Participants:
Series Code: TDYL
Program Code: TDYL250005B
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00:10 Friends, welcome back to the second hour of To Have and To
00:14 Hold On. 00:16 If you missed the first hour, you've got to catch it back. 00:19 When it's re-aired again, you've got to get that. 00:21 We've been talking about to have and to hold on. 00:23 Now, there are no perfect marriages under the sun because 00:26 there are no perfect people. 00:28 The longer you've been married, the more you get to know how 00:31 much you don't know. 00:33 I remember one pastor said, for the person who thinks he knows 00:38 his wife, he doesn't know math and he doesn't know women. 00:42 Now, really, two and two is always four, but your wife is 00:46 always somebody different as time goes on. 00:48 I'm going to mention this at the top of the program. 00:50 Before I do that, though, I want to go ahead and 00:51 reintroduce our couples. 00:53 If you missed the first hour, right in front of me is the 00:55 Thomas's, Durell and Sasha Thomas. 00:57 Can they have you here? 00:58 12 years of marriage. 00:59 12 years. 01:00 Yes. 01:01 You're beautiful children. 01:01 Oh, Lord. 01:02 That's right. 01:03 And Ian and Angela VandeValk. 01:05 17 years, two beautiful children. 01:07 They're two twos. 01:08 They're still here. 01:09 Still here. 01:10 Still the one, right? 01:12 Yeah. 01:13 Holding on. 01:13 Always holding on. 01:15 Exactly. 01:16 And, honey, I can't believe we're going to 42. 01:19 I'm shocked. 01:20 Why is it that you're not Asian? 01:22 Oh, yes, I am Asian. 01:25 My knees tell me, but you know, one day I said to my husband, 01:29 you are the love of my life, and I mean that, you know. 01:34 He is. 01:34 He is the love of my life. 01:36 That's why we're still. 01:37 Stop looking at me that way. 01:39 Make me blush. 01:42 But we love each other, and we do for each other. 01:45 As we all mentioned, we do for each other in spite of, if 01:49 you're angry, you still, you know, you do, you cook, we do 01:53 whatever. 01:54 And so we have a little system. 01:55 When I'm cooking, he's cleaning. 01:57 That's right. 01:58 We're going to have company. 01:59 And so we appreciate each other, and we know our 02:04 strengths and weaknesses, exactly. 02:06 So everyone has strengths and weaknesses, right? 02:09 And like that, too. 02:10 Yeah. 02:11 Oh, stop. 02:13 No, he's flirting with me. 02:16 It's impossible to look into my wife's eyes and not feel that 02:19 there's way more beyond after those eyes, a heart that is, we 02:23 met each other at 16 years old, and the rest is history. 02:26 We dated off and on for nine years, but man, I'm so glad 02:29 that I hung in there. 02:31 Her brothers would always try to find ways to get rid of me. 02:33 Yeah, they did. 02:34 They always, five Jamaican brothers, always protecting 02:38 their sister. 02:39 Brothers on steroids. 02:40 Yeah, brothers on steroids. 02:44 All of them strong. 02:46 Yeah. 02:49 grief for taking seven, so thank you for taking one for 02:52 the team there. 02:53 Seven. 02:54 Eight months. 02:55 Yeah. 03:00 He knew this was it. 03:01 Nah, I'll need to wait. 03:03 But then again, you were not 16. 03:04 Yeah. 03:05 Right. 03:05 There you go. 03:06 That makes the difference. 03:06 We were just 16. 03:07 You dated a while. 03:08 Yeah, we started dating when I was 21. 03:11 Oh, yeah, you could have been married a while now. 03:14 Yeah. 03:15 Yeah. 03:15 But you're married now. 03:16 We are. 03:18 Women are usually ready, you know. 03:19 Yeah. 03:22 Yeah. 03:25 Doral was different. 03:26 Yeah. 03:27 He was searching for a wife. 03:28 But you know, I think it was because I grew up, I grew up 03:30 with my grandparents and then between my grandparents and my 03:33 mom, but because I had a broken home, I think I always had a 03:38 desire to have something that I saw other, like I would see 03:41 other kids at school, like you know, they would have this 03:44 thing called 100 men on campus, and people would have their 03:47 dads come to campus, and I'm always like, man, I wish I 03:50 could have my dad there. 03:52 So I think as I got older, that was just my drive. 03:55 I want to find a wife. 03:57 And most people my age, they were about money and all of 04:01 these other types of things, dating, yes, but not finding a 04:04 wife. 04:07 last, because I was just driven to find a wife, like too 04:12 serious, too fast. 04:14 I just went out to lunch with him once, yes, ma'am. 04:19 Women would be like, nah, you just had a sandwich with him. 04:25 It's like a marriage, but hey, all the ones the Lord didn't 04:30 want you to have ran, the ones the Lord wanted you to have 04:33 stayed, the couple you guys are. 04:35 You know, you guys are like a subtle constant heartbeat, and 04:40 I could just see the connection you both had. 04:42 And firm in your parenting, you don't yell at your kids, maybe 04:46 at home, but if you do it in public, you give them a look 04:50 like... 04:51 They know the look. 04:52 I've seen that look in me, that look. 04:54 Yeah, that look can reach, I don't know, it could probably 04:56 reach a mile, because across the room, they know. 05:00 Oh, they know. 05:03 I saw Noah bring the phone to you the other day. 05:07 She knew exactly what you meant. 05:09 She laid that phone down really, really solid. 05:13 It didn't look at you, it just walked away. 05:14 It's enough, it's enough. 05:16 What a wonderful couple. 05:17 And we see the dynamics, but let's talk about something, 05:21 because you guys were not on the same page doctrinally when 05:25 you got married. 05:29 might say, well, my husband or my wife wasn't from my church. 05:33 We were totally different in our beliefs, but God brought us 05:37 together. 05:40 Sure. 05:42 Well, like I said, I was a foot in the church. 05:45 I didn't want to live this worldly life, but it just had a 05:48 hold on me, and I was kind of holding on to it. 05:51 So doctrinally, we were unequally yoked, and we had 05:55 discussions about it, and we saw our differences, but I 05:58 would say otherwise, we were kind of equally yoked, because 06:01 we were kind of living this worldly kind of church life. 06:06 There were some things that I, like practices that I 06:11 participated in that she didn't necessarily participate in, 06:14 like drinking and things like that. 06:17 You, Durell, I can't agree. 06:20 I praise the Lord for deliverance from it, but back 06:23 then, I was still, even though I was having health challenges, 06:27 it's just something about stubbornness. 06:31 I still wanted to drink and party, because that was like my 06:34 liquid confidence. 06:39 and this was probably around the time that we were starting 06:43 to get to know each other. 06:44 Well, even before that. 06:46 This is like the beginning. 06:49 And I remember I was standing there, and I had a few drinks, 06:52 and I was feeling confident, and I said to her, because I 06:57 got a ride with a mutual friend, so I said to her, you 07:01 know you're taking me to my house tonight. 07:03 She's going to drop me off to my house tonight. 07:05 And she looked at me like, who are you? 07:10 Who are you? 07:12 And so I thought that that was what I needed in order to 07:16 obtain the woman that I wanted, to have that confidence. 