Participants: Aaron Chancy (Host), Donald Owen
Series Code: TNJ
Program Code: TNJ000059
00:01 The following program discusses sensitive issues.
00:03 Parents are cautioned that some material
00:04 may be too candid for younger children.
00:10 Welcome to the New Journey,
00:11 a program where you'll meet real life people,
00:13 with real life testimonies,
00:14 doing real life ministry for Jesus Christ.
00:16 I'm your host Aaron Chancy.
00:18 Come join us on The New Journey.
00:52 Welcome back to The New Journey.
00:53 On today's broadcast we have with us Mr. Donald Owen.
00:57 Mr. Owen, we like to thank you
00:58 for being on the broadcast today.
00:59 I'm honored, it's privilege.
01:01 All right, all right.
01:02 Just for some general information,
01:03 could you tell us where you're from,
01:05 where you're born and raised?
01:06 I originally born and raised in Lapeer, Michigan.
01:10 And few years ago, I tell you about 16 years ago,
01:12 moved down to Indiana.
01:14 And now reside in Benton, Illinois.
01:16 Okay. Okay.
01:17 What was your early home life like growing up?
01:20 I might say, we were...
01:22 My mother was tried to raise up the best she could.
01:25 She took us to Baptist churches.
01:26 My father, kind of, he fell away from church
01:29 at a younger age, in his early 20s.
01:32 So he really didn't have much to come to church,
01:34 he didn't come.
01:36 But my mom, she would take us to the Baptist churches,
01:38 different churches we bounce around.
01:40 She was actually raised Catholic
01:42 but since she married from outside her faith,
01:45 they excommunicated her
01:47 and so then she had become Baptist.
01:48 Wow. Okay.
01:50 You eventually got into
01:51 drinking and smoking a little bit.
01:53 At what age did you get involved in that
01:55 as well as what motivated that to lead to drinking as well?
01:58 I think it was more of a social thing.
02:00 I was always an introvert as a kid.
02:02 So I had a hard time connecting with people.
02:05 I think alcohol tends to obviously kind of,
02:08 in a sense numb you
02:09 where you can be more socially interactive
02:12 and you can talk to people you feel more open.
02:14 So I started probably about the age of 19, 20,
02:16 it happened more college years.
02:18 Okay. Okay.
02:20 You eventually, though you got addicted to pornography,
02:23 what led you to get involved in pornography
02:26 or be addicted to it?
02:27 Well, I think it's about the age of 14 or 15,
02:30 my brother decided to go down to a local store,
02:33 he shoved a few pornography magazines on his pants,
02:37 came back to our house,
02:39 we had this little shed in the backyard.
02:40 We're about five of us, and our neighborhood boys
02:41 and of course he takes out the magazine
02:44 and here we go, he opens up
02:45 and, you know, the rest is history.
02:48 Pornography started about that point.
02:49 Okay, well, so you're about 14 years old when it started?
02:52 Fourteen, fifteen somewhere at that time, yeah.
02:54 Okay, now talk about how pornography at that age
02:57 had such a strong pull upon your life?
03:00 Well, I saw the road I was going down,
03:02 realizing how addictive it was for me personally.
03:06 Like I said my neighbor,
03:09 there's a young lady as my neighbor
03:10 and I peeked in the windows at times.
03:13 We're talking about the idea of,
03:15 I broke into the home
03:17 and took some things from her drawer
03:18 and that really let me down on wrong path,
03:21 I knew pornography had a really good hold on me
03:23 and also lead me into adult chats,
03:26 talking to women.
03:28 Well, I think of women and adult chats
03:29 and just in progress and getting into the movies,
03:33 watching the movies and toys
03:36 and different things of that nature, so...
03:37 How did you see this addiction
03:39 take over your life in its totality?
03:43 I think it really just kind of destroyed
03:46 my idea of what love truly is.
03:50 I really had a...
03:51 I kind of a low, I guess esteem,
03:55 and also it caused me to see women in a different way.
03:58 Yeah, it was kind of degrading, very degrading to me,
04:02 I mean, I go to strip clubs and watch women dance.
