Participants: Cordell Thomas
Series Code: TITTB
Program Code: TITTB000025
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00:01 On Take it to the Bank,
00:02 you'll find ways to get out of debt, 00:09 solve your credit card problems, 00:14 how to make and stick with the budget. 00:19 Simple ways to save... 00:24 buying or selling a home, 00:26 and many more financial matters on Take it to the Bank. 00:31 Hi, my name is Cordell Thomas 00:33 and welcome to Take it to the Bank, 00:35 this is an interesting program, 00:37 which deals with something 00:38 I think will interest all of you, 00:40 it's called financial infidelity. 00:45 I thought I'd give you 00:46 the drama of that type of voice. 00:49 But it's key to understanding something very serious 00:51 in our relationships. 00:53 We are talking about 00:55 top reasons for financial crisis, 00:57 financial issues in people's lives. 00:59 And one of those top reasons has to do with 01:03 not being able to trust in your spouse, 01:08 kind of interesting. 01:09 There's a Bible verse I'd like to start out with 01:10 in this case is from Psalms, 01:12 the Book of Psalms 56:3 talking to about our God. 01:18 It says, "When I am afraid, I will put my trust in you." 01:23 When you are afraid of anything, 01:25 when you have challenges and hurdles to overcome, 01:28 put your trust in God. 01:30 If you have a problem with that, 01:32 or if you have a concern with that, 01:33 I would ask you to go and check out 01:35 your local Seventh-day Adventist Church in your area, 01:37 talk to the pastor about it, 01:39 and seek out assistance from that standpoint. 01:42 Remember, if you need assistance 01:43 with someone who knows about relationship issues, 01:47 and about personal issues, 01:48 and about helping you to develop 01:50 a personal relationship with God, 01:53 talk to someone that knows how to do it. 01:55 And at the church you will find that. 01:57 Now, we are dealing with infidelity 01:59 or mistrust in finances within family settings. 02:03 Did you know that the gender 02:08 that's most likely to have financial mistrust 02:11 or do things that are mistrustful 02:13 in a relationship are the women? 02:16 This is from a standpoint of 33% I believe 02:20 is the statistics to 26% for men. 02:24 But are you guilty of financial infidelity? 02:28 What are the things that cause those type of issues to exist? 02:32 And I think there's a lot of information 02:34 that's out there when we're talking about 02:37 this thing called "trust in a relationship". 02:39 Now, let's take a step back 02:41 and look at what is going on around us. 02:44 So all you can do is go to our website, 02:46 and do a search on financial problems, 02:49 and you see many things come up, 02:50 people going through crisis themselves, 02:53 so the first thing we want to talk about today in 02:56 and mention to you is you're not alone 02:58 if you're dealing with financial crisis. 03:00 If you're not dealing financial crisis, 03:03 it would be good for you to even get in touch with us 03:05 and tell us what you're doing, 03:07 so we can share with others what they can do, 03:09 little tools and tips that people can pick up on. 03:13 There was a story that was out there 03:16 with one individual 03:17 that was dealing with these crises. 03:19 And it was interesting as the story unfolds, 03:21 it talks about a specific situation, 03:25 where the husband and wife sit at the table, 03:28 the wife in this case is the person, 03:31 the only person with a job. 03:32 Of course, of their revenues, 03:34 or their paychecks have been cut in half 03:36 because the husband has lost his job, 03:37 he's currently looking. 03:40 Number 1, when you lose a job, what it seems to me, 03:43 and what I'm hearing since 2008, 03:45 people are taking upwards of 18 to 24 months to find a new job. 03:49 Many are very discouraged, 03:52 don't get discouraged never give in, pray about it, 03:55 and go after the job in a meticulous way. 03:58 But the context is this, 04:01 you and your spouse have to talk through 04:05 what's going on in your relationship. 04:08 One of the top concerns for divorce 04:10 in the United States has to do with communication, 04:13 that is number two on the list. 04:16 The number one concern 04:18 for divorce in the United States 04:19 has to do with finances so they're intermingled, 04:22 they are very closely related. 04:24 It is incumbent upon you to discuss those issues 04:27 and it goes back to one of the biggest things 04:30 that we talk about, 04:31 the priorities that we have to come up with, and it's this. 04:36 All of us should be assessing where we're at. 04:39 If you lose a job, assess again, 04:41 assess because you need to figure out 04:43 where you need to go to make ends meet. 04:45 If you were making $5,000 a month 04:48 and one of the wage earners loses the job, 04:52 then you're going to go down to whatever 04:54 the only sole wage earner is making. 