Pumped Up Parents

Prison Co-Parenting

Three Angels Broadcasting Network

Program transcript



Series Code: PUP

Program Code: PUP000005A

00:02 What's wrong with you, Lauren?
00:04 Nothing. Something's wrong.
00:06 How about you get over here, we can talk about it?
00:09 Dad didn't call to wish me happy birthday.
00:12 He hasn't called for two whole weeks.
00:14 I hate when he starts calling and then he ends up stopping.
00:17 Your dad's in jail.
00:19 He is not going to call you every day.
00:20 Snap out of this mess.
00:22 I know that but he can at least call once a week.
00:24 When he calls and I'm not here, he gets mad.
00:27 Then I wait around for him to call back
00:28 and he doesn't call for two weeks.
00:31 It's bad enough that I have to worry about
00:32 taking care of you all by myself.
00:35 I do not want to hear you complaining about
00:36 your father calling or not calling you.
00:39 This is him now.
00:42 Hello.
00:44 Yes, I will accept. No.
00:46 What do you want?
00:47 And I am not sending you any money.
00:49 First, you are the reason I am in here in the first place.
00:50 I don't want to talk to him.
00:52 Put my daughter on the phone, woman.
00:55 Hold on.
00:56 I am putting him on speaker.
00:58 Hello.
00:59 Lauren, this your daddy girl, how you doing?
01:02 Fine.
01:03 You doing good in school,
01:04 you better be making good grades.
01:06 Why? You don't care.
01:08 You didn't care it's my birthday last week,
01:10 and you said you would be home for my birthday.
01:13 All you care about is your birthday,
01:15 I'll be there for the next one.
01:16 Anyway, you ain't the only one with a birthday,
01:19 I have a birthday too,
01:20 and I have to spend and locked up being here
01:22 with Burb and Beebo.
01:24 I am tired of you calling with foolishness.
01:26 How about this?
01:28 You call and you give positive attitudes only.
01:30 I don't know why she wants to talk to you anyway.
01:33 Who you think you are talking to, woman?
01:35 I will come through this phone and I will...
01:36 What?
01:38 Hello. Hello...
02:17 Thanks for allowing us to put the camera in your home
02:20 and we thank your husband for allowing us
02:21 to take his voice on the phone call.
02:24 So how's it going with you guys now?
02:27 Are you still there?
02:28 I'm still here, don't worry about me.
02:31 Wow!
02:32 So how's it going now? It's not going good.
02:34 He is always telling her yes, to everything I say.
02:37 It's not like he can pay for the stuff
02:39 that he's telling her yes to,
02:40 and then I'm stuck with the bill
02:42 and telling her no.
02:43 She's crying all the time, she's always disappointed
02:45 because he makes promises he can't keep.
02:48 Okay, what was the last thing
02:49 he promised that he would give...
02:50 A phone! A phone.
02:52 She already has a phone, now she wants a smartphone,
02:54 she can't have a smartphone.
02:55 He is not paying for it so I'm left with the bill,
02:58 no, she's not getting a phone.
03:00 She can have a phone.
03:01 She is just too strict on her. Strict?
03:04 What's wrong with her having the phone?
03:05 And well maybe I'm locked up,
03:06 I got to do something to let her know I still love her.
03:09 Where is your money?
03:11 You're the money, you're the money.
03:12 There is the money. No.
03:14 Okay, so...
03:16 It sounds like you guys
03:18 are kind of really stuck here at this place.
03:21 See I am promising things,
03:23 the phone, that is a big expense.
03:25 Do you realize how much phones are?
03:28 She's talking to you.
03:30 You talking to me. I'm talking to you.
03:32 How am I gonna know how much phones is,
03:34 I am locked up.
03:35 We have phone calls for free in here.
03:37 No, you don't get them for free.
03:39 No, I pay for those.
03:41 Okay. Yes.
03:42 So you may not understand that it is pretty expensive,
03:46 the smartphone could be a $600 thing.
03:48 So what other kind of things has he been promising?
03:53 Well, he promises that she can go places with her friends,
03:56 those are not the rules in my house.
03:58 He tells her she can go anywhere anytime,
04:00 it doesn't matter.
04:02 He doesn't know the people he's telling her to go,
04:03 just go off with.
04:05 But yeah, I'm stuck with having to always tell her no,
04:07 so I look like the bad guy.
