Urban Report


Three Angels Broadcasting Network

Program transcript

Participants: Yvonne Lewis (Host), Brittany Hill-Morales, Xavier Morales


Series Code: UBR

Program Code: UBR000135A

00:01 Stay tuned to meet a couple whose lives have been redeemed
00:04 by the Power of God.
00:05 My name is Yvonne Lewis
00:06 and you're watching Urban Report.
00:30 Hello and welcome to Urban Report.
00:32 My guests today are Xavier and Britanny Morales
00:36 Panelists on D2D's Program, Pure Choices,
00:38 I went to their Set to get their stories,
00:41 take a peak...
00:46 I'm so blessed to be here on the Set of Pure Choices
00:51 with two of the Panelists
00:53 of one of my favorite programs, Pure Choices.
00:56 Xavier Morales and Britanny Hill-Morales,
01:00 welcome to Urban Report on Pure Choices' Set.
01:03 You both...
01:07 have done a wonderful job,
01:09 you've been on Pure Choices for a while
01:12 Britanny, you've been on for... how many Seasons?
01:14 This will be my third...
01:15 we just finished up our third Season.
01:17 And you Xavier?
01:18 This is my second Season.
01:21 It's so great to have you,
01:23 one of the things that I love is to have married couples on...
01:27 young married couples who have been through struggles
01:31 and God has given you the victory
01:34 and you both had a very interesting courtship
01:38 because, so many times when people are courting,
01:42 they fall into sexual sin,
01:44 you guys were able to be celibate during your courtship,
01:49 praise God, how did you do that?
01:52 Oh wow! interesting... it was a struggle
01:58 because we had to learn what boundaries to set
02:01 we had to have...
02:02 like a no-kissing clause in our relationship
02:05 because we knew how it would, I guess,
02:09 get us more interested or more wound up
02:13 and want each other more, so we had to set boundaries
02:16 set certain timeframes
02:18 for how long we'd be around each other
02:20 and how late we'd be around each other
02:22 and there was a period when people thought
02:24 maybe I didn't like kissing or he didn't like kissing
02:26 we're like, "No, we just know each other
02:28 and we're trying to have a certain framework. "
02:30 Yeah, I think it was difficult for us too
02:33 because of our pasts, our different pasts,
02:36 we wished... my past and everything,
02:39 you had to, we just prayed and asked God
02:43 about... individually... individually, collectively
02:46 we prayed asking God, "What should we do,
02:48 because not everything that pertains to somebody
02:50 might pertain to us,
02:52 something might be a stumbling block for them
02:54 but it's not for us and vice versa
02:55 Hmmm... hmmm... so we really had to hold down
02:58 and sit down and both of us communicated as to the
03:00 boundaries to make sure that we were one accord..
03:03 Definitely. So, what you're telling me
03:06 is that you were intentional about it.
03:08 Hmmm... hmmm...
03:09 It wasn't something that you said,
03:10 "I just want to do this... "
03:13 no, you sought God on how to do it,
03:16 and then, God gave you the insight to set boundaries,
03:21 to set places that you would go and wouldn't go
03:25 in your relationship, I think this is so important
03:29 for young and old to hear because it's so easy
03:32 to fall into that
03:34 and as we talk about
03:36 or you guys talk about on Pure Choices,
03:38 you have to be intentional, you have to seek God
03:43 and you have to know
03:44 that I'm not going to do certain things
03:47 because it's not part of God's perfect plan for me.
03:50 Hmmm... hmmm... Yeah, and partially also,
03:53 I had to do a prayer saying,
03:55 "God, I'm attracted to this person in this way,
03:57 dear Lord, hide my desires, take it away
04:00 until our wedding day,
04:01 dear Lord, kind of, put on a control, like...
04:04 make me not want him at all, just remove it"
04:07 and I had to do that prayer like...
