Pumped Up Parents

Physical Contact

Three Angels Broadcasting Network

Program transcript



Series Code: PUP

Program Code: PUP000001A

00:02 Hey, everyone, I'm home. I just came from shopping.
00:05 Oh, no, you didn't.
00:07 You've been out shopping again,
00:09 spending money that you know we don't have.
00:11 I am sick and tired of you being so cheap.
00:14 Cheap? Yes, cheap.
00:16 If you actually bought things for us,
00:17 then maybe I wouldn't have to buy them myself.
00:19 Besides, it seems as if you love money
00:21 more than you love either of us.
00:23 Yeah, Dad. Whatever.
00:25 Lauren, come see what I bought.
00:28 Oh! Can you play this game with me?
00:31 No, how about we look to these things
00:33 before you start begging for something else.
00:37 You didn't get the blue jeans I wanted.
00:41 You also didn't get
00:42 the light up tennis shoes either.
00:44 And can we play this game now?
00:46 No, we're not playing the game. I bought the game for you.
00:49 How about you go play the game with your father?
00:51 Oh, no, I don't have time to teach her to play this game.
00:55 Anyway, this game is for Lauren.
00:56 I'm a man.
00:58 You play games all the time.
01:00 I play adult games by myself.
01:03 And my games are really hard too.
01:05 I had to cheat just to get to level 50.
01:08 Maybe I'll play this with her later.
01:13 Mom and Dad, you always do this.
01:15 This is just like last week, the week before that
01:18 and other times you guys did not play games with me.
01:21 I do play with you.
01:23 Don't you remember just last week
01:24 I let you help paint the bedroom?
01:27 You ended up leaving and made me do
01:28 all the work by myself.
01:31 She has a point.
01:32 But I am getting tired of you begging for things.
01:34 The more we do for you, the more you seem to want.
01:38 Oh, yeah, and last week you said,
01:39 we're gonna make cupcakes together and we didn't.
01:42 Can we make those cupcakes now?
01:43 No.
01:44 How about you go play the game that I just bought
01:46 before I take it back to the store?
01:47 Please, don't take it back to the store, Mom.
01:50 Oh, yeah, and if you go back to the store,
01:52 will you buy me some of those light up tennis shoes?
01:54 No, I will not.
01:55 What I am going to do is check out my Facebook account,
01:58 and once I'm done doing that,
01:59 I am going to go cook the cupcakes.
02:01 Guess what?
02:02 You can play games with your father
02:04 while I do that.
02:05 You guys never do what you say you're going to do
02:07 and I always have to do things by myself.
02:47 Well, thank you so much
02:48 for letting us put that camera in your home
02:51 so that we could see exactly what's going on there.
02:53 So what's happening now?
02:55 How's everything going?
02:56 It's the same thing.
02:57 She's ungrateful, she's always complaining.
03:00 Always wanting more stuff.
03:02 I get sick of buying her one thing and then next thing,
03:05 you know, she's asking for something more.
03:07 It's like she's never satisfied.
03:09 I don't know what we're supposed to do about this.
03:11 So what was the last thing she asked for?
03:13 She asked for some light up tennis shoes.
03:16 You know, so everybody can see her
03:17 wherever she goes leaving a trail of light, I guess.
03:20 But they're so stupid.
03:21 I'm not paying for that stuff.
03:23 It costs too much. So what about you?
03:25 Has she been asking you for more stuff?
03:27 She's always asking for stuff, more lunch money.
03:29 She always asks for lunch money every day.
03:31 If I send her money to the school,
03:33 she always ends up spending it on her friends.
03:36 I think she just likes the attention.
03:37 Do you think she is buying friendship?
03:40 Maybe, but I don't think she should.
03:42 Okay, no, she shouldn't buy friendship,
03:44 but that could be happening, correct.
03:46 I don't know if she's buying friendship,
03:48 but I think she's stealing stuff too.
03:50 Last week I saw she had somebody's little watch,
03:54 and we didn't buy her that.
03:55 So I don't know where she got it from.
