Urban Report

Arthur Nowlin Tribute

Three Angels Broadcasting Network

Program transcript

Participants: Yvonne Lewis (Host), Dr. Kim Logan Nowlin


Series Code: UBR

Program Code: UBR000215A

00:01 Stay tuned to see a program I never wanted to do.
00:04 My name is Yvonne Lewis,
00:05 and you're watching Urban Report.
00:31 Hello, and welcome to Urban Report.
00:33 My guest today is Dr. Kim Logan Nowlin,
00:36 author, psychotherapist,
00:38 and co-host of Dare to Dream's
00:39 family support program Making It Work.
00:42 Today, we're here to pay tribute
00:44 to her late husband Arthur Nowlin.
00:47 He was co-host of the program with her,
00:49 and on October 30th of 2016, he passed away.
00:54 Welcome to Urban Report, Dr. Kim.
00:56 Oh, Yvonne, so good to see you.
00:58 You know that we love you,
01:00 and you know that we loved Arthur here.
01:01 Oh, yes. And he loved all of you.
01:03 Oh, praise the Lord.
01:05 And we love what you guys,
01:07 not just what you did but what you stood for.
01:10 Yes. What you stood for.
01:12 You represented to us a family that was making it work.
01:17 Yes, yes, every day.
01:18 I'm smiling because every time I think about you
01:22 and Arthur together,
01:23 it's like you can't help but smile.
01:26 Because you guys just...
01:28 the banter, the back and forth,
01:29 and we're gonna show some clips in a little bit.
01:32 But the banter and the back and forth
01:34 that you had with him was so special.
01:37 And so today, we wanna honor him.
01:40 I appreciate that.
01:41 We wanna honor him because he was a man of God.
01:45 Oh, yes. So, tell us about...
01:48 First of all, how did you meet Arthur?
01:49 All right. How did we meet?
01:51 That's really, you know, amazing.
01:55 The AIDS Revolution
01:58 was really strong about 25 years ago.
02:02 And the ambassador of AIDS was visiting Detroit,
02:06 Dionne Warwick.
02:07 And so they invited some of the agencies
02:11 to come to speak
02:13 and also to come to the celebration that evening
02:17 at one of the hotels.
02:18 Well, when I walked in with my cousin Karen, I said,
02:24 "That's gonna be my husband."
02:26 I said it just like that, "That's going be my husband."
02:28 You mean, you saw him across a room?
02:29 Yes. Oh, come on now.
02:30 I saw him. I saw him.
02:32 What?
02:33 And so, you know, he was there hosting,
02:36 and I was there as a hostess.
02:38 And so I was sitting there watching him,
02:40 and one of his golf friends said,
02:42 "Well, I don't know why you're looking at him,
02:44 he's married."
02:45 And I was like, "Oh, okay."
02:47 So his golf friend called me, you know,
02:50 and so they were all talking about me
02:52 standing on the golf course.
02:53 And they were like,
02:54 "Man, you won't stand a chance with her."
02:56 So he never responded.
02:58 He said, "Man, you don't have enough
03:00 to bring to the table, all right?"
03:02 And so...
03:04 So wait, he was looking at you and you were looking at him.
03:07 Yes, but he was very cool.
03:09 You know, Arthur was just cool. Yes, yeah.
03:11 But he had on the baddest socks.
03:12 It was the socks. It was the socks.
03:14 I will tell anyone, his socks were...
03:17 And he took pride in his socks, all right?
03:20 And he crossed his legs, and I was like, "Whoo!
03:23 Look at those socks."
03:24 So I said, "The man cares about his socks,
03:26 that man cares about his appearance," all right.
03:29 So a few days later,
03:30 I called his office to see
03:33 if they would like to do my radio show.
03:35 But... His office was, he did what?
03:38 He was a social worker in Substance Abuse.
03:40 Okay. Okay.
03:41 And so I had my own practice.
03:43 And so they sent his boss, not him.
03:47 And I'm like, "Okay, all right."
03:48 But now in the mean time,
03:49 you'd found out he wasn't married.
03:51 I found out two days later. Okay.
03:53 I saw a friend, and we were at a AIDS Conference.
03:56 And I said, "I've met Arthur Nowlin."
03:58 She said, "Oh, he is so nice,"
04:00 and I said, "Well, you know, he is married."
04:03 She said, "No, he's not." I said, "What?"
04:05 She said, "No, he is divorced, he has a son,
04:08 but he is single.
04:09 Girl, these women been on him for years.
04:12 But he will not commit.
04:14 He hasn't met the right one."
04:16 So I said, "All right."
04:17 So I called my girlfriend who worked with him
04:20 and she was having a cabaret.
04:22 I said, "Well, I don't go to cabarets.
04:24 I'm Seventh-day Adventist, I don't do cabarets."
04:26 She said, "Well, let's go to my son's football team,
04:28 The Pearl group."
04:30 I said, "I tell you what,
04:31 if you can get Arthur Nowlin there,
04:33 I'll buy all of your tickets."
04:35 Oh. Okay?
04:36 I said... You are a woman with a plan.
04:39 I was on a mission.
04:40 But I told her, I said, "Don't tell him."
04:42 And sure enough, she told him.
04:44 And when he walked in, I ran to the restroom.
04:47 I was so embarrassed, okay?
04:49 'Cause now you knew that she had told...
04:50 Oh. I knew she had told him.
04:52 So he came, and he was sitting at the table,
04:54 I came out, and it was a lot of women around.
04:56 I'm like, "No, this is not gonna work,"
04:58 you know, he is a pretty boy, you know, all this and that.
05:02 So he asked me to dance. I said, "Well, I don't dance."
05:04 He said, "What do you mean you don't dance?"
05:06 And then I said, "Well, may be I should help out
05:07 the Holy Spirit, okay."
05:10 So the song was on and it became our theme song.
05:14 And I was stepping on his feet, you know,
05:17 trying to do some things, and he said,
05:19 "Do you know how to dance?"
05:20 I said "Not really." I said, "I roll a skate," okay?
05:23 So I said, "So, Mr. Nowlin, what are you looking for?"
05:26 And he paused and he said, "Someone to grow with."
05:30 And I'm like, "He didn't say my name, okay."
05:35 So I get home, and I called my mom.
05:39 And I said, "Well, Mom," she said, "Well, how did it go?
05:40 Did you meet him?"
05:42 I said, "Yes, but he didn't give me the right answer."
05:44 She said, "Well, what did he say?"
05:46 I said, "I asked him what is he looking for.
05:48 He said, "Someone to grow with."
05:50 And she says, "So what was wrong with that?"
05:52 I said, "It wasn't the right answer."
05:54 She said, "My child, he gave you the right answer.
05:57 He wants to grow with someone."
06:00 And that's how it all began.
06:01 Oh.
06:03 So he said he want to grow with someone,
06:07 so how did you see him again?
06:09 How did it... How did it...
06:11 Well, he invited me to lunch, and he told me his whole story
06:14 about his divorce, his son, his addiction.
06:17 Well, let's hear about his story.
06:18 Yes.
06:20 His story was that he had gone to,
06:21 grow up in Gary, Indiana.
06:23 He lost his mother when he was just seven years old,
06:25 attended Catholic school.
06:27 And then he went to public school.
06:29 I think we have a picture... Okay, okay.
06:30 Of him in high school.
06:32 In high school.
06:33 And he finished high school, he was a basketball star,
06:36 and well, liked by everyone, beautiful personality.
06:40 And then he had difficulty
06:44 because he had lost his mother at such a early age.
06:46 And so he enlisted or he was really,
06:51 you know, enlisted into the Air Force.
06:54 Okay. Was he... He was drafted?
06:55 He was drafted. He was drafted. Oh, he was drafted.