04:08 over and over and over again until one day I was like,
04:10 "Okay, I can be around you, it's all right. "
04:12 It's kind of neat too, like, for me
04:16 as, you have to be self-aware
04:18 and I know it sounds funny talking about her sometimes
04:21 but, like in my family, on my Dad's side,
04:24 we have a testosterone issue where we overproduce
04:27 and overproducing testosterone you know like,
04:29 you get that instinct that urge and everything
04:32 so it's hard, it's very difficult,
04:34 so you really, you know, and again it sounds funny
04:38 but it does pertain to me and it worked
04:40 I exercised a lot, I did many different things
04:43 and prayed and just asked God
04:45 because I generally wanted to show
04:48 my future spouse that respect
04:50 to her that she deserved.
04:52 Even though it was difficult at times because you know
04:55 you're human, that flesh kicks in
04:58 you really want to be conscientious of respecting
05:01 and really, really, really putting God in the middle.
05:04 Look at, you know, for me, I'm so impressed by this
05:08 because, what you're saying is that
05:10 you even fought your own physiology
05:12 Hmmm... hmmm... because there is that
05:15 excessive testosterone, it's a hormonal thing,
05:18 you even, were able, by the grace of God
05:20 to subdue the flesh, both of you,
05:24 subdue the flesh and you said
05:27 you wanted to respect her and how beautiful is that?
05:31 You wanted to respect your future wife
05:34 and you were respecting your future husband.
05:37 How do you think that what you did in courtship
05:41 impacted your marriage?
05:43 Oooh, I think it made our marriage better
05:47 How?
05:48 because we valued each other
05:51 and for me what was most important
05:53 is valuing his relationship with God
05:55 I didn't want to
05:57 be that hindrance... that block...
05:59 that caused him to stumble
06:00 and not stay connected to Christ
06:03 so because that principle was there,
06:05 before we got married, it went into our marriage
06:10 and that allowed us to say,
06:12 "Okay God, what do you want us to do,
06:13 even now that we're married, how... we keep Him first,
06:17 so that was so crucial that because we did that before,
06:20 and we had that mindset, it just allowed it to flow
06:24 and it felt like our marriage
06:25 was just taking its natural course
06:28 it seemed like it was like a natural transition
06:31 like for some people, it's harder because
06:33 you know, one moment... you're not married
06:35 and the next moment... it just seemed natural
06:37 it seemed like it was just a perfect timing.
06:40 I think, for me, because again, my past,
06:42 what I've been through, I'd never taken my time
06:44 and this forced me to take my time
06:47 and actually I was enjoying it, you know,
06:50 I got to see... I got to build a friendship
06:52 because my parents...
06:53 they had been married for 39 years,
06:55 and they were going to get divorced for a while,
06:58 and I asked them what was their secret
07:00 and they said, they were friends first,
07:02 and for us, it's like, we established
07:04 a really strong friendship foundation first,
07:06 to really just get to know each other
07:09 and go with eyes wide open
07:11 to other red flags and things like that
07:13 and also deal with our baggage, because everybody brings baggage
07:16 so really deal with our baggage
07:18 before we got into the marriage.
07:20 Hmmm... hmmm...
07:21 That is so beautiful, see, I want our Viewers to know
07:25 that if they're in a relationship,
07:28 that is including sex and they're not married yet
07:31 and they're... they're fornicating,
07:33 that God can deliver you from that,
07:35 then you can stop, you have to be equally yoked,
07:39 so that your partner understands
07:42 and wants to also stop and do the right thing
07:46 and you can, if you have God in the mix
07:50 at the center of a relationship, you can stop
07:54 and if you haven't started, don't start,
07:58 let God lead and follow this example
08:01 of being intentional and praying
08:03 and asking God for the strength
08:05 and it makes no sense for God to withhold that from you
08:08 if you ask Him for it.
08:10 Definitely. Let's talk a little bit about
08:12 the baggage that you mentioned
08:14 what did you... let's hear a little bit about
08:17 your testimonies,
08:18 Britanny, tell us where you came from
08:20 and some of the challenges that you had
08:22 that made you a good panelist for Pure Choices?
08:27 Some of the... wow... I guess it even started
08:32 when I was a baby, not really knowing my father
08:37 my mom says he was always around
08:39 but for me it didn't seem that way
08:42 and then when I was four I viewed my first...
