Participants: Yvonne Lewis (Host), Erin Nowlin, Kim Nowlin MD
Series Code: UBR
Program Code: UBR000241A
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00:01 How do you go on after you lost the love of your life?
00:04 Stay tuned to find out. 00:05 My name is Yvonne Lewis, and you are watching Urban Report 00:32 Hello and welcome to Urban Report. 00:35 Our Dare to Dream viewers know Dr. Kim. 00:38 She and her late husband Arthur Nolen co-hosted 00:41 Making It Work. 00:42 Our first Dare to Dream relationship focused program 00:45 Arthur has since passed, but Dr. Kim is determined 00:48 to continue their work and she is sharing the gospel 00:52 with everyone she meets. 00:53 I went to Detroit to film her new program, Live to Be Well, 00:58 that will air on D2D. 01:00 I got a chance to talk to her and her daughter Erin, 01:04 take a look. 01:06 What a blessing it is for me to be sitting here 01:11 on the set of Live to Be Well. 01:13 It's kind of bittersweet, because the last time I was 01:17 here, Jason and I and our crew were taping Dr. Kim 01:22 and Arthur Nolen, and since then, our dear Arthur has 01:27 passed away, but Dr Kim is continuing and she is hosting 01:31 a new program on the Dare to Dream Network, 01:35 I'll Live to Be Well, and I'm super excited, 01:38 and I'm super excited to have you sitting in that chair. 01:41 Yes we are. Hi Erin. Hello. Dr. Kim. Yes. 01:47 You and Erin have been on quite a journey. Yes. 01:52 And I want to talk to both of you about how Arthur's death 01:58 has impacted you. 02:00 I want to start with Erin. Erin I haven't ever had a 02:05 conversation with you really and I'm interested in finding 02:09 out, how have you been doing since your dad's passing? 02:14 Well, I've been coping in different ways, 02:18 I have my friends, that really helps a lot, 02:21 and just going out with them, and I have them supporting me 02:25 in different ways. 02:27 Like to take my mind off of things but, I've been good 02:31 to be honest with you. It's a some...like... 02:35 when I notice the fact when people say, 02:37 I think about a person every day, that has passed away. 02:40 That actually is very true, you go in the rooms 02:44 and you don't see him or like you want to do something 02:47 and they are not there and they can't take you anywhere, 02:51 oh, okay, I see what you mean by that. Um hum. 02:55 It's something that kind of hits you in waves right, 02:59 so you might be doing okay for a minute and then, 03:02 (snapping of fingers) something will remind you of that person 03:05 and something happens and then you are like, oh wow, 03:08 you know, my dad's not here. 03:09 But we just praise God for the resurrection right. 03:13 Amen! Because we know this is just a temporary situation. 03:17 That's right. What grade are you in? 03:19 I'm going to be a senior... Ohh. this Fall. Wow. 03:24 And you have, you know, you are very much like your 03:27 mom and dad. Now your mom is like Renaissance woman. 03:30 She got so much going on, it makes your head spin. 03:34 But you have another kind of career on the side, 03:39 tell us about some of the things that you do. 03:41 I act and do modeling, so, and films, so and theater, 03:48 so that's a lot of things that I do in music. 03:51 Um, I want to major in filming and theater and minor in music, 03:57 studio engineering producing and different things like that. 04:01 Uh, I'll see which college... So you have the arts. 04:05 Yes. And you've been doing some acting and...Yes. 04:11 Do you do Christian plays and that kind of thing? 04:15 Do it all. Christian plays, Christian commercials... 04:20 When I was away at school last semester, I did a lot 04:24 of Christian plays because it was a Seventh-day Adventist 04:27 School. Good, good. One of the things that you might want to 04:31 keep in mind, because I used to be in the arts for many years, 04:34 and one of the things that you want to keep in mind 04:36 is, it's very seductive. It will tend to pull you away 04:41 if you don't hold on to Jesus. 04:43 So, it's very tempting, but you have to hold on because 04:49 you can find yourself just doing little compromises 04:53 here and there, and before you know it, 04:55 you are all the way over here when you should have 05:00 stayed on that straight and narrow. 05:01 So, just a word from somebody who has been there, 05:04 just be careful. Amen. Be careful. 