Special Feature

Journey Interrupted

Three Angels Broadcasting Network

Program transcript



Series Code: SF

Program Code: SF000051A

00:17 When I was growing up,
00:19 I never found anyone really talking about the gay issue,
00:22 in fact every reference that was made
00:24 about the gay issue in those days was a slur.
00:34 I remember thinking that
00:37 there was something different about me,
00:38 something wasn't right,
00:40 and the other kids in the neighborhood
00:41 started to pick up on it too
00:42 and so they would call me sissy, queer, faggot, homo,
00:47 and yet I couldn't help what I was attracted to.
00:56 There is so much confusion even in Christianity
00:59 about homosexuality is because for so long
01:03 no one wanted to address the topic.
01:07 There is something that I was missing
01:10 all those years in my study and in my struggle
01:14 that I came to discover as I studied Jesus.
01:21 I share my testimony today,
01:23 there's many people that come
01:24 and identify with the fact that,
01:26 "Hey, I'm not gay,
01:28 " but you were certainly talking to me.
02:11 In telling my story, I don't want people to think
02:13 that this was all doom and gloom and it's a sad story,
02:18 there were many good experiences in my life.
02:21 However, there were things
02:23 that happened in my early childhood
02:26 that really derailed me.
02:28 When I was born my dad,
02:30 I'm sure had great plans for me.
02:32 Being his only son of four children
02:34 and when I came along,
02:36 my dad was so proud that he had a son
02:38 that he actually named me "Junior"
02:41 so I am Michael James after my dad.
02:44 It's interesting because, even to this day,
02:47 sometimes I really regret my name.
02:49 My natural mother, relatives were around her
02:53 while she was carrying me to full term,
02:56 and during that time, relatives would say so,
02:59 "Jan, you can have a boy or girl."
03:04 And she's, well, there's no way I'm having a boy.
03:07 I'm only going to have a girl, that's all there is to it.
03:11 There was no other alternative,
03:13 she was just planning gonna have a baby girl.
03:16 And so, May 6, of a certain year,
03:21 I was born,
03:24 a baby boy.
03:26 When I was born,
03:27 I came into a challenged family situation.
03:31 My sister and brother were already six
03:33 and eight years old.
03:35 My parents were struggling in their marriage,
03:37 and they really weren't planning
03:39 on having any more children.
03:41 As a little girl,
03:43 after my mom introduced me to Jesus,
03:47 I was totally stoked about it.
03:49 I memorized books, the Bible,
03:51 and could flip through scripture,
03:54 and quote off Bible verses to you
03:57 when I was like six.
03:59 And my mom was totally excited and she was like,
04:01 "You're gonna become a missionary,
04:03 and Jesus is going to work amazing things
04:06 through your life, and aren't you excited?"
04:09 And I was like "I wanted to be a missionary."
04:11 I'm sure that my dad had every intention
04:15 of playing football with me
04:17 and doing all of these macho things
04:20 that he liked to do.
04:21 And everything that my dad liked, I hated.
04:26 I liked playing with dolls, I had three sisters
04:30 and my dad would be gone a lot of time,
04:32 so most of time I'd be playing with dolls
04:34 or dressing up in my sister's clothes
04:37 or my mom's clothes,
04:38 and I began gender dysphoria at an early age.
04:42 As my aunt and uncle adopted me,
04:46 they began to see that,
04:47 that things were taking place in my life,
04:51 I was at the age of three, I was running around the house,
04:54 I was screaming, "I don't want to be a boy,
04:56 I want to be a girl."
04:57 I was playing with scarves and dresses.
05:01 And I'm sure they begin to think, "Wow!
05:03 What if we get our hands on here?"
05:07 People didn't talk about same sex attraction then.
05:11 I knew that because I would get punished
05:14 if I got caught playing dolls, or I would be teased,
05:18 or ridiculed by my dad on mainly
05:20 if I was playing with my sisters' barbies,
05:23 that I knew that something wasn't right
05:25 and yet I couldn't help what I was attracted to.
05:29 And I remember thinking that "If I was a girl,
05:32 I could do it better than my sisters."
05:34 I went to school
05:38 and they started teasing me from the very first day.
05:41 I just saw it to be amazing to be able to endure
05:47 on the teasing and the harassment that I got.
05:52 Even, some of my teachers, most notably,
05:56 my Bible teacher would encourage
05:59 and laugh along with the guys
06:01 that were teasing and harassing me.
06:04 One of the most unlikely places that I would think
06:06 that this would come from.
06:07 I look to teachers for shelter,
06:10 for hope,
06:12 protection.
06:15 I remember, I would go home
06:17 and I would go into our bathroom
06:18 that had a door on either side, and I would lock both doors,
06:21 and I would look in the mirror,
06:22 and I would punch myself in the face,
06:24 and I would scream at God,
06:26 and I would yell at him and I would say, "Why God, why?
06:30 Why did you create a boy
06:32 when I was supposed to be a girl?"
06:37 I was only four years old,
06:41 one of six children.
06:43 We lived in the country,
06:44 my parents had moved to the country
06:46 they thought that would be a safe place
06:48 to raise their children.
06:50 And my dad was a dairy farmer.
06:53 And so we lived on this big farm.
06:56 And it was at that tender age of four
06:59 that I was actually sexually molested
07:01 by one of the farm hands,
07:03 and that really confused me.
07:06 School stuff and extended family,
07:10 we had a rough relationship with extended family.
07:14 And they got more stressful
07:16 when my older cousin
07:19 started molesting and raping me.
07:21 Then I didn't trust anybody
07:22 because I felt like I couldn't tell anybody.
07:25 So he continued to have vacations with them
07:28 and go places with them,
07:29 and he even looked at our house for a while, and nobody knew.
07:33 It was from the time I was 7 till I was 13.
07:38 And it was every time I saw him so multiple times a year.
07:43 And I thought I would get in trouble
07:44 if I told somebody because he always said,
07:47 "If you tell anybody about this,
07:49 you'll break the family up."
07:51 There was a girl living down the street,
07:54 she was the same age as me, seven.
07:56 She introduced me to sexual experience.
07:58 So we started experimenting with each other physically
08:02 and it became an addiction for me very quickly.
08:05 One day, for some reason
08:07 I ended up confiding in an older kid
08:09 in the neighborhood,
08:10 and I told him that we were having
08:12 sexual encounters with each other.
08:14 But later he ended up going and telling my sister,
08:17 and my sister told my mom.