08:46 it wasn't really a pornographic movie,
08:48 my Grandma was just watching something
08:50 and had a scene in it, and from that moment
08:54 like something was in my head, like... for years,
08:57 I think only now I can say, I can firmly say,
09:00 I don't remember it, but for all those years,
09:03 I could always replay who was in it,
09:06 what they were doing, what place they were,
09:08 and it just kept on progressing,
09:11 and when I was about six years old,
09:14 a girl in my class starting... was doing
09:17 the exact thing that was in the movie to me...
09:20 and that... I had no idea what this was,
09:24 it was doing something to my body
09:26 and I had no idea and I started acting out
09:30 in sexual ways, I didn't know it was sexual
09:34 but I also knew I shouldn't show my parents this
09:36 so I was acting very...
09:39 kind of like... a little bit seductively
09:41 and they didn't really understand why
09:43 and then as time progressed,
09:45 I think I was around eight or nine,
09:47 more girls, they... one day said,
09:49 "Hey, let's just have some fun"
09:52 I had no idea what this "fun" was,
09:54 we started seeing videos on the computer,
09:58 I had no idea what this really is,
10:01 I knew it had to stay hidden,
10:03 but I didn't know what it really was until I was eleven,
10:08 and we did... in our school,
10:11 when you turned Grade Six, they give you books,
10:13 they give you information, they tell you about your body
10:16 and I was like, "Oh, that's what that was"
10:19 but I thought it was okay because it wasn't with a guy
10:22 and it was okay because I wasn't actually doing
10:27 hardcore stuff, I was just looking,
10:29 I was just talking to people, "it's okay"
10:32 I had no idea that I was damaging myself
10:35 but I was so accustomed to it
10:38 that by the time I was 13 or 14,
10:41 and my uncle came and he lived with us,
10:43 he was abusive in how he spoke to me
10:45 and how he treated me,
10:47 he was my favorite uncle for years,
10:49 and it was such a switch to feel such...
10:52 like he clearly told people he hated me
10:55 and it was so hurtful, I felt so rejected
10:59 that I was always hiding in my room
11:01 and because I was hiding in my room,
11:04 I was watching pornography.
11:06 How old were you at this point?
11:08 Fourteen... thirteen... I was hiding in my room
11:11 and probably my parents just thought,
11:14 "Oh, she's just there doing, you know,
11:16 whatever stuff doing her schoolwork"
11:18 because I was really a good student,
11:19 if you can go back a little bit,
11:22 that's kind of part of my testimony too,
11:24 before I was a good student and then I got baptized
11:28 and God increased my intelligence
11:30 and I became First in my Class,
11:32 I was in the Top Ten in the whole island of Antigua,
11:35 and God really increased it
11:36 but when this abuse was happening
11:38 all these different things were going on
11:40 and I was watching pornography, sacrificing my schoolwork,
11:44 I kind of fell in my academics and it was just
11:50 so crazy how
11:52 I started talking to people online,
11:55 I wasn't sending them any pictures of myself,
11:58 no video, no nothing, but they were like...
12:00 I was like sexting over the incident,
12:04 they were telling me what to do
12:05 and I was telling them their responses,
12:07 and it was that type of conversation
12:09 and then it turned into more cyber sexting
12:11 and that's just what I was doing
12:14 to deal with this abuse, hide away
12:16 and try to be okay.
12:19 Wow! that is so... so, at what point did you
12:24 realize that, "Wait, I'm being abused here"
12:28 did you ever realize that this is not okay
12:33 there's something wrong here
12:34 and was it just verbal abuse or did it become sexual abuse?
12:38 It was never sexual, it was always verbal
12:41 and there were a few cases where it was physical
12:44 where, if I was in the way,
12:46 I was being pushed out of the way,
12:48 and if I was in the kitchen,
12:49 and I left like, maybe just a fork,
12:51 "Oh why did you leave the fork here, you're so nasty,
12:54 you're so this... " and mainly if I was in the way,
12:58 I got the fridge slammed on my hand
13:00 and because I was in the way
13:02 and it started causing this tension
13:04 between my mom and her brother,
13:07 where there was a point where he came in with a cutlass,
13:11 my mom pulled out her knife and it seemed, for a moment,
13:14 there was going to be a... like a really bloody fight,
13:18 and the police had to... my mom and I...
