Participants: Yvonne Lewis (Host), Kenneth Braswell
Series Code: UBR
Program Code: UBR000029
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00:01 What is the impact on the family when the father is absent?
00:04 Why should we even care? 00:05 Stay tuned to meet someone who's dedicated his life 00:09 to remedying the ramifications of "Father Absence" 00:12 My name is Yvonne Lewis and you're watching... 00:15 Urban Report... 00:37 Hello and welcome to Urban Report... 00:39 Today our guest is Ken Braswell, 00:41 Founder and Executive Director of Fathers Incorporated... 00:45 Fathers Incorporated... a not-for-profit Organization 00:49 serves as the Leader in the promotion of 00:51 responsible fatherhood and mentoring... 00:53 This international, national and local focus 00:57 will raise the awareness about, and combat the impact of, 01:00 "Father Absence" 01:02 Ken, welcome to Urban Report... 01:04 Dr. Lewis, thank you so much... it is a humbling pleasure 01:09 to be in your presence today... 01:10 Oh, well, that is so kind of you to say... 01:13 but we just praise the Lord for all that you're doing... 01:16 and I am so excited about your work and your Organization... 01:20 and you and I have talked for really, 01:22 probably for almost a year, 01:24 and this is the first time 01:25 that I've been able to have you on Urban Report... 01:28 so it is my honor to have you here... 01:30 Thank you for taking the time out to be with us... 01:32 No, thank you... 01:34 Tell us a little bit about you first of all... 01:38 Who is Ken Braswell? 01:39 You know, I'd like to start off by saying, "I'm a child of God" 01:44 I walk every moment of my life in obedience to my Lord... 01:51 I don't make any decisions, I don't take a step, 01:54 I don't utter a word, I don't think a thought 01:57 without asking the Father first whether or not 02:01 it is something that is in His will... 02:02 and then closely after that... I'm a loving husband, 02:06 I love my wife dearly... and then I'm a father... 02:10 of children and 02:11 a servant to my Community... 02:14 and I think that that describes me in a nutshell 02:16 and all of the other things that are laced in my 02:19 resume are good things to show 02:20 for people to get a sense of what I do... 02:23 if you ask me who I am... that's who I am... 02:25 That's wonderful... where did you grow up? 02:27 I grew up in Brooklyn, New York, Oh! 02:30 my mother, at the age of 18 years old, 02:33 left Pinetops, North Carolina, with me in tow... 02:38 I was about 2 or 3 years old when she came to Brooklyn... 02:41 she came with two of her cousins... 02:43 who also had children and you know, back in those days, 02:47 when young women had children, particularly in the south 02:51 of the United States... oftentimes, 02:53 they had to leave... and many of them went north 02:57 and my mother was one of those, and she struggled for the vast 03:00 majority of her life, raising myself as well as... 03:04 later on... some years later, my brother and sister, 03:07 and so, Brooklyn, New York, is where I call "Home" 03:11 but I live, currently in Albany, New York, 03:13 which is about 140 miles north of New York City... 03:16 Okay, so your mom was a single mother, then, 03:19 raising her children? 03:21 Yes, she was... 03:22 And is that what propelled you into this whole work 03:29 of the impact of "Father Absence" 03:31 what propelled you to do this... 03:34 this work? You know, I think, as I began 03:37 to do this work... I made the connection 03:40 between my mother being a single mother 03:43 but the genesis of me getting into this work 03:46 had to do with my own experiences 03:49 as a young boy... 03:51 struggling to be a man... 03:52 and trying to figure out 03:54 how to be a father... at a very young age... 03:56 I had my first child at 17 years old... 03:59 closely after that... I found myself in my first marriage... 04:04 that lasted... you know... shorter... 04:07 than the courtship did... 04:09 for many years when my daughter was born 04:12 her mother and I were like... oil and water... 04:15 and we could not find a way... to find ourselves together 04:18 and quickly became divorced and separated... 04:22 and I spent a large part of the early days 04:25 of my child's life... estranged from her... 04:28 and then it was the birth of my second child... 