Participants: Yvonne Lewis (Host), Pauletta Washington
Series Code: UBR
Program Code: UBR000026
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00:01 What's it like to be an actor, a mother and the wife of
00:03 one of Hollywood's most famous actors... 00:05 Stay tuned to find out... 00:07 My name is Yvonne Lewis and you're watching 00:10 Urban Report... 00:32 Hello and welcome to Urban Report... 00:35 Our guest today is someone you may not have formally met 00:39 but I guarantee that after today's interview 00:42 you'll know more about her than you ever did before... 00:44 she's a woman with a message... 00:47 I'd like to welcome Pauletta Washington 00:49 to Urban Report... 00:50 Hello Pauletta... welcome... Hi, how are you? 00:55 Yeah... I'm so glad you're here... 00:56 thank you so much for taking the time out to do this... 00:59 Thank you for having me... 01:01 Sure, sure... we want to know about you Pauletta... 01:04 I mean, you're Denzel Washington's wife, 01:07 you are married to one of Hollywood's most famous actors 01:10 but you are such an accomplished person in your own right... 01:15 tell us... where did you grow up? 01:17 I grew up in a small town in North Carolina called Newton... 01:22 and... when I was growing up 01:24 and traveling 01:26 because I was a child pianist 01:29 and traveling and competed at an early age 01:32 and everybody would ask where I was from... 01:34 I would say, "Newton" 01:35 and every single time 01:37 they would go, "Newton, where is that?" 01:39 and I would say... "Between Charlotte and Asheville" 01:41 because they usually knew those two big cities... 01:43 so, "I'm Pauletta, from Newton, between Charlotte and Asheville" 01:47 Okay, okay, and you are a pianist? 01:51 Yes... Do you still play? 01:53 A little bit... not much... 01:55 Wow, and so... when you were growing up 01:58 how many siblings did you have? 01:59 I have an older brother and a younger sister... 02:02 I'm in the middle... So you're a middle child... 02:05 you have that middle-child personality too? 02:07 Pretty much... 02:08 The conciliator and all of that? That's correct... 02:13 What's your spiritual background? 02:15 I grew up Christian... and... very, very strong... 02:23 faith-based believing parents... that not only 02:28 taught it to us... but they lived it... 02:29 so, I'm proud to say that... 02:33 and I think that... and I know that... 02:35 that has sustained me as Pauletta 02:38 regardless of the mother, wife, whatever... 02:41 because it took a lot of years... 02:45 a lot of experiences... a lot of prayers... 02:47 a lot of tears... a lot of laughter... 02:50 for me to be the person that I am right now... 02:53 Wow! tell us about some of the challenges 02:57 that you faced... growing up... 03:00 Well, first of all my parents were very prominent 03:06 our family is a very prominent family in our Community 03:12 because we grew up in a time where all of the factories 03:17 were still here in this Country... 03:19 and in the part of North Carolina that I grew up 03:23 we were very essential to the furniture, textiles, tobacco... 03:30 so it was a very rich area... but most of the families were 03:37 were workers... so my father was the School Principal 03:41 who had graduated from A and T my mother from Bennett... 03:47 and that's really how they met, so he was very essential 03:52 in bringing education to that area... 03:55 so he grew a school from one building... 04:00 to First Grade through Twelfth Grade School 04:04 and so in that... it presented challenges 04:08 because everybody would say, "Who do you think you are," 04:10 you know, "You think you're this... 04:11 you think you're that" and I was fortunate enough 04:15 and blessed to have a talent in music... so I started 04:18 they took me to Charlotte, North Carolina 04:21 to study with this magnificent teacher... 04:24 and I became very well known in this circuit... 04:30 in the classical circuit at a young age... 04:32 which sometimes was not fun 04:35 as a child because I was looked upon as a "freak" 04:41 playing Bach, Beethoven as opposed to playing gospel music. 04:45 Yes... yes... so you were a prodigy? 04:48 You're really like a prodigy... Yes, yes... 04:52 My! and so... growing up... your family 04:57 played a very instrumental role in the Community... 