05:07 Don't let the enemy pull you out. 05:09 I think you are very gifted like your mom, like your mom. 05:14 Dr. Kim. Yes mam. What have you been doing? 05:18 Listen, just trying find that balance and adjustment 05:23 since I was last with you and we did the memorial program 05:27 for Arthur. Making sure I take good care of the girls and 05:32 maintaining, because I have an older daughter Mica 05:36 who lives in Huntsville, Alabama, who's also in 05:39 you know, television broadcast and radio. 05:42 So, it's all like they are all following that first career 05:45 that I've had and now back to Dare to Dream. 05:48 Um, I've done a lot of fashion, my own fashion line 05:53 out and yes, this is one of my designs, so I have 06:00 been doing a lot of online businesses. 06:03 The counseling clinics, I've maintained the 06:06 counseling clinics that... That you and your husband 06:08 got together. Yes, yes. 06:10 I started it before I met Arthur, he joined me 06:13 and 26 years together, we were in practice right here 06:19 you know, in this office. 06:20 So when I come here every day, I go right past his office 06:24 and it's there, I have not really changed, I've added... 06:29 I put up more plaques, more things to remember, 06:33 so when people come, they know, and I want the people to know 06:36 when people miss something, his clients, people who call 06:40 didn't know, who want to meet with him again. 06:43 So there are some people who didn't know... 06:46 Oh, they still don't know and they call, 06:48 and they want to meet with him and Karen our administrator, 06:54 I'm so sorry to tell you that he has passed away. 06:55 So a lot of our couples we have been seeing 06:57 two or three years who want to come back for a check-up 07:00 therapy, I call it a check-up therapy...Yes. 07:03 They are like what? They didn't know. 07:06 So I am still mailing out programs and information 07:11 and letting them know and um... Because he touched so many lives 07:16 and he's still touching our lives. 07:18 I love having Erin home because I am not in the home 07:21 alone, but she's on her way out...Did you say something? 07:25 No. (Laughter) I do, you know, she's getting re-acquainted 07:30 with her chores and responsibility because 07:32 that's very important. Ahh. You do chores? 07:35 Yes. What are your chores Erin? 07:37 The whole upstairs, whatever she finds and searches for 07:42 to clean. Who does that remind you of? 07:44 Oh, I guess you miss your mom and daddy so much, it's amazing. 07:49 So, you have all of upstairs? Basically all of upstairs. 07:53 Sometimes I vacuum the family room, most of the time 07:59 I vacuum the family room and the kitchen, 08:01 I will sweep the kitchen and do the dishes. How many dishes? 08:07 How many are usually there. Because we use paper ware... 08:09 Yeah. Okay. You know, it's not that much. 08:12 We just use paper plates, we still use Tupperware and forks 08:16 and basic silverware and cups and different things like that. 08:21 It's just whatever she finds for me to clean. 08:23 Why do you thing chores are important? 08:26 I mean, it just helps you organize, like sometimes 08:30 you don't have to do chores every day. 08:33 As a teenager, you don't have to do chores every day, I mean 08:35 you don't need to do chores every day. 08:37 Like, if you make your bed... Okay, yes, you make your bed, 08:41 clean the bathroom, you don't need to clean the bathroom 08:43 every day. Like, you don't have to do that, 08:46 or you don't have to vacuum the hallway every day. 08:49 I feel like this. That if you use it, you need to clean it... 08:57 Every day. You know, the bowls need to be cleaned 09:00 you need, excuse me, you just made me laugh. 09:04 Um, and we had an incident last night, I said, did you 09:08 vacuum? But when I came back, I saw certain things still where 09:12 I left them, and purposely. 09:13 Who purposely leaves things on the floor? Umm. 09:15 She is making sure you do your cleaning...Right! 09:17 I left little lint I left little...I said I want to see. 09:21 So I said, did you vacuum? So I was furious. 09:25 So she came upstairs and I said Erin, did you move the rugs 09:28 out of the hall area? And I moved the rugs, and I said, 09:31 you didn't vacuum. But mom, I didn't move the rugs. 09:34 And I said, can we start again, because I want her to be 09:37 sufficient when she goes... She's been to boarding school, 09:40 but she had a single room. 09:43 She lived alone... And I kept it clean. 