04:31 that, God placed in my life, to turn me around 04:34 and I believe, that was the emphasis for impetus 04:38 for the trajectory of my life because she literally 04:42 awoke the spirit in me that said that, 04:44 "You have to be a different kind of man... 04:47 you have to really figure out how you're going to 04:50 adhere to your responsibilities as a father 04:53 you can no longer be the selfish man that I was... 04:56 at the time... you now have a responsibility 04:59 that's not yours... that actually belongs to me 05:02 as my new-born child... " and that really changed, 05:06 my life... my daughter... who is now 13-years-old 05:10 really turned my life around, 05:12 she caused me to reconnect with my first child... 05:15 that has happened over time and that relationship is still 05:20 as I call, "under construction" 05:22 but we love each other dearly, 05:24 we talk more than we've ever talked... 05:26 she has given me an awesome grandchild... 05:28 and it was that experience... 05:31 and then finding myself in Family Court 05:34 with my second daughter and her mother 05:38 struggling to find a way 05:39 to parent our child effectively, 05:42 given that we weren't together anymore... 05:43 You have given some really interesting points here 05:48 because... I want to go back for a second 05:51 because there are so many young guys... like 17... 05:55 like you were... that find themselves 05:58 "Fathers" they have sired babies... 06:02 but they're not actually being fathers... 06:04 they're not parenting these children... 06:06 so, part of it... I think... and you tell me... 06:10 but part of it is because 06:12 they didn't have fathers, 06:14 so they don't really know what a father does... 06:16 what does a father really look like? 06:20 what is a part of the parenting process, 06:24 and I think it's because they don't know themselves... 06:28 how to be parents... so that's number one... 06:31 I think... everything in Society propels you towards sexuality... 06:35 but it doesn't propel you 06:37 toward the consequences of that sexuality... 06:41 so, you find yourself... 06:42 you're seventeen... and you've got a baby... 06:46 and a baby-mama that is on your case, 06:49 and so you find yourself really, trying to deal with that 06:53 would you speak to that for a second? 06:55 Yeah, I often tell young men, young boys when I'm talking 06:59 to them... that the measurement of manhood 07:02 is your ability to be able to be responsible and sustain 07:08 all of the acts that you have engaged in... 07:13 as a boy... and so, when you become 07:16 a father as a boy... your manhood is measured by 07:22 how well you adhere to the responsibilities 07:25 of being a father... and oftentimes, 07:28 when we are youth, and this is the consequence 07:31 you talk about consequence 07:33 and I speak a lot about this to them as well... 07:35 you know, when you, as a youth 07:39 engage in adult actions... 07:42 adult actions cause adult consequences... 07:45 Hmmm... hmmm... when you are a youth... 07:48 you don't have the ability and the wherewithal... 07:51 to match up with the adult consequences... 07:54 Having sex, having children, having to pay rent, 08:00 having to get a job, 08:02 those are adult activities that have consequences 08:06 and when you are a child... you are ill-equipped to do that 08:09 and that is the problem for many of our youth today... 08:12 they have engaged in adult activities 08:15 that have adult consequences, 08:17 and they are still youth and don't have 08:19 the resources and abilities to be able to adhere 08:22 to those responsibilities... 08:23 That is so true... and you know, when we look at the 08:26 the 10 Commandments... and we look at the commandment 08:28 that says, "Thou shalt not commit adultery" 08:31 it's not because God is trying to... 08:33 to, you know, just kind of suppress your pleasure 08:37 it's a protection... it's a protective mechanism 08:42 set into place that actually protects you from doing 08:47 things that you're not prepared to do... 08:49 and so, you know, I think that that is such an important point 08:54 that you're doing adult activities 08:57 as a youth... as a child... and you're not prepared for 09:01 the adult consequences that is so true... 09:04 So... so... oh... go ahead... 