05:01 Yes... and your parents emphasized 05:05 education... Yes... 05:07 which is just so critical... you know... 05:10 one of the things that I'm seeing now 05:12 is this... kind of movement away from that whole emphasis 05:17 on education... and that is so... 05:20 it's such a sad thing to me because that is key... 05:23 knowledge for knowledge sake is key... 05:26 Right... and it sounds as though 05:29 plus I think you're a little feisty too... 05:31 and so it sounds as though growing up 05:34 you were a prodigy... you were different 05:37 from other kids because you came from this family 05:42 of influence... and so... I could see how that could be 05:47 challenging for a child... Yes... 05:50 So, I think though, and tell me if I'm right with this... 05:53 it helped you to develop the kind of confidence 05:58 and self-awareness that you have today... 06:01 that you need to do what you're doing... 06:04 Am I right? Without a doubt... 06:07 and coupled with a mother who was a very strong, 06:12 determined and proud person... woman... 06:17 and I think... and I know... and I believe that... 06:20 it was the education from both parents 06:22 and knowing the importance of it... 06:25 regardless of how talented... you know... you are... 06:28 and they... not only did it for us... 06:31 their children... but they did it for the Community 06:33 because as I said... my mother taught... 06:35 and my father was the School Principal... 06:37 there was always someone in our house... eating... 06:40 that couldn't afford meals... there was always... 06:43 right now to this day... I find students of his 06:46 that were older than me that have made a great life 06:50 for themselves... and attribute a lot of it to him 06:54 and his teachings and his encouragement, you know, 06:58 Wow! but it was educationally based 07:00 Yes... yes... coupled with faith... 07:03 And that's such a good point, 07:05 and that's such an important point... 07:07 the other thing that I'm hearing you say 07:09 that's so, so, so critical is... you came from an intact family 07:14 Yes... and as you know... 07:16 families today are just so broken... 07:20 they are so dysfunctional... 07:22 they're usually single parents, and that also 07:25 has such a tremendous impact on Society... 07:28 Yes... but you came from an 07:31 intact family... and even when you were 07:32 describing your mother and you said... 07:35 "Strong and confident" you have that 07:37 strong, confident vibe coming through... 07:40 it's like... whoa... your mom sounds like 07:42 she was a very determined woman 07:45 and you had a strong dad... and faith was at the center... 07:49 Yes... see, we can't emphasize 07:52 that enough either because 07:54 when God is at the center of things... 07:57 that's what helps you to grow, 07:59 that's what helps you to meet challenges... 08:01 Yes... so, that you came from it, 08:03 sounds like such a great family situation... 08:06 that even though you had these challenges... 08:09 you were able to just kind of meet them 08:12 and overcome them... 08:13 and that's great... 08:15 And the thing too is... and now my walk in my faith is 08:20 so exciting... it's very challenging even more so 08:24 in being married to a man who is deemed as a "sex symbol" 08:30 as like... the best actor... and so forth... you know... 08:35 Yes... People have preconceived 08:38 ideas... Hmmm... hmmm... 08:41 "Oh, you're so lucky... you're this... you're that... " 08:44 but you know... Denzel has a saying about luck... 08:49 it's about doing the work that is required 08:53 and then the opportunity that comes... 08:57 and it's when those two meet... Hmmm... hmmm... 08:59 and I thought that was very, very, very good... 09:03 the thing that has made our marriage... for me... 09:06 exciting... Hmmm... hmmm... 09:11 is the challenges that his status brings... 09:16 Okay... how so... how does that make it more exciting? 09:20 Because, first of all... let me preface that by saying 09:23 when I told my mom... that I was getting married... 09:28 and it was like... 09:30 very close to the time 09:33 that I was going to order the invitations 09:34 because I really wanted... just a small intimate wedding... 09:37 Hmmm... hmmm... she sat me down and gave me the 09:39 mother-daughter talk about it... 09:41 and I'm telling you... 09:43 that changed my life... not just as a wife and mother 09:49 but as a woman... Okay, now tell us... 09:51 if you don't mind... tell us about this... 09:53 wait, wait, Pauletta... wait, wait... because I... 09:55 this is too exciting... and, you know, our viewers 09:58 are going to want to know... let's go back for a second 10:00 and talk about how you met Denzel 10:03 and let's work our way up to the mother-daughter talk... 10:05 So, how did you meet... first of all? 10:09 We did a television film 10:11 together called, "The Wilma Rudolf Story" 10:15 Okay... at the time my best friend 10:17 was also a cast member... now my last day of shooting 10:22 was his first day of shooting... so we sort of crossed paths... 