04:05 I mean, it really, just the idea that
04:09 you know, degrading, demoralizing,
04:10 just not really having a full concept of what really love is
04:13 and you get distorted view on what love is.
04:16 Have you found over a period of your life
04:18 while you were involved in or attracted to pornography,
04:23 that this is an addiction that a lot of people have,
04:26 not only males because you hear males talk about it more
04:28 so than females.
04:30 Is this an addiction that you find
04:31 a lot of people suffer from
04:32 but may be just not telling anybody,
04:34 may be because they are ashamed,
04:35 what have you found?
04:37 I would agree with you and that a great question.
04:39 Yeah, I believe that a lot of people had hidden.
04:42 It's easy to hide.
04:43 I mean, you can do it in your house
04:44 and, you know, internet even more
04:46 and this is prevalent,
04:47 what I mean, it's a hidden thing,
04:49 you know, we even like, we're talking about the other day
04:51 the idea of my wife and I
04:52 were partaking of this pornography together.
04:55 You know, women too,
04:57 I know that they also partake of pornography,
04:59 so it's pretty prevalent.
05:01 Now you mention that it's hidden a lot of times.
05:03 Why do you think it's such,
05:05 it's so hidden as opposed to people
05:08 just coming out and saying,
05:09 "I'm addicted to pornography."
05:10 Why is it such a hidden thing?
05:12 And the reason I ask...
05:13 Pornography was not necessarily my thing
05:15 that I was addicted to,
05:16 mine was more drugs, the street things like that,
05:18 and I was pretty open about what I did.
05:20 I don't believe number one,
05:22 in like fake it till you make it type thing,
05:25 and I didn't believe in showing myself
05:28 as one type of person to some people
05:30 and then to others I'm this type of person.
05:32 If I'm gonna be this, I'm going to be, this a 100%.
05:34 You're going to know about it
05:35 and there's really nothing you can do about it.
05:38 There was nothing hidden for me.
05:40 Why do you think it's so hidden among people
05:43 as opposed to people just coming outside
05:45 and, "Look, I'm addicted to this,"
05:46 instead of keeping it like hush, hush or whatever?
05:49 I think it boils down again to the idea of self esteem.
05:53 Really hits on it because some people in my perspective,
05:56 you know, for me personally it was,
05:57 I didn't felt like I was very attractive
05:59 I didn't feel like I could,
06:01 you know, have women in my life
06:03 so it was more easy for me to do that to have this,
06:07 you know, fake fantasy in my house,
06:08 in my room, you know.
06:10 So it's really easy to get to that.
06:12 And I think a lot of people have ashamed too,
06:14 there's a shame involved
06:16 and that they don't want to be exposed
06:18 for getting involved in this type of pornography.
06:22 And I think to again,
06:23 it boils down to degradation of,
06:25 not only women but men.
06:26 Yeah, definitely.
06:27 And God made us, you know, to be,
06:29 you know, respect our bodies, respect who we are
06:32 and here we are, you know, watching this adult material
06:34 that's just really I mean,
06:36 it just destroys your concept...
06:37 Oh, yeah, definitely.
06:39 What love is. Definitely.
06:40 How much of an impact do you think
06:43 your early years of life had upon you,
06:45 even before you said you got the porn magazine
06:48 during the 14 years old,
06:50 but how much of an impact
06:51 do you think growing up in your household
06:53 particularly had an impact on later on in life
06:57 dealing with pornography?
06:58 I think dealing with my father,
07:01 he really never had a role father, role model.
07:04 Actually my grandfather used to run around
07:06 with women all over and used to,
07:08 you know, leave his wife behind.
07:10 And so I think that kind of stem from my dad
07:12 and not having a good role model in his life
07:13 and not knowing how to,
07:15 you know, be a good role model for us.
07:16 He did the best he could what he knew,
07:18 but both, him and my mom both worked full time jobs,
07:21 they're never home
07:22 so we're kind of left to do what we could
07:24 whatever at the house
07:25 and I think that kind of, you know, like it says,
07:27 you know, when David, he stayed back for more,
07:30 I don't mind, do you know what I mean?
