Participants: Yvonne Lewis (Host), Danielle Harrison
Series Code: UBR
Program Code: UBR000122A
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00:01 The following program discusses sensitive issues.
00:03 Parents are cautioned that some material 00:05 may be too candid for younger children. 00:07 Stay tuned to meet a young woman who was in darkness 00:14 and is now walking in God's marvelous light... 00:17 My name is Yvonne Lewis and you're watching 00:19 Urban Report... 00:44 Hello and welcome to Urban Report... 00:47 My guest today is Danielle Harrison 00:49 Founder of Into His Light Ministry... 00:52 Welcome to Urban Report Danielle... 00:54 Thank you for having me Yvonne, it's really a privilege... 00:58 It's a blessing for us to have you here... 01:00 I'm so thankful that you're going to share your story 01:05 with us because there are so many people 01:07 that need to hear it... 01:09 and they're struggling with the same kind of bondage 01:13 and so, I just really appreciate your being here... 01:16 thank you... Thank you for having me... 01:18 So, give us a little bit of history into your background 01:23 let's hear some of your background 01:26 and get into your testimony... 01:28 Okay, well, growing up as a child... 01:33 my first love was music... 01:35 when I asked my mom about my character 01:37 as a baby and a young girl 01:39 she says I was always singing and dancing 01:42 everywhere that I went... and also that 01:44 that I liked to be outdoors out in nature... 01:48 and that I was always very happy... 01:49 unfortunately, my parents were struggling in their marriage 01:54 by the time I came around 01:55 they weren't planning on having another child... 01:57 and so... my parents separated when I was only 6 years old... 02:02 and as a result of that separation... 02:06 we moved into a neighboring town 02:08 we chose some low-income housing my mother and my siblings and I, 02:11 and it was actually in that apartment complex 02:14 where I made friends with a girl down the street... 02:16 and through that friendship 02:18 her and I started having 02:20 sexual interactions... when I was only seven... 02:23 when we started interacting sexually... 02:25 So, you were 7 years old... when you actually had 02:30 your first sexual experience, Hmmm... hmmm... 02:33 and it was with a female... Yes... 02:36 we have a picture of you when you were about that age 02:40 and this is you when you were seven? 02:43 Yes... This is how... young you were 02:45 when you had that first experience... 02:49 Yeah, that's right... 02:50 So, what happened after that? 02:52 What did that experience do to you? 02:55 Well, I think that, you know, it really... 03:00 it colored... to a large degree my thoughts towards sexuality 03:07 because I was only... 03:10 I was so young when I started having these experiences, 03:14 and so, I mean... later on in life 03:18 I just really thought that I was born gay 03:21 because those things started happening so early... 03:24 and I look back and I acknowledge 03:27 that there are other things that kind of shape 03:29 that view in my life... but I think... 03:31 to a large extent... it was that interaction... 03:35 And how old was she... how old was the female? 03:37 She was the same age... Okay... 03:39 So she was a playmate? She was... yeah... 03:43 and so, as a result of those interactions... 03:47 I was learning things about my body 03:49 that I shouldn't have known... 03:51 and so masturbation became an addiction for me 03:54 very early on in life... and because it was... you know 03:58 I continued having these interactions 04:00 with her and then other girls came and went in my life... 04:03 and because it was easy for me 04:05 to interact sexually with my girlfriends... 04:07 I was probably only about 14 04:09 when I started interacting sexually with guy friends too... 04:13 and so I became very flirtatious in High School... 04:16 and I was only 16 years old when I lost my virginity... 04:19 you know, at that point I had lost all sight of 04:23 staying "pure" because I had shared sexual things 04:27 with so many different people. 04:28 What was your home life like... I mean, your dad was gone now 04:35 it was just your mom as a single parent 04:38 what was going on in the home... 04:40 and do you feel that that was contributing 04:43 to your sexual expression? 04:47 Well, I think the fact that dad was out of the picture, 04:52 kind of left a vacancy... in my heart... 04:56 and in my life... as far as, how, you know, 04:59 to react with men on a healthy level... 05:03 I remember that my mother and my sister found out 05:07 about my interactions with this girl 05:09 through another young man in the neighborhood... 