Pumped Up Parents

Giving Time, Not Things

Three Angels Broadcasting Network

Program transcript



Series Code: PUP

Program Code: PUP000007A

00:01 Justina, what are you doing?
00:03 I'm working on a science project
00:04 that's due tomorrow.
00:06 Tomorrow?
00:07 You're always doing your homework late.
00:10 Jared, why don't you ever have any homework?
00:13 I've done my homework at school.
00:14 Wait... I mean, we didn't have any.
00:17 No, I know you would say that.
00:19 That's why I got a call from your teacher
00:21 telling me about your five missing assignments.
00:23 Oh, yeah. I forgot about those.
00:25 I did all the rest of them.
00:27 We don't have homework every day,
00:29 that's why I keep forgetting, dad.
00:30 Yeah.
00:31 Now, who do you think you are, Mae Jemison or somebody?
00:34 You're not any good at anything,
00:35 so I know you can't possibly be good at science.
00:37 And, Jared, you're always talking about
00:39 you don't have any homework.
00:41 You're just like your dad and brother.
00:42 He always, I would say, he didn't have any homework,
00:44 and he flunked out.
00:46 I am getting an A in science,
00:48 and I could be the next Mae Jemison.
00:50 And I keep telling you stop working on your homework
00:53 all late and everything.
00:55 You're gonna end up just like your mother's sister,
00:58 late on everything, and then when things
01:00 don't work out for her, she gets mad.
01:03 I don't know why you're laughing.
01:05 You don't even do your homework,
01:06 so you can't get no late work.
01:08 See, she's mad now. Exactly, dad.
01:11 Girl, I know this possibly can't be any good now
01:14 what you're working on, it's so late.
01:16 Well, I don't know what you're talking about.
01:18 She gave it to us on Monday, and it's only Tuesday,
01:20 and it's due Wednesday, so I'll get it finished.
01:23 Excuse us. Excuse us.
01:24 There's no reason to start your homework late,
01:27 and you want to be a scientist.
01:29 I don't know how you can. You a scientist?
01:31 I don't think so. Yeah, I don' think so.
01:34 Justina.
02:14 Thank you so much for allowing us
02:15 to put the camera in your home
02:17 so that we could capture what's going on.
02:19 You see that foolishness in that house?
02:21 I did. I did. Just a bunch of mess.
02:23 But before we go to that, tell me what's going on now.
02:28 Pretty much the same thing.
02:29 I mean, you know what, the children are so lazy.
02:31 And then, our daughter,
02:33 she talks about she wants to be a scientist.
02:35 And she doesn't even
02:36 get her work in on time half the time,
02:38 or she just starts so late.
02:39 I mean, okay, she does get it in on time sometimes.
02:42 But she starts working on it late,
02:43 our son doesn't even bring home homework,
02:45 so I don't know what's going on with him at school.
02:47 Yeah. He doesn't bring home homework?
02:49 No. No. No!
02:51 He always has an excuse about it.
02:53 I see.
02:55 Perhaps, you guys weren't
02:56 really interacting with him in the video.
03:00 Yeah, 'cause it bothers me
03:02 when I hear excuses from people,
03:04 especially from him, he knows what I am asking for,
03:07 he knows what I need from him,
03:09 he knows what he's supposed to be doing in school,
03:11 but he always has a quick little answer
03:13 just to push me off, and that really gets me angry.
03:16 So I just rather not even talk to him.
03:19 So when you get angry, what happens after that?
03:21 Sometimes I will say the wrong things,
03:25 and sometimes I just tell them to get out of my face.
03:26 You do that a lot.
03:28 Okay. So most often, you really don't deal with it too much?
03:31 No. Okay. Okay.
03:33 Can you see in the video
03:35 anything that you may have done
03:37 that can contribute to the problem?
03:40 Telling them to do the homework and being on time?
03:42 Yeah, that's what they need to be doing.
03:44 I agree. Get your homework done on time.
03:46 I agree with that.
03:48 You know, we were kind of making fun of her
03:51 for being a scientist...
03:52 Wanting to be a scientist. Yeah.
03:54 I mean...
03:55 At this rate, she's not going to be a scientist.
03:57 How do you know what she's going to be?
03:59 So what do you think she is going to be?
04:02 She's going to be poor. Yep.
04:04 She's going to be unmarried. Yep.
04:05 'Cause who's gonna put up with that?