07:31 I don't mind and... Yeah, devil workshop.
07:33 There you go.
07:34 Yeah, and you can go right down the wrong path.
07:35 I think a lot of it too back then we'd had a satellite,
07:38 I think with the invention of MTV just came out,
07:42 you know, I remember Madonna and one of the thing she wore
07:45 and, you know, all these things kind of...
07:48 The media really infiltrated my mind.
07:50 It just kind of hook, line, and sinker,
07:52 I just brought into it.
07:53 So you think media had a big part to play?
07:55 Mm-hmm. Okay.
07:56 And I think that also because,
07:58 you know, various people I talk to,
08:00 especially some younger teenagers
08:02 they'll say constantly,
08:03 and I used to say the same thing
08:04 that I didn't think that media had such a powerful effect.
08:07 I mean, after all it just "entertainment".
08:09 You know, we tend to say, "It's just entertainment.
08:11 How harmful can it be?"
08:12 And like you said MTV,
08:14 I used to watch a program on BET
08:17 that used to come on at 2, 3 in the morning.
08:19 It was called BET uncut and it's where at this time
08:23 and it was on for certain reason
08:24 at 2 or 3'o clock in the morning
08:26 because you would see things no one hear
08:28 that you wouldn't see regularly during the day time.
08:31 And it had such a powerful affect upon my life
08:34 and as you stated you look at love differently,
08:37 I looked at relationships differently.
08:39 You know, you look at...
08:40 You almost look at women like they're less than,
08:44 you start to treat them less than,
08:45 you know, because it's amazing what people will do
08:48 for that mighty dollar like people say.
08:50 You know, willing to sell their own soul basically.
08:53 How much of an impact on your life
08:55 or how much finances do you think
08:58 that you've used in the pornography industry?
09:01 And I see how you cut me, so it must be a lot.
09:03 I didn't wanna...
09:04 I don't know, I never had it all up.
09:05 I know like just going to the strip clubs
09:08 and buying, you know, the pornography material.
09:11 I didn't buy a whole lot of magazines
09:13 but I mean I had some,
09:15 you know, my wife and I would read
09:16 pornography material on weekends
09:18 and I used to watch the others.
09:20 So it was a quite a bit I couldn't add up
09:22 on that total monetary value but it's up there.
09:25 It was a lot, it was a lot.
09:26 And I'm sure it was because I know even with,
09:29 if you calculate just like a pack of cigarettes,
09:32 I used to smoke about a pack a day.
09:34 And cigarettes would... when I was buying them,
09:36 they were like $5 and some change a pack.
09:39 So you count that up.
09:40 And if I'm smoking a pack a day
09:42 you count that of seven days and we got $35 right there,
09:46 over a course of a month, over a course of a year.
09:48 So I know any type of addiction you're going to need it,
09:51 it something that
09:53 it's like a beast within you that has to be fed.
09:55 You know, and you have to do something.
09:57 And so when you...
09:58 What point brought you to the realization
10:01 that you needed to break away
10:02 from that stronghold in your life?
10:03 That's interesting you asked me.
10:05 I was going to just add too also the time.
10:07 We're taking up our time,
10:08 we're using our time with things
10:10 that are negative influences that are going in our life.
10:11 And that time is you can't get that back.
10:13 Yeah. You can't get that time. You can't, you can't.
10:15 But the breaking point for me
10:17 was when I was gonna get married to my wife.
10:20 I was still dabbling in internet chats,
10:23 actually got fired from a job for internet chatting.
10:25 They realized what I was doing there
10:27 and took cover of my tracks,
10:28 I actually tried to delete some stuff in my computer
10:30 and destroyed the computer.
10:31 So I came back and they're really like,
10:33 "Sorry, this isn't working out, you're fired."
10:34 So I lost a job because of that.
10:36 Still continued in my next job doing that
10:38 but when my wife and I are really seriously
10:40 getting into the topic of getting married,
10:43 I knew I had to change.
10:44 I know there's some things I'm doing wrong.