06:57 We have a picture of him in the airport.
06:59 Okay. Yeah, there he is. There.
07:01 And look how young! Yes.
07:03 He looks like a baby. Nineteen years old.
07:04 Yeah. Nineteen years old.
07:06 Yeah.
07:07 You know, but it was not a great experience,
07:11 he went through a lot with Post-traumatic stress disorder
07:15 and shell shock.
07:16 And he was a military police officer.
07:20 So he guarded the Base,
07:21 and he was even shot in the military.
07:23 Oh, man.
07:25 And so even during our marriage,
07:27 he would wake up if I walked into the room softly.
07:31 Or "What is it? What is it? What is it?"
07:33 You know, and he would wake up like this.
07:35 And it was that serious.
07:37 And it stayed with him for a long time.
07:41 So from there, he got out of the military
07:43 but he was addicted to morphine from the gunshot wound.
07:48 And then from there he became addicted to heroin
07:51 and started trafficking drugs
07:54 and selling drugs with his sister Connie.
07:56 So it just began a downward spiral?
07:59 Oh, yes, from the military.
08:01 From the military? Yes.
08:02 And he was...
08:04 And this, I was just reading about something recently,
08:07 actually this morning, about prescription drugs
08:11 leading to heroin addictions.
08:12 Oh, yes.
08:13 And this is kind of what happened to him,
08:15 he got addicted to the pain killers.
08:16 Yes.
08:17 Because of the gunshot wounds. Yes.
08:19 And then went to heroin. Went to heroin.
08:21 Yes. Wow.
08:22 And so then he started selling it.
08:24 Oh, selling it.
08:25 And he was, you know,
08:26 and his sister was also in a cartel in Indiana.
08:29 And she was big in California and came back to Indiana.
08:34 And they were doing drugs together.
08:36 Then his sister became ill,
08:38 and he gets the call
08:40 that she was ill in the hospital, early 30s.
08:43 And he didn't know where but somewhere in South Bend,
08:46 God led him to the hospital.
08:48 And from there, he found her in this room.
08:51 Then the doctor came in and he asked him to leave.
08:54 And she said, "No, he can stay."
08:56 And he said that, "There is nothing else
08:58 we can do for you, Connie.
08:59 You've used drugs so long, it's damaged your organs."
09:03 And she hit the bed and said, "I could have been,
09:06 I should have been, I would have been."
09:08 And she turned to Arthur and said,
09:10 "Don't you die like me.
09:13 Get clean.
09:15 Get the help you need."
09:16 That day, he left and went to New York.
09:20 And they had a open bed and he went into rehab.
09:24 And from that point on, he remained clean.
09:27 From that point on because... And when was that?
09:30 That was... He was...
09:31 'Cause he had been married and they got divorced
09:34 because his first wife couldn't handle the addiction.
09:38 And so that was in his later 20s, later 20s.
09:42 And from there, he went back to Gary.
09:45 And his cousin Jody on his mother side said,
09:50 "I need to bring you to Ann Arbor, Michigan."
09:52 And he said, "If you don't come,
09:53 I'm coming to get you."
09:55 And he didn't come for a week.
09:56 And Jody went down to get him,
09:59 and brought him back to Ann Arbor,
10:00 and that was the turning point.
10:02 And he went to, he started attending Washtenaw College,
10:05 got his Associate degree, got his undergrad degree
10:08 from Wayne State in education.
10:10 And then after meeting me,
10:12 earned his Master's degree in Social Work
10:14 and Substance Abuse.
10:15 I Love it.
10:17 So he gave back all that he went through to help others,
10:20 also to find freedom with drug abuse and addictions.
10:23 Yes, yes, yes, yes.
10:24 So wow, he had a powerful journey.
10:27 Now where were his parents?
10:28 In Gary, Indiana.
10:30 But his mother passed when he was seven,
10:31 his father passed in his late 80s.
10:33 But again, his father was like very disappointed
10:36 that he did not want to stay and work in the steel mill.
10:40 His brothers were firemen
10:42 and they worked in the steel mill.
10:43 But he wanted something more for his life.
10:46 And that way, it was the turning point in Ann Arbor
10:48 when he was able to go to school
10:50 and have the support of his family.
10:52 And they've raised him,
10:53 the Smiths and the Davis's raised him as their own son.
10:57 And it was just amazing
10:59 and how we all became one family.
11:01 I didn't know the Nowlin family that well.
11:04 We would go down for funerals or different things like that,
11:09 but there was never a family reunions.
11:11 And they didn't come to visit him.
11:13 In our 20 years of marriage, I didn't know his family.
11:18 And they really, kind of, was critical
11:21 that they felt that I took him away,
11:23 he became Seventh-day Adventist
11:25 'cause he was raised Catholic.
11:26 Okay.
11:27 And so, but you didn't know him.
11:30 For 30 years, you missed the man,
11:32 and what he became, and what God did through him.
11:35 And, Yvonne, I have to say this to women
11:38 who may be listening their men.
11:40 You don't have to compromise.
11:41 You can wait on the Lord to allow you to make a stand.
11:45 Yes.
11:47 And God will use you in that stand
11:49 because he came to church with me
11:52 a few weeks after he met me.
11:53 He said, "Well, what are you doing
11:55 on Saturday?"
11:56 And I said, "I go to church." He said, "Wait, what?"
11:57 I said, "Church." "What!" I said, "Church."
12:00 Every time he asked that question,
12:01 it was church.
12:02 He said, "You don't go to club?"
12:04 I said, "Church." "You don't go to cabaret?"
12:05 "Church."
12:07 And then he said, "But you met me at a cabaret."
12:08 I said, "That was for good cause, okay."
12:10 And he came to City Temple in Detroit.
12:15 And he walked in
12:16 and there was all these little groups going on.
12:19 And he said, "What is going on here?"
12:21 And we were dating, and I said, "It's called Sabbath School."
12:25 He said, "Well, what are they doing
12:26 in Sabbath school?"
12:27 And I said, "They're talking about Jesus
12:29 and the Word of God."
12:30 And he got so excited
12:32 but that wasn't completely all that brought him
12:35 to City Temple.
12:37 Five men greeted him, one man particular,
12:40 our head elder at the time.
12:42 And said, "Welcome." And he says, "He's mine."
12:45 Took him to the beginner Sabbath School class.
12:47 And from there, trained him to be a decant, and elder,
12:53 and on to become federation president,
12:55 and family life of our church,
12:57 family life co-director of the conference.
13:00 It all started when...
13:02 This is why when we see people visiting our churches,
13:05 we should embrace them.
13:06 Absolutely.
13:08 And let them know that we love them
13:10 and that's what one Arthur...
13:11 'Cause he said he visited other churches
13:13 in other denominations.
13:15 But no one came to greet him and said hello.
13:18 But these five men and their families embraced us
13:23 and our daughter.
13:24 And it just grew from there, you know, a village, a village.
13:28 You know, I'm listening to you
13:30 and I'm thinking, "Man, this is...
13:32 it's so amazing that
13:35 God knew from the very beginning,
13:38 who Arthur would be for Him
13:41 and how Arthur would be on the frontlines for Him."
13:45 And He just led him through you,
13:47 brought him to you and you to him,
13:50 and God just...
13:51 He is just so awesome.
13:52 Isn't He awesome? He is so awesome.
13:54 So, okay, so let's go back a second.
13:56 So you guys started...
13:59 I need to know though, how, you know,
14:02 'cause I'm like enquiring mind, want to know.
14:04 Okay, so after, 'cause we digressed for a bit
14:09 with the story of his life, right, the early beginnings.
14:13 How did you guys connect though?
14:15 I mean, after that lunch, you went to lunch.
14:19 Yes, yes.
