Participants: Yvonne Lewis (Host), Arthur Nowlin, Dr. Kim Logan-Nowlin
Series Code: UBR
Program Code: UBR000028
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00:01 Relationships are difficult to navigate in this day and age,
00:04 today's guests are relationship experts... 00:07 Stay tuned to find out how you can make yours work... 00:10 My name is Yvonne Lewis and you're watching 00:13 Urban Report... 00:35 Hello and welcome to Urban Report, 00:37 if you watched Dare to Dream, our guests today 00:40 are not strangers to you, 00:42 they are the hosts of "Making it Work" 00:44 Dare to Dream's relationship Program... 00:47 Dr. Kim Logan-Nowlin and Arthur Nowlin 00:49 they're here in the Studio, 00:51 not via Skype but here in the Studio with us. 00:55 Welcome to Urban Report, yeah... 00:58 Thank you, Yvonne... We're so glad to have you... 01:01 You guys are doing 01:03 such an amazing job on 01:05 "Making it Work" We appreciate that... 01:06 we are so blessed to have you as our hosts... 01:08 That's great, that's great... 01:09 I want to know... how do you two make it work? 01:12 Hmmm... Wow! 01:14 Prayer... It has to be... 01:16 I'm telling you Yvonne, prayer, and also 01:18 allowing him his own space... 01:19 you know... humor... being able to be open to that 01:23 he told me the other day... you know... 01:24 "I can't joke with you... " I said, "Yes, you can... " 01:26 you know, and after he walked away 01:28 I was kind of sad... I said, "that hit me... " 01:29 you can joke with me... you know... 01:32 but you've got to be open to the newness... 01:35 the possibilities of your relationship 01:37 and then he's a golfer... I'm not... 01:39 I'm a shopper... let's make it work all right... 01:41 Conflict... conflict... Is there a conflict? 01:45 Absolutely... Hmmm... no... no... 01:49 because I think... she spends more money... 01:51 shopping... than I do on golf... 01:53 Okay... all right... It takes a lot to make this work 01:56 all right... You know what I noticed... 01:58 and I really appreciated this... 02:00 you guys have such a great chemistry... 02:03 you know, you've learned to just kind of negotiate 02:06 navigate through everything... 02:08 and you've learned how to make it work... 02:10 and you're helping others... Praise God... 02:12 to do that... on the Program... Praise God... praise God... 02:14 Well, one of the things that didn't come easy... 02:17 it was trial and error... but the most important thing is 02:21 we kept trying... there were times when 02:24 we would just look at each other and wonder why or how 02:28 we would make it the next day... or that day... 02:32 but through the grace of God... He always allowed us 02:35 one particular... I guess... defense... 02:39 which I think is... we have the power of prayer... 02:42 and one of the things 02:43 that we decided a long time ago, Yvonne... 02:45 was the fact that... no matter what... 02:47 that we would pray about the situation before we go to sleep 02:52 no matter... if it's something 02:54 that was really jeopardizing our relationship that day 02:58 we would still pray about it... Hmmm... hmmm... 03:01 prayer is the "Only Thing" that has managed 03:04 to keep us together for all these years... 03:07 Oh yes... You know, it's so important 03:09 for our Viewers to hear this because sometimes they look at 03:12 people that are hosting Programs and they think, 03:15 "Oh well, their relationship is perfect... " 03:17 No relationship is perfect because no people are perfect... 03:20 That's right... So, there are going to be issues 03:23 every couple has issues... That's right... 03:25 and the fact that you have learned 03:27 that "prayer is the answer" and it's not just some 03:31 pat answer... No... 03:33 but prayer is the answer... because that's what 03:36 kind of helps you... 03:37 I would imagine that when you pray to together... 03:40 you can't really be that angry with each other 03:42 when you're praying for each other... 03:43 I know... sometimes he has reached out and I was angry... 03:46 to... you know... "Would you like to have prayer?" 03:48 and I wanted to say, "No" but the Spirit of the Lord said, 03:51 "I'm going to tell you the truth" 03:53 but I would take his hand 03:54 and sometimes I would take his hand like... whatever... 03:56 but the Lord said, "No, you can't be like that... 03:59 he can tell the difference... " but if I said... Hmmm... 04:00 but if you want good balance... 04:03 you can't do it without the Spirit of the Lord 04:05 and you have to release what your flesh is telling you 04:08 to do... because you have choices... 