09:46 And she kept the clean room checks. 09:47 But she went from home being in her own room, 09:50 boarding school, where it's not going to be like that. 09:52 Now she's going to be going to another school, 09:55 Oakwood Academy. Ahhh! She will be living with her 09:58 sister, she got the whole upstairs, so she is still like 10:01 living alone. Yes. And I keep it clean. 10:05 I kept it clean at boarding school, I kept it perfect... 10:08 But never get issue with your room check. 10:11 Exactly, and she always said, well, 10:13 if you ever go to boarding school, I don't know how 10:15 you are going to keep your room clean. 10:16 I heard it the first weekend I got there and I got a 10:19 certificate for keeping my room clean and I said, 10:21 you always said I wouldn't keep my room clean 10:23 this is what, and then, this is what happened. 10:26 And then like I never got a, you know how they have a 10:29 boarding, I mean a room check score? 10:31 Um hum. Well, I've never got below an eight. Out of ten? 10:35 Out of ten. Okay. And I probably got an eight because I didn't 10:39 take the trash out that day. 10:41 But you know like... Or I probably got an eight 10:43 because I didn't put skip on the day that I could skip 10:46 room check. My room was still clean but there was just 10:50 little things. Well now let me just tell you in defense 10:56 of your mom. Yes. She's helping you...That's right. 10:59 One of the things that I have seen with adults were, 11:03 at the top of their field, is that they had parents 11:06 that had them do chores. 11:08 They had parents that had them do things with a standard of 11:12 excellence, so that they didn't.. Now it's a pain, 11:16 when you are a teenager, it's a big pain. 11:18 It was a pain. It is. It is. But you will be so happy 11:22 when you grow up, if the Lord hasn't come back by then, 11:25 because you will be good at whatever you do. That's right. 11:29 At whatever you do. Those same skills, that same skill set, 11:34 generalizes to life, and you are going to be good 11:39 at what you do. 11:40 My mother was hard on me, dad was a little bit laid back... 11:43 Oh, my father was really laid back. 11:45 And I see what he would do when he like, when my mom was 11:49 like Arthur, you didn't clean this... 11:51 He would just look at her some- times...And I'm like, I would 11:56 understanding, but now I really see like WOW! 12:01 I see, I can tell what my dad was thinking 12:05 when she would say things like that. 12:07 Or he didn't do this, or how come this is still here 12:09 and he would just look at her... I didn't understand, I'm like... 12:13 I understand now. 12:15 My thing is if you use a spoon, you are standing right there 12:18 you are laying it in the sink, why not wash it. 12:21 He used Tupperware yesterday, it was in the sink. 12:23 You didn't wash it? I did wash it and put it on the side. 12:25 What this is, is this is so interesting because this is 12:29 mother/daughter teenage stuff. This is what most mothers 12:34 with teens go through, this is nothing unusual. 12:37 I'll tell you right now. But, but look how I'm... 12:40 Your mom is really helping you. That's right. 12:42 To be a really strong woman of God. Cause you see...Excellent! 12:49 You see the standards of how I run my office, 12:51 the standards of how I hands of praise. 12:53 The standards of being an officer in the church. 12:55 Those are the same standards my mother and father 12:58 would use when I would clean, organize, make a bed. 13:01 Now, I could have said something about that bed this morning 13:04 you know, because it wasn't all the way down to the edge 13:06 of the bed. Like... I like it to the edge... 13:09 It's not even. Are you a little obsessive? 13:14 Yes. Yes, I am a compulsive. Are you a little OCD? Little. 13:18 It's a lot. Ok. Yesterday she wanted the trash 13:21 can, like the trash can, like the trash can knot, 13:23 it was on the side, she wanted it in the back. 13:27 She had me go through every room to fix the trash cans. 13:31 You know, you don't want the trash can knot looking forward 13:33 when you tie the bag on. I have those clear bags 13:36 They just think it's trash... No, but I can see the bag 13:39 knot, I want it back to the wall, I don't want to... 13:41 Because it just complicates the corner of my bathroom. 