Participants:
Series Code: RQRA
Program Code: RQRA000013A
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00:01 I don't understand.
00:04 Why did this have to happen to me? 00:07 I feel like I just can't make sense of things. 00:11 I need answers. 00:15 Where is God? 00:21 You know, in life, all of us have 00:22 really intense, deep questions 00:25 that really get to the core of who we are. 00:27 We wrestle with things we want to know, 00:30 like what we should do in certain situations, 00:31 how to think about certain things. 00:34 Welcome to Raw Questions, Relevant Answers 00:36 where we are endeavoring to put answers 00:39 on to some of those raw, relevant questions 00:41 that we have. 00:43 My name is Mark Paden, 00:44 and I'm joined by my two co-hosts, 00:45 Michelle Doucoumes and Dee Caspar. 00:49 And we, today, 00:50 have several different questions 00:52 about different topics that we're going to be addressing. 00:56 These were sent in to us from different individuals 00:59 across the country. 01:01 This first one comes from a college student 01:03 in the state of Tennessee. 01:05 "I wear jewelry and have tattoos, 01:08 but I love Jesus Christ 01:09 and I'm in love with the Adventist message. 01:11 Why is it not okay for me to be a leader at my church? 01:15 Why do I get all kinds of looks? 01:17 I ask this question from a standpoint of love 01:20 and with the spirit of a learner." 01:22 Wow. 01:23 That's a big question. 01:25 You know, I think all of us on some level relate to having 01:28 that experience where we feel like people are looking at us 01:30 like we're different or awkward, 01:34 and that really shouldn't be. 01:35 I mean, no matter how someone comes into a church looking, 01:39 that shouldn't be the judge of their spirituality 01:42 or their walk with God. 01:43 And for the person asking this question, 01:45 I don't know where they're at. 01:47 I mean, as I've studied the Bible, 01:50 it helped me to see certain things 01:51 about some of those topics 01:53 that dictate why I live the way that I do 01:56 or dress the way that I do. 01:58 And there may be those in the church 02:00 that have studied those things and come to conclusions too, 02:04 but all of that being said, 02:06 that doesn't mean that 02:08 just because maybe you have different conclusions 02:10 or have not studied some things 02:12 or aren't convicted on some things 02:14 that people should treat us differently. 02:16 Now when it comes to leadership in the church, 02:18 it is kind of tricky 02:20 because every church decides, 02:23 "All right, what are our qualifications 02:24 for leadership? 02:26 What is going to represent the church?" 02:28 And so maybe they have made some decisions 02:31 that are hard to understand, 02:32 you might want to talk to your church leadership 02:34 about that, 02:36 and there can be some people that can help to explain 02:38 why, hopefully, some of those decisions are made. 02:41 I mean, sometimes there can be misunderstandings 02:43 because there isn't full communication. 02:45 Sometimes assumptions can be made. 02:48 We don't know where this person is 02:49 as far as when they made the decisions 02:50 for some of the choices they've made. 02:52 For instance, with tattoos, 02:53 you know, if like there's something 02:55 they don't have a problem with now 02:56 but or have a problem with now 02:58 but didn't but they're just there. 03:00 There's a wide variety of things 03:01 that we can't fully know in this situation, 03:02 but what we can know is 03:04 anytime someone walks through the door 03:05 of a Seventh-day Adventist Church, 03:07 it's a miracle, 03:08 any Christian church for that matter 03:10 because it's a blessing that God has brought them 03:12 to our house of worship that day. 03:14 It's also a miracle and a blessing 03:16 when someone would like to be involved actively 03:18 in a local church. 03:19 Yeah. 03:21 I remember reading in a book and it is called 03:22 The Desire of Ages 03:24 that says that "There would be one hundred workers 03:25 where there is now one, 03:26 if people wouldn't repress through zeal." 03:29 And so we need to be careful that whenever... 