03:57 She just wants stuff so much.
03:59 She is willing to even do that. Anything for.
04:02 Really, anything you think?
04:04 So what did you do with the watch when you saw it?
04:07 I took it and took it to the pawnshop.
04:09 I might as well make some money off of it.
04:11 Sorry.
04:12 You didn't take it back to the school to return it?
04:15 No, I figure she took it, nobody even noticed.
04:17 Okay.
04:19 So what do you think about the video we took of you?
04:22 Did you see any behaviors
04:23 that you may be doing that contributes?
04:27 Well, I guess I should spend more time with her,
04:29 but it's just so hard.
04:30 I mean, I'm just busy.
04:32 And she's always asking for time and attention,
04:33 and I just can't give her that.
04:35 Okay, so what are you busy doing?
04:37 Checking my Facebook account,
04:39 talking to my friends on social media,
04:40 I mean that's important to me.
04:41 Okay, all right.
04:43 What I notice on the video is that we tend to buy
04:46 too much stuff for her.
04:48 Excuse me, I say what did you notice that you are doing?
04:51 Oh, me? Yeah, not we.
04:52 Well... Just you.
04:54 I guess maybe I could spend more time with her.
04:56 You could. But I'm just always so busy.
04:59 I don't have time just drop the hat
05:01 whenever she wants me to do stuff,
05:03 but I could spend
05:05 a little more time with her though.
05:06 So did I hear correctly on the video
05:09 where she said that you started to paint the room
05:13 and you left her to do it, you know, she is only teen.
05:15 She is doing a great job.
05:17 Why would I need to stay there? I had other things I could do.
05:20 This is called efficiency.
05:22 I get her to do one thing, while I go do two things.
05:25 I love multitasking.
05:27 Okay, this has happened a lot though.
05:29 Yes, it does.
05:30 He always has her doing his work,
05:31 things that he is supposed to do.
05:33 Excuse me, you can just stay focus on what you do,
05:35 so this is his.
05:36 Does this happen a lot?
05:38 Well, it happens often.
05:40 But I wouldn't say a whole lot.
05:41 Okay, well, hold on.
05:43 Maybe you can tell him some of the things he's doing
05:46 that leaves her to do his chores.
05:48 Like cutting the grass,
05:50 he cuts the grass, and then in the middle of it,
05:51 he wants to go do something else,
05:53 something comes on TV,
05:54 and he has her continue cutting the grass.
05:56 Okay.
05:57 One time he had her up on the roof cleaning gutters.
06:00 I had a safety rope on her.
06:02 Oh, my goodness. Okay.
06:04 And she didn't get hurt, and the roof looks great.
06:06 This time she didn't get hurt.
06:08 So how many times does this happen
06:10 where you actually have her do something
06:12 that you are supposed to be doing?
06:14 Well, you say I should spend more time with her,
06:16 that's spending time.
06:18 I mean I can spend time with her
06:20 and get done all the honey do items
06:22 that my wife ask for.
06:23 Really?
06:25 Okay, but let's go back to the behaviors
06:27 that we saw on the video
06:29 that you individually do that may contribute
06:32 to her desire to have more and more things.
06:35 Is there anything that you saw on here?
06:38 Well, I think I do spend too much money on her,
06:40 and I think I do that more than spending time with her.
06:43 Okay.
06:44 She spends way too much money on her.
06:47 Every week, she's buying new stuff,
06:49 cuts down on how much money we have to live a better life.
06:53 We do fine.
06:54 We do fine, but we could be doing better
06:56 if you quit buying her all the stuff she wants.
06:59 It's just pulling her. Okay.
07:01 So how do you think these behaviors,
07:04 buying her stuff, only spending time with her
07:07 when you have stuff you need to do.
07:09 How do you think this is affecting Lauren?
07:13 Well, I do notice she's concerned about
07:14 a lot of the things that she gets,
07:16 and it almost places a value on her.
07:18 So it almost seems as if she values the things
07:21 that make her look good,
07:22 and she doesn't really truly see her value.
07:24 Okay.
