Participants:
Series Code: SF
Program Code: SF000051A
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00:17 When I was growing up,
00:19 I never found anyone really talking about the gay issue, 00:22 in fact every reference that was made 00:24 about the gay issue in those days was a slur. 00:34 I remember thinking that 00:37 there was something different about me, 00:38 something wasn't right, 00:40 and the other kids in the neighborhood 00:41 started to pick up on it too 00:42 and so they would call me sissy, queer, faggot, homo, 00:47 and yet I couldn't help what I was attracted to. 00:56 There is so much confusion even in Christianity 00:59 about homosexuality is because for so long 01:03 no one wanted to address the topic. 01:07 There is something that I was missing 01:10 all those years in my study and in my struggle 01:14 that I came to discover as I studied Jesus. 01:21 I share my testimony today, 01:23 there's many people that come 01:24 and identify with the fact that, 01:26 "Hey, I'm not gay, 01:28 " but you were certainly talking to me. 02:11 In telling my story, I don't want people to think 02:13 that this was all doom and gloom and it's a sad story, 02:18 there were many good experiences in my life. 02:21 However, there were things 02:23 that happened in my early childhood 02:26 that really derailed me. 02:28 When I was born my dad, 02:30 I'm sure had great plans for me. 02:32 Being his only son of four children 02:34 and when I came along, 02:36 my dad was so proud that he had a son 02:38 that he actually named me "Junior" 02:41 so I am Michael James after my dad. 02:44 It's interesting because, even to this day, 02:47 sometimes I really regret my name. 02:49 My natural mother, relatives were around her 02:53 while she was carrying me to full term, 02:56 and during that time, relatives would say so, 02:59 "Jan, you can have a boy or girl." 03:04 And she's, well, there's no way I'm having a boy. 03:07 I'm only going to have a girl, that's all there is to it. 03:11 There was no other alternative, 03:13 she was just planning gonna have a baby girl. 03:16 And so, May 6, of a certain year, 03:21 I was born, 03:24 a baby boy. 03:26 When I was born, 03:27 I came into a challenged family situation. 03:31 My sister and brother were already six 03:33 and eight years old. 03:35 My parents were struggling in their marriage, 03:37 and they really weren't planning 03:39 on having any more children. 03:41 As a little girl, 03:43 after my mom introduced me to Jesus, 03:47 I was totally stoked about it. 03:49 I memorized books, the Bible, 03:51 and could flip through scripture, 03:54 and quote off Bible verses to you 03:57 when I was like six. 03:59 And my mom was totally excited and she was like, 04:01 "You're gonna become a missionary, 04:03 and Jesus is going to work amazing things 04:06 through your life, and aren't you excited?" 04:09 And I was like "I wanted to be a missionary." 04:11 I'm sure that my dad had every intention 04:15 of playing football with me 04:17 and doing all of these macho things 04:20 that he liked to do. 04:21 And everything that my dad liked, I hated. 04:26 I liked playing with dolls, I had three sisters 04:30 and my dad would be gone a lot of time, 04:32 so most of time I'd be playing with dolls 04:34 or dressing up in my sister's clothes 04:37 or my mom's clothes, 04:38 and I began gender dysphoria at an early age. 04:42 As my aunt and uncle adopted me, 04:46 they began to see that, 04:47 that things were taking place in my life, 04:51 I was at the age of three, I was running around the house, 04:54 I was screaming, "I don't want to be a boy, 04:56 I want to be a girl." 04:57 I was playing with scarves and dresses. 05:01 And I'm sure they begin to think, "Wow! 05:03 What if we get our hands on here?" 05:07 People didn't talk about same sex attraction then. 05:11 I knew that because I would get punished 05:14 if I got caught playing dolls, or I would be teased, 05:18 or ridiculed by my dad on mainly 05:20 if I was playing with my sisters' barbies, 05:23 that I knew that something wasn't right 05:25 and yet I couldn't help what I was attracted to. 05:29 And I remember thinking that "If I was a girl, 05:32 I could do it better than my sisters." 05:34 I went to school 05:38 and they started teasing me from the very first day. 05:41 I just saw it to be amazing to be able to endure 05:47 on the teasing and the harassment that I got. 05:52 Even, some of my teachers, most notably, 05:56 my Bible teacher would encourage 05:59 and laugh along with the guys 06:01 that were teasing and harassing me. 06:04 One of the most unlikely places that I would think 06:06 that this would come from. 06:07 I look to teachers for shelter, 06:10 for hope, 06:12 protection. 06:15 I remember, I would go home 06:17 and I would go into our bathroom 06:18 that had a door on either side, and I would lock both doors, 06:21 and I would look in the mirror, 06:22 and I would punch myself in the face, 06:24 and I would scream at God, 06:26 and I would yell at him and I would say, "Why God, why? 06:30 Why did you create a boy 06:32 when I was supposed to be a girl?" 06:37 I was only four years old, 06:41 one of six children. 06:43 We lived in the country, 06:44 my parents had moved to the country 06:46 they thought that would be a safe place 06:48 to raise their children. 06:50 And my dad was a dairy farmer. 06:53 And so we lived on this big farm. 06:56 And it was at that tender age of four 06:59 that I was actually sexually molested 07:01 by one of the farm hands, 07:03 and that really confused me. 07:06 School stuff and extended family, 07:10 we had a rough relationship with extended family. 07:14 And they got more stressful 07:16 when my older cousin 07:19 started molesting and raping me. 07:21 Then I didn't trust anybody 07:22 because I felt like I couldn't tell anybody. 07:25 So he continued to have vacations with them 07:28 and go places with them, 07:29 and he even looked at our house for a while, and nobody knew. 07:33 It was from the time I was 7 till I was 13. 07:38 And it was every time I saw him so multiple times a year. 07:43 And I thought I would get in trouble 07:44 if I told somebody because he always said, 07:47 "If you tell anybody about this, 07:49 you'll break the family up." 07:51 There was a girl living down the street, 07:54 she was the same age as me, seven. 07:56 She introduced me to sexual experience. 07:58 So we started experimenting with each other physically 08:02 and it became an addiction for me very quickly. 08:05 One day, for some reason 08:07 I ended up confiding in an older kid 08:09 in the neighborhood, 08:10 and I told him that we were having 08:12 sexual encounters with each other. 