Participants:
Series Code: RQRA
Program Code: RQRA000015A
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00:01 I don't understand
00:04 why did this have to happen to me? 00:08 I feel like I just can't make sense of things. 00:12 I need answers. 00:15 Where is God? 00:21 Hello and welcome to Raw Questions Relevant Answers, 00:24 a place where we take the time to answer your questions 00:26 from a biblical Christ-centered perspective 00:29 on the stuff that matters most to you and your experience. 00:32 So today's topic, 00:33 we're actually dealing with the issue of identity. 00:35 I've got two friends with me here who are co-hosts. 00:38 We have Michelle Doucoumes and Mark Paden, 00:40 and what I'd like to do is just dive right in 00:42 because we've got some really heavy questions 00:44 that I want to deal with as soon as possible. 00:46 Here's the first one. 00:48 This is from a female, 26, from Illinois, 00:52 "How can someone restore their identity in Christ 00:55 after traumatic experience, especially sexual harassment?" 01:00 How can someone restore their identity in Christ 01:02 after some form of traumatic experience, 01:03 especially sexual harassment? 01:05 I think the first thing to recognize is that 01:08 when we go through traumatic things, 01:11 the heart is one of the most easy things to get broken. 01:15 And when we go through things that are really difficult... 01:20 Imagine it's like this, 01:22 somebody comes up to you and they break your leg, okay? 01:25 And then everybody expects you to walk on that leg afterwards. 01:30 That's as ridiculous as it is to expect somebody 01:34 who's just been severely emotionally hurt 01:37 to function emotionally after this has happened. 01:40 Now the difference between a leg being broken 01:43 and a heart being broken or hurt in some way 01:45 is that everybody around can see the broken leg 01:48 and so it gets treated, 01:50 you go to the doctor, you get it in a cast. 01:51 And even sympathy. 01:52 Yeah, exactly. 01:54 "Oh, I see, what happened, how can I help?" 01:55 Exactly. 01:56 Whereas, with the heartbreak, it's not immediately seen, 02:00 and what ends up happening is that 02:01 because of that it's not taken care of, 02:04 it's not treated. 02:05 And so, I think, 02:07 the first part of the answer to this question 02:09 is just recognizing that when we go through stuff, 02:13 it really breaks stuff inside. 02:15 You know, and I think all of us... 02:17 I mean, I know, I for sure have gone through things where, 02:19 you know, you get hurt. 02:20 And like years afterward, 02:23 you realize that you do certain things, 02:25 you have certain habits, 02:27 certain ways of dealing with people that are bad 02:30 and they really stem back to that breaking that you had. 02:33 So this question of how do we deal with this now, 02:38 I think the first thing is that 02:40 we have to recognize that it's happening. 02:42 We have to... 02:43 We have... 02:44 Any time we go through something traumatic like that, 02:46 we have to take a stop and really understand 02:50 what's going on, 02:51 what am I doing because of this, 02:53 and to intentionally look at, 02:55 "Okay, what am I doing as a result of this? 02:57 Is this a rational behavior, 02:59 is this the behavior that is healthy, 03:01 is it helping me is that helping others or not?" 03:04 I think the other thing to seriously think about 03:07 is some professional help. 03:09 If you've been really hurt, 03:11 especially if it's sexual harassment, 03:13 especially if it's a family member, 03:16 you really need to get some good help on that 03:19 because those are issues that are really difficult 03:23 for you to deal with in your mind. 03:25 In the context of spirituality, godly Christian counseling, 03:30 things along those natures, and Christian help. 03:32 Another thing I just want to make as statement briefly 03:34 is that what has been... 03:36 what I love about how God deals with this 03:38 and how the Word of God teaches the topic of identity 03:41 is that your identity is not based upon 03:44 what you have done 03:45 or what someone has done to you, 03:48 positively or negatively. 03:50 It's based solely upon what Christ has done for you. 03:54 And an illustration of this is in 2 Corinthians 5:19-21, 03:58 I think it's 21 specifically that 04:01 "God made Jesus who knew no sin to be sin for us, 04:05 so that we might become 04:07 the righteousness of God in Him." 04:09 So let's say, I have a lot of shame in my situation 04:12 and my identity is based upon being an addict 04:15 or something else and it could be 04:16 because of some that was done to me beforehand 04:18 and that's what I ran to. 04:19 But regardless, 04:21 I don't have to identify myself with that anymore 04:23 because Christ became what I have been doing 04:26 so that I can become 04:27 the righteousness of God in Him. 04:29 And I believe that applies in all context, 04:31 even what's been done to us, 04:33 we can still have that security in Him 04:35 while working through the healing 04:37 we need from what's happened. 