Participants: Yvonne Lewis (Host), Michelle Mendoza
Series Code: UBR
Program Code: UBR000157A
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00:01 Stay tuned to meet a woman
00:02 whose life has been radically changed 00:04 by her relationship with Jesus. 00:05 My name is Yvonne Lewis 00:07 and you're watching Urban Report. 00:32 Hello and welcome to Urban Report. 00:35 My guest today is Michele Mendoza 00:37 a woman who knows what it's like to be lost and found. 00:40 Hi Michele, welcome to Urban Report. 00:43 Thank you for having me. 00:44 You know, I met you at the General Conference Session 00:47 and I heard a little bit about your testimony 00:49 and it was so compelling, 00:51 I felt that this would be really good 00:53 for our Viewers because our Urban Report Viewers 00:58 love to hear the journey of folks who have been 01:02 caught up in something 01:03 and yet God has delivered and redeemed them. 01:06 So, I thank you so much for being here 01:08 and being willing to share your journey. 01:10 Thank you for having me. 01:12 So, let's talk a bit about your upbringing, 01:14 where were you born and raised? 01:16 Santa Barbara, California, 01:17 Okay, okay... and were you born into an intact family, 01:22 with a mom and dad together in the family? 01:25 Yes, ma'am, I have a sister as well. 01:27 All right and so... 01:30 as you were growing up 01:33 when you were a child, let's start there, 01:36 what happened to you that changed your life? 01:39 Well, 01:43 I was sexually abused as a child from my cousin 01:49 who was a Satanist, who was in the Occult, 01:54 and that pretty much distorted my childhood, 01:58 but it didn't robbed me from my life. 02:01 Praise the Lord for that, 02:03 so, when you were a child 02:06 and you were about... how old. what grade were you in? 02:10 Must have been anywhere from like first... second... 02:15 I kind of blocked it out. 02:17 And how long did it go on? 02:19 It was just one time but there were other things of 02:24 trauma that was building up and leading up to that... 02:30 you know... those things, 02:31 but, praise God, it was only once, praise God... 02:34 Yes, oh yes, well, all it takes is once 02:37 to traumatize you. 02:39 I mean, yeah, that's so... it had to be horrific, 02:43 so, after that... well, let's go back a second... 02:47 was he living in the home? 02:49 At that time, he was staying with my grandparents, 02:54 his own family was being torn apart by divorce 02:59 and, 03:00 you know, when your foundation is crumbling 03:04 and you don't have anything 03:05 you're going to go for whatever 03:09 Satan gives you temptations of or lust of the world or whatever 03:14 and he didn't have 03:17 the parents that I had 03:20 for a strong foundation for Biblical parents 03:22 but he had parents who were very attentive 03:25 and cared for him and loved him, they were... 03:27 his father was just chasing after other things 03:30 and somehow the coke, drugs and 03:36 a promiscuous life came up for him 03:39 and it just spun him out of control. 03:42 And how did that episode in your life affect your life? 03:47 It changed me. 03:48 How? 03:50 My whole... 03:51 everything about my whole character 03:52 from my understanding from my family 03:54 I became more... just reclusive and everything 03:59 it just... it shattered me, you know, 04:04 and it was very hard for me 04:05 because I was a child, I was a kid, 04:07 and everything... 04:12 my father had said that I'd lost my confidence, 04:16 my sister and even one of my aunts 04:19 recently... I showed them a picture of myself 04:22 and my sister and my aunt had said the same exact thing 04:27 at different times, basically saying that, 04:29 seeing me now, is like seeing me 04:32 when I was earlier in life the smile came back 04:36 and so I heard my sister say that 04:39 and then hearing the confirmation of my aunt 04:41 a year later, just, within the last couple of months 04:44 wow, I... 04:47 I was shocked, you know. 04:49 You have your joy back now. 04:51 That's what they say. 04:52 But it took a long journey to get to this point. 