09 listening. 35:10 Reflective listening is simply 35:11 where you reflect back what you 35:13 think your spouse just said. 35:15 And if that sounds easy, wait 35:17 till you're in the heat of the 35:18 moment and try it. 35:20 It is fascinating how difficult 35:22 it can be sometimes to rightly 35:23 understand what your spouse 35:25 is saying. 35:25 Now, my wife always understands 35:27 what I'm saying. 35:28 I am working on it there, I'm 35:29 just-- I'm a little bit slower, 35:30 okay? 35:31 And gentleman, sometimes you may 35:32 share my fate, right? 35:34 So here's what you do, 35:35 particularly if you have an 35:36 intractable problem in your 35:37 relationship, something that 35:38 just, you can't seem to 35:40 get to it. 35:41 It may be because you don't 35:43 actually understand what the 35:44 problem is. 35:45 So here's what you do, 35:46 reflective listening. 35:47 Have your spouse say, "Tell me 35:49 what you think the problem is." 35:50 They'll say it. 35:51 "Okay, well, when you do thus 35:52 and such, it makes me feel this 35:54 way," okay? 35:55 And then you get to say now back 35:57 to them what you just heard, 35:58 okay? 36:00 I remember one couple that I was 36:01 doing this with. 36:03 This is within the last 30 years 36:04 at a church within 10,000 miles 36:05 of here. 36:06 And I was doing some brief 36:08 counseling with them and the-- 36:10 I had-- we were doing reflective 36:11 listening and the wife said, 36:14 I asked her to state the problem 36:16 and she said, "Well, when you 36:19 let the dog onto the sofa, 36:24 it makes it difficult for me to 36:26 keep the house clean." 36:29 I said, "Okay, good." 36:31 I looked at the husband, I said, 36:32 "You reflect back now. 36:33 What did she just say?" 36:35 And he said, 36:37 "You think I'm an idiot." 36:39 [laughter] 36:43 I knew we were on to something, 36:44 okay? 36:45 We had struck gold right there, 36:47 okay? 36:48 And truly, this was a turning 36:50 point because I was like, "Um, 36:52 you know, that's not precisely 36:53 what she said. 36:54 There may be some more nuance 36:55 that you're missing," and I 36:56 began to explain back, and she 36:57 was just as surprised as I was 36:59 about... 37:00 Long story short, that enabled 37:02 us to actually get to what the 37:03 real issue was. 37:04 And I'm not gonna go through all 37:05 the remainder of that 37:06 conversation. 37:07 I am saying reflective listening 37:08 can really help to clarify. 37:10 If you need some more tips about 37:11 how to use that, Google it 37:12 online, there's some good 37:13 counsel that's on there. 37:14 Tip number five: Eliminate 37:17 "always" and "never" from your 37:18 conflict resolution vocabulary. 37:22 "You're always late!" 37:24 "You're never on time!" 37:26 These are not helpful words when 37:27 you're trying to resolve a 37:28 conflict with your spouse. 37:29 Number one, it's not true. 37:31 No one is that consistent. 37:33 [laughter] 37:35 And number two, you're basically 37:36 painting them into a corner, 37:37 right, because you're kind of 37:38 judge and jury. 37:39 You're not even giving them the 37:40 opportunity to explain 37:41 themselves. 37:42 You just said, "You always do 37:42 this, you never get this done!" 37:44 kind of thing. 37:45 Just eliminate those words from 37:47 your conflict resolution 37:47 vocabulary. 37:49 Tip number six: Be willing to 37:52 compromise. 37:54 You remember that party in New 37:55 York City for the 50-years-plus 37:56 marriage people? 37:58 In the interviews that they did, 37:59 they were asked to share some of 38:02 the tips, their secrets for 38:03 success and one thing came up 38:05 repeatedly, be willing to 38:07 compromise. 38:10 Oddly enough, this is a biblical 38:11 principle. 38:12 Let me put it on the screen here 38:13 for you. 38:14 Philippians 2, verse 3. 