14:20 He started calling, he started presume...
14:23 At what point did you both know...
14:26 Well you, kind of, knew when you saw him.
14:27 You said, "That's going to be my husband."
14:29 But at what point did he know that you were his?
14:33 I think when some of the ladies approached him at church
14:36 and said, "Well, Kim, he is been a member here
14:38 for a year or so, are you going to date him?"
14:41 I said, "Well, right now, I'm his friend.
14:43 I brought him to church."
14:45 And I said, "But if you would like to pursue him, you can."
14:48 Because I was confident in the Lord, you know.
14:52 And so he went to lunch with one of them,
14:54 and I wasn't worried.
14:56 And he called me that evening,
14:58 and I said, "Well, how did it go?"
14:59 And he says, "It was nice, you know."
15:02 But I think what happen was his son, Jason, was 12.
15:07 Jason went home and told his mom,
15:09 "Mom, Dad has a girlfriend."
15:12 And they have been trying to reconnect.
15:15 He really tried to reconnect with his family,
15:18 'cause he wanted to be with his son.
15:21 And but I don't think she was open to it.
15:25 'Cause she had been through so much
15:26 with the drugs.
15:28 So much and she is a lovely woman,
15:29 we are good friends.
15:30 And when she called him, he said that,
15:36 "Thank you, but I like to see what would happen with Kim."
15:40 And that's when I knew.
15:42 Wow.
15:43 She called him...
15:44 After Jason went home. To try to rekindle?
15:46 As Jason went home and said, "Mom, Dad has a girlfriend."
15:51 And it's not until you think someone is right.
15:53 Yeah. Right. Right.
15:55 And so he said, "I like to see where this will go with Kim."
15:58 Never knowing, almost 30 years,
16:01 it went with Kim.
16:02 Wow. You know, amazing.
16:04 So you guys started dating. Started dating.
16:07 And you really fell in love. Fell in love.
16:09 And really blend in our families together,
16:11 'cause I had a daughter, he had a son.
16:13 I think we have a picture of the family too.
16:15 You know, of the family. Yeah, we'll put that up.
16:18 So you had a daughter, he had a son.
16:20 Yes, yes. And you guys...
16:22 Blended in working together, that's the family.
16:25 And then in 2000, we had our daughter,
16:29 Erin, you know...
16:30 Looking just like Arthur. I know, looks just like him.
16:32 Oh, my goodness!
16:34 Just like Arthur with a cap and gown.
16:35 Yes.
16:36 She was graduated from the eighth grade,
16:38 and Jason has a son, that was Arthur's first grand
16:40 and only grandson.
16:42 And we always had this philosophy,
16:44 how many steps do you have to take?
16:46 This is our family, there're no stepfathers,
16:48 stepmother, stepbrothers, half-brother, we are a family.
16:52 A family, that's right. And so with that...
16:54 So at the wedding, the children,
16:57 they were our best man and maid of honor.
16:58 And they were like, "Really, this is going to happen?"
17:02 And it was so unbelievable because Arthur was Mr. Nowlin
17:06 for almost a year.
17:07 Good morning, Mr. Nowlin.
17:08 Good afternoon, Mr. Nowlin. Mr. Nowlin!
17:10 So, Micha didn't warm up to him?
17:13 And she said, "Dinner is served, Mr. Nowlin.
17:15 Mr. Nowlin."
17:16 And one day she came down the stairs
17:18 and she said, "Daddy!"
17:20 And we were like,
17:23 "Don't say a word, don't say a word, okay."
17:25 And we didn't know what to do.
17:27 And he answered the question, and from that point on,
17:29 it was daddy.
17:31 And even at the services, she said...
17:33 Everyone is up talking about all these wonderful accolades
17:36 and how wonderful he is.
17:37 "Well, I didn't like him,
17:39 I didn't want him to marry my mom,"
17:41 and then she turned and looked at me
17:43 and said, "Mom, I want to thank you
17:45 for marrying such a wonderful man.
17:48 Thank you for a man who protected me,
17:51 guided me all the way through since the age of 8 to 34."
17:56 That was her father, that was her father, you know.
18:00 And he cared for her, loved her.
18:02 And when she got breast cancer in 2013,
18:06 and we were coming here to do a taping,
18:09 and I had to call you to say,
18:11 "Micha just, you know, diagnosed."
18:13 Yes.
18:14 And the only thing he said on the phone was,
18:16 "I'm on my way."
18:18 That's it. You know, he didn't even mince words.
18:22 "I'm her father," and that's when I knew.
18:25 So I knew that day on the phone when I heard him say that.
18:29 And we began to really spend a lot of time
18:31 with the children 'cause he had to work.
18:33 And then him accepting the Seventh-day message...
18:36 And at what point did he accept the Sabbath?
18:38 Immediately, immediately.
18:39 Really? Immediately.
18:41 Yes. That's incredible.
18:43 You know, when you were talking about the five men,
18:46 that kind of rallied around him and embraced him.
18:48 Oh, yeah.
18:49 That's what we need to do in our churches.
18:51 We need to do it. Across the world.
18:54 Yes, our young people, women, yes.
18:56 Embrace people when they come in.
18:57 And so he accepted the message immediately,
18:59 he was baptized six months later.
19:02 Wow. Yes.
19:03 I invited him to church in 1990,
19:06 he was baptized in '91, and we were married in '93.
19:10 Oh. Yes.
19:12 So we had premarital counseling
19:13 and he started working for me in '91.
19:17 And he said, "This is something I've always wanted to do."
19:20 He did it at his agency,
19:22 but they have the freedom to travel, to speak,
19:24 to write books.
19:26 And so he came to me after we are married,
19:28 he said... I said, "What's wrong?"
19:30 He says, "I want to quit my job."
19:32 I said, "You want to do what?"
19:34 And he said, "I want to quit my job."
19:35 I said, "Well, what do you want to do, dear?"
19:37 He says, "I want to go to school
19:38 and get my Masters,
19:40 but I need someone to believe in me.
19:42 I need my wife to believe in me," you know.
19:44 And so I said "Hmm."
19:46 So I called my mom, you know, and I said,
19:47 "Mom, what do you think?"
19:49 And then she said,
19:50 "If you help this man go to school,
19:52 this man will be just in your corner
19:56 for the rest of your life."
19:58 And my mom helped us get a computer,
20:01 we paid her back.
20:02 And he went to school and got the degree.
20:06 And he says, "Well, I'm not going to march in
20:08 and participate in graduation.
20:10 And I walked into the room, I said, "Get your coat,
20:12 we are going down to get all your information,
20:15 file your paperwork,
20:17 you'll be marching in the Afro-central Graduation
20:19 and also at Wayne State.
20:21 So at the graduation, I'm looking for him.
20:25 And I see this man in the chair after the graduation, saying,
20:28 "Hey, ho, hey, ho."
20:32 And I'm like, for someone
20:34 who did not want to participate in graduation,
20:37 you could not tell him anything.
20:39 And then I gave him a party and he was just elated.
20:43 Now look at...
20:44 See, this is one of the things that I love about you guys
20:49 because there's always
20:52 this element of supporting each other.
20:54 Oh, yes. Being there for each other.
20:57 I mean, you saw that he had a dream,
21:00 that's what partners do.
21:02 That's right. He had a dream.
21:03 He had a dream and instead of you saying,
21:06 "Quit your job, are you crazy?"
21:07 I know.
21:09 No, you checked with your mom which is a good move.
21:11 And then, you probably prayed about it, of course.
21:14 Oh, yeah.
21:15 And then you said, "Go head and do that."
21:18 That says, "I believe in you."
21:20 But not only that, it says,
21:22 "I'm here to help you actualize,
21:25 to help you realize your dreams, your goals,"
21:29 just like he could be there for you.