04:57 So if it goes on to $2,500 04:59 and your budget is currently at $4,000 a month, 05:02 what does it tell you? 05:04 Assessing gives you a key component 05:06 to understanding where you need to go. 05:07 Now the next step would be, 05:10 "I need to look at what my expenses are, 05:13 and cut back, and cut back." 05:16 It's essential that you look then at the budget 05:19 that you should have created already, 05:20 if you haven't created it, look at creating a budget. 05:23 Write that down 05:24 as one of the things you should do 05:26 in the very near future. 05:28 Now you know where the money is coming from, 05:31 you may have talents and skills that abound, 05:33 and you might come up 05:35 with a different temporary revenue stream 05:37 that will have helped mitigate some of the losses. 05:40 Now if you've done the planning in accordance 05:42 to what we've talked about, 05:44 you would have an emergency fund set away 05:46 so you could help pay some of those expenses 05:48 on an ongoing basis. 05:50 But we still have the issue to deal with that 05:52 we have $4, 000 of expenses 05:54 and we have $2,500 worth of income. 05:56 We have $1,500 that we have to come up 05:59 with increased revenues, 06:01 increased amount of money coming into the house, 06:03 and decreasing the amount of money going out in expenses. 06:06 And you have to look at a variety of things such as, 06:09 who is cutting the lawn? 06:11 Maybe you were paying someone to cut the lawn. 06:13 Should you be doing that? 06:15 It was interesting because that same question came up, 06:18 the young lady looked at her husband said, 06:20 "Why don't we pay someone to cut the lawn?" 06:22 And you can see the response was quite interesting was that 06:26 a typical kind of deer in headlights type of scenario. 06:30 "I don't know." 06:31 And that is not a good answer to have, especially, 06:34 in a setting where you should be prepared 06:36 that thin line item should have been one 06:39 that you wrote off because my budget doesn't, 06:43 doesn't really account for this at this point in time. 06:46 And there are other things that we can look at, 06:47 but we'll address that in a few minutes. 06:50 But we look at the issue of questioning financial trust 06:56 in a relationship 06:58 and they come up with a few reasons, 07:00 why would you cheat financially? 07:04 Why would you cheat financially? 07:05 There are numerous reasons out there but, of course, 07:10 we come up with five reasons 07:13 why spouses cheat financially. 07:18 Financially. 07:19 One is the lack of trust in the spouse, 07:23 lack of trust in a spouse is the number one reason. 07:26 Now if you don't trust the spouse, 07:27 there is a major concern there. 07:29 What's going on to cause that lack of trust? 07:31 In developing trust with a partner, 07:35 it takes the small things, 07:37 small things help develop the big things 07:39 and those big things develop 07:41 the major standard for the trust 07:42 that you have between two. 07:43 So if you start doing something that's distrustful, 07:47 then it will create that discord 07:49 in the relationship 07:50 and it will provide a reason for distrust to happen. 07:54 Number two, 07:55 reluctance to share with the spouse, 07:58 reluctance to share, 07:59 which goes to the issue of communications. 08:01 If you remember in any of the previous programs 08:05 and I'll reiterate to you that, 08:06 the second most reason for divorce 08:10 is communication or lack thereof. 08:12 If you don't talk with the other person, 08:14 you're growing distant from them. 08:16 And if as I do in some of the workshops that we do 08:23 is tell parents 08:25 that if you're not talking to your kids, 08:29 someone else is communicating with them. 08:33 If you're not talking 08:34 to your young people in your lives 08:36 and we deal specifically with the millennial generation 08:40 and how they relate to their Gen X parents 08:43 or their baby boomer parents. 08:45 And we find that at times there is disconnect. 08:47 If you're a wealthy parent, 08:49 it's typical and we're finding that 08:50 some of the same issues are becoming, 08:52 due not only in under-served communities 08:54 but they're coming due in wealthy areas too. 08:57 When kids don't have things to do, 08:59 when they're not involved with their parents, 09:02 we find little things that happen. 09:04 All you need do 09:05 is to talk to any type of police officer or sheriff 09:07 and he'll give you the warning signs. 09:10 Tagging starts happening in these communities, 09:12 they're finding more of it relevance 09:15 in wealthy communities. 09:17 When kids are left out there 09:19 and they don't have anyone to talk to 09:20 or have anything planned for themselves to do 09:23 during the afternoon timeframe. 