08:19 You know, instead of my mom using it
08:22 as an occasion to kind of sit down and talk to me
08:25 about the importance of sexual purity,
08:28 maybe she didn't know how to react to it,
08:29 but for some reason,
08:31 her and my sister really used it
08:33 as an occasion to poke fun at me.
08:35 I thought, "Okay, well, obviously this is something
08:37 that I can't really tell anyone about.
08:39 I can't talk to anyone about this."
08:42 What happened for me is, my dad was scary.
08:45 When he was home, he would be loud
08:47 and his discipline was abusive.
08:50 He was always angry.
08:52 Because my dad was in the navy,
08:53 he'd be gone sometimes two to six months at a time
08:56 and so, he either wasn't there for me
08:58 or when he was, he was abusive.
09:00 And I wanted nothing to do with that.
09:02 If that's my gender, no, thank you.
09:04 I think every child wants to know
09:07 that they were planned for that they were wanted.
09:11 My mother was distraught,
09:14 angered,
09:18 full of grief.
09:20 She didn't want to hold me.
09:22 From the time I was molested or from that day forward,
09:28 my mind was confused, I had wild imaginations,
09:32 my thoughts were way out of control,
09:35 and my imaginations and fantasies
09:38 were towards the same type of person
09:42 that had molested me which was a man
09:45 because that was my introduction
09:47 to sexual behavior, I didn't know any,
09:49 anything else.
09:50 As a small child,
09:53 my parents had been very good at informing us
09:56 of what was right and wrong.
09:58 And so from a very young age, my parents had both told me,
10:03 if anybody ever touches you inappropriately,
10:06 you tell us.
10:07 And when it started happening at first,
10:09 I was so young that I didn't really recognize
10:12 what was going on.
10:14 And as I got older, it was more guilt
10:18 that I hadn't told them when it first happened.
10:21 It was my fault.
10:23 And so even after telling somebody,
10:25 there wasn't really like closure to it.
10:27 There wasn't any understanding, we're sorry,
10:30 like what can we do to help you.
10:33 It was we failed as parents.
10:36 I did know even as a child
10:37 that this was wrong when it happened.
10:40 But as a victim, I did not want to reveal
10:46 what had happened and I felt dirty,
10:48 I felt, well, I had been,
10:51 I had been tainted
10:53 and I felt very different from that day forward.
10:58 No one ever molested me.
11:00 I was never, I was never beaten to a pulp
11:03 or that kind of thing,
11:06 but there were many areas of neglect.
11:08 I was in seventh grade, so I was about 13,
11:11 and we were running home,
11:12 and I tripped and fell, and I broke my arm.
11:14 So when my mom came home that night,
11:16 I was laying on the sofa and she said,
11:18 "Oh, you'll be all right, you know,
11:20 it's probably not broken and you know, you'll be okay."
11:23 And so my mother went out.
11:24 So this night in particular, she had a date,
11:26 left me on the sofa and she came back Sunday.
11:29 And I was still on the sofa.
11:32 I don't blame my mom.
11:34 I really, I'm not even angry at her anymore,
11:38 but I believe that because of her brokenness,
11:40 there was a limit
11:41 to what she was able to give me.
11:44 At the age of 13 I would read my Bible
11:47 and I began to read texts about homosexuality
11:50 and the descriptions about men with men
11:53 and by this time,
11:56 well, there was hardly a day
11:58 that I didn't know same sex attraction,
12:00 but as it related to the Word of God,
12:02 I found that this certainly wasn't according to His plan.
12:06 And I thought "Wow, how can that be.
12:09 I didn't ask to be like this."
12:12 I remember this roommate, we would,
12:14 we would wrestle and one night, this wrestling turn sexual,
12:19 I didn't know how it had happened that way,
12:21 I didn't know how it got that far or went that far.
12:25 And the moment that it was over,
12:27 like all of this guilt came in and condemnation
12:31 and this shock that I now was the reality
12:36 of what all those boys said for all those years
12:40 that I was a sissy, a faggot, a homo, gay.
12:46 Growing up with these attractions towards men
12:50 instead of girls,
12:53 I really didn't know
12:55 how to deal with them.
12:57 I didn't feel like I could talk to anyone about it.
12:59 I didn't understand myself and yet I felt ashamed to share
13:05 what I was feeling with anyone else.
13:09 I thought I was the only person in the world
13:10 that maybe had these feelings.
13:12 I think a lot of guys and girls too,
13:15 my age at that particular time
13:18 thought they were the only ones in the world
13:19 that had these kinds of things going on
13:21 'cause we didn't dare talk about them.
13:23 I just grew up with that emotional confusion
13:27 and it festered just like, like a splinter in the thumb.
13:33 It'll have to come out, sooner or later.
13:36 And eventually that's what is what happened,
13:38 but that was many years later.
13:42 I met a guy who introduced himself to me,
13:46 and then identified me as being gay and I said to him,
13:51 "I'm what? What did you say I was?"
13:53 He said are you a gay? And I said, what is that?
13:56 It was at the time,
13:57 when the term gay was actually being developed.
14:01 And he said.
14:04 "You like guys, don't you?"
14:07 "You are gay, I'm gay."
14:09 I go to college with other guys who are gay,
14:12 and the church has done a good job of telling us
14:14 that homosexual behavior is sinful.
14:19 And that's the end of the conversation.
14:22 They have nothing more to say.
14:25 As I was a very active member in the church growing up,
14:28 I noticed there was no one talking about the gay issue.
14:31 And so my first introduction to the gay issue
14:35 through a publication happened to come
14:37 through a Time magazine
14:39 when I was sitting in a college library
14:42 where I was studying theology.
14:45 And when I saw that magazine,
14:47 and I saw that this was the cover story,
14:50 I was fascinated by the photograph
14:53 on the cover of that magazine because up to that point
14:57 I felt totally alone in my mental struggle,
15:00 and in my confusion.
15:02 I didn't know a living soul who was gay.
15:05 I can remember my parents, you know,
15:07 saying something or other people
15:09 would also say something about, you know,
15:11 well, people like that,
15:14 and they knew they were talking about someone
15:16 that was dealing with a homosexual tendency
15:18 or temptation, but nobody would go further,
15:21 I'd be to all ears but no one would say anything.
15:24 I thought that I was just born bisexual
15:28 that I was born gay.
15:29 That, you know, that attraction had always been there for me,
15:32 so I thought I can't,
15:35 I thought I couldn't be a Christian.
15:37 And it pushed me away from God.
15:39 If I'm a lesbian, I'm just, you know,
15:42 that's sin and sin equals death,
15:45 so why would I join a religion that tells me
15:47 that I'm just going to die for being who I am.