08:14 But later he ended up going and telling my sister, 08:17 and my sister told my mom. 08:19 You know, instead of my mom using it 08:22 as an occasion to kind of sit down and talk to me 08:25 about the importance of sexual purity, 08:28 maybe she didn't know how to react to it, 08:29 but for some reason, 08:31 her and my sister really used it 08:33 as an occasion to poke fun at me. 08:35 I thought, "Okay, well, obviously this is something 08:37 that I can't really tell anyone about. 08:39 I can't talk to anyone about this." 08:42 What happened for me is, my dad was scary. 08:45 When he was home, he would be loud 08:47 and his discipline was abusive. 08:50 He was always angry. 08:52 Because my dad was in the navy, 08:53 he'd be gone sometimes two to six months at a time 08:56 and so, he either wasn't there for me 08:58 or when he was, he was abusive. 09:00 And I wanted nothing to do with that. 09:02 If that's my gender, no, thank you. 09:04 I think every child wants to know 09:07 that they were planned for that they were wanted. 09:11 My mother was distraught, 09:14 angered, 09:18 full of grief. 09:20 She didn't want to hold me. 09:22 From the time I was molested or from that day forward, 09:28 my mind was confused, I had wild imaginations, 09:32 my thoughts were way out of control, 09:35 and my imaginations and fantasies 09:38 were towards the same type of person 09:42 that had molested me which was a man 09:45 because that was my introduction 09:47 to sexual behavior, I didn't know any, 09:49 anything else. 09:50 As a small child, 09:53 my parents had been very good at informing us 09:56 of what was right and wrong. 09:58 And so from a very young age, my parents had both told me, 10:03 if anybody ever touches you inappropriately, 10:06 you tell us. 10:07 And when it started happening at first, 10:09 I was so young that I didn't really recognize 10:12 what was going on. 10:14 And as I got older, it was more guilt 10:18 that I hadn't told them when it first happened. 10:21 It was my fault. 10:23 And so even after telling somebody, 10:25 there wasn't really like closure to it. 10:27 There wasn't any understanding, we're sorry, 10:30 like what can we do to help you. 10:33 It was we failed as parents. 10:36 I did know even as a child 10:37 that this was wrong when it happened. 10:40 But as a victim, I did not want to reveal 10:46 what had happened and I felt dirty, 10:48 I felt, well, I had been, 10:51 I had been tainted 10:53 and I felt very different from that day forward. 10:58 No one ever molested me. 11:00 I was never, I was never beaten to a pulp 11:03 or that kind of thing, 11:06 but there were many areas of neglect. 11:08 I was in seventh grade, so I was about 13, 11:11 and we were running home, 11:12 and I tripped and fell, and I broke my arm. 11:14 So when my mom came home that night, 11:16 I was laying on the sofa and she said, 11:18 "Oh, you'll be all right, you know, 11:20 it's probably not broken and you know, you'll be okay." 11:23 And so my mother went out. 11:24 So this night in particular, she had a date, 11:26 left me on the sofa and she came back Sunday. 11:29 And I was still on the sofa. 11:32 I don't blame my mom. 11:34 I really, I'm not even angry at her anymore, 11:38 but I believe that because of her brokenness, 11:40 there was a limit 11:41 to what she was able to give me. 11:44 At the age of 13 I would read my Bible 11:47 and I began to read texts about homosexuality 11:50 and the descriptions about men with men 11:53 and by this time, 11:56 well, there was hardly a day 11:58 that I didn't know same sex attraction, 12:00 but as it related to the Word of God, 12:02 I found that this certainly wasn't according to His plan. 12:06 And I thought "Wow, how can that be. 12:09 I didn't ask to be like this." 12:12 I remember this roommate, we would, 12:14 we would wrestle and one night, this wrestling turn sexual, 12:19 I didn't know how it had happened that way, 12:21 I didn't know how it got that far or went that far. 12:25 And the moment that it was over, 12:27 like all of this guilt came in and condemnation 12:31 and this shock that I now was the reality 12:36 of what all those boys said for all those years 12:40 that I was a sissy, a faggot, a homo, gay. 12:46 Growing up with these attractions towards men 12:50 instead of girls, 12:53 I really didn't know 12:55 how to deal with them. 12:57 I didn't feel like I could talk to anyone about it. 12:59 I didn't understand myself and yet I felt ashamed to share 13:05 what I was feeling with anyone else. 13:09 I thought I was the only person in the world 13:10 that maybe had these feelings. 13:12 I think a lot of guys and girls too, 13:15 my age at that particular time 13:18 thought they were the only ones in the world 13:19 that had these kinds of things going on 13:21 'cause we didn't dare talk about them. 13:23 I just grew up with that emotional confusion 13:27 and it festered just like, like a splinter in the thumb. 13:33 It'll have to come out, sooner or later. 13:36 And eventually that's what is what happened, 13:38 but that was many years later. 13:42 I met a guy who introduced himself to me, 13:46 and then identified me as being gay and I said to him, 13:51 "I'm what? What did you say I was?" 13:53 He said are you a gay? And I said, what is that? 13:56 It was at the time, 13:57 when the term gay was actually being developed. 14:01 And he said. 14:04 "You like guys, don't you?" 14:07 "You are gay, I'm gay." 14:09 I go to college with other guys who are gay, 14:12 and the church has done a good job of telling us 14:14 that homosexual behavior is sinful. 14:19 And that's the end of the conversation. 14:22 They have nothing more to say. 14:25 As I was a very active member in the church growing up, 14:28 I noticed there was no one talking about the gay issue. 14:31 And so my first introduction to the gay issue 14:35 through a publication happened to come 14:37 through a Time magazine 14:39 when I was sitting in a college library 14:42 where I was studying theology. 14:45 And when I saw that magazine, 14:47 and I saw that this was the cover story, 14:50 I was fascinated by the photograph 14:53 on the cover of that magazine because up to that point 14:57 I felt totally alone in my mental struggle, 15:00 and in my confusion. 15:02 I didn't know a living soul who was gay. 15:05 I can remember my parents, you know, 15:07 saying something or other people 15:09 would also say something about, you know, 15:11 well, people like that, 15:14 and they knew they were talking about someone 15:16 that was dealing with a homosexual tendency 15:18 or temptation, but nobody would go further, 15:21 I'd be to all ears but no one would say anything. 15:24 I thought that I was just born bisexual 15:28 that I was born gay. 15:29 That, you know, that attraction had always been there for me, 15:32 so I thought I can't, 15:35 I thought I couldn't be a Christian. 