09:07 It's... 09:09 If you just take the 09:10 story of Adam... as a footprint there was a reason 09:16 that God spent so much time with Adam... 09:19 in talking to him about his purpose... 09:21 and talking to him about his placement 09:24 and talking to him about his position 09:26 and talking about his... the work that he had to do 09:30 in Eden... 09:32 before He gave him Eve... 09:35 and all of that preparation... for Adam 09:38 was to get prepared for his helpmate... 09:41 which is the process... as a boy... you get prepared 09:47 by the image of a man who teaches you 09:50 how to do the things so that when you do engage... 09:53 you have the wherewithal to be able to attend 09:55 to those responsibilities 09:56 so it wasn't until he was clear in understanding that 09:59 that God gave him Eve... and it wasn't until after that 10:02 that... they have children, and we missed that point 10:06 in the process, you know, of being boys 10:09 and then being girls and then being husbands and wives... 10:12 and then having children... we jumped over the whole process 10:15 the rights of the children... and we expect for everything 10:18 to be right... Oh, come on now... 10:20 that's some wonderful stuff there... 10:23 you gave a lot of P's too... I love that, you know, that... 10:26 the alliteration... I love that... 10:28 Preparation on a... tell us the P's, 10:32 Preparation, Purpose, Yes... 10:37 Sex, Commitment, all of those things 10:41 God gave Adam, you know, before He gave him 10:44 the responsibility, you know, of being a "Papa" 10:48 Yes... and the process... it is a process... 10:52 that we tend to want to skip, you are so right... 10:57 we tend to want to skip the process 10:59 and go right to the pleasure, Right... right... 11:02 go right to the pleasure... 11:04 forget the preparation, forget the process, 11:06 let's just deal with the pleasure 11:08 and that... that is not God's 11:12 intention... again... what God has set into play... 11:16 here... it's for our protection, another P... 11:20 it's for our protection, so it's not just Him 11:24 trying to be arbitrary and saying... 11:26 "Well, don't do that... " No, don't do it because 11:29 you're not ready... for that, 11:32 it's not part of my plan for you... " 11:35 so all of these things are in place... 11:38 and I love that idea about Adam... 11:40 and God spending time with Adam preparing him for his mate, 11:45 that is so important because a lot of times... 11:48 a lot of the guys and women now... of today... 11:52 I have sons... and my sons tell me, 11:54 "Mom, women aren't like they used to be... 11:57 they're not really necessarily looking for commitment either" 12:00 Right... so, it's like... 12:01 there's a whole different mentality... 12:04 among a lot of young people... 12:06 and I'm not trying to indict all young people 12:08 but I'm saying that among a lot of people period... 12:12 there is this cavalier attitude toward sexuality 12:16 and toward having children and who are just being out there 12:21 and hanging out... doing what's fun 12:23 without dealing with the process 12:25 and the preparation... so, your mom... had you... 12:30 raised you... you had your child at 17... 12:34 and then you had this other child 12:37 and through his other child you became more aware 12:40 of what you were to do... as a parent... 12:43 She opened your eyes to the importance of parenting... 12:48 what is the outcome 12:52 of families... that you can see... 12:54 what are some of the consequences 12:57 of the absent father? 12:58 You know, it's different for 13:02 both boys and girls... 13:05 there are some similarities in terms of outcomes... 13:08 they don't fare so well in school... 13:11 they struggle with self-esteem, 13:14 they engage in, what Society calls... deviant behaviors... 13:18 either drug abuse or alcoholism and violence 13:23 children... tend to not have a grounded "Spirit Place" for 13:29 spirituality... to be a part of their lives, 13:32 I have a friend... that I'm going through with him now 13:36 in helping him understand how important it is 13:40 to have a relationship with God... 13:42 and I can give you all the statistics and research 13:47 in the world... but the reality is 13:48 when the father gets up on Sunday morning 13:51 or Saturday morning... whenever time 13:53 your faith calls you... to be obedient to God... 13:56 the family usually more than likely 13:58 gets up with him... and so, when you don't have 14:01 fathers in the household... primarily for these children 14:05 there is no guidance... there is no way 14:08 and no mechanism for them to really... 