09:25 From 2 pm to 6 pm is a critical time, 09:28 when kids get home from school, 09:30 and if they don't have anything to do, 09:31 something is taking their attention. 09:35 The media will 09:36 because kids are gonna sit in front of the TV 09:37 and watch and see things that may be not be appropriate. 09:41 Then, of course, that takes them to other areas, 09:43 what are they taking in? What are they seeing? 09:46 What is going on in those minds? 09:48 And if you're not involving yourself with that... 09:50 Now, when we talked to certain parents, 09:52 what we saw happening was just not appropriate 09:55 because some of the parents would just say, "All right. 09:56 Okay. 09:57 I don't really have the time, I'm still busy with work. 09:59 So here is my credit card, 10:01 go and have fun and spend money", 10:02 which is a mistake. 10:03 Now you're running up debt, 10:05 the kids are involved with going to the mall, 10:07 they're spending money, 10:08 and they think that's a way to solve all of the issues. 10:11 And then, of course, not communicating 10:13 provides a wealth of other issues 10:15 when the simplicity of involving yourself 10:17 with your children, with your family, 10:19 with your spouse, 10:21 and talking through specific issues, 10:23 and talking through the challenging issues. 10:25 Ask the questions. 10:27 When my wife asks the serious question, 10:29 I know I need to answer it, I need to address it. 10:31 Even though at times I'm taken aback, 10:33 and my ego is damaged for a few minutes, 10:35 and I figure, you know what, 10:37 I don't wanna deal with this right now. 10:38 I don't wanna answer the question 10:39 but she's got a wonderful way of playing me, 10:42 she knows how to do it. 10:43 And I come back around and we talk about it, 10:45 and I find out that she's right, 10:47 as she was all the time, 10:49 and regardless you'll see the show 10:51 and so whatever. 10:52 I'll have to deal with that issue 10:54 and communicate with her about it. 10:55 But the context is this, 10:57 we need that avenue to build the relationship. 11:03 My wife and I build our relationship 11:06 through our communication 11:07 and we do it in a wonderful way. 11:10 We use the Bible. I have a Bible on this. 11:12 I use it and take it with me everywhere. 11:14 We have a physical Bible at home, we open it up, 11:16 and we talk, and we convey our thoughts and feelings 11:20 about these specific issues that drive, 11:23 that drive our relationship and help us not only develop 11:25 a closer relationship with each other 11:28 but with God. 11:29 And I would tend to think, 11:31 if you're having a communication problem, 11:32 open up the word, talk to someone about it, 11:35 and find a way to get rid of the walls 11:39 that block your communication. 11:43 Number three, a compulsion to lie, 11:46 a compulsion to lie because you don't feel entitled 11:48 to buy things for yourself. 11:51 A compulsion to lie because of greed. 11:54 Remember, Luke 12:15, this is very important 11:58 because it's not about what you have, 12:00 it's not that's what important. 12:02 Happy people don't worry about the money. 12:04 It's not about greed, 12:06 it's what they are doing with the money 12:08 because they have everything in place. 12:10 Happy people have this countenance about them 12:12 that is amazing. 12:14 Amazing because, you know what, I think I'm gonna go, 12:17 and I'm gonna share my talents on a mission trip. 12:19 I believe I'm gonna take a vacation with my spouse 12:22 and build our relationship. 12:23 It's not about the money it's how they use the money. 12:26 And God is telling us throughout His word 12:29 that it is important, it is a critical concern 12:33 that all of us should begin the process 12:37 of understanding what money is. 12:40 It's not the top priority in life. 12:43 How you use it is critical 12:45 because He's gonna go hold that accountable. 12:48 Number four, 12:49 the spouse doesn't feel like 12:51 you're entitled to buy things for yourself. 12:53 So it's the selfishness issue and then, of course, you know, 12:58 why you're gonna buy that? 13:00 Why you're gonna do that? 13:01 You know, all these questions about 13:02 what are important to you, 13:04 should be important to your spouse, 13:06 and we don't have that ability to convey 13:09 as it's accusatory thing 13:10 where I attack you, you attack me, 13:12 we talk about each other, 13:14 we talk to our friends about it. 13:15 It's amazing when you go 13:17 into uncertain environments with these guys, 13:19 we go to our man caves sometimes 13:20 and we talk about certain things 13:22 with our friends. 13:23 It's amazing what friends will talk about that's going on 13:25 in their personal lives at home. 13:27 And, of course, women do the same things, 13:29 you know, they go and talk about things, 13:30 and you find out stuff from your spouse 13:31 when you get home together. 