05:15 he was probably about 12... 05:16 so, "another kid" is a more accurate term for him... 05:20 but for them, they... 05:22 I think that they just didn't really know 05:25 how to address the situation, and maybe they were 05:29 a little bit intimidated by that fact... 05:31 but they just kind of started poking fun at me... 05:33 for kissing girls and so, that caused even more confusion 05:39 about my sexuality... 05:41 and about my attractions to the same sex... 05:43 and so, I thought that this was something that I had to hide 05:46 and so, because of those dynamics I think that it was... 05:49 it was hard for me to understand how to relate to 05:52 to femininity and to masculinity at a young age 05:57 and I never really had... 05:58 I never really had Gender Dysphoria 06:02 where I wanted to be a boy... 06:04 but I think that I didn't really know how to relate to the sexes 06:08 in a healthy way... 06:10 that God would have us relate to them... 06:12 Right... and so... at that point when you were 13 or 14... 06:17 you weren't comfortable talking to your mom 06:21 about your sexuality? 06:22 Well, we moved in with my father probably... 06:26 a few years after the separation maybe 3 years or so... 06:31 2 or 3... and that was mostly because 06:34 it was easier for dad to support us financially... 06:36 and so, my mother moved... 06:39 back to where most of her family lived... 06:43 not very long after we moved back in with our dad so... 06:47 as I got older and, you know, 06:51 I always knew that mom would call and ask me about my grades 06:55 and asked me how I was doing and well, by this age, 07:00 being distracted more by boyfriends and making friends 07:05 and fitting in and stuff like that... 07:06 I wasn't doing as good in School 07:08 and I really didn't want to call and tell her 07:11 that I was flunking my classes, 07:14 I didn't want to tell her that I was addicted to marijuana 07:17 and doing these things 07:19 that I knew she would disapprove of 07:21 and so... it was easier for me just not to... 07:24 not to talk to her and I really distanced myself 07:27 from her through my teen years 07:29 and my early-twenties years... 07:30 my father on the other hand, he's not a Christian 07:34 and I remember being 16 years old 07:37 when he came and told me, "You know, Danielle... " 07:40 he could see the posters I had on my wall... 07:42 and he said, "Danielle, if there are ways 07:44 in which you're different from most everybody else... 07:46 that's okay... no matter who you are, 07:48 I'm still going to love you... " so, he never came out 07:50 and said, "it's okay if you're gay" 07:52 well, we basically both knew what he was talking about 07:56 and so, for me there was a greater level of freedom 07:59 in my father's home, and I think that he was just 08:02 trying to nurture me into being who I was... 08:06 so, I didn't talk to my mother about it a lot 08:11 but the conversations that I did have with my father 08:14 which were limited at that, he was very accepting 08:16 and it was okay to be who I was 08:19 Now, let me ask you something Danielle, 08:21 because we often hear about 08:25 kids that "come out" to their parents 08:28 and there's not acceptance, or there's hostility... 08:33 or there's... what would you say to 08:37 a Christian parent... whose child "comes out" to them? 08:41 how should the Christian... 08:42 it's a different thing from a parent in the world 08:46 but how should a Christian parent respond 08:49 to a young person that "comes out" to them? 08:52 I appreciate your asking that question because I think 08:56 that's it's important for the child's benefit 08:59 and for the parent's benefit to kind of 09:02 know a perspective like mine... 09:04 I think that a lot of the times as Christians... 09:07 we feel like... we can't accept that part of their life 09:12 in any way, shape or form... 09:13 or that means that we're saying that "it's okay" 09:16 so a lot of the times Christian parents will 09:19 as far as what I've heard, other people say 09:22 that happened to them when they "came out" 09:24 often, Christian parents will emotionally distance themselves 09:30 from that child or they will kick them 09:32 out of the house or... you know things like this 09:36 that end up only injuring the person even more... 09:40 I think that... kicking a person out of the house 09:44 is only going to thrust them into that "lifestyle" 09:49 or culture that is so prevalent in homosexuality today 09:53 and it's just going to further that rejection that they... 09:58 that a lot of people are really struggling against... 