13:20 my mom didn't do anything,
13:21 she said, "Honey get dressed" we jumped in the car,
13:23 got the police, came back,
13:25 but because it didn't escalate I guess,
13:29 to the way that they thought it should have escalated,
13:31 they took him away, and I cried
13:34 but I was happy, but then they brought him back
13:37 and in that moment, my mom was like,
13:43 "We can't stay here anymore"
13:45 she was taking care of my Grandma
13:46 she's like, "We can't stay here anymore"
13:48 so, she had a land
13:50 and she started building her house
13:52 and we moved out.
13:53 So, I knew it wasn't okay,
13:57 but that was also my Grandma's favorite
13:59 so I know, he was her only one and baby boy
14:01 so it was like,
14:03 "Okay, so I'm just going to go to church,
14:05 smile, be happy, get really active,
14:08 go to school, be really active, be really happy,
14:11 and also because of who my parents were,
14:15 I didn't really want anyone else
14:17 to really know what was really happening
14:19 because I didn't want them to look bad also.
14:21 Because your parents were very prominent on the island?
14:24 Yes, they were, and I didn't want anyone
14:27 to look down on our family,
14:29 so even though all of these things were happening,
14:32 I said, I'm going to make sure that people see us
14:35 as this great family,
14:37 Britanny is this wonderful person
14:39 she was in the Top Ten on the Island,
14:42 she was doing so much things at church,
14:44 she's a singer, she can probably preach,
14:47 she could get active, she was Pathfinder of the Year,
14:50 she can do all these different things
14:51 everything is great with her, she's down-to-earth,
14:53 the guys think she's really cool
14:55 the girls think, "Oh, she's nice too"
14:58 but I was hurting so much inside
15:00 that my place to go to was pornography
15:03 and to be there and to, what I thought was like,
15:07 coping with everything.
15:08 What impact does pornography have on your spirit?
15:14 It makes you feel dirty,
15:18 it makes you wonder what's wrong with you,
15:23 especially as a woman
15:25 because it's stated that women don't really have
15:28 those sexual desires so you're wondering,
15:31 "What's wrong with me, or,
15:33 maybe it's okay because I'm not going all the way
15:35 so you start like trying to rationalize it in your mind
15:39 but I think only as I got older
15:43 I realized how it really truly affected me
15:45 where I'm looking around and I'm looking at couples
15:48 and I'm wondering what do they look like in bed,
15:51 that shouldn't even be a thought in my mind
15:53 but I'm looking at people and instead of hearing a sermon,
15:56 I'm wondering about this person,
15:58 and even started just hearing a person saying, "I'm wondering"
16:01 so it kind of has that
16:03 hindrance on because
16:05 you can't fully function in the way
16:07 that you're supposed to fully function.
16:09 Very interesting, see I...
16:12 there are so many young people, Britanny,
16:15 who are dealing with similar situations
16:19 as far as having drifted off into
16:22 pornography and also having to keep up appearances
16:27 things are going terribly at home
16:30 and yet, I've got to act like it's all good,
16:33 and I've got to put up that front
16:35 and so, if you don't have anybody to talk to about it
16:40 and if your relationship with Christ isn't...
16:42 if you're not centered in Him,
16:44 which, if you were centered in Him,
16:45 you wouldn't have the other issues
16:47 going on right... but if...
16:48 once you get centered in Him, those issues can,
16:53 just kind of dissolve, so how did you find Christ
16:58 and then I'm going to talk to Xavier a bit.
17:00 The interesting thing is Christ was always there with me
17:06 I was building a relationship with Him
17:10 and kind of how that kind of started was
17:14 I was suicidal for a moment, and my friend told me
17:17 that if I get in really, really good with God,
17:21 and I do it, then I'll still be okay.
17:23 That was kind of the philosophy, so I was like,
17:26 okay, I can get really, really good with God,
17:28 and then when things are really, really crazy
17:30 and I can't handle it anymore, He'll still accept me
17:32 because I did this, so there was that period
17:36 but as I was getting to know God,
17:39 I was getting to know God, Right.