15:37 And it pushed me away from God. 15:39 If I'm a lesbian, I'm just, you know, 15:42 that's sin and sin equals death, 15:45 so why would I join a religion that tells me 15:47 that I'm just going to die for being who I am. 15:50 I finally came out to my parents 15:52 and they kicked me out of the house for a week 15:55 and then my parents called me and said, 15:58 "Where are you?" 16:00 And I said, "Can I come back home? 16:02 Do I need to find somewhere else to stay?" 16:04 And they said, "No, please come home." 16:07 My mom, being very religious, is like crying, and begging, 16:11 and bringing Bible verses up, and she's like, 16:14 "This isn't what Jesus wants for you, like, 16:16 you're not going to be in heaven 16:18 if this is what you do." 16:20 I had to be good, 16:21 that's what I'd learned all my life 16:23 and so I got a girlfriend. 16:24 I'd be praying, asking God to make me 16:27 straight to take this away, I didn't want this. 16:29 I wanted to be married, and have a family, and a wife. 16:33 Ended up being drafted into the military, 16:36 and wouldn't you know again 16:38 I was messed with while I was in the military, 16:42 and I had no idea how to deal with that as well. 16:45 But still maintaining my spirituality, 16:48 I was a Christian, I wanted to be a Christian, 16:51 and I wanted to be right with God. 16:53 I thought, you know, 16:54 "If I were just married 16:56 it would take care of the whole thing," 16:58 and yet, this thing only got worse. 17:02 Marriage worked for a while and then I realized 17:05 that I had made a terrible mistake. 17:07 And this woman who loved me very much, 17:11 I realized I was going to be a big disappointment to her. 17:16 So I prayed and I said, "I don't want to live, Lord. 17:20 If I have to live like this, I don't want to live." 17:22 And I prayed and I said, "Lord, if this is the closest 17:24 we're going to be, "I said, "take me now. 17:27 I just don't want to go through what's coming, 17:30 "but God didn't take my life. 17:32 And I remember the resentment that came feeling basically 17:35 that, that God must be like my dad 17:38 because He calls Himself Father and I have a Father. 17:42 And so if He doesn't hear or answer my prayer, 17:46 then basically He must be like my dad 17:48 in different judgmental, arbitrary, 17:52 today he cares and tomorrow he doesn't. 17:54 And so I determined that 17:57 either I wasn't worthy of his time 18:00 or maybe he just didn't care. 18:03 After I started getting abused, it turned from, 18:07 being totally stoked about Jesus to, 18:09 why isn't Jesus here? 18:10 Why isn't He stopping this? 18:13 I'm crying in my bed at night 18:15 because these things are happening and Jesus, 18:18 I can't hear Him any more. 18:21 Like where did He go? 18:23 And so I thought, in my little mind, 18:26 that I made Jesus mad. 18:27 Like, is this a different God than I was acquainted with 18:33 when I was little? 18:35 Like, it's not as simple as butterflies anymore, 18:38 that's terrible things happen, 18:40 there are terrible people in the world. 18:45 And it's still a struggle. 18:46 Didn't know why he would let those things happen to, 18:49 like little seven year old kids. 18:52 I thought that I needed to be honest with my wife 18:55 and I told her, of course, she was devastated, 18:58 just broke her heart. 18:59 And we had these two children, very young children. 19:04 And, but to her credit, my wife loved me, 19:08 she was a Christian, 19:09 she was willing to forgive, 19:11 she was willing to work through it, 19:13 and she wanted to stay with me, 19:16 she wanted to go through counseling 19:18 and see if we couldn't make this work. 19:21 But when pastors 19:24 and we're talking about church people, 19:25 Christians would counsel my wife 19:28 to just divorce this man 19:29 and get on with your life that kind can never change. 19:33 That really hurt me and it angered me. 19:36 Now, I felt that way myself, 19:38 but to hear it coming from professionals 19:40 who should have answers, 19:42 it really embittered me against the church 19:46 and against God Himself. 19:48 In the Bible, we're talked about homosexuality 19:50 being an abomination, and I said, 19:52 "How dare you say that I'm an abomination 19:55 when you made me this way? 19:56 That's not fair, I didn't choose this thing. 19:58 I didn't want this thing. 19:59 And it's hard as I fought to not be those things 20:03 and I prayed and I asked you to change me, 20:04 you never did and so this is who I am. 20:07 Take it or leave it." 20:08 And eventually, I just gave up. 20:12 I finally stopped fighting my inclinations. 20:18 I stopped praying about it. 20:19 All those years I prayed 20:21 that Lord would just take this away. 20:23 He didn't just take it away. 20:25 I thought that 20:26 because I continued having these strong desires 20:29 and these uncontrollable thoughts that, 20:33 that's just who I was. 20:35 And I finally decided to just accept 20:37 who I was and give up, 20:40 and I brought my marriage to a devastating end. 20:44 I fell headlong into the gay life, 20:46 and then for me there was no turning back. 20:49 I did not want to be gay. 20:52 I felt I had no choice. 20:54 I was just accepting who I was. 20:56 And I needed to get over it and so did everyone else 21:00 because I had no answers. 21:02 What happens to the things that we don't talk about, 21:05 what about pornography? 21:06 You know, what about overeating? 21:08 You know, what about a lot of things 21:10 that Satan has laid out in front of us? 21:12 And the thing is just that, 21:14 he's got something for every single one of us. 21:17 When you stop and think about it, 21:19 as long as he's deceived you with your feelings, 21:22 you're drawn to it and then you begin to think 21:25 that your feelings equal truth. 21:28 And so I believed, my friend, I believe that I was gay 21:31 and that it didn't match up with God's word, 21:34 and I was like, oh, well, 21:35 I don't know what to do about that and so I was done. 21:38 I was done with Christianity, I was done with God, 21:43 and I openly embraced the gay community 21:47 and they openly embraced me. 21:50 One day, my father sat me down and he said, 21:54 "Danielle, if there are ways in which you're different 21:57 from most everyone else, it's okay. 22:00 And if you can, you know, if, it's okay to be an individual, 22:05 and no matter who you are, I'm still going to love you." 22:08 And he didn't come out and said, 22:10 "Danielle, it's okay if you're gay," 22:12 but we both knew that that's what he was getting at, 22:17 so I thought, "Wow, okay, 22:20 I'm not going to hold back any more, 22:22 not just sexually but expressively, 22:26 in all of my life." 22:28 My sister moved down from Ohio and she was living with me, 22:31 and I remember telling her 22:33 that I was gay, she had no idea, 22:36 I was mystified that 22:38 that through all the years of playing with dolls 22:39 and cross-dressing that it never occurred to her 22:42 that I might be gay, 22:44 and she was profoundly shocked. 