04:07 No. Nope. She'd be right in our house.
04:08 Okay.
04:10 No, she's never going to be in our house.
04:11 She might be at your house,
04:12 but she's not gonna be at our house.
04:14 She doesn't do anything for herself.
04:18 I don't see how she is going to be able to go to school,
04:21 go to college, and learn on of her own,
04:23 and be self-motivated, and get her own place.
04:25 She's going to be stuck
04:27 right there in the house with us.
04:28 No, with you.
04:29 So what kind of grades is she making?
04:33 Horrible.
04:34 No, actually, she does pretty good at school.
04:37 Some of them are okay, but there are some other ones.
04:40 She can improve on some of those other grades.
04:42 Okay.
04:43 Give me a clear understanding on what her grades are like?
04:46 Well, like she's talking about being a scientist
04:48 and some of those grades,
04:49 some of the homework that she does,
04:51 she's just not motivated to get it done quickly.
04:55 She's always doing something else.
04:57 And so, when I asked her about it, like in the video.
04:59 But she's pulling a B plus though in science,
05:01 now I do have to say that.
05:02 Just like I asked her in the video,
05:03 she just wants to put it off.
05:05 She thinks that, "You know what,
05:07 it was given to me on Monday, and it's due on Wednesday,
05:10 and I can get it done Tuesday night or whatever."
05:12 Why wait to the last minute? Okay. Okay.
05:15 But what grades is she getting?
05:18 Is she getting like straight F's, straight D's?
05:21 No, she's not getting any F's. No, it's not that bad.
05:23 Okay, D's? How about D's? No.
05:26 She's mostly pulling B's, B plus.
05:30 She got one C. Okay.
05:33 Any A's? No.
05:36 Okay, so she's a B plus student right about now,
05:39 you would say that?
05:40 Yeah. On average, I guess. Okay.
05:42 Oh, okay. Okay.
05:43 Well, I didn't know that B plus wasn't good.
05:46 Well, she could do a lot better.
05:47 I just don't like excuses. Oh, okay. Okay.
05:49 Well, you know what, he is a perfectionist,
05:50 so, you know...
05:52 Yeah. Okay.
05:53 He wants her to get A plus, A plus plus.
05:54 There's nothing wrong wanting my children to do better.
05:57 Is there something wrong with that?
05:59 Nothing at all is wrong with you wanting your children
06:02 to do better.
06:03 And the question is, how do you get that?
06:06 That's right. That's the big question.
06:08 But I am interested in
06:12 what your prediction for her life.
06:16 You think, she is going to be at home with you
06:18 and doing what?
06:21 I don't know. I just...
06:23 There are things that I would like to see her do,
06:26 and every suggestion I give, she just blows it off.
06:30 And I think that really ticks me off,
06:31 I think that's really where I am.
06:34 You know, to me, a scientist, these days,
06:36 and especially when she gets to be the age
06:38 that she would be a scientist,
06:40 you kind of have to be really self-motivated
06:42 and just kind of out there on the cutting edge
06:44 because science is moving forward so fast.
06:46 So how old is she? She's 12.
06:48 Oh, okay. Okay.
06:50 So I want you ask you, so she is...
06:53 You think she's not self-motivated?
06:55 I am going back to that picture,
06:56 that you guys had a very specific picture of her
07:00 that she was going to be at home
07:01 for the rest of her life,
07:03 she wasn't going to get married,
07:05 have you guys said any of that to her too?
07:07 Oh, yeah.
07:09 I guess probably slipped out a couple of times.
07:11 Okay. So you said... Yeah.
07:12 I did tell her nobody's going to marry her.
07:14 Okay. You told her that?
07:16 Okay. All right.
07:18 Have you ever heard of a life script?
07:22 No. A life what?
07:23 Script. Okay. No.
07:25 So this is based on...
07:29 It's a biblical principle. Okay.
07:31 And the Bible says and God spoke, and it was so.
07:35 And the Bible says,
07:37 "The tongue can cut
07:42 as well as it can heal," right?
07:45 So what we're doing is creating in her mind
07:49 what her life is going to be like.
07:51 Think about that.
07:53 You're creating in your mind
07:54 what your life is going to be like too
07:57 without even realizing it.
07:59 So you are saying to her,
08:00 "You are never going to get married,
08:02 basically nobody's gonna want you."