07:19 And I remember me trying to get her to drink and stuff like 07:23 that. 07:27 And I praise the Lord that it got to a point where there was 07:32 one time I came to her house, and when I showed up to the 07:35 house I had had a few drinks, but I didn't want to appear 07:37 like I had been drinking, because I knew that that ruined 07:40 relationships in the past. 07:41 And she was, to me, I just felt like she was the one, right off 07:46 from the start. 07:48 I had had, at that point I had other options. 07:52 But as soon as I met her, I said forget about everybody 07:56 else. 07:56 She's different. 07:57 She actually laughs at my jokes. 07:59 I mean, she caters to me, and I'm just like, whew, I don't 08:08 want to mess this up. 08:09 And so I remember showing up to her house, and because I had 08:12 had a few drinks, she opened up the door, and she had this dog 08:17 named Cheyenne, called a Chey, and she comes to the door, and 08:22 obviously my wife's name is Sasha, and so I look at the dog 08:26 and I say hey Sasha, hey Sasha, and then she's looking at me 08:31 with kind of like this smirk on her face, and I'm like, what 08:35 did I say? 08:36 And obviously I gave it away that I had been drinking. 08:38 Did you call her dog? 08:39 Yes. 08:41 But I kid you not, at that moment I was so embarrassed, I 08:50 was so embarrassed and fearful that I would lose her that I 08:54 never drank again after that. 08:56 I quit, and I never drank after that, and I praise the Lord for 09:01 that because I think her lifestyle was an example to me, 09:06 because I realized that, sorry, I realized that because she 09:09 didn't drink and all of that type of stuff that I had 09:11 dabbled in, you know, she was actually on a higher spiritual 09:18 plane than I was, so it was calling me to come up higher, 09:22 and then when we And finally, when I started coming to her 09:28 church, there was an evangelistic series that came 09:30 up and that was where the rubber met the road because 09:34 there was a point midway through the series where I'm 09:38 attending and I'm attending because the girl's going, she's 09:42 coming to the series. 09:43 But then she had to go overseas for a trip and I was like, 09:47 well, do I keep on going? 09:48 And I praise the Lord that I kept going because it really 09:51 set me up for the future. 09:52 And, you know, it to me that took me to a higher place in my 09:58 in my experience, although there were still some things to 10:01 be transformed in me as time would go on. 10:05 I know that there was something that you had said that you 10:08 wanted to. 10:09 Yeah, a point at which our paths kind of I saw they were 10:13 going on the same direction in a positive direction. 10:16 Some couples have the testimony that they never kissed before 10:19 they got married. 10:20 Well, we didn't have that. 10:22 It was any young couples watching. 10:24 If you can wait, wait. 10:27 But so I felt like we were just moving too fast in that way. 10:32 And so I was praying about it. 10:34 And while I was praying, I heard my phone buzz like a 10:36 message was coming through, but I kept praying and I was like, 10:39 Lord, how am I going to talk about this with him? 10:42 Like, how am I going to bring this up? 10:43 I finished praying. 10:44 I looked at my phone. 10:45 It was a message from the route talking about the exact same 10:48 thing, saying we're moving too fast. 10:50 And, you know, yeah, that was the point I knew. 10:56 Like, I knew that the Lord was in this and pointing us in the 10:59 right direction. 11:00 Amen. 11:01 So what could be broken? 11:03 The Lord could fix it. 11:04 Yes. 11:08 But if we are open to the Spirit's voice, obvious in this 11:11 situation, what's on your heart is also on his heart. 11:14 And here you are today. 11:15 Yes. 11:16 They were unequally. 11:17 You were out in the world at that time when you met. 11:22 Yeah. 11:23 So in a way, I guess you could say we were equally yoked 11:26 because we were both, you know, she was raised at Venice. 11:29 I was raised Catholic, but neither of us were really, you 11:31 know, in the church. 11:33 So for Angela and I, we pretty much were, we were in the world 11:37 and I brought her more into the world because that was my 11:40 scene. 11:43 So it was Miami, Fort Lauderdale area. 11:45 It's the nightlife, the party and the clubbing and dancing 11:48 and you name it. 11:49 And so that's kind of what I brought her into even more so. 11:54 And then later on in our relationship, she went to an 11:59 evangelistic series and that's where she came home. 12:02 And she basically told me she had recommitted her life to the 12:05 Lord. 12:09 Wow. 12:09 She said that. 12:10 She said that. 12:11 How was that Angela? 12:12 How was it? 12:13 Tell us about that moment. 12:14 Were you married at the time? 12:15 No, we were dating. 12:16 Yeah, we were dating for a long time. 12:19 And no, we, I went to evangelist series and I had 12:23 hoop earrings and smoking and I just, yes, I was smoking and 12:28 drinking. 12:29 I just went as I, as I was. 12:31 And I went in and God changed me. 12:34 God completely changed me. 12:35 And my cousin invited me. 12:37 I went and I just fell back in love with Christ. 12:41 And I told him, I remember I was at my aunt's house. 12:44 In Florida, in Fort Lauderdale. 12:47 And I said, things are going to change. 12:49 I said, I still love you, but I said, God comes first. 12:52 And he will always come first. 12:54 And he respected that. 12:55 He really did. 12:57 So what happened? 12:58 Did you start going to church? 12:59 I started going to church and you know, that's when our 13:03 relationship kept going up and down, up and down, up and down, 13:06 up and down. 13:08 Yeah. 13:11 leave him. 13:12 And yeah, y'all, you know, you're on equally. 13:14 You should leave him. 13:15 But God just kept keeping us together. 13:19 He just, it never like, even when the pastor, I was like, 13:23 yeah, that sounds right. 13:25 But then in my heart, God just kept putting me to love him. 13:28 And I just had this unconditional love for my 13:31 husband. 13:31 Yeah. 13:32 Since the beginning, I just always loved Ian. 13:36 He just, he had my heart from the beginning. 13:39 So it was a journey for you. 13:41 It was a journey. 13:42 Yes. 13:42 Yes. 13:46 Wow. 13:47 11 years. 13:48 11 years. 13:49 What was your pivotal point, Ian? 13:51 In our relationship? 13:51 Yes. 13:54 Yes. 13:55 Well, um, it, it, you know, what I tell people is that 13:59 there's some in this world that kind of need what I call a 14:02 Nebuchadnezzar effect where you have to hit rock bottom. 14:05 Yeah. 14:10 the army at the time and we were married. 14:11 Yeah, we were, we were married. 14:13 I was in the army and, um, my wife, we, you know, we had all 14:17 sorts of issues in our marriage and at the, at that same time, 14:22 my mother was passing away. 14:23 She was struggling with cancer and she was admitted into the 14:26 hospital. 14:29 of this. 14:32 lose my wife. 14:33 I'm about to lose my mother. 14:34 The two most important women in my life are going to be gone. 14:37 And I hit absolute rock bottom and I wanted to take my own 14:40 life. 14:47 I was stationed at for suicide watch. 14:49 And then when I was released four days later, my mother 14:52 passed away. 14:53 And that just kind of snapped me out of everything. 14:56 I saw relationships. 14:57 I saw the world from a completely different 15:00 perspective than I had ever seen it before. 15:02 And I, I cherished our, our marriage. 