04:59 Oh! by far... 05:00 So, that happened to you in the first or second grade 05:05 or something like that, 05:07 where did your life take you in your teen years, 05:10 what were you doing in your teen years? 05:12 I think I was holding on to so much, you know, 05:19 praise God it was only... 05:22 that's why I was saying, "Amen" earlier, 05:25 it was only once, the anger, the resentment, 05:28 he also had committed suicide, 05:31 and it was because of what he had done to me 05:37 when you are a kid... and he even had told me one time 05:41 "What do you think about me killing myself... dying?" 05:48 I was just a kid, 05:50 I remember my last words to him was, 05:51 "You are so stupid" 05:53 I remember saying to him, 05:56 "You are so stupid in regards to... 05:58 you're stupid to want to kill yourself" 05:59 and so, after that, 06:03 he disappeared and he committed suicide 06:06 and when you're young, you remember certain things 06:12 certain things we block out and certain things we remember 06:14 my whole life, 06:17 I felt I was responsible for his death. 06:22 Oh... so you felt not only were you feeling 06:26 that you were victimized by what he did, 06:30 but then, emotionally, 06:33 you were held captive by his death. 06:35 That was the most... not so much of what he did to me 06:38 I never really looked on myself as being like... "abused" 06:41 you know, so much more than 06:44 held like you said... "captive" 06:47 of my... like I was to blame for him 06:53 and the testimony that the Lord God gave me 06:56 to forgive him... was powerful, 06:59 just powerful to go back to where they found him 07:03 where he jumped off over a bridge in Santa Barbara County 07:08 to go back and just say, "I forgive you, I forgive you" 07:12 just... everything was just released 07:16 so for all my years of... teenage years, 07:20 anger, resentment, yeah, I'm sure my parents... 07:27 guilt by far... oh by far... 07:29 so even in high school and early college years, 07:33 suicide... 07:35 when some of my friends would want to commit suicide 07:37 man, I took it... 07:38 I took it 07:40 to A to Z and back again. 07:42 I know there were sometimes for myself 07:43 for I too then wanted to commit suicide 07:46 so a lot of my years of... 07:49 teenage years were 07:50 anger, bitter, resent... it was resentment 07:56 questioning God, hating God, 07:59 but yet still finding faith 08:03 to keep going on... 08:06 don't ask me how that happens when you hate Him. 08:08 A lot of contradictory... 08:11 Absolutely a lot, you know, and then I remember like... 08:14 getting into "gang life" and that being... 08:18 my friends being like a "second family" to you... 08:22 and you're still loving Amy Grant, Michael W. Smith, 08:26 when you still are also loving Snoop Dogg and 08:30 Dr. Dre and everybody else, 08:31 so, yeah, there was just a lot of anger, resentment 08:35 and that was just festered in me 08:38 where it was such a deep part of me 08:41 where I just acted out on my feelings or whatever it was, 08:45 it just... this rage was... you know, yeah. 08:49 You know, it's interesting Michelle because 08:51 one of the things that happens, I think, is... 08:55 when you're carrying all of this, 08:56 then you're reinforcing it with hip hop and stuff like that 09:02 music that kind of lends itself to anger, 09:06 Oh Absolutely. so then you... 09:08 you're reinforcing all of those feelings through the media 09:12 Oh, absolutely. Music and movies and all that. 09:16 Oh yeah, Scarface, Godfather, man... that was it, 09:20 and that's why I appreciate Pastor Ivor Myers... 09:23 his messages so much because he hits it, he hits it. 09:30 He does, he does, we have him on Dare to Dream too 09:32 on Battles of Faith, he and Atonte 09:34 but he played a very important role in your conversion 09:38 and we'll come back to that so you had this episode 09:44 in childhood and then your cousin committed suicide 09:47 which then left you with all of this guilt, 09:50 all of this anger, all this resentment, 09:52 all of this pain... 09:54 Yeah, I couldn't save him, I felt I couldn't save him. 09:59 So, you also, were you... had you begun to experiment 10:04 with same-sex attraction, when did the behavior manifest? 