04:10 God gives us... He's a "free will God" 04:12 and He gives us a choice every day... 04:14 and I made a choice, I took those vows... 04:16 I made a commitment... you know, he's a loving husband, 04:18 and loving father, at times I'm very controlling 04:22 Hmmm... At times? 04:23 I knew he was going to say that, there we go... 04:26 and I can just take charge and make it work... 04:29 but we know our roles, we know where we are... 04:33 and he will say... "There are times, Kim, you know, 04:35 this is your strength... this is my strength... 04:37 and when my faith is weak, your faith is strong, 04:40 when yours is weak... I'm strong for you... " 04:43 and you've got to know how to have each other's back 04:45 that balance has to be there... 04:47 you've seen that little exercise 04:48 when you lean back into your spouse, 04:49 will they catch you... 04:50 some spouses let their spouses fall... 04:53 Wow... yes... okay, we've seen that happen... 04:55 but Arthur has been there to catch my back... 04:56 and he's always said, 04:57 "I need you to have my back, Kim... " 04:59 Yes... you know, that's been very 05:01 important to him... and, you know, 05:03 in our inner-cities... 05:05 the relationships 05:07 and the focus is so... usually it's just so twisted right now, 05:12 you know... what are some of the cases... 05:15 that... you guys practice... in Detroit... 05:18 That's right... and what are some of the cases 05:20 that you have in terms of relationship... 05:22 and relationship-building 05:24 and conflict and all that... what kinds of cases do you have? 05:27 One of the things that's prevalent... 05:30 and that stands out... to me... 05:33 is we find a lot of selfishness, Hmmm... 05:38 in the relationship... Hmmm... 05:40 people have gotten to a certain point 05:42 where the love is not as intense as it was in the beginning... 05:47 and what happens is that 05:50 they find other things 05:53 to occupy them and to make them feel comfortable 05:56 and somewhere along the line, 05:58 there's a division that occurs and if it's not addressed 06:06 then what happens is... it tends to go out 06:09 into different directions... and cause a lot of friction... 06:12 Hmmm... so, how do you get 06:14 that person back... or how do you get the marriage 06:17 back on track... and you know... sometimes 06:20 with the selfishness... there's a resistance 06:23 that exists... that really, really is the barrier... 06:27 to reconcile the marriage itself... 06:30 That's such a good point, so, how do you then... 06:34 when you have a couple that 06:38 was once connected... 06:40 and they have disconnected... it's usually so hard 06:44 to get them to re-connect... Hmmm... hmmm... 06:46 what kinds of steps do you take... 06:48 especially people who don't know the Lord... 06:50 Hmmm... hmmm... What do you do 06:52 with couples who don't know the Lord... 06:54 how do you get them back... what kinds of steps do you take? 06:57 The first step that we always emphasize is that 07:00 we have to increase our communication... 07:02 Okay... we encourage them to take a risk... 07:04 the risk is... 07:06 okay... where you know you're not doing 07:08 particular things... that you used to do... 07:10 now we're encouraging you to do 07:13 things that are going to assist you... 07:15 in salvaging your marriage... Okay... 07:17 Communication is one... and I know, Kim is very adamant 07:21 about a "Date Night" Date Night... 07:23 Okay, come on... come on... A Date Night... 07:25 don't mess with my Date Night now... our Date Nights are... 07:27 You guys have a Date Night? Yes... 07:28 I love it... we start off at 07:30 breakfast and then we go to Costco... 07:31 Oh wait a minute... now... wait a minute now... 07:34 wait, wait, wait, wait, wait... wait, wait, wait, wait... 07:38 Okay, so you're into shopping right? 07:41 We just found out... that you're into shopping... 07:43 So, it kind of sounds like this Date Night 07:45 is a little bit... kind of... it's your favorite... 07:48 We detour and we... we end up at the Mall... 07:49 and we'll end up at the Museum Okay... 07:53 we've gone to the Museum together... 07:57 or the Park... on our way... 07:59 we were on our way to speak to do a "Family Life" 08:01 in Illinois... and we stopped to get 08:04 something to eat... and we stopped at a Rest Area... 08:06 and we didn't get a chance to do a Date Day... that day 08:08 so my husband pulled over... he said, "Let's have our picnic" 08:11 Oh, spontaneity... I love it... 08:15 Those are the things you have to remember... 08:17 why did you get connected in the first place... 