08:04 And you are saying to her that she is lazy,
08:05 "You're gonna always live in my house,"
08:07 and then you were saying though,
08:08 "No, not my house, in your house,"
08:10 which means you're not going to even be there.
08:14 Do you get what you are saying?
08:16 Did you realize what you were saying?
08:17 Yeah. Yeah. I realize what she was saying.
08:20 I'm not sure whose house she is talking about.
08:22 I'm talking about my house, you got another house,
08:25 where did you get your other house from?
08:26 No, I'm saying if you think she's going to be still at home
08:29 when she is 25 years old,
08:31 then you must be in a house that you're going to be in.
08:32 I don't see her making that move.
08:34 Okay. Right.
08:36 Because you can't see it,
08:39 you know what, she can't either.
08:43 You're giving her a visual, a picture of her future.
08:48 Every time you say,
08:49 "You're not going to be a science...
08:52 A scientist." I'm sorry.
08:53 Every time you say to her,
08:54 "You're not going to get married
08:56 or no one is going to want to marry you."
08:58 Or, you know, "You won't be able to live in my house."
09:01 What are you really saying to her?
09:03 And how...
09:05 That she needs to grow up and get a job?
09:06 Well, yeah. She's only 12 first of all.
09:11 Let that soak in.
09:13 And we're talking about another 12 to 15 years
09:17 if we're talking about 25 or some, right?
09:21 Okay. Okay. So...
09:23 He's talking about 25. Okay.
09:25 What are you talking about? 18.
09:27 Okay.
09:29 So really at 18, she is going to be self-supporting,
09:31 completely self-supporting?
09:33 Well, I was like completely self-supporting at that point.
09:36 But, I mean, she needs to be in school somewhere.
09:38 Imagine this, imagine, picture this,
09:43 you have a boulder to push, it's all uphill.
09:48 A boulder, we're not talking about
09:50 a little brick that you can carry but a boulder.
09:55 But, in front of that,
09:57 the people who are supposed to be helping you with that,
09:59 they sit on top of the boulder.
10:02 And tell you, "Don't let us fall off
10:04 and skin our knees
10:06 while you're rolling this up the hill."
10:08 I can almost imagine
10:10 that stress and pressure she is on...
10:11 She is trying to say, "I want to be a scientist."
10:15 She's screaming that.
10:16 And you're saying to her, "You're not going to be."
10:23 Okay. And almost...
10:26 You were telling me that she is not going to be.
10:29 And I'm just, you know, I don't even know,
10:31 I haven't met her.
10:33 Gotcha.
10:34 Are you understanding what I'm saying?
10:36 Yeah, when you put it like that.
10:38 You can give a life script for good or for evil.
10:42 You have to watch what you say.
10:44 If you say, she is just like your aunty
10:47 who puts things off, blah, blah, blah,
10:49 that's a clear visual for her.
10:51 Clear visual, and some of us...
10:53 You know, my grandmother used to say,
10:54 "Don't put words in the air that...",
10:55 'cause, you know, you kind of,
10:57 "It makes it a prediction almost."
11:00 Well, in this case, you have to realize,
11:02 there's two parts of your brain,
11:04 you have the conscious and subconscious.
11:06 And the subconscious is always listening,
11:09 and it will act upon what is hearing.
11:12 You say it enough, she will begin to believe it.
11:15 "Oh, I'm not going to be a scientist.
11:17 I'm not going to be anything. Why am I trying?
11:20 You know, I'm worthless."
11:22 Because essentially,
11:23 that's what she is hearing everyday.
11:28 And why is she hearing that?
11:30 Because, like all 12-year-olds,
11:32 she puts things off to the last minute.
11:35 Most 12 year olds do it and most adults do it.
11:37 Yeah, and I'm trying to get her not to do that.
11:40 Okay, so then we have to find a better way, all right?
11:44 Okay.
11:45 So, first of all, let's look at what goes...
11:47 And, you know, it's interesting,
11:49 it really struck me that this young man
11:51 who is doing worse than she is was sitting in the background
11:55 and nothing was being addressed about him.
11:58 Well, he wasn't saying he wanted to be anything
12:00 or do anything though.
12:01 I really don't think he wants to do any.
12:03 Isn't that interesting?
12:05 Because she verbalized a desire to do well,
12:10 she gets a whole lot of negative feedback.
12:17 He has learned, don't say anything,
12:19 don't want anything,
12:21 and then you're not held accountable for anything.