38:16 The Bible says, "Do nothing out 38:17 of selfish ambition." 38:18 Do how much? 38:20 Nothing. 38:20 Okay, so that probably applies 38:21 here to conflict resolution, 38:22 right? 38:23 "Do nothing out of selfish 38:24 ambition or vain conceit, but in 38:26 humility, consider others better 38:28 than yourselves." 38:29 Hmm, interesting. 38:31 As it turns out, there are 38:32 actually very few things worth 38:35 erasing the happiness of your 38:36 marriage over, even if it means 38:40 you don't always get your way. 38:43 Don't compromise on your moral 38:45 principles, but on nearly 38:46 everything else, consider 38:47 others, including your spouse, 38:49 better than yourself, and be 38:51 willing to compromise. 38:53 Tip number seven: 38:56 Don't keep score. 38:57 [audience murmurs] 39:02 I probably don't even need to 39:03 say much more, but for those of 39:03 you who are sure why the front 39:05 half of the church just giggled, 39:06 let me tell you what they're 39:06 talking about, right? 39:08 Keeping score. 39:09 Little story for you. 39:10 The first full day of my 39:12 honeymoon, we honeymooned in 39:13 Canada, we got married in 39:14 February, so it was cold. 39:15 Tickets to Canada are cheap in 39:17 February, okay? 39:18 And so we went up to Banff, Lake 39:20 Louise area, you know, beautiful 39:21 even in winter. 39:22 And the first full day we had 39:24 breakfast in the hotel and then 39:26 lunch is on its way, right? 39:28 And we've got a smorgasbord of 39:29 restaurants around the area 39:30 there that we could choose from. 39:32 And so me wanting to be the 39:33 accommodating brand new spouse, 39:35 I thought to myself, "You know 39:36 what? 39:37 There's some places I wanna go 39:38 to eat, but whatever she says, 39:41 that's where we're gonna go." 39:43 So I said, "Hey, Darlene, where 39:45 do you want to go for lunch?" 39:47 And she named a restaurant and 39:48 immediately my stomach just kind 39:50 of turns a little bit like... 39:52 "I don't wanna go there." 39:53 I thought, "Well, no, it's fine, 39:55 it's fine, it's fine," you know, 39:56 "it's alright. 39:57 That would be great." 39:58 So we go to that restaurant for 39:59 lunch. 40:00 Lunch finally wears off, supper 40:01 is on the horizon and I think to 40:02 myself, "Ah," you know, "I'm 40:04 gonna to be a good husband, 40:05 accommodate and whatnot." 40:06 So, "Darlene, where would you 40:08 like to go for supper?" 40:09 And she said, "Well, where would 40:10 you like to go?" 40:11 I said, "Oh, no, no, no, 40:12 it's fine. 40:13 Anywhere you want to go is 40:14 fine," alright? 40:15 And she names another restaurant 40:16 that I have no interest in going 40:17 to whatsoever. 40:19 And I'm thinking to myself, "Oh, 40:21 man, okay..." 40:22 "That's fine, that would be 40:23 great, let's go!" 40:24 So we go to that restaurant. 40:26 Next day, we have breakfast at 40:26 the hotel. 40:27 Lunch is coming up, okay? 40:29 And I say to her, "So where 40:32 would you like to go to eat?" 40:36 And she names a Greek 40:37 restaurant, okay? 40:40 Now I'm a gourmet, I wanted to 40:42 go to Denny's. 40:44 Okay? 40:45 And there was a Denny's nearby. 40:46 I mean, it's-- this is, "We're 40:47 here, I've gone through all 40:48 these meals." 40:49 And she says, she names this 40:51 Greek restaurant and I could not 40:52 take it anymore. 40:53 I said, "Why do we always go 40:54 where you wanna go to eat?" 40:56 [laughter] 40:58 She said, "What do you mean?" 40:59 I said, "Well, every single 41:00 place we've gone, you've 41:01 chosen." 41:02 She said, "But you said I could 41:03 choose!" 41:04 "Well, I mean, you know, I mean, 41:05 why don't we go where I wanna go 41:06 to eat?" 41:11 I was keeping score. 41:17 Psychologists call this passive 41:18 aggressive behavior, okay? 41:21 So here's a general rule, if you 41:24 feel that this is important 41:25 enough to save up for later, and 41:28 you know why you save up, right? 