10:03 when you're coming of age... 10:05 and you want to find "who you are" 10:07 and you want to fit in... rejection is really a hard thing 10:11 to experience... well, for all of us 10:13 no matter where we are in life 10:14 so, I would encourage them not to emotionally reject them 10:19 or physically reject them, but to express clearly to them 10:24 that you don't approve of the choice that they've made, 10:30 and explain to them Biblically why God doesn't approve 10:33 of the choice that they've made and then at that point 10:37 do your best... not to reform them... 10:41 but to love them... and to be there for them 10:46 and continue to be a parent for them... 10:48 and that doesn't mean making compromises in your home 10:52 that allow that kind of behavior 10:54 but still being a parent for them and continuing, 10:58 continuing, continuing to pray for them... 11:01 because myself and all of my colleagues 11:03 in 'Coming Out' Ministries know that... 11:05 we're in the Church today because 11:06 people were praying for us, our mothers, our fathers, 11:10 our siblings continued to pray for us... 11:12 and sometimes we look at prayer as our "last resort" 11:16 instead of our "first defense" but really... you know... 11:20 if a person isn't coming to you with an open hand 11:22 asking for information, then they're not... 11:25 chances are... they're not going to be ready 11:27 for it... but if you just pray the 11:29 Holy Spirit into their lives... 11:30 then, when they're looking for answers, 11:32 they'll know that they can come to you 11:34 that you're a safe place 11:35 for them... to come to you... for those answers 11:37 and then their hand will be open 11:38 and they'll be able to receive it... 11:40 I think that's a great answer but you know... 11:43 as I was listening to you talk about... 11:46 what your dad did... so your dad 11:48 had a piece of it... correct... 11:51 he showed that he loved you no matter what... 11:54 he loved you... no matter what... 11:56 and he did not, however, express concern about the choice 12:02 and he did not have a Biblical basis... you know... 12:05 that foundation for you, but he did show you love, 12:09 and I think... that is a very important thing 12:11 because there's so much rejection 12:14 and hostility that's shown to people 12:16 who are in that lifestyle... that... you know... 12:21 you have to have a safe place to be... 12:23 and if your parents would say, "I love you" 12:26 even if you're making this choice... 12:28 I still love you... but I don't approve of the choice 12:31 I think that's a healthy response... 12:33 versus kicking them out... and abusing them further... 12:38 I think that can just lead to 12:40 suicide and all kinds of negative things... 12:43 Yes... so, I think that's really, 12:45 really good... so your dad then... 12:48 and we have a picture of you in your teens... 12:51 we want to show... when you had actually begun 12:54 living that whole lifestyle... your dad showed you love, 13:02 but he still didn't lay a foundation for you... 13:07 so, where was God in this whole thing... 13:10 where was your... spiritual life during this time? 13:14 Sure, well when I was 9 years old I had been baptized 13:18 I had just been infrequently attending a Baptist Church and 13:22 and they sat myself 13:23 and a friend down... and said, 13:25 "Do you love Jesus, and do you believe that He exists 13:29 and that you want him to be your Savior?" 13:31 and we did... so we were baptized... 13:32 but... it wasn't that I had a relationship with Jesus 13:36 I didn't have a prayer life or read the Bible 13:39 so I didn't have that foundation in Christ... 13:42 so I didn't have His hand to hold on to... 13:44 around this time... as I was kind of transitioning 13:49 towards the world... what was happening was 13:51 we had moved next door to an Adventist family... 13:55 and my sister had started 13:57 to study the Bible with one of their sons... 13:59 but for me it was like 14:02 my sister was accepting the truth 14:03 that she was receiving and she was being baptized... 14:06 but for me... it was like I was sitting down and thinking, 14:10 "You know what... I don't have to do 14:12 what everybody tells me I need to do... 14:14 I can make my own decisions, 14:15 I know the difference between right and wrong 14:17 and what's the worst that can happen? 14:18 I can be crazy and at the end of the day... 14:22 everything will be fine... 14:23 what's the worst thing that can happen... so... 14:25 for me... as I was transitioning turning away from God 14:30 and kind of rejecting the light that I had been receiving... 14:32 of course, a lot of depression and anxiety 14:35 and uneasiness came... settling in on me 14:38 because I was turning away from those convictions... 