Participants:
Series Code: RQRA
Program Code: RQRA000010A
|
00:01 The following program deals with subject matter
00:03 that may be inappropriate for younger children. 00:07 Parental discretion is advised. 00:11 I don't understand 00:13 why did this have to happen to me. 00:17 I feel like I just can't make sense of things. 00:21 I need answers. 00:25 Where is God? 00:30 Hello and welcome again 00:31 to Raw Questions Relevant Answers. 00:35 My name is Mark Paden, 00:36 this is Michelle Doucoumes and Dee Casper. 00:39 And today we have some really raw questions. 00:44 And the type of questions that 00:46 if you have a young person there, 00:48 you might want to send them out of the room for this one. 00:51 This is going to be hitting some heavily... 00:53 Some heavy topics on addictions. 00:56 So if you don't want your kids listening to this right now, 00:58 I would advise some caution. 01:02 Let's go ahead and dive right in. 01:03 Are you all ready for this? 01:05 I think God can help us with this one. 01:07 By God's grace. 01:08 Yeah, He is, He is. 01:10 Okay, this first question comes from a 17-year-old female 01:14 in the state of Pennsylvania. 01:17 I'm wrestling with self-harm 01:19 and I don't know what to do about it? 01:23 This is no joke, I mean, the topic of self-harm, 01:26 this can fall in many categories. 01:28 The general category 01:29 I'm assuming this is for is like cutting, 01:31 burning, attempted suicide, things along these lines, 01:33 but it can be broader than this. 01:35 We talked about food addictions, 01:37 destructive behavior, 01:38 some people get a high about living in extreme situations 01:41 right there. 01:43 They're excited about doing things 01:44 that are going to break bones at any given moment. 01:46 But I think in this particular context of self harm, 01:49 one thing that was helpful for me was to realize, 01:51 first of all, that Jesus was actually tempted 01:53 in this area in Matthew 4 that Satan brings him up 01:56 to the top of the temple and says, 01:57 "If you're the Son of God, 01:59 throw Yourself down from here," right? 02:00 He was tempted to harm Himself. 02:01 No, He didn't. 02:03 But the beautiful thing is because Jesus succeeded 02:04 in overcoming that temptation, 02:06 He can give power and strength to us to do so. 02:09 I think many times in environments like this, 02:12 we're seeking to have control, 02:13 or thrill, or rush of some sort, 02:15 and this is why this process kind of begins. 02:18 We feel powerless, 02:19 we feel helpless in uncertain environments 02:21 as this can happen a lot of times, 02:22 but there's many variables that can be involved. 02:25 But the point is there is a God in heaven 02:27 who has power and strength to see ourselves helpfully, 02:30 and to give us power to treat ourselves helpfully. 02:33 Do you have some other thoughts on that? 02:34 Yeah, you know, 02:36 for those who have never struggled with self-harm, 02:37 it may seem like a strange thing to struggle, 02:40 "Who wants to hurt themselves?" 02:43 But there's actually psychology with this. 02:47 Sometimes if there's been a lot of psychological pain 02:50 that someone has experienced and it's hard to get it out, 02:53 the release of physical pain actually produces that release, 02:58 that are we're not able to get otherwise. 03:00 And that's what makes it addictive and dangerous. 03:03 There's something in the heart crying out 03:05 that needs to be solved. 03:07 And because it's not, 03:08 the body is trying to solve it instead, 03:11 some type of physical release is trying to solve it. 03:14 And so, you know, 03:16 one of the big things with self-harm is realizing, 03:20 no, this doesn't make you bad, or weird, or strange, 03:24 it's just that there is something inside of you 03:26 that is saying, "You need help." 03:29 And maybe it's time to seek that help, 03:31 to get a good counselor to talk to some people 03:34 that can really start dealing with the pain inside 03:38 that is causing the infliction of pain outside. 03:40 Yeah. 03:41 You know, I think that's a really good, 03:42 and I just want to underscore that again. 03:44 These things stem from a very deep place in us, 03:47 where we have... 03:48 Maybe we've been hurt by a parent, 03:50 and maybe we've been abused by a parent, 03:52 maybe we have gone through some really traumatic circumstance, 03:55 whatever may be the case, 03:57 this is really a result of those inside things, 04:00 and we need to get those dealt with. 04:02 So let's just talk about that really quick. 