03:30 There are people who have a desire to serve God 03:33 and want to actively serve Him in a local church setting, 03:36 our churches or in all churches are longing for people 03:39 who want to be active participants, 03:41 and there's room in the kingdom 03:43 for all of them, 03:44 and there's room in the vineyard 03:45 to harvest for God for all of them, 03:48 and whatever means that we can help 03:49 to use people we should, 03:51 and I appreciate the fact 03:53 that they genuinely and earnestly want to know 03:55 as they phrase their question, 03:56 and I value that immensely. 03:58 I also just want to point out that I love the fact that 04:00 they're saying, "I love Jesus 04:02 and I'm in love with the Adventist message." 04:04 Yes. Yes. That's awesome. 04:05 I'm really thankful for that. Yeah. 04:07 Let's go ahead and hit our next question. 04:10 This comes from a female, age 26, 04:12 in the state of California. 04:14 "In a world where so many "good kids" 04:16 are leaving the church in their 20s after college, 04:19 how do we show compassion, friendship, and love 04:23 balanced with standing true to principle 04:25 to win these friends back to the church?" 04:28 I think, first and foremost, 04:30 my objective with people that I have that are friends 04:33 who may not be in the same page as me, 04:36 whether the people that used to be part of my faith 04:38 and then left, whether the family members or whatever, 04:41 I want to be a safe place for them in their life. 04:44 Someone that they can talk to about anything, 04:46 and that I'm very selective in how I go about communicating 04:49 certain things with them 04:50 because I realize they're not there right now, 04:52 they don't want to deal with those things, 04:53 does that mean that my principles change? 04:55 No, but there's already somewhat of an understanding, 04:57 particularly if they were in the same boat with you 04:59 and then left, 05:01 they already know what you believe, 05:02 they don't need that reminder right now in most instances. 05:05 What they need you to know that is 05:07 in the same way in which you treat them, 05:09 it's how God would treat them. 05:10 That's kind of how I try to live my life. 05:12 God still has love for them, 05:14 God still has a desire for them to be a part of His work, 05:17 God has still has a desire for them 05:18 to be part of the family of God, 05:20 and we need to make that clear. 05:22 And so if we treat them like they have cooties 05:24 or we want nothing to do with them 05:25 because their lifestyle has changed, 05:27 we need to have barriers and boundaries, 05:29 certainly, we can't partake of what they do, 05:31 but try to find ways to connect and have a common ground 05:34 as much as you can 05:36 because we want to see them in the kingdom. 05:37 And the more godly people that are winsome 05:41 they have in their life, 05:42 the better chance they have of coming back, right? 05:44 Yeah. 05:46 Something that I have found 05:47 is that with a lot of young people 05:48 who have left church, 05:51 coming back can be an intimidating thing 05:53 or thinking about it 05:54 because a lot of times, 05:55 there's been hurt that's happened, 05:57 there's been disenchantment that's happened. 06:00 And so there's kind of this feeling like yeah, 06:03 maybe somewhat like the person in the previous question, 06:05 "Well, people wouldn't really accept me there." 06:09 And so I do think a big thing that we can do is 06:12 people who've known a lot about God, 06:15 sometimes have a lot of "truth" supposedly 06:17 but they haven't seen a lot of love. 06:19 Yeah. 06:20 And what they may need most is someone to love them 06:24 towards God. 06:25 That doesn't mean loving the things that they do, 06:28 but living our lives in a way that shows them that, 06:31 "Hey, we still love you 06:33 even though you're making some choices 06:35 that may not be the best." 06:37 I think of Romans 14:7, it says, 06:39 "None of us lives from self and no one dies to himself. 