17:41 and He was just comforting me through the different situations
17:48 so... but I think what most people don't understand
17:51 about porn addiction is how it affects your mind
17:54 and how it's really a struggle
17:58 so even though I'm in love with Christ,
18:03 I love Him, I'm spending this time with Him,
18:05 I'm also fighting against myself
18:07 because sex is something that's supposed to...
18:10 your sexuality is natural but now it's perverted
18:12 to now, because I don't have anyone to talk to,
18:15 I can't really tell anyone,
18:17 I'm trying to figure out on my own
18:19 how do I figure out
18:22 the right form of sexuality for myself,
18:25 and I've also deluded myself into thinking
18:28 I can stop anytime, so that was my period
18:31 I can stop anytime, so, I stopped
18:34 and then for some reason, three weeks later,
18:37 something happens and I'm right back with it,
18:40 like... "Why am I right back with it,
18:42 why did I just watch this, what happened in my mind
18:46 to make me go straight back?" and as time progressed,
18:50 I'd say Christ was my own... He did a "rehab" with me
18:54 where He showed me all the things that I repressed,
18:58 the abuse that happened to me when I was a child
19:01 how I didn't really think about it
19:03 and I tossed it to the side, the issues with my father,
19:07 and how I felt like he should have rescued me
19:10 through the abuse and how I felt like he wasn't there
19:14 and He took me through that process
19:17 where... and also He was like, "Fall in love with me,
19:20 don't worry about, you know,
19:22 when you stumble or when you fall
19:23 fall in love with me, focus on that first,
19:25 and I was like, "Okay, but I'm falling... "
19:27 but, "No, no, no, focus on that first"
19:29 focus on my grace, and I'm so grateful for that
19:33 because when I truly was able to accept
19:37 that God loves me, for me,
19:41 He wants me and because of that love
19:45 I grew for Him back,
19:47 it was a lot easier to say,
19:49 "I'm not going to watch pornography right now"
19:51 yes, I really didn't want to, my mind has all these sharps
19:54 "I'm not going to watch it because it's going to hurt Him"
19:57 I had to truly learn how to trust and love Him
20:00 so I was like, "Okay God,
20:01 I guess you did have a perfect purpose
20:04 for you wanting me to focus on you first,
20:06 instead of trying to struggle with this on my own. "
20:09 That is so beautiful because it's the grace of God
20:13 that leads us to Him,
20:16 it's the grace of God that sustains us
20:18 that keeps us from going back, falling back into it
20:23 because you... you love Him now
20:25 and you don't want to hurt Him, that is so, so, so true
20:30 and so beautiful. Hmmm... Hmmm...
20:32 What about you Xavier, just give us like a synopsis
20:36 of your testimony for those who never saw
20:38 that other Urban Report where I interviewed you.
20:41 Sure, I grew up in the church
20:42 and did what every good Adventist kid is supposed to do
20:46 vegetarian and everything... the works...
20:47 I was a spick-and-span Christian Pathfinders... all that,
20:51 through a series of events in my early teens
20:55 I left the church, along with my family and I
20:58 both... all three of us left the church
21:01 and I sought out rescue through Satanism
21:04 because I was a short, pudgy kid
21:07 that no girl wanted
21:08 so, in a mixture between anger and hurt,
21:12 I just sought out... I knew he existed...
21:15 I knew God existed, so I knew the devil existed,
21:17 but God wasn't giving me what I wanted so
21:19 I sought it out from elsewhere.
21:20 What did you want?
21:23 I wanted money, power and girls, I mean, I was just
21:27 I didn't want to be that short, pudgy kid
21:29 and then the transformation began,
21:31 I wanted revenge, I wanted...
21:33 I didn't want sex, I wanted to humiliate women,
21:37 I wanted to make them pay, you know,
21:39 make them cry, like, entice them and reel them in
21:42 and then, watch them cry
21:44 because I wasn't that committed guy
21:46 I was just using them,
21:47 it was more sadistic than anything else
21:50 and after that
21:52 in my 20s, I tried to be there
21:55 you know, tried to come back and be good
21:57 and do the right thing, I became a Police Officer too
22:00 and as a means to try to help
22:03 but the devil... I was still with him, you know,
22:06 there was just no clear mind
22:09 I tried to commit suicide with my gun
22:12 which obviously I'm here so it never fired.