10:26 you know... we said, "Hello" maybe... 10:28 not even said, "Hello" I don't remember... 10:31 but then... after the production had aired... 10:35 it's about a year... process... you know, by the time you shoot 10:38 and it's edited and it airs... Right... 10:40 so my best friend gave a party and invited several people 10:45 and she included him... and I guess, 10:49 she got to really know him more than I did... 10:52 because she stayed on and worked even more days... 10:54 so she told me that he was coming 10:56 and I thought, "Oh, okay, that's good" and... 10:59 Were you interested at that point? 11:01 were you interested? 11:03 No, because I had just gotten out of a relationship 11:07 so I was like, "Okay, I'm done, right now... " 11:10 "I'll do this movie, and do this Broadway thing... and... " 11:14 because that was hard enough... auditioning and all... 11:17 Yes... being rejected... or... you know 11:19 Yes... so, he came to the party 11:23 very, very late... and it being my best friend's... 11:27 we were at her parents' house 11:30 they were out of town... so I had to... 11:34 try to help protect the property... 11:36 so we said, "Hello" that evening and called it a night... 11:41 the next night, there was a production at 11:45 an off Broadway theater 11:46 that I went to go and see... 11:48 and it was their last night of performance 11:50 I got there very late, and at intermission, 11:53 the lights come up... and we are sitting next to each other 11:56 Wow! I know... 11:58 in retrospect, I feel that it was God... 12:00 Yes... oh yes... I know people go, 12:02 "Yeah, right... you put everything on God... " 12:04 but I really do... I think it was a total divine intervention 12:07 But when you know God and you know how He works 12:10 then you know how He operates, 12:13 then you can attribute those things to God... 12:15 You are exactly... you are exactly right... 12:18 Hmmm... hmmm... so we had a conversation 12:21 and we went to a party afterwards... 12:24 now this is the thing... at that time, 12:27 I was counting my pennies and to take a cab ride 12:31 at that time was like a luxury, Right... right... 12:35 it would be equivalent to taking a limo... 12:37 Right... right... right... and so, I said, 12:39 "Well, we're going to go... and we're going downtown... " 12:41 and he goes, "Okay, do you want to take a cab?" 12:44 Well, I said, "Well, okay... " we got in a cab 12:47 and at that time... the cab drivers had those levers 12:51 you get in the cab and he turns the lever... 12:54 Oh, yeah, yeah... he pushes the lever down 12:56 the fare would come up and you had to pay... 12:58 Right... right... I'm in the cab thinking... 13:01 "Wow, he's got money... " because I'm thinking 13:03 we're going to take a subway, and he turns to me 13:05 as we're going down... moving... and says... "I have no money" 13:10 Oh!... 13:14 Well, I said, 13:16 "Okay, there goes all of my soup... chunky soup dinners, 13:22 you know, everything... for this cab ride... 13:25 with somebody I really don't know 13:26 that I invited to this party" Right... right... 13:30 That started us off right... 13:31 but then... I think several weeks later, 13:35 he called me up and invited me to go to a play... 13:39 and I was in the Recording Studio at the time 13:43 with my best friend... again... and I was recording 13:46 right up to the time we had to leave... 13:48 She goes, "Well, it's time to go" 13:50 she was more excited about it than I was, really... 13:52 Hmmm... hmmm... I said, "Okay, okay, let's go" 13:53 so she goes, "Well, aren't you going to put make-up on?" 13:56 I said, "Nah... we're just going to go 13:58 to the Public Theater and see a play... " 14:00 and she says, "Yeah, but this is a date, 14:02 come on, come on... " and I said, "No" 14:03 we'll get in an elevator and she reaches in her purse 14:05 and she brings out some lipstick she says, 14:07 "Well, at least, put this on" 14:09 so, I bet you... that was the only time 14:12 in our whole relationship... that I was late... 14:15 Hmmm... He's been first... ever since... 14:20 so that began... we had a lovely evening 14:24 I had forgiven him for the cab ride... 14:27 That is funny... 14:29 And the best thing about the relationship 14:32 was our conversation... Hmmm... 14:34 we had incredible conversations and he was intelligent, 14:38 and he was funny, and he was an artist... 