10:47 For a person that's struggling with porn addiction
10:49 just as you did,
10:51 what can a person do to break away from that
10:54 or what realization do they need to come to say,
10:58 "You know what, enough is enough,
10:59 I need to break it."
11:01 Because in my life,
11:02 it's kind of like I hit rock bottom.
11:04 We're not actually kind of, I did, I hit rock bottom
11:07 to where there was no looking to the right,
11:09 looking to the left, looking behind me,
11:10 all I could do is look up.
11:12 But what does a person need to do
11:14 with a porn addiction to realize enough is enough?
11:17 What do you think?
11:19 I think personally for me it was desiring something
11:23 greater, a greater hope, a greater need.
11:25 And that came through in February of 2008,
11:29 I actually had a dream and the Lord spoke to me,
11:31 and I was crying out, I was like,
11:32 "Lord, I can't quit this.
11:34 I keep get drawn into it deeper and deeper."
11:36 And I realize that every time I tried on my own,
11:39 I get further into it.
11:40 So then I call out to the Lord, and I said,
11:42 "Lord, I need help," and then in February of 2008,
11:44 I had a dream and the Lord had told me
11:46 specifically in this dream,
11:47 I was in a bar with some friends drinking
11:49 'cause we party at that time too.
11:51 And this old man walked in this bar,
11:53 double doors to this bar, had long white beard,
11:56 long white hair, did not fit the bar scene
11:58 and he walked in and he locked eyes with me literally
12:01 and he said, "God is coming."
12:04 And I just merely sharp on my bed,
12:06 I said something was different about that dream.
12:08 And from that point on,
12:10 I knew that I had to get myself right.
12:11 I knew there was a change and I desired a new desire.
12:15 So I desired to read the Bible actually
12:16 sort of shifting while I was at work
12:18 instead of looking at porn
12:20 I was trying to read Bible book now so.
12:23 Okay. Wow.
12:24 Now, your wife who you're married to now,
12:26 she grew up Seventh-day Adventist
12:28 but eventually kind of left the church for a while
12:30 as a lot of us tend to do.
12:32 You did not grow up Seventh-day Adventist.
12:34 Talk about how y'all meet and how y'all met
12:36 and how both of y'all ended up
12:38 getting involved in pornography?
12:39 Do we have enough time?
12:41 Well, let's see how much we have.
12:43 Oh, well, I met her at a bank,
12:45 I used to do Y2K inventory
12:47 when we had the whole Y2K scare.
12:49 Well, I went to a bank and the guys I was working with
12:52 they said, they're kind of tired of seeing
12:54 just older women that worked at the banks
12:55 and so we went to this particular bank
12:57 and she was young and very attractive.
12:59 And the men came in and they're sure enough
13:01 they're really shocked and pleased but so we...
13:04 She end up asking us to start a club,
13:06 one thing went to other and we end up hooking up
13:07 and so I end up moving in with her.
13:11 My company did not like that too much,
13:12 almost fired me but I was just thankful
13:15 that the Lord worked through that.
13:16 But what happen is,
13:18 I realized that she was a Sabbath keeper
13:20 and the Lord had called me
13:22 and spoke to me and then I started thinking
13:23 well, I know language
13:25 and language spoke to me sabado
13:26 and I thought well, sabado is close to Sabbath
13:29 and I studied from that perspective through language
13:31 and that's what drew me into the truth
13:33 and knowing that she's Seventh-day Adventist.
13:35 But the great thing about us,
13:36 we did a study together called Steps to Christ.
13:38 Okay. Okay.
13:40 And that, you know, really solidify
13:41 not only our relationship with God
13:44 but also our relationship together as a husband and wife.
13:46 Yeah, definitely, definitely.
13:47 So how did you two after meeting, you know,
13:50 how did you two get involved in porn together
13:52 because you're already in it.
13:54 Was your wife already involved in it?
13:56 How do you both y'all get into it together?
13:59 My wife and I, Janelle,
14:01 she kind of went along with what I did,
14:04 as far as pornography is concerned.
14:06 I think it was more of a respect issue,
14:07 so she kind of followed me in that.
14:09 Okay, Okay.
14:10 How much of a demonic pull,
14:13 strong demonic pull do you see that pornography has?