14:41 and then I started blaming God 14:44 for that depression 14:48 for those things and I thought "I can't be the person 14:51 that the Bible tells me that I need to be... " 14:52 so I just kind of left it all behind... 14:54 and I just really went headstrong out into the world 15:00 at that point... and extravagant hair, 15:03 make up and dress became a big part of my life 15:06 because art and music were really the only things 15:09 that made sense to me anymore, 15:10 they were my solace and my comfort that I could run to... 15:13 What kind of music... 15:14 what kind of music were you listening to? 15:16 Well, you know, at first... in my teenage years 15:20 it was just kind of... the popular music 15:23 that was on the radio 15:25 which is really... I mean, when I look back at the music 15:27 I was listening to... even the "tame stuff" 15:30 that they play on the radio it's very... 15:32 it's very sensual... 15:35 it's very rebellious and so I just kind of started with that 15:40 but as I had moved to the Pacific Northwest... 15:42 there was such a huge local music scene out there in Seattle 15:47 and I started getting into that and I think to the world 15:52 to a great extent... God and Satan are just, you know 15:56 characters in a Fairy Tale and so, it's almost something 16:01 to joke about... and so I even got to the point 16:04 where I was listening to very openly rebellious, blasphemous 16:09 and even Satanic music at that time 16:12 and I say Satanic because... you know, in some of their songs 16:16 they would even talk about the devil... 16:18 "The following one... he always gets what he wants 16:21 this is your time to repent... " is one of the lyrics I remember 16:24 from my favorite band and they said, 16:28 "I am the devil and I've come to do the devil's work... 16:30 death seduces generations... " you know, 16:33 so I first started out listening to 16:35 some of the more risqué music on the radio 16:38 but this was where I ended up in the end... 16:41 listening to this kind of music 16:42 that was very dark and very scary 16:44 and I think that... that music 16:47 it tells us in "The Great Controversy" 16:49 that by beholding... we become changed... 16:51 the mind gradually adapts itself 16:53 to the subjects upon which it is allowed to dwell... 16:56 and at this point... 16:57 the music that I was listening to... really reflected 17:00 what was going on in my heart, and had changed me 17:03 and I was... at this point, I was talking about the very 17:07 extravagant hair, makeup and dress 17:09 but now I would draw stitches across my face, 17:13 with sharpie pens... write song lyrics up and down my 17:15 arms and legs and even wear devil horns... 17:18 I had a few different sets of devil horns that I... 17:20 at first was wearing to concerts and raves 17:22 but then eventually... just out to the store... 17:25 on a Tuesday afternoon... 17:26 this was just kind of who I became 17:29 I was a billboard for the enemy... 17:31 You know... that's wow! you gave us some really 17:35 interesting points here because 17:38 each scene reinforced the other 17:42 so, the music was reinforcing of the rebellion... 17:48 and the lifestyle was reinforcing 17:51 and the music was reinforcing the lifestyle... 17:53 so it all kind of worked together... 17:56 as we know the enemy does... 17:57 he just piles some things up on each other... 18:02 to further cement his ways into our psyche... 18:07 and so, what you're saying is... 18:09 you started doing all these different things 18:11 even putting things on your cheek... 18:12 I think we have a picture of you 18:15 with some markings on your cheek 18:17 was this when you were at the peak, so to speak, 18:21 or at the depths... depending on how you want to look at it... 18:25 of your lifestyle... where were you in this picture? 18:29 Yeah, so that photo, I think I was probably around 18:33 22 years old... so that would have been 18:36 the darkest place... in my journey... 18:39 so, you had... you had the music... 18:42 you had the bisexual lifestyle, 18:44 and you also got into the New Age Movement at bit... 18:50 tell us a bit about that... 18:51 Yeah, so, as I was... 18:54 as I was in that deep, dark place in my life... 18:58 one morning I woke up 19:00 and I just couldn't even look in the mirror anymore... 19:03 I was so struggling with anxiety attacks and depression 19:07 and even hearing voices... 