07:25 Oh, she definitely wants to top name brands.
07:27 You can't buy her something
07:28 that she hadn't seen a million times
07:30 on Lifestyle of the Rich and Famous,
07:33 but we don't have that kind of money.
07:34 And it still seems that
07:36 she's just becoming more and more greedy,
07:39 I don't know where she gets all this,
07:40 buy me this, buy me that.
07:43 Well, okay, so what about...
07:48 How is she getting this stuff
07:49 from the Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous?
07:52 How does she get that? Well, she watches TV.
07:54 I know it, but how does she actually get those things?
07:56 From her mom buying her stuff, that's what I'm telling you.
07:59 She gets the charge card and just goes crazy.
08:03 Just charge it, charge it like...
08:05 I don't mind buying her things.
08:06 I think that that's a good thing to have,
08:08 be able to get things for your children.
08:10 Okay.
08:11 That's good, but we can't afford to be going overboard.
08:13 Okay.
08:14 And it's making her materialistic.
08:17 All she cares about is more,
08:19 "Buy me this, buy me that, buy me the other thing."
08:22 So, so far I hear you saying that Lauren is greedy
08:24 because you keep buying her stuff.
08:25 Yeah. Yes.
08:27 But two of you are not spending enough time
08:28 and giving her things.
08:30 And then I hear you saying that Lauren is wanting things
08:35 that are for people who are rich and famous,
08:37 and you don't have the money to get it,
08:39 but somehow you get it anyway.
08:40 Yes.
08:41 And I hear you also say that Lauren
08:43 is focused entirely on getting these things.
08:48 Is that what I'm hearing?
08:49 Okay, so now how is this affecting you two?
08:52 Well, we always argue about money, money, money, money.
08:55 He's always telling me I'm spending too much money.
08:57 Spending too much is not a word,
08:59 we need a new definition for spending.
09:01 And it's not that bad.
09:02 The way she goes at it, my wife's a shopaholic.
09:05 I'm telling you she just shop, shop, shop.
09:07 It was so bad she's such a shopaholic.
09:11 Last week, I stopped at a stoplight,
09:13 she jumps out of the car,
09:14 goes and buys some at the store and gets back into car.
09:17 He is always making up stories. That's shopaholic.
09:19 It did not take me that long to go in the store.
09:21 We were not stopped at a stoplight.
09:22 It took me about three minutes and I was quick.
09:25 Okay. But still shopping.
09:27 We don't have money for shopping like that.
09:30 Come on, we're trying to...
09:31 We have goals and aspirations and spending our money wildly,
09:36 we never gonna get anywhere.
09:38 So what other ways have been affecting you two guys?
09:40 Since I saw, I can see is you're bickering a lot.
09:43 Well, we don't agree about anything either
09:44 because it always comes back to the money issue.
09:46 Okay.
09:47 Once we get past,
09:49 Lauren's shenanigans and the money issue,
09:51 we're gonna have a nice thing going.
09:53 You know, we get to go out and do different things,
09:56 but we've got to get beyond that hurdle first.
09:59 Okay.
10:00 Yeah, it sounds like it's a big hurdle for you too.
10:02 I know it's in the video that you seem pretty angry.
10:05 Are you at the high level of anger often or it's just...
10:09 No, I just get frustrated when people ask for my time.
10:12 Okay.
10:14 So what have you tried to fix the problem?
10:16 Have you tried anything to fix the problem?
10:19 Well, I try not to spend so much,
10:20 but she just goes out and spends.
10:22 She now, she has her own account for spending
10:24 so there's nothing I can do.
10:26 Excuse me, but I say what have you tried?
10:28 I said, I try not to spend. Okay, so let's stop it there.
10:31 But I'm being counteracted by her action.
10:33 Okay, so you try not to spend.
10:35 What else have you guys tried to get?
10:37 Well, I take things from her.
10:38 When she's in trouble,
10:40 I just take the things that I bought
10:41 because she doesn't need them.
10:42 She isn't dealing with consequences.
10:44 And how does that go?