04:10 Look, this called parenting stuff
04:11 ain't going to work like this.
04:13 She's saying one thing,
04:14 I am saying something or the other,
04:16 I have a right to say something too, you know.
04:18 Well, we'll see.
04:19 We just saw the video
04:21 and you heard the video of you on tape
04:23 so let's try and look and see
04:25 if we can flesh out some things that may be going on
04:28 that's leading to some problems in the relationship.
04:32 So can you tell me some things
04:34 you've noticed about yourself when you heard the video?
04:38 About myself?
04:40 Let me tell you I've some proving I needed to just say it
04:42 ain't no walk in the park,
04:43 you got to get hard and here I get beat down.
04:46 So maybe, I ain't so touchy feely
04:48 like she want me to be
04:50 but this is how it is, real life.
04:52 You know, you act like everything is hard inside
04:54 and this just so easy out here,
04:56 it's hard raising a child by myself.
04:58 And then you make it worse
04:59 because now I'm fighting with her
05:01 for things that you've already promised her.
05:02 Wow!
05:04 Well, I will get them when I get out there
05:05 since you don't want do it.
05:08 Okay, but let's go back to the point.
05:10 Did you hear anything
05:12 and we are dealing with you first.
05:13 Did you hear anything on the video
05:17 that you may be doing even with Lauren,
05:19 she says, you know, you said you were going to call,
05:23 you're not calling for two weeks at a time.
05:24 Is there anything that you can contribute
05:27 that you're doing that may be
05:28 causing some friction and conflicts in the home?
05:32 Well, I can't just call anytime I want to,
05:34 we got schedules where we can make phone calls.
05:37 So have you talked to Lauren about that,
05:38 have you said that to her?
05:41 I don't really know.
05:42 Maybe I said it, maybe I didn't,
05:44 I ain't confessing to nothing right now.
05:46 Oh, confessing. Okay. See.
05:48 See, this is what I deal with.
05:49 This is crazy.
05:51 It sounds like it's very, very difficult for you
05:53 to make this transition from your family,
05:58 this is your family,
05:59 these are not inmates, the judge or the attorneys,
06:05 this is your family so you're not confessing anything,
06:08 you're actually communicating to your family so.
06:14 Well, I see stuff having there,
06:15 maybe I didn't expect, you know.
06:17 Lauren's growing up without her dad there,
06:20 you know, but she gets to acting like
06:22 normal teenagers act that way,
06:24 she'll get used to it, and then when I get out,
06:27 then I'll take care of business.
06:29 Okay.
06:31 Well, but we don't know for sure
06:33 when you're going to get out,
06:34 so what we want to do is try to do as little damage
06:39 as possible with your absence.
06:41 So we want you to kind of recognize if there's anything
06:45 that you may be doing that may contribute to the problem,
06:49 and you coming up to mom so.
06:51 Okay.
06:53 Well, I probably don't had to be so mean to her
06:55 but like I say, it's a tough life.
06:58 Okay. So I want you to do one favor.
07:01 So just say what you could do better
07:04 and then just stop there.
07:05 I could be kinder to her.
07:07 Okay. And then, what else?
07:08 Is there anything else that you noticed on the video?
07:13 Well, I just stated, promised her
07:15 she can have stuff without telling her
07:17 when I get out, I will get it for her.
07:19 Okay. Well, that's kind of a same thing.
07:21 Is there anything else you could do,
07:23 instead of saying anything about getting her something?
07:27 Boy, just not promising nothing and just be a deadbeat dad.
07:31 Well, promises don't make you a good father
07:37 and it doesn't make you a deadbeat father
07:39 if you don't give her promise.
07:41 So there's not, you won't be a deadbeat father
07:44 if you don't promise stuff that you can't give.
07:48 So let's go to the mom.
07:50 So is there anything that you heard on the video
07:52 or saw on the video that you do?
07:56 Well, I guess always have attitudes when he calls.
07:58 Right, you were really angry before...
08:00 Because I am always just assuming
08:02 he's going to do the same thing.
08:03 He's only either ask me for something
08:05 or promise her something
08:06 which in turn requires me to do something.
08:08 So it still ends up with me doing something.
08:10 So it's like, it's a lot on you.
08:13 It is.
08:15 And I think some, it's going to be a lot on you
08:17 because this is the situation that you're in right now.