08:20 why were you married... and something that I utilize 08:22 and it's really important in political propaganda... 08:25 "Before you can reconstruct... you have to deconstruct... " 08:27 Hmmm... explain... explain... 08:29 Okay now, what you do is... go in and tear off the layers... 08:31 Okay... Tear the layers off... 08:33 selfishness, that independence, the low self-esteem... 08:37 we got to get to the root of where this all started... 08:40 then we begin to reconstruct... Hmmm... 08:43 and we build up new layers... Hmmm... 08:46 so that you're going to look at yourself... differently... 08:47 It's interesting because from a physical perspective 08:50 as a Naturopath... you cleanse and then you rebuild... 08:53 That's right... so you're saying... 08:55 it's basically the same concept 08:58 you deconstruct and reconstruct... 09:01 Because you got to get all the waste out... 09:02 Yes... detoxify... 09:04 Detoxify... Girl... 09:05 and if you don't... it's going to come 09:07 right back in again... and it's going to poison 09:10 your relationship and you are going back to square one... 09:11 But let me emphasize once again... 09:14 risk... you know... because nothing happens 09:17 unless you're willing to change the behavior... 09:21 Hmmm... and that's very important 09:23 so we want to modify this behavior... 09:25 this behavior that's been causing us confusion 09:28 this behavior that's causing us all types of anger... 09:31 towards each other... so now, let's take a risk 09:34 to do something different... because if we both 09:37 if we both come to an agreement, 09:39 where we want to resolve our issues, 09:41 we want to have a happy marriage 09:42 okay so now... what do we need to do differently? 09:46 And I think one of the things that's really significant... 09:50 when our clients come to us is 09:52 we have to get them on the same page... 09:54 we have to let them know that from this point on... 09:59 whatever has happened... 10:00 you need to forgive that situation 10:02 and move on... if you're willing to resolve the issue... 10:06 If you are willing to resolve and that is one of the places 10:09 where they stay stuck... because, you know, 10:11 you did this to me... in one of our cases... 10:14 the wife committed adultery... Okay... 10:16 and when they came in... I was like, "Hi, how are you?" 10:20 married 4 months... it blew... 10:23 that's the kind of look I had... it blew me away... 10:25 Wow! and I guess... 10:26 there's no one perfect, you know Right... 10:28 but again... he found out by... she left her phone... 10:32 and he never had a reason to check her phone 10:34 for four and a half years... but this day... 10:36 he broke down in Church... she got out to go into the store 10:39 the phone was sitting there... he said, "Just... " 10:41 it was the Holy Spirit... because he would have 10:44 never known... and he confronted her 10:45 she lied... he got out of the car and started walking... 10:48 and they had an outburst right there 10:50 in the middle of the Freeway... and from there on... he says, 10:54 "If we don't get some help... " and so it's been a very hard 10:58 four weeks... they just started with us... 11:00 Hmmm... hmmm... and then... last week 11:02 she found out she was pregnant, by him... 11:04 Okay... but he says, 11:06 "Dr. Logan, how do I separate what she's done 11:08 versus being excited about the baby... " 11:11 Hmmm... And see, you're talking about 11:13 four years of being together 11:15 dating, and getting to know each other... 11:17 but what we found out was that... 11:22 even during the four years... 11:23 she was still engaged with her ex-boyfriend... 11:27 Hmmm... hmmm... You know... 11:28 So she has a monogamy issue, Yes... 11:31 she's not able to really commit to one person... 11:35 And then, digging deeper into the relationship... 11:39 and trying to help them resolve issues... 11:42 we found out that... at an early age 11:45 she was sexually molested... Oh... 11:46 And look at the family origin... That's right... 11:48 you always have to take that into account... 11:50 So when they come in, I say, 11:52 "Tell us the story... 11:53 tell me a story... Hmmm... 11:55 you know, part of my Clinical and Therapy 11:59 in my Speech Pathology... I took... Oral Communication and 12:03 Oral Interpretation and Storytelling Classes... 12:05 Okay... because when I preach... 12:06 I incorporate stories... both Arthur and I 12:08 incorporate stories... Oh, wonderful... 12:10 People love stories... 12:11 yeah... people love stories... Hmmm... hmmm... 12:13 so when they come in... I said, "First thing I do... 12:15 if we go through getting on this mission... 