15:05 I realized life is just too short and I don't know what's 15:07 going on. 15:10 her, but I was more of a seat warmer. 15:12 I had no desire to know God. 15:13 I was just kind of, all right, I'll go and just keep you 15:16 happy. 15:19 are we getting out of here and, uh, you know, it just, but the 15:22 Lord kept leading. 15:23 And that's, that's what it took. 15:24 I had to hit rock bottom and say, you know, things are going 15:27 to change. 15:31 little by little. 15:34 just little by little, and I just, I saw my wife, I saw my, 15:39 my relationship with her and, and with the world completely 15:42 change. 15:47 series with her, gave my heart to the Lord. 15:50 Um, and then that's where our marriage really started to, to 15:53 begin its journey of really learning how to love each 15:57 other. 16:01 uh, it was, that's when things started to, to come together. 16:04 When God was in the middle of both of us. 16:06 Were you really happy, Angela, cause you finally won in 16:10 Christ? 16:11 Yes. 16:13 different, um, learning experience as well. 16:16 Cause you're learning how to, you know, come together as a 16:20 family and have worship. 16:22 It's so nice, you know, when the head of the house, which is 16:26 the husband, the, yeah. 16:28 And he's like, okay, it's Sabbath. 16:30 And it's like, Oh, you've been waiting to hear this for so 16:32 long. 16:33 It was just a peaceful. 16:34 There's nothing like it. 16:36 When you're together and he's the one now, he's like, you 16:39 need to hurry up for church. 16:40 We can't be late. 16:43 But this is for couples. 16:45 We talked about this, didn't we? 16:46 There's some couples, they'll just stay home with each other. 16:49 Yeah. 16:53 Bible talk about one has to be strong. 16:55 You encourage each other to say, no, come on. 16:58 If they don't want to go, you go to church. 17:01 He does. 17:01 Like he's always encouraged. 17:03 Sometimes I'm not just like tired. 17:04 He's like, well, I'm going. 17:05 Yeah. 17:08 be with you. 17:09 Yes. 17:09 So yeah. 17:10 Yes. 17:13 So it's so important to get your children involved. 17:16 My son runs audio for church. 17:18 I love Thompsonville because they just, all the kids are 17:21 like running everything and they love. 17:23 My son loves going to church. 17:25 He doesn't want to miss it. 17:26 He feels like he has a purpose and it's beautiful. 17:28 And how old is he? 17:30 Liam's 15. 17:30 See, a teenager. 17:31 That's right, an age. 17:36 glad you brought that point up, when I look back into my life's 17:39 past, her siblings tell me she was always the one saying, you 17:45 need to study your Sabbath school lesson. 17:46 You need to go to the church. 17:48 You need to return your tithe and offering before us. 17:51 So she had in her what the Lord knew I needed, because even as 17:55 a pastor, there were times and I'm so tired. 17:57 And she would say, let's read our Bibles. 18:01 And then this is late at night. 18:02 I said, I'm just so tired. 18:03 She said, let's read our Bibles. 18:04 And then she would start a fire that will last for the next few 18:07 hours. 18:13 I can't miss this point. 18:14 Now, when she said, okay, what was it? 18:16 Oh, you got, oh, you started a fire last night. 18:18 Let me tell you what I learned. 18:19 And that's what I need as a pastor. 18:21 Some pastors don't have that. 18:23 We read our Bibles together. 18:25 We pray together. 18:25 We travel together. 18:26 We have fun together. 18:28 And that's so vitally important to keep a relationship strong. 18:30 I just want to want to echo that because with, you know, 18:33 since God coming into our lives and into our marriage, you 18:36 know, God has used us powerfully in ministry, you 18:38 know, taking us places. 18:40 I never thought we would go. 18:41 And we even traveled to another country to do a camp meeting. 18:44 And it's always my wife is there to support and to, you 18:48 know, to help. 18:53 And she just encouraged me. 18:54 And there's times where even when I doubt myself, she's 18:57 there to encourage me and I'll say things, you know, I know 18:59 there's, there's no way I can do that. 19:01 And she'll be like, you know, there's, God's calling you and 19:05 you need to do it. 19:06 And so she's encouraging and helping me. 19:08 And then it's just being in ministry with my wife is, it's, 19:12 it's an amazing thing. 19:14 When you come together with God at the center, because I still 19:18 remember you shared something at somebody's, I think it was 19:21 wedding and it talked about the triangle and just, you know, 19:24 when God's at the top and then you have the husband and the 19:27 wife and as the two of them are, are growing closer with 19:31 God, so does the marriage grow closer. 19:33 They grow closer. 19:35 come into our lives where that same thing, we're both 19:38 searching for God as a family and he's just catapulted us and 19:42 taken us places. 19:43 And I love being in ministry with my wife. 19:44 And this, this is a pastoral team, everyone. 19:47 I always said that there's a church out there for them 19:50 somewhere pastoral team. 19:52 She's a, she's a wonderful pastor's wife. 19:55 I've always said that. 19:56 And he's a wonderful pastor. 19:57 So I know the Lord has plans for you. 20:00 And by the way, when they mentioned they're from Bermuda, 20:03 I was saying only as you stay in the triangle, 20:09 I don't want to mess up the flow, but the Lord found you 20:12 both here and you move toward the Lord together and look at 20:15 you today. 20:21 helped to bond us. 20:23 A lot of the ministry that we've done lately has been 20:25 working with kids. 20:27 I never saw myself working with kids. 20:30 I was an early child for most of my life and very selfish 20:33 probably. 20:34 And so when it came to children, I mean, I had my own 20:36 children, but still it's just like, can you just let daddy be 20:41 by himself? 20:43 Meanwhile, mommy's just, you know, have the kids all around 20:45 her all the time and she just wants a free moment. 20:47 And daddy, you know, just anyway. 20:49 So I never saw myself working with kids, but there's been 20:53 something special about, yes, it's, it's been rewarding to 20:56 work with the kids because it's helped to soften me. 20:57 But I think also my wife, my wife has been there to be that 21:02 strength and that support. 21:03 I would never have. 21:04 I don't think I would have ever done it had she not been there 21:07 by my side. 21:08 As I watch her working with the kids and all of that, it's 21:13 almost like the same thing with singing. 21:15 I was always on the sidelines watching my wife, you know, 21:17 she'd sing up front for special music and all of those types of 21:20 things. 21:23 and I'm just like, oh no, just a thought. 21:25 That I was going to be singing with my wife. 21:28 I said, oh, okay. 21:29 It's fine. 21:36 the message. 21:37 Yeah. 21:40 together in ministry, specifically as a couple, it 21:43 takes your relationship to the next level. 21:46 I mean, it's very hard for you to work together in ministry 21:49 and to have that connection with God and then to have a 21:53 broken marriage. 21:55 Right. 21:56 Because God's consistently working on both of you 21:58 individually and then he says, come together and work. 22:01 And a lot of times we could, let's say we have differences 22:05 or something like that. 22:06 The Lord will arrange it so that we have some form of 22:09 ministry to do together. 