Participants: Yvonne Lewis (Host), Brittany Hill-Morales, Xavier Morales
Series Code: UBR
Program Code: UBR000135A
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00:01 Stay tuned to meet a couple whose lives have been redeemed
00:04 by the Power of God. 00:05 My name is Yvonne Lewis 00:06 and you're watching Urban Report. 00:30 Hello and welcome to Urban Report. 00:32 My guests today are Xavier and Britanny Morales 00:36 Panelists on D2D's Program, Pure Choices, 00:38 I went to their Set to get their stories, 00:41 take a peak... 00:46 I'm so blessed to be here on the Set of Pure Choices 00:51 with two of the Panelists 00:53 of one of my favorite programs, Pure Choices. 00:56 Xavier Morales and Britanny Hill-Morales, 01:00 welcome to Urban Report on Pure Choices' Set. 01:03 You both... 01:07 have done a wonderful job, 01:09 you've been on Pure Choices for a while 01:12 Britanny, you've been on for... how many Seasons? 01:14 This will be my third... 01:15 we just finished up our third Season. 01:17 And you Xavier? 01:18 This is my second Season. 01:21 It's so great to have you, 01:23 one of the things that I love is to have married couples on... 01:27 young married couples who have been through struggles 01:31 and God has given you the victory 01:34 and you both had a very interesting courtship 01:38 because, so many times when people are courting, 01:42 they fall into sexual sin, 01:44 you guys were able to be celibate during your courtship, 01:49 praise God, how did you do that? 01:52 Oh wow! interesting... it was a struggle 01:58 because we had to learn what boundaries to set 02:01 we had to have... 02:02 like a no-kissing clause in our relationship 02:05 because we knew how it would, I guess, 02:09 get us more interested or more wound up 02:13 and want each other more, so we had to set boundaries 02:16 set certain timeframes 02:18 for how long we'd be around each other 02:20 and how late we'd be around each other 02:22 and there was a period when people thought 02:24 maybe I didn't like kissing or he didn't like kissing 02:26 we're like, "No, we just know each other 02:28 and we're trying to have a certain framework. " 02:30 Yeah, I think it was difficult for us too 02:33 because of our pasts, our different pasts, 02:36 we wished... my past and everything, 02:39 you had to, we just prayed and asked God 02:43 about... individually... individually, collectively 02:46 we prayed asking God, "What should we do, 02:48 because not everything that pertains to somebody 02:50 might pertain to us, 02:52 something might be a stumbling block for them 02:54 but it's not for us and vice versa 02:55 Hmmm... hmmm... so we really had to hold down 02:58 and sit down and both of us communicated as to the 03:00 boundaries to make sure that we were one accord.. 03:03 Definitely. So, what you're telling me 03:06 is that you were intentional about it. 03:08 Hmmm... hmmm... 03:09 It wasn't something that you said, 03:10 "I just want to do this... " 03:13 no, you sought God on how to do it, 03:16 and then, God gave you the insight to set boundaries, 03:21 to set places that you would go and wouldn't go 03:25 in your relationship, I think this is so important 03:29 for young and old to hear because it's so easy 03:32 to fall into that 03:34 and as we talk about 03:36 or you guys talk about on Pure Choices, 03:38 you have to be intentional, you have to seek God 03:43 and you have to know 03:44 that I'm not going to do certain things 03:47 because it's not part of God's perfect plan for me. 03:50 Hmmm... hmmm... Yeah, and partially also, 03:53 I had to do a prayer saying, 03:55 "God, I'm attracted to this person in this way, 03:57 dear Lord, hide my desires, take it away 04:00 until our wedding day, 04:01 dear Lord, kind of, put on a control, like... 04:04 make me not want him at all, just remove it" 04:07 and I had to do that prayer like... 04:08 over and over and over again until one day I was like, 04:10 "Okay, I can be around you, it's all right. " 04:12 It's kind of neat too, like, for me 04:16 as, you have to be self-aware 04:18 and I know it sounds funny talking about her sometimes 04:21 but, like in my family, on my Dad's side, 04:24 we have a testosterone issue where we overproduce 04:27 and overproducing testosterone you know like, 04:29 you get that instinct that urge and everything 04:32 so it's hard, it's very difficult, 04:34 so you really, you know, and again it sounds funny 04:38 but it does pertain to me and it worked 04:40 I exercised a lot, I did many different things 04:43 and prayed and just asked God 04:45 because I generally wanted to show 04:48 my future spouse that respect 04:50 to her that she deserved. 