22:47 She was so kind. 22:49 As a small child, I was very close to my mother. 22:53 She was what I thought every mom needed to be. 22:56 As I started getting older 22:59 and started kind of closing off to people, 23:01 not being able to trust them, 23:02 I just kind of pushed everybody aside 23:05 including my mom, 23:06 even though, I really had no reason to, 23:09 I just felt like, 23:11 nobody else has been there, why would she? 23:21 I decided to actually give Christianity a chance. 23:25 I would start reading into it. 23:27 And, you know, reading the Bible 23:30 and actually going to church 23:32 when there was someone there that I trusted. 23:35 I was trying to balance, going my own way, 23:40 with also trying to keep God in the picture somehow. 23:44 But eventually I started saying, 23:47 "I can't do this, I can't be a Christian. 23:49 This must be why I'm so depressed 23:50 because the Bible tells me to be this person 23:53 and live this way but I can't." 23:55 I try and I fail and I can't and that's why I'm so depressed 23:59 and I wanted to be a good person 24:00 and make good decisions, 24:02 but I always made the wrong decisions, 24:04 and I wasn't a good person, I wasn't a good friend 24:07 and so I was entering into this struggle, "Who am I? 24:10 Who am I supposed to be? 24:12 Who am I inside?" 24:13 So I started really becoming 24:16 more and more extravagant with my, 24:18 with my dress and my makeup. 24:20 If I would walk down the street 24:22 and a little child would look at me and look scared, 24:27 I thought I look good today. 24:29 In a way when I went into the gay life, 24:31 I felt great relief 24:33 because I was no longer fighting this thing. 24:37 And I knew biblically that that this life was wrong. 24:41 I was very well aware of all of the Bible texts, 24:45 I just gave up. 24:47 And so for nearly 40 years, 24:50 I was immersed in the gay culture. 24:54 I told my parents, and I told everybody else, 24:57 "I'm gay, there's nothing you can do about it 24:59 I've come out." 25:01 I ended up in a very promiscuous life. 25:04 I know that there are many today out there that don't. 25:07 There are many people that have maybe fall in love 25:09 with one person and maybe that's been someone 25:13 that they've been with for 25 or 30 years. 25:15 From all the relationships that I know about 25:17 that have been like that. 25:19 They would sometimes claim to be binogamous but I was, 25:24 I was sleeping with their boyfriends. 25:27 I would use the gyms as probably the number one spot 25:31 where I would actually pick up men in the sauna 25:33 and in the steam room and such, 25:37 where I was actually acting out 25:38 as many as three times in a day with different people, 25:41 and as many times as three or four times a week. 25:46 Twenty years of that. 25:48 Well, you know, this went on for years. 25:54 And all the sudden coming, you know, 25:57 at full speed towards me was a killer sex, 26:01 AIDS. 26:04 And suddenly, 26:06 my closest friends began to start dying. 26:10 And I was only 30-years-old when this began, 26:13 and I remember calling my parents on the phone 26:16 and saying, "What is going on? 26:17 Why is this happening to me? 26:18 You're in your 50s, 26:20 and you don't have anybody who's died yet. 26:22 Why is this happening?" 26:24 I watched my friends drop like flies. 26:26 I had sex with men, unprotected sex, 26:29 and they would be dead three months later. 26:32 I knew that I was tempting fate all the time 26:35 and yet I could not stop. 26:37 My addictive drive just kept me moving 26:40 more, and more, and more, 26:42 and no matter how awful I would feel afterwards, 26:45 it wasn't enough to stop me. 26:48 I'm not sharing this today to say that 26:51 this is what every gay life is like. 26:53 I mean, there are so many different ways, 26:55 you know, heterosexuals are messed up, 26:57 gay people are messed up, we're all messed up 26:59 if we're not looking to the One 27:02 who can bring about the healing 27:04 that we need no matter what our mess up is. 27:07 I wanted to be loved, that's all that mattered. 27:11 I met a great guy. 27:14 Big arms, big blue eyes, he was a millionaire, 27:16 he drove a convertible Mercedes, 27:18 had a big house with a pool. 27:20 I remember thinking, wow I... 27:23 I hit pay dirt, I've arrived. 27:25 Anything we wanted. 27:26 And I remember thinking to myself, 27:28 "Is this the best it's going to be?" 27:31 I remember laying there with my boyfriend on the weekends 27:33 and having the pool out in front of us and, 27:36 and thinking to myself. 27:38 "I've got everything that the world says 27:39 is valuable and yet, that it?" 27:43 I thought that I was experiencing 27:47 a great level of freedom in doing what I was doing, 27:52 living the way that I was living. 27:54 You know, going off and living on my own, 27:56 making my own choices, and I always had the strive 27:58 for something more, or something more extreme, 28:01 something more fulfilling, and I never really felt like 28:04 I reached that place of contentment. 28:07 If I'm seeking freedom from God's law because, 28:13 of course, it's all those 28:14 "Thou shalt not, thou shalt not, 28:16 thou shalt not." 28:17 And by giving up and just going into the world, 28:20 I was now free from that law. 28:24 And yet the Bible says 28:26 that the "Law of God is the law of liberty." 28:28 So if I am free from liberty, what is my real situation? 28:38 I had two sisters that were praying for me, 28:40 I don't even know how long. 28:42 I had a sister that was very religious in Colorado, 28:45 and I had another sister that was, 28:47 it was my sister there in Florida 28:48 who was working side-by-side with me in my salon. 28:52 And she would always invite my lovers 28:54 and me over to holiday meals. 28:57 She never kept me from holding my nephew, 28:59 when he was a baby, and I knew without a doubt 29:03 that she loved me. 29:04 No doubt in my mind, but they were praying for me. 29:07 And I think prayer is a big part 29:08 of the aspect too. 29:10 We need to pray for people more than just 29:11 shaking our finger at them or secretly judging them. 29:14 And that's what Christ did. 29:17 He mingled with the people, He addressed their needs, 29:21 He won their confidence, and then He bid them follow me. 29:25 And yet Jesus is been all along trying to say to me 29:28 from day one, is that Wayne you matter, 29:31 you belong and you're loved, 29:34 but I couldn't see it. 29:35 And I wouldn't believe it. 29:37 I wouldn't stop long enough to listen to Him, 29:39 I couldn't hear Him because I was drowning myself 29:42 with my own voice. 