15:50 I finally came out to my parents
15:52 and they kicked me out of the house for a week
15:55 and then my parents called me and said,
15:58 "Where are you?"
16:00 And I said, "Can I come back home?
16:02 Do I need to find somewhere else to stay?"
16:04 And they said, "No, please come home."
16:07 My mom, being very religious, is like crying, and begging,
16:11 and bringing Bible verses up, and she's like,
16:14 "This isn't what Jesus wants for you, like,
16:16 you're not going to be in heaven
16:18 if this is what you do."
16:20 I had to be good,
16:21 that's what I'd learned all my life
16:23 and so I got a girlfriend.
16:24 I'd be praying, asking God to make me
16:27 straight to take this away, I didn't want this.
16:29 I wanted to be married, and have a family, and a wife.
16:33 Ended up being drafted into the military,
16:36 and wouldn't you know again
16:38 I was messed with while I was in the military,
16:42 and I had no idea how to deal with that as well.
16:45 But still maintaining my spirituality,
16:48 I was a Christian, I wanted to be a Christian,
16:51 and I wanted to be right with God.
16:53 I thought, you know,
16:54 "If I were just married
16:56 it would take care of the whole thing,"
16:58 and yet, this thing only got worse.
17:02 Marriage worked for a while and then I realized
17:05 that I had made a terrible mistake.
17:07 And this woman who loved me very much,
17:11 I realized I was going to be a big disappointment to her.
17:16 So I prayed and I said, "I don't want to live, Lord.
17:20 If I have to live like this, I don't want to live."
17:22 And I prayed and I said, "Lord, if this is the closest
17:24 we're going to be, "I said, "take me now.
17:27 I just don't want to go through what's coming,
17:30 "but God didn't take my life.
17:32 And I remember the resentment that came feeling basically
17:35 that, that God must be like my dad
17:38 because He calls Himself Father and I have a Father.
17:42 And so if He doesn't hear or answer my prayer,
17:46 then basically He must be like my dad
17:48 in different judgmental, arbitrary,
17:52 today he cares and tomorrow he doesn't.
17:54 And so I determined that
17:57 either I wasn't worthy of his time
18:00 or maybe he just didn't care.
18:03 After I started getting abused, it turned from,
18:07 being totally stoked about Jesus to,
18:09 why isn't Jesus here?
18:10 Why isn't He stopping this?
18:13 I'm crying in my bed at night
18:15 because these things are happening and Jesus,
18:18 I can't hear Him any more.
18:21 Like where did He go?
18:23 And so I thought, in my little mind,
18:26 that I made Jesus mad.
18:27 Like, is this a different God than I was acquainted with
18:33 when I was little?
18:35 Like, it's not as simple as butterflies anymore,
18:38 that's terrible things happen,
18:40 there are terrible people in the world.
18:45 And it's still a struggle.
18:46 Didn't know why he would let those things happen to,
18:49 like little seven year old kids.
18:52 I thought that I needed to be honest with my wife
18:55 and I told her, of course, she was devastated,
18:58 just broke her heart.
18:59 And we had these two children, very young children.
19:04 And, but to her credit, my wife loved me,
19:08 she was a Christian,
19:09 she was willing to forgive,
19:11 she was willing to work through it,
19:13 and she wanted to stay with me,
19:16 she wanted to go through counseling
19:18 and see if we couldn't make this work.
19:21 But when pastors
19:24 and we're talking about church people,
19:25 Christians would counsel my wife
19:28 to just divorce this man
19:29 and get on with your life that kind can never change.
19:33 That really hurt me and it angered me.
19:36 Now, I felt that way myself,
19:38 but to hear it coming from professionals
19:40 who should have answers,
19:42 it really embittered me against the church
19:46 and against God Himself.
19:48 In the Bible, we're talked about homosexuality
19:50 being an abomination, and I said,
19:52 "How dare you say that I'm an abomination
19:55 when you made me this way?
19:56 That's not fair, I didn't choose this thing.
19:58 I didn't want this thing.
19:59 And it's hard as I fought to not be those things
20:03 and I prayed and I asked you to change me,
20:04 you never did and so this is who I am.
20:07 Take it or leave it."
20:08 And eventually, I just gave up.
20:12 I finally stopped fighting my inclinations.
20:18 I stopped praying about it.
20:19 All those years I prayed
20:21 that Lord would just take this away.
20:23 He didn't just take it away.
20:25 I thought that
20:26 because I continued having these strong desires
20:29 and these uncontrollable thoughts that,
20:33 that's just who I was.
20:35 And I finally decided to just accept
20:37 who I was and give up,
20:40 and I brought my marriage to a devastating end.
20:44 I fell headlong into the gay life,
20:46 and then for me there was no turning back.
20:49 I did not want to be gay.
20:52 I felt I had no choice.
20:54 I was just accepting who I was.
20:56 And I needed to get over it and so did everyone else
21:00 because I had no answers.
21:02 What happens to the things that we don't talk about,
21:05 what about pornography?
21:06 You know, what about overeating?
21:08 You know, what about a lot of things
21:10 that Satan has laid out in front of us?
21:12 And the thing is just that,
21:14 he's got something for every single one of us.
21:17 When you stop and think about it,
21:19 as long as he's deceived you with your feelings,
21:22 you're drawn to it and then you begin to think
21:25 that your feelings equal truth.
21:28 And so I believed, my friend, I believe that I was gay
21:31 and that it didn't match up with God's word,
21:34 and I was like, oh, well,
21:35 I don't know what to do about that and so I was done.
21:38 I was done with Christianity, I was done with God,
21:43 and I openly embraced the gay community
21:47 and they openly embraced me.
21:50 One day, my father sat me down and he said,
21:54 "Danielle, if there are ways in which you're different
21:57 from most everyone else, it's okay.
22:00 And if you can, you know, if, it's okay to be an individual,
22:05 and no matter who you are, I'm still going to love you."
22:08 And he didn't come out and said,
22:10 "Danielle, it's okay if you're gay,"
22:12 but we both knew that that's what he was getting at,
22:17 so I thought, "Wow, okay,
22:20 I'm not going to hold back any more,
22:22 not just sexually but expressively,
22:26 in all of my life."
22:28 My sister moved down from Ohio and she was living with me,
22:31 and I remember telling her
22:33 that I was gay, she had no idea,
22:36 I was mystified that
22:38 that through all the years of playing with dolls
22:39 and cross-dressing that it never occurred to her
22:42 that I might be gay,
22:44 and she was profoundly shocked.