13:34 And it's quite interesting how all of these things 13:36 can involve things, and money, and finances, 13:41 and the stress that's involved. 13:43 We go to our man caves to share, 13:44 the man caves to watch the football game, 13:47 and do certain things so this is havens 13:48 that you find out a lot of information. 13:51 Number five, number five 13:54 is inability to problem solve together 13:58 about money matters. 13:59 Goes backs to communication, 14:01 goes back to the reason why people have a split 14:04 is because they can't come to an agreement 14:06 and understanding of how we spend 14:08 and how we do things with our money. 14:10 It's critical because you have a spender over here, 14:13 you have a saver over here, 14:15 and those two can't come to meeting of the minds. 14:18 And so we have these problems with finance 14:22 and we have these examples 14:23 that are from real life experiences 14:26 where people are saying, 14:28 "I make $7,000 a month, and I spend $7, 000 a month, 14:33 I am not saving any money 14:35 because this person has their collection of items 14:38 that they continue to purchase, and they won't share, 14:41 and they won't help 14:43 in providing a better environment 14:45 for the whole family, much less themselves. 14:48 Those are the five reasons. 14:49 And when you look at infidelity, 14:51 it comes in many different ways. 14:53 For example, 14:54 I got a call from a retired attorney 14:56 who had lost $450,000 overnight from his 401K virtually 15:02 because, from his retirement, 15:05 because of his habit with day trading. 15:08 A day trading that his wife found out about 15:12 in a happenstance way. 15:14 Now there are many different ramifications to that 15:17 but his whole thing went away because of this hidden thing 15:19 that he didn't let his wife know about. 15:22 The other thing you should be aware of is, 15:24 if the spouse that is cheating also does the tax returns, 15:30 there may be no way for anyone to find out 15:34 what just happened with all that money. 15:36 This is key. 15:39 Do you know that when these situations happen 15:45 the context is it's a dire issue 15:48 when the other one finds out what's going on? 15:52 The key for each one of us to know today is this, 15:55 is that cheating does happen, it happens in relationships. 15:57 We know that because the statistics show us 16:02 that Christians are divorcing 16:07 at a higher rate than agnostics are. 16:09 There are issues in our relationships 16:12 that we should be taking very seriously. 16:15 And this communication concern is critical. 16:19 It's critical because people are hiding things, 16:22 and doing things, and doing it outside of their spouse. 16:25 Now, sometimes you can do it by accident, you know, 16:28 I did it by accident. 16:29 I went out one time, 16:31 I went for the sole purpose of buying something, 16:32 and I saw this, I think it's called, 16:37 well, whatever it's called I'm not gonna name the brand 16:40 but a DVD player. 16:42 And it was on sale, it was perfect price, 16:45 I had never seen it that low. Why am I gonna let that go? 16:47 But did I have it budgeted for? Did I plan for it? 16:51 Was it something that I needed? Did I need the DVD player? 16:55 And as I got home with this box under my arm, then it hit me, 17:00 I'm in the garage and I'm thinking, 17:02 "Oh, man, how am I gonna explain this one?" 17:06 And so what you try to do is... 17:08 I left it in the car. 17:09 I left it in the car 17:10 because I couldn't face the issue. 17:12 I left that DVD in the car for a couple of days, 17:15 and waited strategically for my wife to leave 17:19 and go do something else, that was grocery shopping. 17:22 It's difficult because my wife home schools our kids, 17:24 and when, she's home most of the time, 17:26 and taking care of things. 17:28 So there's no way for me to get it in there 17:30 without her seeing me do it so I waited, 17:34 I waited for her to go out shopping, 17:36 and then I had the prime, prime opportunity. 17:40 So she goes shopping, she goes shopping, 17:43 I waited for her go to shopping as she leaves the house, 17:45 then I go and I take that out of the car. 17:48 Take the DVD player out of the car. 17:49 And it's interesting my approach 17:51 because I am doing everything that a child would do 17:55 to hide their behavior. 17:57 I take the DVD player out of the car, 17:59 I take it out of the box, I take the box, 18:01 and I smash it up, and put it in the recycle bin. 18:03 Of course, I kept all of the documents inside 18:06 to ensure that I know how to put this thing together. 18:08 And then I take this into the house 18:10 and try to put it in an inconspicuous place 18:13 that she can't notice it up 18:14 in where we have our materials that we can play the DVD with. 18:20 And it's quite interesting, I set it up, and I walk away. 18:26 When she came home, she noticed it immediately, 18:29 and she asks, "What is this?" 18:33 And, you know, my first response always is, 18:36 you know, 18:38 "What does it matter what it is? 18:40 I got a great deal on it, but we didn't plan for it?" 18:42 And it's hurtful, you know, 18:45 those simple questions that she asks, "Why? 18:50 Why did you do it? 18:51 How much did you spend? 