12:26 Well, I just...
12:28 I don't know, I want him just out of my face sometimes.
12:32 It irritates me with the things that come out of his mouth,
12:34 and so he just removes himself.
12:36 But remember, we're Christian parents,
12:38 you are Christian parents, you have a greater goal.
12:42 It's not just this earthly world.
12:44 We're looking at eternal life.
12:46 So we can't just discord him because,
12:49 "Well, he is displeasing us and the things of this world.
12:53 We have to work with him
12:55 so that he can be ready for Jesus."
12:58 A higher calling.
13:00 If he is given up on life already,
13:01 and he is how old?
13:03 He's 15.
13:05 Already, he has learned not to want anything,
13:07 not to share with anybody any hopes and desires,
13:11 what's going to happen?
13:12 You're thinking about her living in your house,
13:14 she may become just determined
13:17 to get out even if she has to live on the streets,
13:19 but him, he may not care one way or another.
13:24 So we have to find a way,
13:26 a better way to motivate and to give a better life
13:30 script to both of the kids.
13:31 Okay. All right.
13:33 So what's the goal? What do we want to do?
13:36 Well, first of all, he needs to learn
13:38 how old his son is 'cause his son is not 15.
13:40 Is he? No, he is not.
13:42 Okay, thank goodness.
13:44 How old is he? He is 12.
13:46 I'm sorry, no. He is 11.
13:48 Oh, okay.
13:50 So he is actually younger than she is?
13:51 You know what? Yes, he's younger.
13:52 Yeah, whatever, whatever. Okay.
13:54 You were rushing him hard
13:55 trying to tear him out of the house.
13:56 He needs to get out of my house.
13:58 Okay, but, you know, that's a good thing
13:59 because 11 is more time for us to work with,
14:02 and that's really, really good and stuff.
14:04 And it's simple, God uses the simple things
14:07 to confound the minds of men.
14:08 He's not going to make it difficult for you,
14:10 and God is working with you, okay?
14:12 All right, so what are your goals?
14:14 Give me a goal?
14:17 I want these children to understand
14:18 how important it is,
14:20 we put them in school and the things
14:21 that we try to motivate them to do,
14:23 I really want them to understand
14:25 how important life is,
14:27 and it's hard out there to get a job.
14:29 You just can't, just fall off the sky.
14:32 So we're trying to show them and get them in a position
14:35 to be able to get that good career.
14:37 I'm not taking care of them all of my life.
14:39 So you want to put them in a position
14:41 to get a good career?
14:42 Yes. Yes. Okay.
14:44 And take care of themselves.
14:45 And take care of themselves when they're adults?
14:47 Yes. Okay.
14:49 And one more goal. Let's get one more goal.
14:52 You got something?
14:56 I want them to be able to go to one of our academies,
15:03 you know, and do well there
15:05 because they have to be prepared for the...
15:06 You know how much money that is?
15:08 And if they're going to do,
15:09 I need them to really, really work hard.
15:12 I don't mind paying for her but she better work hard.
15:13 I want them to go to one of our academies.
15:15 And I want them to graduate from there
15:16 'cause you make lifelong friends there,
15:18 you know what I'm saying?
15:20 I mean, It's just a whole different world.
15:22 Okay.
15:24 Also there may be some spiritual development there.
15:27 So we can look at them and say they're completely
15:29 where they need to be when they leave home,
15:31 but they may get there.
15:32 We don't know what experiences
15:34 they need to get to where they need to go, okay?
15:36 And I also remember, these are your goals,
15:38 we really need to tap into what their goals are,
15:41 what would they like for their futures, okay?
15:44 All right, so the first thing
15:46 we want to do is teach our children
15:47 to get them to where you want them to be.
15:51 We all need to be on the same page,
15:53 they need to want to do.
15:55 She's already saying, "I want to be a scientist."
15:56 You're halfway there with her,
15:58 all you have to do is work with her
16:01 on becoming a scientist.
16:02 What kind of things can you do with her
16:04 to help her become a scientist?
16:07 Her science fair project, she asked.
16:09 Okay.
16:10 You can help her with her science fair project, okay?
16:11 Yeah, we can do that. We can do that.
16:13 You know, and then sometimes, how about the science center,
16:15 it's wonderful.
16:16 Oh, it is. It's free too.
16:19 Yes, it is. Okay.