22:47 She was so kind.
22:49 As a small child, I was very close to my mother.
22:53 She was what I thought every mom needed to be.
22:56 As I started getting older
22:59 and started kind of closing off to people,
23:01 not being able to trust them,
23:02 I just kind of pushed everybody aside
23:05 including my mom,
23:06 even though, I really had no reason to,
23:09 I just felt like,
23:11 nobody else has been there, why would she?
23:21 I decided to actually give Christianity a chance.
23:25 I would start reading into it.
23:27 And, you know, reading the Bible
23:30 and actually going to church
23:32 when there was someone there that I trusted.
23:35 I was trying to balance, going my own way,
23:40 with also trying to keep God in the picture somehow.
23:44 But eventually I started saying,
23:47 "I can't do this, I can't be a Christian.
23:49 This must be why I'm so depressed
23:50 because the Bible tells me to be this person
23:53 and live this way but I can't."
23:55 I try and I fail and I can't and that's why I'm so depressed
23:59 and I wanted to be a good person
24:00 and make good decisions,
24:02 but I always made the wrong decisions,
24:04 and I wasn't a good person, I wasn't a good friend
24:07 and so I was entering into this struggle, "Who am I?
24:10 Who am I supposed to be?
24:12 Who am I inside?"
24:13 So I started really becoming
24:16 more and more extravagant with my,
24:18 with my dress and my makeup.
24:20 If I would walk down the street
24:22 and a little child would look at me and look scared,
24:27 I thought I look good today.
24:29 In a way when I went into the gay life,
24:31 I felt great relief
24:33 because I was no longer fighting this thing.
24:37 And I knew biblically that that this life was wrong.
24:41 I was very well aware of all of the Bible texts,
24:45 I just gave up.
24:47 And so for nearly 40 years,
24:50 I was immersed in the gay culture.
24:54 I told my parents, and I told everybody else,
24:57 "I'm gay, there's nothing you can do about it
24:59 I've come out."
25:01 I ended up in a very promiscuous life.
25:04 I know that there are many today out there that don't.
25:07 There are many people that have maybe fall in love
25:09 with one person and maybe that's been someone
25:13 that they've been with for 25 or 30 years.
25:15 From all the relationships that I know about
25:17 that have been like that.
25:19 They would sometimes claim to be binogamous but I was,
25:24 I was sleeping with their boyfriends.
25:27 I would use the gyms as probably the number one spot
25:31 where I would actually pick up men in the sauna
25:33 and in the steam room and such,
25:37 where I was actually acting out
25:38 as many as three times in a day with different people,
25:41 and as many times as three or four times a week.
25:46 Twenty years of that.
25:48 Well, you know, this went on for years.
25:54 And all the sudden coming, you know,
25:57 at full speed towards me was a killer sex,
26:01 AIDS.
26:04 And suddenly,
26:06 my closest friends began to start dying.
26:10 And I was only 30-years-old when this began,
26:13 and I remember calling my parents on the phone
26:16 and saying, "What is going on?
26:17 Why is this happening to me?
26:18 You're in your 50s,
26:20 and you don't have anybody who's died yet.
26:22 Why is this happening?"
26:24 I watched my friends drop like flies.
26:26 I had sex with men, unprotected sex,
26:29 and they would be dead three months later.
26:32 I knew that I was tempting fate all the time
26:35 and yet I could not stop.
26:37 My addictive drive just kept me moving
26:40 more, and more, and more,
26:42 and no matter how awful I would feel afterwards,
26:45 it wasn't enough to stop me.
26:48 I'm not sharing this today to say that
26:51 this is what every gay life is like.
26:53 I mean, there are so many different ways,
26:55 you know, heterosexuals are messed up,
26:57 gay people are messed up, we're all messed up
26:59 if we're not looking to the One
27:02 who can bring about the healing
27:04 that we need no matter what our mess up is.
27:07 I wanted to be loved, that's all that mattered.
27:11 I met a great guy.
27:14 Big arms, big blue eyes, he was a millionaire,
27:16 he drove a convertible Mercedes,
27:18 had a big house with a pool.
27:20 I remember thinking, wow I...
27:23 I hit pay dirt, I've arrived.
27:25 Anything we wanted.
27:26 And I remember thinking to myself,
27:28 "Is this the best it's going to be?"
27:31 I remember laying there with my boyfriend on the weekends
27:33 and having the pool out in front of us and,
27:36 and thinking to myself.
27:38 "I've got everything that the world says
27:39 is valuable and yet, that it?"
27:43 I thought that I was experiencing
27:47 a great level of freedom in doing what I was doing,
27:52 living the way that I was living.
27:54 You know, going off and living on my own,
27:56 making my own choices, and I always had the strive
27:58 for something more, or something more extreme,
28:01 something more fulfilling, and I never really felt like
28:04 I reached that place of contentment.
28:07 If I'm seeking freedom from God's law because,
28:13 of course, it's all those
28:14 "Thou shalt not, thou shalt not,
28:16 thou shalt not."
28:17 And by giving up and just going into the world,
28:20 I was now free from that law.
28:24 And yet the Bible says
28:26 that the "Law of God is the law of liberty."
28:28 So if I am free from liberty, what is my real situation?
28:38 I had two sisters that were praying for me,
28:40 I don't even know how long.
28:42 I had a sister that was very religious in Colorado,
28:45 and I had another sister that was,
28:47 it was my sister there in Florida
28:48 who was working side-by-side with me in my salon.
28:52 And she would always invite my lovers
28:54 and me over to holiday meals.
28:57 She never kept me from holding my nephew,
28:59 when he was a baby, and I knew without a doubt
29:03 that she loved me.
29:04 No doubt in my mind, but they were praying for me.
29:07 And I think prayer is a big part
29:08 of the aspect too.
29:10 We need to pray for people more than just
29:11 shaking our finger at them or secretly judging them.
29:14 And that's what Christ did.
29:17 He mingled with the people, He addressed their needs,
29:21 He won their confidence, and then He bid them follow me.
29:25 And yet Jesus is been all along trying to say to me
29:28 from day one, is that Wayne you matter,
29:31 you belong and you're loved,
29:34 but I couldn't see it.
29:35 And I wouldn't believe it.
29:37 I wouldn't stop long enough to listen to Him,
29:39 I couldn't hear Him because I was drowning myself
29:42 with my own voice.