21:31 Oh, yes.
21:32 The highest level of self-esteem
21:34 my mother taught me as a child is to self-actualization.
21:38 Help someone to come ahead of you,
21:40 pull them ahead of you, you know.
21:42 And we were down to one car.
21:44 So I had to pack his lunch,
21:47 drop him off for his clinical and his classes.
21:50 And he would sometimes get angry
21:53 'cause I would be late,
21:54 'cause I would be at the office.
21:55 I had to go get Micha from school,
21:57 I had to do everything.
21:59 And he will be like, "You're 10 minutes late,"
22:01 and he would be pouting outside the school
22:04 waiting for me and I'm like, "Arthur, get in the car."
22:07 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. "Get in the car."
22:09 I said, "I'm trying to just keep
22:10 all of this together."
22:11 And so once he graduated
22:14 and started working for the company,
22:16 everything started just to build and grow,
22:19 and we saw things come together,
22:21 his dream, you know.
22:23 Especially he had time to go play golf
22:25 whenever he wanted.
22:27 Oh, we have a picture of him on the golf course too.
22:28 He loved it. He loved it.
22:30 That was his passion, wasn't it?
22:31 Oh, yes. His passion was golf, his love was Christ.
22:34 Yes, but his passion...
22:36 'Cause in the wedding vows, he said, "I shall not dust,
22:39 I shall not clean, I shall only play golf, okay?"
22:44 I can't believe he put that in the vows.
22:46 Yes, yes. He put that in the vows.
22:48 And he was very determined not to do any type of chores.
22:51 Arthur didn't do chores.
22:53 So later on, he would go to the grocery store.
22:56 He didn't like the honey-do list.
22:57 He talked about the honey-do list.
22:59 And I will leave him a list that will take up
23:01 his eight hours a day, you know.
23:03 And I'm like,
23:04 "How do you play golf for 27 hoes
23:06 and then come home and watch golf on television?"
23:09 okay.
23:10 "Well, I got to see this,
23:12 I got to learn this move," you know.
23:13 And I said, "Well, you know what, I'm gonna take golf."
23:15 He said, "Uh, no, no.
23:17 No, that's my time, that's my time."
23:19 He did not want to do that.
23:21 And really, I didn't want to,
23:23 'cause it gave me a chance to have my quiet time.
23:26 That was his space, I have my space.
23:29 Then we came together, the honey-do list, all right.
23:32 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that's so good.
23:35 We have a video clip of you and Arthur.
23:39 And actually, it's the tribute that Jason and I did for Arthur
23:44 but we have some clips of you and Arthur in action.
23:47 I want to show those. All right. Okay?
23:51 Arthur Nowlin, our beloved friend
23:53 and co-host of the Dare to Dream program,
23:56 Making it Work, was a funny, sensitive, intelligent
23:59 and spiritual man of God.
24:02 He and his wife, Dr. Kim, were faithful members
24:05 of our Dare to Dream family
24:07 and diligently provided episodes,
24:09 they gave inspiration and hope to the viewers.
24:13 I remember Brother Arthur being sharp from head to toe.
24:17 I mean, even his socks complimented his suits.
24:21 Dr. Kim and Brother Arthur
24:23 were a fine example of relationship goals.
24:27 They worked together, they had an excellent dynamic,
24:29 and they served the Lord together.
24:32 I'm sad that we are even making this video right now.
24:35 But I thank God for the blessed hope of seeing
24:37 Brother Arthur again when Christ returns.
24:40 We have some highlights of Brother Arthur
24:44 and Dr. Kim on Making it Work.
24:47 Take a look.
24:50 Hi. I'm Dr. Kim Logan Nowlin. I'm Arthur Nowlin.
24:53 And welcome to Making it Work.
24:56 Arthur, connected by love.
24:59 I always feel connected to you
25:01 but do I ever smother you or you need your space?
25:04 Well, sometimes you do, Kim,
25:06 but it's okay, I've gotten used to it.
25:08 What? Wait, wait, wait, wait.
25:09 How do I smother you?
25:10 Yeah, you know, there's this thing,
25:14 the honey-do list, okay?
25:15 Oh, my, honey-do list?
25:16 And sometimes it could be a little bit big.
25:18 It could be a little long. It could be a little long.
25:19 I mean, especially after I come in
25:21 from a rough day on golf course.
25:22 Oh, yes.
25:24 Okay, so that honey-do list gets longer and longer
25:26 because you get 18 hours.
25:28 Now can you imagine?
25:30 Now I'm talking Connected by Love.
25:32 Can you imagine 9 holes on the golf course,
25:34 then it turns to 18, then there's 27?
25:37 Well, Kim, that only depends, 27 is rarity, 18 is standard.
25:41 Oh, really? But you should understand that.
25:43 I mean, you've been with me long enough to know
25:45 that I'm going to do 18.
25:46 That's true, Nowlin...
25:48 Okay, Arthur, you know,
25:49 being married and working together,
25:52 it takes a lot of energy.
25:53 Yes.
25:55 Does it take a lot of energy to be married to me?
25:56 Oh, Kim! Why do you say, "Oh, Kim?"
25:58 You know, I don't have enough energy.
26:01 You know, I like things moving.
26:03 I like to keep things going and being motivated.
26:05 Absolutely.
26:06 I think that's, you know,
26:08 wise job to keep her husband going.
26:10 I mean, who gave you that job?
26:12 Jesus, in the name.
26:13 The Lord said, "Submit thyself unto thy husband."
26:16 Oh, no, Kim. Don't you think I submit?
26:18 Do I submit?
26:20 You're taking too long to answer that question.
26:21 Let's move on from that. Let's move on?
26:23 Yeah. No, I want an answer.
26:24 Do you think I'm a submissive wife?
26:26 No. Whoa!
26:28 Really? No, it's...
26:30 I mean... Am I difficult?
26:31 You can be, you know, but, you know,
26:34 once again I have to relay back, Kim,
26:37 how fortunate that you are with the type of person I am.
26:40 And with my personality,
26:42 I'm able to adjust to you
26:46 as well as get you to adjust to me.
26:48 So being equal... Yes.
26:50 Oh, Arthur, I got a scripture for you.
26:51 Okay, come on. Let's go. You ready?
26:53 Yes.
26:54 "He, who finds a wife finds a good thing."
26:58 No.
26:59 "And receives favor from the Lord,"
27:01 Proverbs 18:22.
27:03 Wow. That's fantastic.
27:04 He that finds a good wife.
27:06 I'm still looking for that favor.
27:08 Well, you got the good wife.
27:10 Got the good wife.
27:11 Do you remember about how we met?
27:13 Yeah, I can remember.
27:14 Well, I'm gonna go to the part in the bank
27:16 where after I met you, you didn't recognize me.
27:19 And I was so embarrassed, I ran out.
27:22 You've been running all over the place.
27:23 But no, I ran out of the bank,
27:24 'cause you didn't know who I was.
27:26 You didn't remember me. Well, that's understandable.
27:27 Why is that understandable? I shook you up.
27:30 You did.
27:31 But at the end, I got you.
27:33 I got you.
27:35 What do you mean you got me?
27:37 You married me. Oh.
27:38 Okay, you remember you were there?
27:40 Okay. Can we count that as being got?
27:42 Oh, can we?
27:45 Learning how to love.
27:47 When you think about fruits of the spirit,
27:49 what fruit really describes me for you?
27:53 I don't know... You're taking too long.
27:55 Well, I'm trying to find the...
27:57 It's the only 9, there's not 20 fruits now.
27:59 I understand, Long Suffering.
28:00 "Long Suffering" is yours. That's the one.
28:02 You know, why do you say long suffering about me?