14:41 so, you know, it was lovely, I had no intentions of it 14:46 being any more than that... but... it grew... 14:49 Yes, and I'm sure that he saw the same in you... 14:51 intelligent and funny... and strong... 14:55 Yes... and I'm sure that 14:56 that's what drew him too... okay... so, fast forward to 15:00 you guys dated for how long before you got engaged? 15:03 I think it was about six years yes... 15:08 Oh wow! so you really knew each other then... 15:13 Oh yes... under all these varying 15:16 circumstances... you had seen him angry... 15:18 you had seen him happy... you had seen him sad... 15:19 all of these things and vice versa... 15:21 Yes... How did he propose? 15:23 Over the phone... Ahhh... ahhh... 15:26 he was, at the time, doing a television series 15:30 St. Elsewhere... Oh yes... 15:32 I was doing a show... and I don't even remember which one... 15:34 and we were just talking as usual... 15:38 and then he just said, "Why don't we get married?" 15:40 you know... and I said at first, "Hmmm... no... I don't think so" 15:45 And then... Were you just playing a game 15:50 or were you serious? 15:51 No, you know, at that time... I was very skeptical 15:54 about marriage because of all of the relationships 15:57 that I'd known... that were from people in my age group... 16:01 it didn't seem to work... everybody was very 16:04 casual about it and having come from a strong, 16:08 stable family... I just did not see 16:11 people's desires to work at a marriage... 16:16 like I saw in my family... or in our surrounding families 16:21 Hmmm... hmmm... 16:22 because... growing up... there was no divorce... 16:24 I knew... no divorce... Yes... 16:25 to this day... I can go back pretty deep into the family 16:31 and there were no divorces... Wow! 16:34 Now, whether that means there should have been... 16:36 that's another story... Hmmm... hmmm... hmmm... hmmm... 16:38 the fact is... that there hasn't been... 16:41 and everybody seems to be okay... you know... 16:44 Hmmm... hmmm... Yes, yes, yes... 16:46 so you finally said, "Yes" I finally said, "Yes" 16:50 and I talked to my mom... 16:51 Okay, now we got to hear the mom-daughter story... 16:54 Well, she was not like falling over with excitement about it... 17:02 she was very... very serious about it... 17:05 and in everything she said... 17:08 she talked about the role of a wife... 17:10 and then... the mother... and she talked about me... 17:15 and my life up to that point... having been a child prodigy 17:22 and having traveled around the world... so young... 17:25 and coming from such a small town... 17:28 and... was I willing to sacrifice 17:30 she talked about all those things... 17:32 but the one thing that she said, she said, 17:35 "Now, 85 percent of the success or the failure... 17:41 of your marriage... is on you... " 17:44 Hmmm... Well, I thought, "Yeah, right" 17:47 you know, "this is a new day" Yeah... 17:50 "Fifty... fifty... I mean... I honestly think, 17:53 he's got to come with 50 percent... 17:55 and I'll come with 50 percent, and then you have the 100... " 17:58 and she said pointblank... 17:59 "If that's what you think... you're bound to fail... " 18:03 My! Yeah, that was pretty heavy... 18:06 and normally... the type of family in which I grew up in 18:09 because... the type of family that I grew up in... 18:11 it was a teamwork thing... Yeah... 18:13 There were times when my mother was out doing stuff... 18:16 and my dad fed us... 18:19 he cooked... and there were times when... 18:22 you know, of course, she was the homemaker... 18:25 Right... right... there was never a feeling of... 18:27 "Okay, this is what you're just supposed to do... " 18:29 and, "This is what you're supposed to do... " 18:31 the duties happened as needed... whoever needed to... 18:35 whatever needed to be done, 18:36 whoever was available to do it, did it... 18:38 Okay... No plans... no nothing... 18:41 Okay... okay... that's how I grew up... 18:44 Yes, yes... so, I happened to listen 18:47 to what she's saying about the 85 percent thing... 18:50 but I never saw her do that 85 percent thing... 18:54 what I saw... it was the fifty... fifty... 18:57 Right... now why did she think that... 19:00 that in this situation it needed to be 85 percent... 19:03 and it wasn't that... in their marriage? 19:06 But it was in their marriage... I just didn't see it... 19:09 You just didn't see it... okay... okay... 19:11 because... the main thing is and she followed that 19:15 by saying, "My power as a woman... 