29:43 And so He's like, "All right, Wayne, you know, 29:46 as long as you persist this way, 29:48 you have the right to do that, but I'm trying to reach you 29:51 and guess what, there are other people 29:53 who care about you, 29:54 and they're actually praying for you." 29:56 As I was spending all of those years in the gay life, 30:00 blaming God for everything wrong in my life, 30:03 giving Him no credit for anything good, 30:06 I didn't realize that my parents, and my family, 30:10 and some of my former friends were praying for me. 30:14 The way the Lord answers those prayers, many times, 30:17 is that he will let a person fall so low, 30:22 and reach bottom to the point 30:25 that the only way he can look is up. 30:27 It took a long time after things stopping, 30:32 my cousin abusing me stopping to come to terms 30:37 that maybe she was still that mom 30:40 that she was when I was little, 30:41 that maybe nothing had changed in her 30:43 that just maybe I had changed. 30:46 Finally, one day I just broke down, 30:48 and I was sobbing in my room, and she came in, 30:50 and she just hugged me, and she said, 30:53 "Can I please help you?" 30:56 And I said, "Can you please pray with me? 30:58 Like I need, I need you to help." 31:02 And she said, "Yeah", 31:05 and she just wrapped her arms around me 31:06 and started praying with me. 31:09 And she said, "Jesus, you know where Anna is 31:12 and I really don't, 31:15 but she needs you to help her because I can't." 31:19 And she just held me and I just cried. 31:23 And she cried. 31:27 And I still didn't trust her fully 31:31 but I knew if I needed somebody to pray, 31:35 she still had my back. 31:38 I started to desire, to learn who and what God is, 31:42 and what was really going on behind the scenes, 31:45 behind the clouds, kind of a thing, you know, 31:48 what the meaning of life really was. 31:50 And so I started looking into different religions 31:52 of the world, and reading into especially into wiccanism. 31:57 Because for me, 31:58 I could relate to women better 32:00 so I, so I kind of pictured God as a woman more easily. 32:04 As I was learning these things and entering into this journey 32:09 toward spiritual things, my sister could see 32:12 that something was changing. 32:13 You know, I started finding common ground with her 32:16 where I could actually relate to her 32:18 because I had this newfound interest 32:20 in reconnecting to my family, 32:23 whenever I had chosen to reject God 32:28 in a way also chose to reject my family in a large way 32:30 because my sister and my mother 32:32 had become Christians. 32:33 Here I am this hot shot hairdresser, 32:36 and my sister comes up to me and the Lord had told her 32:39 that there was this evangelistic series going on 32:41 and the Lord said, "Invite your brother" 32:44 and she goes, "He'll never go, 32:45 but I'll invite him." 32:47 And so my sister came up to me and she said, 32:48 "Hey, there's this evangelistic series going on, 32:51 dirt floor, folding chairs in a tent, 32:53 do you want to go?" 32:54 And I looked at her and, of course, 32:55 I didn't want to go, but I looked at her and I said, 32:57 "All right, I'll go." 32:59 There was one person especially in particular 33:02 that I really saw the characteristics of Christ. 33:06 And we would cross paths, and we'd exchanged words, 33:09 and then we'd go our separate ways, 33:10 and I would just think every time. 33:13 I don't know what that man has, but I want it to. 33:16 And eventually, I decided that I was gonna go to church 33:19 one weekend 'cause I knew he was speaking, 33:22 and I wanted to just hear what was working for him. 33:26 So as he started in on that message, 33:28 the first thing that he said was, 33:30 "Today we're gonna talk about the crucifixion, 33:32 " and I thought, "Oh, the crucifixion, 33:34 why that anything but that." 33:36 The preacher was making a call, an altar call, 33:39 and I was receding in my chair, 33:41 I knew that I wanted to accept Jesus 33:45 into my heart that night. 33:47 But when I was thinking about my boyfriend, 33:49 and how my life was, 33:50 and how I was out of control with the sexual addiction, 33:52 I feel... there's no way I could go up there. 33:55 There was no way I could change my life. 33:58 And so just then, as I was sitting in that chair, 34:00 the preacher said, "For some of you tonight," 34:04 he said, "you'll never have another opportunity 34:06 to accept the Holy Spirit into your life." 34:08 And as I sat on that chair, I said, 34:10 "Lord, I can't go up there, but I give you my heart." 34:13 You see, whenever I thought about God, 34:15 I thought about light, and love, and joy, and peace, 34:19 and goodness, and all of these happy things, 34:22 and that was God to me. 34:25 But when I picked up the Bible and I read the Bible, you know, 34:28 I would read about tribulation, and struggle, and sin, and war, 34:33 and death, and the crucifixion, and there was no way in my mind 34:36 that those kind of stories could resonate with God. 34:40 So when he said that I thought, 34:41 "Oh, anything but the crucifixion." 34:43 And the next thing he said was, "And you're probably thinking, 34:47 oh, the crucifixion, why that anything, but that, 34:49 " he said exactly what I had just thought. 34:53 So that got my attention. 34:54 I sat up a little bit straighter 34:56 and I said, "Okay, God, 34:57 you have something for me here today 34:58 and I'm gonna listen." 35:00 But one day, 35:03 I sat down in my bedroom 35:07 and I don't know, I was just, 35:13 I don't know. 35:17 The Holy Spirit was there. 35:21 And I was so inspired, and troubled, 35:27 and moved by that message, 35:29 I just spent the whole rest of the day wrestling with God. 35:32 I was saying, you know, I was just praying, 35:35 I was saying, "This makes so much sense." 35:37 I've seen in my life that there are decisions 35:40 that separated me from the light 35:42 and forced me into the darkness. 35:44 That was one of the biggest object lessons in nature 35:47 that I really resonated with at that time 35:49 was light and darkness. 35:52 Well, I had the Christian upbringing, 35:54 and I knew from the Word of God that I wasn't pleasing God. 35:59 And I knew that there had to be a solution 36:01 because God didn't create this world, 36:03 and leave me with no answers. 36:07 And so now He had a captive audience. 36:11 And I began to contemplate the fact 36:14 that every single one of my friends were dead, 36:20 all of my gay friends. 36:24 And I began to think about my destiny, like, 36:27 "Okay, Wayne, what's going to happen to you, 36:29 how does life, how does it turn out? 36:31 How does this all end?" 36:33 And when I stopped blaming 36:34 and I started just using some logic, 36:37 I just started thinking logically. 36:40 How can I be born gay? 36:42 And I started reviewing my life to see 36:44 if I could connect the dots and figure out what happened. 