28:04 Well, because I mean,
28:06 I've been suffering for a long time.
28:07 You know what? You need to stop.
28:08 You need to stop.
28:10 See, I was gonna say joy, peace,
28:11 you give me a peace that passes all understanding.
28:13 But see, you had to really understand
28:15 what long suffering means.
28:17 Okay, tell me.
28:18 You know, I mean, even though I'm suffering,
28:20 I mean, that's been for a long time...
28:21 Break it down.
28:23 There's a reward at the end of my suffering.
28:24 What's the reward do you have?
28:26 You know that somewhere down the line
28:28 that we'll bring it together,
28:30 and I won't have to suffer as long as I did before.
28:34 That's why we love you and Arthur.
28:36 So funny.
28:38 Yes. So real.
28:40 Oh, yes.
28:41 How do you feel when you see that?
28:43 It just makes me the...
28:46 It's sort of surreal, it's like, this is...
28:49 I know it's happened,
28:51 but I'm so thankful for all that we've shared together.
28:55 You know, you're born, he was,
29:00 I mean, July 3, 1948.
29:03 But that dash before we got to October 30, 2016,
29:08 he took that dash and he's like, you know,
29:13 like corn braiding gravy.
29:14 He just ate it up.
29:16 He was hungry, he wanted a second chance.
29:19 God gave him a second chance.
29:20 And even to the moment he died,
29:23 he asked me on October 30, he said, "Why, why?"
29:27 And I said, "Arthur, you know, Jesus even asked God why.
29:30 You can ask God why.
29:32 But you have to remember God gave you a job experience."
29:35 And he was like,
29:36 "I don't want to talk about job."
29:38 I said, "But let's go back 27 years ago
29:40 when you were first diagnosed," and...
29:43 You know, tell us about why did he die?
29:45 He had...
29:46 Well, first of all, he was diagnosed with a hepatitis C
29:50 and then cirrhosis of liver.
29:51 That was almost 30 years ago.
29:54 But God brought him through that.
29:57 And then around...
29:59 And the hep c, excuse me, the hep c was related to...
30:02 To the drug use
30:04 and also it could have been with the Agent Orange in...
30:10 He was exposed to Agent Orange. Yes, yes.
30:12 Oh, wow.
30:14 So his liver was compromised.
30:16 So with that, one of the cells
30:19 became radical in April, May,
30:23 'cause he was complaining that pain.
30:25 And but what happened was he became ill around...
30:29 We had gone to just claim it, Alberta in Virginia was cold.
30:33 He wasn't feeling good.
30:35 And then we went to Aruba during Easter.
30:39 And so he said that, "I feel better,
30:41 I can do the trip."
30:43 But when he got home, he played a game of golf,
30:45 and that next day from April 23,
30:49 he called me, I was in church.
30:52 He said, "I don't think I can meet you.
30:54 Can you come home?"
30:55 And I took him to the hospital, he had a fever, chills,
30:59 and he was misdiagnosed at the hospital first.
31:04 And he had gone one time 10 days,
31:06 another time 11 days,
31:07 another time 14 days, that was the last time.
31:11 And they found the cancer,
31:14 he had bile duct cancer
31:16 and the radical cell ended there,
31:18 because he couldn't move and pass his bowels.
31:20 And it was so painful for him.
31:23 And so they put stents in to give him some relief
31:27 and that did help.
31:29 But he was on the pain killers, and we were like,
31:31 "This should not still be at all this time."
31:34 And a doctor came in and she said,
31:37 "I'm going to do a report for a surgery,"
31:39 that I asked for back in April.
31:41 Now this is July.
31:43 And they told us that it was just a gastric issue
31:46 but we took him to a gastroenterologist,
31:48 and he said, "No, his liver enzymes are too high.
31:51 He needs to see a liver specialist."
31:53 So I took him to another four different hospitals,
31:56 numerous of doctors until we found what it was.
32:00 Had the cirrhosis damaged the liver?
32:02 Yes. Beyond...
32:03 Scar tissue. Okay.
32:05 And yes.
32:06 And so we were looking at a liver transplant
32:08 but he had cells, the radical cells,
32:11 they moved to the blood stream.
32:12 So they could not do the blood...
32:14 They could not do the liver transplant.
32:17 And so from there, they recommended radiation
32:19 because he was too weak for chemo.
32:21 So he made it through 12 treatments of radiation at UVM.
32:25 And he was so happy,
32:26 he was so proud but he had lost 50 pounds.
32:30 So he went from 180 to down to 125, 23 pounds.
32:36 And so he would look in the mirror and he said,
32:38 "Who was this person?"
32:40 And I have to say, "I love you, you're my husband.
32:43 You're God's child, a father of our children."
32:46 And he would cry sometimes.
32:48 He would just cry.
32:49 He says, "I don't understand." And I said...
32:53 And I didn't want him to feel like
32:54 he was being punished by God
32:57 but again right after his death,
33:01 Pastor Snell at First Church, Debleaire Snells,
33:04 he called and said, "Aunty," he said,
33:07 "I can only give you this scripture.
33:09 Isaiah 57:1 and 2 that,
33:11 'God takes the righteous and lays them to sleep,
33:15 to save them from the wicked times ahead.'
33:18 And I had to hold on to that. And I said...
33:21 And my sister said to me,
33:22 "God is saving him from something.
33:24 It could be that he may turn in the last days."
33:26 "The very leaf shall be deceived"
33:29 and God is saying,
33:30 "While I have him, I'm gonna take him."
33:32 May be for me to have even a closer walk.
33:34 Will I continue the ministry?
33:36 Or will I just hide up under the covers
33:38 and give up because
33:39 now I'm on the other side of being Dr. Kim,
33:42 I've lost my husband.
33:43 Yes, yes.
33:45 And this is the most difficult...
33:46 I've lost my mother, my father, a sibling, aunts,
33:50 you know, but a spouse...
33:52 After 30 years.
33:54 Come on, and you've been with this person,
33:56 and you've ministered with this person, you know.
33:57 Yes, yes.
33:59 And even when I met him and I said,
34:01 "Now this is what's going to happen.
34:03 We're going to not have sex before marriage.
34:07 I'm a vegetarian, I'm a Seventh-day Adventist.
34:09 What you're gonna do?"
34:11 I love it. "What you're going to do?"
34:13 This is great. "What you're going to do?"
34:14 "What you're going to do?"
34:15 Obviously, he said, "I'm going to marry you."
34:17 And then he told his golf friends,
34:18 "I can't play golf on Saturday anymore."
34:21 And they spoke, John spoke at the services
34:24 and they all started playing on Sunday.
34:26 But get this,
34:28 before he would go out and play,
34:29 no matter where he was, he would call me for prayer,
34:33 then he would pray with his friends,
34:35 and at the airport he would pray again.
34:37 That was our ministry.
34:38 But they all knew he would be praying with me
34:42 before he headed out no matter where they were.
34:43 Yes.
34:45 And so I would complain
34:47 and fuss about the honey-do list,
34:49 but it was a ministry for him.
34:51 He could have been at the casinos,
34:52 he could have been at the strip clubs,
34:54 he could have been abusing my girls
34:56 but no, he was a Godly man.
34:58 Yes.
34:59 You know, who loved God,
35:01 he loved his family and that man love golf, okay.
35:03 Yes.
35:05 And so I had to try to understand
35:08 even at the last hour,
35:10 holding him 'cause he died with me holding him.
35:13 He died with me holding him.
35:15 And I said, "I love you. I love you."
35:18 And when our daughter, Erin, stayed home
35:21 and got out of her bed and she screamed and she said,
35:24 "No, Daddy."
35:28 And he looked over at her, and he smiled,
35:33 and he looked back at me, he said,
35:36 "I love you," and I said, "Rest, Arthur, rest."