12:16 I sit back like this... I said, 12:18 "I'm listening... tell me your story" 12:20 Hmmm... So, when we talk about steps... 12:23 we're talking about "Communication... " 12:25 we're talking about "Taking Action" 12:27 and we're also talking about "Forgiving Each Other" 12:32 Yes... How do I... I've been... 12:35 I mean, I'm the "husband" now, I've been cheated on... 12:39 I've been with this woman for four years... 12:41 and when I say... because if somebody just tunes in... 12:44 they're going to wonder what I'm saying... Oh no... 12:48 Okay, let's say, I'm a wife... that had a husband that 12:51 was just consistently cheating on me... 12:55 how do I forgive that... 12:57 how... and two questions... 12:59 how do I forgive that... and then how do I rebuild trust 13:03 in this person that has consistently cheated on me? 13:08 And this is a very significant issue because this is so 13:12 ubiquitous.. Oh my goodness! 13:14 so many relationships have infidelity involved that... 13:19 it's just... I mean... it's everywhere, so 13:21 how do you forgive that... and how do you rebuild? 13:26 There's a Program with 12-Step Program in AA... 13:30 which is Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous 13:35 Hmmm... hmmm.. and one of the sayings that they 13:38 indicate to the people coming into the Program is 13:41 "One day at a time... " 13:42 Hmmm... okay, so you're living in the moment... 13:45 In the moment... especially when you're talking 13:48 about trust issues... Hmmm... hmmm... 13:51 trust issues that have been dissipated 13:53 and now we're at a point where we need to 13:56 re-engage and try to build that trust... 13:58 so, today 14:00 I'm going to love you 14:02 and today I'm going to support you 14:05 in everything you do... 14:07 and today... I'm not bringing up the past... 14:09 no matter what... No matter what... 14:12 and it's just like if an athlete 14:14 made a decision that they want to do well in a particular sport 14:20 they have to come up with a routine... 14:22 they have to practice... Hmmm... 14:24 and so... it's just like us... when we make a decision... 14:28 that we want to change behavior, 14:30 we have to implement the change 14:32 and practice it on a daily basis Wow! 14:35 but the most important thing that has to be established 14:39 even if you're not a Christian, 14:42 we still have to get to a point where we can share 14:46 and meditate with each other, prayer is recommended from us, 14:50 when they come into our office, we indicate to them 14:54 that this is a Christian Counseling service... 14:55 We've had Atheists come in... 14:56 Really... and what do you tell them? 14:59 They tell me, "I've tried everything else... 15:01 I don't want to do this but you came highly recommended 15:05 but don't talk about God, please... " 15:07 by, I mean, the fifth or sixth session... 15:09 they say, "We need to pray... " Wow! 15:12 "It is God... it is God... " Praise the Lord... 15:14 and God has sent them there... Yes... 15:15 I want to go back to something that I just said about 15:17 risk-taking... if you're taking a risk 15:20 to move forward... then you don't need to go backwards... 15:22 Yes... Oh, that's a great point... 15:24 I'm looking in the rear-view stop looking there... 15:25 you know... go forward... 15:27 and you made a commitment to go forward... 15:29 but this is what happens to a lot of relationships, Yvonne, 15:32 they pull that stuff right back again... that poison... 15:34 they forget to detox... you've done it... it's over... 15:36 Yes... and what I did last week... 15:38 he took all the phone records... 15:39 I said, "Bring all your phone records... 15:40 bring all the phone records... " and we went in 15:43 to the restroom in my office, and I burnt them... 15:46 Hmmm... they held them in their hands 15:47 and then they let them sink... 15:49 we threw them into the sea of forgiveness... 15:50 Hmmm... It is over, you know, 15:53 but what happened the next day... 15:54 he found out that she sent pictures of herself 15:57 nude to her boyfriend before... a day before the wedding... 16:00 he said, "Dr. Logan, as soon as I let go, 16:03 something else comes out... " 16:04 and I said, "Well, you know, that's the enemy's job... 16:06 okay... and we... and she can't change... 16:10 she doesn't remember everything, 16:11 but, I'm asking the Lord to expose her... 16:14 let the stuff come out... " Hmmm... hmmm... 16:16 because they're such a beautiful couple 16:18 and they love each other... but again, the forgiveness, 16:21 taking that risk... he has cried... he has cursed... 16:23 he has hugged... 