10:46 She doesn't like it. Okay.
10:47 And usually, I give and give it back to her,
10:50 but it works for now I guess.
10:52 Okay, so do you really try not to spend?
10:54 Let me ask you this question.
10:56 Do you have any personal hobbies?
10:58 I notice that you play a game.
10:59 How much are your games?
11:01 I'm buying games on discount.
11:03 Unless it's a new one, of course,
11:04 then I got to get the latest one.
11:06 But, hey, I work hard for my money.
11:08 Okay, so you have to get the latest one.
11:10 Lauren seems to have to have the latest in shoes.
11:13 I wonder is there any connection with that?
11:16 It shouldn't be because like I said,
11:18 I work hard for my money, I have been making money.
11:22 That's what I do. Oh! That's what you do.
11:24 Okay. Okay.
11:26 Any other things that you try to fix the problem,
11:27 have you tried talking about it, or anything else?
11:31 Well, I tried talking to her about,
11:32 talking to Lauren about it,
11:34 but it goes in one ear and out the other, you know,
11:37 but I have tried to help her to see the difference
11:40 in spending a lot of money wisely
11:42 and just throwing money down the drain.
11:44 But I guess, she's just not old enough to understand yet.
11:47 Okay.
11:48 So, well, you know,
11:50 I have some strategies that we can discuss,
11:53 and I don't want you to try to do everything
11:55 that we discussed, but just pick out two things
11:57 that will go along with your personality.
11:59 For right now, we're just going to take a look at Lauren
12:03 and what needs to happen for her, okay?
12:06 And hopefully in the process,
12:07 maybe some other things may get resolved.
12:09 So the first thing I want to ask
12:11 is can you spend time together as a family,
12:13 both of you with Lauren?
12:15 How much time?
12:18 What do you like to do?
12:20 Tell me something that you... I'm working a lot.
12:21 I like to do my... You were?
12:22 Once I get off work, then I get to take some downtime,
12:25 play my videogame, eat dinner,
12:27 you know, and then I got to rest
12:29 for the next day's work,
12:30 but maybe we can squeeze in a few minutes.
12:32 Ain't 15 minutes a day good enough?
12:34 Yeah. I think 15 is good.
12:36 No, I think you may need to look at
12:38 a little bit more time than that.
12:39 How about eating dinner together?
12:44 Well...
12:46 Eat dinner together? That's funny.
12:48 Yeah, we don't do that.
12:49 Okay, I'm asking is it possible to do that?
12:53 I guess we could do something,
12:54 maybe we can get takeout and sit at the table and eat.
12:57 So if you're having a problem with that one,
12:59 this one will really cause a problem.
13:00 How about spending individual time with Lauren?
13:03 We can do that. Okay.
13:05 How about shopping if I take her shopping with me?
13:07 See.
13:08 If you take her shopping and don't spend.
13:11 Well, I can work on it.
13:14 Well, it's all we can try and let's just try to do it.
13:17 What about you?
13:18 Well, I can spend some time with her.
13:20 I guess after I...
13:21 Well, after she finishes helping me with some stuff
13:24 around the house.
13:25 Then we can go to the park for a minute,
13:27 see what's going on there, play with some other kids.
13:30 It would be a start at least, something.
13:32 Okay.
13:33 How about doing some volunteer work with her?
13:36 And maybe you can give her an allowance.
13:37 I think both of you would like this,
13:39 you give her, her own spending money
13:41 and then you don't buy her anything...
13:44 Yeah, now we're talking. Extra.
13:46 And you allow her to make decisions
13:48 on how to spend her money?
13:50 I like that. What do you think?
13:52 It may help with her always asking me for things,
13:54 so I think we can do that.
13:55 Okay.
13:57 Now this may be very, very difficult.
13:59 But you can't buy anything extra for Lauren
14:02 for the next two weeks.
14:03 You can't do it.
14:05 Two weeks? For two weeks.
14:06 It's okay with me.
14:07 You want to give her allowance,
14:09 a little chance to work
14:10 so that she can start looking at how much things cost.
14:15 What do you think?