29:43 And so He's like, "All right, Wayne, you know,
29:46 as long as you persist this way,
29:48 you have the right to do that, but I'm trying to reach you
29:51 and guess what, there are other people
29:53 who care about you,
29:54 and they're actually praying for you."
29:56 As I was spending all of those years in the gay life,
30:00 blaming God for everything wrong in my life,
30:03 giving Him no credit for anything good,
30:06 I didn't realize that my parents, and my family,
30:10 and some of my former friends were praying for me.
30:14 The way the Lord answers those prayers, many times,
30:17 is that he will let a person fall so low,
30:22 and reach bottom to the point
30:25 that the only way he can look is up.
30:27 It took a long time after things stopping,
30:32 my cousin abusing me stopping to come to terms
30:37 that maybe she was still that mom
30:40 that she was when I was little,
30:41 that maybe nothing had changed in her
30:43 that just maybe I had changed.
30:46 Finally, one day I just broke down,
30:48 and I was sobbing in my room, and she came in,
30:50 and she just hugged me, and she said,
30:53 "Can I please help you?"
30:56 And I said, "Can you please pray with me?
30:58 Like I need, I need you to help."
31:02 And she said, "Yeah",
31:05 and she just wrapped her arms around me
31:06 and started praying with me.
31:09 And she said, "Jesus, you know where Anna is
31:12 and I really don't,
31:15 but she needs you to help her because I can't."
31:19 And she just held me and I just cried.
31:23 And she cried.
31:27 And I still didn't trust her fully
31:31 but I knew if I needed somebody to pray,
31:35 she still had my back.
31:38 I started to desire, to learn who and what God is,
31:42 and what was really going on behind the scenes,
31:45 behind the clouds, kind of a thing, you know,
31:48 what the meaning of life really was.
31:50 And so I started looking into different religions
31:52 of the world, and reading into especially into wiccanism.
31:57 Because for me,
31:58 I could relate to women better
32:00 so I, so I kind of pictured God as a woman more easily.
32:04 As I was learning these things and entering into this journey
32:09 toward spiritual things, my sister could see
32:12 that something was changing.
32:13 You know, I started finding common ground with her
32:16 where I could actually relate to her
32:18 because I had this newfound interest
32:20 in reconnecting to my family,
32:23 whenever I had chosen to reject God
32:28 in a way also chose to reject my family in a large way
32:30 because my sister and my mother
32:32 had become Christians.
32:33 Here I am this hot shot hairdresser,
32:36 and my sister comes up to me and the Lord had told her
32:39 that there was this evangelistic series going on
32:41 and the Lord said, "Invite your brother"
32:44 and she goes, "He'll never go,
32:45 but I'll invite him."
32:47 And so my sister came up to me and she said,
32:48 "Hey, there's this evangelistic series going on,
32:51 dirt floor, folding chairs in a tent,
32:53 do you want to go?"
32:54 And I looked at her and, of course,
32:55 I didn't want to go, but I looked at her and I said,
32:57 "All right, I'll go."
32:59 There was one person especially in particular
33:02 that I really saw the characteristics of Christ.
33:06 And we would cross paths, and we'd exchanged words,
33:09 and then we'd go our separate ways,
33:10 and I would just think every time.
33:13 I don't know what that man has, but I want it to.
33:16 And eventually, I decided that I was gonna go to church
33:19 one weekend 'cause I knew he was speaking,
33:22 and I wanted to just hear what was working for him.
33:26 So as he started in on that message,
33:28 the first thing that he said was,
33:30 "Today we're gonna talk about the crucifixion,
33:32 " and I thought, "Oh, the crucifixion,
33:34 why that anything but that."
33:36 The preacher was making a call, an altar call,
33:39 and I was receding in my chair,
33:41 I knew that I wanted to accept Jesus
33:45 into my heart that night.
33:47 But when I was thinking about my boyfriend,
33:49 and how my life was,
33:50 and how I was out of control with the sexual addiction,
33:52 I feel... there's no way I could go up there.
33:55 There was no way I could change my life.
33:58 And so just then, as I was sitting in that chair,
34:00 the preacher said, "For some of you tonight,"
34:04 he said, "you'll never have another opportunity
34:06 to accept the Holy Spirit into your life."
34:08 And as I sat on that chair, I said,
34:10 "Lord, I can't go up there, but I give you my heart."
34:13 You see, whenever I thought about God,
34:15 I thought about light, and love, and joy, and peace,
34:19 and goodness, and all of these happy things,
34:22 and that was God to me.
34:25 But when I picked up the Bible and I read the Bible, you know,
34:28 I would read about tribulation, and struggle, and sin, and war,
34:33 and death, and the crucifixion, and there was no way in my mind
34:36 that those kind of stories could resonate with God.
34:40 So when he said that I thought,
34:41 "Oh, anything but the crucifixion."
34:43 And the next thing he said was, "And you're probably thinking,
34:47 oh, the crucifixion, why that anything, but that,
34:49 " he said exactly what I had just thought.
34:53 So that got my attention.
34:54 I sat up a little bit straighter
34:56 and I said, "Okay, God,
34:57 you have something for me here today
34:58 and I'm gonna listen."
35:00 But one day,
35:03 I sat down in my bedroom
35:07 and I don't know, I was just,
35:13 I don't know.
35:17 The Holy Spirit was there.
35:21 And I was so inspired, and troubled,
35:27 and moved by that message,
35:29 I just spent the whole rest of the day wrestling with God.
35:32 I was saying, you know, I was just praying,
35:35 I was saying, "This makes so much sense."
35:37 I've seen in my life that there are decisions
35:40 that separated me from the light
35:42 and forced me into the darkness.
35:44 That was one of the biggest object lessons in nature
35:47 that I really resonated with at that time
35:49 was light and darkness.
35:52 Well, I had the Christian upbringing,
35:54 and I knew from the Word of God that I wasn't pleasing God.
35:59 And I knew that there had to be a solution
36:01 because God didn't create this world,
36:03 and leave me with no answers.
36:07 And so now He had a captive audience.
36:11 And I began to contemplate the fact
36:14 that every single one of my friends were dead,
36:20 all of my gay friends.
36:24 And I began to think about my destiny, like,
36:27 "Okay, Wayne, what's going to happen to you,
36:29 how does life, how does it turn out?
36:31 How does this all end?"
36:33 And when I stopped blaming
36:34 and I started just using some logic,
36:37 I just started thinking logically.
36:40 How can I be born gay?
36:42 And I started reviewing my life to see
36:44 if I could connect the dots and figure out what happened.
36:47 And that's when I reviewed my sexual molestation,
36:50 and repeated victimization.