41:29 I mean, because this is 41:30 leverage, okay? 41:31 So you're all kind and 41:32 everything is nice and sweetsy 41:33 until you really need something 41:34 and then you take your score 41:36 and you dump it out on the 41:37 other person's head and you-- 41:38 all this is leverage. 41:39 "You never do this for me, 41:40 blah, blah, blah." 41:41 If it's important enough to 41:43 bring up later... 41:47 ...it's probably important 41:48 enough to bring up now. 41:52 And if it's not important enough 41:54 to bring up later and it's not 41:56 important enough to bring up 41:57 now, just let it go. 42:01 Just let it go. 42:04 Because when you keep score, 42:07 eventually you're going to look 42:08 to win. 42:09 That's what scores are for, 42:10 isn't it? 42:12 Be careful. 42:13 Don't keep score. 42:14 Be generous. 42:15 If it's important enough to talk 42:16 about later, talk about it now. 42:19 Number eight: Pray in the 42:21 mirror. 42:22 This one is simple. 42:24 Don't pray against your spouse, 42:27 pray for yourself. 42:28 "God, show me what my part is in 42:29 this disagreement. 42:30 Help me to own it. 42:31 Give me the courage to do what 42:32 You would have me to do about 42:34 my stuff." 42:36 Tip number nine: Seek to settle 42:38 an argument in your, as in 42:40 plural, in your favor. 42:41 This goes back to the story of 42:42 Darlene and I there on Lake 42:44 Chapin Road. 42:45 Don't seek your own blessing, 42:47 seek the blessing of your 42:48 relationship. 42:49 And finally, tip number ten: 42:51 Get someone to help you. 42:53 If you hit a brick wall, go find 42:55 somebody, perhaps a trusted 42:56 friend that you both agree on, 42:57 and you would need to both agree 42:58 on that, or more likely, a 43:00 professional Christian 43:01 counselor. 43:01 There's no shame in going to 43:03 somebody that has more pieces of 43:04 the puzzle in their box 43:05 than you do. 43:06 The biggest shame is not taking 43:08 that step. 43:09 How many a marriage has been 43:10 lost because somebody in the 43:12 relationship was not willing to 43:13 go to a counselor and get the 43:14 help that they needed. 43:15 So find a good Christian 43:17 counselor, lay out the problem 43:19 and let them help you. 43:21 However you decide to do it, 43:22 make the decision, draw a line 43:23 in the sand, and learn to 43:25 resolve conflict in your 43:26 marriage effectively. 43:27 It is a first key method to 43:29 serving your spouse as Christ, 43:31 served the church and moving you 43:33 happily towards the finish line 43:35 with your spouse. 43:39 Key number two. 43:41 If you have a Bible, take a look 43:42 at Revelation chapter 19, 43:43 please. 43:44 Revelation Chapter 19, page 832 43:47 in your pew Bible, page 832, 43:48 Revelation chapter 19, verse 6. 43:51 Now, this may seem like an 43:52 unlikely place to find a 43:54 dramatic key for serving your 43:55 spouse, but man, this one 43:57 is good. 43:58 This is gold. 43:59 If you are interested in going 44:01 major league with your marriage, 44:03 this is it, alright? 44:04 The picture here in Revelation 44:06 is one of the Second Coming of 44:08 Jesus Christ, okay? 44:09 So revelation has lots of 44:10 symbols, it's a book of 44:11 prophecy, etc., including 44:13 prophecies about the Second 44:14 Coming. 44:15 So Jesus here is symbolized upon 44:18 His return, an event that I 44:19 think is going to happen very 44:20 soon, and in verse 6, this is 44:22 what it says, it says, "Then 44:23 I heard what sounded like a 44:24 great multitude, like the roar 44:26 of rushing waters, and like loud 44:27 peals of thunder, shouting 44:29 'Hallelujah for our Lord God 44:31 Almighty reigns. 44:32 Let us rejoice and be glad and 44:34 give Him glory for the wedding 44:36 of the lamb has come.'" 44:38 Huh, there's a marriage here. 44:39 "'For the wedding of the lamb 44:41 has come and his bride has made 44:43 herself ready.'" 