35:42 I said, "I'll see you when Jesus comes,
35:45 just rest now."
35:48 And he looked at me, Yvonne,
35:51 even speaking, he slept away.
35:55 He was speaking and he took that last breath
36:00 and our daughter, Micha, was on FaceTime,
36:03 'cause she was in Hansville.
36:05 Our son, Jason, was there and our Godson Justin.
36:09 And he slept away.
36:12 Even at the end, he was, he didn't want to leave us,
36:15 he told my sister and my cousin Dee,
36:19 "What's gonna happen to my wife and my children?"
36:22 And God...
36:24 'Cause every time I went through something,
36:26 Arthur was there with me.
36:28 Yes, yes.
36:29 You know, every year since 2011,
36:32 it has been such a tumultuous time in our lives.
36:35 Yeah, yeah.
36:37 You've had so many things happened.
36:39 Your daughter diagnosed with breast cancer,
36:41 your mother died...
36:43 My aunt passed away last year.
36:45 That's right. You know, 2015...
36:46 That's right.
36:48 You know, my cousin, Karen's mother,
36:49 and then the fire of the building.
36:52 You know, and then you couldn't have told me
36:55 while I was at my aunt Rachel's re-pass,
36:59 we were the MCs.
37:00 You know, standing by my cousin Karen's side
37:03 that I would be burying my husband a year later.
37:07 You couldn't tell me that.
37:09 And I said, "Lord, what is that you want from me?"
37:12 And I asked God that.
37:14 I said, "What do you want from me?
37:17 'Cause all I have left are my children.
37:20 All I have is my life, what do you want?
37:22 What do you want me to know?
37:24 What do you want me to do?
37:26 I'm faithful. I keep the Sabbath.
37:29 I return faithful tithes and offering.
37:31 I do everything you've asked me to do.
37:35 You know, and Arthur even said,
37:37 "You have a star on your crown.
37:39 There will be no starless crowns, Kim," you know.
37:42 And we begin to talk about Ellen T.
37:44 White's writings.
37:46 And I said, "Lord, please, don't take my husband.
37:50 Don't do this. Don't do this."
37:53 You know, honey, the thing is, the Bible says that,
37:58 "The thief comes to steal and destroy."
38:00 Yes.
38:02 "But Jesus came to give us life and life more abundantly,"
38:04 and even in the midst of the darkest times,
38:08 we don't understand why things happen
38:09 but God didn't do this to Arthur.
38:12 He allowed it.
38:14 For whatever reason, He allowed it
38:16 but He didn't do this, the enemy takes our loved ones.
38:19 Death is an enemy. Yes.
38:21 But praise God for the resurrection.
38:23 Oh, praise God. That's all we have.
38:24 Praise God. That's all we have.
38:26 As I was watching the casket go into the ground,
38:30 and my son was, you know, putting the dirt on top,
38:35 and Wednesday, before Thanksgiving
38:37 I went out to take care of his Headstone.
38:40 And so I thought right then and there,
38:43 how great it would be when Jesus comes again.
38:45 Yes, yes.
38:46 "And the dead in Christ shall rise first."
38:49 And I stood there at his grave by myself
38:52 thanking the Lord for his life
38:55 but thanking Jesus for the resurrection.
38:58 And I'm looking towards that day,
39:00 more with an urgency than before.
39:02 Yes.
39:04 Because I want to see Jesus but I want to see Arthur.
39:07 Yes. I want to see him again.
39:09 Oh, yes.
39:10 So I must do whatever it takes to live a life
39:14 that is pleasing for Christ
39:16 and live a life that's gonna be used by God.
39:19 Because I could've called you and said,
39:21 "Yvonne, I'm done.
39:23 I can't go home without Arthur."
39:25 I could've, you know, walked out of my office,
39:27 'cause you know his office is right next to mine.
39:29 You've been there. Oh, yes. Oh, yes.
39:30 You know and walking past that office everyday, I'm done.
39:34 And then are you ready for this?
39:36 On Sunday, my alarm went off.
39:39 Someone broke into my office in February
39:42 and broke into my office just a few days ago.
39:45 Oh, my goodness.
39:46 And I'm like, "Is the enemy so angry with me
39:50 to get me discouraged,"
39:52 that you are gonna do everything you can.
39:54 Well, I'm here to tell you, "It's not gonna work."
39:57 Come on. "It's not gonna work."
39:58 Come on, now.
39:59 I'm gonna continue to stay on this battle field.
40:01 That's right.
40:02 I'm gonna continue to witness, I'm gonna continue
40:03 to help others understand the importance
40:06 of what it means, 'cause now I can talk
40:08 from that perspective.
40:09 I can help and do you know, I got a call just a few days
40:12 after Arthur passed,
40:14 from a lady who lost her spouse.
40:16 And I said, "I'll meet with you," you know.
40:19 And people say, "Well, when did you grieve?"
40:20 This is a part of my healing.
40:23 It's a part of my healing to help others.
40:24 You know, when you were talking
40:27 about how you cried out to God,
40:30 you know, like why is this happening?
40:33 And Arthur too, why is this happening?
40:35 And basically, what did I do?
40:38 What did I not do? Why is this going?
40:40 But you know, that is such a normal thing to do,
40:44 that is such a typical thing to do
40:46 when we are in the throws of grief and despair.
40:50 We wonder, "Why is this happening?"
40:55 We know that God has a plan. Oh, yeah.
40:57 It's just so that that point in time,
41:00 you just don't know where things are going.
41:02 That's right.
41:04 You don't know what His plan is.
41:05 You don't know what His plan is.
41:06 No.
41:08 But He says it though, "The plans after you, you know,
41:09 you have no idea..."
41:11 "I know the plan." "I know but you don't know."
41:12 But you don't know.
41:14 "And they are bigger than what you can even imagine."
41:16 That's right.
41:17 And so I have to accept that
41:18 and even in the midnight hour, I wake up crying.
41:22 And I have pictures of him around the house.
41:26 And before he passed, he said, "Kim..."
41:28 'Cause in the family room, there's like pictures
41:30 and big pictures and little pictures.
41:32 Yes. It's just a family room.
41:33 He says, "Kim, I love that picture,
41:35 I love that picture."
41:37 He says, "But, Kim,
41:38 you're gonna have to take some of these pictures down,
41:39 'cause you're going to have a hard time."
41:41 And I haven't taken one down because it tells a story.
41:45 Yes.
41:46 All the pictures tell a story of my life with you.
41:48 Yes, yes.
41:49 And what it's been like to be with you.
41:51 And it's just an amazing journey, you know.
41:56 And how many times he would fight me, you know,
41:58 "I don't want to come to the office" or you know.
42:00 "How many outfits did Yvonne say we had to have?"
42:03 I say, "Thirteen, thirteen episodes."
42:05 "Well, why do we have to finish the book,
42:07 why we got to do this?"
42:08 I actually thought, "Oh, no, no, no."
42:10 I said, "Arthur, Arthur, because you're living a legacy.
42:14 A legacy of love." Yes.
42:15 And that's what he has left with us.
42:17 Yes. A legacy.
42:19 A legacy of love for sure. A legacy of love.
42:21 We have a couple of pictures of you and Arthur.
42:24 And even you in the... Oh, I love that picture.
42:26 Oh, yeah.
42:28 Now is that when you guys were first dating or when was that?
42:30 That was a little bit after we were dating.
42:32 Okay. That's sweet.
42:34 Yeah. Yes.
42:35 We have a couple more.
42:37 Now when was that? That is our new promo.
42:38 We just did that last year to promote the business,
42:42 "The Nowlins, the power couple".
42:43 Yes.
42:45 So I was doing some new marketing strategies
42:49 and some techniques.