10:10 I always knew that I was "gay" I guess you can say, 10:16 my mother remembers me at the age of five 10:19 saying, "I'm going to marry a woman" 10:22 and she'll always say, 10:25 "No, Michelle, little girls don't marry women, 10:29 they marry little boys" 10:30 and so, she remembers me saying that at the age of five, 10:35 five or six, and so as I grew up, 10:38 it was just something as the hurt, the anger... 10:44 as that was deeply embedded in me, 10:46 so was that, so was that... 10:50 and so, I remember having certain feelings 10:55 from a very, very, very early age on, 10:57 it was just second-handed in nature 10:59 as my left arm is... you have a right arm 11:01 and it was just... it was just always a part of me. 11:06 At what point did you realize 11:10 that it shouldn't be a part of you? 11:13 When the Lord convicted me February for Valentine's Day 11:21 in 2013 in the ARME Bible Camp, I was engaged, 11:26 ironically... Engaged to a woman? 11:29 yes ma'am, had a family, three children, 11:31 um... yeah... and 11:35 two ARME Bible Camps that I went to 11:39 one in December and then Valentine Day's weekend 11:42 ironically, those are the two times 11:44 the same days that the ARME Bible Camps were going on, 11:48 were the same dates that we were to be married. 11:52 You were steeped in this lifestyle, 11:55 we have some pictures of you from that time 11:58 that we should let our audience see just where you were. 12:04 Yeah, it's easy to see, the picture just paints a story 12:07 that is me actually 12:10 really when I began seeing all of the attraction 12:17 that the world's females were giving me, 12:20 I was just going through the motions there of life, 12:25 didn't even care there, you can see it in my changes 12:30 of my appearance... those even changed... 12:33 not so much that the age now that I got older 12:36 but I just got deeper and just wants that gang life 12:40 and the rage and... 12:42 And more looking like a guy 12:45 like from the first pictures to these, 12:50 you were deeper and deeper into the lifestyle. 12:54 And it's funny because I've always wanted to be more... 12:57 the latter pictures that you have seen, 12:59 that was what I was always chasing from very early on 13:03 it's kind of crazy how I never even had a sex-change 13:07 to be honest with you, it's kind of crazy 13:08 but was that on my agenda list, it probably was, yeah, yeah. 13:14 We're thankful that you didn't. 13:16 He saved me, He saved me. 13:17 Yes, yes, so, so, you went through all of that 13:20 and then you were at ARME Bible Camp 13:23 what did the Lord do, 13:26 how did he reach out to you 13:29 and what were the circumstances surrounding it? 13:30 I got broken up with Vera. 13:33 Was she at the camp as well? 13:35 No, no ma'am, she was at home with the kids, 13:37 and got broken up with her, 13:40 I thought the best day in my life was 13:43 when Amy Grant had told me, "You're good enough" 13:45 I asked her her opinion on my music 13:49 and years earlier on, and I said, "Am I good enough 13:54 to go to Nashville to chase after my dream?" 13:56 she goes, "Yeah, you're good enough" 13:58 I thought that was the best day of my life, 14:00 the best day of my life was Valentine's Day in 2013 14:05 where I had to sacrifice my relationship for God's will, 14:11 the best day in my life was when He spoke to me 14:14 and basically said, 14:17 "This is not... this is not my desire" 14:19 He didn't say it like that, but it was... 14:22 He wanted me to step aside 14:24 and so she basically had said something 14:27 in regards... "We need to break up, 14:30 we were supposed to be good friends... best friends, 14:33 but we're not to be together. " 14:35 Now was she having some kind of Christian experience as well 14:38 or... what led her to say, we should break up? 14:43 You know, it wouldn't surprise me 14:46 if there was a combination of things, 14:48 the children were 14:49 attending the little Seventh-day Adventist School, 14:52 they were coming to church, she was coming to church, 14:54 I think that had a part to play in it. 14:57 So she was really convicted about the relationship. 