14:16 I think it's gonna work. We can really...
14:18 I really like the part about her having her own money
14:21 so that we don't have to keep
14:23 spending out the house money all the time.
14:25 And I'm pretty good at not buying things
14:27 when I don't have to,
14:29 and I help encourage my wife to do the same.
14:31 Okay, I don't know
14:32 if she wants you to encourage her.
14:34 Okay, I think she can do that all by herself.
14:37 What would you do
14:38 with all of the extra money you're gonna have?
14:39 Whoa!
14:41 I can think of some things to do with some extra money.
14:43 For us. Right, okay.
14:47 Well, our time is just about up.
14:49 Do you have any other questions
14:52 that you need to talk about?
14:55 Not right now, but I guess
14:56 when we try these things you told us, it would be good.
15:00 Okay, see you next week then.
15:02 Thank you so much. Okay, bye.
15:06 Okay, how are you guys doing today?
15:08 We're blessed and highly favored.
15:09 Oh, praise God.
15:10 So we've had several sessions
15:12 since the initial session when you started.
15:14 So tell me how are things going now?
15:17 Well, it's a lot more calm at home
15:19 and things are just looking up.
15:21 Everyone is cooperating so much better.
15:23 It's really a different situation now.
15:25 Okay.
15:27 So what's not happening that makes it so calm?
15:29 Well, no more tantrums.
15:30 Good. No more tantrums.
15:32 Any spanking? No, not lately.
15:34 Thank goodness, we haven't had to resort to that.
15:37 But, yeah, so no tantrums, she's not fussy as much,
15:41 and she's really learning to work well
15:43 with the rest of the family.
15:44 Oh, that is such a blessing.
15:46 So I want to let you know,
15:47 we saw some really good stuff on that camera.
15:49 So now I want to thank you again
15:51 for allowing us to use a camera in your home
15:53 so that it can help us to pinpoint
15:55 exactly what the problem is, and we're going in the therapy.
15:58 So let's take a look at how well the strategies
16:00 have worked for you in your home, okay?
16:02 All right. Sounds good.
16:03 Guys, I'm home.
16:05 I just finished up a little bit of shopping.
16:06 Oh, great.
16:07 I hope you bought something for me.
16:09 What did you get? Well, I did.
16:10 I got a few things that we needed.
16:12 Oh, and I also got a game for Lauren.
16:14 Oh, thanks, Mom. Oh, you're welcome, Babe.
16:17 Can we play this game together?
16:18 Well, not right now.
16:19 I have a few things that I need to do first,
16:21 but then we can play after.
16:22 How about that? Okay.
16:23 Come on, Lauren, I'll teach how to play some of my games.
16:26 Then when mom is finished,
16:27 we can all learn to play yours together.
16:29 Well, at school we play math games,
16:31 and the kids that don't know their times table,
16:33 just cheat of the kids who do know theirs.
16:35 Now, Lauren, we've told you cheating never pays.
16:38 Well, it does, Dad, because the kids who do cheat
16:41 always get the highest level in class.
16:43 But what are they gonna do
16:44 when they don't have a chance to cheat
16:46 and they have to take a test, then they're gonna get all Fs.
16:49 Remember, Lauren,
16:50 honesty is always the best policy.
16:55 Okay,
16:56 so out of all the suggestions that were given,
16:59 which suggestions were most helpful to you two?
17:02 Well, I tell you what I really liked
17:04 was setting an amount for each of us
17:05 to have to spend and allowance,
17:07 that really works out great.
17:09 At first, when we started,
17:11 we had to kind of get used to it,
17:13 you know, we spend too much and not have anything left,
17:16 and then we'd not have enough to start with.
17:18 But now we've kind of even it out
17:20 and I think everybody's doing well with it
17:22 Okay, so how about you and your shopaholic ways?
17:25 Are you still shopping a lot?
17:27 No, I have a fixed amount that I take with me
17:29 and I don't spend more than that.
17:30 So that's helped a lot with the budget.
17:32 Okay, so you're not using credit cards anymore?