22:10 And he's like, well, work together. 22:16 And you guys have had the same thing like almost every time 22:18 before we preach a sermon. 22:20 What happens? 22:21 Something's always happened. 22:23 Devil attacks. 22:24 But that's how it is in ministry. 22:26 And, you know, since we're talking about this, I want to 22:28 make sure I tell, you know, those who are watching, you 22:31 don't have to be in a ministry like 3ABM as a couple to 22:35 minister. 22:39 together, get in personal ministries, do Bible studies 22:41 with another family. 22:43 You know, get involved that way. 22:44 You don't have to be in a ministry, a worldwide ministry 22:47 like 3ABM. 22:48 You don't have to join some of these other ministries that are 22:50 out there. 22:54 way. 22:58 challenges along the way. 22:59 The devil hates it. 23:00 Absolutely. 23:00 But you know what? 23:05 away some of those impurities, some of those things that, you 23:09 know, that God's allowing to happen and saying, you know, 23:11 you still have this thing about you. 23:13 And it just reveals things about your own character. 23:15 And you're saying, okay, God, I got that one, you know. 23:18 And we recently have gone through a struggle, but it 23:21 showed us in many ways where we still are lacking and where we 23:25 need to go to God more as a couple and as individuals. 23:30 So even though we're talking about being in ministry and 23:33 here at 3ABM, I just really want to encourage you at home. 23:36 Get involved in something together because... 23:38 Get your children involved. 23:39 Oh, get the children involved. 23:40 And just when you start to do that, your marriage will start 23:44 to come together even more. 23:45 And there's going to be hiccups. 23:46 There's going to be some walls in the way. 23:48 But once you've gotten through them and those strongholds have 23:51 been brought down, it's going to build you as a much stronger 23:54 couple together, loving each other more and being more 23:58 Christ -centered as a married couple. 24:00 That's right. 24:01 That's right. 24:01 It's beautiful. 24:02 I mean, it's amazing where we're headed. 24:04 And I think that we're going to request that we do this almost 24:07 a couple of times to go to all the other areas. 24:11 But so if you notice what's been talked about, you don't 24:14 have to be identical for the Lord to make you one. 24:17 That's the one thing I want to encourage people. 24:19 Don't, you know, if both of you are exactly the same, one of 24:22 you would be unnecessary. 24:23 You don't want somebody exactly like you. 24:25 My wife is opposite to me in so many ways. 24:28 I don't think. 24:29 We are completely opposite. 24:30 So you two, opposite attack. 24:32 And it's good because... 24:34 And the other thing I want to bring out is, don't say I'm 24:37 looking for someone else, my brother-in-law, he always 24:40 laughs, we always laugh about this. 24:42 He said, he met a guy who got married and he said, did you 24:46 say to your wife, you complete me? 24:48 Because if you're looking for somebody to complete you, 24:51 you're looking for the wrong reason. 24:53 You've got to be complete in Christ before you look for 24:57 someone else who's broken like you to complete you. 25:01 And so marriage is not 50-50. 25:03 As I mentioned, you don't know Matthew, you don't know women, 25:05 you don't know each other. 25:06 Hundred percent. 25:07 You build your relationship with the Lord. 25:09 She builds her relationship with the Lord. 25:11 And what I love about my wife and man, I could walk in the 25:14 room and say, I just read this, I just had this devotion, I 25:16 thought, you want to read it? 25:18 Go ahead and read it to me. 25:19 And her Bible, she's on her next Bible. 25:21 This is the one that's falling apart. 25:23 No, this is my Bible actually. 25:24 No, this is yours. 25:24 Mine is that one. 25:25 See, we both are highlighted so much, I can't tell the 25:28 difference between one or the other. 25:29 And so that really keeps us together. 25:31 Let's read another chapter, let's read another chapter. 25:33 I love it. 25:33 We read the Bible together. 25:35 Together. 25:36 Yeah, we're in the book of Luke and we read together. 25:39 We'll read, say it's what, 20 verses. 25:42 Okay, you read 10, I read 10. 25:44 We try to break it down into cadence here. 25:46 But I want to bring out something. 25:47 You want to hit that real quickly? 25:48 Well, yeah, because before we jump to, I don't know when 25:51 we're going to jump to another topic. 25:53 But since we're still, you know, we're talking about at 25:55 the end of when things, you know, have worked out when 25:58 you're unequally yoked. 25:59 So I want to also give encouragement to those who 26:02 might be watching and maybe you're still currently 26:05 unequally yoked. 26:07 And as it worked out in my own marriage, I want to give you 26:10 this hope and encouragement. 26:11 It comes from first Corinthians, chapter seven and 26:14 verse 16. 26:16 And it says, for how do you know a wife, whether you will 26:19 save your husband or how do you know a husband, whether you 26:22 will save your wife? 26:24 So I wanted to bring that out because you're seeing what's 26:27 happened after the effect, after God has taken a hold of 26:31 both of us. 26:35 in the church and my husband's not, or I'm in the church and 26:38 my wife is not. 26:43 together can have. 26:44 I know God kept us together and now I can see why. 26:48 And my wife can see why despite all the difficulties and all 26:50 the trials that we have gone through, both of us can look at 26:54 and see why he's brought us together and kept us together. 26:56 And it's because to save the other. 27:00 My wife, I can say, you know, God used my wife to save me. 27:04 And, you know, I'm thankful every day that she's in my life 27:08 because I don't know where I would be without her. 27:11 And God used her to help me bring into the church and see 27:14 Christ for who he really is. 27:17 I want to say one more thing to encourage our viewers. 27:22 And Ellen White, it says, Through difficulties, 27:24 perplexities, and discouragements, may arise let 27:27 neither husband nor wife harbor the thought that their union is 27:32 a mistake. 27:33 Or a disappointment. 27:36 What's that from? 27:37 Um, M.H. 27:38 360. 27:41 Ministry of Healing, page 360. 27:43 Right. 27:44 So which brings me to a perfect segue. 27:49 When God allows you to be lawfully joined together and 27:54 you commit to that journey together and difficulty arise, 27:57 don't say it was a mistake. 27:59 The Lord allowed that difficulty to arise because he 28:02 knew there's something in me. 28:04 There's something in you. 28:05 There's something in each one of you that he says, I got to 28:07 refine you a little bit more. 28:09 And I can tell you through the years of ministry, there have 28:11 been many points of refinement to get to the place where you 28:14 look back on now and say, like I said, to some of the young 28:16 pastors, when you get some scars, come back and talk to 28:19 me. 28:20 And it's going to be enthusiastic. 28:21 But sometimes the Lord has said, you need a lion. 28:24 You need a bear. 28:25 You need a leopard. 28:26 You need yourself, you need yourself a Delilah. 28:29 You need yourself a Goliath. 