08:20 And I'm afraid that if he continues this,
08:22 it's not going to change when he gets out,
08:23 so I mean, I'm exhausted now.
08:26 If it stays this way, he might as well not come home.
08:28 Oh, I'm coming home. You can bet that.
08:31 I'll be home sooner than you think,
08:33 and I'm gonna take care of my daughter
08:34 and I'll buy her what I want to buy.
08:37 Okay, so I hear you
08:39 and I understand that both of you are frustrated.
08:42 I recognize that being in prison
08:46 almost heightens the desire for you to get out
08:49 and lavish your daughter with the love
08:52 and all the things she ever wanted.
08:54 I hear you wanting to have the burdens lifted,
08:56 you want some of the struggles to be lifted.
08:58 Something.
09:00 Let's take a little time,
09:01 I feel like we're at an impasse,
09:03 so let's take a little time and see a quick prayer,
09:05 and then ask for some wisdom.
09:07 Can we do that?
09:08 We can do that. Okay.
09:09 Dad, did you hear me?
09:11 Yeah, go ahead.
09:12 Okay, so.
09:14 Bless by His most honorable Father,
09:16 we are so grateful for Your goodness.
09:18 We are grateful for that this family,
09:19 this couple want to do better, they want to do the best, Lord.
09:24 Now it appears that they're at the breaking point,
09:27 so we're asking you Father to step in with wisdom,
09:30 guide them, lead them,
09:32 soften and subdue their spirits.
09:34 In Jesus' name we ask
09:35 and we give You all the praise and glory
09:37 for the healing that You are going to bring about here.
09:40 In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.
09:42 All right, so let's talk about how this is affecting Lauren?
09:47 And maybe, he can understand
09:49 a little better what you are going through.
09:52 How is it affecting Lauren?
09:54 Well, it seems like she just manipulates the situation.
09:56 There are times when I told her that she can't have something
09:59 or she can't go somewhere, and she will wait so he calls
10:02 and then she will asks him the same thing.
10:04 And so now it puts he and I at odds,
10:06 and I just feel like I'm always fighting,
10:08 if I'm not fighting her, I'm fighting him.
10:11 I don't know, it's almost like
10:12 she's emboldened by whatever he says
10:15 and so I feel like I'm the outsider.
10:17 So, dad, do you hear what she's saying?
10:20 Yeah, I heard her. Tell me what she just said.
10:23 She said, "It is all my fault."
10:25 Okay. No, I didn't hear that.
10:28 Okay, this is what, could you say it again
10:30 just make it short but say it again.
10:34 I'm tired of fighting my daughter and my husband
10:38 when it relates to parenting my child.
10:41 I don't feel as if they are wanting to do
10:46 what's right for everyone in the house,
10:47 I feel like it's just them against me.
10:51 Did you hear her that time?
10:53 Yeah, I heard she think we're ganging up on her
10:55 but sometimes when I talk to Lauren,
10:57 I say yes, she can do some.
10:59 Well, she said, "Mom said she could do it already."
11:02 So I can't tell whether she's telling the truth or not.
11:06 Okay.
11:07 All right, so then there,
11:08 there we have Lauren giving you one story
11:11 and she's giving her mother a different story,
11:13 so that's really important that you keyed in on that.
11:18 And also, I understand from him,
11:21 did you hear what he said earlier about being in prison?
11:26 I know it's hard for him.
11:27 I really get that.
11:29 But not just that it's hard
11:31 because, of course, it's hard, it's hard for everybody.
11:33 This is a hard situation
11:35 so let's just, it's a given, it's going to be difficult.
11:38 But did you hear him when he was saying that
11:42 he wants to do the best for his daughter?
11:45 I understand that.
11:46 Okay. I do too.
11:48 But doing the best doesn't always mean
11:49 saying yes to everything she asks for.
11:52 But when you have only yes as your weapon so to speak,
11:58 then that makes it more,
12:00 you know, you really go to that
12:02 because imagine being in prison and he says no
12:05 and then I saw Lauren stomping around, and moaning,
12:08 and rolling her eyes, of course, he wouldn't see that
12:10 but he would just know the silence
12:12 after she drops the phone.
12:14 How can that go
12:15 and then he doesn't get to call her for another two weeks,
12:17 he has that to carry.
12:19 So everyone has a difficult time.
12:22 Let's talk about how you guys have tried to resolve this.