04:52 Even though it was difficult at times because you know 04:55 you're human, that flesh kicks in 04:58 you really want to be conscientious of respecting 05:01 and really, really, really putting God in the middle. 05:04 Look at, you know, for me, I'm so impressed by this 05:08 because, what you're saying is that 05:10 you even fought your own physiology 05:12 Hmmm... hmmm... because there is that 05:15 excessive testosterone, it's a hormonal thing, 05:18 you even, were able, by the grace of God 05:20 to subdue the flesh, both of you, 05:24 subdue the flesh and you said 05:27 you wanted to respect her and how beautiful is that? 05:31 You wanted to respect your future wife 05:34 and you were respecting your future husband. 05:37 How do you think that what you did in courtship 05:41 impacted your marriage? 05:43 Oooh, I think it made our marriage better 05:47 How? 05:48 because we valued each other 05:51 and for me what was most important 05:53 is valuing his relationship with God 05:55 I didn't want to 05:57 be that hindrance... that block... 05:59 that caused him to stumble 06:00 and not stay connected to Christ 06:03 so because that principle was there, 06:05 before we got married, it went into our marriage 06:10 and that allowed us to say, 06:12 "Okay God, what do you want us to do, 06:13 even now that we're married, how... we keep Him first, 06:17 so that was so crucial that because we did that before, 06:20 and we had that mindset, it just allowed it to flow 06:24 and it felt like our marriage 06:25 was just taking its natural course 06:28 it seemed like it was like a natural transition 06:31 like for some people, it's harder because 06:33 you know, one moment... you're not married 06:35 and the next moment... it just seemed natural 06:37 it seemed like it was just a perfect timing. 06:40 I think, for me, because again, my past, 06:42 what I've been through, I'd never taken my time 06:44 and this forced me to take my time 06:47 and actually I was enjoying it, you know, 06:50 I got to see... I got to build a friendship 06:52 because my parents... 06:53 they had been married for 39 years, 06:55 and they were going to get divorced for a while, 06:58 and I asked them what was their secret 07:00 and they said, they were friends first, 07:02 and for us, it's like, we established 07:04 a really strong friendship foundation first, 07:06 to really just get to know each other 07:09 and go with eyes wide open 07:11 to other red flags and things like that 07:13 and also deal with our baggage, because everybody brings baggage 07:16 so really deal with our baggage 07:18 before we got into the marriage. 07:20 Hmmm... hmmm... 07:21 That is so beautiful, see, I want our Viewers to know 07:25 that if they're in a relationship, 07:28 that is including sex and they're not married yet 07:31 and they're... they're fornicating, 07:33 that God can deliver you from that, 07:35 then you can stop, you have to be equally yoked, 07:39 so that your partner understands 07:42 and wants to also stop and do the right thing 07:46 and you can, if you have God in the mix 07:50 at the center of a relationship, you can stop 07:54 and if you haven't started, don't start, 07:58 let God lead and follow this example 08:01 of being intentional and praying 08:03 and asking God for the strength 08:05 and it makes no sense for God to withhold that from you 08:08 if you ask Him for it. 08:10 Definitely. Let's talk a little bit about 08:12 the baggage that you mentioned 08:14 what did you... let's hear a little bit about 08:17 your testimonies, 08:18 Britanny, tell us where you came from 08:20 and some of the challenges that you had 08:22 that made you a good panelist for Pure Choices? 08:27 Some of the... wow... I guess it even started 08:32 when I was a baby, not really knowing my father 08:37 my mom says he was always around 08:39 but for me it didn't seem that way 08:42 and then when I was four I viewed my first... 