18:55 Why did you have to get this without us planning for it?" 18:58 And it's one of the key issues how easy this thing called 19:02 trust in relationships can get out of control. 19:06 Of course, we talked through it. 19:08 I was able to rationalize it 19:10 that we did need it somehow for the kids to, 19:13 you know, learn music, 19:15 and to supplement some of their experiences 19:18 with their home schooling. 19:20 But it was a hard learned lesson 19:25 because it did impact the trust between two people 19:30 who had an understanding of the fact 19:32 that we need to communicate, talk to each other, 19:35 and stick with that budget 19:36 that we've talked about all along. 19:39 Okay. 19:40 So what I would like to do is take you to nine reasons 19:45 or things to look for 19:47 when you're looking at infidelity in a relationship. 19:50 Nine signs, 19:53 nine signs of marital infidelity. 19:57 Number one, 20:00 the nine signs would be for credit card statements 20:03 that reflect charges for flowers, and or jewelry, 20:06 and or gift items 20:10 that the spouse did not personally purchase. 20:12 Now this gets even further than just financial infidelity 20:15 but it's using the finance as an area 20:18 that could push infidelity 20:21 even further to marital infidelity. 20:24 But you're seeing these credit card statements 20:27 that reflect changes 20:29 and or charges for those flowers, 20:31 or jewelry, or item things 20:33 that shouldn't even be a part of our acquisition process. 20:38 Financial infidelity is bad, 20:41 but it gets even worse 20:43 when it can be used to engage in other types of affairs. 20:46 Remember, one of the top reasons 20:48 for divorce has to do with lust, 20:51 and out outside relationships within a relation, 20:54 and those all surround issues that can be related to finance. 21:01 But these are the nine things 21:02 that I think be interesting for us to talk about. 21:04 Unauthorized or surprise withdrawals 21:07 from joint bank accounts. 21:10 There is a key element here that as we talk about these 21:15 you can see in some of the examples 21:17 that you see online 21:18 or some of the things that you talk to people about, 21:20 one person in the relationship, one person in the marriage 21:24 has control over all of the finances. 21:26 And I think that one of the problems 21:28 that can drive wedges between people 21:32 is this overall trust in one person. 21:35 And if something happens where that person, 21:37 who is in control of the finances, 21:39 goes to the hospital, is incapacitated for a while, 21:42 the person that doesn't know anything 21:44 has an extreme learning curve to overcome. 21:47 Because they don't know the account numbers, 21:49 they don't know the access points 21:53 whether or not we pay our bills online, 21:55 what bills have been paid, how we handle things. 21:58 And it's incumbent upon us, as individuals and as couples 22:01 that as we communicate, 22:03 that channel of communication has to talk about 22:07 how we deal with financial matters. 22:09 So there should be a conversation 22:11 that you both have. 22:12 When I pay the bills from our online account, 22:14 as I'm paying them 22:16 she's standing over my shoulder, 22:17 and she looking on and "Okay. 22:19 Oh, by the way did you pay the water bill? 22:21 And where is the water bill at?" 22:22 And questions like, 22:24 "Why was the water bill that high?" 22:26 I mean, it's like I have all the answers. 22:28 "I don't know. 22:29 Maybe the kids took long baths 22:31 or maybe we watered the lawn too much." 22:32 But, you know, those type of things 22:34 start the conversation of what can we do to cutback 22:37 so we can make sure that things are in order. 22:41 So share that information, talk about it, 22:44 make sure there is no hidden agendas there 22:46 or reasons for infidelity to happen. 22:50 Number three, deposit slips, or bank statements 22:53 that indicate the existence 22:54 of a previously unknown checking 22:57 or savings account in the wife's 22:59 or husband's name only. 23:01 Now, I don't know, I mean, 23:03 if there's trust in a relationship, 23:06 I suggest even that it's a good thing 23:09 that you have a joint bank account, 23:11 you have your personal bank account 23:13 for your man cave kind of things, 23:14 and she has her own bank account. 