15:00 I think so in some regards but then also to 15:02 looking at things now, 15:05 we both had a very passionate relationship 15:07 then we also had a very deep, toxic one as well. 15:12 We've both cheated on each other, 15:13 maybe she could have been cheating on me at the time 15:17 just to get over this relationship 15:19 to move to where she's at today, 15:21 I don't know, but praise the Lord, 15:23 the Lord keeps giving me things of... 15:25 "All things work together for good" 15:27 Yes, so she initiated it 15:30 and then the Lord spoke to your heart and told you 15:34 to step aside. 15:36 He told me, "Step aside, I come quickly, 15:38 I bring my reward with me, you cannot serve two masters" 15:42 then He said it again, "I come quickly, step aside, 15:46 it's for your salvation. " 15:47 I was so angry with Him. 15:49 He said, "It's for your salvation?" 15:50 No, sorry, for her salvation, it was for her salvation. 15:53 Yes, and a lot of the times, 15:56 the things He was sharing was about her, 15:57 Him and her, and I could see now 16:02 why He did that. 16:04 Tell us why you think He did it for her. 16:06 I think it's because I loved her so much 16:08 more than any other woman, I had many other girlfriends 16:11 many of them, 16:13 but nothing quite like this last one. 16:15 I loved her... like a god... 16:22 Hmmm... 16:24 I loved her more than I loved myself 16:26 and so if He had to meet me where I was at 16:32 and that's the beauty of Christ, He meets us where we're at, 16:34 Yes. 16:36 and He had to do what He had to do 16:38 and so I just kept getting these visual pictures 16:43 and I remember seeing... it was kind of like Abraham 16:48 sacrificing... about to sacrifice Isaac 16:51 and I knew I had to sacrifice this relationship 16:54 because He said, "It was for her salvation" 16:57 and I remember... then again... I was a gangster, 17:01 I could care less about life, 17:03 I could care less about your life or anyone else's life, 17:05 I didn't care about anything, and it was just about vengeance 17:10 that... MPR... money, power, respect 17:12 that's all it was, and when He spoke, 17:15 I remember getting up and just getting angry with Him 17:19 and punching the air with my fist, 17:21 and saying, "I love her, I love her more," 17:24 and He said very clearly, "You know, I love her, 17:29 I love her more, she is my daughter," 17:32 and when He said, "more" I remember just "more" 17:36 and "mine," He's a jealous God, 17:39 it's His, all that is... is His, everything in the world is His 17:44 He knows it, it's His, 17:46 but there is a surrender that we have to have 17:49 I look at it now, 17:51 He got me where He got me because 17:54 I was willing to be made willing, 17:57 I didn't know where it was going to lead, 17:59 I knew that I had a purpose in life 18:03 I just didn't know what, never in a million years 18:06 would I ever think it's regarding the Bible, 18:09 would I ever think of a conversion like this, 18:11 never, ever. 18:13 Isn't it interesting, Michele, how God spoke to you about 18:17 her salvation because He knew where you placed her, 18:21 Yes, that was it. 18:23 you placed her above "you" 18:25 so he was showing you "she is mine" 18:28 and then I'm sure later He revealed... you are His, 18:32 but He came... God is so... He is so awesome 18:36 the way He does things, the way He handles things, 18:40 the way... He is just beyond description 18:44 And what He said is so true by far, 18:46 powerful, almighty, sovereign, everlasting, 18:50 He did say to me, 18:52 "There are ways that I can love you in ways that she cannot 18:56 and there are ways that I can love her 19:00 in ways that you cannot" 19:02 He had to get me where I was at 19:04 to teach me... where I am at today 19:07 but speak to me 19:09 where I needed to get it at. That's right. 