14:11 be able to trust God 14:14 my wife said to me... before we got married... 14:17 and I never understood this concept until she said so... 14:20 she said that 14:22 what helped her understand 14:26 how I was her husband is when she realized 14:30 she could follow God through me... 14:33 she said to me that that is the order 14:36 God, husband, wife... 14:38 but in order for the wife and family to be in alignment 14:42 and be in order with God's calling... 14:44 that the wife has to be able to see God through her husband, 14:48 All right... because if it's off path... 14:51 the wife and the families... are off path... 14:53 and so, that... therein lies 14:55 probably one of our biggest problems 14:57 when men... are not in their rightful place 15:00 with respect to their families... 15:03 Yes, there is a divine order 15:06 and we want... many times 15:10 the woman ends up being kind of the spiritual head 15:13 of the household... but the husband is to be that 15:17 priest of the household... he is the one that is to call 15:20 his family to worship... he is the one that is to 15:24 take them to Church on Sabbath morning 15:27 and make sure that that family is in alignment 15:31 with the divine plan... 15:33 so, that's a very interesting point 15:36 so your wife really brought to you... that concept 15:40 of that priesthood... 15:43 that the husband is to be the priest... 15:46 and to lead his family to the alter... 15:49 that's very, very important... 15:51 And what that did... at that moment 15:54 when I understood that... it laid upon my heart 15:58 a different kind of responsibility... 16:01 that if I wanted my wife and my children... 16:06 to follow, be obedient, be humble 16:09 to the calling of God... that the responsibility 16:13 of my life... to be in line and to have a relationship 16:16 with God was critically important 16:19 if I was the man... I said I was 16:21 and so it forces me to stay in like-step with my God 16:27 if I want my family to also be in like-step with Him as well... 16:30 how can I expect something of them 16:32 that I don't expect of myself... 16:33 Ah, excellent, excellent... so leading by example 16:38 Absolutely... that's the key... 16:39 that's the key... we have a video of you and 16:45 kind of your development... would you set it up for us 16:48 and tell us what it's about... 16:50 Yeah, you know, I was just... you know... 16:53 I often... I'm very reflective, I kind of... 16:56 I look at my life and I try to watch the steps 16:59 that God has ordered for me and sometimes I have to 17:02 motivate myself because I'm probably 17:05 my harshest critic with respect to... 17:08 am I doing as much as I can do? Can I do more? 17:11 And my wife often tells me... "Well, sometimes you got to 17:14 stop and sit back and look at what you've accomplished... " 17:17 you got to start telling people and showing people your walk 17:20 people have to see that you were at Place A 17:24 and now you're at Place B and you've been at C and D and E 17:28 and you can walk through those and so, 17:30 I love putting videos together, I have a heart 17:33 for the creative process... and something just said, 17:36 "You know what... you got a computer and a hard drive 17:38 full of those kinds of images... 17:40 put something together that will speak to your heart 17:43 when you're not feeling adequate with respect to 17:46 the purpose that God has laid on you... 17:47 Oh great... well let's take a look at this video right now. 17:51 Music... One Man's Journey 17:58 by Kenneth Braswell... music playing... 18:05 music playing... 18:10 with Hilary Clinton 18:15 Music playing... 18:21 The biggest question I had for myself was 18:23 whether I would call him "Dad" or Mr. Applewhite... 18:26 my internal conversation told me if I called him "Dad" 18:30 I would be giving up something of myself... 18:34 I'm not a perfect man... I don't subscribe 18:39 at any point in my life to be perfect, you know, 18:42 I've learned a lot from my mistakes... 18:44 I've got a lot of light... and I get a lot more... 18:47 but I continued to move forward and I'd get up every morning 18:51 I'm trying to be a better man, trying to be a better father, 18:54 trying to be a better partner, trying to be a better friend... 