44:46 Now those of you that have 44:46 studied this passage before, 44:47 tell me, who's the lamb? 44:51 Okay, this is Jesus. 44:51 Who's the bride? 44:53 The church. 44:54 All those that have truly 44:55 trusted in Christ, these are the 44:56 ones that are there. 44:57 So the picture is one of the 44:58 Second Coming being a wedding 45:00 ceremony, in essence, Jesus, the 45:02 bride groom, is coming down to 45:04 greet His bride, the church, 45:06 those that have chosen 45:07 to follow Him. 45:08 There's a wedding taking 45:09 place here. 45:10 Look at verse 11. 45:12 "I saw heaven standing open and 45:13 there before me was a white 45:15 horse whose rider is called 45:16 Faithful and True." 45:18 Who's that? 45:19 Okay, this is Jesus, okay, the 45:20 symbolism still Jesus here, 45:21 "With justice He judges and 45:23 makes war." 45:24 Verse 12, "His eyes are like 45:25 blazing fire and on His head are 45:28 many..." what? 45:30 Crowns. 45:30 Who wears a crown? 45:32 A king does. 45:33 So if a king marries someone, 45:37 what does that make his spouse? 45:39 A queen. 45:41 Hmm... 45:44 If you are going to treat your 45:45 spouse like Christ treats the 45:47 church, if you're going to make 45:49 it to the finish line with your 45:50 spouse happily and forever, then 45:53 treat them like royalty. 46:01 When I was dating my wife, this 46:04 did not come naturally to me. 46:06 I was not raised with this 46:07 stuff, okay? 46:08 I was raised with other things. 46:11 But I really wanted to have a 46:12 healthy marriage and so my 46:13 mentors helped me out. 46:14 They gave me some tips as to how 46:15 to treat my girlfriend at the 46:17 time, I was hoping to be my wife 46:18 at some point in the future 46:19 there, how to treat her like 46:21 royalty. 46:21 So I did things like this, I 46:22 started habits like this. 46:24 I began to open doors 46:25 for my wife. 46:28 If we walked towards a building 46:28 I would open the door for if we 46:30 get in the car, you know, I 46:31 would open the door for her so 46:32 that she could get in. 46:33 It's not because my wife is 46:35 physically incapable of opening 46:36 the door. 46:38 She's done that for 20 years 46:39 prior to me dating her, alright? 46:41 It was my way, though, of being 46:42 able to say, "You matter to me. 46:44 You are special. 46:45 You are a VIP in my sight. 46:46 You are royalty." 46:48 I would carry the umbrella for 46:49 her when it rained. 46:50 Now, sometimes I still get this 46:51 one wrong because there's quite 46:52 a height difference between us 46:53 and I've got the umbrella up 46:54 here in the rain is coming under 46:55 and she's getting wet, alright? 46:58 So it takes practice, alright, 46:59 I'm still working on some of 47:00 these things, but that she is 47:01 royalty. 47:02 So I wanna help her in that way. 47:03 You know, every so often I would 47:05 write her little notes saying 47:06 how much I appreciated what she 47:07 did, put it someplace that she 47:08 wouldn't expect it so she'd be 47:09 surprised by it. 47:11 I would buy flowers, write 47:12 cards occasionally, even if I 47:13 didn't entirely understand why 47:15 she liked stuff like that, 47:16 because I wasn't really into it, 47:17 but she was. 47:19 I'm embarrassed to say it, but 47:20 one of the things I had to 47:21 unlearn in my dating time with 47:23 Darlene was that I would make 47:25 jokes at her expense in front of 47:27 other people. 47:29 And one of the things I had to 47:29 learn is that I would now need 47:31 to go out of my way to 47:32 compliment her in public, in 47:34 front of other people, tell her 47:36 how nice she looked in that 47:37 outfit, or that she did a great 47:38 thing with her work or with her 47:40 schoolwork or with her cooking, 47:41 something like that. 47:42 Whenever possible, I became 47:45 her valet. 