14:17 Not just over your life and your wife's life
14:19 but in general?
14:21 I see the whole degradation of not only women
14:24 as it is concerns the whole,
14:26 you know, the strip club and things like that
14:27 but I see it even now on magazines,
14:29 on TV and radio like, you know, the idea of rap
14:32 and the idea of some of these music,
14:35 it's all over to being infiltrate,
14:36 I mean, you don't hear some of these
14:38 country tunes anymore.
14:39 I mean, you speak, oh, like you know, it's just,
14:41 it's crazy and you go into the grocery stores,
14:43 you look and they've got magazines
14:46 with women have popping all the things
14:47 at children's eye level,
14:49 I mean, starting at a young age
14:50 and you think about to now the idea of some of the things
14:53 we get into as far as
14:55 kids are growing up much quicker now.
14:56 Yeah, definitely. Through the internet.
14:58 I mean, their eyes are being able to see
15:00 so much more when I was a kid.
15:02 Yeah, definitely.
15:03 I know you remember watching TV growing up
15:05 and just seeing how TV shows were compared to TV shows now,
15:09 where back then, let's say the 80s or so,
15:14 people seem to wear more clothes
15:15 but now a lot of nudity is shown on TV.
15:18 I mean people are almost wearing nothing.
15:21 Homosexuality is prevalent on TV.
15:23 How much an impact do you think
15:25 what people are watching, just regular?
15:27 May not even BET or MTV but just TV in general,
15:30 how much of an impact do you think
15:32 what people watch has upon what they do in life?
15:35 I would say, the vast majority of,
15:38 I mean that we're so infiltrated by media
15:39 and everywhere, it's even on billboards.
15:41 Yeah, definitely.
15:42 I mean, it's on billboards, radio, it's just everywhere.
15:45 It's constantly being bombarded in our minds, our faces,
15:48 our eyes, our ears, this is by beholding we become changed.
15:50 Yeah, definitely.
15:52 And we keep seeing these things
15:53 and it's constant, it's a constant reminder
15:55 just like you're talking about the homosexuality,
15:57 the idea of a nudity all over, It's just people...
16:02 even when you watch, you know, the Emmy Awards, Grammy Awards
16:04 people are just, I mean, it's all about self
16:06 and trying to glorify self
16:08 and getting more and more down to bare nothing,
16:12 you know, to appeal to people to get ratings
16:14 or whatever it is, I mean, it's constant, so.
16:16 Definitely. Definitely.
16:17 You know the Bible says in Revelation
16:19 that the devil knows that he has but a short time.
16:21 That's right.
16:23 And I think that, you know,
16:25 what we see here is a direct result
16:28 of him knowing that he has a short time.
16:30 So he's doing all that he can
16:32 to draw people's attention away from God.
16:35 How do you feel about that?
16:36 I would agree with that totally, the idea that...
16:40 Satan knows his time is short,
16:42 and again it talks in the Bible about the time of Noah,
16:44 you know, man's mind is continuously wicked.
16:45 We see that taking place right now
16:47 and realizing that all these things, it's sin.
16:51 And we all are, you know,
16:52 it says we all fall short of the glory but it is sin.
16:54 And Satan has such a captive audience right now
16:58 through media...
16:59 I mean, it's infiltrated so many people
17:01 and we don't realize how deep it actually gets into the mind
17:04 and how its seeded in there, seats itself, so.
17:07 What are some things looking back on your life
17:10 that you getting involved with pornography
17:13 and various other things, drinking, smoking.
17:16 What are some things that you regret
17:18 because I know for myself
17:20 where even though I learned from them
17:21 and they make me into the man that I am today.
17:23 There's a lot of things that I do regret
17:26 which if I could do things over again,
17:28 I would do things over.
17:30 I would have listened just like for instance,
17:32 where I'm in school now and I'm almost 32 years old
17:36 and I'm in school with a lot of people
17:38 who are 18, 19, 20 years old
17:40 and I say to myself a lot of times,
17:42 "Wow, if I would have just listened,
17:43 I would have been where I was supposed to be already now
17:46 versus in school where I could have completed that years ago."