19:18 was having the power of influence... " 19:22 and she went all the way back to Eve... 19:25 and the apple... you know... 19:28 Okay... and now I joke about it 19:32 so, when I talk to my children about it... 19:34 I say, "See... Adam wasn't even hungry but he ate the apple... " 19:39 that just shows you how... How much power Eve had... 19:43 that a woman has... a woman has... 19:46 we are given that power... 19:48 you know... so, she says, 19:50 "A good woman can make a bad man good... 19:52 and a bad woman can make a good man... bad... " 19:55 Wow! So, she says, "You decide... 19:57 what you want to do... if you cannot control yourself 20:02 in this way... if you have to put yourself on equal terms... 20:05 then... it's not going to work, 20:08 and now, I must say, after 28 years... 20:11 or 29 years now of marriage... 20:13 I understand that more... and it's not even about 20:18 "Oh, he's bigger or he's better... " 20:19 but if you think Biblically... 20:21 Yes... we are a helpmate... 20:23 Come on now... come on now... 20:25 you know... helpmate doesn't mean inferior 20:28 That's right... that's right, actually... we are... 20:32 we are very needed... 20:35 obviously... because Adam couldn't do it alone... 20:38 That's right... God saw that... 20:40 you know... That's right... 20:41 So, I'm very proud to be a helpmate... 20:45 I'm very proud, 20:47 and I'm very happy that I've been put in that position, 20:50 and that I've been given the blessing... 20:51 to be a helpmate and a mother on top of all of that... 20:55 Oh, that's wonderful... But it took that... 20:58 it took my mom... her counseling... 21:00 it took the example of seeing what that meant... 21:03 you know... Hmmm... hmmm... 21:04 and being open to learning about it 21:06 and never feeling like, 21:07 "Well, he did that... I'm going to do this" 21:09 because I really found out that... 21:11 if I concentrated on "Me" Hmmm... hmmm... 21:15 the best "me" I can be... Yes... 21:17 I don't have time to worry about or the energy... 21:20 to worry about, "What is he doing?" 21:22 Yes... yes... You follow me? 21:24 Yes, Girl... yes... that's so good 21:27 that's so... see... again... there's such relevance 21:32 in the Bible... and what it teaches 21:34 because it's principles... they're timeless... 21:37 Yes... This whole concept of... 21:40 your being a companion, a helpmate, a help-meet... 21:44 to your husband... that's such a Biblical concept 21:48 Yes... and you're mother 21:50 taught you that... and I'm sure you're teaching 21:52 your children that... and by example 21:55 you mentioned earlier in the interview that 21:58 your parents lived it... and it's sounding to me 22:01 as though you are living it... 22:04 and you are teaching your children... what it is... 22:07 to be a good wife to your husband... 22:09 that is so critical... because again... 22:11 one of my burdens Pauletta is... looking at Society 22:16 and seeing where we are right now... 22:18 in terms of the family... 22:19 in terms of, you know, births out of wedlock 22:22 in terms of incarceration... all of these things are 22:26 due to the collapse of the family... 22:29 Yes... and also spiritual decline... 22:32 Yes... and so... if we can just 22:35 center in on what the Bible teaches 22:39 and begin to try to live that... and honor God in our homes... 22:43 what a difference that could make... 22:45 so, I love what you're saying... 22:47 and I so appreciate what you're saying... 22:49 because that's what it's all is about 22:51 and that's what you've had to do in order to 22:54 survive the 29 years of... anybody in a marriage... 22:58 and especially with the marriage that you have... 23:01 this high-profile kind of marriage that you have... 23:05 and thankfully, you've been able to apply 23:07 Biblical principles to it... that's right up our alley here. 23:10 I think that's the only way to live 23:12 whether you're married or not Yes... 23:14 and the one thing that is disturbing to me 23:18 in having children that are in that... 23:22 in their early 20s... really brings it to home... 23:28 is their idea of what... having faith about God is... 23:34 Wow! we, somehow, 23:36 we've taken God out of everything... 