16:25 I just separated them the other day... 16:27 Really... put them in the waiting lobby... 16:28 and now she's pregnant... you got to calm down... 16:31 and she has Lupus... so we got a lot of outside 16:34 contributing factors... It's got layers... 16:36 layers... All of these layers, you know, 16:38 we're not unidimensional... 16:40 so, when you're dealing with these issues... 16:43 you know, you got this issue, on top of this one... 16:46 on top of this one... and it is just... 16:47 It is something! It is something... 16:49 We want to show you something, okay... 16:51 "Arthur, I have been calling you for 10 hours... 16:53 where have you been?" 16:55 "Kim, it's not any of your business where I've been... " 16:57 "What do you mean... 'it's not any of my business?'" 16:59 "You know, because... " 17:00 "Why can't you pick up the phone don't talk to me... 17:01 don't say anything to me... " "See Kim, that's your problem" 17:03 "It's not my problem... " "That is your problem... " 17:05 "You're my problem... " "Now, Kim, I'm not your problem" 17:07 "You know what! this is why I want out... " 17:08 "The issues that you've been carrying in... " 17:10 "This is why we can't communicate... all right!" 17:11 "You don't want... no more... or no faster than I ever... " 17:13 "Whatever, whatever... okay" 17:15 "See, and you've been going to that pastor... 17:18 and talking about your issues, 17:19 and it's not doing you any good" "You know what! 17:21 one of us has got to go... and it's not going to be me!" 17:23 "Kim, I'm already gone... " 17:25 And that's what we see... Wow! 17:28 That's what we see... 17:30 That was intense! 17:31 We see it every day... one day, one of our staff person 17:34 I heard say, "Mr. Nowlin, Mr. Nowlin, it's very quiet. " 17:37 He says, "Stop it... " you know, 17:40 because he will let them go get it out and vent... 17:42 Hmmm... hmmm... because one of our rules... 17:44 "You can't discuss anything outside of the therapy session" 17:48 Hmmm... hmmm... you got to work on the skills 17:50 that we give you to work on... Hmmm... hmmm... 17:52 Not even in the car... Not even in the car... 17:53 Oh, so when you leave... when that couple leaves... 17:56 they don't talk about it, until they come back again. 17:59 Yeah, they work on other things 18:00 that we've given them to do... 18:01 Issues that were really brought up in the session... 18:06 where it causes a lot of pain, 18:08 we don't want them to talk about it 18:09 when they get in the car... and go home because... 18:11 it's going to continue to bring up pain... 18:13 and they may say something that really is difficult... 18:16 And they don't have the tools yet to negotiate this... 18:19 you know... so... because again... 18:21 before you can reconcile you got to reconstruct it... 18:24 you got to look at restoration, how can I restore something 18:27 if I'm not reconciled with it... 18:28 Yeah, and what you guys don't want them to do is... 18:32 is to continue that damaging pattern of confrontation 18:35 Yes, yes... the way they're confronting 18:36 each other is so damaging... Oh! 18:38 You can't take back some things, so it's better to just... 18:42 knock it... right... right... right... 18:44 How did you guys get into this kind of work? 18:47 You seem so well suited for it. Well... God... 18:50 Through the grace of God... Yeah... 18:53 I was doing things in the area of substance abuse and 18:56 doing workshops and seminars with 18:59 an agency that I was working for... 19:02 Kim was in private practice at the time... 19:05 and she was doing a lot of communication 19:09 what was it... Seminars, workshops, right... 19:11 "Speak for Success" 19:13 right... and different things I was doing 19:14 but what really brought me to this... was that... 19:17 my childhood... my parents... and we are very transparent 19:20 and on the Program... you've seen it... 19:22 you know, my parents went through a divorce when I was 12 19:24 and I wanted to understand... 19:26 and I had several speech impediments 19:27 so that's why I did a degree in Speech Pathology... 19:30 in Oakwood and A and M... and then... 19:32 Talk about sublimation... right Come on now... 19:34 Come on... come on... So I wanted to understand 19:36 what was wrong with me... why wasn't I connecting? 19:39 and then the Counseling was something 19:41 that I needed to understand, you know, 19:43 I wanted to get into the behavior modification 19:45 "Why couldn't my parents stay together? 19:47 What was going on in the household?" 19:48 Hmmm... hmmm... and then later on in life 19:50 I found out that my father was a substance abuser 19:52 through my husband... and I talk about that 19:54 because Arthur interviewed me for the new season... 