17:50 So how much of a regret
17:53 or what are some of the things that you would change
17:55 from past to the present?
17:59 Oh, man, the idea of trust. Okay.
18:02 Trust is huge
18:04 and with my wife and I, actually at one point
18:06 I had conferred to her what I was doing.
18:09 I told her I was online chatting with...
18:10 I didn't go into total detail
18:12 but because I knew some of the stuff was so deep,
18:14 I knew how much it hurt her rather.
18:16 At one point she said,
18:17 basically I want nothing to do with you, I want to leave.
18:19 And that's what I would like to take back
18:20 as I totally, I mean, I can...
18:23 you destroy trust.
18:24 Yeah, definitely. And another thing too is time.
18:26 I mean, I wasted so much time,
18:27 I realize now that when God had called me out of this,
18:31 how much time I really wasted spending with Him
18:32 and building relationship with Him.
18:34 And now I'm so thankful I have that,
18:36 but I wish I had that even prior to all this...
18:38 Yeah, definitely. And that's a huge thing for me.
18:40 And again, that I get that trust and being faithful
18:43 and it's hard for a woman to want to be faithful to a man,
18:47 if he's looking at some other women in magazines,
18:49 like, "Oh she's beautiful,"
18:50 then the woman is like, "Well, am I attractive?
18:52 I mean, do I..."
18:54 Yeah, it makes the woman feel like she's less.
18:55 Yeah, exactly.
18:57 So it's like you know, that trust is huge.
18:59 So the addiction started at around 14 years old.
19:03 And about how long did that addiction last for you?
19:07 About 2008. Okay.
19:09 That's when we got married.
19:11 And I had that dream, ever since then it changed.
19:15 My life is so, you're a new creature in Christ
19:16 and He changed me,
19:19 and I'm so thankful that I had that you know,
19:21 Him waking me up, literally waking me up to get out of this
19:25 because I mean, I was clearly struggling with it
19:27 and it does help to have support too.
19:29 You need support and I didn't have that support.
19:31 Yeah. I really think support is key.
19:33 I remember, you know,
19:35 as I was going through the different things in my life
19:37 that I always, I could always seem to return to my parents.
19:41 No matter if we got into it constantly,
19:43 I could, I could always count on them to be there,
19:47 which you know a lot of people don't have that.
19:49 And one thing that I know was powerful
19:51 was the fact that my parents constantly prayed for me.
19:55 So I think, to have that support number one for,
19:57 if somebody to be able to went to,
19:59 because a lot of times we say to people that,
20:00 you know, keep it real, keep it real, what do you say.
20:02 But a lot of times we don't keep it real,
20:04 we don't say really what's deep down in us,
20:07 what's affecting us
20:08 and we find generally that there's things within us
20:11 that are motivating us to do something
20:13 that we're not dealing with, that we're not telling it,
20:15 voicing it to somebody else, so that somebody can help us.
20:18 And I think a lot of that has to do with shame,
20:20 embarrassment, how people gonna view us,
20:23 why are you thinking these kind of thoughts,
20:25 different things like that.
20:26 What do you think about that? I think too.
20:28 You're hitting on a nerve to pride.
20:30 A lot of us carry that pride we don't want to share it,
20:32 like you know, I don't want people to know
20:33 what's inside of me because...
20:35 And you feel too
20:36 that some people might not want to hear it.
20:37 And that's a lot of things people don't want to hear
20:39 but there are people out there who want to hear,
20:41 that want to listen, I mean,
20:42 you got to find that chain of support,
20:45 in order to come out.
20:46 And for me, I just praise the Lord,
20:47 that God had taken that opportunity to direct me, so...
20:50 Yeah, I think, I think voicing it plays a big part
20:53 because as we know from Revelation also, chapter 12,
20:56 it talks about two ways to overcome the devil
20:59 which is by the blood of the Lamb
21:00 and by the word of our testimony.
21:01 Testimony, yes.
21:03 So speaking to others about things what we're dealing with
21:05 and how we overcome these things
21:07 help a lot of other people.