47:47 To this day, when we travel, 47:48 nine and a half times out of 47:49 ten, load the car, I carry her 47:51 bags whenever I can, when I'm at 47:53 home, I bring the groceries in 47:54 whenever possible. 47:56 And some of you that are younger 47:59 right now are thinking to 48:01 yourself, "Man, that is 48:03 old school." 48:08 To which I would say, 48:10 "Yeah, and so is happiness." 48:14 But I don't see too many people 48:15 complaining when they have 48:16 happiness in their lives. 48:20 You see, it seems to me that the 48:23 ones who lived years ago in ways 48:24 that we now call old school, 48:26 that they had longer marriages, 48:27 stronger families, less divorce, 48:28 more stability, and more 48:30 fulfillment. 48:31 I'm not saying they were perfect 48:32 because they definitely were 48:33 not, but I do believe they got 48:34 some important things right, and 48:35 maybe, just maybe, if more of us 48:37 were more like the 48:38 old-schoolers, maybe if we did 48:40 what they did, we just might get 48:41 what they got. 48:46 And when you're ready to treat 48:47 your wife like full royalty, say 48:50 with everything you do and 48:53 speak, that her honor, her 48:56 dignity, her fulfillment, and 48:58 her safety is more important to 49:00 you than anything else except 49:01 for God. 49:05 And if you really wanna plug 49:05 this thing to it to the nth 49:06 degree, here's what I would 49:08 encourage you to do. 49:09 When you are ready to treat your 49:10 spouse like royalty, husbands, 49:12 sit down, ask the question that 49:15 nearly every queen 49:16 wants to hear. 49:18 Ask her, "On a scale of 1 to 10, 49:20 how would you rate our 49:21 marriage?" 49:24 And if it's less than a ten, ask 49:25 her a second question. 49:27 "What can I do 49:28 to make it a ten?" 49:31 You ask-- you let her ask, you 49:33 ask her those questions and you 49:34 receive the answers. 49:35 Then do your best to do it. 49:37 Do the things that she asked you 49:39 to do to the best of your 49:40 ability. 49:40 And husbands, I'll tell you a 49:41 secret, you treat her like the 49:43 queen she is and in most cases, 49:44 soon enough, she'll start to 49:46 treat you like the king you are. 49:50 And wives, what about you? 49:53 Have you considered treating 49:54 your husband like royalty? 49:57 Now, this may mean different 49:57 things for different people, but 49:58 let me give you some examples 50:00 based on my own experience. 50:01 Wives, find out what your 50:03 husband likes, the little 50:04 things, and get them for him 50:05 occasionally. 50:06 You know, for me, one of the 50:08 things I like, I'm into car 50:09 stuff, automotive things, kind 50:10 of obscure stuff, older cars, 50:12 etc., and every now and then my 50:13 wife will buy me, like, a 50:15 magazine from, you know, 50:17 whatever, Barnes and Noble or 50:18 Books-A-Million, whatever. 50:19 I could never afford a 50:20 subscription to those types of 50:21 magazines because they're 50:22 horrendously expensive, but 50:23 every now and then we can take 50:25 out a loan and get one, just a 50:26 single copy, right? 50:27 And she'll bring this to me and 50:28 like, "Oh, that is so cool!" 50:30 Right? 50:31 Darlene makes sure that I am 50:32 well-fed. 50:34 You know, an army travels on its 50:35 stomach, perhaps, wives, your 50:37 husband does as well. 50:39 Wives respect yourself. 50:41 Show by the way that you dress 50:42 and carry yourself that you are 50:44 honored to be your husband's 50:45 wife. 50:45 Husbands delight in the royal 50:47 bearing of their wives. 50:49 And here's a big one, ladies, 50:51 for your royal husband, tell him 50:53 regularly what you admire 50:55 about him. 50:57 You know, times may be changing 50:58 as things go by and the years 51:00 roll on, but survey after survey 51:01 still tells us that one of the 51:02 things that husbands crave 51:04 almost more than anything else 51:06 is the admiration of their 51:07 wives. 