06:43 Each of us shall give an account to God," verse 12, 06:46 verse 8, "For we live, we live to the Lord. 06:48 If we die, we die to the Lord." 06:50 Are we living our life as to the Lord, 06:53 not to ourselves, 06:55 we're accountable to our brethren 06:57 for how we come across for what we say, 06:59 we do, or what we do. 07:00 And one big thing I would say with that is 07:03 live your life as an example of what true Christianity is. 07:06 Yeah. 07:07 Sometimes the biggest thing that's hard for people to see 07:10 is a real Christian 07:12 and they may not be as open right now, 07:14 but as things happen 07:16 and I've seen this with my friends 07:17 as crises happen, as problems happen, 07:19 I've had some of those friends be the one to call me 07:22 because they know that I love God 07:25 and have a connection with God, 07:27 and when they're looking for that, 07:29 that relationship causes a bridge where they open up. 07:33 And they know that you love them, right? 07:34 Yes. Yeah. 07:36 There's a quote that's been really helpful for me 07:37 on this topic, 07:39 Testimonies for the Church, volume five, 07:40 it says this, 07:42 "As Christ pitied and helped us in our weakness and sinfulness, 07:45 so should we pity and help others. 07:47 Many are perplexed with doubt, 07:49 they're burdened with infirmities, 07:51 their weakened faith 07:52 and they're unable to grasp the unseen. 07:55 But a friend whom they can see coming to them in Christ stead 07:59 can be as a connecting link to fasten their trembling faith 08:03 upon God. 08:04 Oh, this is a blessed work." 08:07 They can't see Him right now, but they can see you, 08:10 and if they see Him in you, 08:12 it's going to be far better for them than anything else. 08:14 Yeah. 08:15 You know, another example of this too is 08:16 how Christ dealt with His disciples. 08:18 You know, each of them were very... 08:20 I mean, look at their characters, 08:22 look at what Peter eventually ended up doing, 08:24 he denied His Lord, it's a serious offense. 08:27 And they were very rough in character, 08:30 yet Christ knew that their best chance was 08:33 association with Him. 08:35 Now I think it would be wise to throw in one word of caution 08:38 that you are really a product of your three closest friends. 08:43 That's true. 08:45 Now if you are really strong in the faith 08:48 and have really a good grasp on God, 08:51 there's going to be less danger in association with people 08:54 that are struggling. 08:57 But at the same note, and I think this is true, 08:59 if everyone but especially those that 09:02 maybe you're not quite at a super strong place 09:04 in your own walk, 09:05 you do need to be careful about too much closeness with people 09:11 on a continual basis 09:12 because what that does is 09:14 they will start to influence you 09:15 more than you are able to influence them 09:16 in many times. 09:18 That's true. 09:19 So just having that... 09:21 And only God can really show you 09:22 what you should do in on a case by case basis 09:26 but be aware of those principles 09:27 that you don't want to surrender your principles 09:31 in that. 09:32 Here's another question. 09:34 This is a female, age 23, from Tennessee. 09:38 "I have a cousin who was hurt by Christians 09:40 and he can't stand to even hear anyone say 09:42 anything about Christianity 09:43 to the point I had to block him on Facebook 09:45 for constantly attacking me for everything I said. 09:48 Is there any way I can still be a witness to him?" 09:52 Sometimes, you have to let the dust settle. 09:54 I mean, if there is not a spirit of sincere, open, 09:59 earnest, and congenial dialogue that's afforded, 10:02 it's not productive. 10:03 Yeah. 10:05 If things are just emotionally charged 10:06 and there's not civil discourse, 10:07 now is not the time, 10:09 and one of the best things you can do is 10:10 just pray earnestly for them at this stage 10:14 because if they don't want to talk 10:15 and they just want to criticize and attack, 10:17 it's because they're hurt. 10:19 And if you are not a person they feel safe in opening up to 10:23 or even friendly enough with to be congenial, 10:26 I would give it some time 10:28 while earnestly praying and looking for windows 10:31 when there's changes. 