36:47 And that's when I reviewed my sexual molestation, 36:50 and repeated victimization. 36:53 And I came to the realization, you know, 36:55 I was derailed in my childhood, by the molestation, 37:00 by many circumstances. 37:02 And if I could be derailed, why couldn't I be re-railed? 37:08 Here I was, all by myself, sitting in front of God 37:12 and I simply heard Him say, "Can you hear Me now? 37:19 You have been blaming Me your whole life 37:24 for having caused this, and, you know what, Wayne, 37:26 sin cost this, the enemy." 37:31 I was involved in a committed relationship 37:34 that was for life. 37:35 And we loved each other very much, 37:39 but as I studied I begin to love Jesus more. 37:42 And I realize I have to make a choice 37:43 between these two men, this man that I'm involved with 37:47 and then a relationship of which God does not approve, 37:52 and a man, Jesus, who gave His life for me. 37:56 That night in a parking lot, my sister says, 37:57 "So what are you going to do about your boyfriend?" 38:00 And I said, "Nothing, I'm gay, this is who I am." 38:04 And I said, "I prayed that God would change me, 38:06 I prayed that the Lord would take this away, 38:07 I prayed that He would heal me, and He never did." 38:12 I said, "All I know is that I'm gay, I was born this way, 38:16 " And I said, "And I know that Jesus loves me 38:17 for who I am." 38:19 And the next morning I was baptized. 38:21 God was beginning a journey with me. 38:24 I believe that He knew that He had to get me 38:28 into that baptismal pool to make this commitment 38:32 to follow Him, and to walk with Him, 38:34 and that He was going to be with me in all the confusion, 38:37 and then He was going to walk with me. 38:40 It's as though the devil was not going to let me go. 38:45 And if he could not entice me, and lure me, and deceive me, 38:50 he would turn to violence. 38:52 And that man, that I was deeply in love with, has turned on me. 38:57 And by the time we got through that episode, 39:03 I look like I'd been in a car wreck, I was, 39:05 I was almost killed in that process. 39:08 The Lord spared my life, 39:10 but He let me go through that trauma. 39:13 And I think He allowed me to go through that trauma 39:15 to wake me up, 39:17 to see who I was really dealing with, 39:20 and that I really was in bondage, 39:22 and that I did need miraculous deliverance. 39:26 And when I walked away from that relationship 39:28 to accept Jesus Christ, 39:33 I turned away and never went back. 39:35 I went home and all of the sudden 39:37 the reality hit me that, 39:39 "Wait a minute, am I never gonna know 39:41 what it's like to love again? 39:43 Am I never gonna have somebody hold me in their arms 39:46 and tell me that they love me? 39:48 Am I never gonna know what it's like to hold somebody 39:50 and to lavish them with love too?" 39:54 I love Jesus 39:55 and I wanted to serve Him with my whole heart. 39:58 It's like, "How could you ask me 40:00 to do such a thing? 40:01 How could you ask me to give up something that was so good?" 40:05 Until one of my friends told me, 40:07 I said, "How could God, 40:10 if He really wants me to give up, 40:12 being homosexual, 40:15 how could He ask me to just give that up? 40:18 Like what? 40:19 That's like, who I am, how could He asked that of me?" 40:23 And she said, "How could you give up anything 40:28 for someone you don't know?" 40:32 And I said, "I know who God is," 40:33 and she said, "No, you know about God." 40:38 She said, "You have no idea who He is, 40:40 you have no idea what the character of God is, 40:42 you don't know anything about Him." 40:45 You know that He created the world which you believe. 40:48 And you're coming to terms with the fact 40:51 that He's not gonna force you to do anything 40:54 you don't want to do. 40:55 And she said, "That's really all you know about Him." 40:58 And that just blew my mind. 41:02 Like that there was more to God than I'd ever realized, 41:05 that He may possibly have like a whole persona about Him 41:10 that I was just completely unaware. 41:12 And it totally made sense, like I would never give up 41:14 who I am for someone I don't know. 41:17 See, I thought all along 41:19 that God wanted me to be straight 41:21 and like many, a gay person, I was praying that prayer. 41:25 God, please make me straight and I know so many out there 41:28 that have prayed this like. 41:30 Well, God didn't make me straight, 41:31 so, you know, it's His fault not mine. 41:35 And, you know, 41:36 it was like a lightning bolt experience to me. 41:40 God is not all about your sexuality. 41:45 The enemy has convinced you, had convinced me 41:49 that my identity was in sex, in my persuasions, 41:53 in my quest for where I matched up sexually 41:58 rather than in my identity in Jesus Christ. 42:03 This is not about sexual persuasion, 42:05 but this is about finding out who I am 42:09 in accordance with God's plan. 42:12 And I remember going into my kitchen 42:15 and mixing myself a double Midori Margareta, 42:18 and I went back to the living room 42:20 and sat down with my margarita, and I lit up a cigarette, 42:24 then I opened the Word of God and I started reading. 42:27 I think the Lord just met me where I was. 42:30 And it's difficult as it was and I went into this trembling 42:33 and certainly not faithful and perfect, 42:36 but I began this commitment with Jesus and it was messy, 42:40 it was pretty messy. 42:42 I would go to church and feel just too holy, 42:44 and I would get out of church, and even before I go home, 42:47 I would go to the gym and act out in the sauna, 42:51 or the steam room, and I would go home, 42:53 and I would just say, "Are you happy, God? 42:54 This is who I am. 42:56 This is your little, 42:57 your new little lamb for your flock", 42:59 and I would, you know, just say, "You still want me? 43:04 'Cause everybody else rejected me, 43:05 everybody else turned their back on me, 43:07 you want to go too now?" 43:09 And each and every time His answer was always the same. 43:15 I still if you, Mike, get back up. 43:19 Walk with me. 43:21 Let's go through this together. 43:25 It wasn't until I found the answer 43:29 that I was looking for in the face of Jesus Christ 43:32 that I really started experiencing contentment, 43:36 that life with Christ 43:39 and being close to God was enough. 43:49 I found myself on my knees at the end of my bed 43:54 and I said, "God, I don't know how you could forgive me 43:58 for doing so many things that brought shame to You, 44:02 that hurt You 44:04 because this isn't what You wanted for me. 44:06 I've wasted all these years in my life. 44:09 I've dedicated my life to self pleasure 44:13 whether it was through drugs, or alcohol, or sex, 44:16 or doing all kinds of things to gratify me, 44:20 certainly not to please God." 44:24 And I had read enough at that point 44:26 where I knew that Jesus' 44:29 whole purpose of going to the cross 44:33 was to pay for what I had done to Him. 44:57 He said, "You're My son, 45:01 and I don't condemn you as a sinner. 