18:57 trying to be a better Christian 18:59 and that's all I have to give to the world 19:01 music playing... 19:22 Met His Father at Age 22... 19:26 as a child... and sometimes we make mistakes, 19:29 sometimes, we make big mistakes, you know... 19:31 sometimes women make mistakes, sometimes they make big mistakes 19:35 it is critical that fathers be placed back into the paradigm 19:39 of family development... you just have to make sure that 19:42 the family structure... that exists for our children 19:45 are safe for them... and that's first, foremost 19:48 and paramount in the work that... 19:50 in the work that we do... 19:52 NBA Star Dwayne Wade... White House Champion of change 19:54 in Orlando, Florida... 19:56 We want to be able to take this chance 19:58 to begin to build the capacity of these barbers 20:01 to be productive... information dissemination points 20:05 for the Communities that they serve in... 20:07 This work is about wanting to see the beauty... 20:10 but not wanting to deal with the thorns... 20:12 and for fathers... in this work, 20:15 we have become in essence the thorns... 20:18 It's very difficult to heal someone else 20:20 when you're wounded... 20:21 We have a situation where one third of US-born children 20:26 wake up each morning 20:27 without their biological fathers in their homes... 20:30 This is what you all just did... 20:32 this is the king of the freaking jungle... 20:35 he has dominion over everything, let the jungle hear you roar... 20:40 Roar... roar... roar... so get up off your seats... 20:47 and let me hear you roar... ROAR... 20:49 let me hear you roar... 20:50 And when they were asking Jesus what is it that 20:52 you're going to do... he kneeled down in the sand... 20:58 and he wrote something in the sand... 21:01 and the Bible doesn't tell us what he wrote in the sand... 21:06 but he raised up to say... 21:08 "Let anyone without sin... cast the first stone... " 21:12 and so... a lot of you... have done a lot of things 21:16 in your life... and you're waiting for 21:18 written confirmation... and for someone to sit down 21:21 and write something in the life of yours 21:24 in the sands of your life... to let you know as you said 21:29 that you're not alone... 21:30 and there's a place for you to go... 21:32 and the work continues... 21:36 music... 21:45 Wow! thank you so much for sharing that with us... 21:49 that is really... it kind of encapsulates 21:52 what you're doing... tell us before... 21:55 because the time has just really quickly gone by... 21:58 we have about five minutes left, tell us a bit about 22:02 Fathers Incorporated... what's your mission... 22:04 what's your vision... that kind of thing... 22:07 you know... we have... God set a new mission for us 22:11 about two years ago... and that was to become 22:14 the number one promoter of responsible fatherhood 22:17 and mentoring... around the world 22:19 and what that calls us to do is to really do the things 22:22 that elevate this conversation of the importance of 22:25 responsible fatherhood... and to eradicate 22:28 the outcome of "Father Absence" 22:30 and fatherlessness... we do that in 22:33 curriculum development and programming... public speaking 22:37 social media... I might do a lot of writing... 22:40 speaking, talking... whatever God sets on my heart to do 22:43 to elevate this conversation... 22:45 is the task of Fathers Incorporated... 22:49 just not too long ago... we kind of re-adjusted... 22:53 me and re-adjusted our Organization 22:55 and it has really put us on the path 22:57 to really begin to do this work in Faith-based Institutions... 23:02 He said to me... not too long ago... 23:05 "Kenny, people will see your work as the work of the world 23:10 the purpose that I've laid on your heart... 23:13 has absolutely nothing to do with the world... 23:15 it has to do with the building of the Kingdom... 23:17 and therefore... you have absolutely no boundaries 23:19 when it comes to this earth... " 23:21 and so, as you can imagine, 23:24 hearing that, from my Father, telling me that 23:27 this work that I do... is about Kingdom-building... 23:31 it's something that we are now in the process of 23:34 taking a step back and planning exactly how we're going to move 23:39 forward... to spread this word... 23:42 at every corner of the earth... 