04:04 What are some of the practical ways, 04:05 you mentioned counseling and different things, 04:06 what are some of the practical ways 04:08 that we can, 04:09 maybe get help in those scenarios? 04:12 The first thing is being heard. 04:13 I mean, counseling is one of the best options 04:15 you can have at this stage, 04:17 to have a safe place where you can open up 04:19 and talk about what it is that's causing the harm, 04:21 and someone who's trained to help people 04:23 find the root issues 04:24 because it can be different in every person's situations. 04:27 I mean that's the primary option in this stage. 04:30 And then two, seeking in the Word of God 04:32 the value that God places upon each of us that whenever... 04:35 You see throughout the Psalms, David is crying out, 04:38 and other people crying out 04:39 whenever they've got pain inside 04:41 and don't know what to do with it. 04:42 There was this freedom to be vulnerable, 04:44 and to be raw and open with God in prayer. 04:48 And I think it's a big, big opportunity as well 04:50 that when we feel that pain creeping up on the inside, 04:52 the safest place to run with that is in prayer 04:54 directly to God, and just say, "This is what I'm feeling, 04:58 this is what I'm tempted to do, 05:00 and this is what I'm wrestling with. 05:01 And I need You in this moment to give me healthy thoughts, 05:04 to give me the ability to make healthy choices. 05:06 And even right now, I need You to give me the courage 05:08 to call someone to do what I need to do." 05:11 Sin, whatever form it is, harming ourselves, 05:14 harming other people, it thrives in darkness, 05:18 it thrives in secrecy. 05:21 And so I would also encourage whoever is dealing with this, 05:24 tell someone. 05:26 Even though that's a very scary thing to do, 05:28 even though you wonder, 05:30 "Is someone going to be safe to talk to?" 05:32 If you are in danger, don't let that continue. 05:36 That has to be let out. 05:38 Just the fact of putting it out there 05:40 and going for help can start to break 05:42 some of the strongholds 05:44 of this being this deep dark secret 05:46 that cause it to have so much power. 05:48 Yeah, and many times those things are done, 05:49 we see in the darkness is true like a lot of the places 05:52 where people are cutting themselves 05:53 or burning themselves are generally not flushed, 05:55 it's all the way exposed, right? 05:57 And it's just really a pattern that people have had 06:00 because they want to be working through this thing 06:03 on their own, right? 06:04 It's not a situation where it's public. 06:06 So people don't see to be able to report 06:07 that they see that something's going on. 06:10 So it relies upon self-reporting many times 06:12 that people don't know. 06:14 Yeah, one of the thing too 06:15 I would like to say into this too is that 06:17 if you're going through that, right? 06:19 If somebody out there is involved in this 06:21 and is really struggling, don't feel like you're a mess, 06:24 don't feel like you're this terrible, horrible, 06:26 no good, very bad person, right? 06:28 You are valuable to God. 06:30 You are incredibly valuable as a human being, 06:32 and you don't have to go through this. 06:34 You don't have to do that. 06:36 You can find relief of soul in helpful ways 06:39 that aren't going to hurt you. 06:42 So let's go ahead and move on to the next question 06:45 unless you want to say anything else. 06:48 This one comes from a female, 06:52 age 20 in British Columbia, Canada. 06:55 This one is going to be a heavy one, okay? 06:57 So you all ready for this? 06:59 What do we believe about masturbation? 07:02 The world says it's very good and healthy, 07:04 but I don't know 07:05 what the Bible teaches about this? 07:08 Well, I think that one of the ways 07:10 we have to address the elephant in the room 07:12 is that masturbation generally goes 07:14 right alongside in hand-in-hand with immoral thoughts, right? 07:18 One thing connects to another. 07:20 A majority, if not every single time, 07:23 and we addressed this in a previous episode 07:25 that Jesus says that, 07:26 "He who looks after a woman to lust in his heart 07:28 after her has already committed adultery." 