28:36 The Lord took David through all of that for later on the Lord 28:40 to say to him, to Solomon, if you would walk in my 28:43 commandments like your father David did. 28:45 And David, Solomon probably said, you talking about my dad, 28:47 David? 28:49 No, that's not the... 28:50 God can so completely restore you that you look back and he 28:54 will now use you as an example to strengthen others. 28:57 So I want to use the segue now. 28:58 Let's talk about the top 10 reasons why relationships 29:00 disintegrate. 29:02 This is going to be a good one. 29:03 And if we don't get to the rest of it, we're going to just kind 29:05 of jump along here. 29:06 But let's just go around the table. 29:08 And honey, well, I'll just throw the first one. 29:11 Let's look at the first one. 29:12 Let's just go around the table one at a time. 29:14 You have the outline there with you? 29:15 Yes. 29:15 What's the first one? 29:16 So the first one is lack of trust. 29:18 Okay, ladies, let me hear what you have to say about that. 29:23 Communication. 29:24 Okay, well let's start with the lack of trust. 29:25 Well, I think when you don't communicate with your husband 29:29 and they are not trusting the other person, I think 29:33 communication is important. 29:35 You know, if your husband's going somewhere and he's not 29:37 telling you where you're at, you're losing that trust. 29:43 Communication to me is important. 29:45 And you know, you need to trust your husband and your spouse 29:48 and keep that trust. 29:50 I think that's so important to keep that trust. 29:53 It's hard to build back. 29:55 Because I lost that with him and it took a long time. 29:59 And that's why I'm saying communication because when I 30:01 lost that trust, the way I got it back was through 30:04 communication, through him talking to me. 30:06 And that's how we worked it out and that's how we have the 30:09 trust we have for today. 30:11 And that's important. 30:12 We have a thing called on our phone. 30:14 It's a little tracker, don't we? 30:19 People think that we're crazy because they say, you know 30:23 where she is? 30:23 People say that. 30:25 Well, it's not because I'm just trying. 30:26 I'm not and vice versa. 30:29 You know, if ever there was a time that we needed to know 30:32 where each other was, we just look at it. 30:36 And most of the time it's used because my kids want to know 30:40 where mommy is. 30:41 If she goes to the grocery store, right, when's mommy 30:43 going to be home? 30:45 Immediately I go and show them. 30:47 But it's been a blessing to be able to have that. 30:50 But that level of trust like I said, it's not overbearing or 30:55 anything. 30:57 Not trying to keep tabs on her too. 30:59 But you know, it's just that level of trust that we have. 31:03 I think trust comes with respect also. 31:06 You know, you have to trust and respect your other person. 31:09 You know, now I just respect him and trust him. 31:12 And you know, if he says this and I respect that's what he's 31:15 doing. 31:18 liar? 31:19 Right. 31:19 He opened. 31:20 Just say it even if it hurts. 31:23 Say it. 31:24 Talk about one of the things that we've learned in our 31:27 marriage is to just be deadly honest with each other. 31:32 And a lot of couples don't want to go through that furnace to 31:36 be refined. 31:38 If you are willing to go through that furnace, you will 31:41 be refined. 31:42 And so that's where trust gets built. 31:45 That's where trust gets solidified. 31:46 Go through that furnace. 31:47 If it's a tough thing, talk about it. 31:50 And a lot of people don't resolve issues. 31:52 They push them under the rug or under the bed. 31:55 I don't want to talk about it. 31:57 Well, you can't really build trust if you don't want to talk 31:59 about it. 31:59 That's right. 32:02 I'm not doing this as a counseling session, but you 32:04 cannot ignore an issue and expect to build trust because 32:09 it takes you to the next one. 32:11 What's the second one, Sasha? 32:13 Suspicion. 32:16 I would say a similar thing as Angela said. 32:18 Just if suspicions arise about anything for whatever reason, 32:23 communicate, talk about it and be open with one another. 32:26 And you'll find that in a good relationship, the suspicions 32:29 are really unfounded. 32:31 You have no reason to have them. 32:33 But just be open and communicate to your spouse 32:36 about those things. 32:37 Even if you don't want to. 32:40 Yeah, we were talking about an instance where, let's say, the 32:44 wife might be starting to work out more and she's doing her 32:49 hair better. 32:51 And it's like those suspicions arise when in one instance, 32:56 let's say a hypothetical situation, a husband isn't 32:59 really maintaining those attentions or those affections 33:02 that he was supposed to. 33:03 And now she's doing these things to try to feel good 33:07 about herself. 33:08 And automatically the husband's going to think, oh, why are you 33:12 doing all this? 33:13 You're making yourself up and all this type of stuff. 33:15 You must not be. 33:17 Yeah, but if that communication was there, then those 33:23 suspicions would evaporate. 33:24 And it's just like, oh, you just want to be fit. 33:26 I want to get fit, too. 33:30 Well, those first two that we brought up, the lack of trust 33:33 and suspicion, it couldn't create a lot of anxiety within 33:37 a marriage. 33:39 And while those two things exist, there's going to be a 33:42 lot of friction, a lot of questioning, a lot of doubt. 33:45 And as those things begin to linger, and if you don't 33:48 address them, as we've been talking about with that theme 33:52 of communicating, if you don't address them, it just builds 33:54 and builds and builds. 33:55 And that anxiety level gets even higher. 33:58 And it just creates now other things become a problem that 34:01 shouldn't even be a problem in the first place because you now 34:03 have a lack of trust and now you're always suspicious of the 34:06 other person. 34:10 things. 34:11 In the interest of time, go to the third one now. 34:13 Let's look at the third one. 34:14 Not being heard. 34:15 I know that's one I often hear from my wife. 34:18 I'll be honest. 34:19 She's like, you're just not listening. 34:21 I say that, I used to say that too. 34:25 And I'm like, yes, I am. 34:26 You said this, this, this, this and this. 34:28 I heard you. 34:28 So why are you not answering me? 34:32 That's how our communication goes. 34:35 But it is something that even after 17 years of marriage and 34:39 being together, what, 20 years? 34:42 It's, well, no, more than 20. 34:44 Being so what I'm basically trying to say is just, you 34:48 know, now we're still learning on that even after all this 34:51 time about not being heard. 34:53 It's still a pattern. 34:54 You know, I'm still like, and I've gotten better in some 34:57 areas. 34:57 You have, you have. 34:58 Thank you. 34:58 I appreciate that. 35:02 I realize my husband can't read my mind. 35:07 Did you hear that? 35:09 Ladies, don't ever say you should know by now. 35:14 That is, that is, nobody is a mind reader. 35:17 That's right. 35:18 You should know me by now. 35:19 No, I've always said a couple, if you don't ask for what you 35:22 want, don't be shocked if you don't get it. 35:25 You never get to the point where you can predict. 35:27 Now, and basic things around the house, we're not talking 35:29 about that, but we all evolve and we become different and 35:32 stronger and weaker in other areas. 