10:33 But still, I would give it some time. 10:34 Yeah, my question would be similar, 10:37 is this friendship strong enough 10:38 that there's really a friendship 10:40 outside of just Facebook and social media? 10:44 But if there is 10:45 and that friendship can go on in other ways, 10:50 then something that's happened to me 10:51 as I had this happen with someone that was close to me 10:54 and what the Lord really impressed me was, 10:56 "Michelle, you just need to love him, 10:59 you need to learn how to do that." 11:02 And so when we have our interactions, 11:04 it would just be on a friendly-basis. 11:06 It was just a building 11:08 that friendship, that relationship, 11:10 especially because this is a family member, you know? 11:14 And that is a huge thing 11:16 because, that love can, when it's time, 11:20 open up the door for dialogue, 11:21 but trying to push dialogue when a person is not ready, 11:25 usually just needs more resistance. 11:27 Now one other practical thing, this is a cousin. 11:29 So let's say you get to a family reunion, 11:33 what are you going to do? 11:35 Like you're saying, 11:36 do your utmost to just be kind, be... 11:39 If there's interactions, 11:41 be the best, most loving Christian 11:43 you can possibly be. 11:44 There's a biblical principle 11:46 that a kind word turns away wrath, right? 11:48 I doubt, in those moments, 11:51 that it's your responsibility 11:53 to respond to every objection they have. 11:55 Yeah. You know what I mean? 11:56 I don't think it's just going to be productive. 11:57 If they're looking for a fight, don't give them a fight. 12:00 Don't give them what they're looking for 12:01 in those moments. 12:03 Give them what they're least expecting, 12:04 love in spite of what they're doing to you. 12:06 And only God can give that to us. 12:08 We're not capable of loving people 12:10 in situations whenever we would choose not to love them. 12:13 But God can because God does love them 12:15 in spite of what they've done to His Son, 12:17 in spite of what they're doing to His pleads on a daily basis. 12:20 And we can receive Christ's love for them 12:23 in that moment, 12:24 to be that type of witness that would convict them 12:26 to realize that no matter how crusty I am with them, 12:29 they're not wanting to respond, 12:31 and they'll recognize that, I'm sure. 12:34 You know... 12:35 And I still want to downplay 12:36 the necessity of intercessory prayer 12:38 on this behalf, 12:39 like it's a big, big one 12:40 where God does this a supernatural spiritual work 12:43 of softening the soil 12:45 for that time when you can plant seeds 12:46 in the future endeavor. 12:48 You know, one thing that I do want to do really quick 12:51 is go back up to the first question, 12:53 we're talking about in the last minute or so 12:54 that we have. 12:56 You know, there's a lot of times 12:58 where we face questions of principle 13:01 that maybe we aren't sure about yet 13:03 that maybe the church has a position on. 13:07 I just want to give some advice that in those situations, 13:12 the best thing that you can do is go to the Word of God 13:14 and sincerely with... 13:16 Like this person says, with the spirit of a learner, 13:19 go to the Word of God 13:21 and seek answers for yourself on these. 13:24 You don't want to just 13:25 immediately kowtow to whatever it is 13:27 because that often ends up backfiring in the long run. 13:30 Instead, I would really urge you, 13:32 go back and study these things, ask God, 13:34 "Lord, what is it that You would have me to do," 13:36 and really seek Him in that. 13:38 And when you do that, I think God will lead you for sure. 13:42 Any closing thoughts before we end up? 13:45 I think these all go together. 13:47 Seeking the Lord's will 13:48 is the best thing that we can do 13:49 and seeking it in God's Spirit. 13:51 Yeah. Amen. 13:52 So if you have any of your own questions, 13:55 any raw questions, 13:57 please submit them to us online, RQRA3ABN. 14:00 And, guys, I cannot overemphasize this enough. 14:05 Find your answers in the Word of God. 14:07 We're here to help facilitate that, 14:09 but you can do the same thing with this book 14:12 and an attitude of prayer. 14:13 God bless. |
Revised 2018-08-29