13:46 when I look down and see that trash bag...Cause remember 13:51 my father will look at it... 13:52 You know when, it's funny cause when your dad and your mom 13:56 were co-hosting Making it Well, that was...Making it Work. 14:00 Making it Work, I'm sorry, I'm combining the two, 14:04 I'm combining the new one and the old one. 14:06 Making it Work. When they were co-hosting that program, 14:10 they would have little banter, kind of similar to what's 14:13 going on here, and it was just really really funny. 14:17 But let's talk a bit Dr. Kim about Live To Be Well 14:21 and what is that program going to do? How is it different, 14:25 besides the obvious absence of Arthur? How is it different 14:30 from Making It Work? 14:31 Well, Making It Work really focused on relationships. 14:35 The dynamics of family engaging and how Arthur and I would 14:41 work together to make sure that the couples looked at 14:46 different tools and how they were going to be able to 14:49 transition and maintain their marriage or those who were 14:53 engaged, but we really focused on couples 14:56 and their relationship. 14:57 Live To Be Well will encompass everything from relationships 15:01 to professions, um, working with teens, purity, celibacy, 15:08 cooking, finances. We want people to live to be well 15:12 to overall look at their lives and say, how can I raise the 15:16 standards, how can I look at my value system, 15:19 how can I look at how I associate myself with the 15:24 dynamics of my society and then how and what role do I 15:28 play in that. So we want Live To Be Well to be real, 15:32 reach everyone, like wow, she has teenagers, 15:34 she has her own daughter on the program, she has... 15:37 um, we had a seven year old... 15:40 That's something that Making It Work did not feature. 15:43 So, we want to encompass everyone so everyone can 15:46 identify with the program. 15:48 So you are really looking holistically at life and saying 15:53 these are the areas of life, that if we can really work 15:59 through these areas, we can be well. It's kind of a holistic 16:02 view. Oh yes. So you talk about finances...What are some of the 16:05 topics that you talk about? Yes. 16:07 We're talking about finances, inner city finances... 16:10 You know, how are communities are being bombarded 16:14 with different avenues of check cashing on every street. 16:19 Um, they live from...Ryan Mack talked about living from 16:24 paycheck to Tuesday. So paychecks on Friday, 16:26 you are broke on Tuesday. I love that, that just really 16:31 penetrated my soul. And you had Ryan Mack who 16:33 is the host of Dollars and Sense on Dare To Dream so... 16:37 that's awesome. And he's a Detroiter and you are a 16:40 Detroiter, so that works out great...a blessing. 16:43 Looking at how we need to look at pastoral care in our 16:48 communities. We are looking at how God restored life, 16:53 we're looking at relationships between...within teenagers and 16:58 young adults. Being Seventh Day - Adventists and being committed, 17:03 not losing site, not going to the left, not going to the right, 17:07 we are staying focused...and how to maintain... 17:10 we are looking at how we can help our young people today 17:13 stay on track with God. So we are looking at a lot of 17:17 different avenues. We are looking at healthy eating... 17:19 I have Dr. Patricia Ferguson on, my former OBGYN, 17:23 talking about different health issues, and it's all people, 17:27 we need to be healthy in what we need to do, and we tend to 17:31 wait until it's too late, and we need to go now. 17:34 Not too long ago I was ill, and I kept putting it off, 17:39 putting it off, and that program really hit home with me, 17:42 we must take care of our bodies. 17:44 So we were just talking about some of everything. 17:47 Ahh, it's going to be a wonderful program. 17:51 It's exciting to see how God is continuing to use you. 17:55 What made you decide to go on on your own without Arthur 18:01 co-hosting? Well at first I didn't want to, 18:03 I really didn't, I have been, we have been by each other's 18:08 side for so long, you know we were the glue to each other, 18:12 and to go on without him, just didn't feel right. 