36:53 And I came to the realization, you know,
36:55 I was derailed in my childhood, by the molestation,
37:00 by many circumstances.
37:02 And if I could be derailed, why couldn't I be re-railed?
37:08 Here I was, all by myself, sitting in front of God
37:12 and I simply heard Him say, "Can you hear Me now?
37:19 You have been blaming Me your whole life
37:24 for having caused this, and, you know what, Wayne,
37:26 sin cost this, the enemy."
37:31 I was involved in a committed relationship
37:34 that was for life.
37:35 And we loved each other very much,
37:39 but as I studied I begin to love Jesus more.
37:42 And I realize I have to make a choice
37:43 between these two men, this man that I'm involved with
37:47 and then a relationship of which God does not approve,
37:52 and a man, Jesus, who gave His life for me.
37:56 That night in a parking lot, my sister says,
37:57 "So what are you going to do about your boyfriend?"
38:00 And I said, "Nothing, I'm gay, this is who I am."
38:04 And I said, "I prayed that God would change me,
38:06 I prayed that the Lord would take this away,
38:07 I prayed that He would heal me, and He never did."
38:12 I said, "All I know is that I'm gay, I was born this way,
38:16 " And I said, "And I know that Jesus loves me
38:17 for who I am."
38:19 And the next morning I was baptized.
38:21 God was beginning a journey with me.
38:24 I believe that He knew that He had to get me
38:28 into that baptismal pool to make this commitment
38:32 to follow Him, and to walk with Him,
38:34 and that He was going to be with me in all the confusion,
38:37 and then He was going to walk with me.
38:40 It's as though the devil was not going to let me go.
38:45 And if he could not entice me, and lure me, and deceive me,
38:50 he would turn to violence.
38:52 And that man, that I was deeply in love with, has turned on me.
38:57 And by the time we got through that episode,
39:03 I look like I'd been in a car wreck, I was,
39:05 I was almost killed in that process.
39:08 The Lord spared my life,
39:10 but He let me go through that trauma.
39:13 And I think He allowed me to go through that trauma
39:15 to wake me up,
39:17 to see who I was really dealing with,
39:20 and that I really was in bondage,
39:22 and that I did need miraculous deliverance.
39:26 And when I walked away from that relationship
39:28 to accept Jesus Christ,
39:33 I turned away and never went back.
39:35 I went home and all of the sudden
39:37 the reality hit me that,
39:39 "Wait a minute, am I never gonna know
39:41 what it's like to love again?
39:43 Am I never gonna have somebody hold me in their arms
39:46 and tell me that they love me?
39:48 Am I never gonna know what it's like to hold somebody
39:50 and to lavish them with love too?"
39:54 I love Jesus
39:55 and I wanted to serve Him with my whole heart.
39:58 It's like, "How could you ask me
40:00 to do such a thing?
40:01 How could you ask me to give up something that was so good?"
40:05 Until one of my friends told me,
40:07 I said, "How could God,
40:10 if He really wants me to give up,
40:12 being homosexual,
40:15 how could He ask me to just give that up?
40:18 Like what?
40:19 That's like, who I am, how could He asked that of me?"
40:23 And she said, "How could you give up anything
40:28 for someone you don't know?"
40:32 And I said, "I know who God is,"
40:33 and she said, "No, you know about God."
40:38 She said, "You have no idea who He is,
40:40 you have no idea what the character of God is,
40:42 you don't know anything about Him."
40:45 You know that He created the world which you believe.
40:48 And you're coming to terms with the fact
40:51 that He's not gonna force you to do anything
40:54 you don't want to do.
40:55 And she said, "That's really all you know about Him."
40:58 And that just blew my mind.
41:02 Like that there was more to God than I'd ever realized,
41:05 that He may possibly have like a whole persona about Him
41:10 that I was just completely unaware.
41:12 And it totally made sense, like I would never give up
41:14 who I am for someone I don't know.
41:17 See, I thought all along
41:19 that God wanted me to be straight
41:21 and like many, a gay person, I was praying that prayer.
41:25 God, please make me straight and I know so many out there
41:28 that have prayed this like.
41:30 Well, God didn't make me straight,
41:31 so, you know, it's His fault not mine.
41:35 And, you know,
41:36 it was like a lightning bolt experience to me.
41:40 God is not all about your sexuality.
41:45 The enemy has convinced you, had convinced me
41:49 that my identity was in sex, in my persuasions,
41:53 in my quest for where I matched up sexually
41:58 rather than in my identity in Jesus Christ.
42:03 This is not about sexual persuasion,
42:05 but this is about finding out who I am
42:09 in accordance with God's plan.
42:12 And I remember going into my kitchen
42:15 and mixing myself a double Midori Margareta,
42:18 and I went back to the living room
42:20 and sat down with my margarita, and I lit up a cigarette,
42:24 then I opened the Word of God and I started reading.
42:27 I think the Lord just met me where I was.
42:30 And it's difficult as it was and I went into this trembling
42:33 and certainly not faithful and perfect,
42:36 but I began this commitment with Jesus and it was messy,
42:40 it was pretty messy.
42:42 I would go to church and feel just too holy,
42:44 and I would get out of church, and even before I go home,
42:47 I would go to the gym and act out in the sauna,
42:51 or the steam room, and I would go home,
42:53 and I would just say, "Are you happy, God?
42:54 This is who I am.
42:56 This is your little,
42:57 your new little lamb for your flock",
42:59 and I would, you know, just say, "You still want me?
43:04 'Cause everybody else rejected me,
43:05 everybody else turned their back on me,
43:07 you want to go too now?"
43:09 And each and every time His answer was always the same.
43:15 I still if you, Mike, get back up.
43:19 Walk with me.
43:21 Let's go through this together.
43:25 It wasn't until I found the answer
43:29 that I was looking for in the face of Jesus Christ
43:32 that I really started experiencing contentment,
43:36 that life with Christ
43:39 and being close to God was enough.
43:49 I found myself on my knees at the end of my bed
43:54 and I said, "God, I don't know how you could forgive me
43:58 for doing so many things that brought shame to You,
44:02 that hurt You
44:04 because this isn't what You wanted for me.
44:06 I've wasted all these years in my life.
44:09 I've dedicated my life to self pleasure
44:13 whether it was through drugs, or alcohol, or sex,
44:16 or doing all kinds of things to gratify me,
44:20 certainly not to please God."
44:24 And I had read enough at that point
44:26 where I knew that Jesus'
44:29 whole purpose of going to the cross
44:33 was to pay for what I had done to Him.