17:34 No. Oh, man!
17:36 No, we cut those things up. I made sure of that.
17:39 I hardly recognized you all
17:40 along that video when I first looked at,
17:42 I was like, "I can't believe this"
17:44 that is so good.
17:46 So how are the new strategies working with Lauren?
17:49 How's she dealing with it?
17:50 Well, she's doing so much better.
17:52 She just seems happier and we've had time to spend,
17:55 time together with each other a lot more often.
17:58 And so we've been able to do
18:00 pedicures and manicures together.
18:03 Did a lot of talking about school, and friends,
18:06 and school work that allow us
18:08 to just spend a little more time
18:09 and we're able to just get understanding
18:11 of who we each other are,
18:12 which I don't think we did at first.
18:14 And, you know,
18:15 the nice thing too now that Lauren has her own money.
18:18 She's not asking us continually about more money, more money.
18:21 And it's funny now
18:23 because when we go to the store,
18:24 at first, she wanted all these name brands,
18:27 you know, she just couldn't have anything
18:28 less than the highest,
18:30 but now that she's spending her money,
18:32 she's over at the clearance rack section.
18:34 Yes.
18:35 You know, now it's her motto,
18:36 clearance rack is where is that.
18:39 Okay, so she's learning the value of money.
18:41 Yes.
18:42 How about her attitude towards people?
18:44 Remember, she put things before people.
18:45 Yeah.
18:47 Well, I think she's able to appreciate relationships
18:49 a little bit better now.
18:50 She's still working now,
18:52 you know, some of the things with her friends,
18:53 right, because I think a lot of her friends
18:56 kind of dictated how she acted at home
18:59 and how she felt money was,
19:01 you know, in terms of importance.
19:03 But she's doing so much better,
19:04 and she's actually chosen a different group of friends.
19:07 So I'm just trying to help her along that path
19:09 with choosing the right friends.
19:11 Okay, so now, are the friends coming to your house?
19:13 Do you really get to see them
19:14 and meet them, and talk to them?
19:16 Yes. Do you like them better?
19:17 Yes, I love them and their parents.
19:18 Oh, good.
19:20 Oh, you met their parents, that's great.
19:21 Correct. Okay.
19:22 Yeah, she seems to really appreciate her friends
19:24 a little more than she used to.
19:25 They used to be all about what they were wearing,
19:27 and what they had on,
19:29 and how much bling they were all showing off,
19:32 but now I think she really likes the fact
19:33 that they're people,
19:35 they're friendly, they're fun,
19:36 and they get along well together.
19:38 So once they come over, they like to play games,
19:41 they do different things that kids should do,
19:43 you know, and things are just really much better at home.
19:45 Yeah.
19:47 What about your community service efforts?
19:48 I think that's a great idea
19:49 to take children out and help others.
19:51 What are you guys doing, what kind of community service?
19:54 So we do volunteer at the church doing a food pantry,
19:57 and I think it's been wonderful
19:59 because she sees people from all walks of life.
20:02 No matter the situation, they're there for a reason
20:04 and we're able to help them.
20:06 And I think she's grown
20:07 to be a lot more appreciative and grateful.
20:08 Oh, okay. Yeah.
20:10 We took a trip with the food pantry one day
20:13 downtown to help feed the homeless
20:15 that were actually on the streets,
20:17 and she just was amazed
20:18 that people actually didn't have food to eat
20:21 or places to stay.
20:22 So it really made a big impression,
20:24 I think on her realizing that
20:26 she's been blessed to have a nice home,
20:28 plenty of food to eat.
20:30 And I think it made a real impression on her.
20:32 She's willing to go back out again.
20:34 Oh, is she? Yeah, she kind of likes it now.
20:36 Okay.
20:38 Now remember, being consistent is really very important.
20:40 How has consistency been going with you, guys?
20:45 We try to keep it going, you know, as I said earlier,
20:48 we kind of get off a little bit and then we get back on.
20:51 But we're kind of evening things out now,
20:54 both of us take turns with her and spend more time with her
20:57 which is another thing that's really helping me
20:59 to draw closer to and her to me, etcetera.