18:16 And then I prayed to the Lord, and my marketing director 18:21 of my company said to me, you know, you need to be 18:24 doing something on social network, I was like no I'm done 18:28 with all of that. No we need to do something to look at 18:33 overall living. And he and I were talking and we came with 18:36 the idea, Live To Be Well. 18:38 Didn't want to do that either, just leave me alone, 18:42 let me just, you know, I was going to close the office, 18:45 I really didn't want to do that, I didn't want to do anything. 18:48 You know, not so much depression but I needed to find a 18:51 new direction that everywhere I went wasn't a memory... 18:57 Not that I was trying to forget him, but I needed some 19:00 healing time. Yes. But what I found out for me, 19:03 getting right back on the boat was healing me, 19:07 and so Live To Be Well was birthed. 19:09 And then I call you with an idea, I want to continue 19:14 the program and we talked about having another co-host 19:18 and I said no, maybe a guest co-host in the future, 19:22 but let's go forth with Live To Be Well 19:25 and that's how it was birthed. 19:27 And I know Arthur...Excuse me. would...Excuse me. 19:32 Would want me...I'm getting a little emotional. Yeah. 19:35 Would want me to um, go forward. Yes. 19:39 And then be an example for my children, that difficulties 19:44 will rise, we're going to have tragedy, but we are more than 19:48 overcomers in Christ Jesus, we're more than conquerors. 19:51 And for them to see me go forth maintaining myself, 19:55 not letting myself go to waste, keeping the business going, 20:00 helping others. You know, So send I you. Yes. You know. 20:04 Who can God use? Use me Lord. Yes. Not knowing that it was 20:08 going to just keep going and keep going and, and, 20:11 now I am back to just speaking engagements, 20:13 back to starting my clothing line, Live To Be Well. 20:17 The business, the ministry of the counseling clinic is 20:22 more vibrant than ever, and so I am going forth, 20:26 Yes. because God is with me. 20:27 Praise the Lord for that. We praise the Lord for that. 20:30 What would you say have been the greatest challenges to you 20:36 since deciding to go on? 20:40 You know, what would you say have been the biggest obstacles? 20:46 Feeling my loyalty to God, being not angry at God 20:54 for taking my husband, putting him to sleep. 20:57 But at the same time, I got to honor You. 21:01 So it was a mixed emotion to deal with my feeling with God 21:10 and allow myself to trust Him and then continue to serve Him 21:16 because He gave me these talents and gifts and as a little girl 21:20 I had severe stuttering, I was a severe stutterer, 21:23 and I am ADHD, I went through special needs classes from the 21:29 sixth grade all the way through graduate school having tutors, 21:33 but I say God, you didn't bring me this far to leave me. 21:36 And so therefore, I must get up, and I know me, if I am not busy, 21:42 I can't keep still, I can't be still, I've got to be finding 21:47 things for people to do, and um, I saw that, and trying to help 21:53 people find their niche. Helping people to understand... 21:56 And do you know, since Arthur's passing, more people have been 22:02 calling for Christian counseling. Hmm. 22:06 So I know, and every time I get ready to close my doors, 22:08 the phone would ring and I would say it's not my time, 22:11 it's not my time. And then when you said yes, then I said, 22:16 it's not my time to end this. 22:18 Absolutely. So I will continue to go forth. 22:20 So that was one of the largest challenges, allowing God to 22:26 heal me. And I am still healing. Um hum. And you can't put a 22:30 time frame on this...That's right. Working with my children, 22:34 being mom, and being a single mom, that is a challenge because 22:38 Arthur was laid back, he was quiet, leave the baby alone. 22:43 Let the baby...she can do it later...Come on Erin, we are 22:48 out of here. Exactly. Umm. He would...Why are you fussing? 22:53 Is it really that big a deal? He'd be laying in bed, 22:56 he would get up and go down- stairs and wash that one fork 22:59 because I couldn't sleep. Umm. He said you have issues. 23:01 That is what he would say. Yes. You have issues. 