19:56 Who was a substance abuser? My father... 19:57 Your father... okay... I didn't think alcohol was a 20:00 "substance abuse" I didn't think it was... 20:02 Oh... okay... because it wasn't talked about 20:04 in the Church... it was never talked about... 20:05 My background is "Substance Abuse" 20:06 I pointed out some situations and I had to provide her 20:11 with certain information and that's when the 20:14 "light" came on for her... Yes... 20:16 but one of the reasons we came together as far as 20:19 this counseling... I think in therapy... 20:22 we both were looking for an opportunity 20:25 to give back to our Community... Hmmm... 20:27 we saw a lot of devastation... 20:29 I think you and I were talking about that... 20:31 Hmmm... hmmm... and we wanted to offer more 20:33 and so we really talked in... we really came together 20:38 but we also recognized that both of us... 20:41 we had issues that we had to deal with 20:44 before we can go out and talk to other people... 20:48 Hmmm... That's right... shut it down... 20:49 don't try... you can do more damage... 20:50 And even along the way, Yvonne, along the way we clashed 20:55 and then all of a sudden, we would make a decision 20:57 of how we would resolve those issues... 21:00 but in the meantime... we're taking notes... 21:02 of what worked for us... 21:04 And then, you know, God is so good... 21:05 because every time someone comes into our office... 21:07 we kind of look at each other like... 21:08 "Did we just go through that... 21:10 did the Lord just deliver us from that?" 21:13 and the Lord said, "Be ye also ready... " 21:15 Hmmm... hmmm... and so, "many are called 21:17 but few are chosen... " when they don't accept the call, 21:19 so, when we get a case... I'm like 21:21 "Wow! did we just do that?" 21:22 I said, "That's Kim, my goodness" 21:25 when they leave... I'm going to say, 21:27 "Do you see what I'm talking about?" 21:29 We're dealing with a case right now... 21:33 Now this man is me... and the wife is Arthur... 21:36 I'm like, "Wow!" and I say, "Stop it... stop it" 21:39 Wow! isn't that amazing that God allows you 21:43 to also see yourselves in those that come in... 21:46 so that you can guide them... Yes... 21:49 That's part of maturity... we've got to be open to growth 21:51 and maturity... and a lot of times... 21:53 we don't want to grow... 21:54 we want to stay in our comfort zone... 21:55 Well, change is hard... Change is hard! 21:57 and it's uncomfortable... Yes... 21:59 you know... That's the risk... 22:01 that's the risk... Exactly... 22:03 Or you won't move right... 22:05 and then it impacts your self-esteem 22:08 you become depressed... the other layers come in... 22:10 and then in looking at other people who are progressing... 22:14 and now... you're hating on us 22:16 because we're doing things in our lives... 22:18 Yes... We found out that it's really 22:21 important for us to be transparent... 22:24 Oh yes... We don't want to give 22:27 the perspective that we know everything... 22:31 because we don't... but one of the things... 22:33 that is so significant to me is, I was talking to a friend 22:37 who is doing marriage seminars now... 22:40 Hmmm... hmmm... and yesterday, 22:41 he and I were talking 22:42 and we were saying that... as we continue to mature... 22:47 as we continue to be involved in relationships... 22:51 that we are constantly in change... you know because 22:54 we're dealing with different personalities... 22:57 Yes... even though I may reach a point 23:00 where I am trying to increase my knowledge 23:03 and develop certain skills to improve my relationship, 23:07 my spouse may be looking at things 23:09 from a different perspective of how she could increase 23:12 her knowledge and deal with things 23:14 in a different perspective... it doesn't mean 23:16 that we're coming together... 23:17 we could talk about coming together... 23:20 Hmmm... but still we grow differently 23:23 and it's really... it takes a lot of work for us 23:25 to move forward... 23:27 That's such a good point... that you grow differently... 23:30 the key is... even though you're growing differently... 23:33 you don't grow apart... 23:35 You got to keep it merged... You got to keep it merged... 23:37 Yeah... You know... and again... 23:39 a lot of people forget the tools they take away 23:42 and they put that flesh in there and it's the "I" syndrome... 23:46 it's all about what I want... No, we're a team... 23:48 and Arthur and I do this thing, 23:50 I thought we were on the same team 23:51 Hmmm... hmmm... and then when we got married... 