21:02 And I think the more we do it, the more fun it becomes.
21:05 Okay.
21:07 And one of the other things
21:08 is we have established family night.
21:09 At least once a week,
21:11 we figure, we start there to figure out,
21:12 you know, we can be consistent with it and it works out well.
21:15 So we have a time to play games,
21:17 we kind of take turns deciding on what we want to do
21:20 and to make sure everybody's needs are met.
21:21 Oh, that is really commending.
21:23 And let me tell you,
21:24 another blessing of the family night,
21:26 now her friends want to come over here.
21:28 Yeah.
21:29 And so now we can have a good positive influence
21:31 on our friends because we play family type games,
21:34 we play games where they have to interact
21:37 and talk with each other and get to know each other.
21:39 It's really great.
21:41 Another thing is we bring in the Sabbath
21:42 every Friday evening with devotion.
21:44 It's been wonderful. Oh, it sounds great.
21:47 When are you guys doing devotion on Fridays?
21:49 From Friday night to Saturday night,
21:51 that's the Sabbath, so we enjoy having scripture,
21:54 Bible readings, act out Bible characters,
21:58 and I love singing as you can probably tell.
22:01 Okay, so what were you doing on the Sabbath before?
22:05 Well, we were doing a lot of sleeping, you know.
22:08 And it usually became so monotonous that,
22:10 you know, we wake up and the sun would set,
22:12 and we be back to our regular routine.
22:14 Yeah.
22:15 A lot of times we just find ourselves looking out the door
22:18 to see when the sun set
22:20 and we would just want to hurry up through the worship.
22:23 So now it's a different story.
22:25 We enjoy worshipping on the Sabbath.
22:27 We enjoy being with Lauren,
22:29 being together as a family and serving the Creator.
22:32 Oh, that's beautiful.
22:34 Now what did you have to cut out to get extra time?
22:39 Well...
22:40 Well, a lot of overtime for me for the family game night,
22:44 we do that on Tuesday and Thursday,
22:46 so I had to stop doing so much overtime,
22:49 and just make my way home.
22:50 Sometimes I would go shopping,
22:53 you know, to pick up different items,
22:55 but I'll make sure that I'm playing that out
22:56 better throughout the week.
22:58 So now Tuesday and Thursday nights,
23:00 I'm home early
23:01 'cause I'm looking forward to family night.
23:03 Oh, okay.
23:04 So you guys have been spending more time together
23:09 and you haven't been spending as much money on Lauren.
23:11 Correct. Right.
23:13 You've been saving money.
23:14 So has there been any more effects on the family?
23:19 Well, like you mentioned
23:20 we have a lot more money so which is great,
23:23 but at first we didn't know what to do with it
23:25 but, you know, we increased our offering tithe,
23:28 and offering to the Lord, and to the church.
23:30 And now we've got some savings for a rainy day
23:33 which was always a problem,
23:35 so now we have savings and we're investing more.
23:39 It's just a complete turnaround from where we were at.
23:42 Wow, it's amazing to just see small strategies
23:44 have affected your family emotionally, financially,
23:48 and most importantly, spiritually.
23:51 So you guys are doing so much better
23:52 in several different areas of your life
23:55 as a result of very simple.
23:57 We just say it was very expensive
23:58 to do what you guys did?
23:59 No.
24:01 I think we just had to be intentional about it.
24:02 There's one thing to want to do something,
24:04 it's another thing to actually get up
24:05 and start making it happen.
24:07 I think so.
24:08 So let's take a look at maybe some more strategies
24:11 that we can do, okay,
24:12 just to have more things available to you.
24:15 Then how about a family meeting,
24:17 maybe you can plan in your family meetings,
24:20 a family vacation.
24:21 Have you ever done that before, a family vacation?
24:23 No, we really haven't had time in the past
24:25 but that would be lovely.
24:26 Okay, so you guys will get together
24:28 and plan a family vacation,
24:30 maybe you can talk about with Lauren
24:34 what her future is going to be,
24:35 and then plan even your family vacation
24:37 about around something she's interested in doing.