21:09 See one thing that we have to understand
21:10 that this thing is a...
21:11 It's more than just you and I. That's right.
21:13 It's more than just me, it's a big picture.
21:15 So one, something that I do doesn't just affect me,
21:19 it affects a host of other people.
21:21 And I think that we have to,
21:22 we have to come to that realization
21:24 whether we do right or whether we do wrong,
21:26 it's affecting more than just me.
21:27 A lot of times I think we have this...
21:30 We're very selfish,
21:31 a lot of us are very selfish people.
21:34 But I want you to talk about how the Book of Hebrews 11,
21:37 talks about the pleasures of sin for a season.
21:41 Talk about how thou was pleasurable for season
21:44 eventually it came to an end because sometimes people think,
21:48 "Man, this is pleasurable,
21:49 I don't want this to end, I love this."
21:51 But talk about that comparison for me?
21:53 I think, that pleasure of sin can lead to destruction
21:58 and eventually it's gonna ruin or destroy you.
21:59 I mean, like you're talking
22:00 about the idea of relationships,
22:02 I mean, it was so detrimental,
22:03 how that pornography was so entrenched
22:06 that I was having a hard time communicating with people
22:09 because I was keeping it all to myself
22:11 and I didn't know how to talk to people.
22:13 And it was destroying my, you know,
22:15 my relationship to people
22:17 and that those around me, they didn't know how to help.
22:18 My mom was like something's wrong with you,
22:20 you need to get, you know, psychiatric help.
22:22 And I did even said, "No I don't want it.
22:24 I just want to be left alone."
22:25 And I kind of want to cower in my own corner
22:27 and actually at one point want to commit suicide.
22:29 Yeah, wow.
22:30 And that's how far it gets to
22:32 where you are dislocated from people.
22:33 You've got to realize that there are people out there
22:35 that love and care for you and want to help you.
22:37 And you've got to want to cry out for that help.
22:39 Now you mentioned something key,
22:41 you mentioned suicide.
22:42 I want to just talk about that briefly
22:43 because that's one of the things
22:45 that I was dealing with for a minute.
22:47 You know, I grew up
22:48 in a Seventh-day Adventist Church
22:50 and I had left for a number of years,
22:52 I was just fed up with things.
22:54 And I wanted to see basically what the world had to offer.
22:57 And you know, as you go through life,
22:59 I got involved in a number of different things,
23:01 drugs, drinking, incarcerated a number of times
23:05 and it's kind of like I got in this circle.
23:06 This circle of mess where it's like, you can't get out.
23:08 It's almost like, you're just chasing your tail.
23:11 And I came to the point where I was fed up,
23:14 just fed up with life, fed up with everything
23:16 and I wanted to commit suicide.
23:18 And it just stemmed from like I'm fed up with.
23:20 I didn't want to yield to God,
23:23 I just didn't, I just didn't want to deal with that
23:25 and there was no fulfillment, no joy in life, nothing.
23:29 And instead of taking the messy way out
23:31 which I thought of either jumping off a building
23:33 or something or shooting myself in the head,
23:35 I decided to try to overdose on drugs
23:38 which praise the Lord, for it didn't work
23:39 because I'm sitting here and talking right now.
23:42 But the suicide thoughts for me came just from a fedupness,
23:46 a emptiness, a lost feeling like,
23:48 "Man, I'm at the bottom of the barrel
23:50 and I can't take it."
23:51 So what was the feeling within you
23:53 that brought you to the thoughts of suicide
23:55 because there's a lot of people that,
23:57 you know, constantly on the news you hear about,
24:00 a person who was bullied and they committed suicide.
24:02 So suicide is a major, a major thing these days.
24:06 What was that point in your life
24:08 that brought you to those thoughts?
24:09 Again, like you said, the bullying.
24:11 I was a small boy in school, you know,
24:14 had several kids that harassed me,
24:15 actually I don't know if you ever heard of this term
24:17 but swirly?
24:18 No, no, I haven't heard it, okay.
24:19 I can go graphic, it's where the...
24:21 A person tries to push your head in a toilet,
24:23 and they're flushing as, you know, stuff in the toilet.