19:12 And then it progressed, 19:14 ARME... powerful, powerful Bible Camp, 19:20 everything that they say, 19:22 how the Presenters are preaching and teaching the Bible, 19:24 it's Biblical, it's Scriptural, 19:28 it's factual, 19:30 everything that they've ever taught any of us 19:34 who have ever attended, it's in here and then... 19:38 Do they teach you how to study, how to study the Bible? 19:41 Oh yes! oh yes! Ivor does a great job of it 19:43 bringing things out and kind of getting your mind 19:45 to look at this, look at that, 19:47 getting outside of the box, I guess, if you can say, 19:49 to looking into the box, and then from there 19:54 them helping me, the Lord leading me, 19:57 the Lord specifically telling me to call Amazing Facts, 20:02 to go to AFCO, one, it was just, 20:06 He used ARME, then He used Amazing Facts 20:08 and He used Secrets Unsealed, and He used GC from me with you, 20:13 and other people, it's just... 20:16 He had to get me from where I was at 20:19 to grow me to where I am today 20:21 I don't really know much, I learn more and more everyday 20:25 but what I read and the testimonies 20:29 that come out of where He leads me to, 20:32 I know He loves me so much more greater 20:35 than I can love myself 20:36 far greater than you can love yourself, 20:38 I think of you with your son, 20:40 you would think you would love your son, 20:45 or people out there in the world, 20:47 no one loves my child more than me, 20:51 Him... That's right, that's right. 20:53 And I love it when you had said, earlier you had said about 20:59 the Lord... "dad" you call Him "dad" 21:02 Yes. I love that because 21:05 you're making it a personal relationship 21:08 and... And it is personal. 21:12 Oh! by far... and that's what's going to get us to heaven. 21:14 Absolutely. 21:15 It's not just Daniel and Revelation 21:17 it's not just saying, 21:19 "Oh, I'm a Seventh-day Adventist" 21:20 it's not like, "I'm... I believe in the Sabbath" 21:22 it's your faith and your walk with Jesus Christ. 21:24 Absolutely, the demons know the Bible. 21:27 Yes. It's not about knowing 21:29 about Jesus, it's knowing Jesus. 21:32 Amen, it changes everything. 21:33 And Him knowing you because you know when 21:37 after the judgment when He says, 21:40 "Depart from me, I never knew you" 21:43 so there was not that relationship 21:46 and that's what you're talking about, 21:48 you entered into... 21:49 He had to break that other relationship 21:53 to then have a relationship with you. 21:57 Absolutely, by far, by far, 21:59 and there were things where 22:01 I'd always say this, 22:05 "I was just growing along the process, 22:09 I was testing God," 22:10 telling the Lord, "Father, if my life was so wrong 22:17 you got to prove to me, keep showing me 22:21 this is your way," it was not easy, 22:24 you look at homosexuality, it's quite different than... 22:32 it's the same... sin is sin is sin, 22:33 it's the same as smoking, doing drugs, 22:35 even the Bible says about gossiping, 22:37 how many times now 22:39 do we not even call off the gossiper, 22:41 maybe not calling them out directly but 22:43 that's not even going to get you into heaven, you know, 22:47 and you see a lot of people basically saying like... 22:50 "Well, homosexuality, it's like a worse sin" 22:53 and what not, you know, 22:54 we don't even look at the gossiping as much 22:57 but I guess, my point being is 22:58 you're going to kill me, I just lost my point. 23:02 No, that's okay, well, let me just say 23:03 while you're getting your point back, 23:05 that sin is sin is sin, and we set a hierarchy of sins, 23:10 that we don't need to, 23:12 if you are involved in fornication, 23:14 and heterosexual fornication, that's sin, 23:18 if you are involved in homosexuality, 23:21 that's sin, so it's like, sin is sin is sin, 23:25 God came to save us from our sins, 23:31 but we first have to acknowledge that it is sin 23:34 and then from there, 23:36 the behavior is what's in question 23:39 and I believe that God... that God will deliver us 23:46 from the behaviors that are sinful. 