24:40 That'd be great. Yeah.
24:42 That way we kill two birds with one stone.
24:43 Yeah.
24:44 Plan a vacation,
24:46 plan for Lauren's college experience.
24:48 This is really good idea. Okay.
24:50 And then we want to be very consistent
24:53 and intentional about spending time
24:56 and that money on Lauren.
24:59 Do you kind of see, remember,
25:00 in that very first session when you were saying,
25:03 "I show her, I love her by spending money on her."
25:06 Do you see the difference between
25:07 actually spending that time...
25:09 Yeah, it makes a big difference.
25:10 And that money? Yeah.
25:12 And the feelings you were having back then,
25:13 seem like there was a lot of anger,
25:15 a lot of frustration, although you were saying,
25:17 "Here, these things, I love you."
25:19 You take it, right.
25:21 So how about giving positive feedback to her?
25:26 Is it happening more now?
25:28 We've improved definitely in that area.
25:30 You know, I put it on myself
25:32 to make sure that I speak positively to her
25:35 and never negatively because what we say
25:37 does have a big impact on our children.
25:40 So I just try to remind her that God loves her,
25:42 that we love her, and that she's gonna do
25:44 great things throughout her life.
25:46 Okay. Yeah.
25:47 And I want to just kind of caution you just a little bit.
25:50 You said earlier that her friends come over,
25:54 so we want to make sure that everything is within boundaries
25:57 so that it's not too much of that going on,
25:59 so that Lauren is back to where she started,
26:01 you know, she's sharing you with everybody and everything,
26:04 only these people are her friends
26:06 and that is not a good thing as well, okay?
26:09 So keep up the great work.
26:11 And are there any questions that you have?
26:14 Not that I can think of. No, I don't think so.
26:15 I think we're okay.
26:17 I really do appreciate all of the help
26:18 that you've given us.
26:20 It has been a wonderful thing in our family
26:22 and it's worked out a lot.
26:23 It's a great turnaround.
26:24 Yeah. It is.
26:26 And you know what,
26:27 I think that God gives all of the glory for that.
26:29 Amen.
26:30 And all that he has really worked with...
26:32 If you guys had been so receptive
26:34 to the Spirit of God, this would have never worked.
26:36 So continue to pray with each other.
26:38 Pretty sure, we'll.
26:39 Yes. Okay.
26:43 Parents, a few minor changes can be very helpful.
26:46 Sometimes problems may seem huge,
26:49 but just a little change can make
26:51 all the difference in the world.
26:53 In this case, the family made a subtle shift
26:55 to giving time in that things
26:58 and they had a very positive impact
27:00 on their relationships.
27:01 We'll review some ways to give time in that things.
27:05 We can eat dinner together is very simple,
27:07 instead of going to your perspective rooms
27:09 and different places in the house to eat,
27:11 eat together in one spot.
27:14 You can even spend time,
27:15 your downtime in the evening together.
27:17 You don't have to talk,
27:19 you don't have to necessarily interact
27:21 but just being in the presence of each other
27:23 sometimes is very helpful.
27:25 Another thing you can do, parents,
27:27 is you can take your children out,
27:29 places, in the world.
27:31 The whole world is out there.
27:32 There are so many things to experience together.
27:35 And as they learn and as you talk,
27:37 you will learn more about them,
27:38 they will learn more about you, your morals and your values.
27:42 And we can't forget this,
27:44 we have to spend time with God together,
27:47 so we can do devotion together.
27:49 You can spend time on the Sabbath
27:50 from sunset Friday to sunset Sabbath.
27:53 You can watch 3ABN together
27:55 and talk about all the issues that's going on in the world
27:58 that's impacting them spiritually.
28:00 And most importantly, we can pray together,
28:03 and we can praise God together.
28:05 It's important to remind children
28:07 when God has answered a prayer of theirs.
28:10 And we're developing them
28:11 so that they too can have families
28:14 of their own that praise God.


Revised 2018-05-30