08:46 it wasn't really a pornographic movie, 08:48 my Grandma was just watching something 08:50 and had a scene in it, and from that moment 08:54 like something was in my head, like... for years, 08:57 I think only now I can say, I can firmly say, 09:00 I don't remember it, but for all those years, 09:03 I could always replay who was in it, 09:06 what they were doing, what place they were, 09:08 and it just kept on progressing, 09:11 and when I was about six years old, 09:14 a girl in my class starting... was doing 09:17 the exact thing that was in the movie to me... 09:20 and that... I had no idea what this was, 09:24 it was doing something to my body 09:26 and I had no idea and I started acting out 09:30 in sexual ways, I didn't know it was sexual 09:34 but I also knew I shouldn't show my parents this 09:36 so I was acting very... 09:39 kind of like... a little bit seductively 09:41 and they didn't really understand why 09:43 and then as time progressed, 09:45 I think I was around eight or nine, 09:47 more girls, they... one day said, 09:49 "Hey, let's just have some fun" 09:52 I had no idea what this "fun" was, 09:54 we started seeing videos on the computer, 09:58 I had no idea what this really is, 10:01 I knew it had to stay hidden, 10:03 but I didn't know what it really was until I was eleven, 10:08 and we did... in our school, 10:11 when you turned Grade Six, they give you books, 10:13 they give you information, they tell you about your body 10:16 and I was like, "Oh, that's what that was" 10:19 but I thought it was okay because it wasn't with a guy 10:22 and it was okay because I wasn't actually doing 10:27 hardcore stuff, I was just looking, 10:29 I was just talking to people, "it's okay" 10:32 I had no idea that I was damaging myself 10:35 but I was so accustomed to it 10:38 that by the time I was 13 or 14, 10:41 and my uncle came and he lived with us, 10:43 he was abusive in how he spoke to me 10:45 and how he treated me, 10:47 he was my favorite uncle for years, 10:49 and it was such a switch to feel such... 10:52 like he clearly told people he hated me 10:55 and it was so hurtful, I felt so rejected 10:59 that I was always hiding in my room 11:01 and because I was hiding in my room, 11:04 I was watching pornography. 11:06 How old were you at this point? 11:08 Fourteen... thirteen... I was hiding in my room 11:11 and probably my parents just thought, 11:14 "Oh, she's just there doing, you know, 11:16 whatever stuff doing her schoolwork" 11:18 because I was really a good student, 11:19 if you can go back a little bit, 11:22 that's kind of part of my testimony too, 11:24 before I was a good student and then I got baptized 11:28 and God increased my intelligence 11:30 and I became First in my Class, 11:32 I was in the Top Ten in the whole island of Antigua, 11:35 and God really increased it 11:36 but when this abuse was happening 11:38 all these different things were going on 11:40 and I was watching pornography, sacrificing my schoolwork, 11:44 I kind of fell in my academics and it was just 11:50 so crazy how 11:52 I started talking to people online, 11:55 I wasn't sending them any pictures of myself, 11:58 no video, no nothing, but they were like... 12:00 I was like sexting over the incident, 12:04 they were telling me what to do 12:05 and I was telling them their responses, 12:07 and it was that type of conversation 12:09 and then it turned into more cyber sexting 12:11 and that's just what I was doing 12:14 to deal with this abuse, hide away 12:16 and try to be okay. 12:19 Wow! that is so... so, at what point did you 12:24 realize that, "Wait, I'm being abused here" 12:28 did you ever realize that this is not okay 12:33 there's something wrong here 12:34 and was it just verbal abuse or did it become sexual abuse? 12:38 It was never sexual, it was always verbal 12:41 and there were a few cases where it was physical 12:44 where, if I was in the way, 12:46 I was being pushed out of the way, 12:48 and if I was in the kitchen, 12:49 and I left like, maybe just a fork, 12:51 "Oh why did you leave the fork here, you're so nasty, 12:54 you're so this... " and mainly if I was in the way, 12:58 I got the fridge slammed on my hand 13:00 and because I was in the way 13:02 and it started causing this tension 13:04 between my mom and her brother, 13:07 where there was a point where he came in with a cutlass, 13:11 my mom pulled out her knife and it seemed, for a moment, 13:14 there was going to be a... like a really bloody fight, 13:18 and the police had to... my mom and I... 13:20 my mom didn't do anything, 13:21 she said, "Honey get dressed" we jumped in