51:08 So tell him what you admire 51:09 about him and do it in front of 51:11 other people. 51:12 [chuckles] 51:13 You know, I tell you what, if I 51:15 preach a sermon and a hundred of 51:16 you come up afterwards and say, 51:17 "That was terrible." 51:19 But I go to my wife and she 51:20 says, "That was pretty good." 51:21 You lose. 51:22 [laughter] 51:25 Because I covet my wife's 51:26 admiration. 51:27 I want to be worthy of her 51:29 admiration. 51:31 And yes, you, too, wives need to 51:32 sit down and ask your husbands 51:34 those questions. 51:35 On a scale of 1 to 10, how would 51:36 you rate our marriage? 51:38 And if the answer is less than a 51:39 ten, ask them that second 51:40 question, what can I do to help 51:42 make it a ten? 51:44 And do whatever you can to be 51:46 able to make that marriage 51:48 healthy. 51:49 And wives notice carefully 51:50 what's true for the husbands is 51:51 true for you, too. 51:52 You treat him like the royal 51:53 husband he is, and soon enough 51:55 he'll start to treat you like 51:56 the royal wife that you are. 52:02 My challenge to you is this: 52:04 serve. 52:06 Serve your spouse as Christ 52:08 served the church, learn to 52:09 solve conflict in marriage 52:10 effectively, never stop treating 52:12 your spouse like royalty. 52:14 This kind of service is the 52:15 golden key that can help any 52:16 marriage reach the finish line 52:18 happily and forever. 52:19 Husbands and wives, present and 52:22 future. 52:24 May the Lord grant you His 52:25 strength and His wisdom. 52:27 May the Lord make His face 52:29 shine upon your marriage and 52:30 give you peace, and may Christ's 52:33 grace, power, and love guide 52:34 your marriage to last happily 52:37 and forever. 52:38 Amen. 52:47 [organ music playing] 52:50 ♪♪ 56:11 >> Lord Jesus, we crave Your 56:12 leadership in our lives. 56:15 Lord, one of the most important 56:16 ways we need Your leadership is 56:17 in our marriages. 56:19 I pray, Lord, that if there be 56:20 any listening right now that are 56:21 struggling, be with them. 56:24 Show them Your strength, Your 56:25 love, Your courage. 56:27 If there be those here that are 56:28 contemplating marriage, seeking 56:29 to find Mr. and Mrs. Right, 56:32 bless them with Your wisdom and 56:33 Your discernment. 56:34 Lead them to the right person. 56:36 And for all of us, Lord, may 56:38 this be a community that fully 56:41 fosters healthy, strong, 56:43 enduring marriages. 56:45 We pray this in Your name. 56:47 Amen. 56:51 [organ playing] 57:00 >> Hi, I'm Shane Anderson, lead 57:02 pastor here at Pioneer Memorial 57:04 Church. 57:05 Ito news flash to say that 57:06 that social media has become an 57:08 integral part of our 57:09 daily lives. 57:10 And here at Pioneer, we want to 57:12 use it to enrich our lives. 57:15 I invite you to connect with us 57:16 online by visiting the links 57:17 that are shown on the screen. 57:19 We are constantly sharing 57:21 inspiring content that we believ 57:23 can make a real and positive 57:25 difference in your life. 57:27 So if you havenlready, 57:28 I encourage you to follow and 57:30 and subscribe to our social 57:31 media platforms. 57:32 Not only will you stay up to 57:33 date with our latest news and 57:35 events, but you will also be abl 57:37 to engage with an online 57:38 community that shares a common 57:40 belief, experience, and care for 57:42 for your wellbeing. 57:44 And by sharing our content, 57:46 you can help us reach even more 57:47 people with our message of hope 57:49 and love in Jesus. 57:51 Join us by creating a positive 57:52 impact online and making a 57:54 difference in the world. 57:57 Thank you, and we look forward 57:58 to connecting with you online. 58:08 ♪♪ |
Revised 2023-11-09