35:34 So don't ever say, why didn't you know? 35:37 Because you didn't tell me. 35:38 That's what simply the response needs to be. 35:40 Right. 35:44 recognition because most men, maybe not all, but I, you know, 35:49 most men, and I've seen this analogy before where in our 35:52 minds we go to specific boxes and we can only go into one box 35:55 at a time. 35:59 We can't be in all the different boxes at the same 36:01 time. 36:02 We're in one box. 36:07 then this is what I'm in. 36:08 And if I don't respond, chances are I didn't hear you. 36:12 It's in that box. 36:14 Unbox yourself. 36:16 So it's also good for the wife to recognize if that's how her 36:22 husband is, to make sure that whatever it is that you're 36:26 addressing or trying to communicate, that he is focused 36:28 on you because I could be in, I could even be looking at her 36:32 and I'm still in this other box while she's telling me. 36:34 Oh, yeah. 36:35 We've had that experience. 36:39 So it's just recognizing these things and not allowing them to 36:43 unfold into something that really shouldn't be there. 36:45 Just address, okay, he's in whatever box that he's in. 36:48 Let me bring you back in and handle it that way. 36:51 I think it also involves the things that you don't say as 36:53 well. 36:54 Right. 36:56 If you're so busy, focused, like you could be on your 36:59 device or whatever and you just don't recognize that she's, you 37:02 know, huffing and puffing around the kitchen and saying, 37:05 you know, how can he be over there? 37:07 He knows that he hasn't done. 37:10 And, you know, if we take that time to recognize not only the 37:13 words but also the body language, it helps to improve 37:16 that communication and to eliminate the boundaries. 37:20 Yeah, because I've heard my wife say to me, you know, and 37:22 now it's working. 37:26 And she said to me, I think it was a few days ago, maybe last 37:28 week, she said, thank you for listening. 37:31 Oh, I did, I did. 37:33 And so we get cookies for that. 37:35 Thank you for listening. 37:36 And I get a little kiss. 37:38 Yeah, yeah. 37:39 I look forward to when I hear those words. 37:41 You do listen, babe. 37:43 Stop. 37:44 Me too. 37:45 Let's look at the other one. 37:47 What's the fourth one, Angela? 37:48 Taken for granted. 37:51 Taken for granted. 37:53 Yes. 37:56 Try your best to guard from getting used to each other. 37:59 One of the dangers in any relationship is when you think 38:02 they'll always be there, he'll always be there, she'll always 38:05 be there. 38:08 So I've learned now, sometimes Angela would say, why are you 38:11 looking at me that way? 38:12 I said, you just, honey. 38:17 And she'd say, you're making me uncomfortable. 38:19 It does, so she'll give me that look. 38:24 Or getting ready to go somewhere. 38:25 And I said, she said, should I wear this? 38:28 I said, honey, you need to wear that. 38:32 I mean, we really admire each other. 38:33 And then she'll say, sometimes she says, sometimes you're up 38:36 front speaking to us. 38:37 She'll say, what do you say? 38:39 What do I say? 38:42 That's my husband, my husband. 38:45 Yeah, and sometimes on Sabbath morning, he'll come out and I 38:48 say, you look like a new penny. 38:51 He said, am I going to be a dime one day? 38:55 Because we all, we see each other through changing moments. 38:58 Yes, we're getting older, you know. 38:59 But even not getting older, we see each other changing pre and 39:03 post brushing teeth. 39:05 We do. 39:06 You're saying you're the in pajamas and then in suits. 39:08 The worst and the best, yeah. 39:10 So we got to, couples, you got to get used to. 39:12 Appreciate each other. 39:13 Appreciate your spouse through all the changes because 39:16 sometimes a guy will go to work and he'll have a secretary or 39:22 she'll have a boss and the boss is always sharp and the 39:25 secretary is always dressed and they'll say, wow, my wife never 39:28 looks like that or my husband just never keeps himself. 39:32 So I have a whole seminar where I talk about, talk don't forget 39:35 to keep grooming yourself. 39:37 Some husbands just forget about deodorant after the fifth year. 39:39 Up in mercy. 39:41 My wife says, honey, this guy has a nice scent. 39:45 You have a bad odor. 39:46 There's a difference between an odor and a scent. 39:48 I mean, if you're being very candid. 39:51 So, you know, the thing that you attract, the thing that 39:53 attracted you to her, keep that thing going. 39:57 So I said to my wife, you want a new dress? 39:59 You want to get your hair done? 40:00 I'll take you, you know. 40:02 This evolution is something that has to keep going and it 40:05 builds so that you don't feel that you're being taken for 40:08 granted. 40:14 compliments when they come. 40:16 Accept it. 40:20 I'm not where I want to be. 40:22 You know, I know sometimes the ladies. 40:25 They do that. 40:27 Yeah, I'm so fat. 40:29 I'll say that. 40:30 I'm so fat. 40:30 You're so beautiful. 40:32 I'm like, I look like a cow. 40:34 I'll say that, too. 40:35 I love you. 40:36 And he'll say that. 40:37 I say, don't say that about yourself. 40:39 Because you know words in the word is life and death are in 40:44 the power of the tongue. 40:46 You become, you start dogging yourself. 40:48 I said, don't dog yourself like that. 40:51 Honey, you know, we all go through changes and you love, 40:56 we all go through changes. 40:58 I would have to say almost every morning, I won't say 41:01 every morning, almost every morning while I'm getting 41:03 ready. 41:04 And she says, hey, babe, or good morning, babe. 41:06 What is it that I say? 41:08 Good morning, beautiful. 41:09 Every morning, I'm just like, good morning, beautiful. 41:11 You're so sweet. 41:12 You know, and I mean it. 41:13 It's not just, and I think that goes. 41:16 He says, good morning, hon. 41:17 Every morning. 41:20 I'm like, here we go again. 41:23 And I'll say it to her. 41:24 She said, again. 41:25 Again. 41:29 Every single day. 41:30 I love that. 41:32 You know, those little compliments. 41:33 And, you know, I'm heartfelt when I say these things. 41:36 I'm not just tossing it to the wind. 41:38 It's just, you know, I mean it. 41:40 This is my wife. 41:41 He's such a morning person. 41:42 He's just, he wants to hug me and tell me how much he loves 41:45 me. 41:50 Take those hugs. 41:52 They're scaring you safe on the days when he's not home. 41:54 I'm just like trying to wake up and he's like, baby, hello. 41:56 He's already walked the dogs, cooked the breakfast, 41:59 everything. 42:03 Good husband. 42:05 And so, Sasha, do you see those in Darrell? 42:07 Yes, I am. 42:08 I can be down on myself sometimes, especially as I'm 42:11 approaching my 40th year. 42:17 But yeah, I can be down on myself, but he's very 42:20 encouraging. 42:21 Make sure to know that, make sure to let me know that I'm 42:24 beautiful in his eyes. 42:26 And yeah. 42:27 Let's all hug our wives right now. 42:30 Oh, for the camera. 42:31 Let's just get a hug. 42:32 All of us. 42:33 I call that recharging my back. 42:35 And I read a survey one day by a psychologist. 42:38 He said, sometimes relationships suffer from a 42:40 lack of touch, a lack of touch. 42:43 There was a hospital survey done by one nurse actually told 42:45 the story. 