the car, 13:23 got the police, came back, 13:25 but because it didn't escalate I guess, 13:29 to the way that they thought it should have escalated, 13:31 they took him away, and I cried 13:34 but I was happy, but then they brought him back 13:37 and in that moment, my mom was like, 13:43 "We can't stay here anymore" 13:45 she was taking care of my Grandma 13:46 she's like, "We can't stay here anymore" 13:48 so, she had a land 13:50 and she started building her house 13:52 and we moved out. 13:53 So, I knew it wasn't okay, 13:57 but that was also my Grandma's favorite 13:59 so I know, he was her only one and baby boy 14:01 so it was like, 14:03 "Okay, so I'm just going to go to church, 14:05 smile, be happy, get really active, 14:08 go to school, be really active, be really happy, 14:11 and also because of who my parents were, 14:15 I didn't really want anyone else 14:17 to really know what was really happening 14:19 because I didn't want them to look bad also. 14:21 Because your parents were very prominent on the island? 14:24 Yes, they were, and I didn't want anyone 14:27 to look down on our family, 14:29 so even though all of these things were happening, 14:32 I said, I'm going to make sure that people see us 14:35 as this great family, 14:37 Britanny is this wonderful person 14:39 she was in the Top Ten on the Island, 14:42 she was doing so much things at church, 14:44 she's a singer, she can probably preach, 14:47 she could get active, she was Pathfinder of the Year, 14:50 she can do all these different things 14:51 everything is great with her, she's down-to-earth, 14:53 the guys think she's really cool 14:55 the girls think, "Oh, she's nice too" 14:58 but I was hurting so much inside 15:00 that my place to go to was pornography 15:03 and to be there and to, what I thought was like, 15:07 coping with everything. 15:08 What impact does pornography have on your spirit? 15:14 It makes you feel dirty, 15:18 it makes you wonder what's wrong with you, 15:23 especially as a woman 15:25 because it's stated that women don't really have 15:28 those sexual desires so you're wondering, 15:31 "What's wrong with me, or, 15:33 maybe it's okay because I'm not going all the way 15:35 so you start like trying to rationalize it in your mind 15:39 but I think only as I got older 15:43 I realized how it really truly affected me 15:45 where I'm looking around and I'm looking at couples 15:48 and I'm wondering what do they look like in bed, 15:51 that shouldn't even be a thought in my mind 15:53 but I'm looking at people and instead of hearing a sermon, 15:56 I'm wondering about this person, 15:58 and even started just hearing a person saying, "I'm wondering" 16:01 so it kind of has that 16:03 hindrance on because 16:05 you can't fully function in the way 16:07 that you're supposed to fully function. 16:09 Very interesting, see I... 16:12 there are so many young people, Britanny, 16:15 who are dealing with similar situations 16:19 as far as having drifted off into 16:22 pornography and also having to keep up appearances 16:27 things are going terribly at home 16:30 and yet, I've got to act like it's all good, 16:33 and I've got to put up that front 16:35 and so, if you don't have anybody to talk to about it 16:40 and if your relationship with Christ isn't... 16:42 if you're not centered in Him, 16:44 which, if you were centered in Him, 16:45 you wouldn't have the other issues 16:47 going on right... but if... 16:48 once you get centered in Him, those issues can, 16:53 just kind of dissolve, so how did you find Christ 16:58 and then I'm going to talk to Xavier a bit. 17:00 The interesting thing is Christ was always there with me 17:06 I was building a relationship with Him 17:10 and kind of how that kind of started was 17:14 I was suicidal for a moment, and my friend told me 17:17 that if I get in really, really good with God, 17:21 and I do it, then I'll still be okay. 17:23 That was kind of the philosophy, so I was like, 17:26 okay, I can get really, really good with God, 17:28 and then when things are really, really crazy 17:30 and I can't handle it anymore, He'll still accept me 17:32 because I did this, so there was that period 17:36 but as I was getting to know God, 17:39 I was getting to know God, Right. 