45:05 I died for your sins, 45:06 but I ask for you to give yourself over to Me 45:10 because there's a better way 45:12 than the way that you've experienced. 45:15 I shed My blood for you 45:18 so that you can claim this victory. 45:21 It's freely yours. 45:23 All you have to do is give your heart to Me." 45:32 I'd like to say that I got baptized 45:35 and I came up out of that water ready to date and marry woman, 45:39 but that would just was not my, 45:43 my reaction and I think anyone realizes that 45:45 that when they get baptized about 15 minutes later 45:48 you realize that God doesn't take away 45:50 your history or your memory. 45:52 The question comes to mind, you know, 45:54 do you go under the water gay and come up straight, you know, 45:58 that disappointed a lot of people. 46:01 Thankfully, I think God had prepped me for that. 46:04 He wanted me to give the sex over to Him, but He, 46:06 but that wasn't what gonna be the issue 46:07 that we were gonna be working with, 46:09 we're gonna be dealing with developing 46:12 the intimacy with Him, 46:13 and Him being in charge of all aspects of my life. 46:17 So I mean I certainly wasn't tempted 46:19 just by sexual issues. 46:21 And by attaining a girlfriend or a wife 46:25 was certainly not gonna put like an affirmation that, 46:30 "Oh, now I'm redeemed", you know, 46:32 because there's certainly a lot of people, 46:34 probably even viewing this today, that are saying 46:37 "Marriage isn't the antidote for sin." 46:41 You know, as I tell this part of my story, 46:44 I've been asked many times, 46:46 "Did the Lord just take homosexuality away from you?" 46:50 And I say, "Well, no, He didn't." 46:55 And I've talked to many friends and people that say, 46:58 "Well, you know I prayed for years 47:00 that the Lord would just take this away." 47:02 And He doesn't 47:03 so He must just want me to be this way. 47:05 He must have made me this way. 47:08 Am I still tempted? 47:11 Are you kidding me? 47:12 My response to people today that think I shouldn't be 47:15 because I gave my life to Christ just, well, are you? 47:20 You see, why would it be fair for Jesus 47:22 to take my temptations away and not take yours away? 47:26 I gave up on God 47:28 because he did not remove my tendencies, 47:31 my inclinations, and my temptations. 47:34 But as I studied His Word, I never could find any promises 47:39 that he does remove temptation. 47:43 That's not His role. 47:45 Jesus came to save His people from their sins. 47:50 And He promises that His grace is sufficient. 47:53 I want anyone to know 47:56 that has lived in the gay culture 47:59 for a very long time 48:00 that if you're looking to go back to Christ 48:03 and seek His will instead of what comes naturally to you, 48:07 I'll tell you who is gonna try to get in the way. 48:10 And that's the devil. 48:13 He doesn't give up easily. 48:14 I was desperate to be secure in my sin. 48:17 I did whatever I could. I was, I was... 48:20 tell me lies, tell me lies, lie to me. 48:23 Tell me that I can still keep my boyfriend and, 48:25 and keep my Savior. 48:27 And you know something? 48:29 I was sincerely seeking Jesus because I was experiencing Him. 48:34 And if I chose to keep my identity, I could, 48:37 but I could not deny the fact that His Word says 48:41 that it's a sin. 48:42 That it separates me, that it's damaging, 48:45 that it doesn't give me ultimate fulfillment. 48:48 When we go back to the Word of God, 48:50 the question that needs to be asked is this. 48:52 Is this a relationship that pleases God? 48:55 Because if it's only one person 48:57 that's needed to lay the deception 49:00 and you believe it, 49:03 he's got you. 49:05 You know, God gave us the Bible 49:07 to show us where the safety lies. 49:10 He gave us His commandments as instruction 49:13 for us to be safe. 49:16 To stay away from the things that will only wound us 49:19 and that will bring death into our life. 49:22 There are consequences for choices 49:25 that I've made in my life. 49:26 Jesus said, "Yes you're gonna have temptations in life, 49:29 but I don't force you to act on these temptations. 49:32 And when you acted on them for many years of your life, 49:35 so I have the stain of sin on me, I have scars on me." 49:40 Sin is bondage, so anything 49:42 that God describes in his word as bondage, 49:45 He doesn't want me to partake in it 49:47 so that I can really have freedom, 49:49 true freedom and liberty. 49:50 Christ came to bridge that gap for us, 49:53 to cover that cast and that's been opened up 49:55 as a result of sin. 49:57 Christ bridges that gap 49:58 and allows us to come back to God. 50:00 And experience eternal life through him with God. 50:04 If a visitor comes to our church, 50:06 I want him to find it a safe place to hear 50:11 the words of Jesus in their purity. 50:15 We never know when someone might come into our church 50:18 that really, desperately needs help spiritually. 50:24 And our churches need to be safe places for them, 50:28 to find healing for their soul, 50:30 to find victory in Jesus Christ. 50:34 Because it's time for us to talk about this, 50:36 it's time for us to offer help to the church members 50:39 to be able to relate, 50:40 and it's time to offer help to the people who feel 50:43 that they need change in their life 50:44 and that they want to overcome this. 50:47 And that's why I think it's important for me 50:49 to share this kind of ministry. 50:52 It was amazing to me. 50:54 I still marvel at how the Lord worked in my life. 50:59 Within one year after my leaving the gay life, 51:03 I was surprised at how the Lord led me 51:07 into meeting a lady 51:10 that I had known since childhood, 51:13 and the Lord brought us together. 51:16 We dated, we became engaged. We married. 51:20 I prayed earnestly 51:22 that the Lord would give me a second chance with family 51:28 because I had squandered the beautiful gift of family 51:30 that he had given me in my youth. 51:33 And the Lord has since blessed us with two beautiful children. 51:37 Even though I've also had attractions to men, 51:41 that doesn't mean 51:42 that it's just immediately easy for me, 51:45 and I can just go and find a husband, 51:48 and move forward in life. 51:49 I've chosen to not allow myself 51:52 to be focused on sexuality anymore. 51:54 Not allow myself to be focused on marriage anymore, 51:58 but to just place my life completely in the hands of God, 52:02 I have purposed in my heart that sexuality and marriage 52:05 will not be a focus in my life anymore. 