12:25 Have you tried to resolve it at all?
12:28 Well, I tried talking to him about it,
12:29 but it's almost like
12:30 he minimizes everything that I say.
12:33 He doesn't think it's a big concern
12:34 when I'm the one that sees her,
12:36 I am the one seeing her attitude, her disrespect,
12:39 her rudeness, I see that, he doesn't see that.
12:42 Well, did you notice, did you...
12:45 Has he talked to you about that how your daughter
12:48 is given her a lot of attitude and disrespect,
12:50 has she said that to you?
12:52 She says something about it, you know,
12:54 but I'll be trying to talk about it some later time
12:57 when I get more time to spend on it, you know.
13:00 I can't just sit on the phone discussing that stuff all day
13:03 and then she get all mad about that,
13:05 well, what am I gonna do?
13:07 I just got to get mad too.
13:08 Okay. Well, you...
13:12 What else could you do instead of getting mad?
13:15 Well, I could just hang up the phone like she did,
13:17 how would that be?
13:18 Okay.
13:19 Well, I don't think that will be very helpful.
13:21 So basically, it sounds like you have tried to talk to him
13:25 but he's minimized the situation
13:28 which he's saying he is overwhelmed
13:31 because he doesn't have the time
13:32 to actually spend on the problem.
13:35 So let's try some strategies even with you being in prison,
13:39 let's try to do some things different.
13:40 Will you promise to try to do something different,
13:44 dad, can you do?
13:45 I try to do something different but every time we're talking,
13:48 whenever we talk about Lauren,
13:50 then it just starts blowing up
13:51 into a big discussion and argument,
13:54 and I just had to,
13:55 "Who's starting, who's starting,
13:56 calm down a little bit," you know.
13:58 I deal with he's always upset.
14:00 I guess we both are always upset, I don't know.
14:01 Yeah.
14:03 In this upsetting situation is not again an easy situation,
14:08 I can appreciate both of you
14:10 and the effort you're putting in trying to make it work,
14:13 and trying to parent her and co-parent together.
14:16 So let's take a look at some things
14:18 that could possibly happen.
14:19 Now I want you dad to ask questions,
14:23 you guys ask questions
14:24 if you don't understand what I'm saying
14:25 because it's very difficult to parent
14:29 when one person's in one spot
14:30 and the other person's in another spot,
14:32 and communication becomes very, very, very important.
14:35 And I don't want anyone coming back and say,
14:38 "Well, that they're busy.
14:39 I could, I don't have to,
14:41 I want you to understand clearly."
14:44 So if you need any extra information, please ask.
14:48 Okay? Okay.
14:50 So when you...
14:52 The first thing I want you to do
14:53 is become a broken record
14:55 and the first question you're going to always ask is,
14:58 what did your mom say?
15:00 What did your dad say?
15:01 Okay.
15:03 You know, so if Lauren comes to you and says,
15:05 dad, Lauren comes and said,
15:07 "Mom said, I can climb the mountain with this family
15:10 that I don't even know."
15:12 What will you say to her?
15:14 I guess I will check to see if what her mom says
15:17 but I don't have a lot of time on this phone call,
15:19 so we have to make it quick on that.
15:22 Oh, okay.
15:23 So and that's another thing too, good for you.
15:26 I'm glad that you brought that up.
15:27 Supposing, you could check with mom
15:32 and ask her before Lauren gets on the phone,
15:34 what things are coming up?
15:36 What have you guys been dealing with?
15:37 Have you ever done that before?
15:39 No, we just start arguing,
15:41 I just want to talk to my daughter
15:43 but we're cool, I am cool with that,
15:44 we can do that.
15:45 Yes, you can ask, you know, what is going on with Lauren.
15:49 And supposing your wife wants to allow Lauren to go,
15:55 you know, to the Himalayas and you don't,
15:58 well, if she says, "No, she can't go to the Himalayas"
16:00 and you don't think
16:02 there is anything wrong with it.
16:03 What will you say to Lauren?
16:05 Just ask her to put her mom on the phone,
16:06 I will check with her again.
16:08 Okay, cool. That's very good.
16:10 But what if she says no
16:11 and you think that Lauren should be allowed to go.
16:15 What will you do in that situation?
16:18 Again, I guess we just need to discuss it,
16:20 two adults to sit down and discuss it first,
16:23 then we make the decision
16:25 and tell Lauren how it's going to be.