23:04 But we worked, we made it work. You did. Because we were a 23:08 balance. You did. And I remember explaining to Arthur 23:12 why I was OCD. My father was very organized and clean, 23:21 my mom too, but when my parents got divorced, I would clean, 23:25 clean, clean, hoping that my dad would come home. 23:28 I said daddy I cleaned this, I did this the way you like it, 23:32 will you come home? He said no baby I can't come home. 23:35 And so I became that force in the house, always keeping 23:40 things clean and organized, I had three siblings, but my mom 23:43 always called on me because my father trained me 23:46 to mow the lawn, rake, organize, do everything. 23:50 He alphabetized all things in the cabinet. 23:53 So he was OCD. Was your dad OCD too? Yes, he was OCD, 23:57 He was very OCD. But out of all of the children, I really 24:02 pulled to him, and then when my mom, my mom got depressed 24:05 after the divorce and I started doing everything in the house. 24:09 I was the oldest daughter, but not the oldest sibling, 24:13 but I had two older brothers, but I did everything in and out. 24:17 So that transitioned in my life, even in boarding school, 24:19 I cleaned the rooms in boarding school for...they paid me. 24:24 Cause these girls didn't know how to clean their rooms. 24:26 In the dorm at Oakwood, I was like really, really, this is how 24:31 you organize your closet, so people would pay me and I made 24:34 lots of money, I made my tuition. 24:36 Wow! Yes! Organizing their rooms for room check, cause they 24:40 would get fined $25... See that is... 24:45 that's making lemonade out of lemons. That's right. 24:48 If you're OCD, you put that really... That's it..To good use 24:52 and made your tuition. I made my tuition. 24:54 Yes I did, I made up for whatever I didn't make working 24:57 in the Cafe, I was a hostess in Cafe. Umm. You know greeting 25:00 everyone, I was a greeter, but I still needed extra money. 25:04 You know what I see with you Dr. Kim is that you deal with... 25:11 you practice what you preach, in that you're dealing with life 25:17 from a Biblical place and you're taking bad situations and trying 25:23 to make something good come from it. Yes. 25:25 And that is a Biblical concept, but a lot of people don't 25:31 do that. Yes. Um. What about you Erin, in one minute, 25:36 what would you tell young people who are dealing with grief, 25:39 what would you tell them is the best way to get through? 25:44 Um, I would say with God and your siblings and whatever 25:53 parent you have with you, and friends, much friends, 25:58 not necessarily distractions, but supporters to help you 26:02 to get through whatever process you are in basically. 26:07 So you get your support system from God, and from your friends, 26:12 and from your parent. Yes. 26:14 That's good. And from my siblings. 26:16 Yeah. Dr. Kim do you have a quick closing thought? 26:20 I just want to say to everyone, pace yourself and pour into 26:24 your children, love them... I am going to try to find 26:27 a little bit more balance in myself, I am in counseling, 26:31 Erin will be going in counseling...because I want her 26:35 to understand the importance of her healing. Um hum. 26:39 And being able to talk freely. So just pace yourself, 26:42 be open, listen, and be able to move forward in Jesus Christ. 26:49 Thank you. Thank you so much for being so transparent, 26:53 you know, you really kind of gave us a little look into 26:57 the dynamic between you. It's real. But it's real. 27:01 And this program Live To Be Well is real. 27:04 So make sure you tune in. God Bless. 27:09 It was so great to be with them, with Dr. Kim and Erin, 27:13 and just to kind of see how they are making it through 27:17 this difficult time, and Dr. Kim is a riot, Erin is too. 27:22 So I was really blessed, and I was blessed by the 27:25 other programs that are going to be on Live To Be Well. 27:28 It is an excellent, excellent program so make sure that you 27:33 tune in, check our website for the schedule, 27:36 and make sure that you tune in and watch Live To Be Well. 27:39 The focus is going to be on the whole person, 27:42 it's kind of integrated where it's the body and emotions 27:47 and spirituality and all of that. 27:51 Well, we've reached the end of another program, 27:54 and I can't believe our time is up. 27:56 Thanks for tuning in and join us next time because 27:59 you know what, it just wouldn't be the same, 28:01 Without You! |
Revised 2018-02-08