19:10 I was really just... going insane 19:12 and I woke up one morning and I was just contemplating 19:15 my life... and I heard this thought in my mind... 19:17 and it was clearer and stronger than any other thought 19:20 that I had heard thought before... and it said, 19:22 "Danielle, you've got to change or you are going to die... " 19:24 and that was when I knew 19:25 I had an important decision to make 19:27 whether I was going to stay on the path that I was in... 19:30 or I was going to turn away from it... 19:32 and I answered that call 19:34 and I moved back in with my father... 19:36 and I decided that I was going to try to get off of... 19:38 all of the drugs... get myself out of this scene 19:42 completely... in the city... 19:44 and just really try and find God... 19:47 because Christianity hadn't worked for me... I thought... 19:51 I would search into different religions of the world 19:53 I was looking especially into Wiccanism... 19:57 and Native American Spirituality 19:58 eventually Buddhism and then Hinduism 20:01 and as I was doing my studies 20:03 I found the New Age Spirituality Movement 20:06 and I related to God... as a "woman" more in my mind 20:11 because I naturally related more to women... 20:13 and so, these spiritualities were so intriguing for me 20:18 and I felt at home there... in those beliefs 20:21 and as I continued to read into them 20:25 I think that a lot of lesbians 20:29 gravitate to those kinds of religions 20:31 because... they can relate easier to women in it 20:35 so they relate to God... easier that way... 20:37 and as I was reading into these different religions 20:40 I found that a lot of lesbians 20:43 had that kind of mentality... 20:46 and so, as I was stepping out of the world... 20:48 I was kind of stepping also out of this chapter in my life 20:51 where I was very promiscuous... 20:53 having a lot of different relationships in and out... 20:56 with men and women... and I was kind of... 20:59 I'm stepping into this more subtled spiritual place 21:05 in my life and I was also trying... 21:07 I was wrestling between these two decisions 21:09 whether or not I was going to be celibate because 21:14 I just had this calling on my heart... 21:16 that in order to grow spiritually the way I decided to 21:19 I needed to be celibate... 21:20 or on the other hand... I was thinking, you know, 21:24 I'm usually in relationships with guys because 21:26 it's easier for me... 21:28 even though I related to women easier, 21:31 I was more awkward and shy around girls that I liked... 21:34 so, it was easier for me to stumble into relationships 21:38 with the guys... so I thought you know... 21:40 "maybe if I just found a woman to commit myself to... 21:42 I could actually have a healthy relationship... " 21:45 so, I was battling between the decision to be celibate 21:47 or to be a lesbian... and so that's kind of 21:50 the place that I was at... spiritually and sexually 21:55 when God saw that my heart was softening... 21:59 and He decided that He was going to... kind of "re-place" me 22:03 in a new setting where I can 22:04 "be still and know that He was God" 22:06 and learn of Him... and that was a whole new chapter 22:10 in life that God was getting ready to start me out on. 22:14 So, how did He do it... what did He do... tell us... 22:17 Well, my sister and her husband 22:21 so that gentleman that she was studying the Bible with 22:25 that neighbor boy... she ended up marrying him... 22:27 and this specific summer... 22:32 they were going to go out to South Dakota 22:36 to go to the Black Hills Health and Education Center... 22:38 for her husband to do an internship on the farm... 22:42 and my sister, I think, she could see that my heart was 22:44 kind of softening because before 22:46 when I was wearing the devil horns... 22:48 I didn't want to talk about God at all... 22:49 but now I was searching and opening up 22:51 and so she invited me to go out there with them 22:54 for the summer... and that was kind of a decision 22:56 that I really wrestled with... and in the end I decided to go 23:00 and it was while I was out there for volunteering on the farm 23:03 for six months that... 23:05 I was learning spiritual object lessons 23:08 about my Creator through His nature... 23:11 out there on the farm and that was really softening 23:17 my heart more and more to a Creator God... 23:19 and really understanding that 23:22 kind of worshipping these things around me as gods 23:25 but there must be something more to the equation... 23:29 and so... then as I continued to develop friendships 23:33 with the Christians out there on campus... 23:35 I started to see that... you know... 23:37 I was in the struggle between the person that I wanted to be 23:41 the good person that I wanted to be 23:43 and the person that I naturally was... 23:45 and as I had looked at Christians 23:47 to a large degree before 23:48 as just hypocrites and robots... 