16:20 So the science center is another thing, okay.
16:23 And then, you know, you can use on your Sabbath days,
16:26 why not take a nature walk and that's science too.
16:31 Okay.
16:32 You know, so that's a scientific thing
16:34 for you to deal as well.
16:36 Okay.
16:37 So that's her, she's halfway there.
16:39 She already has a goal, all you have to do
16:42 is get behind the boulder
16:45 and help her push up the hill, okay?
16:47 We're out of time today,
16:49 and I'm sorry we have to end this so quickly,
16:52 but in our next session,
16:54 we hope to try some of these strategies
16:57 on both of them, please.
16:58 And we really need to work with him
17:00 because he has to have goals as well.
17:03 I agree. Okay.
17:05 And we're going to talk in our next session
17:06 about how to actually give a life script, all right?
17:09 All right. Okay.
17:10 Thank you for coming here today.
17:12 All right.
17:15 Wow! You guys seem a lot more content right now.
17:18 And you seem happier. We really are.
17:20 We are. Okay, so what's going on?
17:22 What has changed?
17:25 Less yelling, more calm environment in the house.
17:28 Okay.
17:29 Less negativity, you know, overall.
17:32 All right.
17:33 And these are changes that you made?
17:35 Yes.
17:36 Okay, we have a new start with the kids, huh?
17:39 Oh, okay, well, thanks for allowing us
17:40 to put the camera in your home,
17:42 let's take a look at the video that we have for you.
17:45 Let's see what's going on.
17:48 Justina, what you're doing?
17:49 I am working on a science project
17:51 that's due tomorrow.
17:52 Oh, wow!
17:54 That's sounds great,
17:55 especially since you want to be a scientist.
17:57 Yes, honey, you're really good at science.
17:59 You're pulling an A in that class, aren't you?
18:01 Yes, but actually, I'm getting an A plus
18:05 and Jaden's only getting an A.
18:08 My little scientist, elementary school,
18:11 then high school, then onto college,
18:14 grad school, and then the lab, right?
18:16 Yes, dad, I can hardly wait.
18:18 Wow! Jared, what are you doing?
18:21 Nothing, just chilling.
18:23 So why aren't you doing your homework?
18:26 We don't have any homework today,
18:27 so I can just chill.
18:28 Yes, we know, you've been just chilling 'cause, you know,
18:31 I've got a call from your teacher today, and she said,
18:33 you're missing five assignments.
18:35 I forgot and left those at school.
18:37 Yeah, I know.
18:38 That's why we got the phone call.
18:40 So I went by the school to pick them up, so no TV,
18:43 no games, no computer,
18:46 until that homework's done, okay?
18:48 But dad, I forgot for real.
18:50 Yes, we know you forgot for real.
18:52 So in the future when you do that again,
18:54 and you don't bring your homework home from school,
18:57 I'm gonna have some homework
18:58 right here at home for you to do
18:59 every single day after school, you understand me?
19:04 Honey, I thought we could
19:05 all go to the science center this weekend.
19:07 They have a lot of nice hands on projects
19:09 for the family to do.
19:11 Really? Oh, man. That sounds great!
19:13 They also have some new exhibits too.
19:15 But, Jared honey,
19:16 you will not to be going if you don't get those
19:18 homework assignments completed and turned in.
19:21 Yes, ma'am.
19:23 You guys have done a great job!
19:26 Wow! Right. It takes a lot of work.
19:28 Did you see the difference between
19:30 the first clip and this one?
19:32 I did. Yes.
19:34 Wow! Oh, my goodness.
19:35 And you even dealt with the real problem,
19:39 you addressed he's not doing homework.
19:41 Right, and I was glad
19:43 'cause it really angered me before,
19:46 but I calmed down and just gave him some rules.
19:51 If you don't do this, this is what will happen.
19:53 He needs to see the consequences.
19:55 I guess without me yelling at him too.
19:57 Right. That is so nice.
19:59 And you know what, those consequences fit.
20:02 I love that you stopped by the school
20:04 and picked up those homework assignments.
20:06 He had no clue you were picking up homework assignments.
20:08 Right, he thought he could get away with it
20:10 and just keep continuing to say,
20:12 "I don't have it or I forgot it,"
20:14 those excuses again.
20:16 Well, I took another step ahead of that and said,
20:19 "No, I'll get those assignments."
20:20 Nice, nice.