42:50 And he was fussing like,
42:52 "Well, why do we have to be in the same color?
42:54 Why do we have to do this?"
42:56 He was just fussing.
42:57 But when he saw it, he would always say,
42:59 "Hmm, I look good."
43:00 Oh, my goodness!
43:02 He said, "That's looks nice."
43:04 That's when I was running for the Detroit city council.
43:08 And he was by my side and getting out,
43:11 getting the pamphlets out, going from meeting to meeting.
43:15 He was so excited that my dream to run for city council,
43:19 he was right there to see that happen, yes.
43:21 That's wonderful.
43:23 He was supporting you in your journey.
43:24 Oh, in every way.
43:26 This was in California, we were at a wedding
43:28 and again there was a...
43:29 'Cause I design a lot of my outfits,
43:31 and he would go and we would get matching ties and socks.
43:35 And he was like, "Okay,
43:37 what are you wearing for the church?"
43:39 He loved that.
43:41 And he used to give me a hard time.
43:42 When he was seeing the picture, he says,
43:43 "Oh, I see what your vision is."
43:47 And that's what he loved to just have.
43:50 He was an immaculate dresser.
43:52 And the way he presents himself.
43:53 And he used it as a ministry to,
43:55 you know, 'cause he worked in the prison.
43:58 When he would walk into the prisons
43:59 and his pants will be up,
44:01 his shoes will be shining,
44:03 he would have on a tie and suit.
44:05 And he would talk to the men in prison
44:07 or the half way houses.
44:09 And they would say, "Mr. Nowlin,
44:11 you're just a jive,
44:14 you are..."
44:16 And he said, "Praise God."
44:18 But even as a little boy, he was tall and thin
44:20 so his suits had to be tailor made.
44:22 But he always had that air about him
44:25 to present himself well and that's why he said,
44:28 "If someone could just believe in me..."
44:31 And I told his ex-wife at the service.
44:35 And she said, "Kim, I want to thank you
44:38 for being there for Arthur."
44:39 And I said, "You had a season, I had a season,
44:44 but most of all, Jesus had his season.
44:47 And Arthur was looking for the Lord."
44:50 And it's amazing when you give your life to Jesus.
44:52 And people don't understand.
44:54 He will take your life if you're open to it.
44:57 And you wonder why if you're stagnated
44:59 and you're not moving,
45:00 are you giving your all to Jesus?
45:03 Are you faithful to the Lord?
45:05 And I remember when Arthur first asked God
45:06 about tithes and offering, he says,
45:08 "So I give money to God," he's like,
45:11 "I can't give," I said, "10%."
45:12 Mm-hm.
45:14 And then we moved to 10-10, and he said now, 15-15,
45:17 but he saw the blessing.
45:18 So 10% tithes, 10% offering. Ten percent offering.
45:21 Fifteen percent tithes, fifteen percent offering.
45:24 He saw the tremendous increase in our lives.
45:27 Not just finances but health, ministry, 3ABN called us.
45:33 And I remember when you call and we got call.
45:36 Oh, yeah. Let's talk about how you came to Making It Work.
45:38 Yes. Well, we got a call from Ray.
45:41 And they were looking for a host for this program.
45:46 And I was at a workshop, and Ray called about 12 times.
45:51 And so I went to the restroom, I was washing my hands,
45:53 I laid the phone down.
45:55 And I said, "Hi. Can I help you?"
45:57 And Ray ask me about this,
45:58 'cause we worked together at camp meeting,
46:01 during workshop, during seminars
46:02 but Arthur would be at the golf courts.
46:05 I will be doing the radio show, workshops, seminar.
46:08 "Kim, I think this will be great for you."
46:10 And I said, "Well,
46:11 I would like to propose something."
46:13 I said, "My husband and I, we do everything together,
46:16 except golf."
46:17 And I said, "I would like to do a program with him."
46:21 And I said, "Can you see
46:22 if Dr. Louise will be interested in that?"
46:25 And you said, "Let's do the pilot,"
46:27 and it went from there to Making It Work.
46:31 Oh, praise the Lord.
46:32 You know, Brother Ray had said,
46:34 and I have meant to mention this in the tribute
46:37 that he brought you to us.
46:39 Oh, yes.
46:41 And he had told me, "I have this couple
46:44 that would just be perfect for this program."
46:47 And so I said, "Okay, well let's,
46:50 you know, let's give it a try.
46:52 Let's see."
46:53 And, oh, my...
46:55 From day one, I mean, I just loved what you all did,
46:59 I loved the banter, I loved the chemistry you had.
47:03 I loved all that.
47:04 I really appreciate Brother Ray for bringing
47:07 and for producing all the beginning,
47:10 the early programs,
47:11 Brother Ray and his team in Quiet Time Ministries.
47:15 And people don't realize, it takes a lot of sacrifice
47:17 to do something like this.
47:18 Oh, they have no idea what goes into all of this.
47:20 This is the final product. That's right, that's right.
47:22 But you don't know and Arthur...
47:24 I had done Television for years,
47:26 but Arthur was a radio wag, you know, and he was like,
47:30 "I don't know."
47:31 And I was like, "Well, we're gonna do this together."
47:33 And once you gave Arthur that mic, oh, my goodness,
47:37 you cannot get the mic from him.
47:39 Forget it. Forget it.
47:40 While he was interviewing someone,
47:42 and I would cut back in.
47:43 He was like, "You cut me off." I said, "No, I didn't."
47:46 You know, he's like, "Well, next program,
47:48 let me open it, you know."
47:50 And he said, "You are natural at this.
47:53 I need some rehearsal."
47:54 But he loved it.
47:56 And you did some fillers for us too, love notes.
47:59 And we aired those too where you and Arthur
48:01 are teaching principles of relationship,
48:05 of relationship building and family support,
48:08 that's what we're all about.
48:10 Let's talk before we end,
48:12 'cause this hour's just flown by.
48:14 Let's talk a little bit about how you're doing.
48:16 How are you coping with the loss of your partner?
48:22 It's very difficult.
48:24 I'm sad a lot.
48:26 I miss him.
48:29 I pray a lot. I study my word.
48:35 I try to be strong for my children and my grandson,
48:40 for my church family.
48:44 I didn't stop attending church. I went back that next Sabbath.
48:47 We laid him to rest Thursday.
48:49 I was in church on Sabbath.
48:53 And being in the home is different
48:57 because we were there together.
48:58 This is the home
49:00 we made together for our children,
49:01 and our lives, and Sabbath dinners,
49:04 and fellowships, and federation meetings,
49:07 and the choir rehearsals
49:08 and just so many wonderful memories.
49:12 I can't go into any room without thinking of him
49:15 or why do we have to change the curtains,
49:17 why we need to do this?
49:18 Well, then we'll just get this bedspread.
49:20 And I think for the first five days,
49:23 I couldn't sleep in our room.
49:26 You know, it's very difficult to sleep in our room.
49:30 This is real. I got to be transparent.
49:32 Yeah, please, please.
49:33 And I walk into the room, and I can't go past the door.
49:39 I can't go in that room.
49:41 The door is open, but I can't go in the room.
49:44 Now my son is there or my daughter.
49:48 And I'm gathering things together to give to my son.
49:52 And what's so beautiful,
49:53 our son can wear all his clothes.
49:55 So beautiful! That is beautiful.
49:57 And I'm getting things in order and pulling this out
50:00 and he said, "Well, Mom, why are you keeping this?"
50:01 I said, "You can wear it."
50:04 So I said, "In time, I'll let it go, in time."
50:08 So right now, I'm picking it day by day.
50:11 And, you know, Yvonne, lot of people don't know
50:13 what to say to you.
50:16 They think they're helping you and, you know,
50:19 they will ask you, "How are you doing?"