16:27 Is it at all possible
16:28 since she is the primary caretaker at this point,
16:32 is it okay for you to say,
16:34 "Well, your mom said, 'You can't go.'
16:35 I think it might be good, it could be good,
16:37 I don't know but she says no
16:39 so that's what we're going to stick with for right now."
16:42 Yes. Fine, I can do that.
16:43 Okay. Okay.
16:45 So let's talk about, talking about things as two adults.
16:48 So in some ways I heard on the video
16:51 you seemed a little bit condescending to him.
16:56 It's almost like, "Well, you are not here
16:58 so I don't care what you think,"
17:00 but he's still the parent
17:02 so he's to have all those rights, okay.
17:05 So in discussing, you can't say no
17:09 and, you know, he's agreed to allow you
17:12 as a primary caretaker,
17:14 so you now have that right to say that,
17:15 but he needs to be heard as well.
17:19 Okay.
17:20 So you think that in family discussions you can actually,
17:24 you know, consider what he's saying.
17:27 I can do that. Okay.
17:29 I think I can do that, yeah.
17:31 So how does this seem for you dad,
17:33 you think you can do any of those things?
17:35 Yes, I'll do it.
17:37 Okay.
17:38 Is there a possible,
17:39 a possibility that you two could just
17:41 have conversations by yourself without Lauren?
17:45 Yeah, I think I'll enjoy that.
17:48 In those conversations
17:50 they are not to be talked about parenting problems,
17:55 you know, prison problems,
17:56 your goal is to get out of prison
17:58 so your mind is not going to be staying there,
18:01 we want you out.
18:02 So they can talk about plans that you have,
18:05 you know, maybe a job you may need to get,
18:07 maybe some training,
18:08 so there are other adult issues that need to be discussed.
18:11 So what do you think about that, dad, talking to her
18:15 but not about parenting and not about prison,
18:18 just putting a boundary on what your private conversation
18:21 with her and be about?
18:22 Yeah, that will be fine.
18:23 We'll have a sedate adult conversation like we used to.
18:26 Right, you know, it could be lovey-dovey, and family,
18:29 and, you know, you all can even talk about
18:31 some dates you might want to go on.
18:33 So let's not, that's part of your marriage,
18:36 that's very important part of your marriage as well.
18:39 And then one more thing I would like for you to do
18:42 is to discuss important parenting decisions if that...
18:48 when it's time to just talk about those.
18:50 Important parenting decisions will be buying Lauren
18:53 something that's very, very expensive, you know.
18:56 And if money is tight that could be,
18:58 you know, something as simple as a pair of shoes,
19:00 so if money is tight, you have to run then by her
19:04 or you run then by him as well.
19:06 And then trips that Lauren may want to take with other people,
19:10 other people coming into her lives.
19:12 And then what about dating?
19:14 How's that going to play out for Lauren
19:16 and that's important.
19:17 And, you know, mom, I would like for you to do something,
19:20 share with him some good things that's going on with life
19:23 so that he can feel proud of his child
19:25 and not feel so left out, you know.
19:27 She's made good grades in school
19:30 or if she has done something at home,
19:33 you know, talk to him about it and share it,
19:35 and that will make your load a little bit lighter, okay?
19:39 So we've talked about some things that are,
19:43 you guys can do.
19:45 Do those seem simple enough to do?
19:48 Yeah, I think I can do all of those.
19:51 Well, we don't, we always try to just work
19:53 on one or two at a time,
19:54 and what I really want you guys to start with
19:56 is working on talking together with each other
20:00 about parenting issues
20:02 and having a separate parenting phone call,
20:05 can we do that?
20:07 Yeah, I am good. Okay.
20:09 And I think, dad, it's very important for you
20:12 to be a broken record,
20:13 that's very, very important, okay?
20:16 All right, so our time is up and until next week.
20:21 Go home and try those strategies
20:22 and let's see how everything works out, okay?
20:24 Okay. Thank you so much.
20:25 All right, thank you for being on the phone.
20:27 All right. I will talk to you later.
20:34 So hi. How are you guys doing?
20:36 We are doing good. Doing good.
20:37 It's so good to see you at home now
20:40 and out of prison now, that's...
20:41 Yeah, I am glad to be here.
20:42 I tell you what in prison there
20:44 you got plenty of time for two things,
20:46 reading and working out on weights.