17:41 and He was just comforting me through the different situations 17:48 so... but I think what most people don't understand 17:51 about porn addiction is how it affects your mind 17:54 and how it's really a struggle 17:58 so even though I'm in love with Christ, 18:03 I love Him, I'm spending this time with Him, 18:05 I'm also fighting against myself 18:07 because sex is something that's supposed to... 18:10 your sexuality is natural but now it's perverted 18:12 to now, because I don't have anyone to talk to, 18:15 I can't really tell anyone, 18:17 I'm trying to figure out on my own 18:19 how do I figure out 18:22 the right form of sexuality for myself, 18:25 and I've also deluded myself into thinking 18:28 I can stop anytime, so that was my period 18:31 I can stop anytime, so, I stopped 18:34 and then for some reason, three weeks later, 18:37 something happens and I'm right back with it, 18:40 like... "Why am I right back with it, 18:42 why did I just watch this, what happened in my mind 18:46 to make me go straight back?" and as time progressed, 18:50 I'd say Christ was my own... He did a "rehab" with me 18:54 where He showed me all the things that I repressed, 18:58 the abuse that happened to me when I was a child 19:01 how I didn't really think about it 19:03 and I tossed it to the side, the issues with my father, 19:07 and how I felt like he should have rescued me 19:10 through the abuse and how I felt like he wasn't there 19:14 and He took me through that process 19:17 where... and also He was like, "Fall in love with me, 19:20 don't worry about, you know, 19:22 when you stumble or when you fall 19:23 fall in love with me, focus on that first, 19:25 and I was like, "Okay, but I'm falling... " 19:27 but, "No, no, no, focus on that first" 19:29 focus on my grace, and I'm so grateful for that 19:33 because when I truly was able to accept 19:37 that God loves me, for me, 19:41 He wants me and because of that love 19:45 I grew for Him back, 19:47 it was a lot easier to say, 19:49 "I'm not going to watch pornography right now" 19:51 yes, I really didn't want to, my mind has all these sharps 19:54 "I'm not going to watch it because it's going to hurt Him" 19:57 I had to truly learn how to trust and love Him 20:00 so I was like, "Okay God, 20:01 I guess you did have a perfect purpose 20:04 for you wanting me to focus on you first, 20:06 instead of trying to struggle with this on my own. " 20:09 That is so beautiful because it's the grace of God 20:13 that leads us to Him, 20:16 it's the grace of God that sustains us 20:18 that keeps us from going back, falling back into it 20:23 because you... you love Him now 20:25 and you don't want to hurt Him, that is so, so, so true 20:30 and so beautiful. Hmmm... Hmmm... 20:32 What about you Xavier, just give us like a synopsis 20:36 of your testimony for those who never saw 20:38 that other Urban Report where I interviewed you. 20:41 Sure, I grew up in the church 20:42 and did what every good Adventist kid is supposed to do 20:46 vegetarian and everything... the works... 20:47 I was a spick-and-span Christian Pathfinders... all that, 20:51 through a series of events in my early teens 20:55 I left the church, along with my family and I 20:58 both... all three of us left the church 21:01 and I sought out rescue through Satanism 21:04 because I was a short, pudgy kid 21:07 that no girl wanted 21:08 so, in a mixture between anger and hurt, 21:12 I just sought out... I knew he existed... 21:15 I knew God existed, so I knew the devil existed, 21:17 but God wasn't giving me what I wanted so 21:19 I sought it out from elsewhere. 21:20 What did you want? 21:23 I wanted money, power and girls, I mean, I was just 21:27 I didn't want to be that short, pudgy kid 21:29 and then the transformation began, 21:31 I wanted revenge, I wanted... 21:33 I didn't want sex, I wanted to humiliate women, 21:37 I wanted to make them pay, you know, 21:39 make them cry, like, entice them and reel them in 21:42 and then, watch them cry 21:44 because I wasn't that committed guy 21:46 I was just using them, 21:47 it was more sadistic than anything else 21:50 and after that 21:52 in my 20s, I tried to be there 21:55 you know, tried to come back and be good 21:57 and do the right thing, I became a Police Officer too 22:00 and as a means to try to help 22:03 but the devil... I was still with him, you know, 22:06 there was just no clear mind 22:09 I tried to commit suicide with my gun 22:12 which obviously I'm here so it never fired. 