52:08 I'm still very convinced that the Bible is true. 52:11 And if I were to go back fully to religion, 52:14 it would only be to what the Bible said, 52:16 like I'm not interested in open interpretation here. 52:20 Like if it says it and I'm gonna be religious, 52:22 I'm gonna do it. 52:24 It's just coming to a point where I'm ready to say, 52:30 "I want my life to line up with the Bible." 52:32 It is not lining up, 52:33 so I'm gonna give these things up, 52:35 like I'm just not there yet. 52:37 What, as a gay person does it mean to come back 52:40 and give your life to Jesus? 52:43 If that means being lonely for the rest of your life. 52:47 I know this is what a lot of gay people 52:49 have contemplated, 52:51 and what a lot of heterosexual people 52:53 have even gone as far to say, 52:55 you know, that's just not fair. 52:58 It's been something that I have grappled with 53:01 in my experience of walking back 53:04 with Jesus Christ today. 53:07 But the promise from Jesus is that He will never leave us 53:10 or never forsake us. 53:13 And that even in our darkest hours, 53:15 when our feelings tell us that we're alone, 53:18 it's still a lie from the enemy because the truth 53:20 is that Jesus does say that He's still there. 53:24 My sexual preference was only always same sex. 53:28 I never experienced anything else 53:30 and my orientation now is not in my sexual desires 53:35 and I may struggle with attractions 53:37 to the same sex for the rest of my life. 53:40 One of the things that I know 53:42 is that whenever I feel emasculated, 53:44 whenever I feel like I don't measure up as a man, 53:48 then what happens is 53:50 same sex attraction starts to come back. 53:53 And so what I do is, I can go to my Father, 53:56 and I can get down on my knees and I say, 53:58 "Lord, will you remind me again that I'm your man? 54:02 Will you remind me again 54:03 that you made me male for a reason?" 54:06 And He's quick to respond, 54:08 and, "Yes, Mike, you're my man." 54:14 I share my testimony today, there's many people 54:16 that come and identify with the fact that, 54:18 "Hey, I'm not gay, 54:20 "but you were certainly talking to me 54:22 because you were talking about surrender 54:25 about abiding in Jesus Christ 54:27 about submitting yourself to Jesus, 54:30 and letting him have control. 54:32 And so today, as I identify in a new life 54:37 with Jesus Christ, 54:39 I have to say that my identity 54:41 is that I am indeed a new creature 54:44 which is what 2 Corinthians 5:17 tells me. 54:48 2 Corinthians 5:17, 54:50 "Therefore if any man be in Christ, 54:53 he is a new creature." 54:55 It's a new creation. Christ is the creator. 54:58 If we are in Christ, we are a new creature, 55:00 a new creation. 55:01 "Old things are passed away, 55:03 behold all things are become new." 55:06 When I use that argument all those years 55:07 that I was born this way. 55:10 Jesus has a combat to that. 55:12 He simply says, "Well, then be born again." 55:16 You now stop blaming your heritage 55:18 even if you are born that way. 55:20 Jesus came to show us that we can be born again 55:23 and we can start over. 55:27 The 1 Corinthians 6:9-11. 55:30 You know, a lot of times we've heard nine and ten, 55:34 and tells us, you know, who will be received in 55:37 and to have and who won't be. 55:40 And it's clear that, He says 55:43 that homosexuals will not enter into heaven. 55:47 But verse 11 says, "Such were some of you." 55:52 That tells me there has to be healing, 55:55 there has to be an understanding, 55:56 there has to be a change, what is the changes? 55:59 Is that from gay to straight? 56:03 No. 56:05 It's about allowing Jesus to come into your life, 56:09 and to develop that intimacy with Him, 56:11 getting to know Him, and seeking to do His will. 56:15 If He is who I've been reading that He is, 56:18 it all makes sense. 56:20 Like He is all knowing, and all loving, 56:23 and willing to take you back 56:25 and it's nice to have somebody who, 56:28 if I don't want Him there, He's not gonna push, 56:32 but if I do, He is completely and totally willing 56:36 to just pick me up, dust me off, 56:38 and walk with me. 56:40 What are you willing to give up for Jesus Christ? 56:43 What are you willing to give up to please Him? 56:46 What are you willing to do that will bring glory 56:49 and honor to His name? 56:51 And if it's too much for you, 56:54 if you wanna cling to something that it appears 56:56 that doesn't bring Him honor and glory, 56:59 He won't take it out of your hands, 57:00 He won't force it away from you. 57:02 He will invite you, but the decision, 57:05 that's the one thing we did arrive with, 57:07 even though we arrived with a fallen nature 57:09 and the stain of sin on us. 57:11 He has given us the power of choice. 57:14 I can either choose for Him or I can choose for self. 57:18 I like God to show me 57:21 that when I really started opening up myself 57:24 and making myself the most vulnerable 57:26 I've ever been in my entire life, 57:27 that what I get instead is not rejection 57:30 but acceptance, 57:32 belonging, love, 57:35 peace, safety. 57:38 Because, you know what, 57:40 now that I've told you my whole ugly story, 57:42 somebody could walk up to me and say, 57:44 "Mike, you're nothing but a faggot," 57:45 and I go "Well, you know, 57:46 without Jesus Christ you're right, 57:48 that's probably all I would be." 57:50 But, you know, I'm something so much more, 57:51 not because of what I've done. 57:53 I don't deserve what God has given to me. 57:55 I certainly couldn't earn it, there was no way 57:57 that I could ever change my attractions but, 58:00 by praising each and every day 58:01 That he's given me something above and beyond anything 58:04 that I ever felt that I deserved 58:07 or that I could ever attain to, 58:09 all because I accepted the gift of His Son, Jesus, 58:13 and the sacrifice that was made for me. 58:15 For the first time in my life 58:19 I truly am 58:21 who I am. 58:37 The long battle is now behind 58:42 No more need to be brave 58:46 For though we walked through darkest nights 58:51 Now we walk into endless day 58:56 Can you hear the voice of Him 59:01 Singing as we come 59:06 Can you feel the love of Him 59:11 Calling His daughters and sons 59:15 Look at every glowing face 59:20 None tell of troubles or fears 59:25 For though we walked through thorny ways 59:29 Now we walk through fields of flowers 59:35 Can you hear the voice of Him 59:39 Singing as we come 59:44 Can you feel the love of Him 59:49 Calling His daughters and sons 59:54 Look around, everywhere to see 59:59 Is beauty without stain 01:00:03 For you the Father of life is king 01:00:08 And forever more to reign 01:00:13 Father we could hear Your voice 01:00:18 Singing us through the night 01:00:23 Just the knowing of Your love 01:00:28 Gave us the courage to fight |
Revised 2017-04-03