42:48 children, and they were trying to figure out what to do to 42:51 help this kid. 42:52 She just decided to start hugging the children and 42:54 talking to them. 42:57 They said, why is it that when you're on staff, these kids are 43:01 just, she said, because what medicine are you giving them? 43:03 She said, just touch, just hug them, just talk to them. 43:07 And the same thing works in a relationship. 43:09 Okay, what's the next one, honey? 43:10 Number five. 43:11 Don't care. 43:13 I just don't care. 43:14 You don't care anymore. 43:16 You just kind of give up. 43:18 I don't care. 43:18 I think a lot of marriages get to that. 43:20 They get to that. 43:21 I don't care. 43:22 That's sad. 43:23 You have to fight against that. 43:24 This is the devil. 43:26 You have to fight against that. 43:27 Yes, that don't care attitude. 43:29 Do something nice, like don't think of yourself. 43:34 Think of the other person and do something nice. 43:36 Try to get them the care. 43:38 Right. 43:38 You have to care. 43:40 That usually comes after an extended period of something's 43:45 lacking on one side or on the other. 43:47 And then one of the spouses one day will come home and say, 43:50 Hey, I just bought a new car. 43:51 I don't really care. 43:53 Why are you not happy? 43:54 I bought you a car. 43:54 I got you a house. 43:55 I got you a job. 43:58 And I've heard wives say that I even heard husbands say this. 44:02 I don't want stuff. 44:03 I just want you. 44:04 I don't need anything new. 44:07 I just want you to talk to me. 44:10 And sometimes they'd say, why don't you say that? 44:13 I've been saying that for the longest, but you're so busy 44:16 buying me stuff. 44:18 I don't care about that stuff. 44:19 I just want you. 44:21 It's that love language. 44:22 Yes. 44:23 And mine is always like him cleaning. 44:27 I love it. 44:28 That makes me the happiest person in the world. 44:32 So before, before he was in the turn, he wouldn't, I mean, the 44:36 dishes were never done. 44:38 And then I started to notice that he, when he started 44:41 changing, I would come home and he would come home from lunch 44:43 and do the dishes because he knew I, that's something I, you 44:47 know, I was very like the dishes need to be done. 44:50 And he started to care. 44:51 And that's when I started seeing him turn is when he 44:54 started caring and doing stuff. 44:56 But before he didn't care. 44:57 You do dishes? 44:59 No. 44:59 Every day. 45:00 He does it. 45:01 He will go in there and do a cooking. 45:03 He calls it Hurricane Angela. 45:04 Hurricane Angela. 45:06 Yeah, I know what you mean. 45:07 Hurricane Angela. 45:08 And I'm in there washing all the dishes, but you know, now I 45:11 actually get a little bit anxiety when the dish, when the 45:15 dish or the sink is full. 45:16 Just leave it, baby. 45:17 He's like, no, I'm going to clean the dishes. 45:19 So before I didn't care. 45:20 But now it's I'm so invested in it because I know how much it 45:24 means to her to have a nice clean kitchen that I'm so 45:26 invested in. 45:30 to him things like open the windows, clean out, wash your 45:33 dishes. 45:37 grandma. 45:41 But eventually he saw that that is something that made me 45:43 happy. 45:50 So what I would say to all this, instead of the don't 45:53 care, look for that love language that speaks to that 45:55 person, because chances are, like you mentioned before, to 45:58 get to that point, a lot of things had to have occurred or 46:02 a lot of things neglected to get to that point. 46:05 So you might be doing all these things and wondering why is my 46:08 spouse not responding? 46:09 Well, it's because you're not really speaking to what is 46:12 important to her or or him. 46:14 You know, so you need to recognize what the other person 46:16 actually wants. 46:17 And that, again, goes back to pay attention. 46:20 This comes to that love language acts of service, acts 46:24 of service. 46:25 Little things mean a lot. 46:27 And, you know, I'm that kind of guy. 46:29 She would put the food on the table. 46:31 I would remove the dishes. 46:33 You're good at cleaning. 46:34 I'm like Angela. 46:35 He's good. 46:36 I'll do the cook cooking. 46:37 And he's meticulous. 46:39 Clean the top of the fridge. 46:41 Stuff like that. 46:43 Vacuum the baseboard. 46:46 I wouldn't do that. 46:47 I'm not there yet. 46:51 Vacuum the baseboard. 46:52 Take the nozzle off to get that little dirt that's between the 46:55 end of the wall and the floor. 46:57 He said, I said, don't worry about it. 46:59 I got it, honey. 47:00 And the windex on the. 47:02 That's awesome. 47:02 We're working there. 47:03 We're working there. 47:04 Let's go to the next. 47:04 OK, the next one. 47:05 Yours. 47:06 Divided heart. 47:07 Divided heart. 47:08 This doesn't have to mean that somebody else is there, but it 47:10 could be divided spiritually. 47:12 There are some homes that are not spiritual. 47:14 There are hearts. 47:17 Yeah, divided. 47:18 Yeah. 47:18 Totally. 47:20 OK, you got to ask. 47:22 You got to find out what direction each person is taking 47:24 because division doesn't necessarily mean another 47:26 person. 47:27 It could be I'm more focused on job. 47:29 You're focused on kids. 47:31 I'm focused on education. 47:33 You're focused on video games. 47:34 I'm focused on cleaning the house. 47:36 You're focused on talking all day to your friends. 47:39 And, you know, I know a guy actually when I was pastoring 47:42 in California, a wife called me one day and she said, my 47:45 husband broke my iPad. 47:47 And I felt really badly for her. 47:49 I said, is your husband anywhere nearby? 47:50 Could you put him on the phone? 47:52 He said, all day long, I'm trying to get her to just do 47:56 something around this house. 47:57 Wow. 47:57 I come home. 47:58 It looks the same way it did when I left. 48:00 The kids are not clean. 48:01 The house is a mess. 48:02 The food is still in the sink. 48:04 Nothing's been put away from breakfast. 48:05 And what does she do? 48:06 All day long, she's on her iPad playing video games. 48:09 That's why I broke it. 48:10 And I thought, OK, I probably wouldn't have broke her iPad, 48:15 but he said, I just had enough. 48:15 He was frustrated. 48:16 I had enough of it. 48:17 And there's some people that are that way. 48:18 You've got to find out what is causing your heart to be not on 48:21 the same table. 48:22 And in some instances, it's you don't want to communicate. 48:26 You don't want to talk. 48:27 That's right. 48:27 You want to avoid it. 48:28 And I talk about another whole seminar. 48:30 We need to do this again about avoidance and dominance and all 48:34 that stuff. 48:37 everything else. 48:38 They'll work on that card until the wife is snoring in bed and 48:40 then come to bed because they don't want to talk about it. 48:43 So you have to watch out for that one. 48:45 OK, Darrell, number seven. 48:46 Number seven, marital affair. 48:48 And it's I think you've come a long way through all of these 48:54 suspicion, lack of trust to get to that point where, you know, 48:59 I know prior to Sasha and I being together, there were 49:02 times where infidelity was involved in relationships that 49:06 I had, relationships that she's had. 49:09 And you realize that it brings baggage. 49:13 I mean, even even coming into a new marriage, when you when you 49:18 do those types of things, you're bringing things from 49:22 other relationships into your relationship. 49:25 And you realize that now you view this person as somebody 49:32 else who has maybe done something else wrong to you or 49:36 whatever. 