22:14 We're thankful for that. 22:17 So, it was crazy but that baggage 22:21 and getting out was... I ended up in jail, 22:24 that's where I met God and then I got re-baptized 22:27 I started going back to church 22:29 after that I told God I'd give Him one more try 22:33 and He revealed Himself in various ways 22:36 and I just established a relationship 22:38 the relationship that I didn't have 22:41 I established a relationship with Him 22:43 I didn't want to just go through the motions 22:46 I wanted to be a Christian for Him 22:48 not perfect, but I was going to do better 22:50 than I did when I was a kid 22:51 and that's where... I had watched pornography 22:55 during that time, even when I became a Christian 22:59 I was still addicted, that was a big show for me 23:02 it had a hold on me that was just... 23:04 I gave up alcohol, I gave up smoking, 23:06 but pornography just had a hold on me 23:08 that would just not let go, and I went through marriage 23:13 and divorce and it was just bad 23:15 I was so broken, I have a little girl, 23:20 she's three years old, I love her to death, 23:22 and God just asked me, 23:25 "Would you allow her to marry somebody like you?" 23:28 and I said, "No God, help me" 23:30 and through a series of events He helped me 23:33 he continued to help me, I went to counseling, 23:37 I did everything... every tool that God provided 23:40 I reached and used to be better 23:43 be different, and really get in tune with God 23:48 and... not to be perfect but 23:50 to do better than what I was doing 23:51 and that's when God just really said, 23:53 "You know, I'm going to keep helping you to grow" 23:56 and I'm totally different now than what I was before. 23:59 Praise the Lord and look at you, 24:02 I mean, even the way you're sitting 24:04 it's so precious, I mean... you can tell... 24:07 sometimes you go to a restaurant 24:09 and you can tell, 24:10 who's been married for a long time 24:11 and who's dating or something, because the daters... 24:14 they're all looking into each other's eyes and all that, 24:16 or if you look into a car you can see... 24:20 like... if the people are sitting at opposite ends, 24:22 they've probably been married for years, 24:24 and if not... if they're really into each other 24:27 they're sitting closely, and you guys, 24:29 you have such great stories, you have testimonies 24:35 rich testimonies that show the powerful, 24:39 amazing transforming ability of our God 24:43 and everybody has a testimony, everybody has a story, 24:48 because our God has shown Himself strong, 24:50 for all of us, 24:51 and so, I'm just so grateful for what you have done 24:57 for what God has done through you, 24:59 tell us what you're doing now, what are you doing? 25:03 Right now, I started learning more about family life ministry, 25:09 and that is my passion... Family Life Ministry 25:12 because I realize so much about how things happened to me 25:15 because of family, and how it really affects 25:18 your growth and development and being part of Pure Choices 25:21 I love this ministry, because God revealed to me 25:24 when I started Andrews, 25:26 that He wanted to use my addiction, my recovery, 25:30 as a testimony to help others who are struggling with it 25:34 so I am doing that, but in my other community 25:37 where it is a fill of Christian women 25:39 who are struggling with addiction. 25:41 That's tremendous and we thank you so much 25:45 for all that you're doing, 25:46 what about you, Xavier? 25:48 I'm working with the Youth, the Youth Leader, 25:50 I'm also the Outreach Leader, I'm in charge of Outreach so 25:53 doing a lot with the Community, 25:54 Police Chaplaincy, doing my Ph. D. in Psychology, 25:57 and working with a lot of areas of 3ABN. 26:01 And that's a blessing you know God has a way 26:05 of just sending who we need 26:08 and He has sent you to us 26:11 and we love you and we're so grateful 26:14 that you are a part of our Pure Choices Family 26:17 and we expect that you will be doing a lot more 26:20 in the future, 26:22 and thank you so much for watching this Segment 26:26 we know that someone is going to be blessed 26:31 as a result of watching this interview 26:34 whatever you're struggling with 26:36 know that God has the answer for you 26:39 there is hope, there is deliverance 26:42 and healing in our God. 26:49 Wow! powerful stories, 26:52 well join us next time and remember 26:54 it just wouldn't be the same without you. |
Revised 2015-11-19