44:57 He said, "You're My son,
45:01 and I don't condemn you as a sinner.
45:05 I died for your sins,
45:06 but I ask for you to give yourself over to Me
45:10 because there's a better way
45:12 than the way that you've experienced.
45:15 I shed My blood for you
45:18 so that you can claim this victory.
45:21 It's freely yours.
45:23 All you have to do is give your heart to Me."
45:32 I'd like to say that I got baptized
45:35 and I came up out of that water ready to date and marry woman,
45:39 but that would just was not my,
45:43 my reaction and I think anyone realizes that
45:45 that when they get baptized about 15 minutes later
45:48 you realize that God doesn't take away
45:50 your history or your memory.
45:52 The question comes to mind, you know,
45:54 do you go under the water gay and come up straight, you know,
45:58 that disappointed a lot of people.
46:01 Thankfully, I think God had prepped me for that.
46:04 He wanted me to give the sex over to Him, but He,
46:06 but that wasn't what gonna be the issue
46:07 that we were gonna be working with,
46:09 we're gonna be dealing with developing
46:12 the intimacy with Him,
46:13 and Him being in charge of all aspects of my life.
46:17 So I mean I certainly wasn't tempted
46:19 just by sexual issues.
46:21 And by attaining a girlfriend or a wife
46:25 was certainly not gonna put like an affirmation that,
46:30 "Oh, now I'm redeemed", you know,
46:32 because there's certainly a lot of people,
46:34 probably even viewing this today, that are saying
46:37 "Marriage isn't the antidote for sin."
46:41 You know, as I tell this part of my story,
46:44 I've been asked many times,
46:46 "Did the Lord just take homosexuality away from you?"
46:50 And I say, "Well, no, He didn't."
46:55 And I've talked to many friends and people that say,
46:58 "Well, you know I prayed for years
47:00 that the Lord would just take this away."
47:02 And He doesn't
47:03 so He must just want me to be this way.
47:05 He must have made me this way.
47:08 Am I still tempted?
47:11 Are you kidding me?
47:12 My response to people today that think I shouldn't be
47:15 because I gave my life to Christ just, well, are you?
47:20 You see, why would it be fair for Jesus
47:22 to take my temptations away and not take yours away?
47:26 I gave up on God
47:28 because he did not remove my tendencies,
47:31 my inclinations, and my temptations.
47:34 But as I studied His Word, I never could find any promises
47:39 that he does remove temptation.
47:43 That's not His role.
47:45 Jesus came to save His people from their sins.
47:50 And He promises that His grace is sufficient.
47:53 I want anyone to know
47:56 that has lived in the gay culture
47:59 for a very long time
48:00 that if you're looking to go back to Christ
48:03 and seek His will instead of what comes naturally to you,
48:07 I'll tell you who is gonna try to get in the way.
48:10 And that's the devil.
48:13 He doesn't give up easily.
48:14 I was desperate to be secure in my sin.
48:17 I did whatever I could. I was, I was...
48:20 tell me lies, tell me lies, lie to me.
48:23 Tell me that I can still keep my boyfriend and,
48:25 and keep my Savior.
48:27 And you know something?
48:29 I was sincerely seeking Jesus because I was experiencing Him.
48:34 And if I chose to keep my identity, I could,
48:37 but I could not deny the fact that His Word says
48:41 that it's a sin.
48:42 That it separates me, that it's damaging,
48:45 that it doesn't give me ultimate fulfillment.
48:48 When we go back to the Word of God,
48:50 the question that needs to be asked is this.
48:52 Is this a relationship that pleases God?
48:55 Because if it's only one person
48:57 that's needed to lay the deception
49:00 and you believe it,
49:03 he's got you.
49:05 You know, God gave us the Bible
49:07 to show us where the safety lies.
49:10 He gave us His commandments as instruction
49:13 for us to be safe.
49:16 To stay away from the things that will only wound us
49:19 and that will bring death into our life.
49:22 There are consequences for choices
49:25 that I've made in my life.
49:26 Jesus said, "Yes you're gonna have temptations in life,
49:29 but I don't force you to act on these temptations.
49:32 And when you acted on them for many years of your life,
49:35 so I have the stain of sin on me, I have scars on me."
49:40 Sin is bondage, so anything
49:42 that God describes in his word as bondage,
49:45 He doesn't want me to partake in it
49:47 so that I can really have freedom,
49:49 true freedom and liberty.
49:50 Christ came to bridge that gap for us,
49:53 to cover that cast and that's been opened up
49:55 as a result of sin.
49:57 Christ bridges that gap
49:58 and allows us to come back to God.
50:00 And experience eternal life through him with God.
50:04 If a visitor comes to our church,
50:06 I want him to find it a safe place to hear
50:11 the words of Jesus in their purity.
50:15 We never know when someone might come into our church
50:18 that really, desperately needs help spiritually.
50:24 And our churches need to be safe places for them,
50:28 to find healing for their soul,
50:30 to find victory in Jesus Christ.
50:34 Because it's time for us to talk about this,
50:36 it's time for us to offer help to the church members
50:39 to be able to relate,
50:40 and it's time to offer help to the people who feel
50:43 that they need change in their life
50:44 and that they want to overcome this.
50:47 And that's why I think it's important for me
50:49 to share this kind of ministry.
50:52 It was amazing to me.
50:54 I still marvel at how the Lord worked in my life.
50:59 Within one year after my leaving the gay life,
51:03 I was surprised at how the Lord led me
51:07 into meeting a lady
51:10 that I had known since childhood,
51:13 and the Lord brought us together.
51:16 We dated, we became engaged. We married.
51:20 I prayed earnestly
51:22 that the Lord would give me a second chance with family
51:28 because I had squandered the beautiful gift of family
51:30 that he had given me in my youth.
51:33 And the Lord has since blessed us with two beautiful children.
51:37 Even though I've also had attractions to men,
51:41 that doesn't mean
51:42 that it's just immediately easy for me,
51:45 and I can just go and find a husband,
51:48 and move forward in life.
51:49 I've chosen to not allow myself
51:52 to be focused on sexuality anymore.
51:54 Not allow myself to be focused on marriage anymore,
51:58 but to just place my life completely in the hands of God,
52:02 I have purposed in my heart that sexuality and marriage
52:05 will not be a focus in my life anymore.
52:08 I'm still very convinced that the Bible is true.
52:11 And if I were to go back fully to religion,
52:14 it would only be to what the Bible said,
52:16 like I'm not interested in open interpretation here.