20:48 I worked out so much
20:49 and I got to wear these sweats all the time.
20:51 Oh, okay. Well, that's good.
20:53 But now that you're home from prison,
20:54 how is everything going?
20:56 Well, it's going well.
20:58 We're working together as a team.
20:59 Okay. Finally, yeah.
21:01 Yes. Oh, okay.
21:03 So let's check this... we took this video in prison
21:06 and we want to thank the prison administration
21:10 for allowing us to come in
21:12 and we have you when you were in prison and from your home
21:15 so we do want to thank you.
21:17 So let's take a look at the tape
21:18 and see what strategies are working for us.
21:21 Okay, sounds good.
21:23 Dad is going to call for my birthday today.
21:25 He should be calling in a few minutes.
21:27 In fact, this is something he sent for you.
21:31 A birthday card.
21:32 This is him, now.
21:34 Hello.
21:36 Yes, I'll accept.
21:39 Hey, honey, how you doing?
21:41 Hi, baby, I'm doing okay.
21:42 How are you making it?
21:43 Oh, I'm doing well.
21:45 Lauren can't wait to talk to you.
21:46 Hold on one second.
21:48 Hi, Daddy.
21:50 Thanks for the birthday card
21:51 and thanks for calling like you promised you would.
21:53 Oh, you know, I really wouldn't forget my daughter's birthday.
21:57 And I wish I could be there in person.
22:02 Well, I am not sure, sweety,
22:03 I have been talking to my lawyer about that
22:05 but I don't want to talk about me.
22:07 How you've been doing in school?
22:09 I've been doing good.
22:10 I got an A on my last math test.
22:12 Oh, that's terrific. I knew you would.
22:14 You're such a smart little girl.
22:16 And how did your friend Lovona do?
22:17 I know you like to compete with her on your grades.
22:20 She did good too.
22:21 Guess what, we went to the zoo on our field trip.
22:24 Well, that's terrific.
22:25 What kind of animals did you see?
22:27 Well, we went into the penguins little habitat
22:29 and it was super cold in there
22:31 but it felt good since it was hot outside.
22:34 Also, the elephants were spraying water on people.
22:37 We also saw the polar bears,
22:38 they were swimming around and playing with each other.
22:40 The rhinos were just sit...
22:42 Wow! What a change.
22:44 That is phenomenal. Yes.
22:46 Man, you guys have to be pretty proud of yourself.
22:49 Well, I think we did a good job together, you know.
22:51 And those counseling sessions
22:53 she gave me in prison really turned things around for me.
22:55 Oh, okay.
22:57 And I really hope the prayer that you guys did together
22:58 and that we did together helped as well.
23:01 So tell me, I'm seeing from the video
23:03 that you're working together, how is it like?
23:05 What is it feeling right now? Terrific.
23:08 We've never been that close before
23:10 and I feel much closer to my wife
23:12 than I was, you know.
23:13 And things were just kind of wild when I was locked up
23:15 but now that I am out,
23:17 I am making it my goal and purpose to be here
23:19 for her as well as for Lauren.
23:21 Oh, okay.
23:23 That is a difference.
23:24 Yeah, and I am a whole lot less frustrated and stressed.
23:27 And the house just seem really calm and peaceful.
23:30 We are able to talk a lot more about things not just us
23:33 but also with Lauren as well.
23:35 Oh, so when you're talking about Lauren now,
23:37 you're not falling apart, you're not arguing,
23:40 there's no contingent?
23:41 No, in fact, it's kind of funny
23:43 because she asked my wife that if she could do something
23:47 and then she has came and talked to me about it
23:50 and Lauren was surprised,
23:51 she looked like a deer in the headlights
23:53 because we were now working together
23:55 instead of her being able to manipulate us.
23:57 It was really crazy, it was funny.
23:59 Okay, so, Vince, have you had any incidence
24:03 where you would say yes to her after your wife said no.
24:07 Well, you know, we worked on that
24:09 during this therapy sessions
24:11 and I really focused and tried hard not to do this
24:14 so it's been a lot better, don't you think?
24:16 Yeah, he's definitely been trying it.
24:18 We've just been talking a lot more.
24:19 So yeah, we're a team on things
24:21 that we have expectations for Lauren about,
24:23 we try to talk to before we even talk to her,
24:26 that way we are on the same page.