22:14 We're thankful for that.
22:17 So, it was crazy but that baggage
22:21 and getting out was... I ended up in jail,
22:24 that's where I met God and then I got re-baptized
22:27 I started going back to church
22:29 after that I told God I'd give Him one more try
22:33 and He revealed Himself in various ways
22:36 and I just established a relationship
22:38 the relationship that I didn't have
22:41 I established a relationship with Him
22:43 I didn't want to just go through the motions
22:46 I wanted to be a Christian for Him
22:48 not perfect, but I was going to do better
22:50 than I did when I was a kid
22:51 and that's where... I had watched pornography
22:55 during that time, even when I became a Christian
22:59 I was still addicted, that was a big show for me
23:02 it had a hold on me that was just...
23:04 I gave up alcohol, I gave up smoking,
23:06 but pornography just had a hold on me
23:08 that would just not let go, and I went through marriage
23:13 and divorce and it was just bad
23:15 I was so broken, I have a little girl,
23:20 she's three years old, I love her to death,
23:22 and God just asked me,
23:25 "Would you allow her to marry somebody like you?"
23:28 and I said, "No God, help me"
23:30 and through a series of events He helped me
23:33 he continued to help me, I went to counseling,
23:37 I did everything... every tool that God provided
23:40 I reached and used to be better
23:43 be different, and really get in tune with God
23:48 and... not to be perfect but
23:50 to do better than what I was doing
23:51 and that's when God just really said,
23:53 "You know, I'm going to keep helping you to grow"
23:56 and I'm totally different now than what I was before.
23:59 Praise the Lord and look at you,
24:02 I mean, even the way you're sitting
24:04 it's so precious, I mean... you can tell...
24:07 sometimes you go to a restaurant
24:09 and you can tell,
24:10 who's been married for a long time
24:11 and who's dating or something, because the daters...
24:14 they're all looking into each other's eyes and all that,
24:16 or if you look into a car you can see...
24:20 like... if the people are sitting at opposite ends,
24:22 they've probably been married for years,
24:24 and if not... if they're really into each other
24:27 they're sitting closely, and you guys,
24:29 you have such great stories, you have testimonies
24:35 rich testimonies that show the powerful,
24:39 amazing transforming ability of our God
24:43 and everybody has a testimony, everybody has a story,
24:48 because our God has shown Himself strong,
24:50 for all of us,
24:51 and so, I'm just so grateful for what you have done
24:57 for what God has done through you,
24:59 tell us what you're doing now, what are you doing?
25:03 Right now, I started learning more about family life ministry,
25:09 and that is my passion... Family Life Ministry
25:12 because I realize so much about how things happened to me
25:15 because of family, and how it really affects
25:18 your growth and development and being part of Pure Choices
25:21 I love this ministry, because God revealed to me
25:24 when I started Andrews,
25:26 that He wanted to use my addiction, my recovery,
25:30 as a testimony to help others who are struggling with it
25:34 so I am doing that, but in my other community
25:37 where it is a fill of Christian women
25:39 who are struggling with addiction.
25:41 That's tremendous and we thank you so much
25:45 for all that you're doing,
25:46 what about you, Xavier?
25:48 I'm working with the Youth, the Youth Leader,
25:50 I'm also the Outreach Leader, I'm in charge of Outreach so
25:53 doing a lot with the Community,
25:54 Police Chaplaincy, doing my Ph. D. in Psychology,
25:57 and working with a lot of areas of 3ABN.
26:01 And that's a blessing you know God has a way
26:05 of just sending who we need
26:08 and He has sent you to us
26:11 and we love you and we're so grateful
26:14 that you are a part of our Pure Choices Family
26:17 and we expect that you will be doing a lot more
26:20 in the future,
26:22 and thank you so much for watching this Segment
26:26 we know that someone is going to be blessed
26:31 as a result of watching this interview
26:34 whatever you're struggling with
26:36 know that God has the answer for you
26:39 there is hope, there is deliverance
26:42 and healing in our God.
26:49 Wow! powerful stories,
26:52 well join us next time and remember
26:54 it just wouldn't be the same without you.


Revised 2015-11-19