23:44 Wow! that is absolutely wonderful... 23:47 this is a work... that is so critical... 23:50 one of the things that I see and it's just so disheartening 23:55 is the erosion of the family... 23:58 there is not that central... that figure... 24:03 that father-head of the home 24:06 of the household... it's so often absent... 24:08 and so... if we don't address that 24:11 and address it with the spiritual paradigm... 24:15 we are really, just, floundering so your work... 24:19 in getting this word out... is critical... 24:22 tell us a little bit about the mentoring... 24:25 that Fathers Incorporated does... 24:27 We are engaged 24:33 in a couple of things right now 24:34 I said a few minutes ago... we are developing 24:38 what we're describing as a Fatherhood Ministry Curriculum 24:42 and that is to go into churches 24:44 to begin to help them establish a work that points directly 24:48 at fathers... oftentimes, in many churches 24:51 you'll see Men's Ministries... 24:52 but Men's Ministries don't directly 24:54 deal with the issue of Fatherhood... 24:57 and all men's ministries don't, all men aren't fathers 25:00 and so, in our churches, we have to begin to start 25:03 focusing our Leaders and our Congregations 25:06 on this issue of Fatherhood... and it's not just about 25:09 talking to the fathers about their responsibility 25:12 of fatherhood... but it's also talking to our mothers 25:14 about the critical importance that they have... 25:17 in bringing fathers to their children... 25:20 whether they live together or not... 25:22 and then the last piece of it is 25:25 ensuring that we connect our earthly responsibility 25:29 of being fathers to the spiritual reality... 25:33 that we all have a Father... 25:35 and that He has said that even in the midst of not 25:37 having a father... I am your father... 25:40 and that is something... and a connection that we must 25:43 make to people so that when a biological father 25:46 is not in your lives nor is a positive role model... 25:49 they know enough to get down on their knees and pray 25:52 to the heavenly father for answers to their circumstances. 25:55 Oh, that's wonderful... that is wonderful... 25:58 In 30 seconds... what would you say 26:02 what would you say to that young man 26:06 that wants to be a better father but just doesn't know 26:09 where to start... what would you say? 26:11 I would say, "Start with your heart... 26:13 listen to your heart... put yourself in the shoes of 26:19 that child and say to yourself 26:20 'what would you want me to do in the same situation' 26:23 and then if you can't get an answer from that question, 26:27 the next question should be one that we hear often 26:30 but we don't pay enough attention to... and that is... 26:33 'what would Jesus do in the same situation. '" 26:35 That's wonderful... 26:37 thank you so much for being with us... 26:40 we didn't even get to touch on what happened 26:43 when you met your dad... at age 22... 26:45 and I'm sure that our Viewers would like to know that... 26:48 plus I know that there are going to be 26:50 on-going activities and events that Fathers Incorporated 26:55 is sponsoring with love... 26:57 for our Viewers to know more about that... 27:00 your website again... 27:01 give us your website... 27:03 Our website is www. Fathersincorporated. com 27:08 we are on Facebook... 27:10 our Twitter handle is Fathersincorp 27:14 if you Google us... you will find us... 27:17 I think when you Google Fathers Incorporated 27:19 you'll probably load it up on the first 10 or 15 pages... 27:22 so you have no excuse for not finding us... 27:25 That's wonderful... thank you so much 27:27 and we hope to have you back again... 27:29 Thank you Dr. Lewis and God bless you... 27:31 God bless you too Brother Ken... 27:34 Thank you so much for tuning in, 27:36 we are just so blessed to have you 27:38 and we just pray that 27:39 this information will be of use to you... 27:42 share it with people that you know... 27:44 let them know that there are Organizations 27:47 out there that can really help them 27:49 with parenting and being good fathers and good mothers 27:53 because we need that desperately... 27:56 Join us next time... 27:57 we know... it just wouldn't be the same... 28:00 without you... |
Revised 2015-07-09