04:39 You know, it's crazy. 04:40 We hear a lot. 04:42 Romans 8:28, "All things work together 04:44 for good to those who love God, 04:45 who are called according to His purpose." 04:48 But a misnomer with that is not all things are good 04:52 and that's not what the text says. 04:53 Right. 04:54 There are bad things that happen in the world, 04:57 bad things that happen to good people. 05:00 That God doesn't choose. 05:01 God doesn't choose, God doesn't say, 05:03 "Oh, you know, it was my will for you to be sexually harassed 05:06 or to have these things happen." 05:08 It's not. 05:09 God is not the author of evil. 05:11 That's part of the process too, 05:13 realizing what's been done and realizing that's not God. 05:16 But at the same time, hold on, 05:17 God does want to do something with this. 05:21 God wants to bring something from it. 05:23 And I think of Isaiah 60, 05:25 it talks about how God gives us beauty for ashes, 05:29 and in Isaiah 61:1, 05:33 a prophecy about the Messiah 05:35 says that "The Lord has anointed me 05:36 to preach good tidings to the poor, 05:38 sent me to heal the brokenhearted, 05:41 and set at liberty the captives." 05:43 And so that's just an encouragement 05:44 is that God wants to give healing 05:48 and it is a process, it may take help, and counsel, 05:52 and working through these different things 05:54 but God is a God of restoration. 05:56 Yeah. 05:57 You know, one other note on that too, 05:59 this is a little quote that I just wrote in my Bible 06:01 from the book The Faith I Live By, page 63, 06:05 it says, 06:06 "For all that the world neglects to bestow, 06:09 God Himself will make up to us in the best of favors." 06:11 Wow! 06:13 So for everything that is bad that happens to us here, 06:16 for everything that happens 06:17 where we don't get the nice things, 06:20 you know, we go through hard times, 06:23 God is going to make that up to us. 06:25 The other thing too that I wanted to mention, 06:26 you know, just in this whole context 06:30 of how we start to view things 06:33 after we've been hurt, there was one situation, 06:36 I was in where I got hurt quite badly 06:39 and it was a lot of that hurt 06:41 came from an authority figure in my life. 06:43 And afterwards, 06:46 I realized how much my perception 06:49 of how God viewed me was taking on the form 06:53 of how that person had dealt with me 06:56 and it really caused a tremendous amount 06:58 of heartache, and pain, 06:59 and spiritual struggling just because I couldn't handle. 07:06 It was hard for me to deal with a God that was like that. 07:08 And I felt like, "If this is what God is like, 07:11 how is this good?" 07:14 And I think, those types of things really react on us. 07:19 And so I just want to mention to any authority figures 07:23 out there that are watching this, 07:27 be very careful how you treat 07:32 those who look up to you, 07:33 you know, be very cognizant 07:36 about the influence and the impact 07:37 that you're going to have on them, 07:39 especially don't ever do anything to hurt, 07:44 especially sexually harass somebody. 07:46 Those are the things that... 07:47 They don't just hurt for a lifetime, 07:49 they hurt for an eternity many times. 07:51 Right. 07:53 The decisions you make 07:55 not only impact their physical wellbeing 07:57 but their emotional and spiritual wellbeing. 07:58 Yeah. 07:59 And I mean, there's testimony after testimony of people 08:01 ending their lives because of abuse, harassment, 08:04 feeling they have no value or potential anymore 08:06 and so they go run into lifestyles 08:07 and things that they never would have done 08:09 were not for how someone instigate a situation, 08:11 to be in a position of authority 08:14 should put the fear of God in any of us. 08:15 Yeah. 08:17 And we should treat it as something 08:18 that we are stewards of, 08:20 not something that we're entitled to, 08:23 and be reminded of that. 08:24 We've got another question here 08:27 dealing with another heavy topic. 08:28 It says, "I feel so alone. 08:30 God, the faceless being seems to have favorites. 08:33 He for sure doesn't like me. 08:35 He's shown Himself in many ways to other people, yet not to me. 08:39 Does God care?" 08:41 It's from a female teenager in Tennessee. 08:44 So what do we do with this? 08:45 They feel alone that God seems to have favorites, 08:48 "He doesn't like them, 08:50 and He shows Himself in many ways to other people, 08:52 yet not to me. 08:53 So does He care?" 08:57 You know, I think it's natural for us 09:00 to look at rankings or favorites. 09:04 I don't know if you all felt, 09:06 this was siblings or such things, I know, 09:08 my brother and I would always kind of argue 09:10 about who was the favorite 09:12 and who got the most privileges and such things, 09:15 and even though we may know in our hearts, 09:17 "No, parents love us both", it can seem different. 09:23 Some of it is our perception. 09:26 But some of it is difficult. 