23:17 I think that's a good idea 23:18 because she has control over what she wants to do, 23:21 you have control over what you wanna do, 23:23 you manage your own budget, 23:24 and the joint account takes care of the necessities 23:27 such as the mortgage, the heat, the light, 23:30 the gas, and all of those other things, 23:32 and the foods 23:34 so that the family is taking care of 23:35 and then you have your own extracurricular activities 23:37 that you want to pursue outside of making sure 23:39 that you have money going to savings 23:41 and preparing for any kind of unforeseen emergency. 23:45 So I suggest that those are the places that you can go 23:49 to ensure that we are sharing, that we are trusting, 23:53 and that we are providing the opportunity for the spouse, 23:58 whether it would be the man or the woman, 24:00 to grow in their understanding 24:02 of what finance is actually about. 24:03 So there's nothing that's hidden 24:05 and that if something does happen 24:07 both sides are prepared to deal with it. 24:10 Where was I now? I was at number four. 24:12 How about number five? 24:14 No, I'm actually at number three. 24:15 Number four, the liquidation of assets, stocks, and bonds, 24:18 stamp, or coin collections, 24:20 artwork without any plausible explanation. 24:22 If you find the liquidation of assets 24:25 something that happens on a short-term basis 24:29 and you find out this goes away, 24:30 there is something going on, 24:32 there is something going on behind the scenes. 24:34 If you remember, what I said 24:35 that if you two of you're not talking, 24:38 two of you are talking 24:39 but you just not talking to each other. 24:41 And this is a key thing to look 24:43 at in reference to your finances. 24:46 When it pushes itself towards the area of divorce, 24:50 it takes on a whole new element 24:53 because divorce gets very expensive, 24:55 and gets very complicated with the separation of debt, 24:58 the payoff of debt because it doesn't go away, 25:01 and making sure that everyone gets 25:03 what they need out of that. 25:05 But we don't want to go in that direction, 25:07 what we want to do is prevent these financial crises, 25:09 and prevent the eventual demise 25:12 of even a wonderful relationship. 25:14 You had to talk. 25:15 And the first step 25:17 is if you can't talk to each other, 25:19 get some resources 25:21 at your local Seventh-day Adventist Church, 25:23 talk to someone there that maybe helpful 25:25 or can point you into the right direction 25:28 for Christian counseling 25:29 and put you back in the place of conversing, and talking, 25:33 and getting those things out there 25:36 so that they can be decided upon 25:38 and can move you in a proactive direction. 25:41 Number five, 25:42 misrepresentation of or failure to mention 25:47 raises, or bonuses, or overtime pay. 25:51 Why would you do that? 25:52 I mean, I would love to go home and tell, 25:54 "Hey, guess what, 25:55 I just received a 25% bonus or my severance package, 25:58 because I just lost my job, was a tremendous amount 26:01 and we can use it now to plan a whole new future, 26:04 open up a business, do different things. 26:06 The key is this, 26:08 there shouldn't be any surprise 26:10 to your spouse when you have a bonus, 26:14 you should convey that to them. 26:15 If you're not telling them what's going on 26:17 from the standpoint of a paycheck, 26:19 then there's a critical issue to deal with. 26:22 There was a story that we told 26:23 I think in a different program about the family that was... 26:27 It was a case analysis of the family 26:29 that brought in, what, $6,800 a month, 26:32 and they were spending $5,900 of that a month 26:34 of which they were more relying upon more the wife's income 26:40 because the husband's income was being garnished by the IRS 26:45 because they had a $15,000 debt. 26:47 And we talked through the issue of what's important, 26:49 was it his $30,000 collectible 26:52 or was it more important to get rid of that collectible 26:57 in order to pay off this more relevant type of concern. 27:01 But one of the things within that 27:03 had to do with the monies, 27:05 how the money is used, if you get pay 27:08 and get overtime pay, or get a bonus, how to use it. 27:11 And if the two people 27:13 in the relationship are talking, 27:15 then you include the party in how that money is used. 27:21 Does it go to savings? 27:23 Does it go to pay off a debt? 27:26 Do we use it for a vacation 27:27 that the whole family can enjoy? 27:29 But if those things are hidden, 27:31 that's a warning side for something else going on 27:34 and we need to find out a way to talk. 27:36 Now if you wanna talk to your spouse 27:38 and the other one is not talking 27:40 there is, there are things you can do, and again, 27:43 I ask you to go 27:44 get the expert assistance in that, 27:46 don't be afraid to do so. 27:48 Many people are more willing to talk to others 27:51 about relationship issues 27:53 which may be the first step in talking about other things. 27:58 So with that I ask you to take these things 28:01 to the bank and save. 28:03 Thank you. |
Revised 2017-05-22