23:53 and we're on the same team... well, you know, 23:55 why are we having this battle that we're pulling us apart... 23:57 and then how it impacts the children... 24:00 it's just... and again... the layers... and then 24:02 Arthur will say in a workshop or seminar... 24:05 "You have to be careful... your choice 24:07 impacts everyone else... it's like a ripple effect... " 24:11 Yes... Okay... 24:12 So often... and I read this in some books... 24:16 relationship books... that... you don't think that 24:19 your choices impact your family, so, you want this... 24:22 you want this extramarital affair, 24:24 so, nobody's going to know, 24:27 who really cares... it's not going to hurt anybody... 24:28 Well, yeah, it does... It does... 24:31 the whole family is affected... The Church... 24:33 Everybody... And if Satan can destroy 24:35 the family... he destroys the Church... 24:37 That's what's going on right now... 24:39 Yeah... oh yeah... he is targeting the family 24:43 that's why we have such dysfunctional families... 24:46 Oh yes... and we have single-parent 24:48 households... before we go... 24:50 I can't believe our time is all up... 24:52 I want to do another Program with you... 24:55 but, what do you see going on in the Church 24:58 that we're not really addressing... 25:01 what issues do you see in the Church... 25:03 that we're really need to focus on... 25:06 One of the things that's paramount... 25:08 is our relationship with our youth... 25:11 Hmmm... Our youth are... 25:12 Suffering... they are really perplexed... 25:15 as to... how they play a role in this Church today... 25:21 Hmmm... Kim works really well with our 25:23 young people... you know... I'm really impressed 25:26 and they have a lot of respect for her... 25:29 because she takes risks... and she goes... 25:33 and she participates with them and she speaks their language... 25:36 Hmmm... and they want somebody to be 25:39 upfront and real with them... 25:41 so we have to have a real relationship with our youth 25:44 and get them involved to the extent where 25:46 they can be on a Board Meeting, they can participate 25:50 in our different programs that we offer in a Church 25:54 instead of sitting back and being served... 25:56 they can participate to the point where 25:58 they are seriously involved as an active participant... 26:03 Hmmm... hmmm... Another issue... 26:04 is substance abuse... it's not really talked about 26:07 in the Church... abuse, domestic violence, 26:10 and incarceration... 26:12 Yes... are you guys doing workshops and things like that 26:17 tell us... we have like a minute and a half left... 26:20 tell us what you're doing... 26:21 Right now... we're working with two half-way houses... 26:26 Hmmm... In Detroit... 26:27 In Detroit... Michigan... 26:29 That's wonderful... 26:30 Both of them are male half-way houses and 26:31 we deal with substance abuse 26:34 and we're providing group therapy 26:36 tremendous results with these programs... 26:39 Praise the Lord... And then with the Family Life... 26:42 we're co-directors of the Lake Region Conference... 26:44 Oh... okay... and so, we're on the road 26:47 every weekend... providing support and help 26:50 and skills... and helping people know that "you're not alone" 26:54 Yes, yes... I can't believe our time is up... 26:58 you know what... I knew before... 26:59 before you guys came... 27:00 I knew that this was just going to be... 27:02 you just know... some interviews are going to be fun 27:05 and some are going to be kind of dry... 27:06 but you... saved by chance have been wonderful... 27:10 Thank you... for all you do for the cause of Christ... 27:12 We appreciate that... we love you... 27:14 We love you guys and are so appreciate 27:16 everything that you're doing... 27:18 We love you too... because you took a risk on us... 27:19 You took a risk... 27:20 Well, the Lord is so good... He impresses 27:22 as to who we should have and all that... 27:25 so God is good... and He provides... 27:27 Amen... Amen... 27:28 Well, we have come to the close of another... 27:31 I started to say, "Making it Work" 27:33 It's okay... Go ahead... 27:37 another Urban Report... thank you so much for tuning in 27:40 you know that the family is so important... 27:43 pray for our families... pray for our Churches... 27:47 pray for our young people, get involved in your Church... 27:51 in your youth groups... all of these things... 27:53 you must really, really know 27:56 that God has a special plan for you... 27:58 Join us next time... it just wouldn't be the same 28:01 without you... Amen... |
Revised 2015-07-09