09:29 We don't understand everything that happens sometimes. 09:33 But that doesn't mean that God's not there, 09:37 and that God doesn't care, 09:40 and that God isn't really working, 09:42 and that God isn't doing something in our lives 09:45 just because we don't always see that on the surface. 09:48 You know, one thing that I would like to say 09:50 to this question is that who are you looking to. 09:54 Yeah. You know? 09:57 Are we looking to the people around us 10:01 to tell us about what God is like, 10:02 are we looking at, 10:04 you know, maybe dysfunctional leadership around us, 10:08 are we looking at maybe parents who, 10:13 you know, maybe even have spiritual leadership someplace 10:16 but then when they're at home, 10:17 don't act like the religion that they teach? 10:21 Who are we looking to? 10:23 If we would take our eyes off 10:27 of the people around us 10:29 and start looking at God, 10:31 I think so many of these feelings would dissipate. 10:35 As we read verses like, you know, Isaiah 53, that... 10:39 Actually, let me pull that up because it's so good. 10:43 Isaiah 53, did I say 53? 10:47 I think, I meant something else. 10:51 But the verse that says that because He loves us, 10:55 we are like a royal diadem in His hands, 10:58 we are valuable in His sight. 10:59 It's somewhere in the Isaiah 40 to 50. 11:03 When we read statements like that, 11:06 it's hard to feel like God has favorites 11:10 or prefer somebody else over us. 11:12 When we see that God writes our names on His hands, 11:16 like that's powerful or just when we see His tender regard 11:20 for even the weakest of people, 11:23 like one of my favorite stories 11:25 from the gospels in the book of Luke 11:27 where Jesus is going someplace with His disciples 11:30 and as He is passing through this town, 11:32 He sees a funeral procession. 11:34 This mother has just lost her son, 11:38 she's already lost her husband, and in that culture, 11:41 that was terrible to be 11:43 without husband and without son. 11:45 And the first thing, God, 11:46 Christ does is He comes over to her and says, "Weep not." 11:50 He cared about her. 11:52 Here, in that society, 11:53 here is this insignificant voiceless woman 11:56 and yet He cared about her. 11:57 And then He restored her son to life. 12:00 When we read these stories and see the true compassion, 12:04 the truly compassionate heart of Christ, 12:06 it's hard to think of ourselves as less in His eyes. 12:09 And lost amongst the multitude like... 12:11 There's another story where there's a woman 12:12 who has been had internal bleeding for years. 12:15 She's given everything she had on doctors 12:17 and she says, "If I can just get to touch 12:19 the hem of His garment, I can be made well." 12:21 And she does it. 12:22 And Jesus could have just let this woman be lost in anonymity 12:25 and she has healing and that's good enough, 12:27 He stopped and He told her, "Your faith has made you well." 12:31 He made it clear that there's a reason why you're well, 12:34 you matter, you have value. 12:37 And this is a great way 12:38 for us to see our identity in the context 12:40 of other people's suffering is wondering if we matter, 12:43 how was it that Jesus dealt with all these people 12:45 who were seemingly insignificant, 12:46 how did He treat Mary Magdalene 12:48 when she gave the offering in the house, right, 12:50 the fragrant offering, 12:52 how did Jesus minister to all these people, Zacchaeus, 12:54 who's hiding in a tree that no one wants to talk to 12:56 or hear from 'cause he's a tax collector. 12:58 Jesus does care for the lowly, the disenfranchised, 13:02 the "rejects of society". 13:05 He cares about them deeply 13:06 and intentionally invests in them publicly 13:09 to show His disciples these people matter, 13:12 and He's showing us that we matter. 13:14 Another thing you can do is read Isaiah 53 and Psalm 22, 13:17 and read the emotional and psychological experience 13:21 of Jesus while he suffered. 13:22 And you will be amazed at how many thoughts 13:25 that run through your mind, 13:27 Jesus was tempted with in His sufferings, 13:29 feeling rejected, abandoned, and alone, 13:32 that He was in the situation 13:33 that was just like yours to be able to resonate with you 13:36 and to be able to offer you hope and healing 13:38 in the midst of that conflict. 13:40 We're going to have to kind 13:42 of land this plane unfortunately. 13:44 But I just want to close with this thought 13:46 that there's a Savior in heaven who understands you, 13:48 who cares for you, 13:50 and who wants to be with you for eternity, 13:52 and who's made a way of escape in all of your heartbreak, 13:55 in all of your sufferings, 13:56 and that we are not lost, we are not forsaken, 13:58 we're not cast off in essence of in His eyes. 14:01 He's pursuing and loving the whole time. 14:04 Thank you, again, for joining us 14:05 on Raw Questions Relevant Answers. 14:07 You can send your questions to RQRA3ABN on Facebook, 14:11 and we look forward to seeing you next time. |
Revised 2018-08-29