20:22 And I love it, mom, you said
20:23 he will have homework every night
20:26 because you will have some for him.
20:27 Yes. Yes.
20:29 Very nice.
20:30 Yes, and I even started asking his teachers to email me
20:33 when he has homework assignments, so we'll know.
20:36 And we'll go pick them up. Right.
20:38 That is very nice.
20:40 So, but we're going to have to get to the root of that,
20:42 but for right now, that was really good,
20:45 very creative on your part.
20:47 And I'd have to say God did.
20:49 Don't you think the Spirit of God there, picture that?
20:51 Absolutely. I think so.
20:52 So you can see when we allow self to move out the way
20:56 on the anger, frustration, aggravation,
20:58 then the Holy Spirit can step in
20:59 and do more for us, right?
21:00 Exactly, right. That is so nice.
21:03 So what strategies did you like best?
21:06 I saw one that I really liked,
21:07 but which one did you like best?
21:09 One thing that I thought about was explaining to them,
21:12 "If you do this, then these things will happen."
21:16 So if you start explaining positive things
21:19 to get this work done,
21:21 if you get that done, then you can enjoy some things.
21:23 You know, he could go to the science fair with us
21:26 or to the science,
21:28 you know, with us if he got these things done.
21:29 Instead of just saying a lot of negative things
21:32 and this is why you're not going to be or...
21:34 Right. And not going to go.
21:36 Give him a reason or an avenue, a path to success.
21:40 Right. Right. Right.
21:42 And I like the fact when you brought up,
21:44 do some things that are in her field of interest,
21:47 like go to the science centers, you know.
21:49 And so that turned out to be a great family outing,
21:53 you know, the kids really enjoyed it, you know.
21:55 And they had a science film showing in the Omnimax,
22:01 so we got to take them to that also.
22:03 Right. Yes, that is so nice, you know.
22:06 And, you know, my favorite strategy was,
22:09 of course, discipline, one that you guys did.
22:11 But it was also that you said to her,
22:14 "You're gonna go to elementary school,
22:16 and then high school, and then college."
22:19 I mean, in other words, you're not saying,
22:21 "You don't have a choice, you have to do these things."
22:24 But her subconscious is picking up,
22:26 "Oh, this is how life is done.
22:29 Then college, then grad school, then the lab."
22:31 And she was so excited because you believed in her.
22:34 Right. You believed in her vision.
22:36 You're speaking her vision to her.
22:38 And guess what, she is grabbing hold to it too,
22:40 so she is going to do just fine.
22:43 So we will have to find a life script for him as well.
22:46 Yes, we will.
22:47 You know, I think that he is getting a peach of that,
22:49 he is not going to be able to skip out on the homework,
22:52 so that's really, really good. Right.
22:54 So what changes do you see in yourselves?
22:59 Well, just dealing with them,
23:01 I have to learn how to speak their language.
23:05 The yelling, and the screaming,
23:07 and pointing out the faults is not helping them.
23:10 It irritates me, I get stressed out.
23:13 My evening...
23:14 I was planning on having a calm evening,
23:16 but it didn't turned out that way,
23:18 but it was because of me.
23:20 So if I come in and I started talking to them
23:23 in nice even tones and not yelling
23:26 and talking about successes
23:28 and helping them to be more successful.
23:31 That will have the whole environment in the house
23:33 much more calm.
23:35 Wow!
23:36 And I also noticed that
23:37 speaking the language of success,
23:39 it helps me at work, you know?
23:40 Oh, really?
23:42 It helps me when I say, you know, when...
23:44 And I think about the Bible phrase,
23:46 "I could do all things through Christ which strengthens me."
23:48 Exactly.
23:50 So, you know, I want to put that into my children also.
23:53 You can be anything, you can do anything
23:56 that you chose to do with God's help, you know.
23:58 I like that. Yes. That is very nice.
24:01 I like the speaking successful language, I love that.
24:05 You know, again, I cannot reiterate it enough.
24:08 Do it and do it often,
24:10 reiterate to your daughter and your son,
24:12 this is a process of life.
24:14 You're gonna go to elementary school,
24:17 and then you're gonna go to middle school,
24:19 and then you're gonna go to high school.
24:20 I used to add in, "You'll probably be the valedictorian,"
24:23 and then I turned it into college,
24:24 "It's going to be so fun.
24:26 You'll probably be involved in so many things,
24:29 and you're just going to really enjoy that time as well.