52:20 Like if it says it and I'm gonna be religious,
52:22 I'm gonna do it.
52:24 It's just coming to a point where I'm ready to say,
52:30 "I want my life to line up with the Bible."
52:32 It is not lining up,
52:33 so I'm gonna give these things up,
52:35 like I'm just not there yet.
52:37 What, as a gay person does it mean to come back
52:40 and give your life to Jesus?
52:43 If that means being lonely for the rest of your life.
52:47 I know this is what a lot of gay people
52:49 have contemplated,
52:51 and what a lot of heterosexual people
52:53 have even gone as far to say,
52:55 you know, that's just not fair.
52:58 It's been something that I have grappled with
53:01 in my experience of walking back
53:04 with Jesus Christ today.
53:07 But the promise from Jesus is that He will never leave us
53:10 or never forsake us.
53:13 And that even in our darkest hours,
53:15 when our feelings tell us that we're alone,
53:18 it's still a lie from the enemy because the truth
53:20 is that Jesus does say that He's still there.
53:24 My sexual preference was only always same sex.
53:28 I never experienced anything else
53:30 and my orientation now is not in my sexual desires
53:35 and I may struggle with attractions
53:37 to the same sex for the rest of my life.
53:40 One of the things that I know
53:42 is that whenever I feel emasculated,
53:44 whenever I feel like I don't measure up as a man,
53:48 then what happens is
53:50 same sex attraction starts to come back.
53:53 And so what I do is, I can go to my Father,
53:56 and I can get down on my knees and I say,
53:58 "Lord, will you remind me again that I'm your man?
54:02 Will you remind me again
54:03 that you made me male for a reason?"
54:06 And He's quick to respond,
54:08 and, "Yes, Mike, you're my man."
54:14 I share my testimony today, there's many people
54:16 that come and identify with the fact that,
54:18 "Hey, I'm not gay,
54:20 "but you were certainly talking to me
54:22 because you were talking about surrender
54:25 about abiding in Jesus Christ
54:27 about submitting yourself to Jesus,
54:30 and letting him have control.
54:32 And so today, as I identify in a new life
54:37 with Jesus Christ,
54:39 I have to say that my identity
54:41 is that I am indeed a new creature
54:44 which is what 2 Corinthians 5:17 tells me.
54:48 2 Corinthians 5:17,
54:50 "Therefore if any man be in Christ,
54:53 he is a new creature."
54:55 It's a new creation. Christ is the creator.
54:58 If we are in Christ, we are a new creature,
55:00 a new creation.
55:01 "Old things are passed away,
55:03 behold all things are become new."
55:06 When I use that argument all those years
55:07 that I was born this way.
55:10 Jesus has a combat to that.
55:12 He simply says, "Well, then be born again."
55:16 You now stop blaming your heritage
55:18 even if you are born that way.
55:20 Jesus came to show us that we can be born again
55:23 and we can start over.
55:27 The 1 Corinthians 6:9-11.
55:30 You know, a lot of times we've heard nine and ten,
55:34 and tells us, you know, who will be received in
55:37 and to have and who won't be.
55:40 And it's clear that, He says
55:43 that homosexuals will not enter into heaven.
55:47 But verse 11 says, "Such were some of you."
55:52 That tells me there has to be healing,
55:55 there has to be an understanding,
55:56 there has to be a change, what is the changes?
55:59 Is that from gay to straight?
56:03 No.
56:05 It's about allowing Jesus to come into your life,
56:09 and to develop that intimacy with Him,
56:11 getting to know Him, and seeking to do His will.
56:15 If He is who I've been reading that He is,
56:18 it all makes sense.
56:20 Like He is all knowing, and all loving,
56:23 and willing to take you back
56:25 and it's nice to have somebody who,
56:28 if I don't want Him there, He's not gonna push,
56:32 but if I do, He is completely and totally willing
56:36 to just pick me up, dust me off,
56:38 and walk with me.
56:40 What are you willing to give up for Jesus Christ?
56:43 What are you willing to give up to please Him?
56:46 What are you willing to do that will bring glory
56:49 and honor to His name?
56:51 And if it's too much for you,
56:54 if you wanna cling to something that it appears
56:56 that doesn't bring Him honor and glory,
56:59 He won't take it out of your hands,
57:00 He won't force it away from you.
57:02 He will invite you, but the decision,
57:05 that's the one thing we did arrive with,
57:07 even though we arrived with a fallen nature
57:09 and the stain of sin on us.
57:11 He has given us the power of choice.
57:14 I can either choose for Him or I can choose for self.
57:18 I like God to show me
57:21 that when I really started opening up myself
57:24 and making myself the most vulnerable
57:26 I've ever been in my entire life,
57:27 that what I get instead is not rejection
57:30 but acceptance,
57:32 belonging, love,
57:35 peace, safety.
57:38 Because, you know what,
57:40 now that I've told you my whole ugly story,
57:42 somebody could walk up to me and say,
57:44 "Mike, you're nothing but a faggot,"
57:45 and I go "Well, you know,
57:46 without Jesus Christ you're right,
57:48 that's probably all I would be."
57:50 But, you know, I'm something so much more,
57:51 not because of what I've done.
57:53 I don't deserve what God has given to me.
57:55 I certainly couldn't earn it, there was no way
57:57 that I could ever change my attractions but,
58:00 by praising each and every day
58:01 That he's given me something above and beyond anything
58:04 that I ever felt that I deserved
58:07 or that I could ever attain to,
58:09 all because I accepted the gift of His Son, Jesus,
58:13 and the sacrifice that was made for me.
58:15 For the first time in my life
58:19 I truly am
58:21 who I am.
58:37 The long battle is now behind
58:42 No more need to be brave
58:46 For though we walked through darkest nights
58:51 Now we walk into endless day
58:56 Can you hear the voice of Him
59:01 Singing as we come
59:06 Can you feel the love of Him
59:11 Calling His daughters and sons
59:15 Look at every glowing face
59:20 None tell of troubles or fears
59:25 For though we walked through thorny ways
59:29 Now we walk through fields of flowers
59:35 Can you hear the voice of Him
59:39 Singing as we come
59:44 Can you feel the love of Him
59:49 Calling His daughters and sons
59:54 Look around, everywhere to see
59:59 Is beauty without stain
01:00:03 For you the Father of life is king
01:00:08 And forever more to reign
01:00:13 Father we could hear Your voice
01:00:18 Singing us through the night
01:00:23 Just the knowing of Your love
01:00:28 Gave us the courage to fight


Revised 2017-04-03