07:30 Even though there's been no contact, 07:32 they may not even know who this person is 07:33 or what their name is. 07:35 And this certainly... 07:36 If these two are connected and they are, 07:38 it's us performing acts of immorality, 07:41 sexual morality that is not licensed 07:44 or endorsed by the Word of God, 07:46 just to start with a very simple answer. 07:48 There's another thought you want to have on that? 07:50 I mean it was similar to that. Okay. 07:52 The whole idea, whatever things are pure, 07:55 whatever things are lovely, 07:56 whatever things are good report, 07:57 think on these things. 07:59 Can you engage in those acts 08:01 while thinking on pure and lovely things? 08:04 That's a big question. 08:05 And something that's very telling 08:07 on whether something is of God or not, 08:09 whether it's masturbation or something else as... 08:11 Can I be at peace and be in the presence of God 08:14 while I'm doing this? 08:15 You know, the other thing too about this is that 08:17 it is an addiction. 08:19 Like people that wrestle with this, 08:21 it's very addictive. 08:22 You can't just say, "Okay, I'm done." 08:24 Like, it's... 08:26 Talk to people that try to get out of it, 08:27 you know, it's a very difficult process. 08:30 And do we really want to be doing something 08:33 that is addictive? 08:34 Like those addictions, I mean, they're bad for a reason. 08:38 You don't want to ever be in a situation 08:40 in which you are not fully in control of your own actions. 08:45 Yes, and the thing is like 08:46 when there are thoughts that are brought into our mind, 08:49 we're basically programmed in our mind and our body 08:52 to do what we want and to chase our pleasures 08:57 when tempted, right? 08:59 We can do this with food, we can do this with alcohol, 09:01 we can do this with drugs, we can do this with sexual sin, 09:04 that when you've preprogrammed your body to say yes 09:06 to its desires, even if they're not good ones, 09:09 you're starting your mind, and you're inviting 09:10 the track of only doing what you want when it comes. 09:13 And there are countless stories of people 09:15 who begin in this situation of looking at pornography 09:18 and engaging in masturbation which leads to the next thing, 09:21 which leads to the next thing, which leads to the next thing. 09:22 And they end up in a place 09:24 they never thought they would be 09:25 because they're not finding that pleasure 09:26 they are looking for, 09:28 and there's scientific reasons for this. 09:29 They've shown the release 09:30 that we have of the chemicals in our brain, 09:32 the feel good chemicals is less as a result of masturbating 09:37 than it is than having a genuine union in marriage 09:39 or in a sexual union. 09:41 And there's a reason for this. 09:43 That is what we were designed for, 09:45 to have an actual union, 09:46 not something that we're creating ourselves, 09:48 it can't satisfy like God original blueprint can. 09:50 And kind of an illustration of this 09:52 that comes to my mind is 09:53 when Jesus is talking to the woman at the well, 09:55 a woman who is wrestling with relationships 09:57 and sexuality it seems. 09:59 She's had five husbands, 10:00 and the man she's living with now isn't her husband. 10:02 This woman's means of escape from the problems in her life 10:05 was her water pot. 10:06 She was at this well at high noon 10:08 when it's blazing hot outside, 10:09 she's trying to escape her problems. 10:11 And the Bible says in John 4:4 10:13 that Jesus needed to go through Samaria. 10:15 Why? 10:17 Because someone's wrestling with temptation. 10:18 And what Jesus does is He tells this woman, 10:20 "What you're coming here for?" 10:21 It says, "What I have to offer you 10:23 is vastly better than what you're coming here," for one. 10:25 And two, "this water that you're coming for 10:28 is only going to lead you to thirst again." 10:30 And masturbation does that. 10:32 It does not fill in the way that God's blueprint does. 10:35 You're just going to thirst again 10:36 and keep running to something that can't fill in the way 10:38 that God ideally intended. 10:40 Right. 10:41 What I love is Jesus offers a means of escape, 10:42 like He says in 1 Corinthians 10 10:44 that fork in the road, 10:46 she was given that option and chose wisely. 