24:27 And I had three boys try that to me,
24:29 one actually shoved my head in the toilet,
24:30 another one kind of barred away from the stall
24:32 and the one barred the way to the exit of the bathroom.
24:35 And I just got bullied a lot and it drove me to a point
24:38 where I just, I want nothing to do with, people,
24:40 I just want to be away from people.
24:42 I thought nobody cared, I just felt like just giving up
24:45 even my own brothers would sometimes,
24:46 you know harass and ridicule me
24:48 to the point where I just said that's enough,
24:51 I just want to go downstairs and slit my wrists
24:53 and get it over with.
24:54 As I had felt that nobody cared
24:55 and that Satan likes to whisper those things in your head.
24:57 Yeah, definitely.
24:59 Put those little things in your life
25:00 to just come in and try to destroy you,
25:02 he comes to steal, kill and destroy.
25:04 Talk about for us the joys that you have now working with 3ABN
25:08 versus the life that you were living before,
25:11 as well as what you do with 3ABN?
25:13 Right now, I'm a studio manager for what they call studio E.
25:18 But the joy is just again it's the peace,
25:21 the assurance of knowing and knowing God
25:24 and having a relationship with Him
25:25 and working with such a wonderful staff here.
25:29 Nothing against the secular world
25:30 but working out in the secular world
25:31 is just that there is a difference
25:33 in coming here there is such a camaraderie
25:35 of brother, sister relationship,
25:38 just feeling that peace and joy
25:39 and having a relationship with Jesus Christ ultimately,
25:42 but also with those you work with.
25:44 And it's such a blessing to be here
25:46 and also to be in the fold
25:48 and be called back, you're good shepherd.
25:51 So I'm very thankful for that and to overcome,
25:53 as you know, being overcomer through Christ.
25:56 So thankful for that peace. Definitely.
25:57 It's interesting how the Bible states in Revelation 2:3,
26:02 where you're reading about the seven churches
26:04 and in each of those churches says to him that overcometh,
26:06 to him that overcometh,
26:08 and we realize to spend eternity with Jesus,
26:10 we have to overcome.
26:11 And a beautiful thing is that we don't have to overcome alone
26:14 that Jesus helps us to overcome all those trials in our life.
26:18 What I want you to do right now,
26:20 is I want you to look into the camera
26:21 and I want you to take a few moments
26:22 to talk to that young person that is struggling
26:24 with pornography addiction
26:26 or whatever addiction it may be,
26:28 talk about how you realize
26:30 that they need to break away from it
26:32 and follow Jesus for the rest of their life.
26:36 What I would say to the young,
26:37 young minds out there listening to this program is
26:41 you need someone to look to
26:43 and there's a song says, Turn your eyes upon Jesus.
26:47 Revelations 3:20, tells us you know,
26:50 He stands at the door and He knocks
26:52 and if any man hears His voice, ye open that door to him,
26:56 He'll come in and sup with you and He will sup with you.
26:59 But it's just so important that we open that door,
27:01 that's the first for me personally
27:03 is the idea of opening your heart to Jesus,
27:05 He can come and He can shape and mold you.
27:07 He's called the potter and we are the clay,
27:10 so important.
27:11 And also to find a support group,
27:14 somebody you can turn to, somebody that you trust,
27:16 somebody you know, that won't condemn you
27:18 or who'll make fun of you
27:19 but somebody that you can speak to and open up to
27:22 and share this with this pain, this hurt,
27:26 this journey that you're on currently
27:28 and you want to make a change,
27:29 it can be possible, you just need support
27:31 but ultimately you need Jesus Christ in your life.
27:34 He can make that difference in your life,
27:35 He made in my life, I know from experience,
27:40 so just pray out Him, cry out to Him,
27:42 He says, broken and contrite spirit,
27:44 he does not despise.
27:46 So just reach out to Him and He's there.
27:49 He says, He never leaves nor forsake you either, so...
27:52 Well, Donald, we want to thank you
27:53 for being on the program.
27:55 Thank you for tuning into The New Journey.
27:56 Be sure to tune in next time for an exciting program.