50:21 And that's not always the right question to ask.
50:25 What are some things to ask?
50:27 What is something that
50:28 someone who has a loved one that's going through
50:31 what you're going through,
50:33 what are some of the things they should ask you?
50:35 They can... You know, don't even ask, just do.
50:39 Just do.
50:40 Just bring food, bring things to the house.
50:44 My mom had this saying, "If you see a void, fill it."
50:48 And it goes without saying.
50:50 And sometimes, people want to talk about it,
50:53 and that's not the right time.
50:55 You know, pick and choose your battles.
50:58 So maybe, "I like to bring a casserole over,
51:02 will that be all right?
51:04 I like to invite you to lunch when you feel better.
51:08 I like to..."
51:10 Or just come up and give a hug.
51:11 But to ask, "How are you doing,"
51:14 that leaves me to say, "I'm sad.
51:18 I'm hurting." And then people will say, "Are you still sad?
51:22 Are you still going through this?"
51:24 Oh, my God. I can't imagine that.
51:25 Oh, yes.
51:26 Listen, now it's time for you to move on.
51:28 But you don't know my pain and the depth of pain.
51:33 Until you walk in my shoes, you don't know.
51:36 And you know, what's interesting?
51:37 My sister lost her husband in 2005.
51:41 He was the chaplain at Oakwood University,
51:44 Pastor James Humphreys.
51:46 Oh, yeah.
51:47 And he died in her arms.
51:49 You can tell we both will be widows.
51:50 That was your sister? That's my sister.
51:52 I didn't know. Renee Humphreys, yes.
51:55 And I would call her and try to talk to her
51:58 and she would rush me off the phone.
52:00 And I would tell, "Arthur,
52:01 why doesn't Renee want to talk to me?"
52:03 Now I understand.
52:05 And I told my sister, "I get it now.
52:08 I get it now."
52:09 Someone called me the other night and they said,
52:11 "I heard something, is it true?
52:14 I can't believe this." And I said, "Yes, yes, yes.
52:16 Call me in six months.
52:18 I couldn't deal with it.
52:20 And I love you but this is not the time."
52:23 And they say, "Well, okay, when I call you back, Kim,
52:25 let's talk about this sweet resurrection."
52:27 And I said, "That's fine but not today."
52:29 So just do for that family.
52:32 Embrace the family.
52:34 And, you know, less is better.
52:37 And I guess, be sensitive.
52:39 'Cause what I'm hearing is that people
52:41 need to be sensitive to where you're at.
52:44 Someone might want to talk.
52:46 If they want to talk, be that ear.
52:48 If they don't want to talk, don't try to force it.
52:52 Just let them let you know where to go with it.
52:56 And I think by the time I do nod, the fourth nod,
52:59 that should let you know, maybe I've had enough.
53:02 Thank you, thank you, thank you.
53:05 God bless you.
53:06 And I'm trying to get away.
53:08 And they know they mean well
53:09 but they have to look at the sensitivity of what
53:12 that family is going through.
53:13 And everyone says I'm so strong
53:15 but that's what you see the persona.
53:17 But I've lost my husband.
53:19 He's resting in the Lord.
53:22 He's asleep in the Lord, and I understand,
53:24 that but his physical being, I miss his conversation.
53:28 I miss the bantering.
53:30 I miss, you know, "Where are you going?
53:33 What are you doing?
53:34 Arthur, that's why you have a cell phone,
53:36 call me."
53:37 And, "Arthur, wash the spoon," that was my pet peeve.
53:41 He would get something
53:42 and leave the spoon in the sink.
53:44 He says, "Yeah, it's just a spoon.
53:46 But it's not, it belongs in the drawer, okay."
53:49 So in those last seven months,
53:52 I took him to every doctor's appointment.
53:54 My son took him one time to radiation
53:56 but that seven months
53:58 I was staying in the hospital with him.
54:00 I was sleeping on that bed on the floor,
54:02 I was sleeping in the chair.
54:04 I was thinking, "I go home for one night,"
54:05 he said,
54:07 he said, "You have to stay with me."
54:10 I stayed with him every day, every night.
54:14 And if someone came,
54:15 I would run to the office for a little bit.
54:17 But I stopped everything to take care of my husband.
54:20 That's beautiful.
54:22 Even during the process, I went plan based,
54:24 thank you, Dr Louise, your book.
54:26 Well, praise the Lord.
54:27 You know, and others,
54:29 and I really started cleaning up
54:31 my act, my health.
54:32 The Lord really spoke to me to leave a lot of things alone.
54:37 'Cause I've been struggling with my weight.
54:39 And I was going to the gym but I couldn't lose the weight.
54:42 You tone in the gym but you lose weight in home.
54:45 The fork and the spoon. Right, that's true.
54:47 And when he could do nothing but juice and soups,
54:51 that's all I ate.
54:52 And then I was lifting him, picking him up,
54:55 taking him to the rest room.
54:57 And he would cry sometimes because I said, "Honey,
55:00 who's supposed to do this?
55:01 I'm your wife."
55:02 And I would shower him, get him dressed,
55:05 put him in the car, one foot in front of the other.
55:08 "You're my husband."
55:10 'Cause you know a lot of spouses,
55:12 they will abandon a spouse when they become ill.
55:16 Absolutely, absolutely. Absolutely.
55:18 Oh, it's too much for me.
55:20 But I was there. Oh, it's too much for me.
55:21 I can't do it, I can't handle it.
55:22 I can't handle it. And they leave.
55:24 And I would try to go upstairs and sleep in the bed.
55:27 When we got home, he was like,
55:30 "Sleep right next to me on the couch."
55:31 He wanted you right there.
55:33 Right there. Right next to you.
55:34 And I think he had a fear of passing
55:37 but when I brought him home, he was in hospice
55:40 and he said, "No more medicine."
55:42 He could have lived a little longer.
55:44 You know, but he said, "No more medicine."
55:47 He said, "I'm done, I'm done."
55:50 And he accepted the outcomes.
55:53 He did.
55:56 It's such a tough journey. Yes.
56:00 This world just offers us the hardest times
56:04 but praise God, we are the worth.
56:06 If we had nothing to hope for,
56:09 if we had nothing to look forward to,
56:11 where would we be?
56:12 We do not mourn as we do not have hope.
56:14 Where would we be? Where would we be?
56:16 What, in about 35, 40 seconds, what would you tell a woman
56:22 who is going through what you're going through.
56:25 Or maybe your husband is in the process of dying,
56:28 what would you say to her?
56:29 I would say first of all... Or him.
56:31 Or him.
56:32 Make sure that you are sincere with yourself.
56:35 Be transparent with yourself.
56:38 Be open and honest and spend as much time
56:41 with your spouse as you can.
56:43 You know, work through those difficult moments
56:45 that really don't matter anymore.
56:47 But "I'm sorry, I apologize, thank you, I love you."
56:52 Embrace one another. Take that time together.
56:56 And then, make sure that you have a walk with Christ,
56:59 'cause that's the only thing
57:01 that's going to get you through this.
57:02 It's your walk with Christ.
57:04 A relationship with Christ, that's the only thing.
57:07 And that's what I would tell anyone.
57:08 Right. Dr. Kim, we love you so much.
57:10 Love you right back.
57:12 Thank you so much for sitting with us today.
57:13 Thank you, thank you.
57:16 Well, I'm so grateful that Dr. Kim took the time
57:20 to be with us and to be transparent
57:23 and to let us know her journey and brother, Arthur's journey.
57:26 We loved him dearly, and we know that you did too
57:29 when you watched Making It Work.
57:32 So thank you for watching.
57:34 Join us next time, 'cause you know what,
57:36 it just wouldn't be the same without you.


Revised 2017-02-21