24:31 And then, you're gonna go to grad school,
24:34 and it's just so fascinating there and on to the lab."
24:38 So when you do it to,
24:39 add a little bit in of joy and happiness,
24:42 so that when they go do this stuff,
24:45 they will actually enjoy it.
24:47 You know what, I did with tests too.
24:49 Let's talk about tests taking
24:50 because a lot of people have test taking anxiety.
24:53 We may as well knock that out before it gets started.
24:55 So with my...
24:57 If you go to the science center,
24:59 make it very, very easy.
25:01 You're looking at something, then you say to your daughter,
25:03 "I'm going to give you a test right now, okay?
25:06 What color is the dinosaur?
25:08 Green. You made a A, 100%."
25:10 You know, it's just a joke,
25:12 but the more you put her in the situation
25:14 where you're saying, "Okay, we're having a test."
25:16 You know, simple things, easy things
25:19 so that she begins to be aware of what a test is.
25:23 And not allow all that anxiety...
25:25 The problem with testing is that people only do it
25:27 every now and then,
25:28 and then it becomes this big thing,
25:30 this big problem.
25:31 So even when my daughter was in college,
25:33 I would say to her, "Oh, it's show time.
25:35 She said, "I just have a test,
25:37 you know, in chemistry tomorrow."
25:38 It's show time girl, this is what we're living for.
25:42 Why are we in college?
25:43 We're gonna show off.
25:44 It's just such a positive way
25:46 to present to them testing, okay.
25:47 I like that. Yeah, so let's just try to...
25:51 Not just teach them to, you know, do well,
25:54 let's teach them to thrive.
25:56 You know, and they can hear it in our voices,
25:58 in our body language and stuff, well, they are gonna...
26:01 I don't even think they'll fail tests.
26:04 Studying in for a test will not become a chore.
26:07 It'll just be all begin to pair.
26:08 I need to try probably
26:10 some of those things with my son too.
26:12 Definitely. Definitely.
26:15 You know, and we really have to get started
26:16 with what does he want to be, you know, and stuff.
26:20 So he's not going to be as easy as she was
26:22 'cause he has learned,
26:23 "Don't put yourself out there."
26:25 She hadn't learned that for some reason,
26:26 but he's learnt that...
26:28 Well, she came first.
26:29 But he's watched how we behaved with her.
26:32 Right. Yes.
26:33 And when I saw him the last time,
26:34 he was in the shadows.
26:36 It was so great that you all pulled him out of shadows
26:38 and up in front in center stage,
26:40 so he can get used to being in the center.
26:43 And if you don't like being in the centre,
26:44 and it's a problem,
26:46 then you'll learn how to do the things that you need to do.
26:49 You know, so that everything
26:51 will go smoothly in your life itself.
26:53 And I know some other thing,
26:55 this is really, really important,
26:57 no comparing.
26:58 You did not compare your daughter to anybody.
27:01 Now she does compare herself to Jaden,
27:04 but we'll take care of it as time goes on.
27:06 Okay. Okay.
27:07 All right, you guys have done an absolutely wonderful job.
27:10 And I'm just so happy for you.
27:12 And I know that the Lord did this.
27:14 This is all of God's work.
27:15 So I always like to give God glory and praises
27:19 especially when some healing has occurred,
27:21 so can we bow our heads briefly?
27:22 Sure. Sure.
27:25 Most honorable Father,
27:26 we're just so grateful for all Your goodness
27:28 and for the healing that You continue to give
27:31 these families, Lord.
27:33 And dear, Lord, we ask that You will continue to let them
27:35 use all of the skills that You're showing them.
27:38 In Jesus' name we pray.
27:39 Amen. Amen.
27:41 Amen. You guys have a great weekend, okay.
27:43 Thank you. Thank you. You too.
27:47 It's easy for parents, even Christian parents
27:50 to write a negative life script for their children,
27:53 saying negative things to children is easy
27:56 because they don't have the power to refute
27:58 what you say to live.
27:59 Remember, what you say will be in their minds forever.
28:03 They only know about themselves
28:05 what you tell them about themselves,
28:07 so fill their minds and their hearts
28:09 with good words about them,
28:10 remind them of God's love for them,
28:12 pray with them inspiring prayers,
28:15 and always, always remember that God loves them
28:19 so much just like He loves you.


Revised 2018-05-02