23:40 Yes... I have also found one sure way 23:44 of getting people off of you that want to talk about 23:47 or gossip or want to know the dirt... 23:49 is to tell them that I'm a... "I believe God... 23:52 and not just God but Jesus Christ... as my savior" 23:56 Come on, come on now... come on now, Girl... 23:57 And everybody goes, "Okay, thank you very much 23:58 I'll see you later... " 24:00 Yes... You know, you want to run away 24:03 from it... so therefore, the younger generation 24:06 they're used to being... they don't want to 24:10 sit still and hear... I don't know if it's because 24:13 they think it's not cool... or... the coolest thing... 24:15 is to have that belief... to have that relationship... 24:19 that's the coolest thing... 24:20 Yes, yes, isn't it something how... 24:23 and I've noticed this over time... 24:25 if you say, "God" 24:26 people are okay with that, you know, because God could be 24:30 whatever they think, you know, but when you say "Jesus Christ" 24:35 that is the stumbling block for people 24:38 that is the dividing line... oh... oh... it's Jesus... oh... 24:41 you know what I mean... I do... 24:43 so to hear you say that Girl... I'm just so... so happy... 24:45 You know what I've come to realize? 24:47 Hmmm... because, He says... 24:49 at the name of Jesus... every knee shall bow... 24:51 Yes... yes... and every tongue shall confess 24:53 Yes... so those who don't... 24:54 then maybe... we know who they serve... 24:58 maybe... or there are those who are on the fence 25:01 and don't know... Yes... 25:02 so my whole purpose... every morning... 25:04 when I wake up... I pray... for the Holy Spirit 25:09 to guide me that I touch someone... 25:10 Yes... that someone seeing me... 25:12 that they wonder... "Well, what is that... 25:15 why are you so happy... what is... " 25:17 because you know... you're not happy all the time... 25:18 Yes, that's right... but then again, I go, 25:21 "Well, what is happy, what does that mean... happy?" 25:24 I'm joyous all the time... because first of all 25:27 when I wake up and open my eyes... 25:29 He's giving me another chance... Yes... 25:31 Yes... yes... And I'm not trying to be, 25:33 you know, "Oh, she's preaching" no... no... but I'm trying to 25:38 spread the word because everybody can be so happy 25:40 Girl, you can preach all you want... 25:41 yes, preach all you want... I'm loving it... I love it... 25:45 Well now, before we go... because... our time is up... 25:48 I cannot believe that our time is up... 25:51 and there is so much more I want to talk to you about... 25:53 Well, you got to have me back... Would you come back... 25:55 Certainly... Oh, I would love 25:57 to have you back... thank you so much 25:58 tell us what you're doing now before we... 26:00 before we go... tell us what you're doing... 26:02 Okay, let me show you how great God is... 26:04 now, before I became pregnant, I mean, my career was going 26:11 very, very well... I had an incredible career... 26:14 and then... when I became pregnant... 26:16 I questioned, "What am I going to do" 26:19 you know, because at the time I was doing Broadway 26:22 and Denzel was still doing television in LA... 26:26 and I knew, for a fact, that I did not want to have a 26:31 home in the air... because you can't... 26:34 Right... so I decided to go where he was 26:37 now, when I made that decision, so many of the Directors 26:41 and Musical Mentors of mine thought, 26:47 "Oh, my God, what a waste! you're going to just 26:50 cut out your career and... " 26:52 I said, "Well, it's not... I didn't feel like that's what 26:55 I was doing when I felt like this... 26:57 I'm bringing a life into the world... 26:59 and I, at least, want to give this child 27:01 what I had... " and that was comfort... 27:03 Yes... the comfort of being in the home 27:06 with two parents... and so, I decided to go where he was... 27:12 And so you supported him... 27:14 you know what... we have like 30 seconds left... 27:17 Right... I cannot believe it, so tell... 27:19 so we have to fast forward... and I am in Chicago... 27:24 at the Goodman Theater... doing a production of "Crowns" 27:28 which is so incredible... and if no one has seen it 27:32 I hope you get there in the next two weeks to see it 27:36 because it's a fantastic show written by Regina Taylor... 27:39 Wow! that's awesome... thank you... 27:42 thank you so much for being with us 27:45 and I'm going to hold you to it and our viewers are too 27:48 that you're going to come back. All right... 27:50 May God bless you... 27:51 And pick up the Bible... it's not bad... 27:53 That's right... that's right... and God bless you... 27:56 thank you... see you next time... 27:57 All right... 27:58 Thanks for tuning in... join us next time... 28:01 it just wouldn't be the same... without you... |
Revised 2015-07-08