24:27 Okay.
24:28 So you were feeling like
24:30 you had to be the hard heavy guy all the time.
24:32 Is that gone now?
24:33 It's gone, yes. Oh, good.
24:34 I think we both play the good bad guy,
24:36 we kind of trade off on it depending on the situation,
24:39 but I think it's definitely more balanced now.
24:41 Have you had situations where he was too harsh,
24:44 maybe in parenting and you did not agree with his parenting?
24:48 Yes, so we've had some disagreements
24:49 but we've learned to just talk about
24:51 those outside of Lauren being there.
24:53 I mean, it works a lot better
24:55 because I think that she feels like
24:56 she has control of our situation
24:58 when she is there.
25:00 So we try to do a lot of that talking,
25:01 you know, usually when she's not around.
25:03 And what I've learned is
25:05 teamwork really does make the dream work
25:07 when you're dealing with your children.
25:09 You got to work together as parents
25:10 or you're just going to mess things up,
25:12 and the children are smart,
25:14 they'll figure out that you two are fighting
25:16 and they'll go around your back and manipulate you,
25:19 so we've really been doing a lot better,
25:21 thanks to your advice.
25:22 Okay. So those are strategies and suggestions.
25:26 So how is your daughter now?
25:28 Definitely, more respectful.
25:30 Oh, yeah, definitely.
25:31 Not so many tantrums,
25:33 not so much bad attitude going on at the house either.
25:37 Well, time is lying down quickly,
25:39 so I want you to tell me at least one strategy
25:42 that you like the most, that was the easiest for you.
25:46 I say communication.
25:48 And as it pertains to our relationship
25:51 because you did suggest that we talk more about things
25:54 that involve us as opposed to always speaking about Lauren
25:57 and it's worked out a lot.
25:59 I think our relationship has grown so much
26:00 because of it and we have our date nights,
26:02 we have our moments
26:03 where we can just spend some time together.
26:05 Yeah, I agree.
26:07 Adult conversation which was missing,
26:09 that's really made a big difference.
26:11 Now we know more about each other as individuals
26:13 and we can focus on making sure
26:15 that we train our daughter up properly
26:17 according to the way that the Bible would like us to.
26:20 So were there any strategies
26:22 that were particularly challenging
26:25 for either one of you?
26:27 Yeah, for me it was probably just including him
26:30 in a lot of the bigger decision making things
26:34 that we need to do concerning more.
26:36 I think that it worked out.
26:37 He was very patient with me along that process.
26:41 I think I've gotten a little bit better with that.
26:43 What do you think? A lot better.
26:45 And, you know, the thing that I was challenged
26:47 most by was just when Lauren would come
26:49 and asked me some deferring it over to her mother,
26:52 you know, because I want to jump in there
26:54 and be the dad, right?
26:56 But I've gotten much better at just saying,
26:58 "Ask your mom about that."
27:00 Well, our time is up,
27:02 so let's have a brief word of prayer before and close out.
27:05 And I'm so happy things are going well.
27:08 Most honorable Father,
27:09 we're so grateful that You have sent
27:10 Your healing power to this family.
27:12 Lord, we know that You will work with all families this way
27:15 and so we praise Your holy name.
27:17 We thank You for giving us wisdom
27:19 and for them being able to use the strategies
27:21 and being willing to use the strategies to go up.
27:23 And dear Father, we ask for all the Christian families
27:25 around the circle, the globe
27:27 that they will turn to You
27:28 in times of trouble and discord
27:30 and above all things not give up
27:32 because You are the healer of all things.
27:34 In Jesus' name we do pray. Amen.
27:37 Amen. Amen.
27:38 Thank you. Thank you very much.
27:39 You guys praise God, okay, and have a great day.
27:42 All right.
27:46 Remember, you must work together as parents.
27:50 It's so easy for children to learn to manipulate
27:52 when parenting efforts are disjointed.
27:55 Sometimes your spouse will be wrong,
27:57 taking sides with the child empowers them way too much
28:01 and they become more defiant.
28:03 Remember to press together.
28:05 A home with divided parents will not stand.
28:08 Also remember to communicate often and a lot
28:12 so that you won't miss the signals from each other.
28:15 And one last thing,
28:16 please learn to forgive each other
28:18 because again mistakes will always be made.
28:21 And you parents make this a great day.


Revised 2018-04-26