23:50 I started to see... 23:52 through these Christian lives 23:53 that they were in the same battle that I was... 23:55 and they were all trying to be good people... 23:58 and it kind of softened my heart towards Christians... 24:01 and then God was showing me other truths 24:04 gently... as I was opened to hear them 24:07 more and more truths about Christianity as well... 24:11 and so my heart was really, really starting to change 24:14 towards God... and then the most amazing 24:17 part to me was that... 24:18 He brought something into my life 24:20 that was so humble... that I wasn't expecting it to be 24:24 an earth-shattering truth for me 24:26 and that was when I got my hands on 24:28 five documentaries and presentations by 24:31 "Little Light Studios" 24:32 and when I watched the "Magic Kingdom" DVD 24:37 that they put together... 24:39 kind of disclosing the dangers of Disney movies... 24:43 I started to see that my mind had been programmed 24:47 from a young age... to view life the way that I did 24:50 to view sexuality the way that I did, 24:52 and to view spirituality the way that I did... 24:54 I saw the kind of great controversy... 24:57 kind of blossom open... and see the truth of it... 25:00 through this documentary and as I started to realize that 25:04 I couldn't trust my own heart and my own mind... 25:06 to find God and figure out the universe... 25:09 then I started to also realize that it wasn't God's plan for me 25:16 to be a lesbian and that was 25:20 namely, I mean, through a Disney documentary... right... 25:22 mainly I was impressed of that by how they were talking about 25:28 how Disney portrays the woman's body... 25:30 with a... you know... 25:31 whether you're watching an old Disney movie or new one... 25:33 they have that... very hourglass figure 25:36 that coy and seductive facial expression 25:38 and very sensual body language 25:40 and they were just talking about how this is dangerous 25:43 for young girls to learn to 25:44 relate to the woman's body that way... 25:46 but that was what really... 25:49 the Holy Spirit spoke to me and said... 25:51 "You know... this has programmed you 25:52 to view the woman's body this way... " 25:54 and that was really a point of kind of surrender for me 25:57 because I realized that I couldn't cling to my desires 26:00 anymore but that I had to invite God to lead me 26:03 in His will for my life... 26:05 And praise the Lord for that... so did the attractions 26:10 the same-sex attraction... 26:13 did they just immediately go away 26:14 or... what happened with that... we have about one minute 26:17 I can't believe our time is about up... 26:20 What happened to the same-sex attraction? 26:22 Sure, you know, 26:24 those attractions didn't just melt away... 26:27 I think in God's mercy and love for me... 26:31 what He did was, He took my desire for the things 26:34 that go against His expressed will away... 26:37 and so I didn't... my mind wasn't so focused 26:40 towards that anymore... but I did realize very quickly 26:44 that I had to guard the avenues of my soul 26:46 I had to become mindful of where I was looking at... and 26:49 what I was thinking... otherwise, those attractions 26:53 would start to come up again... and so, even today, 26:57 I might look at a woman and think, 26:59 "She's really beautiful... " but then I just think 27:01 "God created beauty and it's okay for her to be beautiful... 27:05 and I'm not going to indulge in that thought 27:07 and continue in that thought 27:08 but I'm just going to thank God for the beauty 27:10 and move on... " and so, that's kind of where 27:12 I had to come in my life to realize that I don't have to 27:16 identify myself by my temptation but what I identify in now is 27:22 that I'm a new creature in Christ 27:24 and that He's able to keep me if I would just continue 27:27 to submit it to Him... 27:28 every time the temptation comes in. 27:29 That is wonderful... 27:32 and that is wonderful advice for someone who is battling 27:36 with the same issues... 27:38 now you're with 'Coming Out' Ministries 27:40 and I recommend that our Viewers go to that website 27:45 check them out 27:46 and I want to thank you so much Danielle... for being with us... 27:49 Thank you... may God bless you and continue to bless you... 27:53 thank you so much... Thank you... 27:55 All of us have been in some kind of darkness... 27:58 that's why we need a Savior... Jesus Christ the righteous... 28:02 If you're still in a dark place 28:04 ask Jesus to come into your heart 28:06 and watch how your life... your life will just change... 28:10 Thank you so much for being with us... 28:12 join us next time... because it wouldn't be the same 28:14 without you... |
Revised 2015-07-28