10:47 She left her water pot with Jesus. 10:50 And for those who may be wrestling with masturbation, 10:51 I think He's asking the same question, 10:53 "Will you leave that water pot with Me? 10:55 Will you leave it here 10:56 because I have something better to offer you. 10:58 It's something that can actually bring pleasure 11:00 and actually bring enjoyment that this can never could." 11:03 You know, I come back to something 11:05 that I mentioned in previous episode. 11:07 In James 1 about how God is the author 11:10 of our good and perfect gifts, 11:12 but the devil is into counterfeiting them, 11:15 cautions us to not be deceived my beloved brethren. 11:18 And, you know, we talk about purity 11:21 when it comes to waiting for marriage 11:24 or even within marriage 11:25 and saving ourselves for that spouse. 11:28 But in a sense, when we are doing these things, 11:31 is it not like chipping away small pieces of that. 11:34 It's like, well, you know, I'm not really doing anything, 11:37 it's just masturbation, it's not the whole, whole act. 11:41 I'm not with anyone. 11:43 But there's a pleasure 11:44 that was designed for that full fulfillment, 11:48 and it's like chipping away little pieces 11:51 of what could have been in some form. 11:53 And so that's another thing to think about as just... 11:56 "How does this affect maybe my future relationships? 12:00 And how I feel and think about this when I... 12:02 When we get so used to that instant gratification. 12:04 Yeah. 12:06 What happens in marriage 12:08 that when you have to rely on another person 12:11 or will you still be going back to that 12:12 during your marriage? 12:14 Right, right. Right. 12:15 And those are things to consider. 12:16 You know, right now we're basically talking about 12:19 masturbation and is it good or not? 12:23 In the next episode, we'll actually get into 12:25 how to overcome it, how to deal with it. 12:27 But one more thing 12:28 that I want to get into today a little bit is, 12:31 you know, a lot of the times people struggle with this 12:36 because of the decisions of the parents, you know. 12:40 And this I want to just talk about this a little bit 12:43 because I think a lot of times parents don't understand 12:46 what they're setting their children up for. 12:48 And so if there's parents watching this, 12:50 this is especially to you all or even to young people 12:52 who are getting ready to get into... 12:55 Getting ready to get married, and have children, 12:57 and everything like that, 12:59 you know, if as parents there's a lot of immorality, 13:05 if there's a lot of... 13:06 If there's too much sex a lot of times, 13:09 that will cause an unbalance in your children 13:11 to want to even more. 13:13 And other things too to think about 13:15 is just the diet that we can substantially influence 13:20 how much, how many urges we have. 13:23 Do you guys want to say anything about that? 13:25 I just... 13:26 There are study, and I mean just the principle 13:27 of temperance in general. 13:29 If you keep telling... 13:30 If you just keep saying yes to any desire your body has, 13:31 whether it be for how you're eating or anything else, 13:34 it's very difficult to overcome 13:36 when you're face-to-face with temptation 13:37 because you train your body to give in. 13:39 And it goes in all facets of any desires 13:41 or passions we have, 13:43 whether it be for appetite, for sweets, for alcohol, 13:44 for drugs, for sexual gratification, 13:46 whatever. 13:47 There certainly are some connections there that are... 13:50 With the time given, we can't really flush out, 13:52 but there are some connections there to be sure. 13:54 Sure. 13:55 So yeah, we're running out of time here again today, 13:58 but I just want to really say, you know, 14:01 if you're out there and you're struggling with this, 14:02 if this is something 14:03 that you're wrestling with, seek help. 14:06 You know, go to God, 14:07 go to other people that you can trust, 14:09 and don't let it just fester, do everything that you can. 14:13 And in the next episode, 14:14 we'll actually get into it even more 14:15 and talk about some practical tips 14:17 for how to overcome this stuff, 14:19 but in the meantime you can submit your questions 14:21 on our Facebook, RQRA3ABN. |
Revised 2018-08-27