49:36 And you can't get past this. 49:39 It's like you put up an invisible barrier. 49:42 So now every time you you speak to someone or something like 49:46 that, it's automatically, are they doing or they are they 49:51 doing the same thing again? 49:52 Yeah. 49:54 But when you when you like I said, when you commit marital 49:59 affairs or anything like that or just an affair in general, 50:03 now you've made a connection with someone else that you 50:06 should have developed with your wife. 50:08 And now, even after that connection, physically may be 50:12 broken off. 50:14 Now, there is a disconnect between you and your wife that 50:17 has to be resolved. 50:18 And I realize like for Sasha and I, because of the 50:24 challenges that I had prior to us getting married, I never 50:28 want to do that to my spouse, to ruin that what we've built 50:35 up over all these years. 50:36 For us, we had verbalized to each other. 50:40 Divorce is not an option. 50:41 But I realize with that covenant that we've made, also 50:47 has to come work. 50:48 Work, a lot of work. 50:50 And so like why you people who have a temptation to be 50:58 unfaithful to their spouse, in that moment, you have to say, 51:03 why am I having this temptation? 51:06 What is it? 51:07 And automatically you might say, oh, my spouse isn't 51:10 fulfilling my needs but what about me in that moment is 51:15 being neglected. 51:18 I think a lot of times, nine times out of ten, it's a 51:21 neglect between you. 51:22 It's a broken relationship. 51:24 And you're trying to fill a void that only God should be 51:26 filling. 51:27 And some people fill it with alcohol. 51:29 Some people fill it with another person. 51:31 Some people fill it with gambling. 51:32 Some people fill it with drugs. 51:35 You got to say that void should be only filled with God. 51:38 And when God fills it, there's no lack here because he 51:41 restores what you think should not be there. 51:44 And another thing, another thing, when you have those 51:47 differences with one another, rather than going and talking 51:50 to somebody else about it, like you mentioned it earlier about 51:54 not talking to your friend about your spouse, rather than 51:57 going to someone else and talking about it, though they 51:59 may listen, they may even give good advice, but it gets to a 52:03 point where now you're stepping outside of the marriage 52:05 covenant. 52:09 God. 52:10 And now you're breaking the relationship. 52:13 And to me, I think you should kind of feel guilty if you've 52:17 done that. 52:22 and told their business as it were to another person, I would 52:26 say even tell your spouse, I'm sorry that I went outside of 52:30 our marriage covenant because it's not just about an affair, 52:34 isn't necessarily about sexual relations and all of these 52:38 things. 52:41 speaking to with your spouse, we're supposed to be a 52:44 confidant for one another. 52:45 There's certain things that should never leave our 52:49 relationship. 52:51 And you know why? 52:52 Because it comes back. 52:54 The enemy would reserve that for the right time and bring it 52:57 back to injure your relationship. 53:00 Wow. 53:01 Now we have like three minutes, four minutes. 53:05 I don't think we're going to get through all the other 53:06 things. 53:09 Career first is another one that just gets in the way. 53:12 People work, work, work, work, work. 53:13 No religion when God is not in the home, the home could get 53:17 destroyed easily. 53:19 And the other one, career over family. 53:22 We're going to be talking about some of these and like I said, 53:24 I like to request another program where we could talk 53:26 about communication. 53:28 So let's just see how much we could do very quickly on the 53:32 love languages. 53:33 Let's go all the way on to number 10. 53:35 So, okay, we're over there. 53:36 Let's start over here. 53:38 Okay, let's start with, I'll give you the first shot, honey. 53:40 Affirmation. 53:41 Okay. 53:42 What does that mean? 53:44 Kind of what we say to each other, you affirm it over each 53:47 other. 53:48 Honey, that meal was so good today. 53:51 Oh, you did that. 53:52 That's affirmation. 53:53 She said, wasn't my dinner good? 53:54 I know. 53:55 I said, do you see any love? 53:58 Affirmation. 53:58 Try to find ways of... 54:01 Encouraging. 54:02 Honey, you're so good at what you do. 54:04 Don't hesitate to say that to your spouse. 54:06 You're so good at what you do. 54:07 Well, I'm not saying you're the best, but you're so good at 54:09 what you do. 54:12 Right now, I won't even compete with her in audio editing the 54:15 way ahead of me on that. 54:17 Affirmation. 54:18 What's next? 54:19 Angela. 54:20 For the next one. 54:21 Time. 54:21 Time is so important. 54:23 You know, I used to, at home, I would just be like, clean, 54:26 clean, clean, clean. 54:27 And then I wouldn't have time for Ian because I felt like me 54:30 cleaning was doing something for him, you know, keeping his 54:33 house clean but my poor little husband, all he wanted me to do 54:36 is come sit by him. 54:49 So now I sit and, you know, we sit together more and that's so 54:53 important. 54:54 Time together is quality time. 54:56 Reserve a date night. 54:58 What's our date night? 54:59 Thursday night. 55:04 Sometimes we do Sunday or Thursday. 55:06 If we can't do Thursday like tonight, we can't. 55:08 We do a Sunday. 55:09 Okay, the next one. 55:11 I'm going to throw it to Sasha there. 55:13 Gifts. 55:14 Okay, yeah. 55:15 Gifts has never been mine. 55:17 Mine would actually be the next one. 55:19 Okay, what would yours be? 55:20 Acts of Service. 55:21 Okay. 55:22 Much to Durell's Disney. 55:24 I think I'm more words of affirmation. 55:27 Words of affirmation? 55:28 Yeah. 55:29 I started out as physical touch but I realize it can change as 55:32 time goes. 55:34 Well, I just said the last one. 55:35 Physical touch is the last one. 55:36 Okay. 55:37 Yeah. 55:38 And then physical touch is the last one. 55:39 So let's do this. 55:40 First Corinthians chapter 13. 55:41 Let's turn there very quickly. 55:42 Quickly. 55:43 Let's see if we can get this in here. 55:44 We could get this. 55:45 If we can't get it all. 55:47 It's only 13 verses. 55:48 Okay, we'll start with Durell. 55:50 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels and have 55:52 not charity, I am become his sounding brass or tinkling 55:55 cymbal. 55:58 mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faiths 56:01 that I could remove mountains and have not charity, I am 56:05 nothing. 56:08 though I give my body to be burned and have not charity, it 56:12 profiteth me nothing. 56:13 Charity suffereth long and is kind. 56:15 Charity envieth not. 56:17 Charity vaunteth not. 56:18 Itself is not puffed up. 56:20 Does not behave rudely. 56:21 Does not seek its own. 56:23 Is not provoked. 56:24 Thinks no evil. 56:25 Does not rejoice in iniquity but rejoices in truth. 56:29 Bears all thing. 56:30 Believes all thing. 56:31 Hopes all things. 56:32 Endures all things. 56:34 Love never fails. 56:36 But whether there be, whether there are prophecies, they will 56:41 fail. 56:41 Whether there are tongues, they will cease. 56:44 Whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. 56:47 And throw it together, honey. 56:48 All of us. 56:49 And now by faith, hope, love. 56:53 These three. 56:54 But the greatest of these is love. 56:57 Amen. 57:00 hold on. 57:04 Amen. |
Revised 2025-02-13