23:49 Absolutely, yes, I mean yeah, and what came to my mind 23:53 which was my point was smoking, 23:56 you have Smoking Clinics, 23:59 drugs, you have Narcotics Anonymous 24:03 alcohol, you have AA, 24:06 Homosexuality, 24:07 you do have some places you could go and what not, 24:12 but you know... nah... 24:14 I've heard some very negative things 24:16 about a lot of those programs. 24:17 That's why I never want to go, yeah, no, exactly 24:19 and some of those are just horror stories, 24:21 just horror stories, 24:23 and I felt like I couldn't go through anything like that, 24:26 and I remember my pastor telling me one time, 24:28 the one who had baptized me, 24:31 I said, "Pastor, am I wrong, am I going to die 24:38 because, you know... " 24:41 Now, this was before your conversion? 24:44 Yes, yeah, absolutely, 24:46 and I'll never forget his wording to me, telling me, 24:50 and this is one thing that I do share, 24:52 he had said, "You pray about it, 24:57 you keep praying, 24:58 you keep giving it to the Lord, He'll lead you. " 25:01 I said, "But I'm in a relationship already... " 25:04 he said, "You keep praying," 25:05 that is what changes everything, prayer... 25:09 and that's another thing with ARME that I love so much 25:11 is the power of prayer, 25:13 the all-night prayer that we have, that they have, 25:16 the Prayer Room that they have, 25:18 powerful, 25:20 prayer is such a powerful thing 25:24 that even Ellen G. White, 25:25 I think, shares it the angels even say that, 25:27 I'm surprised that we don't even do it as much 25:31 that... I am a firm believer... my testimony 25:34 I got where I'm at today was because of those... 25:38 my family always praying for me, the connection with ARME, 25:43 always, even when ARME was... the week was over, 25:46 they were there still calling me calling me all the time, 25:48 "Let me pray for you, let me pray for you, 25:50 let me pray with you," you know, 25:52 and yeah... and that was powerful 25:55 because when you go to ARME Bible Camp, 25:56 I love the way Atonte shares it, "There is no judgment here, 26:01 there is no judgment, we love to love," 26:05 and when you go to ARME Bible Camp, 26:08 you will see them being a type of Christ 26:12 as to the way the church ought to be 26:16 loving thy neighbor as thyself, 26:18 and meeting you from where you're at today 26:21 and that is the beauty of Christ, 26:22 he doesn't look at us where we're at today, 26:25 He looks at where we're going to be. 26:26 That's right. It changes everything. 26:28 That's right, praise the Lord, yes it does 26:30 and we have the picture of you having gotten baptized, 26:33 let's put that picture up, who baptized you? 26:37 Pastor Pete Haley and ironically 26:39 the Lord even impressed me that it was him to baptize me 26:43 he was leaving the church, that was his last day 26:46 and so, yeah, God was just amazing 26:51 and that was the pastor that was telling me, 26:52 "You pray, you pray" 26:56 and it's kind of hard 26:58 it's kind of hard saying what I'm about to share with you 27:04 is that you have so many people at church 27:07 who just look... 27:09 and we were talking about this earlier 27:11 looking at that one sin, everywhere I go, 27:13 there are people, you know, that... will make... you know... 27:17 shhh... don't even mention it, 27:19 you do see the changing of the behavior 27:22 because they look at that one sin. 27:25 Yeah, and you don't want to be defined by that. 27:27 No, not at all, my life is my life but it's 27:30 my history which is "His Story" 27:32 and He does it differently, like I was talking to your son, 27:35 and, yeah he was telling me about his life 27:37 and how... where he's at today, it's amazing. 27:41 Michele, you have just blessed us so much, 27:44 thank you so much for being with us, 27:46 and for sharing this story with us. 27:48 Thank you so much for having me. 27:50 May God continue to bless you on this journey, 27:53 and may God continue to bless you too, 27:55 thank you so much for joining us. 27:57 Join us next time because you know what? 28:00 It just wouldn't be the same, without you. |
Revised 2016-01-14